Title:           Get the F out
Author:          jenseits
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/QjUQwWiR
First Edit:      Saturday 30th of March 2013 11:24:19 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 30th of March 2013 11:24:19 PM CDT

>Day attitude.
>Tonight was going to be a fun night.
>The girls were going to have a party at Twilight’s library, where you were residing as well.
>You had no place else to say and she was over-joyed to have a new species living with her.
>Heck who wouldn’t?
>The party was to commemorate your 300th day in Equestria.
>Why?
>Cause Pinkie Pie said so.
>Good enough for you, that girl knew how to party.
>You were cleaning up around the library with Spike and Twilight.
>”This is going to be a blast!” said Spike seemingly randomly.
>”It sure will Spike, I just hope we don’t get too crazy.”
“Aww come on Twilight, everyone needs to be a little CUUHHRRAAAAAAAAAAZY now and then.”
>They both laugh at your obnoxious use of the word.
>As the evening approaches Pinkie shows up and puts on the finishing touches.
>By which she shoots her party cannon and the room explodes into a party hall.
>Eventually knocks at the door signal the arrival of the others.
>Applejack is the last to show up, and beckons you outside.
>”Anon could ya give me a hoof, err, hand with these?”
“Sure, what are ‘these’?”  You gesture to the barrels she brought on her cart.
>”One is regular old cider, the other is special cider, somethin’ ta spice the night up a little bit.”
>You know exactly what’s special about this cider, it’s fermented.
“Ha, really think Pinkie’s party needs ‘spiced’?”
>”Nah, but ah figure ‘hey, why not?’”
“Can’t argue with that.”
>You heft both barrels in, and with that the party is on.
>Despite the Irish in you, you didn’t drink all the much back home.
>Not because you were a wuss, but you were cheap, and it was cheaper to just enjoy it on occasion.
>When you did drink, it was in moderation.
>However, you were going to enjoy tonight, so you opened up and hit the hard cider first thing.
>One keg of cider would usually last these girls, even with AJ and Dash.
>You, however, were a different story.
>Due to being over 3 times their size, you could drink more, and it wasn’t that potent.
>You took advantage of this by sharing a toast with each of them individually.
>Granted with Fluttershy, it was more of a sip, but that was ok.
>Spike was even allowed to indulge in a mug, which ended up making him pass out almost immediately.
>You’ll have to work with him on that.
>”Sheesh Anon you really know how to put that stuff away.”
“You’re one to talk, Dash.”
>”Partner she ain’t had half as much as you.  Heck even me and her combined haven’t matched you.  Ah may just have ta charge ya fer it.”
“Fine, fine I’ll lay off.”
>”Oh relax ah’m just teasin’.  If anything it gives us an excuse ta pick up the pace.”
>And that they did.
>While they still couldn’t keep up, they were close behind.
>The others started dropping out like flies.  
>Twilight and Fluttershy were slow dancing in the middle of the room.
>Rarity was cuddled up with, or rather on, Spike.
>Too bad he’ll never know it.
>Applejack and Dash engaged in various activities.
>Most of which involved seeing what kind of stuff they could get stuck in Rarity’s mane.
>You were simply sitting in a chair, content with how things were going.
>A moderately inebriated Pinkie strolled up to you.
>”Heeeeeeeeyyyyy AAAAAAnnnonn,  how ya liking the *hic* paaaarty???”
“It’s great Pinkie, you really outdid yourself.”
>”PFFFFFFTTT, this ain’t nothing.  And you don’t look like you’ve partied at all.”
“That’s cause I can handle my liquor.”
>“I’ll sa-“ *BEEEEELLLCH*
>You all just stare at her.
>She giggles “’Scuse me!”
>The others just shake their heads and go back to what they were doing.
>You laugh and pet her head, much to her enjoyment, as you stand up.
>”Hey silly billy, where do you think YOU’RE going?”
>You say in a completely serious and sober tone.
“I’m going to go fight some timberwolves.”
>...
>Maybe you were feeling a little bit tipsy.
>Pinkie Is gawking at you, before finally busting into a fit of laughter.
>”HAAHAHA.  Oh Anon, you so crazy~”
>She stumbled off.
>With none of them paying attention, you set out to the Everfree forest.
 
****45 minutes later*****
>You are Rainbow Dash.
>Rarity is going to have your and Applejack’s flanks.
>Totally worth it to hide half of Twi’s fridge in her mane and tail.
>”Oh mah Celestia, is she gonna flip.”
“Hey, just remember, we go down together.”
>”Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
>You go to fill up your mug, but the hard cider is tapped out.
“Aww, coulda swore we had more left."
>”Well maybe if a certain human hadn’t cleaned us out…”
>You go to glare at Anon.
>He’s not around.
“Hey where’d he go?”
>”Bathroom?”
>You fly to the bathroom.
>Not there.
"Well that’s strange, I mean it’s not exactly like he’s subtle.  Did he leave?”
>“Ta go where?”
>Just then you hear Pinkie laughing hysterically on the floor.
“What’s so funny?”
>”OH, nothing, except that Anon, pffft, he….he…..”
>”He what sugarcube?”
>*snicker* “HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO FIGHT TIMBERWOLVES, HHAHAHAHA.”
>She’s rolling on the floor laughing.
>You start to snicker too.
>Until you think about how much he drank.
>As big as he was, 20-something mugs of cider can do funny things.
>Applejack comes to the same conclusion as you.
“You don’t think….”
>”Oh that’s exactly what ah’m thinkin’…”
>You fly around trying to wake everypony up, but they won’t budge.
>Especially Twilight and Fluttershy who are practically spooning on the couch.
>This would be the perfect camera moment if it weren’t for the fact your friend could be torn apart.
“Ach, forget this.  Applejack, let’s go find him.”
>”You got it.”
“Pinkie…..just……stay here in case he comes back.”
>”Okie Dokie Lokie!”
>She would be useless in her current state.  
>You set out to find Anon, hoping it’s not too late.
 
****MEANWHILE, DEEP IN THE EVERFREE FOREST****
>You are Anon.
>You found your pack of timberwolves.
>About 6 or 7, like you can count at this point.
>The scene would look grim to most, but through your eyes, it’s a wee bit different.
>You’re in a ring, surrounded by a sold-out crowd of 22,000 fans, with untold millions watching at home.
>”We thank yall for joining us tonight, I’m Jim Ross here along with Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler, in our main event.  King, what do you think is going through the mind of Anon here now?”
>”It can’t be anything sane.  He may have a clear size advantage individually, but there are 3 of them to one of him. He has to be nuts!”
>JR: ”He never was one to back down from a fight, but you have to question this decision here.  Even still, he looks completely confident.”
>K: ”Well they say ignorance is bliss.”
>The announcer introduces you all.
>”In one corner, at a combined weight, of 503 pounds, theeeeee Pack Hounds!”
>A resounding boo echoes throughout the arena.
>The wolves snarl at you.
>”Aaaannd in this corner, at 6’1”, 265 pounds,  AAAAAAANNNNNOOONNNN!!!”
>The crowd is electric.
>You kneel down, and tap the non-existent watch on your wrist, bringing it to your ear.
>You nod, and cup your hands around your mouth and stand.
”IT’S CLOBBERING TIIIIIIIIMMMMMMEEEEEE!”
>The bell rings.
>K: “Here we go!”
>JR: “This will not be for the faint of heart.”
>One wolf takes off at you and leaps.
>You stand firm, and throw your shoulder right into it, and it crumples to the ground.
>JR: “And there’s the strength of Anon, using it to his advantage.  Anon has got to save energy, pick them apart one by one.”
>You pick it up by the head, then, grabbing a leg, throw it back.
>It stands up wobbly.
>Shaking its head, it looks back to you, undeterred.
>Another one runs at you.
>No more waiting.
>You take off, and bring your arms up and run right through it, then the others.
>JR: “There he goes, taking the fight right to them.  It’s not graceful, or pretty, but he’s building momentum.  He keeps knocking them down before they can regroup.”
>K: “The less time they have to think, the less chance they have to mount any offense.  But you can’t win a match like that.”
>JR: “Anon scoops up a wolf, text book body slam.  He’s in control now.”
>K: “Uh oh look out behind him.  They have him lined up.”
>You turn around just in time to catch one right across your chest.
>JR: “Look at that power.  He caught it like a rag doll, and is just walking around the ring with it.”
>K: “Wait look, he’s lining it up with a post.  He’s got something in mind and it can’t be good.”
>You line up with a tree at your back and through your whole body backwards, heaving the wolf overhead.
>JR: “Good God! A fall away slam! Right into the post!”
>The wolf shatters upon impact.
>JR: “They won’t be getting up from that anytime soon.  Good grief that was a sickening crack.  What impact.”
>You stand up and give a roar, driving the crowd wild.
>This was premature though, as you’re pounced upon by a wolf, pinning you down.
>They bite and claw at your back.
>JR: “Just like that the tide turns.  He’s in a bad way now, but he’s fighting.”
>You turn over, and get a leg under it and shove it off.
>You’re on one knee as it charges at you.  
>Perfect position.
>K: “Look out!”
>JR: “SPINEBUSTER. A vicious spine buster! What explosiveness!”
>K: “Did you see their head bounce?”
>You stand and look to the crowd, which is wild.
“WHO’S NEXT?”
>You turn to the last wolf.
“YOU.”
>The wolf looks around, realizing it’s all alone, before turning a paw to itself as if to say ‘me?’.
>Your eyes are wide as you smile.
“YOU’RE NEXT.”
>It turns to run, but you grab the tail.
>You grab the head under your arm and get your head under its front leg.
>You pop it straight into the air and hold it upright.
>JR: “Good God look at that.  That’s scary.  He’s parading it around the ring, setting it up for the finishing blow.”
>You bring it crashing to the mat.
>JR: “There it is! Jackhammer!”
>K: “That’s it, it’s ove-Hey look!”
>Before you can get the pin in, you’re assailed by 2 more wolves out of nowhere.
>They have you pinned.
>JR: “WHAT THE HELL?  Where’d they come from?!  Stop this!  Someone get in there!”
>K: “Not good! He’s being mauled!
>JR: “This isn’t right!  By God stop this!”
>A third has joined the pile and begins biting.
>You’re face down and can’t shake them.
>This is bad, but there’s nothing you can do.
>Suddenly a crack is heard and the weight lessens.
>”WHY DON’T YOU TRY GANGING UP ON ME??”
>JR: “Wait! Look!  Out of nowhere Rainbow Dash!  The speedster herself! She tackled that wolf right off Anon and is going to town on it!”
>Another crack, and the load gets lighter again.
>JR: “And there’s Applejack!  A hard buck knocks another off the pile! “
>K: “Where’d they come from?!”
>”How’s THAT for an entrance?”
>JR: “I have no idea but take a look! Anon is getting back up!  Odds are even now!”
>You elbow the last wolf off of you and begin to stomp it into the ground repeatedly.
>JR: “He’s stomping a mud hole and walking it dry!”
>The crowd is blowing the roof off the place.
>You see Applejack tying up her wolf, while Dash has hers in a half Nelson.
>Once it’s incapacitated, she comes over to you, but before she could say anything, a wolf from early jumps at you two.
>You saw it coming, taking it out with a clothesline.
>You turn to Dash and shove her in the chest, too hard as she crashes to the dirt.
“DASH!”
>K: “Uh oh, there’s that look.  You know what this means!”
“GET THE TABLES!”
>JR: “All 22,000 are on their feet, they want wood!”
>Rainbow gets up slowly, shaking the cobwebs.
>Obviously there are no tables, so you improvise and grab a large tree limb.
>She helps prop it across two rocks.
>You point to Applejack, who stands the one wolf up before bucking it in the back.
>It stumbles toward you, and you hoist it high into the air.
>As you fall back, Rainbow grabs its head and together you slam it with a sickening crack through the limb.
>JR: “THREE D.  THREE D THROUGH THE TABLE!”
>You rise, AJ and Dash in front of you.  
>They’re about to say something when you’re cracked in the side of the head by something large.
>You tumble to the ground.
>”ANON!” (x2)
>JR: “Dear God look at that!  Anon just got pawed by that behemoth!”
>Two of them quite literally pulled themselves together, and made an alpha wolf, twice the size of a normal wolf.
>K: “Oh boy, Anon’s down, and I don’t think AJ and Dash can handle that beast on their own. Things just went from bad to worse.”
>JR: “Those 2 have a lot of heart, but this is beyond them.  That thing is pure strength and every bit as nasty.”
>”Uhhhh Applejack, got any ideas?”
>”We gotta buy time until Anon gets back up!  We need him fer this!  Keep this galoot busy!”
>”Right!”
>You slowly come to, and as you look up, you see AJ get pawed down.
>Dash bites its back leg, but that only serves to upset it.
>She ducks under a swipe, and is standing between you and it.
>”Anon!  Could use some help here!”
>You get into a 3 point stance and dart at her.
>The wolf runs at her as well.
“DUCK.”
>She does so at the last second.
>You drive your shoulder right into its sternum.
>JR: “OOOOOOOOHHHH MYYYYY GOD! BAH GAWD! BAH GAWD WHAT A SPEAR! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY.”
>K: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”
>JR: “ANON. WITH A THUNDEROUS SPEAR. AND THAT ALPHA WOLF. MAY BE BROKEN. IN. HALF.”
>Rainbow stares in disbelief.
>Applejack is slow to get up but was able to witness the sickening hit.
>You decide it’s time to end this.
>You draw your thumb across your throat.
>K: “Oh you know what that means.”
>JR: “Anon is looking to end this, right here right now.”
>You grab the mutt by its head and lift it upright, then in one motion pick it up so its head is at your knees.
>You stand on your toes, and drop everything on its head.
>JR: “TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER. Anon has just laid them to rest!”
>K: “Looks more like rest in pieces.”
>You slowly rise and look around you at the carnage.
>You also come to realize you’re not in the professional ring, but rather some dingy clearing.
>Turning around, you are greeted by Rainbow and Applejack.
>”Anon….that….”  Applejack begins before Dash cuts her off.
>”-was AWESOME!”
>”I was gonna say crazy, but I pose that works too. Just what in the hay do ya think yer doin’ comin’ out here by yer loansome?!”
>”YA!  How could you leave us and take all the fun for yourself?”
“Well, I did say I was going to fight wolves.  Apparently I did just that. I’m sorry you all got dragged into this.  You two OK?”
>”Pfft, uh, ya of course we are.  Who do you think we are?”
“Applejack?”
>”Ah’m just fine hun, let’s just get outta this here forest before MORE show up. The rest of the girls are passed out at the library.”
“Ya I guess this was enough fun for one night.”
>In your semi-drunken stupor, you all manage to stumble back to the library.
>But you’ll never forget the night you told all those disclaimers about not trying this at home.
>To get the F out.