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			<h1 id="section_0">A Pretty Sweet Deal, When You Think About It</h1><ul id="page-actions" class="hlist"><li id="ca-edit" class="icon icon-32px icon-edit" title="Edit the lead section of this page."></li><li id="ca-talk" class="hidden icon icon-32px icon-talk"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Talk:A_Pretty_Sweet_Deal,_When_You_Think_About_It&amp;action=edit&amp;redlink=1" title="Discussion about the content page [t]" accesskey="t">Discussion</a></li><li id="ca-watch" class="watch-this-article icon icon-32px"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Special:UserLogin&amp;returnto=A+Pretty+Sweet+Deal%2C+When+You+Think+About+It" title="Add this page to your watchlist [w]" accesskey="w"></a></li></ul>		</div>
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<td><b>Writefag</b>
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<td> ZigZagWanderer
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<td><b>Pastebin creation</b>
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<td>Wednesday 4th of January 2017 08:38:19 PM CDT
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<td><b>Last Pastebin update</b>
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<td>Wednesday 4th of January 2017 10:27:14 PM CDT
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</div><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="A_Pretty_Sweet_Deal.2C_When_You_Think_About_It">A Pretty Sweet Deal, When You Think About It</span><a href="A_Pretty_Sweet_Deal,_When_You_Think_About_It#/editor/1" title="Edit section: A Pretty Sweet Deal, When You Think About It" data-section="1" class="edit-page icon icon-32px icon-edit enabled">Edit</a></h3><div>
<div dir="ltr" class="mw-geshi mw-code mw-content-ltr"><div class="gettext source-gettext">&#160;<br />I wrote this back in August, but never saved it until now.<br />* * *<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You woke up in a sweat, breathing heavily.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Something didn&quot;t feel right.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It was almost as if you could feel the tapestry of your life was being woven by some vindictive and impalpable being bent on destroying you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You shook it off with an effort of reason and decided to get up and start the day.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were having a yard sale out front to make some extra cash.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It seemed like a good idea. You just took some stuff that was lying around the house and put price tags on them.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You got dressed and walked into the kitchen.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though, for some reason you couldn&quot;t seem to stop sweating.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your roommate, Maud, was in the kitchen, reading the paper and eating plain oatmeal.</span><br />Morning.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Hello, Anonymous,&quot; she said plainly, and without looking up from the paper.</span><br />Is it just me or was it hot this morning? you asked as you wiped your sweaty brow.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She didn&quot;t answer. You saw a plate of eggs and a glass of water waiting for you at the table.</span><br />Oh, thanks, Maud.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She turned the page of her newspaper.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Not much for conversation, that ol&quot; Maud. But she was always a good listener.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sat down and grabbed the knife and fork that were set for you next to the plate.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The eggs were good, but the water was warm.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You wiped your sweaty brow with the white-cloth napkin the silverware was on.</span><br />Anyway, I hate to seem like a broken record, but does it seem hot to you today?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You ask me that every day,&quot; she said. &quot;We live in a dormant volcano, Anonymous.&quot;</span><br />Yeah, it sure seems like it sometimes, you said with a chuckle.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maud turned to the next page of her newspaper.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I dug this cave we&quot;re living in over two years ago, out of the side of Mt. Hlot Cre-vice, so that I could study and catalogue the gems in the nearby sand bars.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I don&quot;t know why you always forget that.&quot;</span><br />These are good eggs, Maud, you said kindly to try and make conversation.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You took another bite.</span><br />I wouldn&quot;t mind if you cooked more often. I&quot;m actually getting kind of tired of having pizza every night.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maud peered over her paper and looked at a remote corner of the kitchen at where you had piled the old pizza boxes once they were empty.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The stacks were high enough to reach the ceiling now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I&quot;m also tired of pizza,&quot; she said, returning to her paper.</span><br />And it&quot;s such a long walk to the pizza places in town, too, you said with a nod. It&quot;s best if you cook more often, I think.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I didn&quot;t make those eggs.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pause in mid-chew.</span><br />You didn&quot;t make these eggs?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She turned the page of her newspaper.</span><br />Then, who did?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;A strange voice behind you said:</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Why, it was me all along, Anonymous!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And you started choking on the piece of egg that was in your mouth, when you heard Rarity&quot;s voice.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thrashing in your seat, you fell to the floor and caught a sideways glimpse of her obliviously happy face, and her frilly apron that had &quot;Kiss the Fabulous Cook&quot; stitched in front.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I can&quot;t tell you how thrilled I am to know that you like my cooking, Anonymous.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You know, mother always said that the ladies in our family have never been good cooks, but that they appreciated good taste and always noticed the finer details. But . . .&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As your chest started to convulse, and you could feel the world fading away, you wondered, in that brief moment as the weight of death smothered you, if you could somehow take Rarity with you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anyway, I thought that it would be good to make breakfast for us all, so that we&quot;d all have our energy for the coming day&quot;s yard sale.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity? At your yard sale!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A great and terrible rage inside of you forced you to scream.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That force pushed the piece of egg out of your throat, and then tossed it up into the air.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It fell back down onto your cheek with a wet thud, and Rarity grimaced at the sight of it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anonymous, I know you like my cooking, but do make sure that you chew your food properly after every bite.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You wiped your face and got up to gripe.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You told Rarity, very belligerently, that you did not want her at your yard sale, and that if you had had your way she would have been in jail and became some rough dyke&quot;s girlfriend by now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And during your harangue, she pretended to listen while she cleared the table and gave the kitchen a much needed general cleaning.</span><br />So, all in all, you said conclusively, I don&quot;t want you at my yard sale.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yes,&quot; she said without looking at you. &quot;Could you put those cleaning solutions away for me please?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You looked and saw that you were holding a bunch of cleaning solutions in your arms.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;There, now doesn&quot;t that look better?&quot; she said with satisfaction, as she took off her apron.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You looked around the kitchen and were happily surprised to see it so clean.</span><br />Wow.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, is the gentleman impressed now?&quot;</span><br />Yeah. You even got those dirty porcelain thingies out of the sink.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;The dirty dishes, darling.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No,&quot; said Maud, turning over the paper.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anonymous refuses to acknowledge their existence,&quot; she said. &quot;I&quot;m obliged to you for cleaning them, Rarity. The smell was awful, and was the reason I&quot;ve had a temper lately.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, I hardly even noticed a change in your attitude, dear,&quot; said Rarity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;That&quot;s polite of you to say, Rarity.&quot;</span><br />Maud, if you hate the smell so much, why don&quot;t you just let me use the paper plates you buy?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maud sighed, folded up the newspaper, and placed it under her arm.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She left the room, and said to you:</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Do not start with me today.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After she left, Rarity gave you a worried look.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Do you think she&quot;s mad?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then, after some silence, &quot;No, I&quot;m really asking you if you think she&quot;s mad. I can&quot;t read her at all.&quot;</span><br />Um, I don&quot;t think so.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, thank goodness. I wouldn&quot;t want to be caught in the middle&quot;&quot;</span><br />But I am. Rarity, you&quot;ve been ignoring me this whole time when I say that I don&quot;t want you at my yard sale.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;But I already took the liberty of setting up all of my items next to yours.&quot;</span><br />You what?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She hugged your leg affectionately, and said that surely a gentleman like you wouldn&quot;t throw out a lady that had already made plans to have a good time with the man she admired so much.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She looked up at you, with her blue eyes shimmering with pleading sincerity.</span><br />I told you no.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, then let me be blunt,&quot; she said, pushing herself off of you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;The price tags on your items cannot possibly be understood by anypony. I take it you still haven&quot;t learned how to write down the Equestrian numerical system.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She led you outside to your set up, which was nothing fancy. You just laid down an old sheet and spread your items out evenly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you could see that, next to your stuff, Rarity had set up her own items.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They were on top of three card tables, set next to each other vertically and covered with a long plastic tablecloth.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her items were mostly kitschy knick-knacks and old textiles, nothing good.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But they had flair, and you could even see there was a sign next to her table that said &quot;Fabulous Corner&quot; on it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You didn&quot;t think it was healthy to be so angry in the morning.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But unfortunately Rarity was right. You didn&quot;t know how to write down the ass-backwards symbols that they used for numbers here.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or, rather, you&quot;ve never tried to.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you and her worked out a deal: she got to stay if she helped you price all of your items.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sat down, drank lemonade, and supervised while she grabbed your items one at a time and brought them to you for pricing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She brought a water bottle over to you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;How much for this empty gallon-of-milk container?&quot;</span><br />That&quot;s a water bottle. And three bits.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She wrote down what the Equestrian numerical system deemed a three on the tag&quot;and it looked like someone tried to draw the noodles of a bowl of ramen.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She grimaced as she put the water bottle down.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, that is not a water bottle. It&quot;s an empty milk jug.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She held her nose closed and her voice was nasally.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And it&quot;s disgusting. You could&quot;ve at least washed it out first.&quot;</span><br />Don&quot;t see the point of that, when they&quot;re going to put water in it themselves anyway.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anonymous, do you really think that any of this garbage you&quot;re trying to get rid of will sell?&quot;</span><br />Haven&quot;t you ever heard that old adage, one man&quot;s trash is another man&quot;s treasure?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;More like one pony&quot;s trash is another pony&quot;s problem,&quot; she grumbled as she picked another item.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, how much for&quot;hey, this lamp was my gift to you for your birthday!&quot;</span><br />Put that in the free pile.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She huffed angrily.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You know, despite your obvious ill-treatment towards me, I do believe that having a yard sale together will be a lovely bonding experience for the two of us.&quot;</span><br />Yeah, well . . .<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You stopped when a loud rumbling sound came from the earth below.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The ground shook and trembled, sending your vision into a vibrating fit and making the air roar like the ocean.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then, as soon as it started, it stopped.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity had grabbed onto your neck in fright sometime during the tremor, and was holding herself close to you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;When it stopped she looked around, and then up at you with worry.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What on earth was that?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You shrugged and said it was probably an earthquake.</span><br />You can let go now, you said as you tried to pry her off.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, but you&quot;re so cozy,&quot; she cooed as she snuggled your neck. &quot;See? We&quot;re bonding already.&quot;</span><br />I wouldn&quot;t count on it, you said as you pushed her off.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;We shall see.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She went back to your pile.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Now then, how much for these old newspapers?&quot;</span><br />Those aren&quot;t old. They&quot;ve got today&quot;s date on them.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yes,&quot; she said dully, &quot;you scribbled out the old dates and literally wrote &quot;Today&quot;s Date&quot; on them.&quot;</span><br />Pretty clever of me. I&quot;d say two bits for each, or five bits for the pair of three.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;There are only two papers here.&quot;</span><br />Um, no. There should be&quot;oh, dammit! Maud, give me my merchandise back! you said as you ran into the house.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You came back with Maud and the newspaper.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She grabbed some weird wooden-tribal mask out of your pile of stuff.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Something has come up. I need this for the ritual,&quot; she said as she put it on.</span><br />Whatever, that was in the free pile anyway.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maud left and you and Rarity, after you took many lemonade breaks, finished pricing your stuff.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity wiped some sweat off her brow and sat next to you.</span><br />Is it hot today to you, too?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, I was fine until I had to spend two hours pricing your trash,&quot; she said meanly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She frowned at you and you awkwardly offered her a glass of lemonade, which she just sighed at.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She regarded the sale in front of her worriedly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I hope this hasn&quot;t all been for naught.&quot;</span><br />Hey, I told you that I wasn&quot;t going to like you any better, even if you think that this is going to be a good bonding experience for us.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I wasn&quot;t talking about that,&quot; she said coldly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She looked thoughtful after this, but her silence made you feel awkward.</span><br />Well, I probably should at least thank you for pricing my stuff, you said begrudgingly.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;All you got from her was an expectant look.</span><br />Fine. Thank you for pricing all of my merchandise, Rarity.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You&quot;re quite welcome,&quot; she said happily.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But then she looked at the back road, which takes you to town from your mountain home on the outskirts, worriedly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I do wonder why it is that we haven&quot;t yet had a single customer, though.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She looked to you, and you just shrugged.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Do you think that maybe your home is just too far off the beaten path for anypony to make the venture?&quot;</span><br />Maybe. None of the pizza places deliver to my house, you said helpfully.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I wonder if there could be a way to help encourage them to come. Tell me, what did you write on the signs that you put around town to advertise your yard sale?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You blinked stupidly.</span><br />Signs?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yes, dear. What did you write on the signs you put around town, were the directions accurate and easy enough to follow, did you give them some idea of what to expect of your, um, merchandise?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You rubbed your chin thoughtfully.</span><br />That would&quot;ve been a good idea.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, I&quot;m glad you think so. Which one of my suggestions were your signs lacking?&quot;</span><br />I didn&quot;t make any signs.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity&quot;s eyes wandered nervously, but she forced herself to smile politely and look at you again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I don&quot;t think I heard you right,&quot; she said with strained politeness. &quot;Could you repeat that?&quot;</span><br />I didn&quot;t make any signs. It probably would&quot;ve been a good idea to though, huh, you said with an awkward laugh.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity stopped smiling politely.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, how could you be such an imbecile,&quot; she said. &quot;I can&quot;t believe I spent all this time setting up both our yard sales for nothing.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her face began twitching, as if her skin was vibrating all over just to get rid of all of the malice she felt towards you.</span><br />Hey, we might get some stragglers in.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Stragglers don&quot;t have money, Anonymous!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She sank into her seat next to you, mumbling angrily all the while.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sipped at your lemonade and pretended not to notice.</span><br />So, how come you almost let me die this morning by choking? you said helpfully, to try and make conversation.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;We need to make some signs,&quot; Rarity said shortly. &quot;Go and get something big to write on, and some markers.&quot;</span><br />What, do you think I&quot;m a king or something? I don&quot;t have anything like that.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Then you&quot;ll have to go to the store and buy some.&quot;</span><br />Um, Rarity, people have yard sales to make money, not to spend it.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She turned on you angrily.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I am not having all of that time that I took into setting up our wares wasted. So get up!&quot;</span><br />What a lovely bonding experience this is for us, you said under your breath.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just then Maud came outside, and she was holding black markers and some sizeable cardboard squares.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You can borrow some of my arts and crafts materials, if you&quot;d like. I always keep some close by in case Pinkie Pie comes over for a visit.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, thank you so much, Maud,&quot; said Rarity. &quot;You don&quot;t know how close I was to losing it just then.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yes, I do,&quot; Maud said; but Rarity was so elated to have the materials that she never heard Maud say that.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity split the materials between you two, and you cleared the table that the lemonade had been on so you could set the materials down.</span><br />Hey, what should I write down?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Don&quot;t you remember my suggestions from earlier?&quot;</span><br />Well, yeah. But why should all of our signs be the same? Maybe I could, like, personalize mine.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity pursed her lips at you.</span><br />Okay, I know you&quot;re thinking that I&quot;m going to write something dumb. But I&quot;m not.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I&quot;ll be the judge of that,&quot; she left on, as she went back to her own sign.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you made some signs and Rarity made some, and she was looking over yours.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Okay, let&quot;s see here. This one reads &quot;Super Yard Sale&quot; . . . and that&quot;s all it says.&quot;</span><br />Yeah, you know, since we&quot;ve got, like, my yard sale and yours. You know, two for the price of one.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Uh huh,&quot; she said dully. &quot;And this one says &quot;Two for the Price of One&quot;, lovely.&quot;</span><br />I figured a deal as good as that needed two signs. Keep going, I&quot;ve got an &quot;Eat at Joe&quot;s&quot; one in there somewhere.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anonymous, I must ask you something before I continue. Are all of your signs confusing?&quot;</span><br />Well, no, you said uneasily. See, the next one has an arrow on it.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yes, it does have an arrow on it.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She turned the sign over and sighed. &quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And that appears to be all that it has on it.&quot;</span><br />It&quot;s a mystery arrow, you said suavely. People are going to want to know what the arrow leads to, and then they&quot;ll find us.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anonymous, you don&quot;t know how lucky you are to have grown up handsome.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maud had agreed to take your signs into town for you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She came by eventually and took your signs, and Rarity&quot;s &quot;Fabulous Yard Sale&quot; signs, as well as her own signs, which said &quot;The End is Neigh&quot; on them.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;When you asked her what her signs meant, she simply said that the ritual had failed and left it at that.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Now we just have to wait for her to come back with some customers,&quot; said Rarity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just then the immense rumbling came back again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A violent shifting noise, like mountains crashing into each other, came from behind you, and a deafening explosion shattered the air.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You turned and saw that the top of the dormant volcano had exploded, and a thick snake of black smoke was churning out of the enormous jagged crater.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You and Rarity stared in shock.</span><br />How did that happen?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pointed to the smoke and turned to Rarity.</span><br />Did you leave the stove on after you made my eggs or something?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Don&quot;t be a fool,&quot; Rarity shouted, panicked. &quot;We have to get out of here.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Wait.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Behind you was Maud, and a group of ponies that were all holding clipboards, and wearing goggles and lab coats.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Obviously, they were scientists.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maud looked at you both.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;We may need the two of you to make the ultimate sacrifice.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maud explained that the volcano was technically dormant, but that it was also technically cursed because the south side of the mountain was in the Everfree Forest.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And now, the dark magic from the soil of the Everfree had brought the volcano back to life, and it was ready to bring destruction to this side of Equestria.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Somehow you were able to hear Maud say all of this, in her plain and quiet voice, while the eruption was happening behind you.</span><br />So, what are we supposed to do?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;If the volcano has been brought back through dark magic, then only a pure act can quell its fury and break the curse.&quot;</span><br />Like what?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Two virgins, of different sex, need to sacrifice themselves to the volcano in a union of death.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The scientists were staring at you and Rarity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The two of you stared back.</span><br />Um, so are two of you guys going to do it or something?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The scientists snickered at this.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anonymous,&quot; said Maud, &quot;we&quot;re geologists.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maud looked into the camera.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And everypony knows that geologists rock harder than anypony else.&quot;</span><br />Well, how bad would it be if we just, I don&quot;t know, let the volcano do its thing?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anonymous,&quot; said Rarity, placing her hoof on your thigh, &quot;it&quot;s obvious what we need to do together.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sighed heavily.</span><br />You&quot;re right. I&quot;ll grab the water bottle.<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I meant that we should have very passionate sex,&quot; said Rarity indignantly. &quot;Not that we should seriously hike up a ten-thousand-foot volcano together, just so we could kill ourselves.&quot;</span><br />Quit griping, you said, as you jumped up and off your hanging spot to grab the lip of the cliff you were ascending.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pull yourself and Rarity up onto the top of the cliff and roll to safety.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She got up and dusted herself off as you laid there on the rocks to catch your breath.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You opened your water bottle and took a drink.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The sky was completely covered in black smoke now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The two of you were getting close to the top.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity started undoing your belt buckle with her magic, but you grabbed it and cut off her magic.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh come on. Think of how tired and sore you must be.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She leaned down and rested her head on your thigh, eyeing your crotch.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Wouldn&quot;t it be nice if I&quot;&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You held out the water bottle to her, and one smell of it sent her into a gagging fit.</span><br />I really wish you would stop trying to have sex with me. Our virginity is literally the only thing keeping Equestria from fiery destruction.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She whined and sat down, dejected.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;It&quot;s just not fair,&quot; she said. &quot;Here I spent all this time being with you, flirting with you, trying to get on your good side&quot;and now we&quot;re both going to die without having tasted each other.&quot;</span><br />Big deal, you said as you got up.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I did everything right,&quot; she ranted as you picked her up and carried her under your arm.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I was a perfect lady. Sure, maybe I could be a bit insistent, but the squeaky wheel is the one that gets greased by the slick nut, as they say.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Or at least that&quot;s how it should be!&quot;</span><br />Look, I don&quot;t really like dying either.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And we&quot;re virgins, at that.&quot;</span><br />But listen, we&quot;re serving a purpose beyond ourselves. Isn&quot;t that at least worth the sacrifice?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She moaned lowly and complained about how horny she was.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;This just proves that I had been going about courting you all wrong,&quot; she said regretfully.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I never did love you, though I did certainly like you at times. I just wanted to taste your body in my bed. I should&quot;ve been your little whore. It&quot;s obvious to me now.&quot;</span><br />You&quot;re lovely, my dear, you said ironically.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The two of you started to reach the top.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You drank the rest of your water, and Rarity put up a blue force-field around you both to keep you safe from the smoke, which was surrounding you both now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Eventually you reached the lip of the volcano.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The heat was almost unbearable as you looked down into the smoke-filled maw of the mountain.</span><br />Knew it was hot today, and not just me.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity started squirming in your grasp, but you held her tight.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anonymous, please reconsider. If you seriously had to choose between having sex with me, or jumping into a volcano to die horribly, which would you&quot;&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You flicked her horn, screamed like Robert Plant, and jumped into the burning smoke-filled mouth of the volcano.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;We don&quot;t even know if this will actually stop the volcano!&quot;</span><br />It will! It always works in the movies!<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity held you tight as you both fell about ten feet before landing in some cold and thick goop that covered you up to your waist.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Eventually the rumbling stopped, the smoke cleared, and you got to see the pink jelly substance you had landed in.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It felt refreshingly cool all of a sudden.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The rocky walls of the volcano soon turned crystal blue, and it shone brilliantly in the sunlight.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You and Rarity shared confused looks with each other.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Did we die?&quot;</span><br />I don&quot;t think so. I know what it feels like to almost die and it wasn&quot;t so . . . refreshing.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Up high you could see the wind carrying away the smoke.</span><br />I think we stopped the volcano.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;But I don&quot;t understand. We should be dead.&quot;</span><br />We should be dead, but we aren&quot;t.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Silence for a moment.</span><br />You know, that&quot;s a pretty sweet deal, when you think about it.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Suddenly the jelly substance started sinking, and the entrance of the volcano was getting farther and farther away from view as you sank down into the dark depths of the volcano.</span><br />I might&quot;ve spoken too soon.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, I should&quot;ve known this was too good to be true. We&quot;re going to starve if no pony finds us.&quot;</span><br />Maybe we can eat this goop we&quot;re stuck in.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity scrunched her muzzle.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, we can always try that later when we&quot;re desperate,&quot; Rarity said with disgust.</span><br />More desperate than we already are, anyway.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I&quot;m mostly just confused . . . and maybe a bit horny.&quot;</span><br />Still?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Don&quot;t act so surprised, darling. It&quot;s all this excitement getting to me.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just then the goop stopped sinking.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A cracking and chipping sound could be heard coming from the wall in front of them.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then a big hole broke from the inside of the wall, and out of that hole came Maud, pushing large chunks of rock out of her way and wearing a hard hat with a light on it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After the expected great outbursts of joy that came from you and Rarity, and Maud&quot;s blank reaction to it, you asked her for an explanation.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;We&quot;re working on a way to get the two of you out of here.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I can&quot;t believe I&quot;m going to live,&quot; Rarity said through happy tears.</span><br />We&quot;re going to live, Rarity.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I&quot;m going to get another chance to have sex with you,&quot; Rarity cried.</span><br />Yeah, you said uneasily.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maud just blinked, and said:</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Right now the goop is being drained out from a hole we blasted in the volcano.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Goop?&quot; you said as you looked at the goop you were stuck in.<br />Maud, are you telling me you don&quot;t know what this stuff is?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Do you?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You muttered that you didn&quot;t, and Maud continued to say that she had to ruin the cave you both lived in so she could reach you and Rarity.</span><br />Well, that&quot;s no good.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rarity eyed you in a certain way, and said:</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I guess you&quot;ll just have to live with me then, won&quot;t you?&quot;</span><br />Great.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She sighed contently.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;It&quot;ll be a wonderful bonding experience for us.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;The two of you are heroes,&quot; said Maud. &quot;Everypony knows that it was your actions that stopped the volcano.&quot;</span><br />Yeah, you said slowly. Maud, you wouldn&quot;t happen to know exactly why we were able to stop the volcano without dying, would you?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, Anonymous, the science of Geology is all about heat, pressure, and cooling in order to make up the world around us.&quot;</span><br />That sounds a bit too generalized to&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Your actions, in effect, related to and pleased the main contents of study that go into Geology.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;The heat between you and Rarity, the pressure from making the ultimate sacrifice, and the cooling that resulted from the release of the heat and pressure, all worked together to pacify the volcano.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You and Rarity shared confused looks before turning to Maud again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;It was the unselfish act alone that stopped the volcano. Geology is closely related to the deep cavern of emotion within all of us. The heat, pressure, and cooling of rock to make new lands is a metaphor for the progress of both individual life and society.&quot;</span><br />Yeah, okay. But why did the lava in the volcano turn to goop?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And where did the smoke disappear to?&quot;</span><br />And why did the rumbling stop?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And why did you specifically need two virgins of the opposite sex to sacrifice themselves to stop the volcano?&quot;</span><br />We didn&quot;t even need to sacrifice ourselves either.<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yes, that&quot;s right. How come we aren&quot;t dead?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There was silence, and then Maud blinked once and exhaled noisily.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Let me put it this way, you can&quot;t spell the beginning of Geology without the beginning of Generosity. Now do you see how they&quot;re all linked together?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;More silence.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;They both start with the letters &quot;G&quot; and &quot;E&quot;.&quot;</span><br />Get us out of here!<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so Mt. Hlot Cre-vice remained dormant for the rest of its days, thanks to the generous act that you and Rarity carried out.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Whatever that act may have been.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you did learn one very important lesson on that day.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And that was that Rarity fucking lied to you! Earth and Equestria really do have the same numerical system, and she was just bullshitting you because you didn&quot;t know any better.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your house was destroyed when you came back. The goop had seeped into everything, and the cave was in danger of collapsing from all of Maud&quot;s tunneling.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So unfortunately you did have to live with Rarity (because, unlike Maud, you didn't have insurance.)</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She cooked you breakfast every day, and tried to rape you endlessly every hour on the hour.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She saw her surviving of the volcano as a second chance at her courtship, and it was an opportunity she did not want to waste a second of.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But the two of you did begin bonding in a strange way, as you spent more and more time together.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It wasn&quot;t easy at first; she was a bit hard to live with, and your hot tempers sometimes flared up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But soon the pressure cracked down on the two of you, and one of you had to give.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And once one of you gave in, things started to cool; life with each other started to become accepted . . .</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, what a bunch of bullshit!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This story is called &quot;Fuck ol&quot; Maud&quot;, because this never would&quot;ve happened if she had just performed that ritual correctly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Also, all of your stuff that you were selling at your yard sale got stolen by a passing group of stragglers.</span></div></div>




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