### Aria and Fat Anon - by Anonymous

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>The dull glow from your monitor bounced off the empty chip bags and hollowed energy drinks cans that littered your desk. >Likewise the rest of your humble abode gave testimony to the caloric refreshments needed for a man of your stature and girth. >Twas the nerve center from which you had launched so many of your virtual conquests in the various realms you had plundered over the years. >To think the common peasants of your meatspace vicinity knew you as merely 'Anon'. >Truly your distinguished repute in the World of Warhorses gave more than enough justification for any 'excess' your friends may have been concerned about. >You scratched the hair of your neckbeard as the specially customized Secretlab beneath you groaned from even the slightest shifting of your weight. >Logging onto your account you were prepared to begin another crusade of unremitting thrashing of the unwashed plebs before your cell began vibrating next to your keyboard. >It was Aria Blaze. Hmm. >You considered letting it go to voicemail but decided against it. >If she found out you'd been ignoring her you knew from previous experience what her wrath could entail. "Hello?" >"Anon! What the hell? I tried calling you three times earlier! Why didn't you answer? >You shifted in your gaming chair as you reached for another cheesy treat and popped it into your hungry maw. "Yeah... >*crunch* "I was..." >*crunch* "Sleeping." >You could practically hear Aria's brow furrowing over the phone as a small moment of frustrated silence passed over. >"Sleeping? Really dude? Ugh, whatever. Are you gonna let me in or what?" "You're..." >*crunch* "...Here?" >Aria let out her famous groan. >"Yes." >She made a pretend crunching sound. >"I." >And another. >"Am." >You gave a sigh. "Alright, I'll buzz you in." >With considerable effort you lifted your stout self from your throne of vidya dominance and headed to the door. >After granting the siren admittance to the apartment's entrance you headed for the kitchen. >And more importantly the refrigerator. >Opening it up you gazed upon the various provisions at your disposal as you waited for your friend to make it up to your floor. >You were about to select a particularly enticing slice of Devil's Food cake when you heard Aria using her keys to open the front door. >As the twin tailed songstress stepped over the threshold she looked around the dwelling with a look of mild annoyance before settling her glare directly on you from the hallway. >She was wearing tight black yoga pants with a light purple tank top and gray running shoes. >Each article of clothing seemed to accentuate her curves expertly. >She made an exaggerated motion of pinching her nose with her fingers as she made another glance at her surroundings. >"Ever heard of air fresheners?" >As she made her way over you decided it might be best to offer a tasty olive branch. "Hey, you want some cake? I've got extra-" >"Not right now, but I do call dibs on a slice for later. Just came to return your copy of C oom." >The purple grump set the cartridge on the kitchen table before taking a seat and leaning back. >Tilting her head to one side as she gave you a wry smile. >"Dessert already huh?" >You gave a shrug as you removed the chocolatey comestible before grabbing a fork and settling across from Aria at the table. >The chair creaked in protest as Aria rolled her eyes. >You broke off a piece of the delicious delicacy and held it up to your eyes, examining it's texture as you allowed your appetite to gain momentum. "So what's up?" >You bit into the piece of cake and relished the cascade of flavor on your tastebuds. >Aria folded her arms and looked over at your gaming station with a pensive expression before turning her gaze back at you. Anon...The girls and I are kind of... Well worried about you I guess." >You scoffed. "Worried? About what? That I'm going be the next HoH master? Because that is a valid concern." >You gave a small chuckle at your less-than-modest comment as you carved off another chunk of dark deliciousness. "Don't worry, I won't forget about you guys when I make it to the big leagues." >Aria's glare was enough to make you pause before your next bite. >Though only for a moment. >She straightened up and gave you a hard stare as your eyes met before you broke it off and refocused on your snack. >"When's the last time you went out and got some fresh air?" "I don't know. Why?" >"Well, this place looks even worse than the last time I was her and that was barely a week ago. And you-" >You set down your fork with a clang as you returned the stare again. "What?" >"Anon... You know 'what'." >You gave an irritated huff. "Yeah, I know I'm fat as fuck. Any other breaking news you got for me?" >Aria's eyes softened slightly as you shifted yours to a spot of linoleum tile. >Almost unconsciously your hand reached back for the fork as Aria pulled the plate away. "Hey!" >"Shut up and grab your shoes tubby. >We're going for a walk." >You reeled back in disgust. "You're kidding right? I'm not going out there! Not with everything that's happening right now." >Aria slammed her fists onto the table, causing the piece of cake and it's plate to jump slightly. >"Don't be a pussy Anonymous! You need exercise! You need to lose weight!" "I am not! I am the Anonihilator! >You took a second to catch your breath from the outburst before continuing. "I exercise strategies and excise my enemies! I'm a heavyweight in more ways than one!" >Sweat had begun to bead on your forehead as your labored breath gave away just how much you had let yourself go. >Maybe Aria had a point? >Nevertheless, you raised your triple chin up with deserved pomposity. "And don't you forget it Ms. Blaze." >Aria balked. >"Yeah, you're definitely coming with me." >You gave an indignant pout. "B-but the cake?" >She replied by letting a clear stream of saliva fall from her lips onto the slice. >She looked back at you with challenge in her eyes. "Still want it now?" >You gave a small smirk of defiance. >Oh, you sweet summer child. "Yes. Even more so." >She cocked an eywbrow. >"Bruh". >For a mythical creature from another dimension she had little appreciation for the finer things in life. Several tense seconds passed as you two stared each other down. >Aggression vs appetite. >Alas, no cake was worth losing this friendship over. >So finally you relented. "Okay, okay, fine. Jesus." >You lifted yourself up from the chair, it's mocking groan of relief not helping to improve your mood in the slightest. >Making your way to the front doorstep, >Aria stood up and followed behind as she tossed the remaining cake into the trash bin. >Rest in peace. >As you slipped on your penny loafers you gave a cursory glance back at the lithe slave driver behind you. "So where are you taking me anyway?" >Aria gave a friendly grin. >"Just to the park Anon. It's open and I know a secret shortcut." >She opened the door and waited for you to follow suit. >You hesitated for a moment, shuffling your feet somwhat nervously. "And then what?" >Aria's grin grew more devilish as she let one hand pull on her tank top's shoulder strap. >Just enough to make the front her shirt bounce a few times. >"We'll see about some yoga moves I can show you." >Why didn't she just start with this approach? >Women. >You slammed the door behind you as the two of you headed for the elevator. "I guess HoH can wait a little while longer." Aria laughed. >"Uh huh. Come on big guy."