Title: NON, NONN, AND NONNY IN: BUMP IN THE NIGHT Author: ThatGuyM8 Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/QPC5LuDh First Edit: Tuesday 26th of April 2016 01:09:13 AM CDT Last Edit: Tuesday 26th of April 2016 01:09:13 AM CDT THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES NON, NONN, AND NONNY IN: BUMP IN THE NIGHT   >Be Nonny, the filly >Really who did you expect? >Sunset Bacon-grease? >Nah, you were the filly to look out for >Since the formation of the Filly Triumvirate, you, Non, and Nonn had doing all sorts of crazy ass shit! >And sometimes being absolute assholes to everyone in an attempt to swindle Booze >MMMMMMM >BOOOOZE >Your mouth involuntarily salivates >The magical Estus of liquid courage that you have been craving for so long, and have come so close to getting…. >Only to be foiled by Twiggles the Hutt and her lackeys >You might have a chance this time though….. >Or maybe not >Your latest scheme has been…. >Odd, to say the least >You got it into your head to swindle the populace of Ponyville by performing a play >It didn’t have to be good or anything, you could’ve Uwe Boll’d this shit and not given a fuck >But this was…. >Oh shit it’s your line “It’s over Anakin, I have the high ground!” >Yeah >It wasn’t the best choice for a play >You see, ponies didn’t know much about the Stair Wares >At least not in the way humans had it >They probably had some shitty pony-based rip-off of it around somewhere >Hyperspace Hyperwars or some astronomical piece of diarrhea >So you had the spectacular idea of introducing them to the wonderful space opera >Through a play >With three actors and the budget of a 1930s brutally beaten newspaper boy >Actually two actors damn it >Non was nowhere to be found this morning, due to a dentist’s appointment >Then she got some shit done with her teeth and now she is knocked out like a light >So you and Nonn tried to manage putting on a play that you had Pinkie over-hype to death >In front of almost the whole town >And now it was just painful >And Episode III seemed like the most logical place to start…. >It had the Sheev spin and a general who badly needed some cough syrup >What could go wrong? >It turns out a lot actually >The audience, or what was left of it, milled about in confusion, many recognizable faces throughout >Even the CMC were there, drawn by the spectacle of the failure, like it was a cringy weeaboo holding a katana in public >Revolting, but one finds it difficult to turn away from such a train wreck >The play stumbles forward, your poorly mended cardboard set creaking >You stand on a platform a few feet up from Nonn, who was standing on a cardboard box in a puddle of ketchup >The ketchup was Pinkie’s donation >It was at least well-intentioned >You and Nonn were also holding pillows rather than lightsabers, as your original idea to use colored steel pipes mortified a concerned Twi, whom confiscated your goods, thinking you were gonna use it to- >Ahem >”Be a bad influence on Non and blah blah I’m fat and smell like a bag of Doritos and horse-shit and I have issues cause I’m a princess of doing fuck-all…” >Right, putting on a play, stop day-dreaming retard >”You underestimate my power!” >Fuck damn was Nonn a shitty actor >All of a sudden an irritatingly familiar dirge of a voice bleats its way through the crowd like an exploding giraffe >”WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?! THAT WHOLE SET IS NOT SAFE! NONNY! NONN! GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANT!!!” >Oh Twiggles Eats Pickles >Where’s the fun in that? >It’s likely that some ponies ran to rat you out on your exploits upon seeing you and Nonn deliver such an abysmal play at 10 bits a ticket >Took her long enough to get out here damn mare move your fat as- >CREEEEEEEEEEEAK >GROOOOOOOOAN >OR MAYBE THE SET REALLY IS FUCKED- >You feel the poorly squandered together platform wobble >Shit yeah you gotta call this off, you ain’t getting stitches over this shit >TIME TO ABANDON SHIP COUGH COUGH COUGH >You just gotta tell Nonn real quick >He looks ready to jump over like in the script “Don’t try it.” >OH FUCK THAT WAS PART OF THE SCRIPT NO DON’T LEAP DIPSHIT- >CRAAAAAAAAAAAASH >RATTLE >BANG >SOUND WORD >…. >Ow ……………….. >FUCKING DOUBLE OW YOU BARNEY COLORED BITCH! >You sauntered through the castle, your body aching and your ass screeching in pain >Fucking bookhorse >You were just having fun >And trying to get Booze >Why did she have to return the other ponies’ money?! >And spank you at on top of it! >Didn’t she know the golden rule? >Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks? >Seriously lady damn >You walk to your room for an early bed-time >Courtesy of Twi >The Pint-Sized Scaly Abortion watches you enter the room >”Again, huh?” >He chuckles “Fuck off Spike you’re adopted.” >”Wait, what? Aren’t you-“ >You kick the dragon precisely in a painful region “JUST A PRANK BRO” >You enter the room while he wheezes, and hear the soft sound of Non mumbling in her sleep >Aw >And now he can’t follow you in >Thanks knocked out and drugged-up sis >You really know how to help a fill- >Man >How to help a man out >You climb into bed with her and snuggle the adorable little shit ……………….. >”AHHHHHHHHHH!” >OH SHIT WHERE’S THE MASKED MARE AT? >You look over >In the darkness you can see your sis sitting up with wide eyes >”It’s them again Nonny! They were taking pictures of us and they forgot to turn the light of it off again and-“ >Oh not this shit again “For the last time Non, there is no such thing as the boogey-mare. And don’t you dare say you saw Freddy Cuddler again or I’m going to-“ >”No, No Nonny! I swear there was a big flash, and a gross giggle, and someone was watching us from the window!” >Ugh     >The only way you were gonna shut her up was to prove that there is nothing wrong >Again >You groggily slink out of bed, and shuffle to the light >You turn it on, and after your eyes are done hating your very soul you inspect the scene “See? Nothing’s wrong. Go back to be-“ >OH SHIT >THERE WAS A FUCKING PONY OR SOMETHING OUT THERE >YOU JUST SAW IT FUCKING MOVE >AND IT LOOKED SO….. >SPOOKY >The fact that someone was doing this >And creepily watching fillies… >Ew, this creep needs to be brought to justice >You turn to Non, who was trembling and holding her favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Grizzles the Bear, and she turned to you >Then you got to what you do best >Schemin’ and memein’ ………….. >You, Non, and Nonn seemed to have concocted a plan >An older-esque one, but she checks out >Non was gonna go to sleep as normal, and you were gonna lie with her, awake and ready to go >Nonn was gonna be in the closet >HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA >Anyway, while in there he was gonna keep an eye out for movement, and when the creep tries to take a picture, he was a launch a Yak-made tiny bottle rocket through the window at the villain, who would be blinded and then apprehended >Simple, but effective >You may even try and get Twi for help if they turn out to be real trouble >Last resort though, that’s for sure >Currently you were milling about the castle in boredom when- >”Nonny, why don’t you come in the kitchen for a minute?” >Oh boy >Here we go >You were probably about to get another lecture >About friendship and how much of a fuck-up you are at it >Your hooves pound the floor with irritation as you strut into the kitchen to face none other than- >The Lavender Menace herself >Twishit Spergburgers >”Sit down just right there, Nonny.” >She had her back to you, and was washing a few dishes with some magic >You quickly grabbed two items off the shelf and hid them between you back and the chair >Emergency bailout kit is ready >Proceed with caution >This isn’t going to be easy Snake >You sit down in the overly ornate chair, and put your hooves on the table casually >Yeah >Act casual >Twi turns to face you “Uh, Um, how’s the spaghetti Freddy?” >She cocks an eyebrow and her expression becomes a cast-iron mask of bewilderment >”What?” >Shoot, try something else “Uh I mean, what the dealio Celest-io? How my-“ >You clear your throat “Diggity Dog doin’ playa?” >She looks at you like you’re having a stroke >”Um, I’m fine…. Thanks? Look, Nonny, I called you in to talk to you about something that’s kind of important, so-“ >Oh fresh-canned-fuck here it comes >You knew you would have your reckoning for the whole Stair Wares thing >The earlier scolding and such was merely an appetizer to the main course >ABANDON THREAD, REPEAT ABANDON THREAD THIS IN NOT A DRILL! >Brandishing one of the items you hid, a can of ravioli, you throw it at her “Ravioli ravioli what’s in the pocket-oli?” >You sprint for the exit >And promptly get dragged back by a purple aura >She had caught the can with her magic, and was not amused >”Are you quite done? Or is this one of those moments where you’re going to try and get out of talking like a CIVILIZED filly by acting like an idiot?” >She gives you a come-on-just-sit-down-and-talk-you-gigantic-retard look >NOPE AIN’T FALLIN FOR THAT SHIT >Time for plan B >You take the sauce packet and quickly squirt it into your mouth, expertly throwing away the evidence by limply gliding it a few inches away, where it stains the floor >You look at her and try and give the best performance of your life “I’m sorry to tell you dear Twilight most honorable Sparkle, but I-“ >You cough some sauce everywhere for dramatic effect “But I have a super STD called vag-laseritis, and as you can guess, I might be- HURK, firing the deadly contagious cooch beam, infecting everyone in the room, HURK-BLEAGH, SAVE YOURSELF TWILIGHT!!!” >Nailed it  >”You didn’t even grab the right condiment this time, you just blasted salad dressing all over yourself and the floor. Seriously, you didn’t even-“ “Oh no, HURK, it means that my condition must be super accelerated. Plz, save yourself Twi, HARKLE GARBLE FUCK, there’s no hope for me. I can f-feel the laser powering up!!!” >You make pew pew sounds with your mouth to illustrate your point >She sighs >”Just let me know when you’re ready to act like a big filly and not a foal. We’ll put this on hold for now, until you, um…” >She walks to the door and looks back at you >”Yeah, just…. Please clean up.” >She trots out, clearly not up to putting with your shit at the moment >Nice! >She totally bought it! >Score one for the best filly! >You mean guy r- >Yeah best guy! >Ever! >Yeah! ………….. >It’s later that night, and you are lying awake next to Non, who’s sleeping like a foal >Nonn is in the closet, waiting to come out >Heheheheheh >Still kinda funny >You had been waiting on this for a while, and your eyelids felt heavy…. >Nonn… probably has it…… …………. >You awake from your light doze to the sound of a camera snap >And the fucker forgot to turn off the flash again >Ow your eyes >Fuck you it’s like a flashbang and the sun gang-banged your eyeballs >You spring up, and the thing moves away from the window >Damn where’s-? >You throw open the closet door to see Nonn sound asleep >Great  “Wake up fuck-kindler we gotta go.” >”Wah? What’s a “civil wa-“ >Going on about his fucking weird dreams/memories whatever the fuck it is again “Shut up and get up, dumbass. You missed your window.” >”Oh you mean that one?’ >He points >If you had the time you would’ve have beaten the fucking shit of him so hard right now- >But more pressing matters were at hand >You went to the window, to try and get through it and pursue the renegade photographer >But they- >TELEPORTED AWAY? >Wtf >Ok whoever this is, they must be skilled in magic >You bolt from the room, accidentally waking up the before-just-stirring Non and surprising Nonn >”Where are you going?!” “To get Twi Nonn, now stay with Non and protect her.” >”But I-“ “Stay in that fucking bedroom!” ………………….. >You get to Twi’s room at lightning speed ”Twi I-“ >SNOREEEEEEEEE >Damn, of course she’s out >You pace about in frustration and anxiety >THINKTHINKTHINK >As you walk, you notice a binder laying precariously on a shelf nearby >Weird >It wasn’t OCD-organized like the rest of Purple-nurple’s stuff >You grab it and flip it open >Fuck privacy >It was a- >SCRAPBOOK?! >FUCKING SHIT IS SHE A NERD >LIKE, FUCKING REALLY >From the light of the hallway you can make out some of the photos >One was you and Non at the dinner table, one was you hiding from Twi in a not-adorable and very well constructed pillow fort, one was of you, Non, and Nonn trying to bake something for one of your schemes…. >Kinda touching, actually >You felt a warmth in your chest that…. >Right, moving on >You notice a photo of you and Non sleeping and… >Wait a fucking minute >Was the gruesome specter none other than- >”It’s not nice to look through other people’s stuff Nonny, I figure you learned that from last time.” >Oh no it was >Twilight slowly came towards you >Aw shit not again >Wait >Wait a sec “If you’re here, than who’s sleeping in your bed?” >”What? Someone is-“ >Her eyes narrowed slightly >She pulled back the covers to reveal….. >Spike snoring like a homeless man without a bridge to chill under >”Alright Spike, c’mon, get out of there.” >The walking tumor moaned, and sat up sleepily >”But my bed sucks, and yours is better and-“ >”Spike, go back to your room. Nonny and I need to talk real quick, then we can talk about your bed again.” >The tiny lizard glowered and stomped out of the room, grumbling >”It’s always Nonny this, Non that, what about Spike-“ “It’s because you are a failed abortion of a being whose only purpose is to be a bitch, a bitch among the bitches, a bitch who-“ >Twi’s gaze sliced into your eyes like a chainsaw, and her words were edged >”Nonny, stop it. Apologize.” “What was that too rude? Or is calling him a fuck-brain a little better?” >Her face darkens “Ok, ok fine, sorry Spike.” >Twi is not amused >”Like you mean it.” >UGH FUCK YOU YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER “I’m really sorry Spike. I also apologize for kicking you in the dragon’s hoard yesterday.” >”You did what?!” “Nothin’. Sorry Spike.” >The punt-able dragon was not amused, but conceded and left >Twi turned to you >Oh shit here we go >You clench your flank in preparation >This is going to hurt >You flinch >But nothing comes >Instead, Twi puts a hoof on you shoulder and smiles at you, the moonlight casting a calm glow on her face >Huh “Huh?” >”You ready to talk now? I wanted to tell you about that scrap-book for a long time. I want tons of pictures of you all growing up, and was thinking maybe we can go on vacation-“ “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT? YOU TOOK PICTURES OF US WHILE WE WERE SLEEPING YOU SICK FUCK. WHAT, ARE YOU CLOPPING TO-“ >She shushes you with a hoof over your mouth >”No, nothing of the sort Nonny. And that really isn’t something you should be thinking about.” “Then why did you do it?” >Twi giggles a little >”Because you two are so adorable. I know how much you care about Non, and even that other colt named Nonn, which is weird by the way…. I think maybe…” >She paused >”Oh, nevermind. But the fact of the matter is you care about them, and whether you’re playing, or sleeping, or whatever, I just want to be able to keep the moment, because I care about you all too. I just want to be able to keep the wonderful memories you all have made.” “Wonderful?” >”Yes, wonderful. Sure you three are a hoof-full sometimes but I still really care about you all. The way you all have such a bond, it just- I just want you all to grow up in a way that- well-“ >She struggled to find the words >Really though, none were needed >For all the constant shit you give her, she really does care >Your eyes are wet >Fucking super Equestrian allergies >That’s it yeah >Those things are a bitch >You and Twi look at each other for a few seconds, and then hug >That warm feeling you really like comes back >The hug lasts for what feels like an eon >It was glorious …………………….. >You are now Twilight >It’s about 3 am >You decided that since it’s so late at night Nonn may as well just stay over, and you allowed the three, who were then wide awake, to stay up for a bit and have a little slumber party >Being fillies and colts though, they were quickly tired out at this time of night >They all fell asleep together, in a little snuggle pile >Nonn on the left-top, Nonny on the right and just under him, and Non sandwiched between them >They were all so sleeping so peacefully together, cuddling >Nonny even kicked a little in her sleep >D’aw >You didn’t want to ruin this moment with that faulty old camera >It and its malfunctioning flash >It was fine the way it is >Nope, you just committed it to mental memory as best you could and went back to your room, a smile on your face >Upon reaching it, you picked up the scrapbook, and added tonight’s new additions to it >Feeling warm and fuzzy inside, you flip through it and see… >Whoops, heheh, good thing Nonny didn’t flip to that page >THAT would’ve been tough to explain >Letting out a small chortle, you move towards the bed, ready for some rest yourself >You pull back the covers and- >Really >Really Spike? >You sigh and slide in next to him >Please don’t snore Please don’t snore- >EEEEEEERGH-HUUUUUUUUUUE >Ugh …………. THIS CONCLUDES TONIGHT’S PROGRAM OF NON, NONN, AND NONNY. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!