SUITED FOR SUCCESS
Written by Charlotte Fullerton
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of the Carousel Boutique during the day.)
Rarity: (from inside) Oh, Opalescence…
(Cut to a close-up of a levitating sketch that depicts her in an elaborate gown, necklace, earrings, and tiara, with her mane loosely tied and hanging to one side. The head and forelegs of one of her mannequins can be seen beyond the paper’s edge.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) …can’t you just picture it? (backing it away, stepping into view) Moi, stepping out in a stunning new gown at the Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot!
(The motion of the paper exposes the mannequin, which has a length of magenta cloth draped over its back; napping on this is a fluffy white cat with violet eyeshadow and a darker bow, matching Rarity’s mane, in one tuft of hair atop her head. This is Opalescence, or Opal for short. Rarity’s words wake her up; she yawns and stretches, revealing a jeweled purple collar, and Rarity yanks the cloth away to dump her onto the ground. After a short bounce and startled meow, Opal walks across the floor. The décor does not match that of the ground floor, marking this scene as taking place on the upper story.)
(Rarity, meanwhile, has loosely wrapped the cloth around herself and is lost in the moment. Zoom in on her.)
Rarity: Why, yes, I did make it myself. Thank you so much for asking.
(As she bats her eyes and pouts prettily for the camera, Opal settles down on a free corner to resume her nap, but finds herself being dragged o.s. in short order. She jumps off and walks away with a grumble. The reason for this interruption is that Rarity has begun to run the cloth through an antique sewing machine. She has put on a pair of red-framed, tinted reading glasses and will wear them until further notice.)
Rarity: Oh, Opal, of course you can help me. Thank you.
(The cat is promptly set on a tabletop and gets a pincushion put in her mouth; she voices a discontented meow around it. Cut to Rarity; behind her is a rack loaded with bolts of fabric, as well as a bulletin board with notes tacked up.)
Rarity: What’s that? You want to help me more. (levitating various supplies) Oh, aren’t you the sweetest thing.
(They sail toward Opal, who mews bemusedly as she suddenly finds herself balancing glue, scissors, measuring tape, and spools of thread on every available body part. Zoom out; Rarity has gone to work, stitching cloth over the mannequin to follow the floating sketch.)
Rarity: Careful, now. Don’t move. (Stitches pull tight.) This shouldn’t take long at all.
(Cut to a close-up of Opal, zooming in as she grumbles and tries to balance, then fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of the Carousel Boutique. Zoom in toward the upper story, then cut to inside its closed door. A knock is followed by its opening; Applejack is on the other side, followed by Twilight Sparkle.)
Applejack: Howdy, Rarity! (They walk in.)
Twilight: Shhhh!
(Quick pan to Rarity, still working on the dress design. It now shows darker magenta trim and lighter material for the chest and forelegs; the skirt has been built up in layers.)
Twilight: (from o.s., whispering) Can’t you see Rarity’s trying to concentrate?
(Zoom in to a close-up of the seamstress’ face, then pan slightly to show Applejack behind her on one side. Both she and Twilight keep their voices down, but Rarity glances sidewise from one speaker to the other with growing annoyance.)
Applejack: What do you think she’s makin’? (Pan to Twilight on the other side.)
Twilight: Looks like a dress. (To Applejack.)
Applejack: Well, that makes sense— (Rarity sighs.) —since this is a dressmaker’s shop and all.
(Longer shot; Rarity growls quietly to herself, then turns to face the pair with the politest smile she can manage on very short notice.)
Rarity: Is there something I can help you with? (Twilight has now brought her saddlebags in.)
Twilight: Oh…so very sorry to trouble you, Rarity, but I need a quick favor.
(Digging in the bags for a moment, she pulls out a dress—red, with yellow sleeves—and lays it on a tabletop. A close-up reveals that one of its buttons has come loose.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Could you please fix a button for me? It’s my dress for the Grand Galloping Gala. (Shocked gasp from Rarity.)
Rarity: Oh, no, no, no! You can’t wear this…uh, old thing. You need a glamorous new outfit for the Gala, and I’ll make it for you. No problem at all. It would be my pleasure.
Twilight: Oh, that’s really sweet of you to offer, Rarity, but I can’t let you do that. It would be so much work. This dress is fine.
Rarity: (reprovingly) Twilight Sparkle, I insist on making you a new dress. (Cut to Twilight.)
Twilight: But—
Rarity: (from o.s., waving hoof in her face) Not another word. (Cut to frame all three.) I won’t take no for an answer.
Twilight: Well, in that case…thank you for your generosity, Rarity. Knowing your handiwork, I’m sure it will be absolutely beautiful.
(The camera cuts to Rarity and pans as she turns a slightly critical eye toward Applejack.)
Rarity: Let me guess, Applejack. You don’t want a new gown either.
Applejack: Gown? Shoot. I was just gonna wear my old work duds. (Bigger shocked gasp from Rarity.)
Rarity: You can’t possibly be serious, Applejack! You absolutely must wear formal attire!
Applejack: (thinking hard) Hmmm…nah.
Rarity: (smiling) What if I just spruce up your, uh…duds…for you a little bit?
Applejack: Uh…okay, sure, why not? Since you’re offerin’ and all. Just don’t make them too, uh…frou-frou-y.
Rarity: Deal!
Rainbow Dash: (from outside) Look out below!
(There follow a panicked yell, a crash that sends bits of the ceiling raining down, and one sky-blue pegasus who hits the floor much too hard for her liking. She bounces backward and ends up tangled among mannequins and cloth bolts, with a bucket on her head.)
Rainbow: Sorry. New trick. Didn’t quite work. (Nervous chuckle; Rarity thinks hard.)
Rarity: Hmmm… (Sharp gasp; smile; singsong.) Idea! (normal tone) I’ll make you an outfit for the Gala too, Rainbow Dash!
(Still standing among the mannequins, she looks back and forth with great confusion.)
Rainbow: Outfit for the what, now?
Rarity: (indicating Rainbow, then Applejack) I’ll make one for you, and you, and all of you! (jumping in place) Ooh, and of course Pinkie and Fluttershy too. Oh, and when I’m done, we can hold our very own fashion show!
Twilight: What a great idea! If you’re sure you can handle it.
Rarity: (levitating cloth bolts from rack) Oh, it’ll be a little bit of work, but it’ll be a wonderful boost for my business—plus, fun! (Cut to Rainbow.)
Rainbow: Oh, I love fun things!
(Zoom out to frame all four; Rarity lays out cloth at her worktable, her measuring tape around her neck and at the ready.)
Rarity: Then it’s settled. We’ll have a fashion show, starring us! (Cheers from the others; she begins cutting fabric.)
Applejack: So all you have to do is make a different, stunnin’, original, amazin’ outfit for one, two, three, four, five, plus yourself—six ponies? And lickety-split?
Rarity: (chuckling) Oh, Applejack, you make it sound as if it’s going to be hard.
Light mandolin/tambourine melody, up-tempo 4 (E flat major)
(Dissolve to an extreme close-up of the sewing machine’s needle, pistoning up and down as it stitches purple cloth. Zoom out to show Rarity at work; dress pattern diagrams float behind her. The tone of her singing is quite relaxed despite the tempo.)
Rarity: Thread by thread, stitching it together
(The cloth fills the screen and parts are snipped out to expose her behind it.)
Twilight’s dress, cutting out the pattern snip by snip
(Opal, on the floor, yowls before the material falls down to cover her and fill the screen.)
Making sure the fabric folds nicely, it’s the perfect color and so hip
(Behind it, the measuring tape rolls out on the tabletop and the pieces drop into place.)
Always gotta keep in mind my pacing, making sure the clothes correctly facing
(Thread zigzags across the screen and pulls together two purple edges that block out the view.)
I’m stitching Twilight’s dress
Bass drum/bass/synthesizer/acoustic guitar in
(The seam spins in place and resolves into an end-on view of a fabric roll, one of several on the table. Opal lies on top of the rolled-out sections, but they are yanked away one by one to leave one very confused cat.)
Rarity: Yard by yard, fussing on the details
(A green collar, secured by a bolo tie with an apple-shaped clip, floats onto a mannequin.)
Jeweled neckline, don’t you know a stitch in time saves nine?
(Opal’s tail waves across the screen; tilt down from it to show her playing with the clip.)
Make her something perfect to inspire, even though she hates formal attire
(It floats away under Rarity’s control, and she crosses the floor as Opal runs after it. Mannequins float around her in a circle.)
Gotta mind those intimate details, even though she’s more concerned with sales
(Overhead view of the room; they turn in formation while circling her.)
It’s Applejack’s new dress
(Dissolve to an extreme close-up of the bobbin on her sewing machine and pan past the unwinding thread to a stretch of cloth. Behind it, a tacked-up sheet of another dress appears: striped vest secured in front with a large bow, ribbons at the hem, candy corn and lollipops on the skirt’s lacy top layer, ribboned shoes, pillbox hat.)
Mandolin/synth out; snare drum and electric guitar in
(A bright pink marker floats down and scribbles on the skirt.)
Rarity: Dressmaking’s easy, for Pinkie Pie something pink
(Tilt down to a sketch of a pony with leaves at the collar and butterfly-shaped earrings; a blue marker quickly draws in a long flowing skirt. The figure wears low shoes similar to those used by ballet dancers.)
Fluttershy something breezy, blend color and form, do you think it looks cheesy?
(This line is directed at Opal, who sits on a mannequin and meows softly.)
Original instrumentation resumes, with bass drum
(all other instruments except electric guitar enter during next verse)
(Now a steam iron slides up the screen, the view changing behind it to show a sketch of a pegasus in a dress with a train striped along its length. The hem is trimmed to resemble clouds; a laurel wreath rests above the ears, the mane is tied in a loose bunch to one side, and a clasp at the neck looks like a bunch of grapes. Sandals with long ties cover the hooves. Zoom out; Rarity inspects a length of rainbow-striped fabric.)
Rarity: Something brash, perhaps quite fetching
(Two gold laurel leaves are hooked together.)
Hook and eye, couldn’t you just simply die?
(They float to rest on a mannequin’s ears.)
Making sure it fits forelock and crest, don’t forget some magic in the dress
(The fabric settles over the hindquarters.)
Even though it rides high on the flank, Rainbow won’t look like a tank
(She levitates the dangling edge a bit to see how it will hang at “floor” level.)
I’m stitching Rainbow’s dress
(A dress pattern is unrolled over the screen.)
Stoptime; electric guitar in
(Pieces of fabric float in to cover the appropriate spots before a pair of scissors cuts the lot away. Behind it, fabric is laid onto a mannequin.)
Rarity: Piece by piece, snip by snip, croup, dock, haunch, shoulders, hip
(A needle is threaded and an iron rums over a piece, its steam filling the screen.)
Thread by thread, primmed and pressed, yard by yard, never stressed
(The view clears to an overhead view of Rarity, zooming out to frame the supplies and mannequins circling around her.)
And that’s the art of the dress
Normal rhythm resumes as she holds the last note; song ends
(Fade to black.)
(Fade in to Rarity, backing across the room as Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie advance with eyes closed, Pinkie hopping excitedly. This shot reveals a four-poster bed in this upper story of the building—combination workspace and living quarters.)
Rarity: That’s it…keep them closed… (Close-up.) …don’t look…
[Animation goof: Her mane briefly appears disheveled.]
(Head-on view of her five friends, all lined up and squeezing their eyes shut.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Okay, you can look now!
(Ten eyes open wide and five throats gasp in surprise. Cut to a slow pan across a row of five mannequins, each decked out in an outfit meant for one wearer. Applejack: new brown cowboy hat, the green collar and apple bolo tie seen earlier, green boots trimmed with red/white on forelegs, red saddle with brown trim and a long, fringed underlying green piece that resembles a saddle blanket. Every piece is decorated with apples. Twilight: high-collared royal blue cape, secured by a star brooch at the neckline and gathered into a light blue saddle that sits slightly forward of where one would normally rest. Stars are sprinkled around the hem, collar, and saddle, and the mannequin wears star earrings. Fluttershy: light green cape, with butterfly brooch and earrings, light blue shawl looped around the rump, and flowers at the hemline. Matching green sandals with vine-like ties are on the forelegs. Rainbow: the rainbow-striped train hinted at in the song, with a loop of material under each wing to hold it in place, cloud-like white edging at the hem, and the grape-bunch brooch. The gold laurels rest atop the head, and the forelegs display gold sandals with long ties. Pinkie: the dress as seen in the song, with a skirt the same color as her mane; the bows on the hat and collar match it, the hem ribbon and shoe bows are light blue, and the vest is done in blue/white stripes. Opal nuzzles happily against Rainbow’s hem.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) These are your new outfits! (Close-up of Applejack’s boots, tilting up to the rest of the rig.) What do you think of your old duds now, Applejack? (Zoom out; Opal plays with the fringe.) Pretty swanky, are they not? (Giggle.)
(Quick pan to an extreme close-up of Twilight’s earrings, then zoom out to frame the rest of the gown. Opal approves.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) And Twilight, I made this dress for you, and I designed each outfit theme to perfectly reflect each pony’s unique personality.
(Close-up of Rainbow’s hem, panning/tilting up along the rest of her gown.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Oh! It took me forever to get the colors right on this one, Rainbow Dash, but I did it. (Zoom out; Opal loves it too.) Oh, and it turned out beautiful, don’t you think?
(Close-up of Fluttershy’s sandals, then zoom out to frame her ensemble. Opal rolls happily past it.)
Rarity: (from o.s., gasping) And I know you’re going to love yours, Fluttershy. It just sings spring!
(Close-up of the bow at Pinkie’s neckline.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) And Pinkie Pie, look! (Zoom out; Opal lies on the mannequin’s rump.) Pink! Your favorite!
(Cut to frame her, standing in the center of the floor with all five outfits ranged behind her.)
Rarity: Aren’t they all amazing?
(The others just stand there, stunned into total silence for several seconds as she aims a huge, expectant grin across the room. Finally they begin to recover their senses, but their body language gives away their unease.)
Twilight: Wow…they’re…
Rainbow: Yeah, they’re…
Applejack: They sure are, uh…somethin’.
Twilight: Yes! Something!
Pinkie: I love something! Something is my favorite!
Fluttershy: It’s…nice. (Rarity starts to catch on.)
Rarity: But what’s the matter? Don’t you like them?
Twilight: They’re very nice.
Applejack: And we’re plumb grateful ’cause you worked so hard on them.
Rainbow: Mine’s just not as cool as I was imagining.
(She finds herself on the wrong end of annoyed glares from Twilight and Applejack.)
Rainbow: She asked.
Twilight: I guess what we’re all saying is that they’re just not what we had in mind.
(During this line, cut to the gobsmacked designer and zoom in to a close-up. Back to the five after she finishes; Applejack, Pinkie, and Rainbow voice general assent, while Fluttershy paws nervously at the carpet. Rarity groans and hangs her head for a moment, then brings it up with a slightly pained smile.)
Rarity: That’s okay. Not a problem. There’s plenty more where that came from. They were only a first pass. You’re my friends, and I want you to be one hundred and ten percent satisfied. Not to worry. I’ll redo them!
Fluttershy: Oh, Rarity, you don’t have to do that. They’re fine.
Rarity: (levitating Applejack’s new hat and Twilight’s earrings off) I want them to be better than just fine. I want you to think they’re absolutely perfect.
Applejack: Are you sure? I mean, we wouldn’t want to impose.
Rarity: (laughing, floating Twilight’s dress off, letting it drop) Oh, it’s no imposition. Really, I insist!
Twilight: (as others leave) Well, in that case, thank you again, Rarity.
(The white unicorn laughs politely until they have all made it out the door. Her face then falls as the camera zooms out on the next line to frame the five mannequins, all partially or completely stripped; the outfit pieces lie on the floor around them.)
Rarity: What have I gotten myself into?
(Opal meows plaintively. Snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to a close-up of Rarity, hard at work behind her sewing machine and with her mane noticeably disheveled. The door is heard opening.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Hello? (Cut to her, entering; the machine stops.) You wanted to see me, Rarity?
Rarity: Fluttershy! Your new new gown’s ready! (She crosses the room.) I completely revised it, and I know you’re going to love it!
(Dissolve to the yellow pegasus, framed from the wings forward, eyeing her reflection in a mirror. A flower is tucked behind one ear, and the dress is still light green with a butterfly brooch.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) What do you think? (Long pause.)
Fluttershy: I…love it.
(Cut to frame both. She now wears sandals on all four hooves, the front two showing the vine ties, and the dress hem has been marked with pastel spots that resemble Easter eggs.)
Rarity: Oh, you’re just saying that.
Fluttershy: No, no, I do. It’s…nice.
Rarity: (not convinced) Nice.
Fluttershy: (dropping her eyes) Nice.
Rarity: If you don’t like it, you should just tell me.
Fluttershy: (smiling) Oh, but I do like it.
Rarity: (impatiently) Like it or love it?
Fluttershy: (backing off a bit) Um…both?
(Now Rarity starts to advance, forcing Fluttershy to back up before the eyes behind the tinted lenses.)
Rarity: Which is it?
Fluttershy: Please stop asking me this, I—
Rarity: Well, just tell me what you really think.
Fluttershy: Oh, no, that’s okay. (She runs into the wall.)
Rarity: Tell me!
Fluttershy: No, i-it’s fine.
Rarity: Tell me!
Fluttershy: (sweating profusely) I-I like it.
Rarity: (with mounting fervor) Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me!
Fluttershy: All right, since you really want to know. (deep breath; rapid fire) The armscye’s tight, the middy collar doesn’t go with the shawl lapel, the hems are clearly machine-stitched, the pleats are uneven, the fabric looks like toile, you used a backstitch here when it clearly called for a topstitch or maybe a traditional blanket stitch— (Cut to Rarity, openmouthed; she continues o.s.) —and the over-design is reminiscent of prêt-a-porter and not true French haute couture.
(Rarity gasps softly on the end of this, taken aback at the meek pony’s knowledge of clothing design. Said pony has made it off the wall and turned her head disdainfully away from Rarity, but turns back to her after a moment and resumes her usual demeanor.)
Fluttershy: But, uh, you know, um…whatever you want to do is fine.
Same melody/key/tempo as in Act One, with mandolin/bass drum/bass (snare drum sneaks in)
(Dissolve to a close-up of Twilight as she paces the floor and Rarity works the sewing machine. The fabric is purple and embellished with constellation diagrams.)
Twilight: Now the stars on my belt need to be technically accurate. Orion has three stars on his belt, not four.
(Although the vocal melody is the same, Rarity’s tone betrays the frazzled mood hinted at by her rumpled mane.)
Rarity: Stitch by stitch, stitching it together
(The fabric is thrown free and drapes over a mannequin; she levitates stars and a green swatch.) Deadline looms, don’t you know the client’s always right?
(The swatch waves by; behind it, pan across the five mannequins, stripped except for this one.)
Even if my fabric choice was perfect, gotta get them all done by tonight
(Pinkie, now in the room, eyes the green bolt happily; Rarity opens the window curtains to let sunlight shine over it.)
Pinkie Pie, that color’s too obtrusive, wait until you see it in the light
(Pinkie sticks her head under the stretch on the floor.)
I’m sewing them together
Bass/snare drums out
Pinkie: Don’t you think my gown would be more “me” with some lollipops?
Rarity: Well, I think—
Pinkie: Balloons? (Cut to Rarity.)
Rarity: Well— (Dozens of balloons float up to fill the screen.)
Pinkie: (from o.s.) Do it!
Mandolin out; snare drum/electric, acoustic guitars/bass in
(The flood resolves into pieces of vivid blue and pink fabric lying side by side; these are quickly stitched together with a needle.)
Rarity: Hour by hour, one more change
I’m sewing them together, take great pains
(The seam spins in place. Dissolve to Rarity trying to take Fluttershy’s measurements with a tape wound around her front hooves; she then gallops past an idle Rainbow.)
Fluttershy, you’re putting me in a bind, Rainbow Dash, what is on your mind?
(She gallops back and sings in an overhead view, the camera zooming out to frame supplies circling around her.)
Oh my gosh, there’s simply not much time, don’t forget, Applejack’s duds must
shine
(She leans in front of a slightly smug Applejack; a flash of her horn sends apples cascading down.)
Dressmaking’s easy, every customer’s call
(A shake of the bond head sends her scrambling and pulling fabric out from under Opal.)
Brings a whole new revision, have to pick up the pace, still hold to my vision
Snare drum/electric, acoustic guitars out; mandolin in
(snare sneaks back in during the following lines)
(Dissolve to Twilight and Rarity at a star chart.)
Twilight: That constellation is Canis Major— (Close-up of Rarity; she continues o.s.) —not Minor.
(Two birds carry a sketch over to the high-strung designer. In close-up, it depicts a pony n a wide-brimmed, feathered hat, strappy sandals, and a dress that might do well on a pony that happened to wander into the universe of The Jetsons.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) French haute couture… (It is lowered, she peeks into view.) …please.
Rarity: Ugh…
(She levitates some fabric from the rack, letting it float across the screen. Behind it, the view wipes to show her and Applejack.)
Applejack: What if it rains? (Cut to Rarity; she continues o.s.) Galoshes!
(The suggestion sits very badly, but she fires up horn all the same. Now Pinkie is in the workroom.)
Pinkie: More balloons! (Rarity floats a bunch to the mannequin.) Oh, no. That’s too many balloons. (They float away.) More candy! (It moves in.) Oh, less candy! (It falls off.) Oh, wait. I know. Streamers!
Rarity: (wearily) Streamers. (Pinkie gets in her face.)
Pinkie: Whose dress is this?
Rarity: Streamers it is.
(A mass of them drifts across the screen; behind them, Rainbow leans against the sewing machine’s table. She has no immediate criticism to offer, even after Rarity glances impatiently back at her from the other side of the room.)
Rainbow: What?
Rarity: (a bit snippy) Aren’t you going to tell me to change something too?
Rainbow: No. I just want my dress to be cool.
Rarity: Do you not like the color?
Rainbow: The color’s fine. Just make it look cooler.
Rarity: Do you not like the shape?
Rainbow: The shape’s fine. Just make the whole thing, you know, cooler.
Music stops
Rainbow: It needs to be about twenty percent cooler.
Music starts; electric guitar in
(The overworked unicorn leans her head disgustedly against a mannequin. Snap to a light blue background, against which Pinkie pops into view to sing her line. She then ducks o.s., and each following singer trots across as Rarity plods toward the camera.)
Pinkie: All we ever want is indecision
Rainbow: All we really like is what we know
Twilight: Gotta balance style with adherence
Fluttershy: Making sure we make a good appearance
Applejack: Even if you simply have to fudge it
(Behind her, wipe to Rarity, slumped over her sewing machine, and zoom out the others lean in toward her.)
All five: Make sure that it stays within our budget
Rarity: Got to overcome intimidation, remember it’s all in the presentation
(Zoom in on her open mouth.)
Stoptime
(The view resolves into a length of purple fabric with paper patterns laid over it. Scissors snip between them, revealing Twilight holding a pincushion in her teeth and with a pattern laid over her rump; Pinkie then marks a couple laid on her.)
Rarity: Piece by piece, snip by snip, croup, dock, haunch, shoulders, hip
(Fabric unrolls over the screen and is ironed; the steam clears to show her.)
Bolt by bolt, primmed and pressed, yard by yard, always stressed
And that’s the art of the dress
Normal rhythm resumes as she holds out the last note to end the song
(Zoom out to an overhead shot, framing the supplies, implements, and overturned mannequins that litter the floor. In close-up, she keels over with an exhausted moan, the camera zooming in on a sketch taped to the wall behind her. It illustrates the dress first seen in the prologue, which she had been designing for herself. She winds up lying at the base of the mannequin on which the half-finished garment rests; Opal is on its head. On the next line, zoom out to frame silhouettes of the other mannequins; the outline details give hints of the new dresses.)
Rarity: Oh, Opal, these are the ugliest dresses I’ve ever made.
(She sighs sadly. Fade to black.)
(Fade in to a close-up of her.)
Rarity: Okay. I did exactly what each of you asked for. Now don’t hold back.
(Cut to the other five, lined up and staring ahead incredulously, and zoom out to frame the silhouettes—which Opal is now hissing at. The gear has now been moved down to the ground-floor showroom of the Carousel Boutique.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Let me know what you really think.
(In close-up, the fussy cat swipes at the hem of Twilight’s star-studded gown, then crosses to a pair of yellow galoshes on another set of hooves—for Applejack—and makes as if shoving a paw down her throat to vomit. These actions occur during the next four lines, which overlap somewhat and are all delivered o.s.)
Twilight: Oh, my!
Fluttershy: It’s perfect!
Rainbow: It’s cool!
Applejack: Why, they’re the best duds I ever did see. (Cut to the five and zoom in.)
All five: It’s exactly what I asked for! (Rarity sighs, relieved, Twilight walks up to her.)
Twilight: Thank you, Rarity. (Pinkie hops over with a little gasp.)
Pinkie: Are you as happy with them as we are? Huh, huh, huh?
Rarity: (as Pinkie backs off) Well, I’m…happy that all of you are happy. I’m just relieved to finally be done.
(Her fixed grin becomes slightly unsettling as the moment drags on a bit too long; it is broken by the sound of the front door opening. Cut to it, where Spike has just entered and is trying to catch his breath. It takes him a moment to get enough air into his lungs to speak.)
Spike: You are never gonna believe this! You’ve heard of Hoity Toity?
Twilight: The bigwig fashion hotshot in Canterlot?
Spike: Uh-huh! He heard about your fashion show—well, maybe I happened to mention it to him. He’s coming here, all the way from Canterlot, to see your work, Rarity! (Applejack’s eyes pop.)
Applejack: Whoa, Nelly! You could sell a ton of dresses to this guy!
(Cut to a shot of the five customers facing Rarity and zoom in, putting Applejack o.s. during the next line.)
Applejack: Your business will be boomin’! (The zoom continues, putting the others o.s. as well. Next four lines overlap.)
Rainbow: That’s so cool!
Fluttershy: Yeah!
Pinkie: I can’t believe it!
Twilight: Amazing!
Rarity: (uneasily) Hoity Toity? He’s coming here? To see these dresses? (Cut to Spike.)
Spike: Yep. Get ready for all your dreams to come true.
(On the end of this, cut back to the harried fashion maven, whose eye begins to twitch uncontrollably at this news.)
(Dissolve to a long shot of the Carousel Boutique exterior. It is now nighttime. A runway has been set up, leading from the front door—which now has a set of elaborate curtains set up across it—to a small stage on the lawn. Within seconds, a dense crowd of ponies gathers for the fashion show; Opal peeks out from the curtain, the camera zooming in on her, and Rarity puts her head out as well. She has put away her glasses and measuring tape, but her mane is still very much out of order.)
Rarity: Oh… (Sharp gasp.) There he is!
(Cut to a dark blue-gray earth pony stallion making his way through the crowd. He wears white jacket lapels edged in black and secured with gold studs, a dark magenta ascot, and mirrored sunglasses. His long mane and tail are striped white/light gray and carefully styled, the former tied in a loose ponytail that hangs forward over one shoulder, and he has a folded paper fan as a cutie mark. Hoity Toity’s passage prompts hushed murmurings from the onlookers as he comes to the edge of the stage. Clapping his front hooves, which are clad in white shirt cuffs, brings another stallion up to nose a cushion into place. Hoity brings his haunches down a bit too quickly, though, and the servant gets most of his face squashed into the ground. The cuffs are also secured with gold studs.)
(At the opposite end of the action, Rarity takes a few deep breaths to try and settle herself.)
Rarity: Okay…relax, Rarity…your friends like their outfits, and so will he.
(The lights dim, prompting her to cry out in fear.)
Rarity: What’s wrong with the lights? (calming down) Oh, yes, that means the show’s starting. Good.
(She pulls her head back through the curtain. Cut to a close-up of a DJ’s turntable, behind which an off-white pony’s body can be seen, along with a musical-note cutie mark and the end of a long unruly mane striped in light and electric blue. The needle is levitated to rest on one of the records as the camera zooms out to frame the pony: a unicorn mare whose entire mane and tail show the striped blues, and whose eyes are hidden behind violet sunglasses. This is DJ P0N-3, who nods her head in time with the music’s soft groove. Above the runway, one spotlight in a cluster fixture snaps on, followed by the rest of them; the glare completely whites out the screen.)
(A close-up profile silhouette of Spike, holding a microphone, fades into view.)
Spike: (dramatically) Since the beginning of time, the elite of Equestria have longed for pony fashions that truly express the essence of their very souls.
(During the latter part of this line, the runway and crowd fade into view behind him. The camera cuts to a long overhead shot, with spotlights roving here and there.)
Spike: (from o.s.) Patiently waiting decades—no, centuries—for the perfect pony gown. (Slow pan toward the building.) Today at long last, Equestria, your wait is over. (Ground level, pointing at the curtains.) Let’s hear it for the breathtaking designs of Ponyville’s own…Rarity!
(On this last sentence, the camera zooms in and the curtain goes up to expose the silhouettes of five ponies, standing before a backdrop that depicts Rarity’s eyes framed by a curly lock of her mane. The latter is shaped to resemble a capital letter R without the vertical stroke at the left. The lights come up on Spike’s last word to fully illuminate her five friends—Fluttershy and Rainbow hovering the other three. Twilight: purple gown, decorated with sun, moon, constellations, covering everything except head and tail. Star earrings, brooch, and tail clip, with a blue-green collar and bow on the tail, and a headdress consisting of stars on antennas. Pinkie: green blouse, with a huge, pale yellow bow at her neckline and a ruffled, light blue skirt that resembles a ballerina’s tutu. Yellow bows on all four hooves, a cupcake-shaped hat, and a bunch of balloons tied to her tail. Applejack: a getup that resembles a pair of denim overalls in front and a garishly checkered horse blanket in back, with patches and small saddlebags. She wears four yellow galoshes, a green bandana, and a bright red ten-gallon hat whose band displays a green apple. Fluttershy: voluminous, light green, flower-patterned cape with a darker green hem, huge flower collar, green shoes, hat styled as a bird’s nest complete with eggs and stand-up flowers. Rainbow: gold-trimmed, lightning-bolt-topped helmet whose rainbow-striped crest is swept straight back from her head, and four winged gold sandals with rainbow leggings. She wears a red collar secured with gold clips to a small triangular saddle/blanket piece on her back that displays a cloud and lightning bolt.)
(Their advance onto the runway is marked by a collective gasp and shocked murmurs from the audience—Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow, Pinkie, in that order. Cut to a slow pan across the onlookers, who react with varying degrees of revulsion, then to the five models on the stage. Applejack is first to catch on to something being amiss, as seen in a close-up.)
Applejack: (softly) Why’s everypony lookin’ at us like that?
(Pan to Twilight, who eyes her own clothing with sudden concern.)
Twilight: Oh, dear.
Rainbow: (to Applejack) You think we overdid it?
Applejack: Nah.
(But she immediately has second thoughts upon eyeing those four thick-soled galoshes—and the other four soon begins to share her sentiments.)
Applejack: Okay. Maybe a little.
(Head-on view of Hoity, the camera set just above stage level; as he speaks, it rotates to bring one pony at a time in front of him. His voice carries an accent similar to that of an upper-crust New York resident, informally known as “Long Island Lockjaw.” The music stops.)
Hoity: Oh, those amateurish designs look like a piled-on mishmash of everything but the kitchen sink!
(Laughter from the crowd as the camera cuts to the patch of floor at Rarity’s hooves. Sitting here is an actual kitchen sink, which she nudges back and out of view. Zoom out to frame both her own cringing expression and Opal, who also sits near her.)
Hoity: It’s a travesty, it’s what it is. Those outfits are the ugliest things I’ve ever seen, oh, for shame! Who is responsible for subjecting our eyes to these horrors—not to mention wasting my valuable time?
Rarity: Oh! (small voice, shivering/hunching behind Opal) Hide me.
(Spike jumps out onto the runway and beckons toward the backstage area.)
Spike: Come on out and take a bow, Rarity! You worked really hard for this. (She emerges, head hung low, as he applauds.) Yes! All right! Woo-hoo! Go, Rarity!
(The spotlight follows her long, lonely procession down the runway and past the murmuring spectators. On the still-rotating stage, one face after another begins to fall at the realization that this show has become a public train wreck. Fade to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to the hallway outside the closed door of Rarity’s upper-story room in the Carousel Boutique. Her five models approach, now out of their dresses, and Pinkie knocks.)
Pinkie: Rarity? You okay in there? (putting ear to door) You haven’t come out for days.
Rarity: (from inside) I’m never coming out! (Pinkie backs off.) I can’t show my face in Ponyville ever again!
(Cut to inside the room. The distraught unicorn advances into view, now wearing a pink robe and with her mane a tangle of random curls. Her front hooves sport pink bedroom slippers.)
Rarity: I used to be somepony. I used to be respected. I made dresses—beautiful, beautiful dresses. But now everypony is laughing at me. I’m nothing but a laughingstock! (Outside, her sobbing is heard; Twilight addresses the door.)
Twilight: You’re not a laughingstock, Rarity.
Rainbow: (to her) She kind of is!
Twilight: Shh! (to door) Come on out and talk to us.
(Inside, Rarity throws herself across the bed on her back.)
Rarity: (sobbing) Leave me alone! (like Greta Garbo) I vant to be alone! (to normal accent) I want to wallow in…whatever it is that ponies are supposed to wallow in! Do ponies wallow in pity? Oh, listen to me! I don’t even know what I’m supposed to wallow in! (sobbing harder) I’m so pathetic!
(In the hall again; now all five are at a loss.)
Twilight: Now what do we do?
Fluttershy: Uh, panic?
Rainbow: That’s your answer for everything!
Applejack: (gesturing toward the o.s. door) Well, we can’t just leave Rarity like this.
Pinkie: She’ll become a crazy cat lady!
Twilight: She only has one cat.
Pinkie: Give her time…
(The take-charge unicorn’s next move is to put an eye to the keyhole. A cut to her perspective and slow pan exposes the stripped mannequins, the rack of materials, and Rarity’s own half-finished gown still on its dummy, its sketch still tacked to the bulletin board.)
Twilight: Hmmm…
(Dissolve to Rarity standing resignedly before her mirror.)
Rarity: Exile. I guess technically I’d have to move away to live in exile. (Close-up of her reflection.) Where would I go? And what would I pack? Oh, it’s going to take me forever to do all of that packing. What are you supposed to pack when you go into exile? Are you supposed to pack warm?
(Her wallow in the pity pool is interrupted by a loud, frightened meow from o.s.)
Rarity: Huh? Opal?
(The meow repeats itself as she walks o.s. Cut to outside the upper-story window, which she opens for a better view. After a panicked look left and right, the camera pans to follow her gaze to a nearby tree branch; Opal is here, shaking like a leaf and keeping a death grip on the wood. It is daytime.)
Rarity: Opal, how did you get up there? Hang on, you poor dear. Mama’s coming!
(Ducking back inside, she bursts out through the front door an instant later, only to skid to a stop with a huge gasp. The next shot frames more of the tree’s upper branches and shows Rainbow sitting on one not far from the cat, who tosses a slightly vexed glance her way. Zoom out to frame Rarity staring up at both of them.)
Rarity: Rainbow Dash? How dare you strand my poor Opal in a tree! (Close-up of Rainbow.)
Rainbow: Well, how else were we gonna get you out here to show you this?
(She glances toward the ground on “this,” the camera quickly following her eyes down to the other four. They are doing their best to block the view of a mannequin that is tricked out in the dress Rarity had been designing for herself, but much of it can still be seen over their heads. They back away to let her have the complete view: full two-layer magenta skirt trimmed with jewels and light yellow sashes; a lighter shade on the blouse; deep magenta collar, cape trim, and foreleg sleeve cuffs; additional yellow trim at the collar; gold tiara with jeweled earrings.)
Rarity: (stammering) What is it…it’s not…you… (Lung-inflating gasp.)
Pinkie: We all finished your dress for you!
Applejack: Thanks to Fluttershy’s freaky knowledge of sewin’.
Fluttershy: (blushing) Do you like it?
Rarity: (listlessly) Like it…
(She walks cautiously around to see the outfit from the back side.)
Rarity: (some life in her voice) Like it…
Fluttershy: Uh-oh. She doesn’t like it.
Rarity: (normal tone) No, I don’t like it.
Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy: Pinkie: Awww…
Rarity: I love it!
Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie: Yay!/Yahoo!/Yay!/Yay!
Rarity: You ponies did an amazing job! It’s exactly the way I imagined it! (Cut to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: We just followed your brilliant design. (Pan to Twilight.)
Twilight: Like we should’ve let you do for our outfits. Those first dresses you designed were perfect.
Pinkie: We’re so super-sorry. (Rainbow flies down, with Opal on her back.)
Rainbow: You worked really hard to make our dresses exactly the way we wanted them—and we all saw how well that turned out. (Rarity moves close so Opal can jump to her.)
Rarity: Oh, I forgive you.
Applejack: Well, that’s mighty big of you.
Rarity: (distraught, hoof to forehead) But my whole career is still ruined!
Applejack: Oh. Right. That.
(Twilight turns her attention away from the tableau. Pan to follow her eyes toward the corner of the building, where Hoity is standing.)
Twilight: Maybe not.
Hoity: All right, I haven’t got all day.
(Dissolve to a close-up of Opal, who is batting the curled end of the style expert’s ponytail like a ball of yarn. A longer shot frames the two in the Carousel Boutique’s showroom, with Rarity—now properly groomed and out of her robe—facing them uncertainly. Behind the three, a closed curtain has been set up.)
Hoity: Take two!
(He tosses his head back on these words, startling Opal into leaving his mane alone. Rarity looks across the room, the signal for Spike to close the window drapes. Fade to black.)
(Fade in to a close-up of Rarity, eyes closed and horn blazing, and zoom out. She takes a few steps forward, away from the curtain, and the screen fills with purple light around her. Hoity gasps softly at the sight; when the view clears, it has shifted to a night sky filled with flying stars. Several of these settle onto the hem of Twilight’s first dress in close-up, with four light-blue shoes visible beneath it—a detail not seen on its mannequin earlier. Zoom out to frame all of her, turned mostly away from the camera; she rears up briefly, pivoting to face front and put herself in profile as fireworks burst behind her.)
(The background dissolves to the showroom and the opened curtain that surrounds Twilight.)
Hoity: (from o.s.) Hello… (Cut to him, lowering his sunglasses.) …oh, this can’t be the same designer.
(The movement exposes a pair of blue eyes behind the mirrored lenses. The dress hem waves across the view, one of its stars flying loose and growing to flood the screen with white. Fade in to the brilliant sun in a clear blue sky and zoom out to frame it shining over Sweet Apple Acres. A pan across the laden trees brings one sparkling red apple into full focus; it is quickly lassoed, pulled loose, and whipped away. The other end of the rope is in Applejack’s teeth, and she lets it go as the background becomes a light green checked pattern accented with red apples. After a quick rear-up, she crosses one foreleg over the other and smiles with narrowed eyes, showing off her original outfit. Her mane and tail have been braided.)
Hoity: (from o.s., as curtain dissolves into view around her) Simply magnificent! (Cut to him.) And I suddenly have a fierce craving for some Dutch apple pie, candied apples on a stick, apple turnovers, apple cobbler…
(A mass of pink clouds moves into view, blocking him out. Candies of all sorts begin to rain down, and candy corn kernels and lollipops settle onto the lace trim around the blue/white-striped vest of Pinkie’s original dress. The pink bow drops neatly into place on her pillbox hat; in extreme close-up, she sticks out her tongue to catch a gumdrop and eats it blissfully. Zoom out to frame her, standing in a meadow amid confections that seem to have sprouted up from the grass. She wears pink, blue-bowed shoes on all four hooves rather than the two on the mannequin. As she beams for the camera, the scenery dissolves to the open curtain. Back to Hoity.)
Hoity: Brilliant!
(An o.s. lightning strike nearly sends his shades flying off his head; cut to it—cycling quickly through the colors of the rainbow. When it lets up, a wisp of smoke floats into view and crosses the cloudless sky toward the sun; once it gets there, it and the heavenly body both vanish to leave the sky gray. Shafts of light in different hues pierce the gloom one by one and blend to form a rainbow, which resolves into the billowing, cloud-trimmed train of Rainbow’s first-run outfit. She flies confidently along, her mane tied back as in the sketch Rarity used for the design work, and glides to a stop as the curtain dissolves into view around her. Cut to Hoity.)
Hoity: Oh, spectacular!
(He is caught off guard by the green tendrils that snake up from below. The rest of the view fades away as these begin to sprout leaves and burst into bloom; the flower petals then fall away at once and become a shower through which butterflies flit here and there. One comes to rest by Fluttershy’s ear and the flowers woven into her mane, becoming an earring, and the camera backs up to frame her standing demurely amid the flowers in her Mark I dress. She now wears green sandals on all four hooves, but only the front ones have the vine-like straps seen when the dress first appeared. The curtain dissolves into view around her. Cut to Hoity.)
Hoity: (clapping) Now this is a fashion show! Oh, these dresses are absolutely amazing! (looking around) Who is responsible? Step forward, show yourself!
(A blaze of light from o.s. forces him to shield his eyes. It is coming from Rarity’s horn, and a zoom out reveals that she has donned her own dress, tied her mane as in her sketch, and taken a position alone before the closed curtain. Her horn throws spots of light on the walls and floor that dance like the reflections from a disco ball. These die down as the curtain opens to reveal the other five ponies, who hold their places as she steps proudly to the edge of the floor.)
Hoity: (from o.s.) Brava! Brava! (Cut to frame him, her, and Opal; he claps wildly.) Magnifico! Encore!
Rarity: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Oh, thank you so much!
(Around her, the scenery dissolves to the normally lit showroom. The curtains have been put away, and Pinkie and Rainbow are talking behind her. All six ponies are still in their dresses.)
Twilight: (from o.s., dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia…” (Rarity walks o.s.) “This week, my very talented friend Rarity learned that if you try to please everypony…” (Slow pan; Applejack and Fluttershy are talking.) “…you oftentimes end up pleasing nopony, especially yourself.” (Cut to her.) “And I learned this.”
(Longer shot; she is dictating to Spike, who stands on a vanity’s seat to write the message.)
Twilight: “When somepony offers to do you a favor—” (eyeing her own dress) “—like making you a beautiful dress, you shouldn’t be overly critical of something generously given to you. In other words, you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”
(She laughs to herself, and Spike rolls up the scroll and hits it with his fire breath to send it on. The smoke drifts out the window and past Hoity.)
Hoity: (crossing to Rarity) Rarity, my congratulations to you on a most impressive fashion debut. (Cut to her; he continues o.s.) Would you do me the great honor of allowing me to feature your couture in my Best of the Best Boutique in Canterlot?
(Her eyes steadily widen as these words make their way from ear to brain, and she gasps ecstatically after the last of them. Cut to him.)
Hoity: Now, I’ll need you to make a dozen of each dress for me by next Tuesday.
(Back to her on the end of this. Her joyful reverie goes straight out the window when these words make the trip from ear to brain—seventy-two dresses that quickly? The only response she can muster up is a combination of a gasp, a twitchy eye, and the sort of unstrung giggle that might turn into a crying jag at any moment. Snap to black.)
[Note: These dresses can be briefly seen during “Swarm of the Century,” when the Carousel Boutique is overrun by parasprites. This fact suggests that the latter episode, four spots earlier in the broadcast order, takes place after it chronologically.]
FEELING PINKIE KEEN
Written by Dave Polsky
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to an overhead shot of Ponyville during the day. The camera, set somewhat above the town square pavilion, zooms in on the area beyond it, where two tiny figures can be seen on a hill between some houses. A dissolve to a close-up reveals them to be Twilight Sparkle and Spike. The baby dragon has a rock balanced on his head, some leaves around his neck, and a twig in his hand like a cane; the unicorn aims her glowing horn at him, strain showing on her face. A quick poof turns the leaves into a black tuxedo jacket and ruffled white shirt with a red bow tie, and a second one leaves him holding a gold-headed walking stick instead of a twig. He looks back over his shoulder with slight trepidation.)
Twilight: Eyes over here, Spike!
Spike: Uh, sorry. (She goes back to it.)
Twilight: For this to work, it’s crucial we keep our concentration totally on the—
(Close-up of him during this line; the rock bobs up off his head and changes into a glossy top hat. He is promptly distracted by Pinkie Pie’s voice, coming from the vicinity he glanced toward.)
Pinkie: (from o.s.) Ooh!
(The brand-new headwear promptly resumes its rock-like qualities and drops squarely on Spike’s noggin, smashing him down o.s. By the time he hits the ground, his tux and stick have turned back as well.)
Twilight: (annoyed) Spike! This magic needs our full attention to make it happen! (Something is heard zooming around o.s.) There’s no other way!
Spike: I can’t help it! (gesturing her to him) Look!
(The something is the hyperactive pink pony, who sticks her head—covered by an umbrella hat—out from behind a tree and dashes into some bushes. Next she ducks underneath a porch, risks a peek, and zips away to a rock. As Twilight and Spike look on, totally bewildered, she lifts it up off herself and darts away, letting it slam back down. Twilight sighs impatiently.)
Twilight: Never mind her. She’s just being Pinkie Pie.
Spike: (scratching his head) Super-extra-Pinkie Pie today.
(Pinkie’s next move is to tiptoe across the green space between two houses; before she gets clear, though, she stops stock-still and her tail begins to twitch. She eyes it as if it were a rattlesnake about to strike.)
Pinkie: Huh…twitchy twitch-a-twitch-a-twitch. (It settles down; Twilight and Spike approach.)
Twilight: Pinkie Pie, what in the wide wide world of Equestria are you up to?
Pinkie: Oh, it’s my tail! (putting it in Twilight’s face) It’s my tail!
(Close-up of the latter, who has to raise her head and push the magenta fluff down with a hoof.)
Pinkie: (from o.s.) It’s a-twitch-a-twitchin’! (turning around to face her) And you know what that means! (Long pause.)
Twilight: Actually, Pinkie, I haven’t the slightest idea.
Pinkie: (dropping into a huddle) The twitchin’ means my Pinkie Sense is telling me that stuff’s gonna start falling! You two better duck for cover! (Twilight and Spike trade a smile.)
Twilight: Oh, Pinkie, it’s not gonna rain. Why, there’s barely even a cloud in the—
(She never gets to finish that thought due to the frog that sails into view and lands squarely on her face. It gives her a loud, cheerful ribbit as Pinkie stands up.)
Pinkie: He just said “nice catch” in Frog.
(It repeats itself while she smiles and the catcher grimaces mightily. Snap to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to the three plus the new arrival, which is still plastered across Twilight’s face. They look upward at the sound of the next words.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Oh, I’m so, so sorry.
(Cut to her, hovering some distance up. She is toting saddlebags full of frogs, carrying a basket on one foreleg, hauling a cartload, and letting one extra ride on her head.)
Fluttershy: You okay, Twilight Sparkle? I just couldn’t stand to see the pond getting so overpopulated, what with the frogs all hopping into each other and all— (Ground level; she continues o.s. Twilight’s frog climbs down her mane.) —so I decided to fly as many as I can on over to Froggy Bottom Bog.
Twilight: (levelly) Of course you did. (Fluttershy gets the basket handle in her teeth.)
Fluttershy: Bye-bye!
(Off she goes with her croaking cargo. The dropped frog is now hanging onto Twilight’s cheek.)
Pinkie: Um, Twilight? You got a little something on your face there.
Twilight: (sarcastically) Oh, really? Did your Pinkie Sense tell you that too?
Pinkie: Nah. I could just see it.
(She trots off, singing to herself; the frog takes its leave of Twilight, launching itself with enough force to set her whole head vibrating for a moment.)
Twilight: Come on, Spike. (walking off; he follows) Let’s continue our practice session where there’s a little less commotion. (He jumps on her back.)
Spike: Wow! That was amazing! Pinkie Pie predicted something would fall, and it did!
Twilight: Oh, come on. She said something would fall, and a frog just happened to fall right around the same time. A coincidence. Nothing else to it.
(Pinkie rockets into view from behind and hops frantically in place with her tail vibrating, then stands on her forelegs.)
Pinkie: My tail, my tail! Twitch-a-twitch! (Close-up of it; she continues o.s.) Twitch-a-twitch! (Cut to Twilight and Spike; he looks fearfully around.) Something else is gonna fall!
(Cut to frame all three; the umbrella-hatted pony collapses onto her haunches as Twilight walks away, carrying Spike.)
Twilight: Oh, Pinkie, please. (Close-up.) Nothing else is gonna faaaAAAAAA—
(This time, she gets cut off by suddenly dropping o.s., leaving Spike hanging in midair. A thud and grunt mark her landing, followed by Spike’s fall to end up with just his head in view. In a longer shot, she has fallen into a ditch and landed on her back, knocking herself silly; he has landed at its edge.)
Spike: Oh, no! Twilight fell! (Pinkie walks up; he addresses her.) Is it…safe to go help her?
Pinkie: It’s okay. (swishing her tail) My tail’s stopped twitching.
(With a toss of her head, she relieves herself of the umbrella hat and trots away singing. Spike regards her and the dropped headgear, then peeks into the ditch with a laugh. Twilight is growling quietly and working her way back up to vertical.)
Spike: That was amazing!
Twilight: Oh, please.
Applejack: (from o.s.) Uh, Twilight? (Cut to her, now at the ditch’s edge.) Why are you hangin’ out in a ditch?
Spike: Because Pinkie Pie predicted it! (Surprise from Applejack; Twilight peeks up.)
Twilight: Honestly, Spike, she did not. Two coincidences in a row like this may be unlikely, but it’s still easier to believe than twitchy tails that predict the future. (She swishes her own at the proper moment to make the point.)
(Applejack manages to voice an unnerved gasp and neigh at the same time.)
Applejack: Twitchy tail? (rearing up) Pinkie Sense?
(She dashes away and takes cover beneath a nearby produce cart, pulling her hat down tighter with a scared moan before Spike crosses to her.)
Spike: Don’t worry, it’s safe. The prediction already came true. (Twilight climbs out.)
Twilight: Oh, wait. Don’t tell me you believe in this stuff too. (Applejack emerges.)
Applejack: I know it doesn’t make much sense, but those of us who have been in Ponyville a while have learned over time that if Pinkie’s a-twitchin’, you better listen.
(Right on cue, she shows up; this time, though, her ears are doing the mambo.)
Pinkie: My ears are flopping, my ears are flopping! (Spike recoils in terror with a cry.)
Spike: What does that mean?
Pinkie: (to Twilight) I’ll start a bath for you.
Twilight: Huh? (laughing; Spike and Applejack back up) A bath? This thing keeps on getting more ridiculous by the minute!
(The fact that she actually finished this bit of criticism does not stop another calamity from befalling her—in this case, being splattered with mud thrown up by a passing hay wagon. She sinks to her haunches with an infuriated groan.)
(Dissolve to a full, sudsy bathtub in which the befouled unicorn’s head can be seen above the bubbles. She blows some of them away as Pinkie emerges from behind its curtain, a bottle of bubble bath soap balanced on her head. The candy/sweets print on the curtain, and the candy-cane striping of its rod, give this room away as being in Sugarcube Corner.)
Pinkie: So basically, it works like this. (She sets the bottle down by the sink.) I get different little niggly feelings and they mean different things. (demonstrating) Like when my back is itchy, it means it’s my lucky day. And when my knee gets pinchy, that means something scary’s about to happen.
Twilight: Is your knee pinchy now?
Pinkie: (working a foreleg around) No, but my shoulder’s achy. That means there’s an alligator in the tub. (plunging head into suds) Look!
(It takes her an instant to come up with a small one that has impossibly blue-violet eyes. The sight of this creature freaks Twilight out so badly that she jumps out of the tub with a cry and balances all four hooves on its far edge.)
Twilight: How come your knee didn’t get pinchy? (as Pinkie sets the alligator down) That isn’t just scary, it’s downright dangerous! (Cut to Pinkie.)
Pinkie: No, it’s not, silly! This is my pet alligator Gummy. (Open mouth, exposing toothless gums.) He’s got no teeth! (He nips her foreleg.) See?
(Neither this nip, nor the ones that follow to her mane and tail, has any ill effects, and she even giggles as he plies his gums on her.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Okay, okay. (Cut to frame both ponies.) I get it.
(Dissolve to outside the front door of Sugarcube Corner, from which the two ponies are headed away. Evidently the bathroom is on an upper floor of the building. Twilight is clean and dry.)
Twilight: Well, I still don’t believe all this “special power” stuff. It’s just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo.
Pinkie: What’s not to believe? You do magic. (Twilight stops, surprised; she goes on.) What’s the difference?
Twilight: Huge!
(She gallops to catch up, finding Pinkie stopped at a well near a cart selling cleaning products. A crate sits on the ground between the two.)
Twilight: For one thing…
(Pushing the items on the crate off to one corner, she climbs atop it—literally getting on a soapbox—and clears her throat.)
Twilight: …magic is something you study and practice. It only happens when you decide to do it, and it’s meant to make something specific, that you choose to happen, happen! (Cut to Pinkie; she continues o.s.) With you, uh…it makes no sense at all!
Pinkie: That’s so not true, Twilight. (brightening; zoom out to frame Twilight) Sometimes it’s a bunch of random things happening to my body at random times that supposedly predict the future. I call ’em “combos.”
Twilight: (jumping down, walking o.s.) “Combos”? (Pinkie hops after her toward the library.)
Pinkie: Sure! You know, like ear flop, then knee twitch, then eye flutter?
(She shows off each movement in the sequence as she names it.)
Pinkie: That means the sky is about to be graced with a beautiful rainbow.
Twilight: Yeah. Sure. (She heads for the door.)
Pinkie: Uh-oh. I feel a combo coming on. (It goes off, step by step.) Ear flop…eye flutter…knee twitch!
(The bookworm unicorn just throws a skeptical glance back from the library doorstep. She then gets the entire door thrown at her—more precisely, slammed into her face by Spike, who backs out with a stack of books. When it swings shut, she is seen to be squashed flat across its woodwork, from which she slides down with a pained moan to wind up in a heap on the doorstep.)
Twilight: (moaning woozily) You said that combo meant “beautiful rainbow.”
Pinkie: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. (acting out) You’re thinking of an ear flop, then knee twitch, then eye flutter. This was an ear flop, then eye flutter, then knee twitch. That usually means “look out for opening doors.” You okay? (Twilight gets up.)
Twilight: (frustrated) I don’t believe this! (Pinkie gets in her face.)
Pinkie: You don’t believe because you don’t understand. (She backs off.)
Twilight: Hmmm…
(Dissolve to a close-up of a bubbling flask in a rack, then pan/tilt down to frame a roomful of laboratory equipment. Stairs lead down into this area, whose root-covered ceiling gives it away as being underground. The color of the walls and floor is the same as that in the library, suggesting that the lab may be in its basement. Pinkie stands on her hind legs behind a console, resting her forelegs on it and wearing a helmet covered with diodes. Near her is a strip chart recorder that has been hooked up to the console; Twilight grips one last wire in her teeth and plugs it into the helmet. As the diodes wink to life, she throws a burst of telekinesis at two clamps on the console, causing them to flip shut on Pinkie’s forelegs and hold her in place.)
Twilight: Okay. Now when you get another twitch— (The recorder starts cranking out graphs and chuffing steam.) —we’ll have all kinds of scientific information.
Pinkie: (cheerfully) Okey-dokey-lokey!
(Her expression rearranges itself into stoic composure as she stands there and Twilight watches both her and the chart. Nothing happens for several seconds, except for the periodic puffs of steam coming off the recorder.)
Twilight: Any twitches yet?
Pinkie: (cheerfully) Nopey-dopey!
(Nothing persists in happening for several more seconds, with the side effect of making Twilight slightly impatient.)
Twilight: Now? Anything? (Pinkie concentrates for a moment.)
Pinkie: Wait! Hold on! (Zoom in on her.) Uh, no.
Twilight: Are you kidding me? After a whole day of nonstop twitching, now that I’ve got you all hooked up, you’re not getting a single one?
Pinkie: I don’t control it. They just come and go.
Twilight: That makes no sense!
Pinkie: Sometimes you just have to believe in things, even when you can’t figure ’em out. (Twilight gets in her face.)
Twilight: I will not believe in anything I cannot explain.
Pinkie: Wait! Hold on…I’m feeling something…
Twilight: Oh my gosh! (looking at chart) What? What is it?
(The answer: a loud grumble from Pinkie’s gut.)
Pinkie: It’s my tummy! That usually means I’m hungry. Let’s eat! (Loud groan from Twilight.)
Twilight: You know what?
(The exasperated scientist yanks the wires out with her teeth, shutting down the entire rig, and spits them away.)
Twilight: Just forget it! I don’t need to know if this is real or not. I don’t need to understand it. I don’t even care!
(She walks off, and Pinkie pulls her forelegs out of the clamps and flips the helmet off her head.)
Pinkie: Okey-dokey-lokey!
(She hops past Twilight and up the stairs leading out of the lab. Tilt up quickly to the closed exit door; as they approach it, she goes rigid with a little gasp and backs away.)
Pinkie: Uh-oh.
(A combo hits her—ear flop, eye flutter, knee twitch—that causes her to gasp loudly and jitter backward. Twilight, at the door, has just enough time for one glance at her before it is flung open, smashing her for the second time in two minutes. Spike is on the other side; he addresses himself to Pinkie, who hops merrily along the path.)
Spike: Pinkie, have you seen Twilight?
Pinkie: (hopping through door) Uh-huh.
(He does not find the unicorn until the door swings shut, with her again pounded flat on the boards.)
Spike: Twilight? What are you doing back there?
Twilight: (groaning, with effort) Did you two plan this?
Spike: Plan what? (She pops loose and thuds down with a louder groan.)
Twilight: This is ridiculous! This can’t be happening! This makes no sense! (determinedly) I have to figure this out.
(Snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to a scrolling view of afternoon sky. A frog croaks as it is lifted into view atop Fluttershy’s head in close-up; it smiles and points ahead, and the camera cuts to frame the flying pegasus and her passengers. In a still-longer shot, she descends toward a broad stretch of swampland—this must be Froggy Bottom Bog, the destination she mentioned in Act One.)
(Wipe to the fountain in the park outside Ponyville proper. Pinkie hops along, giggling to herself, and stops to smell a flower.)
Pinkie: Mmmm!
(As she resumes her cheerful travels, a bush rises clear of the ground and begins to follow her, moving under the power of four violet legs. Once it settles down, a pair of binoculars pokes out of the leaves; cut to Twilight’s perspective through them, focusing and zooming in on Pinkie, then back to her. She has donned a pith helmet and stuck a pencil in her teeth, and she quickly ducks behind the bush. The binoculars and a notepad both rest on the ground, and she levitates the pencil to write, taking a cautious peek over the shrubbery as she does so.)
Spike: (from o.s.) Twilight?
(She leaps straight up with a frightened scream and thuds down by the bush; Spike, now standing nearby, gets yanked back there in a hurry with a yell of his own.)
Twilight: Honestly, Spike, don’t you know better than to sneak up on ponies?
Spike: Oh, sorry, but… (She peeks up.) …um, well, isn’t that what you’re doing?
(He looks over the bush as well; she gasps and tackles him to the ground.)
*** All lines marked with an asterisk are delivered in hushed tones. ***
* Twilight: No… (peeking through bush) …I’m doing scientific research. I’m observing Pinkie Pie, scientific name Pinkius pieicus, in its natural habitat. (Spike peeks through.)
* Spike: Pinkius who-icus? (Both duck down; cut to inside the bush.)
* Twilight: There’s something fishy going on with the whole twitchy prediction thing, and I’m getting to the bottom of it. So, shhh!
(He acknowledges with a finger to his lips. Outside the bush again; she puts her head up and spots Pinkie at a distance, hopping along.)
* Twilight: Come on! (She ducks back in and lifts the bush.) Pinkius pieicus is on the move!
(The little dragon’s legs are too short to touch the ground, so he treads air while she moves the greenery. Dissolve to the schoolhouse playground, where the goofy pink pony is rolling about on the grass and humming to herself, and zoom out as Twilight peeks up to scope the scene with binoculars. Her perspective, focusing in; Pinkie stands, scrunches up her face, and scratches her nose.)
* Twilight: Hmmm… (Behind the bush; she is framed from shoulders down as Spike takes notes.) …itchy nose.
(Back to the view of Pinkie, who suddenly gasps wide-eyed; zoom out and re-focus just in time to frame her zipping across the playground and huddling beneath an oversized horseshoe. Head-on view of Twilight, who lowers her binoculars.)
* Twilight: Aha! That makes no sense! (Cut to Spike; she continues o.s.) See? (leaning down to him) She’s hiding like something’s about to fall from the sky, but a twitchy tail means something’s gonna fall from the sky, not an itchy nose.
(Spike looks nervously overhead during this line, and Pinkie does the same a moment later, the camera tilting up toward the schoolhouse roof. A sizable swarm of bees flies out from behind a treetop and streaks toward ground level; back to Twilight and Spike—only one of whom is paying attention.)
* Twilight: This proves— (Spike gasps.) —perhaps conclusively, that— (He bails out with a yell; she looks up.) Spike! Where are you going? I’m trying to teach you the value of scientific obser—
(She gets no farther, as the swarm descends on the bush with enough ferocity to make it jump in place as Twilight gets stung again and again.)
Twilight: Ow! Ouch! Ow! Ooh!
(Dissolve to an extreme close-up of her raised binoculars and zoom out. Now wearing a plethora of Band-Aids as well as her pith helmet, she has moved operations to Sweet Apple Acres and is watching from behind a stack of hay bales next to the barn.)
* Spike: (from o.s.) What’s she doing now?
(On the end of this, cut to her perspective of Pinkie, who is smelling flowers in the orchard.)
* Twilight: Smelling a flower. (Cut to him on the ground beside her, taking notes.)
* Spike: Holy guacamole! I wonder what that means!
* Twilight: (lowering binocs) Probably that the flower smells good. (raising them) Wait! I’m getting something! Ear flop…eye flutter…knee twitch.
Spike: Hold on. (running off; she lowers binocs) You told me that’s the combo that says “watch out for opening doors”!
(Looking behind herself, Twilight takes note of a door whose top half is open and laughs dismissively. A camera shift reveals that he has taken cover behind a second stack of bales several yards in front of this one.)
Twilight: You really, really believe this stuff, don’t you? (She turns to the door.) Here. Let me show you there’s nothing to be afraid of.
(She props one foreleg on the edge of the closed lower half and smirks across the way.)
Twilight: You see? (trotting away; a ground-mounted hatch flips open) I promise you there’s nothing to fear from that—
(Not minding her step, she reaches the opening and drops out of sight, her helmet dangling in midair for a second before following her down. A close-up on the next line reveals a staircase leading into the depths, and a series of thuds marks her progress to the bottom.)
Twilight: Whooaa! (now out of view) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (Final thud.)
Applejack: (from below) Twilight! You came to visit my new apple cellar! (Spike peeks down.) How nice!…Twi? You okay?…Uh, Twi?
(Dissolve to a profile close-up of a thoroughly exasperated unicorn and zoom out. The helmet and bandages are gone, but she is now sitting in a wheelchair with casts on both forelegs, which are propped on the back of a park bench. The binoculars are gripped in these, and traction wires are attached to the limbs, running up and o.s. Spike, standing next to her, squints ahead and then looks her way. In a longer shot, the wires are shown to run over a couple of pulleys attached to a framework above Twilight’s head and connected to a lever on the chair back.)
Spike: Here. Let me help you.
(A few pumps on the lever reel in the wires, lifting her forelegs to bring the binocs to eye level.)
* Twilight: Okay. Take this down. (Her perspective of Pinkie, with a…) Twitchy tail. (Cut to Spike.)
* Spike: Twitchy tail…
(He gasps and goes into a full-scale panic, throwing the notepad away and letting go of the lever.)
Spike: TWITCHY TAIL!! (Twilight’s forelegs fall and she drops her binoculars.)
* Twilight: Hush, Spike! We can’t let Pinkie know we’re here, remember?
Spike: Something’s gonna fall! Something’s gonna fall! Run for your lives! (He does so, whooping crazily.)
* Twilight: Ugh! Spike, honestly. You’re overreact—
(The prediction comes true, four times in five seconds; a flowerpot, anvil, hay wagon, and piano all crash squarely down on her head. Tilt quickly up from the pile of dust and rubble to a delivery truck floating in midair and pulled by two pegasi. At the tailgate, the foreman—khaki stallion, grizzled white mane/tail, crate cutie mark, cap, five o’clock shadow—glares at two others, while yet another crew member carries a box away. The two grin sheepishly at the apparent lapse of concentration that did all this damage; one of them gasps as well. She is the recurring background character Derpy Hooves: gray coat, light blond mane/tail, crossed amber eyes, cutie mark of several bubbles.)
(Wipe to Pinkie in the park, humming and licking at a spot on a front hoof, and zoom out as Applejack walks up with a basket of apples on her back.)
Pinkie: Hey, Applejack! Whatcha doin’?
Applejack: Takin’ more apples to my new apple cellar. How ’bout you, Pinkie? What you doin’?
Pinkie: Oh, letting Twilight secretly follow me all day without me knowing.
(Cut to a longer shot and zoom out as Twilight hobbles over to the pair. She looks very much the worse for wear after that four-way combo, and the casts are still on her forelegs.)
Twilight: You mean you knew all along?! Why didn’t you tell me?
Pinkie: (giggling) Silly, that would have spoiled the secret.
(Her huge smile is met by a series of contorted, lopsided grimaces and a groan as Spike pokes his head out from behind Twilight’s tail.)
Spike: (fearfully) Tail still twitching? (Pinkie looks at her own.)
Pinkie: All done. Clear skies from here on in, as far as I can tell.
(But now she pulls a new trick: her entire body jitters briefly. Spike ducks behind Twilight again as Applejack lets her basket fall.)
Spike: Oh, no! What does that one mean?
Pinkie: Don’t know. Never gotten any like it before. (Cut to Twilight and Spike; she continues o.s.) But whatever that shudder’s about, it’s a doozy! Something you never expect to happen is gonna happen!
(Another, longer shudder wracks her as all three watch.)
Pinkie: And it’s gonna happen… (Zoom in.) …at Froggy Bottom Bog! (Applejack gasps.)
Applejack: That’s where Fluttershy’s headed! (Spike peeks from behind Twilight.)
Spike: Oh, no! Is it about her?
Pinkie: Uh…I’m not sure.
Applejack: We’d better go and make sure she’s okay. (She gallops off.)
Twilight: Calm down, everypony. (Pinkie follows; Spike does the same as she continues.) All we know right now is that Pinkie Pie just got a case of the shivers. That’s all.
(She finally realizes that she has lost her audience, much to her discontent. The other two ponies, meanwhile, are making good time; Spike is slowly falling behind, but Twilight pulls up and slips her head underneath to flip him onto her back. She has completely recovered from her various injuries now.)
Spike: Hey! I thought you didn’t believe in this stuff!
Twilight: I don’t. I just want to be there to see the look on Pinkie’s face when we find out nothing’s wrong.
Pinkie: Okey-dokey.
(Applejack leads them along the road toward the overgrown quagmire. Cut to a close-up of Fluttershy’s cart, now on the ground; she flips open the front, allowing the frogs inside to hop out. In a longer shot, she watches as they make their way into the water. The camera then cuts to behind her at a distance and zooms out slowly; something very large, brown, and scaly cruises through the sluggishly bubbling water back here, submerging with a splash.)
(Wipe to the three ponies charging through the outskirts of the bog area; Spike is off Twilight’s back and running under his own steam. Pinkie stops short, struck by another shudder.)
Twilight: (stopping, sardonically) Cold? Need a jacket or something? (Pinkie starts ahead; now all are walking.)
Pinkie: No, thanks. I’m fine. (She gets another one.)
Spike: (to Applejack) So, what do you think happened to Fluttershy?
Applejack: I hope nothin’.
Spike: I know, but…what do you think happened?
Applejack: I’m tryin’ not to think about it.
Spike: (resolutely) Me too. (fearfully) But… (Cut to a worried Applejack; he continues o.s.) …I’m thinking about it anyway. Like… (The whole group.) …what if…she exploded?
Applejack: (skeptically) Just exploded, for no reason?
Spike: Yeah, like, boom! (All stop.)
Pinkie: Whoa!
Spike: I know!
Pinkie: What if…what if she exploded, and then… (jumping up) …and then exploded again?
Spike: Can you do that? Can you explode twice?
Applejack: (testily, starting ahead) Of course not. (Spike follows; close-up.)
Spike: But what if…she exploded…and exploded again…and then—
(He stops, pulled back by something. On the next line, cut to a longer shot; Twilight has his tail under her hoof.)
Twilight: Will you two stop! (She lets go; Pinkie skids up.) She’s fine, I’m sure of it. (All move ahead.)
Applejack: I hope you’re right, for Fluttershy’s sake.
(They stop again, and Applejack and Pinkie peek through the trees to find the heart of the bog before them.)
Applejack: Look! There’s Froggy Bottom Bog!
(Zoom in on the wetland as a dragonfly buzzes lazily over it, then cut to Applejack, Pinkie, and Spike moving to the edge of it.)
Applejack: (calling out) Fluttershy! (Pan to frame Twilight, bringing up the rear.)
Pinkie: Fluttershy!
(Twilight climbs a sloping tree, Applejack scopes the scene from a small neck of solid ground, and Pinkie lifts the edge of a lily pad to peek beneath. A frog promptly jumps onto it, knocking it flat and eliciting a surprised gasp; next Spike leaps onto the magenta mane to drive its owner’s face into the muck. A longer shot of the area frames Fluttershy—standing a few feet out on a rock and emptying her basket of frogs.)
Spike: Fluttershy! (jumping over, hugging her) You’re okay!
(She is more than a bit surprised by this greeting. Zoom out to frame Twilight and Applejack watching from shore.)
Fluttershy: Of course.
Applejack: Whoo…what a relief. (Cut to frame Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Spike.)
Pinkie: I’m so glad everything’s all right.
Twilight: (from o.s., smugly) Sorry. (Pan to her and Applejack.) I know it’s not nice to gloat, but… (Zoom out to frame all five.) …AHA!
(Spike is so surprised that he falls into the water, Fluttershy and Pinkie aim slightly vexed looks her way, and she does not notice the large, brown, scaly whatever-it-is swim by as she continues.)
Twilight: I told you there was nothing to worry about, and I was right. (Green mist starts to rise.) Pinkie Pie said whatever she was shuddering about was a— (Cough; Applejack walks away.) —doozy, and— (Cough.) —and the only— (Cough.) —doozy here is how right I am.
(Overhead view of the five. Spike is now out of the water, and he, Fluttershy, and Pinkie are staring at a vertical stretch of the brown thing as it slowly rises from the water, throwing the green mist as it does so. Twilight has her back to it and does not notice; Applejack, near her, catches a look at it.)
Applejack: Um… (Hard swallow.) …Twilight? (She crosses to the other three.)
Twilight: Pinkie’s made a lot of predictions today, but— (Close-up; cough.) —ugh, what is that smell?
(Longer shot; there are actually three vertical things standing up from the mire, hemming the group in, and a guttural growl drifts down over them.)
Twilight: But what we’ve shown here is that there’s no point in believing— (Cough.) —in anything you can’t see for yourself.
(On the end of this, cut to the moaning, terrified quartet that has been looking this threat straight on the entire time.)
Spike: (pointing) W-W-Well, then, s-s-see what’s b-b-behind you, Twilight!
(Back to the scientifically minded unicorn, who finally turns and looks up to see the expanse of scaly brown hide that now fills the screen behind her. The growl has intensified by a few dozen decibels, and a long overhead shot reveals that there are now four of these pillars standing up from the bog.)
Twilight: I see it…
(Tilt up to frame a snakelike head at the top end of each—these are actually necks.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) …but I don’t believe it!
(Three of the four heads roar in unison; the fourth—second from left—joins in a moment later. Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to a long shot of the four monstrous heads and necks towering over the hapless quintet.)
Pinkie: Is that a hydra?
Applejack: Who cares? RUN!!
(The group bails out save Pinkie, who finds herself on the receiving end of the creature’s hungry stares and starts to back up.)
Twilight: Pinkie! Come on!
(One head lashes down, but gets only a mouthful of mud thanks to Twilight’s last-second lunge to tow Pinkie away by the tail. She is flung ahead of Fluttershy, who in turn passes one of the frogs she brought to the bog as it flees.)
Fluttershy: Oh, I’m so sorry.
(Another head focuses on Twilight, throwing a good scare into her, and the hydra’s entire lizard-like body emerges from the ooze. A strike at her comes up just short; ditto the next one, which targets Applejack as she hops from root to root. Fluttershy barely gets away from a chomp that catches the rock she was standing on. The second head from the left, the only one to stay out of the action, laughs at the other three—angry, with a mouthful of tree, and dazed.)
(Four screaming ponies book it while Spike scrambles along a low-hanging vine; cut to an earth outcropping as the ponies race up and stop in front of it. Twilight takes a swift look around.)
Twilight: (galloping to one side) Everypony up that hill!
Spike: (from o.s.) HEEELLLP!!
(He has become bogged down in the morass and only digs himself in farther when he tries to swim away from the approaching hydra. Twilight charges back.)
Twilight: Coming, Spike! Hang on!
(Racing into the mud, she scoops him up on her head and makes tracks an instant before the reptilian jaws slam shut. As the other three ponies sprint uphill and she catches up, the four heads give chase but snap back o.s. suddenly. A cut to ground level reveals that one of the hydra’s feet is mired in glop; it pulls loose after a moment and resumes the pursuit.)
Twilight: I think we’re gonna make it! (Cut to Spike, who points ahead.)
Spike: But Pinkie’s still shuddering!
(She is indeed, but stops abruptly and ends up standing still as Fluttershy gallops by.)
Pinkie: Oh, looky there. It’s stopped!
(Only for a moment, though.)
Pinkie: (voice vibrating) Ohhh! Theeere iiit iiis agaaaiiinnn!
(Spike arrives on the end of this to push her up the slope, and Twilight follows him while glancing back down the way. Cut to a cliff, where Applejack has stopped and voices a gasp; the other three ponies put their heads over the edge, and a long shot reveals the next stretch of the path. Half a dozen tall, narrow stone pillars, separated by large gaps, stand between them and the cliff on the opposite side of this canyon. A tremor from the beast’s footstep brings a frightened gasp from the group; quick pan to the massive carapace as the stumpy legs begin to climb the hill. Twilight cries out before putting together any coherent words.)
Twilight: He’ll be up here in no time! Quick! One at a time! (racing toward edge) Cross!
(When Spike zips up to the edge, his momentum brings him within an ace of going over it. He yells, gets himself safely back, and turns to Twilight as Pinkie’s shudders resume.)
Spike: Uh, do you know any spells for turning a hydra into a mouse?
Twilight: No!
Spike: How about a squirrel?
Twilight: No!
Spike: How about—
Twilight: No small rodents of any kind! (Cut to Fluttershy.)
Spike: (from o.s.) That’s too bad.
Fluttershy: A hop, skip, and a… (She leaps toward the first pillar.) …jump!
(And hits it dead center, bounding away for good measure—she has remembered Pinkie’s advice from “Dragonshy.” Spike is next to go, thrown by Twilight; he lands on the flat and watches as the equine jackhammer skitters up, then jumps ahead. She goes over the edge, taking one pop-eyed look at the air below her hooves, but remains suspended in midair long enough for Applejack to get a mouthful of tail and yank her back.)
Twilight: He’s too close! (She lowers her head and paws the ground.) I’ll distract him. You two go! (Pan to Applejack and Pinkie; she continues o.s.) Now!
(The farmhand pushes off from the brink, hauling Pinkie along.)
Twilight: Ohhh…what would a brave pony like Rainbow Dash do?
(An idea causes her eyes to widen and her ears to perk up as a fierce expression settles on her face. A moment later she is in full gallop down the slope.)
Twilight: CHAAARRRGE!!
(All four of the hydra’s head whip down toward her, but she holds her course. After a few seconds, the heads stop and the second from left voices a puzzled grunt, looking back toward ground level. The fierce and/or foolhardy unicorn races directly beneath the underbelly and keeps running, three heads peeking down and snaking through the legs after her. As the entire body starts to overbalance, the puzzled head—which has stayed out of it—gapes after the others, just in time for the hydra to flip itself forward up the hill and land on its back.)
(Twilight skids to a stop, cut to the far side of the chasm, where the rest of the group has made it across. Pinkie is shuddering again.)
Pinkie: T-T-T-Twilight!
(The hydra begins to peel itself up and takes note of Twilight rushing past uphill with a puzzled little whimper. A giant brown foot slamming to the turf and a feral growl terrify her all over again; she jumps back to avoid being eaten alive when the cliff’s edge gets smashed away. The first of the stepping-stone pillars winds up at a crazy angle after the hit, and as Twilight gets turf under her hooves, she sees it topple over and knock out the next three like dominoes. Her four friends gasp, she does likewise, and the head that went in for the strike woozily regards the fresh lump on its crown before roaring in unmitigated fury.)
(Twilight cowers for a moment, then gets upright and eyes the now-impassable gap before her when the camera zooms out.)
Pinkie: (shuddering briefly) T-T-T-Twilight! You have to jump!
Twilight: I’ll never make it!
Pinkie: You’ll be fine!
Twilight: I will not!
(The hydra adds a bellow that turns into a quadraphonic yell.)
Pinkie: (shuddering) It’s your ooonly hooope!
(The trapped pony takes one more look over the precipice, the camera cutting briefly to her perspective of the rocks and slime far below, and the hydra closes in.)
Pinkie: You have to take a leap of faith!
(After one very last quick glance, Twilight swallows hard enough to send a brick down her gullet if she were chewing on one, backs up a few steps, and gallops ahead while one head descends. It bashes the clifftop loose just as she poises herself, and she is forced to jump clear while it starts to tumble away.)
Twilight: No!
(Cut to her perspective, sailing toward the first unbroken pillar, then to a long shot of her trajectory across the divide. A series of dissolves marks it out—but she comes up well short of the flat and begins a hoof-flailing plummet. Eight eyes pop and four jaws hang slack; cut to her perspective of the rapidly approaching bog. A large bubble has begun to grow at the surface.)
Twilight: Oh, no! (Back to her.) NOOOOOO!!
(She lands spreadeagle on the bubble, which hurls her upward and then bursts…)
Twilight: Whooooaaaa!
(…causing her to land on the first intact pillar, from which she bounces to the second and then into a rock face on the far side. She winds up sitting against it on her haunches, with all the sense knocked out of her, as the others eye her worriedly. Just as rapidly, she shakes herself back to normal and gives the gang a big squeaky grin, getting a round of cheers and leaving the hydra to pout by itself across the way. Pinkie lays a king-size hug on her.)
Pinkie: I knew you could do it, Twilight!
Twilight: I don’t know how it happened. Coincidence… (Cut to a grinning Spike; she continues o.s.) …dumb luck, or what. (Back to her.) But you said there’d be a doozy here at Froggy Bottom Bog, and I’d say we just had ourselves one heck of a doozy. (Pan to Pinkie; she continues o.s.) I mean, that hydra…
(She cuts herself off when the pink prognosticator’s face goes slack and the rest of her starts jittering all over again.)
Twilight: Pinkie? (She stops.)
Pinkie: That wasn’t it.
Twilight: Huh? (Start again.)
Spike: What wasn’t what? (Stop.)
Applejack: What are you talkin’ about, Pink?
Pinkie: The hydra wasn’t the doozy.
(Quick pan across the gap; it stomps away, one head blowing a raspberry. Pinkie’s tremors kick in again.)
Pinkie: I’m still getting the shudders! (Her quaking moan stops when they do.) You see? There it is again! Whatever the doozy was at Froggy Bottom Bog… (Zoom in on Twilight, putting her o.s.) …my Pinkie Sense says it still hasn’t happened.
Twilight: Huh? But I— (with sudden fury) —what?!? (composed, but slowly losing it again) The hydra wasn’t the doozy? How could it not be the doozy? What could be doozy-er than that?!
Pinkie: Dunno, but it just wasn’t it.
(The terminally frustrated violet unicorn scrunches her face in a silent growl and gives voice to it as the camera slowly zooms in to an extreme close-up. Her mental teakettle sings in an insanely high register for an unbearable moment—and then she completely loses it with an unhinged snarl and a huge vertical leap. Her entire body goes bone-white, her eyes blaze red, and her mane and tail go up in flames, giving her an uncanny resemblance to the Pokémon character Rapidash.)
(Applejack, Pinkie, and Spike recoil before the glare, which lasts nearly four seconds before it burns itself out. Twilight is left hanging, with soot all over her normally-colored body and her mane and tail a half-burned shambles, and sighs wearily.)
Twilight: I give up.
(She drops to the ledge, all the burn marks instantly vanishing when Spike crosses to her.)
Spike: Give what up, Twi? (Pinkie starts shuddering.)
Twilight: (weakly) The fight…I can’t fight it anymore. I don’t understand how, why, or what. (Cut to Pinkie; she continues o.s.) But Pinkie Sense somehow…makes sense. (The whole group.) I don’t see how it does, but it just does! Just because I don’t understand, doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Pinkie: Y-Y-You mean you b-b-believe?
Twilight: Yep. I guess I do.
(The tremors intensify, then give way to a quick succession of cartoonish contortions that stretch the pink body in ways it was surely never meant to go. When they stop, Pinkie is left standing perfectly normal and motionless.)
Pinkie: Oh! (She looks herself over and gasps.) That was it! That’s the doozy! (Twilight and Spike gape at her; Spike shakes his head clear.)
Twilight: What? (crossing to her) What is?
Pinkie: You believing! I never expected that to happen! That was the doozy! (laughing) Oh, and oh, what a doozy of a doozy it was!
(She trots off along the cliff, singing to herself leaving three ponies and one dragon to stare incredulously after her. Fade to black.)
(Fade in to the exterior of the library and zoom in slowly. Twilight and Pinkie are heard laughing inside as Spike runs toward the door. Cut to just inside it; he opens and peeks in.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Oh, good, Spike. You’re here. Take a letter.
(He steps into the reading room and toward a quill and scroll set up on a stand.)
Spike: With pleasure, Twilight. (Pick them up, ready to write.)
Twilight: (from o.s., dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia…”
(Instead of jotting the words, he looks ahead with a suddenly puzzled stare.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) “I’m happy to report that…”
(Cut to a ground-level shot, just behind her with head off the top of the screen.)
Twilight: (sternly) Spike. What have I been saying about focus?
(She taps a hoof against the floor to emphasize the point.)
Spike: I know, but I…well…
(A head-on view of her discloses the reason for his distraction: she has donned an umbrella hat identical to the one Pinkie wore at the start of this episode.)
Twilight: (smiling) What’s wrong, Spike? Never thought you’d see me with an umbrella hat on?
Spike: Not really, no.
Twilight: (looking to side; Pinkie’s mane/hat barely in view) Pinkie’s tail’s a-twitchin’. (Pan to her, vibrating tail and all, putting her o.s.) What else can I do?
(The two ponies share a laugh and Spike joins in after a moment, continuing well after the others have gone silent and the tail has quit. Close-up of him; a gentle nudge from Twilight’s hoof helps him focus on the problem at hand, and he begins to write.)
Twilight: (from o.s., dictating) “I am happy to report that I now realize there are wonderful things in this world you just can’t explain, but that doesn’t necessarily make them any less true.”
(Cut to her on the second half of this and zoom in, then back to the little stenographer.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) “It just means you have to choose to believe in them.” (She turns to Pinkie.) “And sometimes, it takes a friend to show you the way.”
Pinkie: (touching Twilight’s nose) Honk! (Cut to Spike.)
Spike: (writing) “Honk.”
Twilight: (from o.s.) “Always your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”
(Outside, she and Pinkie trot happily out—but the latter stops short when her tail goes off.)
Pinkie: There it goes again!
Twilight: I wonder what’s gonna drop out of the sky this time.
Pinkie: (walking off) You never know.
(Tilt up to a window near the balcony. Spike opens it and leans out with the scroll, ready to put flame to it and send it on its way. However, he holds his breath at the whistling sound of something coming down way too fast, and in short order Princess Celestia herself thumps down onto the balcony railing. The force of her landing nearly breaks the entire platform loose from the tree.)
Spike: Twitchy tail?
(Taking the scroll in her mouth, she lifts off at a much more comfortable rate of speed. He gapes up after her, flabbergasted that Pinkie’s last prediction has come true in such an extreme way.)
Spike: Holy guacamole!
(Snap to black.)
SONIC RAINBOOM
Written by M.A. Larson
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to a stretch of peaceful blue sky. Tilt down toward ground level as Rainbow Dash flies into view in a close-up, pacing in midair.)
Rainbow: Now, what have we learned? (Longer shot; she paces behind a standing Fluttershy in a meadow.)
Fluttershy: Lots of control.
Rainbow: Good.
Fluttershy: Screaming and hollering.
Rainbow: Yes. And most importantly?
Fluttershy: Passion.
Rainbow: Right! (landing in front of her) So now that you know the elements of a good cheer, let’s hear one!
(The soft-spoken pegasus inhales a bushel of air and lets it go on a single word…)
Fluttershy: Yay.
(…that is no louder than her usual speaking voice, causing Rainbow to put a hoof over her own face with a disgusted groan.)
Rainbow: You’re gonna cheer for me like that? Louder.
Fluttershy: (barely louder) Yay.
Rainbow: Louder!
Fluttershy: (a bit louder) Yay.
Rainbow: (with camera-shaking force) LOUDER!!
(This time, Fluttershy sucks in every molecule of air her lungs will hold and cuts loose.)
Fluttershy: Yaaay.
(Only a bit louder than her previous attempt; this time, Rainbow not only groans and covers her face, but keels over backward.)
Fluttershy: Too loud?
(Fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to a slow pan through a moving bank of clouds. Rainbow stands proudly on a stationary one behind these; cut to her perspective of Fluttershy far below, looking up.)
Fluttershy: Yay.
(Back to Rainbow, who takes a deep breath, bounces on the cloud as if it were a diving board, and plunges into space. She pulls up just short of the ground and buzzes through the flowers, streaking the air with her multicolored mane.)
Rainbow: And now, Phase One of my routine.
(This consists of a close slalom through a row of trees, followed by a straightaway run that blows Fluttershy’s mane/tail sideways.)
Fluttershy: Ooooh. (Rainbow gains altitude and stops.)
Rainbow: Phase Two.
(For this step, she dives toward a large cloud and flies tight circles around it, causing it to spin in place; she does the same to two others before zipping away. On the ground, Fluttershy’s eyes have started turning in opposite directions to follow them all, but she quickly shakes some sense into herself.)
Fluttershy: Way to go. (Rainbow climbs again.)
Rainbow: Here we go…Phase Three. The Sonic Rainboom!
(Once she reaches an appropriately extreme height, she cuts a couple of vertical loops and goes into a screaming dive, one foreleg extended to cut the air resistance. The wind peels her lips back from her teeth and plasters her mane to her skull, and a rounded wave front forms in front of her due to the sheer speed and starts to build. Fluttershy stares with apprehension from the meadow.)
Rainbow: (with effort) Come on…
(Both sides of the wave front stretch as if made of elastic; now every extra foot that she flies causes more resistance to build up. Eventually she stops dead in midair, unable to punch through.)
Rainbow: Uh-oh.
(She is flung backward and out of sight, screaming all the while, and the spectator puts a hoof over her mouth worriedly. Cut to a close-up of a book being levitated into its place on a shelf.)
Twilight Sparkle: (from o.s., sighing contentedly) Last one.
(A longer shot shows that she is in the library’s reading room, along with Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity.)
Twilight: Thank you so much for helping me clean up all these books, guys. (Close-up.) It was a crazy weekend of studying.
(She makes her eyes counter-rotate on the word “crazy,” then looks o.s. in surprise at a distant, growing sound. It resolves into Rainbow’s panicked yell as the camera pans in its direction to a nearby window; a tiny speck grows into her hurtling form, followed by a crash that throws up enough dust to fill the screen. When the view clears, all the books have tumbled off the shelves and Twilight, Rainbow, and Rarity are sprawled out on top of them. Twilight lifts her head, her mouth jammed full of scrolls, and Applejack and Pinkie pop their heads up from the scatter before Fluttershy flies in through the window in close-up.)
Fluttershy: Rainbow Dash, you rock. Woo-hoo.
(Zoom out to frame the room as she takes in the disaster area with a soft gasp.)
Fluttershy: Did my cheering do that? (Rainbow stands up with a sheepish laugh.)
Rainbow: Sorry about that, ladies. (annoyed) That was a truly feeble performance.
Fluttershy: Actually, it wasn’t all bad. I particularly liked it when you made the clouds spin.
Rainbow: (sighing angrily) I’m not talking about my performance, I’m talking about yours!
(Cut to the other four, now all on their hooves. Twilight no longer has a mouthful of parchment.)
Rainbow: (from o.s.) That feeble cheering!
Twilight: What are you two arguing about (Back to Rainbow.)
Rainbow: (sighing again, to the others) I wish you guys could come to Cloudsdale to see me compete in the Best Young Flyer Competition.
Twilight: What’s that?
Pinkie: (excitedly) It’s where all the greatest pegasus flyers get together and show off their different flying styles. (rearing up) Some are fast!
(She races around the room, throwing books here and there as she swerves about, then stops to balance on one front and one rear hoof.)
Pinkie: And some are graceful!
(Which she certainly is not, judging from the way she yells and stumbles across the floor before crashing down.)
Applejack: (to Rainbow) Gol-lee. I’d love to see you strut your stuff in that competition.
Rainbow: Yeah. I wish you guys could be there. Fluttershy’s a great support, but her cheering isn’t exactly inspirational. (Pinkie stands up, an open book on her head.)
Pinkie: Ooh! I’d love to see you make a Sonic Rainboom! It’s, like, the most coolest thing ever! (jumping in place; book falls off) Even though I’ve never actually seen it, but I mean, come on, it’s a Sonic Rainboom!
(Applejack and Rarity have followed her movements with noticeable puzzlement, and a cut to Twilight shows that she is not doing any better.)
Pinkie: (from o.s.) How not cool could it possibly not be?
Twilight: What’s a Sonic Rainboom? (Pinkie leans into her face.)
Pinkie: You really need to get out more. (jumping up to a loft) The Sonic Rainboom is legendary! When a pegasus like Rainbow Dash gets going so fast…
(She jumps over the edge and plunges into the piled books, landing hard enough to clear a space on the floor.)
Pinkie: …BOOM! A sonic boom and a rainbow can happen all at once!
Applejack: And Rainbow Dash here’s the only pony to ever pull it off.
Rainbow: (playing it off) It was a long time ago. I was just a filly.
Pinkie: Yeah, but you’re gonna do it again, right?
(Cut to Rainbow on the end of this; the inquiry leaves her flat-hoofed for a second, but she gradually recovers her usual braggadocio.)
Rainbow: Are you kidding? I’m the greatest flyer to ever come out of Cloudsdale. (Zoom out; Twilight is eyeing her happily.) I could do Sonic Rainbooms in my sleep!
Twilight: Wow! If you pull that off, you’ll win the crown for sure!
Rainbow: The grand prize is an entire day with the Wonderbolts! (lost in the idea) A whole day of flying with my lifelong heroes. It’ll be a dream come true! (Cut to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: Yay.
(Quick pan back to the blue flying ace, who throws her a fed-up look and then turns back to the other four.)
Rainbow: I’m gonna go rest up. Don’t want to over-prepare myself, you know? (Brief laugh; then she rounds on Fluttershy.) You, on the other hand, better keep practicing! (trotting toward window) I need a cheering section to match my spectacular performance.
(Cut to outside as she flies out over the balcony and away, then back to Fluttershy at the window. She turns despondently toward the room.)
Fluttershy: She’s practiced that move a hundred times, and she’s never even come close to doing it. I don’t know if I can cheer loud enough to help her. (She flies out the window.)
Twilight: Well, guess we better get this cleaned up. (Pause.) Again. (She levitates a book.)
Rarity: (poking Twilight in rump with horn) Go on, go on. (Book falls.)
Twilight: Go on, what?
Rarity: Find a spell that will get us wingless ponies into Cloudsdale. Didn’t you see how nervous she was?
Applejack: Nervous? Have you spit your bit or somethin’? She was tootin’ her own horn louder than the brass section of a marchin’ band.
Rarity: Oh, puh-lease. I’ve put on enough fashion shows to recognize stage fright when I see it. We’ve got to find a way to be there for her. Now go on! (She slams Twilight away with her rump.)
Twilight: Ow!
(She fetches up in a pile of books and sticks her head out of it with a loud groan.)
Twilight: How am I supposed to find a flight spell in this mess?
Pinkie: A flight spell? One sec.
(She zips away and returns an instant later, carrying a book in her teeth which she tosses across the room.)
Pinkie: Page twenty-seven.
(On these words, cut to Twilight; the book lands in front of her, open, and she magically flips pages, Cut to Applejack and Pinkie.)
Applejack: How’d you do that?
Pinkie: It landed on my face when Rainbow Dash knocked me into the bookcase.
Twilight: (from o.s.) Here it is! (Back to her, levitating the book.) A spell that will allow earth ponies to fly for three days. (walking ahead with book) Ooh…it looks really difficult. I’m not sure I can do it.
Rarity: You’ve got to try!
Twilight: Okay, but who’s gonna volunteer to be the test subject?
(An uneasy look passes between the two earth ponies—clearly neither of them is hot to pull guinea-pig duty—and Rarity lowers her eyebrows determinedly.)
Rarity: I will! For Rainbow Dash, I will go first.
Twilight: Here goes.
(The book lowers out of sight and she gets her horn going in fourth gear with a strained grunt. Ribbons of brilliant blue light begin to wind around Rarity’s motionless form and contract toward her. As Twilight gives it her all, the white unicorn is slowly lifted free of the ground and enveloped from head to tail like a caterpillar forming a cocoon. Finally a ball of light emerges from the violet unicorn’s horn and floats slowly across until it is halfway between the two; here it stops and emits a blinding white flash that throws her back and fills the screen.)
(Fade in to a section of empty bookshelves, against which she, Applejack and Pinkie stand up into view, very woozy and unsteady on their legs. A pattern of multicolored light spots projects itself across the view; she smiles and the other two gasp happily at the sight, and the camera zooms out to frame Rarity’s still-suspended legs.)
Twilight: I think it worked.
(Snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to Fluttershy and Rainbow in flight.)
Rainbow: You’ve got to learn to be assertive, Fluttershy. Don’t be afraid to speak up.
(The clouds ahead of them part to reveal an entire city built in the sky, with architecture similar to that of her house. This is Cloudsdale, the aerial town seen in Twilight’s book at the start of “Mare in the Moon.” A pan through the streets depicts the pegasus locals going about their business while walking and flying. Columns predominate in the overall city plan, including a stadium and a temple-like structure. The two encounter a trio of stallions, all clad in white hard hats and lab coats, standing at the end of a street—Dumbbell, Hoops, and Score, from left to right. Dumbbell: dark brown coat, light tan mane/tail, barbell cutie mark, blue eyes set unusually far down toward his nose. Hoops, the largest of the three: dark tan coat, brown mane/tail, cutie mark of three basketballs. Score, the shortest and bulkiest: gray coat, dark gray mane/tail, cutie mark of at least two footballs partially covered by his lab coat, the only one of the three whose tails extend over its wearer’s back and flanks. The manes of all three hang down into their faces; Dumbbell is the only one whose eyes are visible. He and Hoops sound like typical high-school bullies.)
Dumbbell: Well, well, well. What do we have here?
Hoops: It’s our old friend, Rainbow Crash! (Close-up of the three.)
Dumbbell: Get kicked out of any flight schools lately? (All three laugh; cut to an incensed Rainbow.)
Rainbow: I didn’t get kicked out. (Dumbbell crosses to her.)
Dumbbell: Face it, Rainbow Crash. Flight school had too many rules and not enough naptimes for you. (Hoops boxes her in.)
Hoops: Heh! Ask her about the Sonic Rainboom!
Dumbbell: That’s nothin’ but an old mare’s tale. (to Rainbow) You don’t have the skills to try somethin’ like that!
Fluttershy: (from o.s., angrily) Now wait just a minute! (Quick pan to her; she cringes.) Oh, I’m sorry. I’m trying to be more assertive. (with renewed oomph) Anyhow, she is going to do a Sonic Rainboom.
Dumbbell: No, she’s not, ’cause there’s no such thing!
Fluttershy: Then show up at the Cloudosseum and see for yourself! (Her eyes pop; she huddles back again.) If you’re free.
(Uproarious laughter from the three stallions.)
Hoops: (during laughter) Yeah, we’ll be free.
Dumbbell: (once it ends) Oh, don’t worry. We’ll be there. (They lift off, Hoops hanging back.)
Hoops: See you then, Rainbow Crash! (He leaves.)
Fluttershy: (flying to Rainbow) Did you see that? I was so assertive.
Rainbow: (sighing heavily) Those guys are right. I’ll never be able to do it.
Fluttershy: But, Rainbow Dash, just because you’ve failed the Sonic Rainboom a hundred thousand times in practice… (Cut to the flummoxed flyer; she continues o.s.) …doesn’t mean you won’t be able to do it in front of an entire stadium full of impatient, super-critical sports-fan ponies.
(To say that these words fail to inspire Rainbow’s confidence would be a colossal understatement. Unease and panic steadily get the better of her until she lets go with a blabbering wide-eyed scream and rushes over to Fluttershy.)
Rainbow: What do I do? Everypony’s gonna see me fail! The Wonderbolts will never let a loser like me join! Princess Celestia will probably banish me to the Everfree Forest! MY LIFE IS RUINED!!
(The audience of one does not immediately respond, but stares incredulously into the distance.)
Fluttershy: Rare…?
Rainbow: Rare? The Sonic Rainboom is way more than rare!
Fluttershy: (pointing) Rarity…?
(She had been trying to say that name a moment earlier. Now Rainbow swivels to look in the direction Fluttershy has indicated, the camera tilting quickly up to an extreme close-up of a multicolored, translucent butterfly-like wing unfurling slowly in midair. A similar shot frames the other wing, after which the camera cuts to an extreme close-up of the white unicorn’s face with the wings as a backdrop.)
Rainbow: (from o.s.) Rarity! Are you… (Zoom out; the wings sprout from her back.) …flying?
Rarity: I most certainly am! (flying down to the pair) Aren’t my wings smashing? Twilight made them for me. I just adore them.
(The colors on her wings explain the light patterns that played across the library at the end of Act One—sunlight shone in through them. Cut to the two pegasi, whose jaws would hit the ground if they could hang any lower.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Why so shocked? (Back to her.) We couldn’t leave our favorite flyer without a big cheering section.
Rainbow: “We”?
(She and Fluttershy get another surprise when a hot-air balloon—the same one Pinkie and Spike used in “Fall Weather Friends”—breaks upward through the clouds. Riding in its basket are Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie; it stops to leave them floating a few feet above the surface. All smiles from both pegasi.)
Rainbow: I…I can’t believe it!
Fluttershy: It’s incredible! (The balloon touches down.)
Rainbow: This is so cool! You guys made it!
Pinkie: Sure did!
(She hops over the side; cut to Rainbow, whose good cheer instantly gives way to sheer panic.)
Rainbow: WAIT!!
(The four pink hooves make contact with the clouds but do not fall through, instead sinking in slightly as if Pinkie were standing on a mattress. She grins hugely, leaving all three flyers greatly confused. Twilight and Applejack jump out a moment later.)
Rainbow: How’d you do that? Only pegasus ponies can walk on clouds.
Pinkie: (giggling, turning cartwheels) Pretty cool, huh?
Twilight: I found a spell that makes temporary wings. (Cut to Rarity; she continues o.s.) But it was too difficult to do more than once. (Zoom out to frame all six.) So I found an easier spell that lets the rest of us walk on clouds.
Applejack: And we came to cheer you to victory.
Rainbow: To be honest, I was starting to get just the teeniest, tiniest bit nervous. (Cut to just behind her, at cloud/ground level.) But I feel a lot better now that you guys are here. (Close-up.) Hey! We’ve got some time before the competition. (Zoom out to frame Fluttershy.) Why don’t Fluttershy and I show you around Cloudsdale?
(Enthusiastic agreement from the four visitors, who follow the pair away. Wipe to just behind them as they near the top of a ridge, and zoom in over it.)
Rainbow: Here it is. (now o.s.) The greatest city in the sky!
Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie, Rarity: (now o.s.) Ooooh… (Tilt down to frame flying pegasi.) …ahhhh…
(They are now seeing for themselves the vista that presented itself at the beginning of this act. Back to Rainbow, who looks ahead with a healthy dose of civic pride, which quickly vanishes at the sound of Rarity’s voice.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Ooooh…
(Cut to her, admiring her winged reflection lovingly in a window.)
Rarity: …ahhhh! (Zoom out, putting Rainbow in the fore. The window is that of a clothing shop.)
Rainbow: (uncertainly) Uhhhh…
(Walking on, she and Fluttershy lead the rest of the group.)
Rainbow: (now o.s.) Some of the greatest pegasi in history came from Cloudsdale.
Rarity: Ooh, wait for me!
(She flies away from the shop window to catch up. Elsewhere, three stallions in hard hats, tool belts, and orange safety vests are doing construction work. Two grip the ends of a tape measure in their teeth to size up a column, while the third uses a jackhammer on the cloud foundation. The one with the free end lets go, allowing it to snap back into his partner’s mouth, and the jackhammer jitters away over the edge as all three look off to one side. Zoom out quickly to frame the cause of their distraction: Rarity flitting by on her new wings.)
Free-end stallion: Those wings are gorgeous!
Rarity: Why, thank you! (She swoops down over the others.)
Twilight: Be careful with those wings, Rarity. They’re made from gossamer and morning dew, and they’re incredibly delicate.
Rarity: Don’t worry, Twilight. I’m sure they can’t get worn out from too much attention.
Applejack: Since we’re up here, I’d sure like to get a look at where the weather’s made.
Rainbow: Great idea! Come on, girls! (flying ahead o.s.) To the weather factory!
(Wipe to a long shot of a building complex, built on the cloud equivalent of a narrow road winding along a cliff, and tilt up slowly to frame all of it. A rainbow laces down into one wing, waterfalls of its light trickle over the edges as they do at Rainbow’s house, and black storm clouds hang over other areas and crackle with lightning. Close-up of a closed door, which hisses upward in its frame to expose all but Rarity, now dressed in white hard hats and coats. Rainbow leads them through and into the factory, keeping her voice down on the next three lines.)
Rainbow: This is where they make the snowflakes.
(Cut to several under a magnifying lens on a table, being inspected by a worker dressed for the cold—fur-lined lab coat, with earmuffs over the hard hat.)
Rainbow: (from o.s.) Each one is hoof-made.
(Pan across the area. This pegasus and a second one are at workstations on opposite sides of a large vat of flakes, and all six ponies come into view during the pan. Rarity has a hard hat and coat as well, as does every pony employed here.)
Rainbow: As you could [sic] see, it’s a delicate operation.
(Rarity flies up to check out a couple of large specimens hung from the ceiling.)
Rarity: Ooh, the snowflakes look even better from up here!
(But the air currents created by her flapping not only cause these two to swing on their wires, but also send all the regular-size ones every which way on the production floor. Grumbling ponies gallop after them, many with bowls balanced on heads to catch them, but the sound of delicate flakes shattering on walls and floor comes through all too clearly.)
Rainbow: We better move on before Rarity ruins winter and causes a drought.
(She winces at the tinkle of another broken flake. Dissolve to three workers criss-crossing the upper reaches of a large round chamber, each with a net on a long pole—similar to a pool skimmer—over one shoulder. A freshet of rainbow light spills out of an aperture near the open ceiling level; tilt down to follow it through several suspended pools and toward the floor. Other pegasi are at work on these platforms, using their own skimmers to keep debris out.)
Rainbow: (from o.s.) And here’s where they make the rainbows!
(All but Rarity are down here, following her through the area. Pinkie dips one front hoof into the pool and licks it, smacking her lips to get the taste. Her face then cycles through a quick series of colors and painful contortions, accompanied by a brief burst of flame from her mouth, and she gasps for breath once she is back to her normal pink. This stuff has disagreed with her so badly that she almost cannot get her next word out.)
Pinkie: Spicy! (She gallops off; Twilight smiles; Applejack laughs.)
Rainbow: Yeah. Rainbows aren’t really known for their flavor.
Hoops: (from o.s.) Whoa!
(Cut to him, Dumbbell, and Score crossing the floor and keeping their eyes trained on Rarity, who is out for a midair stroll.)
Dumbbell: Oh, where’d you get those amazing wings? I want a pair!
Rarity: Hmmm…yeah, I guess I could see that.
Dumbbell: Oh, hey, look, it’s Rainbow Crash again!
Hoops: (laughing) Yeah! Rainbow…um… (fumbling for words) …Crash!
Rainbow: (from o.s.) Rarity! (Pan to the group as Rarity crosses to them.) What are you doing talking to these guys?
Rarity: Oh, they were just admiring my wings, Rainbow Dash.
Dumbbell: Yeah. You should forget the Sonic Rainboom and just get yourself some wings like these!
(The three lunks laugh heartily and fly off; Rainbow slumps despondently.)
Fluttershy: Oh, come on, girls. Why don’t we go see how clouds are made? (They head out; she addresses Rainbow.) Don’t listen to them. You’re gonna win that competition for sure.
Rainbow: Are you kidding? I can’t do the Sonic Rainboom. And just look at these boring, plain old feathered wings. (Cut to Twilight and Applejack; she continues o.s.) I’m doomed!
(The two followers share a concerned look. Wipe to the domed, open ceiling of an immense circular chamber and tilt down to ground level. Several pegasi are hard at work here, stirring large kettles that send up thick white clouds of vapor, while others pump the bellows to heat the ovens on which they sit. A mare flies to one empty kettle and tips in the contents of a bucket on her head; instantly the vessel erupts to life in a geyser of clouds.)
(Cut to a very uneasy Rainbow, whose attention is grabbed by a babel of admiring voices o.s.; a look across the room informs her that Rarity has once again become the center of attention. Close-up of her.)
Rarity: What, these old things? Go ahead, everypony. Photos are encouraged.
(Pan/tilt down to three slightly fed-up ponies—Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy—on the latter part of this, then cut back to Rainbow, whose nerves are starting to chew her up again. As the showboating unicorn plays to the crowd, Twilight steps over for a word.)
Twilight: (softly) Rarity, we’re supposed to be helping Rainbow Dash relax, remember? Put your wings away and stop showing off! (Rarity flies higher with a contemptuous sigh.)
Rarity: How can you ask me to put away perfection?
(She ends up directly in front of the sun, so that its rays shine through her wings and throw pastel spots over the gathered workers. Pinkie has now rejoined the group, having recovered from her disastrous rainbow taste-test; she is the only Ponyville resident to join the workers in voicing their awe at the display. Seeing the end product of her impromptu light show, Rarity lets a wild laugh ring over the crowd.)
(Cut to a close-up of Twilight and zoom out as she turns to Rainbow, who is now huddled down on the factory floor with her head propped on her front hooves.)
Twilight: Rainbow Dash, are you okay? You don’t look so good.
Rainbow: (hyperventilating) Of course. Why wouldn’t I be okay? Everyone’s so in love with Rarity’s wings that they won’t even notice when I totally blow it in the Best Young Flyers Competition! (One young worker zips to the front.)
Young cloud worker: Hey, there’s an idea! (Cut to Rarity; she continues o.s.) You should enter the competition! (Ground level; an old one speaks up.)
Old cloud worker: Yeah! I could watch you fly all day long!
Rarity: There really isn’t anypony who uses their wings quite like me. Perhaps I should compete.
Rainbow: What?!?
(Rarity shifts away from the sun; tilt down to the sound of more awed mutterings. The cloud crew follows her off the production floor, leaving one shocked blue pegasus to gape after them. Her other four friends gather around.)
Rainbow: What am I gonna do? I’ll never win the competition now.
(Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of the Cloudosseum, the stadium seen in passing during earlier scenes. The ponies’ hot-air balloon floats at the edge of what would normally be the parking lot. Zoom in slowly to the sound of a trumpet fanfare and a packed house full of cheering fans, then dissolve to a zoom in on one section of the stands inside. Here, clouds at three levels have been set up as box seats, with a single large, ornate seat placed dead center at the lowest level. Above it are a large emblem depicting Princess Celestia’s sun cutie mark within a heart, and a statue of a winged unicorn walking on a cloud—this is her private loge.)
(Cut to the backstage area and pan across the gathered competitors as they talk excitedly among themselves, each with a number pasted over his/her cutie mark. Rainbow, wearing number 2, paces nervously by herself before the entire group starts to move out. Behind them, one mare knocks at the closed door of a dressing room; it opens and Rarity puts her head out. She, Rainbow, and all the ponies of concern have put away the hard hats and coats they wore at the weather factory, and Applejack will have her cowboy hat back on when she is seen next.)
Rarity: I’m going to be a while!
(She lifts one gleaming front hoof, blows a bit of dust from it into the mare’s face, and slams the door. Now Rainbow peeks out from behind a curtain and spots her friends in one of the boxes, the camera zooming in and cutting to a close-up. Pinkie laughs while holding a “#1” foam finger aloft on one front hoof, but a tilt down to the next level frames Dumbbell, Hoops, and Score, whose laughter is far from light-hearted. This shot frames Score’s cutie mark in full: three footballs. Rainbow swallows hard upon catching sight of them.)
(Cut to a long shot of the crowd and tilt up on the next line to frame the speaker: a blue stallion with gray/white mane and tail and a dark gray jacket, trimmed in white, that hides his cutie mark. He also sports sunglasses and a headset microphone that amplifies his voice, and a cloud lifts him well above the top-level seats. This is Madden, the event announcer.)
Madden: Fillies and gentle-colts! Please rise and join me in welcoming our beloved Princess Celestia!
(The cheering intensifies as the fanfare plays again and she descends into her seat, flanked by two guards, before waving to the crowd.)
Madden: Please welcome our celebrity judges for the Best Young Flyer Competition…the Wonderbolts!
(Zoom out as six pegasi fly overhead, approaching from behind. They wear the blue/yellow jumpsuits and goggles seen in Rainbow’s fantasy during “The Ticket Master,” and they leave gray cloud contrails in their wake. In an instant, they launch into a near-vertical climb, then form a single-file line that becomes an impossibly tight cluster before they fly apart in a burst of fireworks. Their six trails form an outline in the sky that bears some slight resemblance to a head-on view of a pegasus with wings spread. Cheers erupt from the audience, and Rainbow smiles at the display as three Wonderbolts settle into the box seat to Celestia’s left and the other three rise out of view.)
Madden: And now, let’s find out who will take the prize as this year’s Best Young Flyer!
(Backstage. A light tan mare with bright orange mane/tail, a pink sweater that hides her cutie mark, and a pair of half-moon glasses on a chain walks in; she too wears a headset mic. Her mane is curly, but her tail is straight. This is the stage manager, Lucy, whose voice carries a nasal New York accent and marks her as an older, hard-bitten type.)
Lucy: Okay, contestant number one, you’re up!
(On the end of this, cut to #1 as she trots eagerly past Rainbow. The latter looks toward her own rump and lets off a startled yell, the camera zooming in on the big 2 stuck there. Outside, #1 flies through the curtain and into the arena; cut to backstage again.)
Lucy: Okay, number two, let’s go!
(Now in a total panic at being called up on deck, Rainbow looks here and there quickly.)
Rainbow: Um…
(Cut to #5, a stallion chewing on a tuft of hay; she slinks quickly behind him.)
Lucy: (from o.s.) Come on, come on, we ain’t got all day!
(In close-up, his number is yanked off and switched for hers; zoom out to frame both.)
Rainbow: She’s talking to you! (Spooked, he lets the hay fall out.)
New #2: Oh! Uh… (trotting ahead) …well, I guess that’s me!
(She watches him head out with a smirk. Dissolve to a pair of contestants, stallion #12 and mare #6, in the backstage area; as he flexes a foreleg muscle for her, Rainbow reaches into view and swaps #6’s placard for her #5. Pan to Lucy.)
Lucy: Okay, number four, time to go!
(The dressing room door opens and Rarity steps up—mane in curlers, face covered with her favorite mud mask.)
Rarity: I’m number four, and I need just one more itsy-bitsy minute. Be a dear and have somepony go ahead of me, hm?
Lucy: Look. I don’t care who it is, but somepony’s gotta go on! (#7, a stallion, is raring to go.)
#7: Let’s do this!
(Once he has galloped out, Rainbow makes a little noise of surprise upon seeing her #6.)
Rainbow: What am I gonna do?
(Quick pan to #15, who happens to be the cross-eyed pegasus Derpy Hooves seen in “Feeling Pinkie Keen,” and zoom in on her number. From here, dissolve to Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie in their box seat and cut to a close-up of Twilight.)
Twilight: I loved number seven! Doing fifteen barrel rolls in a row can’t be easy! (Pan to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: My favorite is number ten. She just looked like such a nice pony.
Applejack: Hm. Wonder how come we haven’t seen Rainbow Dash or Rarity yet. The competition’s almost over.
(A cut and pan across the now-empty backstage area answers half of her question: Rainbow’s nerves have reduced her to a bug-eyed, twitching wreck huddled at the base of a column. A close-up reveals that she has acquired the #15 worn by Derpy; zoom out as Lucy comes over and prods her with a hoof.)
Lucy: Number fifteen, let’s go!
(The sound of an opening door catches both of them off guard. Cut to one of the dressing rooms, with mist swirling out of the just-opened door and a hazy silhouette visible beyond. The camera shifts to frame Rarity’s emerging figure from the shoulders down, then cuts to a close-up and zooms out to frame all of her on the next line. As Lucy turns toward Rarity, her sweater shifts enough to expose her cutie mark, which depicts three tornadoes. The vainglorious unicorn has shed her curlers and mud mask and donned a headdress of pink feathers whose base fits over her horn, as well as a garment styled to resemble her wings—yellow-dotted pink upper portions arcing over her flanks, yellow-streaked blue ones riding low toward the floor. The two sections join at a pink collar fringed with fluffy yellow/blue feathers, and she wears heavy makeup and yellow/pink anklets on each foreleg.)
Rarity: Rarity is ready!
Lucy: (from o.s.) Look, ladies. (Cut to her and Rainbow.) I don’t know what to tell you. There’s only time for one more performance. (as Rarity approaches) If you both want to compete, you’ll just have to go out there together.
Rarity: Well, Rainbow Dash, shall we?
(Her unstrung opposite number can do little more than smile and gibber weakly. Cut to Madden.)
Madden: And now, for our final competitor of the day… (The curtain; Rainbow floats out as he continues o.s.) …contestant number fifteen! (Rarity comes out after her.) Uh…and apparently contestant number four.
(The other four cheer, with Pinkie waving her foam finger and Fluttershy barely making herself heard. Close-up of Rarity.)
Rarity: Good luck, Rainbow Dash. Just do your best. (Pan to Rainbow; she leans in close.) I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of changing our music. That rock and roll doesn’t really match my wings.
(A piece of news Rainbow did not want to hear, judging from her scared gulp. Rarity does a couple of dance steps and twirls in midair as a pizzicato string introduction is heard.)
Rainbow: (tapping head with hoof) Come on, Rainbow Dash. You can do this.
(Cut to just behind her, panning across the arena as she continues; ahead of her is a long line of cloud pillars. A light waltz begins to play.)
Rainbow: Just remember the routine. (now o.s.) Phase One.
(Back to her; she takes off, swerving through the obstacles at high speed just as she did during her practice in Act One. Her cheering section whoops it up as before, and she is on top of her game—until she swerves a bit too early and slams into a pillar. The error sends her yelling and careening into the arena wall; tilt up from her to the three trash-talking stallions.)
Hoops: Nice work, Rainbow Crash!
(Horse laughs from all three as she regains her senses and the camera tilts up to the four suddenly worried mares. Rarity, meanwhile, makes a nimble leap and follows it with a high-speed pirouette before flying backward in the direction of her jump. Some distance below, Rainbow recovers herself as best she can.)
Rainbow: Time for Phase Two.
(Off she goes, flying up and out of the Cloudosseum at an angle and circling a cloud to set it spinning as in practice. Two others in a nearby bank of three get the same treatment.)
Fluttershy: Look! Phase Two is working!
(Cheers from the other three; now the sky-blue daredevil gets the last cloud turning, but a wayward clump smacks her in the face and sends her tumbling. The cloud drifts out of position as she describes a graceless head-over-heels backward flight, and she stops just in time to realize that it is headed straight for the royal box. Celestia gasps softly, and she and her two guards duck out of the way an instant before the cloud smacks into the arched entrance and evaporates. Naturally, this goof throws an even bigger scare into Rainbow, who looks across the way and spots her opposite number doing a few twirls for the crowd.)
Rarity: And now for my grand finale, I will fly right up to the sun and beam my beautiful wings over the whole city of Cloudsdale! (giddily) Oh, they’ll be talking about it for years!
(Now she does her own climb as a very flustered Rainbow stares up after her.)
Rainbow: Looks like this is my last chance to turn things around. Phase Three—the Sonic… (Gulp.) …Rainboom. (Zoom out slightly as she eyes her wings.) Wings, don’t fail me now.
(Up she goes, quickly pulling even with Rarity in a very long shot and even passing her. Several spectators in the stands gasp, and she continues her ascent while the wind tries its best to peel her face off. Rarity, on the other hand, glides serenely up and toward the sun, stopping only when she has centered herself in front of it. Sweat begins to run down her face due to her exertion and/or the heat at this altitude, and she addresses herself toward the crowd far below.)
Rarity: Look upon me, Equestria, for I am Rarity!
(Zoom out slightly on the end of this; she spreads her wings, creating a spread of pastel-tinted sunbeams that bathe the entire Cloudosseum and elicit awestruck gasps from the fans. Way in the middle of the air, though, a close-up of one wingtip frames a wisp of black smoke that licks upward from it as the waltz comes to an end. In a longer shot, both wings vanish in a sudden lick of fire, incinerated by the sun’s energy, and leave behind only flakes of soot that crumble away from the showoff unicorn’s back. Her eyes go wide as she realizes that the laws of physics have just socked it to her.)
Rarity: (softly) Uh-oh.
(They get her again once gravity takes hold; she plummets screaming toward the Cloudosseum with every limb flailing wildly.)
Twilight: (from far below) Oh, no! (Cut to her.) Her wings evaporated into thin air!
(And the unicorn in question promptly drops past all three levels of box seats and out through the arena’s open floor. The three Wonderbolts in the box seats spring to attention and dive after her, only to be knocked senseless one by one when they catch up to her windmilling hooves. Her scream drifts up to the still-climbing Rainbow, who slams on the brakes.)
Rainbow: Hold on, Rarity! (dropping through Cloudosseum) I’m coming!
(She dives, Rarity screams, and Fluttershy covers her eyes with a scared little cry.)
Fluttershy: I can’t look!
(If the wind was trying to peel Rainbow’s skull clean before, now it is toying with the idea of turning all of her inside out. There is one difference from her practice session: she now dives with both forelegs extended, not just one. Ahead of her hooves, the rounded wave front begins to form just as before; Rarity gives a surprised gasp, followed by happy ones from Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie as Fluttershy uncovers her eyes. Now the turbocharged pegasus’ eyes water from the air rushing past her face, and sparks begin to crackle from the wave front. It elongates just as before, but this time there is no resisting force to slow Rainbow’s flight and hints of varied colors shimmer along its edges.)
(With a sudden hard kick of acceleration, she breaks through the wave, which turns into a rainbow-hued blast that ripples outward from the spot. She continues her plunge at this insanely fast speed, leaving a sparkly rainbow contrail that persists in the air long after she has gone. When the burst washes over the Cloudosseum, every jaw hangs slack except one, whose owner leaps ecstatically in her seat while yelling at the top of her lungs.)
Fluttershy: A SONIC RAINBOOM!! SHE DID IT!!
(Ground level, long shot of the four falling ponies.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s. above) SHE DID IT!! WHOOOOO!!
(Cut briefly to an overhead view of the group and quick zoom toward Rarity. At ground level again, Rainbow’s trail and the quartet both disappear behind the tall grass, then emerge from it together and rocket along to barely clear the tops of the blades. The three befuddled Wonderbolts have wound up piled on Rainbow’s back, while Rarity is hanging on to both forelegs for dear life. A not-quite-so-sharp 90-degree turn takes them back up toward Cloudsdale; only now does Rainbow glance back over her shoulder and take in what she has done.)
Rainbow: Whoa.
(Her rainbow describes a semicircular arc over the Cloudosseum, dropping out of sight on the far side, after which she rises up through its base with the trail no longer stretching behind her. Inside, a squad of pegasi helps the three professional flyers off her back and holds Rarity up while Rainbow settles at the edge of the arena. Her hooves have barely touched down before the crowd explodes into a storm of cheers, confetti, and streamers, and she stares around openmouthed as Fluttershy gives her pipes another workout.)
Fluttershy: A SONIC RAINBOOM!! WHOOOOO!! YEAH!!
(Whether the tears forming in Rainbow’s eyes are due to the standing ovation, or to the fact that she finally got Fluttershy to do a proper cheer, may never be known. She turns to Rarity.)
Rainbow: I did it! I did it!
Rarity: (out of breath) Yeah…you sure did. Oh, thank you, Rainbow Dash. You saved my life.
Rainbow: Oh, yeah. I did that too. (laughing) Best day ever!
(Cut to a long overhead shot of the Cloudosseum and zoom out slowly to frame the glittering rainbow, which still stretches over it from side to side, then dissolve to its first level just past the edge of the arena floor. The hot-air balloon is parked here; Rarity stands in it, having shucked out of her costume, while the other five cluster around. Since she never had the cloud-walking spell cast on her, the basket affords the only solid patch she can stand on. Zoom in on the six.)
Rarity: I want to apologize to all of you for getting so carried away with my… (choking back a sob) …beautiful wings. I guess I just lost my head. (Next three lines overlap.)
Fluttershy: It’s okay.
Applejack: Oh, don’t worry ’bout it, kiddo.
Pinkie: We still love you.
Rarity: (to Rainbow) And I’m especially sorry that I was so thoughtless as to jump into the contest at the last minute, after you had worked so hard to win it. Can you ever, ever forgive me?
Rainbow: Aw, it’s okay. Everything turned out all right, right? I just wish I could’ve met the Wonderbolts when they were awake.
(A hoof clad a blue jumpsuit sleeve, marked with a yellow lightning bolt, reaches into view and taps her on the shoulder. When she turns around, she finds herself face to face with the three Wonderbolts who swept down to save Rarity. She manages a tiny gasp before getting her tongue in gear.)
Rainbow: (excitedly) Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!
(One of the three, a yellow-orange mare with a two-tone orange mane, speaks up. She will later be identified as Spitfire.)
Spitfire: So you’re the little pony who saved our lives. We really wanted to meet you and say thanks.
Rainbow: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!
(Cut to Celestia and her guards as they arrive on the scene.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Princess!
(All Ponyville residents but Rarity kneel briefly and stand up as the camera zooms out to frame the royal trio.)
Celestia: Hello, Twilight Sparkle, and hello to your friends too. (Cut to Rarity.)
Rarity: Princess Celestia, I’m sorry I ruined the competition. (Zoom out slightly; she turns to Rainbow.) Rainbow Dash here really is the best flyer in Equestria.
Celestia: I know she is, my dear. That’s why for her incredible act of bravery, and her spectacular Sonic Rainboom, I’m presenting the grand prize for Best Young Flyer to this year’s winner, Ms. Rainbow Dash.
(Cut to said Best Young Flyer on the second half of this line. She stares in slack-jawed bewilderment until Celestia finishes and sets a gold tiara on her forehead; it is decorated with a lightning bolt centered above her eyes and a wing near each ear. As her mouth freewheels again, she is lifted on the heads of Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie and carried away.)
Rainbow: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! (Pan to Celestia, Twilight, and Rarity.)
Celestia: So, Twilight Sparkle, did you learn anything about friendship from this experience?
Twilight: I did, Princess… (glancing at Rarity) …but I think Rarity learned even more than me.
Rarity: I certainly did. (Cut to her.) I learned how important it is to keep your hooves on the ground— (Zoom out to frame Twilight.) —and be there for your friends.
Celestia: Excellent. Well done, Rarity.
(Zoom out again as the three carriers rejoin them and set Rainbow down.)
Rainbow: This really is the best day ever!
(Pan slightly; the three stallions are behind her, and all their earlier derision has vanished.)
Dumbbell: Uh, hey, Rainbow Crash—
Hoops: (nudging him in the ribs) Dash!
Dumbbell: Oh, uh—sorry, Rainbow Dash. Uh, we just wanted to congratulate you on winning the competition.
Hoops: (rearing) That Sonic Rainboom was awesome!
Rainbow: Heh…thanks, guys.
Dumbbell: Uh, w-we’re really sorry we gave you such a hard time before.
Rainbow: Aw, that’s okay. Don’t worry about it.
Dumbbell: Hey, do you want to hang out with us? Uh, maybe you could show us how you did that incredible trick.
Rainbow: Sorry, boys.
(She zips up to where two Wonderbolt stallions are waiting in midair, drops a foreleg over each one’s shoulders, and starts away with them.)
Rainbow: (not looking back) But I’ve got plans.
(To claim her prize and spend the day with her idols, that is. The three fly off, silhouetting themselves against the sun as the view fades to black.)
STARE MASTER
Written by Chris Savino
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to Sweetie Belle, standing in the upper-story room of the Carousel Boutique that serves as Rarity’s workroom and living space. She worriedly eyes various materials that zip back and forth under the older unicorn’s control, followed by said unicorn on the edge of panic. The daytime sky can be seen through the window behind Sweete.)
Rarity: Where’d I put that…oh, I thought I already…ooh! And I can’t forget I’ve got…ooh…
(She stops by her fabric rack and sewing machine, with several balls of yarn floating above.)
Rarity: (letting them drop) How am I ever gonna get this done? (Pan to Sweetie.)
Sweetie: Are you sure I can’t help? I could— (Rarity starts moving again.)
Rarity: No!
Sweetie: Maybe just a—
Rarity: No thanks!
Sweetie: How about— (Rarity stops at a yarn basket.)
Rarity: (pointing) Just stand over there!
Sweetie: But—
Rarity: Where you’ll be out of the way.
(The little unicorn cocks an eye across the room, where Rarity has put a couple of fabric swatches on mannequins and has a third spread out on the floor. The camera closes in on her in steps during the next line.)
Rarity: Ribbon…ribbon…where’s the ribbon?
Sweetie: (from o.s.) I got it!
(Quick pan back across the room. Sweetie has one hind leg planted on a stool, the other atop the sewing machine, and is straining to get a spool of ribbon from the top shelf of the rack. Both support points totter precariously as she finally knocks it free.)
Sweetie: (tumbling down) Whoooaaa!
(Rarity gets out a scared gasp and the ribbon bounces across the floor to knock against a mannequin’s support pole. The dummy rocks back and forth a few times, finally coming down on the end of an ironing board and catapulting the yarn balls on it toward the rack. In a blink, they have knocked almost every fabric bolt to the floor; Rarity ducks with a grunt and cry as the ribbon, one ball, and her sewing machine go flying overhead, the last taking down a mannequin. The camera shakes with the force of this impact and others, while a mannequin sails across the room. Cut to the exterior of the Carousel Boutique; a series of even louder crashes is heard from inside, giving the camera a real workout.)
(Inside, pan to follow the ribbon spool, which rolls across the floor to stop next to Sweetie’s hooves, and tilt up to frame her contrite expression. A shot of the entire room reveals it to be completely trashed.)
Sweetie: Um…I…I’ll just go and stand over there, where I’ll be…out of the way.
(She zips o.s. with a speed that would have earned the approval of Rainbow Dash, leaving Rarity to voice a heavy sigh over the 360-degree destruction. Fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to a couple of fabric pieces and a ball of yarn on the workroom floor. Rarity gets the cloth in her teeth; in a longer shot, she lays it over own back as Sweetie watches. On the next line, she does the same with the yarn. The room is back in order now.)
Sweetie: Won’t you at least let me help you clean up?
Rarity: No. You’ve helped me quite enough.
Sweetie: I’m sorry, sis. I just thought that if I could help, I might find my special gift and finally earn my cutie mark.
(This exchange establishes the relationship between the two. Zoom in on her haunch as she casts an unsettled eye over it, then cut to big sister at the rack, putting the yarn away.)
Rarity: I understand, it’s just that… (sighing softly, crossing to mannequins) …I need this time to fill this order without any…complications.
(Cut to Sweetie on this last word, which makes her hang her head dejectedly. Rarity next flips her last mannequin upright.)
Rarity: Okay. All done. (crossing room) Now, back to work. I’ve lost a lot of time, and I cannot have any more interruptions.
(She has ended up at her sewing machine, ready to start back in the current job, but the sound of the doorbell puts a quick end to that.)
Rarity: (groaning) What now?!?
(Pan to frame the door, where Fluttershy has just come in. A basket rests on the floor beside her, with a blanket tucked over the contents.)
Fluttershy: Oh! Sorry. I thought the OPEN sign meant you were open, but... (backing out) …I-I must have been mistaken. (Rarity notices her and gasps.)
Rarity: Fluttershy! (crossing room) Forgive me. I was so wrapped up in my work that I forgot you were bringing Opalescence back from her grooming. (Fluttershy comes in again.)
Fluttershy: No worries, Rarity.
(Close-up of the basket; a fold of the blanket has come loose, revealing the cat’s face in the shade beneath it.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) I’ve left her there in the basket.
(From which she promptly jumps out with a grumbly meow to show off her spotless coat.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Ooh, she looks great. (Cut to her and Sweetie.) I just don’t understand how you’re able to do it.
(She leans down to Opalescence, who is now rubbing her head against Fluttershy’s foreleg and purring contentedly.)
Rarity: I can’t get near her without getting a swipe from her claws.
(And she gets one aimed at her nose, with a complimentary snarl to boot.)
Rarity: Did you use… (Zoom in slightly; her eyes widen.) …the Stare on her?
Fluttershy: Oh, no! I wouldn’t! I couldn’t! I-I don’t really have any control over when that happens. I-It just happens. No. I’m just good with animals. (kneeling to nuzzle Opal’s cheek) It’s my special gift, you know.
Rarity: (winking) Well, you should have a picture of Opal as a cutie mark instead of those butterflies. (Sweetie gets an idea and rushes to Opal.)
Sweetie: Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh! Maybe I can be good with animals too!
(The cat is clearly not thrilled with this suggestion and takes a swipe at her mane, severing one of its curls. A big nasty smile stitches itself across the fluffy white face.)
Sweetie: (unnerved) Or not.
(She gallops away as the two mares have a laugh; once it dies out, Opal makes her own stately exit.)
Rarity: I’m sorry I can’t invite you to stay and chat, Fluttershy. I’ve bitten off a bit more than I can chew with this order. (Cut to Sweetie, now by the sewing machine. The curl has grown back out.)
Sweetie: But you’re not eating anything. (Rarity crosses to her.)
Rarity: No, Sweetie, it’s an expression. It means that I’ve taken on more work than I can handle. I’ve got twenty of these special robes to make tonight. They’re due in Trottingham tomorrow morning.
(Ducking her head briefly toward the floor, she comes up with the edge of a piece of glittering yellow fabric that briefly waves across the entire screen. When it settles the view has shifted to Fluttershy, who gasps happily. Rarity holds the material up on a foreleg.)
Rarity: See? I’ve lined them in this special gold silk. It took so long to make, but I think it adds just the right touch, don’t you?
(On the second half of this line, the camera zooms in slightly to focus on Sweetie, who eyes the silk with undiluted wonder.)
Fluttershy: These are lovely, but twenty? By tonight? How will you get it all done?
Rarity: Well, I, uh…
Sweetie: Oh, oh, oh! Maybe I could… (losing steam as Rarity glares at her) …just… (trotting away) …just stand over here and watch.
Rarity: I’ll manage.
Fluttershy: Well, maybe I should get out of your mane so you can work.
(Before she can even make it to the door, the hunched-down figures of Apple Bloom and Scootaloo barrel in past her, so close to the floor that they might as well be trying to slide into home plate.)
Bloom, Scootaloo: Hi, Fluttershy! (Past Rarity.) Hi, Rarity!
Rarity: Hello, uh, girls.
(Now they reach the glum little unicorn and instantly stop dead, having found the third member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.)
Bloom, Scootaloo: Hey, Sweetie Belle!
Sweetie: (all smiles) Scootaloo! Apple Bloom!
Scootaloo: You ready for tonight?
Sweetie: (saluting) Yep! Cutie mark planning session is a go! (Cut to Bloom.)
Bloom: Tonight is the night we each try to find our own special talent! (Pan to Scootaloo.)
Scootaloo: Even if it takes us all night! (Bloom leans over to her.)
Bloom: I’m ready. You ready?
Scootaloo: (winking) Very ready.
Crusaders: CUTIE MARK CRUSADER SLEEPOVER AT RARITY’S!! YAY!!
(The force of their triplicate yell is enough to shake the whole building and every pony in it, as seen when the camera cuts to Fluttershy and Rarity at the end of this line. Stay on them.)
Sweetie: (from o.s.) Aaand…look what I made us!
(She is now wearing a red cape with a blue patch that displays the yellow silhouette of a caped, rearing filly. Enthusiastic approval from Bloom and Scootaloo.)
Fluttershy: What does that patch on your cape mean?
Crusaders: THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!! YAY!!
(On the end of this, cut to Fluttershy, who squinches her face up against their intensity.)
Scootaloo: We’re on a crusade! A mission! (Pan to Bloom.)
Bloom: To find our cutie marks!
Sweetie: Yep, and look.
(By lifting one foreleg, she exposes the inner lining of the cape—a very familiar-looking yellow fabric.)
Sweetie: I lined ’em with this special gold silk. It took so long to make, but I think it adds just the right touch, don’t you?
(During the second half of this line, cut to Rarity, whose face goes slack with a very unpleasant thought, then to a zoom in on the cape lining. The older sister’s eyes contract to panicked pinpoints and one of them starts twitching on its own.)
Bloom, Scootaloo: (from o.s.) Ooooh!
(With a rising moan, Rarity flashes past the Crusaders and Fluttershy to reach her sewing machine. She grabs the edge of the gold silk in her teeth and pulls it free, exposing three rectangular holes where Sweetie cut it out. Back to the trio as the remnant waves into view, framing Sweetie in one of the holes.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Sweetie Belle! (Sheepish grin.) What have you done?!
(Cut to her; she lets the scrap fall to the floor.)
Rarity: That was the last of the gold silk! Oh, now I’ll have to make more! (shuddering) Oh, I hope I can make more. I’m gonna have to work all night! Which means… (Cut to the downcast trio; she continues o.s.) …sorry, girls. (She turns to face them.) I’m afraid the Crusader sleepover is canceled.
Sweetie: What?!?
Rarity: I just won’t have any time to watch you if I want to get these robes delivered on time.
Sweetie: But—
Rarity: No buts this time. I’m sorry, Sweetie Belle, it’s just the way it has to be.
Crusaders: (dropping heads) Awww… (Zoom out as Fluttershy walks to them.)
Fluttershy: I, uh…I suppose I could take them for the night.
(Three little heads bob up and aim huge ingratiating smiles toward Rarity. They, and the camera, swing from one speaker to the other.)
Rarity: I couldn’t ask you to do that.
Fluttershy: Oh, it’s no problem at all.
Rarity: Have you met my sister and her friends? (Smiles vanish.) A problem is all it would be.
Fluttershy: Did I have a problem with Opal? You’ve seen how well I handle small creatures. (Smaller smiles now.)
Rarity: I suppose that’s true, and I do have a lot of work to do.
Fluttershy: Come on, it’ll be fun. (Smiles vanish.)
Rarity: I assure you, they’re quite a handful. (Smiles widen.)
Fluttershy: These sweet little angels?
(The smiles become positively beatific as a halo appears above each Crusader’s head.)
Rarity: Well…all right.
Crusaders: CUTIE MARK CRUSADER SLEEPOVER AT FLUTTERSHY’S COTTAGE!! (zipping out the door) YAY!!
(With the usual reaction from Fluttershy and Rarity; the former looks warmly after them.)
Fluttershy: So cute. (suddenly panicked) Wait for me!
(She kicks her wings into top gear and flies out, leaving the overworked designer to voice an uneasy moan by herself. Snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to the Crusaders as they gallop through a Ponyville street. Sweetie no longer wears her cape, and Fluttershy brings up the rear.)
Fluttershy: Oh, won’t this be ever so fun? We can have a nice little tea party, and braid each other’s tails, and sit quietly and color, and tell each other fairy tales, and—
(By this point, her three charges have long since left her behind, but she does not realize it until this moment. They flash past Twilight Sparkle in a giggling mini-stampede that leaves her spinning in place; once she regains her balance and gets her eyes re-focused, she finds them goofing around at a well. Turning away from the scene, she addresses herself back down the street.)
Twilight: Hello, Fluttershy. (Fluttershy flies into view.)
Fluttershy: Oh! Hello, Twilight. Where are you off to?
Twilight: I’m heading to the Everfree Forest, to Zecora’s, to get some of my favorite tea.
Fluttershy: (suddenly unnerved) The…th-th-the Everfree Forest? Uh, you’ll be careful, won’t you?
Twilight: Of course. How about you? What are you doing with the girls? (Fluttershy touches down.)
Fluttershy: Rarity has a big order to fill tonight, so I volunteered to take the girls over to my cottage for a sleepover.
Twilight: Wow! Sounds like everypony has their hooves full today.
(Pan to the well on the next line, putting her out of view; the Crusaders are nowhere to be seen,
but they soon pop back up. Bloom is on its roof, Scootaloo behind it, Sweetie in its bucket.)
Twilight: Taking care of those three fillies all by yourself? (now o.s.) You sure you can handle it? (They duck away; cut to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: What? These sweet little angels?
(On this line, pan slightly away, putting her out of view, as the three zip up and smile hugely with halos popping up over their heads.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) They’ll be no problem at all.
(Dissolve to the roof of her cottage at sunset. Her penchant for taking care of animals extends even up to this level; a couple of birdhouses are mounted on the sides of the chimney. Tilt down to ground level as evening comes and she reaches out over the closed bottom half of her front door to pull the top half shut. All the windows glow warmly, and the creatures in their assorted habitats are settling down for the night.)
(Inside, it is much the same story, with the camera positioned at ceiling level to frame a squirrel and a bird in the dwellings built around the chimney. Their preparations are interrupted by the sound of Sweetie’s voice.)
Sweetie: (from o.s.) Wow, look at this place!
(Both of them duck to avoid a pair of saddlebags that are flung their way, and all three Crusaders promptly make themselves heard in an excited cacophony. A shot of this entire end of the room frames them zipping from one place to another, rooting out every surprise they can find in drawers and cabinets.)
Fluttershy: (to herself, smiling fixedly) No problem at all. (addressing them) Okay, girls, uh, what should we do? (Zoom out to frame Scootaloo in the fore.)
Scootaloo: I’m gonna get my mark first!
Fluttershy: Girls? (Sweetie pops up.)
Sweetie: Nuh-uh!
Fluttershy: Should we— (Ditto Bloom.)
Bloom: I am!
Fluttershy: Girls…o-okay now, settle.
(During this line, cut to a large basket in one corner, which Angel the rabbit is using for a bed. He wakes up and jumps clear just before Scootaloo leaps into it, briefly knocking herself cockeyed upon landing.)
Scootaloo: I’m staying up all night! (The others jump on in time.)
Bloom: Me too!
Sweetie: Me three! (Pan to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: Uh, I know you’re excited, but—
(The sound of their high-speed departure is heard under this; pan back to the now-empty basket.)
Fluttershy: Girls…
(A sound from elsewhere; cut to Bloom, who stands on a chair and is tipping it sideways to get at a picture on a table.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Oh… (zipping over) …oh, careful with the— (She rights the chair; another noise.) —oh!
(The view shifts to Sweetie, who has her head stuck in the chimney birdhouse.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Uh, girls…
(The unicorn pulls loose, going cockeyed for a moment as Scootaloo did, and Fluttershy blows a hank of her own mane back from her eyes and tries to compose herself.)
Fluttershy: So, what do you want to do? Play a game? (Zoom out; Scootaloo bounds over.)
Scootaloo: We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders! (Bloom joins them.)
Bloom: And we want to crusade for our cutie marks! (Sweetie pops up behind Fluttershy’s head.)
Sweetie: A-And…and we…um…yeah! What they said!
(Extreme close-up of the already-harried babysitter’s face; sweat is beginning to run down it.)
Fluttershy: Mmm—I don’t know. How about a nice, quiet little tea party?
Scootaloo: Or… (looking out window) …we could go adventuring in the Everfree Forest!
Bloom, Sweetie: Yeah!
(They make a beeline for the door, but Fluttershy intercepts them just in time.)
Fluttershy: Oh, no! The Everfree Forest is much too dangerous. It’s filled with far too many strange creatures.
Sweetie: But you could go with us and we could catch those creatures. We could be…um…creature catchers!
Crusaders: YAAAY!! CUTIE MARK CRUSADER CREATURE CATCHERS!!
(With the usual effect on Fluttershy and the cottage. Scootaloo flips an empty basket onto her head, then grabs a rug in her teeth and wraps it around herself and Bloom while standing on the latter’s back. Zoom out to frame all of the “creature,” which totters forward with Scootaloo’s eyes glowing beneath the basket’s shade.)
Scootaloo: (growling) I am a dangerous creature from the Everfree Forest!
(The third member of their ranks flips her eyes one way and another for a few seconds before catching on to the game.)
Sweetie: (advancing slowly) Halt, dangerous creature of the Everfree Forest! I am Sweetie Belle, the creature catcher, and I’m here to catch you!
Scootaloo: You can never catch me! I am far too powerful and dangerous!
Sweetie: You cannot run from me!
(The “creature” growls and flees across the room, with a laughing Sweetie in hot pursuit; a moment later, the unicorn filly is the one trying to get away. Fluttershy watches the spectacle with visible fear that her house will not be standing at the end of this game.)
Fluttershy: Um…oh, maybe that’s not such a…uh, now, girls, how about we do some nice coloring… (Sweetie bounces off her head and o.s.)…oh!
Sweetie: (from o.s.) Come back, dangerous creature…
(Fluttershy ends up sitting on her haunches and chewing her lower lip.)
Sweetie: (jumping onto/off a table) …so I can catch you!
Scootaloo: Never! (Back to Fluttershy; bangs and thuds from o.s.)
Fluttershy: Careful…you don’t… (Camera-shaking crash.) …break anything.
(Close-up of the debris, which used to be the table Sweetie jumped from; zoom out to frame all three fillies. Scootaloo has dismounted from Bloom’s back, but is still wearing the basket on her head, and the trio and the pieces are sitting on the rug they used as a creature pelt.)
Sweetie: Sorry, Fluttershy.
Scootaloo: Yeah, sorry. (Bloom and Sweetie huddle down.)
Bloom: I guess we aren’t creature catchers. (Pan to Fluttershy as she walks over.)
Fluttershy: Oh, girls, it’s okay. I— (Quick pan back to them.)
Bloom: I know! We could be…Cutie Mark Crusader carpenters!
Fluttershy: (small voice) Carpenters?
(The three aspiring woodworkers gallop past her and return to the wreckage one by one. Each now has a stethoscope around her neck and a doctor’s reflector strapped to her forehead. Left to right: Bloom, Sweetie, Scootaloo—the last no longer wearing her basket.)
Bloom: Hammer!
Scootaloo: Hammer!
(She picks one up in her teeth and passes it to Sweetie, who does likewise to get it to Bloom.)
Sweetie: Hammer!
Scootaloo: Hammer!
(She gets a second one and passes it to Sweetie.)
Scootaloo: Hammer! (Brief pause.) Hammer!
(Having realized that she must get the tool herself, she picks up a third one and the three glance sideways at each other with a nod. Back to Fluttershy, who gets startled clean off the floor and into a huddle at the sound of vigorous hand/power tool operation. The ruckus is enough to scare the bird and squirrel seen at the start of this act back into their homes near the ceiling. When it ends, the camera cuts to the overhauled table and zooms out to frame its three builders. The four pieces that made up the top have been sloppily nailed together into a shape that might vaguely resemble a humanoid if the viewer were taking large amounts of hard drugs. It stands atop the upside-down base. The Crusaders have done away with their hammers and medical gear.)
Sweetie: Um, that doesn’t look like a table.
Scootaloo: We were making a table?
Bloom: Somepony needs to put this thing out of its misery.
Scootaloo: (walking away) We are definitely not Cutie Mark carpenters. (Sweetie follows her; Fluttershy reaches in and whisks the thing away.)
Sweetie: Who wants a picture of a hammer on their flank, anyway?
Fluttershy: Well, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, how about a game? (She flies across.)
Bloom: A game?
(Elsewhere, the other two Crusaders have taken seats on a couch.)
Fluttershy: It’s called “Shhh.” (Bloom pops up behind it.)
Scootaloo: What’s that?
Fluttershy: Well, it’s a game about who can be quiet the longest. Sound fun?
(The only response she gets is a three-way combo of skeptical stares, but she soldiers on. Bloom is now sitting on the couch.)
Fluttershy: I’m the world champ, you know. I bet you can’t beat me.
(Throwing them a big squeaky grin, she sucks in a huge breath and clamps her mouth shut so that the air bulges out her cheeks. Dead silence reigns in the cottage for perhaps three seconds.)
Scootaloo: I lose!
Sweetie: Me too!
Bloom: Me three!
(They are off like a shot, leaving the hapless pegasus to let out her breath. Scootaloo starts jumping on the cushions in Angel’s basket, Sweetie climbs on a cabinet, and Bloom pops up from a corner.)
Scootaloo: Okay, now what can we do?
(The Southern filly gallops across the room; cut to a close-up of the fireplace.)
Bloom: (from o.s.) Ooh! (She pops her head out—upside down, covered in soot.) How about Cutie Mark Crusader coal miners? (The other two emerge next to her.)
Crusaders: Yeah!
Fluttershy: No!
Crusaders: Awww…
(They file sullenly past her, no longer streaked with fireplace residue.)
Fluttershy: I mean, it’s time for bed, don’t you think? Aren’t you excited to get all toasty and warm in your snuggly-wuggly wittle beds? (Cut to Bloom.)
Bloom: “Snuggly-wuggly”? But we have more crusading to do! (Quick pan to Scootaloo.)
Scootaloo: We’ve got plans! (To Sweetie, who has laid Crusader capes by their saddlebags.)
Sweetie: And capes!
(The next shot frames the three headed glumly up the stairs.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Uh, okay, um, maybe the crusading can wait until morning…when it’s light…and not so…dark?
(She comes into view on the second half of this line, shepherding them along. Dissolve to a thoroughly discontented Bloom and Scootaloo, hanging over the footboard of a bed. As Bloom speaks, cut to a shot of this room: a bedroom, with its own fireplace and plenty of small-animal dwellings, a bookcase, and various bits of artwork. Sweetie stands by the footboard, also not too jazzed at the prospect of turning in.)
Bloom: How are we gonna find our special talent in our sleep?
(Fluttershy flies up and blows out a candle on the mantelpiece, leaving the room dark.)
Fluttershy: Maybe you’ll have a lovely little dream about your special talent. (Cut to Scootaloo, now tucked in.)
Scootaloo: But we’re not even tired!
(Longer shot; all three are under covers, and Fluttershy nips the blanket in with her teeth.)
Fluttershy: How about I sing you a lullaby? (Next two lines delivered together.)
Bloom, Scootaloo: Mmm-hmm!
Sweetie: Yeah! (Fluttershy clears her throat.)
Quiet music-box tune, slow 4 (A flat major)
Fluttershy: Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to lay your sleepy head
(Bloom and Scootaloo start to nod off, but Sweetie stays wide awake.)
Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go to bed
Music stops
Sweetie: I know this one!
Fluttershy: Oh, how wonderful! Why don’t you sing it with me?
(The little unicorn nods and coughs a bit, startling her two cohorts out of their half-doze, and throws them a knowing smile before standing up in the bed. They put hooves over ears, apparently knowing what is about to go down.)
Lively gospel melody with backing vocal accents, fast 4 (A flat major)
(Her rendition is considerably more energetic, not to mention louder, and she balances atop the headboard despite Fluttershy’s efforts to calm her down.)
Sweetie: Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to lay your sleepy head
Said hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go to bed
Fluttershy: Okay, Sweetie, that was—
(As the song continues, the camera zooms into Sweetie’s open mouth, the view resolving into her lying on a cloud that floats by while the sun sets and the moon rises. The sky darkens in time with this; next, items start to vibrate their way off the mantelpiece and she perches on a railing.)
[Animation goof: Sweetie’s horn is missing while she is on the cloud.]
Sweetie: Driftin’ off to sleep, the exciting day behind you
Driftin’ off to sleep, let the joy of dreamland find you
(All but the candle fall off.)
Fluttershy: Thank you, Sweetie, um—
A major
(Now Sweetie appears as a white silhouette standing in a crescent moon, with the night sky’s stars grooving to the music. The whole bed starts vibrating, as Fluttershy huddles and covers her ears against the sonic blitzkrieg. Bloom and Scootaloo, though, are loving every second of it.)
Sweetie: Hush now, quiet now, lay your sleepy head
Said hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go to bed
(As she holds the last note, the camera cuts to outside the cottage and pans across its backyard to the chicken coop, whose residents have been spooked into a full panic.)
Sweetie: OW!!
Song ends
(One bird flaps and squawks past the camera. Behind her, the view shifts back to the bedroom; Bloom and Scootaloo have dived under the covers, but Scootaloo looks up at the sound of the panicked flock.)
Scootaloo: What is that?
(All three look toward the half-open window. Cut to Fluttershy, who finishes putting everything back on the mantelpiece, and pan to follow her turn toward the bed. She gasps upon finding it empty, then looks out the window; outside it, the light comes on and she opens it fully for a look.)
Fluttershy: Girls! (Zoom out; the Crusaders are in the backyard.)
Bloom: Fluttershy, your chickens are on the loose! (Cut to them on the end of this, then back to Sweetie.)
Sweetie: (pensively) I wonder what could have caused that.
(Bloom and Scootaloo glance disgustedly at her—“is she really that dumb?”—and Scootaloo addresses the window.)
Scootaloo: Don’t worry, Fluttershy! (saluting, winking) The Cutie Mark Crusaders will handle this!
Sweetie: Cutie Mark Crusader chicken herders! (as all three race off) Yaaaaay!
Fluttershy: No…I don’t think that’s a…come back!
(Ground level, in the fenced-off chicken yard; the fillies chase the birds back and forth.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Please… (She lands here.) Come on, girls, the chickens are fine…oh…girls…
(One of them roosts on her head; this move, coupled with Sweetie’s lunge toward it, finally makes her blow her cool.)
Fluttershy: Girls!
(All three stop in their tracks, Scootaloo and one chicken peeking out from beneath the ramp that leads to the coop entrance. Eyeing the one still perched on her head, Fluttershy clicks her tongue and gets it to drop to the ground, then gently nudges several back toward the coop.)
Fluttershy: Come on… (They stop on the ramp.) …in you go…
(What she gets is a chorus of uncooperative cackling that annoys her considerably. With no warning, the meek pegasus leans in with eyes wide open, giving the poultry a good view of a surprisingly intense gaze that has not been seen on camera since the end of “Dragonshy.” This can only be the “Stare” that Rarity referred to in Act One. Her chickens’ noise gives way to frightened little squawks, and they slowly back up the ramp as the Crusaders watch, dumbstruck. She gives them a final one-eyed dose to persuade them to enter the coop, where three briefly get stuck abreast in the entrance before popping in. After they have done so, she resumes her usual sweet demeanor.)
Fluttershy: There’s some good chickens. (Cut to the Crusaders; she continues o.s.) Okay. (Zoom out; she turns to them.) You three. Isn’t it about time you got into bed?
Crusaders: But— (Close-up of them.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Please?
(They drop their heads sadly, getting a little smile from her in return. Wipe to the darkened bedroom, where she has tucked them back in and is on her way out.)
Fluttershy: So, no more crusading for tonight, all right?
Scootaloo: Yes, Fluttershy!
Sweetie: We promise, Fluttershy!
Bloom: Good night, Fluttershy! (They close their eyes.)
Fluttershy: Okay. (Zoom in on the bed, putting her o.s.) Good night.
(The retreating sound of her hooves marks her exit from the room. Almost immediately after she has left, each Crusader pops one eye open to make sure the coast is clear. They keep their voices down through the rest of this act.)
Scootaloo: Okay, so what kind of crusading do we do next?
Bloom: There’s not much we can do from this room— (Close-up.) —unless we become Cutie Mark Crusader cottage cleaners. (Pan to Sweetie.)
Sweetie: (drawn-out, nervously) No thanks.
(She is perhaps remembering the fiasco that occurred in the prologue. Outside the window; Bloom peeks out.)
[Animation goof: Sweetie’s mouth moves on Scootaloo’s line.]
Bloom: Well, we have to think of somethin’. We can’t just waste this opportunity to find out what our special talents are…hey, girls! (The other two join her.) Look!
(Cut to an overhead shot of the chicken yard; there is a hole in its fence and a set of tracks leading out. Zoom in on these.)
Bloom: (from o.s.) Some of the chickens may have escaped!
(Pan to follow them to an opening in the backyard fence and onto a path leading away, then zoom out. It leads…)
Sweetie: (from o.s.) Into the forest! (Back to the window.)
Crusaders: (trading high fives) Cutie Mark Crusaders chicken rescuers are go!
(Inside, they peek over the top of the stairs and the camera pans/tilts down to the sound of Fluttershy’s sigh. She is relaxing on the couch.)
Fluttershy: It really wasn’t that hard. (Zoom in; she closes her eyes and the Crusaders peek over the back.) I mean, all I needed to do was just show them who’s in charge. (They sneak toward the door, all wearing their capes.) Nothing’s gonna get past Fluttershy. Good with animals, good with kids.
(Outside, the three hustle across the backyard, following the chicken tracks. Scootaloo gets her cape snagged on a fence post at the property’s edge, but she tears loose and leaves a red scrap behind.)
Scootaloo: Wait up!
(They disappear into the forest. Dissolve to a close-up of Fluttershy, dozing on the couch.)
Fluttershy: Mmm…peace and quiet. (Eyes pop open; she sits up with a gasp.) Too quiet.
(Cut to the bedroom; she flies up the stairs and gasps as she scopes out the Crusader-free area. Outside, she exits to the backyard.)
Fluttershy: Girls? (Inside the coop; she peeks in.) Girls?
(Her eyes pop; cut to her perspective of the nests—one of which is vacant.)
Fluttershy: Elizabeak! (Outside again.) She’s missing! (looking back) Girls? (Gasp; she sees the fence hole and tracks.) Oh, no!
(Pan/tilt up slightly to follow the tracks off the property. The scrap of Scootaloo’s cape still hangs on the post over a parallel set of small hoofprints.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) They must have gone looking for my missing chicken! (She trots into view.) Which means…they must have gone into…
(In close-up, she swallows hard and lets one ear droop as the camera zooms in. Her eyes contract almost to points.)
Fluttershy: (shivering) …the Everfree Forest!
(Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to the path leading into the forest. Fluttershy trots resolutely along it.)
Fluttershy: Those girls have really done it this time! They’ve really bitten off more than they can chew… (She stops.) …oh, just like me. I never should have offered to watch them.
(The wild path looms before her; taking a deep breath, she puts her wings to work and flies ahead. Wipe to a close-up of Bloom, seen from the flanks down as she ventures on, followed by Scootaloo, then cut to an overhead view. Sweetie is leading them, and the glowing-eyed silhouette of an owl hoots from a tree branch.)
Bloom: Here, chick-chick-chick-chick-chick! (She squawks; close-up.)
Scootaloo: What are you doing?
Bloom: Callin’ for the chicken.
Scootaloo: That is not how you call a chicken.
Bloom: Oh, and you know how to call a chicken. (Close-up of Scootaloo.)
Scootaloo: I know that’s not the way. (Pan to Bloom.)
Bloom: Then show me. (Longer shot, framing both. Sweetie has gone ahead.)
Scootaloo: I don’t have to show you!
Bloom: You’re just chicken.
Scootaloo: Am not!
Bloom: Oh, wait! Now I know how to call a chicken! (singsong) SCOOTA-LOO-OO!! SCOOT- SCOOTA-LOO-OO!!
(They have stopped in front of a pitch-dark cavern, inside which quite a few glowing eyes open due to Bloom’s “call.” They move ahead again.)
Scootaloo: That’s so funny I forgot to laugh!
Bloom: You also forgot how to call a chicken. (She blows a raspberry.)
Scootaloo: Why, you—
Sweetie: (from o.s.) Come on, guys. (Cut to her; a branch creaks in the wind.) We’re not gonna find the chicken or our cutie marks by arguing.
Bloom: Maybe that’s our special talent! Arguing!
Scootaloo: Is not!
Bloom: Is too!
Scootaloo: Is not!
Bloom: Is too! (turning to present her haunch) Anything yet?
Scootaloo: Nope.
Bloom: Darn! (They laugh in the wind, then carry on.) Here, chick-chick-chick-chick. (Squawk.)
(Quick pan back to Fluttershy, who has reached the owl and is trying not to let nerves do her in.)
Fluttershy: Girls? (Gulp.) Girls?
(She huddles down with a little whimper as the wind kicks up; extreme close-up of her eyes, which flick from side to side and then constrict in terror. A gasp, and the camera shifts to frame all of her, now upright again.)
Fluttershy: (to herself) Get a hold of yourself, Fluttershy… (moving on) …just put one hoof in front of the other.
(Which works fine until she steps on a fallen branch; its snap causes her to yelp and back up.)
Fluttershy: What was that?
(She screams shrilly and gallops ahead at full speed upon running into a tree. When she gets her eyes aimed straight ahead, the camera cuts to her perspective of the path—with Twilight’s silhouette framed against the night sky.)
Fluttershy: Twilight? (Back to her.) Is that you?
(A hopeful little smile plays across her face as she reaches the inky figure and stops. Zoom in.)
Fluttershy: Oh, Twilight, it is you! (Close-up of her and Twilight’s tail.) Thank goodness you’re here. I need your help.
(Cut to the moon overhead; clouds drift away so that its light shines full.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) The girls are out here somewhere— (Back to her.) —and I’m afraid that they’re—
(She cuts herself off once enough of the moonlight has illuminated the unicorn’s figure to give her a full view of it. A close-up reveals that “statue” would be a better word, as the unicorn proves to be made of solid rock, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open in surprise. Fluttershy’s terrified gasp is heard, and she reaches into view to touch the face.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) What’s happened to you?
(It topples over as she voices a strangled cry.)
Fluttershy: Oh, no! If you’ve been turned to stone, it must mean…oh…oh, no! The girls! (She takes off ahead, then zips back.) Don’t move! I’ll be back for you. (She flies ahead o.s.) Girls!
(Wipe to a close-up of the chicken tracks, panning to follow them.)
Scootaloo: (from o.s.) Is not! (Zoom out; the Crusaders are following.)
Bloom: Is too!
Scootaloo: Is not!
Bloom: Is too!
Sweetie: Girls! (All stop.) Our special talent is not arguing! Besides, what would the cutie mark of somepony whose talent is arguing even look like?
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Girls? (Tilt up; she swoops past the treetops.) Girls?
Sweetie: (from o.s.) Fluttershy? (She lands in front of them.)
Fluttershy: Girls! Thank goodness I’ve found you!
Bloom: Fluttershy, what—
Fluttershy: (backing them up) Girls, we have to leave the forest at once.
Sweetie: But—we haven’t found the chicken yet.
Fluttershy: There’s no time for that. There’s a cockatrice on the loose!
Bloom: A cocka-what now?
Fluttershy: A cockatrice! (rapid fire; zoom in slowly) It’s a frightening creature with the head of a chicken and the body of a snake. Now come on!
Sweetie: (now o.s.) The head of a chicken and the body of a snake? (Fluttershy gasps on this; cut to the Crusaders passing her and smiling.)
Scootaloo: That doesn’t sound scary, that sounds silly.
Bloom: Why, if I ever saw one of them cocka-thingies face to face, I’d laugh at how silly it was!
(She runs flat into Fluttershy without realizing it; the others stop as well.)
Fluttershy: No! Never look one in the eye. (The missing chicken, Elizabeak, runs out of a bush.) If you look a cockatrice in the eye—
Bloom: The chicken! (The Crusaders dash after her.)
Fluttershy: Girls! Wait!
Crusaders: Here, chick-chick-chick-chick!
(Elizabeak runs squawking through the forest. The Crusaders follow it, mimicking the sound, but stop at the sound of a low guttural roar. Sweetie is the first to spot something; cut to her perspective of a bush behind the other two, from which a white feathered head protrudes.)
Sweetie: (pointing) There he is! (An identical head pops up; back to them.)
Scootaloo: Two chickens?
Bloom: I-I thought only one escaped! (Close-up of one head.)
Sweetie: (from o.s.) Grab them both!
(Bloom reaches into view for the snatch, but Elizabeak jumps clear and drops out of sight. Pan to the other head as she steps up to eye it closely. It whips back into the bush, then rises again as she stares in bewilderment. The head is attached to a long, winged, snakelike body with a pair of chicken legs near the front end to allow for running movement. That same grating roar throws a genuine scare into the would-be poultry wranglers, and it opens its eyes fully to expose them as beady red orbs; the beak, filled with deadly pointed teeth, lets off a raucous screech.)
(Elizabeak is thrown into a noisy panic, running to and fro; when the cockatrice hits the ground, its glare petrifies her in seconds. The stone bird drops headfirst and ends up half-buried in the dirt, right in front of the Crusaders. As the beast turns its attention to them, they bail out with a three-part scream. Scootaloo, in the lead, stumbles on a rock and goes down, taking the other two with her; they end up inches from the toppled Twilight, whose face has been slimed by a passing snail. A quick zoom in on her is marked by a gasp from the Crusaders; next they get up and look her over, ready to jump right out of their hides.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) See? (She lands behind them.) Now we have to—
(Her sudden arrival startles them into a scream that almost rips her mane off; it continues under her next line.)
Fluttershy: Girls, please…girls… (They start racing around her.) …listen to me, girls, I, uh…please!
(No good. She looks off in another direction, gasping as her eyes pop; down the way, the cockatrice emerges from the bushes and starts to close in. She averts and covers her eyes.)
Fluttershy: Girls! (Cut to them; she continues o.s.) Behind me, now!
(They fall in before the caterwauling creature gets within hoof’s reach of Fluttershy. Risking a backward glance to make sure they are following orders, she inadvertently turns her eye toward the front. With no warning, just as in “Dragonshy,” she lets her voice lash out with a degree of anger that is a complete turnaround from her usual mild tone.)
Fluttershy: You! (backing it up, looking it straight on) Just who do you think you are, going around turning others into stone?
(Caught off guard, the cockatrice recovers and gives her both barrels. As its quarry continues, the camera shifts to point out the fact that she is slowly being petrified from the tail forward.)
Fluttershy: You should be ashamed of yourself! I have half a mind to find your mother and tell her what you’ve been up to, young man!
(Sweating buckets, it drops to the ground with a shocked gasp, then redoubles its effort. Extreme close-up of Fluttershy’s supremely fed-up face.)
Fluttershy: Now you go over there and turn Elizabeak and my friend Twilight back to normal—
(During this, she opens her eyes fully to give the cockatrice the same Stare she used on her chickens; it has the same effect now as it did then.)
Fluttershy: —and don’t ever let me catch you doing this again!
(Cut to the Crusaders, whose apprehensive looks turn to smiles, then back to Fluttershy. The stone transformation, which has spread to the entire rear half of her body, cracks away like an eggshell to leave a perfectly normal yellow pegasus.)
Fluttershy: Do you understand me?
(It can only manage a timid little nod and sound of agreement, after which it runs yelping for the trees. The Crusaders watch it flee, the camera panning to them.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Are you girls all right? (Zoom out to frame her.) I was so worried.
Scootaloo: Yeah, fine.
Sweetie: Thanks to that Stare of yours. (Scootaloo leans in.)
Scootaloo: You’re like the queen of Stares! You’re the— (Bloom, Sweetie ditto.)
Crusaders: —Stare master! (They back off; cut to Sweetie.)
Sweetie: We’re sorry we snuck out of the house and into the forest. (Pan to Bloom.)
Bloom: Yeah. We’ll listen to you from now on. (To Scootaloo.)
Scootaloo: We promise.
Fluttershy: (playfully narrowing her eyes) Oh, you do, do you? Well, you better, or I’ll give you…the Stare!
(Turning her head sideways, she aims one eye at them and succeeds in hypnotizing Scootaloo, much to her own surprise. Once the latter recovers from her trance, all four have a good laugh. Zoom out slightly as a flesh-and-blood Twilight walks up, looking and sounding more than a little out of it.)
Twilight: (shaking head a bit) What…what happened?
(Squawks from o.s. get the attention of all five; down the way, Elizabeak has recovered as well and is flapping furiously, trying to pull herself out of the dirt.)
(Dissolve to Fluttershy’s backyard fence and pan toward the cottage as the Crusaders gallop by, laughing. It is now the following morning, and she and Twilight are seated on cushions at a table out here. A teapot and two cups are set up here, and Twilight is levitating a quill and scroll overhead to write up a report.)
Fluttershy: And that’s when it brought you back from stone.
Twilight: This is gonna make quite a letter to the Princess. I was wrong about you. (Cut to Fluttershy; she continues o.s.) You certainly do know how to handle those girls.
Fluttershy: Oh, I wouldn’t go that far.
Twilight: Hmm? How so?
Fluttershy: I assumed that I’d be just as good with kids as I am with animals. Boy, was I wrong. I really learned the hard way not to bite off more than I could chew. (Scroll rolls up.)
Twilight: You and Rarity both. (addressing herself o.s.) Good morning, Rarity. (She walks up.)
Fluttershy: Did you finish all those capes?
Rarity: (sighing with relief) Just delivered them. (walking to Fluttershy) I have to admit, if you hadn’t come along, I might not have. (She nuzzles Fluttershy’s cheek briefly.) Thanks again.
Fluttershy: Won’t you stay for some tea?
Rarity: I really must get back to the shop and clean up. (addressing the yard) Girls, get your things. Time to go.
(Back to Twilight and Fluttershy, whose shared smile is broken by the urgency of Rarity’s next words.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Girls! (She sees them still playing and laughing.) Girls! Time…oh…girls! Your things! (with rising impatience) Girls…it’s time to…girls! (Fluttershy steps up.)
Fluttershy: Allow me. (She clears her throat.) Girls…
(They instantly fall quiet and fall in, one by one.)
Bloom: Yes, Fluttershy.
Scootaloo: You called?
Fluttershy: Go and get your things. (Cut to them; she continues o.s.) Rarity is here to see you home.
Sweetie: Of course, Fluttershy! Right away!
(They zip off, leaving one full-grown and very puzzled white unicorn in their wake.)
Rarity: H…how did you…how did you do that?
(Fluttershy just tips a wink over her shoulder and gets a big smile from Twilight.)
Fluttershy: I guess I’m just as good with kids as I am with animals.
(The Crusaders gallop past, all wearing their saddlebags and shouting thanks to their unconventionally successful babysitter.)
Rarity: (sheepishly, walking o.s.) Uh…speaking of which, I could use your help with Opal.
Fluttershy: Of course. How about later today?
(A loud, displeased yowl is heard from o.s., and the camera cuts to Rarity as she turns to present her other flank to the camera. Opal is here, with all four sets of claws dug in to attach herself firmly to the white hide.)
Rarity: How about…now?
(She winces at the pain those claws are obviously causing her. Back to Fluttershy, now joined by Twilight; a yowl and strained moan float over to them and they laugh softly. Fade to black.)
THE SHOW STOPPERS
Written by Cindy Morrow
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to Applejack leading the Cutie Mark Crusaders through a stretch of the Sweet Apple Acres orchards. Apple Bloom walks point for the three fillies.)
Bloom: Where are you taking us?
Applejack: (now o.s.) We’re almost there, young’uns.
Sweetie Belle: (walking o.s.) I’ve never been here before.
(Applejack nudges her way beneath some overgrown fronds, and Bloom pushes on one with her head until it bends almost double, snapping back to hit Scootaloo in the face.)
Scootaloo: Ouch! (Bloom lifts it.)
Bloom: Oh. Sorry.
Scootaloo: Are we there yet? (Sweetie ducks underneath.)
Sweetie: There? Where? What? I don’t even know what we’re doing! (All four stop and look straight ahead.)
Applejack: Here we are!
Bloom: What are we lookin’ at?
Scootaloo: I have no idea.
Sweetie: What is that thing?
Applejack: Cutie Mark Crusaders, welcome to your new clubhouse!
(Zoom out as she speaks to frame what is just in front of them: a treehouse that has clearly seen better days and had no maintenance for quite some time. Broken windows, door hanging ajar, sagging roof and platform railings. A ramp in two sections leads up from ground level to the door, but this also is on the verge of collapse. The upper section has a rope tied to its bottom end, leading straight up into the branches, so that it can be pulled up to prevent intruders from entering. One of the window shutters promptly does a nose-dive to the ground; the Crusaders seem rather less than thrilled. This sequence is the first to give a clear view of the sky, marking the time as during the day.)
Applejack: (walking off) Well, don’t thank me all at once. (leading them up the ramp) This was my clubhouse when I was your age. Sure, it hasn’t been used in a while, but it’s empty and on a secluded, private part of the farm. (Zoom out to frame all of it.) And it’s all yours!
(A chunk of the roof chooses this particular time to cave in.)
Applejack: It just needs a little, uh, TLC.
Scootaloo: TLC as in “tender loving care” or “totally lost cause”?
Bloom: Applejack, we’re supposed to turn this into our new clubhouse?
Applejack: (leaning a foreleg against the wall) Well, maybe y’all would get your cutie marks when you discovered your talent for—
(The section of wall under her hoof cracks and gives way, dumping her into the treehouse with a cry and releasing a cloud of dust. Her hat winds up on the platform. Cut to just inside the new hole; the Crusaders peek in around its edge, and their benefactor woozily pokes her head up from the pile of broken boards.)
Applejack:—uh, housecleanin’?
(Fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of the library, then zoom out to frame Scootaloo at a distance from it. She has her saddlebags on her back, a pencil in her teeth, and a drawing-covered sheet of paper pinned under one hoof. A toy scooter sits nearby. After a bit of thought, she adds a detail to a sketch of the library, nods, and moves her hoof to let the page roll itself up. This goes into the bags in close-up and the flap closes; zoom out to frame her now on the scooter and wearing a crash helmet. The pencil has been put away.)
(Flapping her little wings a couple of times to warm them up, she peels out so fast that any casual observer would swear she had a jet engine mounted behind her. Down the street, threading the needle between two mares who have stopped to talk, toward a pile of construction materials that includes a plank leaning on a couple of crates. She veers toward this last and drives straight up the incline, doing two midair 360-degree spins—first herself and the scooter, then the scooter alone. The performance earns a round of gasps and smiles from the onlookers, but Scootaloo does not slow down even a bit. Instead, she races on past Granny Smith, out for a constitutional with the help of the walker seen in “The Ticket Master.” Her passage sends the elderly mare into a hard spin and leaves her balanced on top of the walker.)
Granny: (mumbling angrily) Not so fast!
(Again, the four-wheeled daredevil pays no mind and zooms on into Sweet Apple Acres, jumping a log and ducking a low branch along the way. Her eyes pop at the sight of another branch, this one covered with birds and too low to duck. In slow motion, she leaps up off the scooter, scattering the birds, and neatly goes over the branch as her toy coasts under it. Normal motion resumes as soon as she lands back on the thing with no discernible loss of speed.)
(Cut to Bloom at the base of the treehouse ramp, which now looks rather better than it did. She has a paintbrush in her teeth and finishes touching up one last spot just before Scootaloo bursts through the bushes. The yellow filly has time for one panicked grimace, but Scootaloo hits the brakes hard. In close-up, Bloom realizes that she is not about to become roadkill and stands up straight. Zoom out to frame both, with Scootaloo having stopped inches away from her.)
Bloom: Whoa! Hey, Scootaloo.
(Close-up of the latter, who takes off her helmet.)
Bloom: (from o.s.) Back already? You’re amazin’ on that scooter.
Scootaloo: Thanks! (looking up) Wow, Apple Bloom!
(Long shot of them and the structure, which has been completely renovated and now appears ready to be put back into service as a clubhouse.)
Scootaloo: You did all of this?
Bloom: Yep. (Slow pan across it; she continues o.s.) I fixed the broken shutters, sanded off the splinters, rebuilt the roof, painted… (Back to them.)
Scootaloo: That’s so cool! What’s Sweetie Belle up to?
(Cut to a screenful of bushes and zoom in through them to reveal the third member of the group. She is standing on a picnic table and singing quietly, in B major, while dusting it with her tail.)
Sweetie: We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders…
(Humming, she jumps down and dusts one of the seats.)
Sweetie: …never stop the journey…
(A nearby tree is next to get cleaned off as she starts humming again.)
Bloom: (from o.s.) There you are, Sweetie Belle!
(She stops; pan to Bloom and Scootaloo walking up, the latter having shucked her saddlebags.)
Bloom: (to Scootaloo) See? I told you we could find her by following her totally awesome voice.
Scootaloo: What’s that sweet tune you’re singing?
Sweetie: (sheepishly) Oh. I was just working on our new Cutie Mark Crusaders theme song.
Bloom, Scootaloo: Cool!
Scootaloo: Teach us? (Bloom nods encouragingly.)
Sweetie: Well, I’ve only come up with one part— (smiling) —but okay!
(Wipe to the Crusaders’ new headquarters as Applejack walks to it and up the ramp, her hat back in its usual place atop the tousled blond mane. Sweetie’s voice is heard singing in B flat minor, with chord changes played on a piano.)
Sweetie: (from inside) They all say that you will get your mark
(Inside; Applejack peeks in a nicely curtained window; Sweetie is o.s.)
When the time is really right
Bloom: (from o.s., slightly off key)
And you know just what you’re supposed to do
Scootaloo: (from o.s., loudly, badly off key)
And your talent comes to light
(This last line throws Applejack into an eardrum-smashing paroxysm, but she quickly shakes it off and pokes her head in.)
Applejack: Well, uh, I’ll be, Cutie Mark Crusaders. You’ve done one fine job with this place. So what’s next?
(A shot of this entire corner frames Bloom’s handiwork: pictures and Scootaloo’s sheet of sketches on the walls, a potted plant on a side table, interior thoroughly cleaned out. Little sister trots over, followed by her compatriots in turn.)
Bloom: Well, now that we have a real-life clubhouse…
Scootaloo: (indicating her sheet) …and a map of Ponyville…
Sweetie: …and a Cutie Mark Crusaders theme song…
Applejack: (uneasily, to herself) Theme song?
(Cut to Bloom; the others pop out from behind her in turn.)
Bloom: …we’re gonna go out in the world and discover our talents!
Scootaloo: A new adventure!
Sweetie: And earn our cutie marks!
Bloom: We’ll leave no stone unturned!
Scootaloo: No mountain unclimbed!
Sweetie: No meal uncooked! (Back to Applejack.)
Bloom: (from o.s.) No song unlearned!
Applejack: (slightly panicky) Well, okay, then! (composing herself) Sounds like you have a plan. (She looks back toward ground level.) I gotta, uh…leave no apple unpicked! (waving) See y’all later!
(She departs. Close-up of Scootaloo.)
Scootaloo: Are we ready to get our cutie marks, ponies? (Bloom and Sweetie jump over to her.)
Crusaders: (high-fiving) Ready!
(Tilt up from them to the map on the wall and zoom in on the sketch of the barn at Sweet Apple Acres, then dissolve to the actual property. Here, the three trot along and into the barn with buckets of slops balanced on their heads. Scootaloo dumps these into a feeding trough, Sweetie rings the chow bell by pulling its rope with her teeth, and Bloom jumps up to grab a hanging rope in hers and pull down, opening a gate. They make the mistake of standing directly in front of this, though, and are swiftly trampled by a herd of squealing, hungry pigs. As the porkers chow down, one of them meanders back to the befouled Crusaders and licks at the muck covering Sweetie. Bloom is first to get up, throwing an eager look toward her haunch; zoom in and pan to the others’ to emphasize the fact that they are still blank. Dejection all around.)
(On the map, the barn gets crossed out and a dotted-line path makes its way to Sugarcube Corner. Dissolve to the real thing and cut to a close-up of Sweetie inside, hunkered down and licking her chops before a stack of taffy slabs in different bright colors. Tilt up slightly to frame Scootaloo, who reaches for the topmost ones, then cut to a longer shot. The Crusaders—cleaned up from their pig-slopping fiasco— are gathered around a taffy machine; Sweetie now has the slabs balanced on her head, and Scootaloo starts throwing them in from her perch on a stool. Once several have been added, Bloom throws a lever with her nose to fire up the rig. The other two pitch in a few last chunks and trade a high five as it starts to work the gooey mass—which snags Scootaloo’s tail because she is standing too close. The little earth pony and unicorn try to pull her free without success; all three get yanked into the machine and stretched in unexpected directions as a six-eyed, rainbow-striped tangle. Cut to just outside the front door, whose bottom half opens to let out the world’s worst pony conga line—they are glued one to the next with strings of taffy and not a bit pleased. As they try to break loose of each other, Scootaloo throws a glance toward her hindquarters; zoom in and pan to each in turn, showing nothing but taffy back there. More low spirits.)
(Back to the map, where Sugarcube Corner gets crossed out and the next dotted line snakes over to the Carousel Boutique. Dissolve to the exterior of that establishment, where ponies start to gravitate toward a sign that a now-clean Bloom has set up by the front door. She is ringing a bell in her teeth, and a close-up shows that the sign depicts a bottle of hair tonic and a happy mare sporting a sleek hairstyle. A customer walks in; cut to another inside, with foil sheets tucked into her mane in preparation for having it dyed. Her whole body is wrapped in the pony equivalent of a neckcloth. Tilt down to frame Scootaloo dumping various colors of dye into a bowl and Sweetie mixing the lot; they too have removed all the taffy from themselves. Outside, Bloom’s ringing is interrupted by the emergence of this mare, who is wailing over the fact that her mane is now striped red, green, and orange and fluffed out like a clown’s wig. Scootaloo and Sweetie step out, Bloom puts her bell down, and all three glance toward their haunches. Close-up of Bloom’s, panning to each in turn; still no cutie mark, and down in the dumps they go.)
(Back to the map; the Carousel Boutique gets crossed off and a dotted line works its way to a patch of farmland and apple trees. Zoom in on this and dissolve to the trio in a clearing among the trees of Sweet Apple Acres. Bloom and Sweetie sit opposite each other on their haunches at a small table, with a deck of cards in front of Sweetie and a triangular box lying flat in front of Bloom. Scootaloo jumps excitedly behind Sweetie. Zoom in and cut to a close-up of Sweetie; she flips the top card off the deck with her teeth, exposing a heart on its face, and the box panel facing her has a slot to hold a card. Zoom in on the heart, then cut to Bloom’s side; her panel shows six buttons—circle, star, heart, four-leaf clover, square, triangle. The red-maned filly concentrates intently for a moment and presses the circle button, causing that card to slide into view in the slot on Sweetie’s side. Scootaloo and Sweetie both shake their heads at the mismatch. Now the young unicorn flips a second card, a star, but Bloom hits the square button instead; up comes a clover, and Bloom nearly sends herself into a convulsion trying to puzzle this one out. She comes out of it with a sudden burst of inspiration and hits all six buttons at once; Scootaloo and Sweetie smile broadly only to get hit with a sudden fusillade of cards from the panel. Bloom checks her haunch, but a close-up and pan to the others shows that this attempt at mind-reading has come up as short as all the others—with the same effect on their mood.)
(Back to the map, where the field gets scratched out and a dotted path heads up to a mountain peak. Dissolve to the real thing, swept by wind and snow; the roped-together Crusaders struggle up to the summit, with Bloom in the lead. Sweetie, on the low end, slips suddenly up and over the top, throwing the other two off balance so that they all fall down the other side. A zoom out reveals that the “mountain” is really a small vertical projection from a slab that stands only a few feet tall. The fillies end up in a heap on the grassy meadowland at its base, and their expectant looks toward their hind legs put an end to their enthusiasm for mountaineering when nothing comes of it.)
(On the map, the peak gets crossed off and the dotted line works down to a lake. Dissolve to a point near its bottom, where the Crusaders swim into view, having traded their mountaineering rope for diving masks and swim fins. They pass o.s. right, then beat a hasty retreat to stay ahead of a slightly annoyed squid. Back to the map, where the lake is X’ed out; the next dotted trip shifts the action to the library. Zoom in on this sketch, the last one left, and dissolve to the exterior of this building, where Twilight Sparkle and Cheerilee are approaching the open front door. Inside, Spike is waiting for the pair.)
Spike: I had nothing to do with this!
Twilight: What is going on here?
(Pan to the other side of the reading room; “what is going on” turns out to be an avalanche of books and scrolls. Bloom and Sweetie are on top of the mess, and Scootaloo pokes up on the next line, throwing a flurry of loose papers everywhere. They have shed their underwater gear.)
Bloom: Hmph. Well, we sure aren’t gettin’ our cutie marks for bein’ librarians.
Spike: Huh! I should think not. (Annoyed look from Twilight.) What?
[Animation goof: When the camera cuts back to him and the two adults, Cheerilee is now wearing a set of saddlebags.]
Twilight: (crossing room) Girls, I think you’re going about this the wrong way. Instead of trying to do things in areas you’re not familiar with… (They dig out and line up; Cheerilee crosses to them.) …why not try doing things in areas that you already like?
Cheerilee: And I have the perfect place to start.
(A quick dip into her bag, and she has a scroll in her teeth; close-up of this as she unrolls it on the floor—a poster. Stars and musical notes are around the periphery, and a pony-tailored pair of tragedy/comedy masks are at the center, in one of several spotlights. Lines of text are printed under the masks, and the Crusaders step in close to read these.)
Bloom: “Showcase your talents…”
Scootaloo: “…for all to see.”
Sweetie: “Perform in the Ponyville School Talent Show!”
Cheerilee: There’ll be all sorts of awards. (Cut to Bloom and pan to the others in turn; she continues o.s.) Best dramatic performance, best comedy act, best magic act… (Shift to frame all five ponies.) …surely you can find your talent.
Bloom: This would be the perfect place to discover our talents! Jugglin’!
Scootaloo: Acting!
Sweetie: Magic tricks!
Bloom: Square dancin’!
Scootaloo: Tightrope walking!
Sweetie: Tiger taming! (Cut to Twilight and Cheerilee.)
Twilight: (singsong) My little ponies!
(Zoom out; the Crusaders cross to them. She continues in her normal speaking voice.)
Twilight: You’re missing the point. Think about the things you already enjoy doing. Think about what you’re already good at.
Scootaloo: Sure! We can do that.
Sweetie: Yeah! Sure we can.
Bloom: Well, whatever we do, we’ll do it as…
Crusaders: (standing on rear legs) …the Cutie Mark Crusaders!
(They trade a three-way high five. Snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to the front door of the Carousel Boutique. Scootaloo, on her scooter and wearing her helmet and saddlebags, is pulling a wagon that contains Bloom, Sweetie, and several rolls of fabric. One rather annoyed older sister bursts out to yell after them.)
Rarity: Sweetie Belle! I told you not to touch my things! COME BACK WITH MY SUPPLIES!!
Sweetie: We’re just borrowing them for the talent show! Don’t worry, sis! I promise we’ll bring them back!
(Wipe to a close-up of the wagon, now stopped, as a desk fan is placed into it. Zoom out to frame its donor: a tan earth pony stallion with a red-brown mane, light blue eyes, and a four-bladed fan cutie mark. In addition, he wears a light yellow shirt, green vest and bow tie, and a flat brown cap, and is standing outside a building’s front door.)
Scootaloo: Thanks, Mr. Breezy! We’ll return the fan to you real soon! (They head out.)
Bloom: What do we need this fan for?
Sweetie: Trust me on this one.
(Wipe to the team, now stopped outside a different location that has several paint cans stacked by the door. Scootaloo has shed her bags, her helmet lies next to the scooter, and she deposits a plank in the wagon to join several others, the fan, the fabric, and some cans of paint. Zoom in slightly as she names each item.)
Scootaloo: Okay, so that’s six wooden planks, four-by-eight plywood, a box of nails, four cans of paint, and four brushes. (Back to the original shot.) Anything else?
(The sequence of zooms repeats itself on the next line.)
Sweetie: (dryly) Yeah. Instructions on how to use six wooden planks, four-by-eight plywood, a box of nails, four cans of paint, and four brushes.
(She throws a skeptical look to Bloom, who just shrugs; meanwhile, a vexed Scootaloo gets her helmet back on, herself in the driver’s seat, and her wings in gear to peel out.)
Sweetie: Whooaa!
(Wipe to Twilight and Spike outside the library; Spike is holding a book, and Twilight addresses herself quizzically o.s.)
Twilight: Ghosts, Goblins, and Ghoulish Figures?
(Longer shot; the Crusaders are parked right in front of the pair. Scootaloo has her bags on.)
Twilight: Good heavens, girls! (Spike puts the book in the wagon.) What do you need a book like this for?
Scootaloo: You’ll see. Thanks, Twilight! (rolling out) We’ll give it back as soon as we’re done with it!
Twilight: (to Spike) What do you think they’re up to?
Spike: I have no idea, and I don’t know if I should be excited or scared to find out.
(Dissolve to a long shot of the clubhouse.)
Bloom: (from inside) I’m glad we’re doin’ this as a team.
(Inside, they have spread out their supplies, and a helmet-less, bag-free Scootaloo brings one of the several cans of paint. Every destination on the wall map has been crossed out.)
Sweetie: Me too. (puzzled) Um…so what are we doing again? (Scootaloo sets the can down.)
Scootaloo: A super-awesome dramatic song for the talent show, of course!
Sweetie: Right! With super-cool scenery— (unfurling a length of fabric) —and amazing costumes!
Bloom: And mind-blowin’ dance moves! (She dances a bit, unsteadily.)
Scootaloo: This is gonna be so amazing!
Bloom: Sweetie Belle, I think you should be the singer.
(A good assessment, judging from what has been heard from her in the past. However, the young unicorn surprises Bloom by fearfully covering the lower part of her face with the cloth.)
Sweetie: (slightly muffled) What? No way I’m singing in front of a crowd! (She pulls the cloth away.) Twilight said to do something we like to do. And I’d like to be like my big sister, and she’s a designer.
Scootaloo: Fine, then. You can do the costumes and the scenery.
Bloom: Mmm-hmm, and Scootaloo, you’re great at maneuvers on your scooter, so you should do the choreography. (tottering from one hind leg to the other) You know, all those dance moves.
(Scootaloo nods at this suggestion, but it only lasts a moment before she utters a pop-eyed gasp and goes into an emphatic head shake.)
Scootaloo: Nah, I’d rather sing a wicked rock ballad!
(A microphone briefly appears in her grip as she does a bit of headbanging; it vanishes in time for the next line, which is directed toward Bloom.)
Scootaloo: Why don’t you come up with the dance routine, Apple Bloom? (Zoom in on the latter, thinking hard.)
Bloom: Hmmm…I’m not much of a dancer—but I do like kung fu! That’s kinda like dancin’.
(She snaps off a few kicks, backward and forward, in all directions and throws in a few shouts for good measure as the other two duck and cover. Sweetie is first to react, dropping the cloth she has been holding on to this entire time.)
Sweetie: Then it’s settled. Let’s get started!
(All three fan out across the clubhouse. Dissolve to its exterior, where two of the three are working at ground level. Scootaloo sits on her haunches at a toy upright piano, and Sweetie ha set up a small sewing machine. A light classical melody is heard from o.s., and the camera pans to its source: a wind-up phonograph set up on a small table. Bloom is over here, studying herself in a mirror propped against its edge. She does a few dance steps, counting off in time.)
Bloom: One…two…three…oh!
(The “oh” comes as she tries to do a twirl but lets it get out of control; it ends with her falling over onto Scootaloo’s tail.)
Bloom: Oh!
Scootaloo: Ow, Apple Bloom! (Cut to Bloom; she continues o.s.) What are you doing? (She helps Bloom up.)
Bloom: (groaning) I feel like I have four left feet. I can’t even spin right.
Scootaloo: Don’t be silly. You just gotta keep your head forward until the very last minute, like this.
(Balancing on one foreleg, she goes into a fast enough whirl to leave her visible as only an orange/magenta blur. The move ends as suddenly as it began, with her still perfectly balanced on that single limb; she walks back to Bloom.)
Scootaloo: See? Easy-peasy. You just gotta practice a bunch, that’s all.
Bloom: Wow! That does look easy! Thanks! Okay. Let’s try this again!
(She goes up on one hind leg and starts to spin—once, twice, but the third gets the better of her.)
Bloom: Ow! (She drops o.s.) Ouch!
(Cut to Scootaloo, who cringes at the continued thumps and crashes.)
Bloom: (from o.s.) Ow…I’m okay!
Scootaloo: Keep practicing!
Bloom: (from o.s.) Will do!
(Wipe to a close-up of the far left end of the piano keys. The Crusader composer reaches into view and taps a key; cut to a longer shot of her, once again seated at the ivories. The words that she sings bear no resemblance to her piano playing in key, time, or mood.)
Scootaloo: We fight the fight, walk the walk
Talk the talk, eat the…uh, food, like a…celery stalk?
(She stops playing and lets her hooves drop for a discordant jangle before voicing a frustrated groan.)
Scootaloo: I’ll never come up with anything! (banging head on keys) Never, never, never!
(A roll of fabric comes flying into view, unrolling over the top of the piano.)
Sweetie: (racing after it) Come back! Come back! (She stops by Scootaloo.) Dumb fabric. Hey, Scoot, how’s the song going?
(She gets her answer in the form of a big wet raspberry aimed at the sheet music set up on the piano, and proceeds to mimic it.)
Sweetie: Oh, my. Sounds serious.
Scootaloo: I’m just no good at lyrics. Coming up with words is, like…really hard.
Sweetie: Oh, they can’t be that bad.
(reading) “With our cutie marks we’ll rock Equestria.
We use our stomachs to digestia”?
(She gets a big goofy grin from the budding songwriter but does not return it.)
Sweetie: Um, well…these are, um, good, but… (She sits on her haunches.) …how about after “we fight the fight”…
(She begins to sing in B flat minor, accompanied by a simple piano accompaniment similar to the first time she tried this in the clubhouse. Her voice gradually builds power as an amazed Scootaloo watches.)
Sweetie: There is nothing that we fear
(Close-up.) We’ll have to figure out what we’ll do next
’Til our cutie marks are here
(Pan to Scootaloo.)
Scootaloo: Wow! That’s so awesome! Did you just come up with that now?
Sweetie: (a bit sheepishly) Yeah, kind of.
Scootaloo: Thanks! I’m totally using that.
(A quick duck down, and she comes up with a pencil in her teeth to scribble on the sheet music. Sweetie watches for a second, but a rustling from o.s. draws both fillies’ eyes up from the paper and off to one side. Cut to the cause—Sweetie’s fabric, which is merrily reeling itself out as it rolls downhill toward a small pond.)
Sweetie: Oh, no!
(The sound of a splash gets her hooves moving down to the edge of the pond, where the roll has gone into the drink. Dissolve to one long section drip-drying on a clothesline and pan to a couple of others; Sweetie has her little sewing machine up and running to piece together a garment. After a few seconds, she lifts it clear for a look—blue-violet, trimmed in light yellow at the collar and cuffs. Zoom in on the legs and pan slowly across all five—yes, five—of them.)
Sweetie: (from o.s.) One, two, three, four…five?!
(She lowers the botched costume with a moan and sigh, a moment before Bloom spirals dizzily across in front of her and goes down flat on her back.)
Bloom: Ouch!
Sweetie: How’s the spin coming along?
Bloom: I think I gotta just stick to punches and kicks.
(She gets a surprised eyeful of the costume that has four legs plus a spare and props herself up on her forelegs.)
Bloom: You know ponies only have four legs. (Close-up of Sweetie, who moans sadly.)
Sweetie: I’ll never be a designer like my sister Rarity. (Pan to Bloom as she stands up.)
Bloom: Hey, it’s no big deal. (pointing) Why don’t you use the dressform?
(Pan quickly in the direction she has indicated and stop on one of Rarity’s mannequins, standing among the apple trees.)
Bloom: (from o.s.) It’ll help you with your patterns and help you put all the pieces in the right places.
Sweetie: (from o.s.) Oh! Is that what that’s for?
(Zoom out to frame a backdrop in progress, constructed from plywood and planks and depicting a house, a clock tower, trees, a cloud, farmland. The school-age artwork is liberally—and sloppily—decorated with a range of drab colors that do not at all match the vivid shades of the open paint cans sitting nearby.)
Bloom: (from o.s.) Uh, maybe you should also clean your paintbrush between each color. (Back to the pair.)
Sweetie: Oh, I was wondering why all the colors looked like mud.
Bloom: You’re not using power tools, are you?
(Clock wipe to Applejack, out for a stroll through the orchard.)
Applejack: The talent show’s just around the corner. I wonder how the fillies are doin’.
(As she approaches the clubhouse, the sound of a backing rock track fades up—synthesizer, bass, drums. Dissolve to just inside the window, with the Crusaders’ shadows cast onto it and the surrounding wall boards. Judging from their movements, they are trying to debug a dance routine and having a very rough go of it. The next five lines are delivered from o.s.)
Bloom: Oh! Sorry, Scootaloo! (Applejack peeks in.)
Scootaloo: That’s okay…Ugh!
Sweetie: Oops. Sorry, Scootaloo.
(Close-up of Applejack, who winces at the sound and o.s. sight of each new misstep.)
Sweetie: Ouch!
Scootaloo: Oh, my bad, Sweetie Belle. Let’s sing the chorus again!
(As an electric guitar part comes in, the blond head slowly eases down and out of sight, its owner not at all willing to find out what might be coming next. Cut to her, walking away from the clubhouse’s ramp as the music fades out.)
Applejack: Well, gosh. Sure wasn’t expectin’ that. (She looks up.)
Bloom: (from o.s.) I think that sounded pretty good!
(A different camera angle reveals that she has found a spot to observe, unseen, as they step out onto the platform.)
Sweetie: Me too! You think we’re ready? (Applejack slowly backs away.)
Scootaloo: Ready as we’ll ever be.
(They zip over to another corner and spot Applejack trying to make her disappearance.)
Scootaloo: Hey! Did you see us practicing?
Applejack: Uh…yeah?
Bloom: Well? How did we do? How did we do?
Applejack: Uh…
Scootaloo: Speechless! See, girls? I told you that’s what we’re gonna do! We’re gonna leave them speechless!
Crusaders: (Scootaloo, Sweetie trading high five) YAAAAY!! (Cut to Applejack and zoom in slightly.)
Applejack: (to herself, uneasily) “Speechless” is right.
(Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to a talent show poster tacked up on a tree. It is nighttime, and strings of pennants run from post to post in the background. Crowd murmuring is heard as the camera pans to frame the schoolhouse, with a banner strung up over its entrance, and a sizable audience gathered in the green space outside its boundary fence. A stage has been set up here; on it, two figures can be seen, one wearing a top hat and the other gripping one by the crown in its teeth. In close-up, these are revealed as Snips and Snails, respectively, both wearing black/dark-gray bow ties. They stand on opposite sides of a table on which a small rabbit sits—a magic act in progress.)
Snips: And on the count of three…
(Close-up of the rabbit; Snails sets his hat over it.)
Snips: (from o.s.) …this rabbit will disappear… (Cut to frame both as he continues.) …and something tasty will reappear in its place! One…a-two…and a-three!
(He gets his teeth on the hat’s brim and lifts it away, exposing an empty table in close-up.)
Snips: Wait! Wh-Where are they? Snails, where are the—
(Quick pan to an extreme close-up of his buddy’s mouth. A bunch of carrots now protrudes from it and is being chewed unhurriedly.)
Snips: (from o.s., wearily) —carrots.
(The whole audience finds the faux pas quite amusing, but he does not.)
Snips: Snails! (He chases Snails off the stage; Cheerilee comes on, no longer wearing her saddlebags from Act One.)
Cheerilee: Um, how about a round of applause for the S&S Magic Act?
(The camera cuts to stage left, pointing out from the wings to frame her. There is a general stomping of hooves, the pony equivalent of applause; pan toward the backstage area on the next line.)
Cheerilee: Uh, now for our next act we have…
(Back here, three small figures in dark blue hooded cloaks huddle down together on top of a crate. Two of them—Scootaloo and Sweetie—have their manes swept and teased into spiky punk-rock styles and are wearing heavy, garish eye makeup—dark purple for Scootaloo, magenta for Sweetie. The third, Bloom, has a black cloth or bandana over her mane, whose fringe now comes down over her nose, and is checking her appearance in a hand mirror. Scootaloo is wearing dark purple shoes that match her eye makeup and sport pink/magenta dots, Sweetie’s hooves are covered in light green, and Bloom has on black sleeves capped with pink accents over her hooves.)
Cheerilee: (from o.s.) …Sunny Daze and Peachy Pie reciting their favorite poem, on roller skates! (Two fillies roll past.)
Sweetie: (calling after them) Break a leg!
Bloom: Sweetie Belle! What a thing to say!
Sweetie: No, no, no. You see, in the theater, it’s considered bad luck to say “good luck.” So you say “break a leg” instead.
(This shot is close enough to show that she wears sleeves like Bloom’s, with magenta material above the light green ends. Now Twilight comes up to the trio; when they turn their heads toward her, Bloom’s black bandana is clearly seen for the first time—decorated with white skulls.)
Twilight: My little ponies! How are you doing?
Crusaders: Nervous. (Close-up of Twilight.)
Twilight: Don’t worry. You’re gonna be amazing. Remember, just stick to what you know best. (Zoom out to frame them; she leans in toward Sweetie.) I can’t wait to hear you sing, Sweetie Belle.
Sweetie: (a bit irritated) Why does everypony always think I’m gonna sing? (Surprise; zoom in on Scootaloo.)
Scootaloo: Actually, Twilight Sparkle, I’m the main singer tonight.
Twilight: Oh?
Bloom: And I’m the main dancer! (doing a chop with one foreleg) Hai-yah!
(This move exposes the skulls that decorate the rest of her black outfit.)
Twilight: (concerned; ears droop) Oh?
Sweetie: And I’m in charge of— (Stomping applause from the audience.)
Twilight: (now really scared) —costumes?
Sweetie: And sets and props. How’d you know?
Twilight: Really, girls? Are you sure—
Cheerilee: Cutie Mark Crusaders, you’re on next! Break a leg. (They head toward the stage.)
Twilight: Break a le—
(Bloom trips and ends up on her face, but quickly gets back up to follow the others.)
Rock synthesizer line, in 4 (B flat minor)
Twilight: Uh, good luck!
(The cloaks are flung back into view, landing in front of one very worried unicorn. Dissolve to the stage; the curtain has been lowered, and the lights go down before it opens to expose three silhouettes standing in the near-total darkness. Three pin spotlights pick out the Crusaders’ faces, leaving their eyes shadowed, as Scootaloo starts to sing—substituting force of lung for pitch and finesse just as she did during rehearsals. Even in the dimness, there is enough light to pick out the details of their outfits—unitards for all three. Bloom: black with white stars and pink hoof accents, pink bolo tie secured by a blue clasp. Scootaloo: dark purple with slashes of pink and magenta, and short foreleg sleeves. Sweetie: magenta with light green slashes and hoof accents. They stand on a small, circular, two-level dais, with Scootaloo at top center and the others standing on the lower step to either side of her, and the table that Snips and Snails used in their magic act has been removed.)
Scootaloo: Look, here are three little ponies
Ready to sing for this crowd
Listen up, ’cause here’s our story
I’m gonna sing it
Crusaders: Very loud
Drums/bass/electric guitar in
(As Bloom and Sweetie step down onto the stage, the lights come up to frame the end product of their work. Backdrop: constructed of plywood, showing a house, trees, and fields under a sunny sky and white clouds, all quite inexpertly colored. Slow pan across the crowd, whose facial expressions suggest that they are about to sprain their brains in unison trying to figure this lot out. Applejack voices an almost inaudible sigh of horror, realizing this is not some nightmare brought on by eating too much pie. Cut to Scootaloo and zoom out to frame Bloom, who dances in place to the music.)
Scootaloo: When you’re a younger pony
And your flank is very bare
(Backstage, Sweetie pulls a rope in her teeth, hoisting the sun.)
Feels like the sun will never come
When your cutie mark’s not there
(Now Bloom jumps up and throws a few punches and kicks.)
So the three of us fight the fight
(Sweetie unties a second rope; bats, a spider, and a ghost drop into view; the last hitting Scootaloo in the head.)
There is nothing that we fear
We’ll have to figure out what we’ll do next
Crusaders: ’Til our cutie marks are here
(Bloom starts dancing again as they go into the chorus.)
Crusaders: We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders
On a quest to find out who we are
(Scootaloo, not looking, steps off the platform edge and thuds down on the stage. Next Sweetie starts up a fog machine, which promptly goes into overdrive.)
And we will never stop the journey
(Sweetie rushes back onto the stage as mist begins to fill it, obscuring their images.)
Not until we have our cutie marks
(Tilt up to the top portion of the backdrop; the fog quickly spreads up here as well. A dissolve back to stage level shows the three dancing as best they can in the haze, but Bloom and Sweetie collide in midair and hit the boards. Sweetie winds up in the wings, next to a clock prop, and hustles it out.)
Scootaloo: They all say that you’ll get your mark
When the time is really right
(Rushing in front of her, Sweetie trips and tumbles past the curtain, clock and all. A spotlight picks out a very surprised Bloom, who begins to dance.)
And you know just what you’re supposed to do
(One kick drives a hoof through a backdrop; she tries to shake loose, dragging it with her.)
And your talent comes to light
(Scootaloo paces the stage dramatically.)
But it’s not as easy as it sounds
And that waiting’s hard to do
(On a catwalk above the stage, Sweetie puts a blue filter in front of a spotlight.)
So we test our talents everywhere
Crusaders: Until our face is blue
(The blue spot shines down, slightly off target; Scootaloo moves her head into it. In her sprint down from the catwalk, Sweetie brushes past the borrowed desk fan, turning it on.)
Crusaders: We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders
On a quest to find out who we are
(The fan’s output wreaks havoc on the stage: leaves and feathers whirling, sun swinging overhead, Bloom and the backdrop jammed on her hoof being pushed toward Scootaloo’s platform.)
And we will never stop the journey
Not until we have our cutie marks
(Both fillies sail gracelessly across the stage—Scootaloo due to the fan, Bloom from finally getting her hoof out of the plywood. Panicking, Sweetie rushes over to hold up that backdrop.)
Crusaders: We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders
On a quest to find out who we are
(At the other end of the stage, another flat starts to topple toward the spiky-maned unicorn. She finds herself pinned and trying to hold both up at once.)
And we will never stop the journey
Music stops (zoom out to frame all three)
Not until we have our cutie marks
Song ends
(Sweetie finally loses the battle against gravity and collapses under the two flats, followed in short order by almost every piece of scenery coming down on top of the trio. Nothing is left but a couple of trees and a jumble of smashed lumber, from which the Crusaders dig themselves out with anxious smiles. What they get is a plethora of hopelessly confused stares from the audience, with a couple of hostile glares mixed in. After a long, unnerving silence, though, the entire audience breaks out in gales of laughter that hit the three performers like a steel horseshoe to the ribs. They hunch down and slink off the stage; cut to them in the wings.)
Scootaloo: Wow. That did not go as well as I expected.
Bloom: I can’t believe they’re laughin’ at us! (They stop.)
Sweetie: Was it that bad? (Zoom out; Cheerilee and Spike are here as well.)
Cheerilee: Back onstage, girls! It’s time for the awards!
Sweetie: Back onstage? No!
Bloom: They’ll just laugh some more!
Scootaloo: Yeah, what’s the point?
Cheerilee: Now, girls, let’s be good sports. You made a great effort. You should be proud. Now come on!
(Out onstage, she and Spike emerge at one end, the performers—Twist, Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, Sunny Daze, Peachy Pie, Snips, Snails—standing at the other. The Crusaders tiptoe out and behind the group during the next line. The wreckage has been cleared from the stage. Snips and Snails are both wearing their top hats now, and Snails has finished eating the carrots he swiped from their act.)
Cheerilee: Let’s hear it for all our talented fillies and colts! (General stomping applause; cut to her.) Our first award goes to…
(Quick pan to Snips and Snails; the Crusaders are hunched down behind them.)
Cheerilee: (from o.s.) Snips and Snails— (They zip over.) —for Best Magic Act!
(Applause and cheers. Pan to follow the stunned fillies as they back up behind Sunny and Peachy, then cut to a close-up of a medal being placed around Snails’ neck by Spike: a cluster of three gold stars. A longer shot reveals that Snips has received one as well.)
Snips: Hey! (laughing) My medal is shinier!
Snails: (needled) Well, mine’s bigger!
Snips: (as both walk off) Oh, yeah? Well…well, mine is, um…heavier?
(Neither the MC nor her assistant is too pleased at this bit of infighting.)
Cheerilee: The next award goes to… (Quick pan to Sunny and Peachy she continues o.s.) …Sunny Daze and Peachy Pie, for Best Dramatic Performance!
(These two skate to center stage as she finishes, leaving the Crusaders in full view again, They receive drama-mask medals from Spike, as well as a round of applause, with a happy little gasp.)
Cheerilee: (from o.s.) And finally… (Pan to her.) …the last award of the night goes to…
(In the audience, Applejack steels herself for the worst; the Crusaders do likewise in a close-up. Very long pause.)
Cheerilee: …the Cutie Mark Crusaders! (Close-up; the news floors them.)
Crusaders: Huh?/What?
Cheerilee: (from o.s.) For Best Comedy Act!
(To a hearty round of cheers and applause, the camera cuts to a close-up of a cap-and-bells medal being hung around Bloom’s neck, then pans to its counterparts on Sweetie and Scootaloo. Zoom out; they bow happily for the crowd and trot backstage, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they have hopelessly blundered their way into this victory.)
Bloom: Can you believe it? We won!
Scootaloo: I knew our act was awesome!
Sweetie: You know what’d be the best? If we won and we got our cutie marks!
(All three costumes are swiftly flung away, blacking out the screen momentarily when Scootaloo’s flies toward the camera. The view clears to frame three fillies whose efforts on the second front have still yielded a whole lot of nothing; they sigh dejectedly as Twilight walks up.)
Twilight: Congratulations, ponies! Job well done!
Crusaders: (woodenly) Thanks, Twilight.
Twilight: Hey. You don’t sound too excited.
Scootaloo: (sighing) We worked really hard and won a prize, but we still don’t have our cutie marks.
Sweetie: Which is the prize we really wanted.
Twilight: Oh, girls… (Cut to Bloom.)
Bloom: (brightening) But we think we know why. (Pan to the others; ditto.)
Sweetie: Yes. We know why.
Twilight: Oh? Tell me. I’d love to make a special report to the Princess.
Sweetie: Well, maybe we were trying too hard.
Twilight: Yes? And?
Scootaloo: And instead of forcing ourselves to do something that’s not meant for us…
Twilight: Yes? Yes?
Bloom: …we each should be embracin’ our true talent! (Zoom in on Twilight’s eyes.)
Twilight: And that is…?
Crusaders: COMEDY!
(The violet unicorn’s ears droop as her eyes pop in surprise; she might be wondering if she needs a sign with thirty-foot-high letters of fire to get the message across. Pan quickly from her to Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity, now all backstage.)
Applejack: Apple Bloom! You did it!
Crusaders: (zipping to them) Did you see our award? Weren’t we funny?
(Twilight shakes some sense back into her head and allows herself a slightly exasperated smile.)
Twilight: One day… (laughing softly) …one day.
(Fade to black.)
A DOG AND PONY SHOW
Written by Amy Keating Rogers
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Note: “WD” = wavering dissolve.
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of the Carousel Boutique during the day. Zoom in slowly and cut to a close-up of a red gem being levitated by Rarity inside. She fits it onto one foreleg of a silhouetted pony form that rests within a curtained alcove in her ground-floor showroom, then brings a blue one up from an open chest on the floor. This is placed on the other foreleg with a surgeon’s precision.)
Rarity: Perfect!
(The bell above the front door rings to mark an incoming customer.)
Rarity: (magically closing curtain) Coming! (trotting across floor) Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique.
(Aiming her eyes straight ahead, she sucks in a disbelieving gasp; cut to the hooves of the new arrival and tilt up. Long-legged earth pony mare, light yellow-brown coat, eyes a darker shade of this color, curly mane/tail striped in two shades of bright blue. She wears four purple shoes with light green jewels, a ruffled white blouse/dress trimmed with light blue/gold/purple accents and a white/light-blue powder puff over the tail, and a small white top hat with a purple ribbon. She smiles for the camera through lowered, lavender-shadowed eyelids.)
Rarity: (from o.s., completely blowing her cool) Sapphire Shores! The Pony of Pop!
(Said pony walks smoothly over to Rarity, who might be mistaken for an openmouthed statue. Her manner of speaking makes “over the top” seem like an understatement.)
Sapphire Shores: Good afternoon, Miss Rarity!
Rarity: (stammering) You know my name!
Sapphire: (eyeing a rack of dresses) Well, of course I do, darling. I make it a point to know all of the up-and-coming designers, and Clothes Horse magazine simply raved about you!
Rarity: (softly, to herself) Oh, my stars! If I’m dreaming, do not wake me up! (to Sapphire) How may I help you, Miss Shores? (Pan to Sapphire.)
Sapphire: Oh, please, call me Sapphire.
(Pan back to Rarity; she giggles behind her hoof and composes herself.)
Rarity: How may I help you…Sapphire?
Sapphire: Well, as I’m sure you know, I’ll be touring all of Equestria with my latest concert… (She stands on her hind legs.) …“Sapphire Shores’ Ziegfilly Follies”! So I need to look sensational! Ow!
(She sings “sensational” at full voice, stretching it out for good measure.)
Rarity: I have just what you need! (crossing to curtain) Sapphire Shores, prepare yourself for the pièce de résistance de la haute couture!
(Cut to the skeptical pop star on the end of this, then the curtain as Rarity’s magic whisks it open. Behind it, now fully illuminated, is a mannequin dressed in the outfit she was working on at the start of this scene: a white, high-collared, two-piece jumpsuit trimmed with white ruffles at the gold jacket hem and over every red-ribboned sleeve/pant cuff. Clusters of jewels, large and small, cover nearly every square inch of fabric. Back to Sapphire, whose critical eye gives way to unmixed admiration on the next line.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) I used every last diamond I found on this one garment. (Cut to the pair on the end of this; Sapphire gasps softly.)
Sapphire: And it is spectacular! I’ll take it.
Rarity: Really?
Sapphire: Oh, yes. And five more, each done up in a different jewel.
Rarity: Beg pardon?
Sapphire: Costume changes.
(She fails to notice the designer’s strangled little noise of panic or her glance at the now-empty jewel chest—but she certainly notices the moan and fainting spell that follows. Rarity winds up on her back, stiff as a board and with a bug-eyed grin frozen on her face.)
Sapphire: (laughing a bit, walking out) Yes, I do have that effect on ponies.
(Fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to Rarity, walking determinedly through a rocky stretch of land well outside Ponyville proper, her head down and her horn glowing. Zoom out slightly and pan to Spike, who is following her with a small wagon in tow.)
Spike: Oh, my gosh! Sapphire Shores! The Pony of Pop! She is awesome! I mean, she’s gorgeous and talented and—
(He trails off with a nervous chuckle as she throws an impatient glance his way.)
Spike: …and not even half the pony you are. I mean, you’re ten times more gorgeous and talented and—
Rarity: Spike, a lady is never jealous.
Spike: Of course not. (giddily) But were you totally flipping out or what? (Rarity stops; her horn cools down.)
Rarity: Ladies do not flip out, Spike. However, I was quite in awe. (Horn warms up; she aims it at the ground and paces.) Oh, I need to find more jewels than ever before to decorate her costumes.
(Stopping short, she swings her head one way and another, as if dowsing for water; finally she picks a certain spot, where a cluster of gems fades into view beneath the surface. This is the first displayed instance of her ability to locate such buried treasure.)
Rarity: Ooh! Aha!
Spike: Did you find some? (Horn off; image fades.)
Rarity: (pointing to the spot) Yes, Spike! Right there!
(In no time flat, he is clawing away the dirt and digging himself into a sizable hole. He straightens up after a few seconds, having uncovered the gems Rarity pinpointed, and his irises and pupils grow several sizes as he takes in the sight.)
Spike: Ooooh… (licking chops, drooling) …you look…so…delicious!
(With a remarkable burst of speed for such a young dragon, he dives in and brings up an armload, ready to chow down.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Spike! (He stops short; cut to frame her by the hole.) I promised I’d give you gems to snack on, but we need to collect more first or I’ll never be able to make these outfits for Sapphire.
(Having crossed to the wagon during this, he moans sadly.)
Spike: (to the gems) I will miss you, my sweets. (Rarity trots by.)
Rarity: Come along, Spike! We have many jewels to find! (He tosses the load in the wagon.)
Spike: (bowing) At your service, my lady!
(He follows her, grabbing the wagon’s handle to pull it along. Wipe to a close-up of the four-legged treasure hunter, whose horn is cranked up, and cut to a long shot as Spike runs up toward the new deposit she has located. She cools off just in time for him to start digging away; this time, he comes up with the booty in his mouth, but spits it into the wagon when she gives him a very hairy eyeball. She heads o.s., homing in on another batch.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Spike?
(Sure enough, she has picked a new spot, and he uses the end of his tail as a shovel to do the excavation this time. After he gets this lot in the wagon, wipe to Rarity’s horn doing its thing yet again; now wearing a hard hat, he jackhammers his way into the earth using his tail. When the dust clears, the view has shifted to the wagon, now piled high with jewels of all shapes and colors. His happy little shudder is heard from o.s.; pan slightly to frame him, again salivating and licking his chops at what, for him, is an all-you-can-eat buffet. He has done away with the hard hat. Rarity’s hoof pats him on the head; cut to frame both of them.)
Rarity: You’ve been very patient today, Spike, and for that— (levitating a large blue jewel) —you get the finest reward.
(Close-up of it, floating down toward Spike’s eager, open mouth.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) This is from me to you.
(These words stop the binge before it can start; instead, he catches the offering in his hands and looks back her way. Close-up of the gently smiling unicorn.)
Rarity: Is something wrong, Spike? (Back to him.)
Spike: (half-dazed) No. (Zoom out to frame her.) It’s perfect.
(The mood breaks when her horn flares up and seems to pull her along of its own free will for a moment.)
Rarity: Ooh! (getting control, trotting o.s.) Bring the cart, Spike! There are more over here!
Spike: (hugging jewel) For me. (irises/pupils grow) From Rarity.
(His thumping heartbeat comes through loud and clear. Dissolve to a screenful of bushes, which are pulled aside by a gray-furred paw to frame a long shot of Spike pulling the wagon through the clearing. Two male voices—the first hissing and grating, the second lower-pitched and rougher—speak up.)
Voice 1: Yes! Gems! Gems! (Zoom in.)
Voice 2: Where?
Voice 1: Precious gems! He is the gem hunter. With him, we can have all those gems and more!
(Back to the bushes. Now three paws—the original gray, a lighter gray, and a brown—are holding the foliage back.)
Voice 1: Let’s get the… (All three let go.) …dragon!
Rarity: (from o.s.) Spike! Where are you? (Dark gray pulls the bushes back quickly.)
Voice 1: Wait! Who is that? (Quick pan to Rarity.)
Rarity: You know, it’s terrible to keep a lady waiting.
(Dark gray pulls other bushes aside to scope them both out; she in turn locates a fresh underground lode.)
Spike: Coming! (He starts digging it out by hand.)
Rarity: I think we’re really going to strike gold this time—so to speak. (Demure laugh; Spike hauls up a huge stash.)
Spike: Jackpot! (Zoom in to a close-up.)
Voice 1: Ohhh! It’s not the dragon we want… (Pan to Rarity.) …it’s the pony!
(Behind the bush; once again all three paws are holding the line of sight clear, but let go and back away on the next line. A third male voice joins the other two, higher-pitched than both.)
Voices: Yah, pony… (Cut to Rarity and Spike; he loads the giant find into the cart.)
Rarity: Well, Spike, I think that’s all we can do for today. And these will certainly get me well on my way with Sapphire’s outfits. Why don’t we start headi— (Her horn blazes white.) —ooh! What’s this? (turning head to side) Another jewel! (following her horn) Oh…ooh, strange. It’s in the trees.
(A close-up of one patch of leaves exposes a yellow gem tucked in among them. Rarity goes in for a closer look, her horn flashing and going out.)
Rarity: Ooooh…
(Zoom out slightly as the head of the dark gray paw’s owner pushes through: a canine whose narrowed, red reptilian eyes have yellow whites. The gem is attached to a diamond-studded black collar, above which is a wide, leering, crooked smile. This is Rover.)
Rarity: Ewww! (backing up) Uh, uh…good day, gentle, uh…fellow. Uh, I am Rarity, and this is my friend Spike. (Who manages a timid laugh and wave.) And you are…?
(Rover jumps down from his treetop and lands on his hind legs, facing away from the camera so that only his short, warty tail can be seen dangling between them. In a head-on shot, he advances menacingly, standing on his hind legs, with front paws lifted and red eyes fully open. He wears a red vest whose pockets are stuffed with gems, and his voice is the first one heard in the bushes.)
Rover: A Diamond Dog!
(A longer shot fully frames him; his forelegs are much longer and more muscular than the hind ones, similar to those of a gorilla, and he might stand twice as tall as Rarity if he straightened up all the way. Rarity and Spike keep backing up before his steps, and her nerves start to run away from her during the next line.)
Rarity: Oh, really? (Cut to his rear paws, then her hooves; she continues o.s.) Oh, well, that explains your fine taste in jewelry. (Back to her.) I-I mean, I-I-I know that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, and now I know that they’re a dog’s best friend too. (Forced giggle.) So, um— (clearing throat) —you’re out hunting for gems as well?
Rover: Yes! We hunt!
Rarity: Uh, “we”?
Rover: (holding up his collar gem) We hunt for gems—but you are a better hunter!
(Close-up of her retreating hooves, panning backward on the next line to frame a couple of spots where something is tunneling up to break the surface.)
Rover: (from o.s.) So now we hunt… (Close-up.) …for you!
(Two more Diamond Dogs, the owners of the other two paws seen in the bushes, pop out of the holes. Like Rover, they wear vests whose pockets bulge with gems and have diamond-studded black collars; however, the vests are dark gray and the collars have no colored gem. The light gray one is Fido, the biggest of the three, while Spot, brown, is the smallest. Spike has backed onto Fido’s hole and is thrown backward when he emerges. Both of them have black eyes instead of red, and their overall build is similar to Rover’s.)
(Rarity screams, ducking a grab by Fido, and Spike does his jackhammer impression on the end of Spot’s tail. The runt takes a graceless dive overhead while clutching at his hindquarters; next Spike bulldozes the giant away.)
Spike: Run, Rarity! Run!
(He gets no further before Fido mashes him to the ground with one finger. The unicorn takes his advice, and the half-buried dragon seizes one of Fido’s hind legs to trip him up when he tries to run. As he falls and yells, one forepaw slaps squarely down on Spot’s tail, causing him to hit the deck face first.)
Rarity: Spike! Come on! Hurry! (Rover jumps up from a hole behind her.)
Rover: Gotcha!
(She screams as his hulking shadow falls across her; cut to Spike, still clutching Fido’s hind legs.)
Rarity: (from o.s., shrilly) Spike!
Spike: Got him, Rarity! I got him!
(Pan ahead to Fido’s face during this line, after which he yanks those two limbs up with enough force to throw Spike straight up into the tree branches overhead, where his head spines get him stuck in the wood. Fido speaks with the low-pitched voice heard earlier.)
Fido: Ha-ha! Nope! (He and Spot get up.)
Spot: Yeah! Got sorry, scaly one! (Highest pitch of the three Dogs. He and Fido bail out.)
Spike: Wait! Rarity?
(With Rarity tucked under one meaty foreleg, Rover leads the Dogs back toward one of their holes.)
Rarity: Unhand me this instant, you ruffians! (They jump in; she is heard from below.) Stop! Put me down, you scum! You brutes!
(Spike pulls himself down from the tree on the end of this and claps both hands over his mouth with a gasp as the camera zooms in. It takes a moment for his brain to persuade his legs to run after her.)
Spike: Rarity! (His perspective; she has clawed halfway up.)
Rarity: Spike!
(Her attempt to escape goes bad when she notices dirt on one hoof and cries out in revulsion.)
Rarity: Dirt!
(Three paws reach up and grab various body parts, prompting an ear-splitting scream as they drag her under again.)
Rarity: (from below ground, shrilly) SPIKE!!
(The besmirched hoof is the last thing to disappear into the hole; he runs up, unable to do more than babble incoherently for a moment, and peers into the depths.)
Rarity: (from below ground, echoing) SAVE ME!!
(Snap to black, which resolves into the interior of his mouth as the camera zooms out to a long overhead shot of the anguished baby dragon.)
Spike: NOOOOOOOOOO!!
(Snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to Twilight Sparkle and her other four friends going full tilt across the rocky expanse where Rarity was searching for gems. Spike is on Twilight’s back, hyperventilating into a paper bag, and all hoofing it save the airborne Rainbow Dash.)
Twilight: Spike! Can you breathe now? (He lifts his face from the bag.)
Spike: Yes… (panting) …I think so. (Close-up of Twilight.)
Twilight: Good. Now tell us what you know. (Zoom out; Rainbow has caught up.)
Rainbow: Yeah, ’cause all you said earlier was…
(The screen flashes white and clears to frame the Ponyville town square pavilion. Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie stand around doing not much of anything, and Rainbow hovers nearby, until a panicked Spike runs up with a yell.)
Spike: (waving his arms) Rarity, woods, jewels, dogs, hole, taken, SAVE HER!!
(Flash back to the present; the group charges through the tree-lined barrens.)
Applejack: Not a whole lot to go on there, sport.
Spike: Sorry. Rarity and I were in the woods looking for jewels, when these creepy guys showed up.
Twilight: Creepy guys?
Spike: They called themselves the Diamond Dogs. They grabbed Rarity and disappeared down a hole in the ground!
Applejack: Well, this sounds mighty easy. Just take us to that there hole and we’ll save Rarity!
(They arrive at an empty patch of woods, stopping short with a round of gasps, and the camera zooms out. The ponies and dragon have stopped on a ridge that overlooks a wide stretch of earth pocked with dozens of holes. Cut to Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie during the next line.)
Pinkie: Holy moley, that’s a lotta holeys! (Twilight and Spike pass them.)
Twilight: Come on, girls. Let’s get started.
(Cut to just inside one of the holes, the camera pointing straight up at the sky, as she peeks in. A zoom out reveals just how deep it has been dug.)
Twilight: (echoing) Hellooooo?
(The surface; all six are checking out others. Deep in the one Twilight is inspecting, a pair of reptilian eyes opens in the darkness, accompanied by a hissing growl. She has time for one quick gasp before a geyser of earth spews up into her face, covering it and leaving the shaft blocked. The same happens to Rainbow, Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Spike in turn, and a long shot shows that Applejack has not been left out. As one hole after another fills in the same way, Twilight shakes herself clean in close-up.)
Twilight: Quick! We gotta get down one before they’re all filled up!
(Fluttershy, now also clean, zeroes in on an open tunnel that promptly blocks itself off.)
Fluttershy: Oh! Oh, my! (Others do the same.) Oh! Oh!
(The next to try is Pinkie, dirt-free, who hops cheerfully into an opening only to be hoisted by the upwelling of soil from it. Applejack has cleaned her own face and charges at one with head lowered; when it goes off, she tries to bulldoze her way through the soil splattering out. She gets as far as pushing her face into the hole before the force throws her clear, and she comes up without her hat but with a fresh faceful of muck.)
Applejack: We can’t muscle through it!
Rainbow: (flying past) We’ll see about that.
(She too has scrubbed herself clean, and she goes into a screaming vertical dive straight toward the last open hole. The camera cuts alternately to her and her perspective of the excavation, then finally to a long shot of the latter as it too gets filled in. Rainbow hits the brakes just short of the fresh dirt pile and ends up lying atop it on her belly before rising off it with a winded gasp. Cut to Applejack, who has cleaned up again and donned her hat.)
Applejack: Whoo! Heavens to Betsy! Now I’m used to pickin’ myself up and dustin’ myself off, but Rarity won’t even touch mud ’less it’s imported. (All look up worriedly; tilt up toward the sky.)
Twilight: Oh, Rarity…
(The view undergoes a wavering dissolve to a dungeon corridor. The soft focus and the white ring around the image marks this as Twilight’s imagined scenario. Rarity, in one of the cells, casts an uncertain eye over her surroundings and puts a hoof to her forehead in the classic damsel-in-distress style. Her voice plays into the mood, with an overly exaggerated English accent to boot.)
Rarity: Oh, woe is me! Whatever shall I do?
(Pacing the floor, she steps on a clod of loose earth and is horrified to find its dust on her hoof and floating around her. An appropriate shriek follows as she backs up.)
Rarity: Dirt! Dirt! Get away, dirt! (Hit the wall; more settles on her.) Oh, make it stop! (racing off) Make it stop!
(She gets another dose of filth upon running into a stalactite, cries out, and backs off.)
Rarity: Filthy, disgusting dirt! It stings! It burns! Help! Oh, somepony save me! Save me!
(WD back to the present bit of sky, and tilt down to the group.)
Applejack: We gotta save her!
Fluttershy: But they blocked up all the holes! (Applejack jumps onto a dirt pile.)
Applejack: Don’t mean we can’t dig ’em out! Come on!
(She starts into it, as do Fluttershy and Pinkie; behind the pink pony, though, Spot pops up, pulls her tail out straight, and lets it snap back.)
Pinkie: Ow!
(She falls off the pile; now Fido surfaces and lifts Fluttershy by the rump, then drops her so that she falls o.s. Her grunt accompanies the sound of her impact. Spike rushes to help, but goes to the ground when Fido sticks a leg out and trips him. Fido and Spot come up just behind Twilight; Rainbow looks up from her own digging, and the two ponies stop and realize that they have these Dogs bracketed.)
Rainbow: Get ’em!
(They charge on hoof and wing, but the enemies plunge away just in time. Twilight and Rainbow slam squarely into each other and tumble down. As Applejack digs furiously away, Rover comes up for a look; she throws him a glare and stretches out one foreleg to hit him. He ducks down and pops up in a hill behind her, so she swings across to hit that one instead—still no good. This happens twice more, after which Applejack glances to one side and voices a surprised gasp. Fido drops out of sight but grabs Pinkie’s tail, dragging her away to slam into an earth pile.)
Pinkie: Whooaa!
(All three Dogs now wreak havoc on the posse of rescuers: tripping Fluttershy and Rainbow, diving to avoid being stomped, yanking Twilight by the tail. The sequence ends with five sprawled-out, exhausted ponies and one tired dragon lying among the blocked holes, but they are soon up again.)
Fluttershy: All those scary monsters popping up everywhere! Oh, poor Rarity must be terrified!
(Twilight moans as the camera tilts up into the sky and the view undergoes a WD to a softly focused shot of Rarity standing outside the dungeon cells. Spot zips up and menaces her.)
Spot: Give me the baubles! (She cries out; Fido takes his place.)
Fido: Give me the beads! (Another cry; Rover moves in from overhead.)
Rover: Where are the trinkets? (Another; now all three close in.)
Dogs: Where is the treasure?
(The luckless unicorn moans weakly and faints. WD back to the sky; tilt down to the group.)
Twilight: Poor Rarity! (Spike moves to the fore.) What are we gonna do?
(The reptilian green eyes flick to one side; cut to his perspective—a pan across the heaps of topsoil to frame a single unfilled hole. Zoom in on this.)
Spike: I got it!
(Back to him, digging in a pocket—unusual, since he is not wearing any clothes—and producing the jewel Rarity gave him for his earlier help.)
Spike: I’ll save you, my sweet! (He runs off; zoom in on the five ponies.)
All: Huh?
(Cut to a section of the underground shaft and tilt up as the gem is lowered into view on the end of a fishing line. At the surface, the camera pans from the end of a rod to its handle; Spike, at the hole’s edge, works the reel while Twilight watches.)
Twilight: Spike, it is very noble of you—
Spike: Shhh!
Twilight: (whispering) —to sacrifice the gem Rarity gave you.
Spike: (smiling dreamily) Oh, Lady Rarity, my damsel in distress.
(Another WD to a softly focused view, this one a close-up of an adult, heavily muscled Spike’s face. The detail around his shoulders indicates that he is wearing a red cape.)
Adult Spike: I shall save you!
(Zoom out; he stands in the dungeon, wearing armor plating on his arms and belt, dark gray leggings with red boots, and the cape. One hand grips a lance.)
Adult Spike: Show yourselves, you dogs! You curs!
(Cut to the glowing-eyed, roaring silhouettes of the three Dogs, rising to face him.)
Adult Spike: (from o.s.) Ah. There you are— (Back to him.) —you mangy mutts! (Now they are fully lit.)
Rover: Who are you calling mutts?! Unleash the hounds!
(He pulls out a dog whistle and blows a blast so high-pitched as to be nearly inaudible. Pan quickly down the way, where three large canines clad in armor step forth with a loud growl. The chivalrous dragon does not stir a scale as these and many more barrel toward him in a howling, gibbering mass. It takes them nearly ten seconds to get to his end of the cavern; when they do, the view shifts into slow motion as he lifts his lance for a mighty strike. Yelping dogs go flying backward as normal motion resumes and he gets his tail swinging to knock a few others out; now he merely flicks the lance back and forth, effortlessly batting more away. As a fresh wave comes at him, he casually lets go with a blast of fire aimed straight at them; a last-second duck lets them keep their heads but singes their tails to a crisp.)
(A quick bit of side-to-side flamethrower action clears the place out in a hurry, and a burst of fire washes across the screen. When it clears, the view has shifted to frame the three Dogs on the wrong end of the big dragon’s lance.)
Adult Spike: Now, where is Lady Rarity?
(Three paws point in unison, sending Spike into a run that ends with him smashing a cell door off its hinges. Here he finds Rarity, standing in a single gold/blue/violet striped shaft of light and dressed in a fairy-tale princess outfit in these three colors. Blue body, violet shoulders/chest, blue shoes and pointed cap, plenty of lace around the hem, gold trim. She gasps happily.)
Rarity: Spike! I knew you would save me!
Adult Spike: Nothing could stop me, my lady.
Rarity: (voice trembling a bit) Oh, Spike, you are my hero.
(She bats her eyelashes at him and puckers up for a kiss. He leans down and does likewise, the two faces inching ever closer to lip contact. Just as they are about to touch, the view undergoes a WD back to the real world. Spike is about to plant a big wet one on a very perturbed Applejack, who smiles once he realizes that the dream is over.)
Applejack: Ho-ho there, loverboy.
(Something below the surface threatens to rip the fishing pole out of his hands.)
Spike: Huh? (trying to haul it in) Whoa! (dragged toward hole) Wh—whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa! I got a bite! I got a bite! (Applejack grabs his tail in her teeth.)
Applejack: Hold on there, little fella! (Both of them are hauled down.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Applejack! (She rushes in and gets a mouthful of tail hair.)
Rainbow: (from o.s.) Twilight! (She does the same as Twilight goes down; Fluttershy moves in.)
Fluttershy: Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!
(She bites onto Rainbow’s tail as the latter gets yanked into the hole; now Pinkie hops merrily over to the site of this very weird tug-of-war.)
Pinkie: Wait for me!
(Her teeth lock onto the long pink tail just as it plunges out of sight, taking her with it.)
Pinkie: (now below ground) Whee!
(Somewhere below the surface, the would-be angler and his five would-be rescuers are dragged screaming through a tunnel at ludicrous speed.)
Pinkie: Whee!
(Instantly shifting her position to sit on Fluttershy’s back, she laughs as the chain sails out the end of this path, across a wide chasm, and neatly into a second tunnel on the other side. Here, a vertical shaft cut into the floor of this passage sends them in a whole new direction; cut to somewhere beneath it as they drop through and end up sprawled every which way in the dirt. Spike is first to get up.)
Spike: Ha-ha! It worked! We’re in! Now we can finally save Rarity! (Others peek up.)
Twilight: Um…which way do we go?
(Zoom out to illustrate the reason for her confusion: a myriad of tunnels that branch out from the walls and ceiling at all manner of strange angles. Cut to an extreme close-up of Spike’s upraised, anguished face and zoom out through the ceiling tunnel to frame him and the ponies.)
Spike: NOOOOOOOOOO!!
(Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to a slow zoom through the crazy labyrinth.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) All these tunnels…how are we ever gonna find Rarity? (Cut to the ponies, moving slowly ahead.)
Applejack: Guess we’re just gonna have to start goin’ down them one by one.
Rainbow: That could take forever! There’s gotta be a way to narrow it down.
Spike: (from o.s., lifting a finger into view) I know! (Cut to him.) I bet they’ve taken Rarity down the tunnel with the most gems!
Twilight: But, Spike, Rarity’s the only one who knows how to find gems.
Spike: No, Twilight, you can! You can copy Rarity’s gem-finding spell! (Something dawns on her in an instant.)
Twilight: Oh my gosh. You’re right! (stepping ahead) Rarity showed me how she did it a while back! If I can just remember…
(After a bit of very hard concentration, her horn throws off a quick burst and then glows steadily. In a pan across the nearest stretch of tunnels, images of buried jewels wink into view on the walls and floors.)
Spike: (now o.s.) That’s it. (Back to the group.) You did it, Twilight! Come on!
(He jumps on her back, and she rears up and leads the others in a charge.)
Spike: We’re coming, Rarity! (now o.s.) We’ll save you! Just hold on!
(Wipe to a very scared white unicorn as she backs up toward a tunnel wall and the Dogs close in on her.)
Rarity: Oh, please, Diamond Dogs…please let me go!
Spot: No!
Fido: You’re our precious little pony!
Rover: Forever! (Mad cackle.)
Rarity: But whatever do you want from me? (Close-up of Rover.)
Rover: Gems! (Pan to Spot.)
Spot: Yes! The gems! The jewels! (To Fido.)
Fido: Find them! (Back to Rarity; he continues o.s.) Find them all!
(Her trepidation vanishes in less time than it takes to say “cubic zirconia,” and she actually begins to smile.)
Rarity: Oh, is that all?
(Putting her horn to work, she quickly scouts out a deposit buried in the floor. On the next line, she levitates a stick and uses it to scratch an X at this spot.)
Rarity: There! A lovely couple of jewels are right there. Now if you’d be so kind as to show me the exit—
(Her casual manner gets a rude interruption in the form of a spear thrust toward her head. Zoom out to frame it in the hand of one of the armored canines from Spike’s imagination.)
Rover: Good! (laughing) Now, dig them up, pony!
Rarity: (slightly vexed) What? But you said you wanted me to find the gems.
Spot: Yes! Find, and then dig!
Rarity: Dig?
Fido: Yes, dig!
(With the spear-carrier at her back, she plods reluctantly toward the three Dogs, who all point down at the X. A long pause follows, broken by a moan from Rarity; in a ground-level close-up, she uses a front hoof to scratch away bits of earth from the spot. Each touch is accompanied by a little cry of disgust. The six reptilian eyes watch expectantly as she continues to scrape away tiny fragments, but Fido soon loses his patience and glowers over her.)
Fido: What are you doing? We said “dig”!
Rarity: (haughtily) Forgive me, but prior to you so rudely dragging me into your dirt pit, I had a pony pedi, and I am not about to chip a hoof because you dislike my style of digging.
(She goes back to work exactly as before; now Rover is the one who gets fed up, clapping both front paws over his face.)
Rover: Oh, for goodness—fine! Just stop. Stop!
(She does so; he points down at the X.)
Rover: Dig, Dogs!
(Tilt up to the ceiling, where three armored Diamond Dogs hang ready at an opening.)
Rover: (from o.s.) Dig! (They drop through.) And fast!
(Down below, they scrabble at the earth in a cacophony of barking as the three ringleaders look on and Rarity smiles to herself at getting out of the grunt work. With a sound of disgust, Fido holds up an empty cart and Spot hoists a large, dirty harness chained to it.)
Fido: She won’t dig? (Both advance.) She pulls! (Rarity backs up.)
Rarity: I beg your pardon, but what, pray tell, are you doing?
Fido: Others will dig. You will haul the wagon. (She hits a dead end.)
Spot: (lifting harness) Precious pony pedi will be preserved.
(On the end of this, cut to a close-up of the heavy metal as it is clamped onto her midsection. The two Dogs then check the rig, much to Rarity’s disgust.)
Rarity: Well, somebody certainly needs proper nail care! When was the last time you two had a manicure?
(A close-up of their front paws makes the point all too clear: they are callused and filthy, and the nails are broken and overgrown.)
Rarity: You’re scratching up my coat with those jagged things! (Rover moves in.)
Rover: Please, be quiet!
Rarity: Good heavens, what is that smell?
Rover: (drawn-out) Smell?
(That word sends a plume of green vapor from his mouth directly into her face; she struggles to keep from throwing up until it passes, then smiles smugly.)
Rarity: Ah, mystery solved. It’s your breath.
(Caught off balance by this crack, he turns away, exhales onto a front paw, and sniffs at it. His frustrated sigh and drooping ears show that the odor is just as disagreeable to him as it was to her. After a moment, he realizes that he has just been had and loses his temper.)
Rover: ENOUGH! (pointing ahead) Search, pony! (She starts ahead, most unwillingly.)
Rarity: Well, since you insist…but I must say, the working conditions in here are simply dreadful. Musty and damp, it’s going to wreak havoc on my mane. And this air is stifling, suffocating! And when I try to get a deep breath, the stench of all you Dogs makes me nauseated.
(During this line, she levitates a stick and the camera alternates between her and spots that she marks out for the diggers to do their work. The last one is at the base of a natural column; the diggers quickly carve this away and expose a hoard of gems, but the upper portion promptly collapses on top of them. Now Rarity hauls the filled cart past a couple of others.)
Rarity: You look and smell like you haven’t bathed in weeks. (One sniffs under a foreleg as she passes o.s.) Have you never heard of soap?
(This one gets a whiff of his buddy; one eye on each face pops wide open in shock.)
Rarity: (now o.s.) You could all do with a good round of soap and water.
(Both of them keel over; close-up of her.)
Rarity: Ooh, water, water—I’m terribly thirsty. Could I please have some water?
(Zoom out to frame the three leaders around her. Spot struggles to maintain his composure and loses in short order, pulling at his ears.)
Spot: Good gracious, I can’t take this anymore! BE QUIET, PONY!! (Zoom in slowly on her.)
Rarity: And that’s another thing. I would appreciate it if you’d stop calling me “pony”! I am a lady, and I wish to be addressed as such. (Cut to the dumbfounded Rover and Spot; she continues o.s.) So you may call me “miss” or Rarity— (Rover covers his ears.) —or Miss Rarity.
Rover: ENOUGH! (pulling at his ears) Your whining—it hurts! (She moves to face them.)
Rarity: Whining?! I am not whining, I am complaining. Do you want to hear whining?
(Cut to the two Dogs, who cringe at the sound of her next words—full whine mode: shrill, drawn-out, strident, and two decibels away from being able to strip paint off a Sherman tank.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) This is whining! (Back to her.) Ooh, this harness is too tight! It’s going to chafe! Can’t you loosen it? Ooh, it hurts and it’s so rusty! Why didn’t you clean it first? It’s gonna leave a stain! The wagon’s getting heavy! Why do I have to pull it?!?
(As she hits maximum overdrive during the preceding line, Fido dives into the load of gems to get away from it, and his two partners in crime clap paws to ears. Spot is the first to break with an agonized yell.)
Spot: Make it stop!
Rover: Stop whining!
Rarity: But I thought you wanted whining! (That sends him to the floor.)
Rover: We’ll do anything, pony!
(Bad choice of words, judging from the hostile huff and blue-eyed glare she throws down to him.)
Rover: (quieter) Oh, uh, ah, we’ll do anything, Miss Rarity. (Placating little laugh; Rarity drops out of whine mode.)
Rarity: Anything?
(Dissolve to the upper reaches of a stone column, where one of the diggers is tying up the end of a yellow ribbon sash. A zoom out shows more of these strung about the cavern, along with a fancy banner hanging from the ceiling. Underneath its low end stands Rarity, being fanned by two of the grunts as the three leaders each pull a loaded cart. No longer hooked to one of her own, she sips water from a gold goblet on a small natural pillar and sighs discontentedly.)
Rarity: This water is hardly sparkling, but I suppose it will have to do. (An idea hits Rover.)
Rover: (to Fido, Spot) Wait! Why are we doing this?
Spot: To stop the awful noises from the pony’s mouth, remember?
(He imitates her earlier whining, but gets it cut off by Rover’s paw slapped over his mouth.)
Rover: Yes, yes, I know! This is ridiculous! Letting a pony order us around! What are we? (His perspective of the other two.) Mice or dogs? (They trade a puzzled look.)
Fido: Mi—
Fido, Spot: —dogs? (Back to all three; Rover stares them down.)
Rover: Dogs do not pull! Ponies pull! Let her make the awful noises!
(Extreme close-up of her supremely satisfied face. She does not immediately notice the harness being fixed back onto her midsection; zoom out to frame Rover adjusting it as she gasps.)
Rarity: What are you doing? (He knocks over her water goblet.) Hey! You spilled my drink! Oh! (whine mode) Not so tight!
Rover: Ha! Make the noises all you want, but move while you make them! (slapping her rump) Hi-yah, mule!
(If she disliked being called “pony” before, “mule” puts her within an inch of blowing at least three gaskets. She turns back to Rover and fights to keep it together.)
Rarity: Did you just call me a… (Cut to him; she continues o.s.) …mule? (Very long pause.)
Rover: Uh…
(Her eyes fill with tears as her voice edges toward a full nuclear meltdown.)
Rarity: Mules are ugly. Are you saying that I too am ugly?
(The waterworks kick into top gear and she throws herself down.)
Spot: What are these noises?
Rarity: He called me ugly!
Rover: No! “Mule”! I said “mule”!
Rarity: An old, ugly mule! And it’s true! (stretching forelegs briefly toward camera) Just look at me! I used to be beautiful, but—but now…
Fido: No, no! You’re still beautiful, po—uh, Miss Rarity!
Rarity: You’re just saying that!
Spot: No! You’re still pretty and, and…
Rover: Oh, uh, uh, nice! Yeah.
Rarity: I don’t believe you! You never liked me!
(Her crying goes into redline territory, forcing all three Dogs to cover their ears; zoom in on Rover.)
Rover: Oh, I’ve had just about enough of this!
(Cut to an empty stretch of tunnel whose walls soon light up with images of embedded jewels—Twilight’s spell still at work. She gallops ahead, with Spike riding, to lead the group.)
Twilight: We’re getting close. I can feel it. (The sound of Rarity’s sobbing drifts into earshot.)
Spike: (pointing) It’s coming from down here! Come on!
(All hit the brakes, finding no unicorn but hearing her through the rock wall to their left.)
Rainbow: She must be in there! Let’s go!
(Before they can shift directions, five of the Dogs’ front-line grunts get the drop on them, one per pony. Close-up of the one on Fluttershy’s back.)
Grunt: More workhorses!
(He slaps a rope bridle on her snout. Pan across Pinkie and stop on Applejack; each gets the same treatment.)
Applejack: Ho, doggies. If you can take this bull by the horns, you better be ready for a ride! (leaping and bucking) Come on, ponies! Kick ’em up, kick ’em out! (Cut to Rainbow; pan to Fluttershy and Pinkie as she continues o.s.) Buck ’em up, buck ’em down!
(The canines get a very rough ride indeed, and in short order all five have been slung out of the saddle and sent into a retreat. All five have been fitted with bridles, and all but Twilight lose these when their riders get the heave-ho.)
Applejack: Yee-haa! Get along, little doggies!
(A loud clattering from o.s. surprises her; it is coming from behind a barred door to one side. Breaking a stalactite loose from the ceiling, Spike brandishes it as a lance.)
Spike: I’m coming for you, my lady! Hi-ho, Twilight, away!
(The Lone Ranger bit gets him nowhere but does earn him a dirty look from the noble steed.)
Twilight: And just what do you think you’re doing?
Spike: Please, Twilight. Just give me this?
Twilight: (groaning loudly) Fine.
(She rears up with a neigh and charges ahead; the door is reduced to scrap metal in an instant, and she stops.)
Spike: Lady Rarity, I’m here to save you!
(The green and purple eyes pop in surprise as all three talking Dogs run to them, shouting a babel of pleas and importunings. They wind up huddled in front of all five ponies and the little dragon knight.)
Twilight: Excuse me? (Rarity approaches from behind, serenely pulling a cart.)
Spot: So picky!
Fido: And critical!
Spot: She won’t stop talking!
Fido: And crying!
Rover: We, uh…give her back! Yes! (Spike jumps down.)
Spike: Rarity! (hugging her) You’re safe!
Rarity: Why, yes. Hello, girls. You arrived just in time to assist me.
Applejack: Assist you with what?
Rarity: (looking over shoulder) With those.
(She is referring to the half-dozen enormous carts parked down the way, each piled with jewels to at least twice its height. None of the six rescuers can believe their eyes.)
Spike: You’re letting her leave? With all these… (eyes widening greedily) …jewels?
Rover: Yes! Take them, and her with them!
Spot: Please!
(A knowing look passes between Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow; a moment later, Rarity is pulling her cartload out the door, leaving the trio to sigh and whimper over their loss. Dissolve to an overhead shot of the rocky woodland where all this silliness began. Each pony is pulling a cart, and Twilight has done away with her rope bridle.)
Pinkie: I can’t believe you found all these gems! (Ground level.)
Rainbow: Heh. I can’t believe you tricked all those Dogs!
Rarity: Just because I’m a lady, doesn’t mean I cannot handle myself in a sticky situation. I had them wrapped around my hoof the entire time.
Twilight: I can’t wait to write to Princess Celestia to tell her what you taught me today.
Rarity: (surprised) Me? What did I teach you?
Twilight: Just because somepony is ladylike, doesn’t make her weak. (Long shot of the group; zoom in slowly.) In fact, by using her wits, a seemingly defenseless pony can be the one who outsmarts and outshines them all.
(Back to the two on the end of this, then cut to Spike riding in one cart and munching on a gem.)
Spike: (mouth full) Mmm…“outshines” is right. Now you have enough gems to cover Sapphire Shores’s costumes. (Zoom out; he is in Rarity’s cart.)
Rarity: (smiling) Not if you eat them all, Spike.
(A quick bit of telekinesis whisks the half-eaten stone from his hand and teeth, and all six ponies laugh as the camera zooms out from them. Fade to black.)
GREEN ISN’T YOUR COLOR
Written by Meghan McCarthy
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to a waiting room in which Fluttershy sits on her haunches on a couch, reading a magazine. Behind her, checking a clipboard at a receptionist’s counter, is Lotus, the light blue pony seen at the end of “Bridle Gossip.” Her presence marks this location as the spa in which that scene took place. A spell is heard firing up outside, and the door bursts open with a jingle of the overhead bell to admit Rarity. She is wearing a bright blue hat trimmed with light blue fur and large green feathers, and she skids to a stop by the couch. The patch of sky visible through the doorway indicates daytime.)
Rarity: So sorry, Fluttershy. (levitating hat away) I hate being late for our weekly get-together. (to Lotus) The usual.
(The latter zips away with a smile. Wipe to a tray of heated rocks in a sauna room as water is poured over them, sending up clouds of steam. Tilt up to frame Lotus on the job, ladle in teeth.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) But you will not believe what happened to me.
(A shot of the entire room frames the two customers on the end of this—dressed in white robes and enjoying the heat. Rarity’s mane is wrapped in a towel, and her robe sports her initial.)
Fluttershy: Is everything all right?
Rarity: Oh, it’s much more than all right. I was on my way here, wearing my latest hat creation, when who should stop me on the street but Photo Finish!
Fluttershy: Photo Finish?
(More water is poured, filling the screen with fresh steam. When it clears, the view has changed to show the two standing on adjacent massage tables in another room. Fluttershy now has a towel on her mane as well, and Lotus uses a brush in her teeth to cover Rarity’s face with a mud mask.)
Rarity: She’s the most famous fashion photographer in all of Equestria.
(Close-up of Fluttershy, who gets a bit daubed onto each cheek by a mare who wears the same white shirt collar and headband as Lotus. Her mane is glossy light blue, her coat pink, a switch of the other’s colors; the two have identical pink collar gems and bright blue eyes with pale blue shadow. This is Aloe.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Anyhoo… (Back to her; both place cucumber slices on her eyes.) …she saw my hat and said it was absolutely marvelous! (Pan to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: What a lovely compliment.
[Animation goof: Aloe’s eyeshadow is pale blue in this shot and remains so from this point on in the series, indicating that the original pink was an error.]
(Now, as they lie on the tables, the two earth pony attendants zip about to look after them during the next line. Lotus slides a couple of cushions under Rarity’s forelegs and files her horn down a bit; Aloe brings a file over to Fluttershy but finds herself with no use for it. This shot reveals that she bears the same lotus-blossom cutie mark as her colleague.)
Rarity: She was so impressed that she wants to take some pictures at my shop, featuring some of my clothes!
(The pegasus gives Aloe a big squeaky grin, prompting the latter to back off.)
Fluttershy: That’s wonderful.
(Now Lotus and another earth pony mare start the massages, with Rarity getting a much more vigorous one from the second mare. The cucumbers are still on her eyes, and Fluttershy’s mud-mask spots are gone from her cheeks.)
Rarity: (voice vibrating) Dooo you knooowww what this could meeean for my fashion careeeer?
Fluttershy: Oh, Rarity, I’m so happy for you.
(Cut to a mud-bath room, where Rarity has removed her robe and mud mask and is getting a full-body seaweed wrap by Aloe and Lotus. Her cucumbers are still in place, and her mane and tail have been tied back; the towel is gone from her head.)
Rarity: But I’m going to need somepony fabulous to model for me.
(Zoom out; Fluttershy is already in an adjacent basin, sans head towel, and Rarity jumps into her own.)
Rarity: Somepony with beauty…somepony with grace…somepony… (Close-up.) …like you?
(Cut to Fluttershy, now cleaned up and back in her robe, and standing in a tub filled with water and flowers.)
Fluttershy: Oh, goodness, I don’t know. (Zoom out; Rarity stands in a second tub, similarly disposed and with cucumbers gone.)
Rarity: Oh, this is such a huge opportunity—and it would mean so much to me.
Fluttershy: I’m flattered, really.
Rarity: Nopony is going to have your elegance and poise.
Fluttershy: But—
Rarity: Nopony.
Fluttershy: There has to be somepony more qualif—
Rarity: Please?
Fluttershy: Somepony more into fashion.
Rarity: Please?
Fluttershy: Somepony more comfortable in the spotlight.
Rarity: Please, please, pleeeeease?
(She caps this bit of begging with the most pathetic pout she can muster up on no notice.)
Fluttershy: Oh, if it’s that important to you, of course I’ll do it. (Huge gasp from Rarity.)
Rarity: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. (Another one.) You are the best friend a pony could ever have!
(Dissolve to just outside the spa’s front door as the newly drafted model steps out, sighing blissfully, with Rarity just behind. Both have shed their spa accoutrements.)
Fluttershy: What a wonderful way to spend an afternoon.
Rarity: Isn’t it? Though I was so afraid you wouldn’t agree to model for me that I felt completely frazzled. (She stops and touches a spot on her face; Fluttershy continues on.) I think I feel a pimple coming on…oh! Only one solution!
(Cut to a folding screen inside the spa; it whips back, under her control, to show her back in her robe.)
Rarity: The usual!
(Aloe and Lotus cheerfully zip up to get on the case. Fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to Fluttershy standing on a spotlighted platform in the ground-floor showroom of the Carousel Boutique. She wears a dress covered in purple sequins, with magenta trim on the hem and saddle, as well as a matching sequined, feathered headdress. Rarity, now out of her spa robe, paces around to inspect the effect from all angles.)
Rarity: Hmmm…she’s going to want to see attitude and pizzazz.
Fluttershy: (stammering) Attitude and…pizzazz.
Rarity: More light! It has to catch the sequins just so or the whole outfit is just a disaster.
(On the end of this, cut to Twilight Sparkle elsewhere on the showroom floor. The glow from her horn tells that she has pulled lighting duty, and she intensifies it to bring up normal illumination on the platform and surrounding area.)
Rarity: Ooh, and the headdress needs more feathers. Pinkie Pie! More feathers!
(Now Pinkie Pie trots across the floor, a basket of feathers held in her teeth. Rarity levitates a few of these and fits them into place, causing the overall shape of the headdress to become more streamlined and swept back.)
Rarity: (gasping) And sequins! More sequins!
(Here comes Spike with a basketful, the dreamy look in his eyes doing nothing to hide his long-standing infatuation with the white unicorn. The contents are levitated and puffed over all of Fluttershy, who lets out a stifled little cry; the end result is to leave the entire outfit sparkling even more than it already did.)
Rarity: And more ribbon!
(Cut to Fluttershy, who gets a couple of blue bows slapped on the headdress by Spike.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Oh, no. Less ribbon. (He pulls them off.) No! More ribbon.
(Back on, annoying Fluttershy. Now Rarity checks her out from behind.)
Rarity: Oh, this hem is completely off! PINCUSHION!!
(This is the little dragon’s cue to get down to ground level post haste, presenting several pins stuck into his back. She levitates several of them away and waves him off impatiently; as he backs off, she begins to pin the hem.)
Rarity: Thank you all for helping me. I’m sorry to be so short with you, but I’m—I’m just so nervous. (Cut to Spike, still backing up.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Ooh! (Zoom out; he reaches Twilight and Pinkie.) Doesn’t that hurt?
Spike: Thick scales. Can’t feel a thing. And even if I could… (eyeing Rarity) …there is no pain that would keep me from assisting…the most beautiful creature in the world.
(Twilight gives him a very funny look and groans loudly as Rarity walks off. Now he turns back to the pair.)
Spike: I’m gonna tell you two a secret, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.
Twilight: I promise.
Pinkie: Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
(She mimes each bit of this rhyme, ending it by poking a front hoof into one closed eye. Satisfied with this vow of secrecy, Spike beckons them closer, the camera zooming in step by step as they move so near that the three noses are almost touching.)
Spike: (whispering) I have a crush on Rarity.
(Twilight gives him an even funnier look at what has to be the worst-kept secret in Ponyville; Pinkie, on the other hand, starts into a Force Five gasp and claps hooves to mouth to stifle it.)
Pinkie: We won’t say a word!
Twilight: Gimme a break. Everypony already knows how you—
Pinkie: Twilight! You promised Spike you wouldn’t say anything.
(Cut to him, with Fluttershy and Rarity in the background.)
Pinkie: (from o.s., pointing at him) He trusts you. (He does the big sad soulful eyes.) And losing a friend’s trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever! (Back to Twilight.)
Twilight: But—
Pinkie: (menacingly) Forrrreeeeverrrr!
Twilight: My lips are sealed. (Pinkie smiles.) Though I’m pretty sure Rarity is gonna pick up on your feelings.
(A close-up of Spike’s face and zoom out show that he has donned a white T-shirt emblazoned with Rarity’s face inside a heart. The bell above the front door jingles; quick pan to it, where a trio of earth pony mares have just come in. The two off to either side are outlandish enough in hairstyle and clothing, but the one in the middle takes the prize. Light blue coat; straight, light gray mane cut in a bobbed style; dark gray dress striped with white on the blouse and around the hem; short magenta scarf with matching diamond-shaped accents on the skirt; sunglasses with dark gray frames and magenta lenses that completely hide her eyes. This is Photo Finish, who speaks with a thick German accent and turns to show her long tail on the next line. Her dress covers her cutie mark.)
Photo: I, Photo Finish… (Zoom in on her face.) …have arrived. (Rarity crosses the floor to her.)
Rarity: Let me just say what an honor…
(The photographer passes her without a word and stops in an open section of floor.)
Photo: We begin… (A fourth mare slides a case up to her and jumps clear.) …now!
(At a tap from her hoof, the case pops open and sets itself up as an old-style camera on a tripod, complete with flashbulb attachment and extendable “bellows” lens. Rarity ducks in for a last-minute talk with Fluttershy.)
Rarity: (whispering) Attitude and pizzazz!
(She darts away, an instant before Photo starts snapping pictures of one very uncomfortable pegasus.)
Photo: Yes! Show Photo Finish something!
(Back to the platform, where Fluttershy rises up on her hind legs.)
Photo: (from o.s.) No! (Hunker down; whimper; back to her.) Yeees!
(Another picture taken; at a signal from Rarity, Fluttershy props her chin up on a hoof and stretches her face with a smile.)
Photo: (from o.s.) No! (Dejected slump.) Yeees!
(Picture. The maven’s style choices leave Rarity stymied, but she strikes a new pose for Fluttershy to copy: head and one foreleg lifted proudly, the other three legs planted wide.)
Photo: No! (Huddle all the way down.) Yeees! (Picture, then one more.) ENOUGH!
(The camera folds up and its deliverer zips in, flipping the case up off the ground. None of the locals are quite sure what to make of this chain of events as Photo heads for the door.)
Twilight: (to Pinkie) She hardly took any pictures. (Rarity levitates Fluttershy’s headdress away.)
Fluttershy: (to Rarity) I’m so sorry. I tried my best.
Rarity: Well, the headdress is too big for you and the cape had too much sparkle. I can’t believe I ever thought I could impress her.
(The pity party is cut off by Photo’s sudden return to the showroom floor.)
Photo: It seems that I, Photo Finish, have found the next fashion star here in Ponyville.
Rarity: (brightening) Really?
Photo: Yes, really. And I, Photo Finish, am going to help her to shine all over Equestria!
(Those words get a big squeaky grin onto Rarity’s face in a hurry. The hem of Photo’s dress shifts slightly during this line, giving a split-second glimpse of her cutie mark: a six-pointed pink star surrounded by smaller white ones.)
Photo: Tomorrow, a photo shoot in the park. (Long pause.) I go!
(She makes good on those last two words at top speed, followed by her entourage. Rarity steps to the door to watch their exit, then smiles back to the rest of the room.)
Rarity: Did you hear that? I am going to “shine all over Equestria”!
Fluttershy: Oh, Rarity, I was so worried I’d ruined everything.
Rarity: Oh, never. I knew you’d be perfect.
(She has kept at least eighty percent of her composure through this, but now she has to bite her lower lip as it starts to slip away. Finally she lets go with a giggle and a jumpy fit of wild laughter, taking no account whatever of the fact that every bound brings a hoof down on the end of Spike’s tail. Even he does not mind too much, a grimace of pain alternating with the soppy grin that has Krazy-Glued itself to his face. Twilight has to clamp her teeth around one of the spines on his head and drag him away.)
(Dissolve to the park outside Ponyville. Rarity pushes a rack of dresses—some of which are her designs for the Grand Galloping Gala—past the fountain and behind a folding screen, where Fluttershy is waiting. She no longer wears the sequined dress. Cut to the screen’s top edge; outfits are flung up and over in time with the next line. The last one to go is the red/yellow dress Twilight had originally planned to wear to the Gala before Rarity offered to do the new batch.)
Rarity: (from behind screen) No…no…no…yes!
(Longer shot; she whisks the screen back to reveal Fluttershy’s new threads: a white jumpsuit with light blue jewel accents around the collar, hooves, and jacket hem.)
Rarity: That is definitely the one. Photo Finish is going to love it! (Fluttershy lifts a foreleg and flaps.) Everypony is going to love it!
Fluttershy: Oh, I am so excited for you. Just don’t forget us little ponies when you become the most famous designer in all of Equestria.
Rarity: Never. (Huge smile from Fluttershy.)
Photo: (from o.s.) Put me down here!
(Cut to her, being carried on a small litter by two stallions. They kneel, bringing her low enough so that she can easily jump down; behind them are the two garishly dressed mares who accompanied her to the Carousel Boutique. They zip around the stallions to flank Photo, who gets one look at Fluttershy and swiftly changes her tune.)
Photo: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. (turning away) The model should be in something simple! Something inspired by…the nature!
(Her comments have left both model and designer completely flummoxed.)
Rarity: (recovering herself) That’s just what I was thinking!
(In a blink, she is back at the rack to look over the choices; finding nothing to her liking, she shoves the whole thing away.)
Rarity: Um, give me a moment and I’ll, uh, put a little something together.
Photo: Yes, that will not be necessary.
Rarity: (as Photo walks past) But…but…how are you going to help me “shine across Equestria” if I don’t design something new for these pictures?
Photo: I am not going to help you shine across Equestria. (looking off to side) I am going to help her shine.
(On “her,” the camera pans to that side to reveal that she is referring to Fluttershy, who gasps softly before the two mares start to gently bulldoze her along.)
Photo: She is my star. (to Rarity) You, go!
(The equine designer pulls in a moaning gasp as Photo and her assistants escort Fluttershy away, and one blue eye starts to jitter a bit in its socket. Snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to the photo shoot being set up in the park. As Photo talks with her staff in the background, Rarity has another look at the rack of dresses she brought along. Fluttershy is now in a translucent, light green one accented with flowers on the shoulders and headband. Cut to these two.)
Fluttershy: I can’t, Rarity.
Rarity: Oh, but you must, Fluttershy. Photo Finish wants to make you a star. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. I know we were both hoping it would be my lifetime, but nonetheless you can’t throw away this chance. You must do this for me. (quietly, but with growing intensity) You must. You must! You must!
Photo: (from o.s.) Fluttershy! (Cut to frame her.) It is time to make…the magics!
(Fluttershy glances nervously at Rarity, who gives her the biggest encouraging grin that will fit onto her face, and heads toward the camera crew. After she has turned away, the grin disappears and Rarity slowly slinks away.)
Photo: Oh, wunderbar! You are like a delicate flower. (moving o.s.; pan to Rarity) So much more alluring without all your sparkles und feathers.
(The crestfallen unicorn lets off an almost inaudible sigh as she makes her exit. Dissolve to her upper-story workroom/bedroom in the Carousel Boutique. She is glumly running a piece of black fabric through the sewing machine, but stops at the sound of the door opening. Here come Twilight, an overly excited Pinkie, and Spike. He no longer wears the T-shirt with Rarity’s picture, and the pins are gone from his back.)
Pinkie: How’d it go, how’d it go?
Rarity: It didn’t.
(Draping the cloth over herself, she ties it around her neck—it is a cape or cloak.)
Rarity: Photo Finish wanted to work with Fluttershy, not me.
Twilight: Oh, Rarity, I’m so sorry. Is there anything we can do? (Rarity flips the cloak’s hood up onto her head.)
Rarity: I just… (like Greta Garbo) …vant to be alone right now.
(The two visiting ponies start to cross the room toward her, but are stopped by Spike.)
Spike: You heard her. (ushering them out) She vants to be…alone.
(Having disposed of them, he begins to skip across the room with hearts floating from his head—but Twilight ducks back in to yank him out tail first. All three end up just outside the door.)
Spike: What? I didn’t think she meant alone alone.
(Dissolve to a dressing room, where Fluttershy is getting her outfit and makeup worked on. One side of her mane is piled on her head in waves and held back by a lace band, the dress now has three shades of green and a short-sleeved blouse fronted with lace, and blue-green sandals are on her front hooves. Photo supervises the work. One mare adjusts the skirt, a second squirts perfume over her from an atomizer, and a third goes to work with a makeup brush, leaving both cheeks heavily tinted. Photo thinks for a moment.)
Photo: Too much blush.
(Close-up of Fluttershy; the excess is scrubbed off with enough force to leave her eyes rattling in their sockets for a moment.)
Photo: (from o.s.) Not enough. (Reapply.) Too much. (Scrub off.) Not enough.
(It is reapplied once more, leaving Fluttershy a bit out of sorts; zoom out to frame Photo.)
Photo: Perfect.
(The copious powder use sends Fluttershy into the windup for a sneeze, but when it finally comes, it is very mild and barely audible.)
Photo: Oh, yes! Even her sneezes are graceful! (Back to Fluttershy and the three assistants; she continues o.s.) Now go!
(The three bug out, dropping their tools, and their boss crosses to escort Fluttershy out.)
Photo: How do you feel? Excited? Overjoyed? Thrilled beyond your wildest dreams? (They stop.)
Fluttershy: Nervous.
Photo: Nervous? Don’t be ridiculous. You’re only facing a large crowd of ponies who will be watching your every move and silently judging you.
(They are standing near a curtained doorway, through which a soft groove is heard—the same as that used during the first fashion show in “Suited for Success.” The music throws a start into Photo for an instant.)
Photo: Your cue! (body-checking Fluttershy out) Now go!
(When the pegasus straightens up from the hit, she finds herself standing on a runway, under multiple spotlights and surrounded by a dense crowd of spectators. Flashbulb pop here and there in the large auditorium; the unease she feels comes through in her face loud and clear. Nevertheless, she starts down the runway.)
Fluttershy: (to herself) You can’t let Rarity down. You must do this. You must. You must. You must.
(She cringes a bit before the glare of the flashbulbs, but the crowd launches into a round of cheers and stomping applause.)
Mare 1: So graceful.
Mare 2: So lovely. (Fluttershy starts to enjoy herself.)
Hoity Toity: (from o.s., gasping) So perfect for my new advertisement!
(That throws a scare right back into her. The view now shifts to display a series of four pictures of Fluttershy, one at a time and each featuring a different outfit. The fourth depicts Photo gesturing to Fluttershy while speaking at a lectern for a group of photographers. She next appears on a magazine cover in a white/light blue outfit with matching shoes and hat, then on another with black-dyed streaks in her pink mane.)
(The screen flashes white and resolves to a long train of carriages, hooked one to the next, arriving at well-attended red carpet event. Fluttershy emerges from the last one and, accompanied by Photo, proceeds past the crowd and a stallion on doorman duty to enter a theater. Rarity, wearing her hat from the prologue but not the black cloak, tries to follow them only to have the velvet rope hooked back into place. She throws the attendant an indignant glare and huff.)
(Now the unlikely model’s image crops up on baskets of apples being set out by Applejack. A zoom out reveals that she has her entire stand loaded up with the containers, a sight that does nothing to improve Rarity’s mood. She looks upward with a gasp; cut to the sky, where Rainbow Dash flies along pulling a banner that shows Fluttershy enjoying a particular brand of carrot juice. At ground level, Rarity growls softly to herself as the camera zooms in.)
(Dissolve to a newsstand in Ponyville proper and zoom in slowly. The vendor has crates of one of Fluttershy’s magazine issues stacked up behind the counter, and three customers are reading eagerly. Fluttershy tries to walk past as unobtrusively as possible, but soon gets noticed.)
Mare 3: It’s Fluttershy!
(All three readers start chasing her down the street; she rounds a corner only to find several determined photographers and fans over here. As the crowd’s shouts mingle with the shutter clicks, she lifts off to get out of earshot and camera range. She does not expect is to run flat into a pegasus stallion photog, but this is exactly what happens; he and two other airborne paparazzi quickly train their lenses on her and snap away. Finally she flees the area as fast as her wings can move her.)
(Cut to a close-up of Rarity’s sewing machine in action, this time stitching a length of bright magenta fabric. Tilt up slightly to frame all of the depressed seamstress, who has shed the feathered hat; she looks up at the sound of the bell over the front door. Down on the ground floor, Fluttershy has slipped in and closed it, ducking to stay below the line of sight of the clamoring, camera-wielding fans at the windows. Among them is Lemon Hearts, the yellow unicorn mare who was part of the trio that tried to invite Twilight to a party in “Mare in the Moon.” Rarity comes downstairs.)
Rarity: (with forced politeness) Wow. Look how popular you are. (Big fake grin.) I’m so excited for you! (letting it drop) You must be having the best time ever.
(As she claps the grin back in place, Fluttershy crosses to her.)
Fluttershy: (with zero enthusiasm) Oh, yes. Best time ever. (Door opens; bell jingles.)
Photo: (from o.s.) Fluttershy! (She gallops over.) I have been looking for you everywhere. We have the thing at the place!
Fluttershy: (to Rarity, as Photo leaves) I’ll see you at the spa? Our usual time?
Rarity: Of course! I can’t wait to hear all about the… (smile fading) …thing at the place.
(At the door, one stripe-sleeved foreleg reaches in to yank Fluttershy out. Now Rarity lets her true feelings show with a groan and a sullen slump.)
Rarity: I’m the one who should be mobbed by strangers wherever I go!
(The sound of the opening door and jingling bell snap the envious unicorn back into customer-greeting mode.)
Rarity: Welcome to Carousel Boutique!
(Cut to the door; Berry Punch and Bon Bon have just come in.)
Bon Bon: Is she still here? We heard Fluttershy was here.
Rarity: (sullenly, slumping) Sorry, you just missed her. (brightening, showing off dress rack) But you’re still in luck. I’m having a huge sale on some of my best designs. (The two mares trade a puzzled look.)
Bon Bon: And you are…? (Cut to Rarity.)
Rarity: Rarity, of course.
Bon Bon: (from o.s.) Never heard of you.
(The red flush on Rarity’s cheeks and the teapot singing in her head tell how close she is to boiling over, and her frustrated groan does nothing to improve things as the camera zooms in on her. Wipe to a jumbo-size reproduction of a photo of Fluttershy, unclothed and ill at ease, mounted on a wall, and pan quickly to a second and a third. The camera then cuts to a long shot of this room, which showcases several of these pictures under spotlights, and zooms in. Photo addresses a group of photographers, with Fluttershy by her side.)
Photo: Obviously, I, Photo Finish, am thrilled to have found her. (Flashes pop.)
Fluttershy: Photo Finish?
Photo: (ignoring her) She’s a natural in front of the camera.
Fluttershy: (a bit louder) Um, Photo Finish?
Photo: (still ignoring her) I only need to point and shoot, and I capture… (Zoom out slightly.) …the magics!
(More cameras snap, accompanied by a scramble of shouted questions. They fall quiet when Fluttershy speaks up next.)
Fluttershy: Photo Finish, I’m so sorry to interrupt. It’s just that I’m running late. (Photo gasps loudly.)
Photo: How could I have forgotten? Your appearance at the ballet opening! Everypony who’s anypony will be there!
Fluttershy: Oh, actually, I’m supposed to be meeting my friend—
Photo: We go!
(She pushes Fluttershy out of the room. Wipe to the large hot tub at the spa; Rarity is already in it, her mane wrapped in a towel, and moans as a robed Twilight walks up.)
Rarity: My hooves are getting positively pruney, I’ve been waiting here so long.
(She holds up one wrinkled, waterlogged hoof; close-up of it, zooming out to frame her.)
Rarity: (very snarky) Obviously Fluttershy’s just too busy with her new career to spend time with her best friend!
Twilight: I’m sure she just got tied up.
Rarity: Of course she did. She’s a big bright shining star! I wish that star would burn out!
Twilight: (shocked) Rarity, Fluttershy is your friend.
Rarity: I know, I know! And I should be happy for her, but instead I’m just… (groaning) …jealous! Oh, please promise you won’t tell her I feel this way. (bending over backwards) Please, please, please, please, pleeeeease!
Twilight: You have my word. Losing a friend’s trust is the fastest way to lose a friend. (Pinkie pops out of a basket of sponges.)
Pinkie: (menacingly, drawn-out) Forrrreverrrr!
(It should be noted at this point that the basket in question is far too small to hold a pony any bigger than, say, Apple Bloom. Nevertheless, Pinkie sinks as far into it as she can as Twilight tries to figure out how she pulled this one off. Cut to a folding screen, where a robe is hung up on the top edge and Rarity steps out. She has changed into a dress with a red/white-striped blouse and sash and a pink skirt trimmed in red flowers.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Wow! (Close-up of her, out of the robe.) You look great!
Rarity: Fluttershy may be the one who’s famous, but that doesn’t mean I have to stop looking fabulous.
(The violet unicorn, now in the bath, relaxes into the steaming water as the door closes o.s. Her reverie is short and promptly broken by the next word.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Rarity? (She flies in.) I’m so sorry I’m…
(Noticing that the wrong unicorn is in the bath, she drops to the ground and looks about.)
Fluttershy: Oh, no. She’s already gone, isn’t she?
Twilight: Sorry.
Fluttershy: Oh, I can’t believe this. I am so frustrated, I could just scream!
(She pulls in a few bushels of air and lets it rip as a tiny, high-pitched squeak.)
Twilight: Feel better?
Fluttershy: (sighing) No. (She flies up to tub level.) Can I tell you something?
Twilight: Of course. (Fluttershy lands on the tub platform.)
Fluttershy: You promise not to tell Rarity?
Twilight: I swear.
Fluttershy: Pinkie Pie swear?
Twilight: (miming) Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my—
(The oath ends with a yell of pain as she jabs a hoof into her eye without closing it first. Fluttershy mulls over the botch for a second, then makes up her mind that it will have to do.)
Fluttershy: I don’t like being a model. No. I hate being a model. All this attention is awful, just awful! (Cut to Twilight; she continues o.s.) And I’m only doing it because Rarity told me I must. (Back to her.) I must. I must! (sighing) I must.
Twilight: Oh! (smiling) Really? Well…
(She takes a quick look around to make sure the coast is clear, then leans over to Fluttershy and beckons her closer.)
Twilight: (hushed) If you want to know the truth, Rarity—
(Before she can spill the beans, a disapproving Pinkie pops out of the sponge basket again. She shakes her head vigorously, mimes zipping her mouth shut to emphasize the need for secrecy, and drops out of sight.)
Fluttershy: Oh, what were you about to say? (Pinkie up again.)
Pinkie: (whispering, menacingly, to Twilight) Foreverrrr!
(Down she goes.)
Twilight: (smiling nervously) Nothing.
(Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to a patch of peaceful sky and tilt down to a busy Ponyville street. Through the buzz of activity, Twilight strolls alongside Fluttershy, who has donned an oversized floppy hat and a pair of equally oversized sunglasses. None of the other ponies take any notice of her.)
Twilight: I was just thinking. If you really don’t like being a model, you could always quit.
Fluttershy: Oh, no. I could never do such a thing. Rarity would be devastated.
Twilight: But Rarity told me—
(They are brought up short by the emergence of Pinkie’s head from a nearby apple bin, as seen when the camera pans slightly to frame it. Twilight gasps softly; the pink spy shakes her head, balances an apple on a front hoof, and takes a large, slow bite. Her eyes widen and shine as she chews the mouthful and swallows part of it.)
Pinkie: (smiling, aside) Mmm! Juicy!
(Twilight and Fluttershy continue down the street; Twilight groans loudly as Pinkie keeps eating the apple.)
Fluttershy: Oh, if only all these ponies didn’t like me so much, Photo Finish wouldn’t want me to model anymore. She’d find somepony else with... (imitating Photo’s pose) …the magic.
Twilight: I guess you’re right.
(An idea claps her on the back of the head, making her smile.)
Twilight: You’re right! (capering, knocking Fluttershy’s disguise off) You’re right, you’re right, you’re right!
(The yellow pegasus gasps at having her incognito trip ruined.)
Mare 4: It’s Fluttershy!
(Both ponies are promptly mobbed by Fluttershy’s fans. Wipe to a group of cupcakes, all but one of which have been frosted and topped with apple slices. That one gets its frosting applied on the next line.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Don’t you see? On her own, Fluttershy could never do something unattractive.
(Longer shot; the cupcakes are on the counter in the Sugarcube Corner kitchen, and Pinkie is doing the decorating with an icing bag in her teeth. Twilight stands next to her.)
Twilight: But if I use my magic to help her do something unattractive at her next fashion show, no one will ever want her to model again. And if Fluttershy no longer has to be a model, Rarity will no longer have to be jealous of her, and I’ll no longer have to keep their secrets! (clapping hooves) It’s the perfect plan! (leaning close to Pinkie) You can’t tell anyone about it. Promise me you won’t tell anyone?
(Without a word, Pinkie mimes the following. She zips her mouth shut, moves to a clear patch of floor, digs a hole, drops something into it, fills in the hole, draws an outline of something in the air, and extends a foreleg.)
Twilight: (very puzzled) So you do promise, or you don’t? (Pinkie zips back to her.)
Pinkie: Uh, yes! (turning head upside down) Obviously, that’s why I—
(She zips back to the open patch, flipping her head again, and goes through the routine while describing it.)
Pinkie: —zipped my mouth closed, then locked it with a key, then dug a hole, then buried the key, then built a house on top of the hole where I buried the key, then moved into the house on top of the hole.
(“Locked it with a key” is accompanied by the gesture of taking a key from a lock, which was not in the first-run routine. As Pinkie traces out the house, a dotted-line picture of it briefly appears and then fades away. She moves back to the counter with a big squeaky grin once the performance is finished.)
Twilight: (dryly) Obviously.
(Dissolve to a packed auditorium where a runway has been set up for the aforementioned fashion show, along with plenty of spotlights and music. Photo is in the front row; backstage, Fluttershy nervously paces in the three-hued green dress she wore for her first fashion show. Twilight is back here as well.)
Fluttershy: You really think it’ll work?
Twilight: They love you for being you. So all I have to do is make you not be you. Just leave it to me.
(Out onstage, the hapless model backs up into view and is swiftly picked out by a light that makes her screw one eye up against its glare. Rarity slips in at the back of the room, clad in a cape done in shades of magenta and blue and with her mane pinned up behind a matching hat/headdress styled to fit around her horn. This can only be the outfit she began to work on late in Act Two. Zoom in on her.)
Rarity: Guess it’s time to see what all the fuss is about.
(As Fluttershy advances along the runway, her fellow conspirator peeks out through the curtain and gets her horn in gear. Her magic envelops Fluttershy’s entire body, lifting her clear of the stage and dumping her onto her face. Shocked gasps from the crowd, including Photo, and the needle gets yanked off the record. Various bits and pieces of Fluttershy’s body proceed to do their own thing for the next few seconds, after which she winds up spreadeagle on the floor. A round of exclamations from the crowd, along with Photo going over in a faint.)
(Now the yellow wings get into the act, flapping to scoot their owner face first along the runway; more gasps, and she finds herself flying upside down with all four hooves pistoning wildly. Rarity smiles at the sight, which gets even worse when one of Fluttershy’s sandal-clad front hooves jams itself into her nostril and starts rooting around. More gasps; the nose-picking ends, but a rear hoof goes to work scratching as if trying to get rid of fleas. Her head shakes wildly from side to side, and she actually barks like a dog. Neither Rarity nor any of the spectators can believe their eyes; there is yet another round of indignant cries which transition into hearty booing.)
Rarity: Oh, no. (Fluttershy brays like a donkey; more gasps.)
Carrot Top: Get her off the stage!
Lemon: She’s an embarrassment to all things fashion! (Photo is now back upright.)
Photo: I, Photo Finish, have made a terrible mistake!
(Rarity and Twilight eye the fiasco from opposite ends of the room—the former with concern, the latter with satisfaction, as seen when the camera cuts to each. Stay on Twilight.)
Rarity: (from o.s., applauding) Bravo! I say, bravo!
(This response catches not just Twilight, but the entire audience by surprise.)
Mare 1: “Bravo”? Who could possibly say “bravo” to that horrid display? (Cut to the back of the room.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Such attitude! Such pizzazz! She’s invented an entirely new kind of modeling! Bravo!
Mare 1: (over last “bravo”) Who is saying these things?
Mare 2: (gasping, pointing) It’s her!
(All eyes follow her hoof, as does the camera in a quick pan that stops on Rarity—now standing in full view at the back of the room. She keeps stomping her applause and shouting “bravo” under the following.)
Mare 2: (from o.s.) The unicorn in the gorgeous cape and headdress! (Close-up of her hooves, tilting up to give a full view of the ensemble.)
Mare 1: (from o.s.) Now that is a pony who clearly knows a thing or two about fashion. (Back to the pair.) Well, if that fabulous pony likes it, then I do too. (stomping applause) Bravo!
(The crowd quickly joins in, throwing confusion into both the pegasus on the runway and the unicorn behind the curtain. The former hangs her head with a resigned moan.)
(Wipe to a fruit basket on a table, with Fluttershy partly visible behind it. She is out of the dress, and she lifts her head into view after a moment. The butterfly on the door, and the birdhouse hanging from the ceiling, suggest that this area is her dressing room.)
Fluttershy: This is awful! Just awful! (Cut to frame Twilight also in the room.) Somehow I’ve become more popular than ever. Oh, I’m so frustrated, I could just kick something!
(She hoists her rump off the floor and pulls in both rear legs for a buck—but when it comes, it has barely enough force to wobble a vase behind her.)
Fluttershy: If only Rarity didn’t want me to be a model so badly.
Twilight: (groaning loudly) But Rarity—
(One of her own front hooves stops the revelation in its tracks when she stuffs it into her mouth. She pulls it out as Rarity bursts in.)
Rarity: Fluttershy, are you all right?
Fluttershy: (forcing a smile) I’m great. I’m a super-famous fashion model. Why wouldn’t I be great?
Twilight: Because you have—
(This time, both front hooves go in her mouth and she goes flat on the floor.)
Rarity: Out there on the runway, everyone was turning on you and…ooh…oh, Fluttershy, it’s so awful… (very small voice) …I wanted them to.
Fluttershy: You did? (Twilight is back up, hooves out of mouth.)
Twilight: Of course she did! Because—
(Now she stuffs in the contents of the fruit basket to shut her own trap. Long pause.)
Rarity: I’m jealous! (Close-up.) I wanted all the attention, and instead it was going to you! I even started hoping that you would do something silly so your modeling career would be over.
(Pan to Fluttershy on the end of this; she reacts with visible unease.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) But then, when it started happening, all I could think was… (Cut to frame both.) …“How could I want you to fail at something you love so much?”
(Twilight zips over, a hair from total panic and with no fruit in her mouth.)
Twilight: But…Fluttershy doesn’t—
(She screws up her face with a little grunt, rushes across the room, and shoves her entire head into a flowerpot occupied by a very large plant.)
Fluttershy: Love? Oh, Rarity, I hate being a model.
Rarity: You do?
Fluttershy: More than anything.
Rarity: Then why did you keep doing it? (Cut to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: I was afraid if I quit, you’d be mad at me for not wanting to “shine all over Equestria.” (Pan to Rarity.)
Rarity: And I thought if I told you how jealous I was of your success, you’d think I was a terrible friend.
Fluttershy: Never.
Rarity: All this time…
Fluttershy: If we’d just told each other the truth… (Both smile.)
Rarity: I promise never to keep my feelings a secret again.
Fluttershy: Me too.
Fluttershy, Rarity: (miming) Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. (They laugh; Photo peeks into the room.)
Photo: You were brilliant. Brilliant! I’ve already got six photo shoots lined up for tomorrow alone.
Fluttershy: I’m sorry, Photo Finish, but I don’t think I’ll be able to make any of them. (Close-up of Photo.)
Photo: Whaaat? (Zoom out to frame Fluttershy and Rarity.)
Fluttershy, Rarity: (high-fiving) We go!
(The designer and the ex-model exit laughing.)
Photo: (very puzzled) What has just happened?
(Back to Twilight, whose head is still stuffed in the flowerpot; she yanks it loose.)
Twilight: Spike has a crush on Rarity!
(She claps a hoof over her mouth, realizing that she has just given up the one secret out of three that has no bearing whatsoever on the current situation. Near her is a vanity with a mirror, in which Pinkie’s image pops up.)
Pinkie: (sighing disappointedly, shaking her head) And you were doing so well.
(Wipe to Fluttershy in the hot tub at the spa.)
Fluttershy: Now this is a wonderful way to spend an afternoon.
(Cut to Rarity, fully seaweed-wrapped and cucumbered up, in the sauna.)
Rarity: Isn’t it, though?
(Cut to Twilight in one of the individual baths.)
Twilight: (dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia: Being a good friend means being able to keep a secret. But you should never be afraid to share your true feelings with a good friend.” (addressing herself o.s.) Did you get all that, Spike? (Cut to him, annoyed, on the floor.)
Spike: No. I did not. (behind his hand) I still can’t believe you told someone about my secret feelings for Rarity!
Twilight: You’re right. That was wrong of me, and I’m very sorry.
(Back to him. The backdrop behind him has changed; its color and rising steam suggest that he has moved into the sauna. He smiles.)
Spike: Apology accepted.
Twilight: Now will you take down my letter to Princess Celestia?
Spike: I would love to.
(In a longer shot, he is indeed in the sauna, using a fan with the heart/Rarity-face design from his previous T-shirt to move air above the real McCoy.)
Spike: But I’m a little busy at the moment.
(Back to Twilight, who rolls her eyes and sighs with a smile. Zoom in slowly and fade to black.)
OVER A BARREL
Written by Dave Polsky
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to a stretch of railroad tracks running through a sun-baked desert landscape during the day. A train, pulled by a team of ponies, rumbles across the screen, and a close-up of the locomotive picks out its wheels, steam whistle, and motive power. This last takes the form of four earth pony stallions, all wearing striped engineer’s caps and red bandanas around their necks. The focus shifts to the caboose; through its closed window, a silhouette can be seen reading. Zoom in slowly to the sound of its voice, whose tone suggests a bedtime story.)
Applejack: And that’s when the yellow birdie thought to himself, “Hmm. My favorite little tree isn’t such a little tree anymore.”
(Inside, she is reading the story to something large and brown, tucked into a bed under an apple-patterned blanket.)
Applejack: So she sang her song big and strong, and they all lived in that great big tree happily ever after. The end.
(She puts the book away and tugs the blanket up a bit farther. Pan to the caboose door, where a most indignant Rarity is standing.)
Rarity: Applejack! Were you reading a bedtime story to—
(The next cut, to Applejack’s end of the car, frames the bed and its occupant fully. The former is hung with curtains that can be closed to block the light; the latter is…)
Rarity: (from o.s.) —an apple tree?
Applejack: Heh… (Back to Rarity; she continues o.s.) …uh… (To her; Rarity approaches.) …well, you know, bein’ replanted in a whole new place is very upsettin’ for a tree. (fluffing its leaves) And Bloomberg here is one of my favorites.
Rarity: No fair, Applejack! You’ve got a luxurious private sleeper car for a tree, while I am crowded and cramped in the same car with all the other ponies!
(Back to Applejack on the end of this; next Rarity gets in close.)
Rarity: (whining) How am I supposed to get my beauty sleep?
Applejack: But Bloomberg’s the whole reason we’re makin’ this trip. He needs his rest so we can give him as a gift to my relatives in Appleloosa.
Rarity: Hmph! You talk about it as if it’s your baby or something.
Applejack: (needled) Who you callin’ a baby? Bloomberg’s no baby!
(In a flurry of hoofsteps, she turns to the bed and snuggles with the dense foliage.)
Applejack: (baby talk) Don’t wet wittle Wawity make you all saddy-waddy. Bloomberg’s a big and strong apple tree. Yes he is.
(Back to the prissy unicorn, whose expression suggests that she might like to throw Applejack from the train.)
Applejack: (from o.s.) A-coochie-coochie-coo-coo-coo. (Cut to frame all three.)
Rarity: It’s wittle Rarity who’s all saddy-waddy.
(She heads for the door with a frustrated grunt, but Applejack pays no mind whatever. Fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to the train still speeding across the desert. It is now nighttime, and the sound of laughter and conversation can be heard from within. Dissolve to the interior of a sleeping car; at the far end, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash have taken two pairs of bunk-style berths. In the foreground, the end of a purple tail in curlers hangs into view, marking Rarity’s upper berth, and a large lump is visible under the blankets in the one beneath her. Zoom in on her tail and cut to her, trying—and failing—to get to sleep with all this hubbub.)
Rarity: (covering ears, jamming pillow over head) For crying out loud in the morning!
(Tilt down to the lower berth; Spike sticks his head out from under the blankets with a groan. The four ponies fall silent when he speaks.)
Spike: Do you guys mind? I was up early fire-roasting those snacks you’re all eating, and I’m pooped!
(A camera shift during this line frames a box of popcorn that Rainbow has been snacking on.)
Rainbow: Uh, speaking of, some of these popcorn kernels didn’t get popped.
Spike: Okay, fine.
(Back to the blue pegasus; her eyes pop and she ducks down, barely avoiding his blast of green fire. It burns the popcorn to a cinder, leaving a single intact kernel that pops after a moment and ricochets off her face.)
Spike: Good night! (He stuffs himself back under covers.)
Twilight: Uh…maybe it’s time we all got a little shut-eye. We’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.
(Pan to Spike’s berth as she puts out the light, darkening the entire car. He is snoring to beat five bands.)
Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rainbow: (from o.s.) Awwww…
(The next eight lines are delivered in whispers.)
Rainbow: (from o.s.) Pssst! Pinkie Pie! You asleep yet?
Pinkie: (from o.s.) No. Are you asleep yet? (Rainbow sits up, holding a lit candle.)
Rainbow: If I was sleeping, how could I have asked you if you were asleep? (Pinkie sits up.)
Pinkie: Oh, yeah. (Giggle.)
Rainbow: When we get to Appleloosa, you think we’ll have to carry that heavy tree all the way from the train to the orchard?
Pinkie: What tree? You mean Bloomberg?
Rainbow: (sarcastically) No. Fluttershy.
Pinkie: Fluttershy’s not a tree, silly.
(Rainbow looks at her askance, finding it hard to believe that she could have missed the snark; now Twilight sits up by the candle. She speaks at normal volume, while the other two keep their voices down.)
Twilight: What’s going on?
Pinkie: Rainbow Dash thinks Fluttershy’s a tree.
Rainbow: I do not think she’s a tree! I was just—
Twilight: Did you say she was a tree?
Rainbow: No—well, yes—but—not exactly—
Twilight: You know she’s not a tree, right?
Pinkie: She’s not a tree, Dashie. (Fluttershy sits up.)
Fluttershy: I’d like to be a tree. (Spike sits up, in silhouette.)
Spike: Oh, for Pete’s sake!
(Grabbing his pillow, he jumps out of his berth; stomping little footsteps and a door creak and slam mark his exit from the sleeping car.)
Twilight: Well, that was kinda huffy.
Fluttershy: (smiling) Huffy the magic dragon!
(The two laugh over the pun, with Pinkie and Rainbow joining in until Rarity’s silhouette sits up.)
Rarity: (with growing rancor) Would you all be quiet, NOW!!
(On this last word, enough of the candle’s glare hits her to pick out the curlers in her mane, the mud mask on her face, and the cucumber slices on her eyes. The half-shadows combine with these details to make one strange and frightening visage, which prompts the other four ponies to yell in fear and blow out the candle, blacking out the screen.)
(Snap to a very dimly lit patch of floor. A shaft of light slashes diagonally across the view; tilt up to frame its source—Spike, standing at an open doorway with his pillow.)
Spike: (whispering) Bloomberg?
(He is in the caboose, then, and shuts the door and eases toward the bed in which the tree rests.)
Spike: (whispering) Bloomberg!
(Tossing his pillow up next to the branches, he tucks himself in on a free patch of mattress.)
Spike: (normal volume) Sorry, but I tend to snore a bit. Good night.
(Zoom out from the bed as he settles in with a comfortable sigh, then dissolve to the next morning’s sunrise over the desert. As the sky quickly brightens into morning, the train rumbles past the camera and starts to shake noticeably; cut to Rainbow asleep in her berth. The vibrations throw her to the floor, waking up the other four ponies in the sleeping car; cut to just outside a window as the five gather for a look. Rarity has done away with her beauty accessories. Their collective gasp is accompanied by a zoom out to frame a herd of buffalo charging alongside the train; some of them have Indian-style feathers tucked behind their ears.)
Twilight: A buffalo stampede!
(Inside again, with assorted murmurings from the group, then cut to a close-up of a few buffalo.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) I just love their accessories. (Cut to her and tilt up to Twilight, worried.)
Twilight: They’re getting awfully close to the train.
(And to its four-horsepower pulling team, as seen briefly in an overhead shot. The lead stallion is first to notice the herd, and first to get rammed from the side; next they hit the sleeping car to bounce its five screaming occupants off the floor and walls.)
Rarity: (among others’ screams) I want to…speak to the…mana—
(Another hit cuts her off mid-rant and bounces them again. In the caboose, though, Spike is sleeping like a baby—dragon, that is—and does not even stir as the entire bed starts to slide back and forth across the tilting floor. Out in front, the lead stallion gets bumped again but hits back this time, knocking his assailant silly for a moment. Inside, Pinkie leaps to a window.)
Pinkie: Ooh, looky! (Outside it; the others gather.) Now they’re doing tricks!
(Zoom out; one buffalo jumps onto the back of another, and a female calf, marked by a feathered headband and a lighter brown tuft of hair above it, races up. A couple of agile leaps put her on top of the double-decker rushers and at the level of the train cars’ roofs. This is Little Strongheart.)
Pinkie: Ooh, ooh, ooh! Now do a backflip!
(Strongheart jumps onto the nearest roof; inside, the ponies are startled by an impact above their heads—she has landed on their car.)
Pinkie: Or just jump? (Follow the racing hoofbeats away from the group.)
Rainbow: (from o.s.) Hmm. (Back to her.) Something tells me this isn’t a circus act.
(She gets moving. Up on the roof, Strongheart charges from car to car, barely breaking stride at the gaps, before Rainbow plants herself in the way.)
Rainbow: Hey there! (Strongheart gasps.) Where you headed in such a hurry?
(The young buffalo narrows her eyes and gallops on; Rainbow jumps straight up to dodge, then settles back and flies after her. A moment later the two are neck and neck.)
Rainbow: Wow. You’re pretty quick for someone so…bulky. No offense.
(She zips ahead, prompting a small gasp from Strongheart, and plants herself a few cars ahead.)
Rainbow: I just want to know— (Strongheart swerves around her.) —hey!
(She puts herself in the calf’s path again, this time with a rather shorter temper.)
Rainbow: I’m talking to you!
(Strongheart launches herself to an impossible height, does a handful of midair somersaults, and comes down behind Rainbow to continue her sprint.)
Rainbow: Whoa!
(She gives free rein to her wings and closes the distance as Strongheart reaches the gap between the next-to-last car and the caboose and dives into it. However, the young speedster races past.)
Rainbow: I’ve got you now, you—
(A railroad crossbuck sign gets her instead when she slams face first into it. Strongheart glances briefly down the track at her before ducking in behind the caboose, and Rainbow slides down the signpost to the sand with a groan. The peg securing the coupling is yanked out, allowing the caboose to roll free as the buffalo jumps up to the roof. At her whistle, the rest of the herd peels away from their assault on the train and reverses direction to push the caboose backwards. At the end of the car it was hooked to, the four passengers gather at the door; Applejack now joins them with a shocked gasp.)
Applejack: They’ve got Bloomberg! (Spike plasters himself against the caboose window.)
Spike: (muffled by glass) HEEEEELP!!
Twilight: And Spike!
(The hijacked car barrels past the sign Rainbow hit; she gets up with a woozy groan, rubbing her head.)
Spike: (fading out) HEEEEELP!!
Rainbow: Dragon-napping Spike…I’ll show her! (Twinge.) Ow!
(She rubs her head again. Snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to an empty street in a Wild West-style town. A railroad depot stands at the end of it, with apple-decorated signs on the walls and above the door—this must surely be Appleloosa. The train pulls in and stops, and Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity scramble out onto the platform only to stop short. Directly in front of them, and grinning into their faces, is a light yellow-brown earth pony stallion whose mane and tail show two darker shades of this same color. His eyes are bright yellow-green, and he wears a brown cowboy hat and vest. This is Braeburn, whose friendly voice carries a Western twang. His movements on the next line expose a large red apple as his cutie mark. Every time he says “Appleloosa,” he rears up with a neigh and holds out the first syllable.)
Braeburn: Hey there. Welcome to Appleloosa!
Applejack: Braeburn, listen. We—
Braeburn: Cousin Applejack, mind your manners. You have yet to introduce me to your compadres. Shame on you!
Applejack: Braeburn, listen. Somethin’ terrible’s happened.
Braeburn: Terrible is right. Your train is a full seven minutes late. That’s seven minutes less for you to delight in the pleasures and wonders of Appleloosa!
(Zoom out down the street, which is now filled with earth ponies going about their business. Every Appleloosa resident will be of this same type. On the platform, Braeburn bulldozes the four new arrivals away and down to ground level; during the next line, cut to a long shot of them in the street.)
Braeburn: Boggles the mind we settler ponies built all this in just the past year, don’t it? And as you can see, we have all of the finest comforts.
(Quick pan to a stagecoach being pulled along a street.)
Braeburn: (from o.s.) Like horse-drawn carriages.
Puller: (stopping, toward window) Okay, you pull now. (A second pony looks out.)
Passenger: Aw, we just switched!
(Now Braeburn leads the tour to another part of the street and points.)
Braeburn: And those there are horse-drawn, horse-drawn carriages.
(The repetition sorts itself out on the next pan, which stops on three ponies who are sketching the passing stagecoach with pencils in their mouths. That is, a drawing done by a horse, depicting a carriage pulled by another one.)
Applejack: Listen, Braeburn, I—
(Another bulldoze; cut to a building’s sign that shows a salt shaker and tilt down to street level on the next line.)
Braeburn: (from o.s.) And here’s our local waterin’ hole… (He pushes them into view.) …the Salt Block! (A pony is flung out through the batwing doors.)
Bartender: (from inside) That’s enough salt for you!
(The grizzled old stallion gets up to his hind legs, losing his hat, and stumbles back and forth.)
Customer: (woozily) Can’t I at least get a glass of water?
(He keels over; pan to the properly dressed bartender stallion at the doors, who backs up into the place to resume his job. Another good shove by Braeburn puts the four in front of the sheriff’s office, where the law pony lounges against a post. Khaki stallion, brown mane/tail, black mustache, red bandana around neck, blue eyes, dark gray hat, silver star both as his cutie mark and pinned to his blue vest.)
Braeburn: Over there’s the office of Sheriff Silverstar. (Push again; ponies dance merrily in a clearing.) And here’s where we have our Wild West dances. (Again; another group dances sedately.) And here’s where we have our Mild West dances.
Applejack: But, Braeburn, we—
(No time for any more words as he plows the foursome onto a ridge.)
Braeburn: And here’s the most wonderful sight in all of Appleloosa!
(Zoom out on the last word to frame acres upon acres of apple trees, all loaded with fruit, then cut to a pan from the group’s perspective.)
Braeburn: Our apple orchard. (Back to Applejack.)
Applejack: (impatiently) Braeburn! (Close-up of him.)
Braeburn: First harvest should be any day now.
Applejack: Braebu— (Even closer.)
Braeburn: Good thing, too.
Applejack: Brae— (Extreme close-up of his mouth.)
Braeburn: ’Cause we need that grub to live on.
Applejack: BRAEBURN!! (Normal shot of him.)
Braeburn: Uh…yes, cuz?
Applejack: You have a very nice town and all, but we have a huge problem. Some of our friends are missin’!
Fluttershy: A stampede of buffalo!
Rarity: They took Spike!
Twilight: Rainbow Dash went after them!
Fluttershy: And we can’t find Pinkie Pie!
Applejack: And we had an apple tree with us for your orchard, but they took that too!
(This sequence of bad news has thrown her cousin for such a loop that one eye shrinks to a point while the other dilates beyond all measure. It takes him a moment to get his vision sorted out.)
Braeburn: Did you say “buffalo”? (He sighs heavily and turns away.) Them buffalo! They want us settler ponies to take every single tree you see here off this land. They sure as hay don’t want any new ones added in.
Fluttershy: But why?
Braeburn: Beats me. (Slow pan seen from the ridge as he continues, putting him o.s.) We put a lot of hard work into this land— (now in view) —so we could feed our town, our families, our foals. And now they’re sayin’ all these trees have to go? ’Tain’t fair.
(A look of great concern passes between Twilight and Applejack. Wipe to a stretch of desert land, nowhere near Appleloosa, and pan to a scatter of boulders. Rainbow peeks up from behind one, then ducks away and tiptoes to one nearer the camera. After another furtive look, she dives to an even closer one and comes up again.)
Rainbow: (hushed) Oh, I can’t wait to get my hooves on that little buffalo!
(The spot on her head that flared up at the end of Act One gives an encore, causing her face to screw up and the rest of her to hunker down.)
Rainbow: (full volume, rubbing head) Ow! (hushed, tiptoeing away) Nobody tricks Rainbow Dash and gets away with it.
(She comes nose to nose with Pinkie, who is doing the exact same thing.)
Pinkie: Boo!
(The daredevil flyer is so badly spooked that she cries out and falls on her back. She keeps her voice down throughout the following, but Pinkie does not.)
Rainbow: Pinkie Pie!
Pinkie: Aw, you caught me. Looks like I tricked you and didn’t get away with it either. You’re good! (Rainbow claps a hoof to her mouth.)
Rainbow: Shhh! What do you think you’re doing? You gotta get outta here! (She backs off.)
Pinkie: I do?
Rainbow: You’re gonna blow my cover!
Pinkie: I am? (Rainbow returns to full volume.)
Rainbow: I’m trying to save Spike!
Pinkie: Oh my gosh! So am I! (Close-up of the pair.)
Rainbow: And the more of us there are out here— (Dust flies; rumbling of hooves.) —the more chances of us getting…
(She looks up fearfully to the sound of a bellow; zoom out to show the two ponies ringed in by far too many members of the buffalo herd.)
Rainbow: …caught. (Cut to Pinkie; she continues o.s.) Run, Pinkie. (standing up into view) I’ll hold ’em off. Save yourself!
(The bovine behemoths snort out steam and begin to rush in.)
Spike: (from o.s.) STOP!
(They do so and back off to either side, creating a dust-choked aisle in which his silhouette becomes visible. As Pinkie and Rainbow stare dumbfounded, the haze clears to reveal him quite unharmed and very much at ease.)
Spike: Dash, Pinkie! ’Sup? (Cut to them; he continues o.s.) Hey, no worries, I know those guys. (Back to him; he is addressing a buffalo.) They’re cool.
Buffalo: (surfer-dude accent) If you say so, Spike. (hoof/fist-bumping him) Catch you later, bro.
(He and his buddies stampede away, leaving a properly bewildered pegasus and earth pony in their wake. Dissolve to the moon hanging low in a starry night sky and tilt down to a long shot of some herd members eating and milling among a clutch of tepees. A dissolve and zoom frames Pinkie, Rainbow, and Spike sitting around a campfire, the first two on their haunches.)
Spike: Seems they took me by mistake. They feel awful about it too, poor guys. Fortunately, they totally respect dragons—
(He snaps his fingers. Cut to the two ponies, each of whom is given a bowl of something brown, mushy, and unappetizing-looking on the next line—the same food eaten by the buffalo.)
Spike: (from o.s.) —so they treat me like an honored guest. (Rainbow sniffs, sticks out her tongue, and pushes it away.) Still don’t like ponies much, though, but you’re with me, so it’s cool. (She stands up.)
Rainbow: Huh. Well, I still don’t trust ’em. I say we turn tail and bail while we still—
(The camera zooms out slightly to frame Pinkie, who has buried her face in her own bowl and is gobbling the stuff down. She lifts her splattered face out as Rainbow regards her incredulously.)
Pinkie: Before we finish eating? Are you loco in the coco?
(Strongheart brings a bowl of something decidedly more solid over to Spike.)
Pinkie: Can I please have more of that mushy stuff, whatever it was? (Cut to Strongheart.)
Strongheart: Certainly! (Zoom out to frame Spike.) And Mr. Spike, you like gemstones, yes?
Spike: (eagerly) Turquoise! (He downs the bowlful in one gulp.) This here’s Little Strongheart. And these are my friends— (Cut/pan to each in turn; he continues o.s.) —Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.
(The former smiles and waves; the latter gives an annoyed huff over her shoulder, then starts in surprise.)
Rainbow: You!
Strongheart: (just as surprised) You!
Rainbow: That’s it! (trotting away) We are outta here!
(Pinkie can do nothing but tack a sheepish grin onto her newly clean face before Rainbow leans back to get a mouthful of tail hairs and drag her off. The young buffalo intercepts them.)
Strongheart: Wait! (Rainbow lets go.) Please accept my apologies for what happened on the train. We didn’t mean for anyone to be hurt.
Rainbow: Yeah, right. (She turns away; Strongheart cuts her off again.)
Strongheart: We only wanted the tree. The settler ponies have overtaken the land and have planted an orchard all over it! Because of their thoughtlessness— (Cut to Rainbow, with Pinkie coming up alongside; she continues o.s.) —we can no longer run over our traditional stampeding grounds.
Pinkie, Rainbow: Huh?
Spike: (to Strongheart) I think it’s time they met Chief Thunderhooves.
(Strongheart gives a little start as Rainbow looks daggers across the way. Dissolve to the three visitors standing by the fire, at the center of a ring of buffalo. Strongheart, across from them, is next to one clad in a large feathered headdress, who speaks in a deep and pompous voice. This is Chief Thunderhooves.)
Chief: We have a long and winding stampeding trail that we have run upon for many generations. My father stampeded upon these grounds, and his father before him, and his father before him, and his father before him, and his father before him, and—
(During this line, the camera shifts to frame the tableau from various angles as follows. His perspective of the three; a head-on view and tilt up from ground level; his perspective again: a few buffalo dozing off and trying to stay awake; a letterbox view that frames an extreme close-up of his eyes. They widen at the start of the next line; cut to a fullscreen view of him and Strongheart.)
Strongheart: I think they get the idea, Chief.
Chief: Hmph. It is a sacred tradition to run the path every year. (Cut to the three during this last, then back to him.) But this year, these… (with great contempt) …settler ponies, these... (snorting steam) …Appleloosans…
(More steam chuffs out of the great black nostrils, but a touch from Strongheart calms him somewhat.)
Strongheart: They planted apple trees all over it without asking our permission.
Pinkie: Well, that’s not very nice. Right, Rainbow Dash? (Rainbow turns away, crosses her forelegs, and sits on her haunches.)
Rainbow: Hmph!
Strongheart: The ponies refuse to move their trees, so we are stuck here, and it is not fair!
Spike: See, Rainbow Dash? They had a good reason to—
(Her abrupt vertical takeoff stops him cold. A moment later she makes a perfect four-point landing to face the two buffalo; gasps from them and the herd.)
Rainbow: (stomping) I’ll say they had a good reason! (looping, hovering near Chief) Come on! We have some apple-picking Appleloosans to talk to!
(Pinkie, Spike, and the herd are shocked but happy to find that she has come around to their side this quickly. Wipe to a long shot of Appleloosa the next morning, seen from the overlooking ridge, and pan to bring Braeburn and the other four ponies into view. Twilight, Fluttershy, and Braeburn have their saddlebags on; Applejack, the only one without, adjusts Rarity’s with an energetic pull on the strap.)
Rarity: Ow! Ooh! (Grunt.) Gently, please!
Applejack: Sorry, Rarity, but our friends are out there and we have to be ready for a long hike into buffalo territory if we’re gonna save ’em.
(During the second half of this, cut to a shot of said sun-baked territory and zoom out to frame her eyeing it.)
Applejack: (rearing, now with her own bags) Let’s go!
(All five gallop off, but get no more than a few hundred yards before coming across Pinkie, Rainbow, and Spike. Twenty hooves screech to a halt and five throats gasp.)
Pinkie: Hi, guys! (Fluttershy tackles her.)
Fluttershy: Pinkie! We’re so glad you’re safe!
(Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity express similar sentiments.)
Twilight: How did you escape from the buffalo?
Pinkie: We didn’t.
(Zoom in between her and Rainbow to focus on a background rock. Strongheart leaps out from behind this and nervously paws the ground as the o.s. ponies gasp.)
Rainbow: (from o.s.) We promised the buffalo a chance to talk.
Applejack: Oh, yeah? ’Bout what? (Rainbow and the calf are now side by side.)
Rainbow: (throwing foreleg over Strongheart’s shoulders) We brought our new pal Little Strongheart here to explain to the Appleloosans why they should move the apple trees off buffalo land.
(As she finishes, she pushes the young calf over for a face-to-face with Braeburn.)
Braeburn: That information will be quite help—
Applejack: (shoving Braeburn even closer) That’s weird, ’cause my cousin Braeburn here wants to explain to the buffalo why they should let the apple trees stay.
Strongheart: That would be a useful thing to—
Rainbow: The land is theirs! (She flies over.) You planted the trees not knowing that. Honest mistake. Now you just gotta move ’em, that’s all.
Braeburn: Well, heh—
Applejack: They busted their rumps here! And now they’re supposed to bust their rumps again just ’cause some buffalo won’t stampede someplace else?
(By this point, she and Rainbow are in each other’s faces.)
Rainbow: Plant the trees somewhere else!
Applejack: Where? (Quick pan to a stretch of rocks, cacti, and weeds; she continues o.s.) It’s the only flat land around these parts! (Back to the pair.)
Rainbow: The buffalo had it first!
Applejack: The settler ponies need it to live!
(Braeburn and Strongheart stand forgotten as these two launch into a shouting match, with an apprehensive Twilight averting her eyes until she has had enough.)
Twilight: Look! (They shut up; zoom out slowly.) Both the settlers and the buffalo have good reasons to use this land. (turning toward Fluttershy, Rarity) There must be something we can do. (Pinkie jumps up and hangs in midair.)
Pinkie: Hey! I’ve got an idea! (She thuds to the ground.)
(Dissolve to a sizable crowd of settlers, with Braeburn and five of the six ponies in the front row. Pinkie is the only one absent. Nervous murmurings abound as the camera pans to frame the Chief, Strongheart, Silverstar, and a few other buffalo next to them. A few piano chords ring out, and a long shot of the area reveals a stage as the center of attention. The piano player sits at one end of it, and Pinkie peeks out through the curtain. A long blue feather pokes out from her mane, and a close-up identifies the musician as a bowler-hatted Spike, who flips her a thumbs-up when she looks his way. She pulls her head back out of sight.)
(The curtain opens to expose a large, closed oyster resting on the stage. When it creaks open, Pinkie is seen lying inside, dressed as a typical Wild West saloon girl.)
Old-time piano melody, moderate 4 (D major)
Pinkie: We may be divided, but of you all I beg
(The crowd seems a bit puzzled at this exhibition.)
To remember we’re all hoofed at the end of each leg
Music slows/stops on previous line
(Two mares lift her to the stage, then zip away.)
Music resumes, much faster tempo
Pinkie: (hopping about)
No matter what the issue, come from wherever you please
(zipping to a buffalo, pulling at its mouth)
All this fighting gets you nothing but hoof-in-mouth disease
(She lets the lip snap back and returns to the stage, popping up from the piano.)
Arguing’s not the way, hey, come out and play
(returning to stage)
It’s a shiny new day, so what do you say?
(dancing) You gotta share, you gotta care
(The crowd is still not exactly warming up to her performance.)
It’s the right thing to do
You gotta share, you gotta care
And there’ll always be a way through
(She pops up between Strongheart and Silverstar and shoves an apple into each one’s mouth.)
Pinkie: Both our diets, I should mention, are completely vegetarian
(Back on stage, four other ponies gather behind her.)
We all eat hay and oats, why be at each other’s throat?
(They form a kick line with her.)
You gotta share, you gotta care
(Close-up.) It’s the right thing to do
And there’ll always be a way through
(Zoom out as she holds the last note; two of the four are holding her aloft on their front hooves, while the others look on.)
Song ends
(Dead silence from the entire audience, broken only by Spike’s solitary clapping and the distant cry of an eagle. On the next line, cut briefly to Twilight, who covers her eyes with a foreleg out of embarrassment, then to the stage as Pinkie takes a bow.)
Spike: All right, Pinkie Pie, that was fantastic! What a great song! (Pan across the crowd; he continues o.s.) You’re right on!
(Stop on Silverstar and the Chief; they look each other full in the eye for a moment, then nod in unison.)
Chief: It appears that Sheriff Silverstar and I have come to an agreement.
Silverstar: We have.
(All lean in expectantly toward the pair, from onstage and off.)
Chief: That was the worst performance we’ve ever seen. (Cut to Pinkie and Spike; suddenly dejected.)
Silverstar: (from o.s., chuckling) Absitively.
(Back to an extreme close-up of the Chief’s face, the view narrowing to a letterbox-format shot that frames his eyes.)
Chief: The time for action… (Grunt.) …is upon us. (Fullscreen, menacing.) Our stampede will start at high noon tomorrow. (leaning into Silverstar’s face) And if the orchard is still there, we’ll flatten it and the whole town!
(A gasp from the front row; now Strongheart darts in.)
Strongheart: But, Chief!
Silverstar: And we Appleloosans say you’d better bring your best— (shoving Chief back) —’cause we’ll be ready and waitin’!
Braeburn: But, Sheriff!
(The two factions quickly clear out, leaving only the Ponyville seven and the Appleloosa one. Zoom in on Pinkie and Spike, still on the stage and trying to figure out how things could have gone so far off the rails.)
Pinkie: Oh…that wasn’t the message of my song at all!
(Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to a stretch of Appleloosa in full emergency mode. Windows are being closed and boarded up, ponies are getting off the street, apples and other supplies are being hauled away. Pan to Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity as they watch the commotion and cut to the farm pony.)
Applejack: I want my kin to have what they need to live— (Zoom out to frame the others.) —but a storm’s a-brewin’ here, and I don’t like the look of it.
Twilight: We’ve just gotta talk some sense into them before somepony gets hurt!
(She, Fluttershy, and Rarity scatter; she is the first to address a couple of the locals.)
Twilight: Listen. Maybe if you would just reconsider, we—
(They trade a hard glance and leap in through the window behind them, pulling the shutters closed. Pan along the building’s length as other windows are secured, and stop on Fluttershy and Rarity at another pony’s front door. This one wordlessly pushes a cartload of apples inside.)
Rarity: About the trees. Now if you could—
(The immediate door slam startles her into a haunch-sitting position and leaves both Twilight and Applejack at a loss. Wipe to a stretch of apple trees in the orchard and zoom out to frame the two ponies Twilight tried to talk to, as they buck one tree to reap its fruits. Elsewhere, apples are picked up in teeth, hustled back and forth, and nipped down by the topmost mare in a column of three. The four from Ponyville watch the frenzied activity with trepidation.)
Twilight: (rushing to one) If we could just sit down and talk, we could—
(She gets only an angry snarl in reply as the cart he was loading is hauled away; her dismayed gasp gives way to a resolute glare.)
Twilight: (rearing) Why won’t anybody be rational and reasonable?!
(Dissolve to a close-up of a nail being hammered into a board, then cut to a branch being sawed. The next shot is of a team of ponies pulling a log down to rest on support trestles, forming a barricade. Pan across the street; more windows are being boarded up, and Braeburn watches impassively as the last gap in a frame is filled in. Now Applejack and company address Silverstar.)
Applejack: Sheriff, if we could only—
(He says nothing, but moves out to guide fully loaded carts of apples and flour across the hardpan street. Wipe to a close-up of dough being rolled flat and cut to an apple being sectioned, then to another spot inside this area—a building stocked with sacks of flour and baskets of apples. As the four ponies peek in worriedly, the camera zooms out and pans across to frame an apple pie production operation in top gear. Two ponies assemble the pies, while two others tend the oven; shelves and carts filled with the steaming desserts are present in abundance.)
(Dissolve to a gathering around a flagpole in the town square, where Silverstar and Braeburn watch a red flag being raised and the quartet look on nervously. When the standard reaches the top of the pole in close-up, the wind unfurls it to expose an apple tree emblazoned across it; hats are tossed skyward and the crowd’s cheers float up.)
(Wipe to a stolid buffalo on the herd’s land. It is now nighttime, and he stomps the ground and charges straight at a second for a head-on collision. Two others do likewise, trying to bulldoze each other backwards; pan quickly to a third pair at a grindstone. One sharpens his horns against the wheel, while the other pumps the foot pedal to keep it turning. Another pan frames a buffalo applying war paint, and the camera shifts to frame two more following suit as another head-on bang occurs in front of them. Spike and Strongheart watch the preparations.)
Spike: Isn’t there some way to stop this?
Strongheart: Unless the settlers remove those trees, I do not think so.
(She gallops off, but returns almost immediately with a bowl of turquoise chunks that he accepts with a deflated little sigh. As he starts to munch, zoom in between them to focus on a shaggy silhouette in the distance. This resolves into the Chief and Rainbow at a campfire.)
Rainbow: I know you don’t want to do this.
Chief: But they have taken our land. What would you have me do, Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow: I don’t know. But it’s never too late to think of something.
Chief: (painting his face) At noon, it will be too late.
(Dissolve to a long shot of Appleloosa, seen from a ridge outside of town. It is the next morning, and log barricades have been placed to block the major entry points. The growing sound of galloping hooves makes itself known, and tin short order the Chief and Strongheart have arrived on the ridge, followed by the entire buffalo herd. Down below, ponies big and small have taken their positions on the front lines, and Braeburn nervously eyes the town’s clock tower as the minute hand advances—it is now 11:59. A cart stacked with fresh apple pies is pulled past a building jammed with frightened onlookers and over to Silverstar; Rainbow and Spike, now just across the tracks from him, take in the sight. Zoom out slowly on the next line to frame Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rarity gathered with them.)
Rainbow: (to herself, tapping forehead) Come on, think! Think, think, think, think, think, think, think!
(The clock’s bell sounds off, drawing the group’s attention, and the minute hand snaps ahead to high noon. As the twelve strikes thrum dully in the still, silent air, the camera shifts to frame the defenders armed with pies, the five visitors, and the waiting attack force from a variety of angles. The last shot of the sequence is an extreme close-up of the Chief’s set features; Strongheart reaches into view to touch his cheek as the camera zooms out to frame her. He sighs heavily at the sight of her pleading eyes, then stares ahead with a sudden uncertainty in his own, prompting a little gasp from Rainbow and a smile from the entire group.)
Rainbow: He’s not gonna do it!
(They sigh in relief, but a moment later all ten eyes bug out at the sound of Pinkie’s singing. Pan quickly to her, still in the saloon-girl costume she used the first time, during the following. With no stage handy, she is doing her song-and-dance on a patch of the arid no-man’s land.)
Same old-time piano melody as before, fast 4 (D major)
Pinkie: …say?
You gotta share, you gotta care
(The Chief reacts very, very badly and starts to growl.)
It’s the right thing to do
You gotta share, you gotta care
Chief: (over end of previous) CHAAAAAARRRRRRGE!!
Music and singing both fade out during his yell
(The entire herd pours over the ridge, and the performing pink pony has time for one terrified deer-in-the-headlights stare before the buffalo plow into her. She gets bounced from one massive back to another, yelling all the while, and eventually goes flying off the rear edge. The ponies at the barricades think better of it and break for cover; those logs and trestles smash to kindling under the herd’s sheer tonnage, and the flagpole is next to go.)
Silverstar: (to ponies behind him) Ready!
(Cut to the charging bovines, then back to him and the others; all have picked up pies.)
Silverstar: Aim! (The herd again, then back to him.) FIRE!!
(The pies go airborne with a speed and efficiency that would have made the masters of slapstick stand up and take notice. One buffalo after another takes a hit to the face and goes sprawling to the dust; in the confusion, one mare leaps out of a second-story window, lands on a buffalo’s back, and rides him like a bucking bronco. Three other pairs of adversaries square off for a little bare-hoof boxing before a rooftop brigade launches its own offensive. At ground level, a mare behind a wall of hay bales throws a pie, then gasps and as a buffalo charges at her. The hit knocks both her and several bales flying; at the other end of the wall; another herd member thunders in but knocks himself silly on impact. These bales tumble away to reveal the hidden anvil he has just slammed into, and the two mares who set it up trade a high-five.)
(One buffalo gets a pie plastered across his eyes but does not go down. Unable to see where he is going, he veers off to one side and rams the ground floor of the building that houses the clock tower. Cracks race up the walls, leading to the whole spire sliding loose from the roof; a couple of ponies gasp and bail out from their apple-pie emplacement moments before the lumber and clockwork obliterate it.)
(Once the dust clears, the Chief leaps to a gap in the wreckage and lets off a steaming snort. The next cut reveals that he is facing the train station, where staggered hay bales have been set up; Silverstar pops up from behind one, throws a pie, and ducks. Zoom out to show the bales placed on both sides of the tracks, creating trouble for the buffalo trying to navigate the area. This does not stop the Chief from hurling himself ahead at full speed; Silverstar throws another pie, moves to a different bale, and throws again. When he ducks down here, though, he makes the uncomfortable discovery that he has run out of ammunition.)
(Peeking up over the bale, he lets off a panicked cry as the huge buffalo leader barrels straight through the fusillade toward him. Silverstar removes his hat and holds it over his heart, closing his eyes in preparation for the inevitable—but a pie comes sailing across from a different direction. In a series of slow-motion dissolves, the Chief leaps toward the poised sheriff as this particular dessert arcs toward him.)
Chief: (half speed) NOOOOOO!!
(His face and the crust meet at the exact same point in space, and he tumbles to the dirt in front of Silverstar’s bale. Normal motion resumes when a huge cloud of dust boils up, filling the screen; it clears to show the Chief lying senseless on his belly, ringed by Silverstar, the four ponies and Spike, and a number of pony and buffalo spectators. Other herd members race up and stare in total shock at the downfall of their leader, whose tongue hangs out of his mouth at full length as crust and filling dribble down his face. One buffalo begins to sob and puts a foreleg across the shoulders of the earlier rodeo rider, who removes her hat and bows her head. Even Spike cannot hold his emotions in check; he bursts into tears and grabs a properly puzzled Twilight for support.)
(One juicy crumb slides from the Chief’s horn and lands on his tongue, and he pulls it in and shuts his mouth. Cut to the five Ponyvillians, who stare in puzzlement, then to a letterbox extreme close-up of his eyes as they open. Fullscreen: he stands up, alive and well, and slurps as much of the mess off his face as he can while shaking himself clean.)
Chief: Yum! (Cut to the now-smiling quintet; he continues o.s.) Hey!
(Long shot of the entire area.)
Chief: I’ve got a much better idea!
(Dissolve to a stand of apple trees being cut down, then cut to an overhead shot of the apple orchard and tilt up toward the horizon. More trees are being chopped to create a broad path through the grove. At a whistle from Applejack, Rainbow aims a wave behind herself and gallops ahead, leading the buffalo herd along the newly cleared avenue. Steam wafts along it toward them.)
Chief: (voice over) We will allow the apple orchard to stay in exchange for a share of its fruit…
(Chuckle. The vibrations of their passage shake a few apples out of the branches.)
Chief: (voice over) …those delicious apple pies!
(Cut to a table loaded with hot pies, the source of the steam. These are passed from pony to pony and tossed up to balance on each buffalo’s head as they pass. Spike, watching them, hoists a fresh bowl of turquoise.)
Spike: I’d rather eat turquoise any day of the week.
(He does so. Cut to a long shot of a tree standing by itself on a hill in the orchard.)
Applejack: (from o.s.) Bloomberg, this is your special day. (Cut to her and Rainbow.) Mama’s so proud of you.
(Not far away stand the Chief, Strongheart, Silverstar, and Braeburn. The two pairs bow to each other, and the big and little buffalo charge off to join the orderly stampede. Strongheart peels off to wave goodbye to the two ponies as Twilight watches.)
Twilight: (voice over, dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia…”
(The little buffalo gallops ahead, with Applejack and Rainbow following on hooves and wings.)
Twilight: (voice over) “Friendship is a wondrous and powerful thing.” (Twilight watches them head toward the sunset.) “Even the worst of enemies can become friends. You need understanding and compromise. You’ve got to share. You’ve got to care.”
(During this last sentence, an “iris out” to black begins. Before it can finish, though, an irate Pinkie pops into view to hold the iris open and address the camera; she no longer wears her saloon-girl outfit.)
Pinkie: Hey! That’s what I said!
(She ducks back through the iris, which closes to black out the screen.)
A BIRD IN THE HOOF
Written by Charlotte Fullerton
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of Fluttershy’s cottage during the day. Zoom in slowly and cut to a close-up of a mouse sitting in a tiny wheelchair on a rug inside. One leg is heavily bandaged.)
Fluttershy: (jumping down to it) There you go, Mr. Mousey.
(A nudge from her nose sends the chair rolling over to a hole in the wall, where mate and child eagerly welcome the patient home. Fluttershy’s shadow falls over them; cut to her on the next line.)
Fluttershy: Now you stay off that leg and do everything I told you, and it’ll be just like new in no time at all. (It waves to her.) Aw, you’re welcome. Happy to be able to help.
(As soon as the mouse is wheeled inside, cut to Fluttershy’s rabbit Angel, carrying a pocket watch and moving at a flat-out run. One look at the watch face triggers a pop-eyed panic, and he leaps ahead to head-butt Fluttershy’s flank. After Angel peels his face up from the floor, the camera cuts to a close-up; he points to the timepiece and shakes it vigorously.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) You found a watch?
(Head shake; now the forelegs spread and move as if ticking off seconds.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) You want to be a watch?
(Ears droop in frustration. Another head shake, and Angel runs in place.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) You’re running! (Cut to her.) Running out of time? No…you’re…late?
(This gets a big smile and nod from the white fuzzball, who points out the open front door as a clock tower chimes four in the distance. On the second strike, the camera cuts to a closer shot of the tower; on the third, to a close-up of the face; on the fourth, back to Fluttershy’s puzzled expression. She snaps to with a sharp gasp.)
Fluttershy: I’m late for a very important date! The big brunch for Princess Celestia at Sugarcube Corner!
(With one last frantic gesture, Angel collapses in a faint.)
Fluttershy: (pacing) Oh, the Princess is here in Ponyville for a party, and we all promised we’d be there! But I’m not there! (checking herself in a mirror) Oh, do I look all right? (checking a rack of dresses) Do I need to bring anything? (huddling on floor) Maybe I shouldn’t go.
(The dresses in question are the ones that Rarity designed for the group to wear at the Grand Galloping Gala. Evidently they have been moved here for safekeeping after the parasprite disaster in “Swarm of the Century.” A trumpet fanfare scares a little yelp out of her and gets her upright again.)
Fluttershy: It’s starting! I’m missing it!
(She races out past Angel, who has also reached vertical and hops away with a slightly disgusted groan. Before he can get too far, she zips back.)
Fluttershy: Oh, thanks, Angel. (She goes, then returns again.) I mean, if you hadn’t reminded me, I might have not remembered, and then I wouldn’t be there and everypony’d be wondering where I was, and—
(The fed-up rabbit administers a few swift thumps to her foreleg with one of his hind feet.)
Fluttershy: Oh, right. (rushing out) I’m late!
(This time, she actually does make it out the door, which Angel slams and latches. Even this does not stop the flustered pegasus from trying to get back in, judging from the door’s rattle.)
Fluttershy: (from outside, through door) Oh, okay, then, See you later.
(The ears sag again as he lets off a sigh that might best be translated as: “Remind me again why I put up with her?” Fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of Sugarcube Corner, seen from across the street, and zoom in. Two of Princess Celestia’s pegasus guards are on duty at the door, and a close-up frames impassive expressions that would give the Beefeaters in London a run for their money. Behind them, the front door’s top half is open; Rainbow Dash pokes her head up here from inside, eyes them mischievously, and jumps out onto the step.)
Rainbow: So, what do I have to do to get to be one of the Princess’s royal guards, anyway? (No response; she nudges one’s foreleg.) Is the pay good?
(Still nothing, so she shifts her attention to the other.)
Rainbow: Hel-looooo? Anybody home?
(The stallion does not stir as much as an eyebrow, so Rainbow raises the stakes by making a string of goofy faces. Nothing.)
Rainbow: Oooooh, you’re good. (Pause.) Too good. I’m bored.
(She flies back into the bakery; a moment later Fluttershy races up.)
Fluttershy: Phew! Made it!
(As she heads toward the door, each guard puts out one wing, crossing them to block the entrance. Fluttershy gasps.)
Guard 1: Halt!
Guard 2: Who goes there?
Fluttershy: (gulping, backing off) No one. Never mind. I’ll go home.
(Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie walk by behind the door, the former stopping and catching sight of her friend slinking off.)
Twilight: It’s all right, sirs. She’s on the list.
(The wings are folded away and Fluttershy smiles gratefully. Cut to just inside the front door as she enters; the shop floor has been set up for a party, with treats, presents, and decorations.)
Fluttershy: Thanks, Twilight.
Twilight: I’m so glad you could make it, Fluttershy. It wouldn’t be the same without you.
(Cut to a close-up of four small pies or tarts on a tray. A lick of green flame washes over to brown them perfectly in seconds, and a longer shot frames Spike in the kitchen on baking duty. Wearing a chef’s hat and apron, he hits a desk bell on the counter; Mr. Cake leans into view, grabs the tray edge in his teeth, and takes it away so Spike can fire up another batch. Out on the crowded shop floor, Mr. Cake balances the tray on his head as he navigates the room; Mrs. Cake brings a tray of cupcakes to Celestia, who sits at a long table near the back.)
Mr. Cake: How’s everypony doing? Good? Good. (Zoom in on the table.)
Mrs. Cake: Anything else we can get for you, dearie? (catching herself with a yelp) I-I mean, esteemed guests? (Mr. Cake joins her.)
Celestia: Everything is fine, Mr. and Mrs. Cake.
(Her relaxed demeanor contrasts sharply with the couple’s sudden uptight affect. Cut to Twilight and Fluttershy as they cross the floor, the former glancing nervously about with a fixed grin on her face.)
Fluttershy: Sorry I’m late. I had to finish taking care of a patient first.
Twilight: Oh, you and your tender loving care of little animals. (Close-up.) I just know Princess Celestia’s gonna love that about you. (sweating heavily) I mean, I hope she will, I mean, of course she will. (Pan to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: Wow, Twilight. I thought I was the only one who got nervous at social gatherings.
Twilight: (from o.s.) Oh, it’s not that. (They stop; cut to frame both.) I just want the Princess to approve of my friends.
Fluttershy: But she’s met us all before. (They start off again.)
Twilight: And read about you in my letters. But this is the first time she’s spent any real time with you. I want everypony to make a good impression.
Fluttershy: Well, I’m sure you have nothing to worry about. Besides, it’s just a casual get-together, right?
Rarity: (from o.s.) Don’t touch me!
(Surprise from both the pegasus and a knot of party guests in the vicinity of the white unicorn, who is decked out in her self-designed dress for the Grand Galloping Gala.)
Rarity: Watch the dress! (to a guest carrying a cup of tea) Careful, you’re gonna spill that on me!
(Mrs. Cake brings the tray of cupcakes to Rarity.)
Rarity: Ooh, ooh, that looks delicious! What is it? (unhinged) Oh! Does it stain? Keep it away from me! (She cowers on the floor.)
Fluttershy: Or perhaps not that casual.
(Now the camera cuts to Applejack at a table loaded with savories of all types, most of which look to be made from Sweet Apple Acres’ produce. She has removed her hat and tied a napkin around her neck, but so far her nerves have kept her from eating a bite.)
Applejack: (sweating) Uh, which is the salad and which is the appetizer again? (Her perspective, panning across the spread.) And which am I supposed to eat first?
(Back to her; she leans openmouthed toward a salad, then a sandwich, then a fritter, then gives up and pushes the food away.)
Applejack: Aw, never mind. I’m not hungry.
(Cut to Twilight and Fluttershy, watching this display of gluttony’s polar opposite, and zoom in.)
Fluttershy: It’s okay, Twilight. So our friends’ manners aren’t perfect. I doubt the Princess will even notice.
(Pinkie’s gleeful, giggly bounds across the room put the lie to that assertion.)
Pinkie: Woo-hoo! Cupcakes, candies, and pies, oh my!
(She leaps past tables loaded with the first two treats in time with this line, then picks up a pie and smacks herself in the side of the head with it. Cut to a chocolate fountain on a table, with assorted fruits laid around it for dipping; her quivery moan is heard from o.s., and she puts her head up behind the table.)
Pinkie: Chocolate fountain-y goodness!
(She shoves her entire head into the flow for a moment, lets the chocolate harden, then eats as much of it as she can as the flakes crumble away to leave her face clean of pie residue. At the seat of honor, Celestia levitates a cupcake and is about to bite down before the hyperactive pink pony zips up to her along the table.)
Pinkie: You gonna eat that?
(Without waiting for an answer, she chomps the whole thing out of the air, scattering a few dishes but not perturbing Celestia much, if at all. The Cakes, on the other hand, get a real scare—he recoiling, she gasping in horror—and Mrs. Cake dashes over to grab Pinkie’s tail in her teeth and yank her away.)
Pinkie: Hey!
(Just as quickly, Mr. Cake rushes in, with a fresh cupcake and teacup on a tray in his teeth, and serves the ruler.)
Mr. Cake: A thousand pardons, Your Majesty. (He backs off.)
Celestia: That’s quite all right. Thank you.
(This time, she successfully levitates both items, takes a bite, and sips her tea without interruption. The moment her empty cup clinks back down onto its saucer, both Cakes spring into action.)
Mrs. Cake: Empty teacup at four o’clock!
Mr. Cake: I see it, honey bun! (He swiftly refills it.)
Celestia: Oh! Um…thank you.
Mr. Cake: Not at all, Your Highness.
(The regal pony’s next sip brings Mrs. Cake galloping with a teapot of her own to refill.)
Celestia: Thank you again.
Mrs. Cake: Oh, but of course, Your Majesty.
(This sequence repeats itself twice more, with first the stallion and then the mare topping off the cup. After a quick sidewise glance, she levitates it again but only pretends to take a sip; when Mr. Cake instinctively leans in with the pot, the tea slops over the brim.)
Celestia: Gotcha!
(The bakery owners smile sheepishly at having fallen for this joke. Pan to Twilight and Fluttershy at one end of the table; the unicorn sinks down with a scared little moan, while the pegasus stares intently past her.)
Celestia: (from o.s.) And what about you, dear? (Cut to her.) Fluttershy, is it?
Fluttershy: Me? Oh, yes, Your Highness.
Celestia: I understand from Twilight Sparkle’s letters that you enjoy tending to the needs of woodland creatures. (Cut to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: Yes, I love to take care of animals.
Celestia: (from o.s.) As do I.
(Cut to frame both of them, Twilight, and Applejack farther down the table. A gold birdcage stands empty next to Celestia.)
Celestia: As Princess, I care deeply about all creatures great and small.
(The cage surprises the other three ponies by emitting a choking cough and a spurt of feathers seemingly from nowhere. Zoom in as it repeats the performance. On the next line, cut to Fluttershy, then to Celestia and pan to the malfunctioning piece of equipment.)
Celestia: Nothing means more to me than the well-being of all my subjects.
(More feathers go flying as the source makes its presence known: a very sickly, emaciated pink bird that rises up from the cage’s deep bottom to land on the perch. It had been merely hiding out of sight. The head wobbles and droops, and one pale blue eye is slightly bugged out compared to the other one.)
Celestia: (from o.s.) Ah! Philomena, my pet! (leaning into view) You’re awake. Do say hello to our gracious hosts.
(The bird responds by shedding a few more feathers, coughing in innovative ways, and twisting her head around to stare up at the ceiling.)
Fluttershy: (slightly horrified) Oh…my.
Celestia: (as Fluttershy hunkers down) She is quite a sight, isn’t she?
Fluttershy: I…I… (Cut to the cage; she continues o.s.) …I’ve never seen anything like it.
(The bird’s cough is followed by a guard approaching to whisper directly into her owner’s ear.)
Celestia: Really? (He nods.) Well, if I must.
(Cut to Fluttershy and Rarity at one end of the table.)
Celestia: (from o.s.) I’m sorry, everypony. (To Twilight, drinking tea, and Fluttershy.) I’m afraid I have to cut the party short.
(Her faithful student nearly chokes on or spits out her mouthful.)
Celestia: The Mayor has requested an audience with me. Royal duty calls. Thank you for a wonderful time. It’s been a joy getting to know you all better.
(She makes her stately exit, followed by the guard, as the crowd of guests bows her out of Sugarcube Corner. Fluttershy’s attention, however, is fixed on the raggedy Philomena, whose eyes squeak audibly when she blinks them. Close-up of Applejack.)
Applejack: Phew! Now I can eat somethin’! (Zoom out; the spread of food is still before her.) I’m starved!
(Before she can dig in, Mr. Cake walks across, grabbing one corner of the tablecloth in his teeth and bundling every last item up into it. The hungry pony stares sadly at the now-cleared table and moans. Across the room, the orderly exit of guests is broken up by Pinkie turning cartwheels toward the door; laughing and whooping, she knocks a couple of them through it.)
Rarity: (from o.s., menacingly) Stay right where you are. (Pan to her, backing up toward the door.) All I want is a clear path to the exit. Nobody move, and my dress won’t get hurt! Stay back! Back, I say!
(Cut to a close-up of a sizable stack of leftovers and zoom out to frame the lot balanced precisely on Applejack’s nose. She too leaves the premises, hat back on and napkin still tied, and licking her chops at the idea of finally being able to get a decent meal. Twilight and Spike are left alone on the shop floor, the dragon still wearing his chef’s hat and apron.)
Twilight: (sighing) Well, Spike, I don’t know for sure how things went with the Princess, but at least no big disasters happened.
(Quick pan to Philomena’s cage, now really empty except for a few loose feathers and with its door standing open. Zoom in slowly and snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to the interior of Fluttershy’s cottage. The door opens to admit her, carrying the distressed bird on her back. A pet-sized bed sits in one corner of the room.)
Fluttershy: Oh, you poor little thing! How did you ever get in such bad condition?
(Close-up of her couch; she sets Philomena on it.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Don’t you worry, Philomena. (Head flops onto the cushions.) I’ll nurse you back to health— (Cut to frame her as well.) —as a favor to the Princess, who’s obviously just far too busy to care for you properly.
(Out comes a hacking cough/feather-shed combo that leaves the pet’s neck bent double again, putting Fluttershy at a moment’s loss.)
Fluttershy: I’m sure the Princess will appreciate the help.
(Back to Philomena on the end of this; she reaches into view to lift the head back up. Another spasm sends it bending over backwards.)
Fluttershy: Oh, my! (picking her up) I’d better get you to bed right away.
(Close-up of the small bed as Philomena is placed into it and covered with a blanket.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) There.
(Picking up a thermometer in her mouth, she slips into the patient’s beak. A second later the mercury shoots up and Philomena goes beet-red from overheating, sweat and steam pouring from her head. Fluttershy gasps, yanks the blanket away, and sets an ice pack on the boiling-hot skull. The temperature quickly drops in response, but now Philomena gets a case of the shivers and goes ice-blue, her pupils turning to ice cubes as well.)
(Another gasp from Fluttershy; the ice pack is removed and the blanket replaced, causing her to boil over again. The two are switched time after time in an increasing tempo, the thermometer cycling faster and faster until its bulb shatters. Fluttershy’s ministrations end with the blanket on and the ice pack off.)
Fluttershy: This is far worse than I thought. What you need is some medicine—stat!
(What she gets is a cough that sends the remains of the thermometer flying past her head. Wipe to a close-up of a table; a saucer with a very large capsule is placed on it.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Here you go, Philomena. This will fix you right up.
(Philomena gives it a cautious sniff and makes a sound of disgust, letting her tongue hang out of her beak. She perches on the end of the couch now, facing Fluttershy across a small table.)
Fluttershy: Dr. Fluttershy expected that.
(Grabbing a bag of birdseed, she dumps enough onto the saucer to completely bury the capsule. Now, after a cautious lick, Philomena attacks the food with gusto, digging down into it like a jackhammer. Close-up of the pegasus’ smug expression.)
Fluttershy: (aside) Always works.
(She quickly changes gears with a surprised little gasp; on the saucer, the birdseed is gone but the medicine remains untouched.)
Fluttershy: Almost always.
(The decrepit thing coughs and drops a few more feathers onto the table. Wipe to a bowl of hot soup standing on the carpet, and zoom out as Fluttershy leans down to blow on it.)
Fluttershy: (pushing it across) There’s nothing like homemade soup to cure what ails you.
(After a skeptical look, Philomena turns her head away petulantly.)
Fluttershy: Come on now. You’re not gonna get better if you don’t cooperate. (She pretends to sip the soup.) Mmmmm, see? It’s delicious. (Close-up of Philomena; she continues o.s.) Good and good for you.
(No go, so the aspiring veterinarian picks up the bowl.)
Fluttershy: Here comes the choo-choo train. (Philomena again; she shifts the bowl around and continues o.s.) Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga, woo-woo!
(Her attempts to present the meal from different angles cause the bird to twist her head around so many times that her neck ends up kinked like an over-wound clockspring. Eventually she pops into the air, her body spinning to unwind the neck, and pitches face first into the bowl.)
Fluttershy: Oh, dear! (Head lifted.) Don’t worry, Philomena. I know what’ll make you feel better. Wait right here. (trotting away) I have just the thing.
(The forlorn cranium crashes back into the soup. Wipe to a close-up of its owner, nibbling a few pellets from a leaking bag of mouse food by the fireplace/stove.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Look, Philomena!
(Zoom out to frame her as she approaches with a hummingbird perched on one raised foreleg.)
Fluttershy: I brought a fellow feathered friend by to cheer you up. Hummingway here was sick once too, but he let me help him and got better in no time. (nuzzling his cheek) Didn’t you, boy?
(Hummingway makes a tiny “mmm-hmm” sound and nods in agreement. Back to the floor; he lands by Philomena, who has gone back to eating the mouse chow.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Say hello to your new friend Philomena.
(The little bird jumps onto Philomena’s back and nuzzles against her neck, humming a welcome.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Aw, look. (Tilt up; he flies across the room.) I think he likes you.
(He meets her in midair; she vocalizes the first five notes of the original My Little Pony theme/jingle, and he responds with the next five.)
Fluttershy: Your turn now, Philomena.
(She hovers down near ground level, with Hummingway perching on her head.)
Fluttershy: Go ahead. You can do it.
(Philomena’s gut begins to rumble, and when Fluttershy vocalizes the first five notes again, she takes a direct hit to the face from the load of half-digested birdseed that the patient heaves up.)
Fluttershy: (wiping herself off) Um…good try?
(Wipe to the cottage’s bathroom, which boasts its share of birdhouses and mouse holes to match the rest of the domicile. Fluttershy has filled the bathtub, wrapped Philomena in towels, and stood her on a towel rack.)
Fluttershy: I know what’ll clear up that tickle in your throat. (approaching a radiator) A humidifier!
(She gives the valve a turn, releasing clouds of steam into the room, and takes a deep breath of her own.)
Fluttershy: Refreshing. How’s that feeling for you now, Philomena? (Close-up of the bird; she continues o.s.) Better?
(Philomena takes a breath of her own as Fluttershy gives her a huge, wide-eyed, encouraging grin—and then it comes out as the same half-strangled cough. The hapless caretaker moans sadly, and Philomena sheds a few more feathers.)
Fluttershy: (forcing a smile) That’s okay. I know lots of other ways to take care of you. Don’t worry. You’re gonna get better. How about…
(Wipe to the fireplace/stove, where a fire is now burning and candles and incense have been lit. Pan to Philomena in a basket among this lot; Fluttershy leans down to her.)
Fluttershy: …aromatherapy?
(The sickly avian gets a lungful of the vapors, pale blue eyes widening, then sneezes violently and loses some more plumage to Fluttershy’s dismay. Cut to the running, steaming bathtub faucet, which shuts off just before the camera cuts to frame Philomena in the tub and Fluttershy at its side.)
Fluttershy: Warm bath?
(All this does is cause Philomena’s body to bloat up to tub-filling proportions as she absorbs all the water like a sponge. There go some more feathers. Cut to a close-up of her head, back down to normal size—but now her eyes are crossed, in addition to one being bugged out.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Ointment?
(A bit is squirted on, but Philomena has a very bad reaction, breaking out in a full-body rash and shedding some more. Wipe to a close-up of Fluttershy’s nervous, sweating face; she wears a doctor’s reflector strapped to her forehead.)
Fluttershy: Scalpel!
(It is passed to her from o.s, and she works for a moment.)
Fluttershy: Surgical tape!
(Cut to a longer shot; she also has a stethoscope around her neck, and Angel, also wearing a reflector, is in charge of the implements. He slaps the requested roll of tape into Fluttershy’s hoof, and she works intently for a second.)
Fluttershy: Feathers!
(Now Angel gives her a basket of the ones Philomena has been constantly shedding, then mops the sweat from her brow as she works again. When she finishes, the camera cuts to just behind her and she moves aside to expose her work: Philomena, sitting on the floor, with feathers taped back on to cover any bare spots. Needless to say, the results are far from convincing, and she coughs and lets her head flop over onto the floor. The rash from the ointment has cleared up. In the next shot, Fluttershy and Angel have done away with their reflectors and the stethoscope.)
Fluttershy: Oh, Philomena— (Head up.) —I thought it would be easy to nurse you back to health. But I’ve tried everything I know, and look at you. (She lifts Philomena on a foreleg.) You’re worse than ever!
(Comes a knock at the door; she slides over to it at lightning speed, no longer carrying the bird. Before she can get a hoof to the handle, it bursts open and Twilight walks in.)
Twilight: Hi, Fluttershy. I just wanted to drop by and say thank you so very much for making such a good impression on the Princess today.
(She stops short with a huge gasp; cut to Philomena, sitting on the little table by the couch.)
Twilight: What is Celestia’s pet doing here?!
Fluttershy: I couldn’t leave the poor thing there. (Cut to the bird; she continues o.s.) She needed my help. (Zoom out to frame both ponies.)
Twilight: (panicked) Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. (hoof to face) This is bad!
Fluttershy: How could I just walk away and not do anything?
Twilight: But-but she doesn’t belong to you! (Philomena keels over.)
Fluttershy: I had to do something!
Twilight: Without telling anypony? Without asking permission?!
Fluttershy: But— (The supine bird coughs…)
Twilight: I know you had good intentions— (…and slides off the table.) —but you have got to return the Princess’s pet!
Fluttershy: But—
(The debate ends when Philomena climbs partway back up with a wheezing inhalation.)
Fluttershy: (sighing) You’re right. Okay, let’s— (The breath comes out as a cough.) —go.
(She gets a basket from the floor; Twilight gets her teeth on the ailing bird’s tail and yanks her away. In no time, she is in the basket, now on Fluttershy’s back, and the lid is clapped down.)
Twilight: (galloping to door) If we hurry, we can put her back before anypony even realizes she’s missing.
(She hits the door with a burst of telekinesis to open it, but freezes in place with a gasp and a start that makes her tail stand out straight. On the step are the two pegasus guards who kept watch over Sugarcube Corner during the brunch. Twilight bites down on her lower lip so hard that she might draw blood at any moment. Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to the two impassive guards, who advance slowly into Fluttershy’s cottage.)
Guard 1: We were told we could find Twilight Sparkle here.
Guard 2: We regret to inform you, miss— (Cut to Twilight, grinning fixedly, and Fluttershy; he continues o.s.) —that the royal pet has gone missing.
Twilight: Really! (Wheezing from Fluttershy’s basket.) You don’t say!
(She manages a couple of little giggles to try and mask the sound, but the lid-lifting hack that follows it is a real stretch. Zipping to Fluttershy’s side, she works up a few coughs to try and pass the noises off as her own; every time the basket sounds off, she turns her own up a notch. Eventually she nudges Fluttershy’s flank, prompting her to join in; the two guards trade a puzzled look as both let it die down. Twilight’s next two lines are delivered in a fake hoarse tone of voice.)
Twilight: It’s that dry night air. (Grin; sweat rolls down.)
Fluttershy: But it’s daytime.
Twilight: Well, day air’s even drier! (laughing, pushing guards out) You guards better be on your way if you’re gonna find the Princess’s missing pet—Philomena, was it? Thank you ever so much for keeping me in the loop. Byeee!
(She magically slams the door and turns away from it, heaving for breath, before risking a look out the window to make sure the guards are really leaving. Close-up as she turns back toward the room.)
Twilight: Phew! (Eyes pop.) What are you doing? (Cut to Fluttershy, on her way toward the door.)
Fluttershy: Going to return Philomena, remember? (Twilight blocks the way.)
Twilight: We can’t now!
Fluttershy: Why not?
Twilight: (really freaking out) You have no idea what the Princess is gonna do if she finds you’re the one who took her pet, do you?!?
Fluttershy: Do you?
Twilight: Well…no. But it can’t be anything good!
(Wavering dissolve to a close-up of a very despondent yellow pegasus, zooming out to frame her sitting on her haunches in a dim, foreboding wasteland. The entire view is shot in soft focus, marking it as her imagination.)
Twilight: (voice over) She might banish you from Equestria!
(Cut to an open dungeon cell; Fluttershy peeks out from within.)
Twilight: (voice over) Or throw you in a dungeon!
(The door slams shut and Fluttershy gasps. Cut to her in the wasteland again; on the next line, a cage drops from above to pen her in.)
Twilight: (voice over) Or banish you and then throw you in a dungeon in the place that she banishes you to! (Close-up of Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: (pushing bars aside) You really think the Princess would do that?
(During this line, the scene undergoes a wavering dissolve back to reality, again framing Fluttershy in close-up. She then begins to pace the floor.)
Twilight: Okay, granted, that probably won’t happen—but do you want to take any chances?
Fluttershy: All that really matters to me is that poor little Philomena here gets well.
(The critter in question pops out of the basket with a wheeze that leaves her hanging headfirst over the edge.)
Twilight: That’s very noble of you. I’ll write to you when you’re banished— (panicking) —unless I’m banished too, somewhere there’s no post office. Then you’ll have to write to me. Deal?
Fluttershy: Please, Twilight. You just have to help me get Philomena healthy, and then we can return her to the Princess…
(During the previous, she pivots to give the unicorn a close look at Philomena. Extreme close-up of her sweaty brow and bloodshot, oozing eyes.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) …and everything will be fine. (Longer shot, framing all three.)
Twilight: Did you give her any kind of medicine?
Fluttershy: I tried to, but she wouldn’t take it.
Twilight: (groaning loudly, Philomena falls out) Then you have to make her take it! You can’t be such a pushover, Fluttershy! You need to show this patient who’s the boss! Make her straighten up and fly right!
Fluttershy: She can’t fly!
(Twilight rummages around for a second and comes up with the capsule Philomena refused to take earlier on.)
Twilight: No excuses!
(A push on one taloned foot causes the beak to open as if it were a hinged trash can lid, and the medication is dropped in and swallowed.)
Twilight: Done! Okay, what else?
Fluttershy: Uh, well, she keeps pulling her feathers off—the ones that haven’t fallen out yet from all the coughing, I mean.
(Close-up of Philomena on the end of this; she is indeed nipping at her own feathers. Twilight’s solution is to clap on a conical collar, the sort used to keep dogs from trying to chew at an injured spot.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) There you go.
(Philomena tumbles over; cut to frame all three. She tries to pull the collar off.)
Fluttershy: I don’t think she likes it. (Start walking, head doubled over with collar scraping floor.)
Twilight: Tough love, baby! You want her to get well, don’t you? (Roll across behind them.)
Fluttershy: Of course, but—
Twilight: Next!
Fluttershy: Well, she desperately needs some bed rest, but I can’t get her to stay put.
(When the patient walks past, Twilight plunks a hoof down on the collar edge to stop her and flip her backward. The camera now cuts to Philomena’s perspective of the violet unicorn, framed by the collar edge.)
Twilight: (reverberating slightly) One step ahead of you.
(Wipe to a covered item whose shape, stand, and falling feathers mark it at the birdcage in which Philomena was first seen. Fluttershy crosses to it as the cloth bulges out in places from the bird’s attempts to break through it; angry noises are heard from beneath as well.)
Fluttershy: It’s for your own good, Philomena, I promise. (Zoom out; Twilight is looking at the soup Fluttershy made.) Please just relax and try to get some sleep.
Twilight: What’s this soup over here? Smells delicious.
Fluttershy: I made it for Philomena, but she wouldn’t eat it. (Close-up of the bowl, which levitates off the table.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Oh, she’ll eat it, all right.
(Zoom out to frame her, half-crazed smile and all; a turn of her head brings the bowl over to the cage and whisks the cloth away. As soon as she pops the latch on the door, Philomena jumps out with a screech and runs off, knocking the soup to the floor. The collar is now gone.)
Twilight: Hey! Where are you going?
(Cut to just outside the open front door as the escapee heads out through it.)
Fluttershy: (dashing out, Twilight following) No! Philomena! Come back!
(Wipe to Philomena running through the park outside Ponyville. The two mares chase her to a tree and around it several times, the speed increasing until none of them can be seen under the thick cloud of dust thrown up by the chase. Tilt up from this to the branches; Philomena has taken refuge here and runs off along a limb. At ground level, Twilight and Fluttershy skid to a stop and head off in a new direction indicated by the unicorn.)
(Cut to a Ponyville street; the two guards are showing a sketch to a stallion, and a close-up shows it to be a decent rendition of the sickly Philomena. The stallion shakes his head. On a park bench, a figure sits and reads a newspaper that hides all but its fingers and feet. Twilight and Fluttershy race past, then double back and stop at the bench. The newspaper is lowered to reveal Philomena, with a bushy brown mustache hung over her beak as a ridiculously transparent disguise. However, it is enough to fool the two mares, as they cough a bit to see if the “innocent” bystander might recognize it as a tip to Philomena. After the bird shrugs and goes back to the paper, Twilight and Fluttershy trade a puzzled look and gallop off again.)
(Back in town, the two guards look back and forth as Philomena runs past behind them, pursued by the pair of mares. The bird has shed her disguise, and Twilight tiptoes past while Fluttershy flies as stealthily as she can. In an alley between two buildings, each of which has two doors facing the other, Philomena peeks out from the front right door and runs to front left, staying just ahead of Twilight. There follows a frenetic back-and-forth between the four doors, with both Twilight and Fluttershy trying to catch the runaway until they crash headlong into each other. Philomena bails out.)
(Now Twilight and Fluttershy gallop through the town square and past the pavilion. Philomena emerges from behind a flagpole and goes the other way just before the guards walk up and stick their sketch of her onto it. After they have gone, she returns and draws a bushy mustache and eyebrows onto the picture to throw off her trackers, then runs off again.)
(As Twilight and Fluttershy gallop along, Rainbow flies to catch up.)
Rainbow: What are you two doing? Are you having a race? Oh, can I play? One-two-three-go!
(She streaks ahead; the other two throw each other a slightly confused look and carry on. Pan slightly ahead of them to a fountain decorated by a rearing-pony statue. Applejack, Pinkie, and Rarity are here, Pinkie eating a cupcake as Applejack balances an apple on her nose. The farm pony has done away with the napkin tied around her neck from Act One, and the designer has changed out of her Gala dress. In close-up, Pinkie is suddenly lifted off her hooves by Fluttershy, the camera zooming out to frame both. Fluttershy is checking the ground beneath for any sign of Philomena and has Pinkie balanced on her back.)
Fluttershy: Excuse me.
Pinkie: Hi! (Cut to Applejack and Rarity; the former no longer has the apple.)
Twilight: (from o.s., grabbing Rarity) Beg your pardon. (She lifts the white unicorn and looks underneath.)
Rarity: Put me down! (Twilight does so.)
Applejack: What in tarnation? (The group again; Pinkie is back on the ground.)
Fluttershy: Sorry, but we’ve gotta find— (Quick pan back to the guards, now nearby and looking upward.)
Guard 2: The Princess’s pet bird!
(Cut to the base of the fountain and tilt up to the statue’s head. Philomena is perched here, having lost all her feathers except for a few fragments and still coughing wretchedly. On the next line, cut to an overhead view of Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and the guards.)
Fluttershy: Philomena, come down from there! You’ll hurt yourself!
(Close-up of one last tail feather as it pops loose, then zoom out to frame the stricken Philomena. She hacks and wheezes her way through a string of full-body convulsions and ends up collapsed on her back atop the statue. After an uncomfortably long pause, she snaps upright and delivers an encore that sends her into a headfirst dive toward the ground.)
Fluttershy: I’ll catch you!
(Applejack and Pinkie gasp as she zips ahead. The camera cuts back and forth between the plummeting plucked bird and the frantically galloping pegasus. Before the race between gravity and leg power can be decided, though, Philomena is enveloped in a burst of flame. Fluttershy gasps in pure shock and throws herself into a slide that would have earned a nod of approval from Willie Mays. When she stops with front hooves outstretched, the fire dies out and all she catches is a little pile of ashes. The other five ponies gasp—Rainbow having joined the group at the fountain—and the catcher does everything she can to keep from bursting into tears on the spot. However, the little whimper from her throat clearly tells that she is losing the battle as the ashes trickle to the ground.)
(With the guards staring aghast, the situation takes yet one more bizarre turn when Celestia walks onto the scene.)
Celestia: (sternly) What is going on here?
(They bow and back off. Cut to a pan across the row of the other six, starting at Pinkie’s end and panning to Fluttershy’s; all bow except this last, who regards the ashes despairingly.)
Celestia: (from o.s.) Twilight? (Twilight straightens up.)
Twilight: Yes, Your Majesty? There’s been a terrible accident. (Fluttershy steps ahead.)
Fluttershy: It’s all my fault. (Twilight steps ahead.)
Twilight: No, Princess. Fluttershy didn’t know any better. It was my fault. (Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: I’m the one who did it. (Twilight.)
Twilight: But you were only trying to help.
Fluttershy: Some help I was.
Twilight: Will you let me do this? She’ll go easier on me!
Fluttershy: But it’s my fault!
Twilight: No, it’s my fault! (Pinkie pops up.)
Pinkie: Nope, it’s my fault!...Wait. What are we talking about?
(She zips away, completely missing the violet unicorn’s grimace.)
Fluttershy: (stepping ahead to Celestia) Thanks for trying to protect me, Twilight, but, Princess Celestia, I’m the one who took your pet bird. (Cut briefly to the concerned Celestia, then back as she continues.) I really was only trying to help the poor little thing. Then I was gonna bring it right back to you, honest.
(Close-up of the pile of ashes on the grass by the fountain. Celestia’s gold-shod front hooves step into view next to them; zoom out to frame her as Fluttershy approaches.)
Fluttershy: So, if you want to banish me and then throw me in a dungeon in the place that you banish me to… (lowering her head) …then that’s what I deserve.
(The sovereign eyes the contrite yellow pony for a moment before turning her attention back to the earthly remains of her prized pet. Closing her eyes, she lowers her head toward the pile—then opens them and cheerfully addresses it.)
Celestia: Oh, stop fooling around, Philomena! You’re scaring everypony.
(The ashes waft into the air seemingly on their own, bringing gasps from the four uninvolved ponies, and reconstitute themselves into a bird. Not the sickly, molting, cross-eyed wreck that drove Fluttershy up the wall, though; this one has plumage of red, orange, and gold, long tail feathers, and an impressive size and wingspan. The new bird briefly silhouettes itself against a burst of light as stunned gasps float up from below, then soars down toward them.)
Ponies: (from o.s.) Ooooh…wow… (It swoops down, trailing licks of fire from its wings.)
Fluttershy: I don’t understand! (It lands on Celestia’s foreleg.) What is that thing? What happened to Philomena?
Celestia: This is Philomena. (Close-up of the bird; she continues o.s.) She’s quite a sight, as I said, but nothing unusual for a phoenix. (leaning into view) Isn’t that right, Philomena?
(Her pet lets off a happy little cry. Cut to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: A…a phoenix? (The head leans down to look her straight on and nods.)
Celestia: (from o.s.) A phoenix is a majestic and magical bird.
(Nod; cut to a longer shot, framing all three again.)
Celestia: While it appears healthy and happy most of the time—
(Philomena lifts off from the foreleg; cut to her as she circles high above.)
Celestia: (from o.s.) —every so often it must renew itself by shedding all of its feathers and bursting into flame.
(She lifts her own head into view on the end of this to watch the airshow; another happy cry floats down, and she leans toward Fluttershy.)
Celestia: (whispering) Rather melodramatic, if you ask me. (straightening up; normal volume) It then rises from the ashes, fresh as a daisy. (The phoenix perches back on her foreleg.) All just a normal part of the life cycle of a phoenix.
(Close-up of the orange-feathered head.)
Celestia: (from o.s.) I’m afraid mischievous little Philomena here took the occasion to have a little fun with you, Fluttershy.
(Philomena covers her head with one wing on this line, embarrassed at being called out; cut to Fluttershy as she is lowered to the pony’s level.)
Celestia: (from o.s., sternly) Say you’re sorry, young lady. (A whimper from the bird.)
Fluttershy: So—aren’t you gonna banish me, or throw me in a dungeon— (Cut to a befuddled Applejack and Rainbow; pan to Rarity as she continues o.s.) —or banish me and then throw me in a dungeon in the place that you banish me to?
(Back to Twilight, Fluttershy, Celestia, and Philomena.)
Celestia: (smiling) Of course not, my little pony. (Philomena lifts off.) Where on earth would you get such an idea?
(Zoom in on the two locals, who trade an anxious glance and then smile.)
Fluttershy: I guess I have some imagination.
Twilight: Fluttershy really did do everything she could to try to take care of Philomena for you.
Celestia: And I do appreciate that your heart was in the right place, child. But all you had to do was ask me, and I could’ve told you Philomena was a phoenix and saved you all this trouble.
Fluttershy: I know. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. Next time I’ll ask before taking matters into my own hooves. (Twilight reacts with mild surprise.)
Twilight: Should I write you a letter about that lesson, Princess?
Celestia: No, that’s quite all right. (Philomena perches on her back; Celestia glances toward her.) I think I can remember.
(Now the two guards bring over the birdcage as the reborn pet swoops into the sky; one long red feather drops back and sticks behind Fluttershy’s ear, shaft first. She looks up to the hovering Philomena, who coos softly.)
Fluttershy: It’s beautiful. Thank you, Philomena. No hard feelings.
(As the bird swoops off again, Rainbow eyes the two stolid-faced guards.)
Rainbow: Hmmm…
(Getting a sudden inspiration, she flies up to whisper to Philomena and gets a nod in response. The phoenix perches on top of her cage and spreads her wings just enough to tickle the guards’ noses; they try to hold their composure, but soon lose it in roaring fits of laughter. She trades a midair high five with the sky-blue prankster.)
Rainbow: Yeah!
(Her own laughter mingles with a raucous caw from her accomplice. Twilight, Fluttershy, and Celestia are next to join in, followed by all the other ponies in an overhead shot and slow zoom out. Fade to black.)
THE CUTIE MARK CHRONICLES
Written by M.A. Larson
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Notes: All lines marked with one asterisk (*) are delivered as a voice over by the
characters at their current age.
“WD” = wavering dissolve.
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to the base of a tree and tilt up toward its top. A small, nervous gulp is heard from somewhere above.)
Sweetie Belle: (from o.s.) Are you sure about this, Scootaloo? I’ve never even heard of a pony zip-lining before.
(On the end of this, the camera stops on a small platform that has been attached to the trunk, just below the topmost branches. It is daytime. The Cutie Mark Crusaders stand here, wearing crash helmets and vests hooked to a rope that is tied off just above their heads. Before them, the line stretches down at an uncomfortably great height over a long stretch of woodland.)
Scootaloo: Neither have I, but Spike told me it was awesome!
(She jumps, dragging first Apple Bloom and then Sweetie with her—the cables hook them to each other as well as the line. As they gain speed, sparks fly from the friction between the hooks and the rope, causing both to heat up. Eventually, the rope sags far enough to leave them stuck at a low point; now the red-hot hooks set the rope smoldering and then burn through it, dropping three screaming fillies like rocks. They plummet and bounce through tree branches in three different directions, eventually landing as a battered, sap-smeared pile. Close-up of Bloom.)
Bloom: See anything? (Pan to Scootaloo, who gets up and inspects her own haunch.)
Scootaloo: Tree sap and pine needles, but no cutie mark. (Cut to Sweetie on the end of this.)
Sweetie: (smiling) Plan B?
Scootaloo: Yeah! You know where we can find a cannon at this hour?
(Bloom, the only one of the three still on the ground, and Sweetie are both taken aback at the mention of the word “cannon.” The little pegasus’ face shifts into sullen disappointment; close-up of her helmet as it bounces off the ground.)
Scootaloo: (stepping into view) It’s no use. (Tilt up as she pulls at the sap.) No matter what we try, we always end up without our cutie marks—and surprisingly often covered in tree sap.
(She has also done away with her vest in this shot. Cut to Sweetie, who has also removed her helmet and takes off her vest as she speaks.)
Sweetie: Maybe we should do something less dangerous, like pillow testing or flower sniffing.
(Buckets of water and washcloths are slid over to them from o.s.; cut to Bloom, scrubbing up in one of her own. Her vest and helmet are gone now.)
Bloom: This town is full of ponies who have their cutie marks. (The others start cleaning up.) Why don’t we ask them how they did it?
Sweetie: That’s a great, safe idea.
Scootaloo: Yeah! And we can start with the coolest pony in Ponyville.
Bloom: Applejack!
Sweetie: Rarity!
Scootaloo: Come on, guys, I said “cool.” (flapping wings, zipping up/down hills) You know who I’m talking about. She’s fast! (returning, knocking bucket away) She’s tough! She’s not afraid of anything!
Bloom, Sweetie: Pinkie Pie?
Scootaloo: No! The greatest flyer ever to come out of Cloudsdale!
Bloom, Sweetie: Fluttershy?
Scootaloo: No! Rainbow Dash!
Bloom: Oh, yeah! That makes much more sense.
Sweetie: Of course!
Scootaloo: Let’s do it! Let’s find out how Rainbow Dash earned her cutie mark!
Bloom, Sweetie: (high-fiving her) Yeah!
(The tree sap still on her front hooves glues the Crusaders together in a line, leaving her stuck in the middle. After a couple of yelps from Scootaloo and Sweetie and a hearty effort to pull loose, all three groan wearily, having found a way to make a free fall and tree crash even worse. Fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to Scootaloo on her scooter, pulling Bloom and Sweetie in a wagon as she did during “The Show Stoppers.” All three are clean, have their crash helmets back on, and are making good time through the meadows. The emergence of three apple-carrying rabbits on the path prompts a triple gasp, and Scootaloo slams on the brakes to stop just short of the critters.)
Applejack: (from o.s.) Get back here, you thievin’ varmints!
(The rabbits bail out, taking their ill-gotten produce with them.)
Bloom: Thievin’ what, now?
(Applejack leaps out of the bushes toward the Crusaders to give chase; a gasp from them and a yell from her, and the ensuing crash leaves all four tumbled on the path. The scooter and wagon now lie flipped onto their side.)
Applejack: (surprised/angry) Apple Bloom?
(Her sister looks at the three red apples near the blond tail and gets an idea.)
Bloom: Hey, sis. How’d you get your cutie mark? (Extreme close-up of Applejack’s face.)
Applejack: I never told you that story? (Zoom out to frame Scootaloo and Sweetie, both upright.)
Scootaloo: Hey! I thought we were gonna ask Rainbow Dash! (Now Bloom is up as well; Applejack hides a calculating smile from the trio.)
Bloom: We need all the help we can get.
Scootaloo: Ugh. Fine.
(The yellow filly falls in alongside the other two, prompting a grunt from Scootaloo when she gets sandwiched between the others.)
Applejack: Why, shoot. (She gets up; zoom in.) I was just a little filly, even littler than y’all.
(Wavering dissolve to Sweet Apple Acres during the day, panning from the barn to the main entrance. Filly AJ walks out along the path, a bindle slung on a stick over her shoulder, as young Big Macintosh and young(er) Granny Smith watch her go through misty eyes. Filly AJ does not wear her hat and has birdcatcher spots across the bridge of her nose, in addition to the ones at the outer corners of her eyes.)
* Applejack: I didn’t want to spend my life on a muddy old apple farm. I wanted to live the sophisticated life, like my Aunt and Uncle Orange.
(Zoom in on the bindle; a photograph protrudes partway from it, depicting a cultured pony couple against a city backdrop with a crescent moon overhead. Dissolve to that same moon, hanging low in the starry night sky over the rooftops of an urban landscape, and tilt down/zoom in to ground level. Filly AJ is now making her way down a sidewalk.)
* Applejack: So I set out to try my luck in the big city.
(Head-on view of the young traveler, gazing at skyscrapers and even a pony version of the Statue of Liberty as she passes them.)
* Applejack: Manehattan! The most cosmopolitan city in all of Equestria.
(Her reverie is sharply broken upon encountering some oncoming ponies.)
Stallion: Hey! Out of the way, you rube!
* Applejack: I knew I’d find out who I was meant to be in Manehattan.
(She has reached an apartment building and starts for the front entrance as the camera tilts up to a lighted upper-story window. Dissolve to a closed door inside, displaying a picture of two oranges; she comes to this and knocks, and an earth pony couple answers—the ones in her picture. Aunt Orange has a pale off-white coat, bright blue eyes, and a dark blond mane styled and stacked high on her head; she also wears a gold necklace with various orange gems and has a beauty mark below one eye. Uncle Orange has a light brownish-yellow coat, a green mane, and blue-gray eyes. His cutie mark is an orange, while hers cannot yet be seen.)
Filly AJ: Aunt Orange! Uncle Orange!
(Cut to just inside the door; the apartment is quite well-furnished, and Aunt escorts Filly AJ in.)
Filly AJ: Thank y’all so much for lettin’ me stay!
(Aunt closes the door. Both Oranges speak with a refined, urbane accent.)
Aunt: “Y’all.” (laughing) Isn’t she just the living end?
Uncle: (chuckling) How quaint. (Cut to Filly AJ.)
Aunt: (from o.s., fluffing her mane) Don’t worry. We’ll have you acting like a true Manehattanite in no time.
(Around the new arrival, the scene dissolves to put her at the dinner table, between Aunt and Uncle. Her mane has been done up in a style similar to Aunt’s, and cups with flexible straws have been set out. Aunt’s cutie mark can now be seen as three orange wedges. Soft murmurs of conversation are heard around Filly AJ, who smiles as charmingly as she can as the camera zooms out to frame all the formally attired dinner guests.)
Guest 1: And how are you finding good old Manehattan?
Filly AJ: (sounding like Rarity) Oh, it’s simply divine.
Aunt: Very well said, my dear.
Filly AJ: Although I must admit, the city noise took some getting used to. (Slow pan across the table, stopping on her.) Where I’m from, nights are so quiet, you seldom hear a peep until the roosters wake you.
(General confusion around the table.)
Guest 2: The…what?
Guest 1: I say, my dear, what in the world is a rooster?
(Zoom in slowly on Filly AJ, whose smile contrasts sharply with the panic racing through her mind.)
Filly AJ: (thinking, normal voice) What’s he talkin’ about? (Aunt brushes a strand of her mane back into place.) What do I say? (Hard swallow.) I don’t want to look like a fool.
(A small bell sounds off.)
Mare voice: Dinner is served.
(Two unicorn stallion servants enter the room, levitating a fleet of covered serving dishes and bringing them down in front of the guests. One of them is the unicorn counterpart of Horte Cuisine, the earth pony waiter who works at the Ponyville restaurant in the present time.)
Filly AJ: (normal voice) Thank goodness! Bein’ a city pony’s hard work.
(Her perspective; the cover is lifted as she continues, revealing a few morsels of food presented in the “nouvelle cuisine” style.)
Filly AJ: I’m so hungry, I could eat a…
(Back to her, disappointment settling itself firmly on her face as she gets an eyeful of much less than a mouthful. Dissolve to her at the window of her darkened bedroom; her mane is back to its usual style. As she looks out over the Manehattan skyline, the sun begins to rise over the hills in the far distance. Cut to just outside the window.)
Filly AJ: (sadly) Cock-a-doodle-doo. (sighing) I wonder what Granny Smith and Big Macintosh are up to. I bet they’re applebuckin’ their way through the Red Delicious trees. (resting head on forelegs) Oh, what I wouldn’t give for just one bite.
(One tear slips out of the corner of her eye and works its way down her cheek.)
* Applejack: I never felt so homesick in all my days as I did right then.
(The distant sound of an explosion shakes the filly out of her deep blue funk, and she joyfully watches a vivid rainbow trace out an arc toward the horizon.)
* Applejack: It was amazin’! (Filly AJ shifts her head, exposing its far end.) A rainbow pointin’ right back to home. In that moment, it all became clear.
(Dissolve to Filly AJ as she gallops through the homestead’s fully loaded trees. She is not carrying her things as she did on the way out.)
* Applejack: I knew right then just who I was supposed to be.
(She heads straight up the main road, where Granny and Colt Macintosh are waiting for her, and nuzzles happily against Granny’s shoulder. The camera zooms in on her haunch, where a spot of light flashes briefly and disappears to make room for the three red apples that fade into view. A WD begins.)
* Applejack: That’s when this here appeared.
(It ends back in the present; she lifts her hind leg to emphasize her cutie mark for the Crusaders.)
Applejack: I’ve been happily workin’ the farm ever since.
(A loud Bronx cheer comes from o.s.; she glares off toward it, and the camera cuts to the three rabbits who stole the apples from the orchard. They peel out.)
Applejack: There they are! (galloping after them) Get back here, you thievin’ varmints!
Sweetie: (to Bloom) Aww, that was such a sweet story. (Scootaloo jumps on her scooter; it and the wagon are now upright.)
Scootaloo: Sweet? Try sappy! Bleeah! (Zoom out; the other two jump in the wagon.) Come on. We’ve gotta find Rainbow Dash and hear the cool way to get a cutie mark!
(Once she gets rolling, the view wipes to a road leading through the groves. The Crusaders rocket along toward the camera; as they come up over a hill, Fluttershy lands squarely in their path. They have time for one terrified scream before Scootaloo swerves hard, capsizing the scooter and sending all three of them on a graceless flight to the dirt. They find themselves within touching distance of a flock of ducklings that are crossing the road; Fluttershy has taken it on herself to keep the path clear for them.)
Fluttershy: All right, little ones, this way, this way. (The Crusaders stand up.) You really should be more careful. (Cut to them and the ducklings; she continues o.s.) Somepony could get hurt.
(Cut back to all four as the last of the waterfowl get by.)
Fluttershy: Why are you in such a hurry anyway?
Scootaloo: We’re trying to find Rainbow Dash so we can hear how she earned her cutie mark.
Fluttershy: Oh! That would be interesting. You know, I wouldn’t have gotten my cutie mark if it weren’t for her.
Scootaloo: Rainbow Dash? Really?
Fluttershy: Oh, yes. (Zoom in slowly on her.) It all started at summer flight camp.
(WD to a slow pan through a cloud setting that looks like a cross between a military airfield and an obstacle course. Pegasus colts and fillies fly everywhere; in the distance, Filly FS stands on the roof of one hangar.)
* Fluttershy: You’d never guess, but when I was little, I was very shy.
(Close-up; the yellow filly has rather longer legs than the other young pegasi. She watches uncertainly as they fly through cloud rings hanging in midair.)
* Fluttershy: And a very weak flyer.
(Flapping with all her might, she tries several times to lift herself up and through the nearest ring, only to catch a hoof on the inside edge and go into a flailing slide off the hangar roof. She gets out one panicked gasp before a curve at the bottom launches her into the air as if from a ski slope. Her trajectory carries her directly into a pennant strung up on a pole, tearing it loose; filly and cloth tumble down, throwing wisps of cloud up to mark the impact. A cut to this spot frames her, flat on her face with the pennant draped over her body.)
(Overhead, two colts laugh long and hard over the wipeout: Colt Dumbbell and Colt Hoops. The latter has his three-basketball cutie mark, and at this point in his life, his mane is still short enough to leave his eyes exposed—light green. Cut to a close-up of Filly FS as she untangles herself.)
Colt Dumbbell: (from o.s.) Nice going, Klutzershy! (He and Colt Hoops land.) They oughta ground you permanently!
Colt Hoops: Hah! My baby brother can fly better than you!
(Back to the huddled Fluttershy, then to her perspective of the two as their laughter continues on the next line.)
* Fluttershy: It was the most humiliating moment of my life.
(High above the two heads in need of a trim, a familiar blue shape and rainbow streak slashes the sky.)
* Fluttershy: And then, out of nowhere…
(As the flyer’s shadow passes over all three and they look up in astonishment, Filly RD swoops low behind the two colts and lands to face them.)
Filly RD: Leave her alone!
Colt Hoops: Oooh, what are you gonna do, Rainbow Crash?
Filly RD: Keep making fun of her and find out!
Colt Dumbbell: You think you’re such a big shot? Why don’t you prove it?
Filly RD: What do you have in mind?
(Dissolve to the three young pegasi crouched on a cloud at a starting line—a race is in order. An overhead shot of the area shows them high above Ponyville. Clouds to either side are filled with spectators, and Filly FS stands by herself on one, facing the line with a checkered flag held by its pole in her teeth.)
Colt Hoops: (to Filly RD) You’re goin’ down!
Filly RD: In history, maybe! See you boys at the finish line!
(Filly FS raises the flag and brings it down; instantly the three racers take off and flash past her, so close that their wake whisks the flag away and sets her spinning. She slowly wobbles toward the edge of the cloud in a yellow/pink blur and goes over the edge, and an overhead shot frames her screaming, hoof-flailing descent toward Ponyville. Snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to a close-up of one freaked-out yellow pegasus, legs still turning at insane RPM’s in search of anything solid. As she screams her way down, the camera cuts to her perspective—a large, colored swarm of something moving in to intercept. The next shot is a profile view of her in what she surely believes will be the last trip of her life. Just above ground level, she plunges o.s. and is immediately lifted back into view by the swarm, which proves to be composed of butterflies.)
Filly FS: Huh?
(She looks confusedly around herself and smiles as the insects carry her gently through the woods.)
* Fluttershy: I had never seen such beautiful creatures. Butterflies don’t fly as high as my cloud home, and I had never been near the ground before.
Light piano/string melody, slow 4 (C major)
(One butterfly flits close enough to Filly FS’s face to cast its reflection in her widened pupils. She slowly rises clear of the swarm as she begins to sing.)
Filly FS: What is this place filled with so many wonders?
Casting its spell that I am now under
(Critters pop out as she names them.)
Squirrels in the trees and the cute little bunnies
Birds flying free and bees with their honey, honey
(They gather around her as she lands and holds out the last word of this line.)
Percussion/horns in; swing feel, faster 4
(The butterfly swarm follows her as she flies around the woods.)
Filly FS: Oh, what a magical place
(Tilt up to the flight camp far above.)
And I owe it all to the pegasus race
(Back to ground level.)
If I knew the ground had so much up its sleeve
(Behind the butterflies, the view wipes to a line of happy woodland creatures and birds.)
I’d have come here sooner and never leave
(She rises into view behind them.)
Yes, I love everything
(She rises to treetop level and holds out the last note, the camera swiveling through 360 degrees to frame assorted animals and the flight camp before returning to her.)
Song ends
(Somewhere far beyond the trees, an explosion is heard, accompanied by a rainbow-hued blast wave that sends every forest denizen scrambling for cover by air, land, and water. As Filly FS watches the panic, her expression changes from hopeless confusion to single-minded determination—she suddenly knows what to do. Approaching a bush, she carefully lifts its leaves as if they were a cloth on a table and gently addresses the scared rabbits beneath.)
Filly FS: Shhhh. It’s okay.
(They emerge and follow her away from the bush; next she flies up to a large opening in a tree trunk, knocks, and puts her head inside.)
Filly FS: You can come out.
(When she pulls her head out and turns away, a couple of squirrels peek placidly out. Cut to a point below the surface of a pond, the camera pointing up at Filly FS and the sky; she takes a deep breath and puts her face in the water.)
Filly FS: (bubbly) Everything’s okay.
(Away she goes, leaving a group of frogs to look up toward the surface. Next, she flies among the clouds.)
Filly FS: There’s nothing to be afraid of.
(Birds large and small peek out and follow her back to the ground; all the animals gather as she settles onto her belly in a clearing.)
* Fluttershy: Somehow, I had the ability to communicate with the animals on a different level.
(Close-up of her haunch, which receives the same brief flash of light that struck Applejack’s before the three pink butterflies of her cutie mark fade in on it. A small white rabbit looks at them and her with a smile—either Angel or a close relative.)
* Scootaloo: Wait, wait, wait.
(Cut back to her in the present. The scooter and wagon are upright and hooked back together, and she is back behind the handlebars.)
Scootaloo: What happened to Rainbow Dash? What about the race? (Longer shot of Fluttershy and the Crusaders.)
Fluttershy: Oh! Well, I wasn’t there, so I don’t really know what happened.
Scootaloo: Come on, Crusaders! We’ve gotta find her! (Bloom and Sweetie jump in the wagon.) Besides, I can’t take any more singing.
Sweetie: Maybe my sister knows where she is. (as Scootaloo peels out) Bye, Fluttershy!
Fluttershy: (waving) Bye, girls!
(Dissolve to a close-up a rather put-out Scootaloo, her helmet gone and a stretch of cloth draped over her body. The mannequin and wall design behind her indicate that she is in the upper-story workroom/living space of the Carousel Boutique. A measuring tape magically works its way around her and is followed by a pincushion, one of whose pins secures a spot. She has been pressed into dummy duty.)
Scootaloo: How did we get roped into this?
(A longer shot reveals that her two accomplices are similarly disposed, and that Rarity is hard at work.)
Scootaloo: (sighing) We’ll never hear Rainbow Dash’s story.
Rarity: Are you girls still obsessing over your cutie marks?
Sweetie: Of course! Most of the fillies at school already have theirs.
Rarity: Mmm—I know how you feel. (Zoom in slowly.) For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t have mine.
(On the end of this line, the view undergoes a WD to the Ponyville schoolhouse, where a banner for the school talent show has been set up as in “The Show Stoppers.” A simple piano melody is heard as the camera pans to the stage, on which several costumed fillies are rehearsing a number. In a close-up and slow pan down the line, they are dressed as assorted items: fruit basket, dandelion, cake slice, hay bale, flower with bee. One of them is a young Cheerilee. Filly RA and the school’s teacher at this time watch from the wings. Teacher: pale yellow-tan earth pony mare, brown mane/tail with mane in a bun; green eyes, three-pencil cutie mark, half-moon glasses on jeweled chain, white shirt collar with black necktie.)
Teacher: Well done, Rarity. Your costumes are very nice.
Filly RA: (taken aback) Nice? (Sour note; music stops.) They need to be spectacular! And the performance is tomorrow!
(Dissolve to a pan across the cluttered upper-story room of the Carousel Boutique and stop on the young unicorn working at a sewing machine.)
* Rarity: I tried every trick I could think of, but nothing seemed to work. The costumes just weren’t right— (Stop; dissatisfied eye on the work.) —and the play opened that night.
Filly RA: (ears drooping) Maybe I’m not meant to be a fashionista after all.
(The ears snap to attention, along with the rest of her, when a brilliant spark of light kindles at the end of her horn. She has time for one astonished yelp before the appendage whisks her away. Outside, she is dragged through the meadows outside Ponyville proper.)
Filly RA: What’s going on?!
(She tries to dig in her hooves, then gives up and lets herself be pulled along. A dissolve puts her on the move through another stretch; now she appears to have gotten somewhat bored with this strange mode of transport.)
* Rarity: I had no idea where my horn was taking me. (Cut to a desert; now she floats along, just clearing ground.) But unicorn magic doesn’t happen without a reason.
(A dissolve takes her into the night and over one rocky hill after another.)
* Rarity: I knew this had to do with my love of fashion—
(Cut to a boulder-strewn waste the next day; the journey continues.)
* Rarity: —and maybe even my cutie mark!
(The trip ends very suddenly when she runs flat into a rock wall; she flops onto her back and quickly sits up, rubbing her head.)
* Rarity: I knew that this was… (Gape; cut to her perspective and tilt up.) …my destiny!
(She has hit a standing stone slab that is tall enough to partly block her view of the sun. A long shot reveals that it is perched on the edge of a large crag. Filly RA, seeing the object of her horn’s magic, is ready to blow her top four times over.)
Filly RA: A rock?!? That’s my destiny? What is your problem, horn? (Long shot; her voice echoes at this distance.) I followed you all the way out here for a rock?!? (Close-up; she snarls.) Dumb rock!
(The sound of a distant explosion startles a cry out of her and splits said dumb rock from bottom to top, as a rainbow blast wave identical to the one seen by Filly FS washes past. The two halves fall apart to rest on the crag, giving Filly RA an eyeful of the trove of gems contained inside. Tilt up from them to her; she voices an ecstatic little gasp.)
(Cut to the schoolhouse and pan to the talent show stage and the crowd of ponies gathered before it. The students are performing their number, to the crowd’s enjoyment, and a pan across the five clearly frames the sparkling gems that have been liberally added to every costume. Filly RA and the teacher watch from the wings, the elder pony smiling at the younger, and the camera cuts to the filly’s perspective of the tableau. The gleam from the jewels washes over the crowd.)
Crowd: Ooooh…
(Close-up of Rarity, now smiling proudly; that white flash flares up from the vicinity of her o.s. haunch, and she and the camera focus on it as the three light blue jewels fade in.)
* Scootaloo: Ugh!
(Cut back to her in the present, shaking off the cloth draped on her.)
Scootaloo: These namby-pamby stories aren’t getting us any closer to our cutie marks!
(Shift to frame Rarity and all three Crusaders; Sweetie is out of hers, and Bloom shakes loose too.)
Scootaloo: They’re all about finding who you really are and boring stuff like that! (Close-up of Rarity.)
Rarity: Yes, Scootaloo. That’s exactly—
Scootaloo: (from o.s.) Come on, girls! We need action! (At the door, she bulldozes the others out.) We need Rainbow Dash!
(The door slams. Cut to a close-up of one very bored orange pegasus filly sitting at a table outside the Ponyville restaurant. She is flanked by Bloom and Sweetie, both of whom are taking rather more interest in the new proceedings.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) As a young filly in Canterlot, I always wanted to go to the Summer Sun Celebration—
(On the end of this, Scootaloo groans and puts her head on the table, and the camera cuts to frame Twilight across from the trio. Zoom in on her.)
Twilight: —where Princess Celestia raises the sun.
(WD to a pan across a full-tilt carnival in Canterlot just before sunrise.)
* Twilight: And I saw the most amazing, most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen.
(Two squads of unicorn guards play a brass fanfare, standing on a stage to either side of a crescent-moon frame whose points are facing upward with sunburst flares around the outer edge. Filly TS nudges her way up through the crowd for a better view, and Princess Celestia advances to stand before the frame, facing her subjects. She is the only character whose past and present appearances match exactly. As the little unicorn watches with great anticipation, she warms up her horn and flies straight up, lifting her forelegs and wings, and raising the sun so that she and it line up with the frame to turn her form into a blazing red silhouette. The morning rays wash over the throng.)
Crowd: Ohhhh… (Filly TS’s eyes grow even larger.) Ahhhh…
(The entire crowd breaks into cheers and stomping applause—all except Filly TS, who just stares in wide-eyed bliss as the camera zooms in on her. The view then dissolves to her, reading intently at a desk, and zooms out to frame stacks of books alongside. The furnishings suggest that this is a room in her home.)
* Twilight: I poured myself into learning everything I could about magic.
(The violet youngster concentrates as hard as she can and succeeds in turning a page without touching it. After a surprised smile and gasp, she goes back to her reading. In a series of dissolves, the window behind her gradually darkens from morning into night and the books shift to the other side of the desk—she has finished reading them. In addition, she grows somewhat in each new shot to mark the passage of time. After she closes the last book, cut to a unicorn stallion and mare walking in. The stallion is blue, with a darker blue mane/tail, golden brown eyes, and a cutie mark with one crescent moon nestled in another. The mare is light gray, with a violet/white-striped mane/tail, bright blue eyes, and a cutie mark of three blue stars.)
* Twilight: My parents decided to enroll me in Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.
(On this line, Mr. Sparkle pulls out a document marked with a blue ribbon and a red check mark; cut to it and zoom out as Twilight looks it over and smiles broadly, jumping and bucking.)
* Twilight: It was a dream come true! Except for one thing.
(Clock wipe to the bug-eyed prospective student, who looks around with a fearful start.)
* Twilight: I had to pass an entrance exam!
(Zoom out quickly; she stands alone before a chalkboard, at the front of a lecture hall and facing four unicorn examiners in the seats. Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle, off to one side, prompt her to keep her head up and smile. In close-up, she does both as best she can before the sound of an o.s. door opening scares her all over again. At the other side of the hall, a stallion has entered and is pushing a cart filled with straw and one large, light violet egg with blue-violet spots. A sign on the cart’s side depicts the egg hatching and a dragon popping out—instructions for the examinee.)
(One last push sends the cart over to Filly TS, who eyes it uncertainly as the delivery stallion backs out of the room.)
Examiner: Well, Miss Sparkle?
(Cut to a close-up of the picture and tilt up to the egg; Filly TS gives it a good close look, then giggles nervously and sighs as the camera zooms out slightly. Four clipboards and pencils are levitated by the examiners to take notes, prompting the young unicorn to grit her teeth and start sweating buckets. Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: the lecture hall, seen from behind the four examiners’ heads.)
Examiner: Well, Miss Sparkle?
(A cough from another member of the committee startles her slightly; she backs up and aims her horn at the egg. Several seconds of groaning concentration do no more than bring a little spark from the tip and a yawn from yet a third examiner.)
Examiner: (checking her watch) We don’t have all day.
(Filly TS tries an assortment of angles and stances; still no good.)
* Twilight: I knew it was the most important day of my life, that my entire future would be affected by the outcome of this day—and I was about to blow it!
(One last spark from the horn above her screwed-up face fizzles out; she belly-flops to the lecture hall floor, then gets up to sit on her haunches.)
Filly TS: (small voice) I’m sorry I wasted your time.
(As the examiners jot down some more notes, a distant explosion shakes the room and a rainbow blast wave appears in the window, spreading over the sky. It is identical to the ones seen by Filly FS and Filly RA, and Filly TS’s horn comes to life with a beam that lances toward the cart. The egg is hit squarely by the shot, levitating out of the straw and bursting open to expose hatchling Spike, who yawns and stretches. Now his entry into Equestria has been accounted for.)
(Filly TS’s magic does not stop here, though. She lets off a panicked yelp, her eyes glowing pure white and growing as big as hockey pucks, and her power washes briefly over the whole room before enveloping her in a purple/white corona. The lightning bolts thrown off float the examiners clear of their seats, turn Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle into potted plants, and grow little Spike so large that his head and shoulders punch through the roof of the building.)
(This last shot is seen from outside, and bolts crackle out from the structure as Celestia takes notice. In the lecture hall, Filly TS floats helplessly, unable even to stop levitating herself, much less get her powers under control. A gold-shod white hoof on her shoulder brings her attention around to Celestia, who has entered the room and is smiling serenely down at her. Filly TS’s eyes return to normal, the power breaks, and all of her accidental magic is undone in an instant. Spike drops onto the remains of the cart and starts sucking peacefully on the end of his tail. Back to Filly TS.)
Celestia: (from o.s.) Twilight Sparkle.
Filly TS: I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to— (Cut to Celestia on the end of this.)
Celestia: You have a very special gift. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a unicorn with your raw abilities. (Close-up of Filly TS as she finishes.)
Filly TS: Huh?
Celestia: But you need to learn to tame these abilities through focused study.
Filly TS: (louder) Huh?
Celestia: Twilight Sparkle, I’d like to make you my own personal protégé here at the school.
Filly TS: (even louder) Huh?
Celestia: Well?
(The flabbergasted filly looks back at her parents, who nod and neigh enthusiastically, and then jumps to at least four times her own height to hang in midair.)
Filly TS: YEEEESSSSS!!
Celestia: (from o.s., pointing at her) One other thing, Twilight.
Filly TS: More?!?
(She hits the tiles on her gut, knocking herself silly for a moment between Celestia and her parents. Something has appeared on her haunch, and a zoom in on her reveals it as her star cutie mark. Another point from Celestia emphasizes it.)
Filly TS: My cutie mark! (rapid fire, hopping around Celestia) Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes…
(Dissolve to the present. Twilight, lost in the memory, is hopping around the Crusaders and the table and repeating “yes, yes, yes”—and getting more excited on every circuit.)
Bloom: Okay, okay!
Sweetie: We’re happy for you, Twilight!
Scootaloo: Yeah, thrilled! (to the others) Let’s get out of here while we still can!
(They make tracks, but Twilight does not notice or quiet down for some seconds. In close-up, she finally stops jumping with a sheepish little grimace; a longer shot frames the hopelessly confused crowd that has gathered outside the restaurant. Among them is the stallion who delivered the dragon egg to her during the entrance exam.)
Delivery stallion: Uh, you okay?
Twilight: (laughing quietly) Um, yes.
(Dissolve to the Crusaders as they motor through the streets of Ponyville, with Scootaloo pulling and the others riding in the wagon. All three are wearing their helmets. Close-up of Scootaloo.)
Scootaloo: Ugh! Why don’t we ever smash into Rainbow Dash?
Pinkie Pie: (from o.s.) You’re looking for Rainbow Dash?
(A longer shot shows that she is now in the wagon with Bloom and Sweetie; she has even procured her own crash helmet.)
Pinkie: If I was her, I’d be at Sugarcube Corner. Of course, if I was anyone, I’d be at Sugarcube Corner. Hey! I have an idea! Want to go to Sugarcube Corner?
(This idea excites her so much that she nearly falls off the back of the wagon; only a quick grab by Bloom keeps her on board.)
Sweetie: Well, we’re sort of looking for Rainbow Dash so we can hear how she got her cutie mark. (Close-up of Pinkie on the end of this.)
Pinkie: (smiling hugely) Cutie mark? Come with me and I’ll tell you how I got mine.
(The two Crusader passengers trade uncertain looks with their driver, who relents with a groan.)
Scootaloo: Why not?
Pinkie: All right!
(WD to a pan across a field full of rocks and withered, leafless trees under a sky filled with gloomy gray clouds. One sour-faced earth pony filly bucks rocks into a cart hitched to another, an elderly earth pony stallion makes his way toward a fenced-in yard that contains a farmhouse, windmill, and silo, and Filly PP nudges small slabs into a pile. Her mane and tail are completely straight instead of fluffy and curly, and her overall coloration is somewhat darker than in the present day. It is hard to tell whether this effect is due to the overcast sky or an actual color change.)
* Pinkie: My sisters and I were raised on a rock farm outside of Ponyville. We spent our days working the fields. There was no talking. There was no smiling. (Sigh.) There were only rocks.
(As she looks glumly back over her shoulder, the dinner-call ringing of an iron triangle catches her ear. At the farmhouse door, the other two fillies—her sisters—file in past the stallion. One is light gray with a straight, darker mane/tail and a forelock that half-hides one of her blue-violet eyes; the other is blue-gray with a short, light gray mane/tail and medium brown eyes. They are Marble and Limestone, respectively, and neither has a cutie mark. The stallion is Igneous Rock, the Pie patriarch, with a dark tan coat, a somewhat unkempt mane/tail striped in two shades of gray with long sideburns, and light brown eyes. His cutie mark is a pickaxe, he chews a wheat stalk, and he wears a dark gray hat, light gray shirt collar, and dark gray necktie. On the next line, he waits for the other two sisters to come in, then pulls the door closed behind himself.)
* Pinkie: We were in the south field, preparing to rotate the rocks to the east field— (Cut to Filly PP, dejected.) —when all of a sudden…
(For the fifth time this episode, an explosion from parts unknown shakes everything up. For the fourth time, a rainbow blast wave washes across the sky; it has the effect of plowing away all the clouds in this area, leaving the sky clear and blue. It also turns the pink filly’s mane and tail into a fluffy, frizzy mess. She looks up to find a rainbow arcing over the entire rock farm, with birds, rabbits, and butterflies flitting about, and it is reflected in her saucer-wide pupils in an extreme close-up. Zoom out to frame her entire face as the sunlight hits it, illuminating her normal bright pink coloration—the darker hue was only a trick of the light—and she smiles from ear to ear.)
* Pinkie: I’d never felt joy like that before! It felt so good, I just wanted to keep smiling forever! (Cut to the sparkling rainbow.) And I wanted everyone I knew to smile, too. But rainbows don’t come along that often. (It fades away; she thinks.) I wondered, “How else could I create some smiles?”
(She gets an idea and races back toward home. A high-speed time lapse cycles the sky from day to night and back to morning, accompanied by a rooster’s crowing. In an overhead shot, the farmhouse door opens and Igneous exits, accompanied by his wife and Limestone.)
Igneous: We better harvest the rocks from the south field.
(Ground-level close-up: all three stop short at the muffled sound of a lively oompah/polka-flavored tune in B flat major. It is the same tune that Pinkie used—or rather, will eventually use—to get the parasprites out of Ponyville during “Swarm of the Century.” Igneous’ wife, Cloudy Quartz, is a very light gray earth pony, her mane/tail dark gray with the former in a severe bun; light blue eyes; cutie mark of three rocks; gold-framed reading glasses on a chain; dark gray checked blouse collar with a jeweled brooch.)
Cloudy: Pinkamena Diane Pie! (Camera shift; she is addressing the silo.) Is that you?
(The door opens, a few bits of confetti drifting out, and Filly PP calls to them. Her mane and tail are still fluffed up.)
Filly PP: Mom! I need you and Dad and the sisters to come in here, quick!
(Marble walks up to join the other family members during this line. The door slams, Cloudy and Igneous trade a very worried look, and the camera cuts to an extreme close-up of the door as he pushes it open. Inside the silo, the place has been done out for a shindig of the sort that will later cement the pink filly’s reputation as a master party planner. The music comes through loud and clear as the other four Pies enter and take a puzzled look around. Filly PP pops up next to the cake/punch table.)
Filly PP: Surprise! You like it? (Music stops.) It’s called a party!
[Animation goof: She already has her cutie mark in this shot.]
(The other four stare wordlessly as a noisemaker is blown o.s. They make an inarticulate sound of wonder, the wheat stalk dropping from Igneous’ slack mouth, and the big grin evaporates from their daughter’s face. Four mouths start to quiver as Filly PP hangs her head.)
Filly PP: Oh, you don’t like it.
(And then, as abruptly as if a switch had been thrown in their brains, all four severe faces break out in gigantic smiles. A happy gasp from Filly PP as the music resumes.)
Filly PP: You like it! (All five dance.) I’m so happy!
(Right on cue comes the flash of white across her haunch, followed by the emergence of the familiar three balloons as the music ends. The view dissolves to a close-up of that mark in the present, then zooms out to frame her, Bloom, and Sweetie in the speeding wagon.)
Pinkie: And that’s how Equestria was made!
(Total surprise from all three Crusaders; Scootaloo brings the rig to a screeching halt.)
Scootaloo: Wha—huh?
Bloom: Look, we’re here!
(Long shot; they have arrived at the front door of Sugarcube Corner, and Pinkie has removed her helmet and left the wagon.)
Pinkie: (trotting in) Maybe on the way home I can tell you the story of how I got my cutie mark. It’s a gem!
(Even more confused stares from the fillies.)
Sweetie: (to Scootaloo) Oh, come on. She’s just being Pinkie Pie. (She heads in.)
Scootaloo: Ugh… (She follows.)
(Cut to just inside the front door; the Crusaders enter, having disposed of their helmets, and quickly brighten.)
Scootaloo: Rainbow Dash!
(Cut to their perspective; she is visible beyond Twilight, Applejack, and Pinkie, all of whom have gathered in the shop.)
Scootaloo: You’re here!
(The other three move aside, giving a clear view of the pegasus and exposing Fluttershy and Rarity still farther back.)
Rainbow: (approaching) I hear you’re looking for my cutie mark story. (Cut to her and the Crusaders on the end of this.)
Scootaloo: (sighing) You have no idea what I’ve been through today to hear that story. (She sits on her haunches.)
Rainbow: It all happened during the race at flight camp…
(WD to her past self, crouching down and ready to hit the gas. Colt Dumbbell and Colt Hoops get into position she continues.)
* Rainbow: …where I stood alone against all odds to defend Fluttershy’s honor.
(She throws them a taunting little nod and snorts out a puff of steam; as the spectators watch, Filly FS lifts the checkered flag and all three tense for a fast start. Filly RD licks her lips and narrows her eyes under her sweaty forehead and unruly striped mane, while Colt Dumbbell and Colt Hoops spread their wings as far as they will go. Down comes the flag, off go the racers, and Filly FS spins like a top off the edge of her cloud.)
(None of the youths has time to worry about a free-falling friend, though; they rocket through a series of cloud rings, with Filly RD in the lead. Colt Dumbbell misses a turn and crashes into a cloud, which evaporates to show him stuck firmly in a column—and out of the race. The camera focuses on Filly RD, now well in the lead, and shifts to frame her from various angles on the next line.)
* Rainbow: I’d never flown like that before! That freedom was unlike anything I’ve ever felt! The speed, the adrenalin, the wind in my mane—I liked it. A lot.
(She zooms on, an ear-to-ear grin fixed on her face, but gets bumped away by Colt Hoops.)
Filly RD: (now o.s.) Whoa!
Colt Hoops: (saluting) Heh. Later, Rainbow Crash! (He dives; cut to Filly RD.)
Filly RD: Hey!
(She drops after him and starts to close the gap with remarkable speed.)
* Rainbow: Turns out the only thing I liked more than flying fast…
(She streaks past and sends him tumbling with her wake; his yell fades out as he veers away.)
* Rainbow: …was winning!
(A wave front forms ahead of her extended forelegs and elongates, sparks and hints of color playing along its length, as she zeroes in on a cloud ring floating just above ground. At the moment she sails through it and goes into an equally steep rise, the front erupts into a multi-hued blast and she begins to leave a sparkly rainbow contrail. She has just pulled off her first Sonic Rainboom. In a long overhead shot, she flies up and past the camera, out of the brilliant burst.)
* Rainbow: Most people thought that the Sonic Rainboom was just an old mares’ tale. (Profile close-up; she grins hugely behind herself.) But that day, the day I discovered racing, I proved that the legends were true. (Now she looks ahead.) I made the impossible happen!
(Her trajectory takes her past the finish-line pegasus spectators, who cheer wildly at the rainbow she leaves behind her and over all of Cloudsdale. As she keeps flying with no drop in speed whatsoever, her haunch flashes white and receives its cloud/lightning bolt cutie mark. Dissolve to a close-up of it in the present day.)
Rainbow: (from o.s.) And that, little ones— (Zoom out to frame all of her.) —is how you earn a cutie mark.
(Cut to her and the awestruck Crusaders as she finishes.)
Crusaders: Whoa…
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Wait a second. (She approaches Rainbow.) I heard that explosion, and I saw the rainbow too. (Cut to the Crusaders, then back as she continues.) Rainbow Dash, if you hadn’t scared the animals, I never would’ve learned I could communicate with them and gotten my cutie mark!
Pinkie: (from o.s.) I heard that boom! (Pan to her, on Rainbow’s other side.) And right afterwards, there was this amazing rainbow that taught me to smile!
Applejack: (from o.s.) When I got my cutie mark… (Cut to her, standing by the door.) …I saw a rainbow that pointed me home. I bet it was your Sonic Rainboom! (Cut to Rarity.)
Rarity: There was an explosion I could never explain when I got my cutie mark! (To Twilight.)
Twilight: This is uncanny! If that explosion didn’t happen when it did, I would’ve blown my entrance exam! Rainbow Dash, I think you helped me earn my cutie mark too! (Pinkie gleefully tackles Rainbow.)
Pinkie: We all owe our cutie marks to you! (Fluttershy leans in.)
Fluttershy: Do you realize what this means? All of us had a special connection before we even met! (Rarity leans in.)
Rarity: We’ve been BFF’s forever and we didn’t even know it!
Applejack: Come here, y’all.
(Rarity’s comment is slightly redundant, since “BFF” = “best friend forever.” All six mares share a group hug, laughing and talking at once. Cut to Bloom and Sweetie.)
Bloom, Sweetie: Awwww… (Zoom out to frame Scootaloo.)
Scootaloo: Ewwww! Gimme a break! (standing up) Come on, Crusaders! Maybe we just need to try zip-lining again.
(The idea gets put on hold when the other two sweep her up into a group hug; she sighs wearily as Fluttershy straightens up.)
Fluttershy: Hey! How about a song?
(Close-up of Scootaloo, whose face betrays her dislike of the idea even as a chatter of o.s. voices encourages it. Cut to the exterior of Sugarcube Corner and zoom out slowly.)
Scootaloo: (from inside) NOOOOOOOO!!
(Dissolve to the exterior of the library.)
Twilight: (from inside, dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia: Today I learned something amazing.”
(Close-up of a scroll and ink bottle inside; Spike dips a quill to write the message. As Twilight continues, cut to frame her pacing behind him.)
Twilight: “Everypony everywhere has a special magical connection with her friends, maybe even before she’s met them. If you’re feeling lonely and you’re still searching for your true friends—” (Cut to just outside an open window; she looks out.) “—just look up in the sky.”
(Her perspective of the peaceful blue sky, seen between a couple of houses. Tilt up past the rooftops.)
Twilight: “Who knows? Maybe you and your future best friends are all looking at the same rainbow.”
(The camera stops on a bright, sparkly new rainbow strung between two clouds—a certain sky-blue pegasus has evidently been putting in a little overtime.)
Spike: (from o.s.) Gross! (Pan/tilt quickly back down to the pair.) When did you get so cheesy?
Twilight: Just write it, Spike.
(She resumes her gazing up into the sky as the view fades to black.)
OWL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL
Written by Cindy Morrow
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of the library in late afternoon. Inside, a telescope rests on a table and is quickly snapped up by Spike, who tucks it into a small wagon that already holds a folded picnic blanket. He is in Twilight Sparkle’s room on the upper story, and the camera tilts up to frame her at the edge of her bedroom loft on the following line.)
Twilight: This meteor shower tonight’s gonna be amazing! (Spike jumps onto a hanging fruit basket in the kitchen.)
Spike: Awesome!
(He tosses three bananas over his shoulder, landing them neatly in the wagon.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) You know— (Cut to her.) —this shower only happens once every one hundred years. (Back to Spike, juggling apples.)
Spike: A centennial celebration!
(They start to get away from him, so he lets them roll off his tail and into the wagon.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) We’d better get a move on.
Spike: (running o.s.) Don’t want to be late!
(The next item he comes up with is a full punchbowl, which he has some trouble balancing.)
Spike: Whoa…whoa…whooaa! (He gets it on the pile.) Ahhh. There! (Tilt up to Twilight.)
Twilight: Spike! Did you grab my quill and ink? (He sweeps them up from a table.)
Spike: Check! (Cut to the wagon; she comes downstairs.)
Twilight: Scrolls? (They are thrown in as well.)
Spike: (from o.s.) Check!
(Cut to him, now with a sprinkling of crumbs around his mouth.)
Spike: (ticking off on fingers) I’ve also packed a telescope, apples, bananas, fruit punch, aaand… (holding up a plate of cookies) ...my freshly baked, homemade triple-decker nut-crazy vanilla creme cookies!
Twilight: (giggling) I can see that.
(Realizing the mess he has made of himself, the little dragon slurps up all the crumbs with his tongue and flashes a silly little smile. Twilight starts down toward the reading room.)
Twilight: Once again you’ve read my mind, Spike. (Close-up.) And that is why you are my number-one assistant. (Squeak of wagon wheels; cut to him, following/pulling.)
Spike: I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. (They reach the ground floor.)
Twilight: (slightly louder and slower) That is why you are my number-one assistant.
Spike: (hand to ear) Missed that. Huh?
Twilight: (even louder) I said…
(She finally figures out the joke and cuts herself off with a laugh; now they have reached the front door.)
Twilight: Come on, let’s get going. (She stops short.) Wait! I almost forgot! I want to bring The Astronomical Astronomer’s Almanac to All Things Astronomy!
Spike: The Astronoma—loma—homana—what?
Twilight: You know, that really old big blue book on stars, moons, planets, the universe?
Spike: Right! Check!
(He runs off to an adjoining room in search of it, grabs a handy ladder, and is at the top shelf in no time. When he finds the book in question and brushes it off, a thick cloud of dust rises from the cover—apparently it has sat unused for some time—and sends him into the windup for a sneeze. It fails to come, so he sighs with relief and opens the book; now the sneeze bursts out of him, bringing a quick shot of green fire that leaves the pages a smoking, half-burned ruin. The cover is still in one piece though slightly singed, and he tilts it upright while fearing the worst. He gets it in spades; the pages disintegrate into streams of ashes that cascade to the floor.)
Twilight: (from main room) Hey! What’s taking my number-one assistant so long?
(He closes the cover in a panic, slips it back on the shelf, and climbs down. Zoom in on the destroyed book and fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to a hilltop on which many ponies have gathered under the night sky. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders stand in a group, and Applejack and Pinkie Pie are on their way to join them. Several others sit/stand in other spots. Pan to Twilight and Spike as they climb the hill; Spike is pulling the wagon.)
Twilight: I was sure I put the Astronomer’s Guide back. The book would’ve helped me identify different planets and stars tonight.
Spike: Well…maybe someone borrowed it. Besides, you don’t need that book. You can already name all the planets and stars ’cause you’re super-smart and astronomically awesome. (They stop; she smiles at him.)
Twilight: Thanks, Spike. You’re such a flatterer.
Spike: Yeah, I’m a sweet-talker.
Twilight: And a number-one assistant! (winking) Right?
Spike: Check!
(They have stopped on the hilltop, and he goes to work with alacrity: laying out the picnic blanket, setting out the fruit in a bowl, putting a scroll and apple within easy reach, arranging the punchbowl and cups. Rainbow is first to partake of the spread, snagging an apple in her teeth and taking a big bite.)
Rainbow: Wow, Twilight!
(Longer shot; Spike has also set up the telescope on a tripod. Scootaloo walks over to Rainbow.)
Rainbow: You’re lucky to have such a rad assistant. I wish I had someone to do whatever I told them.
Scootaloo: (jumping excitedly) Ooh, ooh! Me, me, me! I’ll do whatever you want, Rainbow Dash! (Only the core of her apple is left now.)
Rainbow: (cocking an eyebrow) Oh, yeah, pipsqueak? How about taking out the trash? (She tosses the core down.)
Scootaloo: Yes, ma’am!
(The eager little filly snaps it up and gallops away as Rarity and Sweetie Belle come over. Zoom out to frame Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Spike around the refreshments.)
Rarity: Do we have Spike to thank again for this amazing spread? (All cluster around him.) Isn’t he simply amazing?
Spike: Aw, come on…
(His eyes squeeze tightly shut while a giddy little smile plants itself beneath them, his finger unsubtly motioning for a kiss from the object of his affections. When it fails to arrive, he opens first one eye and then both.)
Spike: (grumpily) I said, come on. (Pinkie gives him a noogie.)
Pinkie: Little Spikey-wikey! Who knew that big ferocious dragons started off so cutesy-wutesy?
Rarity: Spike, you are such a little star that I had to make this little bow tie for you.
(As she speaks, she levitates this particular item into view: bright red and liberally studded with small gems of all colors. It secures itself around Spike’s neck, proving to be nearly as wide as his entire head.)
Spike: (bashfully) Gosh, you guys are embarrassing me. Stop it! (Pause.) Twilight, your turn.
Twilight: (playfully reproving) Spike, that’s enough.
Spike: Uh, right. That’s enough.
(Long shot of the hill; all six mares, all three fillies, and all one dragon are gathered around the snacks now. Scootaloo has disposed of the apple core.)
Sweetie: Hey, everypony! The show is starting!
(She nearly gets run over in the resulting stampede to the hilltop and quickly gallops over to jump on Rarity’s back. Apple Bloom has already climbed onto Applejack; Spike, having removed his tie, finds himself at the back of the group for the moment. Excited murmurs and comments rise from the crowd as brilliant white meteors begin to streak across the night sky; a pan across the group shows that Scootaloo has found a spot alongside Rainbow, while Spike is now on Twilight’s back. Stop on her end of the line.)
Twilight, Pinkie, Scootaloo, Spike: Whoa…
(The number-one assistant yawns expansively, but starts awake as another meteor’s radiance washes over him.)
Spike: Huh?
(He starts to doze off again. Cut to behind the group and zoom out from the hilltop as the meteor shower comes to an end, then dissolve to a pan across the excitedly talking group. As Fluttershy gets a cookie for herself, Pinkie finishes the one she is working on and taps the plate’s edge, flipping the last three neatly into her mouth. Crumbs are strewn across her cheeks.)
Pinkie: Mmm… (Swallow.) …mmm, wow! These cookies are dee-lish!
Twilight: Spike made them. Speaking of… (calling over shoulder) Spike, can you bring us some punch? (No response.) Spike?
(He is out like a light, snoring loudly with his head in the overturned, nearly empty punchbowl. Cut to Rarity and Twilight as they walk up on the start of the next line.)
Rarity: Oh, poor little thing.
Twilight: Aw, he’s worked himself to the bone. (Pinkie’s face is now clean.)
Pinkie: (smiling) And now the punch has been… (Close-up of him; she continues o.s.) …Spiked!
(Laughter from all. Dissolve to the exterior of the library and zoom in; the windows quickly go dark to the sound of his snoring. Close-up of him in his basket, on the floor of Twilight’s loft.)
Twilight: (from o.s., softly) Good night, Spike.
(She pulls the blanket up over him and laughs.)
Twilight: (softly) Sweet dreams, number-one assistant.
(Descending the stairs, she crosses to a candlelit table at the kitchen window, where a quill and scroll lie ready. She levitates the former with a contented sigh and begins to write.)
Twilight: (normal volume) “The Study of Comets. Comets are small, irregularly shaped bodies that are made of non-volatile grains and frozen gases.” (Creak.) “They—”
(When the noise refuses to sit down and shut up, the lets the quill drop and takes a cautious look around the room. She and the camera both focus on a screen door at the opposite wall; cut to just outside this as she nudges it open and steps out onto the balcony. Not another living thing is in sight.)
Twilight: Hm.
(She goes inside, the camera shifting back into the room, and the door swings to behind her but fails to engage its latch. Not noticing this, she resumes her writing.)
Twilight: “—have body structures that are fragile and diverse—”
(Another creak breaks her concentration. Cut to just outside the kitchen window; she pushes it open for a look, just missing a bird-shaped shadow that soars past the tree. Inside, a gust of wind blows her scroll off the table.)
Twilight: Shoot!
(Out on the balcony, the parchment sails out through the now-open screen door and over late-night Ponyville, leaving her unable to do anything but watch it go. She ducks back in as the shadow crosses the screen again. Inside, she trots nervously in place.)
Twilight: Ohh, this is a job for Spike! If only he were awake!
(An owl’s soft hoot barges in on the start of her panic attack; when she looks across the room, she finds a small brown one sitting on the kitchen table. In its beak is her rolled-up report draft, which it sets down before preparing to fly away. Twilight hurries across to it.)
Twilight: Wait! Don’t go! (Close-up of it; she continues o.s.) Don’t be afraid.
(The owl swivels its head 180 degrees to face her.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Thank you for returning my scroll.
(It hoots in reply, turning its body around as well, and shivers as a sudden gust blows in and nearly extinguishes the candle.)
Twilight: Gosh, it’s cold tonight. (Close-up of it; she continues o.s.) Say! Would you like to relax in here and keep me company while I work?
(It jumps off the sill and waddles across the table with a few agreeable hoots, and Twilight regards the scroll again.)
Twilight: Now where was I? (Behind her; the owl has perched on a coat tree.) Oh, yes. (levitating quill and writing) “—fragile and diverse, with a surrounding cloud of material called a coma, that grows in size and brightens as the comet approaches the sun.”
(As she writes, the camera zooms in on the bird, and the view then slowly dissolves to a close-up of the sleeping dragon while Twilight’s voice fades away. A sunbeam across his face marks the arrival of morning and causes him to snap awake; he leaps out of his basket with a panicked yell and whips out an alarm clock. Close-up of this, which shows the time as a few minutes before 10:00.)
Spike: (from o.s.) I overslept!
(He pitches the clock across the loft and scrambles for the stairs.)
Spike: I know it’s already ten, but I’m scaly-tailed and bright-eyed!
(In the kitchen, Twilight levitates a book into the saddlebags on her back.)
Spike: (from o.s.) I’m ready to work twice as fast! Oh, please don’t be upset, Twilight! What do you want for breakfast? (Cut to him.) Oatmeal? How about a sunflower smoothie? Grass pancakes?
Twilight: Spike! Don’t worry. (She floats an apple off the table.)
Spike: But—my morning chores!
Twilight: (chuckling) It’s okay. (Apple into bag.) Owlowiscious did them for you.
(The reptilian green eyes pop wide in surprise.)
Spike: Who? (A scroll and a book go in next.)
Twilight: He’s our new junior assistant. (walking past him) He’s gonna help out with your chores so you won’t be so tired all the time. (He shakes his head clear and starts after her.)
Spike: Wh—what do we need a junior assistant for? I’m not tired. I do fine on my own, I don’t need sleep, I—
Twilight: Spike, don’t worry. He’s just here to help out a little. (Cut to him; she continues o.s.) Now I have to go out— (Zoom out to frame her.) —so why don’t you introduce yourself to Owlowiscious? He’s in the library.
Spike: (to himself, sweating profusely) Worried? Do I look worried? I’m not worried. Who’s worried?
(Cut to the base of the stairs leading down to the ground floor; he gets about halfway down and stops, taking a hesitant look around.)
Spike: Hello? (His perspective, panning across the reading room.) Hel-looo?
(Stop on the brown owl, Owlowiscious, perched on a book stand and facing the front door. In a close-up and zoom in, the lights dim ominously and the head swivels to face the camera, the pattern of light and shadow making the eyes seem to glow. Back to Spike, who starts in fear; the lights are normal now.)
Spike: Whoa!...Dude, that’s creepy. (He walks to the owl.) Uh, hi there. I’m Spike. I’m sure Twilight has told you all about me.
Owlowiscious: Hoo.
Spike: Um, Spike. You know, assistant number one?
Owlowiscious: Hoo?
(He has misheard the hoots as the question “Who?” It starts to rub him the wrong way.)
Spike: I’m Spike! And…who are you? What are you?
Owlowiscious: Hoo.
Spike: Who?
Owlowiscious: Hoo.
Spike: I thought your name was Owlowiscious!
Owlowiscious: Hoo?
Spike: Okay, Who, Owlowiscious, whatever! I’m Spike, okay? Look, all you need to know is that I’m number one and you’re number two! Got it!
Owlowiscious: Hoo?
(Spike’s eye twitches for a moment before he gets himself under control.)
Spike: So, a man of mystery, huh? (He stalks away, then zips back.) I’m keeping my eye on you! (walking off again, glancing back) I’ve got eyes in the back of my head too, you know!
(If he does, they do him little good at this point, as he walks flat into the front door and ends up dazed on its mat.)
Spike: Ugh…well, not really, but… (angrily, opening door) …you know what I mean!
(Exit one annoyed dragon, the door slamming behind him. Cut to him outside.)
Spike: That bird is after my job. He wants to be number one! Well, I’ll prove to Twilight that I deserve to be number one, not Freaky Feathers over there. (stomping away) I won’t let him have my job, if it’s the last thing I do!
(On the end of this, the camera zooms past him to the window by the front door. Owlowiscious’ silhouette can be seen through the glass, and two bright spots wink on to mark his opened eyes. Snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to a close-up of an open book in Spike’s hands. The cover depicts a stylized owl. A longer shot frames him seated just outside the sill of an open library window. The sound of Pinkie’s voice causes him to look down toward ground level; on the next line, cut to her and Twilight. Owlowiscious is on the unicorn’s back.)
Pinkie: Oh, what a fantastical fluffalicious feathery little friend! I’m “hoo”-ked!
(All six members of the core group have gathered here, and they laugh at the silly pun.)
Fluttershy: He’s just wonderful! (Zoom out overhead to frame an irritated Spike.)
Spike: (to himself, mimicking her) He’s just wonderful!
(A bit too loud, perhaps, as his mockery has drawn plenty of unwanted attention—so he does his best to sound sincere.)
Spike: Uh, yes, wonderful. He is quite… (through his teeth) …the charmer. (Ground level on the next line.)
Rarity: And Owlowiscious is just such a star— (levitating a jeweled bow tie) —I just had to make this little bow for you.
(It is identical to the one she gave Spike, and it settles neatly at the owl’s throat—a gesture that sends Spike’s face into the red and causes him to blow steam from his nose. He storms back into the library, slamming the window closed; zoom out to ground level, framing the mares.)
Applejack: What’s he all saddle-sore about?
Rainbow: He’s probably just jealous of Owlowiscious.
Fluttershy: Maybe Spike feels threatened, or worried that Owlowiscious will replace him.
Twilight: Replace him? Hah! That’s crazy. (Close-up of Owlowiscious; she continues o.s.) Spike knows he can’t be replaced.
(Wipe to Spike, on his way down the stairs and ready to barbecue whatever gets in his way.)
Spike: They’re trying to replace me! I’d better step it up and make sure that Twilight and Owlowiscious know that I’m still number one.
(The end of this line brings him to the ground floor, where he stops short upon seeing Owlowiscious ride on Twilight’s back—the spot he usually takes for himself. She stops at an open book on a stand and looks around briefly. The owl no longer wears his bow tie.)
Twilight: Hey, Spike! Can you fetch me that book called Two-Headed Myth— (Back to him on the end of this.)
Spike: —Mythological Mysteries? (running to ladder at shelves) I know where it is.
(The camera shifts to point out at him through a gap on one of the shelves. His hand reaches up to question the space and feel for what should be there, and his eyes come up after it to see if the hand has been jiving him. There really is nothing there. Cut to behind him; he has been checking the very highest shelf and has stacked several books on the ladder’s top rung for a height boost.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Thanks, Owlowiscious. (Cut to her at the stand; he is on a perch, holding the book.) Hey, Spike, no worries. Owlowiscious flew up and got the book for me. (Spike glowers from his high post.) Oh, and gee, I guess I need Ferrets of Fairyland too.
(Before the hacked-off dragon can come up with a suitable obscene response, Owlowiscious nips in and yanks away one of the books in his stack.)
Spike: Hey! (He begins to totter back and forth; cut to Twilight, reading.)
Twilight: Climb down from there before you fall.
(A yell and crash tell her that the advice came too late; she turns to see Spike trying to dig himself out from the scrabble of tomes on the floor. Zoom in on him, a puff of steam issuing from his ears as he snarls in frustration.)
(Wipe to Twilight, now taking notes at the kitchen table upstairs; a loud snap stops her cold.)
Twilight: Shoot! (Spike pops up and salutes.)
Spike: Yes, sir!
(Close-up of the quill, whose tip now hangs by a splinter—the cause of the disturbance.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) My last writing quill. It’s broken. (Back to Spike.)
Spike: Never fear—Spike, your number-one assistant, is here!
(He zips across the room and begins to rummage in a desk drawer.)
Spike: Quill, quill…where is it? Not here…
(During this line, he fishes out a horseshoe, an apple, and a lace-trimmed saddle blanket. Each is thrown aside, the blanket flying toward the camera and briefly blacking out the screen. The camera shifts to point at him from a pantry shelf in the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner.)
Spike: (tossing things out) Quill…hmm… (Camera shift: now he ransacks a drawer.) …ugh…quill, where is it?
(A bowl is tossed at the camera, filling the screen; when it clears, he checks under a bed, then pulls aside a shower curtain. Owlowiscious is behind it, sitting on a perch over a full bathtub and wearing a shower cap, a sight that catches the quill-seeker off guard.)
Owlowiscious: Hoo.
(Spike whips the curtain closed again and peeks inside a sandwich on a counter in the library.)
Spike: Where am I gonna get a quill?
(Outside, he opens the bottom half of the front door and sets off as the camera tilts up to Twilight at the hanging-lantern window.)
Twilight: Spike, wait! Wait!
(Wipe to a sign that displays a quill, a plus sign, and a couch and zoom out on the next line. It hangs over the front door of a store Spike is visiting. Davenport, the shopkeeper, stands in the open entrance: tan earth pony stallion, slicked-back dark brown mane/tail, green eyes, cutie mark of a quill and sofa. He wears a white shirt and blue cardigan.)
Spike: But the store is called Quills and Sofas! You only sell two things!
Davenport: Sorry, Junior. All out of quills until Monday. Need a sofa?
(Spike lets off a load groan and runs o.s.; cut to a long shot of him at Sugarcube Corner’s side door and zoom in. Pinkie regards him through the open top half.)
Pinkie: I swore I had one here somewhere. (She ducks down and clatters about.) Ah, here it is!
(Something decidedly not quill-shaped comes sailing out to hit the ground.)
Pinkie: (from behind door) A quince! (She pops back up.)
Spike: (kicking it away) Not a quince, a quill!
Pinkie: Right! (Duck down.) A quail...a quilt…a quesadilla?
(Each item is tossed out as she names it. Spike bats the quail away and ends up with the quilt draped over him; the quesadilla—whose first syllable Pinkie pronounces with a “kw” sound to match the others—splats on the walk. He groans wearily.)
Pinkie: (from behind door) Aha! (She throws out…) A quiche!
(Same pronunciation quirk as for the quesadilla. He catches this item, which has a fork already stuck in it, and eyes Pinkie disgustedly across the door’s bottom half. The camera has shifted to her side of it.)
Spike: Not a quiche, a quill! (Zoom in slowly on him.)
Pinkie: Nope, sorry. (now o.s.) All out of quills.
Spike: Aw, shoot.
(He takes a big bite to console himself. Wipe to a henhouse on the grounds of Sweet Apple Acres; a squawking chicken scurries across the fenced-in yard, with Spike in hot pursuit.)
Spike: Come on, chicken! Here, chicky-chicky-chicky! (chasing it into house) Here, chick-chick-chick-chicky! Come here!
(The bird leaps out through a window at the far end, but he takes a more direct approach by simply knocking it down. More back-and-forth follows.)
Spike: Come here!
(Finding herself alone on the dirt, the chicken looks around confusedly before Spike falls on top of her. A huge brawl begins on the spot, with his assorted mutterings and punching limbs emerging from it until the chicken sneaks away. Zoom in on one badly battered baby dragon as the dust clears; one white feather drifts down, and he catches it on the fly and grins.)
(Wipe to Twilight, studying a book in the library’s reading room while Owlowiscious perches nearby. The front door behind them opens, exposing Spike.)
Spike: (woozily, tottering) Spike… (Close-up.) …to the rescue.
(Face first on the mat, holding up the chicken feather.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Oh, Spike! (Back to her.) I was calling out for you when you were turning this place upside down. (levitating a new quill; zoom in on it) Owlowiscious gave me one of his feathers to use as a quill.
(Spike stands up, his eyes narrowing in mingled frustration and hatred, and the feather in his hand spontaneously combusts to leave only a charred shaft that crumbles to ash. Sarcasm drenches every syllable of his next two lines.)
Spike: That’s just great! Perfect! (slamming door, crossing room; now cleaned up) Sweet! I think I’ll just…uh…finish up the rest of my chores! (Cut to Twilight; he continues o.s.) Or did Owlowiscious already do them?
Twilight: Oh, no, no. There are quite a lot of ’em. (He is now on the stairs.)
Spike: Well, that’s fine— (sitting) —because I can just stay up all night and finish—
(In the split second that it takes him to say the last syllable, he completely zonks out and flops backward onto the step, snoring heartily.)
Twilight: Poor Spike. He’ll come around. He’s genuinely a good little guy.
(Cut to an overhead view of him on the end of this, zooming in slowly, then fade to black.)
(Snap to him as the book he accidentally burned in the prologue is flung down, waking him.)
Spike: Huh?
Twilight: (from o.s., sternly) Spike, what is this? You said this book was missing. (Cut to her.) Well, Owlowiscious found it right where it belongs— (Close-up of it; she continues o.s.) —but like this! How did it get this way? (Tilt up slowly to him.)
Spike: (nervously) Uh…well, um…you see, I…I just didn’t want to disappoint you and, uh…have you ever seen a dragon sneeze? (Cut to her.)
Twilight: I’ve seen a dragon lie. I’m very disappointed in you, Spike.
(She turns away and walks off, leaving one resentful dragon to glare at one unruffled owl.)
Spike: You set me up! Well, two can play that game!
Owlowiscious: Hoo.
Spike: Not who, two!
(He groans loudly and storms off. Cut to him in the street.)
Spike: Owlowiscious is out to take my place. I just know it! I’ve gotta stop him. But how?
(He stops short, slightly startled by something, and a camera shift reveals that he is looking at a small white mouse outside a house. As it scampers away, he begins to get an inspiration.)
Spike: (smiling) Ahhhhh!
(Ducking into the nearest shop—which happens to be the joke/novelty shop from “Griffon the Brush Off,” based on the wall coloration—he comes out in the stereotypical bad-guy outfit. That is, black top hat and cape with matching mustache. He takes it one step further by wrapping the cape around himself, twirling the mustache, and voicing a sinister laugh.)
(Wipe to a long shot of the Carousel Boutique; he peeks toward it from behind a tree. Zoom in on the door, which opens to let both Rarity and her cat Opalescence out.)
Rarity: Come along, Opal. Let’s hurry up and get to Fluttershy’s tea party.
(Once they have closed it and passed the tree, Spike emerges and makes a run for the door. Cut to inside; the bottom half opens, and he dives in and slams it shut. The camera roves about the place; ball of yarn, bolts of fabric, a toy mouse next to Opal’s water dish. It zooms in on this last and Spike picks it up by the tail; close-up of the plaything.)
Spike: (from o.s., menacingly) So lifelike. (Back to him.) And when Twilight discovers it shredded up on her floor, she’ll think mouse-eating Owlowiscious is to blame—and I’ll be number one again!
(Again with the cape wrap and evil laugh. Outside, he opens the front door, looks all around, and tiptoes away. Wipe to an extreme close-up of him, back in the library; a pull at one thread undoes a patch on the mouse’s back and allows the stuffing to protrude. The whiskers are yanked askew next, and a quick rub at the face leaves one button eye on the verge of falling off. The nefarious baby villain scatters bits of stuffing near the front door and throws the rest of the “carcass” down among them, then tiptoes off.)
(Upstairs, he produces a bottle of ketchup from a cabinet in the kitchen; close-up of this as he chuckles nastily o.s. Back at the ersatz crime scene, he laughs exultantly while slopping the condiment all over the fabric body as a stand-in for blood. Once he has enough gore in place, he throws the bottle aside and bails out. His next target is the pillow from Twilight’s bed, which he tears in half at the foot of the stairs leading up from the reading room. Red footprints are now visible on the stairs, and he leaves more while backing up with a chuckle and scattering feathers. The staging ends very abruptly when he passes Twilight; zoom out to frame one very cross pony at the door, with Owlowiscious on her back. After a very long and uncomfortable pause, he zips away and instantly returns without his villain getup.)
Spike: (melodramatically) That poor little field mouse! (Cut to the toy on the floor; he continues o.s.) Torn to pieces! (Back to him.) It must have been Owlowiscious! (normal tone) You know, since owls eat, you know, mice. (Full drama mode.) What a terrible, terrible bird! He must be punished! (normal tone) Right?
(Pan to a thoroughly unconvinced Twilight.)
Twilight: Spike, I don’t know what upsets me more—that you deliberately tried to set up Owlowiscious, or that you actually thought this pathetic attempt would work. You’ve let your jealousy get the best of you, Spike. (Zoom in on him.) I am truly disappointed. (now o.s.) This is not the Spike I know and love!
(That gets him in the moneymaker. He reaches out toward her, but gets no response as she trots solemnly out the door and Owlowiscious swivels his head to look back. Zoom out to frame the incredulous dragon as the door telekinetically slams shut.)
Spike: (eyes growing/tearing up) She…she doesn’t love me anymore.
(Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to Spike, trudging through the Everfree Forest with a bindle on a stick slung over his shoulder.)
Spike: Twilight hates me. I’m cold, hungry, tired, and lonely. Could it get any worse?
(A sudden flash of lightning and a few raindrops remind the little runaway that this is the one question no one of any species should ever, ever ask. The sprinkle turns into an instant storm.)
Spike: I guess that’s a yes.
(Looking around, he spots a not-too-distant cave and heads for it; cut to just inside its mouth as he peeks in.)
Spike: Hello? (louder; zoom out into cave) Hel-looo?
(The lightning illuminates the outline of some indistinct thing farther back in the cave, and Spike squints for a better look, having stashed his gear out of sight.)
Spike: What is that?
(Once the glare has died down, the camera shifts to point at him over this new thing, which is revealed in full light to be an enormous mound of gems. This batch would put to shame even the load that Rarity and company took from the Diamond Dogs in “A Dog and Pony Show.” Spike approaches, his eyes snapping greedily back and forth; tilt up from him to the stash.)
Spike: Oh… (now o.s.) …if this is what running away is all about… (Back to him, eyes reflecting the pile.) …I never want to go home! (He dives in.) Gems! Mmm! Woo-hoo! (He gets a good mouthful and crunches away.) Mmm!
(Dissolve to frame him at the base of the pile. A pat on his overstuffed belly brings up a hiccup that takes his good spirits with it, and he groans in a discontented way.)
Spike: Even if my tummy’s full, the rest of me is still empty. I miss Twilight and the pony gang—but she doesn’t love me anymore. (picking up a half-eaten gem) So I’m better off here—all by myself.
(As he begins to suck on the stone like a lollipop, wisps of steam float toward him from o.s. and set him sweating. He soon has to stop and fan himself with his hand.)
Spike: Wow. Seems to be getting warmer.
(More sucking; more steam; more sweat.)
Spike: This steam is great for my complexion, but it’s sure getting hot in here.
(He tries to resume snacking, but a fresh gush of steam and a hollow roaring sound change his mind. As he glances fearfully toward the source, zoom out to frame it: the gargantuan head of a rather annoyed green dragon Yellow-green head spines and ridges above eyes; pale yellow hide running down the throat and on the bat-wing ears; yellow-orange eyes with pale yellow whites. Its voice is low, gravelly, and full of malice.)
Dragon: What are you doing in my cave? And why are you eating my gems? (Spike spits out the one he was sucking on.)
Spike: Uh…heya, bro. I didn’t know this was your cave. And I didn’t know these were your gems, but…we’re cool, right?
(The snarling snout pushed into his face answers that one in a hurry.)
Spike: Whoa, whoa! Hey, uh…we’re like brothers, you know? I mean, you’re a dragon, I’m a dragon, it’s us against the world, right?
(Wrong again; a roar and belch of steam throw him against the pile. He lands upside down, shudders, then gets up ready for a fight.)
Spike: You don’t scare me. So you’re big.
(The adversary growls, prompting his eyes to grow very large and frightened, and the camera zooms out to show just how big. In length, the head and neck alone stretch to at least ten times Spike’s height.)
Spike: Really big.
(Cut to one forelimb, whose digits extend a set of very nasty claws.)
Spike: (from o.s.) And your claws are super-sharp. (Back to him.) Tail… (It extends its spines.) …extra-spiky. But, uh… (fiercely) …you don’t scare me! Hah!
(He gathers himself and spits out the best flame jet he can manage—which is far from intimidating.)
Spike: How’d you like that?
(He promptly has to duck under a huge stream of fire that very nearly burns him to a crisp. It does, in fact, singe the tips of his own head spines and take all the fight out of him again.)
Spike: Uh, I’d love to stay, but…gotta go! See you! (running off) Wouldn’t want to be you!
(His escape takes him between the dragon’s legs; it blows a new burst at his former position, and he dives behind a rock an instant before the tail smashes it to gravel. Off he goes again, barely staying ahead of the stomping feet and gnashing teeth, but a dead-end wall leaves him nowhere to go. The beast’s shadow falls over him as it warms up to incinerate him. Zoom in on the cringing little guy.)
Owlowiscious: (from o.s.) Hoo-hoo!
(Spike looks up in happy surprise; sure enough, here comes the brown owl, staying clear of the dragon’s claws and bopping it on the snout. Two swings of the tail hit nothing but air, and the third—aimed straight at Owlowiscious—instead comes down on the massive green head when he sidesteps at the last moment.)
Twilight: (from o.s., distant) Spike! (Cut to point out of the cave; she is at the mouth.) Over here!
(The sky above her shows that night has fallen. With Owlowiscious keeping the big dragon busy, the little one makes a run for it.)
Spike: Am I glad to see you!
Twilight: Hurry! Hop on!
(He does so, and she gallops out of the cave with Owlowiscious following, just before the dragon’s fire blasts out after them. When Spike looks back, he sees the green behemoth chasing them through the dim forest, with Owlowiscious nowhere in sight.)
Twilight: It’s too dark! I can’t see! (The owl catches up.)
Owlowiscious: Hoo! Hoo-hoo!
(Facing front, he takes up a position perhaps two feet from her face and leads the way through the natural obstacles of the terrain thanks to his night vision. The dragon tries to keep up, but finds its own path blocked by fallen trees and cannot pursue its prey any farther. In a long shot of the treetops, it puts its head up into clear sky and blows frustrated fire jets in various directions as the trio races to clearer ground. Spike breathes a sigh of relief, and in short order the three have cleared the forest. Twilight stops near a tree, and Spike dismounts while Owlowiscious perches on a branch.)
Twilight: (catching her breath) Spike! We were so worried about you! I was so worried about you! Why did you run away?
Spike: I thought you didn’t need me anymore, and that you didn’t love me anymore.
Twilight: (taken slightly aback, but smiling) Spike! Sure, I was disappointed, but you are my number-one assistant and friend, and you always will be. It’s just that sometimes I need some help at night. I can’t ask you to stay up late. You’re a baby dragon, and you need your rest. Owls are nocturnal, so I asked Owlowiscious to help, but not to take your place. No one could ever replace you, Spike— (Cut to his downcast face; she continues o.s.) —not even when you are being a jealous numbskull.
(On the end of this, she gives him a gentle noogie that gets him to smile and hug her.)
Spike: I’m sorry, Twilight. I never should have been so jealous.
Twilight: And I’m sorry too, Spike. I should have been more sensitive. (He turns to the tree.)
Spike: And, Owlowiscious, I know now that you weren’t out to take my job. Forgive me?
Owlowiscious: Hoo?
Spike: Me. Forgive me, Spike.
Owlowiscious: Hoo.
(The confounded dragon turns away and shrugs helplessly at Twilight, who laughs softly.)
Twilight: He forgives you, Spike.
Spike: Hey! How did you guys know where I was?
Twilight: It was your ketchup-covered feet.
(Cut to Spike, who looks toward the ground. On the next line, tilt down to his feet; he lifts one and sees the tomato residue still on the sole.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Owlowiscious discovered your footprints and we followed them all the way to the cave.
Spike: Oh, yeah, the ketchup. It looked pretty real, though, didn’t it?
(To which she only gives him a quizzical look.)
Spike: Uh… (Nervous laugh.)
(Dissolve to the exterior of the library, every window lit, and cut to Twilight’s room. The three are in the kitchen: she near the fireplace, Owlowiscious on a perch, Spike standing on a stack of books to put him level with the table. He has a quill and scroll handy.)
Twilight: I know Princess Celestia will want to read about what happened today.
Spike: I’m ready when you are.
(She poises herself to begin dictating, then has a better idea.)
Twilight: Hey, Spike! Why don’t you write to Princess Celestia and tell her what you’ve learned?
Spike: Really? Why, that’s a big responsibility!
Twilight: I know— (Cut to him; she continues o.s.) —but nothing my number-one assistant can’t handle.
Spike: (writing) “Dear Princess Celestia: This is Spike, writing to you about my adventures. This week, I learned that being jealous and telling lies gets you nowhere in friendship. I also learned—” (Cut to Twilight and Owlowiscious; he continues o.s.) “—that there’s plenty of love for every friend to share.” (with mounting fervor) “So from here on out, I promise that I, Spike, will—”
(A sudden break, thud, and snore catch Twilight off guard, but she smiles gently as the camera zooms out. The little fellow has once again gone out like a light, head on table and murmuring in his sleep.)
Twilight: (shaking her head a bit) Oh, Spike.
Owlowiscious: Hoo?
Twilight: Who? Spike. You kn— (catching herself) Ohhhh!
(She walks away, laughing to herself at having finally caught on to the reason for Spike’s confusion in all of his “conversations” with Owlowiscious. The nocturnal bird swivels his head to face the camera and winks, and the view fades to black.)
PARTY OF ONE
Written by Meghan McCarthy
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to a street in Ponyville during the day. Things are fairly quiet as the camera pans to the library and the view dissolves to the reading room, where Twilight Sparkle is doing a bit of studying. A knock at the front door interrupts her; cut to just outside as she opens it and smiles pleasantly.)
Twilight: Oh! Hi, Pinkie Pie.
Cheerful oompah/polka melody, fast 4 (C major)
(Immediate surprise across her face; zoom out to frame the pink pony, who has donned a party hat and red rubber-ball nose and is capering on the step. Her pet alligator Gummy stands alongside, with his own hat.)
Pinkie Pie: This is your singing telegram, I hope it finds you well
You’re invited to a party ’cause we think you’re really swell
(Around Gummy, the backdrop dissolves to the front walk of the Carousel Boutique; his party hat gives way to a top hat and tuxedo jacket with shirt and bow tie. Pinkie is similarly dressed, with spats on her hooves as well, and addresses Rarity at the front door.)
Pinkie: Gummy’s turning one year old, so help us celebrate
The cake will be delicious, the festivities first-rate
(On the end of this, the scenery around Gummy dissolves to the wall of the Sweet Apple Acres barn as confetti rains down. He snaps at a piece, now out of his formalwear. Zoom out as Pinkie, also unclothed and with confetti cannons strapped to her head and flanks, sings to Applejack.)
Pinkie: There will be games and dancing, bob for apples, cut a rug
(The cannons fire.)
And when the party’s over, we’ll gather ’round for a group hug
Slower tempo
(The next dissolve around Gummy shows him nipped onto a fold of the hot-air balloon that figured prominently in “Fair Weather Friends” and “Sonic Rainboom.” Pinkie is riding in it and singing to Rainbow Dash at the front door of the latter’s cloud house. The slower tempo and the sweat running down Pinkie’s face betray the toll that this round of visits is taking on her. She no longer wears the confetti cannons.)
Pinkie: No need to bring a gift, being there will be enough
Birthdays mean having fun with friends, not getting lots of stuff
(A long shot of the structure reveals that its design is noticeably different from its previous appearances.)
Even slower tempo
(Cut to Pinkie, now wearing a birthday cake on her head and a second one that encases her body, with Gummy perched on her neck. Now she is having trouble even keeping her head off the ground as she sings to Fluttershy outside the front door of the latter’s cottage.)
Pinkie: It won’t be the same without you, so we hope that you say yes
So please, oh, please RSVP and come and be our guest
Song ends
(Just in time, as she collapses spreadeagle on the ground, Gummy hanging in midair and falling a moment later. Wipe to a room whose candy-cane columns give it away as being within Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie trudges up a staircase to enter it, marking this as an upper-story room; a balcony runs around its perimeter, and another door with a heart cutout can be seen beyond its railing. The room is fully decked out for this birthday party: cake, punchbowl, wind-up phonograph, bob-for-apples tub, and plenty of decorations. Gummy is still riding shotgun.)
Pinkie: (hoarsely, sweating) Next time I think I’ll just pass out written invitations.
(She goes flat on her face again, with the same delayed drop by Gummy. Fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to the exterior of Sugarcube Corner. Zoom in on the upper stories and cut to a pan across the party room as a lively tune plays on the phonograph. Twilight and Pinkie are dancing, Applejack and Rainbow are at the bobbing tub, and Fluttershy and Rarity talk by the refreshment table. Pinkie has shed both her cake outfit and Gummy. Applejack dunks her head into the water and quickly brings up an apple in her teeth, which she tosses up and eats in one bite. The pegasus maintains her composure in the face of the workhorse’s smirk.)
Rainbow: Nice one. Now let me show you how it’s really done.
(Before she can do her thing, the music ends and Pinkie walks over.)
Pinkie: Hey, girls!
Rainbow: Hey, Pinkie Pie.
Applejack: Howdy! (Little squeaky giggle from Pinkie.)
Pinkie: Just wanted to tell you how happy I am that you could make it to Gummy’s party.
Applejack: Are you kiddin’? I wouldn’t-a missed it for the world.
Rainbow: Me neither. When Pinkie Pie throws a party, I am there!
(Now she bobs and snags an apple of her own.)
Rainbow: Ta-da!
Pinkie: Aw, just a boring old apple. Don’t worry. (Cut to the other two; she continues o.s.) There are plenty of other surprises in there. (Rainbow spits out her apple; it bounces off Applejack’s head.)
Rainbow: What kind of surprises?
Pinkie: I can’t tell you that, silly! (trotting off) Then it wouldn’t be a surprise!
(The camera shifts to point up at the pair from underwater; they peer in excitedly.)
Applejack: (bubbly) Hmm!
(Outside again; both go in at the same time. Applejack is first to bring something up: a ball attached by a spring to the bottom of the tub. She yanks at it for a moment before the tension drags her back in. Rainbow, meanwhile, comes up to find a party-hatted Gummy firmly latched onto her snout. One very soggy blond mare has a good chuckle at the sight before the alligator gets flung off.)
(At the refreshment table, Rarity is happily sipping a cup of punch through a straw. When it runs dry, Pinkie steps over and refills from a ladle in her teeth, quickly setting it aside.)
Rarity: This punch is simply divine. Is this the same recipe you used for your “Spring Has Sprung” party? (Twilight passes behind the table; Rarity drinks.)
Pinkie: Nope, something new.
(A close-up of the punchbowl shows that Gummy has landed in it; the sight causes Rarity to spit her mouthful directly into Pinkie’s face. This does not shift her broad smile even a millimeter.)
Pinkie: It’s Gummy’s favorite!
(Looking to Twilight for advice and getting none, the white unicorn just keeps her trap shut, stitches a huge grin on her face, and swallows. She then forces herself to keep sipping as a new tune starts up on the phonograph.)
Pinkie: Ooh! This is my jam!
(As soon as she darts away, Rarity turns to a convenient potted plant and unloads this mouthful of punch into it. The dancing Twilight and Fluttershy are soon accosted by their enthusiastic host, who joins in.)
Pinkie: Having fun?
Twilight: A blast!
Fluttershy: You always throw the best parties, Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie: They’re always the best parties ’cause my best friends are always there!
(She gets perhaps a bit too lively with her dancing, hip-checking both ponies away out of view.)
Pinkie: Come on, everypony!
(Cut to Twilight, dazed and partially embedded in one wall, then to Fluttershy, who has come loose from hers and is tottering around woozily.)
Pinkie: (from o.s.) Gummy wants to dance!
(The pegasus gets her head clear; cut to the guest of honor, standing in the middle of the floor among the dancing hooves. No part of him moves except for the twitching end of his tail.)
Pinkie: (from o.s., in rhythm) Go, Gummy! It’s your birthday! Go, Gummy! It’s your birthday!
(Zoom out to an overhead shot of the room and dissolve to the moon in the night sky as the music fades. From here, the camera zooms out to frame Sugarcube Corner; Pinkie is looking out from one of the room’s windows.)
Applejack: (from o.s.) Hoo-wee! I am beat.
(She comes into view on the end of this, the first guest to leave; Fluttershy and Rainbow are following her.)
Applejack: I haven’t danced that much since…well…since your last party. Thanks again for the invite!
(Now Rarity is on her way out as well.)
Rainbow: See you later, birthday alligator! (Ground level.)
Rarity: Bravo for hosting yet another delightful soiree.
Fluttershy: It’s been lovely. (Pan from them to Twilight, bringing up the rear.)
Pinkie: (from o.s.) You sure you don’t want to stay? (Cut to her.) There’s still some cake left.
Twilight: Uh, I think I’m gonna pass. Great party, though. We should do this again soon.
(As she heads for home, the brain under the magenta mane starts to work and prompts the mouth to gasp and the eyebrows to come down.)
Pinkie: We should do this again soon!
(Dissolve to a long shot of the library and zoom in. It is now sunrise of the following morning. Inside, a knock at the door brings a very drowsy Twilight out of bed; cut to outside as she opens it.)
Twilight: Oh! Hi, Pinkie—
(Pinkie shoves her face into Twilight’s; she is wearing a wicker basket filled with invitations on her head.)
Pinkie: It’s soon!
(Zoom out to frame all of her, jumping excitedly in place.)
Twilight: Pardon me?
Pinkie: You said we should have another party soon, and…it’s soon! (leaning close) Here’s your invitation!
(Twilight levitates an envelope from the basket, opens it, and extracts a card; the delivery pony starts jumping again.)
Twilight: (reading) “You are invited to Gummy’s after-birthday party, this afternoon at three o’clock.” (Pinkie stops jumping.)
Pinkie: All our bestest friends are invited, and there’s gonna be dancing and games and cake and ice cream and punch!
(On the second half of this, zoom in on one suddenly uneasy unicorn.)
Twilight: This afternoon? (Nod.) As in “this afternoon” this afternoon?
Pinkie: Yes indeedy!
Twilight: Oh, gosh. I wish I could make it, but I’ve gotten a bit behind in my studies.
(She flashes a big grin while magically shifting books from the shelves and stacking them up on the reading room floor. Cut from them back to her on the start of the next line.)
Twilight: I’ve really gotta hit the books. (Zoom out; the piles reach almost to the ceiling.)
Pinkie: I understand. Your studies come first. But don’t worry. (winking) We’ll be sure to save you some cake. (She heads off.)
Twilight: Please do.
Pinkie: (stopping briefly during exit) Oh, and Twilight? You shouldn’t hit the books. You should really just read them.
Twilight: (now alone) I’ll keep that in mind.
(Wipe to Applejack, who is hauling a train of three heavily laden apple carts toward the barn at Sweet Apple Acres. It is now later in the day. As she approaches the door, Pinkie pops her head and basket hat out from some hay bales.)
Applejack: Huh? Oh, hey, Pinkie Pie. What brings you around these parts?
Pinkie: (shaking her rump) Who’s ready to shake their hoove thang?
(She ducks her head down a bit so Applejack can grab one of the envelopes in her mouth, then startles her into dropping it with a sudden caper.)
Pinkie: It’s an invitation to Gummy’s after-birthday party this afternoon! (Cut to behind her and zoom in on Applejack.) There’s gonna be dancing and games and cake and ice cream and punch!
Applejack: (uneasily) This afternoon? As in “this afternoon” this afternoon?
Pinkie: That’s funny. That’s just what Twilight said. And the answer is… (smiling) …yes! It’s this afternoon.
Applejack: Oh…well, I…I, uh…I don’t think I can make it ’cause, uh…I have to, uh…
(Her perspective of the three overloaded carts.)
Applejack: …uh, you know what, I, uh…pick apples! (Back to the pair.) Yep, apples. ’Cause that’s what we do with the…apples…we, uh…pick ’em.
(Having finally fumbled her way to something that might pass as the end of a sentence, she gives Pinkie a huge nervous grin. The latter does not seem convinced for the moment, so the farmer widens the grin a bit. Two blue eyes narrow in suspicion; Applejack gets out a weak chuckle and swallows hard, her reflection appearing in Pinkie’s pupils before the eyebrows pop back up.)
Pinkie: (smiling) Okey-dokey-lokey! A party is still a party, even if there are only three guests.
(She trots off; once she is well out of range, Applejack exhales loudly in relief. Wipe to the front door of the Carousel Boutique, seen from a distance. As Rarity watches from the door, a malodorous, overflowing trash can is hauled away; its carrier cannot yet be seen, but Spike’s groans indicate that he is lifting it from behind. Once he sets the can down, he hurries back—liberally daubed with filth and emitting fumes of his own.)
Spike: Anything else I can do for you, most beautiful one? (She sniffs at him and recoils; cut to her perspective of him.)
Rarity: Mmm—perhaps you could take a bath. (Back to her.) How do I put this delicately? You smell like a rotten apple core that’s been wrapped in moldy hay and dipped in dragon perspiration.
(As she turns to go back into the shop, he floats off the ground with a lovestruck sigh and goofy smile, hearts in his eyes and floating up along with the stench. She steps out to nudge him with her hoof so that he drifts off like a helium balloon; as soon as he is out of nose-shot, Pinkie appears alongside. It takes a moment for Rarity to realize that she is here.)
Rarity: Ooh, love the new hat. Very modern. What’s the occasion?
Pinkie: Gummy’s after-birthday party is this afternoon. I’m delivering the invitations.
Rarity: (suddenly uneasy) The party is this afternoon? As in “this afternoon” this afternoon.
Pinkie: It’s so strange. Everypony keeps saying that.
Rarity: (fiddling with her mane) Oh…do they?
Pinkie: I know it’s short notice, but we had such a great time at his birthday party, I thought we could have even more fun at his after-birthday party!
Rarity: And I’m sure that we would, but I’m going to have to decline. (fiddling with mane) I have to…wash my hair.
Pinkie: Don’t be silly. Your hair doesn’t look dirty.
Rarity: It doesn’t?
Pinkie: Nope.
(It does, in fact, look as impeccable as ever. Once its owner gets over her momentary paralysis at being caught, she races to the trash can, steels herself, and stuffs her head into the refuse. When she pulls it out, she is as smelly and filthy as Spike.)
Rarity: See? (Choke down the gag reflex.) Dirty. (rushing inside) I have to go. (Door slam.)
Pinkie: (to herself) Huh. No Twilight, no Applejack, no Rarity. (smiling) Oh, well. A party is still a party even with only two guests.
(Wipe to Fluttershy and Rainbow hovering in midair and aiming puzzled looks down toward the camera; zoom in slowly.)
Rainbow: This afternoon? (They exchange a glance.)
Fluttershy: As in—
Pinkie: (from o.s.) Yes!
(Cut to frame all three on the grounds of Fluttershy’s cottage.)
Pinkie: As in “this afternoon” this afternoon!
Rainbow: Oh, man, we’d love to, but…we’re house-sitting this afternoon. (Fluttershy nods hurriedly.)
Pinkie: (sighing) Both of you? (Cut to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: It’s, uh…a big house.
(Pan to Rainbow, who now has a pencil in her teeth so she can scribble on one foreleg. A cut to her perspective shows that she is drawing a wristwatch; Pinkie’s head pops up over the edge of that limb.)
Rainbow: Uh, look at the time! (Back to her and Fluttershy; pencil gone.) We’d really better get going.
(They start to fly away, but Pinkie’s next word stops them in their midair tracks; now Rainbow’s ersatz timepiece has been scrubbed off.)
Pinkie: Wait! Maybe I could bring you some after-birthday cake and ice cream! (They float back down.) Who are you house-sitting for?
Rainbow: Harry.
Pinkie: Harry? (Cut to the pegasi.)
Rainbow: Yeah, I don’t think you know him.
Pinkie: (from o.s.) That’s strange. (Zoom out to frame her.) I know just about everypony around here.
Fluttershy: He’s a bear.
Pinkie: A bear? (Fluttershy winks to Rainbow, who plays along.)
Rainbow: Yep, he’s a bear, all right. And he’ll be pretty upset if we don’t get over to his house soon.
(Her chuckle is the cue for both of them to exit the scene, but again they stop short when Pinkie speaks. Nerves start to come unstrung throughout the following.)
Pinkie: Wait! There’s a bear around here who lives in a house? (Cut to Fluttershy.)
Fluttershy: It’s, uh, really more of a cave. (Zoom out, framing Rainbow.)
Rainbow: But he’s fixed the place up so much, it feels like a house. (Cut to Pinkie.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) And, uh, he wants us to look after his house— (Back to the pair in the air.) —uh, cave—while he’s, uh—
Rainbow: —a-at the beach!
Pinkie: He’s vacationing at the beach?
Rainbow: Yep, he loves to… (Pause; she and Fluttershy think hard for a second.)
Fluttershy, Rainbow: Collect seashells!/Play beach volleyball!...Play beach volleyball!/Collect seashells!...Collect volleyballs!/Play seashells!
(It goes without saying that they are now having a very hard time keeping their stories straight, so they give it up.)
Rainbow: Gotta go!
(Both flyers bail out to leave one very perplexed pink pony on the ground. Around her, the backdrop dissolves to the room in which she held the party and the camera zooms out slightly. She is on the floor, sitting on her belly with forelegs crossed, as Gummy plays with a ball of yarn and unrolls it. Both have shed their party-related headwear.)
Pinkie: Something strange is definitely going on around here, Gummy. Sure, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had to house-sit for that vacationing bear— (standing up) —but what are the chances all my other friends would have plans this afternoon too?
(Cut to outside and zoom in slowly; she looks out an open window.)
Pinkie: Rarity has to wash her hair? Applejack has to pick apples? Twilight is behind on her studies and has to hit the books? The more I think about it, the more those are starting to sound like… (Gasp.) …excuses!
(Looking worriedly out over Ponyville, she reacts with sudden surprise and ducks down to peek over the sill. Across the way, she spots Twilight, who tiptoes into some bushes near Sugarcube Corner, glances around, and moves toward the building. A ground-level shot shows her entering the front door, which closes gently behind her. Tilt up to the window; Pinkie gawks down at the street.)
Pinkie: That doesn’t look like studying… (Zoom in.) …or hitting!
(Snap to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to the shop floor of Sugarcube Corner. Twilight, at the counter, rings a desk bell to bring Mrs. Cake out from the kitchen.)
Mrs. Cake: (smiling) Oh! You must be here for— (Cut to Twilight.)
Twilight: Shh!
(Zoom out; the older mare is now on the other side of the counter. All speakers keep their voices down through the next nine lines.)
Twilight: Is Pinkie Pie around?
Mrs. Cake: Oh, I don’t think so.
Twilight: Good.
(Unnoticed by both, a tin can on the end of a string drops into view.)
Twilight: I don’t want her to know anything about this. (Tilt up slowly.)
Mrs. Cake: Yes, of course.
(She turns away as the camera tilts up through a cutaway view of the ceiling.)
Mrs. Cake: (now o.s.) I’ll be right back.
(Stop on Pinkie, who has cut a hole in the floor above to lower the can and has a second one, on the other end of the string, pressed to her ear so she can eavesdrop. Behind her, Gummy rolls past, balancing on his ball of yarn, as she lowers the can.)
Pinkie: But—we’re friends. What wouldn’t Twilight want me to know anything about? (can to ear; hoofbeats heard; gasp) She’s coming back!
(The next three lines echo slightly as if being spoken into a large open barrel.)
Mrs. Cake: There you go!
Twilight: Thanks. And remember, not a word to Pinkie Pie. (Pause; normal volume.) Hey!
(Pinkie’s can is yanked down through the hole, taking most of her hoof with it—Twilight has found the hanging bug.)
Twilight: What’s with the tin can?
(One great heave yanks the foreleg and can free, breaking the string and bringing a cry of pain from the shop floor. Tilt down to Twilight, who now has the lower can jammed onto her snout; it pops loose, leaving that portion of her face deformed to match its shape. She aims a very confused look at the camera.)
(Wipe to the street. Twilight, her snout back to its regular shape, peeks out from a clump of bushes and tiptoes past the herb/flower shop, a cake box balanced on her back. Pinkie, in turn, puts her head up from the racks of flowerpots to spy on her. The furtive unicorn flicks her eyes back for the merest instant before continuing her journey, and Pinkie watches from around a corner. An instant later, she pops up near the camera, with Gummy perched on the back of her head. All lines are delivered in hushed tones until further notice.)
Pinkie: Time to get to the bottom of things.
(As she says this, she dons a pair of Groucho Marx-style joke glasses, complete with large nose and bushy eyebrows and mustache. She then continues her tailing job, diving for cover behind an apple stand when Twilight stops and looks back behind herself. The toothless alligator pops loose and into the open, but Pinkie yanks him back out of sight. As the dessert transporter exits, Pinkie glances around the corner and gasps softly.)
Pinkie: I think our cover’s been blown! I’ll need a new disguise.
(Cut to Twilight, now sneaking toward the Carousel Boutique; she rings the doorbell and Rarity peeks out, having cleaned up after her garbage facial in Act One. A moment later, the two unicorns are standing side by side on the grass and trying their best to look casual.)
Rarity: She didn’t see you at the sweet shop, did she?
Twilight: I don’t think so.
Rarity: Oh, good. I’d hate for her to ruin everything.
Twilight: Me too.
(She moves away with one quick sidestep, letting the box fall to the ground, and trots off. Rarity takes one step to block it from view with her body, looks around to make sure the heat is off, and heads out with the cargo wrapped up in her tail. As she turns past one of the tents set up near her shop, a quick pan to the other side reveals an incongruous hay bale near a tree. This promptly sprouts four pink legs and a blue-eyed face covered by the Groucho glasses—Pinkie’s new camouflage—and Gummy pops up on top to sneeze from all the chaff he has inhaled.)
(Overhead view of Rarity, now walking along a street. Fluttershy pokes her head out from around a corner; cut to the two at ground level as Rarity approaches and winks to her. The camera zooms in on the hay bale in the background and cuts to a close-up. Both Gummy and Pinkie’s legs are out of sight again, but she has added a baseball cap and a gray overcoat to the disguise. She hops a bit closer.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Have you seen her?
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) Not since this morning. (Cut to behind Pinkie and zoom in on the two.)
Rarity: Me neither. Can you believe she was planning on throwing an after-birthday party today?
Fluttershy: I’m just glad I was able to come up with an excuse for why I couldn’t be there. (Back to Pinkie.)
Rarity: (from o.s.) Me too. This is obviously going to be so much better. (The pair again.)
Fluttershy: As long as we keep her from finding out about it, it will. (Rarity nods and sets the box on the ground.)
Rarity: See you later.
(The two depart in opposite directions, Fluttershy carrying the box by its wrapping twine in her teeth. Pinkie starts into a frantic hopping getaway, which is cut short when she knocks herself silly against the corner of a house. She bounces backwards, smacking into Fluttershy so that she drops the box. The latter looks up with a gasp as the seemingly sentient—and badly dressed—hay bale turns to face her, then yells in fright and takes off with the box. Now Gummy makes his reappearance, popping up from an overcoat pocket with his own set of trick glasses firmly in place. Normal speaking volume resumes at this point; close-up of her.)
Pinkie: (dejectedly) I thought everypony loved my parties. (Rainbow walks past.)
Rainbow: Hi, Pinkie Pie.
(A longer shot frames the saddlebags on her back and the fact that she has scrubbed her foreleg free of the watch she drew on it while talking to Pinkie in Act One. She stops short, her mane standing up under its own power and her tail snapping out straight from total shock.)
Rainbow: Uh-oh. (She lifts off; Pinkie hops after her, poking her head from the bale.)
Pinkie: Rainbow Dash, wait!
(The fleeing pegasus rounds a corner and drops back into a trot, then stops near some barrels.)
Rainbow: Phew! (Pinkie, free of her disguise, pops up from one.)
Pinkie: Where are you going?!
(Rather than answer, Rainbow sucks in a sharp gasp and lifts off straight up at Mach 3; cut to her in flight through a wooded area. She hides behind the schoolhouse bell for a moment before ducking into it, causing it to swing and clang softly. The next shot is of the bell’s dim interior; she pauses to catch her breath, hovering near the silhouette of the irregularly-shaped clapper. Two slitted eyes open at the lower end and the lights come up just enough to expose the reason for the odd contour: Pinkie is hanging upside down from the pivot, with Gummy holding fast to her mane; the alligator has shed his joke glasses.)
Pinkie: (shrilly; Rainbow shrieks) What’s the real reason you didn’t want to come to Gummy’s party?!?
(During this line, cut to just outside the tower. The bell begins to ring with increasing volume and finally ejects a speeding pegasus, who makes a fast break up the nearest mountain. Fatigue gets the better of her as she approaches the summit; cut to a close-up of the edge as one foreleg reaches up over it. When the other one follows, a pink hoof extends into view to pull her up, and the camera zooms out to frame an extremely irritated Pinkie. With Gummy on her back, she leads down for a close look at the loaded saddlebags.)
Pinkie: (even more shrilly) WHAT’S IN THOSE BAGS?!?!?
(Rainbow peels out, leaving nothing but a Technicolor blur behind her, and Pinkie does the same in a swoosh of pink and green. At Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack spots the fast-approaching chase; cut to Rainbow.)
Rainbow: Applejack! (Tilt down to Pinkie; she continues o.s.) We have a problem!
(The winged pony rockets in through the open barn door, and Applejack gasps and dives inside, slamming it shut an instant before Pinkie skids up. Her teeth gritted in supreme vexation, she bangs her head a few times against the door.)
Pinkie: I know you’re in there! (Top half opens; Applejack faces her.)
Applejack: Oh, uh, howdy, partner.
Pinkie: Mind if I take a look inside the barn?
Applejack: No—uh, I mean, yes—I mean, you can’t come in here.
Pinkie: Rainbow Dash just went in there.
Applejack: Oh, well, she was just bringin’ in some…supplies! (Her perspective of the skeptical pony, then back as she continues.) Yep, supplies for the…renovation. (stretching neck to block Pinkie’s view) Fixin’ up the whole thing, top to bottom.
(Close-up of Pinkie’s unconvinced expression, then zoom out to Applejack’s side of the door. She addresses herself toward the barn interior.)
Applejack: (raising her voice) Uh, lots of construction goin’ on in there right now! (Outside again; she grins nervously.)
Rainbow: (from inside, whispering) You heard her—construction!
(She and the other three inside—Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity—deliver their best power-tool and heavy-equipment sound effects as the camera shifts between the two earth ponies. Pinkie glares at Applejack from various angles, while the latter meets her gaze and keeps shifting her own head to stop the angry pink pony from seeing into the barn. The two get into a noze-to-nose shoving match for a moment, with Applejack’s face reflected in Pinkie’s furious pupils; it ends only when the farmer slams the barn door shut, pinning Pinkie’s head between it and the frame. The bad sound effects stop at this point, and she pulls loose and Applejack reopens the door to address her temporarily disoriented visitor.)
Applejack: Yep. Construction. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it. Heh.
(Her unconvincing grin is met by Pinkie’s new glower. Applejack swallows hard; the blue eyes narrow; sweat runs down under the blond mane; Pinkie brings her eyebrows down even farther in extreme close-up. Zoom out to behind Applejack as the silence finally breaks.)
Pinkie: (slowly, hard tone) Okey-dokey-lokey.
(She departs and Applejack sighs quietly, only to have the pink face shoved right back into her own for another tense second before it backs off. Outside the door again; she sighs loudly and hangs limp over the bottom half as the other four ponies peek out behind her and sigh as well.)
(Dissolve to a close-up of Gummy; Pinkie paces in front of him, seen from the flank down.)
Pinkie: Secrets and lies. It’s all secrets and lies with those ponies. (Longer shot, framing all of her.) They’re up to something, Gummy—something they don’t want me to know about! (leaning in, knocking him back) Well, I’m gonna know about it. I’m gonna know about it big time! And I know just who’s gonna tell me all about it. (raising voice; zoom in on eyes) Tell me all about it big time!
(Cut to a close-up of Spike, seated in a chair and staring through sparkling, eagerly widening pupils. He blinks them back to normal and stands as the camera zooms out on the next line; before him on a table is a large plate of jewels. He and Pinkie are in the upstairs party room of Sugarcube Corner.)
Spike: Wow! Nice spread!
Pinkie: (smiling shrewdly) It’s all yours, Spike.
(The calm demeanor quickly vanishes when she slides a small spotlight along the table and aims it at his face. Next she grabs his tail, pulls it through the back of the chair, and lets Gummy bite down to hold him in place. The spot is turned on, all the other lights in the room switch off, and she leans in close through the glare.)
Pinkie: All you have to do is talk.
Spike: That’s it? Aw, you got it. Okay, uh, beautiful weather we’re having, eh? (Cut to Pinkie; he continues o.s.) I love a sunny spring day, don’t you? The birds chirping— (Cut to frame both; he reaches toward the jewels.) —the flowers blooming—
(During this line, her calculating smirk gives way to a frustrated scowl; finally she slides the plate well out of reach.)
Pinkie: No, no, no. (leaning light toward him) Talk about our friends.
Spike: Oh, okay. Let’s see. Uh, there’s Twilight Sparkle, she’s a unicorn. Good with magic, real brainiac. And then you got Rarity. Total knockout. Twilight seems to think I don’t have a chance with her, but eh, what does she know?
(As before, frustration gradually writes itself across the interrogator’s face in big block letters during this line. Close-up of her.)
Spike: (from o.s.) Let’s see, there’s—there’s Fluttershy, a pegasus afraid of heights. Hm, what’s up with that?
Pinkie: (groaning loudly) No! (Cut to frame both; Gummy on top of chair.) You’re not understanding me! I want you to confess!
Spike: Confess?
Pinkie: (leaning light closer) Confess!
(The baby dragon’s eyes show his crumbling resolve before her ruthless glare, and in time the floodgate of his tongue gives way.)
Spike: I’m the one who spilled juice all over Twilight’s copy of Magical Mysteries and Practical Potions! (He raises his arms to ward off a blow.)
Pinkie: And?
Spike: And I’m the one who used up all the hot water in Ponyville yesterday when I took a seven-hour bubble bath!
Pinkie: And?
Spike: And sometimes, when no one’s around— (reaching o.s. for something) —I do this.
(He drags a mirror up to the chair and starts flexing his muscles in front of it.)
Spike: Lookin’ good, Spike, lookin’ real good!
(The partially unhinged inquisitor cannot believe her ears, so she blinks stupidly for a second and shakes her head clear.)
Pinkie: No, no, no, NO!
(Back to him on the last two “no”’s; she knocks the mirror away.)
Spike: (scared) Wh…what do you want to hear? Tell me what you want me to say and I’ll say it!
Pinkie: (with mounting force; zoom in slowly) Tell me that my friends are all lying to me and avoiding me because they don’t like my parties and they don’t want to be my friends anymore!
(The last few words come with almost enough oomph to strip the spines from his head. She then heaves for breath and stares him down point-blank.)
Spike: (rapid fire; zoom out slowly) Your friends are all lying to you and avoiding you ’ cause they don’t like your parties and they don’t want to be your friends anymore!
(Close-up of Pinkie as she straightens up with a triumphant smile.)
Pinkie: Aha! I knew it!
(It vanishes as quickly as it came while her mane and tail inflate and pop like overfilled balloons. Once the air has rushed out, they are left completely straight, just as they were during her childhood as seen in “The Cutie Mark Chronicles.” In addition, her overall coloration darkens slightly to match that scene as the lights behind her go out. The table spotlight shines down on her from above against a black background, and she hangs her head sadly.)
Pinkie: (small voice; zoom out slowly) Oh, no. My friends don’t like my parties and they don’t want to be my friends anymore.
(The room lights snap on around her. She has ended up on the floor, sitting on her haunches next to Gummy.)
Spike: Uh…so…
(Without a word, she pushes the plate of gems to him; he chows down as the camera zooms back in on her and she moans quietly. Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to a close-up of the not-so-Pinkie in the party room. She addresses herself to the camera.)
Pinkie: Thank you all so much for coming.
(Her perspective; she is at one end of the table, and she sweeps her gaze from one side to the other. Gummy is seated at the far end; on one side are a wad of lint and a full flour sack, while a stack of rocks and a bucket of turnips are at the other. The alligator and all four “guests” wear party hats.)
Pinkie: It means so much to Gummy.
(Who probably could not care less, as seen when the camera shifts to frame the entire table. A large cake has now been set out, with a piece in front of the birthday reptile. Pinkie moves to the turnip bucket and speaks for it in a deep male voice, jostling it slightly with a hoof to simulate what it might do if it were sentient.)
*** Lines marked with one asterisk (*) are delivered as if Pinkie were acting as puppeteer. ***
* Bucket: Could I have some more punch?
Pinkie: Well, of course you can have some more punch, Mr. Turnip.
(She swiftly grabs a cup and sets it on the bucket’s stool, after which she suffers a full-body twitch as the background briefly changes to one of random color spatters and gradients. Her coloration returns to normal during the twitch, then resumes its muted tone. Now she trots over to the rocks and gives them a male voice with a Brooklyn accent. In the background, a bed and closet can be seen along with an oversized ice cream cone—this “party” is being held in her bedroom, which is in Sugarcube Corner.)
* Rocks: This is one great party! You really outdone yourself!
Pinkie: Why, thank you, Rocky.
(She goes next to the lint, to which she gives a male, English-accented voice without touching it.)
* Lint: I’m having a delightful time as well.
Pinkie: I’m so glad, Sir Lintsalot.
(A second twitch as before, after which she gets behind the flour sack to puppeteer it while using a high, French-accented voice.)
* Flour: Might I trouble you for another slice of cake? (Pinkie pops her head up.)
Pinkie: Anything for you, Madame LaFlour. (She slides one up on a plate.)
* Rocks (Rocky): I’m just glad none of them ponies showed up!
Pinkie: (smiling) Oh, they’re not so bad.
(As the smile stays in place, the eyes above it slowly drift out of focus and the background dissolves to that same random mess of colors seen during her twitches. Sanity has decided to take a long lunch. Now the “guests” seem to move and talk on their own, with no assistance from Pinkie.)
Rocky: Not so bad? Puh-lease! They’re a buncha losers!
Pinkie: Oh, come on, now. “Losers” might be a little strong, don’t you think?
Lint (Lintsalot): After the way they treated you? I say “losers” isn’t strong enough.
Pinkie: Well, it was pretty rude.
Flour (LaFlour): Pretty rude? It was downright despicable!
Pinkie: (angrily) It was, wasn’t it?
Bucket (Turnip): If I were you, I wouldn’t speak to them ever again.
Pinkie: You know what? I’m not gonna speak to them ever again, and I’m not gonna invite them to another party as long as I live! They don’t deserve to be invited to my parties!
(A third twitch as before, except this time the background briefly returns to normal during it.)
Pinkie: Not after the way they’ve been acting. (Applause around the table.)
LaFlour: Despicable!
Rocky: Buncha losers!
LaFlour: Yes!
(The normal background restores itself, and the truth of the matter is made clear—Pinkie is manipulating the sack, suggesting that she did the same for the others during the last scene. Gummy is no longer sitting at the end of the table.)
* LaFlour: That’s right!
* Turnip: Well done!
* Lintsalot: Yeah!
* Rocky: You show ’em! (A knock at the door.)
Pinkie: Who could that be?
(A close-up of the door shows Rainbow’s face visible through its heart-shaped cutout; she opens it to let herself in.)
Rainbow: Hey there, Pinkie Pie. (Cut to the sullen pony, then frame both as she continues.) Sorry I was in such a rush earlier. Had someplace to be and couldn’t slow down and say hello. You know how it goes.
Pinkie: (through gritted teeth) I know how it goes, all right.
Rainbow: (a bit unnerved) Yeah. So why don’t you come with me over to Sweet Apple Acres?
Pinkie: No thanks. I’m spending time with my real friends. Isn’t that right, Madame LaFlour?
* LaFlour: Oui. That is correct, madame. (Cut to Rainbow.)
Rainbow: (more unnerved) Uh, Pinkie Pie? (Gummy bounces across on a balloon.)
Pinkie: (from o.s.) Another slice of cake, Sir Lintsalot?
* Lintsalot: (from o.s.) I’d love one.
Rainbow: (forcing a big smile) All righty. (trotting to Pinkie) What do you say we get on outta Creepytown and head over to Applejack’s—
(The camera shifts to the deranged party planner on the end of this; she then shoves Turnip over to block Rainbow’s path.)
* Turnip: She’s not going anywhere. (Pan to Pinkie.)
Pinkie: I most certainly am not. I’m having a wonderful time right here. (Duck under table.)
Rainbow: You should really just come with me.
(Her perspective of Pinkie on the end of this; now Rocky is slid over in front of her.)
* Rocky: You heard the lady! She ain’t goin’ nowheres, chump!
Rainbow: (needled) Who you callin’ a chump, chump?
(She shoves her face toward the stack of rocks, knocking off all but the bottom one, and sighs in frustration at having let herself get yanked into this farce.)
Rainbow: That’s it. Party’s over.
(She flies across and lands behind Pinkie, who is backing out from under the table.)
Rainbow: Come on, Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie: No.
Rainbow: Pinkie Pie, let’s go!
Pinkie: I said no! (Rainbow tries to bulldoze her ahead; she digs in her hooves.)
Rainbow: You…have to…come with…me!
Pinkie: No…I…don’t!
(She slams her rump down on the rainbow-maned head; its owner yanks free with enough force to pitch herself across the room. Rainbow fetches up against the table, knocking party “guests” everywhere and ending up with a slice of cake on her head.)
Rainbow: Oh, you want to do this the hard way? We’ll do this the hard way!
(Dissolve to the closed door of the Sweet Apple Acres barn. Rainbow, now cleaned up, is doing to Pinkie what Applejack has often done to her—that is, grab tail in teeth and pull. Her efforts to drag Pinkie are hampered by the latter’s front hooves dug into the ground; finally she gets within hoof’s reach and lets go. Gummy is riding on Pinkie’s back.)
Rainbow: (out of breath) We’re…here…
(On the second word, cut to inside the darkened barn as the door creaks open. Pinkie is now standing up. Four silhouettes stand between the camera and the door, and the lights quickly come up to expose them as the other members of the core group. All are wearing party hats decorated with their respective cutie marks and standing among the sort of decorations Pinkie prefers.)
Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity: SURPRISE!!
(Pinkie is caught off guard by this, but her face hardens again as Rainbow pushes her into the barn, past a side table set up with a phonograph. Her silent snarl now puts the others on edge.)
Fluttershy: (to Twilight) I’d really thought she’d be more excited.
Pinkie: Excited? Excited?!? Why would I be excited to attend my own farewell party?!?
Twilight: Farewell party?
Pinkie: Yes! You don’t like me anymore, so you decide to kick me out of the group and throw a great big party to celebrate! A “Farewell to Pinkie Pie” party!
(She punctuates these words with a hind-leg punt, sending Gummy to the ground, and a bit of frantic foreleg gesticulation. Her rancor gives way to a low-spirited slouch facing away from the others. Applejack and Gummy cross to her.)
Applejack: Why in the world would you think we didn’t like you anymore, sugar cube?
Pinkie: (with mounting anger) Why? (to Rarity) Why? (to Fluttershy) WHY?!?
(Fluttershy falls backward; Pinkie does a backflip that leaves her hanging upside down.)
Pinkie: Because you’ve been LYING to me and avoiding me all day! That’s why! (She touches down.)
Rainbow: (smirking) Uh, yeah, because we wanted your party to be a surprise! (Cut to Pinkie and Rarity.)
Rarity: We’ve been planning this party for such a long time— (lifting/batting a balloon) —we had to make excuses for why we couldn’t attend Gummy’s party so that we could get everything ready for yours. (Zoom in on Pinkie.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) If this is a farewell party…
(Cut to her, standing next to a table with a large cake on it.)
Twilight: …why does the cake I picked up from Sugarcube Corner say “Happy Birthday Pinkie Pie”?
(Resentment gives way to confusion as the muted pink pony’s eyes shift around the room: to a table loaded with presents and a punchbowl; to the overhead decorations; to the cake frosted with hearts, flowers and her own smiling face. The camera then cuts to a long shot of the entire group and zooms in quickly on her. In an instant, her mane and tail fluff back up and her bright pink coloration restores itself, along with her usual cheerful demeanor.)
Pinkie: Because it’s my birthday! (She gathers the other five into a giant hug.) Oh, how could I have forgotten my own birthday?
(They sigh with relief, having brought a peaceful end to the crisis, and she lets go.)
Pinkie: And you like me so much, you decided to throw me a surprise party!
Rarity: That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you, darling.
Pinkie: You girls are the best friends ever! (sadly) How could I have ever doubted you? (Twilight crosses to her.)
Twilight: It’s okay, Pinkie Pie. It could’ve happened to any of us.
(General assent from the other four as they gather around.)
Rainbow: I’m just glad I haven’t been replaced by a bucket of turnips. (Cut to her, Twilight, and Pinkie.)
Twilight: Huh? (Nervous grin from Pinkie.)
Rainbow: You don’t want to know.
Applejack: (from o.s.) All right, girls. (Cut to her, at a side table with the phonograph.) Enough of this gabbin’. (She nudges the needle onto the turntable.) Let’s party!
(All six dance and laugh as the music plays and confetti sprinkles down over them. Cut to Twilight and pan across the room on the next line. Applejack and Fluttershy bat a balloon back and forth over Gummy’s head, Rainbow tries the cake, and Rarity dances with Spike briefly before Twilight and Pinkie form a two-pony conga line.)
Twilight: (voice over, dictating) “Dear Princess Celestia: I am writing to you from the most delightful party. I am not only having a great time with my friends, but also was given the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson about friendship.”
(Spike discovers that he is now dancing alone when Rarity joins the line. Fluttershy does likewise as Twilight continues.)
Twilight: (voice over) “Always expect the best from your friends, and never assume the worst.” (Applejack leaves Gummy and joins the line.) “Rest assured that a good friend always has your best interests at heart. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”
Pinkie: You girls wouldn’t mind if we celebrated Gummy’s after-birthday party too, would you? His party was cut short and he’s pretty upset about it.
(Cut to the after-birthday guest of honor, who catches a balloon in his mouth and tries to bite down on it. The o.s. ponies voice their approval of the idea, with the following line emerging from the end of their mixed responses.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Yeah, why not? Let’s have a party for Gummy.
(Her giggle accompanies an “iris out” to black.)
THE BEST NIGHT EVER
Written by Amy Keating Rogers
Produced by Sarah Wall
Story editing by Rob Renzetti
Supervising direction by Jayson Thiessen
Co-directed by James Wootton
Transcribed by Alan Back (ajback@yahoo.com)
Note: “WD” = wavering dissolve.
Prologue
(Opening shot: fade in to a patch of peaceful daytime sky, against which Pinkie Pie bounces into/out of view with a happy squeal.)
Pinkie: I…can’t…believe…the Grand…Galloping…Gala…is…tonight!
(Zoom out on the end of this. She is jumping on a trampoline and distracting Twilight Sparkle, who sits on her haunches in the foreground with an open book in front of her. The Carousel Boutique stands behind them.)
Twilight: Pinkie, please stop shouting! I’m trying to concentrate! (Rarity steps out.)
Rarity: Pinkie Pie! (crossing to trampoline) Stop that right now! It’s time to prepare for the Gala, and I refuse to let you put on your new dress if you’re all sweaty.
(The jumper skids to a midair stop, hooves barely touching the trampoline, and hops down with a dirty look. Spike has joined the group, while Twilight is now levitating the book.)
Pinkie: (to Spike) What’s Twilight doing?
Spike: She’s got an awesome magic spell she’s been working on for the Gala.
Rarity: Where are the others? It’s getting late.
(Applejack and Fluttershy walk up, with Rainbow Dash flying overhead.)
Applejack: Hold your horses, girl. We’re here. (Close-up of Twilight; she closes the book and lets it drop.)
Twilight: Perfect. I’m ready. (Zoom out to frame the group.)
Rainbow: For what? (Spike brings her an apple.)
Twilight: All right, Spike.
(Close-up of the fruit as he sets it on the grass.)
Pinkie: (from o.s.) An apple! (Cut to her and the onlookers.) Are we having pie?
Spike: Shh! Watch.
(The versatile violet unicorn directs her glowing horn at the fruit, which begins to bulge and swell and finally turns into a carriage ready for a team of horses. It retains its apple shape, and an appropriately decorated pennant is attached to the stem on top. Cut back to the six ponies, five of whom express their admiration.)
Twilight: Thanks. But that’s just the start. Fluttershy, did you bring your friends?
(Four small white mice peek out from the pink mane.)
Fluttershy: Yes. (She puts her head down; they scamper to the grass.) Will they be safe, Twilight?
(Pan slightly to frame the four critters in a close-up.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) You have my word.
(She hits them with a new spell that transforms them into a quartet of white stallions in full livery, with curly yellow manes and tails. However, their heads and faces retain a distinctly mouse-like character, complete with long whiskers.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Ta-da!
(The rest of the gang does its best to be amazed, but the effort quickly falls flat. Tilt down from the squeaking creatures to Twilight.)
Twilight: Neat, huh?
(Cut to a bush, where Rarity’s cat Opalescence emerges and lets her eyes go wide.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) And don’t worry. They’ll be mice again at midnight. (The white feline pounces.)
Fluttershy: Opalescence, no!
(Too late; she has obeyed instinct and launched herself at what she regards as lunch. Her leap drops her neatly on the rump of one mouse/horse, throwing the entire team into a panic and sending them galloping over the hill. Opal gets dumped back onto the grass.)
Twilight: Wait! Come back! (to the others) Those horses were supposed to pull our carriage! How will we get to the Gala?
Rarity: (overly dramatic, hoof to forehead) Whatever shall we do?
(She tosses the hint of a calculating smile to her friends and approaches four stallions at a fence. One of them is Caramel, who had trouble keeping up with the grass seeds in “Winter Wrap Up.” Opal now sits among them, grooming herself.)
Rarity: (clearing throat) Uh, excuse me. Uh, would you boys mind pulling our carriage to the Gala?
(She gets a round of eager smiles in response from Caramel and another stallion, the two closest to her. Wipe to the septet of Gala attendees—six mares, one dragon—as the two steeds take the carriage for a short test pull.)
Twilight: Oh, yeah. Right.
(She manages an embarrassed little smile at having overlooked this obvious solution. Fade to black.)
OPENING THEME
Act One
(Opening shot: fade in to Twilight, Applejack, and Fluttershy in a large changing room of the Carousel Boutique. They are sitting on their haunches, with the hoods of salon-style hair dryers lowered over their heads; Fluttershy is reading a magazine. Pan to the other side of the room, where a fourth dryer is set up and angled to point directly at Pinkie. She eyes the power switch, which lies on the floor.)
Pinkie: Oooh!
(As soon as she steps on it, the device puts out a gale-force blast that peels her lips back from her teeth and then throws her across the room. Outside, Spike pounds on the closed door with a groan.)
Spike: Come on, you guys! (Inside; he is heard through the door.) Let me in! (Rainbow approaches, her mane wrapped in towels.)
Rainbow: Sure thing, Spike! (Rarity blocks the door; Applejack walks up.)
Rarity: Heavens, no! We’re getting dressed!
Applejack: Dressed? Uh, beg pardon, Rarity, but, uh, we don’t normally wear clothes.
(The fussy unicorn lets off a loud groan and magically opens the door.)
Rarity: I’m sorry, Spike. Some of us do have standards. (He follows her in.)
Spike: I still can’t believe we’re going to be in Canterlot tonight! (reaching Twilight; Pinkie is now under a dryer) Our hometown, Twilight! And the best part is that we all get to hang out together all night long!
(Across the way, Rainbow now sits on a couch, on her belly.)
Rainbow: Uh—I don’t know, Spike.
(Cut to a close-up of a set of false eyelashes and follow them as they are floated across to fit on one of Rarity’s lids. She blinks to make sure they are firmly in place.)
Rarity: We’ll just have to see.
(Now Applejack does a bit of spit-shining on one of Fluttershy’s front hooves; the latter recoils a bit at the “spit” part, and the former has her mane wrapped up now.)
Applejack: We’re gonna be a mite busy.
(Pinkie’s dryer hood lifts away, exposing a mane that has been completely straightened out.)
Pinkie: Busy having fun!
(The magenta hair instantly fluffs back up to its usual style, surprising her a bit.)
Spike: (sulkily) Oh. Okay. (Twilight levitates a brush to apply makeup.)
Twilight: Don’t worry, Spike. We’ll all get to spend some time together. (Close-up of him.)
Spike: Great!
(Around him, the background dissolves to the apple carriage under the night sky. He acquires a black tuxedo jacket with ruffled white shirt and red bow tie. Zoom out; he sits in the driver’s seat, reins in hand.)
Spike: ’Cause I’ve planned out my insider’s tour of Canterlot!
(A longer shot shows the vehicle in motion; the ponies’ muffled, excited chatter is heard from within. Caramel and his buddy are tricked out in white shirt collars and black bow ties.)
Spike: I’ve gotta show Rarity the crown jewels, and Applejack the Princess’s golden apple tree! (addressing the window behind him) And Pinkie, we gotta go to my favorite donut shop!
(Tilt down to the side door’s heart-shaped window, through which silhouettes of the passengers can be seen, then back up to him.)
Spike: Then let’s get moving! (snapping reins) Hyah! (Caramel turns angrily to him.)
Caramel: Excuse me?
Spike: Um…I…
Stallion: If you weren’t friends with our neighbor Rarity…hmph!
(Still a bit miffed, the two stallions begin pulling as Spike wipes nervous sweat from his brow. The camera roves ahead of them to frame Canterlot, high on its mountainside, and dissolves to a closer shot of the resplendent white-and-gold city. All the trees are outfitted with lights, and ponies gather on the grass and make their way toward a drawbridge that leads over a waterfall and into the heart of the action. When the carriage pulls up among a line of arriving vehicles, Spike jumps down from his seat and opens the door with a bow.)
(The first hoof to step out is Rarity’s, clad in a sparkling glass slipper. Cut to Spike, who holds his bow in the line of passing shadows; he pops one eye open for a peek, then suddenly snaps up to balance on his tail.)
Spike: Whoa!
(Cut to Twilight and zoom out to frame the other five mares. All are wearing the first-run dresses Rarity designed in “Suited for Success.” Their manes are styled in the fashions seen at the end of that episode, and Rarity has added a deep magenta cape atop her outfit. The glass slippers adorn only her front hooves.)
Spike: (from o.s.) You all look… (Back to him.) …amazing!
Lush, bright orchestral setting, moderate 4 (B major)
All crowd/ensemble lyrics are in square brackets
(Zoom out to put the six in the foreground; Fluttershy and Rainbow hover above the other four.)
Twilight: I can’t believe we’re finally here! (Cut to the drawbridge and pan around the city; she continues o.s.) With all that we’ve imagined, the reality of this night is sure to make this… (Fireworks explode overhead.) …the best night ever!
Twilight: At the Gala [at the Gala]
(Fluttershy flies through a double line of stallions.)
Fluttershy: At the Gala, in the garden, I’m going to see them all
All the creatures, I’ll befriend them at the Gala
(A wavering dissolve puts her in the gardens of Princess Celestia’s palace, among assorted friendly critters and seen in soft focus.)
[At the Gala]
(A squirrel perches on her foreleg.)
All the birdies and the critters, they will love me, big and small
(She sets it down and flies up among the butterflies.)
We’ll become good friends forever, right here at the Gala
(WD back to her, now marching ahead with a line of Gala guests.)
[All our dreams will come true, right here at the Gala
At the Gala]
(Applejack moves front and center. WD to a softly focused pan along a line of customers waiting their turn at her apple cart.)
Applejack: At the Gala [it’s amazing] I will sell them [better hurry]
All my apple-tastic treats [yummy, yummy]
Hungry ponies [they’ll be snacking] they will buy them [bring your money]
Caramel apples, apple sweets [gimme some]
(Cut to a huge pile of coins and tilt up to frame her atop it.)
And I’ll earn a lot of money for the Apple family
(WD back to her; half a dozen unicorn stallions circle and form a double line as they sing.)
[All our dreams and our hopes from now until hereafter
All that we’ve been wishing for will happen at the Gala
At the Gala]
Gentle string/harpsichord melody
(A flat minor, then back to B major by the end of the next verse)
(Their lowered heads form a barrier of horns, but they lift these away to let Rarity promenade through the line. On the next line, a WD takes the action to a set of closed doors, which open so she can enter a magnificent hall within the palace. Soft focus again.)
Rarity: At the Gala, all the royals, they will meet fair Rarity
(She walks through the crowd, prompting surprised stares.)
They will see I’m just as regal at the Gala [at the Gala]
(The camera pans from her to the dark-blond unicorn stallion she saw in her fantasy during “The Ticket Master.”)
I will find him, my Prince Charming, and how gallant he will be
(They touch horns lovingly. Dissolve to a long shot of the hall and tilt up toward the floor-to-ceiling stained-glass windows.)
He will treat me like a lady
(WD back to her; zoom out to frame the onlookers, who proceed toward the city.)
Tonight at the Gala
[This is what we’ve waited for, to have the best night ever
Each of us will live our dreams, tonight at the Gala
At the Gala]
Brass fanfare, then rock with strings; drums/electric guitar in
(A flat minor, then back to B major by the end of the next verse)
(The Wonderbolts soar over Rainbow. WD to her on the next line, suited up and flying with two of them. Soft focus.)
Rainbow: Been dreamin’, I’ve been waitin’ to fly with those brave ponies
The Wonderbolts, their daring tricks, spinning ’round and having kicks
(They buzz past a packed grandstand, leaving disheveled and amazed spectators in their wake. Tilt down from a rain of diamonds to the trio; she stands with the other two in her Gala dress.)
Perform for crowds of thousands, they’ll shower us with diamonds
(WD back to her.)
The Wonderbolts will see me right here at the Gala
Drums/electric guitar out
(Six Wonderbolts gain altitude overhead and sail through the fireworks.)
[All we’ve hoped for, all we’ve dreamed, our happy ever after
Finally will all come true right here at the Grand Gala
At the Gala]
Drums in; double-time feel
(Pinkie hops along toward the palace, bouncing well over the other attendees.)
Pinkie: I am here at the Grand Gala, for it is the best party
But the one thing it was missing was a pony named Pinkie
(WD; she hops along past banners and cheerful ponies as confetti rains down on the softly focused grounds.)
For I am the best at parties, all the ponies will agree
(Quick pan to each attraction she names, with her taking part in each, then WD back to the excited pink pony.)
Ponies playing, ponies dancing with me at the Grand Gala
Drums out
[Happiness and laughter at the Gala, at the Gala]
Majestic feel (C major)
(Celestia flies through the night sky, the camera zooming out to frame the arc she describes between two clouds above the palace. Quick pan to Twilight.)
Twilight: At the Gala [at the Gala] with the Princess [with the Princess]
Is where I’m going to be [she will be]
(WD to a huge hanging light fixture in the palace, then tilt down to Twilight and Celestia in the expansive, softly focused hall.)
We will talk all about magic and what I’ve learned and seen [she will see]
(Celestia and the background fade away to leave her standing in a red spotlight against a black field.)
It is going to be so special, as she takes time just for me
(The crowd fades into view around her.)
[This will be the best night ever]
D flat major
(WD back to her, marching ahead and followed by rank on rank of ponies. Normal focus resumes at this point.)
[Into the Gala we must go, we’re ready now, we’re all aglow
Into the Gala, let’s go in and have the best night ever
Into the Gala, now’s the time, we’re ready and we look divine]
(Twilight and Fluttershy move to the fore; zoom out in steps to frame all six.)
Fluttershy: [Into the Gala] Meet new friends
Applejack: [Into the Gala] Sell some apples
Rarity: [Into the Gala] Find my prince
Rainbow: [Prove I’m great] As a Wonderbolt is
(Cut to each singer in turn, framed against an appropriate background; Pinkie is upside down.)
Fluttershy: To meet
Applejack: To sell
Rarity: To find
Rainbow: To prove
Pinkie: To whoop
Twilight: To talk
(Cut to all six and zoom out to frame the lines of guests behind them.)
[Into the Gala, into the Gala]
(Tilt up to the sky above Canterlot as two rockets sail up, their paths intertwining.)
[And we’ll have the best night ever]
(Long shot of the city, the rockets bursting in one last brilliant display, then zoom in quickly to the six at the drawbridge.)
[At the Gala]
Song ends
(Snap to black, then fade in as Spike slides over to the group on his knees.)
Spike: Yeah! This is gonna be the best night ever! You know why? ’Cause we’re all gonna spend time at the Gala to—
(They bug out in six different directions, setting him spinning and yelling from their wake; he ends up sitting on the red carpet by himself.)
Spike: —gether. (dejectedly) Or not.
(Fade to black.)
Act Two
(Opening shot: fade in to the palace’s entrance hall, seen from one side. Ponies in various types of formal dress congregate in twos and threes around the floor, including two Wonderbolts at the far end. Twilight gallops in and straight to Celestia, who stands on the landing of the main staircase.)
Twilight: Princess Celestia!
Celestia: Twilight! It is so lovely to see my star student.
Twilight: Oh, I’m so excited to be here! We have so much to catch up on.
Celestia: Well, I want you right by my side the entire evening, so we’ll have plenty of time together. (Twilight does a lightning-fast 180 to face front next to her.)
Twilight: That’s just what I was hoping you’d say.
(As the purple eyes gaze admiringly up at her mentor, the camera pans away from the staircase to stop on Rarity, now at the far end of the room. She looks off to one side and jumps with a little gasp; cut to the white unicorn stallion from her fantasy. He gives her a sidelong glance from his light blue eyes while easing away from the crowd, and she shudders happily and charges after him.)
Rarity: (to herself) Hurry, Rarity! (She slows to a walk.) Oh, but not too fast. (trotting) I don’t want to lose him. (Stop.) Wait! I have to play it cool. (galloping) Oh, but don’t be cold!
(Cut to just behind her, staring out the open door at him on the grounds, and zoom in as she continues.)
Rarity: I can’t lose him, I can’t! He’s everything I imagined!
(In a softly focused, white-edged close-up, he smiles and turns to the camera, a red rose held in his teeth, as a breeze toys with his blond mane. This dies down and he waggles his eyebrow; back to her, now advancing onto the grass.)
Rarity: (seductively) Even better than I imagined.
(A bird loops its way across the screen and past a stretch of bushes, where Fluttershy straightens up in to view and gazes after it.)
Fluttershy: Oh, my. A meadowlark!
(She hurries to follow, loses track of it, then hears a distant five-note whistling that perks her up into a happy gasp.)
Fluttershy: I think she’s calling to me! It’s exactly what I wished for!
(Vocalizing the five notes, she hears them in the distance again and starts to zero in on the source. Dissolve to Applejack, pushing a wheeled, apple-decorated cart with her head through the knots of guests on the lawn. She stops for a look around, the camera zooming out for a moment to frame the sizable crowd, and delivers a solid buck to the cart. The top instantly folds outward to display an apple sign and expose rows of fruit inside, while both sides expand to show off bins and trays of other goodies. Each side is topped with an apple pennant.)
(A Wonderbolt stallion walks up to the freshly opened concession stand, goggles propped on forehead. His coat is light blue, his swept-back mane and tail dark blue, and his eyes are light green—this is Soarin’.)
Applejack: Howdy, partner. You hungry?
Soarin’: As a horse!
Applejack: Well, what you hankerin’ for? (pointing out items) Caramel apple? Apple pie? Apple fritter? Apple fries?
Soarin’: (excitedly, pointing) I’ll take that big apple pie!
(Close-up of a bucket; he drops a couple of coins in from his teeth and receives the pie.)
Applejack: (from o.s.) Well, thank you kindly, sir. (Longer shot; she rears up happily) Yee-haa! In the first minute, I made my first sale, just like I expected!
(She beams at this development. Dissolve to an area set up with several tables, playing host to the Wonderbolts and a few other guests, and zoom out. This space is roped off and marked as a VIP area, with two unicorns standing watch at the entrance; many other ponies mill around outside the ropes. Here comes Soarin’, the pie held in his teeth by its edge, and down comes Spitfire, the yellow-orange Wonderbolt mare who thanked Rainbow for saving the day in “Sonic Rainboom.” Unlike that episode, her goggles are now up, revealing her eyes as deep orange-brown.)
Spitfire: Always hungry after a show, eh, Soarin’?
Soarin’: Heh! Yeah!
(He inadvertently opens his mouth on this last word, leaving the pie to start its free fall toward the red carpet. His shocked gasp is followed by Rainbow’s bug-eyed look of surprise; cut to the slowly tumbling dessert.)
Soarin’: (from o.s., normal speed) MY PIE!!
(The rainbow-gowned pegasus hurls herself in and catches the pie with inches to spare.)
Soarin’: (awestruck) You saved it. Thanks. (He takes it in his teeth and trots off.)
Rainbow: Hey, no prob.
Spitfire: Hey, I know you. You’re the pony that saved us in Cloudsdale and won the Best Flyer Competition.
Rainbow: Hey, yeah! Name’s Rainbow Dash.
Spitfire: Well, Rainbow Dash, looks like your skills saved us again—oh, well, at least they saved Soarin’s apple pie.
(Quick pan to her teammate, who has set the pie on the ground and is hungrily chomping into it with little regard for proper table manners. A muffled “yeah” is the only intelligible word to come out of his mouth during this. Back to Rainbow, now surrounded by all the others.)
Spitfire: Want to come hang out with us?
Rainbow: (casually) Sure, why not?
(As the Wonderbolts pass to the VIP area, she trots after them but stops at the entrance that has been left open for her. The excitement she squelched a moment ago breaks through full force.)
Rainbow: I’m…hanging…with the…Wonderbolts!
(She lets go with a squeal and giggle—probably an inch away from a giddy-schoolgirl screaming fit—and follows them in. Wipe to a doorway leading from one palace gallery to a ballroom; Pinkie hops into view and makes a tiny funny happy noise in the back of her throat. Pan quickly to each item as she names it with growing excitement.)
Pinkie: (from o.s.) The shiny dance floor…the pretty party ponies…ooh, the fancy band!
(This last is a classical quartet: piano, cello, tuba, harp. Now the camera cuts directly to each again, with particular focus on the cellist mare. This is Octavia—earth pony; gray coat; long, straight, dark gray mane/tail; cutie mark of a violet treble clef; white shirt collar and pink bow tie. She is standing on her hind legs to play with eyes closed.)
Pinkie: (from o.s.) Shiny!...Pretty!...Fancy!
(Back to the psyched-up pink party pony, who has worked herself up so far that her teeth start chattering.)
Pinkie: Gotta dance!
Tune of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow,” fast 4 (C major)
(She zips into the room, hopping and capering around the guests and taking absolutely no notice of their horrified stares.)
Pinkie: I’m at the Grand Galloping Gala, I’m at the Grand Galloping Gala
I’m at the Grand Galloping Gala
(jumping on a pedestal that holds a winged unicorn statue)
It’s all I ever dreamed
(zipping to stage, disrupting the quartet)
It’s all I ever dreamed, woo-hoo! It’s all I ever dreamed, yippee!
(getting two guests in a headlock)
I’m at the Grand Galloping Gala
(As she holds this last note out, working her way up through its accompanying chord, the camera zooms in on her wide-open mouth in steps until the screen is filled with its interior. The next shot is a long one of her, with every other pony in the place glaring her way.)
Song ends
(Dead silence. Finally she realizes the economy-size faux pas she has committed and lets go of the two guests, who join all the others in indignantly walking away from her.)
Pinkie: (softly, half-singing) It’s all I’ve ever…dreamed?
(Dissolve to a close-up of a rose on a bush outside and zoom out as Rarity leans down to sniff it.)
Male voice: Well, hello.
(The voice is very suave and self-assured. She looks up, startled, and finds the white unicorn from the entrance hall—Prince Blueblood—walking straight up to her.)
Blueblood: I am Prince Blueblood. (Charming smile.)
Rarity: (demurely) I am Rarity. Oh, my, what a lovely rose.
Blueblood: You mean…
(He plucks it in his teeth; cut to a close-up of the lovestruck unicorn as it is held out to her.)
Blueblood: (from o.s.) …this rose?
(It is swiftly yanked back to her great surprise; a quick chomp, and he has bitten the stem short enough to tuck the flower into his own lapel.)
Blueblood: Thank you. It goes with my eyes.
(Rarity utters a soft, disappointed moan at his lack of chivalry. Wipe to Fluttershy, walking through the palace gardens and vocalizing the whistled five-note phrase she heard earlier. Upon hearing it again in reply, she gallops eagerly down the path and gasps.)
Fluttershy: My little meadowlark is right around this bend!
(At said bend, she skids to a stop and looks ahead, her face shifting gears from anticipation to total disbelief without even touching the clutch. When the camera shifts to behind her and zooms in, the source of both the whistling and her reaction is seen clearly. Here stands an old brown stallion, up on his hind legs and leaning on a rake, with a ragged blanket draped over his back so that his cutie mark—if he has one—cannot be seen. A tall, battered hat covers his head, leaving a few unkempt gray locks of mane to hang down from under its brim. His tail is equally ragged, and he has a long wisp of beard as well and chews on a stalk of wheat. She has just met a palace gardener, Mr. Greenhooves, whose hat is large enough to cover his horn if he happens to be a unicorn.)
Fluttershy: Was that you? (He opens his eyes, revealing pale blue irises.)
Mr. Greenhooves: Yep. I love whistlin’ while I work. (He does so while going back to his raking.)
Fluttershy: (voice trembling) Oh, yes, well, excuse me.
(She walks off, crushed, but a clatter of genuine animal sounds brings her spirits back up.)
Fluttershy: Oh! (Behind her; animals play in/near the trees in a clearing.) I see a toco toucan, and a spider monkey! (gasping, flying toward them) And oh! Is that a wallaroo?
(By the time she reaches the open area, though, every last animal has dived for cover.)
Fluttershy: (sadly) Oh, Fluttershy. You’re such a loudmouth.
(Wipe to a suitably crowded gallery inside the palace and cut to a close-up of Soarin’, chatting up a well-dressed mare—the action has shifted to an indoor VIP area. Pan to Spitfire, also working the crowd a bit; at the back wall, Rainbow jumps up and down, trying furiously to get a view of her heroes over the crush. A moment later, she shoves her head between the hind legs of two mares, then launches all of herself across the floor to stop by Spitfire. There is a steady loud buzz of conversation in the room.)
Rainbow: (voice raised) Hey, Spitfire! You ever done a raincloud double backflip?
(She has absolutely no success in getting the pro’s attention over the noise, so she turns around to try her luck with Soarin’.)
Rainbow: (voice raised) You ever soared past lightning? It’s awesome!
(She is left dumbstruck and then quite irked by his sudden departure. Wipe to the entrance hall staircase; Twilight still stands alongside Celestia as new arrivals climb up.)
Celestia: (to a guest) Welcome to the Grand Galloping Gala. (They bow to each other.)
Twilight: Princess, I’ve been so excited to spend time with you and—
Celestia: Yes, me too, Twi— (to a guest) Oh, good evening! Welcome to the Gala. (Bow.) Which is why I— (to two guests) Ladies! (Bow.) Lovely to see you again.
(The studious unicorn sighs disappointedly, and the camera pans away from her and down the staircase, highlighting a very long line of attendees. And it is still growing.)
Twilight: (from o.s.) Looks like getting a chance to talk to the Princess is gonna be a magic trick in itself.
(Wipe to Applejack behind her mobile snack cart outside. The shelves and bins are still fully loaded, except for the pie Soarin’ bought, and none of the passing ponies even glance her way.)
Applejack: (smiling) First minute, first sale.
(Cut to her: same position, same full inventory, same passing ponies—but now she is quite far down in the dumps. This transition occurs three more times on the next line with each successive number she states.)
Applejack: Second…fourth…sixth…sixtieth minute, no sales. (Zoom in; she sighs heavily and lets her head drop.) This ain’t what I expected a-tall.
(Wipe to a long shot of Pinkie, standing half-slumped by herself at a table near the ballroom wall as other ponies talk amongst themselves. She is, for lack of a better term, totally bummed out.)
Pinkie: (singing listlessly) I’m at the Grand Galloping Gala… (Zoom in quickly; she speaks the next words.) …and it’s not what I dreamed.
(Wipe to an outdoor area, where several guests have put down cushions to rest their haunches. Rarity and Blueblood stand among them, the latter tugging a fresh cushion into place. When he gets it placed just so, both move to sit on it at the same time, but Blueblood gets his rump down first. Zoom in to a close-up of Rarity, whose indignance yields to disappointment.)
Rarity: This isn’t at all what I imagined.
(Wipe to Twilight and Celestia, still greeting the seemingly endless procession of guests with appropriate murmured words and bows. Zoom in on the young unicorn.)
Twilight: This isn’t what I hoped.
(Wipe to the VIP area and zoom in on a crestfallen Rainbow, who has found herself back outside the velvet rope.)
Rainbow: This isn’t hanging out.
(Wipe to the garden; Fluttershy scurries to a tree, only to see all the birds in its branches take skittish flight. Zoom in on her.)
Fluttershy: This isn’t what I wished for.
(Cut to a close-up of each speaker in turn, with an appropriate backdrop for each in synch with her dress.)
Twilight: No!
Rarity: I’ve waited all my life—
Fluttershy: —for this moment—
Pinkie: —and I’m not going to—
Applejack: —let it slip by.
Rainbow: If it’s the last thing I do—
Twilight: —I’m gonna make this—
(Zoom out to put her in one section of a radially divided six-way split screen. Clockwise from top left: Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Applejack, Rainbow.)
All: —the best night ever!
(Snap to black.)
Act Three
(Opening shot: fade in to a close-up of an upside-down box on the grass, with one end propped on a stick that has a rope tied to it. Fluttershy ducks into view and places a carrot under the box as bait for the makeshift animal trap, then backs out of sight.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) I just have to be more bold, like Twilight says.
(Pan to her on the end of this, she has the free rope end in her teeth and is standing a good distance off. Now she addresses herself to the treetops in a loud, slightly stilted voice.)
Fluttershy: I’m so sorry to have scared you, my friends. But I’m leaving now, so you can all come out!
(She zips out through an arch and hides behind the bushes, risking one quick peek to make sure everything is still go. Cut to her side; upon hearing the crunch of a bite on the carrot, she pulls the rope. The box is heard thudding down, and she puts her head up over the bushes.)
Fluttershy: Gotcha! (trotting back in) It’s okay. I promise not to hurt you, I just want to be your…
(She stops short as the camera cuts to the box and zooms in. Instead of a cute little bird or squirrel or wallaroo, she has snagged Mr. Greenhooves. He stands up, the box still on his forehead.)
Fluttershy: (from o.s.) …friend?
Mr. Greenhooves: Mmm! Sounds good to me!
(But not to her, if the annoyed set of her mouth is any indication. Wipe to a slow pan through the VIP area and stop on a determined Rainbow watching Spitfire and Soarin’ from close by.)
Rainbow: (to herself, tapping head with hoof) Come on, Rainbow. If they don’t notice you, you gotta make ’em notice you.
(Her eyes pop with surprise after a quick look around, the camera zooming out to frame a stallion with a drink in hoof. Now she gets an idea and crosses the floor, whistling innocently, until she gets within striking distance. A lightning-fast upward thrust of her head launches the stallion toward the ceiling, his drink and top hat parting ways with him, and she flashes across the floor to catch him on her back. The smug young pegasus looks over toward Spitfire to see what accolades might come her way, but the yellow-orange flyer has paid no attention whatsoever. Annoyed, Rainbow bucks her victim off her back and stalks away, passing Rarity and Blueblood as they go in the opposite direction.)
Rarity: (to herself) Just give him a chance, Rarity. His princely side is sure to come out if you’re just patient. (He throws out a hoof to stop her.)
Blueblood: Miss Rarity, stop!
(She looks toward the floor; zoom out to show the stallion’s drink spilled in front of the pair.)
Rarity: Hm? Oh, Prince Blueblood! How chivalrous.
Blueblood: One would hate to slip.
Rarity: Yes, one certainly would. (Soft laugh.)
Blueblood: One’s cloak should take care of the problem.
Rarity: Oh, of course it will.
(The two lock eyes for rather longer than might be expected, neither making a move to cover the puddle. Cut to a close-up of it; a magenta cloth is dropped over the spot, and Blueblood’s hooves are first to cross. Zoom out to frame a severely hacked-off Rarity following him and no longer wearing the cape over her dress—since it has been used to sop up the liquid. She furiously snaps the sodden item up in her teeth and flops it onto her back.)
(Wipe to the ballroom and pan to the still-unhappy Pinkie near the stage. Something suddenly flashes through her mind and prompts her into a delighted gasp; she races to the stage and whispers to all four members of the quartet. Octavia cracks her eyes open with disdain, revealing bright violet irises. They break off the piece they were performing as she zips to the stage edge and taps a microphone to test it, generating a small feedback whine. It is in working order, allowing her words to be heard loud and clear from front wall to back.)
Pinkie: Come on, everypony! I know what’ll make you shake those groove thangs!
(Cut briefly to her perspective of the puzzled crowd on the end of this, then back to her as she flips a signal to the quartet.)
Light tune very similar to “The Hokey Pokey,” brisk 4 (D flat major)
(Cut to Twilight and Celestia, still greeting guests as they come up the entrance hall staircase. Twilight shakes hooves with each newcomer.)
Pinkie: You reach your right hoof in, you reach your right hoof out
You reach your right hoof in, and you shake it all about
(She receives a particularly vigorous shake that rattles her whole body and leaves her hoof throbbing. The guests keep on coming; she grimaces in pain on the next shake.)
You do the Pony Pokey, meeting lots of folks with clout
That’s what I’m talking about
D major
(Quick pan to Applejack’s snack cart, the camera pointing from one end toward an oncoming stallion and mare. Applejack kicks it, dumping apples to the ground.)
Pinkie: You step your left hoof in, you pull it right back out
(The stallion hits the apples and goes sprawling on the grass.)
You step your left hoof in, but you better help him out
(Applejack helps him up and points out her wares; he angrily shakes his head and trots off.)
You do the Pony Pokey, but you’d find a different route
That’s what it’s all about
E flat major
(Cut to Spitfire and Soarin’, conversing by a table in the VIP area, and pan to Rainbow on the other side. A drink rests on the table.)
Pinkie: You kick your back left in, you pull your back left out
(She bucks the table, sending the cup flying, and catches it on a rear hoof.)
You reach your back left in, just be brave and have no doubt
(The two pegasi are impressed at the catch, but get yanked away before they can say anything.)
You do the Pony Pokey, feeling like you’re gonna pout
(Rainbow gapes incredulously across the room as they get their pictures taken, then scowls.)
That’s what I’m singing about
E major
(Cut to Rarity and Blueblood approaching a closed door. He inclines his head toward it; she does likewise.)
Pinkie: You tilt your head in, you tilt your head out
(They do the same again, more vigorously.)
You tilt your head in, then you shake it all about
(He turns his head stubbornly away; she gnashes her teeth at this latest display of bad manners.)
You do the Pony Pokey, even though your date’s a lout
(On the other side, she opens the door and he goes through first; it slams shut and knocks her through the doorway.)
You’re better off without
F major
(Cut to the garden; ducklings and a rabbit scatter at Fluttershy’s attempts to belly-flop onto them.)
Pinkie: You stomp your whole self in, you stomp your whole self out
(She tries to run down some squirrels, but they are quick for her. The full-contact wrangling has left her mane, coat, and clothing in disarray. She pounds the grass in frustration.)
You stomp your whole self in, and you stomp yourself about
(The animals are cowering in the trees)
You do the Pony Pokey, and you give a little shout
Fluttershy: COME OUT!!
(Overhead shot; zooming out; she is dangerously close to going stark raving mad.)
Pinkie: That’s what I’m talking about
(Back to the ballroom stage. The singer now gets a bit too enthusiastic, banging against the quartet members and knocking out every part except the piano.)
Pinkie: You do the Pony Pokey, you do the Pony Pokey
You do the Pony Pokey, and that’s what it’s all about
Yeah!
Song ends
Mare: Young lady, this is not that kind of party! (Shock from Pinkie.)
Pinkie: Ohhhhh! They don’t want a party… (beaming) …these ponies want a par-tay!
(Wipe to a now-totally-disaffected Applejack, still standing at her cart with her head propped on one foreleg. Her face brightens as the camera zooms out on the start of the next line to frame Rarity facing her.)
Rarity: Two apple fritters, please. (Cut to her and Blueblood.)
Applejack: (from o.s.) Two apple fritters comin’ right up!
(Back to her on the end of this; she ducks down and sets out a tray with this order ready to go.)
Applejack: That’ll be four bits.
(Head-on view of the not-so-happy couple. Rarity glances toward Blueblood and clears her throat softly, expecting him to pay, but he just does the same right back to her. The sequence repeats itself, but louder, and she realizes where this is going with a disgusted little grunt.)
Rarity: (icily) I’m going to have to pay, aren’t I?
(To which he just smirks—this unicorn is not just a cad, but a cheapskate to boot—so she starts to dig in a pocket for the money.)
Applejack: (from o.s.) It’s okay, Rarity. (Cut to her.) I gotcha covered. (She lifts the tray with her teeth.)
Rarity: Thank you, Applejack. (pointedly) At least somepony here has good manners.
(Pan from her to Blueblood, who takes the first bite himself. A sudden spasm of disgust wracks his face, and he spits out the mouthful, dropping the snack and scrubbing at his tongue.)
Blueblood: Ugh!
(Cut/pan to each food item as he names it.)
Blueblood: (from o.s.) Fritters! Dumplings! Caramel apples! (Back to him.) My royal lips have touched common carnival fare! (walking away) I’m going to the buffet for some hors d’oeuvres. (Both mares glare after him; Rarity follows.)
Applejack: Well, no wonder nopony wants my food. They’re fillin’ up on all those fancy-schmancy vittles! Well, my down-home apples are plenty good enough for this crowd! (bulldozing cart away) I’ll just dress ’em up a bit and prove it to ’em.
(Wipe to Fluttershy in the garden. She has spread a net on the ground and run a line from each corner to the end of an overhead pole as a new animal snare.)
Fluttershy: (increasingly unhinged) I’ll catch you yet, my pretties. Oh, yes, as soon as one of you little birds or monkeys or bears touches this net, you’ll be mine! MINE!
(She rears up with the series’ scariest, most insane laughter to date as lightning cracks behind her, but then loses her balance and topples forward with a cry. The fall drops her onto her own net, which sweeps her up into a hanging bundle just as designed. A rabbit looks incuriously at the foiled pegasus.)
(Wipe to the ballroom stage, where Pinkie is spinning tunes at a DJ turntable. The classical quartet has—perhaps wisely—vacated the area.)
Pinkie: Come on, everypony! (She jumps down to the floor.) You wanted a par-tay? Now let’s par-tay!
(Another leap drives her up against a partygoer’s rump.)
Pinkie: Yeah! Uh! (getting two in a headlock) Now that’s a beat! Yeah!
(A long shot of the crowd; she is not visible, but the ponies getting bounced into the air give her position away well enough.)
Pinkie: (from behind crowd) Uh! Come on, dance! (She forces a couple apart.) Yeah! Woo-hoo!
(Quick pan to a set of closed doors, which open to admit Applejack and the eight-tiered, apple-topped cake she is wheeling in on her folded-up cart.)
Applejack: Okay, all you high-class ponies. Here’s a highfalutin apple cake for all your hoity-toity taste buds!
Pinkie: (now back on stage) STAGE DIVE!!
(The hyperactive earth pony flings herself out into space, missing all the guests who scoot out of her way but nailing the edge of Applejack’s cart. That impact catapults the cake across the ballroom; cut to a resentful Rarity holding the door so Blueblood can enter. Both cry out in fear as the huge dessert arcs down toward them on a collision course, and Rarity finds herself being used as an equine shield. The masterpiece dress she designed, and that her friends worked so hard to finish, becomes a bedraggled ruin in one terrible instant. The turntables wind to a stop, and Rarity rounds on her companion with a feral snarl as her face goes crimson.)
Rarity: (backing Blueblood up to wall) You, sir, are the most un-charming prince I have ever met! In fact, the only thing royal about you is that you are a royal pain!
Blueblood: (cowering) Ewww! Stay back! I just had myself groomed!
Rarity: Afraid to get DIRTY?!?
(A good full-body shake throws fragments of cake and frosting all over the unlikable royal heir, who falls back and knocks himself out against a pedestal. Not just any pedestal, but the one holding the winged unicorn statue Pinkie danced around when she first entered the ballroom. As the sculpture begins to topple, the camera cuts to Rainbow.)
Rainbow: This is my chance!
(The ambitious pegasus rockets past the Wonderbolts and out of the VIP area, just in time to catch the statue and hold it off the ground.)
Rainbow: Yes! (She loses her balance.) Whoa!
(The weight shift sends her tottering crazily to and fro, with the result that the statue thumps against the column at one end of a semicircle behind the pedestal. It goes over, the topmost section falling loose, and bangs into the next one in line as the crowd watches aghast. One by one, all the columns crash down like dominoes and fill the screen with dust from their impact. The view clears to a close-up of Rainbow and zooms out to show the surrounding rubble and spectators; the statue is still intact on her back, but it too quickly falls apart around her.)
(Now, and only now, does Twilight enter the ballroom with Celestia. Eyes go wide and mouths go slack at the sight of all this chaos, the camera shifting to their perspective and panning across four disheveled and discombobulated friends. Back to Twilight.)
Twilight: (small voice) Well, it can’t get any worse.
(A tremor shakes the entire room, scaring every guest with hooves to feel it, and another set of doors bursts open. The cause is a stampede of animals big and small, on the run from a scuffed-up, panting yellow pegasus who has now completely lost her mind.)
Fluttershy: You’re...going to LOVE ME!!
(Implausible as it may seem, she delivers this line with enough force to set the camera shaking again. Those words, and the fleeing critters, set the guests into a full-scale stampede.)
Twilight: Um, um, uh… (Strangled little gasp.)
Celestia: Run!
(Having had enough of both greeter duty and this general silliness, Twilight whistles to her friends and waves them toward the door. There follows a general retreat, during which one of Rarity’s glass slippers falls loose on the stairs. Pinkie stops next to it.)
Pinkie: Ooh! Rarity, your glass slipper! Now your prince is sure to find you!
(The thought of the old Cinderella story having any validity to it scares the bejesus out of Rarity. She races up the stairs with a panicked shriek and stomps the slipper into splinters.)
Rarity: Let’s go!
(Pinkie eyes the remains with some puzzlement for a moment before Rarity yanks her bodily down the rest of the stairs. Wipe to a close-up of some donut crumbs on a counter, with enough violet and pale yellow-green hide visible behind them to tab Spike as the eater. A mug and a fist slam down alongside as the camera zooms out to frame the little dragon—out of his tux and in the depths of sullen self-pity. The marshmallow in the mug indicates that he has been drinking cocoa. Behind him is a table set up on a checkerboard floor.)
Spike: Hey, Pony Joe. Another donut.
(Cut to behind him. He is sitting at the counter of a donut shop, no doubt his favorite as mentioned to Pinkie in Act One. Behind the counter is Pony Joe: light tan unicorn stallion, brown mane/tail, dark green eyes. His cutie mark is a frosted donut, and he wears a white shirt, apron, and paper cap.)
Joe: Don’t you think you’ve had enough?
Spike: (slamming mug, splashing cocoa) Another donut! Extra sprinkles!
(Joe regards him with great concern as he rests his head in his hands, elbows on the counter. The jingling of the o.s. door’s bell perks them both up.)
Joe: Twilight Sparkle!
(Chuckle; cut to the six friends, who have just come in with trashed dresses and downcast faces. Fluttershy has herself under control again.)
Joe: (from o.s.) Long time no see! (Spike runs to them.)
Spike: Hey, how was the Gala? How was your best night ever?
(Dissolve to a close-up of the two, now at a table set with a plate of donuts. Twilight’s mood is improving now.)
Spike: That sounds like the worst night ever! (Longer shot; all stand around this table.)
Ponies: It was! (Raucous laughter all around.)
Twilight: (sadly) I just hope Princess Celestia isn’t upset with us for ruining the Gala.
Celestia: (from o.s.) That was the best Grand Galloping Gala ever!
(Popping eyes are soon joined by a round of smiles; cut to the regal pony’s hooves and tilt up to the rest of her.)
Ponies, Spike: (from o.s.) Princess Celestia! (Back to the table; she joins them.)
Twilight: Pardon me, Princess, but tonight was just…awful!
Celestia: (chuckling a bit) Oh, Twilight, the Grand Galloping Gala is always awful.
Twilight: It is?
Celestia: That is why I was thrilled you were all attending. I was hoping you could liven things up a bit. And while the evening may not have gone as you planned, I’m sure you’ll agree that in the end, it didn’t turn out so bad for this group of friends.
Twilight: You’re right, Princess. (Cut to Fluttershy and Rainbow, who smile as she continues o.s.) Friends have a way of making even the worst of times into something pretty great.
Rainbow: Yeah! Hanging out with friends!
Fluttershy: Talking! (Pan to Pinkie.)
Pinkie: Laughing! (Cut to Twilight and Spike.)
Spike: You mean doing exactly what I wanted to do the whole time?
Twilight: Yes, Spike. You were right.
(Zoom out to frame the whole table; the group gathers around it.)
Applejack: As horrible as our night was…
Rarity: …being together here has made it all better. (Close-up of Pinkie.)
Pinkie: In fact, it’s made it… (Zoom out again.)
Ponies, Spike: …the best night ever!
(Celestia joins in their laughter as the view fades to black.)