Title:           Anon, the emerald speedster
Author:          Red123456789
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/e84PzZGG
First Edit:      Sunday 17th of May 2015 11:25:48 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Monday 18th of May 2015 01:50:49 PM CDT

>You are Anon
>The green speedster
>Through the use of black magic and soft science you've achieved transhumanal speed
>And like your uncle always said
>"Anon, with great power comes great responsibility"
>To fuck with people's lives!
>After which he'd let you smoke because he was a cool uncle
>And with your speed and your knowledge of shit-tier sci-fi, you decide to travel back in time using your super speed (even though chronomancy is well documented and there are guides in the royal library) for the ultimate fuckage
>Reshaping a pony in your twisted vision
 
 
>As you travel through hyper space you think about which pony pissed you off the most
>And it hit you
>The purple one
>She has been the plight of your life in Ponyville
>She and that stupid ban list
>You'll get her
>She will pay!
>You speed off
>Hoping you are going in the right direction
 
 
>You end up ramming into Celestia when you arrive
>You knock her off her hooves just in time for a laser beam to nearly miss the both of you
>The year is one thousand years before you began your journey
>This is the battle between Celestia and Nightmare Moon
>Although you'd love to stay and watch, you have a life to ruin
>And you can return any time you want
>You dash off and on your way towards Hyperspace, you pass by a fine looking green lad, with an outstanding suit, watching the battle
>He doesn't pay you much attention
>You are off!
>You end up on a roof of a house
>By sheer willpower and luck you managed to stop before you fall
>You hear voices and duck
>You see a grayish mare and a little purple filly, rolling on the ground and crying
>"Twilight Sparkle!"
>Bingo
>"You cease this at once!" the gray mare yelled
>"I WANT CHOCOLATE MILK!"
>"You will get nothing of the sorts! Don't you know what happens to little fillies who don't listen to their parents? They get taken by the Boggiehorse!"
>The Boggiehorse? Sounds like the perfect plan
>You don't stay to hear the rest of the conversation. You had those when you were younger - the parent will yell at you, and you'd cry, and they'd give up and give you what you want
>Good times
>You go to town and find a few supplies that a Boggiehorse might carry around
>Bags
>Lantern
>Chains
>After which you decide to kill some time until night falls by jacking off right behind ponies in their houses and running off before they notice you
>It's not so much the jacking off, but rather the thrill that they don't know that you are there
 
>It's night
>By now you have visited about 20 houses and you have fashioned yourself a costume
>Time to engage the plan
>You break into Twilight's house and you put on your Booggiehorse costume
>A couple of bags sown together, nothing big
>You get your chains ready and you light up your lantern
>You rattle your chains in front of Twilight's door
>"Who...who's there?"
>Perfect, she's awake
>You slowly open the door and enter
>The light from your lantern barely illuminates your figure, let alone the room
>"I am the Booggiehorse, Twilight. I have come to take you away in my bag and whip you with my chains!"
>"NO!"
>"You have been a bad little filly, you must be punished!"
>"NO! PLEASE DON'T! I SWEAR I WON'T DO ANYTHING BAD EVER AGAIN!"
>You hear the hoofsteps behind you and in a flash of black and green, you are gone
>This will be a fun adventure
 
>You are in a school cafeteria
>It's taco day
>You see Twilight talking with her friends
>She seems pretty popular
>That's absurd
>You are going to fix this
>Using your super speed, you enter the kitchen
>You start devouring tacos
>One, two, three, four, five
>Breaking the laws of physics can leave a guy hungry
>Ten, eleven, twelve
>Your stomach starts roaring
>It's time
>You quickly duck behind Twilight Sparkle
>"...and that is why we all have to...."
>...
>Ten seconds of uninterrupted farting
>The smell is horrid
>You are pretty sure you ripped your pants
>After the bombardment stops
>Everybody starts laughing at Twilight
>She's about to cry
>Oh God, this is perfect
>You speed out to hyperspace
>Along the way you change your pants
 
>You arrive
>You look around
>It looks like a teenager's room
>Messy bed
>Clothes thrown all around
>Pregnancy test
>Hello!
>Looks like our dear friend Twilight has gotten herself into a bit of trouble
>And you know just what to do
>You speed out with a cup in your hand, looking for a pregnant peeing mare
>Lucky for you, today is free Parasprite day in the maternity ward in the local hospital
>You go into one of the bathrooms, jump into a toilet and wait
>Like some sort 16th century ninja
>It doesn't take long for someone to come in and get on your toilet
>Let's just hope they need to do a number one, instead of number 2
>Several number 2s later, a quick shower and a change of suits, you have it!
>You get back to Twilight's house and you change up the urine test
>You hide under the bed and wait
>"NOOOOOOO!"
>Yes!
>Your work is done, you have taken your revenge
>Time to head back home to brag
 
 
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>Stick in the mud extraordinar
>You are currently in the process of rereading a dictionary
>Because
>Let's face it
>You are just that dull
>"Poetic Justice - Poetic justice is a literary device in which virtue is ultim..."
>There was a flash of green and black and all of your papers went flying in the air
>You see Anon
>That bastard!
>He thinks he's so cool with his suit and green skin, and funny sense of humor, and general charm, and the cute way he staggers some times
>You'll show him
>You are going to make him follow so much rules that he will have to love you
>You mean, he will have to become a productive member of society
"Anon, what are you doing here?"
>"Twilight, have you ever thought that every bad thing that has happened to you was orchestrated by one person?"
"What?"
>"IT WAS ME TWILIGHT! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!"
"What?"
>"REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU WANTED CHOCOLATE MILK AND YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU ABOUT THE BOOGGIEHORSE? THAT WAS ME! I WAS THE BOOGGIEHORSE! I BROKE INTO YOUR HOUSE TO SCARE YOU"
"What?!"
>"And remember that time you were in school, and it was tacoday. You were having so much fun with your friends and suddenly there was a fart and everybody laughed at you. IT WAS ME, TWILIGHT! I WAS THE ONE WHO FARTED! AND THE TIME YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE PREGNANT? IT WAS ME!!! I STOLE SOME PREGNANT PISS FROM THE HOSPITAL AND SWITCHED IT WITH YOURS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA"
"Why?! Why would you do all of these things?!"
>"Why? I'll tell you why. Because you are always such a bitch. Always making me follow rules and principles and checklists that have to get checked 3 times. I was tired of that! It was time to have my revenge"
"Wait. You had your revenge for me making you follow rules by travelling back in time and doing those things to me?"
>"Yes Twilight! What is so hard to understand?"
"Those things were the things that shaped me into the pony I am today..."
>"what?"
 
"Yes. I learned to always follow the rules, I became socially awkward and I always made checklists of things that had to be done"
>"Wait....that means"
"It means that you created that which you despised the most, Anon. Me"
>"I...uh..."
 
>Be Anon
>Be a thousand years ago
>Watching the battle between Celestia and Nightmare Moon
>Not as epic as you had hoped
>As you are munching down on popcorn,, you notice a green douchebag in a suit zapping right past you
>You could have stopped him
>But in the end, he is the one that ruined your life
>Let him ruin his life as well
 
Duh Ent