Attempted automated wordcount. Please use LibreOffice/MSOffice for an accurate count: 2432

thanks, author! If you wish to have this removed from this list, email ra.llan.pcl+complaints @ gmail.com, making sure to provide proof that you are the author.

Fowl Play by Peter

Her silk dress danced with her hair in the non existent wind, a fox-trot of passion mixing the pink mane with the dark red of her skirt. She stood on a ridge overlooking the most beautiful sunset in one thousand years, how couldn't it be with the man of her dreams kneeling next to her, proposing. "Oh my, well I mean, you’re so nice and all..." she began to trail off, his knees trembled in anticipation, sweat poured across his brow. "Well, what I mean is.... yes" In an instant, he jumped up, taking her hooves in his "Oh darling" he started "Kiss m-" he was cut off as their lips met, just as they had done several times that night, he held her close, tightly.

"Oh snails, I've never felt so safe before!" she spoke between gasps of air, he did the same, bringing his snout close to hers, he began to whisper "Cluck, buck bwuckaaaa" Her face contorted in distress. Raising an eyebrow in confusion she began to speak "Snails.. what are you-" "Bwukaaaa!!" The ear piercing shriek tore through her secluded home. "Oh my... the chickens are up again." Fluttershy shambled out of bed, rubbing her eyes, "I was having the most pleasant of dreams..."

Approaching her chicken coop, lantern in hoof, she peered inside to see what had upset them. But what she saw, she could not have been prepared for. The chickens were... fighting? No, they were... they weren't, they couldn't be! She squinted, raised her lantern, strained her eyes to see the details of the encounter. She did everything to improve her vision, but the image didn't change, she couldn't believe it. A passionate struggle for supremacy. Feathers were strewn across the floor as beaks collided in perplexing poultresque passion, what on earth was she watching. Fluttershy blushed, she didn't have any roosters... only hens. What would the other animals think of their tabooed love? She imagined them coming out of the coop, talon in talon, heads held high, ready to face the world together. Could they stay with each other through the ridicule? "How romantic.." she thought, remembering her dream. Seeing them, she could tell they did not care, they were lost in each other's beady eyes, their talons tangled and wings splayed outward. Deft tongues delved in to downed thighs, prodding, inquiring, spelunking.

She watched them, she watched them for longer than any pony should ever watch two chickens make love. Not a squawk or thrown feather escaped her senses, the scent was nearly overwhelming. They seemed to struggle forever, neither of them wanting to be the first to give in, but as was inevitable they finally grew tired and adjourned their night together. They lay silently side by side, she watched them rest and thought of Snails, and wished for him to come to her. Snails... her one true love, nobody understood that poor foal. How she wanted him to hold her, comfort her. They could get married and have a little pony of their own, far away from the judgement of Ponyville. "Oh my" she was breathing quite heavily now "I should... go to bed"

She entered her home, confused and aroused, and poured herself a cup of tea, in hopes of calming herself. She'd always loved animals, but had never been so excited by them before, she swore to herself to never tell a soul. Finishing her tea, she moved towards her room, and after a quick check under the bed, she lay down and let sleep take hold of her once more.

Her rustled mane was strewn across her bed, her lover laid nonchalantly next to her, smoking a cigarette. "That was... nice" she sighed. He looked at the ceiling with dark, uncaring eyes, and let out a puff of smoke. She coughed. "I wish you wouldn't smoke in here." she was mildly annoyed, but his goofy expression quickly lulled any agitation she held. "Oh Snails, I'm so happy were finally together!" His toned foreleg wrapped around her, she lay her head on his rippling pectorals. "Me too, my dearest" his voice was sophisticated and his speech articulate, as if it were a male version of Rarity, she was quite fond of that pony's mastery of Equestrian. They'd been meeting in secret for years, before he finally proposed to her and now they would soon reveal their love to all of Ponyville.

She awoke with a sigh. "How lovely" she thought. Snails was only ten years old right now... Fluttershy shouldn’t even think about him this way. But she couldn’t help herself, she imagined him as he would soon be, a strong well built colt matching Bic Macintosh in size. Well that’s how she assumed he would grow to be. She sneaked a peek at her collection of photos, she’d taken most of them during the school swimming trip, she’d been so nervous. She ogled the pictures, most of which were, by normal pony standards, harmless and tame. But to her, they opened up a world of possibility. She nearly lost herself in them.

She made her rounds feeding the critters, giving a little extra seed to the two hens, still nestled together. Could she ever find happiness? Nobody seemed to talk to her, although for that she had only herself to blame. If only she could know how Snails felt, alas it would never be, she was far too shy to ask him and he was far too clueless to catch on himself. She tried to forget her dreams, but they remained as vibrant and as real as ever. She headed out her door and towards Ponyville, she had an appointment to make and was not about to let some silly fantasy slow her down. Walking slowly along the path, Fluttershy began to daydream about her future children with her steel-bunned stallion.

"Fluttershy?" the voice shook her out of her imagination. "You silly filly! I've been looking all over for you! Are you even paying attention?" the ecstatic voice belonged to Pinkie Pie. When had she arrived? No matter, she was here to watch gummy for the afternoon. "Oh, well... yes." Pinkie Pie's face lit up, Celestia knows why. "Well good! Thank you so so much for this by the way, with the Cakes gone for the weekend I've got a whole lot of baking to do and with this little guy eating up all the icing I'd just never get it all done in time but with you watching him it'll be super duper easy!" Pinkie Pie bounced across the road. "Well, here he is!" she whipped her mane (back and forth) launching Gummy towards Fluttershy, who scrambled to catch him. "It's no.." Pinkie Pie was already gone.

Strolling through town, Fluttershy paused. "Well, little guy, what do you want to do?" the alligator retorted with a blank stare. "Why don't we go by the river and you can swim in the water?" he tried to nibble her hoof. The river it was. She always liked the river, there were rarely other ponies here, just turtles. They kept mostly to themselves, but always came to greet the nature-loving pegasus. She sat down near the bank and and watched as gummy ran to his fellow cold-bloods.

He was greeted with a spurt of water from one of the turtle's mouths. So, it was war they wanted. He steeled himself, picking up a nearby twig, and prepared for battle. But what was this? It couldn't be... Shelly! The turtle of his dreams, his reptilian heart began to pump furiously, was she finally of age? Had she accepted his advancements from the week prior? Her gaze answered all his questions, her lashes fluttered suggestively as their eyes locked. Oh yes, he was going in for the kill, as it were.

Fluttershy covered her mouth in shock. "Not this again!" she said aloud, looking in both directions to make sure nobody heard. The scene that unfolded before her was indescribable. For heavens sake, she thought, they aren't even the same species! The whole affair was wrong, so very wrong, but... she didn't dare avert her eyes. Such passion, forbidden love, unrestrained physical expression of their heart's desires. Why couldn't she lose herself like this, she thought. Webbed feet met with loose lips, what the hell were they even doing. Her view was affixed on the ordeal, for it's entire duration. She stared. She probably should have been disgusted with herself, but ever since the night before, she looked at her critters... differently.

In fact, she looked at most everything differently now. The birds that dashed towards each other in the sky, what were they really after? Her imagination set loose a myriad of possibilities. The squirrels that chased each other about, she matched them in theoretical couples endlessly. Even some of the ponies who she knew to be good friends, she imagned something...more. She returned to Sugar Cube Corner and rang the bell, she thought she saw a blue streak dash behind the counter. Pinkie Pie opened the door. "Fluttershy! You're back early!" Pinkie Pie seemed slightly nervous, that's odd. She returned Gummy without so much as a squeak. "Well he sure looks like he tired himself out! I bet he had tons of fun playing with you! Thanks again!" Pinkie took the alligator from the mute pegasus, not thinking much of her silence. What a day.

She returned home as she always did, by herself. But today her loneliness bored deeply in to her heart. All around her, it seemed, animals and ponies alike were falling in love and yet here she was, alone. She felt... empty. Maybe that old bottle of scotch she'd been holding on to could fill her, or at least numb her. It was worth a shot, or four. She'd lost count. She sang the night away with Angel, singing the songs that only miscreants sang. Had her friends seen her, they’d have thought her possessed, in truth she felt that way herself. When finally not a drop of scotch remained she stumbled towards her bed, mumbling about being alone forever, a blur of white fur followed close behind.

The night had been a tumultuous one. Her head ached, her eyes were sore and it felt like she hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep all night. Her memory was clouded. She turned over, her eyes were met with a sly grin on Angel’s face. He lay next to her, one arm behind his head, the other holding a cigar. She slunk back, what has she gone and done now. At first it was harmless curiosity, but it didn't take long to go further. In all honesty, she didn't mind. She’d finally done something for herself for once, and it felt wonderful. Move over Snails, there was a whole forest out there just waiting to be claimed!

And claim it she would. Well, maybe not right now... she was still new to this. The next day, after feeding her critters, Fluttershy set out to the edge of the Everfree Forest, where many a strange creature called home. Hoping to catch more beasts in the act, solely for educational purposes of course, she walked along a trail in the woods. To the untrained eye, the forest was empty. No squirrels frolicked in the grass, no birds could be seen through the canvas of leaves. But Fluttershy’s eyes looked beyond the obvious, she lay down and stared at a single rock. Seconds turned in to minutes, and minutes in to a few more minutes until finally two male beetles approached each other. At last, she thought, some action!

The beetles began to sway to and fro, their small horns threatening to collide. Tiny feet stomped menacingly, but neither dared make the first move. Her gaze was unrelenting, not wanting to miss a second of the inevitable love making. But the beetles persisted in their reluctance. Maybe if she were to nudge one slightly, she thought, slowly moving a hoof forward. She tapped one of the beetles gently, as only she could, but even that was too much. It flinched and immediately dashed back in to the foliage whence it came. The other, having clearly bested his opponent, galumphed towards a nearby berry. “Oh..” said Fluttershy “they were just fighting over a berry.”

She was disappointed and decided to cut her losses and head home. Luckily for her, few ponies ventured this close to the forest, as she would be hard-pressed to answer what she’d been doing out there all alone. With her house in sight, Fluttershy let out a sigh of dissatisfaction. As she approached her home however, she noticed there were lights on and the door was ajar. With a gulp, Fluttershy nudged it open, poking her head inside and whimpering a faint “Hello?”

Her brown plumage looked beautiful in the dim glow of the fireplace. “Oh, hey dwee- I mean... hello, Fluttershy.” It was Gilda, the gryphon who had bumped in to her a number of weeks before. Her cheeks were red, was she blushing or had she drunk too much of Fluttershy’s recently purchased wine? It was hard to tell. Seeing Fluttershy look at her cheeks and looking down to the glass in her claws, Gilda pre-emptively defended herself. “I hope you don’t mind, I saw the bottle on your table and couldn’t resist a quick taste... I came here to apologize.”

Gilda explained clumsily how she’d been having a horrible day, how she’d constantly been shown up by Pinkie Pie and how horrible she’d felt after thinking it all over on her flight back to Cloudsdale. “Fluttershy, I...” Gilda began. Fluttershy knew, and liked, where this was going. She closed her eyes, she felt Gilda’s warm, fruity breath bathe her neck. It was odd, kissing a beak, but enjoyable. Just as fast as the moment had arisen, it was interrupted.

“FLUTTERSHY!?” Oh no, it couldn’t be... all of her friends gasped in unison, they’d come to throw her a surprise party per Pinkie Pie’s request. She’d seemed upset after returning Gummy, and no friend of Pinkie’s was going to be left alone! “It’s not... we were just..” Fluttershy stammered, her mind racing, heart throbbing. How was she going to get out of this one? Her friends all approached the miss matched couple, she was in for the scolding of a century, Rarity removing a whip from her saddlebags, Rainbow Dash seemed to have the most miss placed of grins, Applejack and Twilight glancing back and forth, winking. All the while Pinkie Pie bounced forward.

And then, they all fucked. The End.

Table of Contents

@