THE RETURN OF HARMONY—PART ONE

Written by M.A. Larson

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to an overhead view of Cheerilee leading several colts and fillies—the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Snips, Snails, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Twist—across a well-manicured lawn.)

Cheerilee: I want to start our field trip here, in the world-famous Canterlot Sculpture Garden.

(As she speaks, the camera zooms out to frame the entire area, seen during the day. The lawn is decorated with a plethora of large white statues that depict ponies in various poses, and they are walking around the perimeter of an expansive hedge maze. Close-up of Cheerilee, Diamond, and Silver; the two fillies follow their teacher’s glance toward the camera as they pass.)

Cheerilee: That one over there represents friendship.

(Cut to the statue she has indicated: three leaping, laughing fillies, one balanced atop the other. Apple Bloom, the Crusader walking point, stops short so that Scootaloo rams into her and gets rear-ended by Sweetie Belle in turn. The impacts knock them all silly for a moment, after which they trade a round of dirty looks.)

Cheerilee: (from o.s.) All right, my little ponies!

(Cut to her and the two spoiled brats, with the Crusaders catching up. On the next line, zoom out to frame another statue: a caped mare standing on her hind legs, holding a flag with three diamonds as stars fly around her hooves. The flag is an actual cloth, not a piece of sculpture.)

Cheerilee: This one represents victory.

Scootaloo: How cool would it be to have that for a cutie mark? (Close-up of the Crusaders.)

Bloom: Cool…if you were actually victory-ful at somethin’.

Sweetie: That’s not a word!

Scootaloo: What are you, a dictionary?

Cheerilee: (from o.s., sharply) Girls!

(Overhead view of her and the rest of the class; the Crusaders hurry over to rejoin them. They have stopped by a decidedly weird-looking statue: a long, serpent-like, winged quadruped, none of whose body parts match each other, standing on its hind legs. To wit: one forelimb ends in a feline paw, the other in a set of talons; one hind leg is that of a deer, the other of a reptilian creature. One feathered and one webbed wing sprout from the back. Its tail is long enough to wrap around the pedestal and nearly touch the ground, and it is laughing wildly.)

 

Cheerilee: Now this is a really interesting statue. (Close-up.) What do you notice about it?

 

(Zoom in on the hodgepodge, showing that even the head is a weird amalgamation: shaped more like a donkey or mule than a pony, with a long neck, bushy eyebrows, one antler each from a goat and deer, a snaggle tooth in the wide-open laughing mouth, and a goat’s beard protruding from its chin.)

 

Bloom: (from o.s.) It’s got an eagle claw! (Back to the class.)

Scootaloo: And a lion paw!

Sweetie: And a snake tail!

Cheerilee: This creature is called a draconequus. (Tilt slowly up its height, putting her o.s.) He has the head of a pony and a body made up of all sorts of things. (Back to the group.) What do you suppose that represents? (Bloom pops up.)

Bloom: Confusion! (Sweetie shoves her away.)

Sweetie: Evil! (Scootaloo shoves her off.)

Scootaloo: Chaos!

Sweetie: It’s not chaos, you dodo!

Scootaloo: Don’t call me things I don’t know the meaning of!

(Cut to a slow zoom in on the head during the previous line.)

Scootaloo: (from o.s.) And it is too chaos! (Back to them.)

Sweetie: Is not! (Bloom jumps on their heads.)

Bloom: You’re both wrong!

(The three-pony pyramid collapses into a brawl that leaves Cheerilee shaking her head. Tilt up from them to frame the draconequus’ belly; a spot on it begins to pulse faintly, as if a heart were beating under the stone surface. At ground level, Cheerilee steps up to the beatdown.)

Cheerilee: Actually, in a way you’re all right. (Fight ends.) This statue represents discord, which means “a lack of harmony between ponies.” In fact, you three have demonstrated discord so well— (Cut to them; she continues o.s.) —that you’re each going to write me an essay explaining it.  

(Three faces fall as the rest of the class laughs at them.)

Cheerilee: (leading them away) Now let’s go. And I don’t want any more fighting. (Next three lines are whispered among the Crusaders.)

Bloom: It’s confusion!

Sweetie: Evil!

Scootaloo: Chaos!

(During this exchange, the camera tilts up to follow a jagged crack that appears on one leg and works its way to the top of the neck. The “heart” keeps beating and a low, malicious chuckle is heard before the view fades to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to an overhead view of the Ponyville town square. Rainbow Dash flies into view and goes into a steep ascent, but something streaks across the screen and brushes past her. Its passage sets her spinning in place and leaves her badly disoriented for a second; she gets her head clear and her dander up at the same time.)

Rainbow: Come back here, you!

(She zooms off after the annoyance, which can now be seen as a small pink cloud, and nails it with a flying tackle.)

Rainbow: Gotcha!

(Once she gets it and herself stopped, she finds that it is made of a very sticky, tenacious material.)

Rainbow: Ewwww! (shaking most of it off) What is this?

(She licks at a wad of residue and is surprised to discover that it is…)

Rainbow: Cotton candy?

(Many more such clouds zoom past her at unusually high speeds; one stops directly above her head and grows slightly. Its rumble of thunder is accompanied by the emergence of a very brown raindrop that lands squarely on Rainbow’s head.)

Rainbow: Wait a second! It’s not supposed to rain until tomorrow! You can’t just—

(Her protest gets her nowhere, as the cloud cuts loose with a brown shower.)

Rainbow: You did.

(Wipe to a cornfield ready to harvest and pan to frame Applejack, picking the ears with her teeth and tossing them into the cart she is pulling. The field lies outside the Sweet Apple Acres barn. One of the maverick clouds sails high overhead.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Hey! (flying after it) I didn’t tell you to go anywhere! (More clouds move in with their weird rain.)

Applejack: (as Rainbow descends, now clean) Rainbow Dash, what’s goin’ on with this rain…I mean, chocolate milk…I mean, chocolate-milk rain?!? (Rainbow hovers near her.)

Rainbow: There’s crazy weather all over Equestria! Cloudsdale’s getting soaked by a major cola storm right now. (The corn starts to pop.) But don’t worry. I’m not leaving you ’til I get control of Ponyville.

(She peels out as one ear machine-guns its contents straight into the farm pony’s face, knocking her back into the growing fluffy mounds. Pan to another section of the fields, where Pinkie Pie is blissfully diving among the popcorn.)

Pinkie: Why would you want to stop this?

(Out comes her tongue to lick the raindrops off her face. Now Rarity arrives on the scene and clears her throat as Applejack surfaces. The elegant unicorn has donned a violet raincoat and hat, as well as a saddle with an ornate blue umbrella attached to keep the storm off her.)

Rarity: I heard about your troubles, Applejack, and I came to see if there’s anything I can do—without getting wet. (Close-up of Applejack; she continues o.s.) Or dirty. (Back to her.) Or out from under my umbrella.

(A sound from o.s. draws both ponies’ surprised attention. Pan/tilt up to the source: the apples on a nearby tree suddenly grow to several times normal size. The weight of the gargantuan fruit causes this and other affected trees to bend over until their leaves nearly scrape the ground. One squirrel after another pops up from the leaves for an easy snack.)

Applejack: (from o.s.) Fluttershy, do somethin’!

(Quick pan to the animal expert on this line; she is watching her rabbit Angel chomp into one of the apples.)

Fluttershy: Now, Angel, you really shouldn’t—

(In a trice, the four short white legs have sprouted hooves, become very skinny and horse-like, and grown to perhaps three times the length of hers. Close-up of her.)

Fluttershy: No! It’s not possible!

(Zoom out; other bunnies stride past on their own ridiculously long shanks.)

Fluttershy: I must be seeing things!

(Twilight Sparkle and Spike walk up, the former levitating a book so she can read from it.)

Twilight: Don’t worry, everyone! (She closes the book and tosses it away.) I’ve learned a new spell that’ll fix everything!

(It takes her only a moment to conjure up a beam from her horn and let fly, the sky dimming briefly from its brilliance. The popping corn ears, the monster apples, the flipped-out clouds—all take the full blast, and she tops it off with a radiating blue/purple shock wave and a flash of white light that washes out the screen. As it fades away, the caster looks up, puzzled, and a long shot reveals why—her spell has had no effect whatsoever.)

Twilight: My failsafe spell…failed! What do we do?

Spike: Uh, give up? (Zoom out slightly; Rarity crosses to them.)

Rarity: (reprovingly) Spike, Twilight will come up with something.

(During this line, she levitates the umbrella saddle off her own back and the camera cuts to Twilight as it settles on hers.)

Twilight: Hmmm…time for Plan B. (addressing herself o.s.) Rainbow! Can you corral all those clouds in one corner of the sky?

(Cut to the airborne pegasus on the end of this; several of the funky rabbits are nibbling at a cotton-candy cloud in which she is mired. After a quick shake to free herself and scare them off, she salutes and gets her wings in gear. Cloud after cloud is swiftly rounded up to the surprise of Pinkie, who enjoys wallowing in the chocolate precipitation until it moves away from her.)

Twilight: Applejack! I need you to bring those high-strung storm clouds down to earth!

(Back into the sky during this line; Rainbow is cutting tight circles around the mass of clouds to force them all together. Down below, Applejack twirls her lasso in her teeth and lets fly; Rainbow peels out to stay clear of the loop as it drops around the giant pink clump. Pinkie has shifted position to stay in the rain and fill her mouth, but she is soon left high and dry again.)

Pinkie: Hey! What happened?

(The single weird thunderhead is dragged toward ground level. Now Twilight whispers to Fluttershy, whose face brightens as she grasps the plan; the yellow flyer addresses herself o.s. in a loud, slightly stilted voice. Twilight has disposed of the umbrella.)

Fluttershy: Oh, dear! I hope that none of the animals see these delicious chocolate-filled cotton-candy clouds!

(During this line, the camera cuts to the trees and the critters whose ears perk up at these words. The next shot is of Applejack, who finishes tying the free end of her rope to a fence post to hold the clouds in place.)

Fluttershy: (from o.s.) I’d hate to have to share them!

(Pan to the other side of the mass; here Pinkie is stuffing her face. She has otherwise cleaned up from her wallow in the puddles.)

Pinkie: Ah! You and me both, sister!

(She is instantly beset by a rush of animals that take her place at the all-you-can-eat candy/weather buffet. The speed of their charge knocks her backward.)

Pinkie: Hey!

(Her protest does nothing to dissuade the gorging critters. Cut to an overhead shot of the cloud and pan to the other four ground troops—Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Spike.)

Applejack: (as Fluttershy, Rainbow land) And when y’all are done that [sic], feel free to have some popcorn for dee-ssert! (Close-up of Twilight.)

Twilight: You see, Spike? You should never give up. (Pan to him as she continues.) There’s nothing we can’t overcome if we all work together.

(He sucks in a huge, cheek-bulging breath and lets it out in a green fiery blast that solidifies into a scroll. Zoom out from the group as Twilight levitates and opens it to read, then zoom in quickly to a close-up of her. She sucks in a sharp gasp, her eyes briefly popping in surprise, and addresses the group.)

Twilight: Come on, girls! Princess Celestia wants to see us all in Canterlot immediately!

(Cut to Applejack and Fluttershy on the end of this; they trade a properly worried look at this bit of news. Dissolve to a long shot of the capital city on its mountainside, zooming in over the windswept peaks, then dissolve to a closer view of one balcony of Princess Celestia’s palace. The zoom continues as the winged unicorn paces behind a row of stained-glass windows that give onto this balcony. In close-up, she stops at the sound of a door being thrown open.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Princess Celestia!

(Cut to the six ponies at the entrance; all gallop in except for Rainbow, who flies. Rarity no longer wears her raincoat and hat.)

Twilight: We came as fast as we could!

(A different camera angle reveals that they are in the palace’s entrance hall; Celestia stands at the main landing of its staircase. As they stop at its foot, Celestia speaks with a slightly fearful urgency that stands in sharp contrast to her usual gentle tone.)

Celestia: Thank you, Twilight. Thank you all.

Twilight: Is this about the weather, and the animals’ weird behavior? What’s happening out there? (Cut to Celestia; she continues o.s.) Why isn’t my magic working? Is there— (A gold-shod hoof is raised; she falls silent.)

Celestia: Follow me.

(Dissolve to an overhead shot of the seven, now proceeding down a corridor with stained-glass windows on both walls.)

Celestia: I’ve called you here for a matter of great importance.

(Floor-level close-up of a window’s image projected onto the tiles by sunlight: a creature that resembles the draconequus statue seen in the prologue. The ponies pass by this.)

Celestia: (from o.s.) It seems an old foe of mine, someone I thought I had defeated long ago, has returned.

(On the end of this, Fluttershy stops for a better look at the thing, then angles her head up toward the window itself.)

Celestia: (from o.s.) His name… (Cut to the window and zoom in.) …is Discord.

(Fluttershy yelps in fear and darts ahead to rejoin the others. Head-on view of them; she peeks out.)

Celestia: (stepping into view before them) Discord is the mischievious [sic] spirit of disharmony. Before my sister and I stood up to him, he ruled Equestria in an eternal state of unrest and unhappiness.

(Cut to the upper section of one window, which portrays the creature manipulating an earth pony, pegasus, and unicorn on the ends of strings attached to marionette control crossbars. Tilt down/zoom in to frame the rest of the glass as she speaks; pink flames burn below the ponies, and faint screams are heard under her next line.)

Celestia: (from o.s.) Luna and I saw how miserable life was for earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns alike. (Long shot of the group.) So after discovering the Elements of Harmony…

(Cut to another window and zoom in; Discord, caught between the two circling princesses, has been petrified.)

Celestia: (from o.s.) …we combined our powers and rose up against him, turning him to stone. (Rainbow pops up into view.)

Rainbow: All right, Princess! (The group continues on.)

Celestia: I thought the spell we cast would keep him contained forever. (Close-up.) But since Luna and I are no longer connected to the Elements… (Pan to Twilight and Applejack as she continues.) …the spell has been broken. (They stop; she walks on.)

Twilight: No longer connected?

(Cut to a long shot of a balcony at the end of the hall, decorated with a multitude of varicolored tapestries, and tilt down toward ground level.)

Celestia: (from o.s.) This is Canterlot Tower…

(The seven come into view, standing before a pair of closed double doors in a gold frame topped with a carving of a winged unicorn. A column and a unicorn sculpture stand to either side.)

Celestia: …where the Elements are kept inside since all of you recovered them. (Close-up.) I need you to wield the Elements of Harmony once again and stop Discord— (Cut to the six; she continues o.s.) —before he thrusts all of Equestria into eternal chaos! (Pinkie zips away.)

Twilight: But why us? Why don’t you—

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Hey, look! (Cut to her at another window.) We’re famous!

(Close-up of the glass, tilting up; the six use the Elements to bring down Nightmare Moon. Applejack is portrayed without her hat.)

Celestia: (from o.s.) You six showed the full potential of the Elements by harnessing the magic of your friendship to beat a mighty foe. (Back to her and Twilight.) Although Luna and I once wielded the Elements, it is you who now control their power, and it is you who must defeat Discord!

(All six have gathered before her again. They exchange a few seconds’ worth of uncertain looks and drooping ears before their usually-fearless leader finds her resolve.)

Twilight: Princess Celestia, you can count on—

Pinkie: Hold on a second! Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain, you guys. Chocolate rain! (Twilight slides up to Celestia.)

Twilight: Don’t listen to her, Princess. We’d be honored to use the Elements of Harmony again.

(Stepping up to the closed doors, Celestia inserts her horn into a hole bored through the center of the gold sunburst that rests where the handles or knobs would normally go. She hits it with a quick shot of magic and backs away; vivid blue light shines around the sunburst’s outline and spreads along the seams that split the doors radially into six panels. Machinery begins to grind as the camera zooms out and two columns of three blue spots each light up on the doors, one by one. The blue brilliance spills outward from the doors, washing over Celestia, and one swift flash later they are standing wide open. Cut to a jeweled lockbox on a pedestal within, surrounded by the light, and zoom in.)

Rarity: (from o.s., shuddering) Oooooh… (Cut to her as she continues.) You can keep the Elements. I’ll take that case!

Celestia: Have no fear, ponies. I have total confidence that you will be able to defeat Discord…

(On the end of this, she levitates the box forward, the camera shifting to frame it instead of her.)

Celestia: (from o.s.) …with these.

(When the lid flips open, the contents are framed in full detail: absolutely nothing. A round of gasps from the six Ponyville residents shocks Celestia into letting it hit the floor. The thud echoes prominently in the silent hall; Pinkie is first to get any words out, in her usual cheerful tone.)

Pinkie: Oh, well. (trotting away) If anyone needs me, I’ll be outside in the chocolate puddles with a giant swizzle straw!

(Snap to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to an extreme close-up of the empty box and zoom out to frame it on the floor, surrounded by hooves.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) The Elements! (Long shot of the Ponyville six.) They’re gone!

Celestia: (pacing) That chamber is protected by a powerful spell that only I can break! This doesn’t make sense.

(A fruity, malicious laugh asserts itself in the hall—the amped-up brother of the chuckle heard in the prologue. It gives way to an echoing male voice whose unctuous, semi-playful tone does very little to disguise the suggestion of malevolence at its core.)

Voice: Make sense? Oh, what fun is there in making sense?

Celestia: Discord! Show yourself!

(Another contemptuous laugh rolls around the vaulted ceiling; cut to a pan past the window that depicts him pulling the ponies’ strings.)

Voice: Did you miss me, Celestia?

(Pan back to that window; a flash of light, and the draconequus image begins to move and speak in this voice.)

Window Discord: I’ve missed you.

(He leaps away, his form disappearing past the edge as if on a television screen, and appears in the next window—the ponies gathered around the jewels that represent the Elements.)

Window Discord: It’s quite lonely being encased in stone, but you wouldn’t know that, would you? (Zoom in slowly.) Because I don’t turn ponies into stone!

(He has ended up lounging against Fluttershy’s panel, which he taps with a claw. Cut to the seven.)

Celestia: Enough! What have you done with the Elements of Harmony?

(The window again; now he is seen in his own panel at the top.)

Window Discord: Oh, I just borrowed them for a teensy little while.

(A snap causes the jewels to disappear from the center of the design.)

Celestia: (stomping one hoof) You’ll never get away with this, Discord! (He reclines on their pedestal.)

Window Discord: Oh, I’d forgotten how grim you can be, Celestia. (Head-on view of the seven; he continues o.s.) It’s really quite boring.

Rainbow: Hey! Nopony insults the Princess!

(She launches a flying charge at the window, but he disappears an instant before she smacks into the glass. Once she gets her eyes refocused and peels herself loose, he reappears—now large enough to block most of the picture.)

Window Discord: Oh! You must be Rainbow Dash, famed for her loyalty—the Element of Harmony you represent.

Rainbow: That’s right! I’ll always be loyal to the Princess! (He vanishes.)

Voice of Discord: We’ll see about that.

(Cut to Rarity, standing before the window that depicts Celestia and Luna defeating him—but he is gone from the center.)

Rarity: I can’t believe we’re wasting our time talking to a tacky window. (He reappears at its base.)

Window Discord: The beautiful Rarity, representing the Element of generosity, if I’m not mistaken. (Applejack walks up.)

Applejack: So you know who we are. Big deal. (He grows to full size.)

Discord: Oh, I know much more than that, honest Applejack.

Twilight: You seem to know our strengths too.

(Now he pops over to the window of the six, appearing in small size atop Fluttershy’s panel.)

Window Discord: Yes, Twilight Sparkle. And yours is the most powerful and elusive Element—magic. (Cut to Twilight and Fluttershy; he continues o.s.) Fluttershy’s is kindness and Pinkie Pie’s is a personal favorite of mine—laughter.

(The yellow pegasus’ eyes pop when she is mentioned, and the camera then pans to frame Pinkie on Twilight’s other side; she has a hoof to her mouth to stifle the giggles that mingle with his.)

Twilight: (annoyed) Pinkie!

Pinkie: (laughing full force) He’s standing on your head!

(Back to the window during this; he is in fact dancing while balanced on Twilight’s head.)

Celestia: Stop stalling, Discord! What have you done with the Elements of Harmony?

Window Discord: Oh, so boring, Celestia, really! Fine, I’ll tell you, but I’ll only tell you my way.

(He vanishes with a flash. In an overhead shot of the hall, his full-size image appears in one window and weaves among others.)

Window Discord:         To retrieve your missing Elements,

                        Just make sense of this change of events.

                        Twists and turns are my master plan,

(He returns to the window in which he first came to life.)

                        Then find the Elements back where you began.

(One last flash leaves him in stained-glass immobility again; his unsettling chuckle echoes and dies out as Twilight, Applejack, and Fluttershy step up.)

Fluttershy: Can we go home now?

Applejack: What do you reckon he meant? Twists and turns and endin’ back where we started?

Twilight: (walking toward a window) Twists and turns…twists and turns…

(She has ended up at a spot that gives an excellent vantage point of the hedge maze. After staring out over the green walls and the gloomy gray sky, it hits her.)

Twilight: Twists and turns! That’s it! I bet Discord hid the Elements in the palace labyrinth!

Celestia: Good luck, my little ponies. (as she, Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow bow to each other) The fate of Equestria is in your hooves.

(The regal pony actually bows twice, inclining her head so that her horn swings down close to each of Twilight’s shoulders as if she were using a sword to knight her.)

Twilight: Thanks, Princess. We won’t let you down.

(She races off, leading the other five out of the hall as Celestia watches and Discord’s laughter peals out over them all. Dissolve to a head-on view of the maze entrance, zooming in over a ridge and tilting up to frame the flying banners that adorn it. A collective gasp is heard from o.s.; cut to an overhead view of the six before the entrance, seen from above its arch.)

Fluttershy: (terrified) W…we have to go in there? (Ground level; Rainbow walks up.)

Rainbow: Nope. (flapping her wings) Dopey Discord forgot about these babies! (She goes airborne.) I’ll just do a quick flyover and we’ll have the Elements in no time.

(She is totally unprepared for a sudden flash of light that leaves no trace of “these babies” on her flanks. All her forward momentum goes bye-bye, leaving her to drop like a ton of blue bricks.)

Rainbow: My wings!

(Fluttershy promptly loses hers as well, prompting a yelp, and a double flash strips both unicorns of their horns.)

Twilight, Rarity: Your horn!…My horn!

(Both scream at the realization, and a ball of light appears at the maze entrance. It solidifies into Discord, who straightens his mismatched body up to full height as lightning forks across the sky, the camera framing him from the waist up. After his exultant laughter has died out, he leans down to point at the six ponies with his lion-paw foreleg. The bushy eyebrows and goat beard are white, the eyes are beady and red with yellow whites, and one pupil is rather larger than the other. His body is brown, his head and neck a lighter brownish-gray, and a short fringe of dark gray mane runs down the back of his neck. The taloned forelimb is yellow, while its lion-paw counterpart is a pale brownish-yellow. The “snake tail” that Sweetie pointed out in the prologue is red and scaly, ridged with a row of spines and tapering to a tuft of white hair at the end. The previous echoing quality is gone from his voice.)   

Discord: (giddly) You…you should see the looks on your faces! Priceless! (Giggle.)

Twilight: Give us our wings and horns back!

Discord: You’ll get them back in good time. (Teleport over to Applejack; nudge her flank as he continues.) I simply took them to ensure there’s no cheating. (slithering to Fluttershy/Rainbow, then Twilight) You see, this is the first rule of our game—no flying, and no magic.

Rainbow: (unnerved) The…first rule? (He rests on the nearest hedge.)

Discord: The second rule is, everypony has to play, or the game is over—and I win. (hovering) Good luck, everypony!

(The previous sequence clearly picks out the rest of his coloration. Light blue feathered wing; darker blue-gray webbed one; deer hind leg in medium brown; reptilian one in green. He now winks out with one last laugh; instantly Fluttershy drops into a fearful huddle on the grass.)

Twilight: Never fear, girls. We have each other. (Fluttershy is back up again.)

Rainbow: Yeah! Like Twilight said, there’s nothing we can’t overcome if we all stick together.

(On this line, the camera cuts to Applejack and Fluttershy, who trade reassuring smiles, then to Pinkie and Rarity as they do the same while standing behind Rainbow. The view then shifts to just inside the entrance and zooms in on the six ponies taking up positions before it.)

Twilight: All right, girls. Let’s do this.

(Ground-level view of their line, from the chests down and seen from Fluttershy’s end.)

All: (taking one step ahead) Together!

(In a longer shot, they are startled into an assortment of panicked responses by the hedges that suddenly shoot up from the ground to wall one off from the next. An overhead view reveals that they have been split up into six parallel lanes; in addition, another hedge has sprung up behind to cut off their retreat.)

Twilight: Stay calm, girls!

(Cut to a screenful of hedge leaves. A vertical panel showing her slides up from the bottom to fill the middle third of the screen.)

Twilight: Everypony head to the middle as fast as you can and we’ll regroup there! (The next four appear in turn.)

Rainbow: (top left) Moving out!

Rarity: (bottom right) See you in the center!

Applejack: (bottom left) Yee-haa!

Pinkie: (top right) See you guys there!

(These five panels have nearly filled the screen; the ponies within them zip away at top speed, after which the assembly flies up like a window shade. Behind them is a freaked-out yellow former pegasus who can do no more than hyperventilate for a second.)

Fluttershy: What’s that? Who’s there? GIRRRRLS!!

(As she holds out this last word, zoom out to a long overhead shot. The other five have started to run the maze, but she is still at the start of her path. The camera briefly roves ahead to frame more of the vast scramble of hedges that awaits them, then focuses on the galloping Applejack. After several seconds of sure-footed charging, she slows to a walk and advances quizzically along a straightaway in close-up. A zoom out frames the reason for her puzzlement: three red apples lying on the ground, in nearly the same arrangement as the ones that make up her cutie mark. They roll ahead on their own.)

Applejack: What in tarnation?

(She resumes her galloping pace to follow them and comes out in a grove of apple trees. The pieces of fruit roll in a small circle before her.)

Applejack: Where am I?

(Another apple drops into view and clunks her square in the noggin; she looks up, slightly dazed, in time to see others fall from the branches. Within seconds, they are tumbling along the ground in a broad swath, accompanied by three separate high, cackling giggles. A brief overhead shot of Applejack reveals that they have separated themselves into three groups by color—green, light red, dark red—and are now circling her.)

Applejack: Who are y’all?

(Each group in turn forms itself into a tall pile and shapes a face to speak, while still circling. After a pile finishes, it collapses back down.)

Dark red: The keepers of the Grove of Truth.

You may ask us… (Quick pan to light red.)

Light red:                 …one question… (Quick pan to green.)

Green:                         …past, future, or present. (To Applejack.)

Dark red:         But be warned…

Light red:                 …that the truth…

Green:                         …may not always be pleasant.

Applejack: All right, then. I don’t trust this place worth a hill of beans, but I got a real bad feelin’ about this feller Discord. What’s gonna come of this here mission we’re on?

(All three groups stop moving. Cut to the edge of a pond and zoom out slightly as they and their reflections move up to the edge, with Applejack in between them. Now all three guardians’ faces remain in view.)

Dark red:         For the answer you seek…

Light red:         …go ahead. (Close-up of her reflection; it continues o.s.) Take a peek.

(Her image gives way to the six friends standing in a decidedly warped version of Ponyville. A tree and streetlight list at crazy angles; houses are placed smack on top of tall hills; Sugarcube Corner stands on a floating midair island; the ground has taken on a pastel checkerboard pattern. The ponies, all unusually cross, stand in what used to be a normal street. Each speaker’s face briefly superimposes itself over the scene, then vanishes as her words echo weirdly over the pond surface. Of the four non-earth ponies, only Twilight has regained her normal state.)

Rainbow: I hope I never see you again!

Fluttershy: Me too!

Pinkie: Fine!

Rarity: Fine!

Twilight: It’s settled, then.

[Animation goof: Twilight’s horn is missing in her close-up.]

(They scatter in all directions, the image changing back to Applejack’s reflection. Zoom out quickly as she straightens up with a frightened start; the guardians have collapsed again.)

Applejack: No! Our friendship…over?

(Cut to Discord floating in the sky. He is working three marionette crossbars just as he did in the stained-glass window of the palace—one in each foreleg, the third with his tail—and he chuckles nastily to himself. Tilt down to ground level, the strings disappearing from view; the three guardians respond to his motions, rising and falling to show/hide their faces.)

Applejack: It can’t be true! (taking off hat) It just can’t!

(Snap to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: an overhead view of Applejack and the three guardian/puppets at the edge of the pond. The surface shows the six friends going their separate ways as the camera zooms in; Applejack has put her hat back on and is watching closely. After the vision fades away, cut to a close-up of her, straightening up to full height.)

Applejack: That just can’t be the truth.

Light red:                 When all the truth does…

Green:                         …is make your heart ache…

(As this pile continues, Discord’s face and voice fade in partially to overlap it and the hypnotic influence of his eyes spreads to hers.)

Green, Discord:        …sometimes a lie is easier to take.

(Green’s wildly laughing voice fade away, the three piles of apples roll off the scene, and Applejack’s entire form takes on a faded, washed-out tone, starting from the hat and working down. Only the colors cycling through her mesmerized eyes retain any vivid hues. Just behind her, a section of hedge slides open as if it were a door and Twilight gallops past on the other side. She quickly backs up to the new gap.)

Twilight: Applejack! Thank goodness!

(Overhead shot of the area, now seen as a completely empty clearing within the maze: no trees, no pond, no apples, nothing. Evidently Discord has the power to create illusions that go far beyond simple puppeteering.)

Twilight: (entering) I thought I heard voices over here. (Close-up; Applejack faces away from her.) Who were you talking to?

Applejack: I was talkin’ to, uh…nopony! (glancing at Twilight) Nopony whatsoever.

(The movement of her head reveals that her eyes have reverted to their normal appearance, but the irises have gone a darker shade of green. As soon as the last two words are out of her mouth, she cuts her eyes from side to side and avoids looking Twilight straight on, all the while keeping her lips firmly clamped shut. Back to Twilight.)

Twilight: (with great disbelief) What? (Zoom out; Applejack trots over to her.)

Applejack: Nothin’. (glance away; passing her) Come on, uh, we best be goin’.

Twilight: (to herself) Did Applejack just… (smiling, laughing) Come on, Twilight. Applejack wouldn’t lie.

(She trots away with another laugh, the camera tilting up to point over these hedges at Pinkie, who whistles while hopping merrily along a distant passage. Cut to a close-up of her cutie mark, then to a T-junction. She stops short here, staring wide-eyed at the camera, as a chorus of high laughing voices makes itself heard. A cut to the sky and tilt down reveals that she has entered a courtyard full of balloons, many in assorted shapes, sizes, and colors and sporting smiley faces. Floating above and separate from them are two blue and one yellow, in the same arrangement as the three on her haunch. The laughter is coming from the masses of balloons, but none of the painted mouths are moving; Pinkie lets off an ecstatic squeal as she hops into the area.)

Pinkie: (laughing) This is the greatest balloon garden I’ve ever seen! (Head-on view.) It’s the first balloon garden I’ve ever seen, but still—

(Her voice trails off into a surprised yell when her hooves slide out from under her and she crashes down into a puddle. Two puzzled blue eyes stare out through the mud now covering her face and body; the laughter takes on a much nastier tone now while the balloons float toward her. One has tied itself around her rear leg to trip her up, and among the cacophony of jeers are a few voices that might, just might, belong to her friends. All fall silent when she speaks up.)

Pinkie: Hey! What gives? (Discord appears.)

Discord: What’s the matter, Pinkie Pie? I thought you appreciated a good laugh.

Pinkie: It’s different. They’re laughing at me.

Discord: (leaning his head behind a blank green balloon) It’s hardly different.

(When he pulls away, his head is gone and the floating rubber toy rotates to show that it now has a smiley-face parody of his own leering mug. It speaks with his voice and a bit of a reverberating quality, as if heard through a hot-air register.)

Balloon Discord: Your friends laugh at you all the time. (It floats down to her; she is standing up and clean, the balloon off her leg.)

Pinkie: (smiling) My friends laugh with me, not at me.

Balloon Discord: (circling) Oh, really?

(Here comes his jeering laughter again, this time accompanied by a speed boost that leaves Pinkie’s eyes whirling in their sockets as they track his motion. The other balloons join in the mockery; she snaps to with a gasp.)

Pinkie: No! Stop it!

(They do no such thing. In fact, when the camera cuts to her perspective and pans across, five balloons manifest the other ponies’ faces and coat colors and step it up a notch. Back to her, now huddling on the ground below them.)

Pinkie: Stop laughing at me! (Balloon Discord floats down.)

Balloon Discord: (with mocking sadness) Oh, poor Pinkie Pie. And here I thought laughter made you happy.

(He stops right in front of her face and lets her have a blast of his hypnosis. In extreme close-up, she squeezes her cycling eyes shut and reopens them—same blue irises, but the eyebrows are fixed down in a scowl. Her harsh tone of voice tells the rest of the story: every bit of good cheer is gone from her.)

Pinkie: Happy? (She stands up, becoming washed-out as Applejack did.) I don’t think so.

(Balloon Discord drifts away and all the others burst, exposing Twilight and Applejack at a different entrance to this courtyard.)

Twilight: Pinkie Pie! (galloping in) Are we glad to see you!

Pinkie: Oh, you are, huh? Why? (trotting past) Need a good laugh?

Twilight: Pinkie?

(The not-so-pink pony exits past Applejack, who has stayed at the entrance; Twilight trots back to her.)

Twilight: What do you suppose has her so upset? It’s not like her.

Applejack: I didn’t notice anything strange about Pinkie.

(She does her shifty-eye bit again, then walks out.)

Twilight: (to herself, whispering) Weird. (heading off) Better pick up the pace before the stress of this gets the better of all of us.

(Balloon Discord floats after her with a smirk. Dissolve to a pan across the maze, which seems to have grown several sizes and, even more improbably, expanded its hedges to cover quite a few hills and overhangs. Stop on Rarity as she walks along a passage laid out on a nearly spherical hill; this in itself would be unremarkable, except for the fact that the path takes her around its equator so that her entire body is turned sideways relative to the ground below. The fact that gravity has had a thumb put in its eye does not ruffle her. Overhead, the sky has become even more heavily overcast than it was at the start of this obstacle course.)

Rarity: I was expecting an audience with the Princess— (Cut to her, right-side up.) —not outdoor sports.

(She runs flat into a rock wall set with three lozenge-shaped jewels in the same pattern as her cutie mark. These glow brilliantly and cast their reflections in her eyes as she backs off with a small cry.)

Rarity: Oh, my.

(Cut to behind her and zoom out slowly. She has hit a dead end and is standing on a large gold sunburst with a purple background. In close-up, Discord’s chuckling face appears in each of the three gems—his true face, that is, not the balloon one—and his voice echoes as it did when he spoke from the stained-glass windows in Act Two.)

Discord: Welcome to your lucky day, Rarity. You’ve found the one thing in Equestria that could rival my face for sheer beauty.

(The jewels blaze brightly, filling the screen for a moment, and the camera shifts to a head-on view of her.)

Discord: (from o.s.) What do you think? (She becomes hypnotized.) You like?

Rarity: (moaning weakly) I like very much. (She shakes her head clear and turns away.) No! No! I shan’t succumb to such fabulousness!

(She begins to walk away, but every step is an effort as if a giant rubber band were trying to pull her back to the wall.)

Rarity: Must…get to the center…to meet…the others!

(Finally she gives up and rushes back to the wall, standing on her rear legs and stretching up as tall as she can.)

Rarity: MINE!!

(Her colors become faded as she attacks the stone with her front hooves, sending bits of gravel showering down around her. Clock wipe to her, now scuffed and filthy from the effort; stone dust settles around her and the rock fragments that now litter the ground. She is fiercely pleased with herself.)

Rarity: Well, Rarity. It took forever, but it was worth it!

(“It” turns out to be an enormous diamond that she has excavated from the rock. She runs over, now cleaned up, and puts her front hooves lovingly on it. This thing is as wide across as she is tall when standing on two legs.)

Rarity: Who knew three little gemstones would turn out to be this handsome hunk of a diamond? (Happy gasp.) Now to get you home.

(Ducking as low as she can, she gets enough of her back underneath the monster gem to allow her to hoist it up. As she trudges away, step by labored step, the camera pans back to the remains of the rock face, which collapse in a belch of dust to reveal Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie on the other side.)

Twilight: Rarity! Are we glad to see—

(She cuts herself off in shock and the camera cuts to the greedy ex-unicorn. The diamond has been replaced by an ordinary boulder of roughly the same size and shape—another of Discord’s tricks, no doubt.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Why are you carrying a humongous boulder? (Rarity flips it off her back.)

Rarity: What do you mean, boulder? (stroking it) This big, beautiful, bedazzling rock is a diamond! And it’s all mine. (She zips up with it on her back.) Keep your envious little eyes off it! I found it and it’s mine, fair and square!

(She hauls it away, followed by Applejack and a hunkered-down Pinkie, and Twilight’s concern grows by a few orders of magnitude as she moves out. Dissolve to a screenful of leaves, from which two very scared blue-green eyes peek out. Their owner leaps out into the path—it is Fluttershy, whose nerves have not calmed down one bit since this funhouse began.)

Fluttershy: Okay, I can do this. (moving ahead) I can—

(Or perhaps not; since the appearance of three pink butterflies right in front of her is enough to spook her into a scream and a full-speed retreat. Matching the ones in her cutie mark, they hover around her rump as she tries to burrow back into the hedge. As soon as she gets all the way in, they flit away and she puts her head back out with a smile.)

Fluttershy: Oh, wait a minute! (Cut to them; she continues o.s.) Butterflies? (galloping after them) Wait! Don’t leave me here!

(They continue their flight, but she spots them from around a corner and hurries to catch up. In short order she skids to a stop, the camera cutting to her perspective and panning across: a juncture of several passages, but no butterflies in sight. Back to her; they emerge from one side, and one speaks in a high-pitched version of Discord’s voice.)

Butterfly Discord: Fluttershy…

(Close-up; these things have his mismatched antlers, snaggle tooth, and bushy white eyebrows.)

Butterfly Discord: …looks like you’ve been left behind by your so-called friends, huh?

Fluttershy: (smiling) Oh, no. I’m certain they’re doing their best to find me. (They circle her head)

Butterfly Discord: Well, it must be so upsetting to know how weak and helpless they think you are.

Fluttershy: Not at all. I am weak and helpless, and I appreciate their understanding.

Butterfly Discord: (normal voice, stammering) Yes, well, surely it burns you up, I mean— (high voice) —that they’re always pointing out your flaws, right?

Fluttershy: Not really. In fact, I think I’m awfully lucky to have friends who want me to be the best I can be.

(This is too much for the trickster, who resumes his normal form and voice; the butterflies disappear.)

Discord: Oh, for goodness’ sake!

(Cut to her; he jabs a taloned finger into her forehead, hypnotizing her and bleaching out her normal coloration.)

Discord: (pacing behind her) You’ve been kind for far too long, my dear! Time to be cruel! Arrivederci!

(He winks out, an instant before a section of hedge retracts into the ground to expose Twilight and the three previous brainwashed ponies. Twilight trots in; cut to a close-up of the dazed, even paler yellow victim.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Fluttershy! (She walks into view; Fluttershy gets her head clear.) I’m so glad to see a friendly face.

(Coming up from behind, she does not notice the lowering eyebrows.)

Twilight: This awful labyrinth is getting to everypony.

(A grunt from Applejack, a sullen raspberry from Pinkie, and not much of a response from Rarity. The last strains to keep her “diamond” balanced on her back and is again filthy from the effort. Now Fluttershy turns to face her and speaks in a tone dripping with venom and sarcasm.)

Fluttershy: Aw, boo-hoo-hoo. (Twilight’s jaw drops; Fluttershy crosses to her.) Why don’t you wave your magic little horn and make everything all right?

Twilight: Uh…

Fluttershy: Oh, that’s right. You can’t. (walking away) You don’t have one.

(She punctuates this crack with a lash of her tail across Twilight’s cheek. Cut to her, Applejack, and Pinkie as they walk away, Fluttershy hip-checking Pinkie into the nearest wall and Applejack laughing at the hit.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) What is happening to my friends? (Pinkie gets up.)

Pinkie: (to Applejack) And what are you laughing at?

Applejack: (hastily) Chocolate milk. (She glances away; Rarity struggles with the boulder.)

Rarity: (to Twilight) Little help here!

(The two former unicorns get the massive stone balanced on their backs.)

Rarity: Thanks, Twilight. (Cut to Twilight.)

Twilight: You’re welcome.

Rarity: (from o.s., sharply) But don’t get any ideas about my gem. (Cut to frame both.) I know where you live.

(The two move out. Dissolve to another stretch of the maze; as thunder rumbles somewhere nearby, Rainbow peeks around a corner and gallops ahead a short distance. She dives behind another corner and risks another quick look, catching sight of a small, moving white cloud with a red/yellow/blue lightning bolt crackling out every so often. It is a scaled-up version of her own cutie mark, and it is the source of the thunder.)

Rainbow: I’ve got you now, Element.

(She races after it and keeps up through a few turns, but skids to a stop with a pop-eyed stare as it floats out of view. The camera shifts to behind her and zooms in on two apple trees in a clearing. With a cloud strung between them for a hammock. And a sunglasses-wearing Discord lounging on this.)

Discord: (stretching) Oh, I can see why you like these clouds so much. Very plush.

Rainbow: Get off there and put ’em up! (standing on hind legs, ready to box) Come on! Let’s go! (Discord sits up.)

Discord: Hey, I’m here to deliver a message.

Rainbow: I’ve got a message for you, too!

Discord: (removing sunglasses) Listen closely. This is important.

(The irate sky-blue pony settles back to all fours as he approaches her. He whips around to address her from different angles during the following.)

Discord:        A weighty choice is yours to make—

                The right selection, or a big mistake.

                If the wrong choice you choose to pursue,

                The foundations of home will crumble without you.

(He backs off and snaps his fingers, bringing the white cloud in front of himself. It whirls in place, throwing off tri-color lightning and growing to fill the screen as the sky darkens. The view dissolves to a long shot of the sky city of Cloudsdale and zooms in; structures and columns begin to topple in a midair earthquake.)

Rainbow: (voice over, weakly) Cloudsdale…crumble…without me…

(In a street, several pegasi—one of whom is Derpy Hooves—bail out to avoid being crushed by a falling column. Back to Rainbow, whose eyes betray the hypnotic spell that has taken over.)

Rainbow: NOOOO!!

(A wrapped gift box materializes and floats before her, sparkling faintly.)

Discord: (from o.s.) That box contains your wings. (leaning over her) You can take them and leave the game, or you can carry on aimlessly wandering this maze.

(On the end of this, he runs a finger over her head and her color washes out. Zoom in to an extreme close-up of her face.)

Discord: (now o.s.) Your choice.

(Dissolve to a long overhead shot of the maze, the camera spinning as it zooms in on four moving shapes and one boulder. At ground level, Rarity—now clean and not carrying the load—walks disdainfully ahead.)

Twilight: (with great effort, walking into view) Must…find…Rainbow Dash. As a team…we’re…unstoppable. Rainbow Dash won’t let us…down.

(Her slow pace and strain are due to the fact that she is now hauling the rock alone.)

Applejack: (from o.s.) Well, looky there. (Quick pan ahead to her and Rarity; Twilight catches up.) Rainbow Dash is flyin’ away. She’s abandonin’ us!

Twilight: Now I know that’s a lie.

(When she flips the boulder off her back and looks up, though, she finds that the suddenly dishonest farmer is telling it straight for once. She gasps softly as Rainbow soars overhead and out of the maze to disappear into the clouds.)

Twilight: How can it be?

(The entire maze shakes as a layer of even darker gray clouds move in to cover every square inch of sky. Blocks of hedges swiftly retract into the ground, throwing up curtains of dust in all directions. When these clear, the camera shifts to an overhead view of the other five ponies and zooms out. Nothing is left but a wide tract of bare earth, with the perimeter footpaths and statues still in place except for the one of Discord. Back to Twilight and Applejack.)

Discord: (from o.s.) Well, well, well. (He emerges from the dust.) Somepony broke the “no wings, no magic” rule.

(A finger snap puts Twilight’s and Rarity’s horns and Fluttershy’s wings back where they belong. Overhead view.)

Discord: Game’s over, my little ponies! You didn’t find your precious Elements. Looks like we might be due for a big old storm of chaos.

(During this line, the camera cuts to ground level; he leans over Twilight for a moment, then produces a pink umbrella that meows softly when he opens it. The canopy opens upside down on the shaft, so that it will catch rain instead of letting it run off, and lightning rips the sky as he laughs crazily and Twilight stares in total disbelief. Cut to an overhead shot and zoom out, then to a “To be continued…” title card. Unlike all other episodes to date, there is no transition to black, but rather a cut directly to the closing credits.)

Continued in Part Two


THE RETURN OF HARMONY—PART TWO

Written by M.A. Larson

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to a “Previously on My Little Pony” title card, then to black, then in to a scene from Part One, Act One: Twilight Sparkle and her friends racing to meet Princess Celestia on the staircase in her palace’s entrance hall.)

Twilight: Princess Celestia! We came as fast as we could!

(Close-up of Celestia, now standing outside the Canterlot Tower doorway that protects the Elements of Harmony.)

Celestia: I need you to wield the Elements of Harmony once again and stop Discord!

(Snap to black, then fade in quickly to a close-up of the lockbox that had held them and zoom out slightly. It lies open and empty on the floor before the group. This shot is from the start of Act Two.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) The Elements! They’re gone!

(Cut to Discord, laughing wildly and standing up to full height under a sky full of black clouds and lightning. After he quiets down and the clouds fade to gray, he leans over to address the ponies.)

Discord: Everypony has to play, or the game is over—and I win.

(Cut to Applejack in the Grove of Truth, within the massive hedge maze outside the palace.)

Applejack: Our friendship…over?

(Cut to Twilight as she trots up behind the farmer, whose washed-out color now tells that she has fallen under Discord’s influence. This is now Act Three.)

Twilight: Who were you talking to?

Applejack: Nopony! Nopony whatsoever! (She cuts her eyes away and clamps her mouth shut.)

Twilight: (with great disbelief) What?

(Cut to the two at an opening in the hedges.)

Twilight: Pinkie Pie! (galloping in) Are we glad to see you! (She finds Pinkie, also gone wrong.)

Pinkie: Why? (trotting past) Need a good laugh?

(Cut to Applejack, a corrupted Fluttershy, and Pinkie as they walk away, Fluttershy hip-checking Pinkie into the nearest wall and Applejack laughing at the hit.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) What is happening to my friends?

(Cut to Discord, standing under a freshly overcast sky and unfurling his upside-down, meowing umbrella after collapsing the entire maze into the ground.)

Discord: Looks like we might be due for a big old storm of chaos.

(Lightning tears through the sky as he laughs triumphantly. Fade to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to Discord laughing and falling all over himself before a confounded Twilight. Zoom in on her, ears drooping and face ready to hit the floor; Pinkie pops up in front to address the camera very sourly.)

Pinkie: And what are you laughing at?

Discord: (wiping a tear from one eye) Oh, you ponies are just the most fun I’ve had in eons! (She gets in his face.)

Pinkie: Well, quit it! (poking him with a hoof) You’d better think before you laugh at the Pink…ie Pie!

(Cut to a close-up of her and pan slightly to one side; Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity are behind her, the last still guarding the boulder she thinks is a diamond.)

Fluttershy: Oh, yeah? Well, ha, ha! (Pinkie zips over to her.)

Pinkie: Quit it!

Fluttershy: No. Ha, ha!

Pinkie: (covering her ears) QUIT IT!!

Fluttershy: No. Ha-ha-ha, ha, ha!

(Pan away from them during this taunt to frame Rarity; Applejack sidles out from behind the boulder.)

Applejack: Uh, Rarity? (Rarity wheels to face her.) This here diamond of yours? (tracing along its surface) Twilight said we should split it six ways since we, uh, found it together.

Rarity: (hitting her with a flying kick) Hai-yah! Try it, punk! He’s mine! All mine!

(She throws herself at the dishonest pony, forcing her to back up past Twilight before a flurry of strikes.)

Twilight: Girls, why are you all acting like this? (She moves to Fluttershy and Pinkie.) We need to stick together! (Next four lines overlap with her words.)

Pinkie: (under previous) Quit it!

Fluttershy: Ha.

Pinkie: Would you just STOP IT!

Fluttershy: Ha, ha, ha. Hah.

(Zoom in on the violet unicorn as Discord’s chuckle is heard from o.s., then pan to him on the start of the next line. He is now sitting in a row of movie theater seats and has a box of popcorn.)

Discord: It’s just too entertaining. (He eats.)

Twilight: Stop it, Discord! You’re not playing fair!

Discord: I’m not playing fair? Perhaps we haven’t met. (He stands up.) I’m Discord. Spirit of chaos and disharmony? (leaning into her face) Hel-looo? (He backs off.)

Twilight: How are we supposed to find the Elements of Harmony when you took away the labyrinth before we could get to the end?!?

(Back to him on the end of this; he has sat down again and is examining the claws on his lion foreleg. Her query brings a slightly surprised look.)

Discord: Oh, wait. Did you… (guffawing) How funny! You thought the Elements were in the labyrinth?

(He disappears with a flash. Cut to the open Canterlot Tower doorway, where ghostly images of himself and Twilight appear, and zoom out. The “real” ponies and their ruler are watching Discord’s stained-glass form in the windows, as seen in an overhead shot in Part One, Act Two.)

Window Discord:        Twists and turns are my master plan,

(Back to Ghost Twilight, dumbfounded; he continues o.s.)

                        Then find the Elements back where you began.

(Tilt up to Ghost Discord’s smirking face on the end of this. Another flash, and the pair have returned from this flashback to the present time. The seats and popcorn are gone, and Discord leans down to his adversary.)

Discord: I never said they were in the labyrinth. (He backs off.)

Twilight: But—but—

Discord: (walking away) Keep trying, Twilight Sparkle. (mockingly) Maybe the magic of friendship can help you. (normal tone) Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some chaos to wreak.

(A snap takes him away from the barren earth that used to be the hedge maze and brings in a blanket of thundering pink cotton-candy clouds. Right on cue comes the chocolate-milk rain, which does not please Pinkie in the slightest when she stands up to take notice.)

Pinkie: Chocolate milk? I hate chocolate milk!

(The perplexed unicorn lets off a frustrated groan as Rarity starts to lug her “diamond” away.)

Twilight: (tapping forehead with hoof) Think, Twilight, think! “Find the Elements back where you began.” (Applejack jumps on the boulder.) “Back where you began”…

Rarity: (to Applejack) Don’t touch my gem! (Fluttershy flies over.)

Fluttershy: (to Rarity, touching it) I’m touching your gem, Rarity! Ha, ha! (Pinkie slides up.)

Pinkie: (to all three) What you laughing at?!

Twilight: (groaning loudly) I just want to go home! (Pause.) Wait a minute! (Brainstorm.) Home! “Back where you began”! The Elements must be in…

(Quick pan to a long shot of…)

Twilight: (from o.s.) …Ponyville!

(Which is now in a state that would make Salvador Dali swear off anything stronger than orange juice. Trees and buildings on floating midair islands; the town square pavilion completely uprooted and hovering upside down; bright pink water in the stream at the border; separate pastel blue and pink checkerboard patterns covering different stretches of ground; houses plunked on crazy-quilt hills; clouds over the whole town, but only one section getting rained on; a faded lime-green sky.)

(Cut to Twilight, on the road for home weird home and leading four reluctant traveling companions. Things are normal here, and the sky is clear.)

Twilight: Come on, girls! (trotting ahead) I’m certain this is what Discord’s riddle really meant! If we get back to the library, I have a book that I just know can give us a clue!

(She is immediately trampled silly by a stampede of the rabbits who grew their legs out far too long after eating the giant apples in Part One, Act One. Fluttershy’s pet Angel leads the charge.)

Fluttershy: Good boy, Angel! Mama’s so proud.

(Three things happen in short order, the sun sets, the moon rises, and the road turns into some bubbly goop.)

Applejack: (sarcastically) Wow, I can see so much better now. (trying to walk, but skidding instead) Whoa!

(She takes down the other three corrupted ponies, who are standing in one line amid the slop, and slides to a stop near Twilight.)

Applejack: Uh—I meant to do that.

Twilight: (standing, but losing traction and falling again) Wha—? Eww…whoa!

(As she starts to peel herself up from the roadbed, the sun quickly rises to illuminate the situation fully for both her benefit and the viewer’s. Zoom out on the next line; the sky has gone green here as well.)

Twilight: Discord’s turned our dirt roads into soap! (He skates past on his hind legs.)

Discord: Beautiful, isn’t it? (He stops and gestures toward the town.) This is the new and improved Ponyville, and these are only my first changes.

(Now the vexed unicorn is upright again, just in time to watch Pinkie glide past with ease.)

Pinkie: This may look like fun, but it’s not!

(Loud groan from Twilight; Discord’s lion foreleg pops up from behind her to drape over her back. His head emerges next to hers, and the rest of his body quickly materializes to lift her clear of the ground. Blue sky here.)

Discord: Picture it—the chaos capital of the world!

(He holds her out at arm’s length while the sun and moon quickly trade places. Twilight squints ahead.)

Twilight: I can’t picture anything. It’s too dark. (He drops her back into the soap.)

Discord: Well, wait a few minutes and you’ll see it in the beautiful light of day—or not.

(He leaps nimbly over her and disappears in midair; now she gets up again. Cut from her to a long shot of the flipped-out town proper and back as she continues.)

Twilight: Ponyville, the chaos capital of the world? Not if I have anything to say about it!

Fluttershy: (skating past) Don’t worry. You won’t.

(Her nasty giggle is followed by a fresh groan from Twilight. Dissolve to the exterior of the library as its resident leads the other four toward the front door. The lights in the windows go out when the moon sets and the sun rises in a blue sky.)

Twilight: (wearily) Okay, we’re here. Everyone please, please, please just go inside, please? (Now the sky has gone green again.)

Applejack: (trotting in) I absolutely refuse.

Fluttershy: (flying after her) With pleasure. (She tramples a flowerbed before going in.)

Pinkie: (trotting in) I hate libraries!

(As each one enters, the faded remains of her color vanish from the head down to leave her in grayscale. The one properly tinted pony groans to herself, then looks back to see Rarity trying to bulldoze her stone toward the door with no luck. Twilight turns back to her.)

Twilight: Pleeeeease? We gotta hurry!

Rarity: (sweating from the effort) Forget it, Twilight. I know what you’re up to. The second I go in, you’ll have your little minion Spike come and take Tom!

Twilight: (bewildered) Tom?

Rarity: Well, it’s not going to work!

(She strokes Tom—the boulder, that is—lovingly as her own color drains out; Twilight tries to cook up a really crushing response but comes up empty.)

Twilight: (dryly) You’re not going in without him, are you?

Rarity: (shaking head) Mmm-mmm! (Twilight hoists it on her back with a groan.)

Twilight: Fine!

(She lugs the burden toward the door, Rarity following. Cut to inside the reading room, the camera positioned somewhat above the entrance, and pan/tilt down to the sound of snoring. Spike is asleep on the floor at the opposite side, holding a mop and lying near a bucket of water—a short break from cleaning up the place. In close-up, a pair of gray hooves grabs the bucket and dumps the contents over his head, startling him awake; he shakes himself dry and glares upward. Cut to the culprit—Fluttershy, hovering near the ceiling with the bucket.)

Spike: (from o.s.) What’d you do that for, Fluttershy?

Fluttershy: ’Cause you just looked so peaceful. (Back to him, wringing out his tail.)

Spike: I…uh…huh?

(Comes now a great crash from o.s. Pan back to the door—or what remains of it—where Tom has just made his entrance by being plowed through the wall. All but Applejack are gathered around.)

Rarity: Careful, Twilight! You’ll ruin his beautiful finish.

Twilight: Oh, for the love of— (Spike crosses to her.)

Spike: Twilight, what’s going on? Why’s everybody look so…

(Quick pan to the four sullen monochrome ponies. The rock had hidden Applejack from view in the previous shot.)

Spike: (from o.s.) …gray? (Back to the pair.)

Twilight: Don’t ask. (ducking head low, scooping him onto her back) I need you to help me find something.

(She enters the reading room; now Fluttershy is airborne with the bucket again.)

Fluttershy: Hey, Twilight. What’s soaking wet and clueless? (Ground level; Spike off Twilight’s back.)

Twilight: Fluttershy, I’ve had just about enough—

(The little dragon dives away just before a fresh bolt of water comes down on the streaked dark blue mane and tail, leaving a soaked curtain of hair over her eyes.)

Fluttershy: Your face! (She slams the bucket onto Twilight’s head.)

Spike: What’s happened to everypony? (Applejack passes behind him.)

Applejack: I guess you just bring out the worst in us, Spike. (Twilight groans and moves to the shelves; the bucket is gone and she is dry.)

Twilight: No time to explain. We’ve got to find the reference guide to the Elements of Harmony before somepony does something she’ll regret!

(The last five words are directed toward the others and delivered through gritted teeth.)

Spike: The Elements of Harmony? (eyes pop; zipping away) Oh! I know exactly where that book is!

(It takes the number-one assistant almost no time to climb the ladder and pull the needed volume—the same one that Twilight consulted in “Elements of Harmony.”)

Spike: Found it!

(A scroll is flung into view, knocking it from his hands; zoom out slightly as a hovering Fluttershy makes the catch.)

Fluttershy: Ha!

Twilight: (menacingly) Fluttershy, you better give me that book!

Fluttershy: Keep away! (She throws it; cut to Applejack, who balances it on her nose.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Hey! (rushing over) Applejack, gimme that book!

Applejack: I don’t have any book.

(She heaves it over to Pinkie, who catches it on her rump and flips it away.)

Twilight: Pinkie! (Fluttershy gets it again; Twilight leaps.) You guys! (It goes back to Applejack.) Stop it right now!

(On the end of this, pass back to Pinkie, who aims it back up to Fluttershy; this time, though, Spike lays a flying tackle on the intended receiver and the book ends up sliding across the floor. Twilight races to it, but before she can get a hoof in play, it is levitated off the floor and plowed away by the charging Rarity.)

Rarity: Mine!

Twilight: Hey! Do you even know what you just stole?

Rarity: (galloping across) No, but if you want it, I want it!

(The supremely annoyed unicorn dives for the book, misses, and comes up with a sore head and a rising scream that is only slightly stifled by her gritted teeth.)

Twilight: GIVE ME THAT BOOK!!

(Rarity pays no mind, floating it along as she continues her dash and knocking the horse-head bust off the center table. Twilight leaps over it as she gives chase; here comes Fluttershy to airlift the grayed-out thief into the clear and let her pursuer smash headlong into the rock.)

Twilight: (woozily) Where is she? (She shakes her head clear.) Where’s Rarity?

Applejack: Beats me. (Twilight jumps her.)

Twilight: LIES!!

(These two, along with Pinkie, get into a knock-down drag-out brawl that rapidly throws up enough dust to fill the screen. As heads and body parts emerge from odd angles, Twilight hurls herself free and hits the floor with the book in a death grip. Cut to her perspective of Fluttershy and Pinkie, closing in.)

Twilight: Get back! (Back to her.) All of you! (Spike rushes up to defend her with a scroll.) This is my book, and I’m gonna READ IT!!

(With the stolid baby dragon standing guard, the camera shifts to a head-on view and she magically opens the volume. A few quick page turns bring a pop-eyed gasp; cut to a close-up of the book, which has had its pages hollowed out to provide space for…)

Twilight: (from o.s.) The Elements!

(They are all here—the five gold necklaces and the tiara that the group acquired during their confrontation with Nightmare Moon twenty-six episodes ago. Snap to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to Twilight regarding the Elements in their hiding place.)

Twilight: The Elements! They were here all along! (Spike runs over.)

Spike: This is great! (as she magically closes it) Now you guys can defeat Discord and put everything back to normal!

(She runs to the center of the room, while Spike carries the book.)

Twilight: See, girls? We did it! We found the Elements of Harmony, together!

(On this last word, cut to the other four. Applejack yawns while reclining on the overturned horse-head bust; Fluttershy hovers sullenly overhead; a bored Pinkie leans against Tom; Rarity runs a cloth over the surface. Twilight moves a bit closer to them.)

Twilight: You don’t even care, do you?

Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rarity: No.

Twilight: (sighing sadly) I never thought it would happen. My friends… (with sudden anger) …have turned into complete jerks!

(In time with the next line, she telekinetically slaps four necklaces onto their owners and then floats the tiara onto her own head.)

Twilight: Necklace…necklace…necklace…necklace…and…big crown thingie! (Zoom out to frame all five.) Come on, everypony, let’s go! (She trots resolutely ahead; Spike catches up.)

Spike: But, Twilight, aren’t you missing somepony?

Twilight: Nope. (She stops.) We got the liar, the grump, the hoarder, and the brute.

(Cut to Applejack on “the liar” and pan to Pinkie, Rarity, and Fluttershy in turn, then cut back to Spike.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) That just about covers it!

Spike: But what about Rainbow Dash? (Cut to frame both; an idea hits her.)

Twilight: (hastily) Congratulations, Spike. You’re the new Rainbow Dash. (Last necklace lands around his throat.) Now let’s go! (She gallops across the room.)

Spike: Me?! (running after her) B-b-but what if she finds out I’ve been impersonating her? Ugh…that won’t end well.

Twilight: Too bad. You’re Rainbow Dash. (trotting away) Now let’s go defeat Discord so we don’t ever have to talk to each other again! (The other four gallop by, trampling him.)

Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie: Yeah! Woo-hoo!

(The avaricious unicorn is last to cross the floor, pushing Tom along with her head. Twilight zips around behind her.)

Twilight: Move!

(She hits the boulder with her magic; cut to outside the library.)

Twilight: (from inside) Look out! Here comes Tom!

(Straight through the hanging-lantern window and down to the blue checked ground. She steps out to where the railing used to be as Rarity peeks around the former front doorframe. On the start of the next line, zoom out to frame Discord hovering and watching from a short distance. The smug mockery of his tone and manner is that of a foe who still has the upper hand and knows it because he stacked the deck.)

Discord: Well, well, well, I see you’ve found the Elements of Harmony. (Cut to Applejack and Pinkie; he continues o.s.) How terrifying! (To Twilight.)

Twilight: Discord! I’ve figured out your lame riddle! You’re in for it now! (He drops to the ground.)

Discord: I certainly am. You’ve clearly out-dueled me, and now it’s time to meet my fate.

(He conjures up a pair of sunglasses and puts them on as he finishes this line.)

Discord: I’m prepared to be defeated now, ladies. Fire when ready. (He wipes a bullseye onto his midsection. Back to Twilight.)

Twilight: Formation! Now! (The other four ponies trudge up behind her.)

Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rarity: Eh.

Twilight: (addressing herself o.s.) Rainbow Dash, get over here!

(Cut to the rock during this line; the pegasus’ stand-in peeks out with a loud, scared gulp and hurries over.)

Twilight: All right. Let’s get this over with!

(Cut to a slow pan across the equine quintet; all eyes squeeze shut and the six-pointed star jewel atop Twilight’s tiara begins to glow. She rises into the air, her eyes blazing white as they did when the magic manifested itself through her against Nightmare. One by one, her Element and those of the other four ponies throw off brilliant white auras, the wearers floating clear of the ground. Discord lowers his shades briefly in surprise, there is one last flash—and then the power is gone. The five Element wielders thud to the ground next to Spike, who never left it; Twilight is first to sit up on her haunches.)

Twilight: What’s going on? (Applejack sits up.)

Applejack: Mine’s workin’. There must be somethin’ wrong with yours.

(Cut to Pinkie, now up all the way; Fluttershy floats down to her, holding her own necklace in one hoof.)

Pinkie: I hate the Elements of Harmony! (Fluttershy throws hers aside.)

Fluttershy: Huh! Garbage! (Rarity scoops it up…)

Rarity: MINE!! (…and zips away. Spike has now taken “his” off.)

Spike: (to Twilight) Sorry, Twilight. (laying it down, running off) I guess I better get back upstairs and clean up the library. Good luck with all this—

(The sentence comes to an abrupt end as he meets the ground face first, thanks to Fluttershy floating down and tripping him with her tail. The hit leaves him dazed for a second.)

Fluttershy: Oops. Sorry, Rainbow Crash. (Venomous giggle.)

Discord: (crossing to them, applauding; shades/target gone) Bravo, ponies, bravo! Harmony in Equestria is officially dead. Discord rules, Celestia drools.

(He puts a talon to her nose; cut to a close-up as he laughs from o.s. while she grimaces as if he has just hurled a bucket of manure onto her. Now he skates away along the soapy road, doing a jump and midair twirl and chortling throughout. Back to Twilight and Pinkie; the latter addresses herself straight ahead.)

Pinkie: It’s your fault it didn’t work!

Twilight: Who are you talking to? (Zoom out to frame all five.)

Pinkie: Any of you! (hopping away) All of you! I’m outta here! (Applejack follows.)

Applejack: I better go too. I got new, better friends waitin’ for me at the farm!  

(Cut to Rarity, who starts to push Tom away, and zoom out to frame Twilight nearby. Fluttershy is no longer here.)

Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Yeah. (swooping away past Twilight) I’m sick of you losers.

Twilight: Fine! Leave! See if I care! I don’t need you guys either! With friends like you, who needs… (dejectedly, hanging head low) …enemies.

(Now, after so much time staving off the corruption that laid her friends low, it takes root in her own mind. Her color fades to gray, starting from the tail/hind legs and working forward; only the jeweled tiara on her head retains its original hue. One tear falls from her closed eye, the camera zooming in as it splashes on the ground to form a heart that splits in two.)

(Dissolve to the faithful, finally beaten student trudging back to home base through the surreal lunacy that Ponyville has become. Long-legged bunnies stampede past; three tutu-clad buffalo dance by; a stallion gallops upside-down along the top edge of the frame, then down the left edge and out of view; pies float up from nowhere; a googly-eyed mare flicks her bottom lip with a hoof while floating by with help from the propeller beanie she wears. On top of all this, Twilight’s very own personal pink cloud floats overhead to shower her with chocolate milk. Discord winks into view, laughing like an idiot, but Twilight just keeps plodding on.)

Discord: Oh, my stomach! (Vanish; reappear next to her.) Twilight, you’ve got to see what I just did!

(During this last, he runs past her, body parallel to the ground, and stops with his tail end in view—only now his head has moved to this end. Cut to Berry Punch, who has had the bad fortune to find herself directly underneath a giant pepper shaker. The downpour of flakes soon causes her to sneeze, whereupon all the buildings around her fall over as if they were scenery flats. Back to the crazed joker.)

Discord: (guffawing) It’s priceless!

(Zoom out slightly; he eyes Twilight with some worry, then winks away from her side to reappear in front of her so that she has to stop.)

Discord: Come now, Twilight Sparkle. (He gathers the cloud on a paper cotton-candy cone.) You’ve got to get into the spirit of things. (Big bite.) After all, this is your new home.

(Cut to the glum unicorn on the end of this. She looks over her shoulder, taking in the full view of this madness, and lets her head drop.)

Twilight: (softly) Not anymore. (She walks off.)

Discord: YES!!

(He lets off a nasty, triumphant laugh and floats off the ground, and she slowly makes her way to the smashed front door of the library while the day quick-changes into night. Cut to inside, the camera pointing out her bedroom window; a door closes o.s. and she walks into view.)

Twilight: (no-nonsense) Pack your things, Spike. We’re leaving.

(A cut to floor level in the loft frames the baby dragon curled up on the rug, with the edge of a pile of scrolls visible to one side. He can only manage a weak little moan. During the next line, Twilight levitates a suitcase onto the bed and opens it.)

Twilight: And don’t ask where we’re going, ’cause…I don’t know yet. (She floats her tiara off and brings a couple of books over.) Just not here.

(Close-up of a trash can as the accessory clatters into it, then pan to Spike.)

Spike: (twitching badly) Can’t…move! The Princess…has been sending these… (Zoom out to frame Twilight and the scrolls.) …since I came back upstairs!

(He belches up a fresh scroll while she levitates one of the many others for a closer read.)

Spike: (sobbing) Make it stop! (Cut to the pile; another is lifted away.)

Twilight: (from o.s., wonderingly) These are all the letters I’ve written to the Princess since I’ve lived in Ponyville.

(Back to her; this one joins two others that have already been opened.)

Twilight: But why would she send them back?

(One scaly violet hand reaches into view, accompanied by another queasy moan and a burp of green fire that washes across the screen. When it clears, Twilight stands against a black field and begins to read, her voice echoing slightly in the stillness. What follows are the most prominent of several overlapping excerpts.)

Twilight: “Real friends don’t care what your cover is. Friendship is a wondrous and powerful thing…And like the path cut through the orchard, there’ll always be a way through. The best thing to do is to stay true to yourself…Everypony everywhere has a special magical connection with her friends, maybe even before she’s met them.”

(As she reads, the view dissolves to frame her from different angles and images from her memory play out behind her: the six ponies enjoying their herbal bath at the end of “Bridle Gossip”…hauling home cartloads of gems during “A Dog and Pony Show”…their group hug at the end of “The Cutie Mark Chronicles.” Slowly but surely, her natural color begins to restore itself, spreading from her tail and hooves to cover all of her, and she finally smiles in close-up as the bedroom fades into view behind her.)

Twilight: Spike…Spike, it’s all so clear! (She levitates the groaning dragon up for a hug.) Can’t you see? (jumping, floating him in a circle) Discord’s trying to distract us from what’s important! He knows how powerful our friendships are—

(Close-up of Spike, whose nausea has him ready to barf up breakfast from a week ago.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) —and he’s trying to keep us from seeing it! (Back to her; she hugs him again.) Do you remember what I said the first day we arrived in Ponyville? I told you that the future of Equestria didn’t rest on me making friends. (She tosses him aside.) But the opposite is true! The friendships I’ve made since I’ve been here are what saved Equestria from Nightmare Moon. (levitating him into his basket) And now they need to save it from Discord!

(His only response is a barely audible moan. Back to her.)

Twilight: You’re right, Spike. I’ve got to fight for my friendships. (Zoom in.) For them! (Again.) For me! (Zoom out.) For Equestria!

(She dials down the fire a bit upon finally taking notice of her severely ill assistant.)

Twilight: Oh…uh… (walking to stairs) …why don’t you just stay here and rest? I’ll take care of the whole “fighting for friendship” thing myself.

(Spike’s woozy rest is interrupted by yet another flaming belch after she zips away. Fade to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: fade in to Sweet Apple Acres. A herd of fat, happy pigs flies across the screen, over farmland that has gone two different shades of green in the areas that are not done out in pink checks. In one cornfield, a faded Big Macintosh tunnels into the dirt like an overly enthusiastic dog digging to bury a bone, then pops up with his tongue hanging out and a cornstalk balanced on his head. Pan to the barn; an equally washed-out Granny Smith does a high-speed tap dance on her hind legs, needing no help from the cane she carries, and Applejack reclines against the wall. She has an apple core balanced on one hoof and makes as if to take a bite—but when she does, a hunk of apple reappears on the core. Discord’s corrupting influence has made the stallion forget his species, the matriarch her arthritis, and the farming mare the normal flow of time and causality. The last is not wearing her necklace; this will be true of each of the other corrupted ponies when they are seen next.)

Applejack: (tossing apple away) And so I tried to defeat Discord, but none of my so-called friends would lift a hoof to help me.

Twilight: (from o.s.) Applejack! (Surprise; cut to her at the gate.) I’m here to fight for our friendship!

(The dramatic moment is ruined when Macintosh pops up out of the dirt to give her face a big friendly lick, then drops out of sight again.)

Applejack: Oh, now you want to fight. (standing on hind legs, throwing punches) Where were you when I was battlin’ Discord? (Twilight tackles her.)

Twilight: Snap out of it! (She pins Applejack, face up.) This isn’t you! You’re not a liar!

(Fire up the horn. Touch it to the colorless workhorse’s forehead as the camera zooms in to an extreme close-up of her eye, which opens wide. As soon as her pupil fills the screen, the view flashes to a series of scenes from past episodes, all in soft focus and darkened around the edges as if they were old, worn color photographs. Applejack offers apple juice to the other five ponies after their help with the harvest in “Applebuck Season”…Twilight’s five new friends welcome her to Ponyville at the end of “Elements of Harmony”…Applejack holds Twilight at the edge of the cliff earlier in this same episode…she, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Rainbow Dash celebrate the successful beginning of spring in “Winter Wrap Up”…she and Twilight trade a high five, having sorted out the plant team during that episode’s snow cleanup effort…she and Rainbow gallop side by side under a shower of falling leaves in “Fall Weather Friends.”)

(Fade to white, which resolves into an extreme close-up of Applejack’s pupil before the camera zooms out to frame her wincing face. Normal color washes over her from the hat down, and she stands up rubbing her head.)

Applejack: Wh… (Hard head shake.) …what happened? (Cut to Twilight, then to both as she continues.) Twilight! Oh, I saw a vision of us feudin’ and fightin’.

(Back to Twilight, who smiles in gentle understanding.)

Applejack: (from o.s.) I couldn’t face the truth, so I started tellin’ lies. (Back to her; she removes her hat.) Can you ever forgive me?

Twilight: I already have. (galloping off) Come on!

(The restored blond pony allows herself a fierce smile and follows, donning her hat. Wipe to a close-up of the uncooperative Fluttershy’s face; Twilight puts her horn to the gray forehead as the latter struggles on the floor of her own cottage. The magic quickly takes effect, turning her back to yellow and pink as the camera zooms out. Applejack is here as well, having hogtied the pegasus and with the rope’s free end in her teeth.)

Fluttershy: Oh, no! Twilight! Applejack! I just had the worst dream!

(Twilight smiles at her slightly bemused co-conspirator. Wipe to the exterior of the Carousel Boutique, whose roof—amazingly enough—is an exact match for the pink checkerboard hills that now surround it, and zoom in.)

Rarity: (from inside) What do you think you’re doing? Get away from my gem! Get away!

(On the second half of this, Twilight’s horn is heard kicking into gear and its glow spills from the ground-floor windows. There is a long pause once these die away, followed by the front door swinging open so the proprietor—now restored to her original splendor—can push Tom the boulder out of the place. Once it begins to roll downhill on its own, she turns to address the other three over her shoulder; Fluttershy is untied and back upright.)

Rarity: Let us never speak of this again.

(Wipe to the four on the move through Ponyville proper. Applejack, at the back of the group, is hitched up in a cart harness; a burst of giggling from the o.s. Pinkie, and she is towed into view, riding in the cart and tinted true to her name.)

Pinkie: (between giggles) Oh, and I…I turned gray! Can you believe it?

(Wipe to an open window of Rainbow’s cloud house. Fluttershy hovers here for a good hard look inside, then pulls her head back out. The sky here is its normal blue.)

Fluttershy: Huh…she’s not here!

(Cut to the other four, looking up from the ground, and zoom out as she lands on the next line. The landscape here is also normal.)

Twilight: Without Rainbow Dash, we can’t use the Elements! (Close-up of her and Applejack.)

Applejack: She could be anywhere by now! We’re never gonna find her.

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Yeah, we will— (Cut to frame her in the foreground.) —’cause she’s right there!

(She points into the sky on this last word. Cut to behind her; she has spotted a small cloud on which a totally grayed-out Rainbow is taking it easy, her back to the camera.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Rainbow Dash! (Zoom in.)

Rainbow: (bored, not turning around) Hey, guys. (Cut to the others.)

Twilight: We’ve been looking everywhere for you!

Rainbow: That’s nice.

Twilight: Discord’s still on the loose! We need you to help us defeat him with your Element—loyalty!

Rainbow: Pfft. Loyalty, schmoyalty. (rolling over to face them) Have you guys seen Ponyville? It’s a disaster! I’m staying here in Cloudsdale where everything’s awesome.

(She delivers the last word in a singsong tone while flipping onto her back.)

Rarity: How in Equestria can she think that tiny patch of clouds is Cloudsdale?

Applejack: (smirking) The same way he got you to think that cheap rock was a bona-fide diamond. (Rarity’s eyes pop.)

Rarity: (under her breath) I thought we agreed never to speak of that again.

Twilight: Time for Plan B.

(Dissolve to the indolent pegasus, now asleep on her cloud and snoring mightily. Behind her, the hot-air balloon that has proven so useful to the group in the past floats up into view. Applejack is riding on top of it; Twilight, Pinkie, and Rarity in the basket; Fluttershy flying separately and checking to make sure Rainbow is not faking. She then flies up to the balloon, which has stopped a short distance above.)

Twilight: (whispering) Okay, Fluttershy. You grab Rainbow Dash and hold her down. (A rope end tied in a loop is lowered to her.) Applejack will lower me down from this rope so I can cast the memory spell on her.

(During the second half of this line, cut briefly to Applejack, who waves vigorously while holding the other end of this rope, then back to her.)

Fluttershy: (saluting) Got it!

(She drops into a fast dive and brakes to a stop alongside the cloud, her whole body tensed for a pounce onto the sleeper. Just as quickly, she relaxes and prods Rainbow gently.)

Fluttershy: Um, I’m just wondering if it’s okay if I hold you down against your will for a little bit?

(Realizing that her friend’s timid nature has come back at the worst possible moment, Twilight groans and claps a hoof to her forehead while Rarity rolls her eyes. The query does, however, bring Rainbow out of her nap in a hurry; she lets off a disdainful little snort.)

Rainbow: Nice try! Ponyville’s your problem, not mine.

(She drops back onto her cloud, wrapping all four legs around it, and zooms away in a gray/white blur. Cut to the perplexed Fluttershy as a doubled-up rope is dropped to her.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Come on, Fluttershy! (Cut to her, one end tied to each hoof.) We gotta catch her!

(The yellow flyer clamps her teeth around the rope and gets her wings going, but it soon becomes clear that she is trying to fly above her weight class.)

Twilight: (snapping rope reins) Hyah!

(With plenty of room to spare, Rainbow pulls a vertical turn and rockets back past the balloon, then zips in other directions. Twilight now throws the end of another rope upward.)

Twilight: Applejack!

(The workhorse catches the coiled end in her teeth and starts to twirl it as a lasso while Rainbow flashes past. Her throw is dead on target, the loop cinching around both the fugitive and her cloud, but a close-up of Rarity and Pinkie reveals a minor technical hitch. Namely: the remaining length is not tied off to anything, but each has her rear hooves within its loops. In an instant, the slack is gone and both ponies are yanked screaming out of the basket, lashed together by their hind legs.)

Rarity: Pinkie! You were supposed to secure the rope!

Pinkie: (sheepishly) Oops.

(Their combined weight drags Rainbow off the cloud, leaving the lasso tied around only her.)

Applejack: Rarity, Pinkie, hold on! Y’all are slowin’ her down!

Rarity: Oh, Fluttershy, would you be a dear and fly faster, please?!?

Fluttershy: (shuddering, eyes streaming) I can’t! (Cut to Twilight.)

Twilight: If you can’t catch her, Discord wins!

(Back to Fluttershy on these last two words; the meaning of Twilight’s statement hits her like a feedbag filled with lead shot, and the blue-green eyes narrow in fury.)

Fluttershy: That big…dumb…MEANIE!!

(After the briefest pause, she hits the gas so hard that the rope in her teeth nearly rips Twilight’s forelegs out of their sockets. The latter gets a fresh one ready as the gap begins to close.)

Twilight: Okay, Applejack! Last rope! Make it count!

(Toss up; catch in teeth; twirl; throw the lasso—and it too hits its mark on Rainbow’s midsection. The monochrome escapee finds herself stopped dead from the tension on both ropes, and Fluttershy starts to bring the balloon down to earth. Rainbow’s struggles to drag herself back up are for naught. Dissolve to her in a clearing under a yellow-green afternoon sky. Twilight approaches as she bucks and pulls against the four ropes tied around her, held one in each of the other ponies’ teeth.)

Rainbow: Let me go! I don’t need you guys! (Cut to the smiling unicorn; she continues o.s.) Leave me alone!

(Twilight just warms up her horn and puts it to Rainbow’s forehead as the latter scowls and snorts out steam. The screen flashes white for a moment, then clears to show the vivid colors returning to her mane/tail and body. Now fully restored to her usual self, she rubs her head woozily.)

Rainbow: Wh…what happened? (She snaps to, suddenly panicked; the ropes come free.) How’s Ponyville? (zipping to Pinkie) Where are the Elements? (She tackles Applejack, knocking her hat off.) Did we stop Discord?

(The four upright ponies gather around them with a chorus of laughs and cheers, but the sight of the three ballet-dancing buffalo from Act Two put a damper on the festivities. The camera angle now reveals that the balloon is parked nearby.)

Twilight: Maybe it’s a little early for a group hug.

(Dissolve to a bizarro stretch of Ponyville, now under a violet sky in early evening. Long-legged rabbits stampede past a house built of giant playing cards and the buffalo dance by again. Discord sits on a horned throne atop a hill in the distance; cut to him as pies tumble down from the sky. As if on cue to his crazed laugh, a small, raining cotton-candy cloud zips up; he conjures a glass out of nothing and holds it underneath to fill with chocolate milk. The action is normal enough, except for the fact that the glass fills from the top down rather than the bottom up. Now the cloud moves away.)

Discord: Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing. (He gets ready to drink.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Not as wonderful…

(Cut to just behind the throne, the camera aimed at the six approaching mares—four on the ground, two in the air—and zoom in as she finishes. They are wearing their jewelry and ready to throw down; Applejack has her hat back where it belongs.)

Twilight: …as friendship!

Discord: (groaning loudly) This again?

(He drinks—also a normal action, except that the milk retains its cylindrical shape and the glass disappears as if draining down his throat. The chunk of milk is thrown back over his shoulder, exploding after it lands somewhere o.s.)

Applejack: That’s right! You couldn’t break apart our friendship for long! (Discord lifts a glowing lion-paw digit.)

Discord: Oh, Applejack, don’t lie to me.

(Cut back to her during this; his power drags her ahead by the necklace she wears and hoists her up for a face-to-face chat.)

Discord: I’m the one who made you a liar.

(Lifting his eagle forearm, he gives all the others but Twilight a dose of the same to leave her standing alone.)

Discord: Will you ever learn?

(The supremely exasperated unicorn teleports herself to the center of the midair ring formed by the other five. Her next move catches the unbalanced tyrant completely off guard: a spherical pink force field that encloses all six, breaking his grip, and floats them gently down to ground level. The field flexes slightly like an inflated rubber ball, and its lower portion flattens out upon making contact with the ground. This patch turns from blue checkerboard to ordinary green grass as the energy dissipates and they touch down or hover within its perimeter.)

(Cut to Discord’s slightly puzzled—but still amused—face.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) I’ll tell you what we’ve learned, Discord. (Back to them, stepping/flying forward.) We’ve learned that friendship isn’t always easy, but there’s no doubt it’s worth fighting for! (He leans down to them.)

Discord: Ooh, gag! Fine, go ahead, try and use your little Elements, “frenemies.” Just make it quick.

(A flash takes him back to his throne, where the flying pigs from Sweet Apple Acres are passing.)

Discord: I’m missing some excellent chaos here.

(Head-on view of Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity, with Fluttershy and Rainbow hovering down to them on the next line.)

Twilight: All right, ladies. Let’s show him what friendship can do!

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Wait, wait, wait!

(Surprise all around; quick pan to her, standing under a raining pink cloud with mouth open to catch the sweet brown stuff. Her happy little gargle draws five confused/embarrassed/fed-up stares, but she quickly joins the squad with a fierce snarl, her face and mane now clean. Pink light spreads outward from Twilight’s tiara to encompass the others, who actually mean business this time, but Discord’s only reaction is a bored yawn. Now, though, the cutie-mark jewels begin to throw off their own radiation, followed by beams that fly past Discord’s head and leave him really bewildered.)

Discord: Huh. What’s this? (More shots.) No.

(Twilight’s eyes blaze white, as do those of the other five as the entire group rises into the air, and a multicolored blast wave similar to that from a Sonic Rainboom explodes outward from them. In addition, a broad rainbow shoots skyward, reaches the peak of its arc, and thunders down toward the incredulous whatever-the-heck-it-is that has turned Ponyville upside down and inside out.)

Discord: NOOOOOOOOOO!!

(As he screams, the rainbow engulfs him and he slowly freezes into solid stone, working from the tail up; his disbelieving, openmouthed face is the last to go. The rainbow splits into two copies that fold out and down to either side toward the ground, similar to the behavior of a domed stadium’s cover being opened. The hemisphere described by their movement grows in brightness until it has gone pure white; this in turn swells to fill the screen.)

(Fade in to a perfectly normal-looking stretch of Ponyville. Grass, sky, houses—everything is back as it should be, and the group descends gently to it. Discord, on the other hand, takes a rather faster and less pleasant trip down when his petrified form topples onto the grass.)

(Dissolve to a long shot of Canterlot, tilting up toward its uppermost structures, and cut to a set of closed double doors within Celestia’s palace, guarded by two pegasi. These open to admit Twilight and company, no longer wearing their gold finery, and a cut to behind them reveals that they are proceeding down the length of a packed hall, with Celestia waiting at the far end. Floor-to-ceiling stained-glass windows adorn the walls on both sides. Warm, joyful smiles pass between teacher and student, and Applejack tips a wink to the latter as she does her best to contain her own emotions. Twilight follows the general direction of her look; cut to Spike, now relieved of his stomach trouble and waving bashfully from his spot near Celestia. The young unicorn bites back a silly little grin of her own before the sovereign addresses the crowd, without a hint of the fear or urgency that affected her so badly when she sent the group out on this mission in Part One.)

Celestia: We are gathered here today to once again honor the heroism of these six friends who stood up to the villain Discord and saved Equestria from eternal chaos.

(During this line, cut to a slow pan across said friends, then back to her; after she finishes, the hall breaks out in wild cheering. While it dies down, she acknowledges their bows with a smile, then aims her horn off toward one wall and magically opens a curtain. Behind it is a new window that shows Discord transfixed in the Elements’ power. A tilt down to its base frames the ponies giving him his just deserts—a new decoration installed to commemorate their valor. Applejack, however, is not wearing her hat. A fresh round of cheering begins, and the camera cuts to the group and zooms out through the hall while confetti and streamers shower down over the scene. “Iris out” to the credits, without any intervening black screen.)

(The usual closing theme does not accompany the credits. In its place is an extended version of the majestic anthem that accompanied the window unveiling—full orchestral instrumentation, brisk 4. However it is performed in a different key from that scene: F major rather than C major, transitioning to D major at the end.)


LESSON ZERO

Written by Meghan McCarthy

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to a long shot of Ponyville at daybreak. A windmill’s vanes turn lazily as the sun rises behind the mountains. Once it has almost fully emerged, dissolve to the exterior of the library.)

Twilight Sparkle: (from inside) Quill.

(Cut to Spike in her room, with a quill and scroll in hand. Another writing implement floats by under her power.)

Spike: Check.

(Follow it to her at a desk, where it settles down by two others; a stack of papers stands here as well.)

Twilight: Parchment. (Back to him; he marks off items in time.)

Spike: Check. (An inkwell floats by.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Extra ink.

Spike: Check. (Another one.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Extra extra ink.

Spike: (slightly bemused) Check.

(The desk again. This inkwell settles down by two others, the papers, and the quills. Zoom out to frame Twilight.)

Twilight: Is that everything on the checklist?

Spike: Yep.

Twilight: (crossing to him) Great. Now that we’ve completed the checklist of things we need to create a checklist, we can make my checklist of the things I have to get done by the end of the day. Ready?

Spike: Ready!

Twilight: (dictating; he writes) “Item one. Create checklist of the things I have to accomplish by the end of the day.”

(The baby dragon’s eyes pop and he drops to the floor with a weary groan—the boss is going overboard with this bit of work. Fade to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to the same long shot of Ponyville that began the prologue. The sky is now a clear morning blue, and the sun climbs a bit higher as the windmill turns slowly. Cut to one end of a very long scroll being dragged along a street and pan quickly ahead to frame the other in Spike’s hands; he eyes it worriedly while walking.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) How are we doing, Spike? (Cut to frame both in the busy street; they stop.)

Spike: Let’s see. We’ve already dropped off your cape at the cleaners…

(Close-up of the scroll, which he rolls ahead from one item to the next in time.)

Spike: (from o.s.) …returned the blackboard you borrowed from Cheerilee, ordered new parchment and quills from the stationery shop…

(These two items, both checked, are shown as: a blackboard chalked with an A+ and sitting by an apple, and a quill with three scrolls. After the second, zoom out slightly as Twilight walks over.)

Twilight: Hmmm…seems like we’d just placed an order for those a few days ago.

(Back to Spike, who throws a look over his shoulder at the yards of parchment stretching behind the pair.)

Spike: Can’t imagine why we go through so many of them.

Twilight: Sounds like we’re ahead of schedule. What’s next?

Spike: Cupcakes!

(Snap to black, which immediately resolves into a batch of said treats, the camera pointing up from among them as the lid of their box is opened. Unicorn and dragon both poke their heads into view. Spike eyes the frosted baked goods with an eager, shuddery moan, but Twilight’s eye is a more critical one. Cut to frame both of them at the counter inside Sugarcube Corner.)

Twilight: Uh—I only ordered twelve. (Mrs. Cake emerges from the kitchen, tray on head.)

Mrs. Cake: Oh, I know, dear, but I had an extra. (taking boxes back in) So I thought I’d make it a baker’s dozen.

[Note: A baker’s dozen consists of thirteen items rather than twelve.]

(Now Spike lets his tongue hang out with another shudder, but Twilight magically yanks him back and steps up for a closer look.)

Twilight: Oh, that was very thoughtful of you. (Mrs. Cake returns to the counter.) It’s just, some of the icing from the extra cupcake is getting all over the one next to it. (nosing box across) See?

(As the older mare leans over the box, a close-up reveals that all the cupcakes appear to be evenly iced.)

Mrs. Cake: (trying to play along) Oh…sure.

Twilight: It’s just that I’m planning on sharing these at a picnic later, and I don’t want anypony to feel like somepony else is getting more icing. (Big grin; back to Mrs. Cake.)

Mrs. Cake: Oh…no, uh, of course not.

(Behind her, a small scraper is levitated off the work counter and whisked over her shoulder toward the camera, unnerving her slightly.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Not to worry. (Cut to her.) I’ll just move some of this one to…

(Close-up of the box; she nudges a dollop of icing away from one and divides it between two others.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) …hmmm…I think I may have scooped too much…oops, now those two have more. (Back to her.) Let’s just try this again.

(Which she proceeds to do with fierce concentration, the camera panning across the counter to the forced smile on Mrs. Cake’s face. The latter recoils slightly from the bits of flying icing; down below, Spike begins to lose his patience.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Hmmm…no, that won’t do. Let me just… (He is hit in the face.) …hmmm, put some here… (Longer shot of the two ponies.) …then…no, that’s not right. A little more on this one, and a little bit…ah, wait…

(Close-up, zooming in slowly as her face gradually rearranges into a slightly crazed expression.)

Twilight: …I’ll just…ooh, a little bit here…and here…and…

(Close-up of the cupcakes, each of which has been stripped of all icing except a small dab in the center of its top.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) …perfect! (Tilt up to Mrs. Cake, liberally spattered.)

Mrs. Cake: (woodenly) Hmm, oh, yes, much better. (Both again; Twilight floats the lid on the box.)

Twilight: Okay! (turning away, levitating box) Time to tackle the next item on our…

(Her movement has left Spike’s icing-covered figure in full view behind her. Surprise from both ponies as she stops.)

Twilight: Oops. (Close-up of him; she continues o.s.) Looks like we’re gonna have to add “give a baby dragon a bath” to our list.

(Zoom out slightly as he lashes out his tongue, wraps it around his body, and yanks it back to set himself spinning in place. The tongue promptly cleans away every bit of icing and retracts into his mouth, and he gleefully swallows the sweet stuff as soon as he stops. Cut to outside the front door of Sugarcube Corner; Twilight walks out with Spike on her back, the box floating before them.)

Twilight: Very efficient! And a little bit gross.

(His only response is a noncommittal grunt. Wipe to her room in the library.)

Spike: (from o.s.) Looks like that’s everything.

(They and the box come into view from downstairs; he has the checklist in hand.)

Twilight: Almost everything. (He jumps off her back.)

Spike: (reading end of list) “Triple-check checklist to make sure we didn’t miss anything when we double-checked the checklist.” (marking it off) Uh, check.

(He drops the quill and scroll with a sudden groan, exposing the throbbing, inflamed wrist of his writing hand.)

Spike: I’ve been holding that quill so long— (Close-up of the hand; he continues o.s.) —I’ve got a claw cramp! (crossing to her; she levitates a cupcake) Good thing we don’t have anything to report to Princess Celestia this week. I don’t think I could write another word.

(He has bandaged his wrist in this shot, and his words throw a sudden scare into Twilight so that she lets the snack drop. Zoom in on her.)

Twilight: We haven’t sent a letter to Princess Celestia this week?

Spike: Why? Is that bad? (She leans into his face; his bandage falls off.)

Twilight: Bad? Bad? Of course it’s bad! I’m supposed to send Princess Celestia a letter every week telling her about a lesson I’ve learned about friendship! (Cut to him, then back to her as she continues.) Not every other week, not every ten days— (jabbing a hoof into his chest) —every single week! (She backs o.s.)

Spike: Huh?

(A panicked moan from the o.s. unicorn; cut to her at the desk, surrounded by scattered and levitating books.)

Twilight: Where’s my calendar, where’s my calendar? (Spike reaches in a drawer as they fly past.)

Spike: Where it always is?

(As soon as he fishes it out, it gets yanked over to a stand with enough force to carry him along. The calendar lands properly and flips open, but he crashes into the stand’s support and slides down to the floor.)

Twilight: When did we send the last one?

Spike: Last…Tuesday?

Twilight: And today is…?

(Zoom in to a close-up of a page that has a large red X on one day.)

Spike: (from o.s.) Tuesday? (She snaps upright with a cry.)

Twilight: (running up to her bedroom) Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

(Cut to outside her bedroom window during this line. She pops up at it, the camera zooming in briefly before it cuts to a view of the town. A clock’s loud ticking is heard as the sun advances a notch across the sky. It moves as if hooked into a giant set of clockworks, and the windmill’s vanes click jerkily along instead of turning smoothly as before.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) If I don’t send her a letter by sundown, I’ll be…

(Zoom out through the window and into the bedroom loft, framing her. Huge gasp.)

Twilight: …tardy!

(The background flares red behind her, but Spike instantly pushes it away as if it were a scenery flat to restore the view of the window.)

Spike: What’s that, now?

Twilight: Tar-dy, Spike. Late! (flopping onto her bed) I’ll be late! Ooh, how could I have let this happen? I’m usually so organized. (pulling blanket over herself) I’ve never been late with an assignment!

Spike: Oh, please! You’re the most studious student ever! (throwing blanket off, jumping down from loft) I’m sure the Princess’ll forgive you if you miss one little deadline.

Twilight: I’m afraid to take that chance, Spike. This is the ruler of all of Equestria we’re talking about. The pony who holds my fate in her hooves!

(She stops for breath at this point, but a sudden thought stops her from continuing this line.)

Twilight: What if she doesn’t forgive me? (Cut to Spike.)

Spike: Yeah, I don’t think she’ll— (She teleports down to get in his face.)

Twilight: (really scared) What if instead she starts thinking I’m not taking my studies on friendship seriously?

Spike: Why would she—

Twilight: (pacing) What if she makes me come back to Canterlot and puts me back in school and makes me prove I’ve been taking them seriously by giving me a test?!? (Stop; gasp.) What if I don’t pass?

Spike: But why wouldn’t you pass—

Twilight: She’s my teacher! Do you know what teachers do to students who don’t pass?

(A brief pause, during which Spike has no immediate response.)

Twilight: They send them back a grade! But she won’t just send me back a grade. She’ll send me back to… (horrified) …Magic Kindergarten!

(Zoom in quickly to a close-up of her slack, grimacing face. At the moment her eyes fill the screen, there is a white flash and the camera zooms out slowly to the sound of many young voices laughing derisively. The mortified magician is at the back of a classroom, sitting atop a far-too-small school desk on her haunches and being jeered and pointed at by all the other unicorn fillies seated at their own desks.)

(This scene stretches downward slightly, then snaps up like a window shade to expose the freaked-out, shivering Twilight sitting on the floor in the same position. Spike has brought her back to reality once again.)

Spike: Twilight… (He nudges her.) Twilight! (She snaps to.)

Twilight: Huh?

Spike: That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! (Close-up.) You’re not gonna be sent back to Magic Kindergarten.

Twilight: (from o.s.) You’re right. I have no reason to worry. (He smiles proudly; she stands up.) Because I’m going to solve a friend’s problem and get that letter to Princess Celestia before sundown!

(This elicits a very loud groan from the number-one assistant; she leans over to him.)

Twilight: So… (rapid fire) …got any problems, troubles, conundrums, or any other sort of issues, major or minor, that I, as a good friend, could help you solve? (Big grin.)

(He thinks hard for a few seconds, grunting with the metal effort.)

Spike: I got nothing. (Her face falls; she backs off with a sigh.)

Twilight: (trotting downstairs) Then it looks like I’m gonna have to find somepony who does! (He groans after she has gone.)

Spike: This won’t end well.

(Snap to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to the same view of Ponyville that Twilight saw from her bedroom window. The sun advances a notch as the windmill clicks along and the ephemeral clock continues its ticking. Zoom in quickly to street level; the unicorn trots resolutely down the block.)

Twilight: (to herself) You’ve got this, Twilight. You still have plenty of time to get that letter to Princess Celestia. (looking around) Has to be somepony around here who needs the help of a good friend.

(A shrill scream from the o.s. Rarity cuts in and brings stars to Twilight’s eyes.)

Twilight: Rarity!

(Quick pan to the exterior of the Carousel Boutique; zoom in slowly to the sound of her prolonged, eardrum-destroying scream. Inside, the front door flies open at a buck from Twilight.)

Twilight: Don’t worry, Rarity! I’m here!

(Long shot of the distraught white unicorn, zooming in. She has thrown herself down on the platform normally used to let clients inspect their new outfits in the mirrors.)

Rarity: (sobbing) Why me? Why, why, why? (Close-up.) Of all the worst things that could happen, this is the worst possible thing!

(Each of these last four words is punctuated by a zoom in on her constricting pupils, ending in an extreme close-up. Twilight, though, takes it as a penny from heaven and gallops in.)

Twilight: What’s happened? Are you all right?

Rarity: I’ve lost my diamond-encrusted purple ribbon! I have searched high, and I have searched low. Low and high, high and low.

(She gestures toward the ceiling at the first “high,” then pokes at a stray fold of cloth on the floor at the first “low.” Up again on “low and high,” down again on “high and low,” after which she pouts for a moment and jumps to the middle of the showroom floor.)

Rarity: But I can’t find it anywhere!

(She magically slides a couch into view and collapses onto it.)

Rarity: (sobbing) Anywhere!

(She is so caught up in the moment that she does not spot Twilight turning away, rubbing her front hooves and grinning hugely with stars dancing in her eyes.)

Rarity: How can I possibly finish my latest creation if I can’t find it? (Cut to Twilight; zoom in slowly.)

Twilight: Never fear, Rarity! I’ll do my best to help you find— (Rarity pops up, instantly placated.)

Rarity: Oh, there it is.

(Cut to a vanity elsewhere in the showroom; the ribbon in question lies on the floor nearby.)

Rarity: (trotting over, levitating it) Isn’t it always just the last place you look?

(Cut to Twilight and zoom out slowly on the next line to frame Rarity in the foreground; the latter is now plying a pair of scissors to snip the ribbon.)

Twilight: (perplexed) So you just lost your ribbon?

Rarity: Mmm-hmm.

Twilight: But now you’ve found it.

Rarity: Yeah-huh.

Twilight: And nothing else is bothering you? Nothing that I, as a good friend, could help you with?

(She has closed her eyes on this last, but opens one to glance expectantly toward Rarity.)

Rarity: Hmmm…there is one thing. (Her pout brings Twilight to starry-eyed attention.)

Twilight: Yes?

Rarity: I think I left my measuring tape under the fabric over there.

(During this line, zoom out from the pair to frame a jumble of cloth, with the tape end protruding from among them.)

Rarity: (trotting away) Could you get that for me?

(Twilight sighs and warms up her horn; cut to the tape as it is floated across to the white hooves.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Measuring tape. Sure.

Rarity: Twilight? (Tilt up to her face.) Is there something bother—

(A cut to an overhead view of the showroom reveals that the other unicorn has cleared out.)

Rarity: Twilight?

(Another snip of the scissors is followed by an “iris in” transition to the long shot of Ponyville, with the iris centered on the sun. The clock keeps ticking as the windmill vanes jerk along and the sun snaps ahead another notch to its highest position in the sky. Zoom in quickly to Twilight, once again on the move down the street.)

Twilight: (to herself) No need to panic. Rarity’s just one pony. I’m sure one of my other friends will need me.

(Cut to Rainbow Dash, who starts into a flying kick with a savage yell; she is wearing a pair of transparent safety goggles. A board wall on the receiving end gets a large hole smashed through it, and a long shot reveals that it is part of a barn that stands on the Sweet Apple Acres property. Another yell marks her equally destructive emergence from the opposite wall. Shaking the splinters away, the one-pegasus wrecking crew dives toward the roof and bashes through it just as Applejack—wearing a crash helmet instead of her cowboy hat—ducks and covers in a nearby ditch. More splinters rain down around her.)

(Rainbow continues her assault on the barn, chopping, bucking, and biting her way through every piece of wood she can reach. A chunk of a support beam whistles through the air and embeds itself in the road just in front of Twilight, bringing her up short in her walk to the farm. She takes in the full scope of the barn demolition on the start of the next line.)

Twilight: What in the world? (Pause for thought.) Rainbow must be angry with Applejack! (smiling shrewdly) She must hate her guts! (stars in eyes) Oh, wonderful!

(She zips ahead. Cut to Rainbow, coming in for another pass.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Rainbow Dash! Stop!

(The latter finds herself telekinetically grabbed by the tail, just short of crashing through the barn wall again. The rest of her hangs free as Twilight trots up.)

Twilight: Listen, Rainbow. (winking) I know you’re upset with Applejack, but don’t worry. Whatever it is that has come between you two, I’m sure that I, as a good friend, can help you resolve your problems.

(She takes no notice of the thoroughly confused look that Rainbow is sending her way. When she releases her hold on the multicolored tail near the end of this line, its owner hangs in the air for a second before thudding to the ground.)

Rainbow: (standing up) Uh, what are you talking about?

Twilight: (hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder) Oh, Rainbow Dash, you don’t have to hide your feelings from me. (turning Rainbow’s face toward hers) I can tell you two must have had a terrible fight.

(Wipe to a nearby bench, where Rainbow now lies stretched out on her back and has removed her goggles. Twilight sits alongside on her haunches, her mane tied back in a bun, with a pair of glasses balanced on her nose and a quill and clipboard floating overhead. The overall effect resembles a psychiatrist’s office, with Rainbow as the patient on the couch.)

Twilight: (patting Rainbow’s head, taking notes) Now, why don’t you tell me all about your issues with Applejack?

Rainbow: I don’t have any issues with Applejack.

Twilight: You don’t? Then why are you destroying her property?

Rainbow: Because she asked me to. (sitting up, calling toward ditch) Right, Applejack?

(The apple harvester peeks up from the ditch with a smile.)

Applejack: Yes, ma’am. (She removes her helmet.) I wanted to put up a new barn, but this one’s gotta come down first. (chuckling; helmet on) Now get back to it, RD!

Rainbow: (donning goggles) You got it, boss! (She lifts off; Twilight has now ditched her glasses and undone her mane.)

Applejack: (to Twilight) I’d take cover if I were you.

(She follows her own advice as the winged wrecking ball rises to an altitude of several hundred feet, directly above the barn. Twilight lets off a little cry of shock and leaps into the ditch, landing alongside Applejack and hunkering down just as she has done. A shrill whistle of air marks Rainbow’s high-speed descent, joined by her own yell just before she smashes squarely into the dilapidated structure. It disappears in a cataclysmic blast that briefly tints the sky a lurid red and throws out a rainbow-hued wave similar to that from a Sonic Rainboom, as well as a multicolored mushroom cloud. A mass of dirt and rubble falls into the ditch, burying Twilight and Applejack and filling the screen with dust. Applejack is first to emerge and throws a cheerful wave upward before jumping up to ground level; Twilight extricates herself a few seconds later and trudges off with a disappointed sigh. The aftermath of this extreme tear-down work has left her mane slightly disheveled.)

(“Iris in” to the Ponyville long shot; the invisible clock ticks as the sun advances another notch and the windmill vanes rotate jerkily. Zoom in quickly to Twilight, now trotting away from town through a stretch of meadowland.)

Twilight: Oh, I can’t believe I wasted all that time. I should’ve just come here first. Fluttershy always has some fear she’s trying to get over. As a good friend, I’ll be able to help her.

(She approaches Fluttershy’s cottage on the end of this line, then peeks around one corner. Zoom in as her eyes pop in surprise, then cut to just behind her. A short distance away, the meek yellow pegasus is facing off against a very large, angry, roaring brown bear. It rises to its hind legs, and she gallops straight between them and disappears from sight; after it peeks through with a puzzled grunt, she rockets in and lands a flying kick to the back. As it tumbles through the air, she grabs a hind leg and twists to throw it flat on the grass. Her next move is to yank the leg toward the head, bending the massive body double and forcing a ground-pounding bellow.)

Twilight: (horrified) Fluttershy?

(The pummeling continues with a stomp on the back and a hard twist that forces the beefy neck around 180 degrees, after which Fluttershy releases her hold. As the bear collapses senseless to the lawn, Twilight’s jaw looks ready to fall off its hinge from sheer disbelief. She shakes her head clear and paces in place.)

Twilight: How can this be happening? Of all the days she had to stop being such a scaredy-pony, she had to pick today! (walking away) What am I going to do?

(Her ear twitches briefly during the previous line, a tic that will manifest itself from time to time until further notice. The camera cuts to the scene of this throwdown and zooms out to frame Fluttershy now standing atop the bear’s back. She kneads the broad muscles with her hooves, eliciting a low groan of pleasure from the slackly smiling creature.)

Fluttershy: You really should have come to me sooner. You were carrying so much tension in that shoulder.

(She gets a relaxed little noise from the bear—having given it a rather extreme massage with no malicious intent as Twilight thought. Dissolve to a close-up of the worried unicorn’s face, seen in profile, and zoom out overhead as the camera rotates 90 degrees. She is lying on a bench, huddled on her side and stroking her mane. There is a puddle of water nearby on the ground.)

Twilight: It’s fine. It’ll all be fine. The day isn’t over yet. (She sits up in a sudden panic.) But it will be over soon!

(Clock ticks; sun snaps ahead a notch; she flops onto her back with a loud groan. Close-up of her reflection in the puddle as a few tears drop into view to ruffle the water. On the next line, tilt up from it to the upside-down real McCoy.)

Twilight: It’ll be all over! My time in Ponyville! My advanced studies! (She sits up with a growing smile.) No, no. You’re a good student. You can do this.

(Quick tilt down to her glum reflection.)

Reflection: Ohh…but what if I can’t? (Up to the bench again; cut to the reflection on the following.)

Twilight: You can! You just have to keep it together! (Back to her.) Keep it together!

(These last three words get her leaning down so close that her face is nearly in the puddle. Zoom out to frame Spike nearby, carrying the box of cupcakes.)

Spike: Are you talking to…yourself?

(Close-up of her feverishly determined face as he waves a hand in front of it.)

Spike: (from o.s.) Twilight?

(The sound of young, nasty laughter snaps her upright; it is coming from three fillies playing jump rope in the park. In a flash, though, Twilight’s overactive imagination has transformed them into three leering, jeering silhouettes on a scorched plain under a sick red sky. They point and laugh at her for a second before Spike reaches into view and pops the scene with one clawed finger like a balloon, restoring the happy Ponyville sky.)

Spike: SNAP OUT OF IT!! (She has wound up huddled on the ground.)

Twilight: (shaking head clear) Huh?

Spike: Are you okay?

(Another look across the meadow shows that the three jump-rope players are enjoying themselves, laughing innocently, and paying no mind to the pair. Twilight is up on her haunches.)

Spike: Twilight, I’m really worried.

(Cut to her on this line; she covers her eyes for a moment, then drops her hooves helplessly.)

Spike: (from o.s.) I mean, this letter thing is really getting to you. (Zoom out to frame him; he nudges her with the cupcake box.) Here.

(Close-up of it and him, from the neck down; tilt up to his face on the next line.)

Spike: You’ve been so anxious all day that you completely forgot about the picnic. (His perspective of her as he continues.) Why don’t you just relax and go hang out with— (She whirls to face him, suddenly crazed.)

Twilight: The picnic!

(Back to him; he recoils, but she levitates the box out of his grip as the camera zooms out to frame both.)

Twilight: (galloping off with it) I should go see my friends!

Spike: I’m glad you’ve come to your senses.

(Dissolve to Pinkie Pie, hopping cheerfully through the park with a picnic basket in her teeth. Finding a suitable spot, she stops and sets the basket down in close-up, then nips away the cloth tucked into it. Three balloons float up and away; in a longer shot, they take the basket with them due to their strings being tied into its bottom, and Pinkie aims a silly grin and puzzled look at the camera. The rest of Twilight’s friends are here as well: Applejack laying out a picnic blanket and wearing her hat instead of the crash helmet from the barn demolition, Fluttershy sitting on her haunches in the grass and staring up after the basket, Rainbow wearing sunglasses and applying suntan lotion, Rarity backed halfway into view. Pan to frame all of her on the next line; she has brought a basket of her own and is rummaging around in it, having dumped out most of the contents.)

Rarity: Please tell me I did not forget the plates! (She straightens up with a gasp.) I did! I totally forgot them! Of all the worst things that could happen, this is the worst possible thing!

(The last four words are accompanied by a series of zooms toward her eyes as during her Act One meltdown in the Carousel Boutique. The camera then cuts to a longer shot as she magically whisks the couch from that scene into view and collapses sobbing onto it.)

Rarity: Why, why, why?…Uh?

(She quiets down, finding herself on the wrong end of four puzzled/annoyed looks.)

Rarity: What? You didn’t expect me to lay on the grass, did you?

(Rainbow adjusts her shades and flops down across the blanket on her back. The cupcake box lands just behind her head a moment later, with a set of violet hooves visible just behind that. Red-violet eyes peek up from behind the black lenses; cut to their owner’s upside-down perspective of Twilight’s scrambled mane and deranged grin, accompanied by a donkey’s bray. Back to the five disconcerted picnickers, zooming out to frame the newcomer as Rainbow gets up; that grin does not waver even a hair before the camera cuts to the five again.)

Applejack: You all right, hon?

Twilight: (from o.s.) No! (Cut to her.) I am not all right.

(Her pathetic pout gets Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow, and Rarity upright with a chorus of concerned responses, and Pinkie soon joins them.)

Twilight: It’s just terrible.

Other five: (leaning closer) Yes?

Twilight: Simply awful.

Other five: (still closer) Yes?

Twilight: It’s the most horrific trouble I’ve ever been in and I really, really, really need your help!

Other five: (even closer) Yes?

Twilight: My letter to Princess Celestia is almost overdue, and I haven’t learned anything about friendship!

(The other five relax with a unison sigh.)

Fluttershy: Oh, thank goodness. I thought something really awful had happened.

(Twilight can manage only a monkey-like screech as the others turn back to their picnic. She teleports over to Pinkie and Rainbow, startling the latter into dropping her sunglasses.)

Twilight: Something awful has happened!

(To Rarity, who spits out the punch she is drinking as she reclines on her couch again.)

Twilight:  If I don’t turn in the letter on time, I’ll be tardy! (To the center of the group, grabbing at Applejack.) Tardy!

(If the group sigh threw her off balance, the round of laughter that follows this outburst really gets her boiling over, as seen in a close-up and slow zoom in on her reddening face.)

Applejack: (from o.s.) No offense, sugar cube— (Longer shot, framing both.) —but it looks like somepony’s gettin’ themselves all worked up over nothin’.

(Back to Twilight on the end of this; she slaps the orange-tan forelegs away.)

Twilight: This is not nothing! This is everything! (Overhead shot, zooming in; she darts from one to another.) I need you guys to help me find somepony with a problem I can fix before sundown! (Close-up.) My whole life depends on it!

(She has ended up nose to nose with Pinkie, whose cheerful demeanor has not even been scratched by this tirade.)

Pinkie: (giggling) Oh, Twilight, you’re such a crack-up!

(She promptly tumbles onto her back with a hearty laugh; back to Twilight.)

Applejack: (from o.s.) Come on now. (Pan to the other five; Pinkie is upright again.) Have a seat and stop sweatin’ the small stuff.

(Nothing doing; Twilight voices an exasperated groan and trots away, letting off a second one for good measure before teleporting out of the area.)

Fluttershy: (to Applejack) Wow. I’ve never seen Twilight so upset before.

Rarity: (from o.s.) Ugh! (The others glance her way; zoom out to frame her.) What a drama queen! (Embarrassed smile; clear throat.) Relatively speaking.

(Snap to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: “iris in” to the long shot of Ponyville that has been seen so many times up to now. Windmill vanes clack ahead to the intangible clock’s rhythm as the sun moves another notch closer to the other side of the sky.)

Twilight: (from o.s., trying to keep her cool) Clock is ticking, Twilight.

(Zoom out to frame her at the bedroom window.)

Twilight: (deliberately) Clock is ticking!

(And, judging from the unhinged expression she now wears, her sanity has gotten caught in the mechanism.)

Twilight: (pacing) Keep it together. (She stops near a small trunk.) If I can’t find a friendship problem… (eyeing/magically opening trunk partway) …I’ll make a friendship problem!

(She rubs her front hooves together as her stress-crazed brain slips even farther out of gear. “Iris in” to a close-up of a bird perching placidly on a tree limb as the sun drops a bit closer to the horizon, then tilt down to follow its descent into a nest placed atop a bush. As soon as it settles down here, the leaves rustle and Twilight puts her head up, lifting the next clear and instantly reducing it to a shambles. Now her out-of-kilter pupils have constricted to purple points above a frighteningly wide grin that would probably qualify any living thing in Equestria for the psycho ward.)

(Her sotto-voce giggle is followed by a pan to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, playing with a beach ball in a nearby clearing. After a few bounces, it comes to rest on the grass and exhibits a marked deviation from normal beach ball behavior, swelling out of all proportion and finally bursting. Twilight now stands among the three unnerved fillies, having teleported into the ball; the nest is no longer on her head.)

Twilight: Hi, girls!

Apple Bloom: Oh…hi, Twilight. How’s it go—

Twilight: Great. Just great. (Sweat rolls down; eye twitches as she walks toward them.) You three look like you’re doing great too! Looks like three good friends who obviously don’t need the help of another good friend.

(The end of this line brings her face to face with Scootaloo, who has scrunched herself into a scared little huddle on the grass. Now Twilight straightens up and levitates a battered old donkey-shaped rag doll dressed in polka-dotted shorts, with a yarn mane/tail and button eyes.)

Twilight: This is Smarty Pants. (nuzzling it) She was mine when I was your age. (Cut to the Crusaders; she continues o.s. and floats it to them.) And now I want to give her to you!

(Close-up of the decrepit plaything, after which the three intended recipients eye it uneasily.)

Scootaloo: Uh, she’s, uh…great.

Bloom: Yeah…great.

Sweetie Belle: (squinting one eye at it) I…really like her…mane?

Twilight: She even comes with her own notebook and quill—

(Close-up of each named item during this line; the first goes to Scootaloo, the second behind Sweetie’s ear.)

Twilight: —for when you want to pretend she’s doing her homework! (She cocks her head to one side; the fillies have put away the accessories.)

Scootaloo: That’s…um…great.

Bloom: Yeah…great. (Fake little chuckle, they both nudge Sweetie.)

Sweetie: (squinting again) I really like her…mane?

Twilight: I just hope the fact that there are three of you and only one of her doesn’t become a problem.

(Zoom in on her; the glow from her horn shining weirdly on her face.)

Twilight: I’d hate to cause a rift between such good friends.

(The end of this line comes through gritted teeth, after which the camera cuts to the trio. Scootaloo twirls a hoof near her temple in the classic “screw loose” gesture for her friends’ benefit; now the Smarty Pants doll floats to them.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) So, who wants to play with her first? (All three recoil from it.)

Bloom: Uh…you should play with her first, Sweetie Belle, you know— (galloping off) —’cause you like her mane so much.

Sweetie: (surprised) No, no, no, no, no, no. (galloping off) I think Scootaloo should get to play with her first.

Scootaloo: I’d love to, but, um…

(She turns away; zoom out to show the others only a few feet distant. Sweetie is bulldozing Bloom toward the doll.)

Scootaloo: …you take her, Apple Bloom. (They start trying to push each other forward.)

Bloom: Applejack says it’s important to share.

Twilight: (thinking, frantically) I gotta think of something. Think, think, think, think, think, Twilight, think! (Gasp aloud; slap front hooves together.) That’s it!

(Across the way, the Crusaders are now enthusiastically trying to persuade each other—by sheer brute force—to take one for the team.)

Twilight: (softly) Ooh, you’re going to like Smarty Pants. (Zoom in on her.) And you’re going to like her more than anything!

(She leans her head forward, sending streams of hearts from her horn toward the beat-up thing to disappear into it, and lets it hit the ground. The Crusaders stop their fracas and take notice, their rancor instantly replaced by wondering smiles. As each speaks, her eyes rotate as if they were slot-machine reels, the pupils/irises replaced by hearts.)

Scootaloo: (gasping) I want it!

Bloom: I need it!

Sweetie: I really like her mane!

(And then the brawl starts all over again—but this time they are grabbing madly at the doll instead of trying to keep away from it. Twilight straightens up.)

Twilight: (to herself) The Want-It-Need-It spell. (stars in eyes) Works every time.

(She backs away and stands up to full height.)

Twilight: Okay, okay, let’s break it up. I think we can all see that there is an important lesson to be learned here about—

(Whatever that lesson might be, it certainly does not involve knowing when to duck, since she gets a pop in the chops that drops her to her haunches. It takes her a second to stand up again.)

Twilight: Come on, girls. We’re all friends here, right? (She teleports to the other side of them.) Don’t you think you ought to share?

Bloom: No way!

(With a loud, frustrated groan, the crazed unicorn hurls herself into the beatdown and promptly gets thrown out of it. She fetches up against Big Macintosh, who has arrived in the clearing and is carrying a bucket by its handle in his teeth.)

Twilight: Big Macintosh! Thank goodness! You gotta help me get that doll away from those girls!

(Close-up of it being tossed back and forth on the end of this.)

Macintosh: Ee-yup.

(The big Apple stallion takes his time setting the bucket down and walking over to the fray, where he calmly dips his head in and comes up with Smarty Pants in his teeth.)

Twilight: Oh, thank you so much. (trying to levitate it away) Now if you could just give her to me— (He gallops off instead.)

Macintosh: (hearts in eyes) Nn-nope. (Back to Twilight.)

Twilight: Oh, no!

(A clamor of angry little voices floats up as their owners gallop after Macintosh. The chase circles Mayor Mare, interrupting her plan to relax in a beach chair with a good book.)

Mayor Mare: What’s all the commotion about? (A pegasus mare falls under Twilight’s spell.)

Mare: They’re fighting over that doll! (She and others race in.)

Bon Bon: That incredible, amazing doll!

(She too has succumbed to its “charms,” and within seconds the horrified Twilight is watching dozens of ponies slug it out to get at the doll still in Macintosh’s teeth.)

Twilight: (lunging here and there) Can’t…get a clear shot!

(The stallion does quite well at holding the prize out of reach at first, but eventually the mass of assailants begins to drag him down. Just before he disappears under the mob, Mayor Mare—now also entranced—leans in.)

Mayor Mare: Gimme!

(She nips it away and runs off, the camera shifting to follow her and put the brouhaha just o.s. There comes the sound of a reverberating thud from that direction, accompanied by a plethora of involuntarily airborne ponies—some of whom go sailing over the horizon—and the emergence of one angry red workhorse.)

Macintosh: Nn-nope. (He charges after Mayor Mare; zoom in on Twilight nearby.)

Twilight: Oh, what have I done?

(The view dissolves from her agonized grimace to a close-up of the snoozing Applejack, under a tree with a stalk of wheat in her mouth and her hat tilted over her face. The sound of approaching hoofbeats and voices wakes her up as Rainbow continues her sunbathing and Pinkie packs up her basket. The picnic blanket lies folded on the grass among the five ponies; it begins to vibrate, along with the rest of the ground, as Applejack speaks up.)

Applejack: Y’all hear that?

(The other four take notice just before Mayor Mare barrels straight through the area, followed by the entire stampede; Rainbow takes cover behind the three. Cut to the crazed throng and pan back to Applejack and Pinkie on the next line.)

Applejack: What in the name of all things oats-and-apples is goin’ on here?

(As Mayor Mare sprints ahead, Derpy Hooves swoops down from above to swipe Smarty Pants. A second pegasus promptly moves in and grabs another part of the doll in her teeth, prompting a vicious tug-of-war that ends with it snapping away from both of them. It lands near Rainbow, whose eyes start to roll over into hearts before she gets her head turned away and her eyes covered by Twilight. She has taken off her shades.)

Twilight: Don’t look at it! (Rarity comes up behind them.)

Rarity: Don’t look at what? (Eyes covered by Twilight; Rainbow hits the ground.)

Twilight: My Smarty Pants doll.

(Longer shot of the six friends, surrounded by land- and air-based fisticuffs under a late-afternoon sky. The old doll tumbles from one to another.)

Twilight:  I enchanted her and now everypony is fighting over her! (Cut to Rarity; Fluttershy comes up alongside.)

Fluttershy: Why would you enchant your doll?

Twilight: (from o.s.) Well, I had to do something! (Cut to her, huddled in front of the others.) I had nothing to report to Princess Celestia! I thought if I couldn’t find a problem, I’d make a problem! The day is almost over!

Applejack: (looking skyward) Not almost.

(Cut to the horizon, where the sun slowly descends out of sight and the sky darkens into evening. Twilight lets her head slump down onto the grass, hunkering miserably down as if trying to get the earth to swallow her whole. All her friends save Fluttershy are gathered around her.)

Princess Celestia: (from o.s., sharply) Twilight Sparkle!

(Those two words throw a full-scale scare into the quintet as rays of white light shine down from above and an approaching aura begins to wash out the view. Tilt up to the sovereign herself, hovering a few yards overhead and looking plenty sore. Fluttershy joins the group when the camera cuts back to ground level.)

Applejack: Whoa, Nelly.

(She removes her hat just before Celestia turns her horn up to eleven, throwing off an intense light that washes over the knots of brawling ponies. When it fades, they are seen standing and lying in mid-grapple, their eyes back to normal and with no earthly idea of how they wound up here. Derpy and Mayor Mare find themselves face to face, the doll landing near them, and all eye it with considerable surprise and disgust. Mayor Mare’s face goes bright red—this would certainly qualify as conduct unbecoming a public official—and she trots away, stepping on the plaything so that it emits a small squeak. The other ponies quickly disperse to leave it alone on the grass; zoom out to frame Macintosh eyeing it from a distance. After a furtive look around, the camera cuts to a close-up as he straightens up with a giddy little neigh and Smarty Pants in his teeth. Hearts float up around him, even though Twilight’s spell has been neutralized, and he rears up and gallops away.)

(Pan from his exit to the six ponies and Celestia; the glow of her spell fades away and she touches down in front of Twilight. The other five cringe, wondering how bad things are about to get, and Applejack has put her hat back on.)

Celestia: (levelly, to Twilight) Meet me in the library. (She lifts off; Twilight slowly gets up.)

Twilight: (softly, to the others) Goodbye, girls. If you care to visit, I’ll be in Magic Kindergarten… (trudging away) …back in Canterlot.

Fluttershy: (to Rarity) Magic Kindergarten?

Rainbow: Canterlot? (Pinkie pops up.)

Pinkie: We’re never gonna see Twilight again! (Clap hooves to face; drop onto haunches.)

Applejack: (gasping softly, sitting next to her) What are we gonna do, y’all?

Rarity: (full drama mode) Of all the worst things that could happen, this is the worst possible thing!

(Last four words accompanied by zooms in on her eyes, as during the other two times she has done this bit. This time, though, the constricted pupils flick from side to side and the camera zooms out to frame four puzzled/vexed onlookers.)

Rarity: What? I really mean it this time!

(Dissolve to a close-up of Spike, peeking out from behind a bookcase in the library’s reading room to eavesdrop. The rest of the room is slightly blurred, but gradually comes into focus as the camera pans slowly to frame all of Celestia in the center of the floor.)

Twilight: (from around corner) But—but—I’m supposed to send you a letter about friendship every week. (now in view, sitting on haunches in front of Celestia) I missed the deadline. (Close-up of the pair.) I’m a bad student! I’m…tardy! (She huddles down.)

[Animation goof: She is properly groomed in the long shot, but unkempt in this one.]

Celestia: (gently) You are a wonderful student, Twilight. I don’t have to get a letter every week to know that. (Twilight lifts her head.)

Twilight: Really?

(The quiet goes out the window when Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie tumble in, nearly knocking the front door off its hinges. Rarity trots in past them, but Rainbow flies over her and is first into the reading room; now Twilight is cleaned up.)

Rainbow: Wait! (Pinkie zips in.)

Pinkie: You can’t punish her! (Applejack ditto.)

Applejack: It wasn’t her fault!

Celestia: I’m listening. (Now Fluttershy parks her haunches alongisde.)

Fluttershy: Please, Your Highness. We all saw that Twilight was upset.

Rainbow: (as Pinkie nuzzles Twilight’s neck) But we thought that the thing that she was worrying about wasn’t worth worrying about. (Pan to Applejack on the next line.)

Applejack: So when she ran off all worked up, not a single one of us tried to stop her. (To Rarity.)

Rarity: As Twilight’s good friends, we should have taken her feelings seriously and been there for her.

(Cut to Celestia on the end of this; she cocks an eyebrow quizzically at this string of pleadings.)

Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Please don’t take her away from us— (Back to her, Applejack, and Pinkie.) —just because we were too insensitive to help her.

(The winged unicorn turns this over in her mind for a second, then smiles placidly.)

Celestia: Looks like you all learned a pretty valuable lesson today. (Cut to Rainbow and Rarity.)

Ponies: (other four o.s.) Mmm-hmm! (Pan to Twilight.)

Celestia: (from o.s., shadow falling over her) Very well. (Twilight smiles.) I’ll forget Twilight’s punishment on one condition.

(On the end of this, the camera cuts to a shot of the entire group and she bounds over them toward the door. Close-up; she looks back over her shoulder to the sound of enthusiastic responses from the o.s. group.)

Celestia:  From this day forth, I would like you all to report to me your findings on the magic of friendship—

(Back to the six on the second half of this; she then leans down close to her star pupil.)

Celestia: —when, and only when, you happen to discover them.

(She backs off, bringing a grateful smile to Twilight’s face as the others cheer this decision. The smile soon gives way to puzzlement; cut to the balcony outside, where Celestia stands on the railing, ready to depart.)

Twilight: (galloping out to her) Princess Celestia, wait! How did you know I was in trouble?

Celestia: Your friend Spike made me aware that you were letting your fears get the best of you.

(Cut to the open doorway; he peeks out around it, then ducks back in.)

Celestia: (from o.s.) I commend him for taking your feelings seriously. (The others step up.) Now… (Back to her and Twilight.) …if you will all excuse me, I must return to Canterlot. (knowingly) I’m expecting some mail.

(She lifts off and flies a short distance through the night sky before disappearing with a flash. After Twilight watches her exit, cut to the rest of the gang inside the door.)

Applejack: Y’all heard the Princess. (Twilight enters.) Spike, take a letter.

(He instantly produces quill and scroll; before anyone can start, though, a violet foreleg lands on his shoulders and Twilight pulls him in for a warm hug. Dissolve to the group in the reading room; Spike is at a stand, ready to write, and the others stand/sit/lie around the place. Rarity is seated on a cushion, and Applejack—holding her hat—clears her throat.)

Applejack: (dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia: We’re writin’ to you because today we all learned a little somethin’ about friendship.” (Pan to Fluttershy.)

Fluttershy: “We learned that you should take your friend’s worries seriously—” (Cut to Rainbow and Rarity.)

Rainbow: “—even if you don’t think that she has anything to worry about—”

Rarity: “—and that you shouldn’t let your worries turn a small problem—” (Pan to Pinkie.)

Pinkie: “—into an enormously huge, entire-town-in-total-chaos, Princess-has-to-come-and-save-the-day problem.”

(She punctuates her bit of this report by jumping up, striking a dramatic flying pose while hanging in midair, and thumping back to the floor. Back to Applejack and Spike; the workhorse has her hat on again.)

Applejack: “Signed, your loyal subjects.” (She backs off.)

Spike: (writing quickly) “P.S. Obviously Spike did not have to learn a lesson because he is the best, most awesome friend a pony could ask for. Unlike everypony else, he took things seriously and—”

(Twilight walks up to the stand on the end of this to give him a thoroughly disapproving look and head shake, followed by more of the same from the other five.)

Spike: (laughing nervously) Uh…yeah.

(His perspective of the sheet; he draws a large X over the last several lines.)

Spike: I’ll just, um…

(Tilt up past the stand’s edge to frame six laughing mares, then cut to him as he grumpily snorts out a puff of steam. Cut to the exterior of the library, every window glowing, and zoom out to the sound of the continuing laughter. Fade to black.)


LUNA ECLIPSED

Written by M.A. Larson

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to a close-up of a reptilian creature, seen from the chest down, pacing the floor in the library’s reading room. The body hide is purple with lighter-shaded spots and the underbelly is yellow, but Spike’s lighter violet hand protrudes from the end of the arm to mark this “creature” as him in a costume. Cut to an overhead view of him at the foot of the stairs leading down from Twilight Sparkle’s room; he stops and groans impatiently.)

Spike: Come on, Twilight. We’re gonna be late for the Nightmare Night Festival!

(A shadowed hoof and the end of a long white beard advance into view near the camera. Cut to a head-on view of Twilight on the stairs and zoom in as she lifts her head proudly. She has donned a long robe and pointed wizard’s hat in three shades of blue, both liberally decorated with stars and moons and hung with jingle bells at hem, brim, and hat peak. The robe’s gold/white collar is secured with a gold brooch, and the beard hangs nearly to her knees.)

Spike: Huh? (She comes downstairs.) Are you that one kooky grandpa from Ponyville Retirement Village?

Twilight: (annoyed) I’m Starswirl the Bearded! (He just blinks stupidly at her.) Father of the amniomorphic spell? (Still nothing.) Did you even read that book I gave you about obscure unicorn history?

Spike: Um… (Pounding at the front door; he breaks out in a sweat.) …that sounds important!

(Off he goes, fast enough to set his boss spinning in place so that her cape and beard end up wrapped tightly around her. Cut to just outside the door as he opens it; it is nighttime, and the camera zooms out to frame a trio of fillies in costumes of their own. Their chant brings a startled cry from him.)

Fillies:                        Nightmare Night, what a fright!

(Close-up.)                Give us something sweet to bite!

(One princess, one astronaut, one ladybug, each with a sack hung around her neck—and Granny Smith visible just behind them as a chaperone. Spike eyes them with some relief, having caught a break from Twilight’s chewing out about his lack of history savvy, and steps back in as she comes to the door. Her own outfit is back in order, along with her good spirits.)

Twilight: Hi, everypony! (Back to them; she continues o.s.) Great costumes. (Tilt up to a slightly frazzled Granny.) Happy Nightmare Night, Granny Smith.

Granny: I should have been asleep five hours ago!

(Spike comes back to the door, carrying a bowl of candy, and Twilight levitates a piece into each filly’s sack. A fourth youngster now bulls through them: brown/white pinto earth pony colt, dressed as a pirate complete with eyepatch and a cutlass clamped in his teeth. A tuft of two-tone brown mane protrudes from the edge of the red kerchief on his head, and the one visible eye is bright and so deep a brown as to be nearly black. This is Pipsqueak, or Pip for short; he tries a few swings of the cutlass, but loses his balance and goes down on his face. Twilight and Spike smile at the display as he gets up to his hind legs and salutes. He speaks with a British accent.)

Pip: Pipsqueak the pirate at your service! It’s my very first Nightmare Night.

Twilight: Since you moved here from Trottingham?

Pip: No, my very first Nightmare Night ever!

(Pinkie Pie, as a chicken, pops up among the young ponies with a loud squawk. She has even stuck a little beak on the end of her nose and is standing on two legs as the poultry would.)

Pinkie: Enough chit-chat! Time is candy! (She pecks at the ground.)

Twilight: Pinkie Pie, aren’t you a little old for this?

Pinkie: Too old for free candy? (Squawk.) Never!

(The puzzled unicorn groans to herself and floats a piece into Pinkie’s bag, the bell on the hat’s peak swinging close to her face as Twilight shows off her getup.)

Twilight: Do you like it?

Pinkie: Yeah, great costume, Twilight! Oh, you make a fantastic weirdo clown!

(One swift lunge and a few pecks later, she has eaten nearly every piece of candy in Spike’s bowl; zoom in slightly as she bugs out.)

Twilight: (irked) A clown?! (They step out, Spike closing the door.) Look at the borders on these robes! These are hoof-stitched!

Spike: It’s a great costume… (walking off with a derisive chuckle) …Grandpa!

(Zoom in on Twilight’s snarling face, then fade to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to a bust of a black unicorn’s head with catlike pupils, hung from a balcony on the town square pavilion. The overall contour is reminiscent of Nightmare Moon. On the next line, pan from here to a long shot of Twilight and Spike, making their way through a square filled with festival-goers, snack carts, and strings of lights hung with skulls. Big Macintosh pulls a hay wagon loaded with more happy partiers; he has donned a dark top hat and tailcoat, the latter depicting a skull-marked apple over his haunch.)

Twilight: (still annoyed) Starswirl the Bearded is only the most important conjurer of the pre-classical era. (Cheers from the riders.) He created more than two hundred spells. (They walk through a dance with a four-piece band.) He even has a shelf in the Canterlot Library of Magic named after him!

(Close-up of her; now the irritation begins to subside.)

Twilight: Maybe I should start up a pony group to teach ponies about history. (smiling) I bet everypony would love it. Don’t you, Spike?

(Pan to back him, now toting a mound of candy nearly as tall as he is and gorging himself.)

Spike: (mouth full) Mmm-hmm! I love it.

(He runs into Twilight, who has suddenly stopped short, and tumbles to the ground in an avalanche of sweet stuff. Zoom out to frame both of them and quite a few other revelers.)

Twilight: Hey, look, we’re here already! Should we get something to eat?

(Now she takes stock of the supine dragon and his overstuffed belly; he lets off a hearty belch before Pinkie and Pip zip up during the next line.)

Pinkie: Twilight, Twilight, look at our haul!

(Close-up of Twilight on the end of this; Pinkie holds her own full sack into view. A giddy squeal from her direction is followed by a cut to her.)

Pinkie: Can you believe it?

(Just as at the library front step, she starts pecking madly at the goodies to stuff her face. Pan/tilt up to the roof of a nearby, heavily decorated building, where a black-clad head in yellow goggles peeks out. The outfit is identical to that used by the Shadowbolts, the flight team invented by Nightmare to distract Rainbow Dash during “Elements of Harmony.” However, the blue nose and ears, and the multicolored mane, give the wearer away as a disguised Rainbow. She runs an eye over the scene and ducks out of sight; back to ground level as a black cloud drifts overhead. Rainbow’s tail waving from the rear edge marks her as its propulsion source.)

Pinkie: And then, we went to Cheerilee’s house and we got a bunch more goodies—didn’t we, Pip?

Pip: Sure did! (Cut to Rainbow, raising her front hooves.)

Pinkie: (from o.s.) And then we had to stop and wait for Granny Smith and—

(The cloud takes a solid hit, throwing out a lightning bolt that barely misses Pinkie and prompts her into a terrified squawk and escape. The blast also sends Pip and his friends galloping with a scream and dumps Spike on his back. Rainbow’s belly laugh floats down to an annoyed Twilight, who addresses herself into the sky.)

Twilight: Rainbow Dash! (Cut to Rainbow; she continues o.s.) That wasn’t very nice!

Rainbow: Lighten up, old-timer. This is the best night of the year for pranks. (Cut to Twilight.)

Twilight: (pointing to side) Look what you did to Spike!

 

(Pan to him during this line, still laid out by his candy and trying to hack up a piece caught in his throat.)

Rainbow: Aw, it’s all in good fun. (looking elsewhere) Oh, oh! There’s another group over there!

(She bulldozes the cloud away. Throwing a slightly exasperated glance at her unconscious assistant, Twilight levitates him onto her back and walks away. Rainbow brings her cloud back into view at a longer distance and sets it off again, prompting a fresh wave of screams, before moving it once again as she laughs herself stupid.)

(Dissolve to a point just below the surface of a tub with several apples floating in it. The camera points up toward a stallion who leans in to grab one fruit in his teeth and pull it out. When the view shifts to outside in the square, he is seen to be the tennis player whose racquet Apple Bloom ruined in “Call of the Cutie.” Two other ponies are bobbing away, with Applejack—dressed as a scarecrow—presiding over the game. On the next line, zoom out to frame Twilight and a revived Spike as they walk up.)

Twilight: Happy Nightmare Night, Applejack.

Applejack: Howdy, Spike! Hey, Twilight! Nice costume. (Cut to the pair.)

Spike: Thanks! I’m a dragon. (Dirty look from Twilight.)

Twilight: She means me, Spike.

Applejack: (from o.s.) With that beard… (Cut to all three; she toys with it.) …I reckon you’re some sorta country music singer.

(This guess gets Twilight steamed and groaning all over again as Spike laughs.)

Applejack: While y’all are here, you feel like bobbin’ for an apple?

(Pan to the tub on the end of this. Derpy Hooves and Carrot Top are ready for a turn—the former wearing only paper bags on her head and hooves, the latter in a devil’s red cape, horns, and tail, with four shoes to match. Cut to Carrot’s side; before she can even get her face in the water, Derpy surfaces with the end of a chain in her teeth, having gone for a dive without being noticed. One tug on the chain brings up a drain plug and empties the tub in seconds, to the dismay of both.)

(The general surprise at the sudden end of the game quickly transfers itself to the stage where the band had been playing for the dance seen earlier. A cheering crowd has gathered on the dance floor, and Mayor Mare stands at a lectern on the stage. She has done herself up as a clown, including a red rubber-ball nose and multicolored wig.)

Mayor Mare: Thank you, everypony, and welcome to the Nightmare Night Festival!

(A camera shift during this line brings her into close enough view to reveal an oversized polka-dotted tie at her shirt collar, rather than the blue-green ribbon one she normally wears. More cheering as Twilight and Spike make their way through the crowd; in an even closer shot, Mayor Mare’s tail is seen to be done up in stripes as well.)

Mayor Mare: Now, all the little ponies who have been out collecting sweets—

(Cut to the front few rows, with Pip front and center, during the previous line.)

Mayor Mare: (now o.s.) —should follow our friend Zecora— (Back to her.) —to hear the legend of… (ominously) …Nightmare Moon! (Mad laugh.)

Spike: (aside, to Twilight) Her spooky voice might work better if she wasn’t dressed like that.

(Twilight laughs softly and Mayor Mare gestures off to one side, the camera panning to follow. This patch of the stage is unoccupied, but a blast of sparkling, luminescent green smoke promptly fills it. From this rise the head and shoulders of the zebra last seen in “Swarm of the Century,” to the sound of appreciative murmurs from the o.s. audience. Zecora’s mane is covered by a long white wig filled with spiders, and the neckline of her garment is secured with a gold bat brooch.)

Zecora:                Follow me, and very soon

                        You’ll hear the tale of Nightmare Moon.

(On these last two words, she throws the folds of a long dark cloak over the screen to black it out. Lightning flashes through the void; pan from behind a tree to frame several onlookers gathered in front of her in a slightly overgrown clearing. The full moon shines overhead, and behind Zecora stands a statue of the malevolent winged unicorn.)

Zecora:                Listen close, my little dears.

(Close-up, tilting up from her to the statue’s head.)

                        I’ll tell you where you got your fears

(leaning to fillies)         Of Nightmare Night, so dark and scary…

(A bit of glowing green dust is produced and blown upward; follow it into the air.)

Zecora: (from o.x.)        …Of Nightmare Moon, who makes you wary.

(It forms into a specter of Nightmare that dives toward the group; they cry out as it hits the ground and dissipates. Now Pip and the ladybug filly look uneasily around themselves, not seeing the two staring eyes in the dust cloud behind them.)

Zecora: (from o.s.)         Every year we put on a disguise

(A vicious grin appears as well.)

                        To save ourselves from her searching eyes.

(They scream and cut out; she emerges from the dust—the eyes and grin are hers. Cut to Pip and pan to follow him; he runs into the statue’s pedestal.)

Zecora: (from o.s.)        But Nightmare Moon wants just one thing—

(His perspective, zooming in on the fearsome pony’s head, then back to him as he backs away.)

                        To gobble up ponies in one quick swing!

(He bumps into Pinkie, who has buried her entire head in the dirt. The hit scares the daylights out of both and sends them fleeing in opposite directions; now Zecora throws some more dust, the camera tilting up from her to this cloud.)

Zecora: (from o.s.)        Hungrily she soars the sky.

(It swoops down toward three fillies, two of whom are Scootaloo as a werewolf and Sweetie Belle as a vampire. Nightmare’s head and forelegs form; she peers around, then vanishes.)

                        If she sees nopony, she passes by.

(Over to Pip and his three buddies for a brief look before floating away.)

                        So if she comes and all is clear,

(Up to the sky.)        Equestria is safe another year!

(The full-body apparition forms with the moon as backdrop, then disintegrates into a shower of sparkling dust particles. Cut to Zecora; something just down o.s. tugs at her cloak.)

[Possible error: Pip’s British accent becomes much less noticeable and/or disappears entirely from this point on. This may be an error on the voice cast’s part, or he was simply affecting the accent earlier and is now speaking in his natural voice.]

Pip: (from o.s.) Um, Miss Zecora… (Cut to him.) …if we were cautioned to hide from Nightmare Moon— (as others gather closer) —so she won’t gobble us up, how come we still need to give her some of our candy?

Zecora:                 A perfect question, my little friend,

                        For Nightmare Moon you must not offend.

(She blows more dust over his head, the camera panning to follow it as he backs off; it forms into Nightmare’s full shape.)

Zecora: (now o.s.)        Fill up her belly with a treat or two

(The specter tenses.)        So she won’t return to come eat YOU!

(On the end of this, she leaps at the group with mouth open to expose every single razor-edged tooth in it. She disintegrates on impact, and Pinkie lets off a shrill scream and leads a charge over to the statue. In this shot, Bloom can be seen dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein, with her mane and tail both done up in the character’s white-streaked black bouffant.)

Pinkie: (throwing down her entire stash) Everypony, let’s dump some candy and get outta here!

(The wind begins to kick up, and a nervous glance overhead reveals that clouds have begun to swirl around the full moon and close in to block out the night sky. Twilight and Zecora both stare speechlessly as a flash of moonlight blazes through the clouds and a black silhouette rides the rays toward ground level. This consists of a figure in a spiked, bat-winged chariot pulled by two pegasi on chain reins; a zoom in on the vehicle shows a unicorn’s horn protruding from the hooded driver’s head.  Pan to the mounts, which can now be seen fully: gray pegasus stallions with bat wings and reptilian green eyes, wearing blue armor with bat-wing crests on their helmets. The chariot bears down on the group, all of whom immediately cry out and back away except for Twilight; she and Spike eventually duck and cover as the looming shadow rockets overhead.)

(Tilt up from them to the again-silhouetted vehicle and pegasi, now hovering at low altitude, then to a close-up of Twilight’s apprehensive face and zoom out. Pinkie pops up in front of her with a terrified gasp.)

Pinkie: It’s Nightmare Moon! RUUUNNN!!

(She peels out as fast as her drumsticks will carry her, as do Spike and all the youngsters—with Zecora and Pip bringing up the rear. Twilight is the only one left in the clearing. Lightning crackles around the chariot driver’s head, now seen in close-up and swathed in a dark gray-green hood. Two eyes glow pure white under the horn and lowered brows, with an unsettling little grin under a mare’s nose. The rest of the face still appears as only a lightless silhouette, and the eyes and mouth fade from view once the lightning dies down. Snap to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to the Ponyville town square, where the merriment is in full swing. The stampede of the screaming Pinkie—up on her hind legs, with forelegs tucked in like a chicken’s wings—and young ponies draws a round of puzzled gazes, but these soon turn to worry and fear as a broad shadow casts itself over the area. A tilt up to the sky reveals that the thick clouds have spread to here as well, and the black flying chariot arrives right after them. As Twilight takes a cautious step forward, the driver leaps nimbly out and down to the street.)

(The first feature visible under the figure’s gray-green cloak is a set of four dark blue-violet hooves clad in light blue shoes, and the camera tilts up to frame the horned head as the hood is thrown back in time with a crack of lightning. Once it fades, the face of Princess Luna—Princess Celestia’s younger sister, not seen on camera since the end of “Elements of Harmony”—is exposed to full view. The small tiara set behind her horn is here, along with the lighter blue shadow on her eyelids, and the edge of her crescent-moon necklace can be seen under the cloak’s edge. However, four things have noticeably changed since that first appearance. One: the coat and mane have darkened noticeably. Two: the tiara and necklace have gone a deep blue, a whisper away from full black. Three: with the exception of the forelock, the entire mane has become a long, sparkly, translucent mass of hair that waves gently on its own as Celestia’s does. Four: the haughty gaze from those blue-green eyes indicates that any traces of fear or uncertainty from before are entirely gone.)

(Cut to a pan across the crowd, every member of which hits the deck for a deep bow, with one exception. Twilight gapes for a moment, then breaks into a smile.)

Twilight: Princess Luna!

(She starts forward, but the still-bowing Spike drags her down and puts a finger to her lips. Now Luna advances toward the group, her cloak breaking apart into a swarm of bats that flap away. Her tail has undergone the same change as her mane, and she has grown in height and become more slender. When she spreads her wings, they too are seen to be larger than before. One quaking pegasus mare dressed as a witch glances up just in time to find the royal pony standing over her. The small smile that comes over the latter’s face only serves to scare the bejesus out of her and every other pony in the vicinity. This shot reveals that the background splotch of her cutie mark has gone the same almost-black as her tiara and necklace.)

(Now Luna speaks, making one more change instantly obvious: her voice. Imperious, reverberating, and with enough volume to cause wind gusts that would capsize a battleship.)

Luna: CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE! (Cut to a mare braced against the ground on the end of this, then back.) WE HAVE GRACED YOUR TINY VILLAGE WITH OUR PRESENCE, SO THAT YOU MIGHT BEHOLD THE REAL PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT! (walking among them) A CREATURE OF NIGHTMARES NO LONGER, BUT INSTEAD A PONY WHO DESIRES YOUR LOVE AND ADMIRATION! (They slowly back away.) TOGETHER WE SHALL CHANGE THIS DREADFUL CELEBRATION INTO A BRIGHT AND GLORIOUS FEAST!

(Another lightning strike, after which a frightened Pinkie stands up.)

Pinkie: Did you hear that, everypony? Nightmare Moon says she’s gonna feast on us all!

(She and the foals voice a collective scream and clear out of the place, leaving only the still-prostrate adults and a very puzzled Princess. Luna now speaks at a volume closer to normal, non-reverberating, but with the same general tone.)

Luna: What? No, children, no! You no longer have reason to fear us! Screams of delight is what your Princess desires, not screams of terror!

(Close-up of one front hoof on the end of this; she brings it down hard enough to crack the ground, barely missing a mare’s nose and prompting a little whimper. Luna’s next look is directed behind herself, toward Mayor Mare.)

Luna: Madame Mayor— (stepping toward her) —thy Princess of the Night hath arrived!

(Close-up of a front hoof as she finishes, thrusting it toward Mayor Mare as if expecting her to kiss it; the latter instead sobs in fear and covers her face. Zoom out to frame the entire tableau, with Luna not noticing this reaction for a moment. It sits very badly with her when she does, and a bespectacled white mare in a devil cape, horns, and tail gets a hoof pointed at her next. Gasp; cower; cover the face.)

Luna: What is the matter with you?

(Her perspective, panning from this one to others in turn as she points. Same result; back to her, now greatly annoyed.)

Luna: (a bit petulantly) Very well, then! Be that way! (Twilight lifts her eyes a hair as Luna walks off.) We won’t even bother with the traditional royal farewell!

(Close-up of the intrepid violet unicorn as she gets all the way to vertical.)

Twilight: I’m gonna go talk to her.

(Before she can even manage two steps, a yank on her robe and an o.s. grunt point up Spike’s successful effort to stop her. Cut to him.)

Spike: You can’t talk to her! She’s Nightmare Moon! (Yank loose.)

Twilight: No, she’s not. I saw the Elements of Harmony change her back to good— (walking off) —but it seems like she’s having some trouble adjusting after being gone for a thousand years.

(Tilt down to the apprehensive little dragon, then dissolve to Twilight on the move through the forest. She looks around for a few moments and then stops short, the camera cutting to just behind her and panning along the shadow cast by the Nightmare statue. Luna sits on her belly in the shade, facing the stonework and lost in thought as she nudges a piece of candy toward it.)

Twilight: Princess Luna? (Close-up.) Hi. My name is—

Luna: (from o.s.) Starswirl the Bearded. (Cut to her, now up and facing Twilight.) Commendable costume. Thou even got the bells right.

Twilight: Thank you! Finally, somepony who gets my costume! (Luna stares uncertainly at her.) Uh…I just came to welcome you to our celebration. My actual name is—

Luna: Twilight Sparkle.

(Cut to a slightly uneasy Twilight, then back to Luna on the start of the next line. The wind kicks up in time with her voice as she slowly floats free of the ground, summoning a fresh mass of clouds to fill the sky.)

Luna: IT WAS THOU WHO UNLEASHED THE POWERS OF HARMONY UPON US AND TOOK AWAY OUR DARK POWERS!

(Twilight is blown a few feet backward before the gusts stop.)

Twilight: And…that was a good thing, right?

Luna: (landing before her) But of course. We could not be happier. Is that not clear?

Twilight: Well, you kinda sound like you’re yelling at me.

Luna: But this is the traditional royal Canterlot voice. It is tradition to speak using the royal “we” and to use THIS MUCH VOLUME WHEN ADDRESSING OUR SUBJECTS!

(The end of this line leaves Twilight wearing her beard sideways and her hat askew; after she gets both straightened out, she puts on the politest smile she can manage.)

Twilight: You know, that might explain why your appearance was met with… (Close-up of Luna; she continues o.s.) …mixed results. (Zoom out to frame her.) I think if you just changed your approach a bit, you might be met with a warmer reception.

(She has moved close to the ruler and put a hoof on her shoulder, but pulls it back upon getting a very funny look in return.)

Luna: CHANGE OUR APPROACH?

Twilight: Lower the volume.

Luna: Oh. We have been locked away for a thousand years. We are…not sure we can.

(Dissolve to the exterior of Fluttershy’s cottage, all of whose windows are dark. Twilight leads Luna toward the front door.)

Twilight: Don’t worry, Princess. Fluttershy can give you some great pointers. She’s delicate and demure, with the sweetest little voice.

(Cut to a close-up of the door as she knocks, then zoom out quickly to frame the pair. It stays closed, but Fluttershy’s panicked voice comes with enough force to nearly burst it off the hinges.)

Fluttershy: (from inside) Go away! No candy here! Visitors not welcome on Nightmare Night!

(Twilight manages an embarrassed little laugh in response to Luna’s dirty look, then addresses herself toward the door.)

Twilight: Fluttershy, it’s me, Twilight! (It opens slightly; Fluttershy peeks out.)

Fluttershy: It is you! (Her perspective, opening to expose Luna.) Oh, and Nightmare Moon.

(Back to her; she gets out a little gasp and her pupils constrict to terrified points within the big blue-green irises as the camera zooms in.)

Fluttershy: Nightmare Moon?!? (Scream; slam the door. Another forced laugh from Twilight.)

Twilight: (to Luna) Wait right here.

(She steps up, lets herself in, and closes the door. There immediately follows a loud, camera-shaking ruckus from within the cottage, followed by the door reopening and Twilight shoving a freaked-out pegasus onto the step.)

Twilight: (menacingly) Fluttershy… (Grunt.) …you remember Princess Luna.

Luna: (holding out a hoof) CHARMED!

(Fluttershy zips back inside, but Twilight levitates her through the doorway and turns her to face the blue-violet visitor.)

Fluttershy: (small voice) Likewise.

Luna: TWILIGHT SPARKLE HAS SPOKEN OF THE SWEETNESS OF THY VOICE! WE ASK THAT THOU TEACHEST US TO SPEAK AS THOU SPEAKEST!

Fluttershy: (even smaller voice, now huddling on ground) Okay.

Luna: SHALL OUR LESSONS BEGIN?

Fluttershy: (still softer) Okay.

Luna: SHALL WE MIMIC THY VOICE?

Fluttershy: Okay.

Luna: HOW IS THIS?

Fluttershy: (hastily) Perfect. Lesson over.

(She makes a break for the cottage, but Twilight is a bit quicker on the draw to kick the door shut. Fluttershy crashes into it face first, plastering herself across the boards with her mane and tail falling limp.)

Twilight: A little quieter, Princess.

Luna: HOW IS… (voice still raised a bit) …this?

Twilight: Better! Right, Fluttershy? (Fluttershy peels her head free.)

Fluttershy: (moaning woozily) Yes. (She falls off the door.)

Luna: (a bit softer still) How…about…now?

Twilight: Now you’re getting it.

Luna: (even softer) And…how about now?

Twilight: Yes! Well done!

(The former exile has now matched the normal speaking volume of a typical pony. Fluttershy, meanwhile, has made it up off the step and is reaching for the door handle when Luna’s telekinesis grabs hold and whips her over for a hug.)

Luna: AH, THANK THEE, DEAR FLUTTERSHY! OUR NORMAL SPEAKING VOICE SHALL SURELY WIN US THE HEARTS OF THY FELLOW VILLAGERS!

(The scared mare goes limp and gets flopped around like a rag doll during this line. Here comes Pinkie, leading Pip and the other youngsters toward the cottage.)

Pinkie: Fluttershy, you gotta hide us! Nightmare Moon is here and—

(She trails off into a shrill chicken squawk and a gasp, seeing Fluttershy sprawled bonelessly in Luna’s front hooves. Close-up of the slack yellow face.)

Pinkie: (from o.s.) She’s stolen Fluttershy’s voice so she can’t scream when she GOBBLES HER UP!

(Back to the gang on the end of this; she pops up into view for the last three words, then bails out. The others scream and scatter in short order.)

Luna: NAY, CHILDREN, WAIT! (catching herself) I-I mean…nay, children, wait! (She glances dejectedly back at Twilight.)

Twilight: Come on, Princess. Time for Plan B.

(Dissolve to the full moon, low and bright in the starry sky. The business ends of three catapults spring upward into view, each launching a small pumpkin in a whistling arc toward a bank of targets. A triple bullseye is met with a round of cheers as the camera pans to a group of nearby onlookers; meanwhile, the Act One dance has resumed and the band is doing its thing again. However, a shuddery moan from o.s. brings the music to an abrupt halt with the sound of a needle being yanked off a phonograph record. Pan in the direction of the moan to frame Twilight and Luna walking up through the crowd in the town square. Ponies bow and scrape before their advance, lowering Luna’s spirits considerably.)

Luna: It is of no use, Twilight Sparkle. (Close-up.) They have never liked us, and they never shall. (Pan to Twilight on the next line.)

Twilight: My friend Applejack is one of the most likable ponies around. I’m sure she’ll have some ideas.

(Cut to the apple-bobbing tub, which has been refilled. Pip teeters on the edge, trying to snag a floater, but loses his balance and starts to topple in with a yell. In a flash, Applejack is there to grab him by the hindquarters.)

Applejack: Whoa. Careful there, pardner.

(She sets him on the ground; he gallops off and she starts to walk in the opposite direction, but finds herself face to face with Luna after barely one step. A strangled yelp, and the four-legged scarecrow drops into a bow before Twilight arrives on the scene.)

Twilight: Uh… (clearing throat, bending down) Applejack? The Princess is looking for a little advice on how to fit in around here. (Applejack uncovers her eyes.)

Applejack: Fit in? Really?

(Soft growl from Twilight; she stands up to face the night ruler with some unease.)

Applejack: I mean… (chuckle) …that’s easy. All you gotta do is have the right attitude. (zipping around her) Just loosen up a bit, be positive, play a few games, have some fun.

Luna: Fun? What is this fun thou speakest of?

(Twilight and Applejack both gesture off to one side and she follows with her eyes. Cut to a close-up of a bowl filled with oversized toy spiders; the translucent mane waves into view behind this.)

Luna: (from o.s.) Pray tell… (Zoom out to frame her.) …what purpose do these serve?

(A huddled, shaking earth pony mare in a bee costume speaks up from the ground. This is Cherry Berry: bright pink coat, vivid yellow mane, cutie mark of two cherries, hooves over her eyes.)

Cherry: Try…to land the sp-p…sp-p-piders on the web!

(On the end of this, cut to just behind Luna and pan slightly to frame a large spiderweb woven between two poles a few yards away. She now balances one of the projectiles on her hoof, aims carefully, and lets fly; it lands short of the web and bounces squeakily to rest. Luna glances nervously behind herself toward Twilight and Applejack.)

Applejack: You can do it, Princess!

(The blue-green eyes narrow in fierce concentration, and her next throw sticks squarely at the web’s center.)

Luna: Ha! Your Princess enjoys this…fun! (turning to Twilight, Applejack) In what other ways may we experience it?

(A knowing look passes between the two. Dissolve to a close-up of a catapult’s basket; Luna loads in a pumpkin as the crowd watches, with Twilight and Applejack at the front.)

Twilight: Fire away, Princess!

(The two blue-shod front hooves push down on the basket and let it snap up, hurling the gourd high and far to score a perfect bullseye.)

Luna: Ha-ha! The fun has been doubled! (A hearty round of cheers from the spectators.)

Applejack: Why don’t you try bobbin’ for apples? We got the best apples in Equestria here, Princess.

Luna: I ask that thou call us…me…Luna, fair Applejack. (close-up; to the crowd) Hear me, villagers! All of you, call me Luna!

(Zoom out on the end of this to frame a few of them, then cut to a pan across the group, now murmuring excitedly at this pronouncement. The two locals escort her toward the tub.)

Luna: Show me to these bobbing apples.

(She stops short, her eyes popping in shock; cut to the tub and zoom in. Pip has again balanced on its edge and is starting to fall.)

Pip: Whoa!

(This time, he tumbles in and Luna is on the move before Applejack can even get her mouth closed.)

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Hey, gals.

(As the apple wrangler looks over her shoulder, the camera pans to frame Pinkie and the other candy collectors a short distance across the square.)

Pinkie: Anypony seen Pip? We lost him the last time we had to run—

(A sudden shocked squawk; cut to the tub, where Luna has grabbed a fold of Pip’s clothing in her teeth and hoisted him out.)

Pinkie: (from o.s, with a yelp) Nightmare Moon is gobbling Pipsqueak! (Back to her.) EVERYPONY RUUUNNN!!

(Scream. Bug out. Colts and fillies do likewise.)

Pip: HEEELLLP!! (pulling free, galloping off) My backside has been gobbled!

Luna: (incensed) ’Tis a lie! Thy backside is whole and un-gobbled, thou ungrateful whelp!

(A lightning strike throws her grimace and widened eyes into sharp relief. It also throws a good fright into quite a few of the onlookers; as they back away slowly, she tones herself down again.)

Luna: Fair villagers, please do not back away! Let us join together in…fun!

(No dice; she looks around, notices a toy spider from the throwing game, and picks it up in her teeth. This is tossed over to the scared mares, who recoil when it hits the ground nearby.)

Luna: Not enough fun for you? What say you to this?

(A blast from her horn turns the plaything into an actual spider with two pairs of red eyes; the ponies scream and flee as it begins to scuttle away. Her next shot hits the whole bowl of toy spiders and brings them to life, and Cherry faints as they swarm over her. Instead of chewing her to pieces, though, they scurry downrange and onto the web to gather at its center. Her eyes are open in this shot—medium violet.)

Luna: (fiercely pleased) Huzzah! How many points do I receive?

(Not one word from the stunned locals. Carrot pops up screaming, with a spider on her head, and gallops off at full speed; all the others scatter an instant later.)

Luna: Do not run away!

(Daisy crashes into a barrel of apples, upsetting it and knocking herself out.)

Luna: As your Princess, we command you!

(Two other ponies collide head-on; next a popcorn cart takes a hit. The giant wrapped-candy decoration mounted on its canopy falls loose and starts rolling through the square, adding to the general panic. Luna cringes as lights and banners come down, then gathers herself in a close-up; zoom out on the next line as she lifts a foreleg and lightning rips the sky.)

Luna: BE STILL!!

(These two words reverberate in the air far longer than any others she has delivered in her royal Canterlot voice. An overhead shot and zoom out frames the commoners ringed around her, scared out of their wits and bowing so low they could be mistaken for throw rugs. Once the accompanying wind has died down, Twilight takes the big gamble and gets up first.)

Twilight: Princess, remember! Watch the screaming! (Luna rounds on her, eyes glowing white.)

Luna: NO, TWILIGHT SPARKLE! WE MUST USE THE TRADITIONAL ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE FOR WHAT WE ARE ABOUT TO SAY!

(The young unicorn’s jaw drops—“this won’t end well”—and the royal visitor unfurls her wings to hover a few feet above ground. Clouds swirl in the sky, hiding all the stars.)

Luna: SINCE YOU CHOOSE TO FEAR YOUR PRINCESS RATHER THAN LOVE HER, AND DISHONOR HER WITH THIS INSULTING CELEBRATION, WE DECREE THAT NIGHTMARE NIGHT SHALL BE CANCELED FOREVER!

(The view cuts briefly to one cowering pony on “insulting celebration,” then back to her. After she finishes, another lightning bolt flashes over the dumbstruck crowd and the disbelieving Twilight. Snap to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: fade in to Twilight and Applejack standing among the festival’s wreckage in the town square.)

Applejack: (sighing heavily) Shoot. We had everything goin’ our way. Luna was happy, everypony in town was happy—now look at ’em.

(Pan across the square, now filled with disconsolate ponies of all ages.)

Filly voice: (sobbing) But I wanted to be a zombie next year!

(The end of the pan reveals the speaker to be the one who showed up at the library dressed as a princess. Taking in the scene for a moment, Twilight moves one hoof and finds a Nightmare-silhouette decoration on the ground underneath it. This gives her an idea.)

Twilight: (determinedly) It’s not over yet.

Applejack: What are you gonna do?

Twilight: (smiling) I’m going to do what I do best… (Zoom in on her.) …lecture her!

(Wipe to her, now darting about in the square and keeping a lookout. No luck on the first few attempts, but she eventually stops short and lets her eyes go wide. Cut to a long shot of Luna, trudging despondently over a bridge spanning the stream that borders Ponyville. Twilight hurries up to her.)

Twilight: Princess?

Luna: (voice breaking) Leave me be, Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight: Princess, I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out how we wanted. But you have to believe me when I tell you that Nightmare Night is one of the most popular celebrations we have.

Luna: (sarcastically) Yes. I can tell by all the adoring shrieks of the children as they run away. (She hangs her head and walks off.)

Twilight: (sadly) Princess…

(The wheels start turning again under the belled hat. Dissolve to a slow pan across the murmuring, crying crowd in the square; Pinkie pops up in the foreground with a puzzled cluck and looks around herself. Something o.s. grabs her attention and brings a little squawk, and the camera cuts to her perspective and zooms in—a piece of candy lying on the ground. Back to her; she zips over with a happy little cackle, pecks off the wrapper, and gobbles it down. Next the pink pony with the cross-species identity crisis looks toward the camera and gives a puzzled squawk. Zoom out quickly to show that she is at the mouth of an alley, in which a trail of sweets has been laid out. Clucking and cackling, she ducks in and eats the first piece; before she can start on the second, though, Twilight dives in and claps a hoof over her mouth to cut off the start of her scream. The candy trail was meant as bait to lure Pinkie back here.)

Twilight: No! No shrieking! No squealing or screaming either, okay?

Pinkie: (muffled) Okay.

Twilight: There’s something I want you to see, and I promise that it’s safe, but you really, really, really can’t shriek. Do you promise not to shriek?

Pinkie: (nodding) Mmm-hmm.

(Twilight removes her hoof and backs away, looking off to one side as the camera pans to frame Luna entering the alley. Pinkie’s first reaction is a string of panicked clucks, but this time she shuts herself up with both front hooves over the mouth.)

Twilight: Pinkie Pie, you remember Princess Luna, right?

Luna: (stepping closer, still a bit wary) Ah. The ringleader of the frightened children. (relenting, extending a hoof) Hast thou come to make peace?

(Pinkie thinks hard for a second, then smiles and moves forward while reaching toward Luna. As their two hooves are about to touch, a black cloud rolls in over the royal’s head and cracks out lightning, turning her into a grimacing, white-eyed silhouette for a split second. This is enough to freak Pinkie out all over again.)

Pinkie: Nightmare Moon!

(She squawks, flaps her forelegs like wings, and is gone in an instant, leaving behind a large blue egg with purple spots. Where it came from and how it came to be are the last things on Twilight’s mind, as her annoyed attention is instead directed upward.)

Twilight: Rainbow!

(A gale of laughter floats down as the camera tilts up to its source: the Shadowbolt-costumed pegasus, flopped onto her back atop the cloud and thoroughly enjoying the prank she has just brought off. Meanwhile, Pinkie races toward the mouth of the alley; Twilight teleports over here to block her, but gets a faceful of feathers instead. The two ponies tumble a short distance, ending with Pinkie pinned to the turf by one very hacked-off unicorn.)

Twilight: She’s changed, Pinkie! She’s not evil or scary anymore! And she definitely doesn’t want to gobble you up! (Pinkie’s eyes pop.)

Pinkie: (rolling them) Well, duh!

Twilight: Huh?

Pinkie: (smiling) I know that. Sheesh, Twilight, I’m almost as big as her. How’s she gonna gobble me up?

Twilight: So why do you keep running away and screaming?

Pinkie: Sometimes it’s just really fun to be scared.

Twilight: (incredulously) Fun?

(She gets her third big idea of the act and aims a big smile into Pinkie’s face.)

Twilight: Pinkie Pie, you’re a genius!

Pinkie: No, I’m not. I’m a chicken.

(She emphasizes this statement with a loud squawk. Cut to Luna, now hunkered down morosely by herself at the other end of the alley.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Princess Luna! (She gallops up.) I’ve finally figured out why you’re having so much trouble being liked!

Luna: (sardonically) Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm.

Twilight: (walking past her) Come with me. I’ll explain everything on the way.

(This suggestion does not sit well with the royal pony, judging from how far her face falls. Dissolve to the square, where the dismantling of the Nightmare Night paraphernalia is in progress. Mayor Mare glumly picks up a fallen banner in her teeth.)

Pip: (from o.s.) Gosh. I never thought my very first Nightmare Night would be my very last.

(During this line, pan to him and the three fillies who went with him to collect candy. As he hunkers miserably on the ground, Zecora walks up.)

Zecora:        Come, little Pip, now don’t you fret.

                Nightmare Night’s not over yet.

(Close-up of him; he gets up with a little smile. She continues o.s.)

                We still have candy left to give,

(Cut to her.)        So Nightmare Moon might let us live.

(Now Mayor Mare approaches the group.)

Mayor Mare: Yes! Come on, little ponies. What’s Nightmare Night without the annual candy offering? (ominously, to the astronaut filly) You don’t want Nightmare Moon to gobble you up, do you? (Spike walks over, dragging a string of lights.)

Spike: (to himself) Aw, the rainbow wig just kills it for me. (He goes on his way.)

Applejack: (from o.s., cheerfully) Come on, kids. (Pan slightly; she has come over to them.) Doesn’t that sound like fun?

(The princess and ladybug fillies trade a very uncertain look. Fade to black, which quickly resolves into a pan across the clearing in which the Nightmare statue stands—the camera is emerging from behind a tree, just as it did in the Act One scene set here. A procession of ponies cautiously approaches the stonework, with Twilight and Mayor Mare bringing up the rear; in close-up, a sizable amount of candy has been piled up at the pedestal. The ladybug filly adds her contribution, after which Pip walks up and sets down the bag he carries in his teeth. He looks up at the statue.)

Pip: (sadly) Goodbye, Nightmare Night… (dropping his head) …forever.

(He begins to walk away, but a sudden blast of wind freezes him and the other fillies in their tracks and puts a fright into the adults.)

Luna: (from o.s.) CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE! YOU WERE WISE TO BRING THIS CANDY TO ME! I AM PLEASED WITH YOUR OFFERING… (Applejack’s straw scarecrow hat is blown off.) …SO PLEASED THAT I MAY JUST EAT IT INSTEAD OF EATING YOU!

(On the end of this, the hat reaches the pedestal and drifts upward, the camera tilting up along its height. Now, though, it has come to life and Nightmare hunches down toward the group to finish the line, with a mouthful of very sharp teeth bared below her blazing white eyes. There follow a collective scream and a stampede out of the place, leaving the villainous winged unicorn standing alone on the pedestal.)

(In one quick flash, Nightmare transforms back into Luna; she spits out a set of fake fangs—used to help enhance the effect of the masquerade. Twilight walks up behind her as she speaks.)

Luna: (uncertainly) I am not certain that did what you meant for it to do, Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight: (confidently) Just wait. (Luna jumps down in close-up.)

Luna: For what? For…for them to scream some more?

(Something tugs on the end of her mane.)

Pip: (from o.s.) Um, Princess Luna… (Zoom out to frame him nearby as he continues.) …I know there’s not gonna be any more Nightmare Night, but do you suppose maybe you could come back next year… (Back to her; he continues o.s.) …and scare us again anyway?

(She looks off past him and sees the other fillies huddled together at a distance.)

Luna: Child, art thou saying that thou…likest me to scare you?

Pip: (smiling) It’s really fun! Scary, but fun.

Luna: It…’tis?

Pip: Yeah! Nightmare Night is my favorite night of the year.

Luna: (smiling) Well, then! We shall have to bring…NIGHTMARE NIGHT BACK!

(The force of these three words sends the little pinto sliding backward on the grass.)

Pip: Whoa! (standing up) You’re my favorite princess ever!

(He zips back over to her and bows.)

Pip: (galloping away) She said yes, guys! (Twilight crosses to Luna.)

Fillies: (from o.s.) YAAAAY!!

Twilight: (to Luna) See? They really do like you, Princess!

Luna: Can it be true? (rearing up; lightning cracks) OH, MOST WONDERFUL OF— (Down again; she catches herself.) —I mean, oh, most wonderful of nights.

(Dissolve to the bowlful of throwing spiders, now back to their usual toy form. On the next line, a stallion takes one and throws at the web, landing it short; the camera zooms out to frame Luna standing alongside, ready to have a go.)

Twilight: (voice over, dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia: When you first sent me to Ponyville, I didn’t know anything about friendship. I met somepony tonight who was having the same problem—your sister, Princess Luna.”

(Luna’s throw is dead on target, earning her a round of applause during the next line.)

Twilight: (voice over) “She taught me that one of the best things you can do with friendship is to give it to others—” (Zoom out as Pip tugs at her tail.) “—and help them find it themselves.”

(He and two fillies empty a pile of candy onto the ground for her.)

Twilight: (voice over) “And I’m happy to report that all of Ponyville has learned—”

(A mare gets ready to bob for apples; on the next line, bubbles break the surface and Luna pops up in the tub to surprise her.)

Twilight: (voice over) “—that even if somepony seems a little intimidating—” (The shocked mare tumbles backward.) “—even scary—” (Luna munches an apple; she, the mare, and others laugh.) “—when you offer them your friendship, you’ll discover a whole new pony underneath.”

(Dissolve to the Nightmare statue, still with candy piled by its pedestal; Twilight paces here while Spike takes the dictation.)

Twilight: “And even if my Starswirl the Bearded costume didn’t go over—” (Close-up of Spike; she continues o.s., levitating a piece of candy corn.) “—this still turned out to be the best Nightmare Night ever.”

(Back to her on the end of this. She eats the piece as Rainbow’s black cloud steers into position overhead. Just as the prankster lifts her front hooves to set it off, a lightning bolt rips into view from her six o’clock and spooks her off the cloud. She flies off screaming and leaving a smoky rainbow contrail in her wake, but Twilight just aims a puzzled glance overhead. Right on cue, down comes Luna on a second cloud, having sneaked in to use Rainbow’s own trick against her. She tips a wink and laughs, with Twilight and Spike joining in as the camera tilts up to frame the full moon among the stars. Fade to black.)


SISTERHOOVES SOCIAL

Written by Cindy Morrow

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to the upper story of the Carousel Boutique, seen from a nearby tree branch during the day. Zoom in slowly between two chirping birds at opposite ends.)

Rarity: (from inside, drowsily) Oh…are those sweet…carrot…

(Dissolve to the workroom/living space up here.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) …pancakes I smell?

(Pan to the bed, where she is comfortably tucked in with a sleep mask over her eyes. She gasps contentedly.)

Rarity: Mmm…ah, divine.

(She smacks her lips softly as curls of vapor drift into the room.)

Rarity: The aroma…spiced warm apple cider. (Sniff; the vapor darkens into gray smoke.) Ahhh…and the smell of…smoke.

(She sits bolt upright in bed as a smoke detector sounds off.)

Rarity: Smoke? (She jumps out, dragging the blanket with her.) Smoke?!

(Thud to the floor, then out the door, blanket and all.)

Rarity: SMOOOOO—

(She trails off into a yell while tumbling to the bottom of the stairs; the smoke is coming from somewhere down here.)

Sweetie Belle: (from o.s.) Rarity!

(Once Rarity gets her eyes clear, she finds her younger sister in the kitchen, whose floor, countertops, and cooking pots are liberally besmirched with batter. A pot on the stove is the source of the cooking mishap, and the little unicorn voices an irritated groan.)

Sweetie: You ruined the surprise! I was gonna serve you breakfast in bed!

(Big sister sighs wearily. Fade to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to Rarity, who angrily throws her sleep mask across the kitchen and trots in to stare down Sweetie, separating herself from the blanket she dragged with her. She passes a table in the corner of the room without noticing it; this has been set with the slightly charred breakfast items and has two older ponies, a stallion and mare, seated at it. Once she is face to face with her sister, she takes a deep breath, ready to deliver the tongue-lashing of a lifetime, but a voice from the corner stops her cold.)

Stallion: (from o.s., Chicago accent) Well! (Pan to the table.) Good mornin’, Rarity!

(Light grayish-white coat, brown mane/tail, blue eyes, dark gray hoof tips, cutie mark of three footballs. He has prominent eyebrows and mustache and wears a broad straw hat, as well as a flower-patterned violet shirt with white collar and sleeve cuffs. Whether he is an earth pony or unicorn is impossible to tell, due to the size of that hat. She is a light pink unicorn, also with blue eyes, and wears white stretch pants, a red blouse trimmed in white lace, and yellow earrings. Her mane and tail are two shades of purple, with the former gathered into a bouffant and corralled by a blue sun visor. Close-up of the stallion.)

Rarity: (from o.s., shocked) Father! (Pan to the mare.) Uh…Mother!

(Sweetie crosses the room; zoom out as she sets something on the table.)

Father: (patting her head) I’ll have you know that Sweetie Belle here cooked this yummy-lookin’ breakfast all on her own.

(Close-up of said breakfast; every item—including the contents of a juice glass and a cereal bowl—is charcoal-gray and fuming unpleasantly. Zoom out to frame all of it as Rarity crosses to the table.)

Rarity: (uncertainly) I…figured. (sniffing the glass) I didn’t know you could burn juice.

Mother: (thumping table; Long Island accent) I’ve been giving her lessons. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s got a cutie mark in fancy cooking by the time we get back from our vacation.

Rarity: Vacation? (suddenly shocked) Is that this week—as in “starting this very instant” this week?

(Close-up of another glutinously bubbling bowl as Sweetie sets it on the table, then zoom out to frame both sisters. Rarity voices a nauseated little moan.)

Rarity: Let me guess. Applesauce?

Sweetie: Nope. Toast. We’re gonna have the bestest time two sisters could ever have. (walking out) I’m gonna go grab my stuff from Dad’s wagon.

Rarity: (to her parents) So…now when you say “a week,” is that, um… (clearing throat) …seven whole days?

Mother: And six nights. I know, such a short time to spend with your little sis. (Close-up of Rarity on the end of this; Father leans to her.)

Father: (pointing at a plate) You gonna eat that? (She pushes it to him; he whisks it away.)

Rarity: But I’ve got such a long “to do” list! (resignedly) Oh, well. I suppose “spend time with your sister” will just have to be added to the list.

(A crash from o.s. shakes the entire room; she looks toward the source and finds Sweetie at the doorway. A huge scramble of luggage lies around her, and a suitcase on top of the pile slides down and thumps to the floor.)

Sweetie: Just a few necessities.

(Rarity throws a sheepish smile to her parents, having realized that she has absolutely no way out of this one. Dissolve to a cabriolet carriage outside, painted yellow with black/white checkerboard stripes in the style of a taxi. The stallion pulling it wears a yellow jacket and cap, the latter sporting the checkerboard stripe as well, and the sisters watch it pull away with a honk to take their parents off for vacation. After it has gone, cut to the kitchen, the camera pointing from the filthy countertop toward the doorway, as Rarity walks in.)

Rarity: Now, let’s get that kitchen all cleaned up. (Close-up of Sweetie, who follows her in.)

Sweetie: Cleaned up? But we haven’t even eaten yet.

Rarity: (now o.s.) Well, now, Sweetie Belle— (Cut to frame both.) —I appreciate the gesture, but we simply can’t eat this breakfast. It’s burnt.

(Close-up of one smoking plate on the end of this; the failed cook then walks up to it.)

Sweetie: It’s not that burnt. (She approaches Rarity, who backs her off with a hoof.)

Rarity: Never fear, my dear. (crossing to counter) I’ll get a proper breakfast going.

(Sweetie follows her over. At the cupboard, Rarity hums to herself while levitating a box of cereal and a bowl out of the cupboards.)

Sweetie: Can I help?

Rarity: Oh, uh…of course…uh, in one moment, Sweetie Belle. (leaving cupboards) Let me just get things started.

(Dissolve to a shot of the entire kitchen, seen from just above the countertops with Sweetie near the doorway again and Rarity levitating a pitcher of juice onto the table. A series of further dissolves show her bringing out silverware, chopping a carrot, taking the burned food away, getting a basket of eggs, crossing to the stove. Sweetie stays put throughout, slumping steadily toward the floor and becoming increasingly out of sorts. Finally, the camera cuts to a close-up of Rarity stirring a pot.)

Sweetie: (from o.s., petulantly) Rarity! (She pops her head up; the spoon drops.) I thought you said I was gonna help!

(Big sister cringes, keeping her face out of Sweetie’s view, then turns to her with a smile.)

Rarity: You are! You…can… (looking desperately about, then getting an idea) …put the garnish on the plates.

(Which turns out to be one small sprig of parsley, as seen in close-up. Zoom out; it is on the countertop before the pair.)

Sweetie: You mean this parsley?

(Getting a nod from Rarity, she nips it in her teeth and trots to the table, where fried eggs and juice for two have been laid out. Before she can lay the parsley down, Rarity rushes over in a sudden fit of worry.)

Rarity: Okay, now, easy. It has to be just right. (Cut to Sweetie; she continues o.s.) No need to rush…no!

(Longer shot, framing both; Sweetie has climbed on a stool to reach the plates’ level and is starting to tip the table over due to her front hooves resting on the edge.)

Rarity: That’s too slow! Careful! (Hooves off table.) Back up!

(In close-up, Sweetie leans forward and away from Rarity, putting the latter o.s. as the sweat start to run down the straining face.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) Looking for perfection here.

Sweetie: (losing her balance and the parsley) Whoa, whoa, whoooaaa!

(Down goes the table and everything on it, with the filly ending up face first where the food used to be. She peels her head up as the eggs splat to the floor; they wind up on a plate and the sprig lands neatly between them.)

Rarity: (floored) Not bad.

(Dissolve to a close-up of a messy patch of kitchen floor. A hoof reaches into view and runs a rag past until the floor shines; in a longer shot and pan, the cleaner is revealed as Rarity. The entire kitchen is now back in order, and a pile of dirty rags has accumulated on the table. She tosses the last one on the stack and turns her eye to the clock on the wall; close-up of this as its minute hand ticks ahead to 1:00. A gasp from below; cut back to her.)

Rarity: There are some things I must attend to.

(She levitates the rag pile. Cut to Sweetie at the other end of the room, scrubbing the floor with a brush in her teeth and a bucket of water. The shadow of the floating pile drifts toward her.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) Can you take the dirty towels to the laundry room?

(Sweetie sets the brush down and lifts her front hooves to catch them, only to have the lot come down on her head. Cut to the doorway of an adjoining room.)

Sweetie: (from around corner) No problem! (She pushes in a basket full of rags with her head.) I’ll make myself useful!

(Looking up, she finds a washboard and a tub filled with soapy water, a mop, a scrub brush, a basket filled with wash, shelves of folded linens, a clothesline strung outside the open window, and a sweater hung on a closed cupboard. Her attention quickly homes in on this last item, and she enters the room with a smile.)

(Wipe to the spire atop the Carousel Boutique and tilt down to a side entrance. The clothesline is strung up just outside this doorway, marking it as that of the laundry room, and Rarity walks back inside only to turn back with a sudden look of panic. Zoom out as she approaches the clothesline; Sweetie is standing on a box and hanging up some wash, including the sweater.)

Rarity: Sweetie Belle!

Sweetie: I told you I’d make myself useful. Surprised?

Rarity: Am I?

(Cut to the young washer-pony and zoom in on the sweater drip-drying behind her.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) You washed my incredibly expensive, one-of-a-kind, designer crocheted wool sweater! (passing Sweetie) Do you know how hard these things are to come by?

Sweetie: (following her) What’s the big deal? (Rarity looks at it.)

Rarity: The big deal is that in the heat of the sun, wool…

(In an instant, the body of the garment contracts to perhaps a quarter of its original size. Only the clothespins on the sleeves keep them from doing the same.)

Rarity: (small voice) …shrinks.

Sweetie: Oh. Sorry.

(Rarity lets her face run through a couple of infuriated grimaces, making sure to keep it turned away from Sweetie before she can regain her composure. When she does turn around, it is with a smile and two big shining blue eyes.)

Rarity: Well, back to work. I must create!

(She has barely turned toward the building before a splash from o.s. below stops her cold; a longer shot shows that she has put a hoof into a full washtub.)

Sweetie: Sorry?

Rarity: Huh. (walking off) Stay out of trouble, okay? Please?

Sweetie: (to herself, pushing tub along with head) I just wanted to do something nice for my sister.

(Wipe to the ground-floor showroom. Rarity is nowhere in sight, while Sweetie lies glumly on the floor and lets off a hearty groan. She then begins to push herself around using her hind legs.)

Sweetie: I’m so bored! When is Rarity gonna finish her work?

(Once she stops moving, a thought balloon appears over her head, with Rarity displayed inside.)

Rarity: (memory) Stay out of trouble, okay?

(The balloon disappears with a poof; now the young unicorn thinks hard for a second, then looks across the room with a smile. Cut to the raised three-mirror platform that has been used to model outfits; on it are a set of markers and a stack of paper in various colors. Zoom in during the following line.)

Sweetie: (from o.s.) I never got in trouble for drawing.

(She gets right down to it, but lets the marker in her teeth drop after a few strokes.)

Sweetie: Hmmm…this needs something.

(A sparkly bluish reflection plays across her pupils; the source proves to be an open chest filled with blue jewels, bringing a huge smile to her face. Wipe to Rarity as she comes downstairs into the showroom, a neatly folded piece of cloth and a pair of scissors floating before her. Sweetie’s sudden rush across the floor causes her to let them drop and bug her eyes out. The filly is holding a drawing, seen from the back, that consists of several sheets of paper taped together and liberally decorated with the glued-on blue stones, some of which fall loose. Cut to Rarity and back to the pair on the start of the next line.)

 

Sweetie: Hi, Rarity! I made a special drawing for y—

(A horrified, eardrum-pulverizing scream cuts her off as Rarity rushes to the chest and finds it completely empty.)

Rarity: (levitating it toward Sweetie) Oh, no! Did you use these gems? (Cut to Sweetie on the end of this; she huddles on the floor.)

Sweetie: Well, yes, but…I know you have more in your workroom.

Rarity: (throwing chest aside) But—but—but these are extremely rare baby-blue sapphires! (Cut to Sweetie; she continues o.s.) I need them for an outfit for an extremely important client!

Sweetie: Oh. Sorry. (Cut to frame both.)

Rarity: (sighing heavily) Sweetie Belle, what am I going to do with you?

Sweetie: (perking up, hopping around) Oh! We could paint together, we could ride bikes, play chess, sing a song, catch frogs, pillow fight—

Rarity: (walking past her) That’s not what I meant!

Sweetie: Oh.

Rarity: Now I have to go and find some more of these gems!

Sweetie: I’ll go with you and help.

Rarity: NOOO!! (Sweetie’s face falls.) No, thank you. You can help— (Cut to Sweetie; she continues o.s.) —by picking up these papers and stacking them— (To both.) —neatly! Put the pens and pencils back exactly where you found them, and please find something to do that doesn’t create a large mess for me to clean up!

(On the end of this, she opens a nearby side door with her magic and exits, slamming it shut behind her.)

Sweetie: (sighing, walking away) Geez Louise, can’t I do anything right?

(Cut to another room on this floor, the camera pointing out through its open door. Sweetie clumps sadly into view from outside it and stops short as the camera zooms out slightly to frame part of this room. Yarn balls and ribbon spools littering the floor; a sewing machine off to one side; an untidy worktable to the other; sketches tacked up on the walls, with another on the floor. Cut to her perspective, panning across the rest of the area to show it in equal disarray; a mirror and some pony mannequins stand at the far end, books are piled on a dresser, and a four-poster bed has fabric draped over it. Back to Sweetie, who smiles and trots eagerly into the chaos.)

(Wipe to the showroom’s side door, which swings open to admit Rarity and the overstuffed bag of jewels she levitates before her. This is set down to one side—a load of those special blue sapphires—and Rarity looks around in general good spirits.)

Rarity: Sweetie Belle! (No answer; zoom out slightly.) I’m back!

(Cut to just inside the room Sweetie found as she peeks in; all the mess has been cleaned up.)

Rarity: Sweetie Belle!

(Now it is her turn to give a start, accompanied by a lung-bursting gasp of fright. A cut to her perspective and pan across the room discloses the extent of the little unicorn’s activities: she has tidied up from top to bottom. All the fabrics are neatly folded and stacked, the mannequins have been stripped clean, the books are lined up atop the dresser, and not one loose item is on the floor. The extreme cleaner herself pops up from among the mannequins.)

Sweetie: Surprise!

(What she gets in return is a few strangled noises of terror as her big sister looks around in a total panic.)

Rarity: (galloping to dresser) My inspiration room!

(Even the colored pencils and paper clips have been neatly arranged.)

Rarity: What did you do? What did you do?!?

Sweetie: When I saw the big mess in your room, I thought I’d clean it up for you.

Rarity: This wasn’t a mess! It was…organized chaos! I was just about finished planning my new fashion line! (stuttering) And…and you… (Cut to the mannequins; she continues o.s.) …you…you went and… (Back to her.) …and then you…and you put everything away! (She claps a hoof to her face.)

Sweetie: But every time I make a mess, you get upset!

Rarity: But this was my mess, in my house! (Sigh.) And now I have to start from scratch!

Sweetie: But…I…I thought it would…make you happy.

Rarity: Happy?!? Happy?!? I…

(Her face does the talking as it did at the clothesline and works its way into a wide-eyed smile that is more than a bit unsettling.)

Rarity: (walking slowly away from Sweetie) I just need some time alone.

(She ends up near the mannequins, her back turned to her sister; the latter opens her mouth to speak, but comes up dry on words and heads for the door.)

Rarity: Hmph!

(Dissolve to a slow pan toward Sweetie as she walks down a Ponyville street, then cut to her perspective of the patch of ground right in front of her. She stops upon finding a flyer held by a pony standing in the way; it shows some text, a blue ribbon, and the silhouettes of a filly and mare smiling at each other. Both figures have stars superimposed on their heads. A tilt up frames an extreme close-up of a grinning Apple Bloom, who has the flyer in her teeth. Cut to frame both fillies, now in the park outside Ponyville; Bloom sets the paper down.)

Bloom: How’s the sleepover at Rarity’s goin’? (Brief surprise from Sweetie.)

Sweetie: (stepping past, imitating Rarity) Why, it’s smashing. (She lets it drop and plods off.)

Bloom: Huh?

(Near the fountain, many more flyers have been put up on trees and are spread on the ground.)

Sweetie: (reaching fountain/sitting at edge on haunches) I just wish we could do something special together that didn’t include me goofing anything up. (Bloom zips over.)

Bloom: Oh! The Sisterhooves Social! (holding up flyer) Applejack and I do it every year. You and Rarity can compete against other sister teams in all these neat events. (Happy gasp from Sweetie.)

Sweetie: That sounds like the perfect way for us to hang out! (Close-up.) Rarity will think it’s an excellent idea.

(Around her beaming face, the backdrop dissolves to the interior of the Carousel Boutique.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) What a ridiculous idea!

(Sweetie’s face falls and the camera cuts to frame them both, in the inspiration room. She has brought one of the flyers with her, but Rarity steadfastly keeps her back turned to it.)

Rarity: A contest at Sweet Apple Acres? (levitating cloth onto a mannequin) It doesn’t sound…mmm…very…clean.

Sweetie: (angrily) So what? (as Rarity inspects another swatch) Now you’re back to hating messes? (It falls to the floor.)

Rarity: (offended, walking past her) Sweetie Belle, watch your tone! I am still your big sister. (Sweetie follows her.)

Sweetie: Right! And any sister who cares about her sister goes! (Both stop.)

Rarity: Sweetie Belle, honestly! Playing silly little games in the dirt is…just… (crossing room again) …uncouth, with or without a sister!

(The light green eyes cycle from disappointment to resentment in less time than it takes to say “sibling rivalry,” and even well up with tears for a moment during the next line.)

Sweetie: Well, then, maybe…maybe I’ll try the Sisterhooves Social without a sister! In fact, I think I’ll try the rest of my LIFE without a sister! (Two shocked gasps from Rarity.)

Rarity: Oh, I’m the one who’s ruining your life! Really! Have you looked around this place? (getting in Sweetie’s face) I’m the one who would be better off with no sister! (They butt heads.)

Sweetie: Well, it looks like we finally agree on something! Neither of us needs a sister! (Rarity shoves her back.)

Rarity: Deal! (Sweetie’s turn.)

Sweetie: Deal! Goodbye, un-sister!

(She clomps out; the door slams o.s. as Rarity fumes silently in the middle of the very clean floor. Zoom out slowly.)

Rarity: Hmph!

(Snap to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to a long shot of Sweet Apple Acres and pan to a clearing in the nearest orchard. Sweetie is moodily sprawled out on a hay bale, while Applejack carries another in her teeth and Big Macintosh pushes a third along with his head. A table and two tubs heaped with apples sit out here.)

Applejack: Uncouth? (She drops her bale.) She said the Sisterhooves Social was uncouth?

(This shot reveals that Macintosh’s green-apple cutie mark now has small white sparkles around its upper half, a detail not seen in previous episodes. Bloom pops out from one tub, chewing on an apple with gusto. Her next three lines are delivered through a very full mouth.)

Bloom: Yeah! Uncouth?

(She scarfs down the rest of it and brings up a hearty belch.)

Bloom: Wait. What’s uncouth?

Sweetie: It’s not just the Social. She thinks I’m uncouth.

Applejack: Honey, Rarity thinks everything’s uncouth. (Bloom crosses to her.)

Bloom: (wiping her mouth) What’s uncouth?

Applejack: It means uncivil—you know, bad-mannered. (Louder, longer belch from Bloom.) Exactly! Sweetie Belle, just give Rarity some time. She’ll come around. Sisters always do.

Sweetie: Not sisters like Rarity.

Applejack: Come on now. Apple Bloom and I got some chores to finish up on. Maybe you can help.

Sweetie: You sure you want me to help? I just mess everything up.

Applejack: Oh, come on. That’s just stinkin’ thinkin’. (trotting away; Bloom follows) Watch.

(Cut to a close-up of several apples scattered around a tree and pan to one that has a discolored spot and a worm poking out. Applejack snags its stem in her teeth, while Bloom drags an empty tub over the grass. Once Applejack lets fly with a chuckle and a little whoop, Bloom gets the tub on her head and maneuvers so that the damaged fruit drops neatly in. She laughs.)

Applejack: Good catch there, Apple Bloom!

(Laughing again, she flips another bad apple up with her hind legs and whips her tail out to propel it toward the yellow filly. A quick sidestep lets Bloom catch this one too. She keeps laughing as the apples sail toward her and Sweetie stares, bewildered.)

Sweetie: This is a chore?

Applejack: Since we can’t sell the bruised apples— (kicking another one) —we gotta collect ’em all for the pigs to eat.

(On the end of this, pan to follow both the apple and Sweetie’s gaze over to Bloom, who makes the catch. Another hisses toward her after she sets the tub down, but a jumping hind-leg kick puts it in with the others.)

Bloom: It’s a lot of work, so we make a game of it. (Cut to Sweetie; she continues o.s. as more apples go flying.) Want to try?

Sweetie: Um…okay.

(A second empty tub sits next to her. Now Applejack kicks an apple backwards toward her, but this one impales itself on her horn.)

Sweetie: Ow! (Grunt; she rubs her head.) You’re right. It is hard work.

Bloom: That’s why we do it…

Applejack, Bloom: (Applejack’s foreleg over Bloom’s shoulders) …together! (Cut to Sweetie; zoom in slowly.)

Sweetie: Hmph. Rarity never wants to do chores together.

(Wipe to a close-up of Opalescence, Rarity’s cat, snoozing on the floor of the inspiration room in the Carousel Boutique. The four white hooves pass behind her; the unicorn levitates a piece of fabric with an annoyed grunt, waking Opal.)

Rarity: All that work, ruined! (Long shot; she places it on a mannequin.) Thanks to Sweetie Belle. (She opens a drawer and looks in, surprised.) Oh, my.

(A close-up of the drawer reveals the neatly arrayed fabrics inside.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) It’s usually a big mess in here.

(After a quick pan to the fabric stacks and mannequins, the camera cuts back to her as she warms up her horn with a happy gasp. A hat is promptly levitated off its shelf.)

Rarity: (singsong) Idea!

(Her sewing machine and a gale of materials follow it across the room, and the machine is heard running once it has floated o.s. Inspiration has struck her but good.)

Rarity: This is genius!

(Clock wipe to the mannequins, each of which is now dressed in an outfit of a different color—five in all. The fabric in front of them is gone except for a few scraps, and a couple of hats are lowered into place.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) I shall call it… (Zoom out to frame her looking on.) … “Full Spectrum Fashions”! Why, if Sweetie Belle hadn’t…

(Her expression hardens for a moment, then gives way to disdain as she clears her throat.)

Rarity: (floating outfits off mannequins) Well, no matter. She still shouldn’t have touched my things without permission. Hmph!

(Wipe to the interior of a vat filled with grapes, the camera pointing up toward the sky. Applejack drops in a fresh bunch.)

Applejack: Apple Bloom! (Cut to Bloom and Sweetie; she continues o.s.) You’re up!

(The unicorn has removed the apple that was stuck on her horn. Tossing a quick glance to her friend, the young earth pony is off like a shot. A few cheerful bounds bring her to the vat, which is set up on metal legs and has a spigot attached to its base. Applejack jumps down and lowers her tail so Bloom can jump onto its end, then whips it up to throw her into the vat. As the four yellow hooves stomp away at the grapes, Applejack opens the spigot with her nose, releasing a stream of juice into a waiting jar while Sweetie eyes it suspiciously.)

Sweetie: You’re making… (smiling) …grape juice? (She zips over to Applejack.) Rarity would call the fashion police on me if I got grape juice anywhere near her precious outfits!

Bloom: Well, that’s silly!

(One over-enthusiastic dive throws crushed grapes all over her sister, completely covering everything except her eyes and hat.)

Applejack: (incensed) Apple Bloom!

Sweetie: (as Applejack gallops past) Please, Applejack! She didn’t mean—

(Turnabout is fair play here, as Applejack leaps up and plows Bloom down into the grapes.)

Bloom: Whoa!

(Cut to a close-up of the pair in the vat, with Bloom laughing and getting a thorough noogie. Applejack’s tone of voice indicates that her vexation has given way to good humor.)

Applejack: How do you like them grapes, you little whippersnapper?

(Longer shot of them on the end of this; Sweetie pops up with a smile to look on.)

Bloom: (between laughs) That tickles!

(Wipe to just inside the doorway of the Carousel Boutique’s laundry room. Rarity enters, levitating the Full Spectrum Fashions outfits ahead of herself.)

Rarity: Now to get these fabrics washed for my fabulous new line.

(She stops short; cut to the shrunken wool sweater, now pinned up on the curtain rod over the open window, and zoom out in time with a loud groan from the o.s. unicorn. Opal has moved in here to nap on the floor, and Rarity walks across near her.)

Rarity: My favorite sweater! I just can’t believe that Sweetie Belle!

(A loud crunch marks the contact of hoof with tail, followed by a loud yowl from the owner of said tail, who turns away and starts to clean herself. A fresh idea hits Rarity as she watches the cat’s grooming; an instant later, the clothespins come off the curtain rod and the little garment floats down and is stuck onto Opal in close-up. She is none too pleased with the sudden wardrobe change, but a longer shot reveals that the sweater is a perfect fit, with her forelegs in the sleeves.)

Rarity: (baby-talk; slow zoom in) Oh, Opal-wopal! It’s as if Sweetie Belle knew this sweater was perfect for you!

(As before, she catches herself and straightens up with sudden disdain.)

Rarity: And Sweetie Belle should consider herself perfectly lucky that this thoughtless mishap turned out all right. Hmph!

(Wipe to a flock of sheep stampeding through the Sweet Apple Acres orchards. Applejack—now fully clean of mush from the grape stomping—charges up through them, followed by Bloom.)

Applejack: Apple Bloom!

Bloom: Got it, sis!

(She has pulled even with one sheep and gives it a solid nudge, just as Applejack did to control the cattle stampede in “Applebuck Season.” That hit is enough to drive the sheep aside and into a pen being held open by Applejack; all the others follow it in as Sweetie watches, amazed.)

Sweetie: (to herself) How? It’s as if they’re just one pony.

Applejack, Bloom: (high-fiving) Yee-haa!

Applejack: Way to corral some critters, sis! (Pan slightly to frame the gate.)

Sheep: (annoyed) You coulda just a-a-asked.

(A kick closes the gate, and the two Apple sisters walk proudly past Sweetie.)

Sweetie: (dejectedly) Rarity never high-hoofs me.

(Wipe to a close-up of a sapphire-studded garment being given a few last adjustments; one more gem is levitated to fit into an empty spot.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) Perfect!

(Longer shot; it is part of a bright blue ensemble on a mannequin in the Carousel Boutique showroom. Rarity regards it with satisfaction.)

Rarity: (walking past) Just one more, and this ensemble is finis!

(A look into the jewel chest yields a big bunch of nothing and a rising, frustrated growl.)

Rarity: Sweetie Belle! (crossing room) Where’s her silly little arts-and-crafts project?

(Sweetie’s large, taped-together sheet is visible on the three-mirror platform in the background behind her. Rarity stops here, surprise stenciling itself all over her face, and puts a hoof to her mouth. A close-up of the project and zoom out shows it in full detail: a drawing of the two smiling sisters, face to face within a heart made of glued-on sapphires. Tears of instant remorse form in the huge blue eyes, the view briefly dissolving to a softly-focused shot of Sweetie’s rendition. When it cuts back to Rarity, she throws herself down at the platform’s edge, front hooves on the drawing.)

Rarity: Oh, Sweetie Belle! My one and only sister! What have I done? (backing away with a sad smile) All the time I could have spent with you was wasted complaining and wishing you were gone! (She drops to the floor, sobbing.) Woe is me! (She snaps fiercely out of it.) No! I must get her back! (Stand up.) I must! As Celestia is my witness, I shall never be sister-less again!

(Wipe to a close-up of a campfire as three marshmallows on sticks are extended into view over the flames, then cut to a longer shot. It is nighttime, and Applejack, Bloom, and Sweetie have set up a tent among the family apple trees and are sitting around the fire to do a little toasting. Pan from them to frame Rarity a short distance away, looking on; she gasps and breaks into a huge smile.)

Rarity: (trotting to her) Sweetie Belle! Oh, I have been galloping all over looking for you! I…

(The little sister just gives her a very hard glance and tops it by turning scornfully away. The two Apples regard the unicorns with puzzlement, the sticks hanging loose in their teeth.)

Sweetie: Oh, hello, un-sister. What are you doing here? Better be careful. You might get some dust on you.

Rarity: Oh, Sweetie Belle, I want to apologize. I am not better off without a sister. (Sweetie glances back at her and relents.)

Sweetie: I’m not better off without a sister either. (turning to her) Spending the day with Applejack and Apple Bloom made me realize that.

Rarity: (laughing, patting Sweetie’s cheek) Oh, Sweetie! You don’t know how happy I am to hear y—

(The mood veers sharply into left field when Sweetie slaps the older unicorn’s hoof away.)

Sweetie: (beaming) And that’s why I’m adopting Applejack as my big sister!

Rarity: What?!? (Sweetie zips over and hugs Applejack’s foreleg.)

Applejack: What?!?

Bloom: What?!?

Sweetie: (to Rarity) A sister is someone who loves and takes care of another sister. (Cut to Rarity; she continues o.s.) Applejack’s a real sister.

(A scowl from the white mare, then an uncomfortable flinch from the orange-tan one, who forces up a little chuckle before extricating her leg from Sweetie’s grip.) 

Applejack: Hold on, Sweetie Belle. Don’t get ahead of yourself here.

Bloom: (irked) Besides… (She zips over to grab Applejack’s hind leg.) …she’s my big sister!

(Sweetie grabs the foreleg again, starting a tug-of-war between the two fillies with Applejack as the rope.)

Applejack: Yeah, um…

Sweetie: Or… (letting go, to Rarity) …maybe she should be your sister— (Cut to Rarity, then back as she continues.) —so she could teach you what a good sister’s supposed to be! (Pan to an uneasy Applejack.)

Applejack: Heh…um…actually, I… (Rarity hurries over and hunches down to Sweetie.)

Rarity: But I don’t need lessons on being a good sister, I-I promise! (She stands up.) Listen. I’ll show you how to cook my favorite quiche! Or…or…I’ll show you the proper way to beautify your mane. Won’t that be fun? (Close-up of the disgruntled Sweetie; she continues o.s.) Hmm?

Sweetie: Huh! (backing Rarity up) You want me to go home with you so we can do what you want to do?

Rarity: Uh… (Big grin and nod.) …yes?

Sweetie: (galloping past Applejack, Bloom) Just forget it!

Bloom: (to Applejack) We’re still sisters, right?

(That question brings a nod, and she turns to follow Sweetie away as Rarity crosses grumpily to Applejack.)

Rarity: Well, that apology went swimmingly. Applejack, why do you have to be so good and make me look so bad?

Applejack: (chuckling) Oh, Rarity. Once again you’re thinkin’ about yourself. Bein’ sisters is a give-and-take. You’ve been doin’ a whole lot of takin’, but you haven’t been doin’ a whole lot of givin’. (Rarity mulls this over briefly.)

Rarity: But of course I give! I give lessons, reasonable demands.

Applejack: (prodding Rarity’s chest) But you never give in. Bein’ sisters is like…apple pie. You can have amazin’ apples, and you can have a wonderfully crispy crust, but only together can you have a perfect apple pie. (Rarity thinks again.)

Rarity: But apart, all we are is just a pile of mush and some crumbly dry mess.

(Now the brainstorm hits full force, causing her to gasp sharply and straighten up with new determination.)

Rarity: I know what I need to do! I just hope it isn’t too late.

(Snap to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: fade in to a patch of daytime sky, with a couple of balloons floating up through the clouds. Tilt down to a Sweet Apple Acres field that has been tricked out for a variety of events; tents and a snack stand are set up as well. At one table, two big/little sister pairs have their faces buried in pies for an eating contest, and the first pair to finish gets a blue ribbon from a referee stallion. Zoom out to frame Applejack, Bloom, and Sweetie watching nearby; the first two have green bandanas around their necks, but the third is pretty far down in the mouth.)

Sweetie: (walking away) Well, I guess it’s a good thing Rarity isn’t here. (The other two follow.) Do I see “uncouth” written all over this contest? (They stop near a corral fence.)

Bloom: Look at the size of that pig!

(They have passed another team at an apple-bobbing tub on their way here. A cut to just behind the fence frames two teams, one of whom won the pie-eating contest; their pig chews happily on the ribbon for that event, while the porker belonging to the other pair has received one of its own. The older sister on the winning team is Carrot Top.)

Applejack: He sure is a cutie.

Sweetie: That’s the last word Rarity would use. (close-up; imitating Rarity, toying with her mane) “Oh, my. What a repulsive monstrosity. This thing needs a head-to-toe makeover.”

(Pan to Applejack and Bloom on the end of this, after which both trade a concerned look. The sound of a distant trumpet call perks them up in a hurry.)

Applejack: It’s almost time! (They start across the field; Sweetie stays put.)

Sweetie: Well, you two have fun. (Close-up.) Sure wish I had a sister to run the race with.

(Her slightly teary-eyed pout gets cut off when Applejack plunks a bandana and her own hat onto the filly’s head.)

Sweetie: Huh? (Cut to the sisters; Bloom has donated her bandana.)

Bloom: You do now!

Applejack: AB and I figgered since we do this every year…

Bloom: …I’d let you borrow my sis so you can give it a try!

Applejack: Sister for a day.

(Sweetie instantly brightens as the background behind her changes to a light green checked pattern marked with red apples.)

Sweetie: No way! (Normal background resumes; Bloom leans over to her.)

Bloom: (emphatically, poking her) One day.

(She backs off with a big smile, and Sweetie zips over to hug Applejack.)

Bloom: (emphatically) One day.

(A squeal of feedback brings the competitors toward a stage, where Granny Smith sits in a rocking chair. A megaphone on a stand is positioned before her, and Macintosh stands behind.)

*** All words preceded/followed by one asterisk (*) are amplified by the megaphone. ***

Granny: * Is this thing on? * (turning it 180 degrees) I don’t think this thing is on. (into the large end) * Hello? *

(Macintosh leans in to whisper and point a bit.)

Granny: What the…eh…oh…you have to say so. * Confangled modern doohickey! *

(A good smack sets the rig spinning and leaves it properly positioned again. Feedback squeal.)

Granny: * Now the event y’all been waitin’ for! *

(Cut to the crowd, with Sweetie and the Apples approaching from the rear; Applejack has her hat back on.)

Granny: (from o.s.) * The Sistersoci…the Socialhoof… * (Back to her.) * Oh! * (shaking head vigorously) * Dabnabit—you know, the big race! *

(Long overhead view of the racetrack, which is set up as an obstacle course. Some sections are arranged so as to let all the teams run the obstacles at once, while others force them all into a bottleneck. Bleachers have been set up at a couple of the turns.)

Granny: * We have five teams this year for the event! * (Back to ground level; the racers move out.) * So all y’all head on out to the finish line, hear? *

(Macintosh tilts her chair backward and whispers in her ear.)

Granny: Eh? (Cut to the teams at the start; she continues o.s.) * The start line! That’s what I said! *

Sweetie: That’s us! (Bloom zips over.)

Bloom: (emphatically) One day. (smiling) Good luck!

(She backs off from the unnerved young unicorn. Now Granny yells into the megaphone every time the motion of her chair carries her close enough to it.)

Granny: * And may the best sisters win!…On your mark… * (All tense up.) * Get set… *

(Sweetie’s eyes narrow just before the elderly matriarch rocks a bit too close and gets the mouthpiece jabbed into one of hers.)

Granny: (agonized) * GOOOO!! *

(The five teams gallop toward a broad mud pit; the other four leap over, but Sweetie takes it in four hops while bringing up the rear, her hooves never breaking the surface. A cry and splat from behind her, and Applejack is nowhere to be seen. As Sweetie looks back toward the pit, a sludgy brown figure wearing her hat emerges. Every square inch of the pony is hidden under a layer of mud, but the eyes that pop open are blue instead of green. Clearly this is not Applejack, but Sweetie does not notice.)

Sweetie: You okay, Applejack?

(“Applejack” grins hugely while pulling herself the rest of the way out, and the two gallop along the track. Up ahead, another team is stepping through two staggered rows of buckets, an obstacle similar to the tire-running agility exercise sometimes used in athletic practice. The younger sister stumbles in a bucket, knocking it toward the stands, but “Applejack” easily clears this challenge and Sweetie also makes short work of it by hopping through the buckets.)

(Up next is a pyramid of three crates. Other teams get up and over; “Applejack” reaches the top with ease, but Sweetie winds up stuck at the edge of the lower crate.)

Sweetie: Applejack! Help!

(The mucky impostor stretches a foreleg down to grab one of Sweetie’s and fling her over the top so they can continue. Now comes a pie-eating station. A team has already dug in, big and little sisters each working on separate pies. “Applejack” and Sweetie zip up, and a pound from “Applejack’s” hoof on the table launches both of their pies. An instant later they have been swallowed whole, and the team is off in a flash as the other two eaters gape after them.)

(Now they come to a hay bale and start pushing it forward with their heads. They build up enough speed to move it over a line across the course, well ahead of Carrot and her sister, and  barrel around a turn to the next challenge. Here, a vat has been set up for each team. One big sister is tossing grapes into a vat as her little sister struggles to climb in; here comes “Applejack” to another pile, which she launches into her team’s vat by getting her head under them and tossing upward. Right behind her is Sweetie, who jumps onto the muddy tail and gets slung in after them. The four small hooves stomp quickly enough to fill a waiting jar in seconds, and “Applejack” gets this on her head and races off.)

Sweetie:  You can do it, sister!

(She climbs out and gallops on; once “Applejack” has set the jar on a stool, Sweetie passes both her and a set of five tables. Four of them each hold a pile of apples, suggesting that one team has already passed this point. One big sister is throwing one at a time from her pile, but she stares openmouthed as “Applejack” leaps onto the front end of her own table, catapulting its apples downrange. After a quick glance to gauge their trajectory, Sweetie scoops up an empty tub on her head and catches them all at once—all, that is, except for one that she lets bounce off her rump and into the tub after setting it down. She and “Applejack” gallop ahead as the younger sister from another team watches dumbstruck, a neglected apple bouncing off her head.)

(Their rush takes them into a chicken coop. From the opposite end, two other competitors—Berry Punch and her little sister—emerge gingerly, each balancing an egg on the tip of her nose. Elder jostles younger, causing both eggs to hit the ground near a full basket and shatter. Hot on their tails are “Applejack” and Sweetie, who have an egg caught between their noses; the muddy mare backs out as the filly eases forward, and they set it gently down in the basket before sprinting off.)

(Down the way, the two hop side by side but are set spinning by the passage of Berry’s team. Disappointed murmurs from the crowd as “Applejack” and Sweetie end up sprawled on the ground, but they soon get up and charge ahead with fresh resolve. Here come the four down the home stretch, jumping one hurdle and then another and throwing up enough dust to fill the screen. When the haze clears, “Applejack” and Sweetie are stretched out on the ground, having come up just short in their bid to slide over the finish line. Cheers from the spectators as the camera pans slightly ahead to frame Berry and sibling, who have plowed across the line, and zoom out as the referee awards them the blue ribbon.)

(They are hoisted overhead and carried away as “Applejack” and Sweetie stand up and Bloom zips over to them.)

Bloom: Oh, it was so close! You almost won!

Sweetie: Thank you, Applejack! (nuzzling her cheek) You were amazing! I don’t even care that we didn’t win! (hugging her; hat falls off) It was so much fun!

(The dropped headwear has exposed a white horn, which greatly puzzles Sweetie.)

Sweetie: Huh?

(Zoom in on the appendage, after which the filly wipes some mud away from her partner’s hindquarters to expose a trio of lozenge-shaped blue gems on a white haunch.)

Sweetie: Rarity?

(A bit of mud has fallen away from the face to fully expose Rarity’s smile and one blue-shadowed eye. She quickly shakes clean and gives her mane a pat to make sure it too is free of gunk.)

Sweetie: Wait. Where’s Applejack?

(The mud pit, the race’s first obstacle, is visible behind her; zoom in on this as a second gooey brown figure emerges to gasp for breath. This one’s eyes are green, marking her as the genuine apple farmer.)

Sweetie: I don’t get it. (Applejack gallops over, her front half clean, and chuckles.)

Applejack: We switched places over at the very first mud hole. (She shakes herself off.)

Sweetie: (to Rarity) So…we did the whole competition together?

Rarity: That we did, little sister—oh, well, except for the start line. (Bloom pops up between them.)

Bloom: But you finished together!

(Cut to Sweetie’s perspective of the other three; Applejack puts her hat back on.)

Sweetie: You mean…you were all in on it?

Applejack, Rarity, Bloom: (nodding) Mmm-hmm. (Back to her.)

Sweetie: (smiling, tears in eyes) You did this for me?

Rarity: Us. I did it for us. (Sweetie nuzzles against her.) You see, we are apple pie!

Sweetie:  Huh?

Rarity: Uh… (Chuckle.) …I’ll explain later. For now, I think we deserve a celebration.

Applejack, Bloom, Sweetie: (Bloom jumping, she and Applejack rearing) Yeah!

Sweetie: Where?

Rarity: The spa, of course.

(The other three fall all over themselves with laughter at this suggestion, but she does not find this display amusing in the slightest.)

Sweetie: Oh, Rarity!

Applejack: Aw, gee whiz.

Rarity: No, I-I-I’m serious.

(Dissolve to inside Rarity’s upper-story room in the Carousel Boutique, the camera positioned near the window, and zoom out. Rarity, Sweetie, and Spike are here, the last holding quill and scroll ready for taking a letter. Both unicorns have plenty of ribbons in their manes and tails.)

Rarity: (pacing) Very well, then. What should we write to the Princess? (Sweetie turns to a mirror.)

Sweetie: I’ll start. (as Rarity comes up behind her) “Having a sister is just about the bestest thing in the world, but it sure isn’t the easiest.”

(The mirror is whisked away; behind its edge, the view wipes to the clothesline outside the building. Laundry is being reeled along, and a clothespin is applied to one piece.)

Rarity: (voice over) “I agree that being sisters is a wonderful thing, but it takes teamwork.”

(During this line, the camera cuts to a longer shot of the pair, with ribbons gone. Rarity, standing on a crate, gets another pin in her teeth from the basket on Sweetie’s head while Opal paces nearby. After this line, a sweater is reeled past the camera, the view wiping behind it to a kitchen filled with dirty cookware and thick gray smoke. The detector is beeping wildly as in the prologue; pan to a horror-stricken Rarity at the doorway.)

Rarity: (voice over) “Sometimes it’s about compromising.”

(Her face rearranges itself into a smile when Sweetie comes over, spotted with flour and carrying a very respectable pie on the platter in her teeth. A smoke cloud drifts past the camera.)

Rarity: (voice over) “Sometimes it’s about accepting each other’s differences.”

(During this line, the view wipes behind the cloud to Rarity’s room. A folding screen moves aside to expose her in an elaborate dress and mane style, then farther away to reveal Sweetie in a decidedly less formal version of the outfit. Rarity is taken aback at both the change-up and her sister’s devious grin, but both laugh after a moment. The screen floats past the camera.)

Rarity: (voice over) “But mostly…”

(Behind it, wipe to Sweetie jumping in a puddle outside during a shower. Rarity is here as well, and each is wearing a bandana and a very soggy mane/tail. For once, big sister does not mind having her immaculate coiffure ruined, but is actually enjoying herself. Sweetie darts o.s.; a moment later, a few leaves flutter down from above.)

Rarity: (voice over) “…it’s about having fun together—even it if means getting your hooves a little bit dirty.”

(On the end of this, cut to above ground, the camera pointing down at her and framing Sweetie crouched on a branch above the puddle. Jump off…)

Sweetie: (voice over) “A lot dirty.” 

(…and land in the water, splashing it all over herself, Rarity, and the screen. It drains away to frame the pair back in Rarity’s room, still at the mirror. Spike stares at them, puzzled.)

Rarity: “A little bit dirty.” (Zoom in slowly.)

Sweetie: “A lot dirty.”

Rarity: (annoyed) “A little bit dirty!”

Sweetie: (ditto) “A lot—” (Spike pushes them apart; zoom out.)

Spike: Hold it, hold it! How about “a medium amount of dirty, not too little, not too much, just right”?

(A split second later, the two are nuzzling against each other and grinning from ear to ear.)

Rarity, Sweetie: Deal!

(The baby dragon smiles at his success in finding the happy medium. Dissolve to outside the room’s window and zoom out to frame the building’s upper story, the camera backing up past the tree branch and two birds in the reverse of the prologue’s opening shot. This time, though, the birds are not at opposite ends of the branch, but have instead snuggled together under the peaceful blue sky. Fade to black.)

THE CUTIE POX

Written by Amy Keating Rogers

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to a close-up of Apple Bloom’s determined face during the day.)

Bloom: Today’s the day, Cutie Mark Crusaders! I can just feel it!

(Cut to frame all of her, standing by the front steps of a building and with a red-streaked bowling ball resting nearby. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle walk up, each carrying a bowling bag on back and in teeth, respectively.)

Bloom: Today’s the day we are all gonna get our cutie marks in…bowlin’!

(Zoom out on this last word to frame the structure: sod roof; wood frame; stars, balls, and bowling pins above the door; a large ball at each corner; pin/ball doorposts.)

Scootaloo: (jumping in place) Woo-hoo!

Sweetie: Woooo! (She spits out her bag.) I mean, yaaaay!

Bloom: Why, after today, we won’t even be the Cutie Mark Crusaders anymore! We’ll be the…

(A mental picture of three bowling balls appears above her head.)

Bloom: …the Three Strikes!

Scootaloo: (walking to her) That makes us sound like we’ve struck out. (The balls fade away.)

Bloom:  Mmmm…how about…

(Now two pins appear amid a string of pink hearts as Sweetie joins the pair.)

Bloom: …the Pin Twins!

Sweetie: But there are three of us. (The picture fades away.)

Bloom: Okay, then…um… (Big smile.) …the Bowling Dolls!

(Three segments of a new picture slide vertically into view, filling the screen: silhouettes of the fillies tossing balls upward against a backdrop of pink hearts. When the view cuts back to them, the other two smile their approval.)

Sweetie: The Bowling Dolls! That’s it!

Scootaloo: (jumping in place) Perfect!

Bloom: All righty, then! Let’s bowl ’em over!

(Dissolve to the interior of the alley and pan to frame the Crusaders at the lanes near one end, Scootaloo and Sweetie having disposed of their bowling bags. Quite a few ponies have turned out to get in a few frames; all of them wear bowling shirts. Sweetie is first up, carefully positioning her blue-streaked ball behind the foul line and then giving it a shove with her nose. It rolls toward the pins, but veers sharply right and drops into the gutter. She walks back with a smile as Bloom grimaces and Scootaloo forces a pained smile onto her face.)

(Up next is Scootaloo, who places her purple-streaked ball at the line, turns her back to it, and bends down to stare at it through her legs. One hard buck sends it airborne; it ricochets off the ceiling, crashes into a ball rack, almost decapitates three bowlers, and bounces most of the way to the other end of the alley. After all this idiocy, though, it too winds up in the gutter to score no points for the overzealous young pegasus. The entire crowd stares incredulously, and she gives them a huge grin and embarrassed little laugh before zipping away.)

(This leaves Bloom, who eyes her ball suspiciously for a moment and then stretches her mouth wide open, making as if to take a chomp out of it. After reconsidering this idea, she gets her lips clamped around the sphere and totters forward with it as Scootaloo and Sweetie gape openmouthed. Finally losing her balance well short of the foul line, she spits it ahead o.s. and pitches to the floor. The camera immediately cuts to a close-up of a set of pins as a red-streaked ball crashes into them, knocking them all down for a strike and leaving one spinning on its side. Cheers from the o.s. crowd; cut to some of them.)

Mare: Cool! A bowling cutie mark! (Close-up of Bloom, from shoulders up.)

Bloom: I did it! (lifting her haunch) I did it!

(A zoom in on the still-unmarked yellow hide reveals that has spoken too soon.)

Bloom: (crushed) Blank?

(Zoom out. The cheers are directed at a colt who excitedly points out the mark he has just earned: a bowling ball striking a pin. He walks off, the camera panning to follow.)

Bloom: (from o.s.) But… (Back to her; zoom out to frame the other two.) …but…but what about my ball?

(Cut to the still-spinning pin and pan to the adjacent lane. A second, identical ball is slowly rolling up to the pins and barely makes contact with the one in the “head” position—that is, the front-most pin in the triangle of ten. The touch is not even enough to wobble it in place. Bloom has confused her ball with the one rolled by the newly minted bowling alley king. Her spirits sink into her hooves and her bow droops as her friends wince at the dismal performance. Fade to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to a close-up of Bloom trudging sourly down the street, with Scootaloo and Sweetie visible to either side. The former is on her scooter and wearing her helmet and none have their bowling balls, as seen when the camera zooms out to frame all three. Bloom’s bow is upright again.)

Sweetie: That bowling sure was fun, even if all I got was gutter balls.

Scootaloo: Yeah. At least you were able to keep your ball in your lane. (zooming ahead; Sweetie follows) I don’t think Mr. Kingpin is ever gonna let me play again!

(A quick jump carries her over a rock, after which she skids to a stop and Sweetie catches up.)

Scootaloo: Hey! Maybe I could get my cutie mark in demolition!

(Their devious laugh turns to a double look of concern as their partner in mayhem plods by.)

Scootaloo: Aw, come on, Apple Bloom.

Sweetie: I know just what you need to put the bloom back on your apple.

(Cut to the discomfited yellow filly, sitting on her haunches in the street and with her bow drooping once more. Around her, the view dissolves to the counter on the Sugarcube Counter shop floor; Sweetie’s hoof slides a cupcake over, and she and Scootaloo pop up on either side. Scootaloo’s helmet is gone.)

Sweetie: A treat from Sugarcube Corner will cheer you up! (Bloom pushes it away, surprising them.)

Bloom: No, it won’t.

(They drop out of sight. Now the backdrop dissolves to put her at a table in one of the building’s upper-story rooms, fully decorated for a shindig. A party hat has been put on her head, and streamers and confetti pour down from above.)

Pinkie Pie: (jumping behind her) A party will cheer you up!

(Scootaloo and Sweetie come up on either side, blowing noisemakers, and Pinkie comes to rest by the trio.)

Bloom: (a bit louder than before) No, it won’t.

(She punctuates these words with a flick of her rump that sends the suddenly dumbfounded pink pony thudding to the floor, as the party favors drop out of the other two fillies’ mouths. Around Bloom, the scene now dissolves to the three-mirror platform in the Carousel Boutique’s ground-floor showroom. One unhappy yellow pony sits here on her haunches as Rarity plops a broad-brimmed purple hat on her head. It is trimmed with a white rose and peacock feathers in purple, blue, green, and orange, with a green ribbon.)

Rarity: A lovely new chapeau will cheer you up!

(Scootaloo and Sweetie jump in to check the effect, the former beating her small wings to keep herself aloft at the top of her leap, but Bloom’s mood does not lift even a whit. In fact, they both drop to the floor in time with the suddenly drooping feathers. Close-up of Bloom.)

Bloom: (louder again, walking away) No, it won’t!

(Around her, the hat disappears and the scenery dissolves to a stretch of Ponyville park land.)

Scootaloo: (from o.s.) Come on, Apple Bloom!

(Cut to frame all three; she is helmeted again and on her scooter alongside Sweetie, both keeping their distance.)

Scootaloo: It’s just a cutie mark!

Sweetie: Or lack of a cutie mark!

Scootaloo: Shhh! That’s not helping!

(Long shot of the three. These two have stopped at a turn in the foot path, but Bloom has continued on through the grass and is on her way into the Everfree Forest. The pink bow has perked up again for the first time since the beginning of the other ponies’ attempts to mollify her.)

Scootaloo: Apple Bloom! Where are you going? (Cut to Bloom, now entering; she continues o.s.) Apple Bloom, come back!

(No dice; the filly’s downcast face hardens as she advances in, and Scootaloo and Sweetie trade a worried look before heading for home. Dissolve back to Bloom, whose sullen self-absorption keeps her from noticing a protruding root in her way. She snags a hoof on this and tumbles forward over a ridge just beyond it.)

Bloom: Whooaa!

(A series of o.s. grunts and thumps marks her progress toward the bottom, ending with a belly-flop onto the grass down here. She rubs her cheeks with a pained groan as a black-and-white striped chest and pair of forelegs—one encircled by several gold hoops—advance into view.)

Zecora:                 Well, who is it that we have here?

(Head-on view.)        Why, it’s Apple Bloom, my dear.

(Bloom gets partway up and groans again.)

Zecora:                What has happened to you, youth?

(The filly opens her mouth, exposing a front tooth that has been badly chipped in the fall. Zoom in to a close-up of this; she runs her tongue over it during the next line.)

Zecora: (from o.s.)                Ah! You’ve gone and chipped your tooth!

(Cut to frame both; she starts away.)

                                Come with me. I have just the trick

(now o.s.; Bloom follows)        That will fix you up quite quick.

(Dissolve to the exterior of Zecora’s hut and zoom in slowly. Bloom’s next two lines are delivered with a pronounced lisp.)

Bloom: (from inside) I’ve tried everything, Zecora, and still no cutie mark! (Cut to her, just inside the door.) Why, I’m gonna be as old as Granny Smith and still have a blank flank!

(Elsewhere, the zebra herbalist is looking over her shelves of potions.)

Zecora:                 Your frustration is well understood,

                        But one must be patient for all things good.

Bloom: (groaning) I’ve heard that from everypony I know, and now from every zebra I know. I’m just too impatient to be patient. (Cut to Zecora, adding an ingredient to the caldron; she continues o.s.) I just want my cutie mark and I want it now!

(On the end of this, she pops up across from Zecora, startling her so that she drops the entire bottle into the mix. The mistake triggers a small explosion and burst of smoke, followed by a slightly hairy eyeball from Zecora. Bloom gives her a big silly grin and zips away; now the zebra turns to some bottles hanging from the ceiling.)

        

Zecora:                For your cutie mark, you will have to wait.

(She gets a long-handled spoon in her teeth; close-up of the caldron as this is used to scoop out some of the brew.)

Zecora: (from o.s.)         We must fix that tooth before it’s too late.

(A bowl set before Bloom receives the potion. It is a toss-up as to whether her skeptical look is due to Zecora’s opinion on cutie marks or her doubt about this mixture being able to fix her tooth.)

Zecora: (from o.s.)         Now drink down every little drop

(Bloom does so.)        And this mixture will mend that chip on top.

(Once it is all gone, the filly surveys her reflection in a metal urn and opens her mouth wide. The chipped portions of her tooth flex a bit and instantly knit back together, stretching out for a moment as if made of rubber. Bloom is left with her dental work and voice perfectly intact, confirming the first with her tongue and an ear-to-ear grin, and the second with her next words.)

Bloom: Oh, my star apples! You did it, Zecora! (She looks over the arrayed bottles.) Golly! You have tonics that heal all sorts of ailments! Bad bones…bad back…bad breath…

Zecora:                 Yes, little one, it is true.

                        I have many a healing brew.

Bloom: And not only stuff that fixes the bad, but stuff that brings the good! Good health…good hair… (Soft gasp.) …good heavens!

(A shrewd little smile steals over her face.)

Bloom: Hmmm… (She crosses to Zecora, all innocence.) I’ll bet you can mix up a brew to fix… (leaning very close) …anything.

(The “anything” she has in mind is emphasized by a twitch of her rump, but Zecora does not think much of the idea and backs her off.)

Zecora:                There are many mixtures in this room,

                        But none for what you want, dear Apple Bloom.

(crossing room)        A magic potion does not hold the key.

(now o.s.)                For a cutie mark, time is the only remedy.

Bloom: (sullenly) Fine.

(Zecora, meanwhile, retrieves a bottle from a holder on the wall with her teeth. After shaking some of its contents into a bowl on a table, she expertly flicks her tail three times at an overhead vine. Each flick brings down one of its three berries, dropping them neatly into the bowl as Bloom watches.)

Bloom: What you got goin’ on there? (Zecora walks over to a large jar.)

Zecora:                 I am brewing up another mix

                        For a rooster and his chicks.

(She puts her head in, causing her voice to reverberate.)

                        Seems the rooster has lost its crow,

(Up she comes, a large magenta flower clutched in her teeth.)

                        Making mornings very slow.

Bloom: Hey! I’ve seen that flower bloomin’ in Ponyville! What is it? (Zecora brings it over.)

Zecora:                It is one we call Heart’s Desire.

(Shaking it releases a shower of tiny, heart-shaped petals.)

                        A dash will ignite the rooster’s fire.

(Tilt down to follow them into the bowl; Bloom is all attention now as Zecora backs out of view.)

Zecora: (from o.s.)        With Heart’s Desire, his talent comes into view,

                        And he’ll give a mighty “cock-a-doodle-doo.”

(She leans back over the bowl on the end of this, then backs off.)

Bloom: Zow-wee! (shrewdly) Heart’s Desire, huh? (Zecora noses through the shelves.)

Zecora:                Ay, me! But what is this?

                        I’ve run out of amethyst.

(walking to door)         I must go get this purple flower

                        For my brew to have full power.

(Pan to Bloom, still at the table.)

Bloom: (waving her off) Yeah. You go, you go.

(She hunches over the bowl and the Heart’s Desire flower with a calculating grin as the camera zooms in slowly.)

(Dissolve to the schoolhouse playground during recess. As other ponies play and run on the grass, Scootaloo and Sweetie are talking.)

Sweetie: I got so hungry. (Bloom passes them near the camera.)

Scootaloo: Yeah, I can’t wait—

(She cuts herself off and both stare wide-eyed after their friend, who stops with a smug little smile and turns to present her haunch. On it is a cutie mark consisting of a metal ring that gleams in the sunlight, forcing the other two to cry out and shield their eyes briefly.)

Scootaloo, Sweetie: (smiling) Apple Bloom! (Other students gather around.) You got your cutie mark!

(Zoom in to a close-up of it on the end of this, then pan to her hugely grinning face and snap to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to Bloom and the knot of admiring students that have gathered around her. After a few seconds of eyeing her mark, Scootaloo and Sweetie become more than a little confused.)

Sweetie: Um…Apple Bloom…what is it?

Scootaloo: Yeah. Is it an O? Is your talent spelling?

Sweetie: Or is it a ring? Are you a jewelry maker? (Twist pushes between them.)

Twist: Or is it a powdered donut? ’Cause that sounds delicious! (Close-up of Bloom’s face.)

Bloom: No… (Zoom out; a metal hoop now hangs around her midsection.) …it’s a loop-de-hoop!

(She gets the thing spinning by gyrating that part of her body, similar to the way a person would play with a hula hoop. Scootaloo voices a happy gasp, then gets just as puzzled as before.)

Scootaloo: A what, now?

Bloom: A loop-de-hoop! ’Least that’s what I always called it. Applejack made it for me from an old rain barrel when I was littler. Who’d have thought that loop-de-hoopin’ would end up bein’ my special talent?

Sweetie: Wow, Apple Bloom! That’s amazing!

Diamond Tiara: (from o.s.) That’s it?

(Cut to her and Silver Spoon, both keeping well clear of the exhibition and clearly not impressed.)

Diamond: That’s your talent?

Silver: Spinning a hoop around your waist? (Disdainful laugh from Diamond.) Puh-lease.

Bloom: (very cocky) Oh, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

(Standing up on her hind legs, she works the loop-de-hoop up to her neck, but neither of the egotistical fillies seems to approve. Her next move is to drop back to all fours and buck; the plaything is launched upward and falls on the flagpole as a clean ringer. It clatters toward the base, but before it can touch the ground, Bloom zips in and flicks it back up with her nose. Once it has left the pole, she leaps after it, does a midair somersault, and comes down with it hanging around her neck.)

(There follows a brief silence, after which the jaws of Diamond and Silver drop open and all the other students cheer wildly.)

Scootaloo: Apple Bloom! You’re a super-duper loop-de-hooper!

Bloom: (twirling it) Thanks, everypony.

(The school bell rings—an electrically operated one like those found in many public schools, not the one in the tower atop the schoolhouse—and Cheerilee steps out in a close-up.)

Cheerilee: All right, my little ponies! Time for class!

(Zoom out to frame some of said ponies, then cut to Bloom as she continues to strut her stuff. She now stands up on her hind legs, rolling the hoop across her shoulder and spinning it on one raised hoof as if it were a basketball. Appreciative murmurs from the crowd; Cheerilee steps up.)

Cheerilee: (sternly) Apple Bloom?

(Cut to her, now hunkered down on the ground and twirling the ring around one foreleg.)

Bloom: Yes, Miss Cheerilee?

Cheerilee: I want you to take your loop-de-hoop into the yard…

(Back to Bloom on the end of this; her eyes pop in anticipation of a punishment, but Cheerilee breaks into a smile instead.)

Cheerilee: …and give us all a lesson in your amazing loop-de-hooping!

(Cheers from the others as the instant expert whirls it on her tail and rears up. Dissolve to a double line of ponies facing each other; most of them now have their own loop-de-hoops. Cheerilee watches from the side as Bloom walks between the lines, bouncing her own on her tail. A loose one bounces past her; cut to Snips, whose embarrassed look gives him away as the one who lost it. However, Bloom quickly recovers the stray and throws it back to land around Snips’ neck, bringing a blush to his cheeks.)

(Now Bloom resumes her tail twirling as a few yelps are heard from o.s.; quick pan to Diamond and Silver, both of whom are badly off balance and quickly fall flat. Silver’s glasses end up askew on her nose. Bloom winces a bit, then smiles.)

Bloom: Don’t worry, gals. Keep at it and you might get to be half as good as me!

(On the end of this, cut back to the pair, who snarl and look daggers in her direction; Silver’s specs are straight on her schnozz again. The rest of the class is faring little better; Bloom moves over to Scootaloo and Sweetie.)

Bloom: Great job, girls! (Dejection; Scootaloo lets her tongue hang out.)

Sweetie: You’re too kind, Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo: Yeah, we stink.

Bloom: Naw. You just need a little practice. Soon you’ll be able to…hoop and bop!

(She sets the hoop on the ground, steps into it on two legs, and gets it going around one of them while jumping. Tilt quickly up to follow it being flung into the air.)

Bloom: (from o.s.) Hoop and hop!

(Up she goes, arcing neatly through before it can drop out of sight. Back at ground level, she gets it in her teeth and swings it like a jump rope, hopping neatly over it on every revolution.)

Bloom: Hoop and skip!

(Quick pan to another spot on the playground; now she has stood the thing on edge and is balancing atop it.)

Bloom: And hoop and flip!

(A couple of backflips, and she leaps away to one side. The loop-de-hoop bounces after her and drops back around her midsection while she stands triumphantly with both forelegs raised. Her two previous tormentors glare at her as she settles back down to all fours and appreciative mutterings drift in from all sides. Even Cheerilee cannot hold back an excited little giggle.)

Cheerilee: Show us some more, Apple Bloom. (Bloom balances it on her tail.)

Bloom: Well, all right. (bouncing it) Just a few more tricks—but be warned. (Cut to Scootaloo, Sweetie, and Twist; she continues o.s.) These are advanced moves, not for beginners. (leaning over to Diamond) Got that, Diamond Tiara?

(She backs away, eliciting a furious growl, and goes back to twirling the hoop on her tail.)

Bloom: I call this one the Hoopla!

(A boost to the RPM’s generates enough of a wake to blow her classmates’ manes back, as seen in a pan across them, and eventually the yellow filly begins to lift clear of the ground like a helicopter. Higher and higher she goes, the loop-de-hoop visible as a whirling blur—and then, with no warning, a second cutie mark winks into view on her haunch. Seen in close-up, this one depicts two spinning plates, each balanced on the end of an upright pole. Zoom out as Bloom regards it with sudden bewilderment.)

Bloom: Huh?

(The break in her concentration causes her and the hoop to drop out of sight. Loud thud from below.)

Bloom: (from o.s.) Oof!

(At ground level, she has wound up flat on the grass.)

Diamond: Another cutie mark? Ha! (to Silver) I guess that last trick was a lot of hoopla. (Cut to Bloom and zoom in; she continues o.s.) Those cutie marks are fake!

(Scootaloo, Sweetie, and Twist straighten up with a collective gasp, and Bloom gets up.)

Bloom: What? No, they’re not!

Diamond: Miss Cheerilee, have you ever heard of a pony with two cutie marks? (Back to Bloom, confusedly starting to spin the hoop on her tail.)

Cheerilee: (from o.s.) I must say that I never have. (To Diamond; zoom out to frame Cheerilee.) But maybe Apple Bloom has two special talents.

Silver: (to Bloom) Oh, yeah? Then let’s see you do that!

(She points at the new cutie mark and the camera zooms in to a close-up of it.)

Snips: (from o.s.) Spin plates!

(Cut to him and Snails. The former has two short sticks in his mouth, the latter a pair of plates, and they throw these items across the yard.)

Snails: Yeah!

(The sticks land upright on Bloom’s nose, and one plate balances perfectly on each to spin in place. The loop-de-hoop is whirling on her tail at the same time, bringing surprised gasps from the entire class.)

Sweetie: Two cutie marks?

Scootaloo: Two talents?

Bloom: Aw, yeah!

Sweetie: Our friend is the most…

Scootaloo, Sweetie: (as Bloom trots past) …special pony ever!

Bloom: All right, everypony. You ready for a real show?

(Wipe to a Ponyville street. With hoop and plates spinning steadily away, the two-trick pony leads Cheerilee and the class down the block. Other residents stop to look on as she throws the items overhead; the sticks and plates sail cleanly through the hoop, and she jumps after them for a bit of midair stunt work. The sticks and plates end up balanced on her nose in one column, stick-plate-stick-plate, and she touches down, comes up on one hind leg, and lets the hoop drop onto the other.)

(Next she rides the hoop like a unicycle while balancing the sticks/plates on her front hooves, then rides back upside down with them on her rear ones. The spinning discs and their supports are set down on the ground so she can keep them turning and work the hoop back and forth; cheers from the crowd as she gathers everything up and jumps to silhouette herself against the sun.)

(Cut to a close-up of Rainbow Dash napping on a cloud and zoom out slightly. Bloom eyes her carefully from the ground, then whips her tail to launch the hoop. It flashes past the snoozing pegasus and slices away the periphery of the cloud like a cookie cutter, leaving her untouched on a perfectly circular section. When the hoop falls, Bloom lets its roll across her shoulders and spins it expertly on one hoof.)

(Here comes Sweetie, with a properly surprised Twilight Sparkle and Rarity right behind. The metal ring goes flying toward the trio and stops just short of Twilight’s face, whirling in place so that it skims her mane’s bangs. When it backs off, the streaked dark blue hair over her face has taken on a loose curl identical to Rarity’s, and the latter beams at the result as Spike pops up to gaze at Twilight with hearts in his eyes. The violet unicorn is clearly not amused at this split-second styling.)

(Cut to Pinkie as she trots cheerfully down the street, and zoom out to frame Bloom coming up behind her in hoop-unicycle mode with the plates/sticks on her front hooves. A stumble sends the pink pony down flat, and the rider bounces over her while the rest of her family—Applejack, Big Macintosh, and Granny Smith—look on. Bloom doubles back to Granny and lets the hoop drop around both of them, drawing a round of cheers.)

(With a shrill whistle, Applejack bucks a nearby picnic table and launches the items on it—a pie and a stack of eight plates—into the air. Not missing a beat, Bloom rushes in, catches the plates on one foreleg and the pie on her rump, and shifts the hoop so it is back on her tail. Another toss sends the whole load airborne again; this time, the hoop flashes around the pie, slicing it. Four plates apiece land on two picnic tables, with a piece of pie falling onto each, and hungry ponies instantly show up to eat their fill. Cut to a close-up of Bloom, hoop on tail and one plate/stick on her nose, and zoom out to frame the appreciative crowd standing/hovering around her.)

(Dissolve to a long shot of Sweet Apple Acres that evening, then zoom in slowly and cut to inside the barn’s living area. Granny and Macintosh are already inside, and Applejack gallops in ahead of a noticeably tired Bloom, who is spinning both plates and the hoop. Apples appear prominently on the wood-frame walls, and the overall feeling is that of a meeting hall in a rural town.)

Applejack: Yee-haa, little sis! (walking ahead, sighing happily) Congratulations on gettin’ not just one, but two cutie marks! Oh, we’re mighty proud of you—right, Big Macintosh?

Macintosh: Ee-yup.

(Close-up of the two marks; a little sigh of surprise from the o.s. Applejack, and the camera zooms out to frame both sisters.)

Applejack: I’ve never seen anything like it! Have you, Big Mac?

Macintosh: Nn-nope.

Granny: (slowly crossing the room, joints creaking) Why, the way you were a-hoopin’ and a-hoppin’ and kickin’ and spinnin’ reminded me of when I was a spry young filly.

(She gets herself balanced on one rear leg, only to have a joint pop audibly and send her into a spasm of pain.)

Granny: Ugh, charley horse, charley horse!

(The king-sized grandson directs a well-aimed hoof at the offending spot, loosening it so that Granny can drop back to all fours.)

Granny: Ooh, that’s better.

Applejack: Why, Apple Bloom, I think you’re ready to hit the rodeo circuit right now!

Bloom: Actually, I’m ready to hit the hay right now. (walking off) I’m plumb tuckered. I’ll see y’all in the mornin’. (heading upstairs) ’Night.

Applejack: ’Night! (to Granny and Macintosh) Oh, my. Little Apple Bloom has finally blossomed—hasn’t she, Big Mac?

Macintosh: Ee-yup.

(Dissolve to Applejack’s bedroom, darkened and with the door slightly ajar. She sleeps in a bed near the window, with a nightstand nearby, and her hat and one rope are hung up on wall pegs in one corner. A second rope is coiled on a peg by the door, and a cushion and dresser stand across the room. The walls are painted green, with wood paneling and floors resembling those downstairs, and apples figure heavily in the décor.)

(The sound of muffled, rapid tapping causes the workhorse to toss and moan in her sleep for several seconds before finally waking up.)

Applejack: What in tarnation’s that?

(Cut to the hall as she noses her door open and peeks out. A zoom out frames a second door, also slightly ajar; the lights are on inside, and the tapping seems to be coming from here. Applejack grimaces at the interruption, and the camera cuts to just inside this door.)

Applejack: (groaning, nudging it open) Apple Bloom, what is all that awful…

(Her eyes pop and the scolding dies on her lips. This area is Bloom’s bedroom, its walls painted a lighter shade of green than Applejack’s, and a four-poster bed stands in on corner. However, the intended occupant is instead doing a frenetic tap dance—and still spinning plates on her head and the loop-de-hoop on her tail to boot—and not enjoying this a bit. Zoom in on the scrabbling hooves.)

Applejack: (from o.s.) …tapping?

(Tilt up to frame the yellow haunch, which now displays a bright red, yellow-ribboned tap shoe in addition to the hoop and plates.)

Applejack: (from o.s., gasping) Three cutie marks?!

Bloom: (weakly) Help me…

(Cut back to the horrified elder sister and zoom in slowly, then snap to black.)

 

Act Three

(Opening shot: fade in to just behind Applejack at the door. Now a full, open toy chest can be seen across from Bloom’s bed.)

Bloom: Help me!

Applejack: Come here, you!

(She darts in, aiming her teeth at the fluffy red tail, but gets whacked with the loop-de-hoop.)

Applejack: Ow! (Again.) Ow!

(Backing off for a second to rethink her strategy, she dives toward the dancing hooves and grabs one. Unfortunately for her, the leg attached to it jackhammers her against the floor.)

Applejack: Whoa… (She is thrown off.)

Bloom: I’m sorry, Applejack! (Cut to Applejack, tumbling to the doorway; she continues o.s.) I don’t know how to make it stop! (Applejack stands up.)

Applejack: Well, I know somepony who might!

(Around the uncontrollable showoff, the background dissolves to the library’s reading room. Cut to Twilight and Applejack as they eye her worriedly; Applejack has her hat back on, and Twilight’s mane is back to her usual style.)

Twilight: Three cutie marks! Three talents! I’ve never seen anything like it! (turning to bookshelves) I was just reading something about unusual equine illnesses. What was it?

(She levitates and replaces one book, then another—no luck—and is stopped by Spike’s voice.)

Spike: (from o.s.) Perplexing Pony Plagues, perhaps?

(She looks behind herself; quick pan/tilt up to the baby dragon on the ladder at the other side of the room. He has procured a volume and jumps down with it.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Yes, Spike! (Back to her.) You’re amazing! (He lands on her back; she carries him across.)

Spike: (smugly) Yes, well, I do have some talents.

(Now on her head, he sets the opened book on a stand; she magically flips a few pages as Bloom capers back and forth.)

Twilight: Hay fever…the trots…

(Sharp gasp; cut to a close-up of one page and zoom in. It shows a diagram of a mare covered with cutie marks, each of which is numbered.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Cutie pox!

Applejack, Bloom, Spike: Cutie pox?!? (Cut to frame all four.)

Twilight: (reading) “Cutie pox. This puzzling pony plague afflicted a population of ponies back in the Paleo-Pony Period.”

Spike: Heh. Say that ten times fast!

(This crack earns him an annoyed buck that sends him crashing o.s. into the far wall.)

Twilight: “Random cutie marks appeared all over the ponies’ bodies…”

(During this line, cut to a close-up of another page and tilt up slowly past three figures that depict sufferers juggling on a unicycle, snorkeling, skiing.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) “…causing them to perform all the talents that came with them.” (Cut to frame all four.)

Bloom: Just like me!

Applejack: Yes, but what’s the cure? What’s the cure?

(Twilight checks the book again as the camera pans slightly to focus on her. What she finds causes her mouth to drop full open.)

Twilight: It says here there’s no known cure!

Applejack, Bloom, Spike: No known cure?!?

Twilight: “The cause of the breakout was never discovered, and the cutie pox disappeared as mysteriously as they arrived.”

Bloom: Oh, no!

(Right on cue, here comes mark number four—a light gray fleur-de-lis. Those readers/viewers who are familiar with Scouting will instantly recognize it as the symbol of this organization. Now the stricken filly begins to speak French; translations of her words are in brackets.)

Bloom: Sacrebleu! Plus de marques de cutie!        [“Good grief! More cutie marks!”]

[Note: “Sacrebleu” is actually an old French profanity. I have translated it as “good grief” in order to avoid offending any readers.]

(The suddenly bilingual pony gasps in pure shock.)

Bloom: Qu’est-ce que c’est? Je parle français?        [“What’s this? I’m speaking French?”]

Applejack: My sister’s speakin’ in fancy!

Twilight: She needs help!

Applejack: I know she needs help! We can’t just wait for this to go away! (Cut to her, Twilight, and Spike.) We gotta find somepony to mix up a cure, and fast!

Bloom: (from o.s.) Tout de suite!                        [“Right away!”]

Twilight: (getting an idea) Not somepony…some zebra! (Applejack catches on.)

Applejack: Zecora!

(Dissolve to the two mares galloping through Ponyville, with Spike riding on Twilight’s back, and pan quickly to Bloom doing her best to keep up. It is now the following day. The others stop to look back toward her.)

Applejack: Hurry! (Cut to Bloom; she continues o.s.) Hurry!

Bloom: Dépêchez-vous!                                [“Hurry up!”]

(Zoom in on one hind leg as a fifth cutie mark manifests itself—a hammer and chisel. Quite against her will, she zips away and the camera quickly pans to a cloud of dust that has enveloped her high-speed work. It clears to reveal a freshly sculpted statue of a mare standing on her hind legs and emerging from a giant scallop shell, using her long mane and tail to cover herself. Bloom has just created a three-dimensional pony version of Botticelli’s famous painting The Birth of Venus.)

(Here comes the sixth mark onto her belly, a flat cap and long-handled brush; she races away from the statue and goes to work cleaning out a chimney at top speed. Number seven, on a hind leg, is an accordion, so she drops to street level and plays a merry tune for a few dumbstruck spectators. Eighth, on her flank: a whip and lion’s head—she wields a chair and whip against three growling lions, trying to tame them. Ninth, on her chest: a trio of chess pieces consisting of a castle and two pawns—she gets into a chess game against an elderly stallion in the park. Cut to a street, where she engages an opponent in a fencing match watched by plenty of perplexed ponies; mark number ten, a pair of crossed swords, has appeared on her foreleg. Twilight and Applejack trade a panicked look, while Spike chows down on popcorn and Daisy, Lily, and Rose stare aghast.)

Lily: She’s cursed!

(Now Bloom begins to walk a tightrope consisting of a string of banners between two roofs, holding a long pole for balance. The mark that led to this exhibition is not immediately visible.)

Rose: Hexed!

(The helpless Apple filly does a bit of hang-gliding; the mark for it cannot be clearly made out at this distance. Through this entire sequence, she has kept the loop-de-hoop going on her tail and the plates balanced on her head.)

Daisy: Enchanted!

Spike: No, she’s not. (All three mares sigh with relief.) She just has some weird mysterious disease with no known cure, called cutie pox. (They recoil in horror.)

Crowd: CUTIE POX?!?

(Mass hysteria ensues; ponies scatter everywhere, diving into buildings and slamming doors and windows shut. A boiling dust cloud of wings and hooves marks the exodus of other residents, leaving the street silent and empty save for Twilight and Applejack. A tumbleweed drifts past them as a hawk’s lonely cry pierces the stillness, and Zecora breaks it with her voice as she walks up to join the pair. Wicker baskets are slung on her back in the fashion of other ponies’ saddlebags.)

Zecora:                I thought I had removed their fear

                        The last time that I visited here.

(Cut to a slow pan across the street, framing her as she continues.)

                        But doors are barred and shutters shut.

                        Guess I should have stayed inside my hut.

Twilight: (from o.s.) Zecora!

(Cut to her; she points back toward Bloom, who stands at a blackboard.)

Twilight: Apple Bloom has cutie pox!

(Zoom in on the filly on the end of this. She has now begun chalking up equations as her hooves remain stuck in fifth gear. Now one of the additional cutie marks can be seen: a hang glider on one foreleg. Furthermore, a barbell has appeared near one eye.)

Twilight: We were just on our way to see if you had a cure!

Applejack: But magically you’re here! Was your zebra sense a-tinglin’?

Zecora: (walking ahead)         My zebra sense did not bring me ’round.

                                It was a special flower that I needed found.

(Overhead view, panning ahead; Bloom is now lifting a thousand-pound barbell with her tail and doing four-legged push-ups.)

                                I thought I’d picked enough to fix

                                All the potions I had to mix.

                                But after my visit from Apple Bloom,

(Close-up of Bloom; she continues o.s.)

                                Some had mysteriously left my room.

(This shot reveals another of her extra marks, a long pole for the tightrope-walking. For the benefit of those keeping count, the tally now stands at fourteen manifested talents, thirteen of whose cutie marks have been spotted. Pan to frame a stern zebra standing alongside.)

Zecora:                Apple Bloom! What do you say?

                        Did this flower just walk away?

(The straining face picks up number fifteen on the forehead—a pair of sponges—and Bloom’s legs kick into gear.)

Bloom: I…um…

(She races over to the nearest house and begins to scrub its front room window, using a conveniently placed bucket of water and sponges. The two mares inside worriedly start to don radiation suits, complete with built-in respirators to protect them from any contagion, as sponges, tapping hooves, and tail keep doing their thing.)

Zecora:                A cutie pox cure I have, forsooth.

(She turns to present her basket; close-up of it as she dips her tail in and extracts three seeds.)

                        For healing power is in the Seeds of Truth.

Applejack: W-Well, then, give ’em to her, quick!

Zecora:                 These seeds must be planted in the ground.

                        With the truth, they’ll grow and the cure is found.

Applejack: Come again?

(Bloom staggers past, the barbell and plates both on her head and her tail working the loop-de-hoop again.)

Zecora:                The Seeds of Truth do hold the cure,

                        But one must speak words— (sternly, in close-up) —true and pure.

(The afflicted filly swallows hard and smiles thinly under the zebra’s unflinching gaze.)

Applejack: (running up, nudging Zecora’s tail) Huh. Well, then, let’s get to it!

(Up go the seeds; she scrapes a hole in the earth, and they fall in and are swiftly covered. Tilt up from this spot to frame Applejack.)

Applejack: All right. They’re planted. (Long shot of her, Twilight, and Zecora in the deserted street.) Now somepony tell the truth!

(Bloom is now veering past Sugarcube Corner, on whose front step Pinkie is sitting on her haunches with a bad case of the jitters—eyes, mouth, whole body. Yet another cutie mark appears on the yellow haunch, this one a tornado; Bloom drops everything and turns into a hollering, yellow/pink/red whirling dervish.)

Applejack: (calling overhead) Somepony!

(Cut to a roof-level pan; the two mares from the window cleaning—now fully suited up—peek over the eaves as a third watches from her own window.)

Applejack: (from o.s.) Anypony!

(All three take cover; now Scootaloo and Sweetie risk a glance from around a corner at ground level and Pinkie’s sweat glands go full throttle. Finally she breaks.)

Pinkie: (rapid fire) Yesterday I told Mrs. Cake that I ate two corn cakes, but I really ate three!

(She cringes, and Twilight and Applejack—the latter’s hat gone, perhaps blown off by the little-sister twister—eye the buried Seeds of Truth. Nothing yet, so they look anxiously toward the twitching Pinkie.)

Pinkie: Okay, six! I ate six corn cakes!

(The brown cowboy hat is back where it belongs, and both Twilight and its wearer smile at the admission as Bloom zooms past behind them. Another look at the still-barren ground ends their happiness, though, and Pinkie breaks into hysterical sobbing.)

Pinkie: Make it stop! Oh, make it stop! (Inarticulate yells from Bloom; then she gets words out.)

Bloom: I can’t stand it anymore! It’s me! I admit it! I didn’t earn my cutie mark! They’re all fakes!

(The equine tornado ends as quickly as it began, leaving her tap-dancing and loop-de-hooping with her tail. Zecora aims a satisfied gaze in her direction, the camera zooming out to frame Twilight and Applejack as they watch the Seeds’ spot carefully. The earth begins to shift a bit.)

Bloom: I figured the Heart’s Desire would help me get what I wanted most!

(Cut to a closed door on the end of this; three ponies open it and cautiously put their heads out. The camera then shifts to another block on the next line; others peek up from a roof and behind hay bales, and one pulls off her radiation suit’s headpiece.)

Bloom: (from o.s.) So when Zecora left her hut, I mixed up a special potion and put the rest of the Heart’s Desire in it!

(A shoot pops up through the clods and quickly blooms to produce a glowing flower similar to a lily, white with deep pink petals around its base. A crowd has gathered near Twilight, Applejack, and Zecora to see it grow.)

Crowd: (awed) Whoooaaa…

(Bloom, though, cares more about function than form at this point and simply gobbles the whole thing down. She collapses spreadeagle to the ground with a relieved sigh—and then a series of swift flashes wipes all the cutie marks off her hide. She stands up with exactly as many as she started with: zero.)

Sweetie: (from o.s.) Apple Bloom! (Cut to her and Scootaloo, galloping out from their vantage point.)

Scootaloo: Are you okay?

Bloom: I’m great, and I’ve never been happier to be a blank flank. But I’m awful sorry I lied, especially to you gals. (Cut to them; she continues o.s.) I was so desperate for my cutie mark, I just got carried away.

(Cut to Zecora, who smiles, and zoom out as Bloom walks up to her.)

Bloom: And I’m really sorry I snuck those flowers from you, Zecora. (hanging her head) Why, I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted me to come by again.

(Close-up of the downcast yellow face; Zecora reaches into view to lift it gently.)

Zecora: (from o.s.)        Now, Apple Bloom— (Zoom out to frame her.) —do not be silly.

                        You are always welcome, my little filly.

(Bloom smiles; cut to her perspective of the older trio, panning from Zecora to Applejack.)

                        With each mistake, you learn something new,

(now o.s.; Applejack winks)

                        Growing up into a better you.

(The two mares look toward her and register sudden surprise, and a pan back toward the zebra’s spot reveals why—she has disappeared without trace. Cut to a close-up of Twilight, glancing back behind herself toward Scootaloo and Sweetie, and pan to frame Bloom beside them on the next line.)

Twilight: Apple Bloom, would you mind writing to Princess Celestia and telling her what you learned?

Bloom: I’d be happy to, Twilight. (addressing herself o.s.) Spike? (He zips up, quill and scroll in hand.)

Spike: Ready!

(Dissolve to a peaceful stretch of Ponyville and tilt up slowly toward Canterlot on its elevated mountainside.)

Bloom: (voice over, dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia: Waiting for what your heart desires can be really hard, so you may try to take a shortcut. But this dishonesty never works—”

(Dissolve to another patch of sky and tilt down to frame the Crusaders on the next line.)

Bloom: “—because you didn’t earn what your heart desired. The only cure is being honest with yourself and others, and that’s somethin’ every heart desires.”

(Spike rolls up the page and fires it off, and all three fillies stare after the magic smoke as Applejack approaches them.)

Applejack: I sure am proud of you, sis. Seems like you’ve finally learned the importance of patience.

Bloom: Yep. All good things come to those who wait.

(The Crusaders smile placidly over this moral, but it takes no more than two seconds for those smiles to go bye-bye—first Scootaloo, then Sweetie, and finally Bloom. The earth pony filly’s enthusiasm returns one second later.)

Bloom: Well, I’ve waited long enough.

(Surprise from Twilight and Applejack; the Crusaders gallop past them.)

Scootaloo: Actually, that was way too long.

Applejack: What?! (They slow to a walk.)

Bloom: (to Scootaloo, Sweetie) So what are we gonna do today to earn our cutie marks?

Scootaloo: Well, I was thinking. For a pony who’s never mixed up a potion before, you sure stirred up something fierce.

Sweetie: Yeah! So what if your talent is potion-making?

(Long overhead shot of the three.)

Bloom: Oh, my gosh! Totally! Let’s go talk to Zecora! Now! (They gallop off.)

Scootaloo: Yeah!

Sweetie: Woo-hoo!

(Zoom out slightly to show that they are headed for the Everfree Forest, then fade to black.)


MAY THE BEST PET WIN!

Written by Charlotte Fullerton

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to a stretch of sunny daytime sky marked by a few wisps of cloud. A tiny speck emerges from the sun and races toward the camera, eventually resolving into Rainbow Dash going full tilt. Just as quickly, she zooms away as the camera swivels to follow.)

Rainbow: (laughing) Woo-hoo! (Profile close-up.) Yeah!

(More jubilant exclamations as she swerves a bit, does a loop-the-loop, and goes into a midair backstroke for a few seconds. Finishing with this, she whirls to face front and is off with another laugh. Cut to a close-up; the sound of a soft hoot catches her by surprise, and the camera zooms out to show that she has company. Owlowiscious, the owl Twilight Sparkle chose as a night-shift assistant in “Owl’s Well That Ends Well,” is easily keeping pace with the speed demon.)

Rainbow: Who? (She moves for a closer look.) Oh. It’s you, Owlowiscious. Come on. (zooming ahead) Try and keep up!

(Her burst of acceleration sends the brown bird into a feather-shedding spin, but he soon pulls even and surprises her a second time by flashing ahead. Rainbow hits the gas in an attempt to get some view of her fellow racer other than his tail feathers, punching through a cloud and laughing heartily as she goes. The sound of a dog barking up ahead throws her off guard, and Owlowiscious’ fuzzy outline backs up to face her—but now his head has been replaced by that of Applejack’s dog Winona. Rainbow stops dead to look him/her in the eye.)

Rainbow: Winona?…I mean, Winona’s head? (The creature briefly flies circles around her.) Um, is this weird, or is it just me?

(She gets her answer when the brown/white canine head turns into that of Angel, Fluttershy’s white rabbit, and the body morphs into that of Pinkie Pie’s alligator Gummy. Owlowiscious’s wings are still attached to the scaly green back.)

Rainbow: Angel? (It flies around her.) Gummy? Okay, this is officially beyond weird now and moved right on down to Freakytown.

(And it gets even crazier once the three-way combo flyer pulls up and Angel’s mouth opens. What emerges is not a tongue, but most of Rarity’s cat Opalescence, who snarls and slashes the air with a swipe of her claws. Rainbow recoils with a sharp gasp and drops out of the sky, the camera cutting to just above her as she falls away screaming. Before she can hit the ground, it and the clouds disappear in a black miasma that appears at the center of the screen and spreads outward. She is the last thing to disappear from sight.)

(Snap to her as she sits bolt upright among some tree branches with a yell. It is daytime, and a longer shot frames her seated on a branch, with a pillow placed behind her—she has just had a very bad dream while napping. An angry yowl from o.s. gets her attention; cut to Opal, also on the branch and glaring toward ground level. Up comes Winona’s barking; she, Angel, and Gummy stand at the base of the tree, and Owlowiscious hovers just above them with a hoot.)

Rainbow: (wiping forehead) Phew.

(Fade to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to a long shot of the tree, the pony, and the five pets, then pan/zoom in on a nearby hill as their owners approach, laughing and talking. Owlowiscious perches on Twilight’s back, Gummy nips bits of Pinkie, Winona retrieves a thrown stick and brings it to Applejack, and Fluttershy chases Angel across the grass. Opal climbs down from the tree and jumps onto Rarity’s back as Rainbow flies down as well; the fluffy cat begins to wash herself.)

Rarity: Sincerest apologies, Rainbow, if our pets were bothering you. (baby talk) Say you’re sorry, Opal. (Opal turns around and hisses; Rarity addresses Rainbow again.) She’s sorry.

Rainbow: What are you all doing out here?

Applejack: (running across, throwing stick with tail) Why, we always round up our critters for a regular ol’ pony pet play date in this park.

(On the end of this, pan to follow the stick past Rainbow; the dog chases it.)

Rainbow: Uh, you do?

Applejack: (galloping past) Same time every week.

Fluttershy: (Angel now on her back) I thought you knew. You didn’t know? (to the others) She didn’t know? (She scuffs the ground nervously.)

Twilight: Well, we had initially planned on inviting Rainbow, of course, except— (Pinkie pops up, with Gummy suctioned to her head.)

Pinkie: We were totally gonna invite you, Rainbow. (She zips by Twilight, scaring Owlowiscious off.) Then Twilight remembered that you don’t even have a pet— (zipping to Rarity) —and Rarity remembered that you really like to take naps in the afternoon. (zipping to Applejack) So Applejack figured you wouldn’t be missing out on anything anyway. And Fluttershy and I nodded our heads in agreement like this.

(During the last two sentences, the camera cuts to a slightly bemused Rainbow, then back to Pinkie, who rushes to Fluttershy and pushes her head up and down in a nodding motion. The yellow pegasus continues to do so during her next line, her entire body rocking as well.)

Fluttershy: Oh, please don’t be mad at us. (Pause; Rainbow smiles after a moment.)

Rainbow: Oh, I’m not mad. You all are right. Not much point of a pony pet play date for me if I’m a pony without a pet, right?

Applejack: Exactly! (tossing stick off nose; Winona leaps after it) So if’n you’ll excuse us…

(Zoom out from her to frame all pets and owners enjoying the day, then zoom in on Rainbow as she flies back to the branch to resume her nap. However, the mingled voices and noises drive her to clamp the pillow around her head in a vain effort to block them out; cut to ground level.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Hey! (She touches down and walks toward them.) Now wait a minute! Just because I don’t have a pet now doesn’t mean I never want a pet.

 (The camera instantly zooms in on Fluttershy, whose eyes shine with excitement.)

Fluttershy: (stammering) Ooh! Oh, really? (She flies over, with Angel on her tail.) You really want a pet? Really? ’Cause I’ve got so many wonderful choices at my house!

(She dives o.s.; cut to a close-up of her in flight and lifting Rainbow’s forelegs in her own.)

Fluttershy: Oh, and I know you’ll just love them!

(Zoom out. The animal lover is, in fact, just a couple of feet off the ground and hauling a slightly vexed Rainbow along so that her rear hooves drag the dirt.)

Fluttershy: And they’ll love you! Oh! And you’ll be best friends forever and ever!

(As she voices an ecstatic little moan, Rainbow gets her own wings going to provide enough extra lift to get herself clear of the ground.)

Light, jaunty string/woodwind melody with occasional brass/percussion accents

Triplet feel, moderate 4 (D flat major)

(Dissolve to a couple of birdhouses on Fluttershy’s property and pan to frame the backyard of her cottage. The area is filled with various and sundry animals, and Fluttershy—now sans Angel—flies into view while Rainbow trots after her.)

Fluttershy:                Now Rainbow, my dear, I cannot express my delight

                        It’s abundantly clear that somewhere out here

     Is the pet that will suit you just right

Rainbow:                I can’t wait to get started, but first let me set a few rules

                        It’s of utmost importance the pet that I get

                             Is something that’s awesome and cool

Fluttershy: Awesome, cool. Got it!

                        I have so many wonderful choices, just wait, you will see

(Rainbow zips into the air and back, leaving rainbow contrails.)

Rainbow:                I need something real fast like a bullet to keep up with me

(Her return trip buzzes past several creatures, including a large green tortoise whose shell displays lighter green spots. Pan to the two pegasi; Fluttershy holds up a small brown rabbit.)

Fluttershy:                Sure! How about a bunny? They’re cutesy and wutesy and quick as can be

Rainbow: (spoken)        Cutesy? Wutesy? Have you even met me?

Fluttershy:                Rainbow, have faith—you see, I will bet you

                        Somewhere in here is the pet that will get you

(flying off) Come on, the sky’s the limit!

(Rainbow trots off past the tortoise, an owl, and a toucan.)

Rainbow: Sky is good. I’d like it to fly.

Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Really?

(Cut to frame both near the cottage; Fluttershy has opened a window and is fishing around inside. She produces a white kitten with a blue bow on its head.)

Fluttershy: Because I think this wittle puddy tat has your name written all over it.

(Close-up of the skeptical blue pegasus as the kitten is held close enough to nuzzle against her cheek and meow happily.)

Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Yes, he does. Aw, look, he likes you!

Music stops

Rainbow: Pass.

Music resumes

(Now Fluttershy trots across the backyard and hovers in midair for a second.)

Fluttershy:                I have so many wonderful choices for you to decide

(pushing animals toward Rainbow as she names them)

                        There are otters and seals with massive appeal

Rainbow: (spoken)         Otters and seals do not fly

Fluttershy: Maybe not, but I’ve seen this particular seal catch ten feet of air when he breaches the water! (It barks and claps its fins.)

Music stops

Rainbow: (walking away) That’s it. I’m outta here.

(She nearly trips over the passing tortoise before Fluttershy swoops over to intercept; she then looks here and there.)

Music resumes

Fluttershy:                Wait! There must be a pet here that will fit the ticket

(holding up the next two, one per front hoof)

                        How about a ladybug or a cute cricket?

E flat major

Rainbow: Bigger, and cooler! (Close-up of the tortoise; it touches her leg.)

Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Bigger. (Long shot of the pair; Rainbow pushes it away.) Cooler. Right.

(She pushes Rainbow toward a tree.)

Fluttershy:                I’ve got just the thing in that tree, Dash

(She pulls on a low-hanging birdhouse to part the leaves as if they were a set of curtains. Zoom in on the opening; behind it, on a raised and lighted platform, stands a small brown squirrel against a backdrop of glittering purple drapery.)

Fluttershy:                Meet your new fabulous pet, Squirrelly

Music stops

Rainbow: (from o.s.) It’s just a squirrel.

Fluttershy: (swooping in, carrying it upward) Not just any squirrel. (She tosses it up; cut to it as she continues.) A flying squirrel!

(Right on cue, it extends its limbs and deploys the folds of skin connecting them to glide down and land by Rainbow.)

Rainbow: (unimpressed, approaching camera) Yeah, so like I was saying…

Majestic straight time, slow 4 (D flat major)

(Fade to black. A spotlight flicks on to pick her out and follow her walk across the screen.)

Rainbow:                Fluttershy, pal, this won’t cut it

(Light off; she rises into view.)

                        I need a pet to keep up with me

(She drops out; light on her again.)

                        Something awesome… (Off, then on.) Something flying

(She lifts off; fireworks burst behind her.)

                        With coolness that defies gravity

Music stops

(The sky fades into view behind her as Fluttershy flies over.)

Fluttershy: I’m sensing you want an animal that can fly.

Rainbow: You think?

Music resumes; original feel/time/key

(Fluttershy throws a foreleg over her shoulders and leads her away.)

Fluttershy:                I have plenty of wonderful creatures who soar in the sky

(Pan away; the next two flutter into view.)

                        Like a sweet hummingbird or a giant monarch butterfly

Rainbow: Better, but cooler!

(She flies off, exposing the tortoise below; it pulls its head into its shell and immediately comes back out wearing a pair of sunglasses. The next three perch on low clouds, one by one.)

Fluttershy:                 I see—how about an owl, or a wasp, or a toucan?

                        There’s so many wonderful creatures the likes of that

(She pulls Rainbow away; two more soar past and perch briefly on Fluttershy’s forelegs.)

                        There are falcons and eagles, they are both quite regal

(Now she produces a bat, hanging from one foreleg.)

                        Or perhaps what you need is a dark and mysterious bat

(It stretches its wings for Rainbow.)

Rainbow: Now you’re talking! (She backs off to think in midair.) But instead of just one standout, now that’s too many.

(Fluttershy crosses to her as the camera zooms out to frame all six of the flying creatures, plus a few others, perched on or hovering by several clouds around the pegasi.)

Rainbow:                So many choices, and such riches a-plenty

Fluttershy: Not a bad problem to have, if you ask me.

Urgent, faster 4 in straight time

Rainbow:                The bat would be awesome, but the wasp I’m digging too

                        Do you have something in a yellow-striped bat?

Fluttershy: No.

(Both drop to the ground; Fluttershy shows off a flamingo for Rainbow and it holds out a long leg to shake.)

                        I’ve got a hot pink flamingo just dying to meet you

Rainbow:                What to do, what to do?

B major

(She snaps upright with a happy gasp and darts over to stare Fluttershy in the face.)

Rainbow:                A prize! That’s it! There’s really just one way

(She lights on the chicken coop’s roof as the animals gather around.)

                        To find out which animal’s best

(Darting down to the grass, she jumps onto the tortoise’s back, the shades go flying off.)

                        Hold a contest of speed, agility, and guts

                        That will put each pet to the test

(She holds the last note while rising into the air, after which Fluttershy zips up alongside.)

Stoptime, gradually building intensity

Fluttershy:                 Don’t forget style, that should be considered

Rainbow:                Then I’ll know for sure who’s best of the litter

Fluttershy:                The one who is awesomest, cool

Rainbow:                Just like me

Normal rhythm, very grand

(She drops to the ground.)

Rainbow:                        Can’t settle for less ’cause I’m the best                (Fluttershy joins her.)

Fluttershy, Rainbow:                So a contest we will see

Rainbow:                        Who’s the number-one greatest, perfect-est pet

Fluttershy, Rainbow:                In the world for me

Triplet feel

(Zoom out slowly from the pair to frame all the contenders in a long shot of the backyard; Derpy Hooves peeks out from the chicken coop.)

Fluttershy: (Rainbow joining in on last word)        May the games begin

(Zoom in quickly to a close-up of Rainbow.)

Rainbow: (spoken)                                        And may the best pet win!

Song ends with a stinger

(Snap to black at the same time.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to an extreme close-up of Rainbow as she blows a whistle, then cut to a longer shot. She has donned a baseball cap and stands in the Ponyville town square, while her five friends watch from the pavilion’s ground-floor porch. An overhead shot frames a line of animals standing/hovering to attention before her: wasp, duck, eagle, flamingo, bat, ladybug, toucan, falcon, butterfly, goose, owl, hummingbird. Lively cheers from the spectators come to a sudden end at a short blast from the whistle, after which she paces down the line.)

Rainbow: So, you all think you’ve got what it takes to be my pet, do you? (leaning into flamingo’s face) Well, we’ll just see about that.

(Her lunge has pushed the vivid pink head back hard enough to put several kinks in the long neck. When the bird swallows hard, the lump follows every new zig-zag bend down to its gullet.)

Rainbow: If any of you don’t think you can handle it, bow out now before you humiliate yourself in front of your peers.

(The end of this line takes her past the ladybug, which sinks to the ground.)

Rainbow: This competition isn’t for the weak. (to the butterfly) You’d better be prepared to step up your game!

(On each of these last four words, the camera cuts to a closer shot of her, ending with an extreme close-up of her face. The butterfly is visibly unnerved; Rainbow leans into its face.)

Rainbow: (full force) You call that flapping?! (She backs off; it flaps harder as she continues o.s.) That’s better. (Back to her, pacing.) There’s only room on Team Dash for one of you, and my future pet needs to be able to take it to the extreme.

(She zips upward without warning and stops several yards above the animals.)

Rainbow: Any questions? (Cut to them and pan to Twilight and Applejack at the porch rail.)

Applejack: (softly, to Twilight) I got one. Does she understand what a pet really needs?

Twilight: (softly) Yeah, like care and attention. (Winona pops up…) Love and affection. (…and licks her face; full volume.) Ugh! And breath mints!

(Both ponies turn their attention to the contenders as Rainbow swoops back down.)

Fluttershy: (pushing the tortoise up to her) Now you just pay attention and try your best, and— (Cut to Rainbow on the end of this.)

Rainbow: Seriously, Fluttershy! The turtle? What did you bring that thing here for? (Fluttershy licks a handkerchief and polishes the shell.)

Fluttershy: Technically, he’s a tortoise, and he’s always dreamed of being somepony’s pet. He just wants a chance to compete. He won’t get in the way. You won’t even know he’s here.

(The blue pegasus’ questioning look is met by a molasses-slow blink from the wrinkled face.)

Rainbow: No!

Fluttershy: Oh, just let him try.

Rainbow: (sighing disgustedly) But there’s no way he can possibly keep up!

(The hard shell gets a push that sends him rolling toward Fluttershy.)

Rainbow: Look at him!

(His center of gravity causes the roll to reverse itself so that he stops upright before her.)

Fluttershy: (holding him up) It won’t hurt to let him try.

Rainbow: But—

Fluttershy: (pushing him in her face) Just let him try.

(Extreme close-up of Rainbow and the tortoise on the end of this; next Fluttershy unleashes a beseeching grin that sends Rainbow into a short paroxysm before she can speak.)

Rainbow: (groaning) Fine! (Fluttershy sets the tortoise down; she gets in his face.) But don’t say I didn’t warn you. This isn’t a game, you know!

(Cut to frame him, her, and all the flying competitors. She addresses the entire group.)

Rainbow: All right. Now these games will determine which one of you has the most important qualities I’m looking for in a pet.

(Off she goes to the peak of a nearby hill, sprinting fast enough to leave a trail of multicolored flames and flip the tortoise upside down.)

Rainbow: (jumping on hill) Speed!

(She flashes back through the group, this time leaving a rainbow contrail that marks her hairpin turns among them.)

Rainbow: (now o.s.) Agility! (Skid into view; stand on hind legs and flex muscles.) Guts!

(Next she takes off and flies a tight spiral around a cloud to sculpt it into a likeness of herself.)

Rainbow: Style!

(Back to ground level; the background flares blue with stars.)

Rainbow: Coolness! (Quick pan to another spot; red lightning-bolt background.) Awesomeness!

(Another quick pan; this time, she has put on a pair of sunglasses and turned her cap backward. The background goes pink for this one as she stands up and crosses her forelegs.)

Rainbow: And radicalness!

(The normal background dissolves into view; Twilight has come over from the pavilion.)

Twilight: Aren’t those all the same thing? (Rainbow peeks over her shades, then through them.)

Rainbow: You would think that, Twilight. (patting her head) And that’s why you would never qualify to be my pet.

(Off she goes, leaving one irked unicorn in her wake. Wipe to an oval running track in the park; the competitors are at the starting line, Rainbow stands by the inside lane, and the other ponies watch from the outfield on the far side. The coach has ditched her shades and turned her cap around again.)

Rainbow: Speed!

(Extreme close-up of one bit of the line.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) On your marks…

(Three feet step up, one belonging to the duck; a quack, and the camera cuts to Rainbow.)

Rainbow: Get set…

(Zoom out to frame all the animals, with the tortoise in the outside lane; the ladybug is not present, indicating that it has dropped out. After a hard squint at them all, she blows her whistle and the flyers are off in a cloud of dust. They rocket around the track and lap the tortoise even as he is slowly lifting one leg to take his first step. Each of Rainbow’s following comments is aimed at one particular animal as it passes her. First up: the bat.)

Rainbow: Sorta speedy. (Butterfly.) Not speedy. (Cut to the duck; she continues o.s.) Pretty speedy. (Pan to the owl.) Could be more speedy.

(The falcon catches up with a shrill cry and blasts ahead, its wake stripping the owl clean before it crosses the finish line and stops.)

Rainbow: Yeah! That’s speed!

(Cheers from the other ponies as the other winged racers come in; the owl’s feathers are back on. Only now does the tortoise complete his first step, the foot barely coming down past the edge of the starting line. Rainbow walks over and clicks her tongue disparagingly.)

Rainbow: That’s just sad.

(Wipe to an elevated obstacle course set up in the park, with the five spectators looking on.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Agility!

(The butterfly goes through a hoop and a set of uprights.)

Rainbow: Sorta agile. (The flamingo slips off a seesaw.) Not agile. (Toucan through a crazily bent pipe.) Pretty agile.

(Tortoise watches forlornly from the ground; bat through the uprights.)

Rainbow: Could be more agile.

(In close-up, the hard-shelled critter tenses for a jump as the camera pans ahead of him, then back. He has done no more than stretch up to his tiptoes, but the weight shift causes him to topple forward. Zoom out to frame Rainbow, flying slowly past him, on the next line.)

Rainbow: Want to know the opposite of agility? That.

(Now the hummingbird gets into the game, darting around the contours of an arrow, a crosspiece on which the toucan has perched, and around the interior of the hoop that now holds the tangled-up flamingo. Out to clear air, across to a finish-line banner, and down safely; the butterfly smacks into the banner and falls down, and the five ponies cheer the victory.)

Rainbow: (doing a loop-the-loop) Yeah, baby! Now that’s what I call agility!

(She holds up one front hoof for a high five, but the little avian just keeps hovering.)

Rainbow: Don’t leave me hanging.

(It delivers with one wing, only to drop out of sight due to not using that wing for lift, then rises sheepishly back to her level. Zoom out slightly to frame both.)

Rainbow: I’m gonna have to shave a point off your score for that.

(She produces a clipboard and makes a note with a pencil in her teeth as the hummingbird slinks away. Wipe to the five ponies looking confusedly ahead at something just o.s., then zoom out to frame Rainbow in front of them. In her teeth is the handle of a pet carrier, which she sets down.)

Rainbow: Okay! Which of you has the guts to try and get Opal’s favorite toy away from her?

(Cut to just inside the carrier on the end of this, the camera pointing out through its wire door. She places a squeaky toy mouse in front of this, then lifts the door; cut to outside. Two glaring yellow eyes flare in the darkness and are followed by the emergence of one rather hacked-off white cat. As soon as Opal extends one set of claws, a pan across the contenders shows that every single one of them has locked up with fear and total panic. Every one, that is, except the butterfly, which flits intrepidly across the grass to stop in front of Opal’s face. As she brings up one paw to slash it apart, it spreads its wings and swiftly hypnotizes her with the patterns of orange and black. The toy mouse is hoisted away and carried back to an impressed Rainbow.)

Rainbow: Ha! Now that takes guts!

(The other five ponies smile at the achievement, but Opal lets off a startled yowl once the hypnosis wears off. The reason, as shown when the camera zooms out, is that her carrier is being tipped forward by the tortoise’s slowly extending head in an attempt to trap her inside. Leaping clear, Opal gets on top of the tough shell and tries in vain to claw it apart; the tortoise has pulled his head, legs, and tail in, and Rainbow grimaces a bit before turning away.)

(The screen flashes white and clears to show a photograph of her and the bat, both wearing sunglasses and tensed for action. She has disposed of her cap and whistle.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Style!

(Other photos appear one by one, with a flash putting each new one on top of the others. She stands against a mountain backdrop, one foreleg on a stool and the falcon perched on a leather gauntlet laced around the other. She and the hummingbird do a little fencing. With her mane neatly combed for once, she stands alongside the owl in a classroom; they wear sweaters and bow ties, and the bird is atop a stack of books. She and the eagle have a curling match, sweeping the ice ahead of a stone on its way to the scoring area.)

(From here, cut to the photo shoot in progress. Rainbow is on a small stage with a curtain backdrop, wearing a scarf and four sandals and accompanied by the butterfly, and Rarity is behind a tripod-mounted camera. The insect flies away and the unicorn touches up Rainbow’s makeup in close-up during the following; the scarf is removed as well.)

Rainbow: Any pet of mine’s gotta look good, ’cause he’s gotta make me look good!

(Zoom out. The sandals are now gone, but her main concern is the stool that has been placed next to her—and the red-ribboned tortoise standing on it. A flash, and the picture hits the pile: she cringes away from the armored reptile, whose head/legs/tail have retracted into the shell.)

(Dissolve to Rainbow, once again suited up as coach, in front of the lineup.)

Rainbow: Coolness!

(Cut to the owl, which hoots when she points at it.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Sorta cool. (Quick pan to the duck; it quacks.) Not cool. (To the bat; a shriek.) Pretty cool. (To the toucan; squawk.) Could be cooler.

(To an empty patch of space, then tilt down to the buzzing wasp.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Not what I had in mind.

(To the butterfly; it opens its mouth but produces no sound, and she leans in close.)

Rainbow: I can’t hear you!

(To the tortoise, who has shed his red bow and can manage no more than a few hoarse, strangled grunts. As Rainbow glares down and makes a sound of revulsion, zoom out to frame the eagle in the fore. Its cry gets her attention very quickly.)

Rainbow: Now that’s a cool sound!

(Dissolve to a close-up of the bat, hanging upside down from a tree branch; the ears flick in various directions as it uses its natural sonar.)

Rainbow: Sorta awesome. (The toucan flicks out its tongue.) Not awesome. (A squawk; the flamingo balances on one leg.) Could be more awesome.

(Close-up of the owl; it turns its head 360 degrees, eliciting a laugh from her direction. Back to her.)

Rainbow: (laughing) Yeah! That is awesome!

(A little hop from ground level surprises her; sure enough, here is that tortoise again, smiling pleadingly before pulling his head in.)

Rainbow: Uh, you did that already. That’s pretty much all you can do, huh?

(The head emerges partway with a look of embarrassment. Wipe to a stage; the duck tap-dances into view with a straw hat and cane, but Rainbow is not thrilled. Next the eagle knits a sweater decorated with Rainbow’s likeness; she is still far from impressed at the effort. Up next is the falcon, wearing a black top hat and standing behind a deck of cards, it brings up the ace of diamonds in its beak, but she flips over the five of clubs in her teeth—a card trick gone slightly bad. Now the wasp hovers by a switched-on flashlight lying on the stage; in the spot of light thrown on the curtain, it produces a series of shadow puppets—duck, rabbit, sailing ship. However, the display only serves to put the pegasus judge to sleep.)

(Suspended upside down, the bat plays the first two five-note phrases of the original My Little Pony theme/jingle on a row of crystal goblets. It then cuts loose with a high-pitched shriek that shatters every last one of them.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Whoa! (Cut to her.) That was truly awesome! But I’m afraid this is the radicalness competition, so I’m gonna have to take some points off.

(Wipe to the stage and pan along its length to frame a series of obstacles working backward from a finish line. Safety net, flaming hoop, loop-the-loop track, guillotine, shark tank, springboard—and the tortoise standing on a platform at the start of this run. He tenses for a leap, but only manages to fall off and land upside down without even reaching the springboard. The curtain falls behind him, and Rainbow sighs heavily and approaches the stage.)

Rainbow: Listen, turtle. (Fluttershy puts her head out from backstage.)

Fluttershy: Tortoise.

Rainbow: Whatever! (Fluttershy backs off.) You’ve had your fun, but I think you and I both know who made the cut and who didn’t.

(Another of those maddeningly slow blinks, followed by a sad little croak. Long pause.)

Rainbow: (pointing) You didn’t.

(Her next gesture is aimed toward the sky; cut to the owl, eagle, falcon, and bat winging it as cheers float up from below. The five current pet owners are on the scene, Pinkie jumping in place as she cheers, and Rainbow turns back to the capsized tortoise.)

Rainbow: I mean, A for effort and everything. You gave it your best shot. (looking uneasily away, lifting him up to peek beneath) Maybe I’ve got a gold-star sticker around here somewhere you can have. (She sets him upright.) But seriously, go home. You’re starting to creep me out.

(Her reassuring smile gives way to worried confusion as the beady black eyes just stare pleadingly up at her. Finally she does a very slow turn away from the stage.)

Rainbow: So…aaaanyway… (She faces the four flyers, now landed before her.) You’re all outstanding competitors. (Cut to the owl, panning across the others; she continues o.s.) But there can only be one of you who is number one.

(Cut to her, then to the quartet and back as she continues.)

Rainbow: So the final, tiebreaking contest is going to be…

(The last word gets held out, after which the turns away to…)

Rainbow: (to herself) Pause for dramatic effect. (…then back with a grin.) …a race against…

(Zoom out quickly; she zips up to them.)

Rainbow: …me!

(Cut to the interior of a narrow, craggy ravine; she flies into view without her cap and whistle.)

Rainbow: Through Ghastly Gorge! (imitating dramatic horns) Dun-dun-dunnnn!

(On this last, cut in three steps to frame her in a long overhead shot; the gorge snakes away toward the horizon, and mist wafts up from far below as the eagle’s cry rends the air. Zoom out to frame it hovering nearby as she flies to it and Richard Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries begins to play. She offers a handkerchief.)

Rainbow: Gesundheit.

(The other five ponies, their pets, and Spike watch from one edge. Rainbow plunges past them and lands at the bottom, where the falcon, owl, bat, and tortoise have gathered.)

Rainbow: (sighing contentedly, as the eagle joins them) Actually, Ghastly Gorge isn’t scary. It’s fun. Heh. I’ve flown through it a million times myself, so, uh… (Pan across the nervous animals; she continues o.s.) …obviously I’ll be at the front of the pack. (Back to her as she continues, now limbering up.) But whichever of you make it across the finish line with me will have proven you can keep up with me, and will have earned the honor and glory of getting to be my pet.

(She moves to the edge of the crag on which they are all standing.)

Rainbow: Ready? (The flyers line up.) Set, go!

(All go airborne, leaving the tortoise to creep up to the drop-off and helplessly watch them go, dropping his head. Meanwhile, Rainbow is having a ball, laughing and whooping as she barrels along a straightaway.)

Rainbow: Try to keep up!

(She speeds ahead through a series of hairpin turns and the four pursuers push furiously to stay after her. Through a gap between some trees and the wall, into a curve, around an outcropping and another tree, and on to a dark tunnel she goes. In here, the wind gusts are so strong that she fights to keep her forward momentum going, but she soon breaks through to daylight and stops to dust off her front hooves. The tunnel run has left her mane and tail noticeably disheveled, but has had no other ill effect on her. A quick wipe puts the striped hair back in order.)

Rainbow: (taking off) Can’t catch me! (Laugh.)

(As the four racers enter the windy passage, the bat gets blown backward and out the entrance as the others muscle through. It comes up with an angry little chitter and charges back in, and the camera zooms in quickly to a spot much farther back. The tortoise is here, sweaty of face and short of breath, but doing his best to move ahead on the course.)

(Cut to Rainbow, whistling a few notes in time with Wagner, then zoom out quickly to frame a dense tangle of thorny vines blocking her path. She stops to run a calculating eye over the mess, then addresses herself toward the approaching quartet.)

Rainbow: (tauntingly) Come on, slowpokes! You want to win, don’t you?

(Off she goes, steering with masterful precision through the overgrowth and even doing a quick twirl around one vine just to rub it in. Once she reaches the far end, she uses the vines to catapult herself around the tangle and then ahead. The eagle charges in only to get quickly bogged down in the thorns; the owl can see no way through the scramble; the falcon struggles to push through a knotted area and gets knocked spinning by the passing bat. The combination of sonar and small size allows this one to navigate a safe course through the vines, and it blows a raspberry once it gets clear. In short order, the eagle, owl, and falcon come out flapping, the last dragging a piece of vine with it.)

(Cut to a long overhead view of the gorge, panning ahead to frame the blue pegasus. In close-up, she takes a breather and hovers above the group as they close in. The falcon has removed the vine debris from its wing.)

Rainbow: Oh, I forgot to tell you! Watch out for the quarray eels! They don’t like it when you get too close to their nests—like this!

(On the end of this, she gestures toward a narrow defile between two high walls, one of which is pocked by several large craters. As she heads in, the eels in question—huge, red hide, purple underbellies and head fins, light pink spots—lash out of the holes and do their best to snag an appetizer of pony tartare. No luck, though; she veers around every strike and gets herself in the clear. As the four unnerved chasers watch, the eels retreat out of sight as if daring them to venture into the danger zone.)

(The bat is first to risk it; one eel quickly snaps it up, but it punches its way around inside the mouth and emerges from one nostril. Tilt quickly down to the eagle; another eel slams its jaws down too close for comfort, and the bird backs off with its head seemingly having been bitten off. However, the missing cranium quickly pops back up—the eagle pulled it in just in time. From here, the camera tilts quickly up to the owl, which is caught in a third eel’s jaws and has spread its wings wide to keep them from snapping shut. It eventually pulls loose and remains uneaten. In another up, the camera stops on a lashing eel, which retracts with the falcon caught by a tail feather in those fearsome teeth. After a brief struggle, the bird of prey yanks itself loose.)

(Pan quickly to Rainbow, taking her time somewhere up ahead.)

Rainbow: Easy-peasy, one-two-threesy. (flipping onto her back) Right, you guys?

(Maybe not, if the rock wall that she smacks into is any indication. The impact stuns her and sends cracks snaking all the way up to the gorge’s lip; one large slab slides free and tumbles down as the music reaches its climax. The cocky pegasus looks up just in time to get a really good view of the massive stone, then bugs out as it and other rocks plummet toward her.)

Rainbow: AVALANCHE!!

(Plastering herself into a cranny, she watches the winged racers flash by and starts after them.)

Rainbow: Hey!

(Whatever words she might have used next instead turn into a yell as another hunk comes down right on top of her and thick gray dust clouds boil up. Once the view clears, the camera tilts down from the lip of the gorge to frame the freshly piled debris on its floor. Rainbow’s head emerges from behind a particularly large boulder; she shakes some sense back into herself and starts to fly away, intent on making up for lost ground. However, she has barely lifted off before something stops her cold and snaps her back down hard. A short tilt down to ground level tells the tale: the corner of one wing is pinned under the rock.)

Rainbow: (struggling to pull free) Come on…

(Cut to a long shot of the receding quartet and zoom out to frame her on the next line.)

Rainbow: No! Wait! Come back! Don’t leave me! (Overhead view.) I’m the one who’s supposed to win! (Close-up.) I don’t want to end up stuck here… (horrified) …forever.

(The thought sends her into a new frenzied attempt to free herself.)

Rainbow: Oh, no, no. No, no, no. Th…this can’t be happening. Forever is waaay to long to be trapped in Ghastly Gorge. I mean, it’s like… (Zoom in quickly on her face.) …forever!

(Cut to a long shot of her and zoom out slowly along the gorge’s length.)

Rainbow: Somepony! Anypony! HELP MEEE!!

(The last two words echo in the wide crevasse as the view snaps to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: fade in to the same view of Rainbow that ended Act Two. She drops into a haunch-sitting position, and a close-up shows her to be on the verge of tears. Just as the first one hits the ground, the sound of footsteps is heard from o.s.; she straightens up, instantly all smiles, and looks eagerly out to catch sight of her rescuer. The camera cuts to her perspective of the gorge and pans from side to side, then reverses to point straight down the way. No creature is in sight, but the stuck pegasus remains in high spirits, as seen when the camera cuts back to her.)

Rainbow: (jumping up) Woo-hoo! My prayers have been answered!

(Zoom out a short distance to put the tortoise in the foreground.)

Rainbow: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank—

(She cuts herself off upon noticing him; cut to a close-up of the plodding green reptile.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) You? (Disgusted sigh.) Oh, no! (Back to her.) Now I’m not only gonna be stuck here forever, I’m gonna be stuck here forever with the most annoying turtle in the world!

(She sits down again and covers her face with her front hooves, not noticing that the tortoise has reached the boulder and started to dig out a bit of the earth at its base. Once the hole is big enough to accommodate his head, he shoves it in—but Rainbow’s despondent sigh and dismissive wave show how little faith she has in him.)

Rainbow: I’m doomed! Doomed, I tell you!

(She starts crying silently, hooves to face, as the tortoise strains mightily against the immense weight. Finally he manages to lever it up and free of the ground, catching Rainbow’s attention after a moment. Wipe to a long overhead shot of the gorge and pan to a finish line at its mouth, in time with a bird’s shrill cry and a round of cheers from the five ponies and one dragon gathered here. The pets are also in attendance.)

(The falcon is first over the line, followed by the eagle, bat, and owl; as the flyers come in, though, the cheering steadily dies off and gives way to confused murmurs. With Rainbow nowhere in sight, Twilight tosses a puzzled glance back up the course.)

Twilight: Hmmm… (Her perspective of the line.) …something’s not right here.

(Back to her. She levitates a pair of binoculars into view and peers through them, but Fluttershy promptly shoves her aside for a look of her own.)

Fluttershy: Where’s Rainbow Dash?

(The binocs back away from her just far enough to make room for Applejack to zip in front and get her eyes to the lenses.)

Applejack: (pointing) Great galloping galoshes!

(Cut to her slightly blurred perspective, which focuses in on the fresh rockslide.)

Applejack: There’s been an avalanche in there! (Back to the line; Spike runs forward.)

Spike: Rainbow!

(Reactions of shock and fear from the other four as these two keep a lookout. Pinkie is first to break out of the group, jumping happily toward the line and pointing.)

Pinkie: Wait! Look!

(The binoculars’ view again, with the tortoise stumping slowly out of the dust clouds and a pair of sky-blue legs perched on his shell. Fluttershy’s voice marks this as her perspective.)

Fluttershy: It’s the turtle!

Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie, Rarity: Tortoise!

Fluttershy: Whatever.

(Tilt slowly up to frame Rainbow’s scuffed, smiling face. She has balanced her haunches atop the shell, with bandages wrapped around her midsection, and the view re-focuses itself on her.)

Twilight: And he’s…carrying something on his back!

Pinkie: Oh, it’s Rainbow Dash! (Back to the group; she jumps excitedly.) It’s her! It’s Rainbow!

(Cheers all around as the two make their way toward the line—very, very slowly. So slowly, in fact, that the group’s collective patience starts to wear thin.)

Fluttershy: (to Twilight) Maybe we’d better go meet him halfway.

(Twilight trots over, levitating the line’s posts and the checkered-flag banner strung between them, and plants the lot inches ahead of Rainbow and the tortoise. She gets the white line itself in place on the ground just in time for the stumpy feet to touch and move on past, to the sound of a fresh round of cheers. While the ponies and pets gather around the late arrivals, Spike walks up and pets the bald green head in close-up.)

Spike: Huh! Way to go, little guy! (Tilt up to Twilight and Rainbow.)

Twilight: (sighing with relief) Thank goodness you’re not hurt, Rainbow.

Rainbow: Just my pride. (She starts to dust herself off.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) I…certainly hope… (Cut to her.) …all of this dreadful dust was worth it. (Loud sneeze; cut to Applejack, petting Winona, on the next line.)

Applejack: It sure was if’n it means Rainbow gets to have her own little critter just like the rest of us from now on.

(In close-up, the tortoise looks up at Rainbow with a questioning little grunt; tilt up to her.)

Rainbow: Uh…thanks. (She climbs off and hunches down to his level.) What you did…I owe you one.

(They tap a foot and hoof together.)

Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Rainbow… (Cut to her, gesturing ahead.) …your new pet is over here waiting for you.

(Pan ahead to frame the falcon standing proudly on the ground. It spreads its wings and soars above the tableau with a cry, bringing murmurs of awe and appreciation before it lands on Rainbow’s back. Up comes a sad little noise and look from the tortoise, instantly throwing the blue pegasus for a loop.)

Rainbow: Oh…right…yeah. That.

Spike: Well, what’s the matter? (Pinkie zips up and props a foreleg on his head.)

Pinkie: You got your perfect pet, right?

Fluttershy: (from o.s.) The best of the best like you wanted, remember?

(On the end of this, cut to her as she trots up alongside Applejack and Winona, Angel jumps on her back.)

Fluttershy: It can fly and it’s not a squirrel! Should we sing about it again?

Applejack: A falcon sure looks good on you, Rainbow.

(Back to her, Pinkie, Spike, and the tortoise on the end of this. Rarity’s camera tripod is planted in front of the two flyers; cut to her as she snaps a picture. The flash spooks the tortoise so badly that he yanks his head/legs/tail in, and Rainbow leans down to pet him.)

Rainbow: Easy, fella. Nothing to be afraid of.

(Cut to a close-up of her face as she stands, then zoom out to frame the falcon on her back.)

Rainbow: The falcon sure does look cool. (Close-up of it; she continues o.s.) He’s absolutely everything I wanted in a pet.

(Back to her; she chews her lower lip indecisively for a moment before letting off a sigh.)

Fluttershy: Yay?

Rainbow: (smiling) But I said, whoever crosses the finish line with me gets to be my pet. (Pinkie zips up to her.)

Pinkie: You did! You did say that! (louder, jumping/zipping about) She did say that! That was the rule!

Rainbow: And the only racer who crossed the finish line with me…was the one who stopped to save me when I needed help.

(Close-up of the falcon’s head on the end of this; her last few words deflate its pride in a hurry. The camera then cuts back to Rainbow as she lifts…)

Rainbow: The tortoise!

(He has extended his head/legs/tail and given her a grateful smile. Meanwhile, the falcon lets off a dejected squawk and jumps off Rainbow’s back.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) But… (Cut to her.) …what about the…

(Rainbow has set the tortoise down in front of the falcon, which extends its wing gravely to congratulate the surprise winner. The tortoise puts out a foreleg, the two shake, and the bird of prey walks away with bowed head. Rainbow pats the shell; in close-up, the tortoise grunts softly and lets his smile widen a few notches, just as quickly as he blinks—that is, not very.)

Applejack: (from o.s.) Would you look at that? (Overhead shot of the group.) He even smiles slow. (Laughter all around.)

Rainbow: Spike, take a letter.

(He whips out quill and scroll. As she begins this report, the camera pans away from her to follow Opal’s toy mouse being thrown across the ground. The cat then worries it vigorously.) 

Rainbow: (dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia: I used to think that the most important traits to look for in a pet—”

(Opal drops the mouse and eyes it warily before attacking it with her claws.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) “—or any best friend—were all physical competitive abilities.” (The tortoise crosses to Opal, now chewing on it.) “But now I can see how short-sighted and shallow that was.”

(He pulls his head/legs/tail in; she lets the toy go and tries to scratch her way through his shell as she did in Act Two, and with just as much success.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) “Today I learned what the most important quality really is.” (He peeks out, snags the mouse in his beak, and pulls it in.) “A certain kind of spirit. A stick-to-it-iveness.” (Opal notices, surprised, and skulks away.) “A never-give-up, can-do attitude that’s the mark of a real winner. And this tortoise has it.”

(Tilt up from ground level to frame her on the end of this line.)

Twilight: Tenacity.

Rainbow: Gesundheit. (walking toward tortoise) You just can’t stop that little guy. He’s like a…like a… (tapping shell) …tank!

(Out pops the wizened green face to smile up at her.)

Fluttershy: (from o.s.) But, Rainbow… (Cut to her, walking over.) …you didn’t want a pet that couldn’t fly because it would keep you grounded and hold you back, remember?

(On the end of this, cut to the blue daredevil, whose face falls severely, then tilt down to the similarly unhappy tortoise by her side. She starts thinking hard.)

Rainbow: Hmmm…

(Dissolve to the same tree in the park where Rainbow was trying to take her nap in the prologue. It is again daytime, and the camera pans/zooms in on the nearby hill in time with the ponies’ happy chatter. Here come the first five and their pets—only this time, Rainbow is flying after them to bring up the rear. The injuries she sustained in Ghastly Gorge have healed.)

Rainbow: (stopping briefly, calling behind herself) Heh. Come on, Tank! We’re gonna be late for our very first pony pet play date!

(After she flies ahead, the tortoise rises into view—by air rather than on foot for what is surely the first time in his life. A magic-powered helicopter propeller has been strapped to his shell, and he wears a pair of old-style aviator goggles. Tank flies o.s. after Rainbow, and the view fades to black.)


THE MYSTERIOUS MARE DO WELL

Written by Merriwether Williams

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ clubhouse in one of the Sweet Apple Acres orchards. It is daytime, and the outlines of a milling crowd can be seen through the windows and open door. Zoom in slowly to the sound of their hubbub.)

Scootaloo: (from inside) Attention, everypony! (banging gavel) ATTENTION!

(Silence. Dissolve to a slow pan across the interior. Various pictures of Rainbow Dash have been taped up on the walls, and plenty of paraphernalia is in evidence among the spectators: wigs, flags, caps, headbands, and so forth.)

Scootaloo: (from o.s.) The Official Rainbow Dash Fan Club will come to order.

(On the end of this, the camera stops on the pegasus filly, wearing a wig of her own and addressing the group from a lectern. She will keep the accessory on until further notice.)

Scootaloo: Let’s get right down to our first order of business. (Cut to just behind her; Snips and Snails are present.) I motion that Rainbow Dash be declared the most awesome pony in Ponyville.

Snails: I second the motion! And might I add that if you looked up the word “awesome” in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Rainbow Dash! (Cheers/laughs/stomps from others.)

Snips: I object! (Surprised gasps; he walks to Scootaloo.) I think the word “awesome” is played out. Rainbow Dash deserves better. I motion that we declare her the most stupendous pony!

Scootaloo: Stupendous? Is that the best you got? I motion that we declare her…wonderrific!

Snips: Astonishing!

Scootaloo: Breathtaking!

Snips: Astounding!

Scootaloo: Bedazzling!

Rainbow Dash: (from o.s., slightly muffled) What about super-ultra-extreme-awesomazing?

(Both smile at this suggestion, and the rest of the meeting shares their reaction.)

Scootaloo: All in favor of declaring Rainbow Dash the most super-ultra-extra…oh, whatever you said…pony in all of Ponyville, say aye!

Crowd: AYE!!

(Flags are waved and cheers raised as the camera zooms out through an open window. Rainbow is out on the platform and staying clear of the ponies’ line of vision; her voice came in through the wall. She snickers to herself as the view fades to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to a thick bank of fluffy white clouds, from which Rainbow bursts out to plunge into another stretch. Popping her head up, she blows out a mouthful of white vapor and starts to swim around with a contented sigh.)

Rainbow: What a beautiful day! (doing the backstroke) There’s nothing like a dip in the clouds to make a pegasus feel super-relaxed.

Filly 1: (from o.s. below, reverberating) HEEELLLP! HEEELLLP!

(Rainbow snaps to, her attention fixing on a well; zoom in on this. The boards covering it have been partially broken away, showing the speaker’s predicament.)

Filly 1: (from inside) HEEELLLP! HEEELLLP!

Rainbow: (from o.s. during previous) Hmmm. (Back to her; she stands up.) Looks like my sky swim will have to wait!

(A screaming dive takes her straight down the well and shatters the board remnants. Cut to her as she plunges deeper, her voice now reverberating as the filly’s did.)

Rainbow: I’m Rainbow Dash, and I’m here to rescue you!

(Up on the surface, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie have gathered at the well, along with a couple of other spectators. Up comes Rainbow as if shot from a cannon, carrying a dirt-streaked earth pony filly on her back; she swoops high and touches down as the growing crowd cheers the rescue. Once the youngster is back on solid ground, Rainbow stands wonderingly as they gather closer.)

Rainbow: Wow. What’s with this crowd? Uh…thanks, everypony. It was really no big deal.

Filly 1: To me it was. You’re my hero, Rainbow Dash!

(Zoom out from her to frame the nearest knot of spectators, which includes Applejack; they give Rainbow another round of accolades as she smiles uneasily. After a few seconds, the smile becomes genuine, accompanied by a little blush, and she files away; down below, Scootaloo addresses Snips and Snails.)

Scootaloo: That Rainbow Dash sure is something. (Zoom in on the trio.)

Snips, Snails: Something special!

(Dissolve to the sun in a tranquil sky. The quiet mood goes bye-bye when a mare pops up with a blood-curdling scream, and a baby carriage rockets over the top of a steep ridge and barrels along a footpath that snakes down an uncomfortably high cliff. The carriage’s occupant is heard bawling in terror, surprising a few ponies in the town proper and bringing Rainbow out of the cloud in which she has been resting. Down the path she flies, the camera panning quickly ahead to show the cliff edge waiting at its end, then cut back to her. A kick of speed puts her close enough to clamp her teeth around the carriage’s push-bar; she then digs in her rear hooves, slowing the rig so that it stops with inches to spare before the cliff. She backs it up a bit, and the crowd below—which now includes Rarity in addition to the other members of the core group—breaks into cheers. Zoom out overhead to frame them in a very long shot and put Rainbow and the carriage in the fore; she gives them a big blushing smile and takes a bow. After a few seconds of basking, though, she gasps in shock and looks into the carriage.)

Rainbow: Oh, no! There’s something wrong with the baby!

(Collective gasp. As she continues, she smiles and lifts the diaper-clad newborn into full view.)

Rainbow: She’s not cheering for everypony’s favorite hero, Rainbow Dash!

(More cheers as she carries the filly back to mother, the mare whose scream alerted her. Cameras click and flashes pop from o.s. during the meeting, cut to three photographers as they snap away from just below the top of the ridge. The baby is tossed back to mother, who catches the diaper in her teeth and walks off with a slightly dirty look as Rainbow poses for the cameras. Here come the other five mares, bewilderment settling in on their faces; Scootaloo gets in closer, admiration written all over hers.)

Scootaloo: There just aren’t enough words in the dictionary to describe Rainbow Dash’s awesomeness!

(During this line, the camera cuts to Rainbow, who strikes a few poses, then to Applejack as Twilight leans over to her.)

Twilight: (aside) I can think of a few new words.

Applejack: And I bet “modest” is not one of ’em.

(On the end of this, cut to the heroic pegasus, who rises clear of the crowd and blows a few kisses before zipping up a bit higher. Cheers rise after her as she traces out a lightning bolt with cloud contrails and cruises past.)

Twilight: (smiling) No, but she is kinda awesome.

(Wipe to a slow zoom in on a balcony on which three elderly ponies have gathered, two conversing mares and a stallion. Close-up of a second stallion as he emerges onto the balcony; a cracking noise from o.s. below stops him short. This is Mr. Waddle: light blue coat, red bow tie, blue-violet eyes behind round spectacles, a few last wisps of black mane/tail hair, liver-spotted forehead, cutie mark of a pipe emitting bubbles instead of smoke.)

Mr. Waddle: Wha—?

(A longer shot reveals that the entire platform is splitting across its width just behind him; confused mumblings turn into cries of panic as the whole thing shakes and worried onlookers gather below. The timbers give way partially, leaving the four ponies listing at a precarious angle.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Never fear… (Tilt quickly up to her.) …your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash is here!

(Here she comes; the beams break apart completely; the balcony plunges away but is suddenly slowed down to land gently in the street. Jubilation from the spectators as the camera cuts to Rainbow in their midst and swivels around her.)

Mare voices: We’d be lost without you!…You’re our hero, Rainbow Dash!

(She lifts off while the group breaks into chanting her name, then cups a hoof to her ear.)

Rainbow: I can’t hear you!

(Which prompts them to add a decibel or twelve; meanwhile, she does a few celebratory moves in midair, enjoying every second of the adulation. Cut back to ground level and zoom out to frame Twilight and Applejack at a distance.)

Twilight: Call me silly, but I think this whole hero thing might be going to Rainbow Dash’s head.

(Head-on view on the end of this; Fluttershy and Rarity are here as well, and a pan frames Pinkie next to her.)

Pinkie: You may be right…silly.

(The violet unicorn grimaces at her friend’s ability to miss the glaringly obvious. Dissolve to a close-up of these two plus Applejack, all slightly bemused, on the shop floor of Sugarcube Corner. On the start of the next line, zoom out to put them at the back of a large gathering of enthusiastic fans. Rainbow struts into view, her favorite black sunglasses propped on her forehead, and Spike—dressed in a trenchcoat, fedora, shirt, and tie, with a press card sticking out of its band—takes notes.)

Rainbow: And then, I zoomed into the well. I knew it would be dark and dangerous, but I didn’t let that stop me. Danger’s my middle name! Rainbow Danger Dash!

(She lowers the shades; cut to Spike with pencil flying across his notebook pages.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Thinking back on it, I acted pretty awesomely heroic that day.

Spike: (writing) “…that…day.”

Applejack: (disgustedly, to Twilight/Pinkie) Awesomely heroic that day and awesomely arrogant ever since.

Twilight, Pinkie: Mmm-hmm.

(Pinkie is eating a cupcake but has no time to offer a bite before Rainbow lays a foreleg across the workhorse’s shoulder. She finds herself yanked up onto her hind legs; Rainbow has taken off her sunglasses.)

Rainbow: Hey, Applejack. How would you like to be immortalized as my friend? (Applejack gets all four hooves down.)

Applejack: Immorta-what?

(Too late. One of the photogs from the baby rescue has crashed the party and begins taking shots of the pair. As Spike continues his note-taking, a skeptical Twilight leans don to him.)

Twilight: Are you taking notes?

Spike: Yep. I’ve been hoof-picked by Rainbow Dash herself, to write her autobiography!

(Across the floor, Applejack decides she has had enough of this and walks off; Rainbow keeps posing for the camera as Scootaloo watches.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Um, autobiographies are supposed to be written by the pony they are about!

Rainbow: Maybe for your normal run-of-the-mill ponies. (Cut to Twilight and Applejack; she continues o.s.) But I’m far too busy saving lives to stop and write. (walking to Spike, patting his head) That’s why I hired Spike as my ghostwriter.

(This last word spooks Pinkie away from the cake she has been chomping and brings a shriek.)

Pinkie: Spike’s a ghost! (She bails out. Brief silence.)

Rainbow: (pacing floor) Anyway, Spike here writes down everything I say—don’t you, Spike?

Spike: (writing) “Don’t…you…Spike?” Got it!

Rainbow: This way, I can stay focused on performing those acts of bravery that nopony else has the guts to perform.

(Cut to a shot of her as seen through a camera’s viewfinder.)

Rainbow: Yeah, it takes guts. (A filly runs up and hugs her.) But it also takes brains.

(A quick series of pictures is taken during the next line, with a different filly zipping up to pose with her in each.)

Rainbow: And sometimes a big lunch and a nap. (Slow pan across her four unimpressed friends; she continues o.s.) Being a hero is surely not for everypony, but I’m up to the challenge.

(Twilight and Applejack cut their eyes toward each other for a brief instant, as if either getting the same idea or wordlessly asking each other to throw something at the pegasus with the swelled head. Dissolve to a slow pan along a Ponyville street where a line of admirers has gathered. At its head, a filly with a sheet in her teeth walks up to Rainbow, who has a pencil in hers. A camera shift shows the document to be a black-and-white photo of Rainbow, who scribbles across it as an autograph before backing out of view.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) There you go! (The filly tucks it in her saddlebags.)

Filly 2: Someday I want to be just like you.

Rainbow: Aim high, kid, but don’t aim for the impossible.

(Which makes sense in at least one respect, as the youngster is an earth pony rather than a pegasus. A mare’s distant scream surprises the entire group and causes the fans to gasp; cut to a punctured hot-air balloon coming down fast. The lone mare in its basket, Cherry Berry, wears an old-style leather aviator’s helmet and goggles.)

Cherry: HEEELLLP! HEEELLLP!

Snips: (to Rainbow; she keeps signing) Uh, don’t you think you should go and help?

Rainbow: Yeah, yeah. I’ve got a good ten seconds to spare. Just a couple more.

(Once she has finished scribbling on the latest photo, she takes off with great speed. In the air, however, she coasts upward on her back, not with any particular sense of urgency. Only after covering a few hundred yards does she flip over to approach the terrified Cherry.)

Spike: (from o.s. below) “The tension is unbearable!” (Cut to him, writing at top speed.) “Will Rainbow Dash make it on time?”

(The passage of a shadow cast by something overhead stops his No. 2 cold on the page. Its source lands on a rooftop: a pony clad in a purple outfit that covers every square inch of skin, including eyes, mane, and tail. A long, darker purple cape billows behind the newcomer; it is the same shade as the hood that covers the head and the ribbon of the broad-brimmed fedora atop this. Wrappings over each hoof have this color as well. The hat itself and the collar of the cape are a match for the bodysuit. Nothing can be seen of the eyes except for two lavender panels that match the hue of the large M on the brooch securing the cape. When the figure stands upright, enough of the general facial contour becomes discernible to mark it as a mare.)

(She leaps from one rooftop to the next, as sure-footed as a mountain goat, and dives across open space to pull the plummeting Cherry out of the balloon. When Rainbow charges in, she gets nothing but a faceful of canvas and drops out of sight. A thud and a scatter of leaves mark her ungraceful touchdown; cut to the remains of the balloon, now tangled in and around a tree. Rainbow lifts one deflated fold and sees the unknown mare shake hands with Cherry in front of a cheering crowd before sprinting away.)

Mare voice 1: Holy turnips! That pony came outta nowhere! (Quick pan to Daisy.)

Daisy: I’ve never seen such bravery in all my life! (Mayor Mare speaks up.)

Mayor Mare: That’s right. Ponyville has a new hero.

(Long shot of the caped figure, seen in silhouette atop a mountain and backed by the sun. Zoom out to frame Mayor Mare on the next line as the mare gallops down the far side.)

Mayor Mare: A mysterious mare that has done well by our fair city today. I dub this new masked hero…”The Mysterious Mare Do Well”! (Cheers.)

Rainbow: (to herself, disgustedly) Mare Do Well, huh? Well, that mare would do well to stay out of my way! Ponyville’s only got room for one hero, and that hero is me!

(She tries to take a step forward, but ends up on her face due to a rigging line snagged around one foreleg. Instead, she props her head on that leg and sits there sulking before the view snaps to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade into a side view close-up of a carriage styled to resemble a typical city bus, filled with screaming tourist ponies and hurtling down a slope at high speed. A pan ahead to the front end reveals two snapped-off shafts and a total lack of any pulling team. The vehicle drops over the top of the ridge that the baby carriage went down in Act One, its passengers yelling at the top of their lungs, as Rainbow flashes in to pull even with the rear end.)

Rainbow: (clearing throat) Never fear. Your friendly neighborhood Rainbow—

Tourist stallion 1: Excuse me! Uh, do you think you could skip your catchphrase and just hurry up and save us?

(On these last five words, cut to a close-up of the blue speedster, who rolls her eyes and groans at having her intro ruined so in such a thoughtless manner.)

Rainbow: Fine. (somersaulting to the front end) Picky, picky.

(Seizing the broken shafts, she digs in her rear hooves…)

Rainbow: Whoa!

(…but finds that she cannot get enough traction to stop the carriage on the steep downgrade. She trails off into a panicked yell as it breaks loose again and tosses her aside, and she can do no more than stare while the rig barrels toward the cliff at the end of this road. However, Mare Do Well leaps into view, plants herself to face over the edge, and lifts her rear legs so that she is standing on her front hooves. The front end of the carriage makes contact, plowing her ahead; she digs in against the ground, keeping her rear legs tensed, and gradually brings everything to a stop. Her front hooves end up so close to the edge that a few clods of dirt kicked up by them clatter over it. Cheers from the passengers, one of whom jumps out to kiss the ground.)

Tourist stallion 2: Oh, thank you, Mare Do…

(He trails off in surprise as the camera cuts to a longer shot of him—and of Mare Do Well, who is already bounding away across the mountaintops. Rainbow, now upright, watches from the spot where she wiped out quite a way back.)

Rainbow: I can’t believe it! Mare Do Well is stronger than me? (angrily) Well, a hero is more than just muscle— (walking away) —and she’s gonna learn that the hard way.

(Wipe to the upper stories of a new building’s wood framework under construction. Heavy equipment is heard being used as the camera tilts down to ground level, where the crew is hard at work and a crane snags a beam to hoist it. The operator tries to move one of the levers but finds it jammed; when he tries to force it, he is rewarded with sparks and smoke from the overloaded mechanism. The breakdown prompts him into a surprised grunt; out of control, the arm swings wildly in a circle as Rainbow flies overhead.)

Rainbow: Huh?

(She zooms in as the ropes holding the beam to the crane’s hook begin to snap.)

Rainbow: Never fear! Your friendly neighbor— (The beam comes flying at her; she dodges.) —whoa!

(It smashes into the lowest section of the framework, shaking other pieces loose, and a mare on the crew gallops for dear life as Rainbow keeps pace in midair. Her next line is broken up by frequents stops and dodges.)

Rainbow: Never fear…I’m coming…hold on!

Worker stallion 1: (pointing upward) LOOK!!

(Tilt quickly upward to frame the crane’s full height, with Mare Do Well standing on its pulley, then zoom in on her. She jumps down.)

Crane stallion: (smiling, pumping a hoof) Hey!

(The masked rescuer nimbly dodges falling junk, balances on a trio of rolling barrels, and jumps clear to run a slalom across the site. One upstaged pegasus glares daggers at her from above, but another worker is very grateful to be lifted onto the purple back and carried to safety as Rainbow’s jaw drops. The latter’s rancor turns to shock when she notices a pallet loaded with bricks toppling off the highest level of the framework. She dives in toward a stallion who has found himself in the load’s growing shadow and plows him away, an instant before it crashes to the ground. As he uncovers his eyes in close-up with a strangled cry, the camera zooms out to frame him on Rainbow’s back; she is galloping through the hail of debris for all she is worth. The next line is punctuated by plenty of dodges and yells from both.)

Worker stallion 2: Look out for the…Watch out for falling…On your left!…Your other left! (They reach the edge of the site.)

Rainbow: Here you go. (He jumps off.) Safe and sound.

(The framework is another story, though, as it proceeds to come down with a deafening roar, a great belch of dust, and a camera-shaking tremor. The stallion Rainbow just rescued moans weakly and goes over in a dead faint. Cut to Mare Do Well and several other crew members on a safe patch of grass, and zoom out to frame Rainbow addressing them from the trashed construction site.)

Rainbow: Well, Mare Do Well—or should I call you Mare Do Slow? You’re gonna have to pick up the pace if you want to compete with me, ’cause I move like lightning!

Worker stallion 3: Actually, she saved all of us. We owe her our lives.

(The cocky blue face goes slack with shock as the red-violet eyes constrict to points, and she drops to the ground alongside the one she saved on her own. Mare Do Well leads the rest of the cheering crew in a stampede away from the area, and this stallion walks after them to leave a poleaxed Rainbow on the dirt. In due time, the face rearranges itself into a furious growl.)

Rainbow: Okay. She’s strong, fast, and somehow knows what’s gonna happen ahead of time. (standing up, flying off) I gotta step up my game.

(Wipe to a long shot of Ponyville proper and pan/tilt up to a high, broad waterfall on a nearby cliff. The river is held back by a large dam, but a close-up of one section points up a fresh crack with water dripping through it. Rainbow cruises past and doubles back with a gasp, having noticed the fracture.)

Rainbow: If the dam breaks, the whole town’ll be flooded! Looks like Ponyville needs a hero!

(The crack continues to drip; a blue hoof is plunked over it, the camera zooming out to frame its beaming owner.)

Rainbow: Easy-peasy. My game is officially back on. If only somepony were here to pat me on the back.

(During this line, the break grows a bit without her noticing. She then removes her hoof from it to give herself the pat.)

Rainbow: Heh. Guess I’ll have to do it myself.

(The dam chooses this moment to give out, releasing a torrent that washes her away and turns whatever she was going to say into a series of waterlogged yelps and cries. She ends up floating down the waterway toward the falls and screaming at top volume.)

Rainbow: HEEELLLP!!

(The sheer mass of water submerges her for a moment; she surfaces with a fish in her mouth and spits it out.)

Rainbow: HEEELLLP!!

(But she can do nothing to stop her forward motion or get out of the current—that is, until she fetches up on a log extending into view from somewhere o.s. Her mouth opens in wordless disbelief, and a longer shot reveals why: the log has been placed by Mare Do Well, who stands on the bank.)

Rainbow: You?!? (Cut to Mare Do Well; she continues o.s.) Huh. I suppose you want me to thank—

(A toss of the purple head sends the fedora gliding away. Underneath it is a unicorn’s glowing horn, covered by the material of the hood. Rainbow gapes as the shattered pieces of the dam are levitated back toward it and fitted neatly into place.)

Rainbow: (climbing onto log) You gotta be kidding me!

(Two last fragments are slotted home, leaving the dam good as new, and the camera cuts to a long shot and tilts down to frame Mare Do Well now on a high perch. She floats her hat back onto her head as several ponies cheer her from the riverbank, then gives an acknowledging wave and darts away. The soaked Technicolor pegasus, meanwhile, has made it back to the bank and is shaking herself dry.)

Rainbow: Let me get this straight. She’s strong, she’s agile, and she’s magic?

(Letting go with a loud, frustrated groan, she flops backward onto the grass.)

Rainbow: How do I compete with that? 

(An idea begins to form under the vivid mane; she stands up.)

Rainbow: Wait a minute. (smiling) I do have a leg up on her. And that leg is… (She takes off, leaving a rainbow contrail.) …wings!

(She darts here and there for a second, then hits the gas straight ahead.)

Rainbow: Hah! Take that, Mare Do Well!

(Instead, she is the one who has to take it, in the form of a purple blur that flashes past to stop her cold and leave her spinning. When she glares after the interloper, the camera cuts to a close-up that reveals a pair of wings on the costumed flanks—previously covered by the folds of the cape. Mare Do Well soars over the whooping crowd by the dam and is gone before Rainbow can make it back to the site.)

Rainbow: (disgustedly) Oh, for the love of Pete.

(Dissolve to the exterior of Sugarcube Corner and zoom in slowly.)

Applejack: (from inside) Gotta hand it to the girl.

(Inside on the shop floor, she adds a candy cane to a plate of treats on her back. Fluttershy can be seen sitting at a table near the stairs, while Rainbow lounges grumpily on the landing.)

Applejack: (walking across room) That Mare Do Well sure can pull off some pretty heroic feats.

(The camera pans slightly to follow her, framing Twilight at the table as well.)

Twilight: I must say— (Close-up of Rainbow; she continues o.s.) —I was impressed by that spell she used to fix the dam. (Back to her.) Seems like something like that would take quite a bit of study.

(The vexed pegasus groans through her teeth and flops down on the stairs.)

Fluttershy: She really cares about everypony’s safety. (Rarity crosses to them, levitating a teacup.)

Rarity: Have you seen her costume? It is to die for! If you ask me, she’s a hero of fashion. (Zoom out slightly to frame Applejack.)

Applejack: And she’s modest and humble. (Back to Rainbow; she continues o.s.) She lets her actions speak for themselves. You got to admire that.

(That tears it.)

Rainbow: I don’t have to admire that! I don’t think she’s all that great! (Cut to Spike, across the room, on the end of this.)

Spike: (writing) “She’s great.” (She zips over.)

Rainbow: I didn’t say that!

Twilight: (from o.s.) Sounds like somepony’s jealous.

Rainbow: Who, me?

Spike: (writing) “Rainbow Dash is jealous.”

Rainbow: Don’t write that, Spike!

(Laughter from the four o.s. ponies hits her blindside as the camera zooms out to frame them.)

Spike: (writing) “Correction: Rainbow Dash is very jealous.”

Rainbow: Fine! (She hovers over the group.) Laugh all you want! But I’ll be the one laughing when I prove to you all that I’m just as good—no, that I’m a better hero than Mare Do Well!

(She flies out the door, leaving Rarity to shrug noncommittally and the other three to glance worriedly after her. Cut to her in flight, then to a rooftop overlooking a busy street as she lights here for a moment. Disappointed sigh.)

Rainbow: No sign of trouble here. (zipping away) Darn it.

(Cut to the same steep road on which disaster has been staved off twice this episode. Nothing going down here as she flies in.)

Rainbow: Buses and baby carriages are always careening down this hill. Where is an out-of-control vehicle when you need one?

(Off she goes with a groan, making her way above Ponyville proper again.)

Rainbow: There are absolutely no freak natural disasters going on anywhere! How am I supposed to prove myself when everything’s so normal and safe?

(She catches sight of Granny Smith’s slow turn around a street corner; zoom in briefly on the senior-citizen mare and the purse in her teeth, putting Rainbow out of view. A gasp from the o.s. pegasus, then cut to ground level as she lands in front of Granny and her creaky joints.)

Rainbow: Hold it right there, Granny Smith! You don’t have to pretend with me. (zipping behind her) I can see that you’re in way over your head here.

Granny: (mumbling, deploying an ear trumpet) What’s that?

Rainbow: You’re putting on a brave face. I get it. But you don’t have to anymore. I’ll help you cross the street!

(She gets her head behind Granny’s rump and starts bulldozing, prompting the latter to grunt angrily and dig in her hooves.)

Granny: Actually, I can cross the street just fine!

Rainbow: (with effort) Don’t worry. You’re in extremely capable hooves!

(On the last two words, cut to a close-up of the resisting green hooves and the dirt being plowed up by them. Granny takes it up a notch by plunking her haunches down on the roadbed, so Rainbow resorts to pushing with forelegs and gets her moving.)

Granny: Back off, you silly…

(This plea comes in the middle of a string of panicked yelps and cries, after which Rainbow gets her to the other side of the street.)

Rainbow: (panting) Here we are, safe and sound. (standing up; close-up) A good and heroic citizen deserves a little recognition— (raising voice) —don’t you think?

(Her smug little smile is met with a swing of Granny’s purse that connects solidly with her jaw.)

Granny: I didn’t want to cross the street in the first place!

(And with that, she hobbles creakily back the way she came, grumbling on every step. Rainbow is left deflated, but the sound of distant grunting brings her back to the job at hand with a gasp.)

Rainbow: Somepony’s in trouble!

(She looks off to one side. Cut to a pair of unicorns, a mare and filly, in the park for a picnic. The mare is trying to use her magic to open an obstinate jar of peanut butter. Light violet-pink coat, two-tone mane in violet and blue-violet, cutie mark of three jewels. This is Amethyst Star, the older member of one of the teams that ran the race in “Sisterhooves Social.” Her eyes cannot be seen due to the fact that she has squeezed them shut from the effort. As she stops to rest, the camera cuts to a close-up of the floating jar and zooms out to frame Rainbow on the scene. Amethyst has now opened her eyes, showing them to be bright violet, and is surprised to find this do-gooder here.)

Rainbow: Better let me handle this, ma’am. For your own safety, I must ask you to stand back!

Amethyst: (wearily) Oh, brother.

(Snapping her head from side to side to loosen up her neck, she stares the jar down and grabs it. Teeth come into play against the jammed lid, but several seconds of effort only get her a disgusted look from Amethyst and a confused one from the filly. The jar is levitated out of her mouth, tapped against the edge of a nearby fountain, and presented to her again. Now the sheepishly grinning pegasus is able to pop the lid off effortlessly.)

Rainbow: Ta-da! (Amethyst floats it back to herself.)

Amethyst: (spreading on bread) Uh…thanks.

Rainbow: How would you describe what I just did? Would you say I was amazing?

Amethyst: Aren’t you milking this a bit?

Rainbow: Please, just answer the question. Was I or was I not amazing?

Amethyst: No, you’re amazing, all right. An amazingly—

Rainbow: (pointing excitedly) Oh, look!

(She flies to an idle push-style or “cylinder” lawnmower and goes to it with great fervor, mowing crazily in all directions until the entire area has been neatly trimmed.)

Rainbow: Another great feat of heroism! (A groundskeeper stallion walks up.) I have just saved that grass!

Groundskeeper: From what? (She crouches to eye it closely.)

Rainbow: From weeds! Weeds that were attempting to eat this lawn!

(Overhead view; several other unimpressed ponies have gathered around her. After an expectant silence, the filly who was picnicking with Amethyst sighs and speaks up.)

Filly 3: Lame.

(The group disperses with a collective grumble as the camera zooms in on Rainbow, who hunches despondently until her face is almost in the dirt.)

Rainbow: (sighing) Who am I kidding?

(Fade to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: fade in to a close-up of Rainbow lying on a rumbling thunderhead whose gloomy appearance perfectly matches her spirits. She angrily flops onto her back.)

Rainbow: All anypony talks about is “Mare Do Well, this” and “Mare Do Well, that.” (She sits up.) What about me?

(Cut to an overhead view of three fillies who have donned Mare Do Well costume parts, and zoom out on the start of the next line to frame Rainbow staring down at them while lying on the cloud.)

Rainbow: How could everypony forget about me so easily? (She sits up.) I mean, have I changed? Same sleek body…same flowing mane…same spectacular hooves…

(The camera cuts/pans to each body part as she names it and shows it off, then shifts to frame all of her as she jumps happily into midair.)

Rainbow: Nope, I’m still awesome. (pointing toward ground) They’re wrong!

(The newfound confidence quickly evaporates, leaving her slumped over.)

Rainbow: But… (Long shot of her, above the cloud, and the empty ground.) …then…why am I all alone?

(Close-up; she sinks back onto the cloud.)

Rainbow: I hate being all alone.

(She pouts for a moment before a familiar voice shakes her out of the deep blue funk.)

Scootaloo: (from o.s.) Hey, Rainbow Dash! (She sits up.)

Rainbow: I knew it!

(In less time than it takes to say “malignant narcissism,” she is down at ground level and hovering in front of her number-one fan. Scootaloo has finally removed her rainbow-striped wig.)

Rainbow: No need to apologize, squirt. (giving her a noogie) Anypony can make a mistake.

Scootaloo: Mistake? What mistake? (Rainbow puts her down.)

Rainbow: Wait a minute. Why are you here?

Scootaloo: To invite you to join us! We’re heading off to the thank-you parade for Ponyville’s greatest hero, Mare Do Well! (Huge grin.)

Rainbow: No! No way! Can’t you see I—I want to be alone? (flying away) I love being alone!

(She stops with her back turned several yards above the path, where two fillies in Mare Do Well garb are watching with Scootaloo.)

Scootaloo: Hm. Oh, okay. See you later, then. (They start away; zoom in on Rainbow.)

Rainbow: (to herself) Yeah, right. Like I’m gonna thank her. (sarcastically) Oh, thank you, Mare Do Well, whoever you are, for ruining ev—

(Dead stop due to a brainstorm; she then calls after the distant Scootaloo.)

Rainbow: Hey, squirt! (flying toward her) Wait up!

(Wipe to a stage that has been set up in the park, liberally festooned with balloons, purple flags, and banners showing Mare Do Well’s symbol and likeness. Mayor Mare, standing at a lectern, taps a hoof against it to bring the crowd to order.)

Mayor Mare: Welcome to Ponyville’s first, but surely not last, thank-you parade in honor of our city’s greatest hero, the Mysterious Mare Do Well!

(In time with the name, the disguised savior bursts through the banner that serves as the stage’s backdrop, prompting cheers from the sign- and banner-waving spectators. Rainbow stands among them, disgust spray-painted all over her face, and soon flies up to get in the purple-covered one.)

Rainbow: The Mysterious Mare Do Well, huh? (A round of gasps.) So what are you hiding? (Close-up of the masked face; she continues o.s.) Let’s see how mysterious you are without that mask!

(She lunges in with a snap of her teeth, intending to rip it off, but Mare Do Well backs out of reach, leaps off the stage, and breaks into a gallop as Rainbow chases from the air. The pursuit moves into the back alleys of Ponyville, with Mare Do Well racing ahead and Rainbow taking a side path to cut her off. No good; the caped pony slips by in a parallel track before her rival corrects course. To be exact, she overcorrects and flies past the street on which Mare Do Well has broken into the open, but reverses to pick up the trail. Two sharp turns take the incognito pony out of view—but as Rainbow darts toward the last known location, Mare Do Well gallops past the camera, having apparently circled the building in less than one second.)

(The properly vexed pegasus starts to double back after her, missing her sprint across the far end of the alley. As Rainbow tries to follow this move, Mare Do Well passes the camera again, using wings rather than hooves this time. Rainbow’s flight after her is interrupted by a sharp whistle from somewhere behind her, and Mare Do Well again gallops across the far end of the block.)

Rainbow: What the hay?

(She flies back down the alley and finds herself facing a dead end formed by high stone walls. The camera tilts up from her to frame Mare Do Well standing atop these for a moment before she dives out of view. Rainbow snarls to herself; cut to the purple-clad enigma galloping down a flight of steps that lead down from street level and into a tunnel. As Rainbow hits the gas to keep after her, both emerge in a new alley; after she has galloped o.s., another whistle diverts Rainbow’s attention to the end behind her. Sure enough, here comes Mare Do Well from this area, having somehow gone around the entire block in a split second.)

(When Rainbow looks ahead of herself, she sees another dead end; before she can figure out how Mare Do Well got away this time, the latter bails out to leave Rainbow growling in frustration. A fresh burst of wing-power puts her back in the chase, but she skids to a stop and eyes a ladder on the side of a building she has just passed. An instant later she is up on the rooftop and eyeing Mare Do Well, who proceeds cautiously along a street.)

Rainbow: I got you now!

(She dives, plowing into Mare Do Well from behind, and both tumble o.s. A crash marks their final stop; cut to the dust cloud thrown up by the impact. Rainbow now has Mare Do Well pinned on her back.)

Rainbow: All right, Miss Mysterious! (Close-up.) Mystery…

(She ducks down and comes up with the mask in her teeth, tossing it aside.)

Rainbow: …solved!

(Gloating turns to slack-jawed shock in a tick, and Rainbow lets off an inarticulate cry of surprise before the camera cuts to a close-up of the unmasked heroine, who smiles sheepishly and has lost her hat. The sight of this particular face throws Rainbow into a stuttering fit.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Pinkie?!? (Back to her.) Huh?!?

(Cut to a long shot of the pair, seen from the far end of the alley. A second set of purple-clad legs stands near the camera, which shifts to just behind Rainbow. They belong to a second Mare Do Well, who pushes her own mask up to expose herself as…)

Rainbow: Twilight?!?

(Soft steps are heard behind her; she turns to find a third Mare Do Well emerging from a side path. Zoom in to put Rainbow out of view as this one unmasks.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Applejack?!?

(Overhead view of the quartet; the two extras approach slowly.)

Rainbow: There were three of you? (Street level.)

Twilight: Yep. We all played Mare Do Well at different times.

Applejack: I stopped the carriage bus with these babies…

(She glances toward her own rump on the end of this; cut to a close-up of her rear legs.)

Applejack: (from o.s., lifting one at a time) …Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee. (Pinkie gets up.)

Pinkie: I saved the construction workers with my Pinkie Sense.

(The first mention of this particular ability since “Feeling Pinkie Keen.” She has barely finished the sentence before her tail begins to twitch uncontrollably, and she quickly pushes Rainbow aside just in time to avoid a flowerpot that crashes to the ground where they were standing. Both look up; cut to a contrite Cherry at an upper-story window.)

Cherry: Sorry!

Pinkie: It’s all right.

Twilight: (to Rainbow, levitating her hat off) And I used my magic to fix the dam. (Fluttershy skids in.)

Fluttershy: Ooh, ooh! And I did the fly-by afterwards. (Rarity arrives.)

Rarity: I made the costumes. Fabulous, if I do say so myself.

(She and Fluttershy are not dressed in Mare Do Well costumes. The string of revelations prompts Rainbow to pace the alley uncertainly.)

Rainbow: I don’t understand. (Cut to her.) Why? (Zoom out to frame the others.) Don’t you want me to be a hero? (Cut to Twilight and Fluttershy.)

Twilight: Of course we want you to be a hero. (Pan to Applejack.)

Applejack: (winking) But a real hero doesn’t brag. (Cut to Rainbow.)

Rainbow: Uh…I guess I did start to brag a little. (Zoom out to frame all six.)

Other five: A LITTLE?!?

(The combined force of their retort throws her back so that she ends up sitting on her haunches.)

Rainbow: (as Twilight walks to her) Okay, a lot.

Twilight: Celebrating your accomplishments is natural, but… (Applejack zips up.)

Applejack: …rubbin’ them in everypony’s face is not.

Pinkie: Yeah. The only thing that should be rubbed in anypony’s face is chocolate cake.

(She proceeds to lick one front hoof and her face with great enthusiasm, as if they were smeared with this very dessert, and pays no heed to the five bewildered ponies looking on. Rainbow stands up.)

Applejack: I think we’re gettin’ off topic here.

Twilight: What we’re trying to say is, it’s great to be really good at something, but it’s important to act with grace and humility.

(The message does not seem to sink in until Applejack lays a foreleg warmly across Rainbow’s shoulders.)

Rainbow: Ohhhh! That makes loads more sense! (She flies up and hovers at roof level.) Yeah. You’re right. And I guess I should also act with grace and humility when others outshine me… (Overhead view of the others; she continues o.s.) …like Mare Do Well.

Twilight: (winking) Sounds like you’ve got a letter to write to Princess Celestia.

(She and Applejack glance to one side as Spike makes himself heard from that direction; on the start of the next line, pan to frame him, just arrived in the alley.)

Spike: Already got it covered. (He pulls a scroll from inside his trenchcoat and addresses Rainbow.) As your ghostwriter, I’ve already penned a letter to the Princess.

Rainbow: That’s nice of you, Spike, but I really want to write this letter myself. (She lands next to him.)

Spike: Aw, come on!

(Cut to her as he holds the open parchment into view.)

Spike: (from o.s.) I wrote the whole thing already!

Rainbow: Okay, let’s hear it. (Back to him.)

Spike: (clearing throat, reading) “Dear Princess Ce—”

Rainbow: (from o.s.) Look out! (Cut to her; pointing urgently.) It’s a real ghost!

(Spike and Pinkie each look in that direction with a cry of fear and bail out while the other five have a good laugh at the joke. A quill and fresh scroll are levitated up to Rainbow, and Twilight aims an expectant smile upward as the laughter dies down. Catching on, the blue pegasus takes the quill in her teeth and tips a wink to the camera before the view “irises out” to black, staying focused on her face.)


SWEET AND ELITE

Written by Meghan McCarthy

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to a long shot of Canterlot during the day and zoom in slowly. The view dissolves to a closer shot of one particular tower in the distance, and as the camera zooms in on this, two minuscule figures on its balcony approach an entrance. Another dissolve brings the focus to just inside a set of double doors, which swing open to admit Princess Celestia, Rarity, and Rarity’s cat Opalescence. The haughty pet leads the way, while her owner gasps and goggles at the sight.)

Rarity: Here?

(Cut to frame more of the room, large and lavishly appointed.)

Rarity: I get to stay here?

Celestia: (as Rarity trots eagerly ahead) Twilight Sparkle said you were coming to Canterlot for a visit—

(During this line, cut to Opal, now on the bed and kneading the spread to soften it up.)

Celestia: (from o.s.) —and asked if I might accommodate you.

Rarity: Thank you so much, Princess! (Opal settles down; back to Celestia.)

Celestia: You’re very welcome. (Rarity zips over.)

Rarity: (with fervor) No, really! This is so nice of you.

Celestia: It’s nothing, really.

(A different camera angle reveals a pony mannequin and drawing board set up by a window.)

Rarity: Oh, but it isn’t nothing, it’s everything! I-I just don’t know what to say but “thank you.” Thank you!

(Decorum goes out the window as she throws herself at Celestia’s hooves and starts kissing one gold shoe.)

Rarity: (between kisses) Thank you…thank you…thank you, thank you, thank you…

(The camera briefly tilts up to the ruler’s slightly embarrassed smile during the previous line. She waits to speak until the smooches have petered out.)

Celestia: You are very we— (Rarity stands up suddenly.)

Rarity: Thank you!

(A shuddering groan from o.s. ends the groveling in a hurry; both look toward the door, and the camera cuts to a young unicorn colt porter whose back is piled high with luggage. Light gray, beady black eyes, face covered with either freckles or bad acne, two-tone orange mane, dressed in royal livery, and doing his best not to collapse under the load.)

Porter: Your luggage, mademoiselle.

(Zoom out to frame all three ponies. The stack is at least twice as tall as he would be if he could stand up straight.)

Celestia: (walking out) I’ll leave you to get settled.

Porter: (bowing) Your Highness.

Celestia: Enjoy your stay.

(Rarity smiles at this; cut to outside as she darts onto the balcony to call after Celestia, on her way down the winding staircase.)

Rarity: Thank you! (Close-up, panning to frame the porter on the next line.)

Porter: Where would you like me to put these?

(The battle against gravity ends with a rumble of luggage squashing him to the floor, and one hatbox rolls across to flop onto its side in front of Rarity.)

Rarity: That’s perfect.

(Cut to a long overhead shot of the room, zooming out slowly to the sound of the porter’s exhausted little whine, and fade to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to a Canterlot street, with well-dressed ponies going about their business. The architecture is every bit as opulent as scenes from previous episodes would suggest, and every resident seen from here on in will be a unicorn unless otherwise noted. Dissolve to a long shot of Rarity and Opal seated at a table outside a café, on a cushion and stool respectively, and zoom in. Rarity wars a pink hat with a jeweled white ribbon and floppy wide brim, and a waiter brings her a cup of coffee while Opal laps a saucer of cream.)

Rarity: Opal, do you know what I love about Canterlot? (Sip.) Ahhh…everything! I may have been born in Ponyville, but I am a Canterlot pony at heart. (Sip.) Now I know that we’re here to pick up some fabrics for the shop— (Cut to Opal; she continues o.s.) —but Twilight was such a dear to get me that suite at the castle— (Back to her.) —I simply must make her something to express my gratitude.

(Cut to her perspective of the passersby. One mare’s lacy white outfit sports a train of starry blue-violet layered on pink/white, with shoes and plenty of ribbon to match, and the huge blue-violet hat has a swan perched at the brim.)

Rarity: Hmmm… (Zoom in; she gasps.) Ooh! (Back to her.) An outfit for her birthday party this weekend! Perfect! (levitating cup) Don’t you just love it here, Opalescence?

(In close-up, she takes another sip as two shadows cast themselves over her. A cut to her perspective frames the sources, a stallion and mare who regard her with a fair degree of skepticism. Back to her; she lowers the cup, realizes that it has left a dollop of foam on her nose, and wipes it away with an embarrassed smile. The two Canterlot locals are now seen from the chest forward. Stallion: light gray, curly dark gray mane/tail, blue eyes behind gold pince-nez spectacles, green golf shirt with white collar, white sweater knotted around shoulders. Mare: light yellow with slight brown tinge, lavender/white striped mane/tail, blue eyes with light blue-green shadow, pink pearl necklace and matching earrings, white blouse with pink sweater knotted around shoulders.)

(These two are Jet Set and Upper Crust, respectively, and each speaks with a “Long Island Lockjaw” accent often associated with the well-to-do in the northeastern United States.)

Jet: Please excuse our interruption. I’m Jet Set and this is my wife, Upper Crust. We saw you from across the café and just had to find out…

Upper: …where did you get that simply marvelous chapeau? (Rarity’s eyes pop.)

Rarity: (dismissively) What, this old thing? Oh, it’s just something I—

Male voice: Rarity!

(This one sounds like a genuine bumpkin. A drop of water hits the pink hat brim; she looks up with annoyance, the camera tilting up to frame a bucktoothed window-washer stallion a couple of stories up. He is a light tan earth pony, with two-tone brown mane/tail and green eyes, and is suspended by a harness around his midsection. A bucket and brush are slung around his neck, and he wears a dirty white T-shirt and green baseball cap, the latter marked with a turnip that matches the three of his cutie mark. This is Hayseed Turniptruck, who waves enthusiastically.)

Hayseed: Hey, Rarity!

(One harness rope gives way, dumping him out and sending the implements to the ground. He nearly follows them, but gets a hoof caught in the rig and ends up hanging upside down at her eye level. Conversation in the café comes to a grinding halt as all stare at the mortified unicorn.)

Hayseed: It’s me, Hayseed Turniptruck! We met at the big hoedown at Ponyville last fall! (To Jet and Upper.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) Oh…yes. (To her.) Of course. How are you?

Hayseed: Good! Real good!

(The other rope snaps and down he goes, and an almost audible click marks the shift in the mode of Jet and Upper from intrigue to disapproval.)

Jet, Upper: (to each other) Hmmm…

Jet: You’re from…Ponyville?

Rarity: Well, ye-yes, but, uh… (Hayseed throws a foreleg around her shoulders.)

Hayseed: She sure is! (shaking her) She’s a real big-time fancy-pants dressmaker there! (giving her a noogie) Prob’ly made that real purty thing she’s got on her head!

Upper: I thought it looked a little country. (Cut to Rarity, then to the couple on the next line.)

Jet: I told you it wasn’t something you could get here in Canterlot, dear.

(With disdainful snorts and head tosses, they trot haughtily away from the café, leaving Rarity to fight back tears. Hayseed, though, is completely oblivious to her anguish and waves cheerfully.)

Hayseed: Well, they seemed real nice.

(The aspiring designer just sighs and slumps down a bit. Around her, the background dissolves to her suite in Celestia’s palace; she magically closes the doors, dimming the room, as the camera zooms in on her. Gloom gives way to a sullen glare and she starts across the floor.)

Rarity: (to herself) Looked a little country.

(Cut to her bed as the hat is levitated to fall on it, then pan to the mannequin and drawing board by the window. On the next line, the former is shifted a bit closer and a blank sheet is placed on the latter, while the curtains are opened to let daylight fall across it.)

Rarity: (from o.s., louder) Not something you can get here in Canterlot.

(Back to her on the end of this. She gets her tinted reading glasses, the ones she used in “Suited for Success,” settled on her nose and brings up a charcoal stick.)

Rarity: (full voice, sketching quickly) I’ll show you something worthy of Canterlot!

(Cut to an extreme close-up of the stick tip, slashing curves and contours onto the page for a few seconds, then zoom out to reveal the entire drawing. Rarity has sketched a mare in a flowing dress with saddle, sporting a high collar secured with a ribbon tie; on the head is a hat that somewhat resembles a bishop’s mitre, accented with a spread of long curling plumes.)

(Dissolve to the unicorn, now trotting resolutely down a street and levitating several bags of supplies, with Opal slung in a carrier on her back. She has put away her glasses.)

Rarity: (panting) I have to get started right away. This new design is very ambitious, and I’ve already written to Twilight to let her know she’ll have something beyond fabulous to wear to her party.

(The clutter of parcels is so great that she does not realize another pony—a stallion, based on the cut of the suit jacket—is in her path until she has run smack into him. Once the rain of materials clears, the extent of the damage becomes clear. Both she and the stallion have been stunned and knocked back onto their haunches; he has wound up with a bag of feathers over his head, and Opal’s carrier has fallen to the ground. He is large, white, and dressed in a black morning coat; his tail and hoof tips are blue, and he has a cutie mark of three jeweled gold crowns. Standing next to him is a surprised white mare, very tall and slim, with a long mane/tail in two shades of light pink, violet eyes with dark lavender shadow, and a cutie mark of three fleur-de-lis crests—a gold one flanked by two smaller violet ones. These two are Fancypants and Fleur, respectively.)

(As Rarity regains her senses, Fleur pulls the bag off Fancypants’ head in close-up profile, revealing a short wavy mane, a pencil-thin mustache, and blue eyes above a charming smile. A white dress shirt can now be seen beneath the coat. Gasp from the o.s. Rarity; cut back to her.)

Rarity: (shuddery) Fancypants…!

(He stands up, exposing a light magenta bow tie, blue vest, and gold shirt studs, and Fleur brushes some dust off his shoulder while he sorts out a sleeve. His voice is very suave and cultured, with a British accent, and she begins to shift her stance every so often as if posing for a picture, occasionally using him as a support.)

Fancypants: (turning to Fleur, smiling) I say, that’s one way to make an introduction.

(A turn of the head reveals a monocle on the eye not seen in the profile shots of him.)

Rarity: Oh, goodness. I am so sorry. I-I didn’t see you there. (levitating bags) I-I’ve just got so many bags, and I was trying to get back to my suite at the castle, and— (Back to the couple on the end of this.)

Fancypants: (adjusting monocle, with slight disbelief) You’re staying at the castle.

Rarity: (stammering a bit) The Princess invited me to stay in one of the suites.

Fancypants: You know the Princess? (He glances at Fleur, who has levitated the feather bag.)

Fleur: Mmm! A pony with expensive tastes, I see.

(She too speaks with a British accent, and she floats the bag back to Rarity.)

Rarity: Oh…it’s for an ensemble I’m making for a friend. (Opal, now loose, gets hoisted over a bag.) Her birthday’s in a few days. (She goes in; Rarity starts off with the gear.) Again, I am really sorry I bumped into you.

(Cut to her, now hustling away.)

Fancypants: (from o.s.) I’m not.  (She stops; pan to the pair as he chuckles.) You are obviously somepony worth bumping into. (She smiles.) Listen. I have a VIP box reserved at the Wonderbolts Derby this afternoon. Would you…would you be so kind as to join me and a few of my companions there, hm?

(Back to Rarity on the end of this; Opal peeks incredulously from the bag she was stuffed into.)

Rarity: Me?

Fancypants: But of course, my dear.

Rarity: (stammering) Well…I…oh…ah…sure.

Fancypants: We’d love to see you there, uh…

Rarity: Rarity.

Fancypants: (walking off) Rarity.

(Fleur, engrossed in fluffing her mane a bit, takes a moment to realize that he has left the scene. She hurries after him, leaving the starstruck visitor to gape and smile in the middle of the street. Dissolve to her suite as she trots in and begins to pace.)

Rarity: Pro—seeing the Derby from a VIP box is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. (eyeing the drawing board) Con—going to the Derby cuts into the amount of time I have to finish Twilight’s outfit. (turning away) Pro—

(Before her, a mental picture of a lawn filled with well-to-do ponies appears and the view zooms in on Fancypants and herself, wearing a pink hat with long matching feathers and pink/white flowers.)

Rarity: —Fancypants is the most important pony in Canterlot. His stamp of approval could mean big things for me here. (The picture fades; she turns back toward the board.) Con—Twilight’s party might not be as sophisticated as the Derby, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t put all of my energy into creating her birthday ensemble.

(Cut to the board and zoom in to a close-up of her sketch.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) My Ponyville friends will appreciate my hard work more than anypony. (Back to her; zoom in slowly.) I hate to let them down.

(Cut to a slow zoom in on the bare mannequin, then back to her; making up her mind, she trots toward the door.)

Rarity: And I won’t. (now out of view) Opal…

(She leaps back through the doorway, wearing the hat from her mental picture.)

Rarity: …I am going to the Wonderbolts Derby as a guest of Fancypants!

(She lets off a squeal of delight and jitters in place while the cat just gives her a funny look from the bed and glances toward the dress sketch. Dissolve to a long shot of an oval racetrack defined by a stretch of open air between two cloud borders, and zoom out to frame the packed grandstand adjacent to this. The venue is set up on a cliff at the edge of the palace grounds. Dissolve to a mass of seated spectators; Rarity makes her way up the aisle.)

Rarity: Pardon me…excuse me…excuse me…

(She passes Jet and Upper, seated on the top row, and turns to follow the lengthwise aisle behind them as they glare after her. At a doorway leading to an upper story, a gold-armored unicorn guard is on door duty. A few coquettish blinks from Rarity have no effect on the stoic sentry, but Fancypants comes down the stairs to meet her.)

Fancypants: Rarity! Jolly good to see you!

(His mention of her name changes the guard’s attitude in a flash, and the velvet rope across the door is magically unhooked so she can enter.)

Fancypants: So glad you could make it.

(Quick pan back to Jet and Upper, who goggle at the ease with which this outsider made it in, then cut to Fancypants and Rarity as they reach the top of the stairs. They have reached an expansive skybox, and Rarity stops short at the approach of four other guests who are variously attired for a day at the races. Light brown stallion, blond mane/tail, blue eyes, silver pince-nez. Gray mare, solid purple mane, two-tone purple tail, brown eyes, gold pince-nez, feathered hat. Light yellow mare with tan tinge, light blue eyes, two-tone pink mane/tail, hat with a huge white swan. Light lavender mare, magenta eyes, two-tone blue mane/tail, flat-crowned cowboy hat. Of these four, only Brown’s cutie mark can be seen: a gavel.)

(Rarity finds herself on the fringe of the group as they gather around Fancypants, talking excitedly.)

Fancypants: Everypony, this is Rarity. She’s staying at Canterlot Castle.

(Bingo. Every pair of eyes turns directly to her and the conversation dies for a second; the guests then murmur uncertainly among themselves before a mare’s voice cuts in on the PA system.)

Mare on PA: Fillies and gentle-colts! (Long shot of the track; several Wonderbolts are at the line.) Welcome to the Wonderbolts Derby! The competitors are taking their places as the starting line, and our race will begin momentarily! (Back to Fancypants and the quartet.)

Fancypants: I’ll be rooting for Rapidfire, of course. He’s sure to take home the grand prize.

Quartet: (nodding) Mmm-hmm.

Rarity: (from o.s.) I don’t think he has a chance against Fleetfoot.

(Five sets of eyes turn her way; quick pan to her, a broad forced smile stretching across her face. Her eyes dart from side to side, as if trying to figure out if any tool can help her get her hoof out of her mouth, but the “Call to the Post” bugle call snaps her out of it. All six of them gather at the skybox railing, and a referee stallion’s checkered-flag wave and whistle blow set the Wonderbolts off at a thundering clip. He is an earth pony.)

(The racers barrel around the turns as Fancypants and company watch—Rarity eagerly, Fancypants smiling politely her way, the others seeming a bit jaded. A white-maned Wonderbolt is first across the line.)

Mare on PA: And it’s Fleetfoot by a nose! (Rarity whoops it up, to the others’ surprise.)

Fancypants: Bravo, Rarity! I say, how did you know Fleetfoot would be victorious?

Rarity: My friend Rainbow Dash talks about her all the time. She says what Fleetfoot lacks in size, she makes up for in speed.

Gray: And who is this Rainbow Dash?

Rarity: (flustered) Uh…

(Here comes that big nervous grin again as the five from Canterlot eye her warily; after a few interminable seconds, she swallows hard and finds her voice.)

Rarity: Why…she’s…she’s the…the Wonderbolts’…trainer, of course.

(Another tense pause, after which Fancypants smiles.)

Fancypants: Staying at Canterlot Castle, and she knows the pegasus training the Wonderbolts! (draping foreleg across her shoulder) I told you all this was an important pony!

(Close-up of Rarity as she wipes her face with a handkerchief, giving a relieved half-smile, and appreciative murmurs drift back.)

Fancypants: (from o.s., raising her hoof) Three cheers for Rarity! (Cut to frame him and the others.) My new favorite party guest!

Fancypants, Quartet: Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!

(During the cheers, the camera tilts down to a dumbstruck Jet and Upper, then cuts back to Rarity so she can tip a wink. Dissolve to a quiet street; she steps into view, accompanied by three of the hangers-on—all but Lavender.)

Rarity: And then I said, “Puh-lease. That isn’t a hat, darling. That’s a natural disaster that somehow landed atop your head!” (They laugh.)

Gray: Oh, you are a delight, Rarity. An absolute delight! You simply must attend my art gallery opening this evening. (Laugh.)

Rarity: Oh! I…I’d love to, but I—

Brown: And let’s not forget my charity auction tomorrow morning.

Rarity: Oh, that sounds wonderful, but I—

Yellow: (turning Rarity to face her) And of course, there’s a seat for you at my dinner party tomorrow night.

Rarity: (walking off) I’m flattered, really. It’s just I have a project I really need to get started on and, uh— (Gray intercepts her.)

Gray: (distraught) Oh, but Rarity! I may as well close down the whole gallery if you can’t attend! (Brown elbows in.)

Brown: My auction is for charity, dear—for charity. (Yellow shoves them both aside.)

Yellow: And my dinner party will be a disaster if you don’t come.

(Cut to a close-up of the indecisive unicorn and zoom out as all three nuzzle up to her with their most pathetic pouts firmly in place.)

Rarity: (managing a smile) Of…course I’ll be there. (Next three lines overlap.)

Gray: Wonderful!

Brown: Oh, thank goodness!

Yellow: Disaster averted!

(She just stands there, trying to adjust her smile enough so that the three do not catch any hint of her raging case of nerves. Snap to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to Rarity’s suite in Canterlot Castle, with Opal sitting on the bed. A length of pink fabric is levitated onto the pony mannequin and tied on for a scarf/sash; on the start of the next line, pan to frame her by the bed.)

Rarity: Looks like we’ll be spending a few more days here, Opalescence.

(She brings out a necklace from her jewelry box and floats it at neck level, inspecting herself in a mirror built into the box lid.)

Rarity: Turns out bumping into Fancypants like that was the best thing that’s ever happened to me!

(On the end of this, cut to Opal as she jumps down to the mannequin and strokes its forelegs. The camera then pans back to Rarity.)

Rarity: Of course, finishing Twilight’s dress in time for her birthday party is still my top priority. (levitating a tiara from the box) But I can’t possibly disappoint the Canterlot elite by rejecting their invitations now, can I?

Light synthesizer/percussion/acoustic guitar melody, brisk 4 (E flat major)

(The tiara flips end over end through the air, settling on her head, and she grooms herself and trots across the suite.)

Rarity:        I’ll be the toast of the town, the girl on the go

                I’m the type of pony everypony, everypony should know

(She pets Opal, who glares after her, and steps into the bathroom.)

                I’ll be the one to watch, the girl in the flow

                I’m the type of pony everypony, everypony should know

(As soon as she whips out of view around the doorframe, the screen goes blank and is swiftly tiled in with four images: close-ups of two black-sleeved hooves in matching shoes and of her cutie mark, then two images that show her in a black turtleneck and magenta beret. The black shoes are on all four hooves, and she has straightened her mane considerably while leaving her tail curled. From here, cut to an art gallery attended by a sizable crowd, with her at the center.)

Drums in

Rarity:        Becoming as popular as popular can be

(Gray looks expectantly to her and gets a nod of approval, copied by the entire group—including Photo Finish.)

                Making my mark, making my mark in high society

(A room in Canterlot Castle; Brown bangs a gavel in his teeth to start his charity auction, offering a piece of pottery. Rarity, now in the magenta/blue dress and hat she used at Fluttershy’s last fashion show during “Green Isn’t Your Color,” raises a hoof to bid.)

                I’m the belle of the ball, the star of the show, yeah

(Zoom out as the other attendees take note and put in bids of their own; Brown is so surprised that the gavel drops from his mouth.)

                I’m the type of pony everypony, everypony should know

(Now the screen tiles in with four new images: Rarity with mane piled high; a gold bow on a blue/purple dress fold; Rarity in this new outfit, which sports gold trim and shoes; close-up of these accessories. Cut to Yellow’s dinner party; she is the center of attention as two trays of hors d’oeuvres are brought out.)

Percussion/drums/guitar out; lush orchestral feel

Rarity:         See how they hang on every word that I speak

                My approving glance is what they all seek

                I’m the crème de la crème, not just another Jane Doe

(She floats a morsel onto her plate; the others do likewise from the tray she chose.)

                I’m the type of pony everypony should know

(Dissolve to a long shot of Canterlot and zoom in on one particular window. The screen then tiles itself with four vertical panels that depict her in the dress she wore to the Grand Galloping Gala in “The Best Night Ever.”)

Percussion/drums/guitar in

(Cut to her in a theater box, accompanied by Lavender, and zoom out to frame them watching an opera. The next cut and zoom out puts her on the deck of a vessel with Fancypants as captain and several other passengers. She has changed into the red/white/pink outfit she briefly wore at the spa during “Green Isn’t Your Color.” The taut lines running up from the deck suggest that this ship is actually airborne.)

Rarity:        At home, at the opera, on a fancy yacht

(Cut to a close-up and back up in steps to put her at the center of a growing black/white checkerboard whose squares are filled with the city’s hotshots. Photo, Hoity Toity, and Sapphire Shores are here, as is Derpy Hooves—wearing a paper bag on her head and a pearl necklace.)

                Becoming the talk, the talk of all of Canterlot

(A double line of ponies in Canterlot Castle. She enters a hall, wearing the rose-trimmed gold dress that appeared in her fantasy of the Gala during “The Ticket Master,” and followed by two mares, and makes the rounds.)

                I’m the crème de la crème, not just another Jane Doe, yeah

                I’m the type of pony everypony, everypony should know

(A quick camera shift puts her at a balcony, now undressed and holding a bottle with a rope tied around its neck in her teeth. She lets go in a longer shot; the bottle swings out and blows its cork when it hits the hull of a large vessel on a ramp to christen it. Prince Blueblood, the aristocratic jerk she met during the Gala, watches from behind her. The craft slides down and away, the camera zooming out to show it as a finned ship suspended from a huge, fish-shaped blimp. Rarity watches happily from the balcony as confetti rains down.)

(Dissolve to her darkened suite as she pushes the doors open from outside and enters. The place is filled with memorabilia from her society outings: statue, painting, ship model, flags, confetti and streamers all over the floor. Her drawing board and dress sketch stand off to one side.)

Percussion/drums/guitar out; gentle feel (slow 4)

(A closer shot reveals that she is now wearing the blue/gold outfit she whipped up to meet Trixie’s challenge in “Boast Busters.” The slight disarray of her mane matches the tired tone of her voice. As she walks past the board, Opal—perched atop it—taps the drawing impatiently to get her attention, with no success.)

Rarity:        Because I’m the type of pony, yes, I’m the type of pony

(She floats a stretch of pale yellow cloth onto the mannequin and fixes it up into a simple sundress with white edging at cuffs and hem.)

                Yes, I’m the type of pony everypony should know

(On the end of this, she levitates a high, light blue collar onto the neck and holds up a piece of the material, but leans her head wearily against the mannequin and lets both drop. Zoom out and dissolve to a long shot of this tower under the night sky and crescent moon, the camera motion continuing.)

Song ends

(The sky lightens into the next morning; cut to a close-up of her—now properly groomed and undressed—hauling a bag in her teeth across the suite. This is set down next to a pile of her other luggage.)

Rarity: Oh, I hope I haven’t forgotten anything.

(Longer shot. The porter who dragged this lot in during the prologue has it piled on his back again.)

Porter: (with great effort) Me…too. (Cut to Opal asleep on the bed.)

Rarity: (from o.s., magically pulling her and the blanket off) We’d better get going.

(Back to her, now with the cat carrier on her back; Opal and the blanket are tucked in alongside.)

Rarity: I must get back to Ponyville with enough time to finish Twilight’s ensemble.

(On the end of this, pan to the straining unicorn—no doubt wishing he had put in for a safer job such as manticore feeding. A letter falls in through the door’s mail slot and flutters to Rarity’s feet.)

Rarity: For me? (trotting back, reading it; Opal/carrier/blanket float overhead) “Dearest Rarity: Your presence is requested at the Canterlot Garden Party tomorrow afternoon.”

(During this line, she settles the items back on the pile.)

Rarity: “Yours, Jet Set and Upper Crust.” (gasping, breathlessly) The Canterlot Garden Party!  (turning to porter) Why, next to the Galloping Gala, that is the premier event in Canterlot!

(She lets off a giddy little squeal, but quickly cuts it off and eyes the sketch resting on the mountain of luggage.)

Rarity: Ooh…but if I go, I’ll miss Twilight’s birthday. (floating the sketch down) But if I don’t go, my new reputation in Canterlot as a Very Important Pony might be ruined! I might never be invited to another high-society event again! (eyeing each paper in turn) Friend’s birthday…Very Important Pony.

(The strain of making the decision turns her face bright pink as she holds her breath and the camera zooms in. When her mental teakettle is about to blow its top, she comes out of it as the zoom reverses itself.)

Rarity: (resolutely) It’s just too important.

(Cut to a long shot of the tower, her silhouette visible through the window as she brings up a quill and scroll to write, then cut to her. After a deep breath, she starts in.)

Rarity: (writing) “My dear Twilight…” (Overhead view, zooming out slowly.) “I am afraid I won’t be able to make it to your birthday party tomorrow…” (Back to her.) “…because…”

                

(After a bit of hard thought, she really goes over the top.)

Rarity: “…because poor Opal is quite ill!”

(This is news to Opal, who is still sitting among the bags and looking in excellent health.)

Rarity: “And she is in no condition to make the long journey back to Ponyville.” (calming down) “I do hope you understand. Your friend, Rarity.”

(Her confidence returns full force as she finishes the letter, but a groan from the o.s. porter catches her off guard. Pan quickly to him on the start of the next line.)

Porter: I suppose this means you don’t need me to bring down your bags?

Rarity: No. (Cut to him; she continues o.s.) But… (Back to her.) …I will need some help unpacking them.

(Down he goes, to the tune of a crash of parcels and a yowl from the o.s. Opal. Dissolve to a patch of floor as she trots across and o.s.: loose, light yellow dress with flowers in her tail, jeweled brooch at the neckline.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) What do you think? (Cut to her; Opal is back on the bed.) Too much?

(The cat offers no opinion, but goes to cleaning herself.)

Rarity: You’re right. (levitating a huge flowered hat) Too little. (She settles it on her head.) Garden Party, here I come!

(Before she can reach the doors, they burst open to reveal a beaming Twilight Sparkle on the balcony. She is swiftly joined by Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash.)

Other five: SURPRISE!!

(Rarity recoils with a terrified gasp and topples over in a faint. Snap to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: the black screen parts as if an eye were opening, giving a close-up of Pinkie’s face as her voice reverberates a bit. The background is a bit fuzzy, but focuses itself on a blink to frame the five arrivals very clearly.)

Pinkie: —and swoosh! Then right before she hit the ground, shoom! She—

(Cut to Rarity, lying in the doorway and coming around.)

Pinkie: (from o.s., normal tone) Hi again! (Cut to frame all six; Rarity stands up.)

Rarity: W—what are you—how did y—why are you—

Applejack: Listen to her. She’s so excited to see us, she can hardly talk.

Rarity: What I mean to say is, what are you all doing here?

Twilight: When I got your letter saying you were stuck in Canterlot— (gesturing to Pinkie, who nods) —I asked Pinkie Pie if it wouldn’t be too much trouble to move my birthday party here, so you wouldn’t have to miss it.

Pinkie: Balloons are super-easy to pack.

(She proceeds to demonstrate by opening a small case and releasing a profusion of fully inflated balloons in assorted shapes and sizes. As they fly in all directions and some deflate, one hisses itself out in front of Rarity and settles to the balcony.)

Rarity: (touched) Wow…first you get me a suite at Canterlot Castle, and now this. I don’t know what to say, Twilight. (Rainbow flies into her face.)

Rainbow: How about you start by saying what you’re doing in that fancy getup?

Rarity: This? Uh… (Her perspective of the others.) …well, I… (Back to her, thinking fast.) I always put on something a little fancy when…Opal’s feeling under the weather. (laughing) Cheers her right up.

(She forces up another giggle and flicks her eyes evasively, but Fluttershy seems to accept it.)

Fluttershy: Oh, poor Opal. Where is the sick darling?

Rarity: Oh, uh…she’s…hold on a minute.

(Retreat inside and slam the doors, leaving a quintet of confounded friends.)

All others except Rainbow: Huh?

(Inside, Opal’s kneading of the mattress turns into a surprised yowl when the unicorn’s telekinesis yanks her and the blanket off the bed.)

Rarity: (trotting into bathroom, floating Opal/blanket along) I am so sorry about this.

(A splash, a loud angry yowl, and she emerges with one sodden cat and blanket levitating ahead of her. Back on the bed they go; now Rarity opens the doors.)

Rarity: She’s resting on the bed. (Fluttershy zips in and cradles Opal in her front hooves.)

Fluttershy: Poor baby. (Pan to the others, entering, as she continues.) She looks awful.

(Said “baby” snarls at her owner, who grimaces and turns to Twilight.)

Twilight: (quizzically, moving to mannequin) Is that my dress?

Rarity: (uncertainly) Yes.

Twilight: It’s so simple. So practical.

(The “designer” sweats a bit, wondering just how bad a chewing out she is about to receive.)

Twilight: (smiling) So me! It’s the perfect dress for my birthday party! (hugging Rarity) I love it!

(Rarity voices a relieved sigh at having skidded around calamity on two wheels.)

Rarity: You don’t know how glad I am to hear you say that!

(Pan to the sketch still on the drawing board; a flick of the tail sends it drifting into a nearby trash can. Zoom in on this, then dissolve to a long shot of the tower in early evening and tilt down to frame more of Canterlot Castle.)

Twilight: (voice over) When I told the Princess that I was moving the party to Canterlot—

(Cut to the six walking down a covered walkway; Twilight now wears her new dress and the pink scarf/sash to go with it.)

Twilight: —she was kind enough to offer us the Canterlot Castle ballroom!

(They have reached a set of doors, which swing open to reveal the room that served as the setting for the final debacle of the previous Gala. The columns Rainbow knocked over that night, and the winged unicorn statue that bit the dust in the process, have all been replaced, and streamers, banners, and confetti are present in abundance. Ditto treats and presents.)

Pinkie: Isn’t it fancy-pants?

Rarity: (shocked) Fancypants! (She dives behind Rainbow.) Where? (catching herself, stepping out) I…mean, uh… (to Pinkie) …where did you find the time to put up all these decorations? (Chuckle.)

Pinkie: (pulling a cannon into view) Oh, I never leave home without my party cannon!

(The metal of its barrel is light blue, and each wheel has a flower painted on it. Although it has a standard fuse at the breech, the insanely well-prepared party planner simply pushes it like a button to set the cannon off. Cut to a table on the other side of the room; the blast throws a cloth and party hat onto it and sends up balloons and showers of confetti. Pan to a flabbergasted Rarity.)

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Ta-da! (Rarity glares back toward her.)

Twilight: (crossing room) I thought about having my birthday outside. (Cut to just outside a window; she looks out as Rarity brushes off confetti.) But they’re having another party on the castle grounds today.

(That observation sends Rarity into a panicked dive out of sight; she then peeks back around the frame. Out on the lawn, the Garden Party is in full swing; Jet and Upper talk with some of the guests, and croquet wickets have been set up. Rarity gazes longingly through the glass as Pinkie slowly rises into view next to her and a thumping swing beat starts up.)

Pinkie: Let’s PARTY!

(She yanks Rarity back from the window as the music kicks in, provided by a phonograph whose wildly vibrating speaker horn might shoot across the room at any moment. The ecstatic birthday mare gets tossed in the air a few times by her friends, then telekinetically uses a knife to cut the cake while Pinkie chows down. This slice goes to Applejack, who starts eating alongside Fluttershy; both of them suddenly get cake thrown into their faces, Twilight stares aghast, and the camera pans to the culprit—a madly laughing and pointing Rainbow. Zoom out slightly as all the others but Rarity close in with wicked smiles and hunks of cake poised for retaliation. The blue pegasus slaps on her best placating grin, but a cut to Rarity—and the bits of cake that fly past and splatter her—tell the rest of the story. Rarity cringes a bit, but ends up smiling with cake on her chin and hat brim.)

(The other five have a hearty laugh over the mess, after which they begin a six-pony conga line. Rarity, at the end and cleaned up, takes a quick glance out the window at the Garden Party.)

Rarity: (to herself) Hmm—no reason I can’t at least make an appearance.

(By the time the line doubles back, she has slipped outside and begun to scope out the crowd. Cut to a close-up of a cello in use, then cut to a longer shot of the area. A classical quartet is providing music for the Garden Party—cello, harp, two violins. The first two of these players previously appeared as part of the quartet that performed at the Gala. Rarity trots proudly out of the ballroom.)

Rarity: (singsong) I’m here!

(Upper walks up. Her sweater and blouse have shifted far enough to allow the first clear view of her cutie mark: a dollar sign.)

Upper: Darling, I’m so glad you made it. (Here comes Fancypants.)

Fancypants: Rarity! So happy to see you here.

Rarity: I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. (Fancypants sniffs the air.)

Fancypants: I say, what is that scent you’re wearing? It smells like… (Sniff.) …is that…cake frosting?

(The vivid blue irises constrict briefly until she can think of an answer.)

Rarity: Yes, I always dab a little frosting behind my ears before I go out.

(The two locals aim very puzzled looks her way; she produces the most casual laugh she can.)

Rarity: After all, who doesn’t like the smell of cake frosting? (Cut to Fancypants.)

Fancypants: (smiling) I know I do. (Pan to Upper.)

Upper: (nodding) Mmm-hmm.

(Cut to Rarity, who voices a relieved sigh, then zoom out to frame all three.)

Rarity: Well, all this talk about cake has made me hungry. Think I’ll go and see what’s on the hors d’oeuvres table. If you’ll excuse me.

(Not sticking around for an answer, she bugs out. Next two lines overlap.)

Fancypants: I must say, you do look like—

Upper: (chuckling) Oh, yes, darling—

(Rarity slows to a walk as she passes a croquet game in progress, then breaks into a gallop once clear of it. A stallion swings a mallet in his teeth, knocking his ball ahead and eliciting polite stomping applause from the spectators. Dissolve to just outside one ballroom window, through which the rest of the Ponyville crew can be seen blindfolded and ready to go at several hanging piñatas with the sticks held in their teeth. Zoom in through the window as the swing music starts again; the other four start getting in some good licks, but Twilight keeps hitting a whole lot of zilch. A quick pan across the room shows that Rarity has come back in to play as well, but she quickly sheds her blindfold and stick and backs out of the room.)

(Cut to Fancypants and Upper, whose words again overlap and are punctuated by chuckles.)

Fancypants: You look like the height of fashion. Of course, I would expect nothing less.

Upper: Oh, I really—  (to a waiter approaching with hors d’oeuvres) Thank you. How delightful.

(Close-up of the tray on the end of this; they each float one of the three morsels free, with Rarity taking the third as she flicks a furtive glance toward the ballroom. Inside, Twilight, Pinkie, and Rainbow stand around a bowl of chocolate fondue; Twilight dunks an apple slice, Rainbow a strawberry, Pinkie a lollipop held by its stick in her teeth—shoving her whole face in. The raucous music continues as Rarity walks in, her appetizer floating in and past her as she glances back out. A moment’s inattention causes her to dip it in the bowl, leading to a very nasty surprise when she eats it. After a spasm of gagging, she manages to choke it down but gets a round of funny looks from the trio at the table. A smile and point is enough to distract them.)

(Cut to Fancypants and Upper outside as she zips up to them.)

Rarity: I think I left the bathwater running in my suite.

(Inside, she finds Twilight and Rainbow dancing up a storm.)

Rarity: I really should go check on Opal.

(Outside again; she points off into the distance.)

Rarity: Is that Princess Celestia?

(Inside, she leans close toward Twilight, who keeps dancing and blowing on a party favor.)

Rarity: (whispering) I need to use the little fillies’ room.

(Outside again.)

Rarity: Can I get anypony more punch?

(Inside again; now the back-and-forth scramble is taking its toll on her mane, face, and voice.)

Rarity: (out of breath, tired) I…have to go to…do the… (Outside.) …thing with the stuff, you know, uh…

(Close-up of Rainbow inside.)

Rainbow: Uh, what’s with the croquet mallet?

(A cut to the frazzled unicorn reveals that she has one in her teeth, having brought it in with her. She has also put her face and mane back in order.)

Rarity: What croquet mallet? (The record winds to a stop as the others stare; Pinkie has cleaned the chocolate off her face.)

Rainbow: Duh! The one in your mouth?

(Realizing her king-size blunder, Rarity lets the implement clatter to the floor and lets off an unsettled giggle as the others slowly gather around.)

Rarity: Oh! That croquet mallet! I…well, I, you know, the truth is…the truth is…

(Her words run dry in close-up; pan to frame Twilight alongside on the next line.)

Twilight: Were you at that other party in the garden?

Rarity: Uh…I… (She trails off into stammers.)

Twilight: Rarity! I’m surprised at you. (Rarity throws herself at Twilight’s hooves.)

Rarity: Twilight, let me explain! I—

Twilight: (smiling) I hadn’t realized you were such a savvy business-pony!

Rarity: You must understand! I— (The words sink in.)

Twilight: (as Rarity stands up) All of those ponies look so posh.

(Zoom out quickly to beyond the window, framing several of said ponies on the lawn.)

Twilight: And with the Grand Galloping Gala coming up— (Back to her as she continues.) —I bet you could totally get some of them to buy your dresses. Very smart.

Rarity: (gradually getting her tongue in gear) W…w…why, yes! I-I didn’t want you to think I was being rude, so that’s exactly the reason I didn’t tell you. The…one and only reason. (Laugh.)

Twilight: Oh, well, you didn’t have to do that. You should totally go over there and mingle.

Rarity: (surprised, smiling) Twilight, you really are the best friend a pony could ever ask for. (They hug.) I don’t know why I ever thought you wouldn’t understand.

Twilight: Understand what?

Rarity: (hastily) Nothing. (She backs off.) See you girls later! (Off she goes.)

Rainbow: Hey! Wait up! (Rarity stops; she flies up.) We’re your friends. I’m sure they won’t mind if we check out the party too. (calling to the others) Come on, you guys! Let’s show ’em how to party Ponyville style!

(She has taken absolutely no notice of the social-climbing unicorn’s disbelieving facial expression. The five are out the door in no time, Pinkie wheeling her party cannon along.)

Rarity: Oh, no!

(As she bolts for the exit and the camera zooms out from her at the edge of the lawn, the others have resumed their conga line. Pinkie is at the front, pushing her heavy artillery along and setting it off before the stunned guests, and Twilight is at the back and carrying the phonograph. Quick pan to the croquet game, where Rainbow is setting up a shot; she swings, letting the mallet fly out of her mouth and setting herself spinning in midair. The errant sports equipment whisks a mare’s mane clean off her head, but she does not notice or even break off talking while her stallion companion gestures toward her head and bails out.)

(Quick pan to Lavender and two other ponies, who cough and spit out confetti and feathers raining down from the tree branches above them. A cacophony of twittering is heard as the camera tilts quickly up to a blissful Fluttershy, seated on a limb with birds perched all around and on her front hooves and head. Back to a gobsmacked Rarity, then pan quickly to a stallion eating a cupcake. Behind him, an unsuspecting cake gets an all-too-familiar pink face slammed into it; pan to frame all of her, sweet stuff smeared all over her countenance. She gives the stallion a big grin, but he walks away disgustedly.)

(The camera now quickly pans to two other party-goers who back uneasily away from a shower of dirt and grass being slung toward them. The reason turns out to be Applejack, who has stripped all the greenery from a nearby patch of the lawn, with dirt streaking her face and tail and covering her hooves.)

Applejack: How come y’all aren’t doin’ any gardenin’? This is a garden party, isn’t it?

(Quick pan to a close-up of Twilight’s thrashing, wildly happy face and zoom out to show that she is dancing alongside the phonograph. The herky-jerk nature of her gyrations only serves to scare the nearest spectators away and send Rarity to chug down a cup of punch; Jet and Upper back over to her. This shot is close enough to reveal a white airplane as part of Jet’s cutie mark.)

Jet: Can you believe what that pony is wearing?

(He is, of course, referring to Twilight; cut to her.)

Upper: (from o.s.) It’s just so plain.

Rarity: (laughing nervously) Yeah.

(Now Fancypants approaches the dancing queen, who finally lets her hooves take five.)

Fancypants: Excuse me. (magically adjusting monocle) Might I ask where you got your ensemble?

Twilight: (proudly) Why, yes. Yes, you may. A very, very close friend of mine from Ponyville made it for me.

(Said friend has started on a new cup of punch, but is so surprised that she spits out her mouthful and gallops off. A pan in that direction reveals that Jet and Upper have taken it in the face.)

Fancypants: (a bit taken aback) Ponyville. You don’t say.

Twilight: I do say. Her name is— (Rarity hurries over.)

Rarity: Fancypants! Come with me! I’d like to show you…this, uh, thing that’s over there…on the other side of the room!

Fancypants: In a moment, my dear. (as crowd gathers around) This lovely filly from Ponyville was just about to tell me who made her charming dress. (Cut to him and Rarity.)

Rarity: (hastily) That dress? Oh, come now, who cares? It’s just a plain old— (Zoom out to frame Twilight.)

Twilight: Oh, don’t be so modest. This dress you made is beautiful!

(The ensuing round of gasps from the crowd brings this get-together to a screeching halt, and Rarity chews her lower lip fearfully in a close-up. Zoom out to frame every eye trained on her, with Twilight’s face displaying the only smile of the bunch.)

Twilight: (as the other four gather with her) We all think so.

Fancypants: (to Rarity) You know these ponies?

(As the elegant young unicorn glances and chews even harder, she sees and hears the rest of the guests starting to mutter among themselves. Her friends’ smiles turn to worried looks after a moment, and she drops her head and walks toward the smiling representatives of the top echelon she has been longing to join. Jet and Upper have dried themselves off. The five faces drop a bit farther, while the sixth hardens.)

Rarity: Yes. Yes, I do know them. (Cut to some gasping guests; she continues o.s.) They may not be as sophisticated as some of you Canterlot ponies— (Back to her, now smiling.) —but they are my best friends. And they are, without a doubt, the most important ponies I know.

(Cut to them on the end of this, the smiles returning to their faces, then back to her and pan to Jet and Upper.)

Jet: Important ponies? These ruffians?

Upper: Don’t make me laugh!

(Both do so, annoying/puzzling the quintet, but Fancypants trains his monocle on them and soon smiles.)

Fancypants: I, for one, find them charmingly rustic.

(That shuts the hecklers up in a hurry and brings a fresh round of gasps.)

Fancypants: (walking to the five) And I think the dress you made for your friend is lovely. (Rarity cannot believe this; he chuckles.) I daresay every mare in Canterlot will be wanting one.

(She breaks into a grateful smile, but gets interrupted by Upper leaning over to her, the latter’s contempt has given way to instant fawning approval.)

Upper: Oh, I’d like to place my order right now! (Jet sidles up on Rarity’s other side.)

Jet: I think you should get two, hmm?

(The sandwiched designer is less than impressed by their change of attitude and drops out, letting their heads knock together, so she can move back over to Fancypants.)

Fancypants: Uh, yes, now, then. How about you introduce me to your friends?

Rarity: (smiling) With pleasure.

(Dissolve to a long shot of the tower that houses her suite and zoom in slowly. It is now the following day.)

Rarity: (from inside, dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia…”

(Dissolve to her inside, at the suite’s drawing board and levitating a quill to write this report.)

Rarity: “I wanted to tell you about the important lesson I learned during my visit.”

(The intended recipient’s billowing, pastel-striped mane waves into view behind her as she gets this line down.)

Celestia: (from o.s.) Now that… (Surprise; pan to frame her.) …I would like to hear.

(Rarity begins to pace as the camera zooms out through the suite’s window.)

Rarity: I learned that no matter where you go in life…

(Cut to a very long shot of Ponyville, seen from Canterlot’s elevated vantage point, and zoom in slightly.)

Rarity: (voice over) …you should never forget that you are the product of your home and your friends. (Back to her and Celestia.) And that is something always to be proud of, no matter what.

Celestia: (chuckling softly) A very valuable lesson to have learned.

Porter: (from o.s., with effort) It certainly is!

(Cut to him on the other side of the suite. For the third time, he has every last piece of Rarity’s luggage stacked up on his back and is about to go flat on the floor.)

Porter: But might I ask that we hurry things up a bit? (collapsing) Oh, no!

(Unicorn and sovereign stare wide-eyed, then trade sheepish smiles before the view fades to black.)


SECRET OF MY EXCESS

Written by M.A. Larson

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to an extreme close-up of an unlit candle. A unicorn’s violet, glowing horn extends into view and puts flame to it; zoom out to show that the horn belongs to Twilight Sparkle. She is in the library’s reading room, and the daytime sky can be seen through the half-open window curtains behind her. The candle, and two others that are already lit, stand on s small table at the wall.)

Twilight: No distractions.

(She walks off., magically closing the curtains so that the room dims a bit, and sets her face in single-minded determination.)

Twilight: Today is too important.

(Tilt up slightly to focus on her horn as it fires up again, then cut to an overhead shot and zoom out to frame the whole room.)

Twilight: Re-shelving day!

(Sitting on her haunches, she levitates every single book off its shelf at once, lets them tumble to the floor, and floats them back up into the air. A bit of concentration gets them organized into neat lines and starts them marching around her. Books move toward her as she names them and are sent off to their new homes in the stacks.)

Twilight: Understanding Medieval Equestria goes in…Pony History! Modern Spellcasting—that’s Classics!

(Cut to a section of shelves where volumes are being slotted in.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) The Art of the To-Do List. (She pokes her head into view.) Actually, I kinda want to read that again.

(It is floated out, but a burst of laughter from the o.s. Spike breaks her focus so that all the books end up jumbled on the floor again—except for the very few that have been re-shelved. The irked librarian sticks her head up from one pile; a book is impaled on her horn.)

Twilight: Spike, what are you laughing at?

(Tilt up to him on the stairs leading to their room. He is holding a large, heart-shaped red jewel upside down in his hands.)

Spike: This little beauty is my birthday present to myself! (Close-up of his reflection in a facet.) It’s a fire ruby! (Zoom out; he holds up a tuning fork.) I’ve been aging it for months, and it’s almost ripe!

(A tap of fork against gem causes both to sound off at exactly the same frequency; he giggles at the result. When he starts downstairs, one foot slips on an open tome and he drops o.s., losing both items. Up comes the end of his tail to balance the ruby upside-down on its point; once he uncovers his eyes and finds disaster averted, he looks happily around the mess.)

Spike: Hey! You took my advice! (standing up, chuckling) Just use the whole floor as one big shelf.

(Twilight looks daggers across the room and snarls threateningly at her self-satisfied assistant. Fade to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to the library’s closed front door, seen from inside.)

Rarity: (from outside, through door) Helloooo?

(Her magic hits the knob and opens the door far enough to fit her head in.)

Rarity: Anypony home? Twilight?

(Her eyes pop and she sucks in a sharp gasp while throwing the door fully open. Cut to Spike, polishing his fire ruby.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) Is that a fire ruby?

(Zoom in to a close-up of it in this line. She leans into view, close enough to be reflected in its surface, and gives a delighted sigh.)

Rarity: That must be at least twenty carats! No inclusions…pristine facets…

Spike: And totally delicious! (Cut to Twilight, floating books around; she has removed the one from her horn.)

Twilight: (mildly annoyed) Uh, if you guys don’t mind?

Rarity: Oh! Uh…of course. (walking across room) Uh, I just came by to see if you had any books on historical fashion.

(Cut to Spike on the end of this line; he runs a finger over the gem’s surface and licks it to gauge the taste. The camera then zooms out to frame a very puzzled Rarity looking on.)

Rarity: Did you say “delicious”?

Spike: Sure did! Next week’s my birthday— (walking off) —and this is my birthday dinner. (Twilight returns, floating books and sending one to her.)

Twilight: Start with this one.

Rarity: (opening it) Thanks, Twilight.

(Cut to the violet unicorn, who keeps bringing up other tomes and filing them away.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) I’ve got a feeling ruffled taffeta capes are going to make a huge comeback this season—

(Back to her on the end of this; now she flips pages and reads intently.)

Rarity: —and I want to be ahead of the game.

(She loses a bit of steam on the end of this, having glanced enviously back to find Spike cradling his prize ruby. As she clamps her teeth onto her foreleg to hold herself in check, the camera cuts to a close-up of an open box that sits next to him. This is filled with padding that has a cutout to hold the ruby, and he nestles it in place.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) I hope it’s as tasty as it is beautiful, Spike. (Cut to frame both of them.) I have never seen anything quite so stunning before.

(Poise and grace have won this round against covetousness, but disappointment starts to creep over her face as he lifts the ruby back out and eyes it.)

Spike: Gosh. You really like it, huh?

Rarity: Like it? It’s…magnificent!

(The lovestruck baby dragon’s imagination casts a softly focused, sparkly background behind her lowered eyelids and gentle smile. After a bit of eyelash-batting on her part, reality reasserts itself in the library and he sighs heavily, eyeing his pride and joy.)

Spike: Then you should have it.

(Close-up of one front hoof; he pulls it gently toward himself and sets the ruby on it.)

Spike: (from o.s.) This beautiful gem was meant to be with you.

(Zoom out a bit; she lifts it wonderingly, then floats it up with shining eyes.)

Rarity: I don’t know what to say! (He cringes a bit as she circles around him.) This is so thoughtful. Oh, my little Spikey-wikey!

(She leans in to plant a kiss on his left cheek, leaving a prominent lipstick print and snapping him upright. He topples backward to the floor as if he were a two-by-four, hearts floating up from the spot where he falls; meanwhile, Twilight keeps inspecting books.)

Rarity: (hopping across with ruby) Thank you so much!

Twilight: Wow, Spike! That’s one of the kindest, most generous things you’ve ever done. (Cut to Spike; she continues o.s.) I’ve never seen Rarity so happy.

Spike: (dreamily, blushing, touching his face) I will never wash this cheek again.

(He goes limp with a blissful little chuckle. Dissolve to a close-up of the horse-head bust on the center table; a party hat has been set on top, and a cake rests next to it. The shelves behind the table have been filled with books. Tilt down slightly to frame more goodies laid out around the bust, and pan to one side as Twilight levitates a table across the confetti/streamer-strewn floor to the wall. A full punchbowl and several cups are brought down onto this; she gives the bowl’s ladle a tweak to place it just so, then looks across the room. More streamers have been strung up over the bookshelves.)

Twilight: Just about finished, Spike?

(Cut to him, on the bookshelf ladder’s top rung and tacking up more decorations.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Everypony will be here soon.

Spike: There! Perfect!

(A shot of the entire reading room frames the extent of the pair’s work: plenty of balloons, streamers, and side tables loaded with sweet stuff.)

Spike: Everything looks perfect! (Close-up; he climbs down to stand in right-side profile.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Not quite everything.

(Zoom out to frame her as well; she walks over, levitating and passing him…)

Spike: A washcloth? I don’t get it.

(She just gives him a hard, cocked-eyebrow glare and leans her face down into his; he drops the cloth and backs off a few steps.)

Spike: Aw, no way, Twilight! I said I wasn’t gonna wash the cheek that Rarity kissed, and I meant it!

(He turns his head defiantly away, allowing the camera to zoom in on his left cheek. It does still bear the print from Rarity’s kiss, but a considerable amount of grunge has since accumulated. Twilight responds with a determined smile, floating the cloth up and pawing the floor; he flicks one unsettled eye her way and breaks into a run.)

Twilight: (sending cloth ahead) It’s over, Spike! I’m cleaning that cheek!

(Cut to a close-up of the fleeing dragon; a flash of violet light envelops him and dissipates to show him gone. An instant later, a second flash from o.s. right brings him back, still running and yelling crazily. Another pair of flashes take him back again, after which the camera zooms out to frame Twilight behind him. She is using her teleportation ability to bring him back toward herself every time he tries to get away.)

[Animation goof: All the tables are gone in this shot.]

Spike: (between cycles) It’s mine!…Stop it!

Twilight: Never!

Spike: Twilight…!

(He disappears with a flash, but the next one brings a genuine surprise when Pinkie Pie materializes on the floor instead. In her mouth is a party horn, which she blows loudly before zipping away to stop near where Spike reappears.)

Pinkie: (throwing confetti/streamers) Happy birthday!

(As soon as she backs out of view, Twilight seizes the opportunity and plies the washcloth on Spike’s cheek. The crud is scrubbed off in a heartbeat.)

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Party time! (Cut to frame all three.) Woo-hoo!

(Zoom out to bring the rest of the room into view. Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity have slipped in; all but Rainbow hold wrapped presents in their teeth by the ribbons, while the last carries a dumbbell tied with a bow. Cut to these four.)

Spike: (from o.s.) Are those…for me? (Cut to him.)

Applejack: (walking by, tossing gift into his arms) You bet they are, birthday boy.

Fluttershy: (walking by, setting hers on top) Happy birthday, Spike.

(Rarity’s present is next on the stack, followed by one from Pinkie and finally Rainbow’s dumbbell. This last item is the one that overloads his arms and sends him to the floor; he regards the now-slightly-crushed boxes with some confusion. Applejack and Fluttershy trade an equally puzzled shrug as Pinkie looks on, and Rainbow descends to the trio.)

Rainbow: Don’t you know you get presents on your birthday? (Spike stands up.)

Spike: Well, actually, this is my first birthday in Ponyville. (a bit grumpily) I usually just get one present—from Twilight—a book.

(Right on cue, down the stairs she comes, floating a beribboned manuscript; surprised at his words, she hides it behind herself and backs off with a blush and a sheepish grin. Literally, in this case, as a sheep’s bleat is heard as she does so. Cut to Rarity, who has put on a gold necklace set with the fire ruby he gave her; the gem is positioned as a right-side-up heart.)

Rarity: Speaking of presents…

(She levitates a bright pink cape out from behind herself; it has a ruffled collar in dark magenta, with lighter accents and a silver clasp.)

Rarity: …this is from my new line of taffeta capes. (Pan to follow it to the others; she continues o.s.) I’m gonna make one for each of you.

(They voice their appreciation for the garment.)

Rarity: I’ve been inspired by the generosity of my little Spikey-wikey— (Her perspective of him and the group during this, then back to her.) —who gave me this beautiful fire ruby—one of the kindest acts I’ve ever experienced.

(In close-up, he goes a bit limp on his feet and lets a goofy, tongue-hanging smile steal across his face. Zoom out to frame Rarity alongside; she nuzzles his cheek with a blissful little sigh. Dissolve to a pan across the reading room floor, now littered with presents, discarded boxes, and scraps of wrapping paper; Spike pokes his head through the bottom of one box and pulls out a green checked blanket with an apple pattern.)

Spike: Applejack, I can’t thank you enough for this great blanket.

(Cut to Twilight and Applejack in party hats, the latter eating an apple as he jumps up to hug her.)

Spike: I really needed a new one.

Applejack: Come on, Spike. You already thanked me fifteen times. (Cut to him; she pushes him off gently and continues o.s.) I’m startin’ to get a little embarrassed.

Spike: I know I keep thanking you guys— (His perspective, panning across the group.) —but I’m just so grateful. I wish this party could last forever. (Pinkie is jumping on a balloon and pops it.)

Pinkie: Duh! (knocking Twilight, Applejack aside) The party can’t last forever ’cause you have to go to Sugarcube Corner, ’cause the Cakes said they have a special surprise for you— (Cut to him; zoom out to frame her.) —’cause it’s your birthday!

(She leans a bit too far over the pile of gifts and ends up on the floor.)

Spike: No way! (He bolts for the door.)

Pinkie: (calling after him) I said the party couldn’t last forever— (Cut to him running out; she continues o.s.) —but it doesn’t need to end right now!

(Paying no mind at all, he yanks the door shut behind himself. Wipe to the exterior of Sugarcube Corner and zoom in, then cut to the shop floor as he hurries up to a display case and bounces eagerly in place. Mrs. Cake fishes around behind it and comes up with a cake on her head, and Mr. Cake walks over.)

Spike: Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!

Mr. Cake: There’s the dragon of the hour! Happy birthday, Spike!

Spike: Thanks!

Mrs. Cake: (ducking down) When we found out it was your birthday— (Cut to him; she continues o.s.) —we couldn’t resist trying out a new recipe.

(Back to the couple; she has set down the cake and now holds up a cupcake on a plate. The frosting is bright blue and studded with tiny matching jewels.)

Mrs. Cake: Sapphire! (Giggle. Zoom in on it, then cut to Spike and his widening pupils.)

Spike: (breathlessly) Wow… (Big grin.)

(Wipe to him outside, cupcake in hand and waving back to the Cakes at the front door as he departs.)

Spike: Thank you so much! (They go inside; he licks his chops.) Man, first I get a bunch of great presents from my best friends, and now an amazing sapphire cupcake! (laughing) What a day!

(His attention is diverted just long enough for him to run flat into Cheerilee; the hit sends him and the treat in two different directions, but he lashes out his tongue to catch and reel it in. Once he lowers it out of his line of sight, Cheerilee is seen sitting dazedly on her haunches, the fresh produce from her grocery bag scattered on the ground. She shakes her head clear.)

Spike: Oh my gosh! (walking to her) I’m so sorry, Cheerilee! (She starts refilling the bag.)

Cheerilee: That’s okay. What’s got you so excited?

(After eyeing the mess, he stuffs the entire cupcake in his mouth and begins picking up.)

Spike: (mouth full) Pinkie Pie told me I should come see the Cakes so they could give me a cake, ’cause it’s my birthday today.

Cheerilee: Well, happy birthday, Spike! I wish I had something to give you. (She thinks for a moment.) Uh…oh!

(All the runaway fruits and vegetables are back in the bag, and Spike has swallowed his cupcake. The schoolteacher digs around for a second and produces a white fedora with a red band and feather, setting it on his head.)

Cheerilee: Here you go.

Spike: Wow! Really?

Cheerilee: Sure. Everypony should get fun gifts on their birthday.

(He jumps up to give her the biggest hug that his short arms will allow, and she heads out with the bag on her back.)

Cheerilee: Have a great birthday, Spike.

Spike: (pulling sides of hat brim down) I wish every day was my birthday.

(Dissolve to him on the move down the street, wearing a rather puzzled sort of look. Behind him, Derpy Hooves pops up from a well between Bon Bon and Lyra Heartstrings, surprising them greatly.)

Spike: Pinkie Pie mentions my birthday to the Cakes, and I get a cupcake. I mention it to Cheerilee, and I get this great hat.

(Flicking its brim, he stops short at the sound of something squeaky, as if a rubber toy. His eyes oscillate up and down as if watching this thing bounce, and a longer shot reveals a rubber ball being bounced under a hoof. A camera shift frames its owner, a dark khaki earth pony colt with a white mane/tail, medium blue eyes, and a cutie mark showing a dish of ice cream. This pony, Lickety Split, nimbly works the ball back and forth from rump to head as the wheels inside the scaly little skull start turning. Zoom in on his calculating grin.)

Spike: Hmmm…I wonder. (Lickety now twirls the ball on a hoof; Spike calls to him.) Hey there, Lickety Split! That’s a pretty cool ball you got there. (slyly) Did you know it’s my birthday?

(A smile from the colt is followed by a dissolve to a close-up of his ball, which is now being bounced by Spike as he walks along and chuckles shrewdly. Tilt up to his face.)

Spike: This is unbelievable!

(Another chuckle; cut to a light yellow earth pony mare, Junebug, taking a drink at a fountain. Her curly mane and tail are two shades of yellow-orange, and she carries baskets of flowers on her back. Pan to Spike, just arrived in this area; he chuckles once more and lets his clawed fingers tap against the ball’s surface before zipping up behind Junebug.)

Spike: Hey, Junebug! (She opens her eyes—yellow-green.) It’s my birthday!

(She straightens up, wipes her mouth, and responds to his expectant wide-open arms and beckoning hands by smiling pleasantly.)

Junebug: Uh…happy birthday, Spike! (She starts off.)

Spike: Aren’t you gonna give me something—you know, like a birthday present? (She stops.)

Junebug: Um…I-I don’t have anything.

Spike: (pointing) Well, how about those flowers?

(He makes as if to lunge at them, pupils narrowed to slits and face set in a sudden burst of unbridled avarice.)

Spike: I’ll take those.

Twilight: (from o.s., sharply) Spike!

(A bit of telekinesis seizes one green ear and drags him backward to her; she sighs wearily and backs him off with a hoof.)

Twilight: Sorry, Junebug. (Another burst yanks him o.s.) I think Spike might have gotten a little carried away.

Junebug: Um…no problem. (walking off) Uh, happy birthday, Spike!

Twilight: (to Spike) What are you doing? You’re out here demanding gifts now?

(He has kept the ball wrapped up in his tail, but now drops it and vigorously shakes his head as if trying to clear some foreign influence out of it.)

Spike: Wow. You’re right, Twilight. (taking off hat) I don’t know what got into me. Thanks for snapping me out of it. I better go give Cheerilee her hat back. (Twilight smiles.)

Twilight: No problem. (walking off) See you at home later?

Spike: Sounds good! (waving) Bye!

(As soon as she is out of sight behind the town square pavilion, desire gets the better of him again and he jams the fedora back over his head spines with a nasty little laugh.)

Spike: Who else has a present for Spikey-wikey?

(Out comes his forked tongue for a hiss as a set of translucent inner eyelids blink over the hard green pupils. Dissolve to just outside the library’s hanging-lantern window at sunrise of the following morning. A rooster’s crowing is heard; cut to just inside Twilight’s bedroom window and pan/tilt down to her asleep in bed. She shifts position a bit to get away from the brightening sunbeams, but soon gives up, opens her eyes, and sits up to stretch.)

Twilight: Wow. What a rough night’s sleep, Spike. (leaning over footboard, laughing a bit) I had the weirdest drea—

(Her eyes bug out as the camera tilts down to the loft’s floor. Piled up by the bed is a haphazard scramble of random items, a few of which have figured in past episodes: Rainbow’s rainbow-striped football from “Fall Weather Friends,” Apple Bloom’s red-streaked bowling ball from “The Cutie Pox,” the kitchen sink Rarity hid from Hoity Toity in “Suited for Success,” among others. The entire jumble pulses slightly as Spike’s snores and mumbles float up from somewhere inside. Back to an appropriately needled unicorn.)

Twilight: (levitating items away) I can’t believe you! Where’d you get all this—

(She cuts herself off with a sharp gasp, letting everything crash back down, and the camera cuts to the baby dragon’s basket. The problem is that the dragon is no longer a baby; Spike has now grown to perhaps twice its length, his arms and legs much longer than before and hanging over the sides. He is still wearing the hat Cheerilee gave him, and he sits up with a hissing yawn to look Twilight straight in the eye.)

Spike: What happened?

(He rubs his head as her face rearranges itself into a genuinely horrified grimace. Snap to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to the gangly Spike, now standing up and regarding himself with justifiable trepidation. He has come down from the loft.)

Spike: What’s happening to me, Twilight?

(Zoom out; Twilight reads frantically at the other side of the room, and he starts trying to pull the now-too-small fedora off his head.)

Twilight: I don’t know! Think back to last night. (Back to him; he pulls it off and she continues o.s.) Did something happen?

(Inspecting himself and flexing the fingers of one hand, he lets his mind roam free. Cut to a softly focused, white-haloed pan around various parts of the room, with Twilight popping her head into view—this is his perspective.)

Twilight: (echoing a bit) Spike?

(Normal lighting resumes as the camera cuts to the pair; he has let his tongue loll out of his mouth, but her next words snap him back to the moment.)

Twilight: What did you do after I saw you? (He claps his head.)

Spike: Well, I went to talk to…

(Zoom out slightly to frame a large globe sitting across the room; he trails off and moves dreamily toward this.)

Twilight: (really annoyed) Spike!

(He has begun to turn the globe and run a finger over its surface, but she telekinetically yanks it away and he loses his balance.)

Spike: Huh? (He topples over; zoom out to frame Twilight.)

Twilight: You went to talk to who? (He gets up.)

Spike: Oh, um…I don’t remember. (Cut to the floating globe; zoom in as he continues o.s.) Hey, can I have that globe? You’re not using it, right? (He reaches up and grabs it.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Huh?

(Now he forgoes the stairs in favor of climbing up over the loft’s edge, the globe held by its support in his tail, and adds it to his stash.)

Spike: (grabbing a book from shelves) What about this book?

(She teleports up there and levitates it toward the ceiling while he keeps his grip on it; she ends up balanced atop the globe.)

Twilight: Spike, I’m worried about you. You’re usually not so…grabby. (Book yanked free; he pulls it down again.)

Spike: My arms aren’t usually this long, either.

(His voice deepens considerably on the second half of this line, prompting him to clap both hands over his mouth. Two purple eyes send a very hard glare down toward him.)

Spike: What’s happening to me?

(She rubs her chin, thinking hard. Wipe to a doctor’s examination room whose butterfly wallpaper and bowl of lollipops suggest its use by the pony equivalent of a pediatrician. Spike sits on the elevated table, Twilight on her haunches by its end. He reaches for the candy only to get his hand slapped away before the doctor arrives. Khaki earth pony stallion, fluffy orange mane/tail, green eyes, cutie mark of white doctor’s bag and stethoscope, dressed in white coat, with reflector on forehead and stethoscope around neck, small round glasses. His voice is that of a kindly old practitioner.)

Doctor: Well, now, what seems to be the problem? (Spike reaches toward a jar of tongue depressors.)

Twilight: This is Spike. (Hand slap.) And something’s wrong with him. (Slap.) He used to be half this size, and he keeps trying to take things that aren’t… (Cut to the doctor; another slap as she continues o.s.) …his!

Doctor: (crossing to him) All right, then, let’s just have a look-see, shall we? (baby talk) Wi’l guy not feewing too good? (flexing Spike’s arm) Who’s the brave wi’l boy, huh?  (Spike tries to bite his nose.) Who’s the brave one?

(He taps a knee as if testing the growing dragon’s reflexes, and gets a flaming green belch in the face that leaves him singed and slightly miffed. Cut to Twilight and zoom out to frame Spike.)

Twilight: So? What do you think, Doctor?

Doctor: (normal tone, from o.s.) Well, I-I think I know what the problem is. (Both smile; cut to him.) He’s a dragon! (The pair again.)

Twilight: That’s not the problem. He’s always been a dragon!

Doctor: (from o.s.) Oh, well, that would explain it. (Cut to him, cleaning up at the sink.)  Listen, I don’t know anything about dragons.

(On the end of this, the one in question grabs a handful of lollipops.)

Doctor: I know about baby ponies. (Back to Twilight; he continues o.s.) Maybe you should try a vet.

(Spike seizes more sugary treats as her face falls.)

Twilight: (groaning) Okay. Thank you, Doctor.

(Wipe to the lower half of Spike’s body stretched out on a table in a different examination room, this one showing a dog’s anatomical chart on the wall. Up comes the veterinarian, Dr. Fauna: light yellow-brown earth pony mare; two-tone light blue mane/tail tied back; brown eyes; cutie mark showing dog and cat heads and a white bird; white lab coat with a thermometer in the pocket. She speaks in a clipped, no-nonsense manner.)

Fauna: Hmph. Well, I’m flummoxed. (Pan to frame Twilight in the background during this.) You bring me a dog, I’ve got it diagnosed in seconds. A snake, even faster. But, to be honest, I’ve never seen a real live dragon before.

(On the end of this, cut to Twilight’s side of the room; Spike can now be seen standing on the table on all fours. Cut to a close-up of him as he angrily snorts black smoke out of his nose, then zoom out on the next line to frame Fauna patting his head.)

Fauna: (baby talk) Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? (He smiles and drools; she picks up a jar of dog biscuits.) Sit.

(He sits on his hindquarters, panting and begging like Winona might if she were here, and she tosses him a biscuit. Instead of eating it, he eyes it craftily and drops it into the bowl of lollipops from the doctor’s office—having apparently taken the whole thing. Pan from him to a puzzled animal expert and a deflated unicorn.)

Twilight: Thanks anyway. (walking out) Come on, Spike.

(Wipe to one corner of the interior of Zecora’s hut. Spike’s head rises into view so the herbalist zebra can poke and prod it from various angles. A gold pocket watch is swung before his eyes; he eyes it hungrily and tries to snatch it, but it bounces away on its chain and he only gets a handful of air. In a longer shot, Zecora gets a hand in her teeth and flops its arm around as Twilight observes anxiously; the other arm flips up and smacks the unicorn across the face.)

Zecora:                Ooh, he is starting to mature.

                        Of this fact I am quite sure. (Spike scratches himself.)

Twilight: Mature? So he’s just growing up? (He picks up a pot.) But that doesn’t explain why he keeps grabbing things.

(She levitates it away from him; Zecora approaches her steaming caldron, carrying a hoof-load of green powder.)

 

Zecora:                                                       A dragon’s heart is prone to greed—

(adding some; Twilight walks up)           A steady diet to make growth speed.

                                                                Then, the resulting bigger size

(Contents glow.)                                      Only makes their hunger rise.

 

(Cut to a close-up of the liquid surface, with her and Twilight’s reflections visible. They disappear on the first line of the following as the rest of the powder is thrown in and forms into a glowing green silhouette of baby Spike. It grows a notch, collects several items into itself, and becomes a fearsome apparition.)

Zecora:                If this trait should go unchecked,

(now o.s.)                 If Spike continues to collect,

                        More growth will certainly occur.

                        He is going to turn into a monster!

(The visage bursts into phosphorescent wisps; cut back to Twilight’s widened eyes and zoom out to frame Zecora as she gasps. Items are heard being shifted elsewhere.)

Twilight: You mean, the more things a dragon collects, the bigger and greedier he gets? But how do we stop him before he’s completely out of control?

Zecora:                If his monstrous ways you wish to impede,

                        You must prevent him from practicing greed.

(The sound of the opening door brings their attention, and the camera zooms out to reveal that Spike has absolutely cleaned the place out. Nothing remains except empty shelves, overhead vines, and the platform on which the caldron had been resting. Twilight gives Zecora an embarrassed little giggle over her number-one assistant’s sudden kleptomania.)

(Wipe to a Ponyville street. Twilight gallops back and forth across it and is brought up short by a familiar young voice not far off.)

Apple Bloom: (from o.s.) Get away from her, you brute!

(Cut to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, engaged in a vicious tug-of-war with Spike over Scootaloo’s wheels. His voice has dropped a few more notes.)

Spike: Spike want!

Scootaloo: You’re not getting my scooter!

Spike: (grunting) Spike want!

(Back to Twilight, who looks around frantically, then zoom out as she spots a broom propped against a wall. This gives her an idea; back to Spike.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Hey, Spike! (The broom floats over to him.) Check out this amazing broom!

(She makes it do a few un-broom-like acrobatics, distracting him from the Crusaders so that they can bail out, scooter and all.)

Spike: SPIKE WANT!!

(A new growth spurt hits right about now, increasing his size by perhaps half, and he hisses and drops to all fours in order to chase the broom. Cut to his gibbering perspective as he barrels toward Twilight; she zips down a side street, and the camera cuts to just inside the library’s front door, which opens under her power.)

Twilight: (galloping in; broom follows and stops) Come on, big boy. (now o.s.) Look at this incredible broom.

(She zips it ahead; he lunges partway in after it but comes up empty-handed, getting stuck in the doorway for good measure. A bit of straining pops him loose so that he tumbles across the reading room.)

Spike: (chasing broom) SPIKE WANT!!

(The run takes him into an adjoining room, whose door she slams shut behind him and braces with her back. The camera-shaking force of his impacts against it nearly throws her loose.)

Twilight: Fight all you want. I am not letting you out!

(The place falls silent and the door stops doing the cha-cha, to her very great surprise. Cut to its other side as she magically opens it and walks in, then zoom out. The shelves have been swept clean and all the books and furniture gathered into one giant pile, with Spike draped over it all.)

Twilight: (groaning) Spike… (Cut to him; she continues o.s., levitating the pile away.) …I just re-shelved this room!

(He gets unceremoniously dumped on his back in the process, and she brings the lot back out into the main reading room and kicks the door shut again. However, she barely has time to catch her breath before a new, louder, longer crash shakes the entire building.)

Twilight: (moaning wearily) What now?

(Cut to just inside the second room as she magically reopens the door. Her eyes pop; cut to a close-up of the hind-leg portion of a dragon-shaped hole punched through the wall, the camera pointing in from outside. One frazzled unicorn climbs up over its bottom edge for a look around, and the camera slowly zooms out to frame the full extent of the damage Spike has inflicted on the woodwork.)

(Wipe to the uppermost reaches of a totally bare tree as a few leaves drift forlornly in the wind. On the next line, tilt down to frame Applejack looking up from the base; the surrounding trees have also been stripped.)

Applejack: Now who in Ponyville would steal my apples? For that matter, who would steal my leaves? (Twilight skids up to her.)

Twilight: Applejack, help! Spike’s running wild and I need you to lasso him!

(The farmhand’s mental machinery freezes up briefly before she smiles and laughs.)

Applejack: (resting foreleg on Twilight’s shoulder) Oh, that’s a good one, Twilight! Sweet little Spike runnin’ wild! What a laugh!

(Zoom out slightly as “sweet little Spike” rumbles past, all the apples and leaves gathered up into one piled-high armload. Leaves flutter down to fill the screen for a moment, then clear to give a close-up of two ponies who are clearly not amused. Applejack ends up wearing a temporary mustache of two leaves stuck on her upper lip.)

Applejack: (levelly) Twilight, get my rope.

(Cut to one massive violet hind leg slamming down on the grass, then to a galloping Twilight with a rope end in her teeth. A pan frames Applejack on the other end, keeping pace and with the leaves gone from her face. A leap, a duck by Spike to reach for a dropped apple, and the two would-be wranglers go whirling around the nearest tree instead of roping him in. They end up lashed to the trunk, their backs against it. Rather than take the apple, the reptilian compulsive hoarder roars into Applejack’s face and thunders away. Overhead shot of the pair, zooming out.)

Twilight, Applejack: HEEEELLLLP!! (Rainbow, flying overhead, stops short.)

Rainbow:  Huh?

(A quick dive brings her down to the pair’s level; she does not untie them, but does fall on her back in a peal of hearty laughter.)

Rainbow: Don’t tell me. You—you tied yourselves up? (Cut to the pair; her laughter from o.s.)

Applejack: Get us outta here right now! (A scream drills the air; she gasps.) What was that? (Rainbow snaps up.)

Rainbow: Sounded like Fluttershy to me!

(Cut to the backyard of Fluttershy’s cottage.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Fluttershy? (All three fly/gallop up.) Fluttershy! (They stop by a large tree.)

Fluttershy: (from o.s.) I’m up here!

(Tilt up quickly to follow their line of sight into the branches. One terrified yellow pegasus is hanging on for dear life, along with a few squirrels.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) What happened?

Fluttershy: (stammering a bit) I was helping my squirrel friends with a dance step, and all of a sudden, a giant rampaging dragon stormed through! (Cut to frame all four on the end of this.)

Twilight: That was Spike!

Fluttershy: Spike? But why would Spike steal my chicken coop?

(Pan/tilt down quickly to the chicken yard. Nothing is left within the fence but a few fowl and the coop’s entrance ramp and board floor, the latter studded with nails that had secured the rest of the structure.)

Fluttershy: (from o.s.) He just pulled it out of the ground and filled it with a bunch of apples and stuff! (A different scream; pan quickly to Rainbow.)

Rainbow: That sounded like Pinkie Pie!

Twilight: Come on, girls!

(Wipe to an unoccupied bit of Sugarcube Corner, which is quickly filled by a boiling-mad Pinkie when she rises into view, a cake on each front hoof.)

Pinkie: Back! (Zoom out; she stands on a loaded display rack.) Get back!

(Desserts go flying across the room; cut to Spike near the stairs. He dodges her throws, holding on to the missing coop he is using as a container for the rest of his loot, and snatches one cake out of the air. This one goes in the coop as the camera pans to frame the gang of four coming in and Pinkie unleashing another salvo.)

Twilight: Pinkie Pie— (Cut to Pinkie; she continues o.s.) —stop giving him cake!

Pinkie: I’m not giving him cake! I’m assaulting him with cake!

(She lets fly with two more and reaches down to reload, but one set of jumbo violet claws darts in and grabs up all the ammo; she goes over the edge and hits the floor face first. One furious pink pony gets up alongside the other four.)

Pinkie: How dare you take the cake!

(A roar from the o.s. Spike; cut to him as he starts to grow once more, then to outside. The entire upper section of the roof breaks loose and goes airborne and one side wall bursts outward, all propelled by the greedy behemoth’s expanding body. He exits the scene, his tail wrapped around the upended coop and tearing out part of what remains of the roof. Cut to inside.)

Twilight: He’s completely out of control! (galloping off; Fluttershy, Rainbow follow) Who knows where he’ll go next!

(After they have gone, pan back to Applejack, who grabs Pinkie’s tail in her teeth and begins to drag the limp, shell-shocked baker away. Dissolve to an upper-story window of the Carousel Boutique and zoom in through it to Rarity’s upper-story workroom/living quarters. She has put on the pink/magenta cape she showed off during Spike’s party and looks herself over in the mirror while humming happily.)

Rarity: Hmm…perhaps some more ruffle.

(Cut to a close-up of her, the window now visible in the background; her fire-ruby necklace can now be seen underneath the clasp holding the cape on. One huge green eye with a slitted pupil looks in this way, then that, and fixes on her. Seen from a different angle, she turns away from the mirror, lets her face turn into a slack-muscled caricature of itself, and cuts loose with a high-intensity scream of unmixed terror. Spike reaches in through the window, his palm blacking out the screen.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: fade in to a close-up of a pair of red loudspeakers mounted on a yellow/black-striped pole in a Ponyville street. These sound off with an air-raid siren, but they have barely reached full volume before Spike reaches into view and yanks the rig out of the ground. He has grown yet again since taking out Sugarcube Corner. Pandemonium rages up and down the block; two ponies run into each other and barely get clear before one colossal foot slams down where they were standing. When Spike straightens up, Rarity is seen wrapped in his tail, while he has shifted Fluttershy’s coop to one hand. His roar is now a bellowing screech that gives no hint of the sweet little guy he used to be, and the babyish contours of his head and face are gone.)

(Rarity screams and pounds her front hooves against the scaly violet coils. He picks up a cart, realizes that it will not fit in the coop, then gets an idea and runs off. The town’s water tower is swiftly yanked off its base in his mouth, the contents gushing down as a tidal wave that sends ponies galloping for cover. As Spike drops his previous haul into the emptied shell, Rarity’s voice is heard from below and he lifts her into view.)

Rarity: Put me down, you brute!

(His deep-set eyes fix on her indignant ones and he uncorks a deafening roar that leaves her entire mane blown straight back from her head.)

Rarity: How rude. (Rainbow flies past, followed by Fluttershy.)

Fluttershy: Don’t worry, Rarity! We’ll save you! (Cut to Rainbow, by Spike’s ear.)

Rainbow: Put her down right now! (Pan to Fluttershy at the other one.)

Fluttershy: I-If you wouldn’t mind, that is. (Back to Rainbow.)

Rainbow: I mean it, dragon boy! (To Fluttershy.)

Fluttershy: (rapid fire) Uh, we’ll be ever so grateful if you’d be so kind as to possibly consider— (To Rainbow.)

Rainbow: Drop her, scaly!

(“Scaly” just backs up a bit and lashes his tail at them. Rarity is not happy, but her mane is back to normal.)

Rarity: (during swings) Hey!…Now I’m not some…sort of common…flyswatter!

(The next swing takes her so close to the two pegasi that they get tangled up in her cape, which rips loose and plunges them screaming into the stream running near Ponyville. The torn pink fabric floats to the surface, followed by a pair of sodden and very puzzled heads.)

Rarity: (shocked) Girls!…My cape!

(She puts hooves to mouth as Spike cranks off another Force Ten bellow, after which the camera pans quickly to an open patch of sky. Three tiny specks appear in the distance, flying toward the camera, as Rainbow looks up toward them with a smile.)

Rainbow: Look! (Pan to follow them; she continues o.s.) The Wonderbolts!

(They have come close enough to clearly frame the goggles and blue/yellow jumpsuits used by the elite crew. One by one, they peel off and swoop toward the large-scale wreckage Spike has caused, flying straight up the length of his neck and past his head. Another close pass sends him into full “protect” mode; he growls after the trio, then shifts his attention to a not-too-distant mountain. Cut to a close-up of one slope as he digs a set of claws into it, then zoom out; he is climbing on all fours, water tower in mouth and screaming, terror-stricken unicorn in tail.)

(Here come the three Wonderbolts, one of whom zooms past so close that Spike gets the tips of his head spines shaved off. A quick pat apprises him of the extreme trim and annoys him all over again; cut to his perspective of a high cave and zoom in, then back to him. The ill-gotten goodies are swiftly dumped into this spot just before the three flyers swoop past his head again. Flipping onto his back, he plasters himself over the cave and narrows his eyes with sudden animal cunning. Up go the three pegasi, silhouetting themselves against the sun and then going into a screaming dive. Spike just holds his position; when they are almost on top of him, he lifts the water tower and holds it with the open end toward them. All three clang neatly into the vessel, and he jams it into the rock face, open end first. A nasty grin toward the imprisoned heroes is followed by a triumphant bellow.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) Oh, be quiet! (He lifts her into view.) You’ve got nothing to be proud of! (Bored, he mimics her scolding with his hand.) You steal everypony’s things, terrorize the town, and use me as a weapon against my own friends—which, as horrible as it is, I can almost understand because you’re a dragon and all. (indicating her cape) But this!

(She rips the scraps off, fully exposing her necklace, and levitates them in front of herself.)

Rarity: This is a crime against fashion!

(He hoists her up to the level of his eyes, which widen in time with his surprised grunt. Cut briefly to his perspective of her and zoom in on the necklace, then back to him—jaw hanging slightly open at the sight of such riches.)

Rarity: (covering necklace with hooves) Oh, no. You are not getting this gemstone! (Puzzled grunt.) This was given to me by my dear friend Spikey-wikey—the kindest, sweetest, most generous dragon ever. (fiercely) And it is too precious to me to give to a greedy old beast like you!

(On the end of this, cut to a close-up of the narrowed green eyes, which register surprise at these last words. The view then shifts to another close-up of Rarity’s necklace, then an extreme close-up of his wavering eyes before zooming in through one dilated pupil. Within the black, the camera arrives at a softly focused memory image, seen from his perspective: he offers the fire ruby to Rarity in the library. She, it, and his hand are in full light, while the backdrop is dimmed, and the next three lines echo slightly in his mind.)

Spike: Here, Rarity. You take it.


(Though he is holding it in the upside-down-heart position in which he originally showed it off, he turns it over before setting it on her hoof.)

Spike: It would mean even more to see you happy than to eat it myself.

Rarity: I…I don’t know what to say. (floating it to one side) This is just so generous!

(She leans close to the camera and kisses his cheek, whereupon the camera zooms out as quickly as it went in. The image resolves into the massive dragon’s face, now saturated with regret; he shakes his head clear and puts a hand to the spot she kissed. Zoom out to frame her, still being held at his eye level, on the start of the next line.)

Rarity: Oh, what now? (Spike starts to tremble.) I suppose you’ll be eating me or something.

(One full-body spasm causes him to release his grip on her, and a split-second later he has shrunk back to his original size. The laws of physics choose this moment to take five, leaving both suspended in midair as Rarity notices the reversed metamorphosis.)

Rarity: Spike? You’re the rampaging dragon?

(Gravity returns to its post; both drop screaming out of frame. Cut to a close-up of Pinkie peering through a set of binoculars and zoom out to frame Twilight and Applejack behind her. The three are standing on a bridge over the stream. The lenses are lowered and Applejack covers her face with her hat.)

Pinkie: Somepony do something! (She falls on her back; Rainbow flies up.)

Rainbow: On it!

(Stretching a foreleg out like a rubber band, she reaches o.s. and drags Fluttershy into view. They swoop down toward the stream and retrieve the torn section of Rarity’s cape, then fly ahead at full speed with opposite ends clamped in their teeth. Fluttershy begins to drop back slightly, but catches up with an embarrassed little smile as Rainbow glares over at her.)

Spike: Rarity, I need to tell you something, just in case we don’t make it! (Fluttershy and Rainbow continue their approach.) I’ve always sort of had a crush—

(A white hoof placed gently over his mouth cuts him off, and Rarity gives him a tender smile as her eyes well up with tears. This is her first full acknowledgment of the way he feels about her, and he smiles behind her hoof in reply. Meanwhile, the rescue mission continues at full throttle, and Fluttershy and Rainbow flash across the screen to pick off the pair with only a few yards to spare. The four descend to the bridge, with Rarity and Spike cradled in the fabric, and are met by Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie. Applejack has her hat back in its proper place. Surprised, happy gasp from Fluttershy.)

Fluttershy: We did it! (hovering) I can’t believe we did it!

(Up on the mountain, the water tower comes loose and tumbles away, exposing three scared Wonderbolts huddling together. Once it crashes down o.s., they come out of their panic, look around, and snap to hovering attention as if their botched takedown attempt was business as usual. They proceed to clear out as fast as their wings can carry them; cut back to the bridge.)

Rainbow: All in a day’s work.

(Rarity glances down at her necklace and what used to be a fine cape, then over toward the rail. Cut to Spike, sitting on it and staring glumly out over the devastation he has inflicted on Ponyville. He holds one of his own hands out so that its image is superimposed over one gargantuan footprint; in extreme close-up, his eyes quiver a bit at the thought that he could have turned his home inside out. On the start of the next line, pan slightly to frame one very happy white unicorn standing behind him.)

Rarity: Spike, I just have to tell you how absolutely proud I am of you. (Cut to frame both; he looks back at her.)

Spike: Proud of me?

Rarity: Yes. It was you who stopped…well, you…from destroying Ponyville. (Cut to him; she continues o.s.) You are my hero, Spikey-wikey.

(Now it is his turn to tear up and smile, and she gives him a kiss on the left cheek as during the birthday party. Zoom out from them to frame the other five ponies gathered at one end of the bridge, then dissolve to a close-up of a blank scroll and quill in Spike’s hands.)

Spike: (from o.s., writing) “Dear Princess Celestia: Today I learned a great lesson about friendship.”

(Dissolve to a close-up of Rarity outside the Carousel Boutique. She has donned a fresh cape, with the fire ruby on display as a gold-framed brooch, and she levitates five others in different colors and styles around herself.)

Spike: (voice over) “Well, you might think that it would feel good to get lots and lots of stuff…”

(Cut to a head-on view of Twilight and Pinkie. Twilight gets a blue one with white fur trim and gold cord collar ties.)

Spike: (voice over) “…but it doesn’t feel nearly as good as giving something special to somepony you really care about.”

(Pan slowly away from Twilight. Pinkie receives a lighter blue cape with fluffy white trim and a pink heart brooch. Fluttershy and Rainbow are already wearing theirs—light blue with white trim, a white bow at the neckline, and a daisy on the lowered hood for the former; blue with yellow hem and a red collar secured by a gold star brooch for the latter. The collar and hem on Rainbow’s cape are styled to resemble flames.)

Spike: (voice over) “But I learned that it truly is better to give than to receive—”

(The camera stops on Applejack, at the far end of the line and feeling a bit left out for the moment. Her mood brightens when the last cape settles on her shoulders: red, with a green collar and brown leather shoulder trim, held by a black bolo tie with a red-jeweled gold brooch.)

Spike: (voice over) “—and that kindness and generosity are what lead to true friendship.”

(On the end of this, cut to a longer shot of all six. Fluttershy now has her hood up, and Twilight and Pinkie have donned their capes; this angle reveals stars on the back of Twilight’s. From here, dissolve to a close-up of Spike’s message as he keeps writing.)

Spike: (from o.s.) “And that’s more valuable than anything in the world.”

(After he has signed it, zoom out to frame him in close-up, seen from the right side.)

Spike: Well…

(He turns around, exposing the lipstick print from Rarity’s second kiss—with a little picture frame stuck around it.)

Spike: …almost anything.

(“Iris out” to black around it, the iris taking the shape of the print’s outline. When this is the only thing still visible on the screen, it disappears to the sound of a kiss.)


HEARTH’S WARMING EVE

Written by Merriwether Williams

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Note:                All lines marked with one asterisk (*) are delivered as a voice over.

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to a long shot of Ponyville during the day. It is wintertime, and snow is falling steadily on the buildings and surrounding countryside. Zoom in on the mountain on which Canterlot stands as a train chugs upward from one tunnel to another, then cut to a close-up of it emerging onto a straight run. Unlike the train seen in “Over a Barrel,” this one relies on steam power rather than a pulling team. Twilight Sparkle, riding in the last car ahead of the caboose, has opened the rearmost of the three windows and is leaning out. Derpy Hooves and Mayor Mare can be seen in the front car, immediately behind the engine.)

Twilight: (giddily) We’re getting closer! (Middle one opens; Rainbow Dash looks out.)

Rainbow: I can hardly wait! (Front one opens; Fluttershy joins them.)

Fluttershy: I’m so excited, I…I feel like shouting! (barely audible) Woo-hoo!

(Pan to frame the next car up on the start of the next line; Applejack has her head out the rearmost window.)

Applejack: Hoo-wee! (pulling hat off) Canterlot, here we come!

(Middle window opens; Rarity pokes her head out, wearing a tall hat styled as a Christmas tree.)

Rarity: Oh, I do hope I look festive enough.

(The front window stays closed, but Pinkie Pie emerges from the hat’s upper section and points eagerly ahead.)

Pinkie: There it is! (The train rolls toward…) Canterlot! (…and out of sight around a bend.)

Ponies: (now o.s.) Ooooh…

(Dissolve to the Canterlot depot, where the train has stopped but soon rolls out.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) Oh, isn’t Canterlot wonderful this time of year?

(Once it has gone, she and the others are revealed to have been standing behind it on the platform. Pinkie has climbed out of Rarity’s hat so she can hop alongside the other five as they head out; Mayor Mare has disembarked as well and starts in the opposite direction. The snow is falling here as in Ponyville, and wreaths and lights have been set up. Applejack has her hat on.)

Rainbow: Yeah, I wish it was Hearth’s Warming Eve every day.

(The Cutie Mark Crusaders run past the group during this line. Dissolve to the six proceeding along a street, also liberally decorated for the holiday season.)

Applejack: There’s so much to look at! I feel like my dern eyes are gonna pop right outta my head!

Twilight: I have an idea. Let’s play “I Spy with My Little Eye” as we walk. I’ll go first. (looking around) I spy…

(Cut to a candy-cane pole on the sidewalk. Scootaloo and another filly have unwisely stuck their tongues on it and have frozen them to the surface.)

Twilight: (from o.s.) …an eight-foot candy cane! (Back to the group.)

Rainbow: I spy a snow pony!

(A pegasus mare has put one together on the sidewalk: scarf, top hat, coal eyes, broom tail.)

Pinkie: (hopping past others, pointing) I spy somepony eating a gingerbread house!

(She peels out; cut to one shop as the cash register inside rings up a sale. She zips out, carrying this very item, and chomps all but a tiny fragment of one corner in one cheek–bursting bite.)

Pinkie: (mouth full) And it’s me!

(The remains hit the ground and she starts chewing mightily while the other five have a laugh. Cut to an overhead view of them, zooming out slowly, and fade to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to the city’s main gate, with a very large number of ponies crossing the bridge over the nearby waterfall to enter. The sun has begun to set. Zoom in slowly and dissolve to a shot of a packed hall within Canterlot Castle, seen from the back. Wreaths and garlands are strung up on the columns along both sides, stretching over the gold-armored unicorn guards on duty. A stage is set up at the front end of the hall, and the camera zooms in slowly toward its closed curtain as a few last stragglers look for a place to sit or stand.)

(Dissolve to the stage, which sports light strings, bells, and banners in addition to wreaths and garlands. An orchestra is heard warming up. As the camera zooms in slowly, Derpy peeks out through the curtain and waves happily to the crowd. Cut to behind it; an annoyed earth pony stallion taps her, prompting her to pull her head back in and slink away with head hung low. Pan through this area as pegasi fly sun and cloud props into place, and continue on past a backing curtain into the backstage area. Ponies are suiting up for assorted roles, including various of the six friends when the camera reaches them during the next line. Pinkie: brown/yellow tunic/dress with lace hem and pink sleeves, white collar ruff, tail tucked in, large pink bow over the haunches, hat styled as a dish of chocolate pudding. Applejack: brown Tyrolean hat with curly white feather, body hidden by a box she is rummaging in. Rarity: ornate silver crown set with a blue jewel, long purple robe trimmed in purple-spotted white fur, purple/silver jeweled collar. She levitates a powder puff in front of Twilight’s face, while Fluttershy eyes herself in a mirror and Rainbow looks at a dark gray, Roman-style military helmet with a two-tone crest in this color and brass accents. The blue pegasus hovers near a hanging mirror.)

Twilight: I can’t believe that Princess Celestia chose us to put on the most important play of the season! Do you guys know what an honor this is— (Close-up; Rarity plies the puff.) —for all of us?

(An uneasy moan from the o.s. Fluttershy; pan to her.)

Fluttershy: I wish she hadn’t honored me quite so much. (turning away from mirror, panicked) I can’t go onstage! I don’t want everypony looking at me!

(She dashes away and tries to burrow into a box full of props, leaving only her jittery rear half protruding.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) Fluttershy, darling— (Zoom out to frame her.) —there’s nothing to feel nervous about. (Fluttershy peeks out.)

Fluttershy: No? (Rarity pushes her back to the mirror.)

Rarity: Of course not. (brushing Fluttershy’s mane) All across Equestria, ponies are preparing their own pageants for Hearth’s Warming Eve, in their own towns. It’s tradition.

(Cut to a close-up of the yellow pegasus on the second half of this line; she gets her eyelashes touched up, then flashes a reassured smile.)

Fluttershy: So you’re saying they’ll be too busy to come to our play?

(A pegasus adjusts Pinkie’s hat; now Twilight wears an old brown cape and magically flips its hood up.)

Rarity: Well, no. We’re in the Canterlot pageant, the biggest, most important production in all of Equestria. (floating puff toward Fluttershy) A lot of ponies will come to watch us.

(Cut to a close-up of the scared actress’s reflection on the end of this; the puff does its work.)

Fluttershy: A lot?

Rarity: (from o.s.) Hundreds. (Touch-up.)

Fluttershy: (starting to freak out) Hundreds? (Cut to frame both.)

Rarity: (gasping happily) Maybe even thousands!

(This sends Fluttershy into a terrified gasp and dive back to the box. The unicorn throws a slightly fed-up look her way before a gust of frigid wind and snow rips through the place from somewhere o.s.)

Rarity: Oh, my hair!

(Cut to Applejack, sitting on her haunches and pulling on a white shirt and brown jacket with short puffed sleeves.)

Rarity: (from o.s., pointing) Applejack, be a dear and shut those windows, will you?

(The workhorse throws a dirty look at her and crosses to an open window, through which the sky has gone a foreboding slate-gray. Rainbow’s hind legs and tail are hovering just into view, a hiss floating back into view to stand for a cheering crowd. Pan to frame her fully on the start of the next line; she has donned the helmet she found earlier and is still at the mirror. Neither the sight nor the sound improves Applejack’s mood.)

Rainbow: (chanting softly) Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! (Another “cheer”; she continues at full voice.) Thank you! Thank you!

Applejack: It’s a re-enactment of the founding of Equestria. (Rainbow drops to her level.) It’s not The Rainbow Dash Show.

Rainbow: Well, it should be The Rainbow Dash Show! I’m the star!

(Twilight sits up into view, having shed her cape and started her horn; in a longer shot, she is trying to pull Fluttershy out of the prop box with telekinesis.)

Twilight: Fluttershy, you’ve got to come out of there!

(Spike peeks in through the curtain; he is dressed in a blue Elizabethan-era jacket with orange-plumed, blue/violet cap and white collar ruff.)

Spike: Curtain in two minutes!

Pinkie: (hopping past Rarity) Twilight, let me handle this.

Rarity: My hair!

(The pink goofball’s solution is to grab Twilight by the head and haul backward while the latter keeps her magic hold on Fluttershy’s tail.)

Twilight: PIIINKIIIEEE!!

(She snaps out of Pinkie’s grip and goes into the box along with Fluttershy, and Pinkie shivers in the cold as Applejack and Rainbow continue their face-off.)

Applejack: The Hearth’s Warmin’ Eve pageant is about harmony and friendship!

Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rarity: SHUT THE WINDOW!! (Spike checks in, uneasily.)

Spike: Um…

(He ducks away again. Cut to the front of the audience; the lights dim and a spotlight flicks on the stage and the camera zooms in as a harpsichord plays. The curtain opens to frame the little dragon standing by a backdrop of a wreathed, lit fireplace. He turns to face the audience and begins to narrate, affecting a period-appropriate English accent for his lines. This shot frames a pair of striped yellow pantaloons that were not visible in his previous shots.)

Spike: Once upon a time, long before the peaceful rule of Celestia, and before ponies discovered our beautiful land of Equestria, ponies did not know harmony. (walking to stage edge) It was a strange and dark time, a time when ponies were torn apart…by hatred!

(A gasp from the audience, including the Crusaders in the front row.)

Spike: (aside to them, normal voice) I know. Can you believe it? (resuming character and accent) During this frightful age, each of the three tribes…

(Cut to a spot overhead; light comes up on three toga-clad pegasi hovering among suspended clouds.)

Spike: (from o.s.) …the pegasi… (Pan; light picks out three unicorns on a cliff.) …the unicorns… (Tilt down to stage; light on three exhausted earth ponies on a hillock.) …and the earth ponies… (Long shot of the entire stage.) …cared not for what befell the other tribes… (They turn their backs to each other as he moves to one side.) …but only for their own welfare.

(Curtain closes, leaving him alone in front of it.)

Spike: In those troubled times, as now… (Curtain opens; two pegasi shake a gray cloud, producing rain.) …the pegasi were the stewards of the weather.

(The cliff and hillock are still here, but the backdrop has changed to a blue sky with puffy white clouds. Close-up; one pushes the cloud away.)

Spike: (from o.s.) But they demanded something in return.

(The sun drops into view; zoom out to frame two toiling earth ponies on the stage as a farm field backdrop rolls down behind them. The cliff and hillock have been removed.)

Spike: (from o.s.) Food that could only be grown by the earth ponies.

(The pegasi descend to the stage as Sweetie Belle whispers to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. The two earth ponies grudgingly hand over stacks of vegetables to the pegasi, who lift off to make room for a pair of approaching unicorns.)

Spike: (from o.s.) The unicorns demanded the same…

(Which the earth ponies give over with the same reluctance, after which a backstage pegasus pulls a rope to hoist the sun away and lower a crescent moon in its place.)

Spike: (from o.s.) …in return for magically bringing forth day and night. (Stage lights dim to night; he approaches the edge.) And so mistrust between the tribes festered, until one fateful day, it came to a boil. And what prompted the ponies to clash? (Zoom in slowly; snow starts to fall again.) ’Twas a mysterious blizzard that overtook the land— (now o.s.) —and toppled the tribes’ precarious peace.

(By this point, the camera has zoomed far enough to put all the characters out of frame and focus on the hanging moon. The view dissolves to the actual moon in a gray night sky filled with blowing snow—a jump back in time to the actual events of this story—and the camera tilts down to a thickly blanketed settlement. Two shivering, raggedly clad earth ponies scratch at the frozen ground.)

* Spike: The normally industrious earth ponies were unable to farm their land.

(One digs out a tiny plant, only to see it wither to dust when she picks it up. Her eyes water in the wind, which kicks up hard enough to blow her out of frame along with all the snow on the roof of the hut behind her. The roof itself is next to go, followed by the walls; inside is a huddled group of earth ponies, who watch their meager fire go out in the biting wind.)

* Spike: The earth ponies were freezing.

(Pan/tilt up quickly to an elevated city that is home to the equally uncomfortable pegasi, and pan across the icicle-encrusted structures.)

* Spike: The home of the pegasi fared no better.

(One stallion yanks his helmet off and starts eating its crest.)

* Spike: The pegasi were hungry.

(He swallows with effort, clutching his stomach, and the camera pans quickly to a mountain castle.)

* Spike: And the unicorns were freezing and hungry.

(On this line, cut to several of them around a table in a bare banquet hall; a ladle is levitated from the cooking pot and drops a single bean on one mare’s plate. She bites her lip, struggling not to lose control of her watering eyes, and looks off to one side in a panic. A few others have gathered near the great barred doors and are telekinetically straining to hold them closed; she joins their effort, but the doors start to bow inward.)

* Spike: Even the unicorns’ magic was powerless against the storm.

(The doors give way, forcing the group to scatter and allowing the merciless blizzard to intrude on what has passed for dinner. Cut to a long shot of the castle and pan/tilt down quickly to one member of each race pulling at corners of a sack; on the next line, it rips open to spill out its cargo of a few vegetables.)

* Spike: Each tribe blamed the others for their suffering. (They get up and grimace, one by one.) And the angrier everypony grew… (A three-way brawl breaks out; more snow piles up.) …the worse the blizzard became.

(Dissolve to a large meeting hall in the earth pony settlement, seen from a short distance as members of all three races converge on it.)

* Spike: And so it was decided that a grand summit would be held—

(Dissolve to the interior, with a three-wall balcony that has been split into three sections with the tribes’ respective banners: winged pony head with stars, sun and fields, unicorn head with jewels. At ground level, a conference table has been set up and two pegasi and a unicorn keep watch at the doors.)

* Spike: —to figure out a way to cope with the blizzard. Each tribe sent their leaders.

(Brass horns blow a fanfare at the unicorns’ balcony; tilt down as Rarity enters, followed by two servants and wearing her costume. The crown sits slightly askew to accommodate her mane.)

* Spike: Daughter of the unicorn king, Princess Platinum.

(The horns blow a fanfare for the pegasi; tilt down as Rainbow flies in, wearing her crested helmet and a matching suit of armor marked with a lightning bolt. The two pegasi on this side have blocked the door with spears, but move them to allow her passage.)

* Spike: Ruler of the pegasi, Commander Hurricane.

(The fanfare for the earth ponies is played on kazoos; tilt down to frame Pinkie in her dessert-themed outfit.)

* Spike: And lastly, leader of the earth ponies… (She spits out confetti and hops in.) …Chancellor Puddinghead.

(Cut to balcony level as the helmet, hat, and crown are lifted into view, then tilt down to the table in time for them to be set on it.)

* Spike: Perhaps the three tribes could finally settle their differences and agree on a way to get through this disaster.

(During this line, the three trade distrustful looks—first in a pan from one to the next, then in a vertically divided three-way split screen. The camera then zooms out, the splits disappearing; they knock their headwear off the table and instantly break into a full-volume argument that lasts for several seconds. Rainbow is first to speak once it dies down.)

Rainbow: (pounding table) All I want to know is why the earth ponies are hogging all the food! (Angry yells from the pegasi.)

Pinkie: Us?! We’re not hogging all the food, you are!…Oh, wait. You’re right. It’s us…Well, it’s only ’cause you mean old pegasus-es-es-es are making it snow like crazy!

Rainbow: (pounding table) For the hundredth time, it’s not us! We’re not making it snow. It must be the unicorns! They’re doing it with their freaky magic! (Zoom in on Rarity; shocked gasp.)

Rarity: How dare you! Unlike you pegasi ruffians, we unicorns would never stoop to such a thing! Hum-a-phuh!

Unicorns: Hmph!

Pinkie: Well, if you non-earths aren’t gonna stop using your weirdo powers to freeze us all, then I’m just plumb out of ideas! (She flops head and forelegs on the table.)

Rainbow: What a shocker—an earth pony with no ideas! (Cut to the offended earths above.)

Rarity: (from o.s.) Commander Hurricane! (Back to the table.) Please cease with the insults! (Rainbow flies into her face.)

Rainbow: You’re not the boss of me, Your Royal Snootiness!

Rarity: I beg your pardon! (levitating crown onto head upside down, walking off) I am a princess! I won’t be spoken to that way! (Rainbow, now helmeted, tries to pass.)

Rainbow: Well, I’m leaving first!

Pinkie: (from o.s.) No, I’m first!

(On the end of this, pan ahead to her at the door, having donned her pudding hat. She gets her front hooves to the handles as the other two charge up behind her. Cut to just outside the door, which bends outward to the sound of their arguing and then opens partway. The three leaders fight to push through; in a dissolve to a longer shot and zoom out, they make it all the way out and depart in different directions.)

* Spike: And the blizzard raged on.

(The camera retreats up through a gap in the clouds. Beyond this are three gaunt stallion specters, outlined in glowing white and with eyes of the same color. They voice a screeching neigh, releasing fresh wind gusts from their mouths. Snap to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to the stage. Pinkie, Rarity, and Rainbow look daggers at each other from ground, cliff, and clouds, respectively; Spike stands in front to continue the narration. The backing curtain stands exposed behind them.)

Spike: So the summit of the tribes did not turn out as well as hoped. (Exit the three, stage right/left/up.) And the three leaders returned home to lick their wounds— (A backdrop of snowflakes and night sky comes down.) —and basically complain.

(He delivers these last three words without the stage accent as a snarky aside. Zoom in until the backdrop fills the screen; the snowflakes begin to drift, marking a transition back to the past. Pan/tilt down to frame Fluttershy resting on a cloud, near a group of columns decorated with pegasus soldier statues; Rainbow flashes past, then stops to face her from the top of a flight of steps. The yellow flyer wears armor of her own and a less intricate helmet contoured to resemble a sun hat.)

Rainbow: (like a drill instructor) Atten-shun!

(Fluttershy snaps upright and salutes, then falls through the cloud to land at the base of the steps. The hit knocks her silly for a moment.)

Rainbow: Well? Aren’t you curious about how it went?

Fluttershy: Oh! Uh…Commander Hurricane, sir! How did it go, sir? (Rainbow knocks some snow off the steps.)

Rainbow: Horribly! (as Fluttershy comes up, snow on helmet) Those other tribe leaders are so disrespectful! Don’t they realize that we are a mighty tribe of warriors and should not be crossed?

(A gesture for emphasis knocks the snow loose again and leaves Fluttershy scrabbling for balance.)

Rainbow: We have got to break ranks with those weak foals!

(Fluttershy tumbles to the bottom, throwing up a screenful of snow when she lands. This slides away to frame the open doors of the unicorns’ castle, seen from inside. A shivering Rarity stumbles in, with her crown now on right-side up.)

Rarity: Clover the Clever! I need you!

(She pitches to the floor. Now Twilight walks up, dressed in the old brown cape and hood she was using backstage, and levitates a blanket over the princess.)

Twilight: Yes, Your Majesty. (as Rarity stands up) Did the other pony tribes see reason as I predicted? (She magically closes the doors.)

Rarity: (pacing) Those other tribes are impossible! (flopping onto a cushioned bench) I, for one, can no longer bear to be anywhere those lowly creatures. (Twilight floats a tub of water to her.) The unicorns are noble and majestic. We will no longer consort with the likes of them!

(She gets off the bench and plunks her front hooves in the tub, liberally splashing Twilight. Zoom in on the snow-filled window behind her and dissolve to a red field against which tiny black flakes are raining down. A zoom out frames this as the interior of a cold fireplace, the flakes are soot from the chimney, dislodged by Pinkie’s slide down it to land on the hearth. A longer shot of this area reveals it to be a bare room; Applejack stands by the closed doors, wearing her brown jacket and Tyrolean hat from backstage.)

Applejack: (pointing to door) Wouldn’t it have been easier to use the door, Chancellor?

Pinkie: Maybe for you, Smart Cookie, but I am a chancellor. (standing up on hind legs; Applejack approaches) I was elected because I know how to think outside the box, which means…

(She ducks back into the fireplace and shoves her head up the chimney, causing her next line to reverberate through stone and air.)

Pinkie: …I can also think inside the chimney. (Pause.) Can you think inside a chimney?

Applejack: I…

Pinkie: (walking past her, face covered in soot) I didn’t think so.

(Applejack rolls her eyes and groans wearily. The boss, facing away from the camera, stops in her tracks.)

Pinkie: Oh my gosh… (turning to camera; soot falls off face) …hold on to your hooves. (grinning hugely, eyes shining; zoom in) I am just about to be brilliant!

Applejack: (aside) That’d be a first.

Pinkie: I have decided that the earth ponies are gonna go it alone!

Applejack: Aw, so you mean the other tribes didn’t come around? Shoot. I really thought we could get through to them if we— (Pinkie gets in her face.)

Pinkie: Don’t worry about them. (resting forelegs on Applejack’s shoulders) We’re the ones with all the food, right?

Applejack: Uh, actually, we’re all out. (Pinkie backs off.)

Pinkie: (pacing to doors) Fine! Then we’ll have to go somewhere new where we can grow some new food. (opening them) And with me as our fearless leader, what could go wrong?

(She has not noticed the wall of snow built up just outside; it gets her attention by sliding in to bury her and half-block the entrance. The pudding hat ends up on top of the mass.)

Applejack: (sardonically) Where should I start? (Pinkie puts her head up.)

Pinkie: The point is…

(Her face becomes part of a three-way split screen, with Rarity and Rainbow in the other two sections.)

Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity: …we must find a new land!

(Snap to black.)

(Fade in to Rainbow flying through the brutal blizzard. After a few hundred yards, she stops in midair with a disgusted little groan and doubles back.)

Rainbow: Come on, Private Pansy! (She reaches a struggling Fluttershy.) Let’s get a move on! Hut-one-hut-two!

(A lightning strike sends the panicked subordinate into her CO’s hooves with a choked cry.)

Rainbow: (dropping her) Get a hold of yourself, Private! We cannot let anything distract us from the mission at hand— (pushing her ahead) —to find, and if necessary, to conquer a new land!

(The equine bulldozer goes back to it.)

Fluttershy: Conquer, sir? (They stop.)

Rainbow: (looking around/over/under Fluttershy) You never know where enemies might be lurking.

Fluttershy: Uh, I don’t see any enemies, Commander. Just snow.

Rainbow: (pointing ahead) Aha!

(A short pan frames the object of her attention: a black cloud with the vague outline of a winged, horse-like beast. She throws herself at it.)

Rainbow: Who’s that?

(While she assiduously delivers a pummeling to the phantasm, Fluttershy catches sight of a tiny black cloud floating right next to her. She lets off a yelp and dives back into Rainbow’s hooves.)

Rainbow: Okay, this is getting old.

(She drops Fluttershy again. Wipe to a snowy patch of forest; Twilight and Rarity pick their way through the bushes, and the latter moans her discontent.)

Rarity: This is simply taking forever! My hooves are killing me! How long have we been walking for?

Twilight: About five minutes, Your Highness.

(As she says this, she pushes some branches aside to expose the unicorns’ castle a very short distance behind them.)

Rarity: (groaning, moving ahead) I never imagined finding a new land would be so hard! But it’ll all be worth it—don’t you agree?

Twilight: I actually think that the three tribes could’ve tried harder. (Rarity stops short.)

Rarity: STOOOOOOP!! (Twilight gallops up.)

Twilight: What’s wrong?

Rarity: (pointing ahead) That is what’s wrong!

(Cut to a close-up of “that.” It appears to be a river filled with dangerous rocks, flowing mightily in a deep gorge, but a longer shot with Twilight and Rarity at the edge exposes it as a small stream with stepping stones.)

Twilight: (walking ahead) Your Highness, it’s just a stream. (She steps across.) We can cross it easily.

Rarity: I refuse to get my gown wet. I have no intention of arriving at my new land looking like a bedraggled earth pony— (Twilight rolls her eyes.) —or worse yet, a rough-and-tumble pegasus. I, for one, have no intention of stooping down to their level. (Pause.) On the other hand, I have no trouble watching you stoop down.

(Another eye roll from the violet unicorn, accompanied by a frustrated groan. Dissolve to a close-up of her rather fed-up expression; a rope bridle has been fitted up, and Rarity holds the reins and sits on her back. Zoom out as the “mount” starts across the stream.)

Rarity: And do watch the gown, darling. It’s worth more than all of the books in your library.

(Wipe to Applejack and Pinkie traveling along a clifftop path. Pinkie has attached a map to her hat brim so that it covers her face, with holes torn out for her eyes and mouth. In close-up, they pace back and forth for a few seconds; behind them, an exposed rock wall shows a multitude of embedded gems.)

Pinkie: Yes, yes. (Stop; she points.) This is definitely the right direction.

Applejack: It feels like we’re goin’ in circles.

(A longer shot of the pair proves that they have been doing exactly that—with the circle being only a few feet wide to boot.)

Pinkie: But that’s impossible! Are you suggesting that I’m reading the map wrong?

Applejack: Absolutely not, Your Chancellor-ness. It’s just that there are holes in the map, and—

Pinkie: Of course! (walking toward edge) How else could I see where I was going?

Applejack: Yeah, uh—

Pinkie: Or talk? (The snow underneath her starts to crumble.) I need to be able to talk. I mean, how would we survive if I just suddenly shut up? (She has backed off the edge by now.)

Applejack: (wearily) Heaven forbid that should happen, Your Chancellorship. Heh. (rolling map briefly off Pinkie’s face) It’s just that the map is also upside down.

Pinkie: I got a news flash for you, Cookie. (whispering) The Earth is round. There is no up or down. (She walks off.)

Applejack: (feigning agreement) You’re right! It’s such a relief to me that you’re in charge of this map. (Pinkie stops short.)

Pinkie: Relief? (She backs up quickly.) You don’t need relief! If anypony needs relief around here, it’s me! I’m a chancellor! I’m a big shot! You’re just my, uh…mmm…my…wha—

Applejack: Secretary.

Pinkie: Whatever!

(She sucks the whole map into her mouth and chews a bit; close-up of the irked second banana’s face as the spit-soaked document is stuck onto it.)

Pinkie: (from o.s.) You take the map, while I enjoy some relief.

(Cut to frame both on the end of this, she walks toward the same spot that nearly gave out on her earlier. This time, she goes straight over the edge as Applejack pulls the map loose.)

Applejack: (wearily) Yes, Chancellor Puddin’head.

(Said chancellor pokes her head back up with a big stupid grin before the curtain comes down. When it rises again, Spike stands alone on the cleared stage, under a spotlight.)

Spike: And so… (crossing to one side) …each leader encountered obstacles along the way. But eventually, they all arrived in a new and wondrous land.

(The backing curtain opens to reveal a scenery flat being lowered into place: tall mountains and clouds above a lush green meadowland. Zoom in on this as Spike continues.)

Spike: Nopony had ever seen paradise before.

(Dissolve to an actual mountain—the past again. The sky here is a clear blue, dotted by only a few fluffy clouds, and Rainbow flies around the peak while Fluttershy hangs back at lower altitude.)

Rainbow: (somersaulting off clouds) This is the new land we’ve been searching for!

Fluttershy: What a view! (pointing down) I can see my future house from here!

Rainbow: I proclaim this new land to be…

(Ducking away, she produces a banner with the pegasus tribe’s crest on a long pole in her teeth. Close-up of its spike being driven into a cloud, then cut to a longer shot: the emblem now flying alongside Rainbow.)

Rainbow: …Pegasopolis!

(The banner waves across the screen in close-up; behind its edge, the view wipes to Rarity hunched down and happily eyeing a pile of gems on the ground.)

Rarity: I’ve never seen such jewels! (floating a large one free) This ruby is dazzling.

(Zoom out quickly to frame her and Twilight on a mountain path. Every exposed rock face in this area is studded with exposed precious stones, just as the ones in the area Applejack and Pinkie were reconnoitering. Twilight no longer wears the bridle from the stream crossing, and Rarity stands up.)

Rarity: This whole land is dazzling! (rearing up) I’m double-dazzled!

(She squeals delightedly and drapes herself over the pile.)

Rarity: In the name of the unicorns, I hereby dub this land…Unicornia!

(On the end of this, she magically plants a pole with the unicorn tribe’s banner. It floats across the screen in close-up; behind the trailing edge, wipe to a blissful Pinkie’s head rising against a clear sky—she is jumping.)

Pinkie: The air! (She peeks out of a tree’s high boughs.) The trees!

(Next she lands on a spot of earth, throwing clods everywhere; zoom out to frame herself on a small hill and Applejack standing nearby.)

Pinkie: The dirt! (lying on belly, spreading it  around) This dirt is the dirtiest dirt in the whole dirt world! (Applejack picks up a clump.)

Applejack: And fertile, too!

(A brand-new shoot pokes up from this, right on cue.)

Applejack: Perfect for growin’ food. (It grows a bit; back to Pinkie, now up, on the next line.)

Pinkie: In the name of the earth ponies, I think I’m gonna call this new place…uh…Dirtville!

Applejack: (unimpressed) How ’bout Earth? (Pause.)

Pinkie: (beaming) Earth! (flipping hat off head) Congratulations to me for thinking of it.

(The silly thing has landed brim up, and a banner with the earth ponies’ crest instantly springs up on a pole. It floats up past the camera; behind its lower trailing edge, a three-way split screen of the leaders assembles itself.)

Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity: We’ve found our new home!

(Pink, blue, and white faces register wide-eyed surprise all at once, and the camera zooms out as the splits disappear. All three expeditions have staked their claims within just a few yards of each other.)

Rainbow: I planted my flag first!

Rarity: Did not!

Rainbow: Did too!
Pinkie: I planted mine earlier than first. (It falls over.)

Rarity: All of you riffraff are trespassing in Unicornia!

Rainbow: The name is Pegasopolis!

Pinkie: Earth!

Rainbow: Pegasopolis!

Rarity: Unicornia!

Rainbow: I say we fight for the land. (She flies over to Rarity.) May the best pony win!

(A strong wind begins to blow through the temperate land.)

Rarity: That’s barbaric. (She levitates Twilight up front.) Clover the Clever, throw that brute into the dungeon!

Twilight: What dungeon?! (The wind stops.) Look. (Cut to her.) Perhaps if we all calm down…

Applejack: (from o.s.) I agree. (Cut to her.) Let’s all calm down.

Fluttershy: I vote for calm. (Rainbow rounds on her; flurries start flying.)

Rainbow: I’ll have you court-martialed for insubordination, Private! We settle this on the battlefield!

(A snowball is flung into view, catching her square in the mush and provoking a good laugh from Rarity. The merriment ends when she gets hit next; she shakes herself clean, grimaces, and glares up at the chortling multicolored flyer.)

Rarity: Who dares throw a snowball at royalty?!?

(On the end of this, cut to Pinkie; the pile of snowballs next to her, and the one she has ready to throw, mark her as the culprit. She nervously drops this one, then regards the snow with consternation.)

Pinkie: Wait a minute…where’d all this snow come from, anyway? (Zoom out to a long shot of all six ponies; wind kicks up.)

Rainbow: Oh, no. Not again!

(The camera movement continues, more slowly this time, up through a hole in the overhanging gray clouds. Just as at the end of Act One, the three ghostly stallions are present here; now, though, they are galloping in a tight circle to swirl the clouds. Their screeching calls cut through the wind noise before the view snaps to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: fade in to a long shot of the stage. The curtain is closed, and Spike stands alone in a spotlight.)

Spike: And so the paradise that the ponies had found was soon lost— (Close-up; he paces.) —buried beneath a thick blanket of snow and hard feelings. (with growing melodrama) Instead of beautiful, it was blizzard-y. Instead of wonderful, it was wintry! Instead of spectacular, it was snow-tacular! Instead of— (A mare in the audience stands up.)

Mare: We get it! Move on!

(The little narrator voices an embarrassed laugh, clears his throat, and gets back in character.)

Spike: Everypony was forced to seek shelter. They searched high and low— (Curtain opens, showing a snowy path to a cave; zoom in.) —but the only shelter for miles was a cold and desolate cave.

(The zoom puts him out of frame as he finishes, after which the view dissolves to just outside the actual cave and zooms in. All three pairs of explorers have gathered inside and done away with their various headwear.)

* Spike: And of course, the three tribes had to share it. (Close-up pan; the leaders glare at each other.) And nopony was too happy about that.

Rarity: Please, Commander Hothead.

Rainbow: It’s Commander Hurricane.

Rarity: (clearing throat, more politely) Please, Commander, could you just stand back and give me my royal space?

Rainbow: (planting a hoof near Rarity) You mean like this, Your Highness?

Rarity: Indeed not. (She pushes it back and points at the ground.) You see this invisible line?  

Rainbow: (to Fluttershy) Private, outline our territory for everypony to see.

(The timid soldier flies to a spot of clear ground on this line, then hesitantly begins to scratch a marking into the dirt. To speed the process along, Rainbow lifts her by the hindquarters and drags her sideways to draw out the boundary all the way to the cave’s back wall.)

Rainbow: See this real, non-invisible line? No unicorns or earth ponies are allowed to cross it. (She sets Fluttershy down on “their” side.) This is the sovereign territory of Pegasopolis. (Close-up of Rarity.)

Rarity: Clover the Clever?

(The screen splits vertically as a panel displaying Pinkie slides in.)

Pinkie: Uh, Smart Cookie! (Both underlings trudge by.)

Applejack: I know, I know.

(Snap to black, which tiles in with three diagonal panels that frame one violet, one yellow, and one orange-tan hoof drawing lines in the dirt. In a fullscreen view, the hooves of Twilight and Applejack run smack into each other; tilt up to their surprised faces, then cut to frame all three. As these two draw in other directions, Fluttershy finds a rock in her path and starts to trace a detour, putting the rock outside “Pegasopolis.” This sits very badly with the commander.)

Rainbow: What are you doing? (She flies to Fluttershy.) Don’t go around the rock, go over it! I’m not giving up an inch of territory to the enemy! (Rarity zips over.)

Rarity: That rock is clearly on the Unicornia side of the cave, and it belongs to us! (aside, to Twilight; zoom in on the pair) Who knows? There could be jewels inside.

(An o.s. kick and grunt; now Rainbow has knocked it loose and into pegasus territory.)

Rainbow: I claim this rock for Pegasopolis!

Rarity: Unhand that rock this instant, you scoundrel! (Pinkie zips over to Rainbow.)

Pinkie: (smiling) Oh, look, you found my rock! I’ve been looking for it everywhere.

(She nips it in her teeth and dashes away, leaving four perplexed ponies in her wake.)

Rainbow: Hey!

(Cut to a corner of the cave near the entrance; Pinkie sets the rock down within a traced-out enclosure.)

Rainbow: (from o.s.) You invaded our territory!

Pinkie: (tauntingly) Finders keepers, losers weepers! (Back to Rainbow.)

Rainbow: That’s the last straw!

(Tilt down to ground level as she defiantly steps over the border; Pinkie eyes her quizzically, having picked up the bit of stone in her mouth.)

Rarity: Give me my rock!

(No dice. The flipped-out pink chancellor gallops away, the camera cutting to an extreme close-up of the spot where all three frontiers meet. She and her two rivals gallop back and forth, yelling all the while, and Twilight puts an exasperated hoof to her face. Pinkie stops next to her and makes a silly face as the wind begins to blow within the cave. Rarity and Rainbow stomp and shout, watched by a confused Fluttershy and an irked Applejack, respectively. In a long shot of the cave interior and zoom out, the winter storm is revealed to be actually raging inside the cave, clouds and all. This time, though, sheets of ice are slowly spreading down the walls from the ceiling.)

Twilight: (pointing) Look, everypony! The entrance!

(Cut to just outside it. The ice slowly expands to completely cover it over, stopping the argument for a moment; back to the trio inside.)

Rainbow: (walking off; Pinkie does the same) Great! Now there’s no way out! We’re trapped!

Rarity: You two deserve this horrible fate! You’ve done nothing but argue and fight with each other! (Pan to Fluttershy and Rainbow.)

Rainbow: You’ve been fighting too, Your Highness!

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Yeah!

(Cut to a close-up of her hooves and zoom out slowly. The ice has worked its way across the floor and is starting to spread upward over her as Applejack watches incredulously.)

Pinkie: Worse! I haven’t been fighting nearly as much as you!

Rarity: How ridiculous! (It starts to cover her as well.) A unicorn never stoops to fighting! (Twilight backs off.)

(On the start of the next line, cut to Rainbow, who is getting the same treatment before Fluttershy’s disbelieving eyes.)

Rainbow: That’s just ’cause you wimpy unicorns know you’d never win! (Fluttershy backs off.) Earth ponies are numbskulls!

Rarity: Pegasi are brutes!

Pinkie: Unicorns are snobs!

(As soon as each insult is delivered, the ice completely seals off its hurler’s face; all three are now frozen head to hoof in motionless hostility, as seen in a pan from Pinkie to Rarity to Rainbow. The three seconds stare at the encroaching freeze line, their backs to each other, then retreat toward the common junction of their three borders. Upon colliding, they whirl to face each other with a drawn-out cry of surprise, then sigh with relief. However, the unearthly stallions’ neighs send the relaxation packing in a heartbeat; they clutch at each other with a triple scream. A glance overhead shows the three figures circling amid the swirling clouds.)

Fluttershy: (shivering) What is that thing?

Twilight: They must be… (Pupils constrict; ears droop.) …windigos!

Applejack: Fluttershy: W-W-Windigos? (All three back off.)

Twilight: My mentor, Starswirl the Bearded, taught me about them. They’re winter spirits that feed off fighting and hatred. (Cut to the windigos; she continues o.s.) The more hate the spirit feels, the colder things become.

Applejack: (from o.s.) Then…this is our fault. (Back to the three.) We three tribes…we brought this blizzard to our home by fightin’ and not trustin’ each other. (glancing at the ice) Now it’s destroyin’ this land too.

(The frozen edge has advanced to just behind Twilight’s rear hooves, she takes a step to get ahead of it.)

Twilight: And now our bodies will become as cold as our hearts— (They huddle together.) —all because we were foolish enough to hate.

(Long, shivering pause.)

Fluttershy: Well, I don’t hate you. (glancing at Rainbow) I actually hate Commander Hurricane a lot more than I hate you guys.

(Twilight and Applejack laugh, Fluttershy smiles in return, and one of the windigos backs up with a puzzled little neigh. This does not stop the ice from advancing up the yellow private’s legs.)

Fluttershy: Actually, I don’t really hate her. (as all three start to freeze) I just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really dislike her.

(All three laugh as the camera tilts up to the circulating windigos; cut back to them after a moment. The ice is working its way up their necks now.)

Applejack: Well, I don’t hate you guys either.

Twilight: Nor do I.

(Cut to the specters, who whinny in shock and increase their speed.)

Applejack: (from o.s.) No matter what our differences… (Back to the three.) …we’re all ponies.

(Smiling tranquilly, they close their eyes and rest their heads against each other as the ice finishes its inexorable advance to leave them entombed like the others. The tip of Twilight’s horn is left exposed, and it comes to life with a glow tipped by a blinding white spark. In one swift flash, the three-pony iceberg has thawed itself out; brilliant pink fire pours upward from the horn as its owner’s eyes burn pure white. She floats slightly off the ground while the blaze gushes toward the windigos; Fluttershy backs up, Applejack ditto, and within seconds the clouds and ghosts have dissipated.)

(Her energy spent, Twilight drops into a haunch-sitting position while the fire shapes itself into a flaming, floating, throbbing heart layered in multiple shades of pink.)

Fluttershy: What was that?

Applejack: I didn’t know unicorns could do that. (Twilight straightens up.)

Twilight: I didn’t either. (as Applejack, Fluttershy gather close to her) Nothing like this has ever happened before. (smiling) But I know it couldn’t have been just me. (Zoom out slowly.) It came from all three of us, joined together in friendship.

(Close-up of one extended foreleg on this last word. Fluttershy lays one of her own on top, followed by Applejack. Dissolve to a slow pan across the cave; the three leaders remain frozen, while their flunkies talk and laugh.)

* Spike: All through the night, the three ponies kept the fire of friendship alive, by telling stories to one another—

(Dissolve to them, singing, and tilt up toward the ceiling and the fiery heart that floats overhead. The place has begun to defrost.)

* Spike: —and by singing songs, which of course became the winter carols that we all still sing today.

(Ground level, panning from these three to Rainbow, whose ice covering begins to melt as well.)

* Spike: Eventually, the warmth of the fire and singing and laughing reached the leaders—

(The Technicolor-maned head shakes itself back to consciousness; next the princess approaches room temperature.)

* Spike: —and their bodies began to thaw.

(Applejack drags a fully-thawed Pinkie up by the collar; a shake to dry herself out, and Pinkie grabs Applejack up in a hug.)

* Spike: And it even began to melt their hearts.

(All six are now dry, warm, and in good spirits. A rumble brings their eyes around to the entrance, where the ice sheet locking them in is also breaking down to let the sunlight in. The entire screen flashes white, then clears to show them standing outside the cave and back in their respective hats/helmets/etc. Zoom out to show that the blizzard has ended, leaving blue sky and birdsong; only some snow in the trees remains as evidence of the subzero ordeal.)

(Cut to pan across the cheerful six, then to a close-up of a pole being rammed into the ground. Rainbow hits its top end with a rock to drive it in, then winks.)

* Spike: The three leaders agreed to share the beautiful land—

(Pinkie and Rarity pull on a rope in their teeth, hauling up a banner, as the three underlings watch. It depicts a sky-blue field with white stars, against which the stylized figures of Celestia and Princess Luna circle around a sun and crescent moon. In this shot, the background looks more like a scenery flat than the actual landscape.)

* Spike: —and live in harmony forever afterwards. (Zoom out to frame the ponies.) And together, they named their new land…

(The zoom reveals that the action has in fact shifted back to the stage.)

Ponies: …EQUESTRIA!

(Wild applause from the crowd as the curtain closes. It reopens after several seconds, showing the six actresses standing in a line and without their hats. Zoom out slightly as Spike runs up to joins them; all seven take a bow, and confetti and streamers explode from the proscenium while the bells on the wreaths ring.)

Celebratory hymn with full orchestra, majestic 4 (D major)

(Every voice in the hall, on and off the stage, joins the song to create a choral harmony.)

All:                 The fire of friendship lives in our hearts

                As long as it burns, we cannot drift apart

(Dissolve to the Crusaders.)

                Though quarrels arise, their numbers are few

(Dissolve to a pan across the stage and three embraces: Pinkie/Rainbow, Twilight/Rarity, Applejack/Fluttershy—with Spike singing alongside the last of these pairs.)

                Laughter and singing will see us through [will see us through]

(The view shifts in two dissolve/zoom-out cycles to frame first the stage, then the entire hall.)

All:                We are a circle of pony friends

                A circle of friends we’ll be to the very end

Song ends

(The curtain closes to the sound of enthusiastic applause. Cut to just outside the Canterlot city gate, the crowd’s approval ringing through a sky that has deepened into night, then dissolve to a pan across the backstage area. Ponies are relaxing back here, now out of costume; Applejack goes to stretch her legs as the camera reaches the other five on the start of the next line.)

Twilight: We should be so honored that Princess Celestia chose us!

(Pinkie throws a foreleg around Rarity’s shoulders and gives her a silly, tongue-hanging smile.)

Twilight: She must really think we exemplify what good friends are.

(A snowy blast of wind lances through here, leaving only Rarity upright. Cut to the windows—either blown open again or never closed before the show began—and pan to frame Applejack, with Rarity looking on from the foreground.)

Rarity: Applejack? (Applejack turns to her.) I thought you closed all the windows.

Applejack: (incensed) Don’t blame me. (gesturing to Rainbow) Rainbow Dash should’ve flown up there and shut it. After all, she’s got wings.

Rainbow: Why do I always have to do all the high-up chores? (flying down to Twilight) Why can’t Twilight use her magic for a change?

(Zoom out slowly as Fluttershy and Pinkie walk back over to these four and a lively argument breaks out. It comes to an abrupt end when a windigo’s sepulchral neigh asserts itself loud and clear along with the arctic gusts.)

Rainbow: (smiling) You know what? I got it.

(Her flight o.s. is followed by the sound of the window being closed and laughter from the other five. Dissolve to a long shot of Canterlot and zoom out to frame the multi-layered pink heart—first kindled by the three unlikely friends so many years ago, now stoked again by these six—floating among the stars above. Fade to black.)


FAMILY APPRECIATION DAY

Written by Cindy Morrow

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Note:        All lines marked with one asterisk (*) are delivered as a voice over.

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to a long shot of Sweet Apple Acres at night and zoom in slowly on the main barn. A wolf’s lonely howl echoes in the distance before the view dissolves to Applejack asleep in her bed, sans hat. Her slumber comes to an abrupt halt thanks to a sustained clatter of metal on metal; as she sits up in bed, Apple Bloom comes to her door, a cloth cap pulled down over her mane. Cut to the closed window curtains, which Applejack opens so she and Bloom can look out over the farmyard.)

Granny Smith: (from o.s.) The timber wolves are a-howlin’!

(Cut to outside the window and zoom out quickly to a nearby hill on the end of this. Granny gallops by, pots and pans hung over her back to create the racket that woke the sisters up.)

Granny: The timber wolves are a-howlin’!

(Now Big Macintosh peeks out from the next window as another howl pierces the stillness.)

Macintosh: Ee-yup. (Cut to Granny, still on the move.)

Granny: The Zap Apples are comin’! (Zoom out to frame Applejack and Bloom watching.) The Zap Apples are comin’!

(Big and little sisters trade a slightly concerned look, then break out in smiles.)

Applejack, Bloom, Macintosh: (Macintosh in next room) Yay! (Outside, framing all three.) The Zap Apples are comin’! (Granny stands up into view, having stopped.)

Granny: That’s what I said!

(She rears up to bang two pots around her neck as the camera zooms in on the three grandchildren, the younger two of which trade a slightly embarrassed smile at these words. Fade to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of the barn. It is now the following morning, and Granny looks out from the loft window above the main door.)

Granny: Hey, silly goose! Quit your gawkin’ and move your caboose!

(During this line, pan away from her across a stretch of healthy apple trees and stop on a tract of magenta-hued ones that are totally barren. No fruit, no leaves, nothing. Macintosh hauls a cart stacked with empty tubs, while Applejack—with her hat on—has brought a smaller one in.)

Macintosh: Ee-yup.

(Applejack throws a couple of tubs into position by the trees, grabbing their handles in her teeth to do so. Zoom out to just inside one window; Bloom is looking on, her bow in place, and she turns to call to Granny.)

Bloom: Ready, Granny! (Quick pan to Granny, in a rocking chair by the stairs. Pause.)

Granny: Ready for what? (Bloom crosses to her.)

Bloom: For makin’ Zap Apple jam! (Granny perks up.)

Granny: Darn tootin’! It’s time for some good old-fashioned Zap Apple jammin’!

Bloom: (saluting, jumping) Yes, ma’am! I can’t wait, ma’am!

(Despite her enthusiasm, the matriarch goes back to her leisurely rocking.)

Granny: Wait for what?

Bloom: To make Zap Apple jam with you! (Granny perks up again.)

Granny: Of course! (She jumps down and crosses the room.) Now I’ve been doin’ this ever since I was a little pony— (Bloom falls in behind her.) —so be warned, pickle pear. There’s a whole mess of steps in this process, and you gots to get each one of ’em just right—

(On the end of this, she enters the kitchen and retrieves a large platter from a cupboard. The camera then zooms in slightly.)

Granny: (ominously) —or no Zap Apple jam!

(Cut to Bloom; a broom is held out to her.)

Granny: (from o.s.) Take this.

Bloom: (excitedly) Uh, is this one of your gazillion secret herbal ingredients for the Zap Apple jam?

(Longer shot; Granny is right in front of her, with the handle in her mouth. She passes it to Bloom, who gets hold of it likewise.)

Granny: That there’s a broom. (winking) Now get sweepin’, pipsqueak! Now while you sweep, I’ll get to… (trailing off) …uh…say…somethin’ or, uh… (frustrated) …aw, pony feathers! (walking off) Why, I’d forget my mane if it wasn’t attached to my head.

(The pipsqueak in question plies the broom on the kitchen floor. Cut to the barren trees, many of which have had tubs set at their bases now. Applejack gets another one in position as a strong gust of wind sets a few stray leaves swirling around her. Macintosh steps into view near the camera; cut to him, head lifted to sniff the air. The sky darkens to a foreboding gray as storm clouds rapidly move in to form an impenetrable blanket above the lifeless grove. While Applejack and Macintosh watch in trepidation, a few sparks of electricity begin to crackle among the branches, causing them to vibrate wildly on the trunks. The discharges grow, leaping from tree to tree and spreading to the outermost limbs; in close-up, one cluster instantly sprouts a set of broad, deep magenta leaves at the end of each. Cut to the two siblings, the sunlight reasserting itself from above.)

Applejack: (smiling) There’s the Zap Apple leaves! (All the trees now have them; the sky clears.) Right on schedule.

(Pan back to the road leading to the main entrance of Sweet Apple Acres. Two ponies are approaching, one of which is Diamond Tiara. The other is a light brown earth pony stallion with a dark gray-brown mane/tail, blue eyes, and a cutie mark of three money bags. He wears a white shirt collar, dark gray suit jacket lapels, and a red necktie that is not wholly visible due to the camera angle behind the pair. This is Filthy Rich.)

(Cut to a close-up of a watering can set on the ground and zoom out slightly. Two others stand to either side of it, with spaces in between them, and Granny hops through them while singing the alphabet. She is now dressed in a lavender bunny suit, and Bloom follows in a blue one. After Granny reaches G, cut to Diamond and Filthy; now the latter can be clearly seen to have prominent eyebrows and a dollar sign on his necktie. Diamond is less than impressed by the spectacle, which is accompanied by Granny singing her way to P as she hops past them. The stuck-up little filly snickers nastily as the camera cuts to an overhead shot of the yard. A total of seven cans have been placed in a circle, and the two Apples stop short at the laughing.)

Granny: Well, howdy do there, Filthy Rich!

(Filthy speaks with the voice of a genial older Southern gentleman.)

Filthy: Hello, Mrs. Smith. Did I hear right that there’s a Zap Apple harvest comin’ in a few days?

Granny: Four days, to be exact. (Diamond smiles wickedly.)

Filthy: Excellent news! And as usual, I get your first hundred jars?

(The camera shifts slightly to reveal that Diamond’s attention is trained wholly on Bloom, who in turn is staring worriedly at her grandmother.)

Granny: ’Course, Filthy.

Filthy: Uh, I prefer Rich. (Granny hops off; he walks after her.)

Granny: Oh, and how is your pappy doing?

Diamond: (to Bloom, mockingly) Oh, you poor, poor thing.  Having to make all that Zap Apple jam with Granny Smith.

(Bloom’s bunny ears droop sadly during this line, after which Diamond mimes shoving a hoof down her throat to make herself vomit. However, the yellow filly quickly perks up again.)

Bloom: Actually, I’ve been lookin’ forward to makin’ Zap Apple jam for years.

Diamond: I’m not talking about the jam, I’m talking about Granny Smith.

(Cut to just behind Bloom, who confusedly takes in the sight of Granny stuffing her head in an overturned caldron that rests in front of Filthy.)

Diamond: (from o.s., as Granny stands up) You must be so embarrassed.

Granny: (mumbling, muffled) Soup’s on! (Back to the two fillies.)

Bloom: Uh, what do you mean?

Diamond: You know. With all her silly ways… (walking closer) …how she forgets things— (pulling at Bloom’s bunny suit; ears droop) —and makes you wear these ridiculous costumes? (Close-up of Bloom.)

Bloom: (perking up) Granny said that the water needs—

Diamond: (from o.s.) Thank goodness you’re here on the farm and not in town where everypony could see you!

(During this line, the camera zooms in on the farm filly’s expression as horror gradually steals over it. It then zooms out to frame Diamond; the floppy ears fall yet again.)

Diamond: (whispering cruelly) Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me. (She zips off.)

Bloom: (to herself; ears pop/droop) Silly ways?

(Cut to the two adults. Filthy fetches the caldron a good hit with a ladle he now holds in his teeth; the strike sets the pot vibrating and sends Granny stumbling backward.)

Granny: (muffled, mumbling) Thank you kindly, Filthyyyyy!

(Dissolve to a close-up of a very preoccupied Bloom walking down a Ponyville street, then zoom out to frame Granny alongside. Both have ditched their bunny suits and are hauling loaded saddlebags; Bloom wears a light blue bonnet, while Granny has a broad-brimmed purple sun hat with orange polka dots and a green ribbon and white feather. The caldron is gone.)

Granny: (grinning) Shake a leg there, slowpoke! We got a gaggle’s worth of goods to gather before the harvest. Come along!

(She begins to sing while hopping ahead of Bloom, drawing more than a few puzzled stares from the onlookers.)

Granny:        Gonna make Zap Apple jam, hoop-de-hoo

(now o.s.)        Gatherin’ the goodies and hoop-de-hee

                Singin’ and dancin’, yeedle-ay-doo

(She reaches a display of pots and pans.)

                Flippity-floo, my darlin’

(Neither Bloom nor Daisy, the vendor behind the counter, is particularly amused at the outburst. However, the latter quickly recovers her composure and points out her wares with a smile. Cut to Granny, who eyes the spread carefully.)

Granny: (to herself) They don’t make ’em like they used to.

(Bloom arrives at the stall, the camera cutting to a close-up of her after a moment. She recoils in shock and catches her lower lip in her teeth at the sound of something striking against metal. A cut back to Granny reveals that she is trying to gnaw through the rim of one pot—the sound was made by her teeth clamping onto it.)

Daisy: (from o.s., irritated) Hey! You bite it, you buy it!

(The elderly mare backs off, leaving her teeth—false ones, dripping with saliva—stuck on the rim. She is quite at ease, ignoring both Daisy’s dirty look and Bloom’s sudden bout of revulsion at what she will have to do next. The opening of the filly’s mouth is followed by a cut to her on the move, with the dentures jammed in there to give her the world’s worst smile. However, the lighting of a bee on her nose gives her the perfect excuse to spit them out. Surprise spray-paints itself all over her face, and a longer shot reveals why: Granny stands among the beehives at a honey stall and is wearing a beard of bees. Bloom sucks in a terrified gasp; when Granny speaks, her false teeth are seen to be back in her mouth.)

Granny: (to the bees) Why, hello, Bea, Beatrice, Beecher. Oh, you’ve all been busy little bees, haven’t you?

(During this line, she picks up one hive and the camera cuts to a close-up of a waiting jar as she tips honey into it. She then buzzes happily to the bees while her granddaughter starts to ponder the idea of sending her to Ponyville Retirement Village.)

Bloom: Granny, isn’t there a less…silly way to get the honey?

(She gasps again, having noticed the arrival of Diamond and Silver Spoon, and dives behind a hive to stay out of their line of sight. Her respite lasts for only a moment before two green forelegs reach down to yank her back up by the edges of her bonnet. Cut to frame both on the start of the next line.)

Granny: Oh, isn’t this just precious? (Close-up of Bloom on the end of this.)

Bloom: Please stop. (Cut to frame both and zoom out.)

Granny: And it is perfect for makin’ our Zap Apple jam!

Bloom: Shh! (Diamond and Silver spot her.) Stop it, Granny! (They laugh.) Granny, please! Those ponies over there are watchin’ me!

Granny: What? Are those fillies your friends? (waving to them) Hello, half-pint’s friends!

Silver: (sarcastically, waving back) Hi, Granny Smith! (Diamond joins in.) Hi, half-pint!

(Back to Bloom’s floored countenance on the end of this. Mocking laughter drifts over to her as she sinks to the ground, trying to hide as much of herself under that light blue bonnet as will fit.)

Granny: (as Diamond, Silver leave) What dolls. Why, when I was little, ponies didn’t come that purty. (Bloom stands up.)

Bloom: Are we done shopping, Granny? (trying to push her ahead) ’Cause I’d like to get back to the farm, fast. (Granny starts walking; she follows.)

Granny: All done, smelly belly.

(Again she begins hopping along and singing.)

Granny:        I got my honey, gooey goo

(Cut to Bloom, who pulls her bonnet down to hide her face from the onlookers.)

(from o.s.)        Got my honey, gooey-ooh

                Got my honey, yiddle-ee-ooh

(Dissolve to the exterior of the schoolhouse.)

Filthy: (from inside) And by capturin’ the wholesale market…

(Cut to a pan across the students at their desks, nearly all of whom are completely zonked out. Exceptions: Twist, trying not to do the same; Bloom, quite far down in the dumps; a chubby gray colt in the back, trying to hide a cookie from sight; and a bright-eyed Diamond. Bloom has removed her bonnet and is wearing her hair bow for the first time in this episode. The colt is Truffle Shuffle—earth pony, short, messy dark brown mane/tail, beady violet-gray eyes.)

Filthy: (from o.s.) …purchasin’ in bulk, and slashin’ our prices, we undermined every other gift market in town.

(Cut to frame the entire room. He stands at the front, next to an easel displaying a sales graph, and Cheerilee is watching him do his presentation. Truffle’s cutie mark can now be seen as a knife and fork.)

Filthy: And that’s how Rich’s Barnyard Bargains became the cornerstone of retail in Ponyville.  

 

(Diamond is the only one to applaud, clapping her front hooves instead of stomping on the floor as ponies have done in past episodes.)

Cheerilee: Well, thank you, Mr. Filthy.

(Close-up of him on the end of this; he reacts very badly to being addressed in that way.)

Cheerilee: (from o.s., hastily) Uh, I mean— (Cut to frame both.) —Mr. Rich. (He smiles; she calms down.) What a wonderful day of sharing. And thank you for being a part of Family Appreciation Day.

(He leaves; she goes to her desk.)

Cheerilee: (looking at a sheet) Now, uh, let’s see who’ll be bringing in a family member for next Monday’s Family Appreciation Day.

(On the end of this, cut to her perspective of the paper: a checklist showing the faces of her students. Each one is marked off except the last—Bloom’s.)

Cheerilee: Um…oh! (Sheet lowered; she gets a good look at… ) Apple Bloom!

(The red-maned filly, in the midst of taking notes, lets the pencil drop from her teeth.)

Bloom: (raising a front hoof) But, Miss Cheerilee, Monday is Zap Apple harvest day, and Applejack and Big Macintosh will be too busy to come and speak. (Cut to Cheerilee.)

Cheerilee: Well, is there anypony else in your family that could—

(Back to Bloom during this line; she leans forward and shakes her head frantically. Diamond, however, seizes the moment and leans gleefully into view.)

Diamond: Miss Cheerilee! Apple Bloom’s Granny Smith isn’t working harvest. She could come. (Close-up of Bloom, zooming in slowly.)

Bloom: Oh, but, uh…no, that wouldn’t… (Zoom out again.)

Cheerilee: (from o.s.) That’s a splendid idea, Diamond Tiara!

(Not if the redhead’s popeyed expression is any indicator. Long shot of the whole room.)

Cheerilee: Apple Bloom, you shall bring in Granny Smith on Monday.

(The electric bell on the wall sounds off; cut to just outside the schoolhouse door.)

Cheerilee: (walking out) Have a great weekend, everypony!

(Students follow her out, with Diamond bringing up the rear and tossing a vicious little squint back over her shoulder. Bloom is left alone at her desk as the camera zooms in slightly.)

Bloom: Granny Smith? Come Monday, I’ll be the laughin’stock of Ponyville!

(She lets he head flop forward onto the desk; snap to black at the moment it hits.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to the grove of Zap Apple trees during the day. Each now sports a full display of leaves. With the cartload of tubs deployed, a cargo of watering cans has taken their place and Macintosh is using one to water a couple of trees. A short pan frames Applejack with a second can in her teeth; she places it in a smaller cart as Bloom trails her. The younger sister drops to her haunches and aims a placating smile up at the older, who just sighs wearily.)

Applejack: I’m sorry, Apple Bloom. (Bloom’s face falls.) I already told you that we just can’t take a break from harvest to come to your school. (Close-up of Bloom; she continues o.s.) You know what’ll happen.

Bloom: I know. After the fifth day, the Zap Apples disappear.

(Here comes another gust of wind, just like the one that brought the leaves to the trees in Act One. Pan away from the surprised sisters as dark clouds again fill the suddenly gray sky; this time, though, their arrival is marked by flocks of raucous crows from all directions. Granny joins the trio in a blur of white hair and green hide.)

Granny: Oh! The third sign!

(So the timber wolf howls and emergence of the leaves were the first and second signs, respectively. Zoom out quickly through a hole in the clouds to a long overhead shot. The crows have made two concentric, apple-shaped rings that frame the family as the center far below.)

Granny: Right on time! (Ground level.) Hot diggity!

(Pan away from them as sparks start to crackle up and down the trees and pale blue buds appear among the leaves. In close-up, one of these unfolds into a star-shaped blossom with a yellow center; the same happens with all the others, and the clouds break as suddenly as they arrived. The sky is blue and clear, the crows are gone, and the sun goes about its normal business of shining down on this flipped-out orchard.)

All: (awestruck) Wow…

Granny: All right, you lazy daisies, move your caboose!

(She shambles off at her usual snail’s pace; Macintosh hustles out the other way.)

Applejack: I’m sorry, Apple Bloom, but don’t you fret. (winking) Granny Smith’s got no shortage of entertainin’ stories to tell.

Bloom: (ears drooping) I know. That’s what I’m worried about.

(She glances after Granny. Dissolve to a long shot of the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ clubhouse and zoom in slowly. It can now be seen to stand at the edge of the Zap Apple tree grove, and an observatory has been constructed in the top of its tree, with a ramp leading up to it. Cut to a close-up of one window; Bloom’s pacing silhouette can be seen through the glass.)

[Animation goof: The Zap trees are depicted with ordinary green leaves and brown trunks.]

Bloom: I’ll be embarrassed! Shamed!

(Inside, she paces before Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. A ladder has been set up in here to allow access to the observatory.)

Bloom: Disgraced! Mortified! Humiliated!

(The end of this last adjective gets muffled by Sweetie’s hoof shoved into her mouth.)

Scootaloo: What are you, a dictionary?

Sweetie: Snap out of it! (Hoof down.) We’re here to help you.

Scootaloo: After all, we are the Cutie Mark Crusaders. We’ll figure out a way to postpone your presentation.

Bloom: (sighing dejectedly) But how?

(She sits on her haunches with a groan, forelegs wrapped around her belly.)

Bloom: All this worry is makin’ me sick!

(And her gut seems to agree, judging from the rumble that emanates from it. The comment sets both of her friends/partners/accomplices to thinking.)

Sweetie: Sick?

(The little pegasus is first to get an idea and jumps up so vigorously that she hits her head on an overhead lantern, turning it on.)

Scootaloo: That’s it! (Cut to Bloom; she continues o.s.) Come on!

(One orange foreleg snakes into view and whisks her away. Wipe to the family’s kitchen, where dozens of empty jars are arrayed on a countertop, and pan to the doorway. Granny pops up behind the glassware, wearing an old steel Army helmet that is rather too large for her head.)

Granny: Ten-hut! (pacing) Now listen here, troops! I don’t cotton to any whinin’ or cryin’ or crackin’ under pressure! (pounding countertop) Do I make myself clear?

(The hit bumps one jar that stands slightly apart from the others; after a moment, a webwork of cracks spreads over part of its surface.)

Granny: Court-martialed!

(In an instant, the defective jar is flung across the kitchen, smacking against the wall and dropping into the trash can. Wipe to an overhead view of Bloom’s bed as she is dumped onto it on her back. Scootaloo pulls the blanket up over her.)

Scootaloo: (mussing Bloom’s mane, darting off) Stay still, Apple Bloom. You have to look sick.

(Here comes Sweetie with a bunch of green grapes; she crushes a few of them and begins to smear the mush onto Bloom’s cheeks. At the other end of the bedroom, Scootaloo has thrust a thermometer into a steaming teapot. When the mercury tops out, she removes it and shoves it into the ersatz patient’s mouth, eliciting a cry of pain.)

Bloom: Hey, this is hot!

Granny: (from o.s.) What in the hayseed is goin’ on in there, silly billy?

(During this line, cut to her at the foot of the stairs, starting to climb them and without her helmet, then back to the bedroom. Sweetie hastily scrubs grape slop over Bloom’s entire face, and the teapot and bunch are quickly hidden from view as Granny enters the room.)

Scootaloo: (laughing nervously) Oh, Granny Smith! We were just about to come get you.

Sweetie: Apple Bloom’s sick. Looks like she might have to stay home all week.

(The elderly mare approaches her sweating, green-faced granddaughter and takes a very close look at the thermometer. Unicorn and pegasus smirk to themselves as Granny mumbles to herself and leans in to feel Bloom’s forehead.)

Granny: (smiling) Perfect as a Piccadilly pear. (She zips off; Bloom slumps down.)

Bloom: (to Scootaloo, Sweetie) Now what?

(Dissolve to the exterior of the Crusaders’ clubhouse under a pink-tinged afternoon sky. The telescope swings a bit.)

[Animation goof: Same as before.]

Bloom: (from inside) It’s already almost sundown!

(Inside, she has cleaned herself up and put her mane back in order. She darts toward Scootaloo, who rears up to get her forelegs out of grabbing range.)

Bloom: Tomorrow is Sunday and I only have one more day to figure somethin’ out!

(Sweetie pokes her head down from the trapdoor at the top of the ladder.)

Sweetie: Hey! Look!

(Up again; cut to her at the telescope, standing on a stool to reach it. Bloom zips over and mashes half her face into the eyepiece, and the view cuts briefly to outside as the instrument shifts. The next view is her perspective through the lens—first very blurry, then sharper as she gets it in focus. Shooting stars are raining down over the Zap Apple trees through the purple sky of early evening; back to the trio, including a much happier Bloom, now up on the stool.)

Bloom: That’s the fourth sign!

(She gets body-checked into the wall by Scootaloo, who takes a peek of her own. A bit more adjusting, and the camera shows her perspective, tilting up from trunk to leaves of one tree. In a fullscreen extreme close-up, one of the light blue blossoms bursts to expose a dull gray apple hanging in its place. Scootaloo’s telescope perspective reveals the same thing happening to all the other trees as she shifts her view from one to the next.)

(Inside, Scootaloo gets pushed to the stool’s edge when Bloom jumps up for a fresh look.)

Bloom: The Zap Apples have appeared!

Sweetie: And that gives me an idea!

(Wipe to the grove. Applejack and Macintosh haul cartloads of watering cans toward the barn as a bush near one tree starts moving of its own accord. Once it has reached a clear spot, the heads of all three Crusaders pop out—they were using it as cover.)

Sweetie: (climbing out) We can’t move Family Appreciation Day, so let’s move harvest day instead. (Close-up of one apple.)

Bloom: (from o.s.) They don’t look quite ripe. (Back to the trio.)

Scootaloo: Harvesting apples early never hurt an apple.

Bloom: I don’t know. Zap Apple trees aren’t like normal apple trees. (Sparks crackle up the trees’ height.) They’re magic.

Sweetie: (walking forward) How different can they be?

(She lifts her hind legs and delivers the strongest buck she can, sending a lick of electricity up the trunk. When it reaches the branches, though, it comes right back down and into the would-be harvester’s body; the shock is so strong that she is flung backward past the others.)

Bloom: Well, if we can’t buck ’em, let’s just pick ’em.

(Scootaloo nods enthusiastically and Bloom gets her jaws locked around one gray apple. Instead of snapping off, the stem stretches like a rubber band to leave her dangling in midair. Tilt down toward ground level as Scootaloo chomps down on her tail and Sweetie does likewise with Scootaloo’s; the last filly, standing on the ground, starts backing up. The entire treetop ends up bent over at a 90-degree angle due to the rising tension in the three-pony tug-of-war. A puddle in the grass causes her to lose traction when she steps in it, and the tree snaps upright to hurl them across the twilight sky.)

(Cut to a mud-filled pigsty in which two porkers are having a good wallow. One of them looks up in surprise as the Crusaders drop squarely into the muck.)

Bloom: Any other bright ideas?

(Wipe to the closed front door of the barn. Cheerilee reaches into view and knocks; cut to a shot of the entire structure. It is now the following day.)

Cheerilee: (voice raised) Granny Smith, it’s Miss Cheerilee! Apple Bloom said you wanted to speak with me?

(She gets no response except the sound of distant farm animals.)

Cheerilee: Hel-loooo?

(Cut to just inside one window; she looks in. Her next three lines are muffled by the glass.)

Cheerilee: Granny Smi—

(She cuts herself off with a gasp as the camera zooms out quickly into the room to frame the back of Granny’s head. From this angle, a pair of large, red-framed glasses can be seen on her face, and she is slumped over somewhat. A head-on view shows her in the rocking chair by the stairs; her eyes are greatly magnified by the lenses, and ropes tied around her forelegs lead up toward the second floor. When Granny starts to speak and move, it instantly becomes clear that her granddaughter is imitating her voice.)

“Granny”: (waving) Well, hello there! Howdy do!

Cheerilee: Uh, hi, uh, Granny Smith. Is, uh, everything okay?

“Granny”: Of course it is! Why wouldn’t it be?

(A sudden turn of the head dislodges the glasses, which turn out to have the eyes painted on the lenses. Granny is in fact asleep and being used as a marionette. A panicked, cleaned-up Bloom peeks out from behind the chair, turns the head to face front, and puts the glasses back in place. One foreleg is adjusted to cover Granny’s mouth as if she has just burped.)

 

“Granny”: Uh—oh! Er, excuse me. Uh—uh, pickles always give me the hiccups.

 

(Tilt up and pan right during this line to show the rope running along the ceiling and into the kitchen. A cut to this room frames Scootaloo pulling on the free end with her teeth; at the top of the staircase, Sweetie works the other rope, which loops around the banister. They have also cleaned up from their plunge into the pigsty. Cut to Bloom behind the chair, moving Granny’s mouth to simulate speech.)

Bloom/“Granny”: I need to tell you that I can’t make the presentation on Monday after all.

Cheerilee: Oh, no! Is that so? (Back to Granny.)

“Granny”: No doubts about it. I gotta…shear the flowers and water the sheep. (Close-up of Bloom; she realizes her mistake.) I mean, uh…I have to water the flowers and shear the sheep! (Chuckle.)

(On the end of this, cut to Scootaloo, who rolls her eyes and shakes her head disgustedly. The view then shifts back to Cheerilee outside.)

Cheerilee: Oh…well, that’s too bad. We can reschedule.

(She turns to leave and Scootaloo jumps for joy, inadvertently yanking Granny all the way up to the ceiling and waking her up when she hits it. The old green mare ends up dangling in midair, the fake glasses propped on her forehead.)

Granny: (mumbling) Huh? Where am I?

(She catches sight of the departing schoolteacher; cut to just outside the door. Its top half bursts open and she looks out, now free of the specs.)

Granny: Well, howdy, Miss Cheerilee! You window-shopping? (Brief eye roll from Cheerilee.)

Cheerilee: Um…no. (as one foreleg strokes her cheek and pats her head) Uh, you asked me to come here to tell me that you wouldn’t be making it to Family Appreciation Day? (Both forelegs are pulled straight up.)

Granny: Fiddlesticks! I wouldn’t miss it for all the tea in Canterlot! (She is slowly hauled upward.)

Cheerilee: (flustered) But…didn’t you just say—

Granny: See you Monday!

(Cheerilee takes her leave, trying vainly to decide if she has just witnessed a case of galloping senility or the effect of spending a few too many days with the apple trees. Cut to an extreme close-up of a patch of wall, which gets a large and vivid pink dot painted onto it. A longer shot shows Granny hard at work in the kitchen, decorating every vertical surface in this fashion using the paintbrush in her teeth. A paint can and splattered dropcloth rest nearby. Zoom out slightly and pan to the doorway; Scootaloo and Sweetie are watching her with considerable puzzlement. A moan from the o.s. Bloom draws the pair’s attention; cut to her, flat on her face.)

Bloom: (as Scootaloo, Sweetie approach) I can’t believe she woke up from her nap!

(Zoom out slightly; they are near the rocking chair, and she lifts her head.)

Bloom: She never wakes up from her nap! (Face down again.) I wish I could just run off and hide!

(A brief silence is followed by Sweetie’s big smile.)

Sweetie: Well, you can’t run off…but maybe somepony else can!

(Scootaloo’s eyes pop. Wipe to the Zap Apple orchard, now in the throes of a violent thunderstorm, and pan to the barn. Applejack and Granny make their way across the yard, the former clapping a hoof over her hat in order to keep the wind from claiming it and the latter free of the manipulating ropes. Just as in the two previous storms, the sky clears to a tranquil blue. This time, though, a vivid rainbow appears over the trees and the sparks start flying in the clear weather. The gray color on one apple gives way to rainbow stripes that appear one at a time, and multicolored beams start to shoot between the trees. Within seconds, every dull fruit has taken on this vivid appearance, and multicolored auras shimmer around the trees once the beams and rainbow die out.)

Granny: (leaping high) Yee-haa!

Applejack: The Zap Apple harvest has begun! (Granny slams to the ground, then stands up.)

Granny: (trotting toward barn) And tomorry we’ll be makin’ up some Zap Apple jam!

(She runs face first into a paper being held up by an orange hoof attached to a purple-uniformed foreleg. A longer shot puts Scootaloo right in front of her, dressed as a telegram delivery pony.)

Scootaloo: (slightly deeper than normal) Miss Granny Smith? (Granny takes it in her teeth.) Telegram.

(Scootaloo bugs out and Granny lets the sheet drop with a smile after reading it.)

Granny: Well, bust my buttons.

(Long shot; Scootaloo and Sweetie are hiding around the corner of the barn, and Sweetie stifles a laugh behind one hoof.)

Granny: Uncle Apple Strudel wants me to pay him a visit! (Close-up; Bloom zips over to her.)

Bloom: And you can just make the eight AM train. (holding up saddlebags) I already packed you a bag.

(One deft toss lands them across the old green back in close-up; zoom out on the next line.)

Granny: Uh, that was considerate.

(Here comes a smack to the rump that starts her off down the road.)

Granny: But don’t you worry, flibbertigibbert. I’ll be back in time to make that jam!

(Bloom sighs, relieved, as Scootaloo and Sweetie peek out from inside the barn. Scootaloo has removed the uniform.)

Bloom: That train ride takes all day. I’m safe. Heh.

(Dissolve to the exterior of the schoolhouse.)

Cheerilee: (from inside) For today’s Family Appreciation Day—

(Inside, she addresses the class from behind her desk as Twist walks in to take her seat.)

Cheerilee: —we are pleased to welcome Granny Smith.

(Pan to the open door on the end of this. Granny’s failure to walk in leaves Cheerilee at a loss.)

Cheerilee: Um…Apple Bloom?

(Cut to the students; Bloom relaxes nonchalantly at her desk, forelegs tucked behind head.)

Cheerilee: (from o.s.) Is Granny Smith here? (Bloom sits up; zoom in slowly.)

Bloom: (hamming it up) Oh, I’m sorry, Miss Cheerilee, but she got called outta town on account of a family emergency.

(On the start of the next line, cut to a long shot of the door and zoom in quickly.)

Granny: Well, howdy, my little ponies!

(She has arrived in the flesh, scaring the bejesus out of Bloom and prompting a very nasty smile from Diamond. Snap to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: fade in to the classroom. Granny makes her way over to Cheerilee’s desk.)

Granny: Howdy, y’all! I’m as happy as a pig in fresh mud pile [sic] to be here. (Bloom zips up.)

Bloom: (to her) Whoa… (smiling nervously) …what are you doin’ here? (Chuckle.) Did you miss the train?  

Granny: No, it came.

(Cut to a longer shot. A second elderly pony has entered the room: tan stallion, silver/white mane/tail, white beard/mustache, dark blue eyes. He wears a Tyrolean hat with a long orange feather secured by an apple pin, a white shirt, and brown lederhosen and saddle blanket. The latter displays a slice of strudel in the spot covering his cutie mark.)

Granny: And Uncle Apple Strudel was on it!

Strudel: (leaning forward) Oh, ah, noogie-noogie-noogie!

(During this line, the camera cuts to a close-up of the hapless filly and she gets her mane thoroughly tousled. A laugh from his direction, and she trudges back toward her desk.)

Diamond: (mockingly, to Silver) I can’t wait to hear Granny Smith’s presentation… (Bloom sits between the two, who lean in past her.) …if she can remember any of it!

(These last seven words are delivered in a whisper and start both spoiled-rotten fillies giggling. Up front, Strudel sets a chair down for Granny, whose rump promptly knocks it back to the wall when she sits.)

Granny: Long ago— (Cut to Bloom, crestfallen; she continues o.s.) —when I was a little pony…

(Back to her, now with a rolled sheet in her teeth. She lets it drop open to display a map labeled with the locations of Ponyville, Cloudsdale, Canterlot, and the Everfree Forest. Zoom in slowly on this.)

Granny: …things were very different here in Ponyville… (now o.s., ominously; Ponyville fades away) …’cause there was no Ponyville!

(Dissolve to a sepia-toned stretch of grass waving in the breeze. The corners of the screen are rounded and blacked out, suggesting a view such as that through an antique stereoscope. Tilt up to frame a band of settlers traveling across this stretch of land and hauling supplies—earth ponies, all.)

* Granny: That’s right, my little ponies. (Close-up; they continue their journey.) Me and my family were pilgrim pony folk, back when I was a little filly.

(The stallion pulling the wagon wears a cowboy hat, shirt, and overalls and has an apple/seed cutie mark partially hidden by the harness. Walking alongside is a light-coated mare whose mane and tail are tied back; she wears a white shirt collar with ribbon tie, and her cutie mark is an antique sewing machine. Granny’s past self brings up the rear: light-colored mane/tail braided, bonnet, same apple shawl and pie cutie mark as in the present day. She turns away from the caravan.)

* Granny: Oh, we ventured far and wide— (She gathers seeds from cattails; zoom out slowly.) —collectin’ new seeds and sellin’ the old. (She holds them up for the others.) But my pa was the finest seed collector in all Equestria.

(Cut to a long shot of Canterlot and zoom in slowly as the travelers approach the outer gate.)

* Granny: Then one day, the Smith family found themselves in the most brilliant, most grand, most magnificent of all cities. (Close-up of the gate; they move to it.) A place called…

(A nudge swings the portal open; beyond it is the frontier version of the opulent capital. Zoom in on this.)

* Granny: …Canterlot!

(Now inside, Filly Granny leads the way down the dirt road, past the tents and under the strings of banners.)

* Granny: Well, I bet you hooves to hindquarters I had never seen anything like it before nor since. (Close-up.) And as if the beauty of that city wasn’t enough— (Stop short.) —suddenly…

(Her perspective of a crowd, all of whom kneel reverently as the camera zooms in on Princess Celestia in her four-pegasus-drawn chariot.)

* Granny: …she appeared. Princess Celestia! (The vehicle advances.) The most regal of all ponies. (Stop; she waves to the crowd.) When lo and behold…

(She steps out; Granny’s father, the wagon puller, sets down his seed bag.)

* Granny: …she stopped to look at my pa’s seed collection.

(Celestia turns her attention to the travelers, who look as if they could use at least half a day’s sleep.)

* Granny: Then Princess Celestia saw that we were plumb tuckered and hankerin’ to find our forever home. (Close-up; she thinks, then smiles.) And bein’ a royal princess and all, she knew exactly the place for us to lay down our stakes.

(Behind the waving mane, the background dissolves to a view of the tracts laid out below Canterlot and the camera zooms out as she gestures toward them. She and the family are now on a balcony of Canterlot Castle, and the family takes the suggestion with gratitude. Mr. Smith kisses one of the gold shoes, a gesture that earns a disapproving glare from his wife.)

* Granny: My pa gave the Princess a mighty thanks.

(Dissolve to a stretch of the land indicated by Celestia, with the Smiths visible as silhouettes coming down a hill, and pan to frame the Everfree Forest not far away.)

* Granny: We quickly found that land near the Everfree Forest— (Dissolve/pan back to a new homestead, cleared of trees.) —and we built our first home.

(Close-up of a seed being dropped into a freshly dug hole and covered over. A longer shot and zoom out frames Filly Granny watching from inside as her father waters the plantings. She has doffed her bonnet.)

        

* Granny: Next, we planted our first orchards.

(She turns from the window and finds the rest of the family gathering at the dinner table.)

* Granny: But an orchard don’t grow overnight— (A few peas are spooned onto her plate.) —and we were gettin’ mighty short on food.

(None of the other ponies has fared any better, and Mr. Smith shares in their dismay when he looks in at the paltry spread. Cut to the exterior of the house; it is now nighttime, and the lights go out just before Filly Granny slips out toward the overgrown wilderness, saddlebags on back and bonnet on head.)

* Granny: Now mind you, we were cautioned about the forest, and we knew that it was not fit to enter. (A wolf howl stops her short.) But I knew if there was critters livin’ there, there must be somethin’ to eat.

(Determination trumps fear and drives her to resume her advance. Dissolve to a long shot of her moving cautiously through the tangle of foliage.)

* Granny: It was dark and musty, and I won’t lie, it was scary. But every inch was covered in plant life— (Close-up.) —and before I knew it, wasn’t I standin’ in front of the most incredible…

(She reaches the base of a broad tree; tilt up in to its branches to frame a profusion of rainbow-striped Zap Apples ready for harvest. The camera shifts to within the branches and zooms out through a hole in them to frame Granny staring wonderingly up at the strange fruit.)

* Granny: …apple trees! (She nips one down…) I had never seen anything that bore this kind of colorful fruit. (…then starts filling her bags.) Oh, I started pickin’ apples quick as a whip.

(An animal shape races past the camera, briefly startling her out of her gathering work. The next one runs behind her and howls; now they have her entire, frightened attention, and snarls cut in as the camera zooms out to the edge of this clearing. Here, two wolf-like beasts stand ready to strike, their bodies constructed from limbs and bark—they are the literal timber wolves whose howls marked the start of the present-day Zap Apple season.)

* Granny: I turned, and there before me stood… (Head-on view of the pair; two more close in.) …the timber wolves!

(Slitted eyes shine in the gloom. The formerly intrepid explorer breaks into a full gallop out of the forest, but the creatures are in hot pursuit.)

* Granny: Why, I’ve never run so fast in my life! (One nearly chomps her tail off.) I did the only thing I could think of.

(Which is to snap her teeth onto the handle of a pot on a table outside the house and pound it against a larger pot hanging over a dead cooking fire. The noise causes the timber wolves to stop just short of the homestead’s perimeter and back off reluctantly; the glowing eyes of many others in the bushes wink away as well. Now Mr. and Mrs. Smith open the door and catch sight of their terrified daughter, her freight of Zap Apples intact.)

(Dissolve to a close-up of a new hole being by Mr. Smith and a seed being planted by Granny, then cut to a longer shot of the pair. It is now the following day, and he covers the seed, one of many new plantings; she pats the dirt into place, having removed her saddlebags.)

* Granny: My pa and I planted those special apple seeds— (Zoom out; the ground rumbles.) —and before our eyes, they grew like wildfire.

(With a blinding flash and enough sparks and smoke to fill the screen, an orchard of mighty trees springs up. The view clears to show Filly Granny sitting atop one of them and wondering exactly how she wound up here.)

* Granny: Why, we had full-grown trees faster than you could say “lickety-split”!

(She laughs as her father eyes the instant orchard happily from ground level. Dissolve to her walking among the trees, which are now in bloom; she has her bags on again.)

* Granny: Then each year, I’d pay close attention to the signs of the Zap Apples’ special harvestin’ times. (Clouds and wind move in.) How the weather affects the Everfree Forest.

(Cut to her in bed and ill at ease, and zoom in through her bedroom window to a close-up of a howling timber wolf under the full moon outside at night. She does not wear her bonnet.)

* Granny: How the timber wolves howl when the Zap Apples first start growin’.

(Dissolve to a close-up of a Zap Apple being picked by Mr. Smith, then cut to a long shot of the trees. With no warning, the fruit still in the branches disappear in a crackle of sparks, surprising the family members on harvesting duty. Filly Granny has her bonnet, but no saddlebags.)

* Granny: And how they zapped away if you didn’t pick ’em all in one day.

(Cut to a close-up of a cake and muffin whose rainbow stripes give away their main ingredient and pan along the full length of a table loaded with similar goodies.)

* Granny: And the fruits of our labor were the best fruit we ever tasted.

(A large pot boils on the kitchen fire, tended by Filly Granny. No bonnet.)

* Granny: Soon enough, I was mixin’ up batches of Zap Apple jam.

(She takes a taste and works her tongue around it critically.)

* Granny: Just like harvestin’ the Zap Apples had its special rules— (Inspiration strikes.) —so did makin’ Zap Apple jam.

(Dissolve to her at a beehive outside; she taps it and offers a bouquet of flowers to the emerging bees. Bonnet on.)

* Granny: I learned that you gotta be extra-friendly with the bees; otherwise their honey won’t taste rightly sweet to mix in with the Zap Apples.

(In the kitchen, the army-helmeted filly reviews a row of empty jars.)

* Granny: Who’d have thought that glass jars needed talkin’ to?

(Just as in the present, she smacks the table to bump one jar slightly. Now she starts painting polka dots on the wall, having put the helmet away and liberally spattered herself.)

* Granny: Or that Zap Apples like pink polka dots? (A taste from the boiling pot.) But magic is as magic does. Just funny that way.

(She hefts a box of full jars by its rope handle in her teeth and heads out. Cut to a stand set up at the edge of one orchard. Its sign is decorated with Zap Apples, and Mr. Smith stands behind pyramids of jars as Filly Granny, now clean and back in her bonnet, brings up her load. Pan away from this to frame an insanely long line of ponies on the dirt road, ready to buy. The first has already taken on a hefty freight and bears more than a passing resemblance to Filthy.)

* Granny: Then ponies started comin’ to our farm from far and wide just to get a taste of my Zap Apple jam.

(Back to the stand.)

* Granny: Some even decided to stay— (The big buyer heads out.) —like Stinkin’ Rich, Diamond Tiara’s great-grandfather.

(Dissolve to him, now set up at a table next to a decorated tent of his own; his cutie mark can now be discerned as a cent sign. Mr. and Mrs. Smith walk up.)

* Granny: Matter of fact, the first thing he ever sold was my Zap Apple jam.

(Dissolve to the exterior of a clapboard store sporting an overhead sign marked with Zap Apples and Stinkin’s face and zoom out slowly. Stacked jars of jam can be seen through the window, and Mr. and Mrs. Smith exit as a train rumbles past.)

* Granny: And before we knew it, we had ourselves a nice little town, bustlin’ with all kinds of ponies.

(By this point, the camera has backed up across the tracks and the train has moved far enough to expose a row of buildings and tents, including a station at which the train stops. Things are busy in the new town; Filly Granny walks along the opposite side of the tracks. The view then dissolves back to the present day, a close-up of the map Granny brought out for her talk, and Ponyville reappears in its proper location. During the next line, zoom out slightly and dissolve partially to a slow pan across a roomful of awestruck students.)

Granny: (from o.s.) And that is how Ponyville was founded.

(The map’s ghostly image gives way to her gentle smile, with their faces still superimposed. She drops the map before the image dissolves to frame the entire class and cuts to a close-up of a confounded Bloom. A glance off to her right and a zoom out frame what, for her, is a mind-blowing follow-up: Silver smiling and applauding with genuine admiration. The lone sound builds into an ovation as the camera cuts to a close-up of Granny and zooms out slowly.)

Granny: Oh, thank you kindly, little ponies. (They fall silent.) Now, now, let’s settle down.

Scootaloo: So if it weren’t for you and the Zap Apples, Ponyville wouldn’t even exist?

Granny: (stomping for emphasis) Darn tootin’, little filly!

Bloom: (to Diamond, smirking) If it weren’t for my Granny Smith, your daddy wouldn’t have Barnyard Bargains.

(This establishes the relationship between Filthy and Diamond. Bloom backs away to the sound of general assent from the others, leaving her nemesis without a devastating comeback.)

Diamond: But… (Granny starts to lick the blackboard clean.) …but she’s just a kooky old lady! (Collective gasp; zoom in on Granny as Bloom zips to the front.)

Bloom: She is not a kooky old lady! She is the most amazing pony in all of Ponyville!

(And she nuzzles one lined green cheek to hammer the point home. Dissolve to a close-up of a bellows on the floor of the family’s polka-dotted kitchen, with Granny’s hooves visible behind. Bloom steps on it; cut to a long shot of the room. The two stand before the stove, which has the bellows hooked into it, and the paint can and dropcloth still rest on the floor as Granny stirs a pot. The yellow filly is offered a spoonful of the rainbow-striped jam and swallows it blissfully. Two more dissolves show her grabbing a full box’s rope handle in her teeth, just as her grandmother did, and a properly decorated and stocked jam stand outside. Applejack stands behind this, Macintosh to one side, Bloom bringing up a fresh load. Pan away from here to frame a long line of ponies stretching toward the horizon—many of whom bear an uncanny resemblance to the ones who turned out for the first Zap Apple jam sale so many years ago. The only difference now is that Ponyville stands behind the far end of the colossal queue.)

(Cut to Scootaloo, who bites eagerly into a jam-smeared slice of bread, and cut to frame her at a table. Sweetie, Twist, and Truffle are gathered with her around a spread of sandwiches and jam.)

Scootaloo: I think this is the best Zap Apple jam I’ve tasted yet. (Bloom walks up.)

Sweetie: Must be ’cause you had something to do with it, Apple Bloom.

(Close-up of the apprentice jam-maker on the end of this; she smiles gratefully and the camera zooms out to frame Granny behind her.)

Granny: You betcha! (resting foreleg on Bloom’s shoulders; Applejack comes over) Apple Bloom is one humdinger of a Zap Apple jammer!

Bloom: I am? (She hugs Granny.)

Applejack: So I take it Family ’Preciation Day went well?  (Macintosh joins them.)

Bloom: Did it! My Granny Smith is super-special! (close-up; downcast) I just forgot that for a little while. (Zoom out; Granny leans down to her.)

Granny: Aw, don’t fret. I forget things all the time. Now, I’ll get you… (trailing off, mumbling) …something…

(Bloom smiles and hugs her again.)

Granny: (smiling, tousling her mane) Aww… (She walks off; Applejack addresses the other four youngsters.)

Applejack: Who wants to help Granny sing to the water?

Scootaloo, Sweetie, Twist, Truffle: (jumping excitedly) We do! We do!

(They race off after the elderly jam mistress. Wipe to her, back in her lavender bunny suit and jumping over the circled watering cans in front of the barn. This time, she is followed by Scootaloo and Sweetie, each of whom has donned a pair of floppy ears, and all the kids’ voices are heard with hers, singing the alphabet. After G, the camera cuts to Applejack and Bloom on the sidelines; the singing fades out by the time they reach K. The next two lines are heard over the end of this.)

Filthy: (from o.s., sternly) Diamond Tiara!

(Diamond is pushed into view, wearing her own set of ears and not liking it one bit, and Filthy comes up behind her.)

Diamond: (sighing, whining) But, Dad!

(He just raises a hoof, shoves her ahead toward the others, and follows her. The two sisters trade a puzzled look and break out in laughter before the view fades to black.)


BABY CAKES

Written by Charlotte Fullerton

Produced by Sarah Wall

Story editing by Rob Renzetti

Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen

Directed by James Wootton

Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)

Prologue

(Opening shot: fade in to a hospital, as evidenced by the sign out front—white cross with a pink heart tucked into each outer corner, all superimposed on a red circle. The cross/heart design matches that of the cutie mark seen on Nurse Redheart in “Applebuck Season.” It is daytime. Zoom in slowly and dissolve to Twilight Sparkle and her friends, chattering excitedly while gathered outside the long window of the maternity ward. Rainbow Dash hovers above the other five. Zoom in slowly again, then cut to Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity, seen from inside.)

*** Lines marked with one asterisk (*) are delivered by a speaker on the opposite side of the glass from the camera, and are slightly muffled as a result. ***

* Applejack: Can you believe the new baby is finally here? (Soft gasp from Twilight.)

* Twilight: Cup Cake and Carrot Cake must be so proud!

* Rarity: I wonder if it’s a filly or a colt.

 (Pan to the other three. Pinkie Pie, at the far end, mashes her face excitedly against the pane as if trying to squeeze herself bodily through it.)

* Pinkie: I want to see the new baby pony! I want to see! Which one is it?

(Cut to inside the ward and zoom in slowly over the rows of bassinets toward Mr. Cake, who stands over one of them. He bears all the hallmarks of a father-to-be who has put in plenty of time in the waiting room: bow tie loose, unkempt mane, cap askew, a faceful of beard stubble. Close-up.)

Mr. Cake: (softly) Meet our son… (pulling blanket down) …Pound Cake.

(The movement exposes a sleeping, off-white newborn colt dressed in the pony equivalent of footie pajamas, light blue, with a hood that has openings for the ears. A tuft of brown mane peeks out from the hood’s edge. Newborn Pound yawns, a pair of tiny wings twitching out from his back to mark him as a pegasus. Cut to the six mares, seen from inside.)

* All: Awww… (Back to Mr. Cake; he turns to his other side.)

Mr. Cake: (turning to the bassinet behind him) And our daughter… (pulling blanket down) …Pumpkin Cake.

(The occupant is a light yellowish-tan unicorn filly in pink four-footie pajamas; the bit of mane under her hood is orange. She yawns and starts sucking peacefully on a front hoof. Back to the ward side of the window.)

* All: Huh?

* Pinkie: Two new foals for me to play with? (Gasp.) That’s two, two, two times the fun! (The others glance her way, puzzled.) This is the greatest day ever!

(She darts out of view and is inside the room an instant later, wearing a party hat and with a noisemaker clamped in her teeth.)

Pinkie: We need to celebrate your birthday, babies, ’cause you were just born today! Woo-hoo!

(She sucks in a bushel of air, intending to let it go through the noisemaker, but Redheart arrives in a flash.)

Redheart: Shhh! The babies are trying to sleep.

Pinkie: But I was just—

Redheart: Shhh!

Pinkie: (dropping noisemaker) But—

Redheart: Shhh!

(The party pony glances in the departing nurse’s direction, then slips between the two newborns and starts to sing quietly.)

Cheerful music-box melody, fast 4 (G flat major)

Pinkie:        Happy, happy birthday to you and you today

Music ends

(A threatening look from Redheart stops her cold before she can get another line out. She lets off a deflated little moan; cut to the hall as she is flipped off the white-capped head onto the floor. Applejack turns her attention to the twins.)

Applejack: Now how in thunderation is one of them twins a pegasus and the other one a unicorn?

(As she speaks, cut to a close-up of Pound and his twitching wings, then pan to the hoof-sucking Pumpkin. Zoom out to frame Mr. Cake standing over them.)

Mr. Cake: Easy. My great-great-great-great-grandfather was a unicorn, and Cup Cake’s great-aunt’s second cousin twice removed was a pegasus. That makes sense, right? (The ward side of the window.)

* Rainbow: Aw, yeah! (laughing) Just you wait. (pointing to her wings) Once little Pound Cake there gets his wings going… (zipping back and forth) …he’ll be all over the place!

* Twilight: And be careful around Pumpkin Cake.

* Rarity: Baby unicorns get strange magic surges that come and go.

(As Mr. Cake leans over Pound, Pinkie springs up with a fully decorated chocolate cake.)

Pinkie: (softly) Quick! Make a wish and blow out your candles—which is easy, ’cause there are zero candles! You are zero years old, after all! (Redheart leans in.)

Redheart: Shhh!

(The new father has reacted to this intrusion with great consternation, and Redheart’s shushing causes her to twitch backward slightly and hit herself in the face with the cake. She ends up with an embarrassed smile framed by chocolate icing around her mouth and a beard/mustache of white from the cake’s trim. Fade to black.)

OPENING THEME

Act One

(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of Sugarcube Corner during the day and zoom in slowly. A cut to the shop floor frames Mr. Cake—properly groomed—toting a large box of diapers on his head, while Mrs. Cake moves a smaller box of sweets in her mouth. Pound and Pumpkin are near the stairs and gurgling happily; each wears a diaper and party hat. Pound’s eyes are brown, Pumpkin’s blue, and the latter sports a small blue bow in her mane. She takes a few tottering steps and falls on her belly before Pinkie bursts in from the kitchen, a cake with a large “1” candle balanced on her head. She hops cheerfully over to the pair and starts to sing.)

Cheerful pizzicato string/percussion melody, brisk 4 (A flat major)

(She lets the cake drop and sticks a noisemaker in each foal’s mouth.)

Pinkie:         Happy month-iversary to you and you today

(spoken, rapid fire, out of time)

                I can’t believe you’re already a month old! Time sure flies, doesn’t it? Wow, it

     seems like only yesterday you were born!

(singing, popping out of cake)

                But now you’re a month old today, hey!

Song ends

(The remains go flying as both twins blow their noisemakers and jump up onto her with a laugh. She trots happily across the room, then pitches to the floor on her back with them landing on her belly; the party hats tumble away as Mr. Cake sets down a stack of boxes. He registers concern for a moment, but lets the thought drop with a smile and turns back to his work. Pinkie pops up between the kids.)

Pinkie: Are you ready for your favorite-est game in the whole wide world?

(She dives through the batwing doors leading into a storage room, then hangs her forelegs over the top edges once they stop swinging.)

Pinkie: Where’s Pinkie Pie? (She opens them and shoves her head out.) Here I am! (Close.) Where’s Pinkie Pie? (Open.) Here I am!

(Cut to the two seated babies.)

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Where’s Pinkie Pie? (shoving head into view) Here I am!

(They cheer and laugh, and she pulls her head back; cut to inside the storage room. Mrs. Cake is looking over the stocked shelves as the game continues.)

Pinkie: (shoving head out) Here I am!

(Pan slightly away to put her out of view as Mr. Cake enters; his head is piled with boxes of pastries, which he transfers to a table.)

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Here I am! (Cut to frame her; she bounds out.) Here I am!

(The smile on Mr. Cake’s face gives way to a worried frown that perfectly matches the one his wife has assumed. On the shop floor, Pinkie blows a vigorous raspberry at the kids.)

Mrs. Cake: Everything okay in there? (sing-song) Who needs a diaper change?

Pinkie: (echoing her) Don’t worry! They’re fine!

(Lifting Pound into view, she is immediately proven wrong when some rather nasty fumes begin rising from the colt’s rump and she gets a lungful.)

Pinkie: (revolted) Ooh!…I mean…

(Mr. Cake bursts in from the storage room with and two fresh diapers on his tail.)

[Animation goof: Mrs. Cake is now standing inside the doorway next to him.]

Mr. Cake: (chuckling) Oh, I’ve got it.

(He lays Pound and Pumpkin side by side on an open patch of countertop, and the camera shifts to frame him. A few seconds of o.s. legerdemain leaves the two soiled diapers hanging by a corner in his teeth; he quickly slings them across the room and into a flip-top trash can whose lid slams shut. Next a can of talcum powder is deployed, followed by some more deft mouth-and-hoof manipulation that puts the clean ones where they ought to be. Close-up of the two gurgling newborns, then zoom out to frame Pinkie looking at them while Mr. Cake washes up at a sink.) 

Mr. Cake: Is anypony hungry?

Pinkie: Aw, no thanks. I just had a big breakfast.

(He throws her a funny look as Mrs. Cake enters from the storage room, a tray with two bottles balanced on her tail.)

Mrs. Cake: I’m on it!

(A flip of the swirled rose hairs sends the bottles toward the ceiling; they drop precisely into the twins’ mouths, nipple first, and both start sucking merrily away. Pinkie regards them with growing impatience, even going so far as to check a wristwatch on one foreleg. A close-up of this shows her own face, surrounded by confetti and streamers, in the 12:00 position.)

(In close-up, Pound and Pumpkin sit up, their bottles now empty and their smiles giving way to looks of general distress. Pinkie eyes them quizzically before breaking out in a huge smile.)

Pinkie: Oh, oh! You’re making funny faces! I have one!

(She bugs one eye out and lets her tongue hang loose; no good.)

Mr. Cake: (from o.s., chuckling) No, you see, Pinkie… (Cut to him.) …the babies need to be burped.

(He scoops them up, leans one over each shoulder, and starts patting both tiny backs at once. In no time flat he is rewarded with a double-barreled belch that brings great revulsion to Pinkie’s face for a brief instant, but she brightens immediately afterward.)

Pinkie: All set now? Everything good? (rearing up) Okay, who wants to play again?

(She zips off, the kids jumping down from Daddy’s arms and tottering eagerly after her. Pound stumbles and falls near a stack of blocks; he eyes these critically, then stands up on his hind legs and knocks them over. Before he can fall or jump backward onto his rump, Mrs. Cake dives in low to catch him.)

Mrs. Cake: Ah-ah-ah, Pound Cake. (She straightens up.) No pounding things.

(He smiles. Now Pumpkin, still following Pinkie, stops by the dropped talcum powder can and gets its non-business end in her mouth. After a moment’s sucking or gumming, Mrs. Cake walks up, clicks her tongue reprovingly, and takes it away in her own teeth.)

Mr. Cake: (from o.s.) Ah-ah-ah-ah. (Cut to frame all four Cakes.) We don’t chew on things, Pumpkin Cake. (Pinkie hops over to them.)

Pinkie: Except food! (Mrs. Cake drops the can with a shocked gasp.)

Mrs. Cake: Food! Great cinnamon sticks, I completely forgot!

Pinkie: No, you just fed ’em bottles, remember?

Mrs. Cake: Not the babies’ food! (It hits Mr. Cake now.)

Mr. Cake: (sputtering) The food for the enormously big catering order we have to deliver today! (Cut to Pinkie and Pumpkin, trading a puzzled look.)

Mrs. Cake: (from o.s.) Oh, with the new twins, we’ve been so distracted! (Back to the couple; she slings up a pair of baby carriers.)

Mr. Cake: (sputtering) Quick, honey bun! (setting Pound in one of them) We need to find a babysitter to watch the foals while we take care of this!

(The two head for the door once Pumpkin has been slung up; pan back to an eager Pinkie.)

Pinkie: I could do it! I want to do it! Oh, the babies love playing with me! I’ll do it!

(Outside, the Cakes head down the street at their fastest trot.)

Mrs. Cake: I wonder who would be available on such short notice.

Pinkie: (hopping after them) Me! Me! Pick me!

(Wipe to the exterior of Fluttershy’s cottage. The family is at the front door, whose top half is open, and Fluttershy puts her head out in close-up.)

Fluttershy: Oh! I would love to babysit.

(Her perspective of them on the end of this; broad smiles all around.)

Fluttershy: But I can’t today, sorry. (All faces fall; cut to her.) I promised Angel we’d go on a picnic.

(Pan to the rabbit on the end of this; he points impatiently at a loaded basket on the floor beside him. Outside, the Cakes dejectedly take their leave as Fluttershy puts her head out the door.)

Fluttershy: You understand, don’t you? You’re not mad at me, are you? Please don’t be mad at me! (Pinkie pops up, cradling Angel and rocking him vigorously.)

Pinkie: I’ll do it! Pick me!

(Wipe to the exterior of the library, then cut to Twilight and the Cakes inside. She shakes her head sadly.)

Twilight: I have to finish this report for the Princess summarizing all my other reports to the Princess.

(On the second half of this, she looks across the reading room and the camera pans to Spike—standing on a stool, balanced on one foot, with papers impaled on his head spines and in his mouth, free foot, tail, and both hands. He is quite put out at the idea of being used as a walking bulletin board. The Cakes hurry out, paying no mind to Pinkie, who has put a diaper on the book she holds and is rocking it.)

Pinkie: I want to babysit! Pick me!

(Wipe to the foursome standing by a tree in Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack’s hind legs rise into view to buck the trunk, bringing down a patter of fruit; cut to her, nosing them into a tub.)

Applejack: (incredulously) Babysit? Now? When there’s a swarm of hungry caterpillars headin’ this way? (leaning down to an apple; a caterpillar inches up) I gotta get all these apples picked before they get swarmed on!

(The little critter opens its mouth wide for a bite, but comes up dry when she yanks the meal away in her mouth. It grumbles under its little insect breath and the family heads out—with Pinkie darting in out of nowhere and being disregarded as before. Now she has a pile of apples in her forelegs and again goes too far in rocking them.)

Pinkie: Ooh, ooh! I want to do it!

(In fact, she goes so far that the apples begin to tumble from her grasp. Wipe to Rainbow perched on a cloud and shaking her head down at the Cakes.)

Rainbow: I got tickets to the Wonderbolts’ airshow this afternoon. (Loop-the-loop.) Gotta dash!

(She takes off with enough speed to vaporize the cloud and leave two earth pony parents goggling after her. Cut to Pinkie nearby, with a diapered cloud resting on a front hoof.)

Pinkie: (holding it up) Ask me! (singing, tossing it back and forth overhead) Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me…

(The ridiculous display ends when she forgets to catch the cloud and it bursts apart upon hitting the ground. After a furtive glance at the aftermath, she bails out at top speed. Wipe to Rarity, just inside the front door of the Carousel Boutique and looking out at the beseeching Cakes.)

Rarity: Moi? Babysit? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. (They leave, crestfallen.) I am flattered that you would think about me, though.

(Outside, Mr. and Mrs. Cake hang their heads in defeat but find Pinkie rising slowly into view before them, head turned so that she can aim a look at them from the corner of her eye. She has her biggest, whitest, most knowing grin plastered firmly onto her face, much to her bosses’ unease. They trade a worried look over the tense silence, while the babies smile from behind Mrs. Cake’s shoulders; Mr. Cake is first to speak after a weary sigh.)

Mr. Cake: Pinkie Pie… (Cut to her, smile widening; he continues o.s.) …how would you like to babysit for us?

(The request causes her pupils to grow until they almost fill her eye sockets, and she gasps with enough force to burst any other pony’s lungs. She lets the enthusiasm vanish as quickly as it came, replacing it with false apathy.)

Pinkie: I don’t know. I’ll have to check my schedule.

(She takes her time inspecting a front hoof and flicks an invisible bit of dirt away, then gives them a small, calculating smile. Dissolve to the batwing doors leading to the storage room of Sugarcube Corner; these burst open as the camera zooms out slightly. Mrs. Cake gallops out, boxes stacked on head, followed by Mr. Cake with a tall, unfrosted, three-tier layer cake on his back. Pinkie and the kids watch, and the kids laugh as their mother races back in.)

Mr. Cake: (jittering nervously) Now, Pinkie, are you sure you really understand the responsibility of watching over two babies?

(His wife charges out with more boxes during this line.)

Pinkie: I can be responsible. Why, Responsibility is my middle name! Pinkie Responsibility Pie! (Mrs. Cake zips up into her face.)

Mrs. Cake: Uh, but this time you need to take care of them, not just play with them. You have to be responsible.

Pinkie: Yes, I know. I will. (saluting) I am!

(The ring of an o.s. bell sends Mrs. Cake racing off past the brand-new caregiver. She immediately returns, pushing a dolly that holds a cake nearly twice as tall as the one Mr. Cake brought out. A scroll rests at the edge of one tier.)

Mrs. Cake: Ohh…here you are, dearie!

(A quick nip sends the document flying toward Pinkie; follow it over to her as it hits the floor and unrolls several feet worth of notes.)

Mrs. Cake: (from o.s.) All of your responsibilities are on this list. (Zoom out slightly.)

Pinkie: Whoa! (eyeing it closely) That’s a lotta responsi— (She stops short, straightens up, and salutes.) Consider it done.

(The unnerved mother stares back in her direction, but is interrupted when Mr. Cake leans into view behind the massive dessert.)

Mr. Cake: We’ll frost it when we get there! (pulling it ahead) Come on, sugarplum! Tick-tick!

(He darts off; Pinkie bulldozes her ahead. Cut to just outside the front door as she emerges onto the step.)

Mrs. Cake: Take good care of our two precious little gingersnaps. (Pinkie nudges her ahead and o.s.)

Pinkie: No problemo, Mr. and Mrs. Cake! Everything is under control!

(Cut to just behind her as the two bakers depart, Mr. Cake pulling a cart that holds the giant cake. After they have gone, she closes the bottom half of the front door and turns toward the infants; they stare up at her with steadily building worry. Her big silly grin is met with a stereo outburst of full-throated crying. Cut to just behind them, zooming in slowly on one pink pony who has just realized that she should have asked for overtime pay on this gig.)

Pinkie: Uh-oh.

(Snap to black.)

Act Two

(Opening shot: fade in to a flustered Pinkie and the bawling twins.)

Pinkie: Uhh…don’t cry, little friends. (pointing ahead) Look! Look!

(She races across the room and hides behind the storage room doors.)

Pinkie: Where’s Pinkie Pie? Where’s Pinkie Pie?

(Pound and Pumpkin trade a bewildered look, then start crying all over again; she peeks out over the doors’ top edge.)

Pinkie: Oh, no! (She bursts through.) I’m right here, see?  

(And it makes not one iota of a difference to the distraught foals; ditto for the silly faces that she makes as a follow-up.)

Pinkie: (to herself) Uh…think, think, think! (Inspiration strikes.) Aha!

(Wipe to the darkened storage room. Pound and Pumpkin, both thoroughly confused, are pushed into view to sit at a little table set with a vase of flowers.)

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Hey, guys, watch this!

(Cut to just behind the table. In front of them is a red curtain backdrop, a broom, and a stool; the assistant baker trots into view with a spotlight following her. Applause from an unseen audience accompanies her arrival, and she grabs the broom to use its handle end as a microphone. A bit of feedback is heard. Except where noted, her next four lines are amplified as if being spoken through a real mic.)

Pinkie: Hey, you’re a wonderful crowd here tonight! (holding end out to kids) Where y’all from?

(Pumpkin opens her mouth to answer, but no sound comes out. More feedback, after which Pinkie yanks the “mic” up to herself.)

Pinkie: Wow, that’s great. You know, I used to have an ant farm, but I had to get rid of it because I couldn’t find tractors that small!

(An o.s. drum kit plays a quick sting to emphasize the punchline, but the response is only a pair of big-eyed, puzzled stares and a lot of silence. An Evening at the Improv this is not.)

Pinkie: Get it? Tractors that small? (Still nothing except for a distant cough.) The other day, I spilled spot remover on my dog—and now I can’t find him!

(She zips over to a snare drum and cymbal set up in a corner to play the sting herself this time, getting only a fresh wave of crying.)

Pinkie: (to herself) Yeesh. Tough crowd. (Quick pan back to the stage; she is now here again.) Tell me about it.

(The first three words of the preceding line are the only ones that are not amplified. Now Pinkie gets a new idea and kicks the broom and stool away.)

Pinkie: Fine! I wasn’t gonna pull off the showstopper— (ducking partway through curtain, head still exposed) —but you’re a lovely audience and I think you deserve it!

(Retreating entirely behind the curtain, she pokes her head back out a moment later with a rubber pig snout over her nose.)

Polka with accordion/drums/bass, lively 4 (G flat major)

(She bounces across the stage on her rump and zips to the twins, surprising them into silence.)

Pinkie:        First you jiggle your tail, oink oink oink

                Then you wriggle your snout, oink oink oink

(bouncing across stage again, dancing in spotlight)

                Then you wriggle your rump, oink oink oink

                Then shout it out, oink oink oink

(She sings the verse twice more with further gamboling as the tempo steadily increases. As for the twins, their reaction deteriorates from confusion to a fresh crying jag. On the last “out,” she skids across the floor and thumps against a cabinet, losing the rubber snout and jostling a bag of flour loose so that it falls on her head.)

Song ends

(White clouds puff out in all directions and clear to show that every square inch of the would-be comedienne is thoroughly covered—mane, tail, cutie mark, all except the blue of her eyes. Pound and Pumpkin fall silent, then break into happy gurgles and laughter at the sight.)

Pinkie: (smiling wearily) There. See? Nothing to this babysitting business.

(She keels over backwards. Dissolve to a close-up of the end of the very long note Mrs. Cake gave her, resting on the floor, and tilt up to frame her clean of flour. The other end is taped to the storage room cabinet; she is studying it intently. The lights are back on.)

Pinkie: Snack time. That’s easy enough.

(Cut to inside the cabinet as she opens it and looks in, finding two bowls of soft food at the ready. Pound and Pumpkin have been placed in adjacent high chairs, the colt banging on his tray and the filly sucking her hoof. Zoom out as Pinkie arrives with the grub.)

Pinkie: Okey-dokey. (She serves each.) Eat up.

(Four big eyes just stare up at her; she smiles and hoists an empty bowl.)

Pinkie: Like this. (pantomiming eating) Num-num-num, num-num-num-num! Ahhh!

(Pound just stares at her as if radishes have started growing out of her ears; his sister, on the other hand, stretches her mouth wide and leans slowly toward her bowl. Pinkie smiles hugely at the sight—and then Pumpkin leans far enough out to knock the food off her tray. She comes up with the hem of the cloth on a nearby table and starts gnawing on it. A vase of flowers gets dragged along for the ride as Pound rocks his bowl back and forth.)

Pinkie: No, Pumpkin Cake, we eat food— (pulling cloth off table and out of reach) —not tablecloths.

(Pumpkin reacts by crying, Pound by banging his front hooves on the tray so that his bowl flips up and empties itself over his head. The decibels are quickly doubled for the benefit of their frustrated babysitter.)

Pinkie: (stammering, on edge of panic) Uh, hey, guys, look at me!

(A lightning-fast trip to the cabinet yields a fresh bag of flour, which she dumps all over herself. After she sneezes out some of the stuff, the suddenly quiet kids start laughing just as they did in the “comedy club.”)

Pinkie: (dryly) Yeah. I think I can see where this is going.

(A snort throws more from her nose. Dissolve to the faucet end of a bathtub, which is filling with steaming sudsy water; now cleaned up, she leans into view and turns it off with her teeth. Zoom out to frame Pound and Pumpkin in front of the tub, both stripped of their diapers. They jump up with a happy yell and race off, with Pinkie in hot pursuit. The tub’s placement, and details of the walls and floor, mark this bathroom as a different one from her own as seen in “Feeling Pinkie Keen.” Youthful energy and the slick tile floor combine to leave the harried sitter one step behind her charges at every turn, and Pumpkin starts chewing on a towel to boot.)

Pinkie: Towels are not food, Pumpkin Cake!

(Pumpkin yanks the towel from its rack and races off with it alongside Pound. The chase resumes.)

Pinkie: Drop it…drop it… (She skids to a stop by the tub.) …drop it!

(The room has suddenly gone quiet, so she looks around with growing panic. Cut to the medicine cabinet; a tuft of brown tail can be seen dangling from behind its door, and Pinkie approaches with caution. A laugh from inside bugs her eyes out and brings her attention to the exposed tail. When she opens the door, she is met by the sight of both twins standing on their hind legs, side by side—but only for a moment, as they dart away again. Pumpkin has, however, dropped the towel. The camera now cuts to the shower curtain and the eight little hooves visible beneath its hem; she moves in, and the view shifts to the twins’ side as she slides it open with a big smile. Outside it again; they barrel away through her legs, but she quickly nips them by the scruff of the neck and deposits them in the tub at last. Her reward is a fresh wave of screams and tears.)

Pinkie: (fishing around in water) Ooh, look, guys! (She brings up a hoof-load of…) Bubbles!

(A gentle puff of air sends them floating overhead to mollify the pair. Pinkie splashes again, generating more bubbles and putting a beard of soap suds on her face. Everything is sweetness and light until a particularly large bubble bursts on Pumpkin’s horn and the crying starts again. The frazzled mare shakes herself clean.)

Pinkie: (stammering) Don’t cry. (showing them a rubber duckie) Look! Look!

(She gives it a squeeze to make it squeak; cut to the water as it is placed on the surface.)

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Uh, floaty things! Ooh, ahh!

(Her nervous laugh is met by the twins’ happy reaction to the bath toy, and she smiles shrewdly and begins to bring others in, dropping each into the tub. In order: a penguin and sponge, an inflatable crab and beach ball, a tugboat and snorkel with mask, a rubber life raft with paddles. Each addition is larger than the last; by the time Pinkie finishes, there is so much junk stuffed into the tub that the twins cannot be seen. She backs away and the camera cuts briefly a close-up of them among all the toys before shifting back to Pinkie. Zoom out slightly as they go into a new tantrum, sending all the items flying.)

(She recoils in horror as a sudden realization strikes her: Pound’s hooves are a little too close to the faucet. He bangs it with enough force to snap the pipe, sending a jet of water across the bathroom that drives Pinkie out of sight. As it subsides, the camera pans in her direction to the door—and the Pinkie-silhouette hole that has just been punched out of it. The storage room is visible beyond this, and an irritated, sopping-wet party pony sticks her head back in. She has yet another bag of flour tucked under a foreleg, but shifts it to her head while glaring back toward the o.s. foals. Cut to the tub and zoom out slightly as she walks up and they go quiet.)

Pinkie: Oh, don’t make me do it, guys. (rearing up, lifting bag) You know what happens when you mix flour and water, don’t you?

(If they do, they evidently do not care, judging by the dirty looks coming her way. Crying ensues—so Pinkie lets the bag’s contents shower down over herself. Now, though, she winds up covered in gooey sludge rather than dust thanks to her encounter with the broken plumbing. The kids find this hilarious; she does not.)

(Dissolve to one section of Mrs. Cake’s list and pan/zoom out slightly to show a cleaned-up Pinkie studying it intently. Her perusal is interrupted by some rather unpleasant fumes wafting her way; a sniff, a gasp, and the camera cuts to a longer shot as she covers her nose and tries not to vomit. She is now in a nursery, standing next to a dresser stacked with clean diapers. An open toy chest is by the door. The camera follows her glance across the room and stops on the twins, both wearing diapers that are in serious need of a change. Pound bangs a block against some others, while Pumpkin sucks on a pacifier.)

Pinkie: (nasally) Smells like somepony needs me to changey-wangey their diaper-wiper right now-a-wow!

(Any enthusiasm she might have had for this task evaporates by the time she reaches the end of this line. Uncovering her nose—and probably wishing that she could grow a fifth leg to keep it covered—she grabs two fresh diapers in her teeth. As stealthily as she can, she works her way toward the pair, zig-zagging between their cribs until she can climb into one and perch herself over its footboard.)

Pinkie: Easy…easy…

(Ground level. The approach of her shadow attracts both noxious foals’ attention, and they laugh and flee from her attempted diving tackle. She stands up, finds them nowhere in sight, and starts across the room with a sigh. A camera shift reveals that they have taken refuge behind the dresser; Pumpkin giggles to herself, the pacifier gone, and draws a glare and growl from Pinkie. Out in the room, she charges in after them and the ensuing fracas is marked by laughs, shaking furniture, clouds of dust, and a couple of flying diapers.)

Pinkie: (from behind dresser) Wait…don’t…stay there…

(She puts her head up long enough to nip two fresh ones off the stack, then drops out of sight to resume the brawl.)

Pinkie: (from behind) No, wait!

(The sound of a ratchet wrench starts to make its presence known now. Pound tries to crawl away, but Pinkie drags him back.)

Pinkie: (from behind) Just for a second… (She puts her head up.) Stand still, I’ve almost…

(Down again; a jackhammer is heard next, and the camera cuts to a hunkered-down Pound and Pumpkin as the ruckus dies away. Neither is wearing a diaper now, and the reason becomes clear when they look up and the camera zooms out: Pinkie has ended up with one on her rump and the other on her head. Her smug smile turns to embarrassment once she realizes how badly this endeavor has gone wrong, and the twins laugh and zip away.)

Pinkie: Oh, you gotta be kidding me!

(The jingling of a bell at the front door brings up a relieved smile.)

Pinkie: (trotting off) Oh! Thank goodness they’re home!

(Cut to a close-up of that door, seen from inside; she reaches into view and opens it to reveal Twilight on the step.)

Twilight: Hi! (Outside; Pinkie puts her head out.) I finished up the work I had to do, so I thought I’d stop by and see if you needed any help. (She is yanked in.) Whoa!

(Door slam. Cut to the pair on the shop floor; the diaper on Pinkie’s rump has slid halfway down to her hooves.)

Pinkie: Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming! (kicking diaper off) I can’t begin to tell you what my day has been like! I mean, these babies just won’t listen to reason—and don’t even get me started on their taste in stand-up comedy! (A drum sting is played o.s.)

Twilight: It’s okay, Pinkie. I figured you would need some help. (crossing floor) That’s why I stopped by.

Pinkie: (offended) Excuse me? (Twilight stops.)

Twilight: Babies take a lot of work. (levitating scattered toys, placing neatly on floor) And some ponies are just not cut out to handle the responsibility. (Pinkie gets in her face.)

Pinkie: Is that so?!

(Cut to the doorstep; the door is open again, and the well-meaning unicorn finds herself being plowed out onto it by one angry earth pony.)

Pinkie: Well, thanks for stopping by, Twilight. Sorry, I don’t have time to visit. I’m very, very busy with my responsibilities here. (She backs into the building.)

Twilight: I’m happy to help. It’s no trouble—

(Any further words are cut off by the door being slammed into her face—close enough, in fact, to squash her nose a bit. Inside, Pinkie stands sullenly with her back to it.)

Pinkie: Well, of all the— (Sputter.) She thinks I can’t handle things on my own! (dejectedly, pulling diaper off head) Maybe because I haven’t handled things on my own.

(After a moment’s hard thought, she straightens up with fierce new resolve.)

Pinkie: Well, I can handle things on my own!

(Wipe to the partly open nursery door, seen from inside. Happy burbling is heard from o.s. as Pinkie peeks in; cut to one crib, in which Pound is gleefully jumping on the mattress. A quick pan across the room frames Pumpkin having her own grand time chomping on a rubber chicken. Pinkie pushes the door fully open and strides up to stare down the hyperactive little pegasus.)

Pinkie: Pound Cake! (He stops, cowed.) This is a crib. It is only to be used for napping, sleeping, and on occasion with permission, as a pretend old-timey Western fort. (Cut to him; she continues o.s.) It is not a trampoline. (leaning toward him) So stop your jumping right now, mister!

(The blue eyes fix his brown ones with the hardest glare they can muster. Next their owner moves in on Pumpkin.)

Pinkie: And you, young filly. We do not put anything in our mouth that we cannot safely and properly digest. (leaning close) So stop slobbering on that toy this instant!

(Said young filly lets the rubber chicken fall from her mouth and allows Pinkie to set her in the crib next to her brother.)

Pinkie: Now, we have all had a very exhausting afternoon, and it’s time for all good little foals to take their nap. So…fall asleep!

(Both foals regard her with dumbfounded, wide-eyed stares for a long moment, then drop onto their backs and start snoring. Pinkie eyes them with a smile and relieved sigh, pulls a blanket up over both, and gives each a kiss on the forehead.)

Pinkie: (softly, tenderly) Sleep tight.

(Pulling the crib’s drop-side up into place, she deposits a used diaper into a waiting trash can and tosses the rubber chicken into a closet. The door is slid shut; cut to the hallway outside the nursery as the lights inside are switched off.)

Pinkie: (walking out) Now that’s what I call handling things.

(Cut to just inside the door. She reaches back in to close it, the camera cutting to her perspective almost as soon as her hoof touches the knob. Zoom in quickly on the crib in which she placed the twins; the drop-side is still up, but they are nowhere in sight, inside or out. Back to her, voicing a disbelieving gasp, and snap to black.)

Act Three

(Opening shot: fade in to a close-up of the unoccupied crib and zoom out slowly to frame Pinkie looking in, slack-jawed, from the doorway.)

Pinkie: Oh, no, no, no, no. Not good, not good, not good! (She gallops to the crib and lowers the drop-side.) Pound? Pumpkin? Where are you?

(Cut to a pile of toys in one corner and zoom out as she leaps onto them; they go flying in all directions, but no twins are found.)

Pinkie: (trying to keep it together) Come out, come out, wherever you are!

(Cut to another corner and pan slowly across the room as she frantically peeks in one place after another, with no luck. A toy’s squeak draws her attention toward the shut closet; stepping carefully to it, she slides the door open. Pumpkin is inside, nibbling happily at the rubber chicken—a sight that completely blows Pinkie’s mind.)

Pinkie: Whoa!

(She sets the little unicorn in a crib, chicken and all.)

Pinkie: (raising drop-side) You be a good little girl now, Pumpkin-wumpkin, and stay in your crib for your pal Pinkie-winkie.

(Pumpkin climbs up to the rail on the end of this, then gives the toy another squeak with her teeth before Pinkie cautiously turns away. The camera cuts to the hapless pony and follows her for a short distance across the room; suddenly she stops, looks back, and sees Pumpkin still in the crib. The chicken’s next squeak does not quite settle her mind, so she cuts her eyes away and back again just to make sure. Next Pinkie slowly walks off; cut to the hallway as she emerges from the nursery and is hit by another terrible thought.)

Pinkie: Pound Cake? (clicking tongue) Here, Pound Cake!

(A chance breeze toys with the window curtains as the far end of the hall, and Pinkie trots warily toward the disturbance. She is brought up short by a ghostly, babyish giggle that reverberates through the stillness; pan quickly back toward the nursery door, then tilt up to the ceiling and down to a stair railing. The nursery, therefore, is on a higher floor than the bakery. The giggle is heard again and again at different pitches, with the overall effect of leaving Pinkie’s nerves strung even tighter than they already were.)

Pinkie: (shuddering) Pound Cake?

(Pound’s silhouette passes very close to the camera—upside down, seemingly moving across the ceiling. After another shudder, the camera cuts to an overhead shot inside the nursery door as Pinkie slinks back up; cut to her perspective of the room, with Pumpkin squeaking the rubber chicken in her crib and Pound still AWOL. Back to Pinkie, now entering the room; Pound’s upside-down form passes overhead with a sepulchral giggle, throwing a good scare into her.)

(Pumpkin squeaks the chicken, but Pinkie hears the sound at a lower pitch than usual due to the mental strain. Another laugh. A still lower squeak. Now Pinkie apprehensively lifts her gaze upward as the giggle asserts itself again—and a tilt up reveals the wayward pegasus casually walking around on the ceiling. He is using his wings to provide the lift needed to maintain this position, and he gurgles cheerfully down at the overstressed nanny, who yelps in surprise.)

Pinkie: You can fly?!?

(Lights flick on; she starts jumping up and trying to grab him.)

Pinkie: (between jumps) You…get down here…this instant…young…colt!

(She crashes to the floor after this last word and ends up gasping for breath and doing her best throw-rug impersonation.)

Pinkie: I’m responsible for you!

(Cut to a close-up of Pound and his tiny, beating wings; a sound as of bubbles popping surprises him, and the camera zooms out and rotates 180 degrees. He is still upside down on the ceiling, and Pinkie is now up here as well, using suction cups on her hooves. She fixes him with a fierce look, after which the view shifts to ground level and she carries him down the wall by the mane.)

(Pumpkin, having dropped the rubber chicken, reaches through the bars of her crib toward a toy butterfly resting on the rail of Pound’s. Backing away a step, she scrunches her face in fierce concentration and her stubby horn begins to glow; the magic takes hold of the plaything and lifts it clear, flapping the wings for good measure. Pinkie is so flabbergasted that her jaw drops full open, allowing Pound to tumble away—but he soon rises again thanks to his wings.)

(The butterfly floats across the nursery toward Pumpkin’s crib, accompanied by a duck, monkey, and turtle. She laughs gleefully and gets the butterfly’s head in her mouth, earning a glare from Pinkie, who has removed the suction cups.)

Pinkie: No, no, no, Pumpkin. (She pulls the toy away; switch to the monkey.) No, no! (Take it; switch to the turtle.) No!

(This too is snatched up, and Pinkie gathers up all four toys.)

Pinkie: Hmph! (crossing to open toy chest) I am the responsible one— (dumping them in) —and I said so.

(She slams the lid down and goes into a lightning-fast blur of activity that leaves the chest wrapped with several turns of heavy chain and secured by a padlock. However, she has barely finished securing it when a cheerful Pound glides past.)

Pinkie: That goes for you too, Pound Cake!

(Up she goes twice, aiming for his legs but getting nothing but air. The second jump sends her face first into the wall, from which she tumbles into a laundry hamper and comes up wearing a winged bonnet. Now plenty fed up with these shenanigans, she leaps out, ditching the headwear, and actually gets her hooves locked onto Pound’s.)

Pinkie: Gotcha! (He slowly starts to lift himself and her…) I think? (…and zooms ahead.) Whoa!

(Quick pan to the hallway, where his flight bounces the yelling babysitter off both walls time after time. One swoop carries her toward the ceiling and down the stairs, her rump banging against every single one. On they go into the storage room; Pound drags her the full length of a counter so that she knocks over several trays of baked goods. After three pies have splatted against her face, she gleefully licks some of the fruit filling away.)

Pinkie: Mmm! Razzleberry!  

(Her no-nonsense demeanor takes root again. Cut to just outside the storage room as Pound hauls her, now fully clean of pie filling, back and forth through the doors.)

Pinkie: I’m—not—letting—go!—I’m—re—spon—si—ble!

(She is also in for a very rough ride back up the stairs, but getting her chin bounced against them this time. Quick pan back to the nursery; as Pound flies in, the door swings shut and Pinkie’s tail gets tangled in the knob. It stretches out like a fluffy magenta rubber band, then snaps her back to slam against the door. She slumps to the floor, having lost her hold on Pound, and the airborne colt makes his way over to Pumpkin’s crib. Twin sister stretches her hooves forlornly up toward him and does something that no unicorn has accomplished to date in the series: levitate herself. She floats up to his level, and the two gurgle cheerfully and zoom off across the nursery as Pinkie goggles at them.)

Pinkie: Oh, not you too!

(They swoop and dive and end up looking at each other, Pound upside down above the supine Pumpkin, before Pinkie lunges with a crazed grin and a playpen. This is clapped over them upside down, and in no time she has procured a roll of tape and wrapped several turns to anchor it to the floor. Throwing the tape over one shoulder, she leans over the playpen with an even more unhinged grin.)

Pinkie: There! Now who’s the responsible one?

(The twins have no immediate answer, but Pumpkin comes up with one soon enough by performing another unicorn-magic first. Namely, she walks through the netting of the playpen’s side as if it were not even there. Her happy yell throws a very large monkey wrench into Pinkie’s brain; seeing her gallop around, Pound follows up by lifting off with enough force to snap the tape strands. The playpen goes flying, as does Pound, and the freaked-out mare looks over to see Pumpkin telekinetically break the chains on the toy chest and flip it open to get at the fun stuff. A cheer, a shower of toys, and she starts chewing on her turtle.)

(By now, Pinkie’s irises and pupils have contracted to paralyzed points, her mane is on its way to a full frazzle, and she looks as if her brain might blow itself to the moon at any second. After a frantic glance here and there, her pupils dilate to ridiculous proportions behind brimming tears as she desperately fights to keep her composure. It is a lost cause, though, and she cuts loose with a full-bore crying fit of her own. This one is so bad that two waterfalls of tears gush from her eyes, just as they did near the end of “Elements of Harmony.”)

(Her sobs and wails bring extreme playtime to a quick end; Pound descends to the floor and Pumpkin sets the turtle down. Trading a look of remorse for the havoc they have been causing, they slowly walk/fly o.s. and return a moment later. Pinkie stops crying as the camera zooms out slightly to frame a small bag of flour being levitated over the twins’ heads. They smile broadly just before Pumpkin pops it open, dumping the white stuff over themselves in a turnaround of Pinkie’s three run-ins with it. She wipes her eyes and giggles at the sight.)

Pinkie: You know, you’re right. That is funny.

(Dissolve to an overhead close-up of the pair napping side by side in one crib, then cut to a side view and zoom out slowly across the nursery to frame her looking on. She has put her mane back in order, and they have been cleaned up.)

Pinkie: (voice over, dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia…”

(She backs out of the room and turns the lights off.)

Pinkie: (voice over) “I’ve always had fun playing with little kids—” (Cut to the foal-ravaged kitchen; she puts her head in.) “—and I thought babysitting meant just more playtime, right?” (Her face falls.) “Wro-ooong!”

(She trudges in, a bucket of water hanging from her tail; cut to a close-up of her, scrubbing a high chair. A kerchief is tied over her mane, and she has put on an apron.)

Pinkie: (voice over) “Being a caregiver is way more responsibility than just being a playmate.”

(She stops to wipe her forehead with a relieved sigh, having finished cleaning up this chair. However, her mood deflates when the camera zooms out to frame the second, still-filthy one standing alongside. Cut to the exterior of Sugarcube Corner; it is now nighttime, and Mr. and Mrs. Cake are on their way home, Mr. Cake pulling an empty cart.)

Pinkie: (voice over) “And today I learned that sometimes, our desire for responsibility can outrun our actual ability to handle it.”

(Close-up of the bell hanging above the entrance inside on the end of this. The front door opens, jingling it; tilt down to frame Mr. Cake looking in.)

Mr. Cake: (voice raised) Pinkie Pie! We’re back! (Mrs. Cake steps in.)

Mrs. Cake: (flinching a bit) How did everything go?

(Green and violet eyes go wide as she pulls in a shocked gasp; cut to their perspective, panning slowly across the shop floor. Every square inch of the place from floor to ceiling is spotless and sparkling. Back to the seriously bewildered couple.)

Mr. Cake: Are we in the right place?

Pinkie: (from o.s.) Shhh!

(Standing at the top of the stairs, she tosses them a knowing smile while glancing briefly over her shoulder. Cut to the twins, still sawing toothpicks in their shared crib, and tilt up slightly to frame the open nursery door. All three peek in around the frame and keep their voices slightly lowered throughout this scene.)

Mrs. Cake: (gasping) Pinkie! This is just…just…

Mr. Cake: …amazing, is what it is! (All back off; cut to the hallway.) We had no idea how responsible you really are.

(A nod and smile pass between them, marking the idea that has struck both at once.)

Mr. Cake: Would you be interested in becoming our go-to babysitter on a permanent basis? (Pinkie gasps in full shock, then manages a smile.)

Pinkie: Hmm…uh…let me check my schedule. (She pulls out a notebook.) I should be available a week from… (panicked, dropping it) …never!

(A contented double sigh draws her gaze back into the nursery so that she can see the toddlers, each of whom says one word in their sleep.)

Pound: Pinkie…

Pumpkin: …Pie.

(Hearing her own name from the pair—perhaps the first words they have ever spoken—touches the soft spot that makes up most of her heart. A smile appears under two blue eyes that are slowly filling with tears, and she sighs happily.)

 

Pinkie: (turning to face the Cakes) I have some free time next Tuesday.

(Fade to black.)