Title:           THE DICK WARRIOR
Author:          minion_of_Lulu
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/DbtqEx5G
First Edit:      Tuesday 26th of February 2013 10:17:27 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 26th of February 2013 10:17:27 AM CDT

>Day foal molesters in Equestria.
>You are Anon Hanson, and you're the host for Hayline's "To Catch a Predator".
>Things were going great, though you never would have thought Rarity had a thing for colts.
>You're doing Celestia's work.
>Everything is set up for the next bust.
>The predator walks in.
>"Y-yeah. Show me dat hot flank."
>This mare sounds familiar.
>"I-In just a second. I have to go freshen up some. Have a juice box on the table."
>That's the signal to go in.
>You straighten your tie and rehearse your most famous line.
>Pop a mint in your mouth. Yeah, you're ready.
>Walk out into the kitchen.
Why don't you have a seat over the-
>Oh no. Oh no no no no no...
>Why her.
>It's Fluttershy dressed up as a gangsta, and she's drinking a juice box.
>The most dangerous kind.
>Fuck, why you. Wait, you can get through this. You have the Canterlot royal guards stationed outside for such a situation.
>You can do this. Breathe...
Do you mind telling me what you're doing here?
>Gangstashy doesn't look phased at all.
>She places the juice box on the table and looks you square in the eye.
>"What's gud nigga. I'm in hurr sipping on sum juice."
>She picks up the juice box again, finishing up the last of the contents.
>Her lips were wrapped tight around the straw, sucking out most of the air.
>The box crumpled in her hooves just from her strong lungs.
>Once she frees the straw, her tongue flicks the tip that was just in her mouth.
>All the while, looking right into your eyes.
 
>Oh fuck. She has no fear.
D-Don't you know who I am?
>"Yeah, You're Anon Hanson. But I'z callz ya Anon Handsome."
>Her tongue runs over her upper lip, her eyes never leaving yours.
>She winks at you with her eyes, before mewing and clawing at you like some predatory cat.
>Oh shit, you might be fucked here.
>No, she was here for that colt...right?
You know why you're here, right?
>"Yea! I know why I'm in hurr. I want dat hot monkey dick, nigga."
E-excuse me?
>"Lookit here, Anon. I like ya, and I want ya. So we do dis da E-Z way or da hard way."
>That's it, she's gone too far.
We aren't doing this any other way.
>"Oh, I see we doin' dis da hard way."
I'm not giving you the dick, Gangstashy. Guards, come and escort our gue-
>"RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
>In a fit of anger, the thug pegasus jumps your bones, ripping your clothes off one by one.
>She reaches your inner sanctum, rubbing your dick with her gangsta hooves.
>You became hard in 10 seconds flat. hurr
>"I'm taking what's mine! I'm tha Dick Warrior! Ridin' till I die!"
>NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
>The guards burst down the door.
>They watch you being raped by Gangstashy.
W-what are you doing, help me!?!
>They all look between themselves and shrug.
>"Sorry Anon. But...we weren't trained for this type of situation."
What the fuck!?
>Another guard speaks up.
>"Yeah, we mostly just stand around while our princess goes to tea parties."
>Fucking guards...
>Because of them, now you're
>Fucking Gangstashy.