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			<h1 id="section_0">(Anonymous author) RGRE- Wet Bandit(unfinished)</h1><ul id="page-actions" class="hlist"><li id="ca-edit" class="icon icon-32px icon-edit" title="Edit the lead section of this page."></li><li id="ca-talk" class="hidden icon icon-32px icon-talk"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Talk:(Anonymous_author)_RGRE-_Wet_Bandit(unfinished)&amp;action=edit&amp;redlink=1" title="Discussion about the content page [t]" accesskey="t">Discussion</a></li><li id="ca-watch" class="watch-this-article icon icon-32px"><a href="http://mulpwiki.org/index.php?title=Special:UserLogin&amp;returnto=%28Anonymous+author%29+RGRE-+Wet+Bandit%28unfinished%29" title="Add this page to your watchlist [w]" accesskey="w"></a></li></ul>		</div>
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<td><b>Writefag</b>
</td>
<td> sodomitor
</td></tr>
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<td><b>Pastebin link</b>:
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<td><a rel="nofollow" class="external free" href="http://pastebin.com/UPHN4pHm">http://pastebin.com/UPHN4pHm</a>
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<td><b>Pastebin creation</b>
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<td>Wednesday 6th of April 2016 03:10:47 PM CDT
</td></tr>
<tr>
<td><b>Last Pastebin update</b>
</td>
<td>Sunday 10th of April 2016 02:08:44 PM CDT
</td></tr></table>

</div><h3><span class="mw-headline" id=".28Anonymous_author.29_RGRE-_Wet_Bandit.28unfinished.29">(Anonymous author) RGRE- Wet Bandit(unfinished)</span><a href="(Anonymous_author)_RGRE-_Wet_Bandit(unfinished)#/editor/1" title="Edit section: (Anonymous author) RGRE- Wet Bandit(unfinished)" data-section="1" class="edit-page icon icon-32px icon-edit enabled">Edit</a></h3><div>
<div dir="ltr" class="mw-geshi mw-code mw-content-ltr"><div class="gettext source-gettext">&#160;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;It should've been best Wet Bandit's work up to date</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Best professional horse buglar in Equestria (by her own opinion)</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;All by the book: not just black full-body costume and mask, but even cute hoofmade cap</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Made it herself, pricked hooves all over</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;When she found out there's earthpony town where everypony are peaceful and friendly, and not just leave doors and windows lockless, but have no ponice whatsoever, she immediately put aside all her petty work in Manehattan</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She didn't care about specifics - town's on the way to Canterlot, home to some famous ponies and Equestria heroes or whatever</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Imagine headlines: &quot;Wet Bandit steals all (sweets) in Ponyville&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Everypony will talk about her! And dry their kitchens and bathrooms</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just as moon rised, she started on houses on the outskirts</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;First house near the forest smelled more like zoo than something ponies live in, so she gave it a wide berth</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Doubtful there's anything (sweet) of worth</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Next house, however, captured her attention</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Big one-pony-mansion, with outbuildings, looks like somepony's big lives here. More to steal!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Grunting, she finally lifted window frame and fell into dark room</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Gracefully and professionally. Definitely not flapping her legs around like a scared filly. Yeah.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Trying not to make noice, she headed to most important and valuable room - kitchen.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Would be easier to left her trademark by opening all water taps</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Finally stuffing everything she found in the bag, and opening all taps, she took to the exit, but something gleamed in the darkness.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Cookies in glass jar on top shelf. Even with crookedly written label &quot;Cokis&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just as if Celestia herself commanded her to get that</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;In a few minutes she already balanced on crudely stacked tower of cereal boxes</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Little wobbly without horn and wings, but she was nothing if ingenious</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And then lights turned on</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;OW!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wet Bandit, blinded, tumbled from her tower and fell to the floor with all empty boxes falling on her head</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Shook her head and realized that she just got caught</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Should've turned all water on later&quot;, flashed thought just as she looked up</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Before her stood biggest figure she saw in all of her career</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Bigger than two of her, easily, looking like minotaur, dressed in fluffy bathrobe and armed with a newspaper. Judging by lack of horns, female</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Looks like in a few moment she'll be very painfully busted</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;No negotiations, run for your life!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Who are you&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wait</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Male voice</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Not an ounce of malice in it</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She looked closer at strange minotaur and panic gave way to joy</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Poor guy was paralysed by fear, likely, and of course in no way dangerous!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She met stallions in Manehattan, sometimes, when she robbed their apartments</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Some even tried to flirt, freaks, but mostly all the same fear and meekness</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Not that she minded flirting, but... buck those romantic novels and movies, real life is nothing like that</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She decided to scare this weird creature so he won't interfere</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Rising to her hooves, she shook herself and started slowly creep to tall and hoofsome</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Look at you, brave boy...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He's not moving. Paralyzed by fear!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It would be fun</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Coming closer, she jumped, shouting scarier thing that came to mind</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Booo!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It worked! Look how he hides behind newspap...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Who turned off the lights? Where's all those stars came from</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thud!</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Anon</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Smooth over newspaper after booping poor pony right in the muzzle</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Bucking ponies. Even buglars look like they came from chilren's fairy tales and act like you're a puss... local stallion</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Should've accepted that world here is backwards</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Time to close all water taps that opened for some reason, get buglar's bag on the top shelf to cookie jar, close window and... what to do with buglar herself?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Maybe I booped her too hard? Let's carry her somewhere softer and talk this over in the morning, calmly, when she-</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... snore...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Looks like she's fine on the floor. Look how she's kicking her leg in the sleep. And you won't fall asleep quickly after this, for sure.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's two in the morning!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Damn buglars</span><br /><br />---<br /><br />�<span class="co4">&gt;Day 1 after robbery attempt</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;[spoiler]Anon dug pony up and cleaned her from dirt with a costume on. She didn't even let him put off her mask[/spoiler]</span><br /><span class="br0">&#91;</span>spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span>I'm sorry<span class="br0">&#91;</span>/spoiler<span class="br0">&#93;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anon tried to talk with pony like an intelligent adults</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Didn't work, obviously, this is freaking Equestria</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He tried to explain what he is and how he got here, but she held to her 'more realistic' version of him being naked feminine minotaur warrior</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then he tried to promise he won't call ponice (no ponice here and what's the point? They'll just put her in the corner with 'don't be bad' hat for a day), she didn't believe him</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Tried to console that being knocked out by larger and stronger opponent is nothing to be ashamed of, even if he's a male</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Like throwing peas against the wall</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So he tried to placate her by scratching behind her ears through her cap</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It worked with other ponies, right?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And it helped now, with quiet assurances that smart and cute pony shouldn't steal stuff</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then he led her out to the front door, bid her farewell, and voila, problem solved and nothing will happen ever again</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Right?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;...RIGHT?!</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Week after first robbery attempt</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Three in the morning</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Water splashes from every water tap and to hell with it</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anon resigned himself to sleep through those</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But then he woke up to sounds of spoon hitting the pan, coming from the kitchen</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And loud, familiar voice</span><br />&quot;Oh, scary burglar is in the house, she'll steal everything! Oh, who will catch her, and scratch her ears, and punish her by making her watch DREADFUL new Daring Do and Amarezone Mystery, that we failed to watch through yesterday?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anon silently swore and got up</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Probably a good idea to tell her to do this at 8 a.m., she already broke his alarm clock, could at least work like a living alarm</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;At least she stopped to wear her stupid burglar-costume. Partially</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Still, Anon just didn't get why she removed part that covered her chest</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;At least her chest tuft looked cute and fluffy. Springy too</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;He though that it's better to ask a friends if that's normal for ponies to have tuft like that</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Day 8</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Trying to speak with his friends about silly wanna-be-thief and chest tuft thingy was not the best idea</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Local princess organized searching party to check his house</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anon just now understood why Wet Bandit thought she's the best</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She just stood here with lampshade on her head. For three hours. With nopony realizing it.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Five mares and princess finally left, finding nothing, and strongly recommended &quot;a brave male&quot; to call them if something happened</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anon started to think that theft may be a good choice of profession...</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Week 2</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;They established an order for 'robberies'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wet gets in. On weekends - with her own sweets for movie night.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wakes Anon an hour before work</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Tries to subdue alien stallion and restore her marely honor</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With more fervor and cunning every time, but ultimately fails anyway</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anon scratches her ears, calms her, and cheers for next time that surely will be his downfall, if weekends, they watch movies</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;However, Anon noticed that movies seem to bore her: she yawns and leans on him, or just snores into his belly every time, so maybe it's time to find other activities</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Tried to do something else, and find out more about his guest</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Welp, who would've guessed - Wet Bandit is her real name</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What were her parents thinking? That their daughter will grow up to be banker?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Her costume is no less strange, she just couldn't part with it. Literally.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Even when Anon started to 'punish' her with ear scratches regularly, she still wore her cap</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Just made new holes. For ears</span><br /><br />-----<br />added from AnalplugAnon<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Burglarpone gets her disguises and identities mixed up</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You are Anon and you are cuddling your adorable would-be home invader.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;With her eyes closed and her breathing even, you could almost believe that she was just sleeping.</span><br />&quot;How are you liking the Daring Do movie, Bandit?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Burglarpone lets out a long, adorable yawn. Her tongue curls like a cat's, and you're tempted to grab it between your forefinger and thumb.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;When she speaks, her speech is slow and sloppy.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;SOMEpony's ready for bed, you think.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;The tablelamp enjoys watching movies with you, Anon. Its favourite part is when you hug it tight.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You scratch her ears (which are poking through two holes in her widdle burglar's cap) and she leans into your hand.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Don't struggle against the lamp, Anon. It doesn't want to hurt a colt, but it will if it has to.&quot;</span><br />&quot;I know you will, Bandit.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;You kiss her forehead and drift off to sleep.</span><br />&quot;I know you will.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;The next morning, your new best friend is missing and so is your DVD player.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;MotherFUCKER.</span><br /><br />--<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Next day there's somepony knocking at the front door</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's 4 in the morning</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anon groggily opens ans stares</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It's Wet Bandit, with miniature mustache and monocle on her FREAKING BUGLAR COSTUME, mask, cap and everything</span><br />&quot;Hello, good sir or madam! My name is Dry Salespony, would you like to buy this DVD player for low low price of <span class="nu0">10</span> bits?&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anon looks at his own player, then stares at the pony</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She's sweating bullets</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But her disguise is foolproof!</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anon squints harder at her</span><br />&quot;Dry Salespony, you say? What a coinsidence, I lost my DVD player just yesterday.&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;FOOLPROOF</span><br />&quot;W-well, looks like it's your lucky day, sir!&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;Anon picks pony up and puts lampshade on her head</span><br />&quot;You'll look good as an decorative lamp, and thanks for free DVD&quot;<br /><span class="co4">&gt;[panicked salespony\lamp noices]</span><br /><br />---<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;4th week. Almost month till first &quot;robbery&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be Anon</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;What have you done to deserve all that weirdness?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've noticed something strange going on with your un-kick-out-able (seriously, for all her stupidity she got through closed doors and windows like nothing) movie watching partner Wet &quot;Wet Bandit&quot; Bandit.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;To be precise, something different from her usual weirdness</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She appeared to always think about something lately</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Tried to hook out facts about you for some reason, even as she continued being skeptical about all human stuff and your world</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Even cartoon burglar didn't believe that you appeared here because alicorns tried to teleport across all of Equestria a famous Anny Moose to their dinner party but one too many drinks and here you are from other world, where gender roles are reversed and monkeys ride wild unintelligent horses</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;That's some kinky personal fantasy, not a real world&quot; bluntly said Bandit and left it at that</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Week ago she started to appear at your work and home, dressed as furniture or house items, but you always spotted her fast</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Last but not least because she kept masking herself as items that 'every stallion should have' such as rack with dresses, or cosmetics boxes</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;But you have to admit, that time when she pretended to be a mirror and copied everyone who looked at her while booking an appointment to 'alien stallion with magical massaging hands' lifted your spirit considerably</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She also started to make performances at your front door</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Be it 'salespony', 'mailpony', even haystack on four hooves, trying to get inside by any means necessary</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Every disguise was worn on top of her burglar costume. Even haystack one had her mask</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Seriously?</span><br /><br /><span class="nu0">1</span> -&#160;?<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You had a feeling she was purposely checking if you can recognize her in her laughable disguises</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, apart of the first time with salespony and DVD player</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;When you asked why she tried to give you your DVD player she honestly answered</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;But you've missed a DVD. Who else could be a better customer?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And there you though that you're not given her too much credit. Not anymore</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;So, now you've bolted everything down in your house on big screws, even jars with food and cookies</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Now that you think about it, everything started after that time, when you've made 'lamp' spend a night in your garden one more time</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Apart from everything you've mentioned, she also started to give you a strange tests or something</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Betting that you can't carry her around for half an hour for example (easiest 5 bits of your life, and don't even ask where she have got money from)</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Checking how high you can reach by throwing TV remote and food on cupboards and top shelves and innocently asking you to get them</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Even with her mask Bandit gave you too adorable puppy eyes to refuse</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;And tomorrow she overdid herself</span><br /><br /><span class="nu0">2</span> -&#160;?<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Arrived Saturday morning without all her usual fight with 'minotaur warrior' for her 'marely honor'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Walked around for half a day in skintight costume with even lower neck cutout for her chest tuft and mane showing from her cap, all showered up and smelling like she have robbed a perfume store</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Tried to flirt, waved her short tail around, puffed her chest when you looked at her, kicked remote down at the floor and commenting on her clumsiness leaned down showing her plot (would've been awkward if she wasn't wearing clothes) , but you finally snapped and took TV remote from her</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Other half a day she changed gears and tried to make you early Halloween. Told that she'll go get something, turned all lights off, hide somewhere, and threw toy spiders and bugs around, hoping that you'll scream like apparently everypony else at this town would've done</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Didn't work, of course, and it didn't help that toys looked even more adorable than pony foals</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It ended when she asked with 'spooky, haunted echoing voice' for you to help and pull her hungry and tired plot from vents</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You, of course, didn't miss the opportunity to throw pair of spiders on her stuck flanks</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wow, she's fast, and even left cartoonish dust cloud behind</span><br /><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Back to present</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She arrived again, and surprised(!) you</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Came late night, different from usual, even through your front door, knocked politely, and when you've opened, she grabbed your hand with her mouth (ew) and dragged you to the living room</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Then she told you about her 'dumb genius' by your opinion plan that she planned it for two weeks and now sure about it 100%</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She planned to make you burglar, and her partner in crime</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Judging from her happily jumping up, throwing her hooves in the air and holding that pose, awkwardly sweating, she expected the same happy and elated reaction from you</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Note to self, nights in garden make small marshmallow ponies even weirder than usual</span><br /><br /><span class="nu0">3</span> -&#160;?<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Jittery from your silence, she pulled empty sheets and pen from her bag, ready to explain her plan</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, she even made presentation with slides and all. With pictures, graphs and shit. You weren't sure if you should be happy of her being that artistic or angry because you're still so much stallion stereotype in her eyes that she thought about picture presentation to get her point across</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You chose to worry about where she got all that stuff instead</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;After finishing her preparations and waiting for you to sit on the couch she started to explain</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;W-well, as Celestia said &quot;if you can't defeat them, they should join&quot;! Or something like that. So, after I couldn't defeat you I've started thinking about that more often. I mean, you do have so much unusual and helpful abilities like you're not even from Equestria...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She took your silent &quot;No shit&quot; expression that even Nick Cage would be proud of as approval and continued</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Starting with obvious, that you 'in some uncanny manner' could see through all her perfect disguises and always spot her even if she masked herself as some other pony and always wore a mask</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You chose not to comment on that</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Marking your unusual for stallions 'kinda marely nature', behavior and tastes, she pointed out graphs about your strenght and height that allowed you to pick ponies and even move lockers with ease</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You decided to keep silent about your lockers being almost all empty thanks to only clothes-making pony in whole city that demanded outrageous prices for everything without lace and gemstones</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As if reading your thoughts, she started talking about clothes, that you wore with ease, even full-body clothing that could be uncomfortable, but vital for burglars</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That point also was reinforced with graphs and sketches</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Aww, that's cute, and at least her drawings are beautiful and without laces</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Sadly her logic wasn't at the same level as her skills</span><br /><br /><span class="nu0">4</span> -&#160;?<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She especially pointed out that you endured her attempted seductions as well, that CLEARLY indicates your iron will, and NOT that her chest tuft or charms are lacking, which is false and obviously would be an incorrect conclusion</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You quickly agreed, noticing that she prepared shitton of slides with 'average sizes of chest tuft in Equestria' and quotes about 'size doesn't matter'</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;To get it over with, you also pointed out her cute fur, making her squeak cutely</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It was going on and on, and you got drowsy quick, so when she started to explain what thief nickname would suit you best, you were already sleeping, unconsciously nodding at loud explanations, or explanations about what exactly she was explaining</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...no arachnopfobia, which is very rare for stallions *cough* and some mares *cough* but perfectly normal, and you even rebuffed best thief in Equestria for whole month with no problem! So, what do you think?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yeah... wait, she's finished at last?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Yawning, you stretched out, looking at smiling pony and last slide, showing sketchy shapes of small pony in hat and tall human in black clothing, labeled &quot;Wet BanditS&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Wow. Cute. And strangely familiar, like you've seen it already in the past</span><br /><br /><span class="nu0">5</span> -&#160;?<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So, tell me again, do you really think that tall, big and noisy human will be perfect for secret, careful, stealthy work such as...&quot; you frowned but forced yourself to continue &quot;...as an professional thief?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Well, not now of course but after my coaching - of course, no problem!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Whoa, overconfident much? Was she related to that flying Skittles pony? Okay, lets try again.</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Okay, what about me being one and only bipedal alien? Easy to find?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Thank fuck, that got her thinking and doubting herself...</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Nah, I'll teach you to disguise yourself perfectly, just like me!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Damn. And you were too soft hearted to directly tell her it won't work. Maybe work some other angle?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Okaaay, but you sure you've got time and skills, oh best of burglars ever? I think you've got sh... stuff to do, why would you waste time on someone dumb, unpleasant and stubborn such as myself?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She trotted to your couch, hopped on and comfortingly patted your shoulder</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Listen, I appreciate that you know about your flaws...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Is she asking for another garden night?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;... but I swear it'll be my pleasure to help you learn about true path to adventures, dangers and loot. And don't you worry, I've been involved in numerous secret robberies, and I have over 30 confirmed steals&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Oh, someone romanticized her profession too much... wait, what?</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You tried to calculate but asked her anyway just to be sure</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;And if we deduct all failed everyday attempts to rob me?&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Three?&quot; She counted on her hooves. Somehow</span><br /><br /><span class="nu0">6</span> -&#160;?<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You started to have suspicions about whole thing</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Maybe you'll tell me about your first robberies? Just, you know, to teach me.&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;As if she waited for that opportunity she quickly dove into her bag (adorably wiggling her hind hoovsies), pulling out book with convenient title &quot;How to spot a thief&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;Tho af faft fpha fuk...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You've carefully taken book from her blabbering mouth to help</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;So, one boring day I found that book in the library, and got interested, reading it all day long marveling about how awesome and interesting it is to be a burglar. I just felt that's what I wanted to do in life. So, I've started training, and months later borrowed all those knitting books and fabric...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;It actually was a book for foals about spotting bad ponies, you discovered, flipping through the pages. Filled with cute striped thiefs (no racism), stealing sweets and toys from even cuter painted foals. Whole thing finally started to add up</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Pony continued her chatter, obvious to you</span><br /><br /><span class="nu0">7</span> -&#160;?<br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;I've trained hard and finally tested my skills, by trying to steal cake from myself, because you know, there's no greater opponent than yourself! And after a long, cruel fight I still won. Victory was sweet, with hints of vanilla and berries. Later I tried to rob my old neighbors...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You flipped few pages more, and found out that book was actually for foals AND adults, and almost all advices boiled down to &quot;Run with your tail between your legs&quot;. No wonder she was so invested into &quot;thiefs no one can defeat&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...so yeah, I was dumb to ring bell instead of coming through the window, but hey, I'm no pegasus to fly 5th floors, but still my disguise as SuperMime worked perfectly. And I finally got my book from them! They were jerks, never sharing what they cooked thanks to my recipe book, and never noticed all those flowers I gave, so it was totally their fault. It was bumpy ride tho, one tried to flirt with me to know my name, other noticed book was missing and panicked, but I ran away, I even remembered to open all taps, because you know, Wet Bandit? It was so... scary! Awesome! But scary! So much fun! So I continued to be the best burglar ever!&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You finished that book, while she was telling about her third planned robbery about sweets shop down the street that had &quot;those crunchy sweet cookies&quot; that always were sold out when she came there, and how she found out about Ponyville before that and, well, tried to rob you, yadda yadda you know the rest</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;...but that's nothing, because I now understand that fate made me come here to find my perfect apprentice and partner in crime and second best thief ever, after me, of course.&quot;</span><br /><br /><span class="nu0">8</span> - <span class="nu0">9</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;That smile, those determined cute eyes</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You were deep in thought for some time, while pony waited, wagging her tail</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Well, at least now you know why she's so weird even by local marshmallow pony standards</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Still, you didn't want to break her heart, little ponies should be happy and smiley, not full of bitterness and shitty reality like you</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;On the other hand, if you will not stop that lost in fantasies mare now she could get into real troubles, and her silly tricks won't help her then. Or maybe they will, now that you think about it, most other ponies were as bright as she, maybe even less</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Finally you've made a decision that looked like a perfect compromise and in theory should keep her from trouble while you try to come up with not too heartbreaking explanations. In theory</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;&quot;You know, fine. I'll learn from you. But I have a few conditions, like, we're training only in my ho...&quot;</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;She squealed and hugged out all your attempts to talk</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;Those earth ponies are strong as fuck</span><br /><span class="co4">&gt;You started to doubt your plan even more</span><br /><br /><span class="co4">&gt;First night of trainings...</span></div></div>




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