Title:           LtD 85-86
Author:          notkickass222urmom
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/PmzsJ52C
First Edit:      Thursday 26th of June 2014 08:07:33 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 26th of June 2014 08:07:33 AM CDT

>>Chapter 85 - Part 1
…
> This chapter was done for Purple Blaze.
I thought that the RariDom chapter was already made for him.
…
> And, it also serves as a plot former.
Plot Former?
…
> (Meaning, what happens here will affect something very important later on in the story.)
You mean foreshadowing?
Really, Kickass222urmom?
…
> A long explanation of all the adventures and things me and Graze did later
It’s the beginning of the chapter, just start with a line of dialogue that says—
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> "... And that pretty much sums it all up."
If you were going to do this, then why did you need the previous recap line?
…
> Grace rubbed her chin, "That all seems reasonable...”
No… No, it doesn’t.
…
> “but I still can't believe it."
You know what could make her believe in what you’re saying? Ask the Princesses to vouch for you.
Write them a letter explaining the situation, and then wait until they answer and show that letter to Grace.
That should be enough, right?
…
> I sighed, I didn't want to have to do this, "Twi, could you perform that one spell? The one that sends someone into my mind."
No, of course not…
…
> Twilight nodded, "Sure, do you want me to come in also?"
> I shook my head, "I'd prefer if you stayed out here. Just me and Grace please."
“Twilight, how dare you insinuate we do something together? You’re only my wife! Now send this mare we’ve just met inside of my mind.”
…
> Grace took a step back, "What are you doing?"
Grace, you’re lucky they told you what they were going to do. Normally Lance would have done it and explained it later.
If that.
…
> Inside my mind
We already know they are going inside their mind, what’s the purpose of having a transition line?
And it’s not even a proper transition, it’s just a setting change, it might as well read “EXT: Lance’s Mind.”
But hey, that’s LtD for you, do the least amount of work to make the story barely readable and sit back to get the praise for your amazing story.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 85 - Part 2
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> We were now in my mind, with Break and Dawn sitting behind the memory bank, both looking at us with smiles on their faces.
Right, the memory computer thing.
I wonder if Lance is going to show Grace the time he was raped by a horse.
I mean, the time he was raped by a horse that wasn’t the last time he was almost raped by those horses.
I mean, the time he was raped by a horse that wasn’t the time he was raped by those mares.
Yeah, that’s the one.
…
> I began to trot over to the computer, "Come here, I've got to show you something."
“It’s the laziest plot device of the entire fic, and that’s saying a lot!”
…
> Once I was next to Break and Dawn, Break smirked, "Dude, we could so do a foursome with Grace!"
“I’ll say this right in front of her to increase our chance of success! That’s how woman think, right?”
Though, in this fic, they do.
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> "No what?" Grace asked as she stepped beside me.
This place is pretty empty and Break wasn’t whispering, you should have listened clearly to what he had to say.
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> "Dawn, could you play all the memories related to Graze please?"
Would you look at that, Lance is going to do something that is somewhat smart.
I fear of the things he’ll do next to compensate for this.
…
> A/N: Read 'Three of me VS School society' for this. Its the first Crossover chapter.
As much as I think doing one of these in the middle of the chapter would break the immersion, I think it would have been worse if Kickass222urmom has actually made a recap of everything that happened with Graze.
…
> Grace looked shocked, "Y-You mean... I'm really a copy of... another pony from another dimension?!"
Copy isn't the appropiate word, you’re this universe’s version of that Graze.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 85 - Part 3
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> "Since we're here, could you show me what you mean by you being from another world?"
It would have been easier if you started with this, then she would have believed anything else you said.
…
> I furrowed my brow, should I show her?
Oh, geez. I don’t know, should you? After all, you only brought her here so you could convince her that what you’re saying is true.
But would showing her the time when you were human, or hell, maybe the times God talked to you, prove what you’re saying?
…
> Break smirked, "Sure, we could show her the porn selection."
The ‘porn collection’ here is either all the porn Lance has watched, meaning that the memories will show him wanking while looking at porn in a computer screen, or the times he has had sex with Twilight.
I’m not sure which one is more horrifying.
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> Grace smiled, "Porn?! You have porn in here?!"
You know what? It’s fine. Seriously, it is. Woman also watch porn, there’s nothing crazy here.
Sure, she seems a bit eager; but every character in the Living-verse is exaggerated, so it makes sense that—
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> Break's eyes widened and a large smile formed on his face, "You're a lesbian?!"
> Grace chuckled awkwardly, "Huh, yeah..."
Why do I even try to help you?
So that raises the number of lesbians in this story to a grand total of two. Meanwhile, there are zero gay male characters.
…
> I held a hoof to my mouth, trying not to laugh, "Okay then... lets get to showing you my world, shall we?"
“Hey, Twilight, we’re back. What took us so long? Oh, nothing. We were just watching porn.”
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> My mind was filled with... images. Images from my adventures on the internet... oh God...
I thought that his memories were shown on that machine thing.
Why is his mind being filled with images, or is his “mind” referring to the machine? God, this concept sucks.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 85 - Part 4
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> I'm going to kill Break!
Please, as if anything good will happen in this story.
…
> Once that was finished, Grace fell back laughing
The sex scenes in LtD haven’t been laughably bad, just soul crushingly bad.
…
> "Whoa, I didn't know you was such a stud in the bed Lance!"
The laugh makes me think that she’s being sarcastic, but I think Kickass was being sincere here.
…
> She slowly stood, whipping a tear out of her eye
I have a theory.
I think Kickass222urmom only know half the words a normal person knows, that would explain why he’s always misusing words.
I mean, that’s not a typo, he wrote ‘whipping’ instead of ‘wiping’, and while you could check that off to autocorrection, this isn’t the first time it happens, or the twelfth.
…
> "Sorry, but wow. That was just to good! And that pony porn, all I can say is... Sexy."
> I started laughing, she is defiantly a version of Graze.
I don’t know how much more defiant than Graze can she be, I don’t think he had enough character traits for that.
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> Grace awww'd, "But, I want to see more of your private life."
You’d be the first one.
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> Back to the real world
The worst thing about these transitions is that you could delete them and you could still understand wha—Uh…
You could delete them and it wouldn’t affect the flow of the story.
…
A hundred and fifty three words of absolutely nothing happening later.
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> Vinetion began to say something, but the screams of ponies outside cut her off.
Please let it be a misunderstanding and not another evil thing coming this way.
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> “once I stepped outside, I Peter...”
I Petered so hard when I saw that too.
…
> or what should have been Peter. What I saw instead was something much darker.
Black Peter?
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> It was Peter, of that I was sure.
Make up your mind, is it Peter or is he not?
 
 
 
>>Chapter 85 - Part 5
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> "Crap..." I said as Peter launched himself towards us.
I hope this doesn’t turn into a lame zombie apocalypse scenario.
The mass raping in Manehattan filled my quota for badly written “group of survivors hiding from a threat” arcs.
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> Ten minutes earlier
I’ll let this one slide since you are going to explain what happened to Peter.
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> Peter galloped down the street, a desperate look on his face.
> He had to get back to the boutique, before Annabel.
Why don’t you just go back to the moment you met Annabel? Then we could have gone straight to the point.
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> He galloped for three minutes before he came to the door of the boutique, and to his horror, the door was slightly open.
Oh no. I wonder what could have happened. Dread and tension are currently going through my body.
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> Peter gulped and pulled the blanket off. Underneath, Rarity was pure green, and her mane was a dark green…
She now looks like an OC.
Damn you, Annabel!
…
> Peter held her closer, but then his eyes, laid on something that made his stomach turn. It was his guitar... snapped in half.
> His eye twitched, "My guitar... my beloved guitar... AHHHHH!"
The loss of his easily fixable guitar hurts Peter more than the obliteration of Rarity’s self-esteem.
…
> He screamed out in rage and agony as he jumped away from Rarity. His muscles rippled slightly and he felt his mind slip away from him. He collapsed to the ground and screamed into air as his body began to change.
Did he just Hulk out?
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> "THIS IS OVER!" He flew towards the door and slammed into it, taking it off the hinges.
But the door was open. Or did he close it so hard it came off?
 
 
 
>>Chapter 85 - Part 6
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> He flew into the air and screamed out in anger. He was no longer Peter... he was something born of pent up anger and pain.
So, was this Annabel doing? If so, then why did she do it? If this doesn’t have anything to do with Annabel, then is this a hidden power Peter has? It’s entirely possible, seeing the nature of this fic.
But you know something? I think the whole reason Lance questioned if Grace being a mare was Annabel’s doing despite that he admitted that she had nothing to do with it, was to let Peter get angry and go find Annabel so we could have a corrupted (?) Peter.
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> As Peter flew towards us, I saw he wasn't going for me, but Vinetion.
I could make a woman beating joke, but we know the real reason for going after Vine is that Peter knows he wouldn’t last a second with Lance or Grace.
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> He looked up in confusion as he saw his hoof make contact with my face.
> I had jumped in the way of his blow, taking it full force.
Wouldn’t have been easier and less painful to either take Vine out of the way or knock Peter out?
You have super speed and super strength, so why not? Actually, scratch that.
Both you and Grace have super speed and super strength, why didn’t you stop Peter?
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> He took this opportunity to slam into me and send me sprawling across the ground.
As much as it hurts me to say this, I think you should go into Breaking Dawn mode and just end this.
Don’t beat him up, just immobilize him.
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> He smirked and pointed a hoof at me, "Peter does not exist anymore. My name is... Violent Inferno!"
Remind me… Why I’m doing this?
…
> Suddenly, a hoof connected with his head, sending him flying for a few feet.
Ugh… It seems we have another action packed chapter ahead of us!
Since this is Peter, I doubt they’ll kill him/send him to the center of the Earth with no possible way of withstanding the heat and pressure, nor giving him food or water.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 85 - Part 7
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> Grace landed on all fours and laughed, "You're not that strong."
I think that the rest of the chapter will be spent in disproving that.
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> Violent Inferno stood and whipped a hoof across his mouth, "So, the little bitch wants to play with the big boys?"
Maybe Peter is still in control of his mind as is using this opportunity to say what he really thinks.
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> <Lance, what ever happens, stay in control of your emotions.>
> {Got it.}
Because he’s usually so calm and collected.
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> Grace propelled herself forward and raised a burning hoof.
> Violent Inferno chuckled and flew towards her.
“A looked evilly at B”
“B gritted its teeth and punched A”
“A wasn’t fazed and punched back”.
“C reacted, but B was ok.”
“B punched back harder.”
There, I just saved you everything else that happened. What follows are the low points.
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> <No Lance!>
> [For once I agree with Dawn, don't do it!]
> Once this little transformation was over, I slammed my hooves into the ground and looked at Inferno, "Raging Breaking Dawn!"
If both Break and Dawn are against it, how can you still go in Raging Breaking Dawn mode?
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> We stood there, only a street separating us, and you know what? It actually began to rain right at that moment, a sudden down pour.
Because we needed more drama.
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> Meanwhile, Fluttershy's cottage
Excellent, we get a reprieve from the awful action.
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> Fluttershy walked out of the small shed behind her house and smiled. She was having a good time today. Malbatorus had been a great help. He had helped her fix her roof after that large wind storm they had a few nights ago.
Malby, you’re back. It’s good to see you’ve been the same old spineless beta.
In all seriousness, though. I hope we can actually read him and Fluttershy falling in love. It is the one thing that would make the latter half of Living the Dream worth it.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 85 - Part 8
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> When she looked up towards the sky, she saw what looked like a huge, scary dark cloud shaped like a tunnel.
Clearly not a normal cloud.
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> There was a long trial of black smoke leading from it and that trial of smoke lead straight into the Everfree Forest.
Yeah, this is a dragon, a forest fire, or something even worse.
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> She debated if she should go check it out, but didn't know if she should.
No, do what you did in Dragonshy, go inform people. At least tell Malbatorus.
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> Malbatorus was still off flying around, and there was no telling when he would be back.
God damn it.
…
> But, she felt like she should check it out.
Why!? Tell everyone in town, tell Twilight, tell the Mayor. Tell somebody!
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> "Be brave Fluttershy."
Of course, this is the one time you’re brave.
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> She said to herself as she walked towards the impact zone of whatever that was that came from above.
Oh, a meteorite? Interesting.
Let’s see Kickass222urmom squander the potential.
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> When she reached the crater's edge, she peered down into it. In it was a pony, a earth pony by his looks.
Of course, yet another OC.
It was my fault for not thinking that was the obvious answer.
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> He had a black and silver mane and tail. He was wearing a…
Yeah, yeah. We get it. He’s another special snowflake.
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> The pony in the crater slowly stood, "Wha... am I still in the Aperture Laboratories?"
Neither my lungs nor my diaphragm are strong enough to withstand the scream of anger that is inside of my right now.
…
> Fluttershy's protective side took over and she jumped into the crater, "Oh, you poor dear."
Let me guess.
Fluttershy is going to fall for him instead of the huge dragon who has been pinning for her since before chapter 10.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 85 - Part 9
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> She quickly put him on her back and trotted back to her house. She intended to nurse him back to heal, and find out what had happened... hopefully she can get past her shyness for a few hours.
Seeing how Fluttershy completely overcomes her shyness whenever someone needs care and attention, I’ll go ahead and answer “yes”.
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> After she had him in the bed comfortably, she walked downstairs to get some soup started. Soup was always the best medicine sometimes.
Especially for transdimentional ponies that just crashed into the Earth with the strength of a meteorite.
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> "I did it. I actually got away from that place. I actually made it to Equestria!"
Everyone in Aperture Laboratories was dead before the show even aired.
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> Well now, that's a nice turn of events, huh?
That’s not what nice means.
…
> Next chapter should be long.
It’s ok, I didn’t need my liver.
…
> I'm not going to school tomorrow...
So, Kickass222urmom is a highschooler. I am not amazed.
…
 
 
 
>>Chapter 86 - Part 1
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> 4188 words
Oh, God no.
…
> Title: Well now…
No, things are not well now.
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> I think I did a good job with this
You mean, comparatively speaking?
…
> I really like the first scene though...
I guess that means that the other scenes are somehow worse…
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> [Fluttershy] picked up the tray with the soup on it and placed it on her back. She then trotted upstairs, carefully balancing it.
What would have more chances of spilling the hot soup all over one’s body? Trotting or flying?
Or just using a tray?
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> Fluttershy eeped, but built up her courage and walked over to the bed, "How are you feeling?" She asked in a small voice, barely a whisper.
This guy crashed in the forest like a meteorite, and survived.
I’d be feeling pretty chipper.
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> The pony chuckled, "I feel fine, a little sore, but fine."
“Let me see… Intense G-forces, extreme heat, a forceful crash. Yeah, just soreness.”
…
> The pony looked at the soup, his mouth watering, "Real food! Finally!" He then picked it up with his front hooves and put it to his lips. He tilted the bowl upward, drinking the soup deeply.
If you’re not used to real food, then chances are your stomach and intestines are going to react badly to that soup.
…
> He rubbed his chin, "I know a Lance, but that was back on earth.... oh crap..."
Of. Freaking. Course.
Lest we forget that the universe revolves around Lance, Valve kid here was his friend back on Earth.
Because, hey, it’s not as if there were more than one Lance on Earth, right?
…
> He then tried to get out of bed, but hissed in pain and fell back on it.
Who would have thought that crashing into the Earth would strain your body?
Nobody, everyone with a trace of logic would assume you’d be pulverised on impact.
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> He chuckled awkwardly, "I'm okay, I promise. I've had worst done to me."
Worse than being hurled to the ground at several kilometers per second?
 
 
 
>>Chapter 86 - Part 2
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> Again, he tried to get out of bed, but it resulted in the same thing.
What did you think was going to happen? Did you expect your body to heal completely in the span of twenty seconds?
…
> The pony smiled and forced himself to sit up again,
Stay still, you idiot. You have broken bones.
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> "Sure, but first, I should tell you my name. My name is Alexander, but I would prefer to be called Silver Charger, or Port if you prefer."
I think I’ll call you… Plot contrivance.
It’s not as if any of your other names actually mean anything, they’re not even related to one another.
…
> Fluttershy just looked at him, "I like that name, I mean, the name Alexander. It sounds interesting... Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you, please, continue."
I’m sorry, Malbatorus, I was honestly rooting for you.
…
> "Well, about 10 months ago, the Rapture happened for us humans. When I was put in front of God, I was given a choice of where I go. So I chose the world of Portal."
Why, in the name of all that is good, would you choose to go to the Portal universe?
Sure, the videogames are awesome, but it would seriously suck to be there.
The Portal setting sucks for everyone that isn’t GLaDOS. You’re completely isolated in a dangerous environment with no food, water or a bathroom; a slight miscalculation could get you killed; there’s a horrible alien invasion going on somewhere else on the world.
Why would anyone want to be sent there?
…
> , "Oh, it's just a game we have back on earth. I've always enjoyed it and wanted to go live there... bad choice for me I guess.”
You think?
…
> “Well, I was sent there, and it was fun for the first few days. I mean, other people went there”
One has to wonder, if God offered the chance of being sent anywhere to every single person on Earth, which would be the less populated worlds?
 
 
 
>>Chapter 86 - Part 3
…
> “and I have to say. Most of them were just down right jerks!”
That seems better than the nice/psychopath dichotomy God apparently has with the ones being sent to Equestria.
…
> After a few months, the others began to get more and more aggressive towards each other, each wanting control of the Enrichment Center.
Humans seeking power end up being self-destructive?
I’d make a poignant observation about the misanthropic implications of this setting, but the analysis of the human nature is Wai-wai territory.
…
> The AI GLaDOS did a good job at keeping control, but only for a while.
Yeah… I just checked, Portal 2 came out in 2011. You should have known that GLaDOS could have just gassed everyone who revolted and be done with it.
Your story is flawed from the beginning.
…
> “There was no control over what was happening, and people were doing what they wanted."
I know I’m repeating myself, but what the hell.
Why would anyone want to be sent to a universe in which a murderous rogue AI has complete control over the facility that surrounds you, and is more than willing to kill you?
…
> "I knew I had to get out of there, but I didn't know how.”
Not wishing to be sent there would have been a good starting point.
…
> Luckily, when they broke out of the Enrichment Center, they made it were we could access the main labs. I was able to do a little research and test.
If they already broke out, why would you want to stay and do “research”? Get the hell out of here and use your Portal gun to get rich. Hell, use it to fight the Combine, unless that’s already over.
Why would you stay in the Aperture Labs? Are you even qualified to make research? Were you a scientist back on Earth? I doubt that.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 86 - Part 4
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> After another month, I had made a break through, thanks to my friend Jinx.
A breakthrough in what? What were you researching? Who the hell is Jinx? Why are you ignoring huge vital chunks of your own backstory?
Why the hell do you exist!?
…
> Sadly, the others heard of this and wanted out as well...
They’re already out! You said so yourself!
…
> We barricaded the lab, but they used those damn Portal guns to get in!
Well, you didn’t do a good job, did you?
…
> They forced me and Jinx to continue the work
What work!?
If your entire backstory is going to hinge on that alone, then at least give an explanation of what it is that you’re supposed to be doing.
…
> and once we finish, they used the device we made to try and escape the facility.
But you just said that some had already escaped! It’s the reason you were able to enter the labs in the first place, because a group broke out of there!
GAH!
…
> What we didn't tell them was that we were intending to go to another world, not just leave the facility.
So none of the “bad guys” actually bothered in checking what Plot contrivance and Jinx were doing? If those two could pick up scientific knowledge that easily, then the others could do so as well.
And why wouldn’t they? These are the guys that took down GLaDOS, wouldn’t they show the smallest bit of precaution and be informed about what the new scientist were doing?
God damn it, this sucks.
…
> “Some of them left, but most stayed and wanted us to do more research for them.”
Why!? What the hell could they possibly want? I actually want to know!
…
> “Jinx didn't like that idea and told me we had to get that device and leave.”
“Hey, it’s totes not cool that those guys are making us work for them, let’s bail.”
…
> “To shorten this”
Even more?
…
> “we had to fight for it”
I’m sure it was an intense and exciting fight.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 86 - Part 5
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> “but have you ever tried to fight off twenty fully grown men! Not easy, I'll tell you that”
Yeah. There’s no way you two should have won on your own.
…
> and it doesn't help when they're pros at Portals...
Which makes your eventual victory even less likely.
…
> anyways, we got away
Despite being outnumbered by violent stallions who were armed by futuristic weapons.
…
> , but I don't know what world Jinx went to, but I don't care.
“He was my friend, supported me during out imprisonment and aided in our escape.”
“Fuck him.”
…
> “All I know is I'm happy, and he's more than likely happy."
For all you know, he could have been sent to an apocalyptic world and is now dead.
…
> He waved her off and smiled, "Don't worry about it, I'm happy here.”
“Disregard the fact that I literally just arrived, and you’re the first being I encountered in this universe.”
…
> “I should have came here in the first place...”
You think?
…
> He shook his head, "Nah, I'm fine... wait a second." He lifted his front hooves and looked at his blue bracelets
Yes, that’s a portal gun.
Yes, it’s fully functional.
Yes, Living the Dream has somehow taken a turn for the worse.
…
> Fluttershy cocked her head, "Can you show me more?"
> He nodded, "I'd be happy to."
If you excuse me, I’ll be ripping apart my last shred of hope for finding something fun this fanfic.
…
> Ponyville, center of town
As much as I hated that last part, I don’t want to go back to seeing another consequence-free rampage through town.
…
> Play this, It was playing while I was typing, so it fits I guess XD
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIExmr5xIsU [Embed]
It’s not my style of music so I’m not going to judge.
…
> Violent Inferno laughed loudly and jumped forward, soaring towards me.
What’s the relation between “Purple Blaze” and “Violent Inferno”?
Beyond the compensation and wish-fulfillment, I mean.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 86 - Part 6
…
> I smiled and twisted around. I then kicked backwards with my hind legs, but all they met was air.
Lance attacks and misses, Peter attacks and doesn’t miss.
That’s what happens for several paragraphs.
…
> I lay on the ground, coughing, trying to stay in my transformation. Damn, without oxygen, I can't sustain this form!
I thought cutting blood supply to your brain is what took you out of your Super Saiyan.
Boy, everything Graze taught him was just lies.
…
> "Stay back! If you want a challenge, then face me!"
“Don’t fight me, unless you want to fight me!”
…
> [Stay back boys, let the ladies handle this] Kill said, cracking her neck.
> <Watch and learn, let us girls show you boys how to fight> Joy said, a smile on her face.
This laughably bad attempt at female empowerment doesn’t make up for the eighty five chapters of misogyny.
…
> [Lance, get up! I'm not going to be shown up by a bunch of girls!]
“Reassuring my masculinity is more important than making sure my friends are alright!”
…
> Inferno smiled, "A little bitch is going to try and fight me? Pathetic."
No, Lance is not going to fight you, Grace will.
…
> His head snapped to the side as I landed a few feet away, holding my chest. There was a few drops of blood dripping from a long cut across my chest... but how?! I hit him! Not the other way around!
Must… not… make...edginess… joke.
…
> "How did you do this?!"
> [Peter] smiled, "Oh, just something I picked up while I was in a different dimension."
Well, that inter-dimensional travel thing finally paid off, it only took forty three chapters.
I don’t think it was worth the wait.
…
> Omnius.... He learned this in Omnius's dimension?!
Incredible, I know. The fact Peter managed to learn anything from Omnius other than being obnoxious is amazing.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 86 - Part 7
…
> Inferno looked back to Grace and chuckled, he then reared back his head and slammed it into hers, knocking her out almost instantly.
Thankfully the only outcome of head-butting someone is the instant knock-out of your opponent and no negative effect on the user.
…
> My blood began to boil, a new feeling taking over, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT HITTING MARES?!"
Ok, I’ll have to give Lance that.
He may be an insecure, dimwitted, immature, misogynistic, egotistical douche; but at least he’s against hitting women.
…
> My head snapped back as his hoof slammed into it, and I'm pretty sure he just broke my snout!
Which would prevent you from breathing and speaking normally, and yet it won’t.
…
> Inferno stood over me laughing, "Really? This is what I have to fight? *Sigh* Boring."
Say, why are you fighting them?
I thought this whole thing was caused because Annabel messed with you, somehow. Shouldn’t you be going after her? Or is she controlling you and forcing you to fight Lance and Grace?
Why does Kickass222urmom refuse to give us even the faintest trace of backstory? Does he intentionally want us to not care about what happens?
…
> He then brought his hoof downward... but suddenly, a vine wrapped around it and yanked it away from me.
This got me thinking…
Everything that women seem to do in this story is get pregnant or be love interests.
The only exceptions are Vine, Grace, and Annabel. And even then, all Grace and Vine have done so far is serving as complements to Lance’s acts of pseudo-heroism.
What does it say that the only half-decent role model for women in this fic is a being of chaos who considers rape funny?
Oh wait, there’s Dana Greenfield.
She may be a traditional overprotective mother, but she’s the only character so far to have experienced any kind of growth and has moved on with her life.
Never mind then, continue with the senseless beating of mares.
 
 
 
>>Chapter 86 - Part 8
…
> Vinetion walked up and shook her head, "Can't handle yourself, huh Lance?"
> I sighed, "Shut up Vine."
“Yeah, shut up. Why do you think saving my life gives you the right to speak?”
…
> Inferno was sent flying, and Vinetion fell to the ground, coughing for air.
Look! Up there in the sky!
Is it a knife? Is it a sword?
…
> Oh God! Mr. Bleak!
It’s Mr. Edgerstein!
…
> <Isn't it odd how every time he's about to kill one of us, someone intervenes?>
Isn’t it odd how authors think that lampshade hanging somehow excuses their plot holes?
…
> Inferno stood up shakily and looked at Mr. Bleak, "Who the fuck are you?!"
Did the Violent Inferno thing gave Lance selective amnesia as well?
He was there when Mr. Bleak took Lance out of Manehattan, he should recognise him.
As awful as everyone looks, nobody looks like Mr. Bleak.
…
> Mr. Bleak chuckled, "Oh, just your worst nightmare."
You might be awful, but that honor still belongs to Lance.
…
Mr. Bleak and Peter fight. It’s as exciting and engrossing as the previous fight.
…
> Inferno spun around, throwing a hoof full of dirt into Mr. Bleak's eyes.
Ha!
This guy has shrugged off intense beatings and has been shown to be able to teleport. Surely a bunch of dirt can be easily do—
…
> Mr. Bleak stumbled back rubbing his eyes.
Or not.
Sure, let’s get the Eldritch Abomination out of the way so Lance can save the day.
…
> <He just hit Mr. Bleak! How is that possible!>
It’s called “forcing the plot”. And it’s an even worse example than the Manehattan arc.
…
> Shit! Move Lance! Damn it!
Yeah, why aren’t you doing anything?
…
> Inferno looked at Grace, who was still unconscious, "I'll start with you."
Oh, I see.
You were waiting for the “villain attempts to kill the character’s friend in front of him, which gives him enough strength to fight back, somehow” cliché to happen.
