Title:           Nightmare stars Revenge
Author:          notkickass222urmom
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/AF98MQHA
First Edit:      Monday 26th of May 2014 07:50:05 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 26th of May 2014 07:50:05 PM CDT

>Title: Nightmare Star’s Revenge
The author’s nickname is indeed Nightmare Star, so this is a straight up self-insert.
He actually says in the comments that he wrote this as a backstory for his OC.
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>Cover art: http://www.fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/79218.png?1359068332
Nightmare Star thought that the only picture capable of encompassing the sheer emotions contained inside this fic was his own profile fic.
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> Length: 1,003 words
Funny thing, he wrote the first chapter on the 24th of January, which had a length of 586 words. But since the minimum length for publishing a story is 1000 words, he wrote a second chapter… On the 31st of January, a full week later, and what’s more:
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>Status: Incomplete
It’s with great pain that I inform you that we will never know the outcome of Nightmare Star’s quest.
Will he ever fulfill his revenge? Will he ever find closure? Will he ever start a new life and find peace?
We will never know.
Those of you that dislike abandoned fics may want to steer clear.
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> Tags
>>Romance
In the span of one thousand words, someone will fall for Nightmare Star. I predict that it will happen by the 400th word mark.
>>Tragedy
We all know what the real Tragedy here is.
That Nightmare Star will never finish his journey.
>>Dark
Well, it’s a Revenge story, of course it will bedark, and I’d be disappointed otherwise.
>>Adventure
Oh, great. We’ll follow Star on every step of his search for justice.
 
 
 
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> Synopsis: This is a story where once friendly Nightmare Star is sent to live on the stars for 1,000,000 years and has come back for some great revenge.
This is the equivalent of those montages some movies have during the opening credits to explain the events leading up to the movie.
So, this guy here was trapped in the stars for nine hundred ninety nine thousand years before Celestia and Luna found the Elements of Harmony. I think it’s safe to assume that anyone on whom you could get revenge is already gone, Star.
Unless, of course, you’re just trying to one up Luna’s backstory, in which case it makes no god damned sense.
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> Synopsis 2
Yeah, FiMfiction gives two synopsis for every story, a large one and a small one for compact view.
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> This time Celestia will die.
Unlike last time, I assume. Will you ever tell us what happened that time?
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> (writers stuff) Please excuse grammar problems im very lazy :D.
Awful grammar and laziness are not related.
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> Chapter 1: A Surprise Visit
You mean that there’s not a prophecy foretelling the return of Nightmare Star?
Then again, I doubt any kind of warning would have survived one million years of exposure.
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> It was over Nightmare Moon was gone.
Oh, so this takes place immediately after Luna was purified by the Elements.
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> they
This “they” refers to the Mane 6, Celestia and the recently defeated Luna, I presume.
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> were surprised to see to 3 ponies 2 medium size one the size of Celestia
Oh, you mean Nightmare Star didn’t come alone?
Apparently he was imprisoned alongside other two ponies. Do I smell a Superman II reference?
I will assume that Nightmare Star is the pony that is the same size as Celestia and the two other ponies are his cohorts.
 
 
 
…
> when the dust cleared they were even more surprised to see of them looking strangely kin
Oh, if they look kin, then that must mean they’re family, I wonder what they did to get incarcerated in the stars.
Well, just one way of knowing! Let’s keep reading.
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> one got up to help the others up saying get up mainshep
Ah, now we know the name of one of the other ponies. “Mainshep”
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> you to luna then
Oh, they’re coming after Luna!
How could they know about her if they’ve been imprisoned in the stars for so long?
Wait, imprisoned in the stars? I know I've heard something like that before... but where?
Hold on…
“Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape”
Oh, I get it!
Nightmare Star and the others were aware of Luna’s banishment to the moon, and aided her escape one thousand years later, since it would help them escape as well and carry their revenge.
In fact, it’s quite possible that they influenced Luna in such a way that it would lead to her imprisonment. Knowing about her connection with the moon, Nightmare and his brothers planned everything so Luna would grow bitter and turn into Nightmare Moon.
Just look at the names, Nightmare Moon is obviously an expy of Nightmare Star, she was a pawn in their game all this time
This is brilliant!
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> mainshep says while getting up does it look like I love the ground Nightmare
Oh, I see that Mainshep and Nightmare have a close relationship, like two brothers that usually tease each other. It’s a nice touch.
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> Then Nightmare noticed the other 7 just starring at them with unexplainable faces.
Normally I’d say that the “unexplainable faces” thing is lazy writing, but in this case it seems appropriate. They’re just witnessing the return of a millennial mastermind.
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> the star ponies are back home
Ah, so their race is called the “star ponies”, I wonder what lore will accompany these mythical creatures.
 
 
 
…
> also then Nightmare star snapping back at her that they had names.
And he seems to have learnt their names just by snapping back at them. That’s some serious use of telepathy.
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> Then readdressing them well it looks like Nightmare Star and Mainshep have come back home to
The Mane 6 have just defeated Nightmare Moon, they’re spent! Of course Nightmare Star would choose this very moment to attack.
What about the other one? You said that three ponies appeared. Is he or she hiding and keeping an eye on everything, just to be sure? That’s a good strategy.
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> You want a present looking like he was about to attack.
He’s cocky. It makes sense, as he is so damned powerful.
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> Everyone glaring at him because of his Very deep voice.
I think the “very” was capitalized to emphasize the deepness of Nightmare Star’s voice.
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> I still remember how mother and father told you to end my life and right there
You’re Celestia’s brother? So all of you are family?
Damn, this is getting medieval.
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> you did but something happened
Well, she didn’t do a very good job, did she?
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> and nobody liked who they saw NIGHTMARE STAR me in my Nightmare Form
They had you killed for no discernable reason, the anger turned you into a Nightmare creature, and they had the guts to dislike you? Damn, your family sucks.
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> everyone scared to death
They couldn’t deal with what they did to you. It was their fault that you became Nightmare Star.
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> you all sent me to the star
It took the Elements of Harmony to banish Luna, but it took an entire family of Alicorns to send Nightmare Star to the stars.
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> DO YOU KNOW WHAT HELL MY LIFE HAS BEEN
I can imagine. Spending a million years on a star…
The light alone must make sleeping very uncomfortable, and don't get me started on the extreme temperature.
 
 
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> they saw the darkness in me in the future FROM THERE MISTAKE
Damn these alicorns with their clairvoyance.
But you still haven’t told us what made them want to kill you, Nightmare, are you saving the reveal for later?
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> but now now In more than one form.
Oh, so Mainshep and the other one are manifestations of Nightmare Star? That would explain the kinship.
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> We all could have lived such a great life but YOU LISTENED AND KILLED YOUR TWIN.
Oh, he’s her twin brother! You killed your own twin, Celestia? That’s cold.
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> now let me give some of your Great Friends some knowledge
Great! Nightmare’s Star backstory.
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> After killing me I was taken and given another chance FOR MY OWN SOUL I was told to never forgive and forget all of the things done Mom and Dad hated me you were both loved
So there’s even a more powerful entity beyond Nightmare Star, who offered a chance at vengeance for the cost of his soul.
That means that he did a deal with the devil for the chance to kill his parents and twin sister.
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> For injustice I was forgiven
And the devil took pity on him, and really, who wouldn’t.
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> Now You 6 In the past I worked in a place called the Rainbow Factory
But how could you have worked in the Rainbow Factory if you were trapped in the stars?
Unless you had a pony avatar back in Equestria, that could explain how you knew about your little sister Luna getting banished to the moon, and plotted a way of releasing himself once his sister got free.
This actually sheds some light on the show’s lore.
The reason why “the stars” would aid on Nightmare Moon’s escape is because his older brother would seek her to release himself.
 
 
 
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> One of you were born there
I haven’t read Rainbow Factory, but I assume it was either Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy who was born there.
Normally I’d be against an author using another piece of fiction to serve as a complement to their own stories, but this one is dishing out some pretty good theories and headcanon, so I’ll let it slide.
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> after discovery I was Sentenced to death BY MY OWN PARENTS
So, was this discovered by his pony avatar, or by him looking into the future?
I think both are plausible, but I want to give the future prediction postulate a bit more thought. His parents were able to see his future, and that’s why they killed him, so they could avoid the birth of Nightmare Night.
But, in killing them, they caused their son to become the very thing they feared.
Truly, one finds their destiny in the roads they take to avoid it.
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> now I know Mainshep is about to side with Celestia and one of you want to side with me.
Super double twist!
He knows that Mainshep was going to betray him, this gives some credibility to the idea that he can see into the future, and he also knows that one of the Mane Six is going to betray the rest.
Now, back on that first point, if he knew beforehand that Mainshep was going to betray him, and it’s been established that he’s a manifestation of Nightmare Star’s will, it would make sense for Star to have somehow projected all of his weakness and defects on him, so it would be easier to defeat him.
Following that line of thought, if he knew which one of the mane six would join his side he could plan a way of using that to his advantage, playing the lack of said element against the rest of the bearers.
Kudos, Nightmare Star that is a pretty damned good plan.
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> I don’t know who though
Sure you don’t, Nightmare. I see what you’re doing here. Playing it cool
Nicely done.
 
 
 
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> if you want to help me get my justice I will keep the same rules and raise the sun and moon
So, he’s willing to not alter the status quo after he carries out his revenge. That seems fair to the rest of Equestria.
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> (Rainbow Dash) ME! “GASP”
You cunning devil… Take the element of Loyalty. By betraying her element, you’ll plant the seed of doubt among the rest, thus weakening the link each of them has with their Element.
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> everyone but Nightmare and Rainbow Dash look astonished at Rainbow Dash and the Alicorn Nightmare)
See? Nightmare Star knew about this all along. It’s all part of his master plan.
But what’s even more surprising is that Rainbow Dash isn’t surprised either.
I can think of only two possibilities, either Nightmare Star’s power was enough to sway Rainbow Dash, or she was also prophesized to aid him on his revenge.
And of course they don’t look astonished at Rainbow Dash and Nightmare Star, they’re the ones that are being looked!
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> (RainbowDash) Just don't hurt my friends please
Even under the influence of a million year old villain, Rainbow Dash still cares for the safety of her friends.
Is that great in-character writing, or what?
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> (Nightmare) As you wish Thank you for helpfulness and understanding.
Oh, Star. Ever the gentleman.
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> only one hurt will be celestia
See, he doesn’t even want to hurt poor Luna, because he knows that she is innocent.
Every sentence adds a layer of depth to this already compelling character.
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> if you want to see how much of good idea that was fire a friendship rainbow at me
I hope he’s not being overconfident, I’d hate to see his adventure cut short.
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> I won’t dodge or anything and I Won’t be hurt.
Cocky attitude again, this is a great consistent characterization.
 
 
 
> (Rainbow Dash) are you sure it took out Nightmare Moon?
Of course Rainbow Dash would be worried, she is still loyal, just that she is now loyal to Nightmare Star!
And I regret to say that we passed the 400 word mark and still no romance, he must be saving it for later.
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> (Nightmare Star) Yeah im sure go ahead.
He’s so sure of himself.
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> Silence as the fire at him not doing anything to him.
Their only weapon has not worked against the mighty Nightmare Star. What will they do now?
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> (Nightmare Star) Didn’t Hurt hehe.
Don’t you just love cocky protagonists such as this?
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> (Celestia) This is madness Nightmare there doesn’t need to be any more fighting.
It’s a bit too late for that, Celestia. You tried to kill him, and now you shot him with a friendship rainbow!
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> (Nightmare Star) Hm easy for you to say. Come on Rainbow Dash when your ready
Ow, he’s going to let her say goodbye. He’s so considerate!
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> (Whispers where he will be at and leaves)
Oh, you teaser, you.
You just want to keep us hooked to your story, but the story itself is so good you don’t have to resort to that!
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> (Fluttershy) Well Rainbow Dash if its ok but why are you going with that mean pony
The ever so kind Fluttershy. Thanks for your comprehension.
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> (Rainbow Dash) I don’t know it just feels right
It sure does, Dash. It sure does.
 
 
 
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> (Twilight sparkle) But Rainbow Dash he wants to hurt us.
No he doesn’t, Twilight. He just wants revenge on Celestia.
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> (Rainbow Dash) he doesn’t want to hurt us he wants revenge on Celestia
See? Rainbow Dash was paying attention.
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> im leaving now I don’t want anymore of this
You’re right. If they can’t see the benefits of siding with Nightmare Star, then they don’t deserve your friendship.
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> (Applejack) Woo nelly you aren’t going know where.
You can’t stop them, Applejack, and she ‘does’ know where she is going. Nightmare Star whispered the location to her.
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> Rainbow dash) There my wings.
Yes, there they are.
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> i’l go were I want.
No, you’ll go where Nightmare Star wants.
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> were going above the Celestia!
That’s right, you’re going to transcend that traitor.
 
 
 
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> Chapter 2: The Beast Inside
Ah, we will get a taste of Nightmare Star’s true power.
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> Nightmare Mumbling as Rainbow dash entered the cold dark room.
A million years in isolation must have been very hard on his psyche. Look at him, he’s just sitting there, mumbling in a dark room.
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> (Rainbow Dash) Is there any lights?
> (Nightmare Star) No but i can make some fire
> (Poof) fire
Look how the story keeps us intrigued, did he use magic? Or was it somehow else that he created this fire? All that we got to see was a poof and then some fire.
Either that or there’s a character named Poof that came in to say “fire”. This Poof pony might as well be the third pony that came with Nightmare Star, alongside Mainshep.
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> (Rainbow Dash awed in amazement) Wow how you do that
Oh, so it isn’t magic. Otherwise, Rainbow Dash wouldn’t have been amazed. She is used to Unicorn magic, after all.
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> (Nightmare Star) Perk of having a heart of fire.
Yours truly is a heart of fire, and I wouldn’t expect less from someone who has spent a million years in exile.
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> (Rainbow Dash) Was that a metaphor?
> (Nightmare Star) No.
Of course it isn’t, Dashie.
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> (Rainbow Dash) Im kind of getting
> (Nightmare Star) me to
Another demonstration of Nightmare Star’s psychic abilities. He knows how Rainbow Dash feels before she even finishes her sentence.
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> and sorry I don’t have anything for us I MEAN you to sleep on.
Oh, he slipped. It seems that he has feelings for Dash.
And he is quite direct too, he’s straight up telling her to sleep with him. Then again, you’d also be direct if you were a near-omnipotent creature that has lived for more than a million years.
 
 
 
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> I don’t have any bits.
Of course he doesn’t, he just returned from exile.
Also, it’s good to know that economy in Equestria has remained stable enough for over a million years so they still use the same currency.
I wonder if he can contact his pony avatar currently living in Equestria.
I would also like to note that he is showing quite a lot of restraint by not just barging into a house and demanding to use it. It shows that he only cares about his revenge, but doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone.
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> (Rainbow Dash) Its alright you don’t have control of that.
If you only knew, Rainbow.
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> (Nightmare Star) Well I got an idea (Flies out of the cave and then comes back with a cloud). There something softer than the ground.
How considerate of him. Getting a cloud so Rainbow Dash wouldn’t have to sleep on the ground.
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> (Rainbow Dash) Thanks Nightmare (Smiling back to him)
She is clearly moved by this selfless gesture. I think the romance is a’coming!
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> (Nightmare Star) anything for a friend of mine.
Good move, become her friend first.
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> Oh wait sorry you barely know me.
Nightmare Star has realised the flaw in their relationship, and he is willing to help them.
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> (Rainbow Dash) Well I am helping you get revenge. thats a friend in my book.
> (Nightmare Star giving a little grin)
You can just feel the sheer camaraderie between these two. I look forward to the future of this relationship.
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> (Rainbow Dash) Well Good Night
> (Nightmare Star) Good Night (Saying under his breath) buddy...
I think I was too haste to call this a romance.
After all, Nightmare Star has been on his own for a million years. Mainshep and Poof were just constructs of his mind.
All he really wants is a friend…
And to get Revenge on Celestia, that too.
 
 
 
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> (Next day)
Great, the plot is moving forward.
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> (Rainbow Dash) SHHHH don't wake him up
> (Pinkie Pie) IM SORRY RAINBOW DASH
Oh, classic Pinkie Pie. If the rest are here too? Were they following Rainbow Dash?
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> (Nightmare Star) waa huh HEY BACK OFF
Yeah! Have some respect for Equestria’s soon to be ruler.
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> (Twilight Sparkle) We don't want to hurt you
Excellent, they’ve learned to embrace the future promised by Nightmare Star.
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> (Nightmare Star Goes invisible)
Is there no end to the vast array of abilities Nightmare Star possesses?
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> (Twilight Sparkle) You Tell us he could do that
But how could have Rainbow Dash know about that? Much less tell the re—
Oh, no. Was Rainbow Dash spying on Nightmare Star?
Of course! It’s so obvious now. She is the element of Loyalty, of course she wouldn’t betray her friends. She came with Nightmare Star to spy on him and feed information to the girls.
This story has so many layers.
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> (Rainbow Dash) all I know is he can make fire out of thin air
Twilight almost blew your cover, so Rainbow Dash obviously has to play it cool.
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> (Nightmare Star) I hate spies.
And who doesn’t?
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> (Rainbow Dash) Im not a spy. come out they want to help us.
Could it be? Have they finally realised that Nightmare Star is the way to go?
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> (Rarity) Can we hurry this up there is dirt everywhere.
Because Rarity dislikes dirty places. See? Even characters with minor roles get consistent characterization close to their canon counterparts.
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> (Twilight Sparkle) Are friend made a decision. may have been a dumb decision, but we are friends that what we do.
That’s right. That’s what friendship is all about sticking with the other through dumb decisions.
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> if your her friend then your are friends to.
“The friend of my friend is my friend”? It’s a nice turn on an old cliché.
 
 
 
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> (Nightmare Star de cloaks and says) Well then I guess your my friends then.
Now everyone can be part of Nightmare Star’s entourage!
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> You are?
Let’s begin with the introdutions.
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> (Fluttershy) flu flu fluttershy
Fluttershy is a shy pony.
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> (Nightmare giving his hoof out) Nice to meet you.
And to deal with this, Nightmare Star acts friendly and not threatening. Good to know his social skills aren’t rusted after a million years.
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> (the rest of them giving him there names him shaking there hoof then Twilight suggesting showing Nightmare Ponyville)
Oh, I see we may get a bit of Slice of Life before continuing with the adventure.
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> Nightmare Star) Wow things really changed, but after a millions years thats what you got to expect.
And it seems Nightmare Star had reasonable expectations of what he would find.
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> (Rainbow Dash) What was it like back then.
Oh, great! Worldbuilding.
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> (Nightmare Star) Paradise Fields of green grass, Rivers, Trees all the wonders you could think of just waiting for you.
It truly seems paradisiac. I can imagine I’m there just by closing my eyes…
What could have happened to this veritable Heaven on Earth?
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> Till Celestia killed them.
Celestia, that back-stabber…
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> (Rainbow Dash) Who
> (Nightmare Star) My friends are brothers and sisters merciless killing spree.
How could she? Was she really so devoted to her parents that she carried that horrible fratricide and doomed his twin brother to a lifetime of isolation among the stars?
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> I CANT LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am with you, Nightmare, you should get to the bottom of this!
…
Sadly, this is where the story ends so we will never know how the story ends.
Truly this will stand tall amongst other unfinished works such as Mark Twain’s “The Mysterious Stranger” and most of Franz Kafka’s works.
It’s with great pain that I mourn the loss of a great creator.
May you be prolific in whatever path you’ve chosen, Nightmare Star.
