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				<a id="mw-mf-last-modified" data-timestamp="1476634249" href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php/Special:History/Act" data-user-name="HotRobotSlave" data-user-gender="unknown" class="top-bar truncated-text">Last modified on 16 October 2016, at 16:10</a>		<script>
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			<h1 id="section_0">Act</h1><ul id="page-actions" class="hlist"><li id="ca-edit" class="icon icon-32px icon-edit" title="Edit the lead section of this page."></li><li id="ca-talk" class="hidden icon icon-32px icon-talk"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Talk:Act&amp;action=edit&amp;redlink=1" title="Discussion about the content page [t]" accesskey="t">Discussion</a></li><li id="ca-watch" class="watch-this-article icon icon-32px"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Special:UserLogin&amp;returnto=Act" title="Add this page to your watchlist [w]" accesskey="w"></a></li></ul>		</div>
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This page was created by a <a href="./User:HotRobotSlave" title="User:HotRobotSlave">bot</a> and has not undergone revision yet.
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<table class="wikitable" style="float:right">
<tr>
<td><b>Writefag</b>
</td>
<td> ACBCWL
</td></tr>
<tr>
<td><b>Pastebin link</b>:
</td>
<td><a rel="nofollow" class="external free" href="http://pastebin.com/Say3Lgqs">http://pastebin.com/Say3Lgqs</a>
</td></tr>
<tr>
<td><b>Pastebin creation</b>
</td>
<td>Wednesday 18th of May 2016 12:00:30 PM CDT
</td></tr>
<tr>
<td><b>Last Pastebin update</b>
</td>
<td>Thursday 19th of May 2016 06:27:13 PM CDT
</td></tr></table>

</div><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Act_1">Act 1</span><a href="Act#/editor/1" title="Edit section: Act 1" data-section="1" class="edit-page icon icon-32px icon-edit enabled">Edit</a></h3><div>
<div dir="ltr" class="mw-geshi mw-code mw-content-ltr"><div class="gettext source-gettext">&#160;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are Anon.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;One of many, surprisingly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just another day spent on Vietnam's #1 Salmon Fishing Website, when you came across a thread that had a best pone strawpoll.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Of course, your voice must be heard, can't let Fast Cunt get the lead.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, the link led you somewhere else, yadda yadda yadda, and you woke up in the magical land of Equestria.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Does it really matter how you got here?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, kind of, because it turns out other people followed in your footsteps, and not all of them were from /mlp/.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A lot of /co/mrades, some /v/irgins, a couple fa/tg/uys, a crossie from /k/, and a frogposter from /r9k/ are amidst the most recent arrivals.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so are you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You open your eyes, expecting to be greeted by a slightly cloudy sky and a few branches, but instead are met with ceiling tile splattered with what appears to be chocolate milk.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Hey, buddy.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Some guy snaps in your face.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Get off the floor, we don't vacuum in here.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sit up, and look around.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're in what appears to be the lobby of an apartment building, or a really shitty hotel.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There's some guy, probably the one who talked to you, next to you in a bellhop outfit.</span><br />Nice duds.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Thanks, I picked them out myself.&quot;</span><br />From where, a dumpster behind an oshkoshbgosh?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'll have you know it was a Gap Kids, and-&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He shakes his head.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I don't have time for this. You want a room, or not?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You check your pockets and find only some lint and a pressed penny.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;'Scenic Schweitzer Falls, The Backside of Water'</span><br />I don't have any money for a room.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I didn't ask if you had any money, I asked if you wanted a room. Also, could you get off the floor already? I get enough of this from Jackson over there.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He gestures through an archway into what looks like a waiting room, with an old radio in the corner instead of a television.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There's a grown man wearing footie pajamas one size too small on the floor in front of it, listening to a Radio Serial about Daring Do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He has one arm beneath him. You shudder, and get to your feet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Approaching the counter, there are a lot of hooks on the wall behind the guy. Each with a number, and you know how a hotel lobby works.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So, what room you want? They're pretty much all the same, so it's really comes down to what number you think you'll remember.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, that's a tough one. Your not one for remembering little details.</span><br />What rooms do you have left?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Let's see here, I got 12, 27, uhh 24, and the Broom Closet.&quot;</span><br />Why bring up the broom closet?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What's it to you?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fair point.</span><br />I'll take room <span class="nu0">12</span>.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;He tosses you the key.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Don't lose that now, it's hard to get copies made. I don't get paid for this, and it costs a lot of bits.&quot;</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You finally exit the building, and are greeted with a view of Ponyville in the distance, and Twilight's shitty Crystal Cathedral on the opposite side of town.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Canterlot Castle looms in the distance behind it, and the Everfree separates the town from the mountain's base, stretching around the village to close in behind your back.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've gotta say, this is a nice view. You doubt your room even has a window, though.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Meh, you'll see it later. Right now, you've got to make your arrival.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You make a brisk pace down the dirt path, and find yourself at City Hall at the center of town. There are two other people standing in front of the building, one holding a sign and the other in a hotdog suit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The sign reads-</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;ALL NEW ARRIVALS, PLEASE PRESENT YOURSELF TO BE RECORDED. THE ACB VALUES YOUR DEDICATION.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Why even bother giving me a sign if you're just gonna shout it every time someone goes by?'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Because shut up. What if they're deaf? Or blind?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What if they don't speak English, we had at least one guy who kept saying 'Ya Es Hora', they had to lock him in a cell.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;A fluke. There are no more foreign posters, and have been none since the second scruffening-&quot;</span><br />Hey, I'm a new arrival, I guess.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yeah, just head on in.&quot; Hotdog guy waves you in, and goes back to his conversation. &quot;You've got to understand, there was this one guy who had cataracts and made his kid brother post online for him.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Everyone's seen that screengrab. The guy's probably dead by now.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Are you saying no one else with cataracts would go on 4chan?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'm saying it's unlikely.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Town hall is full of other humans waiting in several different lines, all holding different forms.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You go into the closest line to you, and prepare for an arduous journey.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Ok, now that you've filled out form AYB-720, had your bloodwork done, and been far even as decided, we just have one last question.&quot;</span><br />Is this another shitty old meme? We get it, longcat is long, he's probably also dead by now.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No no no, it's just a final formality. How do you wish to be addressed?&quot;</span><br />I picked room <span class="nu0">12</span>, but I don't know what street it's on,<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, what's your moniker? Some people chose to actually use their real name, or in some cases a real name, and we'd like to know if you would like to as well.&quot;</span><br />Oh, right. Anon's fine.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You don't really have that much attachment to your real name. You never liked it anyway, people always spelled it wrong.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alright then, Anonymous number 12311, welcome to Equestria.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The guy behind the counter stamps a couple of your forms, and hands you a hand drawn index card.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He then files it all away, and you here the sounds of blades whirring.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You don't have to carry the card around, but don't lose it. Otherwise, you'll have to do the entire process over.&quot;</span><br />What happens if I lose it, and don't come back for another one?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What do I care, faggot, it's not like we're keeping track of how many of us are actually out there, otherwise we'd have to keep using old numbers whenever some retard gets himself killed.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The shutter closes, and a little sign says 'Use Next Window.'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Finally leaving town hall, you see the moon has risen and you've been in there for god knows how long.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hotdog guy and his friend are gone, and it seems the center is nearly empty.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Except for one guy sitting on a park bench below a streetlamp that didn't get extinguished.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He looks like he's had a rough time, and is shivering heavily despite his plush jacket.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In any other instance, you'd ignore the vagrant, but this is one of your fellow horsefuckers. Where would we all be without the magic of friendship?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You start to head towards the poor fellow, but trip over your pants, which had unexpectedly fallen down.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You end up accidentally lodging your own cock down your throat, and choke to death.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thus ends your story. You fucking idiot.</span></div></div>
</div><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Act_2.2C_Part_1">Act 2, Part 1</span><a href="Act#/editor/2" title="Edit section: Act 2, Part 1" data-section="2" class="edit-page icon icon-32px icon-edit enabled">Edit</a></h3><div>
<div dir="ltr" class="mw-geshi mw-code mw-content-ltr"><div class="gettext source-gettext">&#160;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are Anon.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;One of many, surprisingly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just another day spent on Vietnam's #1 Salmon Fishing Website, when you came across a thread that had a best pone strawpoll.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Of course, your voice must be heard, can't let Fast Cunt get the lead.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, the link led you somewhere else, yadda yadda yadda, and you woke up in the magical land of Equestria.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Does it really matter how you got here?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, kind of, because it turns out other people followed in your footsteps, and not all of them were from /mlp/.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A lot of /co/mrades, some /v/irgins, a couple fa/tg/uys, a crossie from /k/, and a frogposter from /r9k/ are amidst the most recent arrivals.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so are you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You open your eyes, expecting to be greeted by a slightly cloudy sky and a few branches, but instead are met with ceiling tile splattered with what appears to be chocolate milk.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Hey, buddy.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Some guy snaps in your face.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Get off the floor, we don't vacuum in here.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sit up, and look around.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're in what appears to be the lobby of an apartment building, or a really shitty hotel.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There's some guy, probably the one who talked to you, next to you in a bellhop outfit.</span><br />Nice duds.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Thanks, I picked them out myself.&quot;</span><br />From where, a dumpster behind an oshkoshbgosh?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'll have you know it was a Gap Kids, and-&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He shakes his head.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I don't have time for this. You want a room, or not?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You check your pockets and find only some lint and a pressed penny.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;'Scenic Schweitzer Falls, The Backside of Water'</span><br />I don't have any money for a room.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I didn't ask if you had any money, I asked if you wanted a room. Also, could you get off the floor already? I get enough of this from Jackson over there.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He gestures through an archway into what looks like a waiting room, with an old radio in the corner instead of a television.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There's a grown man wearing footie pajamas one size too small on the floor in front of it, listening to a Radio Serial about Daring Do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He has one arm beneath him. You shudder, and get to your feet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Approaching the counter, there are a lot of hooks on the wall behind the guy. Each with a number, and you know how a hotel lobby works.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So, what room you want? They're pretty much all the same, so it's really comes down to what number you think you'll remember.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, that's a tough one. Your not one for remembering little details.</span><br />What rooms do you have left?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Let's see here, I got 12, 27, uhh 24, and the Broom Closet.&quot;</span><br />Why bring up the broom closet?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What's it to you?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fair point.</span><br />I'll take room <span class="nu0">12</span>.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;He tosses you the key.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Don't lose that now, it's hard to get copies made. I don't get paid for this, and it costs a lot of bits.&quot;</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You finally exit the building, and are greeted with a view of Ponyville in the distance, and Twilight's shitty Crystal Cathedral on the opposite side of town.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Canterlot Castle looms in the distance behind it, and the Everfree separates the town from the mountain's base, stretching around the village to close in behind your back.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've gotta say, this is a nice view. You doubt your room even has a window, though.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Meh, you'll see it later. Right now, you've got to make your arrival.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You make a brisk pace down the dirt path, and find yourself at City Hall at the center of town. There are two other people standing in front of the building, one holding a sign and the other in a hotdog suit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The sign reads-</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;ALL NEW ARRIVALS, PLEASE PRESENT YOURSELF TO BE RECORDED. THE ACB VALUES YOUR DEDICATION.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Why even bother giving me a sign if you're just gonna shout it every time someone goes by?'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Because shut up. What if they're deaf? Or blind?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What if they don't speak English, we had at least one guy who kept saying 'Ya Es Hora', they had to lock him in a cell.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;A fluke. There are no more foreign posters, and have been none since the second scruffening-&quot;</span><br />Hey, I'm a new arrival, I guess.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yeah, just head on in.&quot; Hotdog guy waves you in, and goes back to his conversation. &quot;You've got to understand, there was this one guy who had cataracts and made his kid brother post online for him.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Everyone's seen that screengrab. The guy's probably dead by now.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Are you saying no one else with cataracts would go on 4chan?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'm saying it's unlikely.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Town hall is full of other humans waiting in several different lines, all holding different forms.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You go into the closest line to you, and prepare for an arduous journey.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Ok, now that you've filled out form AYB-720, had your bloodwork done, and been far even as decided, we just have one last question.&quot;</span><br />Is this another shitty old meme? We get it, longcat is long, he's probably also dead by now.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No no no, it's just a final formality. How do you wish to be addressed?&quot;</span><br />I picked room <span class="nu0">12</span>, but I don't know what street it's on,<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, what's your moniker? Some people chose to actually use their real name, or in some cases a real name, and we'd like to know if you would like to as well.&quot;</span><br />Oh, right. Anon's fine.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You don't really have that much attachment to your real name. You never liked it anyway, people always spelled it wrong.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alright then, Anonymous number 12311, welcome to Equestria.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The guy behind the counter stamps a couple of your forms, and hands you a hand drawn index card.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He then files it all away, and you here the sounds of blades whirring.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You don't have to carry the card around, but don't lose it. Otherwise, you'll have to do the entire process over.&quot;</span><br />What happens if I lose it, and don't come back for another one?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What do I care, faggot, it's not like we're keeping track of how many of us are actually out there, otherwise we'd have to keep using old numbers whenever some retard gets himself killed.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The shutter closes, and a little sign says 'Use Next Window.'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Finally leaving town hall, you see the moon has risen and you've been in there for god knows how long.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hotdog guy and his friend are gone, and it seems the center is nearly empty.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Except for one guy sitting on a park bench below a streetlamp that didn't get extinguished.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He looks like he's had a rough time, and is shivering heavily despite his plush jacket.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In any other instance, you'd ignore the vagrant, but this is one of your fellow horsefuckers. Where would we all be without the magic of friendship?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You start to head towards the poor fellow, but trip over your pants, which had unexpectedly fallen down.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You end up accidentally lodging your own cock down your throat, and choke to death.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thus ends your story. You fucking idiot.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Anon. Just anon, you don't need a fucking number.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Some asshole, newly minted by the pleb detector just fell victim to it's ingenious design.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;By taking part of the Anonymous Census Bureau, the fool thought he could change his ways, and abandon his past life of what probably was just working all day and staying up until 3AM in the morning posting on 4chan.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Bastard didn't realize that you can't choose the thug life, it's gotta choose you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Quid pro quo, OP sucks cocks.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You get off your bench and walk over to his corpse.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A quick rummage through his pockets yields a commemorative coin from Disneyland, one if those stupid index cards, and</span><br />Applejack's Parents in Pony Heaven!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;A room key! You're not homeless anymore.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You run up the old dirt path to the Anon Acres, glad to have a warm bed for the night.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Keith.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The Bellhop?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Are you kidding me, you weren't named earlier in the narrative?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Welp, it's just like you expected. The newest arrival was a Class A Polesmoker.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Good thing you already took a shit in his room's toilet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That'll learn him to not mock wageslave's uniforms.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, if you're not getting paid, how could you be</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That thought is interrupted by the arrival of some anon in a shitty winter parka.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Hey there! I'll just be heading up to my room. Set a wakeup call for tomorrow morning at 10o'clock. Don't want to miss the Continental Breakfast. I'll be in room 12.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And he's already heading upstairs. Wait, room 12? Isn't that the newbies room? And haven't you seen that guy before today? Meh, as long as you get paid on time, you don't care.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, you don't get...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Nowhere Man.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Cool name, right?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuck that old copypasta, the Beatles are amazing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, were amazing. Half are dead and you don't have any of their cds with you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Nevertheless, that's the name you chose when you filled out your ACB forms.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And now that's what all the friends you've made in Equestria call you, too!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;How cool is that!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anyway, it's a new day in Ponyville, and you've got to go help best pony, in your opinion, set up for tonight's show.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She's playing another Pinkie Pie party, this one is to commemorate Mayor Mare's 5th year in office.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Mayor Mare sure does enjoy DJ Pon-3's hot jams.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Especially when she manages to pull off a live remix.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But to do that, she needs her specialized turntable set, which is kept in a storage locker way over across town from her and Octavia's house.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luckily, Anon Acres happens to be close by, so you're always happy to lend a hand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You don your chapeau of choice, an ACTUAL fedora. NOT a Trilby like all those pasty faced neckbeards wear.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You also grab your keychain, with your room key - good old room 14 - the key to the Storage Locker, and your Record Keychain.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It combines your two favorite things, DJ Pon-3's Cutie Mark, and Dave Strider's Symbol.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's a shame you never got to see how Homestuck ended, but you're sure it was Epic.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you exit your room, you bump into someone in the hall.</span><br />Oh, pardon me! I didn't see you there.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The man in the Beat up Winter Jacket glances back at you as he continues down the hall.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yeah, sure. Whatever.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What a terribly rude fellow. But, it shall not spoil another day helping your very best friend.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You follow him down the stairs, and where he turns into the dining area, you turn towards the front lobby, and by extension the front door, to make your way over to the Storage Facility.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Good morning, Nowhere Man.&quot;</span><br />Good morning, Kwikset.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Here to see Miss. Scratch's locker?&quot;</span><br />You bet. She needs her Auto-Record Switcher Table for Mayor Mare's Five Years in Office party tonight.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alright, I'll come open the gate for you.&quot;</span><br />Kwikset steps down from his chair and into his walker.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;It takes him a while to get around, him being an older stallion, but you don't mind the wait. You have plenty of time before you even need to start setting up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You begin to hum to yourself.</span><br />https://vimeo.com/<span class="nu0">32313020</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Anon. Goddamn, is this breakfast delicious.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Good thing it's continental too, which supplies you with Griffon Delicacies such as Muffins and MEAT.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What with Ponies being herbivores, thank goodness Griffons are a composite of two predators.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you sink your teeth into your third sausage, you think about how this makes up for the massive log the last guy left in his room.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He knew he'd be out all day, how could he just leave it in there?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Probably because he thought it'd only be him entering his room. Yeah, that makes sense you guess.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;While your mind is on the facilities, it drifts over to the shower you were very thankful to have.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, while your body is clean your clothes are not.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your pit stains dominate your entire sides, and your pants would be considered fashionable if they looked like that when they were sold. And were jeans instead of slacks.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And your trusty Winter Coat, has more holes than Rarity could fill, that slut.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, that's it. You'll get Rarity to fix up your clothes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, again. You rest your head in one hand while the other forks some scrambled eggs into you. You don't have any money. You guess you'll have to find work somewhere.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, maybe you could appeal to her Generosity, after all that is her element. You wouldn't believe with how selfish she can get at times, though.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yeah, that seems like a good plan. And worst comes to worst, you could offer to trade services for &quot;services&quot; Hehe. Eugh.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You down the last of your OJ and head out into town.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Carousel Boutique is easy to find, as a few of your former fellow vagrant anons have set up camp just beyond fifty feet of the building.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;These are mostly Rarfags, but a few are here for someone else, hence the distancing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You make your way past the shantytown and into the Boutique.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;All the anons behind you watch with baited breathed.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Several Minutes Pass...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;AND YOU CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT ME EVER DOING ANY ALTERATIONS TO EVEN A SOCK. IF I EVER SEE YOU IN HERE AGAIN, I SHALL HAVE YOU DRAWN AND QUARTERED.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I WOULD SAY 'GOOD DAY, SIR', BUT I NEITHER WISH THAT FOR YOU, NOR BELIEVE YOU TO BE A GENTLECOLT.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And she slams the door in your face.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, that certainly could've gone better.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You head back to the shantytown, wait a couple seconds, then head back up to the Boutique's door.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You rap on the door, and put a slight affectation on your voice.</span><br />Pardon me, Miss Rarity?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The door swings open.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;WHAT DID I JUST SAY TO YOU, YOU COWARD, BULLY, CAD AND-&quot;</span><br />I-I'm sorry, but this is my first time here. I was told you were a seamstress, so you could help me fix my clothes.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I... Oh, dear. You're a different Anon, aren't you? My apologies darling, I just had the most horrid altercation with some other, mmhm, person.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You can see the disdain dripping in her voice when she says 'person'. You didn't know you could leave such a mark. At least she won't have to deal with 'that anon' any more.</span><br />It's fine, I can understand how some of these guys can be real assholes.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Perhaps a bit vulgar... but then again, no. Vulgarities are suitable to this individual. But, you're not here to listen to my airing of grievances, what do you need tailored?&quot;</span><br />Just my winter coat. I've had this since I dropped out of college, so it's seen a lot.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, but what about the rest of your ensemble? Your button up looks to be duotone by how much is stained, and your trousers are so frayed they may as well be a grass skirt for all the protection they provide.&quot;</span><br />I'm not really as attached to them as I am the jacket. But, if you have any other clothes for humans I'd like to take a look.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, but of course. Since all you hyoomans have been showing up, I've had quite a good amount of business coming through. Though sadly, not many repeat customers. Although, there is that one fellow who bring in these garish pajamas from time to time. Ugh, you should smell the odor that comes off them. But then again, I wouldn't wish for the foulest of a foe to catch even the smallest whiff. Oh, but listen to me prattle on, let me show you to my selection of hyooman wear and then to a dressing room.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She takes your coat and escorts you to a single rack of suits, all very similar with minute differences invisible to your untrained eyes.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Keith again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The Bellhop, remember?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's been a quiet morning so far, which is a great relief from your usual amount of work.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The only things to happen today are several anons and others leaving for their work, and the new new guy in room 12 scarfing down half the Continental Buffet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But, the peace is not to last, as you hear the familiar pitter-pat of manbaby feet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Daddy! It's Cinny Crunch time!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's time for the most loathsome part of your day to start. And it won't end until Jackson is back in his 'crib' in the boiler room.</span><br />Good morning, Jacky, I'll get your cinny crunch, just go sit down in the dindin room.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, daddy, I wanna listen to the ragio while I eat!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You heave a sigh. Now comes the hard part.</span><br />Alright, that'll cost <span class="nu0">3</span> Good Boy Points.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Jackson looks back at you with a very serious expression on his face.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;But I've been saving my GBP for a mini ice box, daddy. If I spend 3 points, that's 3 more I'll have to earn back!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Tears begin to well up, but you can see the fire burning behind them.</span><br />Uh, well Jacky, if you finish all your cerea- I mean cinny crunch without spilling any milk, I'll give you <span class="nu0">4</span> points.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The tears evaporate, and he calms down.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Fank you, daddy. I'll be in the ragio room.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He lumbers off, and sits his fat ass down in his usual spot, that have become a grease stain in the carpeting by now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You go into the kitchen to make his bowl of cereal, and think about how you don't get paid enough for this.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, you don't get...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Mr. Cool Ice</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Man, you almost wish, but no you're just plain old Oscar.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oscar Meyer, that is.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That's right, thanks to Equestria's Greatest Designer, you have realized your dream to be an Oscar Meyer Wiener.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, the entire world is not in love with you, as they have no such product in horse land.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You even tried branching out into other brands, but when you asked a Royal Guard if she wanted an Armor Hotdog, she just got all flustered.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Their loss, to not value branding in their food products.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then again, the only places that really have hotdogs in steady supply, other than Anon Acres, is the Griffon Embassy so it's no wonder ponyville doesn't really know what the deal is with your outfit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But, the humor wasted is not your main concern right now. What is is the dead nigger outside city hall.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He's not actually black, he's green like everyone else, but he sure does look stupid.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pick up the card left on the body, and see he is #12311.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;From what you've heard about Shirley's Transactions within the hall, he must be the most recent arrival.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, did you forget to mention?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're one of the few, the proud, the Anonymous Census Bureau Clerical Workers League, or the ACBCWL.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your carrying card looks a hell of a lot nicer than the shitty index cards you give out to people who choose to stay anonymous.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look back down to the doubled over corpse, and remember you've gotta clear the debris out of here. It's Mayor Mare's 5th Year in Office Party tonight, and she's your boss.</span><br />Hey, Ron.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yeah, Oscar?&quot;</span><br />We'll need the wheelbarrow to transport the corpse. It turns out he's just an anon.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Tsk Tsk Tsk, poor old sod.&quot;</span><br />Yeah, it's a real shame. He only just got here too.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You show him the index card.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Wow, that really sucks.&quot; He looks over the body, &quot;At least he died less painfully than most of the other newbies.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pause for a moment.</span><br />How could you know that?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Cause I'm looking at him.&quot;</span><br />No, I mean how could you Know that his death was any less painful than any other new arrival?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I've heard some serious shit from anons who try to make it outside of pony cities. Ripped to shreds by Manticores, Frozen by Wendigos, even Harvested by Changelings.&quot;</span><br />How is a harvesting painful? You know what, nevermind. The point is, choking to death on your own cock seems incredibly painful. Not just due to the choking, but also how the spine has to bend to even get the tip in your mouth. If I pulled his shirt off, you'd probably see bone bulging against his flesh.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Ehh, it just doesn't seem as bad as being worked to death in the Diamond Dog Mines or something.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are about to refute his point, when one of Mayor Mare's assistants walks out and starts yelling at you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What are you two doing just standing around! Get the body out of the-&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She sees the corpse and starts to pale.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I think I'm gonna be sick.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And rushes off back inside Town Hall.</span><br />She's right. We'll continue this discussion later, for now get the wheelbarrow.<br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Est�s Anonymous.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Usted ha estado atrapado en esta celda para qui�n sabe cu�nto tiempo.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Es realmente terrible lo que va a hacer de Am�rica frente a los extranjeros.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Es a�n m�s terrible que todav�a act�an de esta forma en lo que es un coutry extranjero, incluso si todos los caballos hacen hablar Ingl�s.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Que realmente ten�a grandes esperanzas cuando lleg� por primera vez. Ibas a ser un vaquero en Appleoosa.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;La gente escribe canciones populares de ti, y que hab�an introducir un nuevo lenguaje en el mundo.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pero no, estas personas tienen que ser tan envuelto en su propia vida que se consideran una molestia.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Siguieron repitiendo &quot;No Es Hora&quot; a usted, ya que se ven obligados aqu�.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pero lo peor de todo es su compa�ero de celda.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're name is Not Important.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're just some Nobody who happened end up in Talking Horse Land.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They stuck you in this cell at least a whole year ago, as you were one of the first few humans to show up here.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They keep calling you Anonymous for some reason, and saying you did all these things like paint a giant ass on the side of a barn, or molest an animal care specialist and some of her animals.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What reason do you have to be here?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Why should you be punished for things you never did?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Over the past year, more and more crimes have been levied against you. What started as a night in the drunk tank has turned into 10 to life.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Obviously, these horses don't have a good measure of your lifespan.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;One of them rushes past you into the restroom, and you can hear the dry heaving all the way out here.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;How do horses even have a gag reflex? All they eat is oats and hay.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Speaking of diets, this prison food has done wonders for your physique.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look like you made the Charles Atlas transformation. From a scrawny weakling to an Adonis.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They gave you some weights to keep you in form until the trials actually end. You think they're gonna sentence you to hard labor.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You feel like maybe you should do something about this, but you can't really connect with who you were a year ago. You can't get in touch with that old sense of morals.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You can't resist the temptation to simply break out of your cell. After all, tonight is some event celebrating the mayor. All attention will be elsewhere.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It seems perfect, and you'll have to give it a shot.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Nowhere Man again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or rather, be &quot;Going Nowhere&quot; Man.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Because that is the speed at which you are currently going, and the location.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've been stuck outside the gates of Kwikset's Storehouse Lockup for about 2 hours now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Even your patience has its limits, after all it takes an hour to move the thing, an hour to set it up, and then a variable amount of time to calibrate the operating arms, make sure the audio is balanced to DJ Pon-3's specific settings, and get all the records in the right order.</span><br />Mr. Kwikset? Are you in there.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You immediately facepalm. Of course he's in there.</span><br />I mean, are you alright?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You struggle to hear anything, but there is only the rustling of branches in the breeze.</span><br />Okay, okay. Let's think for a moment. Either he's fallen down and can't get up, or just can't hear me. If it's the latter, it'd be rude to intrude. It is private property. However, if it is the former, then I'm the only one who knows he's in there. And I'm the only one who can help him.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You struggle with this Herculean quandary for a moment, and resolve to assist Kwikset by any means necessary.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The front gate is too high to scale, and you don't want to break a window, so you circle around the building.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There! The bathroom window is slightly ajar.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You wedge your fat fingers into the crack, and heave.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The window flies open, but the aperture remains to small for you to gain entry.</span><br />Confound it!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You continue on, past the main building and into an alleyway.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Meanwhile, Kwikset has finally reached the front gate and starts to go through the keys, failing to notice the absence of Nowhere Man.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The alleyway narrows down as it goes along.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But this is in fact the opposite of a problem!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;By simply employing your hardcore parkour skills, you can make your way onto the roof of the neighboring building and then over the fence.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then it is simply a matter of finding and assisting poor old Mr. Kwikset.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You put one foot against the wooden fence, then the other against the brick wall, and slowly make your way up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It really takes a toll on you, so you have to catch your breath between each step.</span><br />This'll... take... awhile...<br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Anon again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look like you just came off the lobby floor, this suit's so nice.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Time to break the news to Dress Horse.</span><br />Uh, Rarity. I have to ask you something.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, don't worry Anonymous, I found a fabric that matches your Winter Wear perfectly. It'll be like you never wore it before today.&quot;</span><br />It's not that, you see I don't have a job so I've got-<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You swallow loudly to really lay it on thick.</span><br />I've got no way to pay for all this.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She glances through the door way of her workshop.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, dear. This does put a damper on things, because I've just finished covering the holes in your jacket.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She displays her handiwork proudly, but with a somber expression.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;It's such a shame, I thought this was a very good restoration.&quot;</span><br />Well, I mean, there must be some way for me to pay you back for it.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your hand starts to reach into your belt, but you let it rest there remembering what caused your first visit to fail.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, there might be a couple of things. Little menial tasks you can perform so I have more time to focus on my latest venture. I'm not only crafting a new line of dresses, but I'm split between here and the newest Carousel Boutique in Manehatten. Anything that you could do to help would be greatly appreciated, and perhaps if you do a good job I wont tear this precious sentiment into shreds.&quot;</span><br />Well, that's very kind of you Miss-<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait a minute.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, don't stand there with that look on your face. Do you really think I'm simple enough to not be able to tell all of you apart? I've never seen any other hyooman with a jacket like this, so thinking that putting on a new voice will be enough to trick me is ludicrous.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She places your coat into a closet in her workshop, and turns back to you, levitating over a scroll with several addresses on it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I need a set of needles, new stand for one of my mannequins, several bolts of fabric need to be picked up from the depot, a daisy salad specially prepared for moi, and several other things explained in detail there for you.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you read the details, a bag of bits catches you off guard in the gut.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And I've already tabulated the cost of everything, so don't try sneaking off with the change. Now, go go go!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are pushed out of the boutique with the door closing behind you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The crowd looks at you, saying nothing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look back, and then leave going around them rather than through.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The last thing you want is one of these maniacs finding out you got a job working with their waifu.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are, uhhh,</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Who are you again?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You set down your pipe and pull out your card.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you do that, a whole bunch of pistachios fall out too.</span><br />Aw, sweet!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you eat some nuts, you look at the card.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;'Anonymous #1402'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you misread it as 'Anonymous #1, 420!'</span><br />Yeaaah. Ha ha...<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You do a finger gun at the card and let it fall from your hand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look around and see you're in a tree.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Like, not up it, but in a hollow trunk.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There are a couple paper designs on the walls.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, if it's a tree are they really walls?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Whatever, the papers are long strips folded together, like when people knit things.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your grandma used to knit you things all the time. Like sweaters and beanies and socks and slippers and pajama bottoms and mug cozies and, uhh, and...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You can't really remember what else she made.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The paper thing's got three colors on it, red, yellow, and green.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Where have you seen a color pattern like this before?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You try to think, but as you do you look around the tree some more.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There's a pile of hay where you were sitting.</span><br />Is that the bed... or the kitchen?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You start giggling a lot. Ponies love them some hay.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You try to get back to what you were thinking of before, but you forget.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You decide to grab your pipe and leave the tree.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You step out into Town Hall's Central Courtyard.</span><br />Woah, how'd I get here from the forest so quick?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Like. you didn't come from the forest, Anon, you were just in our paper-mache tree we made for the Mayor's Celebration&quot;</span><br />Holy shit, a talking horse!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Tree Hugger chuckles a bit at your joke, and you start to giggle too without realizing it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You suddenly realize you gotta whiz really bad.</span><br />Hey, can you look after this for me.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You set the pipe down next to her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, sure. I'll take good care of it. You go have fun with some of the other ponies.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You shoot her a finger gun, and head into Town Hall itself, right past the portajohns.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you walk, you hear someone say &quot;It's not like him to be late, and even if he were he'd at least say something, right?&quot; and another voice say, &quot;You can't keep hedging all your bets on this one guy, Vinyl, he's too weird.&quot; and the first one say, &quot;But he's been really dependable so far! And he actually digs my sound, rather than fakes it to try and saddle up like other groupies!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In Town Hall, you walk over to the bathroom when this guy starts yelling at you from behind the bars.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He's talking so fast you can't understand a word he's saying.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh wait, shit, he's speaking spanish.</span><br />Donde esta es el Ba�o?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;He sighs, and points right behind you.</span><br />Oh, killer. Gracias.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You go to relieve yourself.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are Jacky, and you'll be damned if your cover is blown.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your real name is Special Agent Jackson, and as part of the CIA's fight against deep web porn distribution rings, you have been placed as a deep cover operative on 4chan's notorious ROBOT 9000 forum.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've spent so long under cover, that you indoctrinated some of these poster's strange idiosyncracies into your everyday demeanor.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As such, you stopped going to the office and instead set up a base of operations in your ailing mother's retirement home.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, this does not mean you would go so far as to ask your poor sick mother for anything, let alone see you in this state.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;No, you instead get what you need through the hospital's staff.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Due to your mission requiring you to monitor every single post, you've taken up their practice of relieving one's self into empty soda bottles as well.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, complications in the mission have arisen. Upon following an offsite link, you found yourself in a completely new locale. You have concluded you were kidnapped by people you've been monitoring.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So, now the cover gets even deeper, as you must maintain the persona of what many of them refer to as a &quot;Frog Poster&quot;.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You have yet to decipher the call signs they use yet, but as far as you can tell, a Frog Poster is an agent in training for whatever their ring is operating in.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The only way to ascend into the next level is to gain enough &quot;Good Boy Points&quot; to &quot;buy&quot; a &quot;Mini Fridge&quot;.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are almost certain a Mini Fridge is code for a storage locker where they keep both severed limbs, and kidnapped children.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, along with gaining these points, you must also act in the persona of a juvenile delinquent, as many of these people are &quot;NEETS&quot;, which you know to mean Not in Education, Employment, or Training.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's not all conjectural, and so you must act on your worst behavior. Especially since you are constantly under the watchful eye of their ringleader, who calls himself &quot;Daddy&quot;.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sit in the same position you have for the past 6 months, pretending to stimulate yourself to these strange broadcasts about an Indiana Jones-Type who is also a Horse. With Wings.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The only thing you can think of that meaning is some cross between Heroin and Angel Dust.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The program ends, and you slam a fist into the ground.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Damn, why can't you find out what they're up to?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You nearly topple your cereal bowl, but you save it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You need those Good Boy Points, you're only 37 away. If only there were some big thing you could do to prove to them you're ready for the next level.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Good job, Jacky. You didn't spill any.&quot; He is completely uninterested, but you act as if this was a great compliment. You clap your hands with glee, and grin like an idiot.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Only 36 now.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;-So, it just makes that much more sense. Every point you've made so far only supports my argument.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You groan, and it turns into a growl.</span><br />There is no possible way! Absolutely none! It would make no sense to what we've seen so far!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You must be a pharaoh, if you have this much denial. It fits in perfectly, and guess what, next time we get called to the corporate offices, we'll skip out and ask her ourself.&quot;</span><br />You can't be serious.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;As a heart attack on the sabbath.&quot;</span><br />Fine! We'll skip out on any and all responsibilities we may have to go to Canterlot Castle itself, SOMEHOW make our way in without ANY prior interactions with any member of Royalty, and ask Princess Celestia herself, 'Uhh, say Princess, is it true that you're gonna make Starlight an Alicorn too?'<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well when you say it like that, you make it sound impossible. You know a lot of royal guards! Just ask one of them to pass the message along!&quot;</span><br />And what about our jobs?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I hate this job! I wish we'd never started doing it! Not enough people want to actually name themselves so the system can track them, so we end up wasting thousands upon thousands of forms to give people the runabout. If people actually cared about their Identities, we'd have more luck getting them jobs and there wouldn't be six separate slums in this town!&quot;</span><br />Oh Celestia, you're right. The system is inherently flawed, just like back on Earth. How could we expect anyone from this godforsaken site to want to work, even if it is with who are nice without ulterior motives.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, maybe it's possible we're the ones who caused this.&quot;</span><br />...How so?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Maybe it's not about their devaluation of identity, but our stubbornness to not actually track Anons as they arrive.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pull out the card from the body you just left out in the Everfree.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Maybe if we start from scratch, convince our superiors to adopt a new method of registration into a real index, and encourage those already counted who really weren't to come back, we could rejuvenate the community enough so that when 'Anonymous #Whatever' dies, he's not just tossed out like garbage.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You open your wallet and put Anon #12311's Card next to yours.</span><br />Well, it's certainly worth a shot.</div></div>
</div><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Act_2.2C_Part_2">Act 2, Part 2</span><a href="Act#/editor/3" title="Edit section: Act 2, Part 2" data-section="3" class="edit-page icon icon-32px icon-edit enabled">Edit</a></h3><div>
<div dir="ltr" class="mw-geshi mw-code mw-content-ltr"><div class="gettext source-gettext">&#160;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are Anon.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;One of many, surprisingly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just another day spent on Vietnam's #1 Salmon Fishing Website, when you came across a thread that had a best pone strawpoll.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Of course, your voice must be heard, can't let Fast Cunt get the lead.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, the link led you somewhere else, yadda yadda yadda, and you woke up in the magical land of Equestria.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Does it really matter how you got here?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, kind of, because it turns out other people followed in your footsteps, and not all of them were from /mlp/.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A lot of /co/mrades, some /v/irgins, a couple fa/tg/uys, a crossie from /k/, and a frogposter from /r9k/ are amidst the most recent arrivals.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so are you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You open your eyes, expecting to be greeted by a slightly cloudy sky and a few branches, but instead are met with ceiling tile splattered with what appears to be chocolate milk.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Hey, buddy.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Some guy snaps in your face.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Get off the floor, we don't vacuum in here.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sit up, and look around.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're in what appears to be the lobby of an apartment building, or a really shitty hotel.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There's some guy, probably the one who talked to you, next to you in a bellhop outfit.</span><br />Nice duds.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Thanks, I picked them out myself.&quot;</span><br />From where, a dumpster behind an oshkoshbgosh?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'll have you know it was a Gap Kids, and-&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He shakes his head.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I don't have time for this. You want a room, or not?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You check your pockets and find only some lint and a pressed penny.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;'Scenic Schweitzer Falls, The Backside of Water'</span><br />I don't have any money for a room.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I didn't ask if you had any money, I asked if you wanted a room. Also, could you get off the floor already? I get enough of this from Jackson over there.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He gestures through an archway into what looks like a waiting room, with an old radio in the corner instead of a television.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There's a grown man wearing footie pajamas one size too small on the floor in front of it, listening to a Radio Serial about Daring Do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He has one arm beneath him. You shudder, and get to your feet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Approaching the counter, there are a lot of hooks on the wall behind the guy. Each with a number, and you know how a hotel lobby works.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So, what room you want? They're pretty much all the same, so it's really comes down to what number you think you'll remember.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, that's a tough one. Your not one for remembering little details.</span><br />What rooms do you have left?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Let's see here, I got 12, 27, uhh 24, and the Broom Closet.&quot;</span><br />Why bring up the broom closet?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What's it to you?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fair point.</span><br />I'll take room <span class="nu0">12</span>.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;He tosses you the key.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Don't lose that now, it's hard to get copies made. I don't get paid for this, and it costs a lot of bits.&quot;</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You finally exit the building, and are greeted with a view of Ponyville in the distance, and Twilight's shitty Crystal Cathedral on the opposite side of town.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Canterlot Castle looms in the distance behind it, and the Everfree separates the town from the mountain's base, stretching around the village to close in behind your back.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've gotta say, this is a nice view. You doubt your room even has a window, though.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Meh, you'll see it later. Right now, you've got to make your arrival.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You make a brisk pace down the dirt path, and find yourself at City Hall at the center of town. There are two other people standing in front of the building, one holding a sign and the other in a hotdog suit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The sign reads-</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;ALL NEW ARRIVALS, PLEASE PRESENT YOURSELF TO BE RECORDED. THE ACB VALUES YOUR DEDICATION.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Why even bother giving me a sign if you're just gonna shout it every time someone goes by?'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Because shut up. What if they're deaf? Or blind?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What if they don't speak English, we had at least one guy who kept saying 'Ya Es Hora', they had to lock him in a cell.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;A fluke. There are no more foreign posters, and have been none since the second scruffening-&quot;</span><br />Hey, I'm a new arrival, I guess.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yeah, just head on in.&quot; Hotdog guy waves you in, and goes back to his conversation. &quot;You've got to understand, there was this one guy who had cataracts and made his kid brother post online for him.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Everyone's seen that screengrab. The guy's probably dead by now.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Are you saying no one else with cataracts would go on 4chan?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'm saying it's unlikely.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Town hall is full of other humans waiting in several different lines, all holding different forms.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You go into the closest line to you, and prepare for an arduous journey.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Ok, now that you've filled out form AYB-720, had your bloodwork done, and been far even as decided, we just have one last question.&quot;</span><br />Is this another shitty old meme? We get it, longcat is long, he's probably also dead by now.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No no no, it's just a final formality. How do you wish to be addressed?&quot;</span><br />I picked room <span class="nu0">12</span>, but I don't know what street it's on,<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, what's your moniker? Some people chose to actually use their real name, or in some cases a real name, and we'd like to know if you would like to as well.&quot;</span><br />Oh, right. Anon's fine.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You don't really have that much attachment to your real name. You never liked it anyway, people always spelled it wrong.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alright then, Anonymous number 12311, welcome to Equestria.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The guy behind the counter stamps a couple of your forms, and hands you a hand drawn index card.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He then files it all away, and you here the sounds of blades whirring.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You don't have to carry the card around, but don't lose it. Otherwise, you'll have to do the entire process over.&quot;</span><br />What happens if I lose it, and don't come back for another one?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What do I care, faggot, it's not like we're keeping track of how many of us are actually out there, otherwise we'd have to keep using old numbers whenever some retard gets himself killed.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The shutter closes, and a little sign says 'Use Next Window.'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Finally leaving town hall, you see the moon has risen and you've been in there for god knows how long.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hotdog guy and his friend are gone, and it seems the center is nearly empty.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Except for one guy sitting on a park bench below a streetlamp that didn't get extinguished.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He looks like he's had a rough time, and is shivering heavily despite his plush jacket.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In any other instance, you'd ignore the vagrant, but this is one of your fellow horsefuckers. Where would we all be without the magic of friendship?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You start to head towards the poor fellow, but trip over your pants, which had unexpectedly fallen down.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You end up accidentally lodging your own cock down your throat, and choke to death.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thus ends your story. You fucking idiot.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Anon. Just anon, you don't need a fucking number.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Some asshole, newly minted by the pleb detector just fell victim to it's ingenious design.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;By taking part of the Anonymous Census Bureau, the fool thought he could change his ways, and abandon his past life of what probably was just working all day and staying up until 3AM in the morning posting on 4chan.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Bastard didn't realize that you can't choose the thug life, it's gotta choose you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Quid pro quo, OP sucks cocks.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You get off your bench and walk over to his corpse.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A quick rummage through his pockets yields a commemorative coin from Disneyland, one if those stupid index cards, and</span><br />Applejack's Parents in Pony Heaven!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;A room key! You're not homeless anymore.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You run up the old dirt path to the Anon Acres, glad to have a warm bed for the night.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Keith.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The Bellhop?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Are you kidding me, you weren't named earlier in the narrative?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Welp, it's just like you expected. The newest arrival was a Class A Polesmoker.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Good thing you already took a shit in his room's toilet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That'll learn him to not mock wageslave's uniforms.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, if you're not getting paid, how could you be</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That thought is interrupted by the arrival of some anon in a shitty winter parka.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Hey there! I'll just be heading up to my room. Set a wakeup call for tomorrow morning at 10o'clock. Don't want to miss the Continental Breakfast. I'll be in room 12.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And he's already heading upstairs. Wait, room 12? Isn't that the newbies room? And haven't you seen that guy before today? Meh, as long as you get paid on time, you don't care.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, you don't get...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Nowhere Man.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Cool name, right?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuck that old copypasta, the Beatles are amazing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, were amazing. Half are dead and you don't have any of their cds with you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Nevertheless, that's the name you chose when you filled out your ACB forms.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And now that's what all the friends you've made in Equestria call you, too!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;How cool is that!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anyway, it's a new day in Ponyville, and you've got to go help best pony, in your opinion, set up for tonight's show.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She's playing another Pinkie Pie party, this one is to commemorate Mayor Mare's 5th year in office.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Mayor Mare sure does enjoy DJ Pon-3's hot jams.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Especially when she manages to pull off a live remix.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But to do that, she needs her specialized turntable set, which is kept in a storage locker way over across town from her and Octavia's house.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luckily, Anon Acres happens to be close by, so you're always happy to lend a hand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You don your chapeau of choice, an ACTUAL fedora. NOT a Trilby like all those pasty faced neckbeards wear.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You also grab your keychain, with your room key - good old room 14 - the key to the Storage Locker, and your Record Keychain.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It combines your two favorite things, DJ Pon-3's Cutie Mark, and Dave Strider's Symbol.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's a shame you never got to see how Homestuck ended, but you're sure it was Epic.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you exit your room, you bump into someone in the hall.</span><br />Oh, pardon me! I didn't see you there.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The man in the Beat up Winter Jacket glances back at you as he continues down the hall.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yeah, sure. Whatever.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What a terribly rude fellow. But, it shall not spoil another day helping your very best friend.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You follow him down the stairs, and where he turns into the dining area, you turn towards the front lobby, and by extension the front door, to make your way over to the Storage Facility.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Good morning, Nowhere Man.&quot;</span><br />Good morning, Kwikset.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Here to see Miss. Scratch's locker?&quot;</span><br />You bet. She needs her Auto-Record Switcher Table for Mayor Mare's Five Years in Office party tonight.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alright, I'll come open the gate for you.&quot;</span><br />Kwikset steps down from his chair and into his walker.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;It takes him a while to get around, him being an older stallion, but you don't mind the wait. You have plenty of time before you even need to start setting up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You begin to hum to yourself.</span><br />https://vimeo.com/<span class="nu0">32313020</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Anon. Goddamn, is this breakfast delicious.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Good thing it's continental too, which supplies you with Griffon Delicacies such as Muffins and MEAT.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What with Ponies being herbivores, thank goodness Griffons are a composite of two predators.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you sink your teeth into your third sausage, you think about how this makes up for the massive log the last guy left in his room.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He knew he'd be out all day, how could he just leave it in there?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Probably because he thought it'd only be him entering his room. Yeah, that makes sense you guess.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;While your mind is on the facilities, it drifts over to the shower you were very thankful to have.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, while your body is clean your clothes are not.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your pit stains dominate your entire sides, and your pants would be considered fashionable if they looked like that when they were sold. And were jeans instead of slacks.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And your trusty Winter Coat, has more holes than Rarity could fill, that slut.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, that's it. You'll get Rarity to fix up your clothes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, again. You rest your head in one hand while the other forks some scrambled eggs into you. You don't have any money. You guess you'll have to find work somewhere.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, maybe you could appeal to her Generosity, after all that is her element. You wouldn't believe with how selfish she can get at times, though.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yeah, that seems like a good plan. And worst comes to worst, you could offer to trade services for &quot;services&quot; Hehe. Eugh.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You down the last of your OJ and head out into town.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Carousel Boutique is easy to find, as a few of your former fellow vagrant anons have set up camp just beyond fifty feet of the building.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;These are mostly Rarfags, but a few are here for someone else, hence the distancing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You make your way past the shantytown and into the Boutique.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;All the anons behind you watch with baited breathed.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Several Minutes Pass...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;AND YOU CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT ME EVER DOING ANY ALTERATIONS TO EVEN A SOCK. IF I EVER SEE YOU IN HERE AGAIN, I SHALL HAVE YOU DRAWN AND QUARTERED.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I WOULD SAY 'GOOD DAY, SIR', BUT I NEITHER WISH THAT FOR YOU, NOR BELIEVE YOU TO BE A GENTLECOLT.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And she slams the door in your face.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, that certainly could've gone better.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You head back to the shantytown, wait a couple seconds, then head back up to the Boutique's door.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You rap on the door, and put a slight affectation on your voice.</span><br />Pardon me, Miss Rarity?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The door swings open.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;WHAT DID I JUST SAY TO YOU, YOU COWARD, BULLY, CAD AND-&quot;</span><br />I-I'm sorry, but this is my first time here. I was told you were a seamstress, so you could help me fix my clothes.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I... Oh, dear. You're a different Anon, aren't you? My apologies darling, I just had the most horrid altercation with some other, mmhm, person.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You can see the disdain dripping in her voice when she says 'person'. You didn't know you could leave such a mark. At least she won't have to deal with 'that anon' any more.</span><br />It's fine, I can understand how some of these guys can be real assholes.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Perhaps a bit vulgar... but then again, no. Vulgarities are suitable to this individual. But, you're not here to listen to my airing of grievances, what do you need tailored?&quot;</span><br />Just my winter coat. I've had this since I dropped out of college, so it's seen a lot.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, but what about the rest of your ensemble? Your button up looks to be duotone by how much is stained, and your trousers are so frayed they may as well be a grass skirt for all the protection they provide.&quot;</span><br />I'm not really as attached to them as I am the jacket. But, if you have any other clothes for humans I'd like to take a look.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, but of course. Since all you hyoomans have been showing up, I've had quite a good amount of business coming through. Though sadly, not many repeat customers. Although, there is that one fellow who bring in these garish pajamas from time to time. Ugh, you should smell the odor that comes off them. But then again, I wouldn't wish for the foulest of a foe to catch even the smallest whiff. Oh, but listen to me prattle on, let me show you to my selection of hyooman wear and then to a dressing room.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She takes your coat and escorts you to a single rack of suits, all very similar with minute differences invisible to your untrained eyes.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Keith again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The Bellhop, remember?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's been a quiet morning so far, which is a great relief from your usual amount of work.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The only things to happen today are several anons and others leaving for their work, and the new new guy in room 12 scarfing down half the Continental Buffet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But, the peace is not to last, as you hear the familiar pitter-pat of manbaby feet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Daddy! It's Cinny Crunch time!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's time for the most loathsome part of your day to start. And it won't end until Jackson is back in his 'crib' in the boiler room.</span><br />Good morning, Jacky, I'll get your cinny crunch, just go sit down in the dindin room.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, daddy, I wanna listen to the ragio while I eat!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You heave a sigh. Now comes the hard part.</span><br />Alright, that'll cost <span class="nu0">3</span> Good Boy Points.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Jackson looks back at you with a very serious expression on his face.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;But I've been saving my GBP for a mini ice box, daddy. If I spend 3 points, that's 3 more I'll have to earn back!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Tears begin to well up, but you can see the fire burning behind them.</span><br />Uh, well Jacky, if you finish all your cerea- I mean cinny crunch without spilling any milk, I'll give you <span class="nu0">4</span> points.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The tears evaporate, and he calms down.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Fank you, daddy. I'll be in the ragio room.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He lumbers off, and sits his fat ass down in his usual spot, that have become a grease stain in the carpeting by now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You go into the kitchen to make his bowl of cereal, and think about how you don't get paid enough for this.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, you don't get...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Mr. Cool Ice</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Man, you almost wish, but no you're just plain old Oscar.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oscar Meyer, that is.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That's right, thanks to Equestria's Greatest Designer, you have realized your dream to be an Oscar Meyer Wiener.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, the entire world is not in love with you, as they have no such product in horse land.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You even tried branching out into other brands, but when you asked a Royal Guard if she wanted an Armor Hotdog, she just got all flustered.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Their loss, to not value branding in their food products.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then again, the only places that really have hotdogs in steady supply, other than Anon Acres, is the Griffon Embassy so it's no wonder ponyville doesn't really know what the deal is with your outfit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But, the humor wasted is not your main concern right now. What is is the dead nigger outside city hall.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He's not actually black, he's green like everyone else, but he sure does look stupid.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pick up the card left on the body, and see he is #12311.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;From what you've heard about Shirley's Transactions within the hall, he must be the most recent arrival.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, did you forget to mention?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're one of the few, the proud, the Anonymous Census Bureau Clerical Workers League, or the ACBCWL.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your carrying card looks a hell of a lot nicer than the shitty index cards you give out to people who choose to stay anonymous.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look back down to the doubled over corpse, and remember you've gotta clear the debris out of here. It's Mayor Mare's 5th Year in Office Party tonight, and she's your boss.</span><br />Hey, Ron.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yeah, Oscar?&quot;</span><br />We'll need the wheelbarrow to transport the corpse. It turns out he's just an anon.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Tsk Tsk Tsk, poor old sod.&quot;</span><br />Yeah, it's a real shame. He only just got here too.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You show him the index card.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Wow, that really sucks.&quot; He looks over the body, &quot;At least he died less painfully than most of the other newbies.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pause for a moment.</span><br />How could you know that?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Cause I'm looking at him.&quot;</span><br />No, I mean how could you Know that his death was any less painful than any other new arrival?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I've heard some serious shit from anons who try to make it outside of pony cities. Ripped to shreds by Manticores, Frozen by Wendigos, even Harvested by Changelings.&quot;</span><br />How is a harvesting painful? You know what, nevermind. The point is, choking to death on your own cock seems incredibly painful. Not just due to the choking, but also how the spine has to bend to even get the tip in your mouth. If I pulled his shirt off, you'd probably see bone bulging against his flesh.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Ehh, it just doesn't seem as bad as being worked to death in the Diamond Dog Mines or something.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are about to refute his point, when one of Mayor Mare's assistants walks out and starts yelling at you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What are you two doing just standing around! Get the body out of the-&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She sees the corpse and starts to pale.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I think I'm gonna be sick.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And rushes off back inside Town Hall.</span><br />She's right. We'll continue this discussion later, for now get the wheelbarrow.<br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Est�s Anonymous.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Usted ha estado atrapado en esta celda para qui�n sabe cu�nto tiempo.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Es realmente terrible lo que va a hacer de Am�rica frente a los extranjeros.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Es a�n m�s terrible que todav�a act�an de esta forma en lo que es un coutry extranjero, incluso si todos los caballos hacen hablar Ingl�s.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Que realmente ten�a grandes esperanzas cuando lleg� por primera vez. Ibas a ser un vaquero en Appleoosa.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;La gente escribe canciones populares de ti, y que hab�an introducir un nuevo lenguaje en el mundo.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pero no, estas personas tienen que ser tan envuelto en su propia vida que se consideran una molestia.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Siguieron repitiendo &quot;No Es Hora&quot; a usted, ya que se ven obligados aqu�.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pero lo peor de todo es su compa�ero de celda.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're name is Not Important.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're just some Nobody who happened end up in Talking Horse Land.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They stuck you in this cell at least a whole year ago, as you were one of the first few humans to show up here.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They keep calling you Anonymous for some reason, and saying you did all these things like paint a giant ass on the side of a barn, or molest an animal care specialist and some of her animals.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What reason do you have to be here?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Why should you be punished for things you never did?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Over the past year, more and more crimes have been levied against you. What started as a night in the drunk tank has turned into 10 to life.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Obviously, these horses don't have a good measure of your lifespan.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;One of them rushes past you into the restroom, and you can hear the dry heaving all the way out here.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;How do horses even have a gag reflex? All they eat is oats and hay.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Speaking of diets, this prison food has done wonders for your physique.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look like you made the Charles Atlas transformation. From a scrawny weakling to an Adonis.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They gave you some weights to keep you in form until the trials actually end. You think they're gonna sentence you to hard labor.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You feel like maybe you should do something about this, but you can't really connect with who you were a year ago. You can't get in touch with that old sense of morals.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You can't resist the temptation to simply break out of your cell. After all, tonight is some event celebrating the mayor. All attention will be elsewhere.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It seems perfect, and you'll have to give it a shot.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Nowhere Man again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or rather, be &quot;Going Nowhere&quot; Man.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Because that is the speed at which you are currently going, and the location.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've been stuck outside the gates of Kwikset's Storehouse Lockup for about 2 hours now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Even your patience has its limits, after all it takes an hour to move the thing, an hour to set it up, and then a variable amount of time to calibrate the operating arms, make sure the audio is balanced to DJ Pon-3's specific settings, and get all the records in the right order.</span><br />Mr. Kwikset? Are you in there.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You immediately facepalm. Of course he's in there.</span><br />I mean, are you alright?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You struggle to hear anything, but there is only the rustling of branches in the breeze.</span><br />Okay, okay. Let's think for a moment. Either he's fallen down and can't get up, or just can't hear me. If it's the latter, it'd be rude to intrude. It is private property. However, if it is the former, then I'm the only one who knows he's in there. And I'm the only one who can help him.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You struggle with this Herculean quandary for a moment, and resolve to assist Kwikset by any means necessary.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The front gate is too high to scale, and you don't want to break a window, so you circle around the building.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There! The bathroom window is slightly ajar.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You wedge your fat fingers into the crack, and heave.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The window flies open, but the aperture remains to small for you to gain entry.</span><br />Confound it!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You continue on, past the main building and into an alleyway.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Meanwhile, Kwikset has finally reached the front gate and starts to go through the keys, failing to notice the absence of Nowhere Man.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The alleyway narrows down as it goes along.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But this is in fact the opposite of a problem!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;By simply employing your hardcore parkour skills, you can make your way onto the roof of the neighboring building and then over the fence.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then it is simply a matter of finding and assisting poor old Mr. Kwikset.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You put one foot against the wooden fence, then the other against the brick wall, and slowly make your way up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It really takes a toll on you, so you have to catch your breath between each step.</span><br />This'll... take... awhile...<br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Anon again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look like you just came off the lobby floor, this suit's so nice.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Time to break the news to Dress Horse.</span><br />Uh, Rarity. I have to ask you something.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, don't worry Anonymous, I found a fabric that matches your Winter Wear perfectly. It'll be like you never wore it before today.&quot;</span><br />It's not that, you see I don't have a job so I've got-<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You swallow loudly to really lay it on thick.</span><br />I've got no way to pay for all this.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She glances through the door way of her workshop.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, dear. This does put a damper on things, because I've just finished covering the holes in your jacket.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She displays her handiwork proudly, but with a somber expression.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;It's such a shame, I thought this was a very good restoration.&quot;</span><br />Well, I mean, there must be some way for me to pay you back for it.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your hand starts to reach into your belt, but you let it rest there remembering what caused your first visit to fail.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, there might be a couple of things. Little menial tasks you can perform so I have more time to focus on my latest venture. I'm not only crafting a new line of dresses, but I'm split between here and the newest Carousel Boutique in Manehatten. Anything that you could do to help would be greatly appreciated, and perhaps if you do a good job I wont tear this precious sentiment into shreds.&quot;</span><br />Well, that's very kind of you Miss-<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait a minute.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, don't stand there with that look on your face. Do you really think I'm simple enough to not be able to tell all of you apart? I've never seen any other hyooman with a jacket like this, so thinking that putting on a new voice will be enough to trick me is ludicrous.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She places your coat into a closet in her workshop, and turns back to you, levitating over a scroll with several addresses on it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I need a set of needles, new stand for one of my mannequins, several bolts of fabric need to be picked up from the depot, a daisy salad specially prepared for moi, and several other things explained in detail there for you.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you read the details, a bag of bits catches you off guard in the gut.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And I've already tabulated the cost of everything, so don't try sneaking off with the change. Now, go go go!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are pushed out of the boutique with the door closing behind you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The crowd looks at you, saying nothing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look back, and then leave going around them rather than through.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The last thing you want is one of these maniacs finding out you got a job working with their waifu.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are, uhhh,</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Who are you again?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You set down your pipe and pull out your card.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you do that, a whole bunch of pistachios fall out too.</span><br />Aw, sweet!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you eat some nuts, you look at the card.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;'Anonymous #1402'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you misread it as 'Anonymous #1, 420!'</span><br />Yeaaah. Ha ha...<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You do a finger gun at the card and let it fall from your hand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look around and see you're in a tree.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Like, not up it, but in a hollow trunk.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There are a couple paper designs on the walls.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, if it's a tree are they really walls?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Whatever, the papers are long strips folded together, like when people knit things.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your grandma used to knit you things all the time. Like sweaters and beanies and socks and slippers and pajama bottoms and mug cozies and, uhh, and...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You can't really remember what else she made.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The paper thing's got three colors on it, red, yellow, and green.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Where have you seen a color pattern like this before?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You try to think, but as you do you look around the tree some more.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There's a pile of hay where you were sitting.</span><br />Is that the bed... or the kitchen?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You start giggling a lot. Ponies love them some hay.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You try to get back to what you were thinking of before, but you forget.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You decide to grab your pipe and leave the tree.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You step out into Town Hall's Central Courtyard.</span><br />Woah, how'd I get here from the forest so quick?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Like. you didn't come from the forest, Anon, you were just in our paper-mache tree we made for the Mayor's Celebration&quot;</span><br />Holy shit, a talking horse!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Tree Hugger chuckles a bit at your joke, and you start to giggle too without realizing it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You suddenly realize you gotta whiz really bad.</span><br />Hey, can you look after this for me.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You set the pipe down next to her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, sure. I'll take good care of it. You go have fun with some of the other ponies.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You shoot her a finger gun, and head into Town Hall itself, right past the portajohns.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you walk, you hear someone say &quot;It's not like him to be late, and even if he were he'd at least say something, right?&quot; and another voice say, &quot;You can't keep hedging all your bets on this one guy, Vinyl, he's too weird.&quot; and the first one say, &quot;But he's been really dependable so far! And he actually digs my sound, rather than fakes it to try and saddle up like other groupies!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In Town Hall, you walk over to the bathroom when this guy starts yelling at you from behind the bars.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He's talking so fast you can't understand a word he's saying.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh wait, shit, he's speaking spanish.</span><br />Donde esta es el Ba�o?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;He sighs, and points right behind you.</span><br />Oh, killer. Gracias.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You go to relieve yourself.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are Jacky, and you'll be damned if your cover is blown.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your real name is Special Agent Jackson, and as part of the CIA's fight against deep web porn distribution rings, you have been placed as a deep cover operative on 4chan's notorious ROBOT 9000 forum.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've spent so long under cover, that you indoctrinated some of these poster's strange idiosyncracies into your everyday demeanor.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As such, you stopped going to the office and instead set up a base of operations in your ailing mother's retirement home.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, this does not mean you would go so far as to ask your poor sick mother for anything, let alone see you in this state.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;No, you instead get what you need through the hospital's staff.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Due to your mission requiring you to monitor every single post, you've taken up their practice of relieving one's self into empty soda bottles as well.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, complications in the mission have arisen. Upon following an offsite link, you found yourself in a completely new locale. You have concluded you were kidnapped by people you've been monitoring.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So, now the cover gets even deeper, as you must maintain the persona of what many of them refer to as a &quot;Frog Poster&quot;.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You have yet to decipher the call signs they use yet, but as far as you can tell, a Frog Poster is an agent in training for whatever their ring is operating in.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The only way to ascend into the next level is to gain enough &quot;Good Boy Points&quot; to &quot;buy&quot; a &quot;Mini Fridge&quot;.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are almost certain a Mini Fridge is code for a storage locker where they keep both severed limbs, and kidnapped children.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, along with gaining these points, you must also act in the persona of a juvenile delinquent, as many of these people are &quot;NEETS&quot;, which you know to mean Not in Education, Employment, or Training.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's not all conjectural, and so you must act on your worst behavior. Especially since you are constantly under the watchful eye of their ringleader, who calls himself &quot;Daddy&quot;.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sit in the same position you have for the past 6 months, pretending to stimulate yourself to these strange broadcasts about an Indiana Jones-Type who is also a Horse. With Wings.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The only thing you can think of that meaning is some cross between Heroin and Angel Dust.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The program ends, and you slam a fist into the ground.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Damn, why can't you find out what they're up to?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You nearly topple your cereal bowl, but you save it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You need those Good Boy Points, you're only 37 away. If only there were some big thing you could do to prove to them you're ready for the next level.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Good job, Jacky. You didn't spill any.&quot; He is completely uninterested, but you act as if this was a great compliment. You clap your hands with glee, and grin like an idiot.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Only 36 now.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;-So, it just makes that much more sense. Every point you've made so far only supports my argument.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You groan, and it turns into a growl.</span><br />There is no possible way! Absolutely none! It would make no sense to what we've seen so far!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You must be a pharaoh, if you have this much denial. It fits in perfectly, and guess what, next time we get called to the corporate offices, we'll skip out and ask her ourself.&quot;</span><br />You can't be serious.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;As a heart attack on the sabbath.&quot;</span><br />Fine! We'll skip out on any and all responsibilities we may have to go to Canterlot Castle itself, SOMEHOW make our way in without ANY prior interactions with any member of Royalty, and ask Princess Celestia herself, 'Uhh, say Princess, is it true that you're gonna make Starlight an Alicorn too?'<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well when you say it like that, you make it sound impossible. You know a lot of royal guards! Just ask one of them to pass the message along!&quot;</span><br />And what about our jobs?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I hate this job! I wish we'd never started doing it! Not enough people want to actually name themselves so the system can track them, so we end up wasting thousands upon thousands of forms to give people the runabout. If people actually cared about their Identities, we'd have more luck getting them jobs and there wouldn't be six separate slums in this town!&quot;</span><br />Oh Celestia, you're right. The system is inherently flawed, just like back on Earth. How could we expect anyone from this godforsaken site to want to work, even if it is with who are nice without ulterior motives.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, maybe it's possible we're the ones who caused this.&quot;</span><br />...How so?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Maybe it's not about their devaluation of identity, but our stubbornness to not actually track Anons as they arrive.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pull out the card from the body you just left out in the Everfree.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Maybe if we start from scratch, convince our superiors to adopt a new method of registration into a real index, and encourage those already counted who really weren't to come back, we could rejuvenate the community enough so that when 'Anonymous #Whatever' dies, he's not just tossed out like garbage.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You open your wallet and put Anon #12311's Card next to yours.</span><br />Well, it's certainly worth a shot.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You, Nowhere Man, finally pull yourself onto the roof of the brick building.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You flop down on your and start breathing heavier than usual.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pull out your inhaler and give yourself a boost.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Starting to breath easier, you take a look around.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There's Mayor Mare's Party in the distance, and the Sun in the sky behind it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Checking your watch, you see it's already 3o'clock.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You stand up and turn toward the fence.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Looking left, you see there was a ladder on the back of the building.</span><br />Oh, come on. No, no time for grievances now, you've got a senior citizen to save.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You get a running start, and leap...</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Kwikset has finally found the key to the front gate.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alright, Nowhere, come on in. I'm sure you're in a hurry, so don't mind me. I'll be back in my office.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And he walks back leaving the gate ajar.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your back leg, as in the leg you leapt with, gets caught on the fence, swinging you downward.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luckily, Kwikset forgot to lock the Dumpsters last night, so you have a slightly less hard landing straight into a pile of garbage.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you try to find which way is up amidst used condoms and soiled pillows, you hear a voice.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Say, you alright in there?&quot;</span><br />I'm quite fine, Kwikset, it's you I'm concerned about.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You start to struggle to the surface.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Kwikset looks over himself, &quot;What's wrong with me? You're the one who fell into the garbage.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You finally pop your head out, to see Kwikset is as spry as he has been for the past months you've known him.</span><br />Oh, it was nothing.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Here son, let me help you out of there.&quot;</span><br />No, Kwikset, I can get out on my own. And even if I couldn't, I wouldn't want you to accidentally overexert yourself.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You actually are struggling to get out, so only the second half of your statement is true.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, you are filled with new fervor, as now you only have to worry about getting DJ Pon-3 her Turntables before everyone else finishes setting up.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are Anon, but they should call you Hercules with all these fucking errands you've been tasked with.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's not that there was anything particularly difficult about any of these assignments, aside from getting that stuffed shirt at the Caf� to give you the salad, it's that you had to navigate the town while the entire center block was cordoned off.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You had to take the long way around everytime, since all the locations were listed on the opposite side of town from eachother.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;If you were able to walk in a straight line to every place in order, you wouldn't doubt it making a pentagram or whatever the pony symbol for summoning a demon is.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That Rarity is a real Succubus, and if you didn't hate her so much, you'd think her plan was genius.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;'Hey, that reminds me of that greentext where Rarara hatefucks a guy!'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shut up, Lewd Thoughts.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Aside from the proximity of love and hate in the brain, you've completed all but one task.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You skipped this one because it'd be difficult to do with all this crap in your hands.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you stroll up to the door of Carousel Boutique and knock.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Welcome to Carousel Boutique, how can I- Oh, it's you.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She doesn't have the same amount of hatred as earlier when she says that, just lachrymose surprise.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You move past her and start putting down bags.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What are you doing back so early?&quot;</span><br />First off, how could you time my movements so to have an approximate time of arrival without knowing if I could exceed these measurements. The only explanation is you wanted to waste my time. Hold on, I'm not done. Second, I am bringing these items to you, as they would impede me from retrieving your fabrics from the train station with utmost expediency.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...Are you mocking my demeanour, Anon?&quot;</span><br />Oh, by no means my fair lady. I am simply raising myself to your level of loquaciousness so as to, uhh<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shit, your blanking, what's a better word for tell? OH!</span><br />Better Relay information to you.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Caught yourself right good there.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Miss Marshmallow is unamused.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'm Sure. Well, then there's no need for you to be here any longer, the quicker you get my fabrics the quicker you get your jacket. Tata.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are once again escorted and shut out.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You feel a thousand tiny pinpoints prickle over your skin, as the crowd stares silently.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fucking Waifufags.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Keith.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Remember Keith?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He's the Bellhop for Anon Acres.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As such, he has an actual job to do from time to time other than tend to Jackson.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;For while he calls himself the Bellhop, he is also the Repairman, Housekeeping, Room Service, and Chef.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Some other guy worked as the Janitor a while back, but all he did was harass everyone, so now the rule is 'Clean It, or It Stays Dirty.'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've rigged a unique setup for each apartment to alert you with anything they need, as Equestria lacks the technology for telephones yet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, some will argue they have phones in Manehatten, but you're not in Manehatten are you? So what's to you?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anyway, back to the system. Using a series of tubing, and some non-precious multicolor rocks, now apartment 17 can alert you to a toilet leak by using a blue stone, apartment 28 can ask for a menu by sending a red stone, and apartment 5 can get of his sorry ass if he wants to report a broken tube.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Currently, you've already fulfilled all these tasks, except 5's tube since you'd have to go out and get more and you can't abandon your post. Plus, how would you get a tube anyway? You don't get pai</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That thought is interrupted when a yellow rock falls into room 33's slot. They need a new candle.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You grab a candle from the utilities cabinet under your desk and head upstairs to deliver it.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be the Anon in room 33.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've been working on a masterpiece of a thesis that's sure to get you into Starswirl's School for Gifted Unicorns.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Arguing that Humans, while not magical creatures themselves, have a propensity to learn magic easily and that if you were to be enrolled you could likely create something, quote, Similar in construct to a unicorn's horn without the unicorn attached, while still functioning, end quote.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Basically, you're saying you can make a magic wand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, in the middle of your third paragraph, your candle unexpectedly went out.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You take your bag of marbles and the chart explaining what each color does out into the hall to find which one will bring up a match or something.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Upon, finding the appropriate color, yellow, you head back into your room and send it down the tube into the walls.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A few moments later, the Bellboy knocks on your door.</span><br />Enter.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;He tries to open it, but bashes into the door.</span><br />Oh dear. Sorry, forgot to unlock it.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yeah, whatever, here's your candle.&quot;</span><br />Candle? No, I requested a light. My candle is fine, it has merely gone out.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What? but you sent down a yellow marble, that means candle.&quot;</span><br />I thought it meant 'My candle has gone out'?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, it means your candle has Run Out. Red is for Fire.&quot;</span><br />But my room's not on fire.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, not ON fire. FOR fire. If your room's on fire, you can send down the orange rock. But if your room's actually on fire, it'd be better to just leave your room. These walls are so thick that if an inferno burns out room 7 completely, rooms 5 and 9 wouldn't even feel warmer.&quot;</span><br />Right, while I thank you for the lesson in Marble Etiquette, this does not solve my burnt out candle conundrum.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No problem, I'll just go get you a matchbook. In the meantime, keep the candle for when the other one does burn out.&quot;</span><br />Thank you.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;He walks back downstairs and you shut your door, once again sealing you in darkness.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You decide to open your curtains to capture the last of whatever sunlight is left, and see that it must be at least 6o'clock by now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And also that something particularly exciting is happening in the town center.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But this is none of your concern, as soon you will be in Canterlot. Learning the ways of magic, and winning the heart of Moondancer.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Moondancer, how she makes your heart soar.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You, that is you being Keith (the Bellhop), arrive back at your desk and go to grab that matchbook when your hear the familiar clunk of a marble settling in its slot.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pocketing the matches, you see room 42 needs-</span><br />Popcorn?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;There is no marble solely for popcorn, but instead a popcorn kernel in the tube's slot.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;These fucking Anons, polluting your alert system.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're gonna go up and give that bastard on the Fourth Floor a piece of your</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You stop and look back.</span><br />Fourth Floor? This place doesn't have a fourth floor.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Upon closer inspection, you see the words 'Honeymoon Suite' in incredibly small neon lights below the 42.</span><br />What the hell?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The neon is in fact hot to the touch, as most light fixtures are, but it makes no sense. Equestria doesn't have electricity. Hell, they use magic to put broadcasts on the radio.</span><br />I guess <span class="nu0">33</span> will have to- Wait, what am I saying? I'm gonna pass his room on the way up anyway.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;After a short pitstop to drop of that guy's matches, you turn to what was formerly a blank wall, but is now a set of stairs with that garish movie theater pattern carpeting.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;At the top of the steps, stands a menacing figure whose face is cast in shadow.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You start to walk up the steps, and find yourself repeating the same three over and over.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Could this be the work of an enemy stand?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Nah, that'd be stupid.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You start running up the stairs, but the staircase stretches out in front of you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You start hearing music.</span><br />https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wp3rzAdwT8<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You stop, and are assaulted with images of parallel universes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Suddenly, you are at the top of the staircase.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Looking back down you see the third floor, only 14 steps away.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You turn back around to the three rooms on this floor.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;40 to the left, 41 to the right, and 42 straight on.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You consider getting a feeling so complicated, but figure that's enough JoJo for right now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You take the last couple steps, and knock on the door.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It swings open, and inside is that same silhouette.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But there's something familiar, something not human.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You're next line will be 'I don't get paid enough- wait I don't get- we already said enough with the JoJo!'&quot;</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are now someone else.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And no, not Someone Else like it's a character with that name, but you are literally not yourself currently.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look down to your hands, and they look the same as always.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your suit is the same too.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But there's this slight pain in the small of your back.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Attempting to stretch alleviates none of it, but it's not like a stabbing pain anyway.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;More like when you get up in the morning and your bones are all stiff. It's not much of a bother, but you get rid of it anyway because it distracts you from the matter at hand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But since you can't be rid of it, you have to concentrate even harder.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You take in your surroundings, a stark white room.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, more like off-white.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There's an off-white chair at an off-white table. And an off-white pair of curtains covering, you presume, an off-white window.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're not in the chair though, someone else is.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've got no idea where the hell you are, or just were a second before you entered the room.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But, entered is too strong a word. More like appeared.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But enough semantics. You are staring through the eyes of someone sat down at a table in a color coordinated room. And you have no idea who it is.</span><br />&quot;Well, time to get to work.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your view turns to your left, and there is a black alligator skin suitcase on the floor beside the chair.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A hand reaches out and picks up the suitcase, laying it flat on the table.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The latches are undone, and inside is a set of papers.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Some college ruled, some graph, some just plain printer paper.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The whole stack is taken out and set aside.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Also in the case is a Circle Stencil, several mechanical pencils, a plastic ruler, and some index cards.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The right hand grabs a pencil, and the left shuts the case.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Darkness.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's been a hard day's night, to quote the british pop group.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you reconcile in your head one fact of which you are positive is the only positive.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It can't get any worse than this.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You give another heave to the wagon full of fabric you are dragging behind you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;For all the insignificant details that whorse put into the list, she left one crucial detail out.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;How many bolts of fabric you had to pick up from the station.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're sure she left that out because she was banking on you taking multiple trips back and forth between the train depot and the boutique.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Probably so she could close up shop and head down to this fucking party in the center of town, leaving you not only to take care of her fabric for her, but also to hold your winter coat hostage for another day full of errands.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But just like her not expecting you to drop off everything else before picking up this, she also likely didn't expect you to try and bring all this cloth back at once.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Lucky for you, you have a friend at the depot who was happy to lend you his wagon.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You just hope he doesn't mind you returning the tires oval shaped, because the stress of the weight is compressing them to pieces.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You give the wagon another heave, and finally get out of the housing district, and into the big open field between you and</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Aw shit, you forgot about the shanty town.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Some anons wearing discarded dresses sitting around a can of corn over an open flame are the first to notice you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;OOH! RARA FABRA!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Those within range of the savage in the distressed faux-mink sling are sent into an uproar over your cargo.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;RARA?&quot; &quot;RARARA!&quot; &quot;BESS PONEE!&quot; &quot;SWEE BEH?&quot; &quot;STICH BUH STICH...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You nearly insult their golden calf, when an idea forms.</span><br />Why yes, this is Rarity's order of fabric. I was hoping to get it to her before she left, because she'd be oh so disappointed if she didn't get it soon enough.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;They all quiet down a bit, but don't seem to grasp what you're saying.</span><br />Oh, this cart is so heavy, if only some people strengthened by love were able to transport it more quickly.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;One of them suddenly straightens up before you. He's enormous, and could probably tear both your ears off with one hand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I PUSH CARR, DEN RARA HIRE ME. NOT YOU.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He's a smart one, smarter than the rest of them at least.</span><br />It'd be my pleasure to give it to you, how could I stand in the way of true love?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;He crouches down, meeting your height and whispers, well yells softer, &quot;Me no wan love, me wan job. Den, me make frenz with men sik and spi.&quot;</span><br />Then, why not work at Sweet Apple Acres, you seem strong enough to buck apples.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You no geddit. Apl got nuff strenf, Rara don.&quot; He gets back up, and grabs the handle.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The crowd clears a path for him. Which is strange, because you'd normally expect them to go tooth and nail over the opportunity to help their waifu.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You decide it must be because he's so big, and all these other guys are about your build in varying degrees of fat.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In no time at all, you reach the boutique's door.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The big guy goes to knock, but you ring the bell before he breaks the door down.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'm sorry, the boutique is closing early tonight, as I have prior plans that need tending to.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Bull shit.</span><br />I know what you're trying to do!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anon, do you really think I'm leaving just because I want to keep you apart from your jacket? I have a life outside of you, and it's quite a handful.&quot;</span><br />No, what you're doing is keeping out this poor Anon<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Siegfried.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What.</span><br />Ahem, this poor soul, Siegfried, from helping you with what I've been tasked from now on.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You here her hoofsteps near the door, &quot;Oh really? And just whom is this-&quot; She opens the door, and is greeted with the wall of flesh that is Siegfried.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You can see the sweat pool on her forehead.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh my. Y-you're quite the strapping fellow aren't you?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;For you.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She grows a bit indignant, &quot;I'm sorry?&quot;</span><br />UHH, The Fabric!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You motion to the cart.</span><br />The Fabric is for you!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Siggy nods in agreement, unaware of his implication.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity steps out into the night wearing her pink night gown.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A couple hoots and hollers come from the shantytown, but are stifled by other anons saying, &quot;SHE IS REFI!&quot; &quot;SHO RESPEK!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She ignores it, and investigates the cart.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well Anon, I suppose congratulations are in order. I asked you to help me today-&quot;</span><br />More like blackmailed into servitude.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And you have.&quot; Her horn glows, and your coat hits you in the face. &quot;You can have this hideous thing back.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her demeanor grows more cordial, &quot;And as for you, um Siegfried was it?&quot; He nods again. &quot;Seeing as you were capable enough to assist him over the final hurdle, and have not harassed me in the three minutes we've been standing here, I believe you may be able to assist me in running the boutique more efficiently. Come back tomorrow so I can have you fitted for a uniform that covers a bit more.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This entire time she has been speaking, she's been taking the bolts inside with her magic. &quot;But tonight, I have urgent business.&quot; She brings a pint of ice cream and a spoon to her lips. &quot;Bonne nuit.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The door closes and you don your coat.</span><br />Thanks for the help, SiegFRI-<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Siggy catches you in a bear hug, squeezing the air out of you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Thank you, Anon! Now Siegfried have real job!&quot;</span><br />No problem, buddy. But could you set me down, you're... kinda... choking me...<br /><span class="co4">&gt;He drops you on your ass.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Sorry, Anon. Me jus overjoyd!&quot;</span><br />It's okay, I could understand if I got to work with my favorite pony.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Who your favrit anyway?&quot;</span><br />You really wanna know?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;He thinks for a moment.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;NOt really, akchewly.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That caught you off guard.</span><br />Well, I'll see you around then, I guess.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Ye, maybee.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;On the path back to Anon Acres, you can't help but think how strange it was that he didn't actually care.</span><br />Meh, it's not like it's that important who your favorite is.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you know in your heart of hearts that Big Mac is Best Pony.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Eeyup.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Nowhere Dude, you made it!&quot;</span><br />Aw geez. *Huff huff* Sorry I took so long, but I thought Kwikset had fainted, then I fell in some garbage, but he turned out to be okay, and then there was this weird guy-<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Vinyl wraps her hooves around you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;It's okay, I'm just glad you were able to make it at all.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You crack a big grin. But it falters.</span><br />But what about the rig? It needs to be set up and calibrated. We don't have enough time for that.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;It's fine Nowhere Dude, I'm not using that for my whole set. The live remix is the finale for the end of the night. You've got enough time to get it all set up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;An enormous weight is lifted off your shoulders.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In this moment, you are truly euphoric.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Meanwhile, back on the top floor of Anon Acres, you are confronted with something you never expected.</span><br />Discord?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;'The god of chaos stands before you in all his splendor, wrapped in the finest of fineries, a red velvet coat with white woolen accents. And he holds out to you a tray of delicacies the likes of which have never been seen with mortal eyes.'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You shake your head. No, he's wearing a Santa suit and offering you a plate of cookies.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Not just any cookies, bellboy, these are double-carob chip cookies with a vanilla cream center.&quot;</span><br />Double-Carob?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You can feel your stomach turn already.</span><br />Who eats carob when you're able to eat chocolate?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Plenty of people. You could very well ask, 'who eats dark chocolate when you can eat milk?' and have the same answer. It's an acquired taste.&quot;</span><br />Carob is an acquired taste.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Of course, but the only way to acquire it is to eat a square foot of carob every day for 300 years. Hence my phrasing 'the likes of which have never been seen with mortal eyes.'</span><br />You planted that thought in my head?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;'You can't help but think that of course, a being of such entropic power could make you think what he wants. But you also know that he'd have no real fun in it if everyone just agreed with him.'</span><br />Stop doing that.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;'Why should he?'</span><br />Because it may end up giving me an aneurysm. I have a history of those, you know.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh fine. If it's hazardous to your health.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He poofs away the suit, but keeps the cookies, setting the tray down on the backstage vanity next to him.</span><br />So what exactly are you doing up here?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'm afraid that's my line, bellboy. Take a look.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Discord hands you a script with the words 'ACBCWL: FIRST DRAFT' on the front page. The pages turn until you reach Act 2, Scene 17.</span><br /><br /><br />Act <span class="nu0">2</span>, Scene <span class="nu0">17</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;DISCORD: So what exactly are you doing up here?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;KEITH, THE BELLHOP: I should ask you the same thing, since you've added an entire floor to the apartment building. And what's up with this?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;KEITH pulls out an UNPOPPED CORN KERNEL.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;DISCORD (In a very stilted voice): 'I'm afraid that's my line bellboy.'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;KEITH: What?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;DISCORD: I know, that doesn't sound right for the scene, does it? Especially since I said it after something I couldn't turn around on you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;DISCORD pulls out a SCRIPT. He flips through to Act 2, Scene 17 and starts to read aloud.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;DISCORD (Skimming without any emotion): Discord says 'Oh fine. If it's hazardous to your health.' Poofs away his easter bunny outfit and keeps the deviled ostrich eggs. Keith asks 'So what exactly are you doing up here.' Discord says 'I'm afraid that's my line, bellboy.' and pull out the first draft of the script.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;DISCORD pauses, and looks to the front of the script he's holding. It reads 'ACBCWL: SECOND DRAFT'. He starts laughing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;DISCORD: Oh, I see what the problem is! This is an old version of the script.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;KEITH: What do you need a script for? I'm asking you what the meaning of the corn kernel is.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;DISCORD: No, you don't understand. This, this that is happening right now, is an old version.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;KEITH (Visibly confused): What?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;DISCORD: That's right, we're the same characters, just in an old version of the scene where I confront you first.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;KEITH: Even if that were true, what would it matter who goes first?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;DISCORD: You must be joking. Actually, no you mustn't because I know comedy. Do you know how many fanboys were upset when the Remastered Edition of A New Hope had Greedo shoot first? It completely destroyed Han's characterization in the scene by making it look like he shot in defense. If I ask you then you turn it around on me, it makes you look more heroic. (He pauses to think to himself.) Maybe you aren't the same character in this version.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;KEITH (Suddenly his hair is long and flowing, and his muscles ripple beneath his polo shirt): Enough talk, have at you! (He leaps forward.)</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, my mistake, that's an old version.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He takes the script back from you and stows it under one of the feet of his vanity, steadying it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Of course, you don't notice because your head is spinning a bit. But you recover in time for Discord to take a seat.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So, bellboy, why do you believe I called you up here tonight?&quot;</span><br />Well, the only reason I ever go to any of the rooms is if I get an alert. And you sent down this corn kernel, so you must want me here.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yes, very good. But tell me this. What does the corn kernel symbolize?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Symbolism? Oh god, you hated English class. Okay, what does popcorn do. Well it pops, stupid. Okay, so it changes from a kernel to a... what is the word for a popped piece of popcorn anyway?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;The clock ticks ever closer to Seven, bellboy.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Right, don't get sidetracked. What is a fancy word for when something changes into something else? Uhh... Oh!</span><br />A Metamorphosis?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Very good! But also wrong. You're thinking of it wrong. It's not about what comes next, but how it gets there. Try thinking more literally.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He starts to blow up like a balloon. But like one of those thin ones they use for making dogs. Suddenly, he pops and all his pieces scatter in his chair, then he reforms looking at you expectantly.</span><br />Uhh, an explosion?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;A klaxon bell starts going off, and all the lights on his vanity start flashing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Thaaaaaaaaat's right, bellboy! Discord, tell him what he's won.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He gestures over to the side, and the room deepens out into one of those The Price is Right Prize Stages.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well Discord, he's won the knowledge of how tonight is going to the biggest change to Equestria since this building appeared on the edge of town!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The curtain rises, and you see searchlights in the distance.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What you see there, Keith, is Mayor Mare's 5th Year in Office party. But it won't be that for long.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He chuckles and leaves you to watch the fireworks.</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Man, that was a lot of piss.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You zip up your fly and go over to the sink to wash your hands.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Man, that was so much piss that you're starting to lose your buzz.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Good thing you're about to go back out to the party, you can get your pipe back from Tree Hugger.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Man, she's one groovy chick.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Jeez, do you always sound this dumb?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Nah, it's probably just cause your sobering up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You turn off the sink, and turn to the air hand dryer, when the whole building starts rocking.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You rush out of the restroom to see a huge whole in the wall of the prison cell leading to outside the building.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Woah, maybe you are still high.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Est�s Anonymous.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Y nuestra abuela siempre le ha dicho, si s�lo ten�a un disparo a no dejar que se escape.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Eso ser� mejor que no lo deja ir.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Y mi sorpresa, que ha encontrado esto en el compa�ero de celda que estabas tan asustado por todo el tiempo que estaban atrapados all� con �l.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Cuando se le dijo que ten�a la intenci�n de romper, que recibi� de rodillas y le rog� que le llevar� a lo largo. Que s�lo quer�a ir a Appleoosa.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Parec�a que han entendido, y ahora los dos se est�n ejecutando a trav�s de la Everfree, con varios Pegasus en la persecuci�n.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Bueno, �l est� corriendo, usted est� montando a lo largo de su espalda. No hay manera de que ser�a capaz de mantenerse al d�a con �l s�lo en sus dos pies.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;�l grita algo de vuelta a usted, pero realmente no se puede entender.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Usted decide acaba de celebrar en una rama baja colgante viene m�s estricto en el caso.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Se cay� sin peso, el viento azota su cara. El bosque deja de moverse m�s all� de usted de delante hacia atr�s y en su lugar se mueve de abajo hacia arriba.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ambos entrar al agua al mismo tiempo.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That night in Ponyville, a lot happened.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Some were happy to have what they had.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Others still pined for another place.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But only one didn't want to go anywhere. Which is unfortunate, because if she had she would still be alive.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The funeral was a close affair, but that's not saying much when you know everyone in town.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pinkie had locked herself in her room, ashamed she could have let this happen. Over time, her best friends and a few other friends helped convince her there was nothing she could have done.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Posters were plastered all over town, and several hundred more copies were sent out across the land.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They all had the same photo, of the white faceless person, and the caption read 'Anonymous Enemy #1. Wanted Dead or Alive. Reward of 10,000 Bits and a Knighting.'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That night in Ponyville, Mayor Mare celebrated her last year in office.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That night in Ponyville, only four people knew what really happened.</span><br /><br /><br />EPILOGUE<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, this is sure to open many new opportunities.&quot;</span><br />A pony died, Ron.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yeah, it's a real shame. I'm not downplaying her death, I'm just saying she was holding the system back, and now that she's not in the way&quot;</span><br />Because she's six feet under.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;We can completely reform the process. Like we've been talking about! We were the only ones able to step up in her absence, because noone else cares enough. Yes, it's terrible that she's gone, who knows who will run Ponyville now. But that's not our problem. We're just members of the Anonymous Census Bureau, we don't have to run a city.&quot;</span><br />Yeah, we just have to keep track of all the humans in it. All... however many there are.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Who even knows how many humans are in Ponyville anyway? You've never kept track so far.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Heh.&quot;</span><br />What?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I know it's a real somber way to look at it, but each big decision we made was caused by a death. Because of that Anon-&quot;</span><br /><span class="nu0">12311</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yeah, we decided to restructure the system, and now because of Mayor Mare, we get to go to Canterlot to present our idea to the Corporate Head. Maybe we could set up additional offices in the Crystal Empire, Manehatten, Appleoosa, and even foreign places like Saddle Arabia, Griffonstone, and Yakyakistan!&quot;</span><br />What are you, a walking atlas? I've never even heard of Yakyakistan.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;It was in Party Pooped, Season 5 Episode 11. Pinkie Pie tries to entertain several Yak ambassadors so they don't destroy Ponyville.&quot;</span><br />Really? That's what they named the homeland?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well how is Griffonstone any more creative.&quot;</span><br />It just sounds inherently more realistic. I don't really know why Griffonstone works, but Yakistan doesn't because it's just the species name with a suffix.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You know where else is-?&quot;</span><br />Yeah, I know. Ponyville. But that's because it's the main location. It doesn't have to sound flashy.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You've got a point, but I still think Yakyakistan sounds fine. Could you come up with something better?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You think for a moment.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I said-&quot;</span><br />I heard ya, just gimme a few minutes.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...&quot;</span><br />...</div></div>




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