Title:           A confession, some spaghetti and an irate pegasus part 1
Author:          Smokefag
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/nYhjK312
First Edit:      Tuesday 3rd of November 2015 08:11:48 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Tuesday 3rd of November 2015 05:04:56 PM CDT

>You are Anonymous, better known as Anon.
>And you are a shaking stuttering mess.
>You had so much nerve in front of the bathroom mirror, but now?
>Now you can’t even stop your fingers from involuntarily flexing every few heartbeats.
>According to the other girls, this would turn out perfectly.
>According to the other girls, she was just as, if not more so into you as you were into her.
>Then again, you are putting your trust in a antisocial academic genius of a princess with no relationship experience what so ever.
>An apple farmer so ingrained in farm life that she barely has any points of reference other than that you can use apples a romantic gesture.
>A pink pony with… Well, a brain tumor or something similar. You will never, nor ever try to understand that pony.
>A fashionista with such a flair for dramatics and flamboyant romantic gestures that she wouldn’t even fit in at a renaissance fair.
>And lastly a pegasus with such crippling anxiety problems as to be afraid of the concept of anything else than animals.
>Seriously. How did Fluttershy even function in society?
>Nevermind that now. You are about to knock on the cloud door of the most amazing mare in your life.
>Twilight had hooked you up with enchanted shoes a while back for easy cloudwalking shenanigans whenever you needed it.
>Apparently much easier to enchant inanimate objects than living flesh.
>Your own inability to be affected by magic notwithstanding.
>Well, not true. You can be, it’s just much harder than what’s considered normal.
>Then again, being the only human in this world of magical ponies and rainbows makes you the very antithesis of normal.
>Funny that, considering back home you were the very aspect of mediocrity.
 
>You shake your head furiously.
>Now’s not the time to go into idle tangents.
>You are about to confess your unending affection, nay adoration, nay your undescribable devotion and attraction to the supreme being of your univer…
>This is why you haven’t knocked yet.
>You are more liable to fuck this up by the sheer virtue of your spaghetti filled pockets than anything else.
>You are hopeless in social situations.
>It’s one of major reasons why you and Rainbow Dash got along so well.
>She would do most of the talking. You would do most of the listening.
>And commence with appropriate ooh’ing and aah’ing as was fitting.
>Easy enough to do, as she courteously kept raising an eyebrow at you when she desired an appreciative response from you.
>Rainbow was an amazing mare. Funny, athletic, outgoing, including and loyal to a fault.
>She filled every hole in your personality with just being who she was.
>She was also far more understanding than most who didn’t know her would give her credit for.
>She always took great care to not to do or say anything that would make you uncomfortable.
>You guessed that she learned that from dealing with Fluttershy for so long.
>Special case and all that.
>Of course, that wasn’t to say she always did that.
>Stroke her ego too much, or get between her and Daring doo or the Wonderbolts and you were liable to be bowled over.
>In the end, it was a personality fault you ended up finding more endearing than irritating.
>In a strange sense of nostalgia you think back to the first time you met her.
>Welp, not the first time really. The second time would be more appropriate.
>The first time you were too busy screaming your bloody lungs raw.
>Terminal velocity towards and angled mountain side with sharp rocks, unsurprisingly would make any human react in terror.
 
>You never did find out how your first time sky jumping had transported you here.
>Nor could you understand how in the hell you had managed to not strap on your parachute before jumping out of the plane.
>Sky Jumping 101. Bring a fucking parachute.
>Oh golly jee teacher, why are we learning that huh? Everybody knows you can’t jump out of an airplane without a parachute.
>Jesus. You were such a prick at the course too. Guess Karma decided you needed a quick kick in the rear for that comment.
>Sarcasm was never your strong point.
>Just like Karma never could seem to measure the appropriate amount of punishment to dish out.
>Seriously though. Forgetting your parachute? How’s that a fair reprimand?
>At least Karma can be said to be quick to try to correct her own mistakes.
>Considering the fact that, if you hadn’t been transported to a magical world of ponies and rainbows.
>And also considering that Rainbow Dash had been conveniently practicing high maneuver stunts just nearby, going into a dive right as you swooped on by.
>Screaming at a pitch unhearable to humans, but apparently agonizingly high on the note scale for ponies.
>You would for all intents and purposes be dead right now.
>So… Thanks for that Karma. You didn’t dun goof’d as much after all.
>Long embarrassing story told short.
>Dash saved your whimpering ass.
>And was furious at you for being loud, annoying, suicidal and messing up her training.
>You would later learn that she was coping with the stress and fear of almost not catching you in time by being pissed.
>You forgave her easily enough when you learned that.
>Of course, you didn’t know that for the first few weeks you were in Equestria as this land is called.
>So you were more or less avoiding her like the plague.
>Which brings you back to the second time you “really” met her.
>You had of course seen around plenty those first weeks of your stay, but you never talked to her.
 
>Twilight put a stop to that real quick.
>She kept pushing her muzzle where it didn’t belong.
>No not that way you pervert.
>The point is. Twilight ended up forcing you and Rainbow Dash to have a sit down and talk.
Initiate memory sequence!
…
Booting memory sequence!
…
Start memory sequence?
…
For fucks sake brain, it’s time to be useful!
>AAaaaaaaAAAaAAaaAAH MOTHER FUC-
No. Wrong memory. We’re going for the second meeting.
-Always so demanding-
Your fault for being a lazy useless piece of grey matter.
-Very well, have at it-
>Now Anon dear. Dadanon has to go away for a time, so you need to be brave for mommy okay?
What the fuck brain!? This is not the time, nor the place, nor even the appropriate mood for that memory!
-Keep being a dick and you’ll see a lot worse than that. After all, we remember when you pissed yourself in front of that girl you liked in fourth grade-
Okay! Okay I give. Just please. For continuity's sake, can you bring out the right memory sequence?
-*sigh* Very well. Enjoy it you love besotted imbecile-
>Twilight Sparkle has just tied you to a chair at the sugarcube corner.
>Being resistant towards the magical arts doesn’t help shit if the magic is using rope to do it’s dirty work.
>Kinky…
>So here you sit.
>Now from what you could gather from the frothing princess as she was dragging you along the road here, you were to make nice with your savior.
>Not really much of a problem on your side.
>You did honestly want to properly thank the rainbow haired pegasus that saved your ass that day.
>However considering that said pegasus had shouted herself hoarse, and popped a blood vessel in her left eye in pure rage the last time you spoke.
>You didn’t have high hopes for that.
>In fact. You were convinced that meeting her again would result in her beating you to death with her bare hooves.
>Which honestly were closer to clubs than anything else.
>Add to that, that the mare was pure athletic muscle.
 
>You would probably not survive to see the moonrise tonight.
>Being tied up really only made it so that you couldn’t attempt to run when she got her.
>That, and you wouldn’t have gotten very far anyway.
>She was fast.
>You were not.
>Not at all actually.
>Semi tall for a human perhaps, but definitely not a sprinter.
>You’d be a blood pool in ten seconds flat.
>Why did that saying make you feel like a thousand indignant voices cursed your name?
>Nevermind. Death approaches.
>Or rather, a skyblue rainbow maned mare approaches.
>In this circumstance you can be excused for messing up the distinction.
*dingeling*
>You never thought that the obnoxious door bell of a storefront would be the claxons that heralded your doom.
>Then again, you never thought you’d ponder the moral implications of being sexually aroused by pony genitalia, proudly displayed in public either.
>Why did ponies go around naked?
>Did they really believe the tails covered everything up?
>No seriously, is there some sort of social faux pas to look at the nether regions?
>How did one avoid that when one tried to look at a cutie mark?
>Specially when someone raises their flanks to proudly present said cutie mark
>It was infuriating.
>You were not ever supposed to be conflicted by these kinds of things.
>Getting a human girl was hard enough.
>Oh jeez. Now both Twilight and my saviour/doom is staring at me.
>Gotta say something quick. They probably said something a while ago and are waiting for a response.
>...............
“Why are you guys always naked?”
>I smell meat sauce. Is that bolognese?
>Motherfucker on a pinata stick.
>Welp, you messed that up right quick.