Title:           Daring Douche 10: Wetmane Wonders
Author:          brandnewwritefag
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/i2BDv4pJ
First Edit:      Thursday 4th of December 2014 06:08:13 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 4th of December 2014 06:08:13 PM CDT

>Anon laughed as he splashed Applejack, an oversized beach ball bopping him on the back of the head
>"Nonny, you're supposed to be treading water for this game!" Pinkie complained
>"How can I do that - you pones come up to my waist. What's treading water for you is nothing for me"
>An argument breaks out about if he should sit or kneel or if they should go deeper, if wings are allowed to be used and the proper uses for mustard.
>in a bush about 30 yards away, two sets of wings flutter between full and half mast
>You don't even care that Twilight's been monologueing facts for the past half hour, quill scratching on parchment in afterthought
>You get wetmane Anon. Unf.
>You can see everything - no shirt at all - how...
>It's lewd, but everypony else is naked, so why is this just~!
>"...and apes usually can't swim, so the fact that he's in the lake with no issues means he must be okay with it. Also, apparently humans have their own sets of clothing for swimming. Question: Do humans also wear clothing for bathing? Further study-"
>Woah hey there get in on that
"What do you mean further study - you want to watch him bathe?!"
>aaand full mast princess. "N-no! I ju-it's for science!" she whispers at you harshly
"Mmmmm."
>"Hey, you should believe me, I'm not-"
>You turn her head back towards the lake
>Anon's apparently wrestling Rainbow Dash
>On behalf of all other pegasai: Give 'em what for, mare.
>This is also getting him wet, and forcing him to flex those muscles
>those glistening arms arms...
>"Oh."
"Yeah."
>You two spend the next few minutes just watching, the scratching of quill on parchment fading into the ambient background noise
>Anon's apparently trying to get the ponies to play a game called "Calvinball". You'll have to figure out a way to play it with him later
>So now it's confirmed. Ponk-Pinkie Pie, AJ, RD and Princess Books over here all have the hots for this stallion. Plus you, that's...
>If you joined forces you could be more powerful than he could possibly imagine.
>Of course that means sharing, sooooooooo
>While thinking, you idly look over at Twilight's notes
>Oh. Apparently her subconsious takes over her quill when she's distracted
>...ok so she's a confirmed virgin. That position would be hell on your back. But points for creativity
>Twilight apparently notices you're not panting next to her and turns to see what you're looking at
>You can physically hear her jimmies get rustled as she sees what she's been doodling and how you're appreciating it
>"Nononononononono" she whisper-screams, stuffing the drawings deep into her pack
>Note: she didn't destroy them
>Good catch, brain!
"You know, that position won't work - I've tried it with a stallion, but with his size, he could probably hold you against the wall..."
>Dangit mouth why did you fuck this up
>lol sorry brain
>If there ever was an element of embarassment, she would be it
>time to give her a couple helpful nudges
"...we could talk about it a little later, if you'd like"
>Her mouth is moving, but no words are coming out. Aww- she's tearing up
"It's ok! It's ok, shh, it's fine to be a pervert. You're in good company!"
>You scoot over so you're leaning against her
>You'd wrap your wing around her, but, yanno. Can't. But that doesn't mean you can't calm her down with some mare-talk
"Just think of it like, uh..."
>need a science term here uh come on brain
>defenestration! liberalization! isolation! conflagration!
>damnit brain just listing out long words doesn't help
>She says something
"Hmm?"
>"..l-like a hypothesis on inter-species coupling?" she timidly asks
>Aww, yes, you're trying girl. Good.
"Yes. Exactly. No need to be embarrassed over science."
>She nods, regaining some confidence. "T-thanks for that, Daring."
"No problem, mare. Now let's keep studying."
>She giggles. "Sure~"
>Was that - was that sarcasm? She's got some spunk.
>You hope you will too soon, heh heh.
>4 hours.
>That's how long you and a princess of equestria spent huddled in bushes
>wings twitching, tails flicking
>thank Celestia you were both downwind
>Anon played with the mares, apparently losing his game of "Calvinball"
>His punishment was to prepare the food and feed the winners - apparently being the other mares
>The pink one made sure to make a show out of it
>'accidentially' licking his fingers once or twice
>She winked once or twice in your general direction
>SHE KNEW
>NOPONY MUST EVER KNOW
>After being hand-fed by a wet, glistening, exotic stallion
>those damn windigos took him back into town
>probably to show him off
>but this does let you know that his nose means nothing
>you could tell some of the girls were excited, but he either ignored them or didn't pickup on it
>You turn to Twilight
>oh she's got it bad
>her whole body's shaking slightly
"He-"
>BRIGHT LIGHTS AND A LOUD BANG
----
>So, teleportation is not your thing
>It just isn't.
>Apparently Twilight was so pent-up that she just had to go home and take care of it
>right then and there.
>So there you are, along with some grass, a bit of bush and the bark of a tree you were near
>You look over and Twilight is just madly half-dancing, half-shaking as she roots through a dresser
>Wow she even teleported you into her room
>...well, never take a native's gift apart
>might as well cement your 'friendship' with this mare
>...and not fuck it up by doing something stupid.
>You race out of the bedroom, down the stairs and out a window
>Quietly, of course, but quickly.
>Ain't nobody got time for that
>But what you do have time for is hunting that stallion.
>flying lazily over town, you spot the herd you're looking for
>ugh, herd. You're even using relationship terms now
>They're headed to that gingerbread house confectionary you saw a few days ago
>well, might as well stop by, see what's the fuss.
>You dive
>You notice the pink one's tail going crazy
>Damn mare, keep it covered in public
>aaaaaannnnd
>You land with another satisfying *clop* on the cobblestones
"Hey th-"
>"AAAAAH DARING! OH MY GOSH THAT WAS SO AWESOME" Dash yells
>"AAAAAH SCREAMING THIS IS SO MUCH FUN" Pinkie cries
>Anon and AJ just seem to wince
>You never even got to use your one-liner
>You hold up your hooves to calm everypony down
"That's enough, that's enough. I just wanted to see what's going on."
>"Oh? What have you been up to?" Anon asks
>Yeah you're interested in me I can taste it
"Well, I shared some notes with Twilight, we made some observations-"
>Pinkie snickers
>THEY WILL NOT FIND YOUR BODY, MARE
"-and we're taking a bit of a break. And considering I only ate what you made me this morning, I'm starving."
>The assembled mares turn as one to look at Anon
>He shrugs. "I make a damn good bowl of cereal, what can I say?"
>These mares are not buying it
>I mean, come on. An international star/multimillionaire spends the night at an elegible stallion's house
>Then that stallion and mare smell like each other
>and then the stallion cooks for the mare the next moooorniiinngg~
>ok sugar frosted ponuts isn't really cooking
>but it still COUNTS
>technically correct is the best kind of correct
>"Well anyway. Want to join us for some food?" Anon just doesn't get the insinuation
>I mean you like airhead colts, but come on
>You nod, taking a spot infront of Anon - Dash is kinda making sure to monopolize your time
>S'alright. Every so often you flash your soon-to-be stallion
>juuust enough so it's not tasteless, but enough for him to get the hint
>While talking with Dash you turn to look an-damnit, those other pones are talking with him
>HE NEEDS TO BE STARING AT MY ASS
>HOW ELSE WILL HE LOVE ME
>We talkin' literal here. All colts want the V.
>Anyway. You turn back, noticing that Dash is mirroring your gait. Maybe that means she's also...
>Naaah.
>Oh hey door.
>"Ah got it!" Applejack says, trotting ahead
>She opens it and smiles at Anon. "After yew, sugarcube."
>"Uh, thanks." He steps in and turns around, holding the door f-dangit colt
>You make shooing motions with your hoof.
"Go in, go in."
>Damn progressive males.
>The proprietors wave as you come in - local joints are always the best.
>Everypony waits for Anon to approach first
>Hah not awkward at all or anythin
"You have anything you'd like, Anon?"
>"Yeah, it's on me today!" Pinkie finishes for you
>YOUR BODY
>THE DESERT
>NO WITNESSES
>You glare at Pinkie for a little while, and she smiles at you
>That innocent, sweet, this-mare-just-plays-dumb smile
>"I'll have a coffee, an eclair and ... how's the cheesy bread?" Anon asks, looking at the confections behind the glass
>"It's Wisconsilicious! I'll get that up for you soon, Nonny~" she croons. "And errypony else?"
>You all place your respective orders. Applejack gets something with - surprise, surprise - apples in it
>You get a black coffee, a slice of red velvet cake and a blueberry muffin
>Dash wholeheartedly copies your order
>S'alright
>You all head towards a booth, and once again wait for Anon to pick a side
>He does not notice the jockeying behind him
>WHO WILL SIT BESIDE ANON
>NEXT ON OATSRAH
>"...I think these things are too small." He finally says
"Uh. What?" you say, in mid-silent-wrestle with two other mares
>"Yeah." He turns to look at you, the three of you now standing side by side perfectly calm not steppin on no hooves here nope
>"Here, check it out." He turns and sits on the edge of the booth, and the problem becomes apparent - his legs have NOWHERE to go. He tries to tuck them in - hits the table. Splay them out - nopony else has room.
>"Over heeeereeee~" Pinkie says, waving from plates of food sitting on the only table in the shop
>....but boothsnuggles
>shh, brain. shh. later.
>You all take your seats
>She already laid out the plates that sneaky horse
>You sit catty-cornered from Anon, with Pinkie beside you, AJ and Dash right next to your stallion
>Salright, salright. You still spent the night with him
>Spread looks good too
>You might like this mare
>If she can be turned to the Daring side(tm)
>You all make some small talk for a while, getting used to the company
>is this what wolves feel like? One deer, everyone wants to tuck in...who gets the heart
>woah brain strangely poetic
>thanks dar-
>and dark
>hey I'm just you, filly.
>the bell chimes and in comes a couple more pones
>"Anon, Darling! Where have you been?!"
>Ok who dis zigga and why she know my man
>"Oh hey, Rarity! Sorry, I've been hanging out with the action pones." Anon says between mouthfulls
>"You know they're just going to ruin all my hard work."
>"A-and you c-could get hurt too, yanno. You should b-be careful with them, if you can."
>"Well thanks for your concern, banana hush. But I'm fine with blue fast and treekicker -"
>Playful "hey!"s chime out from the table, Anon apparently getting a light kick from one of the mares
>"-and you sell yourself short, rara. Your work's not that fragile."
>"Be that as it may" the unicorn begins, "you should still take more care of yourself. Would you just let me dote on you a little-"
>"No mud masks, no hooficures, no oils, no fancy smells."
>Wow, Anon's listing those off like a pro - either he's done it before, or she's been hounding him about it before
>Still, a stallion should take care of himself, yanno?
"Why not? You'd look good slathered in mud, smellin' pretty."
>The table erupts in a mix of laughter and blushing
>"You hush, intrepid can."
>Did he - is that your nickname?
>HE GAVE YOU A NICKNAME YOU ARE IN
>WHAT A LAME NICKNAME DANGIT
>Salright. It's somewhere to start.