Title: Crucishy Author: Slasher_Science Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/kuZW9UPv First Edit: Friday 15th of November 2013 02:22:15 AM CDT Last Edit: Friday 15th of November 2013 02:22:15 AM CDT >Day Fuck Transcendentalism in Equestria. >You are Woolfwood C. Anon. >Or Anon for short. >Wandering priest. >There's a reason for your wandering. >There's a reason for your being in Equestria. >You wandered because of accusations of fondling colts in Canterlot. >You didn't touch those colts! >You weren't of homosexual tendencies OR interested in bestiality! >Trixie was a liar and probably the pony Antichrist. >You were in Equestria after a ritual gone wrong. >But that is a story for another time. >You light another cigarette and glare at the sun. >The Wild Turkey was long gone and the bottle tossed aside. >Hey, priests were permitted Earthly vices! >Besides, >You weren't on Earth anymore. >Why you chose to lug around an eight foot tall metal cross, you didn't care to explain. >But it was begining to become quite the burden to carry across this dry desert. >Is that a mirage? >That town. >Either way, >You head for it. >You see a sign. >'Ponyville: 2 miles' >Allah be praised! >Looks like you were headed for Ponyville.     >This place is nice. >But why is there a desert at it's border that just stops and turns into lush forests? >Cursed magic. Satan get behind me! >You toss a bit of pocket sand over each shoulder. >Enough wacky and exaggerated rituals Where is the pony in charge? >Several ponies stop their errands in the market square to stare at you. I am Priest Anon, I have traveled far to spread the message of God! >They ignore you and go about their business. >"Can you t-tell me more about G-God?" >You turn to see a yellow pegasus pony floating mid-air and blushing. Of course young winged horse! >"Pony." The word of God is for all to hear! >"Does he look like you?" His appearance is whatever you choose. >"Does he have f-fetishes?" Not familiar with the term... >Your mouth is parched. Excuse me pony, >"Um, it's F-Fluttershy..." Yes! Fluttershy, is there a bar nearby to quench a parched soul? >She points >'Ponyville Tavern'. >Wonderful. Let us drink, we can discuss the Lord's wisdom over a bottle of Wild Turkey! >She sniffs your crotch while flying backwards as you walk into the tavern. >She must admire your chastity.     >You sit with Fluttershy at a table. >Smoking a fine rolled cigarette. Where is the whiskey? >A filly approaches with a tray holding a bottle of Wild Turkey and a shot glass. Wonderful. Thank you young Filly er... Colt? Filly? >The yellow unicorn with a snail cutie mark on it's butt smiles dreamily up at you. >"Hi, I'm Snails, I'll be serving you today." >Is that thing a boy or a girl? >You can't even tell with the voice. >Either way I don't converse with children. Sorry. >Snails slinks away after setting your drink down. >Fluttershy looks at you curiously, "s-so foals aren't your fetish?" >You spit some whiskey out What?! No! Who said that?! Who told you I was a filthy foal fondler?! >"N-nopon-" Because I'm not. >You stare into her eyes. >She looks to be wetting herself. >"I n-never said you wer-" I'm NOT. >She drops the subject. >Gotta pee. I shall return. Guard the Wild Turkey with your little pony life. >You head back to the restroom. >Hours worth of whiskey makes it's way out of you. >You sigh and hope your whiskey is alright. >And that none of those ponies are foolish enough to touch your cross. >You button up and head back out. >But are stopped >By a foal. >Snails smiles up at you. >"Yer kinda cute..."     >Snails turns around >Well >It's a girl! >She turns around >"I always get called a boy. But I'm a little girl. I heard about you from a friend in Canterlot Mr. Anon. I heard you like little boys. And it made me so happy. Because I look like a little boy. And you like little colts right? So, how about it?" >She slaps her ass. I AM NOT A- >A stallion opens the door to the bathroom. >He looks down at Snails with her hoof on her rear exposed to you. >He looks up at you and both of your eyes go wide It's not what it- >The stallion turns around and shouts out to the bar >"THIS PRIEST IN HERE IS DIDDLING A LITTLE COLT!" >You kick Snails out of the way and push past the stallion. >All the ponies in the bar stare at you. >You raise your arms I was NOT doing anything with a foal! I am NOT a foal fornicator! And Snails is a filly! Not a colt! >They all make disgusted faces. >A mare throws up >The stallion behind you foams at the mouth and throws his hooves to the air, "HE'S A FILLY FUCKER! A FILLY FUCKER!" No! >You try to clear your name >But notice all the ponies staring down in horror >You follow their gaze >Whoops... >Your penis hangs out of your pants from where you forgot to zip up. >"HE'S A FLASHER TOO!"     >The bar is going crazy >You stuff your meat back in your pants >Fluttershy is at your side. >She tugs on your sleeve. >You bend down >"Um, I know how you can prove you're not a f-filly fooler..." >You grab her head. HOW?! HOW COULD THEY POSSIBLY BELIEVE ME NOW?! >"You should uh, r-rut me right here..." >The bartender is getting out a shotgun. It's against my religion! >She points to the raging crowd. >"Would you rather be known as a f-fillyphile?" >Damn. >She hands you your bottle of whiskey and presents her sopping crotch. >You take a long swig Okay all you ponies! I shall prove that I am not interested in foals! >You drop your pants and plunge into Fluttershy. PRAISE OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN!     >You are in jail. >The royal guard showed up in the middle of you humping Fluttershy >As a whole bar watched. >Fluttershy sits next to you looking depressed. >You had been charged with indecent exposure, rape of a minor and bestiality. >Oh the irony. >Fluttershy grumbles, "when are you going to drop the soap?" >You scoot away from her. Do not speak with me heathen. I am a pure man. >Well, >Maybe not anymore... >You'll be in here a long time. >Fluttershy giggles. What is funny about any of this?! >She turns to you >"So a p-priest, a mare and a foal walk into a b-bar," >You punch her. >She's knocked out. I think I'm actually in Hell... >Why had you ever thought it was a good idea to be >Fucking Fluttershy?