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			<h1 id="section_0">A Mission of Pure Curiosity (/slave/)</h1><ul id="page-actions" class="hlist"><li id="ca-edit" class="icon icon-32px icon-edit" title="Edit the lead section of this page."></li><li id="ca-talk" class="hidden icon icon-32px icon-talk"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Talk:A_Mission_of_Pure_Curiosity_(/slave/)&amp;action=edit&amp;redlink=1" title="Discussion about the content page [t]" accesskey="t">Discussion</a></li><li id="ca-watch" class="watch-this-article icon icon-32px"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Special:UserLogin&amp;returnto=A+Mission+of+Pure+Curiosity+%28%2Fslave%2F%29" title="Add this page to your watchlist [w]" accesskey="w"></a></li></ul>		</div>
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This page was created by a <a href="../../User:HotRobotSlave" title="User:HotRobotSlave">bot</a> and has not undergone revision yet.
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<td><b>Writefag</b>
</td>
<td> WritefagRises
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<td><b>Pastebin link</b>:
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<td><a rel="nofollow" class="external free" href="http://pastebin.com/VHK1Pjtf">http://pastebin.com/VHK1Pjtf</a>
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<td><b>Pastebin creation</b>
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<td>Thursday 24th of December 2015 11:59:34 PM CDT
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<td><b>Last Pastebin update</b>
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<td>Friday 5th of August 2016 05:36:32 AM CDT
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</div><h3><span class="mw-headline" id="A_Mission_of_Pure_Curiosity_.28.2Fslave.2F.29">A Mission of Pure Curiosity (/slave/)</span><a href=")#/editor/1" title="Edit section: A Mission of Pure Curiosity (/slave/)" data-section="1" class="edit-page icon icon-32px icon-edit enabled">Edit</a></h3><div>
<div dir="ltr" class="mw-geshi mw-code mw-content-ltr"><div class="gettext source-gettext">&#160;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are Anonymous.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And you are walking into what appears to be a fenced-in lot.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are here on a mission of pure curiosity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;When you saw it while driving home from work, your curiosity was piqued by the sheer bizarreness of it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Proudly swaying in the wind over a closed gate, you saw a banner with the strangest of text upon it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Crazy Hassan's Used Camel Emporium.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There was no way in hell this place actually sells camels, but you couldn't see through the wooden slate fence surrounding it, thus your curiosity nagged at you so.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The sign nailed to the door is clearly labeled &quot;OPEN&quot;, so you know it's open, at least.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you walk into the lot and you just can't believe your eyes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There are actually fucking camels here.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Quite a number of them in all shapes and sizes you would expect of camels, and even a few you wouldn't.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you are captivated by the sheer butt-fucking madness in front of you, a voice and it's associated body sneaks up on you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;HELLO, GOOD FRIEND!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You turn to face him quickly and panically.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I AM CRAZY HASSAN, AND YOU ARE LOOKING FOR CAMEL, YES?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This Crazy Hassan is an arab man of unremarkably average build with a remarkably full beard surrounding a remarkably large smile, dotted with remarkably shiny silver teeth.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;CAMELS ARE VERY GOOD, THEY LAST TWICE AS LONG AS HORSES AND DON'T REQUIRE DIRTY AND EXPENSIVE FUEL LIKE CARS.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Crazy Hassan gets uncomfortably close and quieter.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And, just between you and me, I think they look very nice.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Uh, I already have a car-&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Crazy Hassan then switched back to the happy yelling he started with and took a step back.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;AH, YOU ARE LOOKING FOR COMPANION CAMEL, THEN!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I KNOW THAT FEELING, PEOPLE LIE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU, UNLIKE NOBLE CAMELS!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I HAVE JUST THE CAMEL FOR YOUR NEEDS!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He then disappears into the clusterfuck of camels.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Several minutes later he comes out of the herd leading something along on a lead rope, presumably a &quot;companion camel&quot;.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You finally see what he has brought out to try and hawk at you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;YES, HERE IS JUST WHAT YOU ARE NEEDING!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, your mother always told you it was not nice to presume.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What Crazy Hassan has brought out was definitely not a camel, even by the standards set by the strange camels that dotted his herd.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Standing at a mighty 4-ish feet tall at the shoulder and roughly horse shaped with large and expressive eyes, it certainly brakes the mold in terms of camelology.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And those large and expressive eyes are expressing infinite annoyance.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;IS VERY GOOD CAMEL, NOBLE AND ALWAYS TRUTH!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I told you, I ain't no camel!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And now it's talking.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In a southern drawl, no less.</span><br />&quot;Uh, Hassan, that &quot;camel&quot; appears to be talking.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You make sure to emphasize the quotes around 'camel' to the nth degree.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;YES, THIS CAMEL EVEN CAN TALK, NO EXTRA CHARGE!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The &quot;camel&quot; makes a very annoyed sigh, which Hassan seems to completely ignore.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;IS VERY GOOD, YES?&quot;</span><br />&quot;S-sure, she is-&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;GREAT, LET'S BEGIN DISCUSSING PRICES!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Wait, what?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;And just like that, you are dragged off by the very giddy Hassan.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are Anon.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And you are now the proud owner of a small, equine-like, talking camel.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though you aren't sure why or how.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You walk out of Crazy Hassan's Used Camel Emporium, with your new used &quot;camel&quot; in tow.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, time to break the ice with your most intelligent and all-knowing words of awarness.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You turn to your newly acquired companion and open your sagely mouth.</span><br />&quot;What the hell just happened?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Besides you being tricked into buying somethin' you didn't want by a guy who don't know the difference between a camel and a pony?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Touche.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You decide to quickly steer this conversation into more productive directions.</span><br />&quot;Well, I didn't get your name when Hassan was, uh, haggling or whatever.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I didn't get yours, neither.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Okay, now's your chance, save face with the coolest introduction you can think of, Anon!</span><br />&quot;I'm, uh, Anon, and you?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Christ that was as basic and lame as it gets, and you're pretty sure your voice cracked, too.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Applejack.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Well, Applejack, it's going to be a long walk back, you mind if I ask you a few questions?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You enunciate her name slowly and clearly, letting it move about your mouth a bit so you can get it just right.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;Lewd[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Go right ahead, 'aint like I have anything better to do.&quot;</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;By the time you make it back home you've been beaten half to death with exposition.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, not exactly beaten half to death, but that pony you bought sure had a lot to say.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Evidently, your used companion was an apple farmer before ending up in the good old US of A.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And, you know, pretty much being enslaved.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She hails from a village called Ponyville in the magical horse land of Equestria.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You can't make this shit up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You would laugh at how utterly generic of a name that is for a land of horses, same for the generic name given to what is literally a village of ponies, but that would be rude.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ponyville itself, following her description, seems to be a cross between Tennessee, Dungeons and Dragons, and LSD.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Somewhere between her life on the farm and right now, some trans-dimensional crimp shanghaied her ass onto Spaceship Earth and left her with no memory as to how.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And then she was shanghaied AGAIN into being part of Hassan's herd of camels.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She couldn't give any specific time frame for everything after that.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That's understandable, LARPing as a used car probably isn't a pass time that makes each and every day a memorable and distinct experience.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Not that you'd know.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A lot of this was ringing not many bells, of course, but they still rang a few, which was quite irritating.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Damn information, stop ringing my bells and get off my fucking lawn.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But, irregardless, you still want to look more into this later.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And speaking of later, you have run out of memory and are now operating in the here and now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This is far too pretentious for your liking, so you shift your mind immediately to the scene in front of you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are looking upon your fabulous abode, with a whole one bathroom and possibly two bedrooms if you believe hard enough on a towering single floor.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rustic decayed wood siding and rusted porch door sold desperately.</span><br />&quot;Hey, can you hold this for a minute?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Uh... alright.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pass of the object in your hand off to Applejack, freeing yourself to focus on fumbling with this shitty fucking door.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It takes way more work than it feels like you would need, but the door unlocks with an unsatisfying click and opens with an equally unsatisfying and quite quiet creak.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You then head inside, leading Applejack along on the lead rope.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or, that is what you would be doing, but the lead rope had left your hand and was being held in her mouth.</span><br />&quot;Did I...&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yep.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, shit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This bodes well for your career as a slave master.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Sheepishly, you take the rope out of her mouth, taking extra care to not touch where her mouth had been.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And with that out of the way, the two of you head inside.</span><br />&quot;Make yourself at home, mi casa, su casa, right?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What does that rightly mean?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Damn, that really fell flat.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What are you, your dad?</span><br />&quot;So, uh, you hungry, then?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, I do have a hankering for some real food.&quot;</span><br />&quot;As opposed to, uh, imaginary food?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Jesus fuck, you really are your dad.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You ever eat raw hay before? �It aint exactly a flavor sensation.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Point taken.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The two of you walk to the kitchen.</span><br />&quot;Well, good thing my fridge is fully stocked.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's not fully stocked.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In fact, your entire kitchen is definitely underflowing with supplies.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;All that you got in the fridge are a variety of condiments, a small amount of prepackaged meat-like product, and a few miscellaneous (and mostly expired) food items.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You can't really find anything you would think a pony could eat at a glance, but then your eyes drift upon a solution at the back of the fridge.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Mutha.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuckin.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Spray-on pancake batter.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hell, it's mostly full, too.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pull this curious solution out of the fridge and hold it in the air, examining it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Uh, Anon, what is that?&quot;</span><br />&quot;The greatest invention of mankind, instant pancake batter, just wait and we'll have loads of pancakes just like that.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You attempt to snap your fingers and fail, producing only a quiet flicking noise</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then you proceed to preform the idiot-proof ritual of instant pancake makery.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You don't know why you don't make this stuff more often.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Now you remember why you don't make this shit more often.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's fucking horrible.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though it took you a few bites to confirm this was the truth, you now knew that it was so.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You dump the discs of pure failure into the trash, and then take the rest of the can of spray on batter and throw it away, too.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;All the while, Applejack is attempting to work through her portion, clearly enjoying the experience less and less with each bite taken.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;If this continues reality itself will probably start folding in on itself by the sheer unpleasantness of the experience she is having.</span><br />&quot;Well, that was far worse than I remembered.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Christ, she's still trying to eat it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Momma horse didn't raise no entitled brat.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Watching this magical talking horse be in such an unpleasant situation makes you feel unpleasant, so you decide to put a stop to it.</span><br />&quot;Applejack, yo-you can spit it out if you want to, I wouldn't blame you.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Honestly, given the quality of those pancakes, no one in the history of mankind would or could blame her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She takes up your offer and quickly moves over to the trash can to expunge the horror that is the anti-pancake from her mouth.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;At the same time, you move out of the way towards the hall to give her ample room.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though a 6-odd foot tall quadruped is small compared to a camel, it is a pretty notable presence when compared to a bipedal beanpole like yourself.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, you are out of things in the realm of actual meal-type food and still have a hungry horse.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You really need to start grocery shopping more regularly, instead of putting it off until there isn't a single crumb in the house.</span><br />&quot;That's that, then, I have to go grocery shopping.&quot;<br />&quot;So, before I go, I'm assuming you can't eat animal-based products, right?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, I just can't eat meat. Eggs and butter and such are all good, sugarcube.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Okay, so these ponies aren't completely herbivorous, then.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Good to know.</span><br />&quot;Alright, bye.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've never been good at exits, or introductions, or thirds of things.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You walk out of your house and spy your main method of long distance locomotion sitting there on the side of the road by the curb.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This was your fathers ride.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;An elegant vehicle of a more civilized age.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your extra-used 1988 VW Vanagon.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The rust and massive splotch of discoloration along the right side where you had to paint over something just makes it more civilized.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You get in and drive off, not stopping for anything.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Except for stop signs, the town traffic light, traffic, and your actual destination, the grocery store.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you get out of your van and head inside, you realize you don't have a grocery list.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, time to try and go grocery shopping without accidentally spending all of your money on bacon and marshmallow fluff.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shaking those thoughts from your head, you stride on into the grocery store.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You take a shopping cart and get to work gathering supplies.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you pass the pegboard shelves that clutter the store, you start grabbing things as you see fit, keeping in mind there is now a second mouth in your house that also needs food inserted into it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Stuff like cereal, a 6-pack of peanut butter, a jar of soda, some edible instant pancake mix, an abnormal amount of bacon for just one person, and other things to that effect.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You meander about the store doing that for quite a bit, eventually ending up out of the main body of aisles into the produce section.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just finish up here and you can fuck off through the check-out and be home free.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're definitely going to need get the fuck out of some potatoes and bananas, you love the shit outta those things.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;You wonder if it would be racist if you got Applejack a carrot.[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;Probably.[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maybe get some apples, you never quite cared for them, but Applejack would probably like them fine.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hell, she has a tramp stamp of apples, so that's basically confirmed.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so you get a few apples.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Feeling satisfied with your choices, you head off to the check-out to get the stuff bought and paid for.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You hand off what should be a good week or two's of groceries, give or take how much Applejack actually eats and any meals out, to the cashier.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As he's busy trying to bag all of that shit, your eyes drift towards his nametag.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You read it and notice the name that presumably belongs to him.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A name that you recognize, one whom you hope does not recognize you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, he shouldn't, it's been a while and you've changed so much since then.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Suddenly the uncomfortable thoughts that had started to resurface are pulled back into the murky depths of your unconscious as the cashier tells you what you owe.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It seems quite steep, but that's comparing you're usual food budget.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You now realize you are probably going to have to rework your budget to factor in the fact you now have a dependent.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That'll be a XL barrel of laughs delivered at a mile a minute with a side order of... other metaphor.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Where were you going with this?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuck it, you go ahead and pay the man and take all of your groceries out to your van so you can load them up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you then spend the next 10 or so minutes on the labor of loading quite a bit of food.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Boy, you wish you had someone who could help with all this manual labor.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's not like you bought a literal beast of burden just an hour and a half ago.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, that's strike two against your competency as a slave master.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maybe you can make it a full three strikes and prove yourself as a decent human being.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After finishing up loading up them there groceries, you get back in your van and head for home towards the setting sun.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You stop the van right where you started, at the side of the street in front of your house.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just like basically where you would expect whenever one is not on a one-way trip.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You get out and get ready to spend more time hauling all of the groceries to the back of your house all by yourself.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Because you now have an extra pair of hands to help move this task along faster.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, you say hands, but it would probably be more accurate to say hooves.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or maybe jaws, because hooves aren't exactly a decent method of gripping, but jaws kinda are a bit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Eh, whatever.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Time to actually do something vaguely sorta slave-ish with your slave pony.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's almost like you intended to do this and aren't just doing this seat by the seat of your pants or something.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are no longer Anon, two-times winner of the decent human being award for excellence in not being a slave driver.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are now Anon, unfeeling and severely sociopathic slave master.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Opening the door, you see your slave sitting on YOUR long-ass couch.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fucking horse nigger don't know it's place.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so you go to put it to work in the fields like the cold-blooded slave driver you are.</span><br /><br />&quot;Uh, hey, can you help me with the groceries?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Cruel and heartless as always.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your, eh-heh, commanding presence knocks Applejack right out of her staring-at-a-turned-off-tv stupor and flat on her ass.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Granted she was already on her ass, because she was sitting on your long-ass couch.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ok, not exactly sitting in the traditional bipedal sense, more sorta crouching/lying on it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Not like you know the proper terminology for any of this shit anyways</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But anyway, she then replies, it's even with her facehole and everything!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh! Sure thing, Anon.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so she more or less fell/jumped off your couch and the two of you headed outside for fresh air and also to haul them groceries.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you open the back of the van, you wonder if she'll be able to handle the bags without hands.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Would her seeming go-to method of holding things in her mouth work with full bags of stuff?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;If she can't, maybe you can just tie bags together into makeshift saddlebags and she can carry them off on her back.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yeah, that could work, and she'd be able to carry off two at a time, but you've never been good at tying things, so you're not sure how well they'd hold together.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your scheming is cut off when you see that she CAN lift that shit with her mouth.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Guess that's that, then.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A good bit of lifting, hauling, and shelf stocking later, you have a fully stocked kitchen.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sit down, take a deep breath, and sigh, satisfied at a job well done.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That and because you knew you had a long night ahead of you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You had to check what things you had or were going to need to get to accommodate a fucking magical talking pony, dick around with your finances, and do some actual research into all of this shit involving magic ponies and this Equestria hullabaloo to put those little niggles in the back of your mind to rest...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They don't tell you this shit in the pamphlets.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuck, you didn't even get a pamphlet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But first, time to wash out the lingering stench of anti-pancake with some real [spoiler]cheap instant[/spoiler] pancakes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Sure, some would say it's strange to make pancakes for dinner, but some can jump off a short pier.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though you'll have to clean off the griddle first.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That's when you notice the griddle, and the rest of the dishes you had gotten out for that matter, were no longer where you had left them, but were now sitting clean in the sink.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your mighty powers of brain functionality let you put two and two together, and lead you to be slightly bemused.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You turn to Applejack and give your most limp and noodley point towards the sink.</span><br />&quot;Did you, uh, wash all of that, while I was out?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yep, I did.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just to be further bemuse you, she seems to say that almost pridefully.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Nice to know at least she's gotten into the role given to her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Either that or you've unwittingly been competing in some sort of, like, hospitality-off or something.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But given that you're pretty sure hospitality-offs aren't a thing...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's about 50/50 one way or the other.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuck it, don't look a horse gift in the mouth or however that saying goes.</span><br />&quot;Thanks, then.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, it was nothing, Anon.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And thus you take out your mighty stove-top griddle and mixing bowl, then you take out the mystical instant mix of pancake and start going to town on it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Some minutes later, you acquire pancakes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The jury is in, and them pancakes are good.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Granted, neither you or Applejack have what could be called &quot;being unbiased&quot; in your case or &quot;a warm meal during the past several years&quot; in her case.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But remember, 90% of taste is half mental.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Besides, shut up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The two of you eat in silence, neither you or her seeming to be willing to make the first move in awkward dinner conversation.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Seriously, what would you discuss with a slave?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The life she's lost, the poor conditions of her capture, the future plans you still have to make?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yeah, that'd go well.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Granted, she gave you the general information about said lost life, but you honestly don't want to push any further.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've only known her for about two hours, one of which was spent buying groceries by yourself.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Might as well take this time to take a nice detailed look at her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As she continues to maul her pancakes face-first you notice she's actually quite dirty.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You wonder if she can even operate a bathtub.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or if she could fit, for that matter.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Once again, she's definitely a big pony.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;2U[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She briefly looks up from her pancakes to notice you looking at her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, shit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You quickly abort mission and turn your gaze to your pancakes, then pray to baby Jesus's holy crib mobile this doesn't go any further.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You then pray to baby Jesus himself that she doesn't have a fetish for ape dick, just to be safe.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Er, Anon, what in tarnation were you doing?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, good, she's just creeped out.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You bring out the quickest and cutting-to-the-chase-est explanation you can think of.</span><br />&quot;Um, you're, uh, d-dirty.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Eloquent as always, you is.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You're the one who's been checkin' me out.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She says this with a hint of indignation, time for you to deliver another mumbly and awkward verbal riposte.</span><br />&quot;No, no, you're REALLY actually dirty, you, uh, need a shower.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her indignation then deflates like a balloon and sails right into the trash can.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, sorry 'bout that.&quot;</span><br />&quot;It's fine, just get that done when you're, uh, done here.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alright.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And with that situation moderately defused, the two of you go back to just eating your pancakes.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With the pancakes finished and the clean-up left as Future Anon's problem, it's time for that dirty horse to get not-dirty.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Whats the word?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Eh, you forget.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But for you it's time to fuck off to do all of the things previously mentioned.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Horse accommodations, finances, research, yadda, yadda.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So the two of you go your separate ways.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But as you fuck off, a you hear a racket behind you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Turning around to see the source of the noise, �you see it's just Applejack.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And she's struggling the hell with the doorknob.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you make a full u-turn back to her and the bathroom door of doom.</span><br />&quot;Uh, do you-&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Don't you worry yourself, Anon, I almost got it!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you just stand there and watch as she almost gets it for a good minute at least before she gives up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luckily you spent the entire minute thinking up something cool and collected to get her to fully concede defeat to the god-doorknob of mankind.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You throw forth a confident helping hand and let three simple words flow forth from your mouth.</span><br />&quot;Need any help?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;...holy shit, you actually pulled off something cool and collected.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's not amazing or even above average, maybe not even average, but you actually did it!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;angelic_choir.mmf</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But the celebration must be saved for later, because she is giving a defeated sigh and it's time for you to step in to save her from the evil Hinges of Xerxes as her knight in unbelievably ugly plaid shirt.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;Speaking of knights, you wonder if it would be racist to have her play the role of your noble steed at the renaissance fair.[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;Probably.[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you put your hand on the accursed knob, and turn it mightily counter-clockwise, then push the hellish door open with all the might you can muster!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so the two of you are now in the bathroom.</span><br />&quot;So, uh, are you going to be able to, er, get everything?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Of course I can.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She says this with confidence, but the type that clearly fools no one into thinking the person speaking with it is actually confident.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yeah, you'd probably have confidence issues if you couldn't turn a doorknob, too.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She holds her head high as she gets into the tub and manages to actually turn the water on.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;See, I got this just fine, sugarcube.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She takes a break from wearing a mask of pride to start looking around the bathroom for something.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You got a brush or somethin' around these parts?&quot;</span><br />&quot;I, uh, got one sitting in that little space in the wall.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She looks at the small body brush you have stashed in the recess in the wall.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Kinda, do you got one of them, but longer?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, so she could wash herself, she just needs a bigger and longer, eh heh, brush.</span><br />&quot;No, I don't have one of those. So, do you need me to, er-&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yes.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She seemed to be quite sheepish as she realized her attempts at functioning as an autonomous being was thwarted by her own physiology for a second time today.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And that's assuming she wasn't attempting something to that tune while you were out.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But anyways, you then strip down to the nude, feeling increasingly awkward with each item of clothing removed.</span><br />&quot;Is it, uh, okay that I'm naked?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anon, I don't normally wear clothes, I've spent most of my life around folks who don't normally wear clothes, I'm fine with you takin' yours off.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, you knew that, yes.</span><br />&quot;Yes, right.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Perfect, she doesn't suspect a thing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so you switch the water to come out of the shower head above, get to work cleaning her up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you start washing the grit and grime off of her, she remains silent and still.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A statuesque figure trying to save face after past embarrassment.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Eventually you end up causing her to break her composure as you reach what turns out to be a quite sensitive part of her body.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The twitchy horsey earseys.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That's the scientific terminology, you know.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her still stance relaxes a bit as you start washing and rubbing her ears.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've found a chink in her armor, and now you can worm your way in there and destroy it piece by piece!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Time for a lesson in equine biology...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There's no place to go but down the neck from her ears, so you wash her mane, going from the top of her head and all the way down to the base of her neck repeatedly, until the filth is cleared.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She relaxes further and starts producing a contented murmur in response.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You then proceeded due west to her back and side, working up and down her body with the brush.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her body trembles slightly as she lets out a calm sigh.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And then so do you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;God, this calm must be contagious, because you're feeling quite relaxed.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Washing someone shouldn't be this therapeutic, but evidently it is if you are washing a cute horse.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Stupid cute horse with it's contagious calmness.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or maybe it's the fact that you have more or less been showering the upper half of your body in the process that makes you so calm.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, weren't you trying to embarrass her for your amusement or something?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuck it, you're a horse groomer now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Later you ran out of horse to groom, and so you had to leave your new life and your tub after about 6 minutes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So back into the awkward partialy-comedic atmosphere you go!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Thanks for gettin' me cleaned up, Anon.&quot;</span><br />&quot;It was no problem. But we probably should get a, uh, longer brush so you can do this yourself.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;That was a quite calming experience, but it'll probably lose it's charm after a few times.</span><br />&quot;So, will you be able to, er, dry yourself, at least?<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;That I know I can do, sugarcube. Just stand back.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sigh heavily.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh boy, here we go again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, stand back?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That's when she shook herself dry like a fucking dog.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And then she went over to the towel rack and in one smooth motion threw a towel at you before simply rubbing against the others to finish drying off.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh.</span><br />&quot;Oh.&quot;<br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;Oh.[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You dry yourself off as quickly as possible before going to your bedroom to get some pants on before you do something awkward, like get a boner.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That and your dick is getting cold.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you dawn your finest sweatpants and most suave t-shirt.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The way it hangs loosely on your lanky body just makes it more suave.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But it's time for all of the boring shit you were thinking about before to get done.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And no awkward horse antics will get in your way this time!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You wish they would, but they probably wont.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;First, you have to take inventory of your luxurious and extravagant amenities to see what your going to need to stock up on.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A single bed?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Check.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A selection of toiletries that are at best laughable?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Check.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A third thing that isn't up to snuff?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Muthafuckin' check.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Looks like you're going to have to go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond tomorrow.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;At least the 15 minute drive there will reveal Applejack's tolerance for being in a moving vehicle.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Why do you live in the middle of nowhere, again?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Amenities thus scrutinized, you pass through the living room on your way to your private study.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Granted, you only really go in there to use the computer, but it has books on planks of wood in a shelf like configuration, so it counts.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You then notice Applejack is back on your long-ass couch, just sorta sitting there, clearly bored and falling back into the stupor you had found her in when you got back from the grocery store.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;At least getting cleaned up has left her body a lot more vibrant than before.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Unfortunately, as previously mentioned, a lack of proper cleaning equipment leaves her still looking somewhat disheveled.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Can't have everything, sadly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You could leave her to her own devices, but ignoring such a blatantly telegraphed issue requires a far larger dick than you possess.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That and the irony of her being bored while sitting in front of a literal entertainment center is a bit too palpable and blatant for your tastes.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;You know, as opposed to her sitting in front of a figurative entertainment center, which would not really be ironic, just odd.[/spoiler]</span><br />&quot;Uh, are you going to be fine just sitting here? �Because I'm-I'm probably going to be, uh, doing things for a few hours.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'm fine, Anon, just, uh, relaxin'.&quot;</span><br />&quot;You sure you don't want me to put on a, uh, movie or something?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;For some odd reason, that seems to puzzle her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Wait, what now?&quot;</span><br />&quot;It's like, uh, pictures that move with-&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I know what a movie is. �What's got me all off guard is that you need all sortsa special equipment and big fancy screens and stuff, and I don't see one of them things 'round here.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, she just doesn't know about the wonders of our lord and savior the home DVD player.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You walk over to the DVD cabinet and begin perusing it's contents.</span><br />&quot;Well then, allow me to, uh, correct your assumptions a bit.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so you pull out your copy of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's the perfect choice for this scenario.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;And not just because several other more talented people have done this shit already.[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It is of a pretty hefty length from what you remember, clocking in at something like 3 hours.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That and the heavily fictitious nature of its setting means her almost assuredly very sporadic knowledge of humanity should probably not be too big a problem for her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Feeling satisfied with your choice, you get ready to make some lights and sounds occur in patterns and intervals that are processed by the mind as a continuous experience.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You place the disk inside the DVD player and head over to the end table to pick up the TV remote and the DVD player remote.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Holding one in each hand like only the most badass of Western action heroes could, you expertly point the relevant remotes towards their respective devices, pressing buttons with masterly skill until the things you want to happen do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As the DVD starts, Applejack decides to take the time to show some subdued awe at the fact that this is actually real.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, I'll be...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So, you really got a whole movie on that one small disc in there?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Yeah, all, uh, <span class="nu0">3</span> hours of it.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She then adds a side order of confusion to her awe.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Really, 3 hours just sittin' here watchin' a movie?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Most aren't that long, usually just, uh, an hour and a half or so. �Besides, do you have, uh, anything to do at all right now?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The world stops to let her have a think.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I guess I don't got anything better to do.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She concedes defeat and continues taking up most of your couch, but this time with a distraction.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you head into your super-private-no-entry-pls-its-not-even-here-its-that-private study.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Before you fully slip away, you stop to say one more thing.</span><br />&quot;If you need anything, just, uh, come in here and let me know. �I'll keep the door open so you can get it.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so you get to work finally doing that boring shit within your so-private-you-left-the-door-open study...</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The next morning is quite a picturesque one.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The birds aren't singing, the sky is overcast, and that third thing still isn't up to snuff.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;Fucking third thing, they should just burn them all.[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, you haven't seen it yet, so just forget that.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Right now, you are slowly returning to consciousness from the land of nod.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You must have fallen asleep at the computer.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But then you realize you aren't in your normal passed out at the computer position.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;For starters, you're lying on your side in bed, and as far as you're aware you don't sleepwalk.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And for seconds, you can feel your back is up against something warm and soft, and you can feel a vaguely limb like appendage thrown over you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your just recently reawakening mind takes a bit to put one and one together.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Let's see, there's only one other sentient being in this building besides you, only one bed... pressed up on a stomach...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...carry the pi...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You're currently being spooned by your slave in your own damn bed.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, that's strike three against your competency as a slave master.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Congratulations, you've won the Decent Human Being Award for Excellency in Not Exploiting Others.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You feel so happy.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That's probably just because you're warm and between several soft things.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though it does feel like something is fundamentally wrong with this scenario.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Probably because comfy as shit or no, it is still kinda miffing to be on the receiving end of non-consensual cuddles.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In your own bed, no less.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You want some answers.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you begin drag your ass out of bed.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And as you do that, Applejack begins to move as well.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, your awake.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She doesn't sound in the slightest tired, she must have already been awake by the time you came too.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You turn to look at her and put on your most puzzled tone.</span><br />&quot;Wh-why were you sleeping with me?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You want the whole truth and nothin' but the truth?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Yes, very much so!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She clears her throat before continuing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, I saw you sleepin' at your space typewriter or whatever it was, so I thought I'd be nice and get you on the actual bed.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Yeah, I get that, and, uh, thanks for that anyways, but why did you stay and, erm, get so close?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;A small and slightly playful grin appears on her face.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Payback.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Wait, is this because of the stuff back in the bathroom?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You went straight for my ears, sugarcube. �I had to pay you back somehow.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Uh, alright, it was just some, uh, cuddling, but just please ask me the next time you want to do that.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yeah, now that I think about it, I probably shouldn'ta gone and done it.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You then remember the stuff you were doing in your private-ish study.</span><br />&quot;I should probably, uh, check on the work I was doing before I, well, fell asleep.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you leave the room, still in the clothes you wore yesterday, and head for the study.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you go through the living room, you notice the TV and DVD player are still on, and shut that shit down post-haste.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You don't want any monitor burn-in or DVD player burning or whatever.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The study door opens smoothly, and you head over to the desk and sit down.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Sat on your wheely chair-that's the technical term, you think-, you check the work you had done the previous night to see how far you had actually gotten.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You had the list of things you needed to shop for, along with a few notes about the general needs of ponies that you want to keep in mind for the future, written down on the back of an old bit of junk mail advertising the Junk Mail of the Month Club.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You only made one year-long subscription to that club out of curiosity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;On a completely coincidental note, you have 12 more of that exact advert.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And you also factored in the probable costs of those items into this months budget, along with everything else relating to the budget.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;God damn, you should do important shit until you pass out more often!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though it seems you never got around to looking into the general situation around the existence of magic talking ponies.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Eh, you can look into that later.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Comfortable in the knowledge that you did the important shit that needed to be done, except for that one you didn't, it's time for you to eat some breakfast.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But first you have to search for Applejack.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thus began an epic quest that went on for days and nights across many lands, in which you learned true courage an-</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then you hear the toilet flush at the opposite end of the house.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Followed immediately by a clip-clopping of hooves coming towards this end of the house.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A brief few seconds later, she comes face to face with you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, hey there, Anon, did you get those things done you were doin'?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Yeah. So, are you, uh, ready to eat breakfast?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Sure, it is well into the mornin', after all.&quot;</span><br />&quot;How well into the morning is it, exactly?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;It's almost eleven.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Oh, that's a bit late, isn't it. But anyways, I was thinking that, uh, as well, the whole eating breakfast thing. We should probably go to the, uh, kitchen, then.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Seems like it.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So the two of you did, and some more mildly-awkward food making and eating happened, much like the night before.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It was during this you explained to her, uming and ering and comma-ing as you went, that you were heading to the next town over to get some things and that she was coming with you because said things directly concerned her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With that established, the two of you finish eating and then head off into parts unknown.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, unknown to her, you've actually been there many times.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Granted, you don't exactly have a cartographic knowledge of that place either.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So it's more &quot;head off into parts somewhat patchily known about,&quot; you guess.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As you head out into the open, you take in the fresh air.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You'd rather not, but there's no helping it when the town is surrounded on all fronts by deadly, deadly nature and its fresh air creating properties.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You jimmy open the sliding door on the van and motion for Applejack to get in.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Really, you ain't even gonna let me try to get this done myself?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She makes a defeated sigh, silently conceding that horses can't operate superior human door technology at anywhere near peak efficiency.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You close the door behind her once she actually works her way inside, and then sit your scrawny ass down in the drivers seat.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The van shudders to life as you turn the ignition, and so starts the long journey to civilization.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And by that, you mean a place with a Bed, Bath and Beyond, among other things.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Within a few minutes the village of Idaho, IL gives way to rolling fields of corn, with a few patchy clusters of trees and pasture here and there.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But mostly fucking corn.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Honestly, you find it somewhat unnerving, all this corn and grassland and trees with only the odd crappy old homestead or barn or rusted grain silo to break it up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It just feels so isolating and lonely, even though there is another sentient/sapient/who-gives-a-fuckient being sitting behind you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The dreary overcast weather probably doesn't help.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Nor does the fact that the two of you are still locked in awkward silence.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, you assume she's also in a state of awkward silence, and not just looking at the miles of farmland around her or something.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Now that you think about it, that is a distinct possibility.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Especially because she is looking out the window and repeatedly hmm-ing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She did say she was some type of farmer yesterday, right?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Still, it's pretty awkward for you, at least, so you decide to switch on the radio.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As always, you have it set to the only station around here that isn't talk radio or a country music station.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;-is WNCM, Bradburg on 98.3 FM.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The ident gives way to a loud drum beat.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wow, you tuned in just time for the next song to go on, what luck!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Haypxj24_Uw</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh yes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thank you WNCM.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You can indeed feel the noize.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so can Applejack, and from her reaction it just sexually assaulted her eardrums.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Such is the power of heavy metal on the unprepared mind.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She raises her voice a number of decibels to overcome the music.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anon, what is this noise?!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You yell back.</span><br />&quot;It's heavy metal!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then you follow this up with cackling like a madman.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Could you quiet it down jus' a bit, it's painfully loud!</span><br />&quot;Come on, it isn't that loud, I haven't even turned all the way up yet!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She shoots back with no small ammount of sarcasm and indignation.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well sorry I 'aint got whatever desensitized hearin' you folk got!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Wait, you have sensitive hearing?!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;If'n everyone here's got hearin' like you, then I guess that's right!&quot;</span><br />&quot;That changes a few things if you actually do have more sensitive hearing, I mean, I thought you were just being hyperbolic!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The sarcasm drains away from her voice to give away to sincerity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No, this is actually hurtin' my ears!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Sorry, I didn't realize your hearing wasn't so sensitive!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And I'm sorry 'bout snappin' at you, you couldn't rightly know how my hearin' compares to yours!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Yeah, apology accepted!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Your too, now can you quiet down the music?!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Alright!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so you turn down the music, finally ending the yell-fest.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Unfortunately, your throat now feels dry and sore from the abnormal level of yelling on your end.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hell, the abnormal amount of speech on your end full stop.</span><br />&quot;Ah, god, all that-all that yelling really does a number on your, um, throat, doesn't it?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Nah, I'm used to it.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She pauses for a moment to think, the dead air filled in by hushed heavy metal gently passing kick-ass guitar riffs into the air.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So, what's this song even 'bout, anyways?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Time for you to make a very educated and intelligent analysis of this song.</span><br />&quot;Well, it's, uh, about feeling the noise, and being wild, I think. Honestly, I think it's more about, uh, creating a mood than the lyrics themselves.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What kinda mood is that, exactly?&quot;</span><br />&quot;One of, uh, wildness and rowdyness, I guess.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Another moment of dead air plugged up with more hushed heavy metal passes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So, you done put on music meant to create a feelin' of wildness and such...&quot;</span><br />&quot;Well, yeah, that's what I, uh, just said.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yet ANOTHER moment of silence goes by.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...in front somepony who's a slave.&quot;</span><br />&quot;What are you, uh, getting at, exactly?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;A hint of smugness arises in her voice.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;That you're bad at bein' a slave owner.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You let out a sigh.</span><br />&quot;Yes, yes, I know. But you're speaking like, uh, being a good slave owner is something I would consider good.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Nah, it's just a bit weird.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And speaking of that thing she was talking about you being bad at, you decide to bring up the first stop on the itinerary for today while the situation is still tangentially related.</span><br />&quot;If you, uh, find my previous lack of general slaver type behavior that weird, then you'll be happy to know that we're, uh, going to the pet store to, uh, get a proper leash and collar for, well, you. Kinda have t-to because of, uh, leash laws and stuff.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You find yourself vocally shrinking somewhat as you move through that phrase.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This could either end with her being somewhat embarrassed or somewhat angry.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The whole scenario is going a bit further than merely a bit of ribbing at her inability of open doors or whatever, you're in quite uncharted territory.</span><br />&quot;Alrighty then, that rope that I had on was mighty chafin' and irritatin' anyways.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, she's not mad at this prospect, but it's strange that she's so accepting.</span><br />&quot;Oh, okay, glad to see that you're, uhm, taking this so well. I-I thought you were going to be, uh, flustered or angry or at least a bit resistive, y'know?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anon, I've had a literal length of rope tied 'round my muzzle for Celestia know's how long, anythin' would be an improvement; and if'n I HAVE to be led around on somethin' like you just said I do then I'm able to accept it.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Okay, now she sounds slightly irritated.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then again, so would you if you were recalling experiencing that thing she just mentioned she had been experiencing.</span><br />&quot;Yeah, I guess that's, uh, quite sensible. Still feels a bit odd, you being so okay with this.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Would you rather I be uncooperative and more stubborn than a mule?&quot;</span><br />&quot;N-No, not at all.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Then just count your blessin's, sugarcube.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Alright.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so that was that.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Soon enough you're down in Paradise City, where the grass is green-ish and the girls are average at best.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, and the roads fucking suck.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yeah, Paradise City has a bit of a false advertising problem.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's not a city at all, it's a fucking census-designated place.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But apparently Paradise Census-Designated Place isn't a good enough name for some assholes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;At least it has a shopping plaza where you can find the shit you need.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you park on the aptly named parking lot, and prepare to go on your noble quest of buying things.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;First, a leash, because leash laws apply to magic talking horses, apparently.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You then realize you aren't even sure if there is a pet supply store on this plaza.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You quickly scan the stores and find that their actually is a pet supply store.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Granted, not a major retail chain or anything, but still what you need, nonetheless.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And it's having a clearance sale, so you'll save some money, at least.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You turn to Applejack.</span><br />&quot;Hey, can you, uh, wait here while I get the...&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;The leash.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Right, that thing, uh, you mind just staying here while I, uh, go in?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, it 'aint like I could join you, given them leash laws you mentioned, right?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That answers that then.</span><br />&quot;Alright, I'll just get going, then.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so you do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You stroll across the cracked parking lot right into the store.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The interior certainly doesn't look like the most up market place in the world, but it'll do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's quiet save for the hum of lights and various other bits of kit needed to keep the building functioning properly.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though there are a few people around, presumably employees due to their matching clothing, they too soon fade away as you go deeper into the store.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In this empty store, disconnected from any major mental or physical stimulation, harrowing thoughts that have been planted deep in your unconscious bloom forth into your waking mind, and the full weight of your situation finally hits you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You bought a fucking slave.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;No ifs, ands, or buts.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Sure, you've been able to push it to the back of your mind and laugh it off and be chummy with her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But at the end of the day, you're still a slaver.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;God fucking damn it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Granted, Applejack is seemingly accepting of you and tolerant of the current proceedings.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hell, she's even been acting all friendly like around you a bit and did some genuinely nice things for you of her own free will.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But then you remember she's been treated as a literal animal by a deranged Arab who didn't even have the decency to remember what species she is for who knows how long.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And you just feel worse.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Not only did you buy a slave, you bought one that was so broken and so desensitized to their appalling treatment that not only does she do labor obediently and with no complaint, she does proactively and with a fucking smile that you could almost swear was genuine.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You feel deeply unclean and horrific, and you are gripped by utter regret and shame.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;This is the WORST! POSSIBLE! THING![/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But it's too late to turn back now, so you push on.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Throughout the entire process you only pay the bare minimum of attention needed to accomplish the task at hand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rather you focus on hating and loathing yourself.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Because, as established before, you're a fucking slaver.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Someone needs to despise you, so it might as well be yourself.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After a stretch of time that is somehow both unbearably long and frighteningly short, you walk out of the store.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The deed is done, you now have definite proof of her subjugation by you in the form of the collar and leash in your hands.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You monster.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are now Applejack.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Better make the most of it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And you are sitting in Anon's... thing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maybe you shoulda asked him what this thing was before you hopped in.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wow, time sure does go fast when you spend it thinking about things that really don't matter all that much right now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As he closes in on the whatever-the-hay-it-is and gets back inside, it's clear something ain't right with him.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Now, you may not be a psychologist or nothing, but you do believe what you see in front of you is somepo-er, someBODY who's not exactly feeling on the up-and-up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You could make a few decent guesses about why he's so down, but it ain't your business to go prying into his business, so you decide to change the subject to the thing he's got in his hands.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;While you don't really like having to be put on a leash like some pet, you also ain't certain what going against that would actually do besides saving some of your pride and possibly getting Anon into some trouble.</span><br />&quot;So, you got the leash, then?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Y-Yeah...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anon sounds as sad as he looks.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Okay, maybe you should make sure he isn't too seriously down in the dumps, just show a bit of common decency and all.</span><br />&quot;Anon, you feelin' alright?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yes.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You don't believe that for a second, and apparently Anon don't either because he goes against it the second he can.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...no.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, that's your cue.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Time to kick that &quot;it ain't your business to go prying into his business&quot; thing to the curb and start showing some empathy.</span><br />&quot;Alright, what's wrong, Anon?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;And then he completely breaks.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I-I'm a monster! I am l-literally a goddamned slaver, and I've j-just been sitting here, ri-right here, downplaying and ignoring that-ignoring that you're my f-fucking property now a-and how fucked up that is! �A-and then I just g-go and act all oh-so-fucking chummy like your fate isn't s-subject to my whims-like y-you don't have t-to do what I say. �I-It's just all so wrong a-and I've j-just been tr-trying to sweep i-it under t-the rug and i-it's just t-the worst possible th-thing...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;At this point Anon slips from loudly crying and melodramatic into incomprehensibly half-mumbled sobbing and melodramatic.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You wait for a moment to think of a good response.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Once you have it all planned out in your head, you try to put an end to this.</span><br />&quot;Anon-&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are cut off by Anon continuing his incomprehensible sobbing</span><br />&quot;Anon-&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are cut off AGAIN.</span><br />&quot;Ano-&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;And yet again.</span><br />&quot;A-&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You get cut off before you even get past the first letter in his name that time!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That's it!</span><br />&quot;ANON!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You yell right into his ear this time, and that gets his attention mighty quick.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He takes his hands off his ears and turns to look at you.</span><br />&quot;Anon, calm down, you ain't a monster!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;A brief moment pauses before he shoots back in defiance.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;B-But I'm a fucking slaver.&quot;</span><br />&quot;And?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What do you mean 'and'?&quot;</span><br />&quot;What have you actually done to me?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I f-fucking bought you, l-like-&quot;</span><br />&quot;Yeah, and in doin' so you got me away from an idiotic jerk who done kept me outside in a stone-floored pen with a bunch of wild beasts for years.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So that makes it all f-fucking hunky-dory, then? Just because I-I gave you a roof over your head-&quot;</span><br />&quot;-and a warm meal, and a shower, and the first actual intelligent conversation I've had since I wound up 'round these here parts.&quot;<br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;And all that physical affection in the shower.[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;S-So that makes what I've done okay, t-then, it makes t-the fact that you are a fucking slave fine?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You sigh.</span><br />&quot;I'll be honest, it don't really make me bein' a slave fine and dandy. �But that also ain't your fault, Anon. �I was already a slave before you done bought me, you not doin' that wouldn't have set me free or anythin', it woulda just meant I'd still be in that darn pen. You ain't done nothing wrong, stop actin' like you have, just calm down.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Y-You really believe that?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He sounds calmer, at least.</span><br />&quot;Yes, I really do.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Th-thanks.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Good job, you've gotten him out of his guilt-ridden stupor, and now you can move on to bigger and better things.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alright, time to get this, uh, leash on, then.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Alrighty, then.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so he fumbles his way behind the front seats into the space you've been taking up, collar in hand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Quite a bit of awkward fumbling later the collar is around your neck and the leash attached.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With it on and Anon holding the leash, you're now able to go out and about legally.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yee-haw.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So the two of you get out of his seriously-what-is-it-you-really-want-to-know-for-some-reason and Anon takes a deep breath.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, onward to the, uh, big store over there, then.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As he says this he points to a large building.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, it is big, and you don't have any reason to believe it is not a store, so a big store it is, then.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so the two of you are off.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are back to being Anon.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Feeling recovered enough to actually function properly in a public envionrment, you stride into the Bed Bath and Beyond to-</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Sir, you can't bring livestock into the store.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, shit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You did not factor in whether or not you can bring in a semi-large animal into a store.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Because you apparently can not.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I ain't no livestock!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Applejack's voice is teeming with offense.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The employee sighs, and glares daggers at Applejack.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She doesn't care that a pony just talked, all that matters is that it snapped at her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Fine, no non-humans in the store, period.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's starting to feel a bit tense.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Quick, run before this ends in a conflict!</span><br />&quot;Alright, l-let's go, Applejack.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;For a moment it seems like she won't and will instead continue to fight with She-Who's-Name-You-Don't-Know</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But beyond an annoyed grunt, she drops it and follows you outside.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So the two of you walk back to the van.</span><br />&quot;Yeah, sorry, you're, uh, gonna have to just wait in the van while I get the stuff, then.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Okay.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She hops back into the van and just waits.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so off you go all alone to do the task of buying the things that you need.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thus you literally just do that.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Buying a few items you needed to stock up on anyways, and also the metric fuck-ton of shit she's going to need to keep clean.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;God damned hair having fuckers need so much shit to maintain their protein filaments.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh yeah, and a bunch of shit to go with the bed you don't have yet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Apparently you can't just waltz in and buy one, you have to order one and wait a week or two.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Bummer.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, you got the shit you could, so you shove the cart out of the store and lose your grip on it as it rolls away.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuck, run fast now before it careens into someone's car!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;CRASH!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The runaway cart doesn't hit someone's car.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It hits your van.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shit, that's going to leave a dent.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And you gave Applejack a bit of a scare, too.</span><br />&quot;Sorry!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pull the cart behind the van and pop open the back, and Applejack turns to look at you, confused.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anon, what the hay just happened?&quot;</span><br />&quot;I hit the van with a shopping cart.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Oh, are you okay?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Y-Yeah, I'm fine.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You start loading up your newly bought stuff.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You need a hoof with those?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Nah, this-this should only take a moment.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so you load up your acquired bedding, bathing, and tiny bit of impulse-purchased beyonding.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shut up, the bag of assorted candies was on sale.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yes, you are a responsible adult.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;Well, probably, you might need to check with your doctor on that front.[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anyways, with all of that done, you get into the van.</span><br />&quot;Well, that's over with.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So, anythin' else we gotta do?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Uh, no, not really, got everything I could. Nothing else we can do but, uh, head home, I guess.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alrighty, then.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so you start on the journey home.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;One uneventful car journey later, you are in the place you planned to be.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your home, that is.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You turn off the van and then bumble your ass out of the drivers seat and to the Bathroom Door of Doom's sliding cousin, who is keeping Applejack prisoner within the mid-section of the van.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With a mighty hand, you slide the door open.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Congrats, you have saved the pony maiden from the clutches of her steel prison!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She hops out of the van and starts stretching.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Now, this shouldn't be too interesting, but this also shows you something you hadn't fully noticed before.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Alien ponies are crazy flexible.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So it's actually quite fascinating to see that little detail explicitly shown in it's full glory.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;And also it's pretty damn sexy.[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;SPOILER TEXT, STOP, THAT'S ILLEGAL-</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;[Angry Cloud Noises]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Your burgeoning schizophrenia is interrupted by the sound of thunder in the distance.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It looks like the overcast sky has decided to finally just go full London on your ass and is about to rain.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Applejack also notices the battle cry of the oncoming rain, and stops her yoga routine to take note.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You must act fast, because otherwise you'll get caught in the rain and be all wet and stuff.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And that's terrible.</span><br />&quot;We should probably get all that stuff before the, uh, rain starts.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Seems so.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pop open the back of the van and grab the bag of toiletries, and then she suddenly jumps into the back and starts finangling around with the bedding until she manages to get it balanced on top of her, topping it off with the pillow precariously perched on her head.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That's pretty cute, you have to admit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Somehow she manages to keep it all balanced as she hops out from the back and follows you inside.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It is quite odd how she's able to do that, yet her only capability when it comes to doorknobs are to flail ineffectually at them.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, not really, those are entirely skill sets requiring different body parts to pull off competently.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You aren't really sure where you are going with this anymore.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Whatever, you're inside with the things, yay!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so is Applejack, double yay!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So, where should I put this stuff?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Uh, just dump it wherever, for now.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Orders thusly given, she decides that right in front of the couch is 'wherever', goes there, and lets the burden she bears just sorta... fall to the floor.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You go off for a moment to stock the toiletries and then return.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A quick glance at her neck reminds you that she's still got the collar on.</span><br />&quot;You probably want to get the, uh, collar off, huh?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;If'n I can manage it, then sure.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you unhook the leash, undo the collar, and make them both fuck off into a drawer.</span><br />&quot;Well, now that, uh, that's over, we have the rest of the day to, uh, do whatever.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Really?&quot;</span><br />&quot;I think so.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, if we got the time to do so, you mind if I go askin' you some questions like you done to me yesterday?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Uh, sure, that seems fair.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;So the two of you sit on your couch and begin the interrogation.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You just have to remember that no matter how cute she is, you must not give her any military secrets.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so you explain all about this world and where in the hell you are positioned in it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, as best as you can, given that you are you.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you at least manage to explain important details, like the lack of magic and multiple sapient species and that the weather and ecosystem is not in humanity's direct control.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The last bit especially concerned her.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;When pressed on that you learned more about where she came from.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Namely, that the only bits of the magic horse land that have normal uncontrollable weather is a forest full of D&amp;D monsters and a few other pockets of sanity.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Otherwise, everything under the sun has to be managed by colorful equines.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Additionally, she said the sun, and also the moon, have to be managed by their rulers, but you're going to file that one away under 'shit royals say to exaggerate their power'.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oldest trick in the history book, that is.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or maybe the pretty pony princesses really do control the time of day in the pretty pony principality.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Either way it isn't exactly relevant right now, especially because today was supposed to be you bludgeoning her with exposition, not the other way around.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Unfortunately, on some topics you weren't really able to give all that good an explanation, and this was most disappointing when it came to the grand scheme of things with her what being a slave and all that, a topic you have no knowledge about</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That was when you decided to give up telling her from your doodle memory and just take her into the study and introduce her to the information superhighway so that this would go along easier.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So begin's your search for answers about the world and why it sucks...</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It is the far off year of 2027.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Several years ago, some of the top scientists of the world built a portal between dimensions, which connected to the land of Equestria.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Upon the discovery of Equestria, humanity did as it always does when it finds uncharted territory.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It invaded.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The ponies didn't stand a chance against superior human war technology, and were quickly enslaved.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Those who resisted were brutally killed.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ponies are treated as less than property, to be disposed of without even a first thought.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rape, abuse, ect. are all common for these slaves who suffer at the hands of their brutal human oppressors.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, this is the wrong script!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Alright, give me a moment and I'll sort this mess out...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;[Shuffling paper noises]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Duht, duht, duhh...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Okay, here we go!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The actual proper explanation behind all of this, from the top!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ah-hem.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It is the far off year of 2007.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Several years ago, some magic talking ponies appeared, pulled from the magic horse land of Equestria and with no recollection of how that all happened or how to get back.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Upon the discovery of these cute equines, humanity did as it always does when it finds cute critters.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It took them home with them.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The ponies didn't really resist all that much, seeing as they were lost and without a clue and also the humans had food.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Those who resisted were brutally left to their own devices.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Ponies are treated okay-ish, I guess.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Somewhat demeaning things, moderate annoyance, ect. are all common for these slaves who are non-consensually petted by the hands of their brutal human oppressors.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Now, one may wonder how this was even allowed to happen, especially in progressive first-world nations.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Basically, giving magic talking horses human rights would require things get done, and that's not happening until the last possible moment.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And the last possible moment for this issue is when humanity finds the magic dressers that lead to Equestria, contact is formally established, and the pretty pony princesses get mad that humanity enslaved some of their their citizenry and threaten to destroy everything with the moon or something.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Until then, fuck it, general animal welfare laws will have to do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Good job.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, that's the why and how of this situation.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You even checked multiple sources to confirm that this is, in fact, what happened.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There are no words to describe your reaction.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you wont even bother trying to use words to describe it.</span><br />&quot;So, uh, slavery is a thing because no one could be bothered to do the paperwork? Huh.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The more you know.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'll be honest, I ain't sure what I was expectin', but it probably wasn't that.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Yeah, agreed.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thus the topic is settled, both of you are just kinda perplexed.</span><br />&quot;Well then, what else do, uh, do you want to talk about?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Is there anythin' important I should know 'bout all these things you got? 'Cause I ain't even got a clue what half the stuff lyin' around this place is.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, right, Applejack's from a magic pony land with very ill-defined technological capabilities.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Probably not the most tech-savvy background to come from, so some education might be necessary.</span><br />&quot;You know what, you knowing what some of this stuff is could, uh, could be a good thing for you to know. �Who knows, you might, uh, even be able to use some of it yourself.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Honestly, you probably should have done this last night, but whatever, there's no time like the present.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alrighty, then.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Let's, uh, start in the kitchen and work our way from there, the stuff in there's actually, uh, quite simple.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so she trots off to the kitchen with you in lukewarm pursuit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thus the quest for knowledge continues with a bend towards things that are more immediately practical to know.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You show her the various appliances around your home, and she actually knows how to use some of them, but the ones she doesn't are left to you to explain to her what they do and how they are used.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After each explanation, the two of you take some time to see if she could actually use them on her own</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And for some of your things, she is surprisingly capable of utilizing them, if in somewhat weird ways.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Such as her approach to pushing the obviously finger-sized buttons, which is to press them by pressing her snout against them.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Christ, why does this pony need to be so fucking cute?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Whatever, that goes on for a bit in the kitchen, then when you get to the bathroom you take a brief detour to show her all of the extra toiletries you got at the store for her to use to be not dirty and all those other frivolous things.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You leave the bathroom soon after, with her also getting to know the washing machine and clothes drier, though she isn't particularly capable of using them.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Because, well, her hooves don't really allow her to turn the knobs and what not.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though the particular shape of the washer and dryer knobs could allow her to turn them if she tried hard and long enough.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Finally you end up back in the living room, with you explaining what all of your various electronic whatchamacallits do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Which is facilitate you committing mass killing of time through audio-visual entertainment.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hell yeah!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Of course, she's only able to really operate the TV itself, somewhat, and the VHS player.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;No, it's not a VCR, this can only play VHS tapes, not record.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's a rare Botswanian import from the 70s, so don't diss it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Everything else is just a bit to complicated/fragile for her unwieldy features to fully use and operate independently of outside help.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's actually a bit sad, all these things she either can't do or only can do at a severely reduced capacity due to lacking key physical capabilities.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Makes you think, doesn't it?</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;No.[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But, with all that done, and with you having already introduced her to the basic use of computers and knowing for a fact she wouldn't be able to use it, that whole little bit is finished.</span><br />&quot;So, anything else you want to ask me before we, uh, before we just go do something besides this, uh, questioning?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Nah, I think I'm just gonna go use them fancy new toiletries you done got in the bathroom and get fully cleaned, that okay?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Uh, sure, that's what that stuff's there for, it's not like I got any hair to put that stuff on.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you sit down on the couch as she trots off to the bathroom.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Only for you to have to get back up to open the bathroom door that you had so absent mindedly closed.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yeah, you gotta remember to keep that door in particular open for her, and also to avoid looking in there if you are unsure of where she is.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But, after that particular event, you are sat down on your couch alone.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you pick up your TV remote, turn the TV on, and start flipping through the channels to kill time as the sounds of showering happen across the house.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wow, that was possibly the second or third best tv show about the manufacturing of wallpaper paste you've ever watched on a Fall weekend.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Next up on the Intelligent Programming Network, it's... a reality show involving, like, long-haul trucking redneck crab fishermen in a swamp, or something.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Alright, that's enough of that.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You start flipping through the channels once more.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Reality show, reality show, game show, third thing, sitcom, reality show, sensationalized news story, game show, some documentary about the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide, reality show, an ad for environmentally complaint environmental compliance stickers to confirm that your environmental compliance stickers are environmentally compliant...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;God damn, there is quite figuratively nothing on right now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But your channel surfing escapades are distracted by the cutting out of the constant background noise of running water.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, the sound of the running water from inside your house, the rain and it's constituent noises are still going on outside.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And speaking of water, all this rushing liquids are reminding you that you haven't actually pissed since you got back from work yesterday.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You should probably get on that.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luckily the stoppage of the shower likely means that Applejack will probably soon be out of the bathroom and you will soon be able to relieve yourself.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;NO, NOT IN HER, IN THE BATHROOM![/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You decide to preemptively get up and go to the bathroom, to expedite the process and because you have nothing better to do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Key word there being decided, it actually takes a bit for the rest of your body to actually obey your decisions, and a bit after that to advance to walking.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fucking Christ, legs, you've really got to [spoiler]step[/spoiler] it up.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;'That was bad and you should feel bad.'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shut up, legs.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;'No, you shut up.'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And then you stub your toe on the kitchen table.</span><br />&quot;Fuck!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;God damn, why is something so minor so fucking painful!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anon, you okay?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though you can't see her, what with your wincing and agony and the like, you can still tell that the voice currently throwing concern in your general direction is Applejack's.</span><br />&quot;It-it's fine, I just-&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You take in a deep breath through clenched teeth.</span><br />&quot;-I just stubbed my toe on something, god.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Really? �That sounded pretty bad.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You pull yourself off the floor and look towards the damp mare poking her head out of the bathroom.</span><br />&quot;Yeah, it's alright, uh, j-just finish up in there so I can use the bathroom.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Er, it's probably gonna take me a bit to get finished, Anon.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, right, she has all that fur and also a mane and tail that all probably takes a while to dry out.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, shit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And you can't just take the desperate route and piss in the backyard, because it's still fucking raining.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Double shit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Plus you can't hold it in much longer.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Triple shit with knobs.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You might just want to come in here now and do you business now rather than just putin' it off.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Reflexively, you are quite visibly put off by the notion she raises.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Sure, it ain't ideal, but if nature's callin' then nature's callin'.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Mustering up all the reluctance you can, you speak.</span><br />&quot;Okay, I'm, uh, coming inside, then.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Applejack recedes deeper into the bathroom as you awkward your way over to the toilet.</span><br />&quot;Alright, don't look.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I'm tryin' not to.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh lord, this is more awkward than Awkward McAwkwardstien going to AwkwardCon in Awkwardburg, Awkwardsota.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Awkward.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuck, that don't even look like a word anymore, just a jumble of letters.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait, what was going on?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh right, you're about to get nude in front of the redneck horse lady again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This time without the distraction of bathing to take away from the awkward factor.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you must muster up all your bravery and piss this piss.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you mightily pull down your pants and piss.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You, Applejack, your dick[spoiler], the spoiler text[/spoiler], everyone, just finding themselves quite uncomfortable with the current situation.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, you assume Applejack's uncomfortable with this, the other potentialities are far more unpleasant to dwell on.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;For what feels like an eternity you are exposed, urinating all the while.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's just you and her standing in the same room with your dick hanging out and expelling bodily fluids.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Lovely.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, Lady Luck decides to smile upon you by letting you finally run out of piss to... piss, so you are able to pull up your pants and end this nudist nightmare.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You glance over at Applejack, still drying out her mane.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her mane and tail seem to have become quite a bit larger.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Guess it was more matted and knotted up than you thought.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or pony hair is poofy as shit or it has a tendency to get frizzy or something.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fuck, you've never had to deal with hair, so you dunno.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Enough of that, time to calm your rampant unwarranted and ultimately meaningless paranoia of being peeped on by someone who's already seen you in the nude.</span><br />&quot;You, uh, you didn't look, right?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anon, I said I wasn't and I ain't!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She starts muttering something under her breath.</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Darn thing's so small I couldn't even see it from here anyhow...&quot;[/spoiler]</span><br />&quot;Wait, what was that?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;She's caught off guard, but responds after a brief pause to think.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Uh... nothin'!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And then she scrunches her snout as her eyes dart about the room.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Hmmm...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, that's a trustworthy face if you've ever saw one!</span><br />&quot;Alright.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;With that resolved, you leave her behind for the living room.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You flop down onto the couch and pick up the remote lying idly by.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With the remote in hand, you are once again dragged into daytime TV purgatory forevermore...</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Aaaand, done!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yep, you sure outdone yourself this time.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh yeah, your Applejack now, and you've just gotten yourself cleaned up all nice like.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Not like you got anything better to do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You even managed to get your mane and tail tied up like you done back home.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So now you actually almost look like yourself, just without a hat.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Kind of a shame, but you'll live.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Besides, where would you even find a hat big enough for you around these parts?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Every*body* here seems to got kinda small heads on their shoulders, you don't imagine they got too many pony-sized stetsons laying around.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Whatever, time for you to get out of this bathroom.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you start making your way to the front, taking care to not hit anything.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yeah, this place was definitely set up with two-legged types in mind.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you're able to pass everything without too much hassle.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You look into the living room to see Anon, watching his fancy movie-box thing.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Also he fell asleep during the, like, 10 or 15 minutes between when he left after that his whole dirty business and you leaving after your whole clean business.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;While having a box that makes all manner of noise and flashing lights on and in front of him.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Amazing.</span><br /><br />-=NO TEXT DOWN THERE, NOPE, NONE AT ALL, JUST TURN AROUND, NOTHING BUT US HELPFUL NOTIFICATIONS THAT THERE IS NO TEXT BELOW HERE. DEFINITELY NOTHING THAT HAS YET TO BE POSTED TO THE THREAD, FOR SURE=-<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, you might as well just let him sleep, ain't like you need to go bothering him right now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Now you've gotta go and find something to do.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Something productive, if'n you can manage it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then again, you ain't sure what needs to be done around here.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maybe you should wake up Anon and ask him.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or, speaking of doing things to Anon when you find him asleep on some type of chair...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You could get all close and personal again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;No, no, Anon didn't like when you just up and snuggled him when he has passed out last night, he probably aint gonna like it now.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Besides, that snuggling business was just payback.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's not like you l-like snuggling him.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;B-baka.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Okay, where in Celestia's name did that come from?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What's a 'baka' anyways?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Whatever, you're waking him up so you can actually get something resembling work done, and that's that.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Anon once more!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wow, that was a nice nap, felt like you were sleeping for months!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Though right now you've got this odd feeling...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've got something large and warm on your lap, like a big dog or something.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You go ahead and pet it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yep, fuzzy and warm, that's probably a dog, alright.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Processing...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Processing...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Processing... complete!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait a minute, you don't have a dog!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You think, at least.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So what the hell is in your lap?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maybe you should actually open your eyes instead of contentedly petting whatever is in your lap.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So you crack open your eyes and look towards your lap.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And splayed across your lap, and half of the couch, is Applejack.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You wonder if it was racist for you to pet her like a common house pet.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Probably.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Also you can't feel your legs anymore, you should probably get Applejack off of you before you get some long-term damage to your ability to walk.</span><br /><br />-=SEE, I FUCKING TOLD YOU ASSHOLES=-<br /><br />SPECIAL EDITION BONUS FEATURETTE: THE BULLSHIT I MADE BEFORE THIS GREEN THAT KICKED OFF THIS MESS<br /><br />Post <span class="nu0">1</span>: Dank Knight Rising <span class="br0">&#40;</span><span class="br0">&#40;</span><span class="co4">&gt;&gt;25822785))</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Cut to what went down at the sale</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;HELLO FRIEND, YOU ARE LOOKING FOR CAMEL, YES?&quot;</span><br />&quot;N-No, I'm looking for a pony.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;YES, SMALL CAMEL, VERY TRENDY THESE DAYS!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He pulls out Applejack</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;IS VERY GOOD USED CAMEL, ALWAYS TRUTH!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Uh, 'always truth?' I'll take her, then.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;BUT WAIT, CRAZY HASSAN MUST GIVE YOU THE DEALS!&quot;</span><br />&quot;B-But, I just need this pony.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I WILL INCLUDE SOME GRAPES FOR FREE!</span><br />&quot;No, I don't want any grapes, just need the pony.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I WILL INCLUDE BIGGER CAMEL AND GRAPES WITH SMALL CAMEL, AND NO LOWER!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Crazy Hassan has fucking Princess Celestia, and he's trying to throw her in as a freebie.</span><br />&quot;Listen, I don't want two-&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;IT'S A DEAL! ENJOY YOUR CAMELS.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You leave Crazy Hassan's Used Camel Emporium out into the busy streets of downtown, confused and questioning the reality of the situation.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You didn't even pay him.</span><br /><br />Post <span class="nu0">2</span>: Emerging Patterns <span class="br0">&#40;</span><span class="br0">&#40;</span><span class="co4">&gt;&gt;25832873))</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anon, you've been so kind to me, I ain't done nothin' to deserve this.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You both stare deeply into each other's eyes.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;If only there was somethin' I could do to pay you back.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You put on your most sexual and devilish grin.</span><br />&quot;Oh, I have an idea for what you could do, let's go outside.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Applejack seems a bit apprehensive.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Uh, out in the open, like animals? A-Alright.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And so the both of you head outside.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Okay, let's do th-&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Suddenly you jump on her back.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Anon, what are you doin' on mah back?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Onwards, noble steed, we must make it to the grocery store and back by nightfall!&quot;<br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span>And that is the story of how Anon saved money on gas.<span class="br0">&#91;</span>/spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span></div></div>[[Category:]]




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