Title:           Dark souls one shots
Author:          a10
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/MtNc4Yhg
First Edit:      Tuesday 7th of April 2015 04:27:58 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 7th of April 2015 04:27:58 PM CDT

Here's every Dark souls one shot I've written while taking a break from my main story, will continue to update if I make more.
 
1. Anon in Lordran.
 
>You are...
>Wait, who are you?
>Opening your eyes you hear something from above.
>Some guy in armor drops a key through a hole.
>A few memories come back.
>Your name is Anon, and this is not your quiet home in Ponyville.
>This is a cell.
>Was this the key to it?
>You try to pick it up by swinging at the air 5 feet above it.
>It appears in your inventory you somehow know how to open.
>You walk up to the door slowly and try to push it open.
>The words 'Key used' pop up out of nowhere.
"What in the fuck?"
>Walking out, some weird undead things were praising the walls or something as you pass by.
>They didn't stop their ritual to say 'hi' to you though.
>Best not to bother them.
>You walk until you find a long hallway, and another one of those undead things at the other ends.
>This one wasn't praising the wall though, he was just standing their with a bow equipped.
>There was another item in the middle of the hallway.
>You walk up towards it.
>The undead thing starts shooting arrows at you.
>He nearly misses your head, you grab the item.
>It was a battleaxe.
>Another arrow is coming straight at you, you roll and somehow it just passes through you.
"What the fuck? Am I Tobi from Naruto or some shit?"
>You walk circles around the archer undead for a while and backstab the fuck out of him, taunt, and tell him to git gud.
>After killing a few more enemies, you reach a white fog.
>The white fog covers a door, how the hell does it stay up?
>You press A to pass through and now you're on a balcony or some shit.
>Standing there, you are confused.
>A few more seconds of looking around and your feet come out from under you.
>Or, as you notice, it was actually the whole balcony coming down.
>You see some giant fucking monster thing.
"OH JESUS WHAT IS THAT WHAT IS THAT WHAT IS THAT!"
 
>You fall about 15 feet and don't feel much pain.
>A red bar at the top of your vision depleted a little though.
>You look up at the monster, it looks down at you.
>It swings the giant hammer it was holding and knocks you the fuck out.
>When you wake up again, you are back in the cell.
"Fucking really, I have to do all of that again?"
>After 15 attempts, you make it past what was named 'The Asylum demon.'
"I feel like I'm actually getting kind of good at this now!"
>Walking out, all you see is a giant cliff.
>You make it up to the edge, and a giant bird drops in and grabs you.
"WHAT IN OBLIVION IS THAT?!"
>It drops you next to a fire, there is a man sitting about 5 feet away.
>You walk up to him.
>He doesn't seem to notice you until you press the A button.
>What is this A button you keep talking about?
>You shrug it off as he smirks and says "Heh, you must be a new arrival."
>He goes on to tell you about a bunch of crap and bells and stuff, you don't listen much.
>You start attacking him and he kills you, you respawn only to be killed again.
>This cycle goes on for a while till you say fuck it and repeatedly kick him toward the edge on off of it.
On to the bells or whatever the fuck that retard was talking about.
>This should be as easy as Skyrim was right?
>20 minutes later...
>Where the fuck am I?
>This giant fuck with god armor and a giant dragon dildo keeps one hitting you.
>Red phantom 'Theonlyafro' has invaded.
>Look at this scrub taunting, he steps forward and puts his arms out...
>As he does this, air horns go off and he starts spinning and some dancing black guy appears out of nowhere.
>You run up to him and start pressing buttons.
>R1 R1 R1 R1 R1 R1 R1 R1.
>He walks backwards and spins around you and backstabs you.
 
>Before this, the world starts moving in slow motion and you hear 'Initiate phase one.. Power up the bass canon.'
>And as he stabs his chaos +5 zhwiehander through your chest cavity you hear 'Fire'.
>You die, and respawn back at the undead burg bonfire.
>He sends you a message saying 'THE LEGEND NEVER DIES.'
>You don't know how the fuck you got it or how you can see it, but you don't give a shit.
>Getting past Havel the rock, you enter through the door.
>Some nice guy came into your game and one hit him for you with some crystal weapon that did 5000 damage.
>Passing through the door you walk about ten feet, turn to the right and see a Hydra.
>Yeah, a fucking Hydra.
"I'm done, I'm fucking done..." you say turning the game off.
>You wake up in some tube.
>Stepping out Twilight trots up to you.
>"So, how was the simulation?"
>You backstab her, taunt and tell her to git gud, then you ascend into the heavens to find Celestia and do some jolly co-operation.
>The fucking end.
 
2. Anon plays Dark souls.
 
>Be Anon.
>You are depressed.
>Dark souls 2: Scholar of the first sin just came out.
>You don’t have the money to afford it.
>Turn on your dying 360.
>It comes back from the dead, making sounds no Xbox should ever be making.
>Start up Dark souls 2.
>Pick the wrong storage device.
>Fack.
>Start up Dark souls 2.
>Pick the wrong storage device again.
>FACK.
>Start up Dark souls 2.
>You’re getting a little scared now.
>Unable to remember what you did with your save, you have nothing to do but look to see if you have it on the final one.
>It’s there.
>Good, don’t need this anymore.
>You close the tab on your laptop that had To Zanarkand from Final Hallway X on it.
>You start up the save.
>Going into new game plus 3, you decide to start from the beginning on your old beloved character who you have so many memories with.
>You killing the Last Giant.
>Dying to every boss six thousand times the amount you’ve killed any of them.
>Getting killed by ‘Havel monster fags’.
>You walk down the grim and no rhyme intended, slim path.
>Your controller jerks to the right and throws you off.
>Piece of shit.
>You walk back up to the patch, having the same luck getting across.
>Later down the road.
>’Some faggot has invaded you’.
>Fuck, time to kill this OP.
>He walks up to you and lets you backstab him; taking no damage.
>Fucking cheaters.
>He kills you in one hit using a broken ladle.
>At that moment, you remember.
>You used a modded save once, and were put into a ‘cheater only’ server.
>You can’t play with legit players.
>Turning off the Xbox, you ball up into a corner on your bed and cry because you can’t play Scholar of the first sin.
>Why even live?
 
>This game has been your sole existence for two years!
>You have 1100 hours on Dark souls, the first and second combined!
>’Anon, Anon?’ your mother calls to you through the locked door.
>You don’t respond, why even bother.
>’I know you’re not happy right now, but please come out!’
‘No. All that time wasted, being killed by Giant Dad’s and cheaters, just to never be able to play again?!’
>’I know, but it’s just a game, isn’t it?’
>She doesn’t know how it feels to spend 1100 hours on something that means nothing.
>All those bosses, going through both games hundreds of times.
>Learning every little possible trick.
>Every secret.
>Getting nearly every achievement but having one simple thing block you.
>Getting thrown off every cliff from Lordran to Drangleic.
>Being trolled by Anal bruising rodeo Londo.
>Being Gravelorded.
>Things you may never be able to experience again…
>You’d never get to call some kid a faggot for using a katana again, or get called a faggot for using one.
>Never do the speed glitch with the binoculars in Dark souls 2, never glitch souls with the Dragon headstone in the first.
>Never do the glitch to fly, or the one to duplicate souls and humanity.
>You would never be ganked again, or gank spank.
>You would never gank again.
>Why even live?
>Why live in a world without Dark souls?
>Why live in a world without being the cursed undead?
>Your mom breaks down the door with her magic and puts a game on your pillow you were crying into.
‘CALL OF DUTY TWELVE?!?!?’
>You immediately pick it up and put it in your disk tray.
‘Thanks mom!’
>Just kidding.
>You go to pick it up, but another hand grabs it first.
>It is Solaire.
>He throws it out the window and starts hurling lightning spears at it.
>You only have hexes, so you start shooting great resonant souls at it.
>’It’s not ganking, it’s jolly co-operation!’ He says as he puts his hand out for a high five.
>Filthy hex user end.
 
3. Wog is life. (Never finished this, might have to)
 
I was only 12 years old.
I had all the variatations of force in my inventory.
WOG is love I say, WOG is life.
My dad hears me and calls me a dirty havel monster.
He wreks me and sends me off to bed.