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			<h1 id="section_0">(LunaxLincoln, SFW)(It Ain't Me Intensifies)</h1><ul id="page-actions" class="hlist"><li id="ca-edit" class="icon icon-32px icon-edit" title="Edit the lead section of this page."></li><li id="ca-talk" class="hidden icon icon-32px icon-talk"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Talk:(LunaxLincoln,_SFW)(It_Ain%27t_Me_Intensifies)&amp;action=edit&amp;redlink=1" title="Discussion about the content page [t]" accesskey="t">Discussion</a></li><li id="ca-watch" class="watch-this-article icon icon-32px"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Special:UserLogin&amp;returnto=%28LunaxLincoln%2C+SFW%29%28It+Ain%27t+Me+Intensifies%29" title="Add this page to your watchlist [w]" accesskey="w"></a></li></ul>		</div>
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<td><b>Writefag</b>
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<td> Dazzlinganon
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<td><b>Pastebin link</b>:
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<td><a rel="nofollow" class="external free" href="http://pastebin.com/R7N8YVkA">http://pastebin.com/R7N8YVkA</a>
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<td><b>Pastebin creation</b>
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<td>Monday 11th of July 2016 02:04:47 PM CDT
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<td><b>Last Pastebin update</b>
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<td>Monday 11th of July 2016 02:04:47 PM CDT
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</div><h3><span class="mw-headline" id=".28LunaxLincoln.2C_SFW.29.28It_Ain.27t_Me_Intensifies.29">(LunaxLincoln, SFW)(It Ain't Me Intensifies)</span><a href="(LunaxLincoln,_SFW)(It_Ain't_Me_Intensifies)#/editor/1" title="Edit section: (LunaxLincoln, SFW)(It Ain't Me Intensifies)" data-section="1" class="edit-page icon icon-32px icon-edit enabled">Edit</a></h3><div>
<div dir="ltr" class="mw-geshi mw-code mw-content-ltr"><div class="gettext source-gettext">&#160;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Let me tell you, living with ten sisters makes you want to get away from it all sometimes</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And sometimes, you just gotta prove you're a man when surrounded by that many girls</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That's exactly why I thought this trip was gonna be great</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;No sisters, put some hair on your chest</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just me, Clyde, and some other guys</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But of course nothing can ever go that smoothly</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I mean the few months we got to prep were fine</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;No girls, plenty of exercise, tons of fun activities</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;We even strapped one of the guys to a bed and took turns beating him</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He had it coming</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But of course when we got to the camp what do we find</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luna standing by the fire with a big goofy smile, her guitar, and an M60 with a whole robe of cartridge belts hanging off her</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I should have expected this, my other sisters always warned me about Luna ruining first deployments</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Like Lori's first deployment to the Cantigny</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or Lola and Lana's first landing on Normandy</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Or Lisa's first shindig in Korea</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And now here she was in the jungles of Vietnam</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Yo bro! Come on! I saved you a seat by the fire!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Luna, how did you know about this war?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You kidding me? When it comes to delivering swift or slow death to the enemies of America-&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;For a brief second she turned to the side and shed a small tear just as an eagle landed behind her, gave her a thumbs up, and flew off, leaving a plate of burgers in its wake</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;-I know all! Are you ready for me to show you how to have the greatest first deployment of all time!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I tried to think of some way to get out of this</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maybe if I told Clyde to throw a frag into the trees she'd think we were under attack and run off</span><br />&quot;Well, I, uhhh...&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Awesome! We're gonna have the best time dude!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Without warning she unslung her guitar and began playing a horribly familiar tune</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Some folk are born made to wave the flag! Ooooh, they're red, white, and blue!...&quot;</span><br />�<span class="co4">&gt;Oh please, someone start shooting up flares already.</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So much for the best war ever, just as I had suspected Luna had taken the joy out of all of it</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anytime we went on patrol she would hoist me up onto her shoulders and do all the work herself as Clyde trailed behind us</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anytime someone tossed a grenade in a hole and handed me a 1911 there was Luna, tying Clyde to a stick and poking him around in there</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anytime some Vietnamese girl in a short skirt walked up to us and told us how long she'd love us you can bet Luna would suddenly pop up out of nowhere and begin negotiating for a lower price, only to send her away when she rummaged through Clyde's pockets and found nothing</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anytime we tried to sleep in the field and I sat up with my back against Clyde's, she would push him into the mud, lay down, and lay me on top of her like some sort of human mattress</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I don't know what was worse, the huge happy grin she had on at all times or the fact that I've heard the phase &quot;it ain't me&quot; every five minutes</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I wanted this deployment to be me time, I wanted to be the first kid on my block with a confirmed kill, but so far all that's happened is Luna doing everything for me</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;At this point I wouldn't be surprised if she just took my rifle and ran off into the jungle, dragging some dead zipperheads behind her</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;One night we were patrolling, originally the plan was me, Clyde, and a handful of other GI's</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Of course though one of those GI's got an instant section 8 for jerking it in the command tent, and guess who replaced him</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It really wasn't much different than usual, me riding on Luna's shoulders as she strummed away at her guitar yelling that she was not suitable for this position into the night</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That is, until I swore I heard something in the trees</span><br />&quot;Luna, quiet&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Some folk inherit silver spoon in hand!&quot;</span><br />&quot;LUNA!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Huh? What is it bro? We lose the jungle bunny again?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Huh? Oh how about that, Clyde was missing</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh well</span><br />&quot;Who cares, listen...&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;For a moment no sound could be heard</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then, so quiet it could barely be heard, a voice came in through the thick brush</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Gi?t kh?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I immediately tried to get off Luna's shoulders, sweating and shaking profusely as the sky filled with flares, but it was only a few seconds before bullets began tearing the jungle to pieces</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I locked up, legs tightening against her neck as she merely grinned wider than she ever had before, shouldering her M60 and spraying indiscriminately into the darkness</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The other GI's at the very least tried to duck for cover and radio for help, but Luna was in the zone</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There, in one of the bushes the barrel of an SKS poked out and pointed toward me and my sister</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In the next moment the whole bush was gone after Luna chucked a frag into it</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shit! Is that a Charlie in the tree?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Tree, what tree? The one Luna just cut down with her pig? Yeah, nothing in there anymore.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I finally fell off her shoulders as she pulled out her machete and rushed into the forest, quickly getting up and trying to see any more VC's</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I could hear them all around, bullets were still flying, grenades were going off everywhere</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But I couldn't see a damn thing</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I fumbled around with my flare gun, hoping to get some more light into that tree line, but with all the bullets whizzing right above my head I could barely even pull it out of its holster</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Why did I want to be a man? I wish I was home snuggling with my sisters while watching a movie</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;By some miracle I managed to get a flare in the gun and shot up into the air as soon as possible</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What I saw erased all the fear</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;One lone VC with an AK, an empty AK he was quickly trying to get another magazine into</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;This was gonna be it, the day little Linc became a man</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I aimed my M16 at him, ready to burst his little gook ass down</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He saw me, and knowing there was nothing he could do just tossed his rifle in my direction and yelled at me</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Fuck you GI!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I began squeezing the trigger</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But before I could fire the VC and everything around him began popping</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Even when he fell face first into the mud the constant gunfire in his general area didn't cease</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;There in the forest was the slow muzzle flash of an M60 as Luna casually walked out of the darkness, hip firing her entire belt into the long dead VC</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Nah ya soddin' wanker, fuck ya!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And just like that it was all over</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;When Luna's gun stopped barking everything was quiet, the VC's had either been driven away or were all dead</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And I just knelt there, shouldering an M16 that had never been fired and contemplated whether I could get away with fragging Luna at this very moment</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Wo-ho-how bro! That was intense!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But I hadn't even done anything!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Dude, you should totally cut off that gooks ear, nothing like taking home an ear from your first deployment.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She said, patting me on the back and dropping to her knee, inviting me to ride on her shoulders again</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But right now I couldn't see any dead gook ears ripe for cutting, just the red hot anger of a ruined first firefight</span><br />&quot;That's it! We're done here&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Dude, I'm just trying to make your first deployment unforgettable!&quot;</span><br />&quot;All you're doing is preventing me from being a real man! Our sisters warned me about you!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;What are you talking about?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Out of the tree line another figure appear, it was Clyde crawling on his hands with his bloody legs dragging behind him</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Uh, hey guys, why did none of you help me when I set off that tripwire?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Not now Clyde, they said you ruined all their first deployments, just like you're ruining mine now!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luna began to tear up a little</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Ouch, message received. If that's how you feel, goodnight Vietnam!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She walked away, for the first time in weeks strumming something other than Fortunate Son</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Goodbye my darling, hello Vietnam...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;My anger quickly subsided as I watched her walk off into the night, and almost immediately I regretted what I said to her</span><br />&quot;Clyde, did I go too far?... Clyde?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;I looked down too see Clyde laying on the ground, eyes half open as some saliva dripped out of his mouth</span><br />&quot;Clyde, what are you doing?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Slowly dying.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Oh stop being such a baby.&quot;<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It'd been a few days since then, and true to her word Luna had completely disappeared</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;No 40 year old smoker voice, no muffled It Ain't Me in the distance</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Nothing</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As I walked with Clyde through the village I just thought about how much I screwed up</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I mean, she did have the best intentions, and she was my sister after all</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I wished I could apologize to her</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Hey Lincoln, you alright? You seem kinda down?&quot;</span><br />&quot;Huh? Oh, I dunno Clyde, probably just ringworm or something.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Clyde quickly nudged me with his elbow, pointing out one slutty looking Vietnamese girl and her gook handler</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Nothing a little Asian takeout won't fix.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You know, getting laid didn't sound like such a bad idea right now</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Clyde and I strolled on over to take a look at them goods</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shieeeet, that weren't bad</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Hey GI? You want good time? She good, real good!&quot;</span><br />&quot;How much?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Fifteen dolla, she do anything.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Sol-&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I quickly slapped Clyde before he could get his money out</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Sure $15 didn't sound bad on paper, but it didn't sound as good as $5... Damn, Luna rubbed off on me a bit</span><br />&quot;No, fifteen dollars too beaucoup&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Come on GI, she real good, you fuck her mouth, her pussy, her ass, anything!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Yeah, but see, we're on hard economic times here.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Okay fine, five dolla.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I reached into Clyde's pocket and pulled out his wallet, handing over the $5</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The moment the money was in the mans hands VC popped out of everything</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I mean everything</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The ground opened up to reveal VC in pits with rifles pointing right up at as</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The windows of the village flung open to reveal hundreds of rifles</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The pimp took off his shirt and revealed he was actually just two smaller VC's</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Needless to say we quickly dropped our rifles and put our hands up</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wasn't long after we found ourselves in a bamboo cage being guarded by a particularly racist depiction of a gook</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Unfortunately thanks to the fact this is all written you'll just have to use your imagination</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, since I'm in here I might as well practice my hand to hand&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Clyde began girlishly throwing punches into thin air, making me wonder why I even bothered dragging him back to camp that one night</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The other Marine in the cage walked passed this frankly embarrassing display</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Give it up coon, my granny could kill more zipperheads than you.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Clyde immediately stopped and turned back to me</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I still haven't got a single confirmed kill Lincoln&quot;</span><br />&quot;What's it matter? We're not going to survive this anyway.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;I'd given up all hope of escape after the many attempts we'd already done</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Like when we tried to break the bars using Clyde's head and...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well actually that was about it</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Peace, little Loud! What are you doing here?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I stood up and looked over the filthy Mexican hippy standing outside the cage</span><br />&quot;Bobby, what are YOU doing here?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well Lori got really big into the hippy movement back home so I decided to come to Vietnam to help the poor, innocent Vietnamese in their fight for freedom, here's those grenades you wanted sir!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Good&#160;??u, now go make trap, only tie one grenade to other grenade so one goes boom if other disabled!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With a quick salute the filthy spic was off to take the lives of more GI's</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I wondered if Lori would ever find out if I fragged him</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;GI's! NVA captain here!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh shit, this was it, we were going to get dragged off into the forest and shot in the back of the head by some gook...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A severely oversized gook with tape on the corner of her eyes, two marsh mellows stuck to her teeth, and a straw hat the barely covered her standard issue USGI helmet</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Fak yoooou GI!&quot;</span><br />&quot;Luna! I mean 'oh no'!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luna ran over to the cage and whispered &quot;you're lucky we fragged the shit that village, bro.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She turned back to the zipperhead, almost mirroring his image perfectly</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Thank you sir, I take them now!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;V�ng th?a ng�i&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just as salvation was in our hands that fucking beaner came back and saluted the VC</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Sir, the traps are set, we'll sure show them how peaceful our cause is when we take their legs off, everyone knows the white mans evil is all in their legs... Oh, hey Luna!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You know NVA commander?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;NVA commander? Nah, that's his sister. Nice hat by the way.&quot;</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Hat!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The VC commander yelled, quickly grabbing hold of the straw hat and pulling it off Luna</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Bad move zipperdude&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It was then I realized that instead of her normal paper clip earrings there were several grenade pins in her lobes</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The VC quickly flipped the hat around and saw half a dozen frags taped under the brim, all of them with their spoons gone</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;V�ng , t�i&#160;?o�n&#160;?� l� nghi?p ch??ng...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The moment the grenades went off dozens of helicopters came out from over the tree line, door gunners opening fire at everything that moved in the VC camp</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Among them an eagle flew, leaving a streak of red, white, and blue as it quickly descended to Luna and handed her an M60</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It shed a single tear of pure patriotic joy and flew off</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The tear fell off and hit a single VC on the head, in a second he ripped off his shirt as his eyes rounded out and his buck teeth receded</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He would later go on to become a world famous burger chef</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Come on little bro! There's still time for an unforgettable first deployment... Unless you don't want me to interfere.&quot;</span><br />&quot;No! Please, interfere!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luna went back to that big goofy grin she'd had all the time before our argument</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She shot up a flare and began firing at one of the local VC schools</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You could almost see it bleeding communism as the helicopters ladder dropped</span><br />&quot;Come on guys! Let's get out of here!&quot;<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It was just me, the Marine, that recently democracied and unnaturally handsome Vietnamese man, and Luna in the back of the helicopter</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As we flew over the jungles we got to see the beautiful sight of napalm being dropped on the trees</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luna was playing Fortunate Son once again on her guitar</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;It ain't me! It ain't me! I ain't no senators son!... Yo bro, why so down?&quot;</span><br />&quot;It's just, I still don't have a confirmed kill.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luna stopped playing for a moment and scooched over, opening up the seat just next to the gunner door</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well come on bro! There's still VC around!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;I hopped over to the seat and looked at the passing landscape</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Surely enough there were dozens, potentially hundreds of gooks running away from the helicopter</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You're gonna need this bro&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Luna handed me an M16, keeping several loaded magazines in her lap</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She gently placed her hand on my back as I shouldered the rifle, rubbing my back through my flak jacket</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Tha's it love, just like that. Tense up, shoulder that rifle good.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She said, putting on her best Manchester England accent</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She kept on guiding me as my trigger finger kept tensing up, ounces away from sending a quick burst zipping through some VC's</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Alright love... Now!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;A burst of 5.56x45 flew out the gun and straight into one of the fleeing zipperheads, at least three went down in an instant</span><br />&quot;M-my first kill... My first kill! Luna! I did it! I killed my first gook!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Shh, it's okay... you did great... you're shaking like a leaf.&quot;</span><br />&quot;Thanks for making my first deployment unforgettable Luna!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Aww, come on luv, yer makin' be blush, besides, they're not all dead.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She handed me another magazine out of her lap</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;[meanwhile, back at the VC camp]</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Clyde stared at the helicopters disappearing into the horizon</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They left him, they just left him there</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After the Vietnamese who had discovered the joys of America got on the ladder they flew right off</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Clyde just stood there, not bothering to chase after them or try yelling, he knew it would do him no good</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well... Now what?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Out of the corner of his eyes he saw a couple VC's walking right towards him</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Unarmed and outnumbered he threw his arms up in surrender</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Only one of the VC's stopped to look at him as the other walked straight past him</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You, go away, we no want you.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Clyde dropped his arms and slumped over, any last trace of hope or any sort of emotion completely leaving him</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You do know I'm a GI, right?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;No care! Go away&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;The VC ran off to join his comrade in accessing the damage</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Clyde figured it was a long walk back to America and began on his way immediately</span></div></div>




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