Title:           The Mediocrely Less-Edgy Life of Shimmy and Co:Halloween
Author:          V-4
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/DtP8yu3Y
First Edit:      Tuesday 5th of August 2014 11:28:04 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 5th of August 2014 11:28:04 PM CDT

>Halloween in Canterlot
>You adjust your costume, so it doesn't ride up your ass so much.
>Who knew that those costumes would come in handy some day?
>It's quite amazing how these human holidays line up with your own from Equestria.
>Giving the note one last look, it seems this is the place.
>You knock on the door, waiting for a response.
>A pair of dull eyes greets you as a slit opens in the door.
>"Note."
>You pull out your note and slip it throughout the slot.
>The door unlocks and opens, and you see many costumed people.
>Pinkie Pie zips up toward the door, frantically shaking your hand.
>"You made it, Sunset! Welcome to the party! Oh, have you met my sister, Maud? She's in town for the day, and I told her we should meet up and now she's here! We also dressed up in matching outfits. We're boulders!"
>"It is nice to dress as a rock without anyone staring."
"Okay...well, it was nice meeting you...I'm just gonna go and, uh, yeah. So...bye."
>That Maud girl gave you the willies.
>She was worse than watching Wall-eye do her eye thing.
>"So, I eventually decided on being a mindflayer, which is like a mini-Cthulhu."
>Oh, it's Anon, and he's with Gilda.
>May as well go see what they are doing.
 
1/30
 
>You trot over to two of the tardriffic trio, and interject yourself into the middle.
>”Hey! Glad to see you made it, Shimmy. How's the job hunt going?”
“Anon, that's none of your business.”
>”If you have money troubles still, I can ask if Mr. Rich would give you a job.”
“I don't need your charity! I'm doing fine on my own.”
>”Aren't you working for nine an hour at the pretzel place?”
“I'm fine!”
>Oh, the migraines are coming again.
>You seat yourself on a box near the wall and stretch out your back.
“So, where's Wall-eye?”
>The box you're sitting on pops up and you scream as you fling yourself away from it.
>”Did I scare you, Sunset?”
“Dammit, Wall-eye, what kind of costume is a box?”
>”I'm 'The Orange' box!”
>You and the two others look at Derpy, confused.
>”...Metal Gear?”
>This woman is off her rocker.
>”No one here plays Metal Gear games?”
>Derpy slinks back down to the ground, stewing in her disappointment.
 
2/30
 
>”So, what are you, Ketchup?”
“I'm a dragon. I think. You?”
>”I'm a griffon!”
“Griffon?”
>”Duh!”
“Where are your wings?”
>”...That's a story I don't want to really talk about...”
“If you say so, Featherhead.”
>”Try and guess what I am, Shimmy.”
“You're wearing a costume?”
>”Yes!”
“I didn't notice.”
>”How did you not notice?”
“Well, you normally look stupid, so I didn't make the connection.”
>”Very funny, Shimmy.”
>You chuckle at your successful effort to get back at Anon.
>Looks like you're getting the hang of handling his idiocy.
>*Dingdingding*
>”Everyone, gather round! It is time for party games!”
>Games?
>What are we, children?
>”Ooh, game time!”
>”I wanna bob for apples!”
>”I call 'Pin the Spider'.”
>”I call Twithter!”
>...Apparently the answer is yes.
>Your arms are seized by your pals and the box moves you forward to a congregation in the middle of the room.
>The three migraines sweep your legs from under you and soften your fall.
>Looking around, you find yourself in a circle with other partygoers.
>A lot of them are looking nervous and sweaty.
>What kind of game are you going to play?
>”Welcome, everyone, to Trixie's Magical Makeout Roulette!”
 
3/30
 
>Makeout Roulette?
>What kind of stupid game is that?
>”For those of you unfamiliar with this game, the rules are quite simple. Clockwise, starting from the person the first spin lands on, we go in order with spins on this wheel! Whomever the arrow lands on once you have spun it, you must proceed to kiss them. No small pecks or eskimo kisses, though. This is real Makeout Roulette. If you are not prepared for some tongue-fencing, leave now or forever hold your peace.”
>Well, that's your cue.
>You try to lift yourself off the ground, but Anon and Gilda keep you firmly rooted to your spot.
>Note to self: Never let your guard down at a social event.
>”No one's leaving? Good! Now, for the preliminary wheel spin!”
>Trixie sets down the wheel and gives it a good spin using her wand.
>Round and round it goes; where it stops, nobody knows.
>Except Trixie, because the fucking cheater uses the same wand to slow it down on her.
>”What luck! Now, who shall have the privilege of swapping saliva with the Great and Powerful Trixie?”
>The arrow spins around at mach 5, strong enough to make a light breeze.
>Slowly, it stops its spin and lands facing-
>Hah!
>It landed on Twist!
>You try to suppress your laughter as the cheater is hoisted by her own petard.
>”O-oh, look at that. Uh, anyone want to take over this turn?”
>”Oh no you don't!”
>Twist grabs Trixie and leads her into a dip.
>”Hope you like peppermint, Thithter~”
>Trixie muffledly balks at the invasion of her mouth.
>Everyone laughs and you join in on the hilarity.
>Twist releases Trixie, and shuffles back into her seat.
>”W-well, that happened. Ahem, I believe it is now your turn, Rarity.”
 
4/30
 
>”Oh, this is so naughty. Come on, wheel, pick me a hunk!”
>Rarity gingerly spins the wheel, yet it still manages to swivel enough for two revolutions.
>She's got skill.
>Soon, the spinner comes to a stop.
>On Applebloom.
>Rarity blushes and mutters something under her breath while Applebloom sits there silently.
>”Ah guess this is what's happenin' now.”
>”Please don't tell your sister about this.”
>The two lock lips, and everyone snickers.
>If only Applejack were here to witness this.
>The two break off quickly and separate, eager to avoid eye contact.
>”Next up is Pinkie Pie!”
>”Nobody better steal my gum!”
>Pinkie slams the wheel hard, her eyes following around the room as it goes.
>”Spinner, spinner, get me a winner!”
>The wheel stops abruptly as a stray party favor lands on the wheel.
>Maud stares at the wheel, then at Pinkie Pie across from her.
>”Uh, would you just look at the tim-”
>Pinkie Pie is cut off when her sister jams her tongue down her throat.
>You can see the bulge and everything.
>This is horrible.
>Like, twice as horrible as it already was.
>Maud breaks her contact with Pinkie, leaving a light strand of saliva conjoining the two.
>”Did I win?”
>”Uh, sure, Maud. You won...”
>Maud slowly blows a bubble and returns to her seat.
>You hope that you don't get that girl, ever.
>”Next up, Soarin.”
>He giddily gets up to spin, crossing his fingers for luck.
>His smile and optimism fade as he lands on Anon.
>They both close their eyes and struggle to make contact.
>”N-no homo, bro!”
>”Y-you too!”
>They come together and then quickly make a mad dash out of the room.
>Looks like there'll be no bathroom breaks for you, tonight.
>”Uh, next up is Gilda.”
 
5/30
 
>She fidgets, nervous about her upcoming makeout..
>”I'm glad Rainbow Dash isn't here...”
>Gilda hesitantly spins the wheel, watching it spin with anxiety.
>You look around the room, and the ratio in here is abysmal.
“Trixie?”
>”Yes?”
“Maybe we should stop this game while we're ahead. I mean, the girl to guy ratio is 3:1. The longer this goes on, the more homosexual it's going to get.”
>The crowd goes silent as a church and stare at you.
“Is there something behind me?”
>Your remaining companion pokes you on the shoulder.
>”I'm so sorry...”
>You freeze and look towards the spinner.
>No, this is not happening.
>It's just too cruel.
>Gilda grabs firm hold of your other arm and pulls you in close.
>”Please forgive me, Ketchup!”
>The horror you feel is indescribable.
>Why?
>What cruel and unjust plane of existence would allow this to occur.
>Gilda quickly looks away from you, intent on hiding her shame.
>You sit there, frozen in terror.
>Why you of all people?
>”Trixie thinks that this may be the time to shelve the game...”
 
6/30
 
>You frantically scrape the saliva off of your tongue, licking the carpet just to be safe.
>”A-alright...how about we tell everyone what our costumes are? That seems like a better way to break the ice. Naturally, the costume your gracious host wears is modeled after the imposing and enigmatic, Baba Yaga.”
>Rarity chimes in with a smile on her face.
>”I am a succubus~”
>The three girls all speak in sequence after her.
>”Ah'm a zahmbie!”
>”I'm a vampire!”
>”I'm a werewolf!”
>Three annoying children; three cliché costumes.
>How quaint.
>”Ooooo, me and Maud are boulders!”
>”It is simple, yet original.”
>Everyone gets into the groove of things, listing off what they chose to be.
>”I'm a mummy!”
>”I'm a skeleton!”
>”I'm a shark!”
>”I'm a spider!”
>”I am a stegosaurus!”
>”I'm 'The Orange' box!”
>The crowd goes silent, all staring at the box in confusion.
>”Is that the thing that Valve made?”
>”PLEBS! ALL OF YOU, PLEBS!
 
7/30
 
>You clear your throat and stand up, garnering the attention of the others sitting down.
“Trixie, this is just marginally better than the previous game. Considering how much of a travesty that was, that's not saying much. Stop delaying and get to the good stuff!”
>”SO, Sunset Shimmer, you think that Trixie is just padding the night until the time is right to reveal some grand secret? Well, this time, you are right.”
>Trixie moves from the floor to retrieve a book from underneath the snack table, and moves to switch the lights off.
>The whole room glows a light violet, as an illumination comes from the ceiling above.
>Everyone looks to see strange runes and crystalline objects in a giant circle above them.
>”Behold, the Great and Powerful Trixie's tome of ancient magic!”
>Ancient magic?
>The girl can barely do a proper teleportation spell, even with a focus.
>Like she can do anything beyond minor cantrips.
>”Many of you know of Trixie's esteemed career of performing feats at the Crystal Empire, but tonight will be on an entirely different level! With this flask of virgin blood, this bone mortar and pestle, and these dried olives, we shall summon forth a familiar from beyond this realm!”
>You want to laugh so badly, right now.
>She's completely delusional if she thinks that she has enough experience to successfully bind a familiar.
>It's almost sad, watching her perform the rites to try this endeavor.
>Maybe you should help her out, so she doesn't look like a complete fool.
>”This is gonna be cool, isn't it, Ketchup?”
>...Yeah, that's a big n-o on that.
>”And now, Trixie will use this pendant to complete the ritual and bring forth a being from beyond our plane!”
>Pendant?
>You look on in complete fear, as she dons a necklace made of copper and platinum.
>She really doesn't know what she's doing.
“Trixie, maybe you should put down the neck-”
>”Coniunge, et confractus remissionis! Audite me! UNUM QUASI COLLECTA!”
 
8/30
 
>The whole room shakes, as the runes on the ceiling grow brighter.
>Your fellow partygoers stand up, ready to bolt at a moment's notice.
>The foci shatter into multiple shards, and the mixture flies from its fixture to join them!
>”Uh, do not worry! This is supposed to happen! It's just a tad...more surprising than the book stated!”
>What light was there before, dies down, and the room is left in complete darkness.
>It feels like an eternity passes, until you all see Trixie light up a candle.
>In the air, floating, is a large web formed from the conjoinment of the mixture and the foci.
>”What is this?”
>Trixie tentatively takes a step forward, reaching out for the giant object.
>She marvels with many of the others at the formation.
>”It's...warm...”
“Oh, for the love of all that is holy, it failed. Trixie, you almost fucked that up, badly. What were you thinking, using metals to form a matrix for the formation of a portal!? That doesn't ever allow for a binding!”
>Trixie ignores you completely, staring in awe at the dead portal.
>”I can't find words to express it, but this thing...it makes me feel something...”
“Trixie, are you even listening? Trixie! Do not ignore me!”
>You walk over to the prestidigitator, and stare her right in her eyes.
>Her white, bleeding e-
“Oh, fuck. EVERYONE, RUN!”
>You snatch Gilda's hand and make a beeline for the door to the hallway.
>Many of the others see you running and follow along with you.
>Sadly, many of the background characters are struck down by Trixie before they can even run.
>A tear shed for their sacrifice to save your life.
>You slam shut the door behind you, and grab the nearest soulless object you can to barricade the door.
>”Mith Thimmer, let me go!”
“You better hope that costume's sturdy enough, kid.”
>Now, to find a way out and burn down this...
“Alright...we're officially doomed.”
 
9/30
 
>This house is no longer the two-story neo-eclectic it was when you entered.
>The house has lost all semblance of staying true to the constraints of this world, becoming a nexus of varying door towards other realms.
>For being such a fuck-up, she managed to shatter the boundaries that separate the outer planes quite nicely.
>Part of you really wants to use this opportunity to amass power from the infinite abyss, but this body will be of no use to you in dealing with the horrors that lie beyond.
“Alright, everyone, listen up! Miss Magician has gone and done something stupid, but if we stick together, I can form a plan to...”
>As you turn around, you see no one left behind you but Gilda.
“Where did everyone go!?”
>”They kinda started freaking out and ran off a bit before you started talking.”
“Why are you here?”
>”I figure that if anyone knows how to survive a situation with all these demons and stuff, it's the girl who turned herself into a demon.”
“You're quite keen on who you should trust, Featherhead. Yet, as much as I hate to admit it, we're going to need more than just us to pull it off.”
>You grab hold of Gilda's hand and slowly make your way through this hall of horrors, stepping over holes, mouths and various organs.
>Why are abyssals always so offputting...
“Okay, Gilda, keep on my heels. You lose me and we both get screwed over. So, keep your eye out for people, or for anything suspicious looking. If it looks like it doesn't belong, just leave it to me to handle. Chances are that we will need it later, and we don't need you to get possessed by something like her as well. You got that? Gilda?”
>A wet splotch of something lands on your head.
>Something quite warm.
>You look up to see Gilda, sans right glove, high above you.
>”Ketchup, get me down from here! Heights make me queasy~”
“You didn't just do what I think you did, did you?”
>”...”
 
10/30
 
“Alright, this is no big deal. I'm just going to get some things, particularly something to beat you with, and be right back!”
>”N-no! You can't leave me behind! What if one of those things tries to come for me?”
“Try not to act like a bitch. Most of them love the fear on you. And clench.”
>”Clench what?”
“Everything.”
>She gulps down her fear and nods.
>If you don't hurry back soon, she might be gulping more than fear.
 
>”Hello? Anyone there? I took some stuff earlier, and I can't tell if this is a hallucination or a nightmare.”
>You closely peek around the corner, observing the person further down the hallway.
>Clothes are intact, no apparent traces of blood, and no extraneous limbs.
>Looks like you found someone to sac-HELP you to perform a sealing ritual.
>A door opens up and the person is taken by some large claw.
>Screams fill the hallway as you hear him being made into monster mash.
>Looks like you're not going down there anytime soon.
>You turn around and hang a left, trekking down the second corridor.
>Almost forgot.
>Popping off the cap, you take an Advil and drop it on the ground.
>Your precious friends will mark the way back.
>Just better hope that you don't run into Anon before then.
>The hallway starts to wind around, allowing you to walk on the once-floor without falling down.
>”~sunset~”
>A cold chill runs down your spine as a whisper fills your mind with dread.
>Or does it run up your spine?
>Your ponderings of physics is interrupted as you feel yourself brush against something long and bony on your head.
>You fall quickly to the ceiling, trying not to soil yourself so that you die with some dignity.
>”~sunset, help me get up! I have to go, really badly!~”
>Thank Celestia, it's only Scootaloo.
“Scootaloo, you almost gave me a heart attack!”
 
11/30
 
>”~s-sorry! I just needed to make sure I got your attention!~”
“And stop whispering like that! You're freaking me out.”
>Scootaloo gives you an embarassed smile, while you get down and reposition yourself.
“Okay, just calmly lower yourself and I'll-”
>The chandelier she was hanging on snaps, and she falls onto you with it.
>She sheepishly chuckles as she rolls off of you while you grimace in pain.
“If that bruised my kidney, I'm going to take one of yours.”
>While you're getting the chandelier off of you, gravity seems to switch.
>Well, this is going to be a fun trip.
>You fall onto the chandelier, and partially Scootaloo, getting shards of glass embedded into your suit.
>”Ow, my head~”
“Welcome to my world, kid.”
>Scootaloo helps herself up and sets you upright as well.
>Looks like you need to watch for more than just stray creatures and doors.
>”Sunset, do you know how to get out of here? Me and Applebloom went to look for an exit, but we got lost when we ran from some loud noise.”
“First, it's 'Applebloom and I'. Second, I'm going to get us all out of this nightmare; I need to find some things to use to get us back to normal, and to find some more people to help get us out of here.”
>A loud creak echoes through the hallway, and Scootaloo latches onto you like a vise.
>Grabbing a nearby lamp, you stick it between the two of you and leverage yourself out of the death-hug.
“Get a grip on yourself! I swear, you should have been a chicken.”
>You walk on forward, with Scootaloo holding onto your tail for dear life.
>”Sunset, I'm worried about Applebloom! I haven't seen a trace of her since we split up. Do you think she's alright?”
“She's probably alive. She might be needing some therapy once we find her, but she should be alive.”
>A crack of thunder rolls out through the house, and you gain about 85 pounds on your back.
>You swear, these things are trying far too hard.
 
12/30
 
>The two of you come to a stop, as something passes in front of you.
>Gripping your makeshift weapon, you peer slowly over the corner.
>It hasn't seen you yet.
>You quickly round the corner and jump at it, laying into it before it has a chance to react.
>”Ow~Hey! Thtop that!”
>Oh, shit, you recognize that voice.
>You stop your Attack on Twist and help her up.
“I thought I left you back at the entrance to keep Trixie out.”
>”You did! I thlipped out of my cothtume to get out of there! How could you do that to me!”
“This is a matter of life or death, and I've been through too much to get ended by the idiocy of someone like her. Also, I need to survive so I can rub her face in this later.”
>”Your not very nithe.”
“Nice doesn't get you out of here. Now, you can stay there and cry, or you can come with us. We're going to track down some reagents and implements, and we could use an extra set of hands.”
>”Why would I help the one who left me for dead!?”
>You roll your eyes and walk past her, forward into the corridor.
>The silence behind you is broken as you hear quick-paced footsteps following behind you.
“That's what I thought.”
>Your new companion stays close to you and Scootaloo, and the two cowards end up holding onto each other for the majority of the journey.
>At least it's better than them being on you.
>A sweet smell wafts through the air, and you begin to lose yourself in the aroma.
>You also hear the clattering of pots and pans in the distance.
>That has to be the kitchen.
>There's no two ways about it.
>The smell grows stronger as you get closer, with differing noises coming out.
>As you come to the end of a narrow hallway, you see a light coming from underneath a cracked doorway.
>When you open the door, you are greeted with a smile and a cupcake in your mouth.
>”Oh, there you guys are! I made some cupcakes, but Maud thinks these are too sweet. What do you think?”
 
13/30
 
>You spit out the sugary confection and scrape off your tongue.
“Pinkie, that's not a cupcake. That's diabetes given form.”
>”Darn it! I guess I'll have to make a new batch.”
“There are more pressing matters than-”
>”Ooo, I'll bake a tray of scones! Scones are far less sweet!”
>Soon, she's off to bake something else up, lost in her own world.
>How many more of these people are there?
>”Are you well, Miss Sunset?”
>You look over to a table and see Pinkie's sister sitting silently.
“Uh, I'm alright I guess. How are you?”
>”I am far better than we were when the room went dark.”
>There's no emotion behind anything she says.
>She's got the personality and bluntness of a rock.
>The two of you will be getting along just fine.
>You sit at the table and take off the head of the costume.
>It feels good not to reek of tequila and tamales.
>Maud stares blankly at Pinkie and her two new assistants making treats.
“It looks like she's having fun over there...you gonna go help her?”
>”Pinkie Pie and I clash with regards to cooking.”
>Honestly, it's like there's a rock in there.
“I know she's a tad special, but even she should be able to grasp the direness of the situation.”
>”She regards things that inspire feelings of fear as trivial and “laughs” at them. I am glad to be here, for that will get her killed if she is not careful in this situation.”
>Somebody with a head on their shoulders, and it's a high-functioning autist.
>The things you see...
“So, since you look to be the one in control at the moment, I'm trying to get some things together to fix this mess. Can I count on you to help?”
>”You can undo this?”
“It's been a while, but I believe so-”
>Your hand is crushed tightly as she stares blankly at you.
>”If it means the safety of Pinkie, you have my unwavering support.”
>You shake out the throbbing pain in your hand and crack a pained smile at her.
“Glad to know.”
 
14/30
 
>”Sunset, are we even close?”
“Pinkie, this is not an easy job to do. For all we know, this staircase could lead to the basement. You want someone to complain to, you're more than welcome to go back to Trixie and take it up with her.”
>”But it's so tiring! My legs feel like jelly~”
>”Sister, it would be best for you to remove the costume. It will alleviate your problem.”
>”You worked really hard on this though! I don't want to throw away something you worked so hard on!”
>”Pinkie, costumes are replaceable enough. I only have three sisters, and mother and father are too old for replacements.”
>Anon and Wall-eye would enjoy this cheesiness like no other.
>Too bad they're probably dead.
>”Well, if it's okay with you...”
>”Remove the costume, Pinkie.”
>”Okey dokey lokey!”
>You stop to wait for Pinkie to get out of her costume.
>She easily slips out through the bottom hole, and pushes it down the-
>*THUNKTHUNKthunkthunk*
“That was real?”
>”I only use authentic materials in my work.”
>...even without the headaches, she still manages to surprise you like Anon.
“Well, if that's all done with, we really should keep heading on up. The bigger our group, the more people we have, the better out-”
>*thunkThunk*
>No.
>*ThunkThunk*
>This isn't right.
>*ThunkTHUNK*
“Hug the walls!”
>The group splits off as the costume comes back up the way it went, rolling through to crush the floor a few dozen feet above you.
>”Oh, that was so scary! I thought we were going to get smushed like pancakes! And not the good kind with blueberries in them.”
>Well, at least it sounds like you've headed the right way.
 
15/30
 
>Moving past the crater in the floor, you lead your group down the hall, watching every flickering shadow.
>This way is oddly far more noisy than any of the previous places in the house.
>The doors in here bang and rattle, making the rest of your group quiver in fear of the beings behind them.
“Stop being so intimidated by these things. If they really could, they'd be out and roaming already. Most of them are just low-level gremlins, and no real threat to any of us.”
>You hear creaking behind you, and you snap around to give the offender a death glare.
”Unless someone does something stupid and OPEN THE DOOR TO LET THEM IN!”
>You swear, it's like no one in this town has a self-preservation instinct.
>While you're walking along, the small, orange one buzzes about you like a fly.
>”Sunset, are you sure that your plan will work? What if we can't find anyone? Shouldn't we get out of here and call the police or something?”
“Oh, why didn't I think of that? 'Oh, hello, officer! My friends and I were recently in a house taken over by other-worldy invaders, and were wondering if you could come over to help us rescue the remains of the few we left trapped in the building to escape!' That sounds like it's going to go over so well, doesn't it?”
>After you finish berating Scootaloo, you start walking slower as you hear soft squishes.
“The hell is that?”
>Your posse keeps walking forward, until you start to feel something tugging around your legs.
>You look down and make a face of confusion and disgust.
>”Is this another person that didn't get too lucky?”
>Bending down, you put your hand to the substance and feel around it.
“Brain matter? Ugh, what abyssal would even use this?”
>You go to lift your hand off, but find it stuck fast.
>Oh shit.
>Soon, tentacles form around you all, and drag you forward into the darkness.
>”Ew! This is so gross!”
>”Thith is disgusting!”
>”Wheee!”
>”I've seen enough hentai to know how this ends.”
 
16/30
 
>A light shines at the end of the hallway you're inside.
>Pink and red, everywhere.
>Her ritual even dragged them here?
>You stick out your lamp and brace to keep from being dragged in.
>Most of the girls get swept in.
>Except for Twist, whom grabs onto your legs.
>Girl's a survivor, you can't deny that.
>Frantically, you start to kick your legs, breaking her grip on you.
>”Thunthet! Thtop, pleathe! I don't want to go in there!”
“Uh-uh! I am not going to get sucked in there for you! You have no idea what horrible things these creatures do!”
>Your heart sinks as the lamp breaks clean in half.
>Both of you are pulled towards the room at full-speed.
>The mind-rape train has no brakes.
>While you still have your wits about you, you gather as much air in your lungs as you can, and scream.
“DAMN YOU, TWIST!”
>Soon, you find yourself face-to-tendril with the ones that have hijacked you and the others.
>They open their horrible mouths and emit a horrifying noise.
>This is it.
>Reduced to a pile of intellectual mush.
>Not how you wanted to go.
>You didn't even get to say goodbye to everyone.
>Or even Anon...
>”F'hun thrym Q'uinna Rh'-stand us, mortal?”
>Wait, what?
>They're communicating with you?
>Not consuming your thoughts?
>You straighten your face and attempt to talk to your captors.
“Y-yes, I can understand you.”
>”Thank the Great Old Ones, we've actually found you.”
>A bundle of more tentacles moves forward towards you and stop inches from your face.
>It opens and reveals-
“ANON, YOU'RE ALIVE!”
>Everyone but Maud stares at you and giggles.
>You blush and attempt to save what little reputation you still have left.
“G-good, because we'll need every available hand to get this thing done.”
>”Aaaw, you missed me, didn't you, Shimmy?”
“Shut your mouth, Anon!”
>”Enough talking, mortals! We have a task for you.”
>A task?
>”Take this one, and remove him.”
“What.”
 
17/30
 
>”Our kind takes pleasure in the mental subjugation of races like yours, but this one is interminable. His incessant prattling about aquatic life, his memories of this thing called 'Reality T-V', and the numerous occasions of harassing our females. Nothing we've done works, and he has become a drain on our resources. We feel our power waning while he lingers here. Take him from this realm, and we will be forever grateful.”
“You're gonna kick me out? But I thought we were really getting close, guys~”
>”Please, have mercy on us.”
>You smirk as the gears start twisting in your head.
“I think we can come to an arrangement.”
 
>You start to head back down the paths you've marked, picking up every stray Advil you can.
>Derpy and Anon together were the bane of your existence.
>That was before you knew how volatile Pinkie and Anon would be together.
>”So then, I gallantly arrived to save the day, yet again. Shimmy was totally swooning over me.”
“That's not true!”
>”Oh, that's so romantic! You two are like the cutest couple, ever!”
“Pinkie, we are NOT a couple!”
>”I dunno, Shimmy, cuz we did do some major coupling~”
>Pinkie busts out laughing, and the two little goblins following you snicker.
>You slam back an Advil.
>Maybe these work for feelings of embarrassment, too.
“Anon, I know it's a tall order, but can't you focus on something other than sex for one moment?”
>”Rocking your hips the way you are, it would be hard for him not to.”
>They all burst out laughing.
>Et tu, Maud?
>Et tu?
>The crushing weight of the shame you feel makes you want to sink into the floor.
>You then enter a free-fall from a trapdoor you were to distracted to notice.
>Please, let this end soon.
>”I know you're falling for me, Shimmy, but you should be a little more careful.”
>Maybe you can get them to take him back.
 
18/30
 
>Dusting yourself off from the fall, you take stock of your surroundings.
>Satin blankets, rose-scented candles, and silken pillows everywhere?
>Who the hell would this realm belong to?
>Your spine tingles as you feel the presence of something lurking behind you.
>You whip around, ready to assault whatever comes your way.
>”Oh, it's just a female. Sorry, everyone, false alarm!”
>A large congregation of groans meets comes from a pile a ways away.
>Horned women, with pearly skin, and spaded tails.
>You've just entered into a Succubi den.
>At least you aren't in any danger.
>You stare in confusion, as one of them waves at you.
>Focusing more over there, you make out a familiar mass of purple hair.
>Rarity is the one that opened the door.
“Rarity, what are you doing in here?”
>The succubus in front of you turns around and shouts back to the group.
>”New sister, you know this one?”
>She nervously grins with all the attention on her.
>”Um, yes. Sh-she taught me about the art of seducing human men with clothing! Which is why I'm wearing this!”
>Looks like you might have just accidentally screwed Rarity.
>The succubi stare at her, scrutinizing her less-than-convincing excuse.
>Before wildly giggling and dragging you over towards them.
>”Oh, you have to tell us everything! We've been looking for a way to do this for centuries! It gets really cold when we go out to siphon energy from them~”
>You're taken aback by their easy acceptance of you.
>Rarity gives you a sheepish smile and shrugs.
>Dammit, Rarity, you dragged us both down with your lies.
>Wait, maybe you can save yourself from this.
>They believed Rarity, so their bluff score must be horrible.
 
19/30
 
>You had an entire school wrapped around your finger, convincing these buffoons should be easy enough.
“Alright, you pathetically homely, demonic whores; I shall educate yourself on the finer points of seduction.”
>They linger on your every word, eager to hear your exploits.
>It feels intoxicating to hold power over them-
>NO!
>Need to maintain focus and not give in to desire to take over their group.
>Recomposing yourself, you rip your costume up a bit to fake the presence of massive cleavage.
>You think back to all your hours spent wasted watching MTV.
“Okay, first thing to know is that you want to have the assets to back the clothing up. Human men will pass you up like you are now. You're all practically flat.”
>They all change themselves to proportions quite beyond what even Applejack has.
“...maybe a bit much.”
>Their bodies shrink down their new appendages in short order, somewhere around Fluttershy.
“Perfect. Now, you need to use this to make yourself look bigger than you are. Deception is a key factor.”
>The various satin blankets warp and wrap around them, making them look much shapelier than before.
“Good. Now, they also like to have ample backsides. I don't know why, but it is important.”
>The ground starts to creak as their increased mass strains the floorboards.
“Good. They also like, uh...kneesocks?”
>Sure enough, they put on socks.
>Oh, this feels so good!
>People actually following your every order, and willingly!
>You smile and go full ham.
“And, the most important part of it is-”
>With a surge of confidence, you strike a pose you've seen many of the women on television make.
“Presentation~”
>The succubi, especially Rarity, follow every pose you make.
>It's amazing.
“Yeah, ladies, that's how you do it! You need to work the angles, and they'll be putty in your hands!”
>You join in on the enjoyment, feeling incredibly sexy.
>This is something you could get used to~
>”Those are some hot moves, Shimmy!”
 
20/30
 
>Turning around, you see Anon cheering you on alongside everyone else.
>Not again...
>The succubi all scream at the top of their lungs, giddy with glee.
>”EEEEE, IT'S A MALE! IT WORKED!”
>You get nearly trampled as they run over you to get at Anon.
>Your arms go taut as Rarity drags you toward a door, motioning for everyone else to join you.
>As soon as everyone is out, she leans on the door, slinking down towards the ground.
>”Thank goodness that we've made it out of there. I thought I was going to be stuck talking about boys with them for the rest of my life.”
>Rarity looks around your group, scanning over everyone.
>”...Scootaloo, where are Sweetie Belle and Applebloom?”
>”Uh, well, we got separated and I sorta don't know where they went...”
>Rarity nearly faints when she hears those words.
>Oh, and here come the waterworks.
>”Noooo! Sweetie Belle! I knew I never should have taken here her! She was far too young to be here, and now she's probably scared half to death or worse!”
>You roll your eyes and pick her up off of the ground.
“Get a grip, primadonna. Provided that she has even the smallest bit of common sense, she should be alive.”
>”NOOOO, SWEETIE BELLE!
>You're not dealing with this for however long it takes for her to get over this.
>With a mighty backhand, you smack the bitch out of her.
“LISTEN. We are going to get through this, but you need to calm down. Being a little crybaby isn't going to get us out, or get your sister back. Understand?”
>Rarity sniffles as she chokes back her tears.
>”You didn't have to strike me so hard...”
“Whatever. It's done. Now, let's get back to-”
>The door flies open, a pair of hands trying to claw it's way out to the hallway.
>”Thank Lilith! Someone, pull me out. I can't feel my legs anymore...”
 
21/30
 
>The succubus squeaks in surprise, digging her claws into the wood.
>”Where you going, baby? We aren't even to round six, yet~”
>The succubus looks at you with pleading eyes, on the verge of tears.
>”Save me! He's not natural! He's a monster!”
>”Hey, I am not a monster! I'm a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus~”
>Her claws dig out chunks of wood as she's dragged back inside the room.
>”NOOOOO! DON'T TAKE ME BACK THERE!”
>You stand by, letting the poor girl slink back to the room.
>Almost feel sorry for her.
 
>You trudge on through a hallway, littered with viscera and gore.
>All the while, Anon's just whistling a happy tune.
>”It's a great night, ain't it? Just wish I had gyro or something right now.”
>”You know, Anonymous, you really should cover yourself up more appropriately. There are young ladies present!”
>”You getting a bit hot and bothered there, Rarity?”
>”Heavens, no! I'd never think lustful thoughts about Sunset's boyfriend like that! A proper lady would never so such a thing.”
>Even Rarity's in on it now.
>You're never going to hear the end of this, are you?
>*STOMP*
>The ground starts to shake under you, as you feel something heavy heading towards you.
>You see something round the corner of the hallway.
>A large, crimson colossus, wielding a terrifying cleaver.
>It looks over to you, letting out a horrifically loud roar.
>You grab onto Twist, prepared to use her as a distraction so that you can get away.
>Then, the abomination goes down to one knee before it fully collapses.
>A man in a loincloth stands over it's dead body, sword held high.
>”Phew, I thought that thing would never go down.”
 
22/30
 
>A couple of energetic girls group around him and hold him tight.
>”You did it, Soarin! You're the greatest hero ever!”
“Soarin?”
>You look closer, and it is indeed Soarin.
>With Sweetie Belle and Applebloom around him.
>”Sweetie Belle!”
>Everyone clamors over to the dead monster, poking and prodding at it.
>”Soarin, good to see you alive, bro. Where'd you go?”
>Before he can open his mouth, his two fangirls squeal in excitement.
>”It was so amazing! There were all these little things that were trying to eat us, then he came in and beat them all without breaking a sweat! Then, there was this suit of armor riding on a horse, and he stole its sword and cut it in half, and then he fought this thing, and it didn't even touch him! He saved us and was so cool and now we're going to flip a coin to decide who gets to marry him~!”
>Soarin frowns in dismay at his recent popularity with the underage girls.
>”Can someone peel these two off of me?”
 
23/30
 
>A couple of energetic girls group around him and hold him tight.
>”You did it, Soarin! You're the greatest hero ever!”
“Soarin?”
>You look closer, and it is indeed Soarin.
>With Sweetie Belle and Applebloom around him.
>”Sweetie Belle!”
>Everyone clamors over to the dead monster, poking and prodding at it.
>”Soarin, good to see you alive, bro. Where'd you go?”
>Before he can open his mouth, his two fangirls squeal in excitement.
>”It was so amazing! There were all these little things that were trying to eat us, then he came in and beat them all without breaking a sweat! Then, there was this suit of armor riding on a horse, and he stole its sword and cut it in half, and then he fought this thing, and it didn't even touch him! He saved us and was so cool and now we're going to flip a coin to decide who gets to marry him~!”
>Soarin frowns in dismay at his recent popularity with the underage girls.
>”Can someone peel these two off of me?”
>Scootaloo and Rarity carry the two off of him, keeping them upright on their weak knees.
“Alright, looks like we got everyone. Now, all we have to do is follow back the rest of the trail of pills to get to the doorway.”
>”Did you say there was a trail of pills?”
>He couldn't have.
>No one would mess with something so obviously placed.
>”I think I might have used those to get this guy woozy.”
>You stare daggers at him.
>”You try to kill something like this with two girls hanging onto you for dear life.
>You lean on a wall and knock your head into it repeatedly.
>Why must every person frustrate your plans?
>Scootaloo and Rarity carry the two off of him, keeping them upright on their weak knees.
“Alright, looks like we got everyone. Now, all we have to do is follow back the rest of the trail of pills to get to the doorway.”
>”Did you say there was a trail of pills?”
>He couldn't have.
>No one would mess with something so obviously placed.
>”I think I might have used those to get this guy woozy.”
>You stare daggers at him.
>”You try to kill something like this with two girls hanging onto you for dear life.
>You lean on a wall and knock your head into it repeatedly.
>Why must every person frustrate your plans?
 
24/30
 
“Okay, this is no problem. We just have to keep running through doors until we can find the living room door.”
>Everyone gasps in horror.
“Look; this is the only thing that will prevent us from going around in circles until we starve to death. Now, follow me.”
>You quickly open the nearest door and are promptly met with a blast of cheap perfume to the face.
>Nonplussed, you close the door and look back to your group.
“Okay, we're not going through that door.”
 
>Rolling around on the floor, you manage to snuff out the flames with relative ease.
>You brush off the ash from your person and stretch out.
>The rest of the group groans in agony at their injuries.
>”How much longer do we have to do this?”
“Considering what she used to open the portal, there should be about 300 places, that are linked to the house.”
>Everyone moans at the revelation.
“Look; we've been through 237 doors already. We're almost done exploring the fucking place, so quit complaining and fucking pick up the pace!”
>”Such language is not befitting a lady, Sunset.”
>You ignore Rarity and open the next door you see without a mark carved into it.
>This place is dark.
>Darker than you feel is natural.
>Before you can back up, the others push forward and knock you into the room.
>You hear a loud clatter as a metal gate slams down on the door behind you.
>The room goes up in lights.
>Blue lights.
>The lights turn the room brighter than day, as you see bleached-white skeletons shambling towards you with weapons in bony hand.
>You go weak as they click and clatter while they walk towards you.
>Skeletons.
>Why did it have to be skeletons?
>The young ones scream as they scramble around Soarin.
>Anon props you up on your own two legs as they get ever closer.
>Then, Pinkie Pie picks up a pair of femurs and hands them to Maud.
>Wait, is that an accordion?
>”Maud, it looks like these skeletons want to party!”
 
25/30
 
>Maud grabs a nearby skeleton and forcibly rearranges it into what you believe is a xylophone.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2rwxs1gH9w
>The two sisters start on their instruments, slowing down the skeleton's march as they look on in confusion.
>”Aw, yeah, this is my jam!”
>”Catch, Anon!”
>Pinkie chucks Anon a wireless microphone.
>You thought the musical numbers were over.
>But you were wrong.
>So very wrong.
>Anon clears his throat, and then begins to vocalize alongside the Pie sisters.
>”Spooky, Scary Skeletons send shivers down your spine~”
>Sweetie Belle lights up and joins Anon on the microphone.
>”Shrieking skulls will shock your souls; Seal your doom tonight~”
>The rest of the pack around Soarin enter the fray.
>You don't know what's worse: the song or the skeleton army.
>”Spooky scary skeletons, speak with such a screech! You'll shake and shudder in surprise when you hear these zombies shriek~”
>Ear plugs seem like a worthy investment for the future.
>Rarity joins into the fray, a smile on her face.
>”We're so sorry skeletons; you're so misunderstood! You only want to socialize-”
“I don't think we should be-”
>”Cause Spooky, Scary Skeletons shout startling shrilly screams~”
“I wasn't singing!”
>“They'll sneak from their sarcophagus and just won't leave you be~”
>Now Soarin's singing along.
>There is no more hope.
>“Spirits supernatural are shy; what's all the fuss? But bags of bones seem so unsafe; it's semi-serious!”
>It always happens with him around.
>How does he do this?
>They were all afraid of these skeletons a few second ago, and now they're dancing together.
>Even Maud is tapping her foot.
>”Spooky, Scary Skeleltons will wake. You. With. A. BOO!”
>You crouch into a ball and put your head into your arms.
>The skeletons start carrying you and the others out in a wave.
>Don't fight it, Sunset.
>Just go with it.
>It only hurts more if you resist it.
 
26/30
 
>"Alright, this is good! You can put us down now!"
>The skeleton horde lowers you all down, right in front of the candy cane.
>It's so close, you can taste the freedom.
>Wasting no time, you immediately set about drawing the hexagram, lining it with salt and placing the foci at every point.
"Okay, we just need a few more things to get this done. First thing we need: the blood of a virgin. Rarity?"
>"Yes, darling?
"Go pry your sister off of Soarin and bring her here."
>"Now hold on a minute-"
"Every moment you dawdle means we have less of a chance of this working."
>Flustered, she goes to fetch her sister and drags her away from poor Soarin.
>You grab her hand and make a quick slice across her palm, letting it drip across the inner circle.
>”Ow!”
"Okay, now that that's done, we need the blood of a harlot. Rarity-"
>"Now hold on a moment, Sunset! I am no lady of ill-repute!”
“...I was going to ask you to get Pinkie Pie to stop playing with the skeletons.”
>”Oh. Well, it's still not a nice thing to say about friends!”
“Dawdling.”
>She drags off Pinkie Pie from her bongo session with the skeletons, and presents her palm to you.
>You make a quick swipe and force her hand to each of the foci.
>”Sunset, that hurt!”
“It's better than the alternative.”
>With both the reactants in place, you take a match and set fire to the hexagram.
>The foci begin to glow and turn.
>Aaaand, they're out.
>You look behind yourself.
>The skeleton army's still there, as spooky as ever.
>But it looks as though the house is back to normal.
>*thud*
>”Son of a bitch!”
>Hey, Gilda made it down.
>”Did it work, Shimmy?”
“No, it didn't. If it did, those skeletons wouldn't still be here. Something's not right with the seal. Looks like we will need to sacrifice someone after all.”
>”Sacrifice?”
“Yes. I nominate Twist, because she's been dead weight thus far.”
 
27/30
 
>”Hold on now, Sunset. We can't just go and cut someone down in cold blood! Isn't there another way to do this?”
“We could always go in and smash the portal.”
>The crowd goes silent, and they all stare at the ground.
>”Is it possible to half-sacrifice Twist, instead?”
>”Thcrew you all!”
“It's all or nothing.”
>Anon climbs back onto his bone throne, and turns on his microphone.
>”Skeletons, friends, acquaintances and Twist; We have come so far! To take the easy way out now by sacrificing one of our own would be a let-down. Instead, we will go in there to fight! For those who have fallen, for Trixie, but most importantly, for the might of my BONER ARMY!”
>Everyone happily applauds, cheers, chitters and clicks in agreement with him.
>Even though he just said the words 'boner army'.
>He's too charismatic for his own good.
>”Now, Shimmy, my ice queen, open the gates so that we may go forth-TO VICTORY!”
“This is a bad idea.”
>”Open them!”
>Against every shred of your better judgment, you open the door and let in the idiots with a death wish.
>You better go in there to make sure they don't all get themselves killed, as well.
>”Trixie, and whatever the hell has entered our planet, hear me! We have come to destroy that portal which keeps you here, and to free ourselves from your tyranny! If you surrender to our might now, we shall spare you the whatever-you-have-that-passes-for-an-ass-kicking that you deserve! Or, you could try to fight us and experience the full might of the Bone Zone!”
>Trixie's head does a full 180 and shrieks at you all.
>”Bone Zone it is!”
 
28/30
 
>Anon tosses the microphone back to Pinkie Pie, who affixes it to an improvised skeleton stand.
>”Give me something good, guys!”
>Pinkie and Maud command a small quartet of skeletons, as a they slowly start to bring the sound of music to the room.
>Pinkie puts on the deepest voice you've heard from her as she begins to sing into the mic.
>www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuK0f-Zur9A
>”Mother; tell your children not to walk my way~”
>The skeletons begin to amass onto Anon, covering him from head to toe.
>”Tell your children not to hear my words; what they mean, what they say, Mother~”
>They begin to take shape and form into a protective shell-
>”Mother, can you keep them in the dark for life? Can you hide them from the waiting world? Oh, Mother~”
>He's not doing that, is he?
>”FATHER! Gonna take your daughter out tonight; Gonna show her MY WORLD! OH, FATHER~”
>He's actually going to fight that thing in a suit of armor.
>Made of bones.
>He's crazy.
>”NOT ABOUT TO SEE YOUR LIGHT! But if you wanna find hell with me, I can show you what it's like~”
>Anon takes a swing at Trixie, slamming her into a wall.
>”'TIL YOU'RE BLEEDING!”
>As crazy as this is, it's pretty amazing how he manages to do this.
>”That all you got, Squiddy?”
>The horror extends its appendages out of the portal, laying into him.
>They're actually having a boxing match.
>”Sunset, get down!”
>Rarity tackles you behind an overturned table as a chair goes flying at the wall you were in front of.
>Trixie's actually trying to kill you.
>A long tendril lifts the table up, and prepares to smash over you.
>You and Rarity hug each other tight as your life flashes before your eyes.
>The impact never comes, as you gaze upon the well-built savior of your hide.
>”I got you, ladies!”
>”Quit stealin' muh thunder, bro!”
>”Sorry, Anon!”
>Soarin gets lifted off of the floor and smashed into a wall.
>Well, he's out for the count.
 
29/30
 
>His assailant readjusts her psychic grasp, and takes you up into the air, forcing your throat closed.
>Rarity stares in horror before she runs away.
>All that 'sticking by your friends' bravado: Gone.
>You stare around for anything to help you.
>Fortune smiles upon you, for you see a familiar box right behind Trixie.
>Summoning the last of the air you have, you let out a strained message.
“wall-eye, help!”
>The box turns around and pops up.
>Sure enough, she's alive under there.
>Derpy runs up to Trixie and slams her costume onto her, blinding her with the box.
>She gets a good grip on the banshee's waist and throws her into a suplex.
>”Rules of NATURE!”
>Wall-eye slams her down into the floor and quickly pins her under her buns of steel.
>That one's not getting up anytime soon.
>You look over at Anon, who has pulled the horror out of the portal.
>And giving it a noogie.
>The things he does...
>”Sunset, can we use this thing?”
>Rarity is struggling to hold up that huge sword that Soarin managed to snag.
>Oh, that's going to work just fine.
>Together, you and Rarity lift the sword up, moving towards the portal.
“Anon, shove that thing inside! We need to shatter the portal with it inside!”
>”But I haven't finished doling out my skeletal justice!”
“NOW!”
>He relents and pushes the thing back into the portal.
>You swear it sounds happy as it's being shoved back into there.
“On three! One. Two. THREE!”
>You and Rarity slam the sword down onto the portal, breaking the power the creature has to stay on Earth.
>The portal falls to the floor as a mess, and the light goes out of the room.
>”Dammit, what the hell did you guys just do?”
>Gilda flicks on the lamps and everything appears to have gone back to normal.
>Even Trixie.
>Pinkie shouts with excitement and hugs Anon.
>”We did it! All hail the Bone King!”
>Everyone left, except you and Gilda, start chanting 'Bone King'.
 
30/30
 
>”...Did I miss something awesome?”
“Kinda.”
>Rarity lets go of the sword, and proceeds to collapse.
>With what this thing has done, you're keeping it.
>You hear a loud groan coming from the middle of the room, not surprisingly from Trixie.
>Anon steps out of his bone armor and goes over to her.
>”You alright, Trix?”
>”I s-saw so many things. So many a-awful things. The memories will never leave me...”
>”Sounds like you need to get your mind off things.”
>”Anything to forget...”
>”Boner Army! Carry your king to a bedroom for victory snoo-snoo!”
>You watch casually as Anon rides along on the skeletons, carrying Trixie in his arms.
>You're a bit jealous, you admit...
>*thwack*
“Ow! Dammit, Featherhead!”
>”You left me hanging! Come back for me, my ass!”
“Technically, I left you floating, but I have no interest in fighting about it. You got some on you?”
>Gilda smirks at your question.
>”Like you had to ask.”
>Maud comes over towards you, as unaffected as ever.
>”Do you mind if I come with you? Managing Pinkie is tiresome.”
>...you still haven't figured out Maud, but why not?
>The three of you step over the fanclub attending to their injured idol, and head out the side-door.
>Hopefully, this is the last time you deal with fighting for your life.
 
31/30