Title: Skitter Flitter Author: Slasher_Science Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/VLYGg7jP First Edit: Monday 21st of January 2013 03:30:59 PM CDT Last Edit: Monday 21st of January 2013 03:30:59 PM CDT >Day Infamous in Equestria. >You wake up precisely at 0758. >Two minutes to go. >You get out of bed and instantly feel a sharp pain in your foot. Yow! >You jump to the side and look down. >There stands a spider poised to attack. >Only this ain't no spiderbro. >This is a huge, Macho Man Randy Savage, hairy, Eight Legged Freak, slaughter a village and drink the childern's blood type of spider. >You can see it's fangs ready to get at your skin again. FUCK! I'M GONNA DIE! >You hop back onto your bed and begin throwing things at it. >A pillow, your lamp, Pinkie Pie's dragon dildo she left over last night, Twilight Sparkle's human dildo she left over two nights ago. >But this spider moves like a certain German player for the Dallas Mavericks. >You can't D him up. >He dodges everything and skitters under your bed Fuck this! >You barrelnope off the bed and run downstairs. >There's the knock on the door. >Maybe you can sacrifice Fluttershy to the steroid-spider to appease it. >Seems legit. >You jump down the last couple stairs into your living room JESUS FUCKING CHRIST CUNT! >It's absolute horror >Centipedes and spiders are all over your home. >On the walls, on the ceiling, on your furniture. >Two scorpions fight on your television. >You pick up a book to cover your head and run for the door watching where you step. >As soon as you open it, Fluttershy is in your face. >"Oh oh! H-hello Anon!" >A beetle with huge pincers crawls outside from between your legs. >You scream like a bitch and throw the book at it. >It misses and hits Fluttershy in the face. >Never were a star athlete. Fluttershy my house is INFESTED! >She wipes the blood from her nose and looks behind you. >"Oh my... So that's where they went..."     YOU DID THIS?! >You make to strangle her but she steps back and hides in her mane >"N-no! Honest! I was just helping my cousin look for them.." >Cousin? >Now you notice a pegasus pony that's been standing behind Fluttershy the whole time. >She has a dark green coat and a very straight black mane that covers one emerald eye and almost touches the ground. >She looks miserably at the grass. >Fluttershy puts a hoof on her shoulder. >"Um, this is my cousin Skitter Flitter, he's from Canterlot." >Oh shit, it's a dude! >You had just assumed from the long mane and possible anorexia he was a chick. >He looks up to you and waves sadly. >"Hi..." >His voice could pass as female. >The silkyness of his mane could pass as a female's. >His adorable little spider cutie mark could easily be on a female's butt >Whoa, not so much homo amigo. Are these your insects bro?! >He looks up at you again with no emotion >"They're not all insects. In fact, most are arachnids..." >Why does that emotionless drone make you hnnnng?! >Are you a gay horsefucker Anon? I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY ARE! THEY'RE IN MY DAMN HOUSE AND I WANT THEM OUT! >Skitter and Fluttershy both step back and hide in their manes. >"Okay Anon, Skitter Flitter is a professional creepy critter herder! He'll h-have them out in no time!" >A fucking bug herder? >Only in Equestria. Get them all out! A big ass spider bit my foot! >Skitter tilts his head and looks down at your foot >"Really? Hm... I see." >He doesn't even show any emotion at seeing the two holes in your skin >No >Instead, he wraps his lips around the top of your foot. >You flinch and look at Fluttershy as her cousin begins sucking What is he doing?! >Skitter pulls his lips off of you and spits into the grass. >"Venom. I'm imune. You're not." >You look at your foot Oh... Thanks.     >Skitter skitters into your house. >Fluttershy tries to follow but your slam the door in her face. >You grab a newspaper and roll it up for a weapon as the green pegasus extends his wings. >His finely preened larger than normal wings... >Homo erotic thoughts be gone! >A cetipede charges at you and you jump onto a chair MAKE THEM GO! >Skitter flaps his wings. >Once. >Twice. >He hangs his wings and head sadly. What's wrong? >He looks back at you with tears in his one visible eye. >"I can't fly." >You press start, go to 'settings' and click on 'disable feels' before it's too late. What does that have to do with getting rid of these things?! >He scuffs the carpet with a hoof, "I'm impotent..." >He really is Fluttershy's family. Just get rid of the spiders and shit please? I don't care that you can't fly, it's no big deal! >Skitter looks up at you in shock. >"You're not gonna laugh at me?" >You swat at a locust, No man! Hurry with the plague elimination! >Skitter actually smiles a little and stands on his hind legs. >He spreads his wings and whinnies. >All of the creepy crawlies scatter, crawling and flying out of the windows. >You get off the chair and look around. >Not even the giant four foot millipede remains. >You smile and pat Skitter's head Thanks. I know you were the reason they were here in the first place, but I'll just assume it was Fluttershy's fault. >Skitter frowns and nods. But thanks for getting rid of them. And sucking out that venom. You're a solid dude. >He tilts his head. >"Dude? What's that?" It's like a friendly term guys use for eachother. >Skitter looks sad again >"I-I'm not a guy..."     >You're not a homosexual! >Those cute thoughts you were having about Fluttershy's cousin were not gay! Then why did Fluttershy say you were a male? >Skitter rolls her eye, "she's always wanted me to be a stallion. Said it's her fetish or something." >You laugh Well what brings you to Ponyville Ms. Skitter Flitter? >She looks down miserably. >"I was... Lonely in Canterlot. Stallions don't want a mare that passes for a male..." >Start, settings, enable feels. >"Or a pegasus that plays with spiders all day and can't fly." >You scratch behind her ear. Well you're welcome here anytime. >She blushes and looks at you in awe. >"Y-you don't care that I can't fly? You'd still... Rut me?" >Fluttershy scratches at your door and whines. You know what? >Skitter flaps her useless wings nervously. >Ponies might not be your thing >But there was something about depressed defenseless ponies. Why don't we go upstairs? >Skitter smiles and swishes her tail, "o-okay Anon." >You lead her up the stairs. >She stops and looks back at you with a wide eye, "you should know, my fetish is spiders..." >Hmm. >"And I'd like you to introduce a centipede into my urethra..." >Fuck it. >You shrug and give her a thumbs up. >Looks like you'll be >Fucking Fluttershy's adorably creepy cousin with spiders and shit. >But at least you're not >Fucking Fluttershy.   >Outside a swarm of scorpions, spiders and centipedes advance on Fluttershy from all sides. >She tries to fly away but screams when a swarm of locusts and wasps surround her. >She's completely enveloped in a sea of wings, pincers, legs and fangs. >Today was a good day.