Title:           One Shot Collection Feb-March 2014 (updated as of 3/26/2014)
Author:          jchallo83
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/RuhrNi1M
First Edit:      Saturday 15th of February 2014 01:47:28 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 15th of February 2014 01:47:28 PM CDT

>Day Irresistible Deep Voice is irresistible in Equestria.
>You were in the middle frying eggs when today's Shenanigans started.
>With Fluttershy knocking down the door like she's FBI or some shit.
>You groan out load, realizing that you're going to fix that, which requires bits.
>Looking up at the ceiling, you exhale.
"I don't have locks y'know, you could've just came in."
>She doesn't respond, only trots into your kitchen, giving you the trademark bedroom eyes.
>She isn't in any get up today, which is a relief, just a saddle bag.
>"Good morning, sweetie," she says, her voice music to the ears as always.
>Such a soothing voice, honestly.
>But you decide to get down to business.
"Alright, what is it today? C'mon, let's get this out of the way."
>She takes out what looks like poison joke from her saddlebag.
"Well, well, I gueesss I can smoke a little something with you."
>She shakes her head 'no' while smiling.
>"Prepare to have your panties drop."
"...I don't wear panties."
>She chuckles then chumps down on the plant.
"UUUH Fluttershy, I don't think you should've done that, that'll-"
>"That'll what, baby?" She asks, her voice sudden deep like Barry White.
>It's confusing why you blushed.
"Did your voice just go deep?"
>"Oooh yeeeah."
>Oh sweet fuck that voice.
>Baratone look out, you got competition.
[spoiler] would be totally cool if you narrated this. Just sayin'.[/spoiler]
>She flutters over to you, putting a foreleg around your neck to pull you close.
>"Whaddya say we... Take things up stairs and..."
"And what?"
>"And make love, niiice and slooow."
"I...I..."
>"How's that sound baby? All day looong."
"All... Day... Long?"
>"That's right baby."
 
-Meanwhile in Anon's brain-
 
>"CAPTAIN! WE'VE GOT BONER ACTIVITY ON RADAR!"
>"WHAT?! HOW'S THAT POSSIBLE?! IT'S A DEEP VOICE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"
>"I DON'T KNOW! IT'S IRRESISTABLE!"
>"FOLLOW BONER KILLER PROTOCOL! GET SOME CRINKLE GRANNY SMITH IN THIS BITCH!"
>"So Whaddya say, love? Why don't you let me... lay it down to ya right?" Fluttershy says.
>"SHE'S SO SMOOTH! AAAAAH THERE'S A TENT PITCHING IN MY PANTS!"
>"GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF SOLDIER!"
-Back in the real world-
 
>"Anon, baby?"
"I..."
>"Mmm, c'mon, don't be so shy, Flutterguy'll treat ya right."
>Th-that voice.
>The smell of your eggs burning on the skillet brings you out of her trance.
>Panicking, you grab the handle and fling the skillet into the sink.
>Running over to the sink, you turn on the facet, all the while Fluttershy keeps humming in your ear.
>"Mmm, what's the matter? Tell Flutterguy all your troubles, I'll be sure to sooth them away when we break a sweat in the bedroom."
>You turn to her, unable to fathom why your defenses aren't able to hold her off.
"STOP BEING SMOOTH!"
>She slithers her way over to you, like some sort of sly devil charmed fellow.
>"Oh c'mon now, Nony, don't be like that. Why don't you... give into your desires?"
>You look at her, studying her face, only to find that her smile is as charming as her voice.
>An eyebrow twitches upward, while her eyes entice you.
>You hunch your back over in defeat, sighing.
"Oh fuck it let's just do this."
>And that was the day you started...
>Fucking Fluttershy.
>Or Flutterguy, whatever.
===
>S'more bumpin' in Equestria.
>You have finally surpassed the obstacle of writer's block.
>You sit at your computer during the dead of night typing away.
>A glass of tap water on stand by and your music turned up to the max.
>You're feeling good about this little one shot your writing about.
>Then suddenly, you get hung up on a certain detail.
>...
>And fuck, writer's block has stepped in the way again.
>In frustration, your slam your head on your keyboard, groaning.
>You lift your head up, looking at the ceiling.
"Ugh, brain. C'mon work!"
>As response, your brain kicks up his feet on his desk.
>Reaches in his chest pocket for his flask, pops it open and takes a swig.
>He reach over to the intercom to push a button.
>"Fuck you, I do what I want."
>...
>Well fuck you too brain.
>It was at this time when your reached for your glass of tap water to take a small sip.
>A knock occurs at your door.
"Oh great, that's how these things usually start...Yay."
>Groggily, you get out of your chair and walk to the door.
>You open the door and find Flutterrape standing at your doorstep.
>Her mane is a mess, her eyes blood shot along with her eye lids twitching.
>She's twitching all over in fact.
>You know for a fact its Flutterrape, you took notice of her cutie mark which is just ">rape".
>Other than that, she looks exactly like Fluttershy.
>Only she's as light-hearted as she is convoluted.
>And has an obsession with >rape.
>Can't blame her honestly.
>But yeah, she has problems.
>Ah, but you still love her.
"Sup?"
>"Wh-what? Oh yeah, I need a bump, man."
"Again? I just gave you one a little over an hour ago."
>"I NEED IT MAN, C'moooon. Be a team player here!"
>You sigh, not really having energy for this Tom Fo-... Buffoonery..
"Alright, come on in."
>You step aside to let her into your home.
>She goes to the couch while you walk back to your computer to print something out.
>That's the magical power of writing, get used to it.
 
>A page of >rape prints out.
>You walk over to Flutterrape who's tweaking on the couch.
"Here, enjoy it."
>"AAAH THANK YOU!"
>She snatches the paper then pulls out a razor blade.
>Before your eyes she chops up the paper to where it's in powder form.
"Uuuh, Flutterrape?"
>She doesn't respond, her eyes are fixed on her next bump.
>Hearing the razor click against the glass at such a fast rate made you worry about Flutterrape's well-being.
>She pushes the powder into a line then shortly after snorts it from the table surface.
>"AAAAAH! Fuck. Yes! This is good shit!"
>She tends to her nostril for a minute then looks back at you.
>"Thanks for the bump man."
"Yeah, no problem."
>You sit back down at your computer to get back to not writing.
>"Hey, when can I expect s'more of that ol' Piss Fainthearted?"
"Soon, I'm just working out some details."
>"Which is code for you haven't written a damn thing. I speak 'Writer' you'r not fooling me."
"Mhm, yeah, yeah."
>"Anyways, gotta go! Until next time!"
>She zooms out of your home, leaving the door open.
>You lean back in your chair, putting on your chill smug smile.
>Feels good to help the thread every now and then.
"Ah yes, feels good man."
>Bumping Flutterrape.
===
 
 
>Day Pinkie fucking Pie in Equestria.
>You are Anon.
>Stepping into the only bakery that can satisfy your needs.
>It’s lunch time in the land of colorful ponies and you’re just stopping by to get your fix.
>Your day has been chaotic.
>You unclogged ten sinks today and help the Apple family clean out a shed.
>”Hiya! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! What’ll be today?” Pinkie asked
>You were happy to find there was not line, walking up to the counter, you smirk.
“What I always order.”
>”Half a dozen glazed doughnuts, milkshake and smooches?”
>You shake your head while laughing.
“Oh you, when are you gonna stop flirting with me?”
>”Never, I’ll get those smooches one day!”
“Mhm, sure you will.”
>”That’s the spirit!”
>You place the needed currency on the counter without her telling you how much it’ll be and give her a wink.
>Turning around, you go to your favorite booth to have a seat.
>You lean back and make a deep sigh.
>As you relax, Twilight walks into the place.
>”Hiya! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! What’ll be today?”
>”Hey Pinkie, I’ll just have a dozen of your sweetest cupcakes.”
>”You got it!”
>Twilight floats some bits on the counter and turns only to spot you.
>Her eyes fly out of her head then she teleported into a seat across from you.
>”Oh my goodness hello Anon!”
>You chuckle to yourself, for a brief moment you forgot she had a strong liking to you.
>With good reason, you two were always talking educational stuff, engage in harmless debate.
>And magic.
>You enjoy the subject of magic and because of that, you were her test subject.
”Fancy meeting you here Twilight, what’s up?”
>”Oh just getting some treats for a little get together at Fluttershy’s later, interested?”
“I’m going to have to pass on that.”
>Her ears droop, a frown comes across her face.
>”Awww, why not?”
 
“Me and Fluttershy just don’t mix. Y’know, she’s tryin’ to rape me, I’m not.”
>Twilight makes a sarcastic ‘HA!’
>”Anon, what did you expect would happen while she was in Estrus?”
“Point made, but does she still have to pursue after the socially acceptable time for rape?
>”I see what you mean…”
“So, do you have any upcoming experiments?”
>Before Twilight can answer, Pinkie had you order on her head walking over.
>And for a moment your eyes drift downward to what makes Pinkie different than any of her friends.
>Even though she’s a female, she’s got ‘junk’.
>She’s still just as adorable, it’s just that one little factor that reminds you why she’ll never get her smooches.
>It’s not even a ‘little factor’ at that.
>You’re scared.
 
 
>Sliding your order onto the table, you gesture to share a doughnut with Twilight.
>Just one, this isn’t fucking charity.
>Fortunately, she declined.
>”There ya go! Oh, by the way, are you going to be at Fluttershy’s for a little get together?”
“Nope, I’ll be home.”
>”Awww, how come?”
>She scoots down your booth and you nearly jumped when her dick lopped over on your lap.
>You had to keep in mind it’s a condition she can’t help.
>Trying your best to ignore it, you give Pinkie the same answer you gave Twilight.
“We just don’t mix. Besides, I’m gonna be sleeping, I’ve had a tiring day.”
>”Oh, okie dokie lokie!”
>You put your attention back on Twilight, your grab a doughnut, just before ending its existence you speak up.
“So, Twilight, upcoming experiments?”
>”Actually yes, I’ll need you and Pinkie’s help for this one.”
“What does it involve?”
>”The science in pie.”
“I thought pi was a math thing.”
>”Not /that/ pi, the other pie. The one you eat.”
“Oh. Sure, I’m in.”
>”Me too!”
>And then you chowed down.
>In the time of ten minutes, no one else came into the bakery, so you, Twilight and Pinkie Pie talked about said experiment.
>For the most part all you did was nod at what was being said and eat, occasionally taking a sip of your milkshake.
 
>The next day, you arrive at Twilight’s place. You knock on the door in anticipation.
>You have chills wondering what she’s got in store today.
>Her experiments are always exciting, the very thought that she can tamper with reality causes more chills.
>Twilight’s brilliant mind is one to be worshiped.
>Oh and uh, pie. Yay.
>”It’s open silly!”
>You open the door and walk in, Pinkie and Twilight was on the couch sipping tea.
>And your eyes wonder to Pinkie’s dong.
>Don’t stare.
“Alright, so what do I gotta do?”
>Twilight points in the direction of the basement.
>”Check out the basement, you’ll see.”
>With a spring in your step, you walk down onto the basement.
>Flinging open the door, you take notice of a vast varieties of pies on a table.
>Making your way over, you see someone has already had a slice of some apple pie, shrugging your shoulders you thought ‘what the hell? Why not?’
>A stack of paper plates close by and a knife in the pie already, you figured it was for everyone anyway.
>You cut yourself a slice and walk back upstairs with your plate.
>Making your way back up the stairs, you notice Twilight has left.
>And once again, you try to ignore Pinkie’s pole in between her legs.
“Uuuh, Pinkie, where did Twilight go?”
>”She forgotten about an errand she needed to run, she took Spike with her.”
>You shrug again and make your way over to the couch.
>Taking a seat, you proceeded to dig in.
>While having a forkful in your face, you turn to Pinkie.
“So, what’s the experiment again?”
>”I unno, I guess enjoy it?”
>Can’t argue with that.
>You take your bite, chew and swallow.
>And who the fuck made this horrid tasting pie?
>It tasted like feet and rotten apples.
>With the bad taste still in your mouth, you put down the pie, no longer interested.
>”So, ready for some smooches?”
“Still flirting with me huh?”
>You stomach starts to turn and you become woozy.
“What the hell?”
 
>Your hands rub your stomach from its discomfort.
“Uuhh, Pinkie any chance you know what was in that pie?”
>”The apple one? I unno, Twilight just cut a piece out and threw it away. She claimed she wanted to see if someone would go for pie if it’s already been sliced.”
“Really now? I thought you didn’t know what the experiment was.”
>”Oops. So, feeling okay?”
“Not really.”
>You find your body is shrinking.
>Crust is growing on your flesh.
>Your insides feel like warm goo.
“What in the HELL?!”
>By the time you actually had an idea of what was going on, you’re an apple pie with legs and arms.
>You take notice that Pinkie is becoming hard.
>”Oh you look good enough to fuck.”
>Wat
>What is happening?
>Pinkie actually had the nerve to start chasing you around the Twilight’s house.
>”C’mere! I won’t hurt you!”
>You trip down the basement stairs.
>Something rock hard invades into your crust into your feeling.
>”Aaaaah~! You’re not going anywhere!”
>She thrusts into you from your top.
>Because you’re a pie.
>”I’ve waited so long for this!”
>Holding you in place, she impales you with her cock in a rapid motion.
>In and out of your pie feeling.
>”Unf, so waaarm~”
>You couldn’t speak.
>Finally after a few minutes, she pumps you full of cum.
>It overflows out of your top and runs down the side of your pan.
>Some of it gets in your mouth.
>So fucking sweet it gave you diabetes in an instant.
>Twilight never comes back.
>The rest of the day was filled with…
>Pinkie fucking Pie.
 
…I…I don’t even know, don’t ask.
 
---
>... Rocks in Equestria.
>You don't know what it is you did to this pony.
>But Maud for some reason, is pissed at you.
>One minute you was just kick a rock down the road while walking.
>And you now play dodge boulder on a daily basis, other ponies are starting to get hurt because of it.
>She never shows she's angry oddly enough.
>Only that she can't stop throwing rocks at you.
>Tonight you're just leaving Twilight's place after visiting with her.
>You walk down the road, quick to get home.
>Sighing, you look up at the moonlight, nodding in approval.
"Luna be praised."
>You cup your mouth in an instant.
>Damn, you gotta be careful, that shit is getting harder to control.
>After that brief moment of questionable autism, you keep walking.
>Then froze when you heard a hoof scrape against the dirt.
"Oh fuck," you say under your breath.
>"Heeeeey, suuup, Nony?"
>Relief overwhelmed your being, it's only Berry Punch.
>Turning around, you see her swaying back and forth in place.
>A bottle in hoof with her eyes looking fucked up.
>Wasted can't even begin to describe her.
"Hey Berry."
>"Hey... you wan sumthin' to drink?"
>You chuckle nervously, you can't be hitting the sauce at this time.
>You've got a home to get to before Boulder Emotionless finds you.
"I'll have to pass. Thanks though."
>She shrugs.
>"Okaaay, yur missin' out though buddy."
>You turn around to start your stride back home.
>Only to notice Berry is following you.
>Looking over your shoulder, you stop again.
"Berry, why are you following me?"
>"Because, you're hawt."
>Resisting the urge to roll your eyes you turn around.
"Sorry to break it to you, but you're wasting your time."
>"Pff wha? No I'm nooot, I'm jus gonna wait until you go to sleep them Ima rape you."
>Out of nowhere a boulder lands right on Berry from above, crushing her to an instant death.
>Blood splatters violently against your clothes and face.
"SWEET PISS JESUS!"
 
>You bolt for it.
>Going into a full blown sprint, you take notice that hugs boulders are land next to you left and right.
>You take a moment to look behind you and see Maud coming at you and gaining on you quickly.
>Turning around you, you focus more on running.
>Another boulder lands a few feet in front of you and just in time you move around it.
"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING THE BOULDERS FROM?!"
>"From the ground," she says.
>She is truly a Pie.
>Bending reality to an extent.
>Or just stronger than a thousand Applejacks and Flutterhulks combined.
>A pebble zips by your head nearly taking your head clean off.
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?! WHAT DID I DO?!"
>No answer, just more rocks hurled at you in an attempt to end your life.
>Your eyes drift to the left, upon your house.
>AT LAST!
>She at least gives you a break when you reach your door step.
>You reach in your deep pocket feeling around for your keys.
>You'll have to make a mental note to curse Rarity out when you get the chance. It takes forever to get anything out of your pockets.
>And a rock hits your back knee, forcing you to tumble on the ground.
>Stopping, you land face first into the dirt.
>Seems you didn't make it this time.
>"On your back," she commands in that emotionless tone.
>Rolling over, you cough up some of the dirt you ate.
>You lay eyes on Maud holding a boulder above, ready to end you.
>"This was fun."
"Why?! Just WHY?!"
>She doesn't respond, only lets the boulder fall.
>You close your eyes so you won't see your end coming.
 
>Dropping it, you find it's merely a big lump of Styrofoam.
>Her face is still blank.
>Wait... what?
>You pick it up and shake it, the smell of paint coming off heavily.
"W-what?"
>"You should have seen your face."
"I'm sorry?"
>"You should be more careful at night. Berry almost raped you."
"But-"
>"I had to throw a rock at her."
"... Uuuh okay?"
>"Go home, stay off the streets at night. I already protect you during the day."
"Protect me?"
>"Yeah, a lot of mares keep waiting for you... So, I protect you."
"By throwing rocks at them?"
>"... Yes. It works. Any friend of Pinkie's is a friend of mines."
>You get on your feet, dust off your clothes and walk home calmly as Maud follows you.
>She waits until your inside your home until she leaves your place of residence.
>Seems she just wanted to make sure you're safe.
>Meanwhile in the bushes in front of your house a certain yellow pegasus watches from afar, angry.
>"Motherfucking Maud."