PASTEBIN | #1 paste tool since 2002
PASTEBIN
Pastebin launched a little side project called HostCabi.net, check it out ;-)Don't like ads? PRO users don't see any ads ;-)
Public Pastes

# Drury Lane: Chapter 1 -Wanted-

By: PaleNarrator on Apr 17th, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 12.54 KB | hits: 1,871 | expires: Never
download | raw | embed | report abuse | print
Text below is selected. Please press Ctrl+C to copy to your clipboard. (⌘+C on Mac)

1. Chapter 1
2. WANTED
4. >Day 520 in Equestria
5. >You were having an okay day, for the most part.
6. >Then you got busted by the fucking cops.
7. >So yeah, good day for the most part.
8. >You are Anonymous, and you're currently in a jail cell in downtown Manehatten.
9. >You've been jumping from city to city for the past year now, making your way through Equestria as best as you can.
10. >It seems like you being human doesn't shock many, if any, ponies at all. If anything, they're indifferent about it.
11. >You spent a season in Appleloosa as a bartender at the Salt Block, but life in the West really didn't seem to suit you.
12. >That and the locals didn't seem to take kindly to your "type."
13. >You wandered east, and eventually found yourself in Manehatten, working as another god damn bartender.
14. >At least the place you were working in was a classy looking restaurant.
15. >The pay was decent and you didn't get many drunks, but the luxury of the city left a bad taste in your mouth.
16. >One morning you arrived to find that someone had broken in through the back door of the restaurant.
17. >Grabbing a frying pan, you made your way into the pantry.
18. >Only to find a small light brown filly with a red bandanna.
19. >Somehow, she had managed to break open the door to the shop, and was eating loafs of bread you had stored in the back.
20. >She looked up at you with fear in her big green eyes, hunger etched onto her face.
21. >You had seen her before once or twice. She was homeless from what you could tell.
22. >You could easily trap her in the cupboard until the police arrived to come get her.
23. >Instead, you find a small saddle bag and fill it with food.
24. >Her eyes widen at the site of all the apples and bread loafs you've packed up.
25. >You don't say a word. You just nod at her as you place the bag on her back.
26. >She smiles, nods back, then darts out of the back door, almost tripping over herself.
27. >When the police ponies arrived you told them that somep0ny had broken into the restaurant, but that whoever did it was long gone now.
28. >They didn't believe you, claiming that it was most likely you who had done it.
29. >Being the only human in Manehatten, it made sense that they didn't trust you.
30. >And now you're sitting in jail, on a cot that's two sizes too small for you.
31. "This is just fucking perfect," you say to yourself, running a hand through your hair in silent frustration.
32. >Looking out of your cell, you see one of the guards walking by.
33. "Hey."
34. >He doesn't answer.
35. "Hey, I'm talking to you! What are you, fucking deaf?"
36. >The guard wheels around.
37. >"Shut it, shithouse. You're not worth a squirt of piss to me."
38. >You could see a key ring on him.
39. >Slowly, you begin to devise a cunning scheme.
40. >You walk up to the bars of your cell, and call out to the guard again.
41. "Oh pardon me, Sally. Didn't know I was hurting your feelings, Officer 'Marehood'."
42. >Now he's pissed.
43. >He's inches from you and barring his teeth.
44. >"Listen here fuckface. I don't like your jerkoff name. I don't like your jerkoff face. I don't like your jerkoff behavior, and I don't like YOU, jerkoff."
45. "Well ain't that a shame?"
46. >An arms shoots through the cell and you quickly grab his head and slam it into the bars.
47. >He quickly crumples to the ground, unconscious.
48. >Unlocking your cell with his keys, you toss the guard into your now empty cell and make your escape.
49. >SNEAK MODE ACTIVATE
50. >You tiptoe your way through the police station, hiding behind office plants and water coolers as best as you can.
51. >Just as you near the exit, you hear it.
52. >"OI! That's they guy who punched out Mahonie! CUFF 'IM."
53. >Mahonie? The guard's name was Mahonie? Who the fuck names their kid Maho-
54. >FUCKSHITFUCKSHIT COPS EVERYWHERE RUN
55. >You sprint with the speed of about two Kenyans, just enough to keep distance between you and the cop ponies, who are lagging behind you.
56. >But they're gaining.
57. >You cut corners and cut through alleyways.
58. >You even barrel through a fruit stand.
59. >The Blues Brothers would be fucking PROUD.
60. >But still they chase you.
61. >Then you see something out of the corner of your eye.
62. >A small brown filly with bright green eyes waves to you near an alley entrance.
63. >You cut into the alley and spot her jumping into a dumpster.
64. >You quickly follow suit.
65. >The sound of hooves rattle on the concrete outside the dumpster and quickly fade away into the distance.
66. >You've lost them, and it's thanks to that homeless filly.
67. >You leap out of the dumpster, brushing off old newspapers and sticky apple cores from your clothes. The filly hops out and looks up at you, smiling.
68. >You beam down a smile of your own, kneel down, and hold out your fist.
69. >She doesn't know what you mean at first, but quickly gets the idea.
70. >A quick tap of the hoof on your hand signifies it. You are bound in bro tier bonds.
71. >Giving her a wave goodbye, you begin to jog towards the train station.
72. >You feel a tug at your pants leg and look down to see the filly trying to stop you.
73. >She removes her red bandanna and offers it to you, holding it in her mouth.
74. >You take it and tie it around your neck.
75. "Nice. Now I look like a scruffy bandito. Thanks kid."
76. >She smiles once more, then runs off down the alley and turns a corner.
77. >You resume your jog to the train station.
78. "Okay, Manehatten is a bust. Looks like I need to find a new place to stay for now."
79. >Arriving at the station you notice a train start to leave.
80. >Sprinting after it, you're able to hop onto the caboose and get inside.
81. >From the looks of it the car seems to be filled with mostly cargo.
82. >Sitting down in-between two large wooden boxes, you lean against the wall of the car and drift off to sleep.
83. >You seriously hope this train doesn't take you back to Appleloosa.
84. >Fuck Appleloosa.
86. -------
88. >The shrill twain of the train's whistle jars you awake as you knock your head onto the wooden box next to you.
89. >Fuckin-OW
90. >You make your way out of the caboose as you rub your head.
91. "Okay so where am I no-...... DAMN THAT'S COLORFUL."
92. >A large town lay before you, a small river running through it from a waterfall in the distance.
93. >You decide to take a little tour before the train personnel notices you creeping out of their cargo area.
94. >You stroll through the town, a skip in your step.
95. >This place isn't half bad!
96. >Hell even the ponies that live here are damn friendly.
97. >You wave to a mint green pony sitting in a bench with a friend of hers.
98. >She smiles and waves back.
99. >See? DAMN friendly.
100. >You pass by book stores and coffee shops, taking in the sights and smells.
101. "You know, I like this place! Wonder if there's anyp0ny who needs work, after all I can't really get by without bits around her. Guess I better look for help wanted si-... Isthatafuckin'gingerbreadhouse?"
102. >A building of pure pastry stands before you, glistening in the yellow sunlight.
103. >DEAR
104. >SWEATY
105. >CHRIST
106. >You're drawn to the building, marveling in it's sugary sweet appearance.
107. >Fuck Appleloosa
108. >Fuck MANEHATTEN. THIS PLACE HAS GINGERBREAD HOUSES.
109. >You quickly gnaw one of the walls that looks like it's covered in frosting.
110. >...
111. >Wood.
112. >...
113. >WOOOOOOOOOD
114. >Sputtering out bits of lumber, you quickly realize that the house is NOT made out of pastry.
115. >Instead, it appears to be made out of wood.
116. >And it tastes like oak.
117. >Classy.
118. >You feel a light tap on the back of your shoulder.
119. >OH SHIT, IS BITING A BUILDING AGAINST THE LAW FUCK.
120. >You whirl around, posed in a martial arts stance that screams "I do not have any prior experience in martial arts."
121. >That's... a lot of pink.
122. >A pink pony stares at you with her bright blue eyes.
123. >You still look like a crippled Jet Li.
124. "Uh... hey?"
125. >She bursts into laughter.
126. >"Oh man, I thought I was seeing things when I saw you, but I was right! You were eating the bakery! Teeheehahahaha! You must be new around here, cuz I know everyp0ny in Ponyville, and I'm pretty sure I don't know you!"
127. "Ponyville?"
128. >"Yup!"
129. "The town is named Ponyville?"
130. >"Mmhmm!"
131. "You have a bunch of Ponies that live in Ponyville?"
132. >"Yep!"
133. "What kind of wood is this thing made of?"
134. >"Oak!"
135. "Classy."
136. >"I know right?!"
137. >She answers you in rapid succession, her grin never leaving her face.
138. >Does... does she smell like cotton candy?... Nah, that would be just stu-
139. >Suddenly you reach out and pick up the pink pony, sniffing her mane with ferocious intensity.
140. >HOLY BALLS IT SMELLS LIKE COTTON CANDY
141. "YOU SMELL LIKE COTTON CANDY."
142. >"Is that bad?"
143. >She gives a worried look.
144. "No, that's awesome!"
145. >Now she laughs even harder and you let her down.
146. >"What's your name anyhow?"
147. "Anonymous. No last name, didn't really need one. One name suits me just fine. What about you? You have a name?"
148. >"Sure do! The name's Pinky Pie! Nice to meet you, AnimeMoose."
149. "Anonymouse."
150. >"Yeah that!"
151. >The word 'Pinky' is in the name of this bubbly pink pony.
152. >This town, it just gets BETTER and BETTER.
153. >You stroll down the street, Pinky bouncing like a SuperBall(you know, a super ball. Black, round. Bounces like crazy? No? Fuck you too then) next to you.
154. "Is it ALWAYS this colorful here, or am I just arriving on a good day?"
155. >"Oh no, Ponyville has always been a cheery colorful place!"
156. "Oh god that's so cool. Hey, you have any neat places to visit around here?"
157. >She give you a look like she thought you'd never ask.
158. >"OmigoshOmigoshOmigoshOmigosh FOLLOW ME!"
159. >She grabs your arm with her hoof and drags you off to go see w-
160. >HOW IS SHE DOING THAT WITH NO FINGERS
161. >Meh nevermind, too busy having fun right now.
162. >The two of you stop in front of a massive tree with... a door.. in the trunk?
163. >"My friend Twilight Sparkle lives here! She's super smart, a bit cranky, but she's a pony you can count on! One time, we-"
164. >You shove your hand over her mouth, silencing her.
165. >You give a face of EXTREME. SERIOUSNESS.
166. "...Twilight Sparkle?....Her name is Twilight Sparkle?"
167. >"Yes."
168. "Her name is Twilight Sparkle."
169. >"Her name is Twilight Sparkle."
170. "Her name is Twilight Sparkle."
171. >"Her name is Twilight Spa-"
172. >You get super fucking close to her face, your nose touching hers, and whisper.
173. "Does. She. Twinkle?"
174. >"Nope!"
175. >Pinkie gives a happy grin.
176. "Huh. Alright then. Neat."
177. >You begin to knock on the door, but Pinkie just barrels through it.
178. >Oh Pinkie, we may have just met, but please don't ever change.
179. >Ever.
180. >You two walk into the treehouse... goddammit that pun.
181. >Suddenly, books.
182. >Books everywhere.
183. >It's a nerd factory at this point, but you don't mind. You like books well enough.
184. >You see a purple unicorn buried in a large leather bound book.
185. >She hasn't noticed you.
186. >You thrust an arm in front of Pinkie and place a finger on her mouth.
187. >You give her the universal sign for "SHUT THE FUCK UP WE NEED TO BE SNEAKY."
188. >She gets the idea, a devious grin on her face.
189. >You Solid Snake your way to where Twilight sits, while Pinkie slithers on the floor next to you.
190. >You both are inches from her now, and you raise your arms up, ready to strike.
191. >You can feel the assassin in you squealing in glee.
192. >Twi: "Who did you bring over this time, Pinkie?"
193. >AWWWWWWMAAAAAAAAAAAN
194. >You and Pinkie let out a collective whine.
195. >The jig is up you suppose.
196. >Twilight turns around and looks at you, taken a bit aback.
197. >Twi: "Uh, Pinkie, who's this?"
198. >PP: "This is my newest bestest friend, A-Nani-Moose!"
199. "Anonymous."
200. >PP: "That!"
201. >You wave quickly to Twilight, a smile thrown her way.
202. >If anything, she looks creeped out.
203. >whatabitch
204. >Twi: "What... IS he, exactly?"
205. >PP: "Oh that's easy, silly! He's a... he's a uhm..."
206. >Pinkie darts to you and bounces up and down to speak into your ear.
207. >PP: "What are you?"
208. "A dude."
209. >PP: "He's a dude!"
210. >Twi: "No I meant what species is he?"
211. >PP: "What species of dooooooood are you?"
212. "Human dude, dude."
213. >PP: "He's a human doooood, doooo-"
214. >Twi: "Heard him Pinkie, thank you."
215. >Pinkie smiles and ceases bouncing.
216. >Twi: "A human? Homo sapien, bipedal, mostly hairless, hasn't been seen in Equestria since the age of w-"
217. >Pinkie gives a gasp that sounds like she's a miniature hoover and whips around to you, bouncing again.
218. >PP: "You're a GAY MONKEY?! I didn't know that monkeys could be gay!"
219. "Pinkie."
220. >PP:"I mean not that that's a problem of course I mean you can't change who you are, you just gotta be yourself, you know?"
221. "Pinkie."
222. >PP: "Hey, is it wrong to ask what it's like to have a big fat co-"
223. >You snatch her up and bring her to eye level.
224. "PINKIE"
225. >You've got her attention.
226. "NOT A MONKEY."
227. >PP: "Not a monkey."
228. "NOT GAY."
229. >PP: 'Not gay."
230. "And there's nothing wrong with me if I WAS a gay monkey, right?"
231. >PP: "Right."
232. >She beams up at you and giggles.
233. >goddammitshe'sadorable
234. >You squeeze her in a massive hug.
235. >You don't know why you did, it just felt right.
236. >And she
237. >Hugs
238. >You
239. >BACK
240. >THIS PONY IS THE SHIT

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data
Chapter 1 WANTED >Day 520 in Equestria >You were having an okay day, for the most part. >Then you got busted by the fucking cops. >So yeah, good day for the most part. >You are Anonymous, and you're currently in a jail cell in downtown Manehatten. >You've been jumping from city to city for the past year now, making your way through Equestria as best as you can. >It seems like you being human doesn't shock many, if any, ponies at all. If anything, they're indifferent about it. >You spent a season in Appleloosa as a bartender at the Salt Block, but life in the West really didn't seem to suit you. >That and the locals didn't seem to take kindly to your "type." >You wandered east, and eventually found yourself in Manehatten, working as another god damn bartender. >At least the place you were working in was a classy looking restaurant. >The pay was decent and you didn't get many drunks, but the luxury of the city left a bad taste in your mouth. >One morning you arrived to find that someone had broken in through the back door of the restaurant. >Grabbing a frying pan, you made your way into the pantry. >Only to find a small light brown filly with a red bandanna. >Somehow, she had managed to break open the door to the shop, and was eating loafs of bread you had stored in the back. >She looked up at you with fear in her big green eyes, hunger etched onto her face. >You had seen her before once or twice. She was homeless from what you could tell. >You could easily trap her in the cupboard until the police arrived to come get her. >Instead, you find a small saddle bag and fill it with food. >Her eyes widen at the site of all the apples and bread loafs you've packed up. >You don't say a word. You just nod at her as you place the bag on her back. >She smiles, nods back, then darts out of the back door, almost tripping over herself. >When the police ponies arrived you told them that somep0ny had broken into the restaurant, but that whoever did it was long gone now. >They didn't believe you, claiming that it was most likely you who had done it. >Being the only human in Manehatten, it made sense that they didn't trust you. >And now you're sitting in jail, on a cot that's two sizes too small for you. "This is just fucking perfect," you say to yourself, running a hand through your hair in silent frustration. >Looking out of your cell, you see one of the guards walking by. "Hey." >He doesn't answer. "Hey, I'm talking to you! What are you, fucking deaf?" >The guard wheels around. >"Shut it, shithouse. You're not worth a squirt of piss to me." >You could see a key ring on him. >Slowly, you begin to devise a cunning scheme. >You walk up to the bars of your cell, and call out to the guard again. "Oh pardon me, Sally. Didn't know I was hurting your feelings, Officer 'Marehood'." >Now he's pissed. >He's inches from you and barring his teeth. >"Listen here fuckface. I don't like your jerkoff name. I don't like your jerkoff face. I don't like your jerkoff behavior, and I don't like YOU, jerkoff." "Well ain't that a shame?" >An arms shoots through the cell and you quickly grab his head and slam it into the bars. >He quickly crumples to the ground, unconscious. >Unlocking your cell with his keys, you toss the guard into your now empty cell and make your escape. >SNEAK MODE ACTIVATE >You tiptoe your way through the police station, hiding behind office plants and water coolers as best as you can. >Just as you near the exit, you hear it. >"OI! That's they guy who punched out Mahonie! CUFF 'IM." >Mahonie? The guard's name was Mahonie? Who the fuck names their kid Maho- >FUCKSHITFUCKSHIT COPS EVERYWHERE RUN >You sprint with the speed of about two Kenyans, just enough to keep distance between you and the cop ponies, who are lagging behind you. >But they're gaining. >You cut corners and cut through alleyways. >You even barrel through a fruit stand. >The Blues Brothers would be fucking PROUD. >But still they chase you. >Then you see something out of the corner of your eye. >A small brown filly with bright green eyes waves to you near an alley entrance. >You cut into the alley and spot her jumping into a dumpster. >You quickly follow suit. >The sound of hooves rattle on the concrete outside the dumpster and quickly fade away into the distance. >You've lost them, and it's thanks to that homeless filly. >You leap out of the dumpster, brushing off old newspapers and sticky apple cores from your clothes. The filly hops out and looks up at you, smiling. >You beam down a smile of your own, kneel down, and hold out your fist. >She doesn't know what you mean at first, but quickly gets the idea. >A quick tap of the hoof on your hand signifies it. You are bound in bro tier bonds. >Giving her a wave goodbye, you begin to jog towards the train station. >You feel a tug at your pants leg and look down to see the filly trying to stop you. >She removes her red bandanna and offers it to you, holding it in her mouth. >You take it and tie it around your neck. "Nice. Now I look like a scruffy bandito. Thanks kid." >She smiles once more, then runs off down the alley and turns a corner. >You resume your jog to the train station. "Okay, Manehatten is a bust. Looks like I need to find a new place to stay for now." >Arriving at the station you notice a train start to leave. >Sprinting after it, you're able to hop onto the caboose and get inside. >From the looks of it the car seems to be filled with mostly cargo. >Sitting down in-between two large wooden boxes, you lean against the wall of the car and drift off to sleep. >You seriously hope this train doesn't take you back to Appleloosa. >Fuck Appleloosa. ------- >The shrill twain of the train's whistle jars you awake as you knock your head onto the wooden box next to you. >Fuckin-OW >You make your way out of the caboose as you rub your head. "Okay so where am I no-...... DAMN THAT'S COLORFUL." >A large town lay before you, a small river running through it from a waterfall in the distance. >You decide to take a little tour before the train personnel notices you creeping out of their cargo area. >You stroll through the town, a skip in your step. >This place isn't half bad! >Hell even the ponies that live here are damn friendly. >You wave to a mint green pony sitting in a bench with a friend of hers. >She smiles and waves back. >See? DAMN friendly. >You pass by book stores and coffee shops, taking in the sights and smells. "You know, I like this place! Wonder if there's anyp0ny who needs work, after all I can't really get by without bits around her. Guess I better look for help wanted si-... Isthatafuckin'gingerbreadhouse?" >A building of pure pastry stands before you, glistening in the yellow sunlight. >DEAR >SWEATY >CHRIST >You're drawn to the building, marveling in it's sugary sweet appearance. >Fuck Appleloosa >Fuck MANEHATTEN. THIS PLACE HAS GINGERBREAD HOUSES. >You quickly gnaw one of the walls that looks like it's covered in frosting. >... >Wood. >... >WOOOOOOOOOD >Sputtering out bits of lumber, you quickly realize that the house is NOT made out of pastry. >Instead, it appears to be made out of wood. >And it tastes like oak. >Classy. >You feel a light tap on the back of your shoulder. >OH SHIT, IS BITING A BUILDING AGAINST THE LAW FUCK. >You whirl around, posed in a martial arts stance that screams "I do not have any prior experience in martial arts." >That's... a lot of pink. >A pink pony stares at you with her bright blue eyes. >You still look like a crippled Jet Li. "Uh... hey?" >She bursts into laughter. >"Oh man, I thought I was seeing things when I saw you, but I was right! You were eating the bakery! Teeheehahahaha! You must be new around here, cuz I know everyp0ny in Ponyville, and I'm pretty sure I don't know you!" "Ponyville?" >"Yup!" "The town is named Ponyville?" >"Mmhmm!" "You have a bunch of Ponies that live in Ponyville?" >"Yep!" "What kind of wood is this thing made of?" >"Oak!" "Classy." >"I know right?!" >She answers you in rapid succession, her grin never leaving her face. >Does... does she smell like cotton candy?... Nah, that would be just stu- >Suddenly you reach out and pick up the pink pony, sniffing her mane with ferocious intensity. >HOLY BALLS IT SMELLS LIKE COTTON CANDY "YOU SMELL LIKE COTTON CANDY." >"Is that bad?" >She gives a worried look. "No, that's awesome!" >Now she laughs even harder and you let her down. >"What's your name anyhow?" "Anonymous. No last name, didn't really need one. One name suits me just fine. What about you? You have a name?" >"Sure do! The name's Pinky Pie! Nice to meet you, AnimeMoose." "Anonymouse." >"Yeah that!" >The word 'Pinky' is in the name of this bubbly pink pony. >This town, it just gets BETTER and BETTER. >You stroll down the street, Pinky bouncing like a SuperBall(you know, a super ball. Black, round. Bounces like crazy? No? Fuck you too then) next to you. "Is it ALWAYS this colorful here, or am I just arriving on a good day?" >"Oh no, Ponyville has always been a cheery colorful place!" "Oh god that's so cool. Hey, you have any neat places to visit around here?" >She give you a look like she thought you'd never ask. >"OmigoshOmigoshOmigoshOmigosh FOLLOW ME!" >She grabs your arm with her hoof and drags you off to go see w- >HOW IS SHE DOING THAT WITH NO FINGERS >Meh nevermind, too busy having fun right now. >The two of you stop in front of a massive tree with... a door.. in the trunk? >"My friend Twilight Sparkle lives here! She's super smart, a bit cranky, but she's a pony you can count on! One time, we-" >You shove your hand over her mouth, silencing her. >You give a face of EXTREME. SERIOUSNESS. "...Twilight Sparkle?....Her name is Twilight Sparkle?" >"Yes." "Her name is Twilight Sparkle." >"Her name is Twilight Sparkle." "Her name is Twilight Sparkle." >"Her name is Twilight Spa-" >You get super fucking close to her face, your nose touching hers, and whisper. "Does. She. Twinkle?" >"Nope!" >Pinkie gives a happy grin. "Huh. Alright then. Neat." >You begin to knock on the door, but Pinkie just barrels through it. >Oh Pinkie, we may have just met, but please don't ever change. >Ever. >You two walk into the treehouse... goddammit that pun. >Suddenly, books. >Books everywhere. >It's a nerd factory at this point, but you don't mind. You like books well enough. >You see a purple unicorn buried in a large leather bound book. >She hasn't noticed you. >You thrust an arm in front of Pinkie and place a finger on her mouth. >You give her the universal sign for "SHUT THE FUCK UP WE NEED TO BE SNEAKY." >She gets the idea, a devious grin on her face. >You Solid Snake your way to where Twilight sits, while Pinkie slithers on the floor next to you. >You both are inches from her now, and you raise your arms up, ready to strike. >You can feel the assassin in you squealing in glee. >Twi: "Who did you bring over this time, Pinkie?" >AWWWWWWMAAAAAAAAAAAN >You and Pinkie let out a collective whine. >The jig is up you suppose. >Twilight turns around and looks at you, taken a bit aback. >Twi: "Uh, Pinkie, who's this?" >PP: "This is my newest bestest friend, A-Nani-Moose!" "Anonymous." >PP: "That!" >You wave quickly to Twilight, a smile thrown her way. >If anything, she looks creeped out. >whatabitch >Twi: "What... IS he, exactly?" >PP: "Oh that's easy, silly! He's a... he's a uhm..." >Pinkie darts to you and bounces up and down to speak into your ear. >PP: "What are you?" "A dude." >PP: "He's a dude!" >Twi: "No I meant what species is he?" >PP: "What species of dooooooood are you?" "Human dude, dude." >PP: "He's a human doooood, doooo-" >Twi: "Heard him Pinkie, thank you." >Pinkie smiles and ceases bouncing. >Twi: "A human? Homo sapien, bipedal, mostly hairless, hasn't been seen in Equestria since the age of w-" >Pinkie gives a gasp that sounds like she's a miniature hoover and whips around to you, bouncing again. >PP: "You're a GAY MONKEY?! I didn't know that monkeys could be gay!" "Pinkie." >PP:"I mean not that that's a problem of course I mean you can't change who you are, you just gotta be yourself, you know?" "Pinkie." >PP: "Hey, is it wrong to ask what it's like to have a big fat co-" >You snatch her up and bring her to eye level. "PINKIE" >You've got her attention. "NOT A MONKEY." >PP: "Not a monkey." "NOT GAY." >PP: 'Not gay." "And there's nothing wrong with me if I WAS a gay monkey, right?" >PP: "Right." >She beams up at you and giggles. >goddammitshe'sadorable >You squeeze her in a massive hug. >You don't know why you did, it just felt right. >And she >Hugs >You >BACK >THIS PONY IS THE SHIT