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// Divulgence (Part I)// Story: Winter's Child// by Softy8088//------------------------------//

“...and that is why the concept of ‘pure-bred’ unicorns being predisposed to having greater innate magical aptitude is purely a myth.”

Twilight lifted her chin as she walked, visibly pleased with the thoroughness of her lesson.

Rainbow Dash hung her head lower, visibly displeased with same.

Her scowl grew deeper when she turned and saw that her unsolicited teacher was utterly failing to notice the exasperated rolling of her eyes.

The pegasus’ hooves nearly dragged in the dirt, though she remained technically airborne. One forehoof massaged the base of her muzzle. “Ugh, Twilight. That is the most boring egghead lesson I’ve ever heard. And you didn’t even answer my question!”

“Well, I happened to think it was fascinating,” Rarity opined from Twilight’s other side. “Though I must admit, it may have been just a touch more... verbose... than necessary.”

Twilight’s brows angled inward as her head whipped between the two halves of her audience. “I just condensed pony-decades of genetic study and research into a five-minute summary.”

The pegasus beside her complained, “That was not five minutes. More like... five hours.”

“We’ve been walking for twenty minutes at the most,” the purple mare argued. “The sun hasn’t even set yet.”

This was true; the celestial orb had presently drifted well below the treeline but still hung above the horizon as the trio made their way along one of the longer and more scenic paths of Sweet Apple Acres. The non-leafed, non-appled apple trees that surrounded them failed to completely block its rays despite sheer numbers, forcing the group to squint and blink frequently in response to flashes of dying sunlight that assaulted their eyes as they traversed the harvested scenery.

“And I needed to give you the proper context for my answer,” Twilight further rationalised.

“Which is?”

“I don’t know how much magic potential Little Cadance will have. There’s no way to even estimate a foal’s abilities in magic until they’re at least six months old.”

Rainbow’s features contorted in disbelief. “So... you don’t know?”

“That’s right.”

“Twilight! I didn’t need to hear a five hour speech–”

“Five minute.”

“–just to hear you say that you don’t know something!” She groaned again, with more force this time. After a moment, her eyes locked onto a point in the distance. “I’m hungry,” she stated without portent.

As if on cue, Twilight’s belly rumbled, and her step faltered.

This instantly improved the pegasus’ sour mood. She chuckled. “Be right back!” Before either unicorn could ask her plans, she was gone, leaving a trail of dust and colour in her wake. A short, low-altitude flight over a ridge and above the treetops took her out of sight of her friends, whereupon she breathed a sigh of profound relief. “Hope your kid grows up to be more interesting than you, Twi,” she grumbled under her breath, before her attention was captured by something on the ground. She grinned.

The unicorn duo she had abandoned had barely made fifty paces of headway along the path without their flighty companion when Rainbow returned, bearing three large, red, and dreamily delicious-looking apples in her forehooves.

Twilight’s eyes scanned the fruit-bereft field around them, then returned, dilated, to the fresh produce. “Where did you get those?” 

“There’s an apple cellar over there.” Rainbow pointed.

A quick gasp came from the white pony in the group. “Rainbow Dash, are you telling us you stole those apples?”

The pegasus blew a dismissive raspberry. “I didn’t steal them! Applejack told me once that if I was feeling hungry, I could just take a few apples from the field, since we’re friends – and so I did. I’m not a thief!”

“Hmph.” Rarity’s muzzle wrinkled at the explanation. “Well, I can picture Applejack saying something like that to be cordial, but, friend or not, breaking into one of her cellars and just taking part of her harvest without asking properly – that’s unthinkably rude! You could’ve waited until we met with Applejack. I’m certain Twilight shares my misgivings. Isn’t that right?”

Twilight’s stomach answered the query with another rumble as her cheeks pinkened. She faced the fruit-laden pegasus, looking more intrigued than chafed at her behaviour. Delicious red curves swam in the pupils of her violet eyes and her nostrils flared with a sharp intake. “Uh, well...” A soft pink tongue brushed against purple lips. “Technically, we are honorary members of the Apple family... and I’m sure Applejack won’t miss three apples out of the thousands she’s harvested...”

Grinning victoriously, Rainbow Dash rolled a crimson fruit down one of her forelegs, delivering it into the air with a showy flick. Twilight’s aura grasped it greedily, and the unicorn dug her jaws into the treat, barely managing to squeeze in a quick “Thanks” before doing so.

Rarity, making no secret of her displeasure, turned her muzzle up and away from the display, refusing to even react when Rainbow proffered one of the allegedly ill-gotten apples. The pegasus, unperturbed, began brazenly munching on one of the juicy prizes herself. 

“Speaking of Applejack,” she mumbled though stuffed cheeks, “what’s your plan? How are you going to do this?”

Twilight swallowed down the remnants of the snack she had devoured with a mere two prodigious bites, exhaled, and looked to the sky thoughtfully. “Well... I know how I’m not going to do this: I’m not going to cry, or get angry, or yell, or insult anypony. I’m going to calmly explain my circumstances to Applejack, and tell her that I hope we can still be friends. Since my story will probably come as a big shock to her, I will be understanding if Applejack gets upset, and I will respect her feelings and opinions, whatever they may be.”

“So, you’re just going to come out and say it right off the bat?” Rainbow questioned.

“Well, no. I’ll start off by trying to gauge how Applejack feels about unorthodox relationships. If it becomes clear that she’s not accepting, I’ll probably back off.”

“While that does sound like a reasonable approach,” Rarity broke her affronted silence, “if you are planning to question Applejack in regards to a... ‘hypothetical relationship’... I strongly suggest that you pick an example that does not involve you being intimate with your own father.”

Twilight’s eyebrow lowered. “You really think there’s such a big difference between a sexual relationship with a sibling and with a parent?”

Rarity’s eyes went wide, as if she’d just been told her coat had been turned lime green. “Wh– Of course there is! The emotional dynamics can’t even be compared!”

Twilight frowned and turned to Rainbow Dash, who expressed her lack of opinion with a noncommittal shrug of her shoulders. “Don’t look at me. Can’t say I’ve ever been seriously attracted to my dad, but hey, if that’s what floats your cloud, I’m not going to judge.” Once again, she presented the remaining apple to Rarity, who, once again, pointedly refused the gift.

Twilight, in contrast, eagerly accepted the opportunity to sate her still-growling tummy.

Rainbow waited until her friend’s mouth was stuffed full of applelicious mush before adding, “Now my uncle Prism Shield – I always wanted him to rut me.”

Chunks of fruit sprayed a good five yards down the path. Twilight coughed and wheezed, her eyes bugging out of their sockets. Rainbow landed and began patting her withers, all the while doing a rather poor job at holding back a flood of snickers.

“Rainbow!” Twilight cried once she had spat out the worst of the blockage and her power of speech had returned.

Her friend laughed openly. “Consider that payback for the lecture!”

“I’m pregnant!” the unicorn admonished, wiping at her face.

“So what? Does that mean I can’t even joke around with you anymore?”

“Not while I have a pony inside me!” Twilight glared.

Rainbow’s eyes turned up theatrically. “Okay, okay. I guess I can take it easy on you for a while. Five months left, right?” She smirked.

Her unicorn friend grunted out an indeterminate response.

The next couple of minutes were spent in silence, Twilight implicitly setting the pace for the two ponies at her sides. The sun drifted lower still, and a cold wind elicited shivers from the trio. Fortunately, their destination – the Apple family homestead – came into view over the trail’s nearest rise. Rather than attempting to outrun the chill, however, the pregnant mare’s hoofsteps slowed noticeably.

“Hey.” Rainbow poked her gently. “Don’t be nervous! Applejack’s cool. She’s not going to have a problem just because you’re into freaky three-ways with your brother and your sister-in-law... and got yourself pregnant because of it.” She scratched her chin. “Probably.”

Twilight corrected, “Technically, that time, it was just me with Shining by ourselves...” This admission earned her suspicious stares. “Cadance knew!” she quickly clarified.

“I wish I could be so optimistic,” Rarity chimed in with a sigh, “but Applejack is a family mare, with an older brother of her own. Family bonds and tradition mean everything to her. I’m not so certain that she will take this information very well.”

“Aww, come on,” Rainbow argued, “for all we know, Applejack and Big MacIntosh have been doing each other. Celestia knows they spend so much time on the farm with only each other for company while Apple Bloom’s in school and Granny Smith is doing... whatever it is old folks do all day. Complaining? Anyway, things tend to happen when you keep a couple of hard-working, sweaty ponies close together all the time like that.”

The white unicorn’s face twisted in a mix of offense and disbelief. “I hardly think that’s very likely! Applejack may act uncouth at times, but she is a principled mare.” Her eyes were closed as she spoke, and thus did not witness Twilight wincing slightly. “And besides, what would be the chances of both Twilight and Applejack being embroiled in this manner of forbidden relationship?”

“At this point, exactly the same as they would be for just Applejack,” the other unicorn answered, to her friends’ surprise. “My being in an incestuous relationship and Applejack being in an incestuous relationship are independent events. While it’s true that the probability of any two random ponies matching those criteria is extremely low, my state is already known, and therefore not random. The probability of me being in an incestuous relationship is effectively one hundred percent. The probability of Applejack being in one is the same as it would be for anypony about whom we have no information.”

Rarity stared. “Twilight, you don’t seriously believe that–”

“No.” The other unicorn’s head shook. “I don’t think Applejack and Big MacIntosh are together like that. It’s just... you know... math.”

Another uncomfortable silence befell them.

“And why exactly isn’t it principled?!” Twilight said, taking both Rarity and Rainbow Dash aback with the sudden force of her challenge. “What exactly is wrong with consenting incestuous relationships?”

The other mare required a few seconds to gather herself. Her voice, though calm and refined, bore a harsh edge. “I’m simply concerned that in any relationship between family members, one pony will have undue influence over another. I’m not certain true consent is possible.”

“But you would’ve had no problem with me having an affair with one of my professors from Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns?” the purple pony reminded her. “Wouldn’t that be a relationship of ‘undue influence’?”

The group had stopped at this point, Rarity and Twilight facing off, each showing signs of frustration with the other, but both still trotting within the bounds of civility, as Rainbow watched them curiously from the sidelines.

“While I admit that there may be complications involved, there is an important difference: If a relationship between a teacher and student should turn ugly, it can be ended. If the student feels oppressed, she can simply stop being a student, or find herself a different teacher.” The white mare stood herself straighter, poise confident and tone firm. “One cannot abandon one’s family so easily – short of somepony dying, of course – nor can one simply choose to replace one’s family with other ponies. That relationship is irreplaceable, but it can be permanently damaged. Please believe me when I say that I don’t wish you or Shining Armor any misfortune, Twilight, but should something distasteful happen between the two of you, would you truly be capable of breaking up your... romance... yet continue to love each other as brother and sister?”

“Yes!” Twilight replied instantly.

Rarity waited.

“I mean... probably.” Twilight’s expression wavered. “I mean, it might not be easy, but as long as we both act like reasonable ponies, which we are... I’m sure we could work through any issues... it– it would just be a matter of setting the appropriate boundaries and... and coming to an agreement and...”

Her hoof scraped at the dirt. A sad frown clouded her countenance.

“I... I hope so.” She stared at the ground between them, idly toying with a random pebble for a few moments before flicking it away and facing the other unicorn, all her confrontational affect now gone. A weary sigh escaped her. “You have a point,” she conceded at last.

Rarity offered a conciliatory nod, and the group resumed their travel.

“But that won’t be necessary, because my relationship with Shining Armor is perfectly fine,” Twilight asserted after a minute. “I mean, I’m pregnant, for Celestia’s sake! It’s a huge deal that was absolutely not supposed to happen, but it did, and Shining Armor and Cadance both support me. If there was ever a challenge to our love, this has to be it, doesn’t it? Things can’t possibly get any more messed up than they are right now, and we’re all dealing with it just fine.”

The other unicorn said nothing as she looked straight ahead, the only reaction being a nigh-unnoticeable narrowing of her eyes.

“The only risk right now is my friendship with Applejack, and I’m confident that as long as I introduce the subject gradually and carefully–”

“And delicately,” came the advice.

“–I’ll be able to assess her opinions and steer the conversation towards my goal.”

“Hmm. Perhaps I can help,” Rarity suggested, looking distantly ahead in thought. “If you’d like, I can be ready to interject with a casual change of topic should Applejack appear less than accepting of your line of reasoning.”

Twilight’s face brightened, and she stopped once again. “That’s a very clever idea, Rarity!” Her eyes flitted side-to-side, as if reading from some invisible book. “Maybe we should set up a few code words, so that we all know if it’s time to change the subject or abandon the conversation completely. Rainbow, would you be willing to wait outside and listen in, and if I mention anything about... ‘Las Pegasus’, take that as a sign to come in and tell me that Spike is sick or something, and I need to come to the library right away?”

Rarity’s muzzle had taken on an engaged smile. “Ooh, I like it. And mentioning ‘Appleloosa’ could mean that we only need a momentary distraction. Rainbow Dash, if you hear either of us say ‘Appleloosa’, tell Applejack that there’s some strange animal outside that’s bothering her livestock. When she investigates and finds nothing, you can just pretend it ran off.”

“Applejack might get suspicious if we keep mentioning place names, though.” Twilight furiously scribbled with a quill and parchment she had magically summoned. “We’ll also need non-verbal signs to communicate with each other. Like scratching behind the left ear could mean that the other pony should draw attention to herself.”

“And a scratch behind the right ear will indicate that we need a moment alone to discuss strategy!”

“That’s brilliant!” Twilight smiled giddily. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before! Let’s brainstorm a list of plausible excuses we can use to leave the room–”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” Rainbow cried. “Listen to you! This isn’t some spy mission! We’re just going to talk with Applejack – you know, the dependable, honest pony? She’s a tough mare; you don’t need to walk on eggshells around her. If you want to know how she feels about incest, you just straight-up ask her!”

The two unicorns exchanged worried looks.

“Rainbow, that’s really not a good idea.”

“I agree. We must do this with the utmost delicateness, so as not to risk upsetting–”

“Forget this!” the cyan pony scoffed. “If you’re both too chicken, I’ll save you the trouble and just do it myself. Be back in a flash!”

“Rainbow, WAI–!”

The pegasus was gone in a blast of spectral velocity before the other two ponies could even finish a single sentence of protest, leaving them choking on a cloud of her dust once again.

A ‘flash’ would be a fairly accurate descriptor of the length of Rainbow’s journey, as she sailed over the lone remaining hill to the scenic trail’s terminus. Spotting the doors of the barn open, the airborne pony deftly changed her target away from the attached farmhouse she’d been initially aiming for. Cyan hooves landed smoothly at the entrance of the large wooden structure, digging neat furrows in the hard-packed dirt.

Her gaze immediately found the mare she sought.

Applejack’s orange coat stood well-highlighted by the fading day’s illumination coming in through the barn’s double doors. The farmpony was presently busying herself sorting roped-up bales of hay against the far wall of the structure, and, by appearances, was nearly finished with her task, as the only remaining bundle was in her grip. Spotting Rainbow, she used an ear to politely tip her hat to her guest. With a thick rope stuffed in her muzzle, she didn’t attempt a verbal greeting.

The pegasus approached her casually. “Hey, A.J. Got a minute to talk?”

The earth pony tossed her current bale toward a corner and turned to face Rainbow in one impressively effortless pirouette. She wiped her brow. “Sure thing, Dash. What can I do ya for?” The hay landed with a dull thud behind her, finishing off the perfectly-organized stack already there.

Dash smirked indecently. “With the friend discount, I’d say a hundred bits should cover it.”

“Huh?” There was a pause, as Applejack lowered first one eyebrow, then the other, then raised them both in irked epiphany. “Oh.” She rolled her green eyes disdainfully. “Very funny, Rainbow. Bein’ serious now, what d’ya need?”

The cyan mare rubbed her neck with affected nonchalance. “So, here’s the thing: You’re a practical sort of pony, right?”

“Uh, yeah, I’d like ta think so.” The earth pony adjusted her Stetson.

“And you’re not all prude-y about sex, are you?” Rainbow questioned.

Applejack’s head jumped back half an inch, though her composure remained mostly intact. “No, I... I don’t think so. I got nothin’ ’gainst ponies havin’ a good roll in the hay once in a while – even if they ain’t married, if that’s what ya mean.” One of her eyes squinted. “What’re ya gettin’ at, exactly?”

Rainbow slowly closed the distance between them. “So, you think that two ponies who want to screw around with each other should be able to do that, as long as nopony’s getting hurt, right?”

The farmpony began to fidget slightly, her hooves seemingly undecided about whether a retreat was yet warranted. She stood her ground as Rainbow came closer. “Well, uh... yes. I reckon that sounds ’bout right. If they both want to...” She eyed the other mare cautiously, clearly on guard for where this conversation might be headed. “Rainbow, are... are ya suggestin’ somethin’?”

It was now Rainbow Dash’s turn to be bemused. “What...? Oh...!” She gripped her stomach as she laughed. “No! I wasn’t talking about us, A.J.!” She stood straight, giving a suggestive sideways glance. “Unless you’re interested, of course...” A corner of her lips twisted up.

Applejack sighed in annoyance. “No, Rainbow,” she refused flatly. “Now, are ya plannin’ on makin’ dirty jokes till suppertime like some schoolyard filly or is there a real problem I can help ya with?”

The pegasus cleared her throat. “Okay, I just came here to ask one question: You don’t see anything wrong with two ponies screwing around, right – even if those two ponies are brother and sister?”

“Whu– what?!” Applejack nearly collapsed onto her rump, taking several steps backward in the process. Her eyes widened in abject terror. “What’re ya talkin’ ’bout, Rainbow?!” she asked with a voice that was suddenly an uncharacteristic octave higher.

The cyan mare tilted her head and her eyes narrowed. “I mean, the way I figure it, you’re the type of pony who’s cool with family having... you, know, fun?”

“Well, um, uh... what... sorta fun are we talkin’ here?” Bullets of sweat were rapidly forming on the earth pony’s forehead, and her eyes were darting wildly about the barn.

Dash groaned. “Oh, come on! Do I have to spell it out for you? I already said we’re talking about sex. You know, incest. Brother and sister doing each other. ‘I love you, little sis.’ ‘I love you big bro. Now fuck me!’ You’re totally down with that stuff, right, A.J.?”

“I– I–” Applejack’s hindquarters finally hit the ground. Her face hid behind the brim of her Stetson as a small shudder passed through her, ears down to fetlocks, while her present companion looked on, appearing more confused by the second. Finally, the answer came, quiet and choked through the throat of a pony ready to burst into tears. “Yeah. Yeah, Rainbow Dash, I am.”

The pegasus’ face brightened instantly. “Awesome! I knew I was right about you! Hah! For a second there you had me worried that I had you figured all wrong.” She slapped Applejack on the back, getting a surprised yelp in return.

The earth pony looked up uncertainly and wiped something from her eyes. “Wait, so... you’re okay with it?” 

“Of course I am! I actually think it’s pretty hot. Sure, finding out one of my best friends is banging her big brother was a bit of a surprise, but, hey, it’s all good.”

An appreciative smile formed on the blonde mare’s face. “Thanks Dash, that... it means a lot to me that one o’ my friends can accept that sorta thing.” She exhaled, relief palpable in her posture. “So, how did you find out?”

“How? Twilight told me.”

“Twilight?!” the earth pony asked, obviously surprised. “B– but... How? Ah mean, where did she–”

“Yeah, I know, right? I wasn’t expecting to hear that from her. But now she’s going around telling everypony.”

“She’s tellin’ everypony?!” Applejack’s jaw nearly hit the floor as she began sweating anew and her breathing turned quick and shallow.

“Well, not everypony; just our friends,” Rainbow amended. “That’s why I’m here. I wanted to know how you felt about it.”

The other mare shook her head rapidly and climbed to her hooves, trading some of her stupefied demeanor for sheer panic. “No! She can’t do that! She can’t just go around crowin’ to the whole town like a rooster on Sunday mornin’! Who has she told?! Ya gotta tell me. Who else knows, Rainbow Dash?!”

“Aaah! Let go!” The pegasus’ wings beat back, extricating her from Applejack’s desperate grip. “What’s gotten into you, A.J.?!”

“Who knows!?”

“Just me and Rarity for now,” Rainbow Dash answered, rubbing her shoulder. “Oh, and Cadance and Shining Armor, of course.”

“She told her brother and the princess?!” Applejack demanded through heaving breaths. “Oh, Sweet Celestia an’ Luna both, we gotta go an’ stop her right now!”

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight called out, arriving at the barn’s entrance along with Rarity, both mares panting for air and on shaky hooves after their brief catch-up gallop.

“Twilight!” the earth pony shouted, angry despair painted on her face and genuine betrayal in her quavering voice. “How could ya do somethin’ like this?!”

The unicorn gasped, her expression flipping between an accusatory glare at Rainbow Dash, and a hurt, timid glance at the obviously-incensed Applejack. She swallowed. “I... I...”

“Twilight, ya gotta stop this right now! Ya can’t tell anypony else, ya hear me?! It’s gotta stay between us,” the orange mare commanded, her eyes shimmering and pleading. “It’ll be fine long as no one else finds out.”

The pregnant purple pony looked to each of her friends in turn, catching sight of two vaguely confused faces and one mired in fiery desperation. She brought a hoof to her chest, inhaled, then drew it out as her breath released. “Applejack,” she said with zen-like collectedness and firm but non-threatening eye contact, “I understand that you’re upset, I value your viewpoint, and I appreciate your advice, but I have decided that this is something I should let my closest friends know. I just can’t keep it a secret any longer.” She added a firm nod. “I’ve considered it, and I really think it’s for the best.”

“Twilight, please... I... I understand ya mean well, but this ain’t what a true friend does!” Applejack continued to implore with a pained grimace. “This is the sorta thing only Big MacIntosh an’ I have the right to tell ponies about. We need to be the ones to decide who knows about us foolin’ around together, not you!”

For a few seconds, the barn was so quiet that it would’ve been possible to hear a pin drop onto cotton candy.

“What.”

“What?”

“What?!” 

The situation was held in place for an indeterminate length of time, frozen by the dumbfounded stares of four ponies who presently offered as many signs of sentience as the dress forms in Rarity’s shop usually did.

Rainbow Dash was the first to break.

“No... no, no, this can’t be happening.” Her face was rent in half by a smile which was too large for it to contain, her lungs already beginning to spasm and her hoof beating at the dirt. “Oh, this is just too rich! Applejack’s been doing the dirty with her brother! Bwahahahahahah!” She collapsed, her eyes rolling back in their sockets, limbs turned upward and twitching in tune with her escalating peals.

Twilight was the next to speak, after managing to pick up her own jaw out of the dirt. “Applejack, you’ve been having sex with Big MacIntosh?!”

The earth pony’s coat shone with a thin layer of cold sweat. Her lips trembled. Her eyes flittered this way and that in panic. “I... I thought you knew!”

“I had no idea!”

“But... but you an’ Rainbow...”

The pegasus lay drowned in paroxysmal laughter. “No– I– I can’t... Applejack and Big Mac... incest– it’s too much! Hahahahahahhahahah!”

Applejack’s cheeks had turned from their natural light orange to a lifeless, almost off-white peach as she gazed at the shocked expressions of the other two ponies in the barn. “Whu– what... I don’t understand.”

“Applejack, it’s okay,” Twilight said, holding up a hoof in a placating ‘I-mean-no-harm’ gesture. “I don’t know what Rainbow Dash has told you–” She stared daggers at the incapacitated winged pony. “–but we didn’t even come to talk about that with you.”

“You didn’t?” Applejack was still trembling and pulling in quick gasps.

“No.”

Her vision jumped over everypony in the space, from the howling Rainbow Dash, to the surprised-yet-controlled Twilight, to the shocked and still-silent Rarity. Tears rolled down her muzzle and she hung her head, concealing it beneath her hat. Her voice shook. “I... I’m sorry, I didn’t want y’all to find out. Not like this...”

“Applejack, it’s fine,” Twilight assured her, offering a calming smile that the other mare couldn’t see.

“No, it ain’t!”

Rarity had a hoof to her head. “Applejack, dear... While I must say that I’m as shocked as anypony at what I’ve just heard, and I’m not altogether... pleased at having heard it, I can assure you that you are among friends, and your secret does not have to leave this barn.”

The earth pony was still breathing hard and fast as she licked a few tears from her lips and rubbed the back of her foreleg over her nose. “Oh, heavens, what ya’ll must think o’ me right now...”

“Actually,” Rarity said, “the matter we’ve come to discuss with you is, I would say, a level above mere secret amorous play between siblings, and our attention still lays there. To put it simply: This is more serious than what you’ve just inadvertently confessed to.”

From the maelstrom of emotion raging through Applejack’s form, a fresh gale of alarm burst forth. She looked up, ears perked and eyes large. “More serious? What’re ya talkin’ about, Rarity?”

“Well... in a word: pregnancy.”

“I ain’t pregnant!” Applejack shot back – then immediately went back to exuding a fearful uncertainty. She stared at Twilight, begging for some kind of clarification, “A– Am I?”

The purple unicorn was taken aback by the question. “I don’t know, Applejack. Are you?”

“What?!”

“Bahahahahahahaha!” Rainbow Dash rolled over, pounding her forehooves against the ground. “You– no.... Ahahahahaha! Just... tell her!”

“I mean, no, you’re not pregnant!” Twilight shook her head. “I mean, I have no reason to believe that Big MacIntosh got you pregnant, if that’s what you’re worried about. I really didn’t know that you were involved with your own brother. But I am and I’m the one who’s pregnant!” 

“Big Mac got you pregnant!?!”

“AH DID WHAT!?!?!”

A metal toolbox fell from Big MacIntosh’s muzzle, banging open and noisily spewing its contents into the dirt. The large red stallion stood at the barn’s entryway, frozen in the same brand of stupefied horror that the room had already been witness to, though his was an order of magnitude more severe.

“Ahahahahahaha... no... hahaha... stop...!”

“Big Mac, tell me it ain’t true!

“What?!”

“Tell me you didn’t knock up one o’ my friends!”

“I didn’t!”

“She says ya did!”

“She’s lyin’!”

“Applejack, I never said that!”

“Yes, ya did!”

“I didn’t mean to say that I had sex with your brother! I was only comparing my situation to yours because you’ve been having sex with him.” 

“A.J.! You told ’em!? You swore you wouldn’t!”

“No, I didn’t tell ’em!”

“Applejack, darling, I’m afraid you did.”

“Hahahahaha... help... can’t... hahahahaha... breathe...!”

“How could you do that?!”

“I’m sorry, Big Macintosh! They were talkin’ about us and I thought...!”

“No, we weren’t! Clearly there’s been a miscommunication, but it’s not my fault...”

“Perhaps it would be in everypony’s best interests if we all took a moment–”

“Applejack, who else have you told?!”

“Nopony! I swear it! Who else have ya been screwin’ around with?!”

“Nopony! You know me better’n that, A.J.!”

“Then what does Twilight bein’ pregnant have ta do with you!?”

“You’re pregnant!?”

“Yes! That’s what I’ve been trying to say this whole time!”

“Haha... gonna... hahahhhh... die! Hahhhh... some... hhha... p– pony hhhha... H– help!”

“Applejack, what exactly did Rainbow Dash tell you before we arrived?”

“She asked what I thought o’ brothers an’ sisters ruttin’! I thought she was talkin’ ’bout me and Big Mac, so... so...”

“So you just decided to spill the beans ’bout us an’ tell her everythin’?”

“I didn’t tell her everythin’! Well... nearly, but I thought our secret was out! It ain’t my fault! I was tryin’ to keep control!”

“Applejack, you’re looking a bit pale. Perhaps you should sit down...”

“I can’t believe you did this! I told you if anypony found out they’d never look at us the same way again...”

“For the record, we have nothing against incest. In fact–”

“Actually, I do have some reservations, personally, though I realise this isn’t the ideal moment...”

“Hhhhahhh.... ahhhhh.... urkhhhhh....”

“An’ this one’s been sayin’ Twilight’s been tellin’ everypony about us! I jus’ wanted ta stop her!”

“She can’t do that! We got more’n enough problems as it–”

“Everypony quieeeeet!” Twilight shouted at the top of her lungs. “Applejack, I haven’t been having sex with Big MacIntosh, and he certainly didn’t get me pregnant! As far as I know, you’re not pregnant, either. I really had no idea that you’ve been having sex with him until you told us all just now, and I couldn’t have been telling anypony about it because I didn’t know! I have nothing against you and Big MacIntosh having sex, and I won’t tell anypony, and neither will the rest of us. We’re still your friends and your secret’s safe. The reason I came here was to tell you that I’m pregnant, and the father of my foal is Shining Armor – my brother!”

The orange pony, who had been the decisive front-runner of the hyperventilation contest taking place in her barn, wobbled from side to side. “Ohhh... wellhh...thammmakessenseahguess...” Then, at long last, she mercifully passed out.

By that point, Rainbow Dash was already unconscious.