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# Drury Lane: Chapter 3 -Mr. Snow-

By: PaleNarrator on Apr 19th, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 11.46 KB | hits: 1,012 | expires: Never
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1. Chapter 3
3. >Day 577 in Equestria.
4. >You're laying comfortably in your bed, all snuggled up and warm under the thick sheets.
5. >Today is your and Pinkie's day off, and you couldn't be more content in the fact that you won't be baking anything today and instead will spend the nice, sunny day with your best friend in Equestria.
6. >You've got it all planned out:A picnic basket with an Apple-Cinnamon pie you had made in secret was prepared and hidden in the kitchen.
7. >By Jove you were GOING to have a day to just Pinkie and you to thank her for all she's done.
8. >A nice, calm day.
9. >Without Gummy to fuck it up.
10. >Scaly toothless bastard...
11. >You began to stir yourself awake, your head slightly throbbing.
12. >Hangover oh shit uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
13. >You two had spent the night at Rarity's with all the others drinking cider and telling stories.
14. >You weren't really effected by apple cider, but dammit it did things to ponies alright.
15. >You learned that Twilight was one of the biggest lightweights you had ever encountered, getting drunk and dancing on one of the tables only after a few drinks.
16. >It was AppleJack who had the most tolerance, and you were determined to drink her under the table.
17. >That little venture had been stopped when, after finally being overcome by the intoxicating cider, you drunkenly demanded that Fluttershy do a keg stand.
18. >You had no keg, but still, it was the thought that counted.
19. >Pinkie had also been blisteringly drunk as well, hell you're surprised you two made it home at all.
20. >Did you make it home?
21. >The memory of last light is still hazy as hell.
22. >Your eyes creak open, the sun's rays hitti-
23. >BRIGHTBRIGHTBRIGHT GO BACK INTO THE ABYSS.
24. >Pulling the covers over your head to shield you from the DAMN DIRTY light, you take a deep breathe.
25. >Huh, your bed smells pretty fuckin' good.
26. >I mean, you live in a bakery so the whole place smells bitchin' day to day, but this morning...
27. >This morning your bed smells REALLY fuckin' great!
28. >You take a deep breath and smile at the scent.
29. "Ahhhhh, Cotton Candy..."
30. >Content with the new smell of your sleeping arrangements, you smile and begin to drift back to sleep.
31. >Wait.
32. >Cotton Candy.
33. >Where have I smelled Cotto-
34. >FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
35. >Slowly but surely, the hamster in your noggin begins running.
36. >You eyes fly open, and you look around under your covers.
37. >There's something with you in your bed.
38. >ohshitohfuckohshitohfuck
39. >It's... poofy
40. >You sniff the air once more to confirm your suspicions.
41. >And then you freak the fuck out.
42. >You jettison out of the bed at light-speed.
43. "Oh shit what happened last night?!"
44. >Pinkie Pie is indeed there, sleeping happily in your bed.
45. "Why is she... why were we... oh balls I can't remember what happened after we left Rarity's."
46. >You feel a cold breeze across your lower half.
47. >You look down.
48. >Your eyes feel like they want to pop out of your head.
49. >No pants.
50. >NO PANTS.
51. >WHERE ARE YOUR UNDERPANTS OH GOD DAMMIT WHAT'S GOING ON?
52. >You woke up in bed with Pinkie Pie.
53. >Without pants.
54. >And with no memory of last night's events.
55. "...I think I need a cold shower..."
56. -------
57. >Coming out of the bathroom, you quickly get dressed and dart to the kitchen.
58. >You want to freak out more about what happened, but without any memory of the events you kind of feel stupid for acting the way you did.
59. >You're greeted by Mrs. Cake feeding Carrot and Pound Cake.
60. >"Well good morning deary! My you're up early for your day off. How are you feeling today?"
61. "Good, I guess. Say, what time did Pinkie and I get home last night?"
62. >"Oh my, very late I think. Mr. Cake and I were already asleep when you two got back. Oh and the ruckus you made! I was worried you'd wake up little Pound and Carrot cake!"
63. >lolwut ruckus?
64. "Did you say we made a.. ruckus?"
65. >"Oh yes, dear. You two must have been partying in her room. At least I assumed as much from the stomping around and thumping I heard."
66. >Dude.
67. >Dude, bro.
68. >Yo dude, bro.
69. >You may have made sweet, sticky, drunken love to a pony last night.
70. >YOU FUCKING MONSTER.
71. "......I think I'm going to head out for a little bit, Mrs. C. Be back later."
72. >Mrs. Cake gives you a confused look.
73. >"Sweety, don't you think you should bundle up? It's a might chilly outside, what with it being the first day of winter."
74. >The word "silence" cannot describe the noise in the room you experience when you hear that fucking sentence.
75. >Winter?
76. >Last night had been an unusually warm Autumn night.
77. >When did it become winter all of a sudden?
78. >What?
79. >You quickly make your way to the front door to investigate this preposterous "First day of Winter" garbage that you've just been-
80. >SNOW
81. >JOHN CUSACK'S BALLSACK SO MUCH SNOW WHERE DID IT COME FROM WHAT?!
82. >Everything is covered in Old Man Winter's Jizz, and Christ is it cold.
83. >With chattering teeth, you exit the house looking up at the sky.
84. >The snow is coming down rather consistently, but lightly.
85. >And then you spot a cyan Pegasus Pony with a rainbow mane moving clouds into place.
86. >Ah yes, Rainbow Dash.
87. >Your NEWEST foe.
88. >The fury in your jimmies swells up and you break out into a sprint away from where Rainbow is hovering in the air.
89. >Picking up speed, you grab hold of a small tree and bend it all the way to the ground.
90. >And then fling yourself at Rainbow like a missile set to fuck up an insurgent's life expectancy.
91. "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeres ANON!"
92. >"Wha-"
93. >You slam into Rainbow, giving her the People's Elbow and taking her ass down to the ground in a cartoonish PLOP noise as you two land in the snow.
94. >"Oh for the love of- WHAT WAS THAT? Anon, are you bucking crazy?! Why did y-"
95. "SILENCE YOU RAINBOW COLORED CARPET MUNCHER."
96. >You grab her face and point her at the valleys of snow before you.
97. "SEE THAT? YA SEE ALL THAT SHIT?"
98. >Rainbow is then brought inches from your face.
99. "EXPLAIN."
100. >"Anon, dude, it's the first day of Winter! I told you all that last night at Rarity's place. That's why I left early, so I could get all of this set up. Remember?"
101. "I'm not your dude, bro."
102. >She pops herself out of the snow crater you made and brushes herself off with her wings.
103. >"What's eating your flank man? Usually you're cooler than this. What's up?"
104. >You palm your face and rub your eyes.
105. "I kind of had plans today."
106. >"So what's the problem?"
107. "They were plans that didn't involve an Ice Age, you dumb bitch."
108. >She playfully punches you in the shoulder, hovering carelessly next to you.
109. >"Oh come on, it's not that bad is it? What did you have planned?"
110. >You kick some snow lazily and put your hands in your pockets.
111. "Picnic."
112. >"Picnic? With who?"
113. "Picnic with Pinkie."
114. >"Oh, you're taking her on a wittle date huh?"
115. >She punches you in the shoulder again, trying to egg you on.
116. "Well I WAS going to, but then you made a goddamn blizzard. Now what am I going to do?"
117. >Dash ponders for a moment, then shrugs.
118. >"I dunno man, have a picnic in the snow.
119. "That's the stupidest thing I've-... actually that might work. Thanks Dash!"
120. >"Shut the fuck up, bro."
121. "I'm not your bro, dude.
122. >The two of you pound out a brohoof and you return to the bakery.
123. >Walking into your and Pinkie's room, you dig around inside her closet.
124. "Ah-HA! Found them!"
125. >You victoriously hold up a two pair of ice skates, all of which are Pinkie's.
126. >You sneak a glance over at your bed and see Pinkie still asleep and under the covers, some of her mane poofing out from the edge of the sheets where her head is.
127. >Still asleep.
128. >Good.
129. >You set the skates down and run out of the bakery yet again, gabbing a coat on your way out.
130. >You make your way to Rarity's. You'd need skates too, after all.
131. >And dammit they weren't cheap either. A pair of skates in your size cost you about a week's pay.
132. >Returning to Sugarcube Corner, you can't help but feel someone following you.
133. >Spider-Senses are TINGLING.
134. >You whip around, giving a stern look to... no one.
135. >Huh.
136. >You could have sworn-
137. >"I DEMAND MY HAT BE RETURNED YOU FIEND!"
138. >Trixie.
139. >Trixie is back.
140. >IT BEGINS.
141. >You spin around to see Trixie, a hateful, rage induced glare on her face.
142. >You give her a kitty face.
143. ":3"
144. >She sputters
145. >"What on earth is that? What are you doing?"
146. ":3"
147. >"Stop that! Stop mocking the Great and Powerful TRIXIE with your feline expressions!"
148. "X3"
149. >"I SAID FUCKING STOP."
150. >Suddenly you're right up in her grill keepin' it real, and you boop her nose with a snowball.
151. "Do you want to know what I think of you, Trixie?"
152. >"No, I-"
153. "I consider you to be somewhere between a pile of shit, and that white stuff that accumulates at the corners of your mouth when you're really thirsty."
154. >Trixie is speechless, taken aback at your insult.
155. ":3"
156. >"GODDAMMIT STOP MAKING A KITTY FACE YOU FUCK."
157. "Make me."
158. >She smiles grimly, a twitch in her eye, as her horn begins to glow.
159. >OH NO YOU DON'T.
160. >You shove your mouth onto Trixie's horn.
161. >AND
162. >SUCK
163. >"Whu-whu-whu-whu-WHAT IN EQUESTRIA'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?"
164. "Shuckin' Yo' Hahn."
165. >"STOP. STOP DOING THAT."
166. >You get in her face again.
167. >Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaal close, like.
168. >And lick her eye.
169. >Just fuckin' LICK it, man.
170. >She adopts a look of horror, like she stepped into a community shower room at the ballsack factory.
171. >You whisper into her ear:
172. "You'll get you're fucking hat back the day you die, you sanctimonious, gregarious cunt."
173. >Victory is Sweet.
174. -------
175. >A few hours later, and you and Pinkie are by the lake, bundled up and settling down by the ice with the picnic basket.
176. >"So Anon, what's the occasion for a picnic?"
177. >You just smile.
178. "Oh c'mon Pinkie, do I really need a reason to spend time with you? I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me, is all."
179. >She beams up at you an makes a sort of squeak noise.
180. >"That's a pretty good reason, I'll admit! Ooh! Are you gonna tell me what's in the basket?"
181. "Why tell you, when I can SHOW YOU?!"
182. >You dramatically reveal the pie from within the basket.
183. >Pinkie swoons.
184. >"You baked me a pie! Oh how on Equestria did you know I liked pies?!"
185. "Lucky guess."
186. >You laugh with Pinkie and cut her a slice.
187. >The warm pie is welcomed as you two eat in the snow.
188. >There's a silence between the two of you, the only sound being that of munching coming from you both.
189. >You want to ask her about last night.
190. >You reeeeeaaaaally want to ask her about it.
191. >...
192. >Fuckit
193. "Hey Pinkie?"
194. >She looks at you, her mouth full of pie, and smiles.
195. >"Mmhmm?"
196. "I think I need to ask you a question. I don't really... What I want to ask is, uh... wow, okay this is awkward. Do you remember anything about coming home last night?"
197. >Pinkie swallows her pie in a big gulp and licks her lips and a hoof.
198. >"Yup!"
199. "You remember what happened last night?..."
200. >"Yep!"
201. "What happened last night?"
202. >"We partied at Rarity's, silly!"
203. "No, I mean what happened AFTER that?"
204. >Pinkie just looks at you blankly, her big blue eyes growing wide as she blushes.
205. "Are... are you blushi-"
206. >"Let's go ice skating now, Anon!"
207. >She grabs you by the arm, giggling and drags you out to the ice.
208. >You don't even have your skates on yet, what the fuck?
209. "Pinkie."
210. >You're on the ice now, and keeping your balance is a bitch.
211. "Pinkie seriously what hap-"
212. >FUCK FUCK SLIPPERY GOD DAMMIT
213. >Pinkie is slipping around too, and she grabs onto you to balance herself.
214. >It doesn't work because it's FUCKING ICE and the two of you fall over, busting your ass.
215. >Ow.
216. >Pinkie is right on top of you, a small smile on her face.
217. >Oh.
218. >She's blushing.
219. >OH.
220. "Pinkie... did.. did we have..."
221. >"Mmhmm!"
222. >She smiles wide with her eyes closed.
223. >You're utterly fucking speechless.
224. >Congrats.
225. >You fucked a pony.
226. >Great.

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Chapter 3 >Day 577 in Equestria. >You're laying comfortably in your bed, all snuggled up and warm under the thick sheets. >Today is your and Pinkie's day off, and you couldn't be more content in the fact that you won't be baking anything today and instead will spend the nice, sunny day with your best friend in Equestria. >You've got it all planned out:A picnic basket with an Apple-Cinnamon pie you had made in secret was prepared and hidden in the kitchen. >By Jove you were GOING to have a day to just Pinkie and you to thank her for all she's done. >A nice, calm day. >Without Gummy to fuck it up. >Scaly toothless bastard... >You began to stir yourself awake, your head slightly throbbing. >Hangover oh shit uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh >You two had spent the night at Rarity's with all the others drinking cider and telling stories. >You weren't really effected by apple cider, but dammit it did things to ponies alright. >You learned that Twilight was one of the biggest lightweights you had ever encountered, getting drunk and dancing on one of the tables only after a few drinks. >It was AppleJack who had the most tolerance, and you were determined to drink her under the table. >That little venture had been stopped when, after finally being overcome by the intoxicating cider, you drunkenly demanded that Fluttershy do a keg stand. >You had no keg, but still, it was the thought that counted. >Pinkie had also been blisteringly drunk as well, hell you're surprised you two made it home at all. >Did you make it home? >The memory of last light is still hazy as hell. >Your eyes creak open, the sun's rays hitti- >BRIGHTBRIGHTBRIGHT GO BACK INTO THE ABYSS. >Pulling the covers over your head to shield you from the DAMN DIRTY light, you take a deep breathe. >Huh, your bed smells pretty fuckin' good. >I mean, you live in a bakery so the whole place smells bitchin' day to day, but this morning... >This morning your bed smells REALLY fuckin' great! >You take a deep breath and smile at the scent. "Ahhhhh, Cotton Candy..." >Content with the new smell of your sleeping arrangements, you smile and begin to drift back to sleep. >Wait. >Cotton Candy. >Where have I smelled Cotto- >FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK >Slowly but surely, the hamster in your noggin begins running. >You eyes fly open, and you look around under your covers. >There's something with you in your bed. >ohshitohfuckohshitohfuck >It's... poofy >You sniff the air once more to confirm your suspicions. >And then you freak the fuck out. >You jettison out of the bed at light-speed. "Oh shit what happened last night?!" >Pinkie Pie is indeed there, sleeping happily in your bed. "Why is she... why were we... oh balls I can't remember what happened after we left Rarity's." >You feel a cold breeze across your lower half. >You look down. >Your eyes feel like they want to pop out of your head. >No pants. >NO PANTS. >WHERE ARE YOUR UNDERPANTS OH GOD DAMMIT WHAT'S GOING ON? >You woke up in bed with Pinkie Pie. >Without pants. >And with no memory of last night's events. "...I think I need a cold shower..." ------- >Coming out of the bathroom, you quickly get dressed and dart to the kitchen. >You want to freak out more about what happened, but without any memory of the events you kind of feel stupid for acting the way you did. >You're greeted by Mrs. Cake feeding Carrot and Pound Cake. >"Well good morning deary! My you're up early for your day off. How are you feeling today?" "Good, I guess. Say, what time did Pinkie and I get home last night?" >"Oh my, very late I think. Mr. Cake and I were already asleep when you two got back. Oh and the ruckus you made! I was worried you'd wake up little Pound and Carrot cake!" >lolwut ruckus? "Did you say we made a.. ruckus?" >"Oh yes, dear. You two must have been partying in her room. At least I assumed as much from the stomping around and thumping I heard." >Dude. >Dude, bro. >Yo dude, bro. >You may have made sweet, sticky, drunken love to a pony last night. >YOU FUCKING MONSTER. "......I think I'm going to head out for a little bit, Mrs. C. Be back later." >Mrs. Cake gives you a confused look. >"Sweety, don't you think you should bundle up? It's a might chilly outside, what with it being the first day of winter." >The word "silence" cannot describe the noise in the room you experience when you hear that fucking sentence. >Winter? >Last night had been an unusually warm Autumn night. >When did it become winter all of a sudden? >What? >You quickly make your way to the front door to investigate this preposterous "First day of Winter" garbage that you've just been- >SNOW >JOHN CUSACK'S BALLSACK SO MUCH SNOW WHERE DID IT COME FROM WHAT?! >Everything is covered in Old Man Winter's Jizz, and Christ is it cold. >With chattering teeth, you exit the house looking up at the sky. >The snow is coming down rather consistently, but lightly. >And then you spot a cyan Pegasus Pony with a rainbow mane moving clouds into place. >Ah yes, Rainbow Dash. >Your NEWEST foe. >The fury in your jimmies swells up and you break out into a sprint away from where Rainbow is hovering in the air. >Picking up speed, you grab hold of a small tree and bend it all the way to the ground. >And then fling yourself at Rainbow like a missile set to fuck up an insurgent's life expectancy. "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeres ANON!" >"Wha-" >You slam into Rainbow, giving her the People's Elbow and taking her ass down to the ground in a cartoonish PLOP noise as you two land in the snow. >"Oh for the love of- WHAT WAS THAT? Anon, are you bucking crazy?! Why did y-" "SILENCE YOU RAINBOW COLORED CARPET MUNCHER." >You grab her face and point her at the valleys of snow before you. "SEE THAT? YA SEE ALL THAT SHIT?" >Rainbow is then brought inches from your face. "EXPLAIN." >"Anon, dude, it's the first day of Winter! I told you all that last night at Rarity's place. That's why I left early, so I could get all of this set up. Remember?" "I'm not your dude, bro." >She pops herself out of the snow crater you made and brushes herself off with her wings. >"What's eating your flank man? Usually you're cooler than this. What's up?" >You palm your face and rub your eyes. "I kind of had plans today." >"So what's the problem?" "They were plans that didn't involve an Ice Age, you dumb bitch." >She playfully punches you in the shoulder, hovering carelessly next to you. >"Oh come on, it's not that bad is it? What did you have planned?" >You kick some snow lazily and put your hands in your pockets. "Picnic." >"Picnic? With who?" "Picnic with Pinkie." >"Oh, you're taking her on a wittle date huh?" >She punches you in the shoulder again, trying to egg you on. "Well I WAS going to, but then you made a goddamn blizzard. Now what am I going to do?" >Dash ponders for a moment, then shrugs. >"I dunno man, have a picnic in the snow. "That's the stupidest thing I've-... actually that might work. Thanks Dash!" >"Shut the fuck up, bro." "I'm not your bro, dude. >The two of you pound out a brohoof and you return to the bakery. >Walking into your and Pinkie's room, you dig around inside her closet. "Ah-HA! Found them!" >You victoriously hold up a two pair of ice skates, all of which are Pinkie's. >You sneak a glance over at your bed and see Pinkie still asleep and under the covers, some of her mane poofing out from the edge of the sheets where her head is. >Still asleep. >Good. >You set the skates down and run out of the bakery yet again, gabbing a coat on your way out. >You make your way to Rarity's. You'd need skates too, after all. >And dammit they weren't cheap either. A pair of skates in your size cost you about a week's pay. >Returning to Sugarcube Corner, you can't help but feel someone following you. >Spider-Senses are TINGLING. >You whip around, giving a stern look to... no one. >Huh. >You could have sworn- >"I DEMAND MY HAT BE RETURNED YOU FIEND!" >Trixie. >Trixie is back. >IT BEGINS. >You spin around to see Trixie, a hateful, rage induced glare on her face. >You give her a kitty face. ":3" >She sputters >"What on earth is that? What are you doing?" ":3" >"Stop that! Stop mocking the Great and Powerful TRIXIE with your feline expressions!" "X3" >"I SAID FUCKING STOP." >Suddenly you're right up in her grill keepin' it real, and you boop her nose with a snowball. "Do you want to know what I think of you, Trixie?" >"No, I-" "I consider you to be somewhere between a pile of shit, and that white stuff that accumulates at the corners of your mouth when you're really thirsty." >Trixie is speechless, taken aback at your insult. ":3" >"GODDAMMIT STOP MAKING A KITTY FACE YOU FUCK." "Make me." >She smiles grimly, a twitch in her eye, as her horn begins to glow. >OH NO YOU DON'T. >You shove your mouth onto Trixie's horn. >AND >SUCK >"Whu-whu-whu-whu-WHAT IN EQUESTRIA'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?" "Shuckin' Yo' Hahn." >"STOP. STOP DOING THAT." >You get in her face again. >Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaal close, like. >And lick her eye. >Just fuckin' LICK it, man. >She adopts a look of horror, like she stepped into a community shower room at the ballsack factory. >You whisper into her ear: "You'll get you're fucking hat back the day you die, you sanctimonious, gregarious cunt." >Victory is Sweet. ------- >A few hours later, and you and Pinkie are by the lake, bundled up and settling down by the ice with the picnic basket. >"So Anon, what's the occasion for a picnic?" >You just smile. "Oh c'mon Pinkie, do I really need a reason to spend time with you? I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me, is all." >She beams up at you an makes a sort of squeak noise. >"That's a pretty good reason, I'll admit! Ooh! Are you gonna tell me what's in the basket?" "Why tell you, when I can SHOW YOU?!" >You dramatically reveal the pie from within the basket. >Pinkie swoons. >"You baked me a pie! Oh how on Equestria did you know I liked pies?!" "Lucky guess." >You laugh with Pinkie and cut her a slice. >The warm pie is welcomed as you two eat in the snow. >There's a silence between the two of you, the only sound being that of munching coming from you both. >You want to ask her about last night. >You reeeeeaaaaally want to ask her about it. >... >Fuckit "Hey Pinkie?" >She looks at you, her mouth full of pie, and smiles. >"Mmhmm?" "I think I need to ask you a question. I don't really... What I want to ask is, uh... wow, okay this is awkward. Do you remember anything about coming home last night?" >Pinkie swallows her pie in a big gulp and licks her lips and a hoof. >"Yup!" "You remember what happened last night?..." >"Yep!" "What happened last night?" >"We partied at Rarity's, silly!" "No, I mean what happened AFTER that?" >Pinkie just looks at you blankly, her big blue eyes growing wide as she blushes. "Are... are you blushi-" >"Let's go ice skating now, Anon!" >She grabs you by the arm, giggling and drags you out to the ice. >You don't even have your skates on yet, what the fuck? "Pinkie." >You're on the ice now, and keeping your balance is a bitch. "Pinkie seriously what hap-" >FUCK FUCK SLIPPERY GOD DAMMIT >Pinkie is slipping around too, and she grabs onto you to balance herself. >It doesn't work because it's FUCKING ICE and the two of you fall over, busting your ass. >Ow. >Pinkie is right on top of you, a small smile on her face. >Oh. >She's blushing. >OH. "Pinkie... did.. did we have..." >"Mmhmm!" >She smiles wide with her eyes closed. >You're utterly fucking speechless. >Congrats. >You fucked a pony. >Great.