Title:           wai-wai pt 4
Author:          notkickass222urmom
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/rbstmtmn
First Edit:      Sunday 18th of May 2014 02:15:12 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 18th of May 2014 02:15:12 AM CDT

Back again. John, the sexy and heroic protagonist (and slayer of mankind) of our cherished story had just found RD, his girlfriend (though not in a sexual way), dying in a cave. He found the cave because a ghost that was a AI told him to. Then he took his combat knife, stabbed Celestia for no good reason, and the killed the main villain in the story, barely more than 1/4 into the story. It is clear, in a brilliant subversion of the adventure genre, Andre has made John the villain in his own story. Truly excellent writing.
 
>Part 13: The evil has many faces
All of them are John.
 
>After one week of the proceedings, John walked up and down in his room.
Hey, our first significant timeskip? At least that's something.
 
>John bother about Rainbow Dash.
And John bothers me.
 
>The doctors told him she will recover but he still have worries about ... what he said. He was the it who brought her in this situation.
Again, no, her kidnapping isn't really your fault. Not entirely anyway. More or less everything else bad that has happened is your fault though.
 
 
 
>He looked at the pictures which symbolized the heroes of Equestira. On one picture he was there too but he didn't feel like a hero.
How the hell are you a hero? In the last chapter, which was so bad that subjecting people to it should be against the Geneva Conventions, you stabbed Celestia in a scene ripped straight out of Return of the Jedi. Almost word for word at times.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Maybe whatever extreme insanity possessed Andre has gone away, and he's back to just being a horrible writer.
 
>Clack, clack, clack, clack. There was a white Pegasus pony, he wore a kind of black suit and had a shades to hide his eyes.
For fuck's sake.
 
>"Hello Mr Price long not seeing. How are you?" asked the unknown pony.
And I long to not see any of you ever again.
 
>The voice sounds a bit familiar and a bit other it didn't sound like a pony voice more as ... a human?
Don't go there. We don't need more humans in this fic. Or else it's going to turn into Living the Dream.
 
>"You cant remember me? Oh that's make me a bit sat." said the Pegasus and starts smiling. But the smile was ... an evil smile.
Whenever something is negative, Andre just tosses the word evil somewhere into the sentence and calls it a day. It's some of the laziest writing I have ever seen.
 
 
 
>"I am International Special Agent Steve Connor. U.S Government." he smiled.
I see this Trail of Tears has only just begun. Everyone, meet Steve, our new human OC. Who's a pegasus for some reason. Also, why is he a International Special Agent, but still representing the US? How is he even fucking here?
 
>"WHAT? NO THATS ... UNPOSSIBLE ... YOU ... HOW?" John didn't know how he should react now.
Arguably, unpossible is a correct English word.
 
>"Do you remember the dialogue between you and the general? The computer error?" he still smiled.
Oh, that thing in chapter 1? The general I liked so much?
 
>"Well the general sent me to seize all your technology. After arriving on your company I saw the pony statue glowing. I was curios what it was and then ... I landed here." explained the agent.
When was that? Wasn't John at work when this happened? Didn't the statue show itself after the nukes started dropping?
 
>"But how did you get a ... Pegasus pony?" John asked.
>"Ow that was easy you know I am a special agent of the USA so I have my tricks." The agent turned to the window.
Apparently, one of those tricks is shapechanging. Also what's up with all this 9/11 and America Fuck Yeah stuff? Is Andre Germany's biggest Ameriboo? Because his self insert isn't just in Equestria, he's a American in Equestria.
 
 
 
>"Ah John you are an hero here hm? Haha in our world you are a murder and here a hero nice to hear." The agent giggled.
Of course the agent fucking giggled. It makes him seem frightening.
 
>"Oh it was like you entered here. I had no idea where I am so I tried to find help. I stood in font of a house. I saw there were a unicorn inside. She shocked after seeing me." declared the agent.
"I am mentioning this to progress the plot, since the author ran out of ideas when the BBEG was killed off in the last chapter. So now I'm here to become a new shitty antagonist, and tell you this so Twilight or someone can make you a pony later. That way you can fuck RD with your huge horse dick and it technically won't be bestiality."
 
>"Well I asked her if she could transform me into a pony to. She was unsure but then he offered me which sort of pony I would like to be. My decision felt to the Pegasus so I have the ability to spy everywhere. In Ponyville in Canterlot and Cloudstale."
I wonder why on one ever talks about Cloudsdale. Anyway, this is great writing right here. The agent becomes a pegasus to better spy on shit. Fucking great.
 
>"John you know us. We have to work "CLEAN" so ... NO WITNESS." said the agent and put his evil smile back on his face.
You would have fewer witnesses if you stopped shouting. What are you even doing here, now, in the Royal Castle?
 
 
 
>"You ... you murdered her?" John ask shocked.
>"Oh come on that's our business. No one has to experimented who I really am.
Then why the fuck are you telling John this?
 
>"What's your assignment? Our government doesn't longer exist." John said.
For the first time in ages, John made a valid point.
 
>"Well, we found out that there are more of these "Time-Portals" and my assignment is to kill everyone who tries to enter this world. Never mind if he/she a man a woman or a child. Its all for the nationality security." explained the agent.
In other words, Andre suddenly discovered that he lacked a plot.
 
>"Oh John come on do you really think itīs good if humans and ..."ponies" went together? Like you with Rainbow Dash...AH NO WAIT ...DASHI." he giggled.
Imagining Steve shouting out the words in caps and giggling like a little girl makes it hard to take him even remotely seriously.
 
>"Hey man I am an agent. One of the best in the US government. Do you really think I didn't know that you here?" said the Agent.
Yes, because there is no good reason for you to know it.
 
 
 
>"And now? ... say goodnight John." said the agent and put a pistol, Modell: Walter P226 and aim his pistol to John head. Suddenly he transformed back into a human and now John saw the familiar face.
I get a bad feeling about a story whenever someone starts calling weapons by their full names. Also, unicorns can not only magically shapeshift humans, but the humans also get the ability to shapeshift at will. Also note that he draws the gun and aims BEFORE turning into a human.
 
>John got down. No one heard the shoot. He had a silencer on his pistol. John hit him between his legs, the agent looked down and John hit him his pistol out of his hand.
Being the protagonist, John can just knock the pistol out of the hand of a agent who has had the entire chapter up until now to explain how "badass" he is.
 
>John still pressed him against the balcony. Suddenly the agent felt over the balcony. John saw him. He felt and felt. John kneeing down. He was out of bushed.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is how you write good action scenes.
 
>The agent still felt down. The agent start laughing. He felt further and suddenly *PUFFF* he was a Pegasus again.
OH NO. I DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING!
 
 
 
>"Thanks Charm for that awesome spell." said the Agent.
>Charm was the pony which got kill by Steve. She helped him to transform him to a pony and to change his personality whenever he want.
He can also change his personality? Just with a simple spell from a normal unicorn? Sounds perfectly reasonable.
 
>The agent flew away and laughed. "Oh John dude I think I will have my fun with you." and flow away.
So he flew away, called John a dude, then flew away again?
 
>"John is everything alight? You look a bit ... as you had a fight, we heard some lout noises." Twilight said and giggled.
What's with the rampant giggling? It's almost always inappropriate given the situation. Then again, this is Twi.
 
>"NO HE WASNT DEAD. He is an agent he know how he has to rescue himself." John thought.
He's the top agent in the entire US government, something something 300 confirmed kills, something something gorilla warfare.
 
>"How is it going girls?" John asked.
Once again, John shows great social understanding of every situation.
 
>"Oh we are fine, thanks again for you help. You are a hero here in Equestria." Twilight said.
"My here, please save everything forever and take all us females into your harem, so that a new race of super ponies might be sired by the power of your heroic, American loins. Please John, for the good of Equestria, fuck me silly."
 
 
 
>"I hope Dash can forgive me." John said.
>"She already had. Hey we are turn back to Ponyville in the afternoon. Dash must be still here but maybe tomorrow she can leave the hospital." Twilight said.
Sure. You could have written a emotional scene where John asks for forgiveness. But no. Everyone just automatically loves and forgives him. He hasn't even apologised to Celestia.
Also, everyone heals super fast in this fic.
