Title:           Game Show
Author:          Swift_M0nkey
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/guAxmQ5H
First Edit:      Monday 26th of January 2015 10:58:23 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 26th of January 2015 10:58:23 PM CDT

>The clock chimes as the time reaches two in the afternoon.
>You sip mountain dew from your teacup.
"Any second now..."
>Faster than a drunken teenage whore's plea that it was rape and not consensual because she didn't like the guy, the door explodes in.
>Before you is Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight, and Rarity.
>"Hey! That ain't fair!"
>Applejack steps forward past Rainbow.
>"Ya gotta include me! I'm an important character too!"
"Heh, sure you are."
>She stomps the floor hard enough to send a tiny shockwave of what might have happened to your balls.
>...
>Faster than a stupid bubble-popping shitty mobile game gains money after a gay youtuber plays it, the door explodes in.
>Before you is Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Rarity, and a hat.
>"Ah... damn it."
>Fluttershy smirks at you.
>"We're here to challenge you to another duel!"
>She immediately blushes and looks away while dragging her muddy hoof on your floor like a fucking autist.
>"I-if that's okay with you..."
>So a little backstory here; Fluttershy wants the dick.
>Her friends want her to be happy, so they'll help.
>After a crazy party involving a dolphin show, a fuck ton of prank calls to Saddle Arabia which may result in a mass bombing of friendship, and hotboxing an entire house, you told her something she's never forgotten.
>You told her that if she wins a duel against you at anything, she can fuck you.
>Why do that?
>Not like you can remember, you were too fucking baked to care.
>You yawn and put your tea cup down on the coffee table.
"What do you propose?"
>Fluttershy steps aside and Twilight walks forward, spreading her wings as if to rub it in your face that she now has them.
>She clears her throat.
>"We decided to settle this as any group of perfectly logical equine friends would."
>Suddenly the six of them are across from you and all of you stand on some huge stage with buzzers in front of you.
>A loud booming voice calls out.
>"WELCOME TO FRIENDLY FUED!"
"Wait, how the fuck did we get-"
>"ON THE LEFT, WE HAVE THE INFAMOUS ELEMENTS OF HARMONY!"
>All of them do a pose for the audience you're just noticing now.
>Their name appears above their head.
>"AND ON THE RIGHT, WE HAVE..."
>It is silent.
>The booming voice coughs a little.
>"UHHH... WHAT IS YOUR NAME AGAIN?"
"It's Anon, you fuckwit."
>"ON THE RIGHT WE HAVE ANON YOU FUCKWIT!"
>Above your head appears "Anon Ufukwit".
"Fuck."
>"NOW PLEASE WELCOME OUR HOSTESSES... PRINCESS CELESTIA AND PRINCESS LUNA!"
>Princess Celestia walks out alongside Princess Luna.
>Derpy flutters behind them.
>"...and Derpy."
>They move to the center platform, standing side by side.
>Derpy sits in front of the stand.
>Princess Celestia turns to you.
>"Why are you here?"
>Shrug.
>"You cannot be here without at least four members. It's called Friendly Fued for a reason."
"Well I don't have any friends, so it looks like I can't participate. See ya la-"
>You are stopped from moving by Twinkle Spinkle's purple magic.
>Fluttershy hovers over to you.
>"Oh, don't worry honey, I brought some of your friends from my home over to help you."
>She smiles sincerely at you, making you think there might be a shred of decency still left inside of this twisted shell of a pegasus.
>Then she proceeds to pull Angel out of her vagina, plopping him down right in front of you.
"Of course."
>She hums a small tune and a bear bursts through the wall behind you.
>He walks up to your left.
>As if all this was not enough, she flutters over to the right of you and squats down.
>You watch in disgust and horror as a massive horsecock dildo is pushed out of her rectum.
>It flops out and splurts a little cum onto the platform it lays on.
>You blink slowly.
>This is your life.
>Princess Celestia clears her throat.
>"Well, now that both teams can participate, it's time to get this show on the road!"
>The audience cheers.
>You die a little inside.
>Loona speaks.
>"For the first question, Anonymous and Twilight please step forward."
>You walk around the stands in front of you and go up to the platform with the red buttons.
>Twilight does the same, now standing directly in front of you.
>Celestia reads from a card.
>"What is the best response when dealing with a break up?"
>Twilight slams her hoof on the button before you.
>"It's not you, it's me."
>Celestia turns around to the huge screen with five blank answers and shouts.
>"It's not you, it's me!"
>A big red X appears on the screen and Twilight sulks immediately.
>The sister fister princesses turn to you.
>"Your answer?"
"Get the fuck out of my face."
>She turns to the screen.
"Get the fuck out of my face!"
>The third answer flips around to reveal the exact words you just said.
>Neat.
>Dark horse points back to your side and you return there.
>Derpy, who had most likely been forgotten about by everyone, follows you over with a microphone.
>She shakingly holds it up to you to get your voice louder.
>"S-so how are you today?"
"Shut the fuck up and let's get this over with, I think I feel a shit forming."
>"U-um, okay."
>She moves down the line to Angel who tries to rub Fluttershy's vaginal discharge off himself, but only makes it worse by rubbing it deeper into his fur.
>"What about you?"
>He stomps as hard as he can and gags when it makes a squish sound.
>The Derp Knight steps back a little and moves to the front of the pack where the bear stands.
>"Well um... Bear. What is the best response when dealing with a break up?"
>The bear roars as loud as he can in Derpy's face, sending her mane flying back and keeping it that way due to the saliva.
>She shakes in terror, unable to move.
>Celestia turns to the screen.
>"Show us roar!"
>Roar appears at the bottom of the list.
>The audience cheers, snapping Derpy out of her mentally unstable state.
>She quickly scoots along to Angel and holds him the mic.
>"What is the b-b-best response when d-dealing with a b-break up?"
>He waves his arm to try getting some of Fluttershy's surprisingly sweet scented jungle juice off himself.
>It flies off his arm and splats against Derpy's face.
>She immediately bends over and begins wretching.
>Sailor Moon horse turns to the screen.
>"Spray vaginal discharge, show thyself!"
>The second answer reveals itself to be spray vaginal discharge.
>Derpy finishes emptying her stomach onto the floor in front of you and stands, barely able to keep herself up.
>You ready yourself to be asked again when she nears the three of you, but she moves down the line.
"What the-"
>She stops in front of the horse cock still dripping and holds the mic up to it.
>"What is the best..."
>She takes a deep breath.
>"...response when dealing with a break up?"
>The rubber shlong simply lays there because it cannot speak.
>Sunny D turns around.
>"Survey says..."
>The first answer on the list flips around, revealing the word "Silence".
>The crowd goes apeshit as you barely manage to stop yourself from having an aneurysm.
>Derpy rises to her hooves and gives you the mic, not even trying at this point.
>Too bad you don't really have an answer.
>You fiddle with the mic as hundreds of eyes watch you.
>Well, fuck.
>Just make something up.
"Shit your pants."
>...really?
>Guess you're gonna get fucked by a long yellow and pink futa cock conjured up by Twiggle Spiggle's magic.
>Luna and Celestia both turn around to the screen and yell together.
>"SHIT YOUR PANTS!"
>The fourth answer turns around to reveal shit your pants.
>You slowly shake your head as the crowd cheers.
>Derpy is laying on the ground in front of your stand, unable to take anymore of this bullshit.
>Celestia points above your head.
>"You've earned 3000 points, which is just enough to push this match into it's final stage!"
"What the fuck man, we only did one round."
>Applehat shouts from across the room.
>"Yeah, it's like some higher power don't wanna spend any more time workin' on a more developing story."
>Everyone stops to think about this for a second.
>Celestia breaks the silence.
>"You're right, it does seem a bit strange that we would progress so quickly for no reason."
>She points to the main six.
>"The Elements of Harmony now have 3000 points!"
>The crowd cheers again and you yell at them.
"What the fuck?! COME ON!"
>Celestia smiles and raises her voice.
>"This is a sudden death game, so each team must choose one representative to participate."
>The mane six huddle together.
>You turn to the bear who is staring blankly forward, then to the angry rabbit wringing out his ears, and finally the dildo that has made quite a large puddle for its size.
>Then you walk around the platforms and go to the middle.
>Fluttershy meets you there.
>How cliche.
>Celery and Lunar Lander stand in front of you both with clipboards and pencils.
>They hand them to you.
>Cell explains the objective.
>"You have to write down the answers to these five simple questions. Whoever gets closest to the most desirable answer per question will win."
>You ready your pencil and sigh.
>This is for your virginity, you stupid asshole.
>Loony Tunes speaks.
>"The first question is... What color are Anon's boxers?"
"What the fuck?"
>She glares at you.
>"No speaking, only writing."
>Well whatever, it should be pretty easy to...
>Uh.
>Why the fuck can't you remember this?
>THEY'RE YOUR OWN FUCKING BOXERS.
>JESUS CHRIST.
>Fuck it man, just write something.
>You scribble down dark blue.
>The Super Sadistic Sungod says the next question.
>"While running for your life, you stumble upon a janitor's closet. What do you choose from there to defend yourself?"
>Obvious as fuck.
>You write down mop.
>Fluttershy takes a bit longer this time.
>Luna reads the next one.
>"Yes or no?"
>...
>WHAT THE FUCK?!
>HOW ARE YOU EVEN SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THIS?!
>IS THIS ENTIRE GAME RIGGED TO MAKE YOU LOSE?!
>You write down yes in anger and confusion.
>Celestia goes again.
>"How do you fight a monster you cannot see?"
>You write down a grenade.
>Finally, the two sisters speak the last question out simultaneously.
>"Who would be most likely to rape Anon?"
>You look at Fluttershy briefly before allowing your pencil to hit the paper.
>This has to be a trick question.
>There's no way they would just give this to you.
>Especially not with that kind of build up.
>Hm...
>You look over at the ponies in the Elements of Harmony group.
>All of them look at you except for Rainbow who tries her hardest to look away.
>Fuck it.
>You're gonna get raped anyway.
>You write down Rainbow Dash.
>A loud buzzer is sounded off above you.
>Celestia takes Fluttershy's clipboard and pencil, and Luna takes yours.
>Sun goddess speaks.
>"For the first question we asked what color Anon's boxers are."
>You shake your head.
>"Fluttershy wrote black."
>Luna speaks now.
>"Anonymous wrote dark blue."
>Your pants are pulled down by golden magic.
"H-HEY!"
>You look down and see that your boxers are black.
>The ponies in the crowd erupt with another wave of amusement.
"God fucking damn it..."
>Quickly pull them up to silence the audience's laughter.
>The screen up behind them shows your face and Fluttershy's next to it.
>Below your face is a zero and below hers is a twenty.
>Luna catches your attention with her voice.
>"The second question was what do you choose from a janitor's closet to defend thyself."
>She holds up the clipboard.
>"Anonymous wrote a mop."
>Celestia reads hers.
>"Fluttershy wrote a broom."
>That was surprisingly tame.
>You look up at the scoreboard and see that she has earned another seventeen points while you only earned six.
"What kind of fucking grading system is this anyway?"
>Igoring what you just said, Celestia speaks.
>"The third question was yes or no."
>Alright, this one is just fucking stupid.
>"Fluttershy wrote no."
>"Anonymous has written yes."
>You look up at the board and see that you've gained forty points while Fluttershy has gained none.
>...
>Fuck logic!
>Free points are fucking sweet!
>Luna reads off the next one.
>"The fourth question was how do you fight a monster you cannot see?"
>She reads off the clipboard now.
>"Anonymous has written a grenade."
>"Fluttershy wrote with love."
>Gay as fuck, how do you even fight with love?
>You look at the board.
>God fucking damn this unholy world.
>She has just obtained one hundred points.
>You gained one.
>Celestia chuckles once seeing your expression.
>"Due to the massive landslide, I think we should triple the value of the last question's answer to give Anonymous a fighting chance."
>Thank fuck.
>You breathe deeply.
>If she wins this round, she gets to fuck you.
>Fuck this is so tense.
>Luna reads the last thing.
>"For triple the points now, we asked which pony is most likely to rape Anon."
>Sweat begins to form on your forhead as Celestia decides to read Fluttershy's first.
>"Fluttershy wrote her own name."
>A lot of ooohs come from the audience behind you.
>A one hundred appears on the board and turns into three hundred for Fluttershy.
>Welp.
>Luna holds up the clipboard and clears her throat.
>Fuck.
>Here goes.
>"Anonymous has written..."
>She pauses for a dramatic effect.
>"Rainbow Dash."
>Everyone looks at Rainbow Dash who freezes on the spot.
>"Uh, heheh, I'd never do that!"
>They still stare.
>She blushes extremely hard and glares at you.
>"Look, it's not like I like you o-or something... I just came onto this show with Fluttershy to help her win you over and I ~totally~ won't cry tonight when she has you all by herself! s-stupid."
>Jesus.
>Fucking.
>Christ.
>You look up at the board which shows an eight hundred before turning into two thousand four hundred points.
>Fluttershy doesn't even notice you as she continues to stare at Rainbow.
>Celestia and Luna raise your hands and shout together.
>"The winner of Friendly Fued is Anon Ufukwit!"
>Confetti is fired around your three other so called members.
>The loud popping sounds startle the bear who slams his arm on the platforms in front of him.
>Celestia and Luna release you and turn to the bear.
>The bear slams into them, clawing away like an ethiopian child would if placed in front of a present and told there was a large meal inside.
>Fluttershy snaps and flies over at Rainbow Dash angrily, and all of their friends try to break up the fight.
>Someone in the audience throws a chair and they all begin fighting as well.
>You walk past the massacre of the pretty pony princesses and go to Derpy who groans on the ground.
>Kneel down to her as utter chaos and destruction happens around you.
"Wanna fuck?"
>She barely manages to nod and you scoop her up, going back home to take a shit and have a good time.
>In a way, today was a good day.