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				<a id="mw-mf-last-modified" data-timestamp="1476655106" href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php/Special:History/Alpha_maaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!" data-user-name="HotRobotSlave" data-user-gender="unknown" class="top-bar truncated-text">Last modified on 16 October 2016, at 21:58</a>		<script>
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			<h1 id="section_0">Alpha maaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!</h1><ul id="page-actions" class="hlist"><li id="ca-edit" class="icon icon-32px icon-edit" title="Edit the lead section of this page."></li><li id="ca-talk" class="hidden icon icon-32px icon-talk"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Talk:Alpha_maaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!&amp;action=edit&amp;redlink=1" title="Discussion about the content page [t]" accesskey="t">Discussion</a></li><li id="ca-watch" class="watch-this-article icon icon-32px"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Special:UserLogin&amp;returnto=Alpha+maaaaaarrrrrrrrrr%21" title="Add this page to your watchlist [w]" accesskey="w"></a></li></ul>		</div>
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<td><b>Writefag</b>
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<td> LaPsbin
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<td><b>Pastebin link</b>:
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<td><a rel="nofollow" class="external free" href="http://pastebin.com/4bkpRev6">http://pastebin.com/4bkpRev6</a>
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<td><b>Pastebin creation</b>
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<td>Friday 27th of May 2016 07:42:48 AM CDT
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<td><b>Last Pastebin update</b>
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<td>Friday 27th of May 2016 07:42:48 AM CDT
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</div><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Alpha_maaaaaarrrrrrrrrr.21">Alpha maaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!</span><a href="Alpha_maaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!#/editor/1" title="Edit section: Alpha maaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!" data-section="1" class="edit-page icon icon-32px icon-edit enabled">Edit</a></h3><div>
<div dir="ltr" class="mw-geshi mw-code mw-content-ltr"><div class="gettext source-gettext">&#160;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;--And I SWEAR if he's not complaining he's whining that we don't think he's pretty enough! Why, just the other da--&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There was a small smile on your face as you listened to your student's venting</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yes, she may have been a princess now</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yes, she may have gone above and beyond anything that you had hoped for her, so much so that sometimes it seemed like SHE was the teacher and YOU were the student</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But, even with all of that, she was still your dear old student</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Even now, even after she had grown into her own she was still that little filly that had pounded on your door at three in the morning, terrified as her first heated swept through her like a hurricane</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;While not the most awkward talks that you've ever had (you've had QUITE a few in your many years) it had nearly taken the entire night because your explanation had turned into an impromptu lesson</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You STILL don't know where Twilight had gotten that parchment and that quill...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And the questions!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;By your sun did she have a LOT of those...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your smile widened, but you hid it by taking a sip of your tea</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;--I know the girls and I knew what to expect when we let Caramel into our herd for a test run but HOLY HORSE APPLES!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With a groan, Twilight let her head slap against your table, nearly knocking over your tea pot in the process</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh my goodness her horn was going to leave a scuff...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were going to have to get somepony to reapply some wood polish on it tomorrow...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I don't know, Princ--&quot;</span><br />&quot;Celestia, Twilight. You know that you can just call me Celestia now. Please.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though you couldn't see her face, you'd bet your horseshoes that she was making a face</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...Celestia. I mean the girls and I must have gone through three stallions already and each of them have been a dud!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your frazzled student picked her head up from the table to look at you</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;For a moment or two she was looking you in the eyes, but as the seconds ticked by her gaze went upward toward your horn, where your wedding band sat</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh hoho</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As young as she was your old student was thinking of marriage?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What a silly little potato...</span><br />&quot;Though many would lead to to believe otherwise, Twilight, there are many, MANY fish in the sea.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You took another sip of your tea, humming happily at the flavor</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hmmm... Beluga Caviar...</span><br />&quot;If you and the girls keep looking I'm sure you'll find the perfect stallion.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;With a mischievous smile, you leaned forward</span><br />&quot;In fact, if you truly wish to end it with this Caramel, I'm positive that I could find somepony amongst the--&quot;<br />SLAM!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your door, a two hundred year old antique that had been hoof-carved out of the now VERY rare red mount tree, very nearly slip in half as it slammed against your wall with enough force to knock nearly very mirror and painting that you had on the wall off their hangings</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;SISTER! WE HATH ISSUE WITH THEE!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Twilight, with a yelp, bucked behind the table as you managed to catch every single one of the falling paintings/mirrors</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ihavereflexeslikeaninjafilly.scroll</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With a flick of your horn everything returned to its proper place just as your dear, dear sister comes stomping over toward you</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;While you were used to Luna's... grand and EXPLOSIVE entrances it had been a long while since you had seen her this muffed</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her mane and tail were whipping back and forth, the stars in them BLAZING, her tuft was at a hundred percent fluff and her nose was so scrunched up that in the right light she could have been mistaken for a blue pug</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A GRUMPY blue pug</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You simply smiled back at her, taking another sip of your tea as your sister stopped about a foot from you</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Twilight, with her ears perked up, slowly poking her head up from underneath the table, only to duck back with a yelp as your sister stomped her hoof so hard that the stone floor cracked</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well then, It looked like SOMEPONY had the case of grumpy gills this afternoon...</span><br /><br />&quot;And what seems to be the problem, my dear sister?&quot; you asked, only for a piece of paper to be shoved into your face<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;We were looking through the mail this morn when we came upon THIS!&quot; she spat, her eyes burning with fury</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Raising an eyebrow, you calmly took the paper out of your sister's magic and took a look at what was making her so darn ornery</span><br />&quot;Hmmmm... What do we have here?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;It was a... tax form?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your eyebrow raised a little more as Luna snorted angrily</span><br />&quot;This is my... tax refund?&quot; you said, looking over the piece of paper a little more closely<br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Holy horse apples did you not get a doggone thing...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Aye, it is,&quot; Luna said, snatching the paper out of your magic. &quot;But that is immaterial. THIS though, THIS is our problem.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your sister tapped a certain part of your tax form, prompting you to take a closer look</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;From what you could tell it appeared to be nothing; all she was pointing at was the section that you wrote down the members of your herd so that the Equestria Tax Registration could group everything accordingly</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt; It helped a filly save 'dose bits yo</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There was your husband's name written, along with your sister's and your's</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your sister, seeing your confused expression, became even more livid</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Tis says that THOU art the alpha mare in the royal herd, SISTER MINE,&quot; Luna snapped</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your brown furrowed as you brought your tea cup to your lips</span><br />&quot;Is that all, sister? I don't see what the pro--&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;HA!&quot; Luna yelled, slapping your tea cup out of your hooves.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thatwasmuhbuckingtea!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;HA WE SAY!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You reeled back slightly as your sister stuck her muzzle into your face</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;For this IS a problem! Thou thinkest that thou art the alpha of the royal herd!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Luna, PLEASE, that tea cup was EXPENSIVE,&quot; you said, using your magic to pick up the broken pieces. &quot;It was part of a set that they do NOT make any--&quot;<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Do no use thy silver tongue to try to talk thy way out of this, sister!&quot; Luna snapped, puffing her chest out to show off her admittedly impressive tuft</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Was she...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Did she puff out her chest tuft so they you would be threatened by her?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though you love your sister with all of your heart, the lizard part of your brain begins to kick into overdrive</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your position as alpha was being threatened, you didn't know WHAT had thrown Luna into such a tizzy but it WAS being threatened, and that just wouldn't do</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Standing up, you puffed your chest out</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though your tuft wasn't as puffed out as Luna's was, you were still a good deal bigger than she was, and proportionally you had much more fur on your chest</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yeah... look at it</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Iain'teventryin'andmuhtuftisgreater</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;FEARTHETUFTZIGGA!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With a snort, your sister took a hasty step backwards</span><br />&quot;Luna, sister, I thought that the moment we began courting Anonymous that we had already settled this silliness,&quot; you said, still wanting to talk this out like an adult<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Nay! Thou had simply assumed that thou were greater than me simply because of thy over-inflated ego!&quot; Luna cried, poking you with a hoof. &quot;Tis poppy cock. POPPY COCK I SAY!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You don't see why something like that would bother your sister so much...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Having the position of alpha really didn't mean that much nowadays...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It was more of a ceremonial title than anything...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Did you two never really talk about it?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your nose scrunched up in thought as you recalled those many years ago</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your sister had befriended a being from another dimension</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though you had been rather wary of him at first he had grown on you</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And then he had grown on both you AND Luna, so much so that a day didn't go by where the three of you didn't spend some time together</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;One day, in the privacy of your room, Luna had confessed to having feelings toward this being</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After some soul searching, and a sleepless night or two, you had found that you had those feelings as well</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It had taken MONTHS for the two of you to work up the courage but you had asked him out on a date</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He had said yes, and as expected it had gone swimmingly, and the rest was history</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You even remembered the look on Anon's face as both you and Luna had gotten down on your knees and offered him the dong ring that he still wore proudly around his neck</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But no discussion about who was going to be the alpha...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;We were the one that first began to court our husband, Tia,&quot; Luna growled. &quot;Many a night both he and I spent the night gazing up upon mine stars, with him tucked underneath our wing.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Luna, it's just a piece of pa--&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;We were also the one that went out and selected the ring--&quot;</span><br />&quot;We both went out and got that ring, sister. Now if you would just--&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;This was the moment that Twilight decided to once again poke her head up from the table</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Bad idea filly</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luna's eyes instantly snapped over toward her</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Twilight Sparkle! I recall that thou were present during our courtship!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Twilight tried to hide under the table once more but Luna simply lifted her bodily into the air with her magic and floated her over to the two of you</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Tell us, which one of us deserves to be the alpha in our herd. Speak! Before we boop thee to senselessness!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Booping?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Now that's going just a bit too far</span><br />&quot;Luna, please, you know that I don't see you as any less than me,&quot; you say, taking Twilight into your magic and gently putting her down. &quot;And you know that Anon loves both of us with all of his heart.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luna looked at you with a frown but you simply smiled at her</span><br />&quot;If I would have known that you felt so strongly about this I would have sat us all down and we could have talked it ou--&quot;<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Thou art a fat-flanked filly with lop-sided teats and if thou weren't our sister and herdmate we would lay our hooves upon thee if we had ever gazed upon thee walking down the street.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Luna--&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;We art also a better lover than thee. And our tuft looks bigger and more fuller than thine.&quot;</span><br />&quot;...&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...&quot;</span><br />&quot;...&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Thou also smell.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your eye twitched as Luna poked you in the chest, her eyes narrowed</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;By now your lizard brain was telling to you smack a filly</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Smack dat filly HARD</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were the alpha; you NEEDED to defend your title and position</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There was a reason that you got first dibs on Anon's cock whenever your BIG human decided to give the two of you some sweet, sweet loving</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were the biggest, you were the strongest, you were the coolest and best and toughest</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And you didn't afraid of anything</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;ANYTHING...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Both you and Luna looked over at Twilight, who gulped</span><br />&quot;Twilight,&quot; you said as calmly as you could. &quot;Could you please be a dear and go to the kitchen and get some vegetable oil? I don't understand what's gotten into my sister but I believe that a show of force may be in order.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Both you and Luna gazed into each other's eyes</span><br />&quot;And YOU smell, you smelly smelly butt.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;I'mgonnahavetoslapafillykeepmuhpimphoofstrongponyJesus.jpg</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Anon</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;My lord.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;To be more precise you were Prince Anonymous, Lord of the Keklands, Shitter of Posts, Big Poppa, His Holiness, the First of your Name</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;My lord, PLEASE. Ponies are probably looking for you by now. They're probably looking for ME now.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were tired</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;VERY tired in fact</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;At that moment you were sitting in a room that you had commandeered</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That room which, only a few days before, had been perfectly cleaned was now a mess</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Papers coated the walls and the floors</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Candy wrappers and plastic bottles were scattered throughout the room</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Furniture had been smashed and scattered around the room and there was a mattress on fire near the broken window</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It had been three days since you had last slept and you've barely eaten</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Lord Anonymous! I know that you're--&quot;</span><br />&quot;Shut up, Raven.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;But--&quot;</span><br />&quot;Shush! I'm almost fucking done you pushy little horse!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yawning hugely, you scratched the stubble on your chin as you scanned the papers on the table in front of you</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though, to the untrained eye, everything there might have looked like chaos, there was a method to your madness</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Formulas led to theories which led to answers which solved problems which created more formulas and....</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yep, you finally did it!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Smiling, you quickly placed all of the papers, the hundreds and hundreds of papers, into a series of piles</span><br />&quot;Alright, I think I got it.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;It had all started out pretty innocently</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After taking a look at your wife's tax forms you had wanted to see how the Equestrian tax system worked</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You didn't think it was going to be that difficult, all you needed to do was contact the Equestria Tax Registry and ask a few questions</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Was it a little overboard asking them and not just reading a book?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maybe</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you were married to the two toppest ponies of the land, so you figured you could get away with it</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you had sent the letter</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And then you had received a thick document &quot;explaining&quot; the Equestria tax system, it's governing system and even Equestrian economics as a whole</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And by explaining it you meant that it actually did shit all in telling you anything</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It wasn't that you were dumb, you liked to think that you were pretty smart actually, the problem that the taxing system, how the government got its money, even the economics of this little kingdom MADE. NO. GODDAMN. BUTT-FUCKING. SENSE</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;THERE WAS ZERO UNEMPLOYMENT BUT THERE WASN'T ANY HYPERINFLATION!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;AND HOW DID A KINGDOM THIS ADVANCED CONTINUE TO USE THE BARTERING SYSTEM?!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;EQUESTRIA HAD COMPANIES FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;AND DID YOU KNOW HOW TAXES WERE ISSUED?!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;YOU WEREN'T PUT IN A BRACKET DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH YOU EARNED THAT YEAR!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A BULLSHIT MEDIEVAL SYSTEM THAT SCREWED THE LOWER CLASSES OVER!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;IT JUST SEEMED THAT YOU COULD PAY WHAT YOU FUCKED WANTED WHENEVER YOU FUCKING WANTED!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GET INTO HOW THE GOVERNMENT FINANCED ITSELF!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;IT WAS SO BULLSHIT THAT YOU BEAT YOUR HEAD AGAINST THIS TABLE WHEN YOU FUCKING READ IT!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;IT WAS BULLSHIT!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;IT WAS THE BIGGEST BULLSHIT!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;IT WAS THE BULLSHIT TO END ALL OF THE BULLSHIT!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS? GREECE?!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Everything was nonsense, everything was done in a seemingly nonsensical way</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Which was bad when your wive's were the rulers of a nation run like this</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You might not have been a genius, but you had taken some economics classes on high school, and you had some common sense, so, rolling your sleeves up, you had decided to do something about... THIS</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And, though it was the roughest of rough drafts, you think you had something to both reform the tax system AND the government itself</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;All you needed to do was show this to one of your wives and the rest would be history</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Equestria would probably see an economic boom, you'd probably get a statue and a blowjob, and you'd be able to pat yourself on the back for a job well done</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Probably</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You weren't an economists by any means</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But still...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Good feels mang</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You grunted as you stood up, nearly every bone in your body popping</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You turned around to see Celestia's personal assistant, Raven, a mare who you may or may not have kidnapped so she could help you with all of this bullshit</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just like you Raven looked frazzled and exhausted</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her coat was mattered and dirty, her red-rimmed glasses were crooked and her mane was a mess</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Aw...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Little pone needs some sleep</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You yawned hugely, stepping away from the table and making your way toward the little assistant</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Scratch that, BOTH of you needed some shuteye</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maybe more than some</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Raven's horn glowed as you made your way toward her</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A coffee mug filled with water appeared in your hand</span><br />&quot;Thank you, Raven,&quot; you said, nudging her<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Raven sighed</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So are you finally finished with this nonsense, my lord?&quot; she asked, irritated</span><br />&quot;When I get into the history books I'll make sure there's a footnote with your name on it,&quot; you promised, patting her on the head<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Raven snorted again, following you to the door</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I still don't understand why you though this was so important...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And that is why you're not going to have a statue erected in your honor, little horse</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Heh, erect...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Holy fuck are you tired...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You opened the door and stepped through it, leaving Raven to bring up the rear</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You could hear the littlest assistant locking the door with her magic</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Which was good since you didn't want any of the little maids going in there and ruining all of your hard, hard, HARD work</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...Fucking maids...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They were almost as bad as the bird horses...</span><br />&quot;Alright, I want you to get some rest, Raven,&quot; you said, taking a sip of your water as the two of you turned the corner. &quot;We'll sleep for a couple of hours and then we'll go and get--&quot;<br />CRASH!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You don't move as a slab of rock, bigger than you head, whizzes past you, hitting your coffee mug and shattering it into a million pieces and leaving only the handle intact</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Raven, with a yelp, dove behind you, covering her head</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You looked down at what was left of your coffee mug, your beyond tired mind trying to piece together what just happened</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You looked back at where the rock had sailed off to, and then you looked down at Raven</span><br />&quot;... Are we under attack?&quot; you asked. &quot;Is someone sieging Canterlot? Or is there just some criminal on the loose that likes to throw rock--&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;YEAH! BUCKING GET HER!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;SHOW THAT FILLY WHO'S BOSS!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;IT'S THE SUPER POWERS, FILLY! THE SUPER POWERS ARE RUNNIN' WILD!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;WHOO! THERE'S NOTHING THAT I LOVE MORE THAN SEEING TWO MARE WRESTLIN'... NO H-HOMO...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You blinked, looking down the hall</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;About thirty feet away from you were about fifty or sixty ponies all crowded around what looked like a hastily drawn circle</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Noble, maid and guard alike were there, some of them exchanging bits, many screaming and cheering, every single one of them staring at what was going on in that little circle</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Urgh! Your pony's elbow feels like getting hit with a puff of air, sister!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ooooo yeah! Thy smack talk is as inferior as thy backside, sister! Can you smell what we art brewing?!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In the circle were both of your wives</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Celestia was wearing a pair of thick-rimmed sun glasses and a headband that said Sunomania</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luna was also wearing thick-rimmed, black sun glasses and a headband, but she was also wearing a shirt that had the sleeves ripped off it of along with a fake beard</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Both of them were circling each other, their chests puffed out and their wings flared</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;All around them, not just in the circle but the walls and even the ceiling had had chunks ripped out of them</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You better watch, little sister, 'fore Sunomania runs wild on you!&quot; Celestia snarled, lunging forward so fast that she was a blur</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The ground underneath Luna's hooves cracked as she met her big sister's charge, grappling with her</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Thou cannot best us, sister! We art a super power! Ohhhhh yeah! Prithee feast upon a hunk of processed meat!&quot;</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your eye twitched as the sister's battered each other with their wings, using the kind of force that would kill a normal pony, both of them neighing and whinnying</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;WE SHALL BE THE ALPHA, SISTER!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOING TO BE IS A BUTT, SISTER! WHICH YOU ALREADY AR--&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You loudly cleared your throat</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Since, over the years that you have been living at the castle, you had mastered the art of throat-clearing the noise carried over the screaming crowd to the ears of every single little horse in attendance to... whatever this was</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In the blink of an eye everything went silent and still</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Celestia and Luna, both still clenching each other, looked up</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The crowd, which had been betting like they had money to burn, slowly turned to stare at your frowning, arm-crossing self</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...Oh bucking horse apples,&quot; a mare muttered</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You ignored that, making your way over toward both of your wives, both of whom stood there frozen like a pair of colorful deer in headlights</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The crowd quickly parted for you, which was good</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They were going to get into trouble, since they had been egging on all of this destruction, but at least they had the common sense not to block your path</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your wives, now all nervous smiles, quickly untangled themselves from one another and stood side-by-side as you loomed over them</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;B-Beloved, it warms our heart t-to see thee upon--&quot;</span><br />&quot;What's going on here?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Out of the corner of your eye you saw Twiggles, who was wearing a referee's outfit of all things, trying to disappear into the background</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Naha</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Brushing past your wives, you make your way toward the littlest princess</span><br />&quot;Twilight, get your purple butt over here.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Twilight froze, her eyes darting to and fro</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;O-Oh, hello, Anon,&quot; she said, sweating loudly. &quot;H-How's it going?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her eyes drifted past you toward her fellow alicorns</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You tsked</span><br />&quot;Hey, hey, hey, don't you look at them,&quot; you said, shaking your head as you squatted down.<br /><br />&quot;Those two over there aren't going to do a goddamn thing.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You placed your hands on Twilight's withers</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Noticing that she was shaking slightly, you gave them a squeeze</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Now's not the time for fear, little horse</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That comes later</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Now, Twilight, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me wha--&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;CelestiaandLunawerefighingtoseewhowasgoingtobecomethealphaofyourherd!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Every little other little horse in the hallway groaned as you smiled, patting Purple Nurple on the cheek</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Sister's before mister's, Princess Sparkle. SISTER'S BEFORE MISTER'S!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You stood up, brushing yourself off</span><br />&quot;I'll make sure to tell Clockwork that the next time that I see him, Swiffer. And I'm sure he'd LOVE to hear that you were here making bets like this.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The mare in question flinched, a panicked look on her face</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh bucking horse apples,&quot; she muttered, doing her best to sink back into the crowd. &quot;Clocky's gonna KILL me...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You once again made your way over to your two wonderful, loving wives, both of whom were sweating just as loudly as Twilight had been</span><br />&quot;Where the hell did you guys did you even get these clothes?&quot; you asked, tugging at their torn and ruined garments. &quot;And did you guys pour baby oil all over yourselves again?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...We used vegetable oil,&quot; Luna muttered, looking down at the ground. &quot;We thought that it would be easier to remove from our coats after I had achieved my hard-earned victory.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Celestia's eyebrows shot up her face and she opened her mouth, but you silenced that filly with a look, making her look down at the floor just like her lil' sis</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Both of them were dirty, bits of rock and dust covered their bodies</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You could already see bruises starting to form all over there bodies</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;To make matters worse Celestia was sporting one hell of a shiner and Luna had some blood coming out of her mouth</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...It was going to take forever to get that oil out of their fucking coats...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Making a face, you knelt down, tearing off a bit of your shirt</span><br /><br />&quot;For Christ's sake, stop looking like a pair of kicked puppies. Come over here and let me look at you.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your wives did as they were told, allowing you to clean them up as best as you could with the rag in your hands</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...We can fix all of this up with magic,&quot; Celestia muttered</span><br />&quot;I don't give a shit about all of this fucking damage,&quot; you snapped, whipping the blood from Luna's muzzle. &quot;What I do give a shit about is you two thinking that it fucking matters who's the alpha or not, and I most certainly give a shit about you two kicking the shit out of each other.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Both of the sisters look thoroughly shamed this point, but you still decided to drive your point home</span><br />&quot;You two know that I love you both to bits no matter who's alpha or who's a fucking omega or whatever the shit.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Still making a face, you pulled them both into a hug</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You could feel your dong ring, which was on a necklace, press against your chest as you did this</span><br />&quot;Now... I know that I should say something else, something about this being a life lesson, but I haven't slept in three days and I am VERY tired, so you're gonna have to figure out the rest yourself.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Giving them both a squeeze, you stood back up, crossing your arms</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Both Celestia and Luna squirmed under your gaze, looking at each other</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...We apologize, sister. We do not know what we were thinking challenging thee in such a manner.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, no, you had every right to be angry at me, Luna. I should have recognized that something like this would mean a lot to you and should have taken the appropriate steps.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Nay, tis our fault. Court had been most trying lately and when we saw that document we unjustly lost our temper with thee.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Both of the sister's looked at each other, quickly hugging</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I love you, sis.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Thy affections are wholeheartedly shared, Tia.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The crowd aw's as the two sister's nuzzled each other before breaking their hug, smiles now on their faces</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Even you couldn't help but smile a bit</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shit was cute yo</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;If it really means that much to you, Luna, I'd be more than happy to step down and let you take the mantle of alph--&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With a smile still on your face, you place your hands on their silly heads, just above their horns</span><br />&quot;Oh, I wouldn't worry about that whole alpha thing, my dears. Raven? Could you come over here for a second?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The crowd of ponies once again parts as Raven, who looked like she didn't want to be there even a little bit, quickly made her way toward you</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The mare's horn glowed, and with a pop a notepad and a quill appeared by her side</span><br />&quot;Could you write it down that from now on the alpha to the Royal Herd of Canterlot is Anon. E. Mous please?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Both Celestia and Luna's eyes widened</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anon, sweetheart, you can't-eep!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Both of the sister's sucked in a mouthful of air as your hands found their way toward their ears and gave them a firm tug</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;As you will my lord,&quot; Raven said, scribbling down your words. &quot;But I have a feeling that the House of Lady's might have issue with that.&quot;</span><br />&quot;I play putt-putt golf with every one of those mares stallions on Tuesdays,&quot; you said, giving her a look. &quot;Trust me, no one's gonna say a damn thing.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;In fact, you had a feeling that the fellas were going to get a kick out of this when you told them, especially Fancy</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The stallion had one hell of a sense of humor, though he was pretty shit a golf</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Tapping her quill against her notepad, Raven closed it and stuffed it into her invisible horse pockets</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'll make sure that the House of Lady's sees this by the end of the day, my lord.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Giving your mares ears another firm tug, making them yelp again, you smiled</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Fantastic!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Letting go of Celestia and Luna's ears, you walked over to one of the little guards and plucked the helmet off of their heads</span><br /><br />&quot;Now to deal with all of you!&quot; you chirped, looking out at the crowd<br /><span class="co4">&gt;As one, the crowd took a few steps back, but not a single one of them ran</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Which was good</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;For them</span><br />&quot;Now I saw you all making bets while my wives beat the hell out of each other,&quot; you say, your tone gaining a bit of an edge to it. &quot;Since you ALL have so much money to just toss around how about you all get in line and donate all of the proceeds go to an Anonymous charity?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;A frown comes to your face when not a single little pone stepped forward</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Alrighty then...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It looks like you have to be a little more BLUNT</span><br />&quot;Get your furry asses over here and put all of your bits into the helmet or I'm gonna eat the lot of you.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;THAT lit a fire under the little horses asses, all of them hurrying to get into line to dump their bits into the helmet that you stole</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You turned back toward your wives, both of which looked a hell of a lot more nervous than they had a second ago as the rubbed their ears</span><br />&quot;After I get all of these bits I'm going to go to sleep until about eight or nine tonight. After that I'm going to get up, take a bath and get something to eat,&quot; you told them<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You once again turned back toward Raven</span><br />&quot;Raven, what time is it now?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Raven looked out of one of the broken windows toward the sun</span><br />&quot;... About twelve o'clock, my lord&quot; she guessed<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You nodded</span><br />&quot;Fantastic. Now, BOTH of you have eight hours to clean ALL of this up. After THAT both of you are going to go down to go down to Donato's--you're not going to send someone else down you're going to do down YOURSELVES-- and you're going to get a couple pies and a dozen bottles of pop. Do you understand?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your wives flinched at the sharpness of your tone, quickly and frantically nodding</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Y-Yes dear.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Of course, b-beloved. Please twist o-our teats no longer. W-We beg thee.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You smile once more,tossing the now bit-filled helmet at Twilight, who, with a yelp managed to catch it</span><br /><br />&quot;Great! We'll make a date of it! Twilight, you can come too if you want!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Walking over, you kissed both of your mares on their cheeks before walking past them</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rolling her eyes, Raven followed you</span><br />&quot;I'll see you ladies later tonight!&quot;<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Twilight</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A pin drop could have been heard as everypony watched prince Anonymous turn the corner with what you assumed was his assistant now</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As far as you could tell nopony was even BREATHING</span><br />&quot;...Princess?&quot; you whispered, leaning toward your old teacher<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Celestia, looking as nervous as you've ever seen her, leaned toward you</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yes my student?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You looked down at the helmet of bits in your hooves, then up at where the prince just was</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;My teats hurt,&quot; you told her</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Both of the Celestia sisters nodded slowly, along with everypony in earshot</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Don't worry, my dear student,&quot; your old teacher said. &quot;My teats hurt too.</span></div></div>




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