Title:           Getting to Know All About You: Part 18
Author:          TheOriginalAuteur
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/wdARqy0W
First Edit:      Saturday 5th of July 2014 06:39:12 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 5th of July 2014 06:39:12 AM CDT

>LAST TIME
>Cadence revealed her DEEPEST, DARKEST FANTASY
>There was much Dawwwing
>Suddenly - diplomats!
>You demonstrate your awesome crystal powers.
>This taxes the mind and body!
>You recieved mixed results from that.
>Sang at Precious, he's a good pone.
>Had brief petting with Slutbra.
>Followed by heartfelt rutting.
>Followed by tickling.
>Followed by contemplation of state.
>Followed by yet more rutting.
 
>AND NOW
>IT IS LATER.
>You are wearing pants, but mind you it was a close thing.
>Slutbra wasn't going to let go of your cock without a fight.
>Cunning temptress.
>She is currently sitting next to you at the table, looking serious and not like you've spent a solid hour fighting over her 'De Jure Right' to your cock.
>As well as discussions about a possible cockslut harem, filled with prime examples of crystal stallionhood.
>Which took a turn for the worse when your 'Shardness' began to draw in ponies that satisfied the criteria.
>Then began to 'try out'.
>Luckily at this juncture Precious arrived and broke everything up.
>Thank goodness.
>He is currently serenely sitting next to Slutbra, listening in and eating a glistening apple.
>Next to Precious sits Lawful Castle, once again stern and cold, beside her stands Elusive, happily munching on a peach.
>They were rather annoyed that you hadn't gone out with them to sort out the new crystal things. They were even more pissed off that you spent that time with Slutbra instead.
>Between you and Lawful sits two empty chairs, and Framework.
>All traces of his awkwardness is gone, as if the day before didn't happen.
>Largely due to the heady conversation you're having.
>"So, you believe that we might be able to replicate that concept here?" he asks.
"I don't see why not," you shrug, "the idea of a state for a single type of pony based on religion doesn't seem unreasonable, when you consider the fact that the land itself literally is their god. If it can work for Israel, I don't see why it couldn't work here."
>"But this idea of 'Israel' had a considerable amount of backing for its original creation," says Precious, wiping off some of the apple juices, "I don't think many countries would accept that idea here."
"I reckon the precedent is there with Equestria," you venture, "after all, it's a nation around a pair of ponies who can control the moon and sun, who look to them for protection. One might even say that they are gods, and their vassal nations worship them."
>"There is a law that says you can't do that," pipes in Slutbra.
>You frown.
"There's always a law, isn't there?" you groan.
>"Well, when Luna was banished, there was the Church of the Fallen Star that rose up around her," explains Framework, "After several years of insurgent conflict the idea of religion based on the sisters was banned in Equestria."
"But everyone still looks up to them, like a Cult of Personality," you say, "They still get worshipped."
>"But not as a religion, like the Church of the Shard does." explains Framework "As an aside - does this mean Empire is now actually a Theocracy, considering that Anon is both Shard and King?"
>"Well, technically it isn't because you're the head of the Church, even if Anon is the Shard." states Precious, "But then again..."
>"Sorry we're late," oozes a smooth voice, along with a drum roll.
>You turn and espy a serene Fiery Reign enter sans armour.
>He gives a low bow to you.
>"We apologise, Your Highness, it was difficult tracking down your property," he states, before he glides over to his seat next to Precious.
>Precious moves imperceptibly along to table away from Fiery, and glares at him through narrow eyes.
>Following him is a disgruntled Raven Corvette, removing her helmet and glaring at Fiery with an intense, burning passion, her guitar riff loud and blaring,
>She gives a curt, polite "Your Grace," before storming over to her seat and sitting down in it, hard.
>She glares at Fiery, who simply smiles softly in response.
>Finally, Cadence and Shining enter.
>Cadence is quite happy, trotting over to you and nuzzling your hand.
>You can FEEL the absence of her earlier additions to her privy parts.
>Shining slides between your legs and places his head in your lap, sighing tiredly.
>Cadence quickly positions herself under the table behind him, resting her head on his.
>Their FEELs are happy and content, although it is pointedly at each other rather than you.
>They must have had a talk during their time off the side of the Royal Balcony.
>You have no issue with that - after all, they're married to each other just as much as they are to you.
>You think.
>Your hands begin to indiscriminately pet them.
>"Now, Your Grace," says a flustered Raven, "May I ask why we were called here for an emergency Cabinet Meeting?"
>"Yes," says Lawful, eyes narrowed, "Why were we summoned when you had...better things to do?" she pointedly asks.
>You lean forward.
"A bunch of Very Important Stuff have happened in the past hour and a half," you state, capitalizing the Very Important and Stuff verbally.
>You blink.
>So THAT'S how Doctor Doom does it!
>You shake your head.
>And begin to explain.
"Firstly, something had happened in Canterlot, so Precious," you gesture to him, "Asked me to have Shining talk to Chrysalis, to which I obliged him. Then, fast forward, I got into an argument with Duchesses Sodium Sandstone and Desert Rose, who were complaining about the exclusion. They were intently focused on Alkaline Industries, and demanding action, stating that they were decended from Geo and deserved better."
>Framework's eyes widen slightly.
>"You didn't summon High King Geo, the First Emperor of Empire?" he asks, frowning.
>You go to open your mouth.
>"Of course you did," he groans, "Of all the ponies to summon, you chose Geo."
"Well, it was fairly impulsive," you defend, "They were just going on and on, interrupting me and accusing me of ruining the nation that I just sort of...got fed up." you gesture weakly.
>"But GEO, Anon, the first Emperor Geo!" exasperates Framework, "That's like a peasant digging up the great-grand father of the liege and lord, disturbing his well earned slumber, and having him listen to you having a spat about peaches!"
>You frown, looking down.
>'Tis a fair cop.
>"You have to promise me, Anon, that this won't. Happen. Again." he stresses, "I don't want you going around into our cultural heritage and violate everything sacred!"
"I won't," you feebly offer.
>Framework nods, crossly.
>"Well, good!"
>You look up, and sigh.
"The point of that was Sodium and Rose left rather preturbed. Fast forward, Cadence was sent off to pick up a diplomat, and I ended up here in the presence of Nightmare Moon and Trixie..."
>Their eyes widened at that.
>Except Precious, who was a little unsettled.
>And Fiery, because he's a smug bastard and no doubt already knows what happened.
>You give a rough run-down of the argument, the arrival of White Slut and Cadence, and Shining and Slutbra.
>You briefly put the options on the table, and why you thought they were crap.
>And then you get to Sodium and Rose's attempted coup, and Luna's subsequent reaction to take advantage of it and imprison you.
>You finish with their imprisonment courtesy of CRYSTAL POWERS!
>You gaze your eyes around the table as servants arrive, placing the entres for dinner on the table.
>You glance down, and notice Cadence and Shining are looking up at you and pouting, FEELing hungry.
>You grab your plate and put in on your lap.
>You look up and around the table as the sound of munching comes from your groin.
>Slutbra seems thoughtful, as he plays with a slice of apple.
>Lawful is regarding you with a stony glare, while Elusive is torn between wanting to grab something to eat, and standing to Lawful's side as her aide.
>Raven is frowning deeply, both at you and at Fiery, who is digging his snout into a salad with nary a care in the world.
>Framework is in a state of 'on-the-verge-of-flipping-the-fuck-out'.
>Precious is sweating profusely.
>"So, Princess Twilight's Emissary and Princess Luna were imprisoned?" he squeeks.
>You nod, sagely.
>"Thats, that's...really bucking bad," he says, faint, "I mean, REALLY bad." he visibly shaking, his song discordant and fraying "There is no flip-side to this - no silver lining, no fucking ice-cream," cries Precious, "We've imprisoned an emissary and a soveriegn ruler. This goes beyond bad to bucked-up beyond reason."
>He looks at you, his eyes snapping to yours.
>"You have to let them go," he says, serious, "You have to-"
>"So the fact that Princess Luna has harmed Slutbra, one of King Anonymous' Cocksluts, and somepony he adores, is meaningless?" ventures Fiery, "and the fact that Trixie has tortured a crystal citizen under false pretenses is meaningless?"
>Precious gives a strangled cry.
>"Apart from Trixie perhaps, YES!" he yells, "We HAVE to bucking do this! I know you don't want to Anon, but these, what you've," he takes a breath, "you've crossed a line you must NEVER cross! I mean, capturing a fellow ruler while they were visiting..." he trails off.
>You glare at him.
>"Well...maybe you have kind of a point there," he admits,"but imprisoning an emissary for no reason!" he quickly recovers.
"I have my reasons for imprisoning Rarara," you scoff, "The bane of my life being one such charge!"
>"They better be worse than murder Anon!" Precious yells, "This isn't a bucking GAME!"
>You anger at him over the top of the table.
>He angers back, eyes blazing.
>You hear a polite cough from your lap.
>"Master," says Cadence, "I suggest that you...sentence Lady Rarity, perhaps?"
"Sentence?" you state, looking down.
>Cadence's eyes stare into yours.
>"Yes, as Crystal King, you can sentence those who have wronged you, right Arbiter Slutbra?"
>Your head snaps over to Slutbra, grinning like an axe-crazed maniac who has just discovered that a driveable, 8-cylinder, 500 horsepower chainsaw exists and had just found the keys to it.
>"Well, essentially yes," says Slutbra, suspicious of the pink pony head on your lap.
>Precious' song is literally coming apart.
>"You can't, buh, Anonymous please! You-"
>"Now now, Precious," soothes Fiery, "I have a hunch that this may solve your most immediate legal problem."
>Precious looks over at Fiery.
>He picks up his glass, and throws it at him.
>Fiery catches the glass and places it on the table.
>"Please, control yourself," says Fiery, eyes glinting with supressed mirth.
>Raven's face is scrunched up in anger.
>For the first time in your life, a scrunched up angry pony face is not adorable.
>You can FEEL the radiant hatred in Raven's guitar solo, while Fiery's soul-tune is a slow, steady, beating drum.
>"While I'm inclined to agree with Precious' sentiment," she says, holding a glass and judging it's weight, "the pig is right." she puts down the glass and looks at you, "After all, she wronged ANonymous personally, and he should be able to judge her punishment."
>Precious quickly turns to Lawful.
>He gestures to you, then to himself, then to you, a look of horror on his face.
>"I doubt that Anonymous' reasons are legitimate...but I feel he can act with the 'maturity' required," she sighs.
>Precious turns to Framework.
>"The Will of the Shard shall be done in this instance," he says, enigmatically.
>Precious' eyes narrow at Framework, then back to you.
>He scrunches his face, eyes prickling with tears.
>"Do not buck this up," he hisses.
"'Kay," you reply.
>"Anonymous," you FEEL from Cadence, "Please only do what I think you're going to do," she nuzzles your thigh.
"I will," you FEEL back, stroking her snout.
>Diplo Modo Activato - Fuck Up Rarity at all costs!
>OH YEAH!
>You Sing down into the crystal, around you as well as something strange and pulsing and slick and gross beneath your feet.
>The middle of the table parts and the floor bubbles.
>Out of the ground comes The White Fashionista of Horror.
>You mourn for the crystal that must touch her base flesh.
>She rises up, her stumpy limps called 'legs' engulfed in crystal, black crystals grwing up and down her head-protuberance from which she spews ill magic, love curses and puppy-killing hexes.
>The wicked growth atop her head and neck is mangled and knotted, the purple, sickening, slender mass a storm of mess.
>She shakes her head-case, those gluttonous orbs looking about.
>She eyes at you.
>"Anonymous," she tartly says.
"Hello Lady Rarity," you say, pleasantly, "Your hair looks lovely,"
>She moves her head-case again, to look around the table, then freezes.
>She turns back to you.
>You smirk.
>Little sparks spazz out of her horn as she impotently tries to REV the magic, but that's it.
>She looks at you with dawning horror on her face.
>"What. Did. You. Do." she demands. Not questions, demands.
>You Sing to the table with mirth, as a glassy, reflective piece of crystal bubbles out of the table in front of you, giving the Cloth Cutter, the Cock Cuckler a look at herself.
>She stays still, before leaning around the mirror.
>"Anonymous," she says, calmly, "I am going to kill you. I am going to kill you, and they will NEVER find the body."
"You hear that!?" you state, shocked, "She threatened to KILL me!" you cross your arms, "The HARRASMENT like THIS I've HAD to PUT UP with!"
>No-one at the table is particularly swayed by your moving speech.
>You roll your eyes.
>"So, you brutish pig," she tartly states, "Apart from my hair, what ELSE do you plan on ruining?"
>You smile, and click your fingers.
>A guard - Ferrite Fall - appears.
>"Yes, Your Grace?" he says, bowing.
"Ferrite Fall, I task you with finding ..." you search the Songs, adopting a far away look, "...Metamorpheseus the Waitress, along with a wide selection of industrial strength dyes, please."
>"As you command," states Ferrite, before trotting over to the white square on the balcony and disappearing.
>...you REALLY need to get rid of that at some point.
>The Bleached Pone eyes you suspiciously, if such a fell beast can mimic 'emotions'.
>"...what are you planning," she flatly asks.
>You entwine your fingers in front of your face, and rest on your elbows, smirking.
"Your punishment, my dear," you say, sinisterly, "After all, as Crystal King, I am well within my right to sentence you for your sick and horrible crimes against my person."
>"Su-hu-hurely you jest!" she faux-laughs, "After all, if anything YOU should be suffering MY punishment, for all the hurtful things YOU'VE done to ME!"
>This fucking pone.
"Yeah, like what?" you ask.
>She adopts a haughty expression.
>"After everything I've done! After the job I GENEROUSLY offered you!" she sniffs.
>"It was simple work," she addresses the Cabinet, "simply moving and lifting and taking inventory, things an uncultured APE like Anonymous could understand!"
>You stare back, flatly.
"I didn't get paid for you working me like a slave for an entire fucking week. So you provided jack and shit," you state,
>She 'hmphs'
>"Well YOU did a shoddy job! I kept telling you to put things where I wanted, and was Carrot happy?" she glares at you, "No she was NOT. Everything was put in the wrong place!"
"Everything was EXACTLY where YOU wanted it!" you retort, "She didn't like YOUR work, not mine! I didn't do jack and shit!"
>"No, it couldn't have been MY amazing design!" she scoffs, "Clearly it was the uncultured OAF, the swine who was moving everything! And that was YOU!"
"No, that was-"
>"Is this what this is about?" cuts in Precious, dangerously calm, "You're arguing over furniture?"
>"Furniture!?" gasps the Bloodless Marshmellow, "Why, this is more than that! It's about how Anonymous has ruined my LIFE every single time he get's involved!"
"No, we're arguing over the fact that Rarity blames me for pretty much every single fuck-up she's made!" you reply, "Every single time something goes wrong, and I'm just standing nearby - it's my fault! And then she does things, like stealing my cash, or having my house dispossessed, or getting kicked out of Sugar Cube Corner!
>"I fail to see why you're complaining about JUST PUNISHMENT for things you DID!" she screeches, "Take the Ponyville Canter! I had such an AMAZING platter set up, and of COURSE Anonymous, the uncultured foal he is, ate it all!"
"That wasn't a platter!" you reply, "That was like ten tiny itty-bitty-twinkie-pinkie pieces of bread with cucumber zest and a drop of cream in them! You couldn't feed half a foal with that, let alone a friggin horde of hungry, tired ponies after a race!"
>"BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO EAT THEM ALL!" she screams.
"YOU COULD'VE MADE MORE THAN TEN!" you reply in kind.
>It was all in the DESIGN! In the ART!" she yells, theatric and dramatic, "And you had the NERVE to complain when Applejack bucked you from here till Tuesday for eating the food!" she snarls.
"No I didn't!" you fire back, "You just told her that I ate all the food, when you had already chucked it all and replaced it with your stupid platter!"
>"Speaking of Applejack," disregards Gem-Butt, "This is Just like the my dress for Applejack for the Apple Family Reunion!"
"Are you seriously bringing this up!?" you groan, "She was caught up and tangled in it! She was CHOKING for god's sake!"
>"It. Was. FINE." she grinds out, "The only thing that happened was YOU tore it apart! And the fact you had the NERVE to be angry over Rainbow smacking you over your thick, ape skull for that is disgraceful!"
"I had to tear it off her to SAVE HER!" you slam your hand into the table, "YOU were the one who told Dashie that I was choking her, not your stupid dress! You're always doing this, always saying it was my fault when it clearly wasn't! This is JUST like the Canterlot fiasco!"
>The Hoary Whorse rolls her ocular orbs.
>"This is NOTHING like Fancy Pants' Party! That was all YOUR fault and you know it!" she shoots at you.
"Are you joking?" you retort, eyes narrowing in anger, "You tried to fucking prostitute me out to Fancy Pants!"
>She gasps.
>"I. Did. NO. Such. Thing!" she says, scandalized, "You just got overly drunk and ended up passed out on Fancy Pants' couch! It was you're own fault you punched him!"
"After a single drink that YOU gave me?" you tartly reply, "And waking up with my pants around my ankles and a pony on my back? Of Course I'm going to fucking deck him! And afterwards you bitched and moaned for a week because you just HAPPEN to lose a rather lucrative offer to design the costumes for Fancy Pants' new musical: the Phantom Mare of the Opera."
>"Those two events were COMPLETELY unrelated, you lightweight foal!" she states, nose in the air, "That was more like your...hundredth drink anyway! And besides, on an unrelated note, you owe me quite a lot for giving you a job and a certain standing in Ponyville. You could've at LEAST acted like a gentlepony, and recieved his attentions!"
>This fucking bitch.
"I owe you nothing," you state, cold and flat.
>"I'm not going to talk to a delusional lunatic who blames honest, hard-working, noble ponies for their own problems," she replies tartly.
"You are no noble," you grind out.
>Rarity angrily hmphs and looks away, eyes shut in indignation.
>You are on the verge of growling, your hands planted on the table.
>Silence echoes over the table.
>Framework tries to articulate words, but fails.
>Raven is stunned.
>Fiery's eyebrow is raised slightly, a smirk on his face.
>Precious is glaring at both you and Rarity, clearly not amused by the situation he's found himself in.
>Lawful is massaging her temple, clearly not enjoying the drama.
>Elusive is writing furiously on a clipboard, her face smiling wickedly.
>Slutbra is  blinking in astonishment.
>Cadence and Shining emerge from under the table either side of you, staring at Chalky Haughty with amazement.
"Rarity!" says Cadence, shocked, "I can't believe you'd DO such things!"
>The Ashen Arsehole swivels her head and spots Cadence.
>And promptly blushes furiously.
>"Cadence how...how brave of you!" she quips.
>Cadence quickly does a stock-take -
>Yep she's still wearing the bridle, and her tail still has the banding around the bottom, and she's wearing the long, slick, socky things, and she's wearing the saddle.
>- and she too blushes deeply, FEELing shame and slight arousal.
>"...nevermind that," she states, soldiering on "What I want to know is what is the truth of these accusations!"
>"It's ALL true!" says the Designer Demonic dramatically, "That BRUTISH APE over there has done nothing but ruin my LIFE! You should know, Princess! Remember how he was slowly turning your apartment PINK!" she retches, "What a truly unbecoming colour of royalty!"
>Cadence looks at her flatly.
>You turn and point, triumphant.
"HA!" you simply say.
>"Rarity, that was me," sighs Cadence, frowning.
>The White Wailing Whale closes her orb-slits, then opens them again in an unsettling manner.
>She opens her slathering mouth, then closes it.
>"Ah," says the Fashion Disaster, "Well...ah..."
>Cadence narrows her eyes.
>"Lady Rarity, have you been using King Anonymous as your scapegoat?" she says, dangerously.
>"N-no, of course...not..." she trails off, "Cadence, why were you under the table?"
>"I have my reasons!" Cadence states, defensively, "What I, and I think everyone, wants to know is were you abusing Anon?"
>The Whiteness' facsimile of a face goes from confusion to grotesque, dawning horror.
>She slowly rotates her head and glares at you.
>"YOU did this," she accuses
"Me!?" you squawk.
>"OF COURSE!" she yells, "You learn that I'm designing for ROYALTY, and you just had to go and do THIS to them! To get back at ME!"
"That's not even REMOTELY true!" you reply.
>"It is and YOU know it!" she turns to Cadence, "I'm so, so sorry that slovenly barbarian did this to you, Princess."
>"But Anonymous didn't do this," soothes Cadence, "It was-"
>"No, don't defend him!" the White Ponyquin interrupts, "Don't make it out that he isn't ruining me AGAIN! That he doesn't deserve everything that happened to him in Canterlot!"
>Cadence is taken aback.
>Raven gasps.
>Lawful stops mid-getting up and walking out in disinterest, frozen.
>Precious simply groans, the complexity of the situation making his job even MORE difficult.
>"Rarity, please, calm down!" Cadence attempts to soothe again, "All I want to know is the truth."
>"It is simple fact that Anonymous ruins everything he touches," says the Trapped Dressermaker.
>Your eye twitches.
>You hear a slight cough.
>You turn and there's Fiery, grinning.
>"I think there's a pretty obvious way to determine the truth," he smiles, looking over at Shining.
>Shining looks at Fiery, oblivious.
>Fiery stares back.
>Shining blinks, then cocks his head.
>Fiery stares back, and gestures slightly with his hoof.
>Shining shakes his head, eyes narrowing.
>Fiery raises his eyebrows.
>Shining 'ohs' in understanding.
>"Yeah, we can talk to Chrysalis - she has Fancy Pants in her Throne Room," says Shining.
>The Rarest Nipples' brain-case turns to Shining.
>"What?" she flatly states..
>"Apparently she's been feeding off his love for some guys." Shining shrugs, "Last time I saw him he was buried under a bunch of really big white stallions with big golden collars."
>Cadence's head swivels to him.
>"Did they have really long, glorious manes?" she asks, tentatively.
>Shining nods, confused.
>"You got to see Celestia's Private Harem!?" she says, awed, "OOOOO they're supposed to be locked away and have their stallionhoods bound only for her pleasure!" grins Cadence, "You're SO lucky!"
>Shining is slightly taken aback.
>You are VERY taken aback.
>And OH GOD YOU ARE FEELING THAT AROUSAL FOR BIG HOT SWEATY STALLIONS THAT AREN'T FRAMEWORK OR SHINING.
>OH THAT IS HIGHLY UNNATURALLY AROUSING.
>Please God, kill me.
>"Nope. If anything, we'd prefer you'd indulge in this, get a feel for what you may like..." whispers the voices of many into your ear, slowly turning into the cruel and malicious voice of Rough Diamond.
>FUCK.
>MY.
>LIFE.
>"Damn straight," whispers Diamond, "I'm thinking someone like...Ground Pounder?" smirks Diamond inside your ear, "His big, muscular body on his back, his great, big tool hard before you, just waiting for you to lick it clean..."
>You can FEEL him smugly grinning.
>This conversation needs to not be where it is right now.
"Do you reckon you could talk to Chrysalis?" you loudly ask, turning to Shining.
>He nods, determined.
>"Ah, ahem," coughs the Grotesque Pone, "Perhaps it wouldn't be wise to disturb Fancy Pants during such a private moment?"
>Your head swivels, and your eyes narrow.
>Oh.
>Oh ho ho.
"So you think we shouldn't talk to Fancy Pants?" you ask, conversationally, "After all, he'd only prove your innocence."
>The orbs on the White One dart around.
>"Well, I guess they, wou-ha-ha-ha!" she awkwardly chortles, "But he's still a NOBLE, and to interrupt him would be so...unseemly. Particularly if he's ... indulging in Celestia's private Harem?"
"But it could prove your innocence," you reply.
>"Well, I still believe that you should respect his privacy!" she harshly retorts.
>You look away, thoughtful.
"But wouldn't Fancy Pants want to know about vicious rumours being told about him?" you state, "I mean, a noble like that would want to know if someone was accusing him of ungentlepony acts..."
>The Whory Whorse sweats, slightly.
>"But, I mean, no, he," she stutters, before refocusing, "He would not mind such accusations, because he'd know that they were untrue!"
"But all the same, we should ring him up and ask him," you rub your chin, in what you hope to be a pensive fashion, "I mean, he is an honest Pony, he'll understand the question."
>You smile at Rarity.
"And... he is a Noble pony," you grin, "How quickly would he sell you out, if he learnt that we have Trixie? That we can end all of this madness?"
>The Marshmellow is silent.
>You gesture to the floor, and begin to Sing.
>The Marshmellow might even appear upset by it's predicament, but you full well know this being isn't capable of 'feeling'.
>"Anonymous!" she yells.
>Out of the table emerges a screen.
>"Anonymous, stop this right now!" she calls.
>The screen blinks into life-
>The Uncooked Nipples gives a confused, primal, angry, strangled noise.
>"ALL RIGHT, FINE!" she states, "I tried to sell you off. It was your fault anyway, you ruined my dresses."
>You stop Singing, the screen floating in mid air, showing static.
"I didn't even touch your dresses," you state, startled, Singing the screen back into the table.
>"I know you did, regardless of what you say or do, it was always YOU," she indignates, "You DESERVED everything that happened to you, you worthless ape."
>You analyze the conversation you've just had with Rarity, and you come to a single, undeniable conclusion.
"You're a fucking loony," you say.
>There's a tinkle and Ferrite Falls with several little tins of industrial-level dye attached to his armour, and Metamorpheseus, still in waitress garb, appear on the teleportation thingy.
>They trot over to you and bow deeply.
"And now - THE PUNISHMENT!" you savagely sneer.
>"Sentence," groan-whispers Slutbra.
"SENTENCE!" you retry, serious.
>You pick up your seat, then sit in it.
"Rarity, for crimes against my person, I sentence you..."
>You gesture to Metamorpheseus.
"...To have your coat dyed in the most horrible and garish colours imaginable!"
>Rarity recoils and struggles against her bonds.
>"YOU. WOULDN'T. DARE." she shrieks.
>Meta beholds the tins, then you.
>"Why me, Your highness?" she asks.
"Because I hear it in your Song," you say, patting her head.
>She looks at you with a look that states that she knows you're full of shit, but she isn't going to say anything because you're Royalty.
"...and Magma said something about you being the talk of the town for dye jobs. You see, I need someone with lots of experience, to do something truly DREADFUL to Rarara here."
>She 'oooh's.
>Then she 'err's.
>"A...dreadful job?" asks Meta, confused.
"Yes. I am not like Celestia, who'll have people locked up and raped for shits and giggles. However, I do have my limits." you turn to the Element of Fashion Failure, "and Rara here has reached mine."
>"Anonymous!" sternly states the Diamond Dress-Slut, still struggling, "Please, reconsider! Think about what that would do to my business if I was so unfashionably styled! And if the ponies saw me, if the photographers got to see this, I'd be ruined!"
"I am thinking about it," you coldly say, "I am also thinking about the number of times I ended up in hospital, or sleeping under a bridge, or wasn't able to get a job because of you talking to this friend or that."
>You gleefully watch her struggle, as Meta begins to open tins.
>Lawful is grinding her teeth.
>"I could be doing so many different bucking things right now," she mutters, "Instead of sitting through this bucking drama."
>Raven casts her eyes on Lawful.
>"So we're just supposed to overlook the fact that King Anonymous has been harmed and abused by Rarity?" she airily states, "Lawful, this is King Anon! We can't just let him be abused by an Equestrian withou consequence. After all, I reckon direct crimes against the soveriegn kind of over-rides the whole diplomatic immunity thing."
>"That actually is true," adds Slutbra. She turns to you, You said you were put in hospital, my King?"
"Couple of times, for a period there," you say, reflecting, "For a few weeks after I arrived it seemed like she was turning the entire town against me. That Applejack incident left me in a bed for three days while they fixed my broken back; with Rainbow Dash I had a fractured skull that took a full week to heal."
>"But YOU. DESERVED. IT." grinds out Purple Mane, "Why this is so difficult for you, for ALL of you, to understand..."
>She looks around the table, halfway between pleading and exasperated.
>She stops and her cold, dead globes bore into you cold and horrible and forboding.
>"Celestia was wrong to let you stay in Ponyville," she hisses, "She was wrong to let you stay in Equestria - period."
>"...And because of crimes against our soveign by a foreign dignitary," continues Slutbra, disregarding Crazy Pone, "the Cabinet should be met in order to discuss a course of action."
>"Stop ignoring Meeeeeee!" whines the Bleached Doll.
>"In this case, we've decided to let King Anonymous deal with the issue personally." finishes Slutbra, sontinueing to disregard bitches and acquire legal expertise.
>Lawful shifts her eyes to Precious, who disgruntledly squirms in his seat.
>"Well...technically...but it happened before his acsension..." he explains, "I doubt many in the dipmlomatic corps will accept a charge of pre-nobile assault."
"That's awfully hypocritical," you state.
>"Diplomats and Nobles, Anon," wearily states Precious, "They pretty much run on hypocrisy and sycophancy."
>"Speaking of assault," cuts-in Raven, thoughtful, "what is the law for assaulting the Shard?"
>Framework closes his eyes.
>"...an eternity in the Crystal of Agony, as written by Magmatite and Magnatite," recites Framework.
>"So actually King Anonymous is being rather benevolent and gregarious," states Slutbra, professionally, "After all, he could have done pretty much anything within Cyrstal Law to her, and all he's doing is tarring and feathering her. Except with dye."
>Precious grunts, groans, then throws up his hooves.
>"Fine. FINE," he crosses his hooves, "But do NOT come crying to me when this all backfires horribly on us."
>"I think simply stating 'The Ponyville Dignitary assaulted King Anonymous' would clear up most of the complaints," replies Fiery, smoothly.
>"While this drama is no doubt important," Lawful re-enters the conversation, as if this issue was the most boring, disinteresting, redundant, boring thing she's had to sit through. Ever. "Shouldn't we be discussing more important things?"
"Yes, yes, I get it," you say, waving to Meta, "Carry on, Meta! Do the Empire Proud!"
>Meta rolls her eyes and trots before Hentai-Nightmare Hair.
>Rarity sees her approach, and begins to struggle anew.
>"Only the most excellent Pride Glaze can touch this coat!" she declares.
>Meta puts the tins down.
>"Alright, let's see..." she looks at the tins, thinking, "Normally I would imagine you with a steely-blue-grey, or maybe even a pale purple. But..."
>Her eyes travel up to the Soon-To-Be-Not-White-One thoughtful.
>"The front left leg in dark green, the front right leg in neon pink...and the hindquarters in a mix of orange and brown?" she ventures.
>You briefly envision the dye job.
"That's horrible," you state, smiling, "DO EEET."
>Rarara's head snaps to you.
>"Anonymous, please, make her stoooo~op!" she whines.
>"Oh don't be such a big baby," says Meta, openning tins.
>She opens up a deep, dark greeny dye, almost black from how concentrated it is.
>"Don;t you DARE touch me, you, you, lowborn whorse!"
>Meta taps her hoof on her chin, before she makes her decision.
>"This aughta do!" she quips.
>The Marshmellow struggles, her horn shooting impotently, as Meta draws a tin back, ready to apply via splashing.
>"Any last words, M'lady?" she joking asks.
>"ANONYMOUS, PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS! I'LL DO ANY-TH-HI-HING!" sobs Rarity.
>You sit, grinning madly.
>This vengance.
>It tastes DELICIOUS.
>But then you feel it.
>A ghostly presence.
>"Anon," it says sternly.
>Is it Marley and Marley, avaraice and greed, to warn you about the spirit of Christmas?
>You look over and observe the disapproving stare Cadence is giving you.
>...so is it the ghost of Cadence to warn you about the spirit of Christmas?
>She stares blankly at you.
>"Christmas spirit...?" she shakes her head, "You've had your fun," she FEELs at you.
>She trots over and nuzzles you.
>Ack.
>"Now please, stop this," she FEEL-pleads, "It's quite clear she isn't in her right mind, and she can't hurt you here."
>ACK.
>FEELS CRITICAL.
>"Pretty please?" she puppy-dog-eyes at you.
>Yeah, that isn't going to-
>Shining's head leans in, his big blue eyes pleading and innocent and cute and adorable and sad and-
>ARGH.
>NUMB ARM.
>You feel a hoof on your shoulder.
>"Shard, this seems a little bit...petty," you FEEL Framework add, disappointed, "This just feels like when Celestia imprisoned you for no reason. I...expected you to be better than her."
>AURGH!
>ALL THESE FEELS.
>AND THEY'RE RIGHT!
>Here you are, exploiting your crystal powers once again for petty revenge!
>Well deserved revenge, but...
>Still.
>You DID promise to not to misuse your Crystal Powers.
>And you think this counts.
>You lean forward, and summon up your will.
>Lord knows you don't want to do this.
>But It Must be Done.
"Hold, Meta," you grunt.
>Meta pauses, holding the tin so, her smile fading.
>You narrow your eyes at Rarity, who sighs in relief.
>She may have made you a fool, but by golly you will extract something out of this.
"I shall remove your punishment," you state, "on one..." you pause, and consider Cadence's words, "two..." you glance at Precious," ... three, three conditions."
>Slush Mare eyes you warily.
>"And these would be...?" she questions.
"Condition One: You will Pinkie-Swear that when you leave here and speak to other... individuals ..." you venture, wanting to word this right, "you will NOT spin this as me being evil; this was entirely you're own damn fault."
>Squiggle Tail glares at you.
>You glance at Precious, who beholds you, confused.
>She glares back harder.
>You move our hand in Meta's general direction-
>"Urgh, FINE. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye I will not tell anyone what a deplorable host you were."
>You smile.
"Condition  Two: Pinkie Swear that you won't do your usual thing of blaming me for everything."
>The Whiteness frowns and scoffs.
>"Like I would do something like that, but whatever..." she swears, "There, and what would the last condition be?"
"Condition Three: You apologise. To me. For all the crap you've done to me."
>Rare glares at you.
>"Why should I?"
"Meta? What do you think about Rarity's mane?"
>"Maybe if it were cut REEEEALLY short?" she chortles.
>"WAIT, wait, alright...ffffine," she grinds out.
>She takes a deep breathe, and seems to inflate.
>She scrunches her face adorably in anger.
>"I'm...ssssss..." she contorts her face hole, "...ssssooooo...." she cricks her neck slightly, "....oorrrreeeee. I'm sorry. There."
"Sorry for what?" you ask.
>She frumps at you, her frowny frumpy face full of fury and fraught with frowny frustration.
>"I'm sorry that I...may have taken your ... 'accidents' too personally. There. Happy?"
>It's not much, but 'tis a victory hard fought and won.
>You gesture your hand and Sing.
>You hope eventually you can get this down pat, so it just appears you gesture you hand and shit happens, instead of you vibrating your will onto the crystal to make it do things.
>The crystal around the Loony Bitch's horn and legs melt and flow back into the floor.
>She glares at you for one last second, before she teleports over to the glowing tele-square.
>"Buck you," she snorts, before disappearing in a tinkle.
>You lean back, and sigh.
>It was satisfying to at least come close to getting your Just Revengance against Rarity.
>'Tis a shame you shall never see her on the front page of a magazine with such a hilariously bad dye job, but...
>You have responsibilities now.
>"So we went through all of that, just so you could let her go," states Lawful, flatly, "This has got to me the most pointless Cabinet meeting we've had."
>Precious sighs.
>"I don't think this whole 'Pinke Promise' thing will work, Anon," he says, staring at you with tired eyes, "She's going to start spinning this badly for us, and then I'm going to have to try and soothe the other dignitaries, but they're not going to listen because it's an Equestrian, and I've JUST spent the entire bucking day promising we're not going to go all Sombra on all of them..." he finishes his rambling and wipes his brow, "This whole situation has just gotten shittier."
>You smirk.
"A Pinkie Promise isn't something to take lightly," you state, msyeriously, "Heck, I'd wager even Discord would want to break one. Admittedly, he'd probably finangle his way out somehow, but he'd never actually break one."
>Precious closes his eyes and takes a breath.
>"I'll ...trust you with this," says Precious, "You seem to know more about it than I do."
>Meta turns around and looks at you, expectant.
"Thank you very much for that, Meta," you say, "It's a shame I didn't get to see you in action."
>She waves it off.
>"It was nothing, your Highness, I was on a break anyway. And seeing the drama of nobility up close and personal..." her eyes twinkle and she grins hugely, "Best. Day. OF MY LIFE." she squeeks.
>"I KNOW RIGHT!?" yells Elusive, passionately.
>Lawful's head slooooowly eases around, and she glares at Elusive.
>Elusive grins sheepishly, and tries to hide behind her clipboard.
>Raven giggles at the site.
>"Oh cheer up Lawlaw," she says, "Let the mare have her fun, otherwise she'll die of overwork and boredom."
>Lawful rolls her eyes, mutters something, then adopts the 'look at Anon with great frustration and angry thoughts' pose.
>"Well, thank you King Anonymous, and farewell," she bows low, before smiling "See ya Cadence!" she waves, before trotting over to the square and disappearing.
>Ferrite quickly grabs the tins and reapplies them to his armour, bows, and departs.
>You stretch your arms out as Shining quickly scooches in under the table and buries his face in your crotch, Cadence not far behind.
>That's nice.
>Your hands come down and play with their ears.
"Well, now the Vile and Wretched Beast-"
>"Anon..." sternly FEEL-admonishes Cadence.
>You frown.
"...Rarity," you pout, "has been properly dealt with, it is time for the "actually important thing" -" you finger quote, "which is - what courses of action do we have for Luna and Trixie?"