Title:           A Simple Guard and Just a Human (chapter 4
Author:          Ruskie_on_a_Leash
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/pWVd3DTK
First Edit:      Monday 3rd of November 2014 11:49:21 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 3rd of November 2014 11:49:21 PM CDT

>You are Anonymous
>And were it not for the fact that you indeed, did not like to kick sleeping dogs when they are down, you would be wiping Blueblood's smile off of his smug, unconscious face
>Morals
>HUEGH
>What are they good for?
>ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN
>And surprisingly enough, ponies can actually get erections whilst unconscious
>Imagine having that dig into your back when carrying a dude
>It's not pleasant
>You're sitting next to Blueblood in the Castle's infirmary
>And the smell of antiseptic is causing your psyche to itch
>Memories you'd have rather forgotten are knocking at the door
>With a breaching shotgun to the hinges
>Were it not for the fact that you were sure that you'd be jumped the moment you left, you'd have done just that, left
>And maybe because you were kind of worried for Blueblood
>Just a little, honest
>Your thoughts are interrupted by an all too curt cough
>You grind your eyes open to see the neutral and all too well too do face of Royal Azure
"Azure..."
>Rule number two about pissing off Royal figures you really dislike, never piss them off about matters concerning their family
>"Ambassador Anonymous."
>Royal Azure greets you, both with your tittle and a curt nod
>Not completely unusual for her, but regardless, is unexpected considering the transactions of what happened but a brief couple hours ago
>The both of you share the silence contently, both waiting for a change in Blueblood's condition
>Azure is the one to break the silence
>"So, may I ask what my brother did was worth the in juries inflicted upon himself?"
"The grand Azure asking me of my opinion? The scandal. What would the royal families think of such a thing?"
>Azure just huffs at your sass
"Was it worth it though? Hell if I know. Is he happy about it? Ask my jacket that's being burned right now because a certain appendage of his was digging into my back when I was carrying him here."
>Azure remains passive to your remark
>You go back to leaning against the wall
>You enjoy the silence a moment before you hear a repressed snicker
>Cracking open an eye you see Azure staring at you, holding a hoof to her blushed face
>Azure's snickering breaks into a light hearted laugh
"Yeah, yeah, the nurses thought it was funny too until one had to put in the catheter."
>Azure's repressed laughter gets the best of her, and you can't help but crack a smile yourself, returning the mirth
>The humor of the situation runs it's course, leaving you, and from the looks of it, Azure as well, feeling a little better about the situation
>She composes herself, before she takes a seat across the room, facing you and Blueblood
>Azure studies your passive face a moment before she asks you something
>"Anonymous, why is it that we despise each other so?"
>You cock an eyebrow before you close your eyes again, taking your spot against the wall
"Easy, you, along with a number of other members of Celestia's little court reminds me all too much of the politicians back home."
>"I take that's an insult back from where you are?"
"Take it as you will. Hell, take it as a complement if you want. A lot of the politicians back home were a bunch of pompous, corrupt, bastards who's hindmost concern was doing their damn jobs. But they were smart, smart enough to make a carrier out of lying to the whole god damn world"
>You let your words seep into Azure's mind before you lean forward, slamming the chair's feet on the floor, snapping Azure's concentration
"So, an eye for an eye, what of you?"
>"Am I to assume you cannot reason why, Anonymous?"
>A little too haughty, but Azure's smile tells you it was just sarcastic
>You summon your infamous glare, burning to the center of Azure's soul
>Holy shit it's cold
>She just gives a slight nod before continuing
>"I have my reasons Anonymous, just like how I'm sure you had yours when you ran from Celestia's bed chambers last night."
>You're left frozen, and shaking
>The ice in your blood returns
>Your hands are trembling, through they are clenched so tight your knuckles are left white
>She has me
>She fucking has me
>She could fucking destroy everything
>She wou,
>"Which is why I will stay silent as to what I saw."
>You're silent
>Unsettlingly so, even for you
>Your trembling has mostly stopped, but your hands are left in a death grip
"Why?"
>You push out through gritted teeth
>Azure flinches slightly at your tone
>"Because Anonymous, just as you do, I dislike you for the memories you stir. I do not hate you personally, and many of your actions speak volumes of you."
>She turns to Blueblood, and gives a knowing smile
>"Because you are among the few who've not only seen through my brother's act, but have played along with it at their own personal expense, at times."
>Her smile grows slightly
>She shakes her head, and rubs one of her eyes
>"But to leave you unarmed would be both unfair to the both of us. Peace through equality, as it is said."
>You can't help but force a laugh at the irony of the statement
>Azure turns to you, visibly confused at your reaction
"My people had a very similar concept. We called it "Peace through deterrence."
>"I take it your version does not find it's roots in the realm of harmony?"
>You crack a pained smile, twisted by the memories of your participation of keeping such a "peace"
"In our world, it was a concept born from in an age where the two largest nations in the world possessed a terrible amount of a weapon that was as equally terrible in its ability to level cities in but a second, leaving poisoned ash to spread on the wings of the four winds. The idea of peace through fear was but a facet born from"
>You can't help but twist your head to the ground, resting it in your propped arms
>Azure is thankfully silent
>You hear her rise from her seat, silent as ever
>"Ask Blueblood why I am the way I am. Tell him that I couldn't tell you"
>You shift to see Azure walk out the room
>She holds none of the flair nor style she regularly holds in public
>You cast your gaze back to her seat
>There appears to be a pair of darkened spots in front of the seat
>You blink to see that they're gone
>You could care but you are too tired to do so
>God, what a shit day. I just want to go home and get some fucking sleep.
>Eyeing up Blueblood, you see that he's still sound asleep
>You hope
>At some point during your stay with Blueblood, you nod off in your chair
>Your dreams unfold as they usually do
>Loud, slow, and almost marauding when it came to evoking memories best left buried
>You are awakened by a presence putting pressure to your neck
>Your body acts upon memory, throwing yourself up and onto your attacker, leaving you straddling them with your forearm angled to their throat
>"Anonymous, stop!"
>Your body grinds to a halt, causing your brain to crash into the rear end
>Pinned underneath you is a charcoal gray Unicorn with a orange oriented, sanguine mane, with red eyes
>And from the looks she's giving you, you can imagine this is how you looked when Celest,
>No, just, shut up brain
>You feel your body tingle and freeze up immediately
>And you finally realize the voice that was shouting at you was Celestia's
>You're pulled into the air by what you can only assume is Celetia's magic, moved back towards your now rightened seat, which you're carefully placed back into
>The charcoal pony takes a minute to collect herself before she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and stands upon trembling legs
>Well congratulations Anon, your venture into pissing off the public is going swimmingly! Now you're going to be known as the HOMICIDAL insane, alien ambassador, and if Azure was lying, that is also probably gay and turned down Celestia
>God damn it, you can't be known as that one faggot! Besides, you got to have your priorities to keep, like keeping your comfy job for as long as possible
>Celestia, by this point, has already entered the room, and gave the other pony a once over
>When she's satisfied, she comes to you and looks into your eyes, searching for something
>For a brief second, her face flashes something you don't recognize, before she releases her magic on you
>You slump back into the chair, and throw your hands behind your head to hide their trembling
>Regardless of how much you trust Celestia, Luna, and Blueblood, when ever the used magic on you, the result was always the same
>Trembling hands, cold sweats, and a heart rate nearly double what it should be
>Those that you saw diagnosed it as being something biological, that your body was reacting to magic in the most extreme way possible because of how foreign it was
>You knew it was because magic terrified you
>It was far worse than any firearm, or destructive device
>Because it was only bound by the creativity of the caster
>Theoretically, even a filly who could barely control their magic could crush a windpipe, or cause a heart to seize if they knew how to apply it
>But you lied for their sake
>Most were already wounded over their inability to help, and a good portion of those were immortal
>And they didn't deserve to have that follow them to their immortal deaths
>Celestia turns to her nephew, who to your surprise, is up and is carrying a similar look of worry and concern the charcoal unicorn is holding
>"How are you feeling, nephew?"
>Blueblood pulls his gaze away from you, putting on his reserved, genuine smile, something that doesn't slip outside of public settings
>Strangely enough, in front of the stranger in the room
>Well, stranger to you
>"I am feeling very well, aunty. The best I've felt in a very long time."
>Celestia returns the smile
>"I had heard of what happened. Dueling for mares, Blueblood? You know I can't condone that kind of behavior, especially after the incident during the last Gala, with what happened to Lady Rarity."
>He gives a light chuckle, looking nostalgic
>"Yes, well, so long as my horn produces a spark, you know I will be fighting against the Noble Families. And, my defense has always been that "Lady" Rarity has something to learn. Her sacrifice just happened to reinforce my desired image."
>Celestia leans in and nuzzles her nephew
>"Do what you feel is right, and I will always be proud of you, Blueblood."
>Blueblood returns the gesture in an act that more closely resembles mother and child rather aunt and nephew
>Apparently you're not the only one uncomfortable as the odd pony in the room moves towards Celestia, putting you slightly at edge
>"Celestia, I don't mean to interrupt but there are a few things that need to be addressed before the chancellors leave for the day."
>You check the clock, showing you that it's 1637 hours
>You slept easy for nearly six hours
>Well shit, not like you had things to do though
>God you love your job sometimes
>Celestia checks the clock herself
>She turns back to Blueblood
"I'm sorry Blueblood, but we have some private business we need to conduct with Anonymous."
"That is perfectly well, Aunty. Anonymous?"
>Hey, you exist
"Yes Bluey?"
>You respond
>"I must thank you for taking me to the infirmary, and for staying with me for these past couple hours."
>You shrug off the praise
"You do not need to thank me Blueblood. Your gratitude is thanks enough."
>Blueblood's smile holds tints of feces, but you can't figure out why
>You turn to leave, but mentally slap yourself
"Actually, I will need to talk to you sometime this week."
>"Hmm? Why is that?"
>Ah fuck. I hate hiding shit from Celestia, but
>You quickly flick your eyes in Celestia's direction
"Well I wanted to discuss what happened to you. Are you available three days from now, say Moonday?"
>You can't tell if he catches on, but he does seem to get that you wish to talk in private
>"I am going to be busy most of that day, but you can swing by my estate at seven o'clock. Is that acceptable?"
>Good, he understands
"It's perfect."
>You turn to Celestia
"Now, shall we?"
>"If you two are ready?"
>You turn to see the gray Unicorn slightly flinch under Celestia's gaze
"I am ready, ma'am."
>huh, wait...
>The three of you leave Blueblood's room, entering the central hall of the infirmary
>One of the relics of a bygone era
>Built during an era where Guard Members would need to be stitched back together and moved out the moment they're fixed
>It's a military's medical ward, for sure
>You recognized that even without having a certain purple book reading pony telling you that
>The history lesson was really just flavor text
>You, Celestia, and the mystery pony march out in silence
>You pass the infirmary's guards after you all sign out
>You're walking through the halls to where ever Celestia is taking you
>But something Blueblood had said doesn't stop bugging you
>What is it..
>"Something bothering you Anonymous?"
>Celestia asks you, concern obviously laced into her tone."
>You're far too lost in your own world to hear her
>Wait...
>You...
"THAT MOTHERFUCKER WAS AWAKE WHEN I WAS CARRYING HIM!"
>If your rage could be tapped into, it could power the entirety of Manhattan for several hours
>THAT BASTARD WAS POKING ME ON PURPOSE AND DIDN'T SAY SHIT!
>OH GOD, AND HE WAS ALL SWEATY
>THAT FUCKING COAT COST ME LIKE A HUNDRED BITS!
>Celestia either noticed your disgusted horror and decided its best to not to bother you, or can't recognize the symptoms of an aneurysm
>Either way, neither Celestia nor the Unicorn bother to address you outburst, only looking uncomfortably between each other
>The three of you walk on regardless of your outburst
>Eventually you reach familiar main hallway, with Celestia leading you to the throne room
>Aw fucking
>What the hell is going on?
>This isn't another fucking pony from the Unicorn Guild wanting to study you for SCIENCE, OF COURSE!
>The Golden doors open, and you immediately notice that all the Guards that are usually stationed in the room, are gone
>By now a large number of flags are going off in your head
>The last time the throne was like this was when you first came to Equestria
>Just what the hell is Celestia doing?
>You get your answer when you are lead into the familiar negotiation chambers
"Celly, what the hell are we here for?
>Celestia looks over her shoulder, still walking
>Smiling her same pleasant smile
>"You shall see Anonymous."
>God fucking
>The gray pony looks uneasy, almost sick
>Not strange considering she's in the presence of the Princess, and an alien
>You take a passing look at her Cutie mark
>On her rump is what appears to be a heart made of burning charcoal
>Fucking Equestira
>Fucking magic of harmony friendship
>Making the most primal aspects of humanity
>And somehow making it cute
>The mare in question catches you staring at her ass, and gives a mad blush
>You continue to stare despite the awkwardness
>When prolonged eye contact would be awkward, just keep staring forward
>And your head is staring straight at her cutie mark
>The unlocking of a door centers your vision where it should be
>Towards the room that is giving you all sorts of mad bad vibes
>Celestia is the first to walk in
>Leaving you and the gray unicorn awkwardly standing in the hall
>You are waiting for her to follow, and she the opposite
>She motions for you to go inside the room
>"Come Anonymous, take a seat"
>Beacons Celestia's voice
>Damn
>You give a weary sigh
"Gosh darn it, and I was really hoping to make my escape when you both were inside!"
>Celestia levels her eyes at you, speaking in mock disappointment
>"I hope that was sarcasm, young man."
"Psh, you don't know me, you don't know what I've been through." You snark
>"Well I know you came out of my vagina about 25 years ago, young man! I brought you into this world, and I will take you out!"
>Damn Celestia, that's a little much even for you
>But you keep the act up, throwing back the daggers Celestia is glaring at you
>Out of the corner of your eye, you see the Unicorn sweating bullets
>Probably either because she doesn't know how to react, or because she's seeing her Princess acting very unbecoming
>Finally, its you who breaks the act by cracking a smile
>Celestia gives her genuine laugh, not the almost painful titter she exercises in court to set the mood
>This causes your smile to grow even more
>And you begin to laugh at the absurdity of the situation
>Whilst twinges of pain flair deep within a part of you that you long since tried to bury
>The mirth in the room dies down
>You turn to see the Unicorn awkwardly looking between both you and Celestia, not really knowing where to be
"She needed, I assume?"
>You ask Celestia, throwing a thumb towards the pony in question
>Celestia gives a sage nod, still full of mirth
>You shrug, before picking up the pony
>She must have not really been paying attention according to the eep she lets loose
>You carry her to one of the chairs and plop her down into it, before marching to your couch and crashing into it
>Resting your head on the arm rest, with your hands folded underneath, you begin to relax
>"I never did thank you for bringing Blueblood to the infirmary, and staying by his side, Anon."
"Hm? Yeah, was a non issue. Least I could do, really."
>"Anon, you know that you don't owe my sister, any of us, or I any sort of debt. I would rather your actions be done out of kindness rather than because you feel indebted." Celestia says in her motherly fashion
>You don't have anything to respond with in kind, so you stay silent
>Celestia just sighs before continuing
>"Anon, I'd rather just drive get down to the point of bringing you here. Concerning a number of events, both recent, and distant, my sister and I saw it fit to appoint you your own personal Guard."
>Hoh boy...
"Do I have a say in who?"
>"You have the right to turn them down and look at another candidate, or not have one at all, but know that my sister and I would very much prefer you having one, if to just assure us that there will be a pony to be with you at all times."
>So you can watch me? No, that doesn't make sense. Celestia probably has a spell up her sleeve that would tell her if I so much as got an erection in my sleep.
"And they listen to you? Im guessing because they're a member of the Royal Guard, correct?
>"... Partially, yes, mostly no. No, they do not listen to me, nor will they ever have to listen to as they will be free of Equestria's rule."
>That gets your attention
>All of Celestia's humor is gone
>She's fucking serious, isn't she
>"The Pony guarding you shall be excused from all of Equestria's standing laws. Any crimes they perpetrate will be considered acts of war, rather treason. In order to do this, the pony in question will no longer be a citizen of Equestria,"
>You bolt up into a sitting position
"Celestia, you would not ask this of me! I can't ask another being to abandon their home for my sake!"
>She takes your shouting in stride, remaining calm, expecting your reaction
>"They will become an exile in the same manor you are Anon."
>That quiets you.
>"Thank you. They will be made an honorary member of my court, similar to the manor you are, as I said. They will not be a citizen, but have the same rights as one, so long as they do not commit high crimes that cannot be justified before my sister and I. They will also be free of my authority, meaning that they will also be removed from the Royal Guard for the duration of their post."
>Celestia expects your rebuke, cutting you off before you can say anything
>"And they will be paid through you, which I will imburse from my own personal coffers since you trust me to not manipulate them through money. So they will be able to continue their lives if they so decide as such."
>Well, at least she thought through it
>You lean back into the all too short couch, letting your head dangle off the back, pondering
"Why?" You ask, still sitting as you were
>"Because Anon, we truly are worried for your sake. We know you can handle yourself well enough. But what if you were to encounter a hostile unicorn? What if another one of Equestria's monsters stirs from their resting place to attack us? To attack you."
>Her volume slowly tapers to an almost mumble at the end
>She's right. She's right to be worried. You are an idiot magnet for trouble, and Equestria attracts insane/ly powerful schmucks at least one diety like figure a year, supposedly
"Damn it, who is it?"
>Celestia confirms your slight suspicion
>"It is the mare who is with us right now."
"Alright, fine. But what makes her special enough for you to trust her? And you."
>You look to the gray pony
"Who the hell do you think you are? You are throwing away so much, and for what? All for a chance to risk your life on my stupid ass?"
>The Unicorn scowls indignantly
>"I trust her as much as I trust you Anon." Celestia begins
>She has been my personal guard for a number of years, during which I have come to trust her with my safety. She has seen and done a number of things, proving her worth in a broad range of areas, not just being a guard. And..."
>She pauses to look at the Unicorn, who takes a moment from glaring at you, to nod at Celestia
>"And if your words are to be trusted, I know you already trust her very much so."
>Wait
>The Unicorn steps of her seat ad marches before you, marching proud and tall
>Her orange tinted, sanguine mane done up in a bun
>Her charcoal gray coat, slick and gleaming, rippling under the muscle mass of carrying the plated mail of a Royal Guard's armor
>Her ruby eyes, red like the embers of a fire
>Her burning charcoal Cutie mark, not charcoal, the ember of a fire
>Oh please tell me you didn't...
>The Unicorn stops before you, giving you a right and proper salute for the Equestrian Royal Guard
>Her face stoic, and calm
>Almost
>As she drops it like its hot, smiling at your bewilderment
>"It's good to see you again Anonymous."
>She fucking did
>Her voice as clear and calm as the night you first met her
>Despite the displeasure brewing in your mind, you can't help but smile
>As expected of Celestia, she would know just exactly how to out maneuver you
"It's good to see you too Ember."
>I'm getting too old for this shit