Title:           LtD 73-76
Author:          notkickass222urmom
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/QtgqVTcB
First Edit:      Wednesday 28th of May 2014 08:45:48 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Wednesday 28th of May 2014 08:45:48 AM CDT

>>Chapter 73 - Part 1
…
> Title: Mr. Stoner teacher man
I want to believe that Greg actually thinks in a series of loosely related words.
…
> I hate waking up early... especially to go to school.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO—Ugh, what’s the point?
…
> I smiled. Twilight was still in the bed, good. Maybe I can get some cuddling in before I have to leave.
Twilight is still sleeping with her colt husband, it seems.
…
> A smile formed on my face... but then it began to fade.
Weren’t you already smiling?
…
> I reached up and pulled the covers down. I then looked up at Twilight.... only to let out a terrified scream.
Hey, if Twilight can wake up to you every day and not scream in unending horror, then you can hold it in too.
…
> Mr. Bleak sat up and stretched out his forelegs. He then looked at me, a smile on his face, "Good morning Lance, how did you sleep?"
Ack! What the hell, man? Why is the detention overseer in bed with Lance? Four year old Lance, may I add.
…
> I just stared at the bed, a terrified look on my face, "W-Wha... why are you in my bed?! How did you get in my house?! Why?!"
Why were you in the same bed as a little kid?
 
…
> He then strolled around the bed and smiled down at me, "I have my ways."
Does that mean that this isn’t the first time you’ve done something like this?
Oh my God, this guy is creepy.
…
> "Now tell me, why was you in my bed?"
> He grinned, "Because I knew you would be creeped out."
Sure, tell that to the cops. I’m sure they’ll believe you.
…
> "... I hate you."
> He chuckled, "If you say so Lance."
What? How does he know about Lance’s real name?
…
> He smiled, "That is best not answered."
What, too convoluted even for this story?
…
> “I know all about you. How you're not a pony, I know that you're married and have a kid, I know you're not a young colt, and I even know all about your life on earth."
Then you should know that he shouldn’t be going to school and you should leave him alone, right?
 
 
 
>>Chapter 73 - Part 2
…
> He smiled and tapped his head.
He… reads minds?
…
> {What did he do?}
<He copied our memories to his.... How?>
How do you know that’s what he did? Mind-reading sounds much more plausib—Oh, that’s why. Mind reading would have made too much sense.
…
> A sudden flash filled the room and I soon found myself looking at the school building.
Oh, just when we thought we could actually learn something about Mr. Bleak that isn’t deeply disturbing.
Hey, what happened to Twilight? Why would she agree to let Mr. Bleak do this? Did he tie her and threw her in the basement?
…
> [Greg] was dressed in a blue business suit with a black tie. His normally straight hair was combed up and held in place by what looked to be hair gel. He had on a pair of square glasses also.
Apparently, Lance beat up Greg so much that he became a nerd.
…
> To say the least, he looked like a modeled citizen... that's never going to happen.
And you say that despite it happening right now, in front of you.
…
Here’s what suited Greg looks like: http://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i456/kurtisawsome/TeacherGreg.png
In case you thought normal Greg wasn't jarring enough. Though, truth be told, he just looks silly this way.
…
> He smiled and adjusted his glasses, "Well, you see my dear lad, I'm going to be a good stallion today and teach you children about life and business.
You know nothing about life and/or business. You spend your days slacking around and smoking pot, those are your character traits.
…
> I sighed, "You just ruined the day for me."
Weird, I thought that waking up next to a grown man that knew everything about you would ruin your day, but apparently sober Greg is worse.
…
> "I'm sorry my boy. Now come, lets get in there and show them what its like to work in business."
What do you know about business? Did the Cakes made you the manager of Sugar Cube corner after you started dating Pinkie?
 
 
 
>>Chapter 73 - Part 3
…
> I walked down the rolls of seats to my seat. Halfway there, a hoof shots out and trips me.
Really? Someone dared to mess with Lance even after yesterday’s bully debacle?
…
> I turn to see Butch and Hardhoof giving each other a high hoof. (High five?)
Oh, good. Bring back that dumb running gag, because this chapter wasn’t asinine enough on its own.
…
> [Cheerilee] then looked up and smiled, "Today class, Stripes's Uncle will be talking to you all about business."
Really, what does the stoner know about business? Was he an entrepreneur on Earth? Why wasn’t that mentioned before?
…
> Greg only smiled and turned to Miss Cherilee, "You can go now. I'm going to teach them for a while."
Oh, I see. He’s just pretending to be well adjusted to get a room full of four year olds high, if last chapter’s title was any indication.
…
> His horn began to glow brightly. He pointed it at her and shot out a small beam.
> It hit her and she collapsed.
“Hey, kids. I just assaulted your teacher, but let’s keep this between us, ok?”
…
> He grabbed his glasses and threw them across the room, where they smashed against the wall. he then messed up his hair till it fell back to its normal place. Next, he tore the suit off his body and tossed it aside,
Did he really have to break the suit and the glasses? I assume those weren’t his, either.
…
> "Now, who wants to have some fun!"
Yes, let’s have some fun with Uncle Greg.
First Lance, then Mr. Bleak and now Greg. Why is everyone giving off these pedo vibes?
…
> Greg pulled out a blunt and puffed on it, "Lets get this party started!"
Why in the name of hell did Kickass222urmom thought it would be a good idea to do this?
It’s fun when it’s done in movies and TV shows because those are usually done with high school kids, but these are a bunch of, and I quote, four year olds. Seriously, what the hell?
 
 
 
>>Chapter 73 - Part 4
…
> "First off, I'm going to teach you about the pony body."
Again. They’re a bunch of our year olds, very impressionable four year olds.
Why are you showing them porn?
…
> The picture being shown was of... how do I say this? Break, can you explain this one?
Does this count as a 4th-wall break? Lance’s thoughts are worded as if he was speaking to someone.
…
> [Holy shit! Princess Celestia eating out Princess Luna! Fucking wingboner's all around!]
Yeah, I’m sure there are laws against showing porn to minors. Which Greg continues to do.
…
> I heard a small gasp at the front of the class, "That's my sister!"
In case you are wondering, Greg is currently showing Sweetie Belle and her entire class a picture of Big Mac having anal sex with Rarity.
Yeah, her school life is now over, but it’s ok if you get your kicks out of it, Greg.
…
> Greg, your traumatizing those poor ponies.
Kickass222urmom thought this would be funny.
He wrote and posted this chapter, and I’m sure everyone just laughed it off and just went with it.
And before you go on saying “Ugh, you’re such a prude” let me show you the next line of text.
…
> Sweetie Belle looked horrified.
Kickass222urmom is emphasizing how this is making the children uncomfortable. He is writing lines that clearly state that what Greg is doing is making them feel awkward.
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> One of the ponies held up a hoof. When I looked to see who it was, I recognized him. Pipsqueak.
> "Mr. Haze, I don't really understand this."
“Why are you doing this to us, mister Haze? Why must you so forcefully take away our innocence?”
 
 
 
>>Chapter 73 - Part 5
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> He then levitated Miss Cherilee's unconscious body up to the desk and laid it over it.
Yes, just to drive his point home, whichever that one is, Greg will now have sex with an unconscious Cheerilee.
Because showing them a picture of a Big Mac x Rarity x Break threesome and another one of Lance and Twilight wasn’t enough.
Also, he had planned on Ms. Cheerilee leaving him alone with the kids. How was he going to demonstrate this if she was out? Was he going to have sex with one of the fillies?
…
> [This would be hot... but its not when Greg is involved...]
So, having sex with unwilling, unknowing and unconscious people is ok, except when you don’t like who’s doing the fucking?
Go to hell, Kickass222urmom.
…
> "OH PLEASE CELESTIA! NO MORE!" I heard one of them say.
So, that makes assault, rape, and abuse of minors the list of felonies Greg has committed today.
Also, Jesus fucking Christ, they’re asking you to stop, god damn it.
…
> Greg chuckled and opened the duffelbag, "Next up is a even funner topic."
Just in case rape isn’t your thing, kids.
…
> He pulled out a few objects and a... oh no... a bong.
Lance is supposed to be held down by Greg’s Magic.
Why is that a problem? He had no problem beating Greg a couple of chapters ago. And he can still go in Breaking Dawn mode, so there’s no excuse for him not to do anything.
I guess Kickass222urmom doesn’t want anything to interfere with however you can call what’s happening here.
…
> "Who wants to learn about weed?"
> I raised my hoof.
Could Lance be trying to stop Greg? Of course not, Break just wants to try some weed.
…
> "... And that's why you don't stick it in your ass." Greg said as he finished up his explanation.
Anal insertion and possible rectal smoking would be the least stupid and dangerous thing Greg has done in this entire fic.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 73 - Part 6
…
> He looked at one of the ponies in the front, "Well now, you look like you'd enjoy it."
> "Wait... I... meep." I heard one stutter.
And now he’s forcing the kids into weed. Jeez, just wait ten years, and they’ll be lining up to get some from you.
…
> The doors suddenly burst open, "YOU BROKE A PINKIE PROMISE!" I heard a demonic Pinkie Pie yell.
Well, look at that. Someone is actually going to punish a character for their actions.
Sadly it’s not so much about the rape of an unconscious mare, or the trauma of the kids, but rather because Greg cheated on Pinkie.
Eh, it’s something.
…
> "And that's why you don't break a Pinkie Promise."
> All heads snapped to the door as Mr. Bleak walked in, a large smile on his face.
From this we must gather that Mr. Bleak was aware of what was going on in here, and allowed Greg to do his, say, “presentation”.
…
> He picked Miss Cherilee up and sat her in her chair, "Nopony says one word what happened here today, got that?"
“There are already enough lawsuits against me, the school doesn’t need more.”
…
> He smiled, "Good, now, you all know my rules, right?"
Yeah, the “I’ll beat you regardless of what you do” rule. I remember.
…
> A few of us nodded, but a few shook their heads.
Really? One would think that the other foals would have spread the word about Mr. Bleak’s borderline S&M detention time. At least just tell each other not to mess with him.
…
> He pulled out a cookie, "Now, who wants a cookie?"
He is clearly tricking them into getting hit by the ruler.
I believe that hitting foals is his fetish.
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> A fat colt a few rolls away from me stood, "I do!"
I hope it’s worth the internal bleeding, kid.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 73 - Part 7
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> The colt looked down and began to say something. But suddenly, his body shot backwards like a bullet. I mean, one second he's there, then hes stuck in the wall.
Lance could withstand the beating Mr. Bleak inflicted on him for two reasons: first of all he’s the protagonist, so nothing bad ever happens to him; and even in spite of that, he has “getting beaten up” as his special talent, that’s why he could be thrown through the school’s walls as if they were made of crackers.
But what’s the excuse for the other foals? The ones that don’t have super protagonist powers? Mr. Bleak hit that fat colt really hard, so what the hell?
…
Mr. Bleak continues to hit them with that ruler for an hour.
…
> Food... must eat food! Where is Fawn, I must have my food now!
Then bring your own food. I know the orphanage takes better care of Fawn than most parents treat their children, but that doesn’t give you the right to be a leech.
…
> I gulped down my food in twenty seconds flat. Not the usual ten seconds flat, because... *Clears throat* that's a rip off of Rainbow Dash.
Oh, sure. ‘That’ is a rip off of Rainbow Dash, but making your own Sonic Rainboom isn’t.
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> Once I was done, I looked up to see her looking at me. She eeped and looked away.
Oh my God, she has already fallen for the freak. Why do nice girls always go for the freaks?
…
> I turned to see Mr. Bleak trotting towards me, a cake on his head.
This in no way is a bad omen.
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> He stopped next to me and smiled, "Here, I brought you a cake." He placed it in front of me.
Lance should have stuck with detention, now Mr. Bleak is going to haunt him forever.
…
> *Slam*
Mr. Bleak came here just to throw a cake. But there’s actually a reason behind this, you see.
…
> Fawn was giggling, "You look cute..." She then covered her mouth
See, it’s all part of the plan to build romantic tension between Lance and Fawn.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 73 - Part 8
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> I chuckled, "Thanks, I guess cake brings out my eyes."
And now you’re writing believable dialogue between two dumb four year olds that are falling in love with each other.
Why couldn’t you have done this with Twilight? That way your awfully forced relationship would just be awful.
…
> There was something standing there. It looked like a pony. It had a orange mane and a forest green coat
Another OC? Really?
Judging by the fact that he (she?) appeared in the edge of the forest for a brief moment, said pony is going to have a mysterious past or something like that.
…
> Time for more boring class. Damn it, I hate this!
Oh, not as much as I’m hating it, I’ll promise you that.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 74 - Part 1
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> Title: Talk or fight?
I’m not sure, your dialogue is awful, but they’re definitely not as bad as your fight scenes, so…
As long as you don’t write more sex, do whatever you want, I guess.
…
> Very short chapter due to some work I had to do.
Good, I hope the next one is even shorter.
…
> Five minutes after school let out
Is there any reason at all for this?
Even if Kickass222urmom insists on using these transitions, because we know his time is too valuable to be used in writing descriptive prose, why five minutes?
Why doesn’t he just say “after school” and be done with it?
…
> I slowly ascended towards the lone cloud that hung over the school. I know I should head home, but come on! Mr. Bleak is evil! Beating me with a ruler, my face still hurts!
Mr. Bleak is a Pegasus, what’s stopping him from flying to that cloud and beating you again for not going home?
…
> "Blank flank, blank flank!" I heard a very familiar chant from below.
The bullies in this school have the memory of a potato, Lance has left clear that he is fully capable and willing of beating the living hell of anyone who messes with Fawn, and they still do it.
Maybe all this time getting beaten by Mr. Bleak has made the students like it when they get beaten.
…
> Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon was pointing and laughing at Fawn. Making fun of her blank flank.
Lance said he would rip out their tongues, will he live up to his promise?
…
> [Lets beat them down!]
> <No lets beat them down with words!>
Oh, God. Lance, you monster.
Don’t you have any decency? Beat them up if you want, just don’t say anything.
…
> I stopped when I was a foot (Hoof?) away.
Ok, no. You can’t justify that with your dumb semantic running gag, a foot is much longer than a hoof, noticeably longer.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 74 - Part 2
…
> "Tell me, why are you two messing with her?"
Yeah, bullies normally always have such good reasons to be dicks.
…
> Diamond Tiara then smirked, "We don't have to tell you. You're just a freak accident of nature!"
Well, he isn’t really an accident, is he? God gave him that body.
Why did he do that? Did he want to see Equestria slowly burn with the introduction of the Pegasus/Zebra/Snake/Thing?
…
> I shrugged off her insult. Due to years of being made fun of, I've grown use to it.
As we all know, years of emotional abuse leave no scars of any kind.
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> I crack my neck, "You don't have to tell me. Now, I'm going to try and be nice here. So, leave Fawn alone, or you'll regret it."
Excellent, get down to their level, that’ll surely show them.
…
> Silver spoon smiled smugly, "You wouldn't hit a filly. You said you was against it."
Lance? Stick to his morals? What do you think this is, a story with a not-a-shithead protagonist?
…
> "I am against it, but I've been known to break my own morals. I'm not afraid to hit a filly if they're being a bitch."
“I may have said that, but foremost, I’ll do what is more convenient for me.”
…
> Diamond Tiara stuck her nose into the air, "Sure you would. Come on Silver Spoon, lets leave those losers."
Finally, now just leave these two alone and the story can go somewhere el—
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> You know what? Fuck keeping my cool! I've been holding this in to long!
No. No. No. Keep your cool, god damn it. They’re already leaving, why the hell do you have to drag them back again?
…
> I held up a hoof, "Wait, I've got something to say."
“There’s no reason as to why you should listen to anything I have to say, but I’m the protagonist, so you’re doing what I want.”
…
> [Oh shit! Time for a famous Lance Greenfield rage speech!]
Yes, Break. “Oh shit” indeed.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 74 - Part 3
…
Let’s see what Lance has to say for himself.
…
> "First off, why the fuck are you two even making fun of others. I mean, what makes you so special?”
It’s because they’re bullies, they get enjoyment out of tormenting other people.
…
> Oh look at me, I'm Diamond Tiara and I have a fucking tiara on my ass! What's it mean?
That she’s a spoiled brat, that’s about it.
…
> What kind of talent is that?! The ability to be a tiara?
Yes, in the same way that Fluttershy’s talent is being a butterfly, or Cheerilee turning into a flower.
…
> And you! Silver Spoon! What the fuck does that spoon even represent?!
It comes from the phrase “born with a silver spoon in one's mouth”, it means that one is born into privileges that they don’t necessarily deserve.
…
> Does it mean you can spoon your self better than others?! Does it mean you can deep throat?!"
Hasn’t Greg filled the sex quota for the next ten chapters? Why do you have to imply a four year old is a whore, you god damn bastard?
…
> *Clears throat*
This line appears right in between Lance’s rant. I guess Kickass222urmom couldn’t be bothered to write “I cleared my throat before continuing”, so he just used his cunning intellect to insert an action without description.
…
> How would you like it if I started making fun of you and picking on you?!
You mean like you’ve been doing non-stop since you came here?
…
> I'm going to treat you like you treat others!
If only everyone could treat Lance this way…
…
> "Now, I want both of you to leave Fawn and all the other kids here alone. Or next time, I'm coming for your ass!
“Don’t you dare mistreat anyone or I will beat you to an inch of your lives!”
…
> Don't take this warning lightly, because I'm dead fucking serious!"
So you have a basis to report him to the authorities, go girls!
 
 
 
>>Chapter 74 - Part 4
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> Diamond Tiara suddenly became enraged, "I'm getting my daddy's bodyguards on you!"
Finally a sensible reaction.
…
> She nodded, whipping her face, "Thank you Stripes."
You’ve already been bullied, Fawn, no need to hit your face.
…
> [*Sigh* I hate how you rage and then are useless in a conversation.]
Take out the last three words and I may agree with you.
…
> [Mr. Bleak] was trotting towards us, clapping his hooves.
How is he clapping and trotting at the same time?
…
> a smile on his face, "Bravo my boy, bravo!"
“You already started your way down the path of overall personality shittiness. With my guidance, you can achieve levels of dickery that you never even imagined.”
…
> “I still like your rage towards Trixie. I still laugh about that."
Don’t remind me, that has got to be among my top ten most hated moments in this fic.
…
> I chuckled, "Don't worry Fawn, he's not that bad outside of school."
He just sneaked into my bed, did who knows what to my wife, whom I should probably check, and slept next to me for who knows how long.
…
> "OH GOD! HELP ME SOMEPONY!" [Zorrow] yelled as he ran towards the school building. Behind him was Big Macintosh, a pissed off expression on his face.
What did he do this time? Did he peek on Applejack again?
…
> Fifteen minutes early
Why do—Ugh, what’s the point.
…
> Zorrow gulped as he made his way towards the barn. He finally worked up the courage to talk to Applejack
Hooray, now let the immediate attraction begin.
…
> "Hey, Big Mac." Seth smirked, "Zorrow is going to force Applejack to have sex with him."
Of course, I forgot that Big Mac beating the crap out of Zorrow is “fun”.
…
> Seth held up a sign, 'Run dude! I told him you was going to have sex with AJ, and you just made it worst!'
Why are they friends? The only thing Seth has done is royally screw Zorrow over and over again.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 74 - Part 5
…
> Present time
Ugh… I guess this could sort of make sense, since this is just a cut to a small scene of Zorrow’s side story.
…
> I laughed at Fawn's joke, even it if it wasn't that funny.
What joke? She didn’t make a joke before Zorrow came running through.
I think that line was inserted just to show how Lance made the effort to laugh at her joke.
I smell a new Deela incoming. Although, I hope not. I don’t want to see Fawn cuddling with Lance during nap time.
…
> five large stallions entered the school yard. All of them wore blank suits and badass sun glasses.
I think he meant “black suits”, but I think this is funnier, what with Diamond Tiara making fun of blank flanks and everything.
Shut up, let me have my fun.
…
> "Which one of you was mean to Diamond Tiara?"
Kickass222urmom, he’s the one.
…
> [YES! A real fight!]
I doubt it’ll be more real than any of the other fights there has been on this story.
…
> [Pfft, five is nothing. We fought a over powered griffin and Graze. WE CAN DO THIS!]
> <Frederic fought the griffin, we was just the punching bag. Graze was a friend, so it doesn't count.>
You know, Dawn is right. The only real fight Lance has won has been against those school bullies.
Damn, Lance is even more useless than I thought.
…
> Mr. Bleak stepped up beside me and unfolded his creepy ass wings, "Want some help?"
I was joking earlier, but I think Mr. Bleak is actually going to become a master of sorts for Lance.
…
> <*Sight* Let's get this over with.>
Truer words haven’t been spoken in this fic.
…
> We both jumped forward, hooves raised.
And that brings this chapter’s anticlimactic conclusion. I guess it could have been worse.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 75 - Part 1
…
> Title: The ‘not so fair’ fight
So, it’s a fair fight? You put “not so fair” between quotes, so I assume it is fair.
Also, another freaking fight scene. God damn it.
…
> "Shall we begin our plans?"
Oh, mysterious and foreboding disembodied pre-chapter voice, tell me more about these plans.
Unless Kickass222urmom is just playing the common noun game and is just trying to get us hyped about this… conversation about stuff with shadowy entities.
…
> "No, not yet. The time is not right."
Yeah, it’s just a dumb hook.
Well, it isn’t working!
…
> “Then when?
> “When the time is right, and he is ready."
I doubt Lance is ever going to be ready for anything, so you might as well start with your most-likely asinine plan right away.
…
> "But, in his current state, it would be so much easier if we did it now!"
Why do you have to wait? If he’s not ready, as you say he is, why not intervene right away and make sure he gets ready? If whatever you’re planning to do is important, then that seems like the most logical step.
…
> "Silence! We will wait!"
“Lord Kickass222urmom wants to prolong the suffering of his readers.”
…
> "... Shall I prepare the letter?"
I remember that sixty or so chapters ago, Celestia mentioned a prophecy which was curiously never mentioned again. Kickass222urmom finally felt like using that plot point?
…
> My hoof connected with the first stallion's jaw,
Why are you fighting them? You insulted Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, so his dad wants to teach you a lesson.
Harsh, but it’s not undeserved.
…
> and made him stagger back a few inches
Oh, ‘now’ the story decides to make sense. Lance is younger, so his less strong. It’s too bad that this doesn’t make up for the seventy chapters of utter stupidity that preceded this line.
…
> He showed no sign of pain or discomfort.
You touched him and he showed no sign of discomfort? Damn, these thugs are good.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 75 - Part 2
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> "FALCON PUNCH!" I heard Mr. Bleak yell as he slammed his hoof into the side of the stallion's face.
So, is Mr. Bleak a human too, or he just so happens to have named his attack the same way as an F-Zero move?
Either way, it’s dumb.
…
> (1 down)
Why is this between parentheses?
Break speaks in hard brackets, Dawn in angle brackets and Lance speaks in braces.
So, who the hell is speaking here?
…
> My body shuddered slightly as Break took control.
Why don’t you just go Raging Breaking Dawn and get rid of all of them immediately?
…
> I sprung forward and pointed my head downward. I slammed into the first ones face, breaking his snout slightly.
Great, physical assault. Now can someone get the cops?
…
> I throw a punch of my own, hitting him in the chest. Damn, I wish I was taller.
Why does height matter? You have wings, you can fly.
…
> [I've been wanting to do this for a long time! And this young body is just what I needed.]
That’s not how you use that verb.
And what do you mean this body is just what you needed? Were you planning on a move that required a smaller, weaker body?
…
> Mr. Bleak charged towards the two stallions, a large grin on his face. Once he was close, he flared his wings and stopped suddenly. The sharp wind hit them, causing them to shield their eyes.
How?
He couldn’t have been going too far if they’re still standing outside of the school. Did he somehow gather enough speed in a couple of meters to create a wave of air strong enough for the thugs to feel it?
 
 
 
>>Chapter 75 - Part 3
…
> The stallion recovered and slammed his right hoof into Mr. Bleak's snout. He then used his hind legs to buck him in the chest.
This could carry some impact, if it weren’t for:
…
> Mr. Bleak's smile never left his face as all this happened.
Why bother with the fight if the main character isn’t going to be affected in any way? God damn it, this is Richard all over again.
This reminds me of the Star Wars prequels. If there’s no challenge in the fight, nor is there any sort of emotional undertones to it, why do we have to see it in the first place?
…
> He lifted them up to eye level and smiled smugly, "Which one of you are going to be the unlucky stallion?"
Please, as if you weren’t going to effortlessly beat the living hell out of them anyway.
…
> Mr. Bleak looked at him amused and reared back his head. He then slammed it into the stallions head, sending him flying out of Mr. Bleak's grasp.
Before you ask, yes, almost this half chapter consists solely of Lance and Mr. Bleak shrugging severe hits and sending the thugs flying away.
I’ll try to see if there’s anything worth noting in here before moving on.
…
> "Stop it!" Fawn screamed out as she ran towards Lance and the stallion.
Her parents died, she lives in an orphanage, she gets constantly bullied, and she has witnessed an autism singularity twice in the span of a day.
This filly is going to need some serious psychological treatment.
…
> I lay on the ground, holding my side. That's going to be a large bruise in the morning.
Bullshit, brutal fights to the death barely cause you any damage, why should a fight against some thugs while you were in Break mode be any different?
…
> The stallion above me had a large smirk on his face as he looked down at me.
“Hey, Lance, I heard you were raped by a horse some years ago. Ever felt like trying it again?”
 
 
 
>>Chapter 75 - Part 4
…
> [Fawn] stopped right above me and glared up at him, "Leave him alone! He's done nothing to you!"
Well, Lance verbally attacked Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and these guys are they bodyguards, and were sent here to get back at Lance for the bullying.
Really, he should have let them beat him up for a while. His talent ‘is’ getting beaten up, after all.
…
> The stallion raised his right hoof.
> {[<NO!!>]}
I assume this is supposed to mean that Break, Dawn and Lance are yelling at the same time.
Was it so hard to write it that way, so Kickass222urmom used the three bracket format for that line?
He didn’t even bother writing it three times to show that three different people said that.
…
> He was met with the rage filled eyes, eyes filled with fire.
I’m not sure that the eye’s composition allows observable combustion.
…
> When he hit the ground, he made a fairly large crater.
Considering how everyone normally makes small craters when hit by Lance in Breaking Dawn form, I think it’s safe to assume that the thug is now porridge.
…
> I looked over to where Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon stood, looks of shock and horror on their faces. I growled, "Leave! Now, before I do something we'll all regret!"
I have come to the conclusion that the only authority figures in Equestria are the Princesses and maybe Captain Barehoof.
That’s the only reason that comes to mind that explains why nobody ever thinks about reporting Lance for his open threats.
…
> Fawn ran up and threw her hooves around my neck, "Thank you so much Stripes!" She then pulled back and looked into my eyes.
Oh, God. Don’t do it.
…
> [Oh fuck! Lance, get back!]
> <Lance! Listen to Break!>
> {Wha... What's going on?}
I know you are that fucking dense, but seriously, you’re going to break a poor filly’s heart.
…
> She leaned forward and pushed her lips onto mine. Giving me a passionate kiss.
I’m so sorry, Fawn.
I’m so sorry.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 75 - Part 5
…
> After a few seconds, she broke the kiss and backed up, a large smile on her face. But, it soon faded when she saw my face.
Ah, here comes the heartbreak.
…
> "He's married." Mr. Bleak said, a large smug look on his face.
You two could have told her this earlier and avoid breaking Fawn’s heart, you unfeeling bastards.
…
> He put his hoof on her head and her eyes went wide, and her pupils became larger.
I think Kickass222urmom gave Mr. Bleak this power just so he didn’t have to have Lance explain anything to Fawn.
Because who would want to see him trying to have a reasonable, mature conversation right? In any case, I hope Mr. Bleak doesn’t show Fawn all the sex Lance has had since he came here.
Or the Rape by Horse memory.
…
> She blinked and looked at me, a blush on her face, "I'm... really sorry... I didn't know."
You don’t have to be sorry, Fawn. It’s Lance fault for not telling anyone.
…
> She then looked saddened, but held her fake smile, "I should get back to the orphanage..." Then she said under her breath, "Since I'm no longer wanted here."
Jesus Christ, give this filly a break, Kickass222urmom.
…
> She then turned and took off running.
Well, that wasn’t as bad as I expected.
It was somehow worse.
…
> I started to follow, but Mr. Bleak put a hoof to my shoulder, "I think you may want to get home. There's a surprise waiting."
“It’s your wife, I knocked her out when I got in bed with you. You may want to check on her.”
…
> I slammed into the ground outside Dali's door.
I understand that the plot of the hour says that since you’re a kid again, you have to go to school, but why do you have to go to a school all the way over in Ponyville if you’re still living in Canterlot?
 
 
 
>>Chapter 75 - Part 6
…
> Upon entering, I see Vinetion and Twilight talking to one anther.
Vinetion.
The Pegasus that somehow can control plants. The mare that got the mutant poison joke. The mare that should have been the first person you should have asked for a cure.
That Vinetion?
…
> “Lance, I'm sorry for going back on a promise and pranking you. But come on, you wasn't you! You was Bitch Magnet!"
How could you possibly know that?
When Lance lost his memories, he didn’t speak to anyone but Twilight and Greg.
…
> I chuckled, "Okay Vine, I forgive ya. Now, what do you have for me?"
Yeah, you screwed me over but at this point I’m used to it.
…
> She stomped the ground and a small red and black flower sprung up in front of me, "The cure for the Poison Joke... just take it as a 'I'm sorry' gift."
You should probably just wait out the month before trying anything that Vine gives you.
…
> I swallowed the last of it and suddenly seized up. My muscles tensed and began to pound and my head was spinning out of control.
Please tell my Vinetion poisoned him.
…
> Warning, what your about to read is a lot of random cussing. You've been warned and everything you're about to read will not make a bit of sense XD
Fuck you Kickass. A full paragraph of “fucks” and “bitches” isn’t fun.
And don’t talk as if anything else in this story makes sense.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 75 - Part 7
 
…
> Five minutes of full on cussing later
At least you’re sparing us from it.
…
> I looked myself over. I'm so happy to be back to my regular age.
It’s good to know you’re no longer a four year old and you’re back to being a twelve year old.
…
> I then turned for the door.
You just got home and now you’re leaving?
…
> "Uhhh... where are you going?" Twilight asked.
> I turned, "Oh, you know. To make a life a little bit better.”
Nothing is better when you add Lance Greenfield to the mix.
…
> While I'm gone, could you please bring the couch from the basement into our room?"
Yeah, go loiter around while your wife does all the job.
…
> Once outside it, I had a though. Where was Dali? I haven't seen much since we got back from the Ski Resort.
Nothing ever escapes your sharp mind, does it, Lance?
…
> She's been spending a lot of time with Drax... you know? I don't even want to know what they're doing.
And neither do we.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 76 - Part 1
Ah, Living the Dream. I've missed you.
Except, not really.
…
> Title: Adoption.
Lance is going to adopt Fawn? Does he really think it’s a good idea to become a father figure to a filly that has a crush on him? Wouldn’t that mess her up more than she already is?
…
> Fair warning everyone. This chapter gets a little dark down past the happy times, so just be prepared.
Considering that the goriest part of the story so far has been Cody’s “murder spree”, I don’t have high hopes.
…
> I'll try and keep this as none gory as I can.
Yeah, do that.
…
> "The time is now! Begin step one of the plan."
Oh, right. The group of shadowy disembodied voices.
…
> I'm a full blown idiot.
Some refreshing honesty for once.
…
> I mean, I've been here almost ten months, and I've never even heard of an orphanage being close to Ponyville.
Ten mo—? That’s impossible, you were already here a couple of months before you got Twilight knocked up, nine months later she gave birth to lil’ abomination, and he’s several months old.
You can’t have been here for only ten months.
…
> Even after getting directions, it still took me half an hour to find it. What? I don't know which way north is.
I have no trouble believing that.
…
> A sign hung up on the outside gate, 'The Lucky Pony Orphanage'. The 'L' had fallen off the sign,
One could think that an orphanage that gives its kids double lunch every day could save a little bit to fix the broken letter.
…
> making it seem like... never mind.
Like what, Lance? What does it look like?
…
> [Haha! The Fucky Pony Orphanage!]
> {Okay, that is pretty damn funny to hear.}
No. No it’s not.
And even if the L fell off the sign, it should still have left a mark, and it would still read “Lucky”
…
> I began walking towards the double doors that lead inside. I felt a sense of dread at entering this place, it just gave off an eerie feeling.
I had the same feeling coming back to riff this.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 76 - Part 1.5
…
> The walls were colorful and had many paintings from kids hanging up. There was a few couches and chairs sitting around, […] this place could pass as a hospital.
How? How could this pass as a hospital?
A school, I could understand, but what in this place gives the impression of being anything remotely related to a hospital?
 
 
 
>>Chapter 76 - Part 2
…
> "Good evening sir. What brings you to The Lucky Pony Orphanage?"
> "Oh you know, to make a ponies life just a little bit better."
Now, I think it’s pretty obvious by now that he’s going to adopt Fawn. This, however, raises a few problems.
First of all, does he really think that adopting Fawn is a good idea? The poor filly had his, more likely than not, first crush on Lance. She even managed to gather up the courage to sort of confess her feelings for him, now he’s going to be her father? I’m pretty sure that could cause some serious issues on her. That brings me to my next point.
Why not have any of the other couples adopt Fawn?
Deela and Drax could have a kid, which would distract them from their most likely sexless life. Or Fluttershy and Malbatorus, nobody would mess with her if her dad was a dragon. Hell, if you want to make sure she’ll be taken care of, ask Fred and Luna, it’s not as if their twins are giving them any trouble, they haven’t really done anything besides being born. Why do you have to adopt her? You already have a child you don’t take care, focus on Spark first, which brings up another point.
Have you asked your family about this?
Of course you haven’t. Twilight has no say in anything, and neither does Deela, despite the fact that you are living in her house. In fact, have you even asked Fawn? And lastly, how in the name of hell do you plan on providing for your ever growing family, you freeloader?
All in all, you’re approaching this in the most immature way possible. It’s almost as if you don’t consider Fawn a real, living being. I couldn’t even say you consider her as a pet, since you treat your pets so horribly.
She’s just another commodity that serves to further stroke your ego.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 76 - Part 3
…
> "Not necessary my fare lady, I already know who I'm here for."
> She raised an eyebrow, "Oh? Who might that be?"
“I’m asking because I’ve never seen you before, and it seems weird that you already know this particular foal.”
…
> She pulled out a few papers, "I'm so happy that poor dear has finally found somepony who wants her. She's been here so long. And just today, she ran through those doors crying. I hope nothing bad happened."
Isn’t it your job to know what happened? I’m sure the orphanage has at least one counselor or psychologist to deal with these exact situations.
…
> "Well, what do I have to do to adopt her?"
> She smiled and pushed the papers towards me, "Fill all those out and sign at the bottom of each and she's all yours."
“Isn’t it nice that we don’t have background checks on Equestria?”
…
> I cocked my head, "That's all I got to do?"
> She nodded happily, "That's all you have to do."
Adopting a foal is no more troublesome than going to a convenience store.
…
> The mare smiled and began gathering the papers, "You're all set, now, all that you have left to do is go back there and pick her up."
Even the orphanage doesn’t care about Fawn’s opinion.
Total hypothetical scenario: What if this guy is a child molester, or an organ trafficker. He could have just as easily stalked a foal that he knew nobody else would adopt and just take her away.
…
> My smiled widened, "So, just through that door?"
> She nodded, "Yes, she should be the eight bunk bed on the left."
And they’re going to let him go take whichever he wants? God damn it, this orphanage sucks.
…
> I put a hoof to the nob and prepare myself. Its going to be awkward, thanks to that little kiss, but meh, I'll power through it.
Yeah, ‘you’ will pull through, but what about Fawn?
 
 
 
>>Chapter 76 - Part 4
…
> She sat there confused for a second, but then smiled, a single tear in her eye, "Y-You adopted... me?"
“Does it mean that what I was thinking is now incest?”
…
> "You're adopting her?" A small female voice said from behind me.
I know, right? One would think that he already has enough things going on in his life to add “rescuing a filly from her horrible life” to the list, but apparently White Knight here can handle it.
…
> Yes, is this a problem?"
> She glared, "As a matter of fact, it is. Little Fawn is due for a punishment tonight."
What kind of orphanage lets the other orphans deal the punishments?
…
> She stood up tall, trying to show me that she was in charge, "She yelled at a few of the other children when she came back today. I think..."
Does that count as such a heinous crime that you have to punish her as she is leaving?
She’s been adopted; you don’t have to deal with her anymore.
…
> I held up a hoof, "Nope, say no more. That was my fault and I take responsibly."
W-what? Lance is accepting responsibility for his actions? What is this madness!?
…
> She rolled her eyes, "Its her fault for yelling. Now, if you would be so kind as to leave and let us carry out her punishment, that would be great."
“Instead of coming up with any kind of believable conflict, I’ll just make everyone an even bigger douche than the protagonists. I am a genius.” –Kickass222urmom, most likely.
…
> She scowled at that and began to speak, but I held a hoof to her face, "No, don't speak. I don't want to hear another word out of your shit filled mouth."
I want to say that Lance hasn’t considered that maybe these foals are acting like this because they’ve had a rough life and nobody has shown them love, but fuck it.
If it doesn’t relate to Lance by a factor of one, it might as well not exist.
