# A Delicate Balance

## by JapaneseTeeth

### The Harbinger (to the Progress)

Alright, Twilight. You wanted an answer, and now you're going to get one.

Thy soul, dear virgin, whose this tribute is,

Moved from this mortal sphere to lively bliss ;

And yet moves still, and still aspires to see

The world's last day, thy glory's full degree,

Like as those stars which thou o'erlookest far,

Are in their place, and yet still moved are.

—The Harbinger (to the Progress)

John Donne

Twilight did her best to listen to the crunch of the gravel beneath her hooves. Anything to keep her mind on the earth rather than the veritable army of snakes writhing around in the pit of her stomach. A few hours ago, when Rainbow Dash had erupted through the door of Rarity's boutique to deliver the news that a response was on its way, they had been butterflies. But as her namesake hour approached, some perverse metamorphosis had taken place, and now she was a chilly breeze away from breaking into a full body shiver. She tried to focus on the movement of her legs. She feared if she didn't, they would rebel and carry her back to the library.

It was stupid. She had waited for two days for an answer, and now that it was within reach, she found herself wanting nothing more than to run away. Sure, Twilight thought, it could very well end perfectly, and Applejack would tell her that she had known from the start that they were in love and just didn't know how to say it and she was so happy that the two of them could be together and Twilight focused back on her hooves again because the possibility of that actually happening was so minute that it didn't bear considering.

The opposite possibility immediately jumped to mind. Twilight’s mind was dominated by the image of Applejack telling her that she just wasn't interested in her that way and this whole thing was just unbearably awkward and even though they were still friends maybe they should spend some time apart until this whole thing blew over and Twilight tried to listen to the gravel crunching beneath her because it drowned out the voice of the Applejack in her head. She knew that a flat rejection was only barely more likely to happen than Applejack proposing to her on the spot, but the fact that it was even a possibility at all made her want to turn tail and flee.

She lifted her gaze. In the distance should could already make out Applejack's silhouette against the fading light of the sunset.. Her heart beat faster and faster as she approached, Applejack's features slowly fading into view. She was seated atop the hill, her eyes fixed on the sky. Twilight tried to slow her breathing as she made her way closer, each step feeling harder and harder as she made her way up the hill. Before she knew it, she was standing beside Applejack. Well, not quite beside; she stood a bit behind and a few steps away.

She couldn't bring herself to step closer or speak up. Applejack had called her here; it wouldn't feel right to speak the first words. She stood silently, trying not to stare at Applejack, whose eyes were focused on the moon as it ascended from the horizon into the rapidly darkening skies. After a long moment, Applejack spoke, her gaze still tied to the sky.

“Twilight, do you remember when we first met?”

“O-of course,” Twilight answered, startled by the suddenness of Applejack’s words. “I came to your farm to check out the food you had prepared for the Summer Sun Celebration. You introduced me to your entire family, and I ended up eating way too much. It was all delicious.”

“Yeah, I guess that was when we were formally introduced,” Applejack said. “I dunno if that's when we really met, though. I mean, that was when we first talked, but I didn't really know you; you were just some really persnickety pony that Celestia sent over to make sure the food was okay.”

“Well, that's understandable.” Twilight wasn't sure what to think. “I wasn't really in a mood to make friends when I first came to town, after all.”

“When do you think we really met?” Applejack asked. “When you thought of me as somethin' other than just that farm pony who had to do the caterin'?”

“It's hard to say. That whole night is a bit of a blur.” Twilight turned her gaze to moon as well. Maybe it held the answer that Applejack wanted. She didn't see anything that she hadn't seen before. “I guess I first realized there might be more to you when we first headed into the Everfree forest. I was going to go after the Elements of Harmony on my own, and you told me that you'd never let any friend of yours go into the forest alone. That's the first time I can ever remember anypony ever calling me their friend.”

“Is that so? Somepony else musta called you their friend before that. Pinkie probably called you her friend like half a dozen times when she met you.”

“I know, but it was different. It wasn't just that you called me your friend, it was that you decided to come with me. Until that moment, I had planned to do things myself, and when you said that, I realized that you all cared enough about me to risk yourselves by coming along. That was when I knew I wouldn't have to do it alone.”

“I guess that's true.”

“But when I realized you were my friend, you personally, that was later. When that cliff collapsed and you caught me on the edge. You saved my life.”

“Yeah, I did, didn't I?”

“But it was so much more than that!” Twilight took a step toward Applejack. “I couldn't really put my hoof on it then, but thinking about it now, it means so much. I could see it in your eyes. You didn't save me because you needed me to work the elements, or out of some sense of duty, you saved me because... because you cared. Because you cared about me. That's why I was able to trust you when you told me to let go. I didn't even know what to think; that some pony I had only known for a day would risk her life to save me.”

Twilight bit her lip. She could have said so much more, but it wasn't the time.

“It's so weird.” Applejack's voice wavered slightly. “I remember coming out here as a filly to look at the moon.” Twilight turned her gaze upward. The moon seemed to take up the whole sky, its cool rays beginning to replace the warm light of the sunset. “I always thought that it was kinda cool that Nightmare Moon's face was on it,” Applejack continued. “When it disappeared after she freed herself, it just seemed so wrong. It all seemed so empty, like part of the world had gone and broke. But now—” She finally turned to face Twilight. Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes, and she had a damp patch on each cheek. “But now I can't help but think of you. I didn't really ever notice it until now, but every time I look at it, it reminds me of everythin' we went through that night. It reminds me of when we first became friends.”

It was Applejack's turn to take a step toward Twilight. Twilight opened her mouth to answer, and realized that she didn't know what to say.

“When I think about it all, it just hits me sometimes, you know?” Applejack continued. “That our friendship started out with us savin' Equestria? Sometimes it's hard for me to even believe that it was us that did all that stuff. It makes me think of what things might have been like if we had met normally. Like if you just had to move into Ponyville for some regular reason, and the first time we met had been bumpin' into each other at the market, or you comin' by the farm during cider season.

“Or how you'd have met everypony else. Pinkie would've given you the whole welcome wagon treatment as soon as you moved in. You'd probably have seen Rainbow Dash pullin' a stunt or she'd crash into the library or somethin'. You'd most likely have met Rarity when you needed to get one of your saddles patched up. Fluttershy... heh, you probably wouldn't even realize that she lived here if you didn't happen to bump into her someplace. It would probably be weeks before the two of you ever really talked. Can you imagine what things would be like if it had happened that way?”

Twilight thought for a moment. There were far too many memories to sort through. “It's hard,” she answered. “We'd have missed out on so much.”

“We would have, wouldn't we? Rarity's fashion show, the Grand Galloping Gala, the Best Young Fliers competition... It really is kinda tough to imagine what it would have been like to not have done any of that. I mean, where would we be now?” She sniffed back a few tears and stood silent for a long moment.

“Applejack...” Twilight didn't know what to say, but felt she had to say something.

Applejack suddenly cleared her throat and wiped her face with a foreleg. “I'm sorry,” she said. “I didn't mean to go and ramble on like that. I've just been out here doin' some thinkin'. This is where I come whenever I need to clear out my head and just think about things. You're probably just waitin' to hear my answer, aren't you?”

Twilight nodded.

“I shoulda figured. It is what I had you come out here for, after all.” She took a deep breath. “Well, the truth is...”

Twilight braced herself for the worst and hoped for the best.

“The truth is I don't know yet.”

Twilight wanted to blurt out at least half a dozen words all at once. They tangled themselves together in her throat and came out as a choked “Eh?”

“Just let me explain!” Applejack babbled, before Twilight could say any more. “I ain't tryin' to stall or anythin', and I am goin' to give you an answer tonight. I promised I was goin' to tell you, and I am. It's just, I've been thinkin' about this ever since you told me about your feelings, and about you and me, and what it might be like if we were, you know, together. I wanted so much to just be able to tell you something, anything, but I realized that I just couldn't. Not on my own. I just couldn't make a decision without talkin' to you about it again.”

“Oh...” Twilight tried to slow her breathing. “You had me scared for a moment there.”

“Sorry about that.” Applejack managed a weak chuckle. “I really do want to get this sorted out. And I gotta admit, it isn't just for your sake either. I'm still tryin' to get to the bottom of how I feel about all this. How I feel about you. And I didn't think I could figure that out without havin' you here. I needed to talk to you again now that I know about how you feel about me and had a bit of time to think about everything.”

“I... I understand.” Twilight did her best to sound less anxious than she felt. “Is there anything in particular that you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Well, I've been thinkin' about what might happen between us if I said 'yes'. You know, tryin' to figure out if I'd be a good very special somepony for you, and if you'd be a good very special somepony for me. I'd just never really thought about any romantic stuff before, and I didn't even know where to start. And if nothing else, I want you to know this...” She swallowed and forced herself to meet Twilight's eyes. “I think you'd be a great very special somepony. And not just for me, I mean for anypony. You're smart, dedicated, and nice, and there's no doubt in my head that anypony would be lucky to have you as their marefriend.”

Twilight fought back a premature smile. “You-you mean that you—”

“But even then I wasn't sure.” Twilight's face fell a little. Applejack couldn't bear to look her in the eyes anymore and looked back at the moon. “You've got everything that I could want in a very special somepony. You're one of my best friends, and the times we've spent together are some of the happiest times in my life. It all feels like it should fit. My head is tellin' me that I should just go with it, but I just feel like I can't. Not yet. There's still some things that're buggin' me about it, and I just can't go through with it until I get some answers.”

Twilight's mind spun. Everything she wanted felt so close, but it still felt like if she so much as breathed wrong it would all go to pieces. Everything was collapsing back onto her. If she gave the right answer, it could all fall into place. But if she didn't...

“Applejack...” Her voice shook. “You can ask me anything. You know that. Just tell me what it is you need to know.”

“Twilight, the main thing I have to know if this is gonna work is...” —she faced Twilight once again— “Why me? Why us? Out of all the ponies you know, why do you care so much about me? There have got to be other ponies in town that make a better fit for you than I do. What is it that makes me so special? I just can't think of any reason that you'd care so much about me.”

“Applejack, why wouldn't I care so much about you?” Twilight had to force herself not bound forward and snatch up her friend in an embrace. “You're strong, and brave, and helpful, and considerate, and...” —Twilight blushed— “...and beautiful, and I love spending time with you. That's been the hardest part of the past few weeks; not being able to talk to you because I was too preoccupied. I admire you, Applejack. You're such a hard worker and sometimes I wish I could do what you do. I don't really know what else to say. I just know that I want to be closer to you.”

Applejack dug at the ground. Her face had grown more flush with each of Twilight's words and now her face was nearly glowing. “Wow, Twilight, that's...I don't even know what to say. I never knew you thought so much of me. But what about everypony else? What about Fluttershy, or Pinkie, or Rarity, or Rainbow Dash? I can't be the only pony you feel that way about.”

“Of course I care about the rest of our friends! Just because I have feelings for you doesn't mean that I like any of them any less.”

“But what makes me so different? Why did you get a crush on me and not them? What makes me a better very special somepony than them?” Applejack tried to hold back the tears that were starting to leak from the corners of her eyes.

“I...” Twilight searched her mind for something to say. All she could find was the truth. “I don't know. I've been asking myself that question ever since I first realized how I felt. All I know is that I like being with you. It doesn't matter what we're doing; even if it's something that I'd usually find boring, I enjoy it when I'm doing it with you.

“With everypony else, there's some point where I just have to have some time for myself. I care about all of them, but I just couldn't be around them all the time. I can only spend so much time with them before we'd start to grate on each other. I'd get too tired to keep hanging out with Pinkie or Rainbow Dash, and with Rarity or Fluttershy I just can't stay interested in everything they do. It just isn't a good fit for me; taking care of animals, or making dresses, or baking, or flying. But it's different with you. I feel like no matter what we did, or where we went, I'd still enjoy it, as long as you were with me.

“I don't know why that is, but” —she searched for words— “But does it really even matter? Part of the reason I stalled so long in telling you was that I was looking for some explanation for how I felt. I only managed to get up the courage to tell you everything when I realized that I didn't need to understand everything. I just knew that I wanted us to be together, and that you deserved to know that.” She took another step forward and gently placed a hoof on Applejack's shoulder. “I know I don't understand everything, but even so, I still think it could work.”

Applejack smiled. “You've been talkin' to Rainbow Dash, haven't you?” She chuckled weakly. “Never thought I'd see the day when anypony would take romantic advice from her.”

“It is pretty weird, isn't it?” Twilight said. “But I don't know if I'd even be here without her. She just gave me that kick I needed to actually do something. If not for her I might still be sitting in the library worrying about what I was going to say next time I talked to you.”

“Yeah, she went and gave me the same advice. What was it again? 'I'm not the most awesome flier in Equestria because I worry about crashin''?

“That certainly sounds like her.” Twilight forced herself to laugh a bit. Everything inside her seemed to be twisted, all her emotion was being wrung out of her and before long she would be too numb to take another thing. She could already feel the churning of her subconscious threatening to overflow into her limbs. Applejack's uncertainty was entirely understandable; Twilight knew that. She had been there; she knew pain of wanting to step forward knowing that the floor might fall out from under her. She was there now, and she couldn't stand to be there much longer. As much as she knew Applejack wasn't trying to stall, it still felt like it. “But...It doesn't answer my question.” She stared Applejack right in the eyes. It wasn't comfortable.

“I don't want to keep dragging everything out,” Twilight continued. “I don't know how much more of it I can handle. I know that neither of us really understands it all, but I still want to try. I want to be your very special somepony, Applejack. I want us to be together. All I want to know is if you want that too.”

“I-I..” Applejack bit her lip, the weight of Twilight's words hitting her like bricks. “I just...I don't know if I want that.”

“Why!?” Twilight wanted to scream. “Why not!?”

“Because I don't want to hurt you, alright!?” Applejack practically shouted the words.“Twilight, I don't know if I can do it. It's just... sometimes I feel like you're too good for me.”

“Huh?” Twilight's frustration melted into confusion. “What are you talking about? If anything, it's the other way around.”

“Twilight, sometimes you just don't realize how extraordinary you are.” Applejack took a deep breath. “I mean, just think about yourself for a minute. You're the most powerful unicorn in Ponyville; maybe in the entire country. You're Princess Celestia's personal student. The Princess! Your brother is head of the Royal Guard, and he's married to another Princess! You're practically royalty already! You went and saved all of Equestria, what, like three times?”

Twilight was dumbfounded. She didn't know what to say, and mumbled the first thing that came to her mind. “But...but that was all of us...”

“Yeah, we were all there, but come on, Twilight. You were the one who saved us all from Discord's whole brain-fryin' thing, and you were the only pony who realized that Princess Cadance was actin' up. And yeah, even though we all defeated Nightmare Moon as a group, you were the one who brought us all together. You were the spark that made everything else work. And me, I'm just a farm pony who just so happened to be in the right place at the right time. I do try to work hard and take care of my family, but there are hundreds of ponies just like that.” She paused to collect her thoughts, which bounced around the inside of her head like leaves in the wind.

“Twilight, what it comes down to is that I’m not sure if I can be the kind of very special somepony that you deserve. I know it sounds stupid, and it probably is, but I don't want us to get together only for everything to fall apart down the line. I don't know if I'm capable of havin' a relationship like that, and I don't want to tell you that we'll be together and then go and have to break it off if it doesn't work. You deserve better than that.”

“Applejack, I don't care about any of that.”

“You don't?” Applejack swallowed.

“No! It doesn't matter whether I know the princess, or who saved who, or whether you work on a farm. It's about you, Applejack. If you wanted to know why I cared so much about you, maybe that's just it. It's because you're you. I don't care how many other hard-working farm ponies are out there. You aren't any of them. You're the one who first showed me genuine friendship, you’ve given me some of the best times of my life, and there's no other pony I'd rather spend my time with. Maybe there is a chance of things going wrong, but for once I’m going to try not to worry about that. I know that it’s a risk, and I want to take it.”

“Even though I have no idea what I'm doin'?”

Twilight couldn't help but chuckle. “I have no idea what I'm doing either. Just the fact that we were together...well, we'd be together. That's all I care about. If I want us to be together, and you want us to be together, that's all I need. I can't say that I'd be the best marefriend for you either, but I promise that I'll do all that I can. That's all I could ever ask of you. That you try.” She took a final step forward, her face so close to Applejack's that all she could see were her eyes. “All I want to know is whether or not you're willing to take that chance. I just can't take not knowing where we stand. I need an answer. Will you be my very special somepony?”

Applejack swallowed. “Twilight, you know that I'd never want to hurt you, but we're treadin' on some new territory here. I know it all looks real good on paper; that we’ve been real good friends. But I just don’t know if bein’ your very special somepony is... I just don’t know if I want our friendship to be like that. Don’t get me wrong; I care about you a whole lot, and I like spendin’ time with you. But all that stuff you just said about how you just like spendin’ time with me no matter what we’re doin’, I gotta be honest, I’m not sure if I feel like that. I mean, you’re talkin’ about us becomin’ something more than just friends, when I was perfectly fine with how our friendship was. It’s not that I know I don’t feel like you do, it’s just that I don’t know. I haven’t had a chance to get that figured out.”

Twilight’s lip began to quiver.

“So here’s the answer that I’m gonna give you. I care about you, Twilight, a whole lot. But I’m not sure yet if I feel the same way about you that you feel about me. But even then, I’m willin’ to give it a shot. I don’t want to miss out on something that could be real amazing for both of us, so I want to try. We can be together for a bit, and see if things work out. I can’t promise that it will, but I can promise you that I’ll do my best. ” She stared back into Twilight's eyes, and saw herself reflected there. “And if that's enough for you; if you're willing to put up with all my misgivings about this whole deal, then...” —She was shaking so hard that she had to fight to get her tongue to form the words— “My answer is yes.”

For just a moment, the entire world was silent.

“R-really?” Twilight could barely get the words out.

“Sure as sugar, Twilight.”

“I...I—” Words failed her. She threw herself forward, capturing Applejack in a tight embrace, clamping her eyes shut to keep herself from soaking her new marefriend's mane with tears of joy. The rest of the world vanished, and all that remained was the softness of Applejack's mane and the warm weight of her embrace. Twilight didn't know how long the two of them stood there, and she couldn't have cared less. It wasn't until her legs filled with pins and needles that she finally took a step back. The two ponies shared another equally long moment in each others' eyes.

Twilight finally untangled her tongue enough to speak. “Applejack, you don't know how much this means to me!” She began to trot in place, her joy permeating her limbs so thoroughly that she couldn't keep them still. “I've never felt so happy before!”

“Glad to hear it, sugarcube.” Applejack could feel her face burning. “I've never felt anything like this either.” Her smile was small, but strong. She couldn't have assumed any other expression if her life depended on it. “So...uh...what now?”

Twilight's fevered movement ceased. “I don't know. I didn't think quite that far ahead.” Her brain began to whirl. “What is it that couples are supposed to do, anyway? Very special someponies go on dates, right? I have to get one planned as soon as possible! Is tomorrow okay for you, or is that too short notice? What kind of place do you want to—”

Applejack silenced her with a gentle touch to the lips. “I guess that's one of the things we gotta figure out. But yeah, I'd be honored to go out on a date with you tomorrow. I think it would make a great start. I don't care where; that isn't important. I'm more wonderin' about what we oughta do now.”

“You're right.” She shook her head. “I guess we should just try to savor the moment. I mean, we could just keep spending time together, but we've already been doing that. It's like I almost can't believe that it's happening, and I want to do something very-special-someponyish to prove to myself that it's real.”

“Okay, then.” Applejack smiled, took her hat, and draped it over Twilight's head. “How's that?”

Twilight reached up and touched the brim of the hat. She couldn't recall ever seeing anypony but Applejack wearing it. “But-but Applejack...it's your hat! You've had since before I even met you. I can't just take it.”

“Nah, it's okay.” Applejack chuckled. “To tell you the truth, I actually have a bunch of these hats.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. They never last all that long workin' on the farm. They usually only last like a month or two before they got caught in a machine, or accidentally set on fire by Apple Bloom or something. But that hat...” She flicked the brim with her hoof. “That hat is special. I was wearin' that hat two days ago when you first told me everything. I don't want it to get messed up, so I'm givin' it to you. You take care of it, okay?”

“Of course. I just wish I had something to give you.”

“Twilight, you already gave me that box of chocolates, remember? They're delicious, by the way.”

“I know, but it's just not the same. I feel like I need to give you something special. Something that isn't so generic. Something that only I could give you.”

“Well,” Applejack mumbled. “I guess I have an idea.”

“Really?” Twilight’s eyes brightened. “What is it?”

“It’s... uh...” Applejack’s tongue bobbled the words. “I...nevermind.”

“Come on, Applejack! I need to give you something. You’re my very special somepony now. You can ask me for anything. Just tell me what it is you want.”

“I want you to kiss me.” The words shot out of Applejack’s mouth with far more speed and intensity than she had intended.

Twilight inhaled sharply, her eyes wide as dinner plates. “Y-you mean...?”

“It's something that very special someponies do, isn't it?” Her face felt so warm that she could have fried an egg on it. She stomped her hoof impatiently. “And I guarantee you there's no other pony I'd take one from.”

“You mean...” Twilight barely managed to speak. “Like a real kiss...?”

Applejack nodded and took a step forward. So did Twilight. She was close enough that she could feel Applejack's breath against her cheeks. She closed her eyes, pursed her lips, and leaned forward...only to bump noses. She opened her eyes to see Applejack smiling awkwardly.

“Heh, woops,” Applejack said. “I guess we gotta try again.”

The two ponies brought their faces together once more. Twilight tilted her head a bit to the left. And once again bumped noses with Applejack, who had tilted her head in the same direction. She snickered.

“Try tiltin' your head the other way. Third time's the charm.”

Again they leaned towards each other. This time their lips met.

Twilight had had the highest of expectations. So many times, she had played this scene over and over in her head. The softness of Applejack's lips, the faint scent of apples on her breath, the subtle sweetness on her tongue...her mind had run wild. They would slowly draw each other into a gentle embrace, holding each other tighter and tighter until no force on earth could tear them apart.

It was nothing like that.

As their lips touched, all Twilight felt was heat. A heavy warmth so intense that it flooded her, spilling past her lips and filling her whole body, from the tips of her ears, to the end of her tail. For a moment, she could feel nothing else, the sheer force threatening to all but throw her back. Then she felt it. Through the weight, she could feel Applejack's lips pressed against her own, and the hot pulse of Applejack's blood flowing through them. She could feel Applejack's heartbeat, pounding in perfect synchronicity with her own.

As the thoughts finished crashing through her head, the kiss ended. She found herself staring at Applejack. Even though the kiss had been anything but physically grueling, she found herself breathing heavily and drenched with cold sweat.

“Wow...”

“You're tellin' me.” Applejack was breathing just as hard. “That was... quite something.”

“So,uh... am I a good kisser, then?” Even though the heat had faded, her face was still flushed.

“Well, I... uh... I don't really have anything to compare it to, but I certainly enjoyed it.”

“Heh, I'm in the same boat, I guess,” Twilight said. “So what should we do now? I feel like anything else would be a bit of a letdown after... that.”

“Well, how about we head back into town? I'm sure everypony is waitin' to hear how things turned out. After this afternoon, Rainbow Dash is probably gonna come after me if she doesn't find out what happened.”

“Yes, let's do that.” Twilight nodded. “They're probably all waiting for me at the library. They really helped me out, after all. Without them I don't think I'd be here. They deserve to hear that all their advice paid off.” She snickered. “Besides, Pinkie is probably bouncing off the walls. We need to tell her what happens before she makes a huge mess of the library. Why don't we get going?” She gently nuzzled Applejack again for a moment, and the two ponies started down the path back towards the town.

“I bet Pinkie already knows,” Applejack said with a laugh. “That Pinkie Sense of hers probably has a sign for 'two of my friends were kissin''. Like her tail curls up or something. Either that or she was watchin' our whole conversation through a telescope.”

Twilight smiled at the thought. “That would certainly be quite something.” She was silent for a moment. “It's so strange.”

“What's strange? Pinkie watchin' us through a telescope?”

“No.” Twilight chuckled. “This is just the first time that they're more anxious about this whole thing than I am. When Rainbow Dash delivered your message, Rarity was just as nervous as I was.”

“Well, let's go tell 'em so they don't have to be so nervous anymore.”

“Yes, let's do that.”

Side by side, the two ponies headed down the hill.