Title:           Swaggot in Equestria (FR Short)
Author:          Th3seus
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/e6JeZZ9s
First Edit:      Sunday 3rd of March 2013 07:37:17 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 3rd of March 2013 07:37:17 PM CDT

>Day SWAG in Equestria
>You are Anon
>The muthafukkin swaggest human ever to grace the Equestrian landscape
>Wake up
>Shit, shower, shave
>Throw on your backwards multi-color hat, shutter shades, wifebeater, loose-as-fuck jeans hanging off your ass, and an open sweater
>Swag +351
>Level up!
>Promoted from Douche to Swaggot!
>Your hair is instantly gel-spiked up
>Swagwalk down the stairs over to your kitchen
>Grab a bowl of Yole-O’s and dig in
>Swag +53
>Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door
>You get up, and saunter over to the door
>Cracking it open, you notice that yellow hoe Fluttershy
>You raise your eyebrow to her
>She meekly hides behind her mane
>”G-Good morning, Anon…” she says with a nervous smile
>You cross your arms
Ay yo, Bananathang. What’s you doin’ all up over my house so early anyways?
>You already know, though
>This girl’s been trying to get in your pants ever since you got here
>But bitch, you got standards
>And she ain’t meetin’ up to them
>”I was just wondering… if…”
>She reaches behind her, and pulls out a rubik’s cube
>”If… if this was your fetish?”
>You laugh out loud
Bitch! You even tryin’ anymore? What, gurl, you fin’ that thing on yo walk ova?
>”Well, um, I—“
Do I look like sum mathematronic geek? Gurl, I ain’t got the TIME to mess with that shit!
>You grab the cube from her and chuck it as far as you can
Now ‘scuse me, G, I got sum thangs to take care of, ya hear?
>You push past her and begin walking to town
>Wow! Incredible!
>Geek insult AND successfully avoiding the yellow menace!
>Swag +289
>Level up!
>Promoted from Swaggot to Hashtag Swaglicious!
>Gold chains form around your neck, rattling as you do your retarded walk
>Fluttershy is left mouth agape, staring at you as you mosey your way toward town
>Her eye twitches a little…
>…something may have snapped…
>You arrive in town, eager to reach your destination
>You heard through the grape vine that there’d be some swagarific accessories on sale at the market
>As a connoisseur of all things stylish and swag, you had to check them out
>Maybe even add something to your collection
>As you saunter through town, you suddenly here a shrill shriek
>Clasping your hands over your ears and gritting your teeth, you turn your head to see Rarity, the marshmallowy fashion p0ny, staring at you in horror
Ay gurl!
>You yell, releasing your grip from your ears
What’s yo deal, homie? Tryna bust mah ear drums or sumthn? I need these muhfuggas, ya dig?
>She scoffs
>”What. Are. You. Wearing?!”
>You look at her questioningly, then down to your duds
>You lift your shutter shades and give her a queer look
You mirin’ or what?
>She gags and nearly throws up
>”I don’t know WHAT Fluttershy sees in you, but if you’re to be her significant other, you NEED to change those clothes!”
>Change your duds?
>Date Fluttershy?
>Oh HELL naw!
>This bitch is going down!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8TdhrqIc9c
 
>Rarity blocks the path!
>What will you do?
>…
>Anon uses Battle Cry!
YOLO!!
>Anon’s Offense increases!
>Rarity uses Dress Shirt!
>SMACK!
>27 damage!
>What will you do?
>…
>Anon uses Bling Swing!
>52 damage!
>Rarity uses Hair Brush!
>Your do is ruined!
>36 damage!
>What will you do?
>…
>Anon uses Summon!
>Anon summons Mike Jones!
>…who?
>MIKE JONES!!
>Mike Jones demands a grill!
>Rarity is confused!
>Mike Jones threatens to rob the jewelry store until they make him a grill!
>Rarity hurts herself in confusion!
>Mike Jones flashes his bling!
>It’s super effective!!!
>Rarity is defeated!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YCN-a0NsNk
>Anon gained 702 Swag Points!
>Level up!
>Promoted from Hashtag Swaglicious to Lord of Swag!
>A grill manifests on top of your teeth!
 
>The defeated Rarity stumbles back into her boutique
>You sigh a relieving sigh
>That was a close one…
>You almost lost your swagnificent style!
>Can’t have that!
>…
>What’s that noise…?
>You turn your head and lift your shades for a better view
>…some yellow blur is bolting toward you
>…oh shit! That’s Fluttershy!
>She looks pissed, and is screaming at the top of her lungs
>She’s got the eye of the tiger!
>A tiger that’s eager for some rape!
>Shit!
>You turn around and sprint away
>Your baggy pants nearly falling from your waist
>You gotta find the market!
>You dash and weave in between a crowd of p0nies, your bling rattling and jingling loudly
>You can hear the rush of Flutterbutter’s wings not too far behind you
>Gotta go fast!
>You dart around buildings, quick to get her off of your tail
>Alleyways, yards, whatever you can make your way through, you do
>You think you gave her the slip!
>Until suddenly
>You round a corner into a crowd of busy p0nies
>All kinds of tents and booths are set up
>The high pitched jingle of bits being exchanged nicely compliments the chatter of bartering
>The market!
>You made it!
>You push your way through the p0nies, using your superior height to eye out the booth you’re looking for
>Until…
Aha! That shizz looks like it might be the real deal!
>A booth with all kinds of bling and accessories is set up
>#Yolo shirts and all kinds of swag are set up with it
>The p0ny running the booth is doing Snoop Dogg’s Drop-It-Like-It’s-Hot wheel turning dance
>You glance behind you to double check if Flutters is on your tail, then dart your way over
>You slam your palms down onto the table, your chains dangling back and forth
>Peering over the top of your shutter shades, you stare at the shopkeep p0ny right in the eye
>He stops his dance, gapes his mouth, and stares deeply into you
>”Ay homie… that aura I’m feeling… what it is you feelin’, ay? Y’all simply OOZIN’ swag!”
‘ts right, dawg. I’m Duke Swag IV up in this bitch, you feel me?
>He reels back in surprise
>”Then them stah-ries we’ve been hearin’ ain’t full ‘a shit after all… you… I know jus’ what yo lookin’ for, holmes.”
>He dips down under his counter and rummages
>Then finally, he pops back up, with a multi-colored patched T-Shirt
>It looks straight out of the 90’s
>”Shit’s straight from the ol’ world, G. Back when King Swiggidyswag XVI ruled the land of Equestria.”
>You hold your hand out to the heirloom
>Such powerful levels of swag are radiating from it…
>Right as it touches your hand…
>”AAAANOOOOON!!”
>You dart your head to the left
>Shit! She found you!
>Her eyes burn with the desire for nonconsensual human-on-p0ny coitus
>She bolts with blinding speed to you
>The shopkeep sees the fear in your eyes
>”Homie, quick! Put the shirt on!”
>You lock eyes with him
>And nod
>You whip off your open sweater and fling the relic onto your body
>Suddenly, it feels like the world has stopped
>The mass amount of swag radiating from the shirt seeps into your bloodstream
>You can feel the power course through you
>A bright light emits from you, blinding everyp0ny around
>The shopkeep shields his eyes
>”It’s true!” He screams, “the second comin’ of our swag lord is here!”
>You can feel yourself morphing
>Your ears jut out the side of your head like an airplane’s wings
>You grow taller, lankier, sexier
>Your hair curls tightly, then stacks up high, like some kind of odd Frankenstein Monster hair do
>Your transformation is here!
>Swag +26475683
>Level up!
>Promoted from Lord of Swag to
[spoiler]>The Fresh Prince![/spoiler]
>You drop to your knees, the new form overwhelming you
…damn, G! This shit’s for real!
>”WILL!!!” you hear from your left
>Fluttershy has transformed into Uncle Phil!
>Oh shit!
>Get up and start running manning away
>The shopkeep has transformed into Jazz, and begins obnoxiously playing the drums
>Today was pretty standard