Title:           Grumpy old fuck part 1
Author:          jchallo83
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/wZXvBNPL
First Edit:      Sunday 27th of January 2013 04:05:19 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 27th of January 2013 04:05:19 PM CDT

This is just a request story
There will be other parts.
I'm sure this idea has been done to death, but I figured I'll put my spin on it
 
Grumpy old fuck and other exciting tales.
 
>You are Anon.
>And you're just 2 days older than dirt.
>You don't know how you ended up in this place full of ponies.
>The one day you decide not to have peaches and creme oatmeal at a diner and suddenly, God finds it funny to just poof you in Equestria while you sleep.
>You spend most of your time in your rocking chair on the porch watching life happen.
>Youngsters occasionally tease you, but you're old.
>You don't have the energy for their Tom Foolery usually.
>You do enjoy watching these ponies go about their everyday lives.
>Today was different though.
>You're going shopping.
>Looks like your gonna have to deal with any tigget pahootiny that happens in town.
>You get out of bed and creep your way to the bathroom letting your business flop about.
>You sleep in the nude.
>Why do you care? You're old and no one lives with you.
>For your age you're healthy physically, you're not some old man in a wheel chair or a vegetable.
>You can take care of yourself.
>You make it to your shower and turn on the water.
>You adjust the water temperature to your liking.
>Once done, you step in the shower and stretch and pop any bones and knuckles you feel need popping.
 
>Once you finished the rest of your morning ritual you walk into your bedroom.
>You put on a white t-shirt and some underwear, smug suspenders and pull your pants up pass your belly button, you then put on black dress socks and brown penny loafers.
>You head into the kitchen and pour yourself some good ol' fashion Ginger ale.
>You then go into your fridge and grab a nicely sized cantaloupe and grab a spoon and knife from a nearby drawer.
>You have your morning breakfast and read what's in the Equestrian Times newspaper.
>Something about some filly having more than one cutie mark.
"HA! That foolish filly, who does she think she's fooling?"
>"I don't know, I'm not falling for it."
>You jump out of your seat in shock from the sudden voice that responded.
>You feel your heart jump into your throat.
>Who was that?
>You turn to see a yellow pony with a pink mane.
>Fluttershy.
>It's beyond you why she has such interest in you.
>You're old enough to be Methuselah's baby sitter.
>Yet this young lemon silent pony is always keeping you company.
>You breathe and pant trying to catch your breath.
 
"Fluttershy!"
>"Hi."
"What in the name of Thomas Foolery is wrong with you?!"
>"I just thought I pay you a little visit."
"It's called knocking ya idjit chicken winged pony!"
>"S-sorry."
"Don't you know if I had my shotgun, I could have blasted ya half way to the moon."
>She hides behind her mane in fear.
>"S-sorry mister, it's just no one ever v-visits you."
"So sneaking into my house is the best course of action? I swear you're a little screwy in the head there, missy."
>You notice her eyes begin to tear up.
"Oh no, not the water works again. Stop that crying you're too old for that."
>She wipes her eyes and sniffles.
"Now I appreciate you take time out of your day to spend time with the elderly, but I don't need your pity."
>"Oh but I want to spend time with you mister."
"Well in that case you can help me carry groceries, I've got some shopping to do."
>"EEP! You got it mister! Happy to help."
>She starts dancing in a cirle.
>Runningmare.gif
>Hammertime.gif
>Moveslikejanet.gif
>Everydaysheshufflin.gif
"Stop your gyrating foolishness!"
>She stops cold in her tracks.
>"S-sorry mister."
>You groan and walk to your coat hanger by the front door and grab your coat  wallet.
>You turn to Fluttershy with an impatient look on your face.
"Come on Flutterskank get your flank moving, you're burning good daylight."
>"Right away mister."
 
>You walk out the door with Fluttershy close behind.
>You take out a shopping list you written last night and review it. Then you hand to her.
"Here, I need you to check out the items as we go along."
>"Ok mister! I won't let you down."
>She starts skipping and hopping as you walk into town.
"Behave! How old are you?"
>"Oh well-"
"Probably in your young twenties huh? Stop actin' like a kid jeez."
>"I'm not a baby goat."
"Don't get smart with me!"
>"Y-yes sir."
>You arrive to the store.
>And sure enough Tom Foolery shows he's not off today.
>A filly running through the store.
>She bumps into you.
>She's orange and has a purple mane and tail.
>What is her problem?
>You notice there's a small bag of oranges that rolls out of her mouth.
>Shoplifting.
>Do these ponies have no shame?
"You thieving little turd nugget!"
>"Anon please, give her a break, Scootaloo has been through a lot." Fluttershy said.
>She helps the filly up and hoofs her some bits to buy the oranges.
>"Here you go Scootaloo, if you need something to eat just stop my place and I'll make you a meal."
>"Thanks Fluttershy!"
 
>Scootaloo hugs Fluttershy and go on her merry way.
>You turn to Fluttershy.
"See? Look at you spoiling them little devils rotten! Why back in my day the only devil was deviled ham and eggs!"
>"She needed help Anon, sweet Celestia calm down."
"Lets just get this shopping over with huh?"
>You go about your shopping hoping Tom Foolery's sibling Tigget Pahootiny doesn't show.
>Thankfully he didn't.
>You would have slugged him a good one.
>You finish your shopping without a hitch.
>It was time to head home.
>You've been in town longer than you would like.
>You walk out the store with a few bags of groceries in your arms.
>Fluttershy flutters over you carrying a few too.
>You run into Scootaloo being tease by some pink filly with a plastic tiara and her useless sidekick with a silver spoon for a cutie mark.
>That's just sad.
>You walk over to the bitch filly that's bitching.
>Scootaloo is crying.
>Good God what could they have said?
>"Blank flank! Blank flank!"
>Younguns be crazy.
 
"Hey now! Stop that blank flank foolishness or I'ma spank spank your flank, got it?!"
>The pink bitching filly looks at you.
>"Puh-lease, what are ya gonna do old man?!"
>"Right?! He's SO old!"
"Listen here ya pink and silver shit nuggets that belong at the bottom of a bucket..."
>They gasp from your harsh language.
"If I catch you messin' with scoots, you gonna get the boot!"
>Wait...did you just rhyme unintentionally?
>Well that made your day.
>Unintentional rhyming moment: Check.
"Now run along and think about how stupid you two look."
>The two teasing foolish fillies run off in panic.
>"You'll hear from my dad old man! This isn't over!"
>Ha little ponies thinking they can take on you.
>Ok shows over.
>No back to the journey home.
>You feel something tug your pants.
>You look down and see Scootaloo with a thankful look on her face.
>"Thank you mister."
>Well looks like this generation has some decency.
"Don't mention it little one, now run along."
>She hugs your leg and goes on her merry way again.
 
>You make it home with Fluttershy still on your coat tail sort of speak.
>You put up your groceries with ease and then prepare your favorite drink.
>Good Ol' fashion lemonade.
>"Whatcha dooooin'?"
>Why is she still around?
"Well if you must know, I'm making lemonade. Would you like a glass?"
>"Oh, yes that sounds nice."
"Good, because you're going to make your own at YOUR house. Now get outta my hair already you're making my blood pressure go up."
>"But-"
"Flutters, leave, you're acting like a child today and I have half a mind to spank you over my knee."
>"Oh my...Is spanking your fetish ,Anon?"
>Fetish? What is she on about?
"Fetish? What nonsense are you speaking?"
>"Oh come on Anon, everyp0ny has one."
"Well not me, now go on and get, before I get my lesson teaching belt."
>"Yes mister."
>She walks toward your door then turns around to face you as you make your lovely lemonade.
>"I'll guess that fetish mister if it's the last thing I do, have a good day Anon."
>She winks at you and leaves, closing the door behind her.
>You only have thing to ask.
"What is this Tom Foolery?"
 
End of part one