Title:           Danger Zone 1
Author:          writer_
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/pnvr4ig9
First Edit:      Tuesday 5th of November 2013 02:52:15 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 5th of November 2013 02:52:15 PM CDT

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Danger Zone [Female Earth Pony] 11/05/13(Tue)14:07 No.14389623
Replies: >>14389652 >>14389751 >>14389805 >>14389822
 
    >>14389114
    During my time as an Equestrian, I have concluded that there are only two things that I could possibly want from this place:
 
    A horn, so that I might discover the incredible world of magic, both innate and learned,
 
    Or a set of wings, so that I could fly over the earth like I'm dreaming.
 
    Unfortunately, I have neither of these things. Dually unfortunately, I also have had my manhood removed. I've already raised the matter with Princess Celestia. In fact, it was one of the very first things I did after our little 'Equestrian citizenship ceremony.'
 
    And do you want to know what she said? This all-powerful sun god, who - no joke, can literally move the sun around - claimed she could no more change my gender then she could change my apparent absence of POSSIBLY THE ONLY TWO THINGS IN THIS SHITHOLE THAT ARE OF ANY VALUE WHATSOEVER
 
    I've taken to chronicling what I see around me. It's properly fucking hard to write with a pencil in your mouth, but I'm getting the hang of it. Wide, sweeping strokes, says Moon Chaser. Be calm, Danger, she says. Relax your shoulders, Danger. Breathe in. Breathe out. You're awfully tense, Danger. Stop staring at me like that.
 
    Maybe I wouldn't be so tense if I was at home. At least there my prospects were promising. For one, I was a man. I'm not sure how gender stereotypes work around here, but I doubt I'm going to get a decent job here.
 
    Huh. Come to think of it, odds are that Moon Chaser was a guy at some point too...
 
    Christ, that is absolutely hysterical.
 
    Anyway. My lips are getting sore. I guess I'm going to go and find something to do before I die of boredom.
 
 
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Danger Zone [Female Earth Pony] 11/05/13(Tue)14:25 No.14389822
Replies: >>14389852 >>14389995 >>14390009
 
    >>14389623 (You)
    So I did a little poking around this makeshift town that everybody - sorry, every*pony* - is so harmoniously and industriously working away at.
 
    And I really don't have a clue why they're bothing. I mean, we're just playing pioneer here, aren't we? That's what the absence of any proper houses and the term 'frontier' means in my mind, though obviously the Equestrian frontier is just a teensy bit different to your human frontier.
 
    Although it does have American Indians, from what I can understand.
 
    I was some way away from the half-built town when I discovered this fact. About two miles to the south, there's a camp of them. Well, miles, or kilometres, or furlongs, or whatever they use here. What was I doing so far out of town? Well, my resolve to ignore Moon Chaser could only go so long. It was at some point between her instructional on 'how to be an earth pony' and her attempts to make me laugh with a joke that I decided to take five. There was a very faint urge to start killing and not stop, so I went for a walk. A long one.
 
    Although it's not just Moon Chaser that annoys the shit out of me, though. It's her bestie, Starfire.
 
    Starfire is also an Earth Mare. Like me, she has recieved the short end of the evolutionary stick, but like Moon Chaser, she doesn't seem to realise it. She has this blind insistence on being happy and building up 'her new home', which I get of course, but it doesn't make it any less weird.
 
    I mean, it's weird, isn't it? I'm not wrong in saying that, am I? That someone could just vanish from their world and re-appear in another entirely different one, transfigured and transgendered?
 
    It has to be weird. How could it not be? I'm only slightly crazy at the worst of times. If anything, I'm starting to think that's it might NOT be weird, because nobody in and around town really seems to acknowledge the fact that they've just been changed into a small, sapient equine.
 
    Which brings me back to the Buffalo, who are neither small or equine.
 
 
 
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Danger Zone [Female Earth Pony] 11/05/13(Tue)14:42 No.14390009
Replies: >>14390247
 
    >>14389822 (You)
    Their leader is a spiritual sort of buffalo, and yes, the absurdity of noting the features of an otherwise emotionless animal is not lost on me. I am a horse.
 
    His name is Wakan Tanka, and he does not seem to trust earth ponies at all. In fact, no sooner had I strolled over to their little collection of tall, conical tents of furskin then I was treated to at least half-a-dozen stone spears being jabbed in my direction.
 
    It was a dumb thing to do in hindsight. I just sort of walked into their camp. I'm not even sure why I did it. Maybe, after two weeks of Equestria, my mind is trying to get my body to do itself in. Maybe then we'll stop having this crazy dream.
 
    Wakan Tanka emerged from his tent, and he gave me a strange look. I gave him a strange look back.
 
    "How," I said neutrally, raising a hoof.
 
    He smirked back at me, and raised an eyebrow.
 
    "What are you doing here, stranger?"
 
    He spoke perfect English. Or Equestrian, rather. I hadn't thought of that, either. That he might speak something other then English. Or Equestrian. I mean, American Indians didn't speak English back in the frontier days, did they?
 
    And they were definitely some kind of Indian tribe. It wasn't just the tents that had my pony brain a tingling. The males - bulls, as they prefer - wear chokers of jagged rocks and crystals. Wakan Tanka wears a headdress comprised of many things, which include eagle feathers, beads, and - most worryingly - a skull.
 
    It's not a pony skull, he tells me. That comes as some relief. He dismisses his men - his braves? - and strikes up a conversation with me.
 
    It seems that Buffalo are generally peaceful. Unlike the natives of the real-world, they are generally fine with the fact that there's somewhere in the area of a hundred little ponies calmly building a town inside what must be their territory.
 
    "The land is to share," says Wakan Tanka. "And my tribe knew of your forecoming, she who would be called 'Danger Zone.'"
 
 
Danger Zone [Female Earth Pony] 11/05/13(Tue)15:01 No.14390247
Replies: >>14390387
 
    >>14390009 (You)
    That's disturbing, I know. I asked him if they heard she who would be called Moon Dancer flapping her jaw from all the way over here.
 
    The response was laughter, which was a good sign. Wakan Tanka explained that this is not the case, and then asked me if I would care to eat.
 
    What's the deal with the sudden kindness, I ask. Aren't I a little too much of a stranger?
 
    "No," he replies slowly, blinking at me with wispy grey eyes. "Stranger is our name for a pony from far away places. And as I said, we were aware of your coming, she who would be called Danger Zone."
 
    He seemed to be very interested in me. We sat and ate fresh coal-bread, and spoke about the pony encampment down the road, which did not seem to bother him unduly. By that point I'd realised my place as a guest, and I'd refrained from asking him too much more about too many spooky details, like how he knew my name before I even told him.
 
    Oh god, I just realised something. I'm a woman in this world. I casually strolled into a camp-full of bulls - most of whom seemed to be on the broader side of 'strapping' - and out again.
 
    What if it had been a clever ruse? What if they were chasing after... well, things that a bull would want? I sure didn't see many women in that camp. "Off picking berries with the children," Wakan Tanka said. Riiiight...
 
    Well, I'm here now, aren't I? I'm still alive and well. I haven't been turned into a damsel in distress, and there was no evidence to suggest that the buffalo cared about me at all. But it does remind me how blissfully oblivious to my own safety I am, sometimes.
 
    I mean, I have a red tail. My tail is RED. And, judging from a few disgusting moments involving one of Celestia's guards - what was his name, Flash something or other? - I'd willingly stake my bet that I'm probably decent-looking.
 
    Wakan Tanka didn't seem to share Flash's passion, though. He was too busy throwing powders onto the fire, and murmuring to himself about prophecies...
 
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Danger Zone [Female Earth Pony] 11/05/13(Tue)15:14 No.14390387
 
    >>14390247 (You)
    I ask him what he's doing, and he ignores me for a moment. He continues throwing hoof-fulls of powder onto the fire, half-singing and half-chanting to himself. After a solid five minutes of this, he finally stops, and looks up at me again.
 
    "I have communed with the spirits, she who would be called Danger Zone." he smiles at me. "They have given me sight beyond sight."
 
    The urge to crack a thundercats joke was sore, but I didn't bother. He wouldn't get it anyway.
 
    "They tell me of your home, she who would be called Danger Zone. Not the home into which you been pushed, but the home from where you have come..."
 
    Holy shit. I freeze up a little and stare at him when he says that. Tiny shivers of electricity run up my spine as he gives me a dead, glazed-over look with those weary, grey eyes.
 
    And that's when I realise.
 
    I wave a hoof at him. He doesn't respond. I move the hoof a little closer to his face and waggle it slightly.
 
    He's blind. Wakan Tanka can't see.
 
    "The one who would be called Kenny Loggins appears to have much importance to you, she who would be called Danger Zone."
 
    "Too right," I reply, retracting the hoof before he somehow notices. "What do the spirits say about getting me back to my home, though?"
 
    He pauses, glancing back down at the fire. It still flickers green, but I doubt he can see it.
 
    "The spirits say you must find peace before you may travel between the planes," Wakan Tanka says.
 
    "I'm sorry?" I reply. "Planes? Travelling?"
 
    "Yes," he says softly. "Yes, I understand now."
 
    "Please feel free to enlighten m-URK!"
 
    Wakan Tanka grabs my hoof and yanks me forward, throwing some powder into my face as he does so. I cough and sneeze a good deal of it back at him, and he lets go, still staring vaguely at the fire.
 
    "They say only that, she who would be called Danger Zone," he murmurs quietly. "The spirits say no more to me this day."
 
    I depart Wakan Tanka's company shortly after. There's powder in my mane and I look like a coke addict.
 
 
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last for now Danger Zone [Female Earth Pony] 11/05/13(Tue)15:34 No.14390641
 
    I come back to the would-be village. It's evening by now. Moon Chaser doesn't notice me, and I'm glad she's too busy being a thick-headed nerdlet know-it-all, for once.
 
    I brush into Feather Duster on the way into my tent. He gives me a pained look, like I've hurt him or something.
 
    Or her. He, she, whatever. Even if you don't take what he might be into account, he's still pretty androgynous. With a mane like that, I really can't tell.
 
    Sleep takes a long time to find. Not only is it uncomfortable on the cot that Moon Chaser has so selflessly provided for fresh arrivals, but my brain's doing 2000rpm trying to remember what Wakan Tanka said.
 
    I don't bring it up with anyone in the village. In fact, as far as participating in the village life goes, I'm as automated as always. All I do is lug tools and shit back and forth. It's incredibly easy for me to do, and while it's not the most rewarding of jobs, the others seem grateful and it gives me precious time to think.
 
    There's a would-be Doctor around called Liven Up. I say 'would-be' because he keeps trying to pep-talk me into smiling more often.
 
    "We all come from faraway places," he says to me after work one day. "And we've all had to adjust to new faces. Don't you think it would be nice, if you smiled once or twice?"
 
    "You sound like a twat," I snark. He gives me a sulky look.
 
    "Hey! Rhyming is harder then it looks, alright?"
 
    And then he stalks off. If pony's tails could stand on end, I'd swear his would have.
 
    Anyway. I didn't get any more thought done on what Wakan had to say. I mention to Moon Chaser that there's a tribe of Buffalo down the road, but she seems to have forgotten who I am, so that's fine. Annoying little bookworm.
 
    I go and lounge by the central campfire for once after work. The ponies that are regulars there give me curious looks, but they soon return to their own chatterings.
 
    I lie on my stomach and think about pony things. I fall asleep by the communal fire, wondering if I'll ever get home.