Title:           Daring Douche 03: Sleeyptime Scents - [RGiE]
Author:          brandnewwritefag
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/0WBtDWJm
First Edit:      Friday 28th of November 2014 06:13:06 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Saturday 29th of November 2014 09:30:36 PM CDT

>So the first thing you notice - what you can begin to notice, is that there is this really weird smell.
>A smelly smell. The kind of smelly smell that smells smelly.
>Not necessarily a bad thing, but... ugh how do you say this
>It's like. It's dangerous. It smells like danger and a bit of copper
>But also comforting.
>It's exotic. What *is* that scent...?
>Time to take consiousness by the balls, Daring. You can do this - hell, it's in your name!
"wgblahnm?"
>flawless.
>Maybe you should open your eyes first...?
>You do so, and then immediately shut them - concussions suck, yo.
>Your mumbling and groaning has gained the attention of everypony around you - including your bestest #1 most horribly annoying fan.
>"OH MY GOSH THAT WAS SO AWESOME" Dash screams in your ear, causing you to go full fetal position.
>"YOU WERE LIKE 'STAND BACK CITIZEN' and you just BODY TACKLED ANON! I mean, I know he's heavy as a cow"
>you hear an indignant "hey!"
>"BUT LIKE, YOU KNOCKED HIM STRAIGHT ACROSS THE ROOM! AN-*"
>Silence, oh thank you.
>You also notice, for the first time, that you're not laying flat. If anything, you're bundled up against something warm.
>It moves
>"Now Dash, look. She didn't knock me *that* far, and considering how hard she hit me I'm glad nothing's broken. Just... give her a few, ok?"
>An exasperated sigh.
>"Fiiiiine. But you better not hog her all day."
>You open your eyes again
>A relatively flat, furless face greets you. It's short mane seems dischevled, eyes looking at you with a bit of laughter in them. He smiles, showing off a row of incisors and canines
>"I've never been bum-rushed by a 40lb weakling before. Kudos."
>oh shit, you're not prepared for this
"N..no, I'm Daring. And...and you were going to eat that mare!"
>You try to get accusatory before that same mare giggles to your side, drawing your attention.
>"Silly Pony, Anon was just telling us a story from his foalhood! Jack Bean and his Giant Stalk!"
>"N-no, Ponka, it's Jack an-"
>"hehe, I know what I said, nonny. It's the same thing~"
>Ok, ok ok ok. Plans change in the field all the time, you can work with this. But why was he cradling you, why was he so warm and why did he SMELL SO GOOD.
"Ah, I uh..."
>"Hey, don't worry about it, just relax. You're probably still feeling like shit."
>His paw reaches down to your exposed belly
"H-hey!"
>"Sssh." He begins to rub gently
>Oh. Oh my.
>Yes, you definitely could get used to this...exotic stallion.
>You stifle a soft moan as his wigglers just...melt you into a puddle.
"Uuugh... ok, ok. Sorry for tackling you...."
>He chuckles. "And I'm sorry for not going down easy."
"That's...what...he said."
>smooth.
>So after your awesome, flawless introduction you settle into the little drum-circle you've got going on.
>You sit next to, but slightly behind Anon
>all the better to check him out outside his peripheral
>gryphons start talking, he starts talking - not important
>what's important are those wigglers
>he keeps waving them around as he talks
>you must have them
>not in some weird, I-wish-I-had-wigglers way
>more of a
>come-to-momma-when-I-want-them kinda way
>ohshit he just shrugged
>look at those WITHERS, filly!
>Mmm, delicious. You could curl up on his back anyday.
>Ok, so far this is a good plan, good idea. Wigglers + nice smell + probably easily swayed like most other stallions = exotic success.
>He turns to look at you
>....
>Suddenly wiggler in your face
>Ohshit
>"Boop. Earth to Daring?"
>Did he just... were you just BOOPED?
"Wh-ah, a-ah... Sorry, *cough* I didn't catch that."
>Anon raises one of his eyebrows.
>"I said, what do you think about Anon moving to Ponyville for study?" Princess purple repeats herself.
"Oh, uh. That makes perfect sense. It's near the Everfree, where he was found. It allows us to study him in possibly his native habitat, and gives us a base of operations to move from."
>Your fangirl is losing it over your analysis
>Is she...? I dunno. She's staring at you like she stares at anon. I mean, sure, who *wouldn't* want to herd with you, but...
>...anyway. You all make plans to move the alien to ponyville, get the townsfolk used to him, let him work things out.
>possibly get him a place to stay
>you offered - no better way to get a stallion around your hoof than to pay for his room and board
>but nooooo, this one had to be all "self reliant" and "innawoods" - whatever that meant.
>might be tougher than the normal stallion to crack
>As always, you love it when they put up a fight.
>Princess purple and Celestia say they'll summon you once he's adjusted
 
 
 
 
>THREE MONTHS LATER
>Be Daring
>Who else would you be? One of the elements of harmony? Having wacky adventures getting a sexy new alien used to equestrian life?
>Getting accidentially molested by him in public
>taking him back to your house and educating him on pony physiology
>maybe give him a wigglers-on demonstration
>wrestling with him in the bed, forcing him under you, letting him know who runs this house, which mare owns him now
"Ugh."
>You roll over.
>You haven't had a harem dream in three months.
>Your stallion wraps a hoof around your barrel
>Things could be worse
>You feel a nuzzle along your neck
>"Babe, what's wrong? Do you wanna talk about it?"
>typicalstallion.png
"No, no... it's just the Alien - Anon."
>"Oh."
>Not that tone, damnit, don't use that tone.
>You sigh
"It's not like that, Peach Tea..."
>You roll onto your back, looking at your Canterlot colt
>"I know, Daring, I know. Just, sometimes I think you take your work way more seriously than our relationship...."
>itbegins
"You know this is different - this is huge! I mean, learning more about who he is, where he comes from - if we can recreate it, that's a WHOLE NEW WORLD OF ARTIFACTS-*"
>"Artifacts?! That's what this is about?" Peach Tea huffs and rolls onto his stomach, legs tucked under him
>Well you meant to say 'Sweet Fucking Loot' but yanno
>"Daring, this was almost the same line you gave me with that Valley-of-the-sun bit and those golden ringythings"
"Well it's not the sam-"
>"And before that, it was about a statue - that I never SAW, mind you" the stallion narrows his eyes a bit
>"It's always something! You never spend more than a week with me, you never want to talk about foals or the future or anything!"
>Why.... why is this happening right now, I mean seriously. Did you piss off Celestia? Luna? Discord?
>Engage come-hither
"Sweet Tea, you kn-"
>"PEACH TEA. My name is PEACH TEA."
>fuck
>Your stallion huffs again and gets up, stomping loudly out of the bedroom.
>You don't chase him
>He can be replaced.
>Tartarus, he *was* a replacement for some other stallion
>Who was it? Some confectioner or breakfast-restaurant stallion.
>You hear a door slam
>Well it's not like you can't replace him again. As long as you keep dating stallions that are in the food industry
>only thing better than a nice fuck is free food.
>You get up, stretching out the abuse of last night
"...For such a needy colt, he sure enjoyed himself..."
>You think he lasted 20 - no, 30 seconds. Nice.
>Making your way to the breakfast table, you see the mail piled high
>He must've gotten it last night
>You turn on the kettle, getting ready to make your own coffee
>as the water heats up, you sort through the mail
"Bill, bill, bill...fanmail, declaration of love, death threat, lawsu-wait a minute."
>You hold up an opened envelope
>it bore the royal seal.
"...oh you sneaky dick."
>No, Daring, no revenge. He'll come back, like they always do, and THEN you slam the door in his face.
>Stupid colt.
>You pull the letter out of the envelope and begin to read.
>Blah blah ponyville, blah blah staying with Rainbow Dash (wow, I wonder who arranged that)
>Blah blah free and unfettered access to Anon as long as he consents
>heh
>consent
>He'll consent to some of my wet pus-
>the shrill whistle of the kettle rouses you from your monologue
>time to coffee
 
...
>NEXT DAY
>Letter's in your day pack, along with some bits, notes - miscellaneous detritus and whatnot tossed in
>You took the train this time
>Wated to be fresh and clean for Anon
>Also wanted to wash the stink of that stallion off of you
>hey, you don't need to be broadcasting that you've got other dicks.
>Stepping off the train, you're surprised to be greeted by
>"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh YES"
>No, not surprised anymore, really.
>Rainbow Dash bum-rushes you
>Time to put this mare down
>You take the initial welcoming-hug and roll, turning it into a wrestling match
>RD's face goes from shock to a shit-eating-grin
"You think you can surprise ME, rookie?!"
>Ham it up, Daring, score those brownie points
>"You're no match for the future Wonderbolt's captain!"
>Engage wrasslin' mode
 
>FIVE MINUTES LATER
>White unicorn is picking up all your things that have spilled from your ripped pack
>Purple Princess - Twilight Sparkle - is currently lecturing RD on being proper in public
>Orange Pone - I guess with the group? - looks at you with a mixture of "I've seen this all before" and "she only talked about you for a month" with a dash of "please stop encouraging her"
>Bruises healed, packs mended, fangirling ended you are introduced to the group once more
>You can't help it that it's been 3 months since you first learned their names
>To be fair, you were busy getting booped by Anon
>Heh. You'll boop his-
>"Aaand here's where he is!"
>Daring, you have GOT TO STOP SPACING OUT.
>You stand infront of a massive (to you) door.
>Pink pone is doing some very complicated hoofwork
>they are a blur as they beat the door.
>She finished and goes back to standing
>a single, pure, loud *knock* rings out
"....How di-"
>Purple silences you with a look. "Don't go down that road."
>before you can continue, you hear the door unlock and open
>Anon stands before you, smiling wide
>Mmmm, colt. Good to see you too, babe
>"Hey everybody! Is the archaeologist here to see where I bury my bone?"
>Pinkie and RD burst into laughter
>He looks at you and nods slightly
>Mmmf. Time to shine.
"Well, Not just an archaeologist. Adventurer, Master of 8 languages, part-time geologist and mare emeritus of the Royal Canterlot College's Antiquities divison."
>As you say your line you make your way front and center until you finish on his doorstep, chest poofing out proudly
>never trim the chest tuft, you don't care what no stallion thinks
>he whistles and gives you a mock salute
>sassy colt. He's going to be fun to break in
>Twilight coughs lightly. "Anyway, Daring is here to ask you some questions about your culture, history, and generally to help us build our Encyclopedia Humanica!"
>This is news to you, and she seems *really* excited about books
>more brownie points incoming
"Uh...exactly! And if I'm able to get enough data, it could turn into a lecture circuit!"
>Twilight squees
>yeeeessssss.
"Now, ah... can I [spoiler]come inside?[/spoiler]"