Title:           Beach Bum Anon Chapter 2: The Phantom Pain
Author:          manofass
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/EkcR78DT
First Edit:      Friday 16th of September 2016 09:56:53 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Friday 16th of September 2016 09:59:05 PM CDT

>"Speedy!"
>Groggy eyes open to reveal a familiar face merely inches away from yours
>You jump in surprise and the face seems to mistake that for preparing to scream or something, because almost instantly your mouth is covered by a scabbed, grimy, unwashed hand that smelled strongly of hot sauce and human shit
>You chuckle at the visitor's twitchiness
"Ragu? Could it be you?"
>You amuse yourself with your crummy rhyme and chuckle again
>"Shut the fuck up, man, we're in deep shit! Get your ass up an' follow me or you're a sure goner!"
>You comply with casual stumbling, not quite one with your inner cat or your inner ear at the moment
>He leads you out of a boxcar in the middle of a rail yard
"Shit, Bill, the hell is this all about?"
>"I was hearin' noises, Speed. It's bulls, come to beat the tar outta me an' crack my skull sunny side. An' you know I hate bein' called Bill, asshole."
"Because Ragu is so much better. I swear, you've got yourself the silliest moniker I ever heard of."
>You punctuate this statement with a shake of your head
>"Not at all like Speedy, eh Anon?"
>You snicker at your own hypocrisy and leave the subject
"So, what brings you into my neck of the woods this time of night?"
>You realize you don't recognize this area at all, at least not in the late evening/early morning darkness
"Or me to yours, I suppose."
>"Sh-h!"
>He shoves you to the ground, where sharp gravel rocks pierce at your delicate, exposed underbelly
>You now realize you are wearing nothing but jeans and an open suit jacket
>Bill follows you down, landing with a quiet thud and suppressed whimper
>You stand up slowly and quietly, and see nothing around that could've set Bill off
"Dammit Ragu, you're just hearing things again. You keep this shit up and I've got half a mind to tie your hands and feet and haul you to the nut factory."
 
>This time when your eyes open you are greeted by a panting, happy-looking dog
>And you're under a tree stump, covered in dirt
>What the balls
"What the balls?"
>Your voice is different
>You motion to shoo the dog away and catch sight of your hoof
>It all comes rushing back
>Holy fuck this has lasted for so long
>Which either means it's real
>Or you've lapsed into psychosis
"OH GOD!"
>And that means you might as well be dead
"OH GOD OH GOD!"
>Because Eddie's just gonna scrape out all your usable organs and sell them to hispanic gentlemen
"OH SHI-"
>Your body is wracked with pain as the pendant on your neck makes itself known
>The sudden shock serves to snap you out of your stupor and take a deep breath
>This has gotta be real, right?
>If you were mad, you'd be doing nothing but hooting and hollering all night long
>You'd talk about how the moon landing was fake and Jesus shot Kennedy
>You would take the theories about Rick Scott being an orc in disguise seriously
>You aren't crazy
>This is all just real
>Quantum vaccums and whatnot
>You've calmed down quite a bit when suddenly an orange face pops out of nowhere and scares the shit out of you
>You kick dirt in its eyes, causing it to cringe back in discomfort and skitter out of your hidey hole
>You stop to get a read on the situation, and see that it's just some cowboy pony rubbing dirt out of her eyes with the dog from earlier sitting on the ground, contented
"Uh, what's up?"
>"What in tarnation did ya go and do that for?"
"I, uh, got spooked, is all. Can't just drop in on a guy while he's trying to sleep like that, you know?"
>She clears her face and stares daggers at you
>"And just what are you doing squatting on my land while poor ol' Twi's worrying her royal head off about you?"
"What now?"
>"She organized search parties and everything! We combed the streets, the alleys, the woods and the fields lookin' for you, and here you are just lounging in a tree stump like everything's hunky dory!"
"I'm not following."
>She blinks for a moment and her expression softens
>"You are Speedy, right?"
>You nod
>Her brow furrows once more and she starts yapping meaningless and arbitrary bullshit about responsibility and trust
>What the fuck crawled up her ass?
"Jesus, lady, calm down now. I don't understand what the big fuss is about!"
>"Neither do I, but I trust Twilight's judgement enough to get worked up about it."
>Holy shit she just admitted to being a fucking fool
>You begin to laugh in her face
"Are you legit retarded?"
>You choke out between cackles
>Her face turns as red as the fruit on her ass and she grabs you by the ear and seats herself on the stump you had found shelter in
>Her fury only makes you laugh harder, and you can practically see the steam billowing from her ears as she bends you over her leg
>Before you realize what she is doing she whaps your rump with all the force an angry pony can call upon
>And it hurts like hell
"What the f-"
>You involuntarily flail your legs as the shock hits, but Applejack takes this as you just fidgeting from the whipping
>She smacks again and again, harder and harder each time
>When the shock wears off, you find yourself actually enjoying it
>With each spank, you only grow more aroused
>She doesn't notice your growing erection, and keeps going
>Your face grows red as you moan quietly, heart practically jumping out of your chest
>"O-h f-f-f..u..."
>For whatever reason, the locket doesn't activate this time
>By the time orange is sure you've learned your lesson, you cum buckets all over her lap
>She stops in the middle of another whack
>"Did you go and piss yourself?"
>Without waiting for a response, she lifts you up to get a look at the damage done
>Been too long since a nigga had a good nut
>She sets you on the ground and stares intently at the mess on her lap, shock, disgust and rage twisting her face silently into horrible, hilarious shapes
>You would laugh if you weren't so overcome with blissful relief
>Silently, she stands up and walks away, looking back at you and opening her mouth to say something once, shudders, and turns back around without uttering a word