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			<h1 id="section_0">Anon and Jeffs Bogus Journey</h1><ul id="page-actions" class="hlist"><li id="ca-edit" class="icon icon-32px icon-edit" title="Edit the lead section of this page."></li><li id="ca-talk" class="hidden icon icon-32px icon-talk"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Talk:Anon_and_Jeffs_Bogus_Journey&amp;action=edit&amp;redlink=1" title="Discussion about the content page [t]" accesskey="t">Discussion</a></li><li id="ca-watch" class="watch-this-article icon icon-32px"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Special:UserLogin&amp;returnto=Anon+and+Jeffs+Bogus+Journey" title="Add this page to your watchlist [w]" accesskey="w"></a></li></ul>		</div>
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<td><b>Writefag</b>
</td>
<td> HeliAnon
</td></tr>
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<td><b>Pastebin link</b>:
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<td><a rel="nofollow" class="external free" href="http://pastebin.com/whA8Xhix">http://pastebin.com/whA8Xhix</a>
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<td><b>Pastebin creation</b>
</td>
<td>Saturday 29th of October 2016 09:58:12 PM CDT
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<td><b>Last Pastebin update</b>
</td>
<td>Saturday 29th of April 2017 04:23:52 PM CDT
</td></tr></table>

</div><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Anon_and_Jeffs_Bogus_Journey">Anon and Jeffs Bogus Journey</span><a href="Anon_and_Jeffs_Bogus_Journey#/editor/1" title="Edit section: Anon and Jeffs Bogus Journey" data-section="1" class="edit-page icon icon-32px icon-edit enabled">Edit</a></h3><div>
<div dir="ltr" class="mw-geshi mw-code mw-content-ltr"><div class="gettext source-gettext">&#160;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Why would a colt live in a set of abandoned ruins, by himself no less?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A series of similar questions followed Rarity&quot;s as the girls pondered the latest piece of information.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You all gathered at Sugarcube corner for your weekly meet-up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And because Pinkie had some new cupcake recipe she wanted you all to try.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But mostly because you had important meeting things to discuss.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The first thing on the agenda was the what all of Equestria was abuzz about.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A week ago a group of researchers headed out into the desert lands and found ruins of some ancient city.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The scholar in you was more than ecstatic, who wouldn&quot;t want to read the about the discoveries they made.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The history and&quot; and&quot; the SCIENCE!!!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But everything turned for the worst when some minotaur-like creature attacked them and chased them off with a broom.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Only after the fact did the researchers deduce that the creature was a colt, how? You don&quot;t know.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you were going to find out.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You weren&quot;t the Princess of Science&quot;err Friendship and stuff for nothing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Equestria to Twilight. I hate it when she gets like this.&quot; Applejack sighed dejectedly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You&quot;d have to get in touch with Celestia about the proper permits for going out there, not to mention proper planning for cultural resource management&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh look a special sale on ink and parchment.&quot;</span><br />&quot;WHAT!? WHERE?&quot; Your eyes scanned the area, looking for the marvelous deal.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I thought that would get your attention dear. We were saying that a colt out there by himself could get hurt, maybe we should take a look.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Way ahead of you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A plan began forming in your head as you looked at your friends.</span><br />&quot;I have a plan girls. Go pack your bags.&quot;<br /><br />Elsewhere&quot;<br />&quot;Damn scorpions.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You flung another critter out of your sleeping bag before trying to settle in for the night.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were crashing in the Lincoln bedroom, or what was left of it anyway.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;DC sure as hell went to shit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;When you woke up the place looked like something out of those cheesy apocalyptic movies where everything just got overtaken by nature.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, deserts are nature, right?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The capital was now more sand than politics.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Building that fell apart replaced the silenced cries of young female interns who looked for ways to get &quot;ahead&quot; in politics.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Usually these situations would be dire for a homebody like yourself.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you were resilient.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You managed to scour the empty supermarkets for any canned goods you could find.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Unfortunately the only stuff that managed to survive whatever it was that happened to the human race was vegan shit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And a short trip to a half collapsed sporting goods store netted you a sleeping bag and clothing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Feeling something crawling on your leg you saw another scorpion trying his very best to get comfy and settle in.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Seriously what the fuck happened to this world?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;These little bastards didn&quot;t even try to sting you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You nearly had a heart attack the first morning you woke up and found several of them using you as a source of heat.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Picking the little buggar up by the tail, cause being cautious no matter how friendly they were, would keep you alive longer, you walked to the giant opening in the wall and put him on the ground.</span><br />&quot;Go be a nuisance somewhere else.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Turning back around your shoulders slumped in defeat.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There must have been at least ten more now on your sleeping bag.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You could feel their little beady eyes all trained on you. Waiting patiently.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This is how you die, not from some crazy adventure or balls deep in a some sloot.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But from frustration.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuck it, that moldy couch in the oval office would have to do for the night.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Walking to the door you turned back and regarded the vicious creatures.</span><br />&quot;You did this, I&quot;m sleeping on the couch tonight and it&quot;s all your fault, I hope you&quot;re happy!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;They looked sad&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Seriously what the fuck?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You might be going a little crazy.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Talking to bugs.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait were scorpions bugs? It feels like you should know the answer to that.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maybe you should go to the library of congress tomorrow and try to find out.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hopefully you could avoid the other manifestations of your brains descent into insanity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Like seeing small talking horses.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With little explorer hats and compasses.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Horses don&quot;t talk.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or wear hats.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or use compasses.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Except on tv, but Mr. Ed was the shit when you were growing up so he got a pass.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You being the perfectly sensible creature chased them off with the most deadly weapon you had found in this wasteland.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Mr. Broom or Jeff as you liked to call him.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The horses scampered off, the fear of getting fucked up by Jeff a very convincing argument.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And their screams of fright and yelling was something you had written off as the heat getting to your head.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Reaching the oval office you pushed the wooden door open and surveyed the room for anymore unexpected guests.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;We&quot;re in the clear.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Walking to the dirty and dilapidated couch you flopped onto it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;An action that earned you a nice cloud of dust and whatever else was in those cushions.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Beggars can&quot;t be choosers you guess.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Closing your eyes you sincerely hoped that your dreams would be filled with big tittied-girls and beer.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;God do you miss beer right now.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Want to know the downside of sleeping on a shitty couch in the middle of damn desert?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It gets pretty damn cold at night.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You expected that and planned for it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However the damn desert viper, who was currently curled up on your chest, chose to forego the need to find adequate shelter and chose to mooch of your body heat.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You had a nice run in with one when you were younger.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;These bastards would chase you like assholes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This one was simply eyeing you, daring you to move and disturb his comfortable spot.</span><br />&quot;Can I ask you a question?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The snake only stuck out it&quot;s tongue.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You&quot;d take that as a yes.</span><br />&quot;Let&quot;s say hypothetically I start screaming and flailing in an attempt to get a snake which would probably kill in a single bite off. Would that make you upset?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You could have sworn the snakes eyes grew a little wide.</span><br />&quot;Okay then.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Channeling your inner child you flailed and screamed like you never had before.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The snake, being of better sound mind and body retreated off to parts unknown.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After a few more seconds of mindless yelling, just to be sure the snake didn&quot;t get any ideas and come back, you calmed down.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;If there was any humans left in this crazy world you really hoped one of them was a shrink.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;But darling it&quot;s soooo hoooot out here!!!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just ignore her Twilight. Maybe she&quot;ll be quiet and let you navigate this desert in peace.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;This sand is completely destroying my hooficure, just look.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Deep breaths&quot; deep breaths.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Looking down at the map, which floated in front of you, you peaked at your compass.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;If the coordinates those explorers gave you were right then you should be there in another hour or so.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;If you didn&quot;t have to make anymore stops because</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I got sand in my tail, how can anything live in such abysmal conditions.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Celestia help you right now.</span><br />&quot;Rarity please, I&quot;m trying to concentrate here.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;But it&quot;s in my tail.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Concentrating now.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Somewhere off to the distance you could have sworn you heard screaming.</span><br />&quot;Girls did you hear that?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;That almost sounded like a dying ostrich.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Fluttershy how.. wha? You know what never mind, forget I asked.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ignoring the continuation of Rarity&quot;s comments about how her coat would take weeks to fix from all the sand you pushed on.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You had knowledge to find.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And to save a colt.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The knowledge would just be an added bonus.</span><br /><br />At a slightly worn down library<br />&quot;Huh well who would have thought. Scorpions are more related to spiders. Guess I&quot;m never going back to there again.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Sitting in the library of congress you were doing what came best to you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wasting time in pursuit of useless knowledge.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The stack of books on the table next to you was a sheer testament to that fact.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It would have probably been easier if there were any working computers around but even then you would still have one minor problem.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;No electricity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So sans computer you had fallen back to the old ways.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Books and catalogs.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Apparently the library of congress also had several years worth of playboys in its collection, which would no doubt come in handy later on.</span><br />&quot;Alright next on the docket&quot; ah&quot; Looking at your little notepad you read off the next thing you wanted to figure out &quot;What the fuck happened to humanity.&quot;<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You should have known that it would be those damn furries that would be the downfall of humanity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It&quot;s always the damn furfags!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So after spending another hour or so in the search for the answers to what happened to the human race you did find them.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh boy did you find them.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So get this, some faggots decided that their creepy obsession with people in fur suits just wasn&quot;t cutting it anymore.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They up and went with genetically altering and combining animal mRNA with a humans.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The end result? People that were more animal than human.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The pictures of these abominations only made you sick.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Unfortunately for humanity the retards in charge decided that due to these hybrids being more disease resistant it would lower the cost of healthcare.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So enter the doctors who say that everyone should do it to be healthier.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As time passed however the genetic information being passed down was more animalistic that human.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;THE FURFAGS KILLED OF HUMANITY!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Seriously why the fuck didn&quot;t anyone say &quot;Hey how about we don&quot;t destroy the human race?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Now that you think about it tThere was probably a forest somewhere filled with deer and shit that descended from humans.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, so if you hunted a deer for meat would that count as murder?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;God dammit, that&quot;s another thing ruined for you by those damn deviants and their fetish.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Girls this place is amazing! LOOK AT ALL THESE BOOKS!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Sitting up you looked around for the source of the voice.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That was definitely a female voice.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Calm down Twilight, remember we have to find the colt first and make sure he&quot;s okay.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;But books&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Maybe after Sugarcube.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Sugarcube?Twilight?Colt?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Ok, I do wonder what the process is for checking them out?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Slowly and making sure to make as little noise as possible you walked over to the railing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;From the second floor you had a clear view of lobby below.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Five multi-colored horses were there just looking around.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It&quot;s those damn horses again!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And like an idiot you left Jeff at the white house.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Mutherfucker!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Girls look.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ducking down you prayed they didn&quot;t see you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;These hoof prints are fresh, but why are they so big?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Maybe he&quot;s in here.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Double shit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Let&quot;s split up and take a look, and that means look for the colt not the books.&quot;</span><br />&quot;I need to get the fuck out of here and fast.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What&quot;s fuck mean?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Turning your head very slowly to your left, your eyes met a set of blue ones.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Which belonged to a pink horse, who was looking at you with a big &quot;ole smile on her face.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A part of you wanted to explain the intricacies of the greatest word ever created by man.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you went with the other.</span><br />&quot;AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Leaping to your feet you took off towards the window at the far side.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With a last burst of speed you leapt through, the glass shattering as you dove through it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;TUCK AND ROLL MUTHERFUCKER!!!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh look there&quot;s some nice cement and bricks below to soften your fall.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This was probably going to hurt.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your leg might be broken.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Along with your arm.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And your coccyx.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Landing on a pile of rubble after jumping from the second story of a building might have been in retrospect a bad idea.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you were alive and limping towards the white house.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You had to get away from these horses.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Their talking led to only one logical conclusion after all.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They were after you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The furfags weren&quot;t satisfied with only destroying humanity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They wanted your ass gone.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Being an average human was probably a slight against their degenerate ways.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Two of them had horns, probably to do the stabbing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I think he went this way.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuck</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You needed to hurry.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;If you could get back to the safety of your makeshift home you might get through this.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ignoring the throbbing pain in your leg you increased your pace.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Soon enough the broken fence which lead to the south lawn came into view.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You couldn&quot;t slow down now, they were probably hot on your trail.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Squeezing through the gap in the fence you stopped.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just on the other side was mister viper.</span><br />&quot;Uh hi.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The snake continued to watch you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Whether it acknowledged your greeting or not was a mystery.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It&quot;s eyes locked on you it waited.</span><br />&quot;I&quot;m going to be straight with you here, there&quot;s a bunch of crazy horses after me. So you got two options here.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Casting a nervous glance behind you, you continued.</span><br />&quot;One you can bite me and we&quot;ll call it a day or you can do me a favor and try to stall them for me. I promise I won&quot;t kick you off the bed tonight if you do.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The snake nodded.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;IT FUCKING NODDED!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This must have been hell.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Talking horses, a world destroyed by furries, and critters that understood you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Giving the serpent a salute you continued on.</span><br />&quot;Godspeed my friend.&quot;<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I&quot;m sure he went this way.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That poor colt must be completely distraught.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He must have hurt himself from that fall.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Fluttershy come on, we&quot;re going to lose his trail if you don&quot;t hurry.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Sorry.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Following closely behind your friends you followed the path the colt must have taken.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The solitary conditions must have taken its toll on his poor head.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Colts were easily confused as it was but to add not having anyone to talk to must have been torture.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You had to find him fast.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Flutteryshy can you come here for a second.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You really need to stop spacing out like that.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your friends stopped just short of a broken fence.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Passing by their still forms you came to face with</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh an animal friend, maybe he can help.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Hisssss&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh dear.</span><br />&quot;Girls I don&quot;t think&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Just tell him to move shy.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Miss Viper says that she isn&quot;t going to let us pass.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What? Why not?&quot;</span><br />&quot;She said something about protecting her husbando.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;We don&quot;t have time for this Fluttershy.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rainbow despite your warning attempted to pass by the visibly coiled viper.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You told her many times before about how touchy snakes can be.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;AAAAHhhh she almost bit me!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Maybe we should find another way through.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The girls nodded in unison.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rainbow looked like she wanted another go at the snake but quickly rethought that idea when the viper flashed it&quot;s fangs.</span><br /><br />&quot;Jeff you god damn horny bastard.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You found Jeff in the closet with two mops.</span><br />&quot;I swear to god you&quot;re going to need to get tested. Do you have any idea what kind of shit they&quot;ve had to clean up?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Picking up your formidable friend you made your way to the foyer.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hopefully your snake ally would scare those horses off.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But even if he failed, now they would have to face your combined power.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Holding Jeff up you banged your chest.</span><br />&quot;Come and get some you degenerate fuckers!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pain completely forgotten you readied yourself.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Off in the distance you heard screaming and yelling.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Give &quot;em hell snake friend, give &quot;em hell.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The yelling stopped.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;All was quiet save for the wind blowing through the cracks and crannies in the dilapidated building.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This was it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your last stand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;No</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Humanities last stand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The still silence was eventually broken by the patter of hooves on marble.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Six figures emerged from the ruble which lined the entry way to the white house.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The multicolored horses looked cautious and alert.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Taking a deep breath you gripped Jeff tightly.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Many Equestrian historians tried to piece together the events that transpired within the House of White.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Princess Sparkle despite being a meticulous note taker avoided making any concrete information available.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thankfully through careful research and second hand accounts from the other parties present they were able to piece some of it together.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The following is a dramatization which has been adapted for your viewing.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I&quot;m mutherfucking King Kong!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ducking behind an upended table you could tried get a grip on the situation.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ears still ringing you looked around.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Applejack was clutching her flank, she was the first to attempt to disarm the frenzied colt.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In her hurry she didn&quot;t expect him to retaliate so fiercely.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You watched in horror as the broom he was holding came down and gave her a nice hit on the backside.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rainbow Dash was still flying around him zig-zagging in an effort to avoid getting hit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fluttershy was hanging onto to Pinkie like her life depended on it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The isolation must&quot;ve really gotten to this colt.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Twilight darling, we need to get this colt under control.&quot;</span><br />::SMACK!::<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Taking a peek you saw Rainbow now floating high up rubbing her rump.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Can&quot;t you just use your magic to get him to calm down?&quot;</span><br />&quot;I can&quot;t use magic to overpower a colt.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I guess I have no choice then.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Rarity what&quot;re you going to do?&quot;<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The blue one was out of reach.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You managed to whack her on the butt once or twice.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your attention however turned towards the white horse that emerged from behind the desk.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It confidently strode up and stopped right in front of you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just out of reach of your broom you might add.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Now darling don&quot;t you think this has gotten out of hoof. Why don&quot;t you just set that broom down so we can have a little&quot; she batted her eyes &quot;chat.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh fuck no!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were not going down like this.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;These horses didn&quot;t want to just do you in.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They wanted to corrupt you in the worst way imaginable.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Like a man possessed you swung your broom in every direction you could.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Various objects flew off their shelves and mantles as Jeff made short work of anything in your vicinity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You may not have accidently knocked a bust of President Reagan in the process either.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were probably going to hell for that.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But collateral damage was to be expected in war.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A war for your virginity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Because you sure as hell weren&quot;t going to be raped today.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;These damn horses were not getting anywhere near your dick.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Girls scatter!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The purple one ducked as Jeff missed her snout by a mere inch.</span><br />&quot;Will you stop goddamn moving around so much, how the hell do you expect me to hit you otherwise?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Damn horses weren&quot;t even willing to listen to reason.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You only wanted to give them a mild beating.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The kind that serves to solidify a point.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Five of them managed to get to the entrance way and away from you.</span><br />&quot;YEAH you better run!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;A painting fell behind you, causing you to quickly turn, Jeff at the ready to deliver his swift justice.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The yellow flying horse had knocked a painting off the wall in her haste to get out of the reach of Jeffs mighty blows.</span><br />&quot;Trying to sneak up on me eh?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I wasn&quot;t I swear.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You couldn&quot;t tell if she was lying or about to wet herself from fear.</span><br />&quot;Not buying it.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;It honestly didn&quot;t matter.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Towering of the horse you assumed a batters stance.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This was probably going to smart, but judging by just how big-bottomed this mare was you weren&quot;t too worried about permanent damage.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her eyes grew wide with the realization of what exactly was about to happen.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With a nice swing Jeff connected with her bottom and sent her flying towards her friends.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Waving the broom in the air you watched with a small amount of satisfaction as they ran from building.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This place was for red blooded Americans, ones that liked big titties and internet porn.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Definitely not for some weird degenerates that wanted to fuck animals or vice versa.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The retreating horses forms shrunk as they galloped away.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They would be back.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You wounded their pride.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And some of their behinds.</span><br />&quot;We did it bud, we managed to beat them back.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Looking around at the carnage you groaned inwardly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This place was already a mess and you had gone and made it even worse.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Spotting some movement on one of the tables you saw one of the scorpions.</span><br />&quot;And where were you when I needed help? The snake was out there busting his balls.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The scorpion threw his pincers up in the air and gave you shooing motion.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This little mutherfucker.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shaking your head in disappointment you walked over to the painting which got knocked down.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Gripping the frame you turned it over.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;President Trump.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You think it was anyway.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You don&quot;t recall him ever wearing an eye-patch or being bald.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Placing the painting back on the wall you gave it a salute.</span><br />&quot;I won&quot;t let you down, I&quot;m going to make America great again!&quot;<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Can we stop running away now Twilight?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Coming to a stop you looked at your friends.</span><br />You all stood together trying to figure out what exactly just happened.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;This didn&quot;t go according to plan at all.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were supposed to save the colt, be a hero, and maybe get him to show you his dick.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Like in the comic books that most certainly weren&quot;t hidden under your bed..</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;When did it all go so wrong?</span><br />&quot;I think we may need some help on this one and I know just the mare who knows how to deal with unruly colts.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Twilight don&quot;t you think getting Princess Celestia or Luna involved seem like a bit much for just one silly stallion?&quot;</span><br />&quot;&quot;Who said anything about them?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Applejack gave you a confused look.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;But you said you we needed help?&quot;</span><br />&quot;The Princess Celestia and Luna aren&quot;t exactly know for their interactions with the fairer sex.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your sister-in-law however had the most experience in dealing with these situations.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your brother was certainly a hooffull at times and Cadence knew just how to get him to stop with his tantrums.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You&quot;re sure that if you explained the situation to her she would help you.</span><br />&quot;Hold still everypony, we have a letter to write.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Charging up the teleportation spell you felt the magic start to concentrate in your horn.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With a blinding light all six of you vanished.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After putting Jeff back in the broom closet so he could continue his attempt at picking some slooty mops you went to the oval office.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Poor guy was going to have to get tested.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;God only knows what kind of shit those mops have picked up in their careers.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thoughts racing through your head you replayed the events of the day.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Going to the library.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Jumping out a window.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hitting some horses with a broom.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Why couldn&quot;t you have a normal life?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Was that so much to ask for?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Sitting down in the chair that used to belong to God Emperor Trump you thought about just how much shit was headed your way.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They would be back.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It wasn&quot;t a matter of if, but when.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Suffice it to say you couldn&quot;t stay here.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But where would you go?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Opening up the drawers of the desk you rifled through the contents.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pulling out file after file of papers you scanned the titles.</span><br />&quot;This looks like a three year old drew it.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The drawing consisted of a man in a blue suit with the words &quot;Me as President&quot; scribbled in crayon underneath.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well he didn&quot;t get elected for his artistic skills.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Finding a blank sheet of paper and a pencil you got to work.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Geography wasn&quot;t exactly your strong suit but you did watch that show about how states got their shapes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And being a gold-mine of useless knowledge you retained all the information you would need.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You began drawing a map.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It wasn&quot;t going to be the prettiest thing, but it would have to do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;If you were in DC you could probably make your way north and see if your old house was still intact.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With any luck you&quot;d never encounter these equines again and you would live the rest of your life happily with your best friend Jeff.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maybe even find him a nice broom to settle down with.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After all the crap he went through alongside you it&quot;s the least you could do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Mind made up you began making a list of what you would need for this journey.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You would set out at dawn.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So he fought you off with a broom?&quot; Cadence look positively bewildered.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Uh-huh, after Rarity told him she was ready to suck him dr&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I said no such thing!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Will everypony just quiet down!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You loved your friends to death but sometimes they really just needed to assess the situation and hold back on the unimportant details.</span><br />&quot;We asked for your help since you know how to calm a stallion down.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What makes you think that?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Shining&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Point taken, but still I fail to see how I can help with the situation.&quot;</span><br />&quot;When we go back you&quot;re our best bet in talking him down.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Why didn&quot;t you just use your magic?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Giving your sister-from-another-mister a look you continued.</span><br />&quot;If we can avoid the need to get physical with him it would be for the best besides the thought of overpowering a colt seems pretty barbaric.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You could have just floated him up so he couldn&quot;t hurt you or himself.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Why didn&quot;t you think of that!?</span><br />&quot;Be that as it may, we&quot;ll go back tomorrow. He&quot;ll hopefully have calmed down by then.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your friends and Cadence although hesitantly nodded.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oooh Oooh Twilight!&quot;</span><br />&quot;What is it Pinkie?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pinkie ever the hyper mare sat on her haunches rocking back and forth.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What if talking to him doesn&quot;t work again?&quot;</span><br />&quot;It will work.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;But it didn&quot;t last time.&quot;</span><br />&quot;We&quot;ll make it work.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were sure of it.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are man of your word.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;At some point during your artistic quest to create a map Mr. Snake had slithered back and lay coiled beside your makeshift bed.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And just as you had promised he was allowed to mooch off your body heat when you slept that night.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Provided, as you had told him, that no biting would occur during the night.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were pretty sure that anti-venom wasn&quot;t a commonplace thing here.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Set on going to bed early you lay down and watched apprehensively as the snake slithered up and found a comfortable spot on your stomach.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hopefully any other critters you encountered would be this friendly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But no more thinking for you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It was time to get some rest.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After all first thing in the morning you were to set out on a long trip.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;By your calculations it should take three to four days to get home.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then again that all rested on you not getting lost in the process.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your sense of direction wasn&quot;t exactly the best.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You got lost in your basement once, luckily you found some graham crackers down there to sustain yourself.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That was a horrible week in the story of your life.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;One shitty situation after the next.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Feeling movement on your stomach you saw Mr. Snake coil up a little tighter.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You had barely noticed but the temperature was starting to drop.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Grabbing the worn out blanket you set it over the both of you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Now feeling a little bit warmer you felt your eyelids grow heavy.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;When you woke up in the morning you noticed that your sleep buddy was gone.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were almost disappointed.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After all you did want to say goodbye to the odd friend before you set out.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Keeping an eye just in case he showed you began building your makeshift pack.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Focusing on only on the bare essentials, which there were very few off, you hefted the pack onto your back.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Honestly it was mostly what little food you could find.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Looking around the place which served as your living quarters for the past few days you headed to closet to get Jeff.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You might actually miss this place a little when you thought about it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shaking your head you threw those thoughts aside.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were becoming a little too sentimental for your liking.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Getting too attached to one place was never a good thing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Opening the door you were at a loss for words.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Jeff was on the ground with the mops on top of him.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But that wasn&quot;t all.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The vacuum, several cleaning products, and one mop bucket were there too.</span><br />&quot;Jesus Christ Jeff.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Untangling Jeff from the mess of others you hefted him over your shoulder.</span><br />&quot;I hope you enjoyed yourself because we got a long trip ahead of us.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You made your way out of the white house for the last time.</span><br /><br />&quot;That&quot;s where we saw him last.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pointing your hoof at the dilapidated building you hoped that your second attempt &quot;would have a different outcome.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alright remember, when we get in there let me do all the talking.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Nodding to Cadence your group moved towards the large building.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Keeping an eye out for the snake which hindered your approach previously you all marched forward.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Soon enough you were all inside.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Telltale sign of your previous encounter still present.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Twilight are you sure he&quot;s here?&quot;</span><br />&quot;This is where we saw him last.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Humming thoughtfully you saw Cadences horn glow with magic.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You felt the tendrils of her spell passing by you even though you couldn&quot;t see them.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;There&quot;s nothing alive in here.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Maybe we should check the library.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, as in this entire place. There aren&quot;t any forms of life anywhere.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So much for doing things the easy way.</span></div></div>




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