Title: Thread 94: Stories 31-45 Author: PrincessApplejack Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/qj4Xv9jN First Edit: Monday 1st of August 2016 05:27:23 PM CDT Last Edit: Monday 1st of August 2016 05:27:23 PM CDT _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   OOCO >SA "???" '???'   >Ok, so everything is finally, fiiiinally back to normal. Nobody is angry at anyone, there is nothing invading us, and there are absolutely nothing I'm...for...getting...or am I?   ~~~~   "Oh IIIIII've got a lovely bunch of coconuts "Deedeedeedeedee "There they are a-standing in a row~"   'Hey, ghost guy? Prisoners aren't usually supposed to be so chipper.'   "Hm? Oh I'm sorry, just waiting for extradition, sentencing, that sort of thing."   '...'   "Someone'll be coming down here aaaaany minute now."   '...'   "..."   'Uhhhh, maybe you should go back to singing.'   "Gladly! Ohhhhh, twas brilling and the slithy toves~..."   ~~~~~   >Nahhhh, I'm on the ball.   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Non-Canon >Pinkie "Luna" ~~~~ >Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and guests are invited! Now for our main guest...PRINCESS LUNA! Applause.   "All right, what was it that-"   >I'd like to get a house in the dream city.   "...you want a dream house?"   >Yes please!   "...We suppose you have performed lucid dreaming well enough at this point. You have the currency, correct?"   >Yup yup. Sold all my loot!   "Very well. I will make arrangements."   >You heard that right folks! Pinkie Pie is going to be a dream home owner! G'night everypony!   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >JJ "Actarius" ~~~~   >You uh... you're sure you're okay, Acty?   "Fiiiiiine.... everything's fiiiiiinee... is coooooolll..."   >Because you don't look fine.   "It's fiiiiiinnneee... doctor said I'll be out of here by tomorrow."   >No, he said he's throwing me out of here by tomorrow because I give his patients the creeps.   "It's finnnnneee."   >...That one was actually kind of hurtful...   "You know what's really fiiiiiine?"   >...   "...Mmmmorphine! Hee hee!"   >Is it? Never tried it... wonder what it tastes like...   "..."   >...athly?   "Yeeeeahhh?"   >Tha whath the sthupidish thung ah've ebeh done.   "It's fiiiiinnnneee... put it back in."   >...   THUMP!   "...He better have put it back in, or it won't be fiiiiine."   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________    >Cadence "Rarity" '???' ~~~~   >...GASP!   "..."   >...OH MY!   "..."   >...NO! IT CANNOT BE!   "Stop."   >...   "If you want to tell me what it is, just tell me. I'm not going to ask."   >Well... I mean, I probably shouldn't just say this, I was hoping to get off on 'well she asked and I wasn't going to lie to her.'   "..."   >...WHAT?! NO WAY!   "Just say it!"   >Say what, Rarity?   "What's on the wall!?"   >Oh, well, since you asked... I have no earthly idea!   "...I'm going to turn you into a dress."   >No, really, I have no idea. It's so confusing! My Sparklejoules didn't go down in comparison to the flare up, I can't account for her loss of stored energy, and there's no reason she shouldn't have been totally able to handle the sudden influx! I have no idea why Forty Two kissing me made her-   "WHOA WHAT!?"   >...Did you not hear about that?   "NO!"   >Oh... that happened!   "Oh my stars! I can't believe she actually went for it! That's so unlike her! I just... I must congratulate-"   >Wait what?   "..."   >...   "...'   >...What did you mean?   "What did YOU mean?"   >Nooo, what did YOU mean?   "No no, please, what did YOU mean?"   >... "..." >... "...A-hem..."   SLAM!   'Majesty! The prince has requested your-'   >Stop.   '...'   >...Leave. The. Room.   '...y-y-yes highness...'   >...   "...What did YOU mea-"   >RARITY!   "Okay, okay... I thought she'd spazz out because she was making you betray Shining Armor, and have made several very inappropriate jokes on the matter."   >...   "...T-that's the... truth?"   >...okay.   "...You're scary when you go quiet."   >...nuh uhhh.   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >AJ "Applebloom" ~~~~   >...What in tarnation were ya' doin'?   She didn't sound mad.   Just... tired.   "Well, Ah' thought... ya' know, hanggliding!"   >Ya' already did this one.   "Oh yeah, but it ain't a hangglidin' cutie mark! It's a divebombin' cutie mark! Ah' figgure, ya' know, ah'm a natural at crashin'!"   >Can't argue that. So... that's why yer' in the tree?   "That's why Ah'm in the tree, yeah... mind gettin' me down?"   >Sure.   Without thinking, she reared back, preparing to buck the pony tangled in the leaves down with one solid, strong strike.   But, before she could, an odd thought struck her, and she paused.   "Somethin' wrong?"   She settled back in, tongue poking out ever so slightly as she looked up to the little filly.   Atop her head her horn began to spark and fizzle, and a strange glow enveloped her sister.   "Whoa now! Uh..."   It held on for just a minute... then it was gone.   >...Nah.   Quick as lightning, she spun around, bucked the tree, and dropped the tiny thing right onto her back, just as she had a hundred times before. She rested with relief for just a second before she climbed atop the fancy hat.   "PHEW!... Er, not that Ah' think ya' couldnt'na done it, but-"   >Nah, Ah' get it... hey, Applebloom?   "Yeah?"   >Ya' remember all those times Ah' taught ya' how ta' buck a tree?   "Well, yeah! Ya' don't fer'get somethin' like that! And Ah' loved it!"   >But Ah' don't ever see ya' doin' it.   "Oh... well, jus' not really somethin' that's got a lotta use outside o' applebuckin', and Ah' don't applebuck, sooo..."   >Point... but ya' had fun doin' it?   "Well, yeah! Doy!"   Playfully, she pressed down on that stetson, bopping her big sister on the head.   "Cause Ah' did it with you, silly! It ain't like school!"   >...Yeah... yeah, it ain't, is it?"   She didn't know why her big sister slowed down like she did, but it was enough to give her pause.   "Applejack?"   >...Iffin' someone asked ya' how ta' do it, could ya' show 'em?   "Ah' guess, Ah' got yer' lessons drilled in pretty far in here."   >...hrm...   "Aj? Ya'll okay?"   >...Yeah... think Ah' am... wanna go hang out fer' a little bit? That there big bug's gonna be knockin' on mah' door any second now, and Ah' need ta' blow off some steam a'fore she gets here.   "DO AH'!? Ice cream ice cream ice cream!"   >Now don't you be spoilin' yer' supper already!   "...It's like, noon."   >Ah' know what Ah' said.   "Dawwww!"   >...Was just as fun teachin' ya', even if ya' don't use it a bunch.   "Pfft, sure, ya' say that now, but ya' should'a seen yer' face back then!"   >...might get a chance ta' see it from the other side.   "Wha?"   >Nothin'... nothin' at all...   "...So are we gonna pay fer' that window Ah' broke or-"   >CHEESE IT! Ah' got enough friggen legal stuff comin' down on me!   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________    >42 "???" '-~???~-'   The changeling desginated 'Applejack 42' had been in a wide variety of scenarios. Fated duels, pitched battles, fights...more fights. Even more fights. She had faced off with opponents of every size and shape, rank and experience.   Though a very severe-looking mare trotting towards her with a gaggle of young ponies carrying a rolled up piece of paper in tow? Definite new one.   >Can I help you?   The mare, a slate-gray unicorn (in fact, the entire group appeared to be unicorns) with her auburn mane pulled back into a bun, nodded her head.   "Yes, hello, I'm Ms. Hazel from the School for Gifted Unicorns?"   >The Princess' offices are that way.   "No no, we're not here for them."   >My Queen is not holding us liable for any damages done during the latest crisis.   "We...we aren't here for that."   >Then please state your business.   "...kids?"   As one the young unicorns' horns glowed and lifted the rolled up paper over their heads, unfurling it...   >...huh.   The words 'Thank you, Changelings' were scrawled in crayon in the center of a what appeared to be a multitude of doodles depicting changelings blasting...   >Those are robots, right?   "They're kindergartners."   >...   "Yes, they're robots. They wanted to give it to you because you saved us."   >I didn't, the changelings in the ballroom behind me did.   "...oh, well, ahem. Can we just get through here to-"   >No one is allowed in without the Queen's express permission. I'm sad to say she probably won't let you in.   '-~Awwwww...~-'   "Now now, kids. Surely we can arrange something, Ms...?"   >42.   "42. Is there any way we can at least get the banner to them? The kids worked very hard on it."   >...I'll give it to them.   "Thank you very much, ma'am. Children?"   '-~Thank Ms. 42!~-'   >Don't mention it.   "Come along, children, back to class."   '~-Awwww!-~'   As the unicorns went on their merry way, the seasoned veteran gathered up the banner.   >...seriously, 2 could draw a better robot, that is disgraceful.   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >29 "MM" 'Zecora, [Trixie] ~???~ ~~~~   >...   "...."   '...Huh.'   >Tis a rather peaceful time, is it not?   "Iiiit is."   'There is not much to do. This is very true.'   [Even Trixie feels pretty chill.]   >Indeed, the warmth of thine matronly mates sun, the cool breeze carried on by the wings of the Pegasus, the gentle grass cultivated to perfection... a day of rest is upon us, a time to be at ease, and worry not. Rejoice! Rejoice in thine easy nature, for we are truly blessed-   BOOOOOM!   ~THINE LESSONS BEGIN NOW!~   'Gah!'   [Just haaaaad to jynx it!]   ~PREPARE THINESELF, WE ARE GOING TO SHOW THEE WHAT REAL MAGIC IS!~   >I have regrets!   ~PRAY THEM TO YOUR GOD, FOR I WILL NOT HEAR THEM!~   "... Nice to see you again! How was your trip?"   >'[...]'   "What?"   ~IT BEGINS~   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   NC ~PRAY THEM TO YOUR GOD, FOR I WILL NOT HEAR THEM!~   >Actually, I don't have one of those. My afterlife is an amalgamation of all the previous Changeling Queens merged together in a giant omnipotent mind that knows of all that has come before it. When I die, I'll essentially be forced into the same mind as a bunch of self centered idiots who drove themselves to extinction, yet think they are the ultimate being in the universe to ever be or have been, and will likely still end up serving my Queen as she merged with the other Queens into a giant ball of changeling.... somehow.   ~...~   >...my afterlife sucks..   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________    >Guard "Changeling" ~~~~   >Annnnnd IT'S FUZZY AND THE BUZZ, COMING AT YOU LIVE!   ~Fuzzy and Buzz in the morning, 97.1!~ ~Nothin's gonna stop us nooooow!~   "Top story today, Princess Luna orders the entire Canterlot Garden sealed off, and then leads a seemingly oblivious Princess Applejack inside."   >But that's not all, she was also seen bringing in a loooootttaaa guards.   ~Johnny, get the rope.~   "Rumors are already abound, but the most relevant one is, of course, that the royals got themselves a little... multicourse stallion meal?"   ~DINGDINGDINGDING! COME AND GETTTTT ITTTTTTT!~   >Further compounding this rumor, Queen Chrysalis was last seen charging headlong into said restricted area, breaking stuff down to get inside, and knocking over guards without a care! Now, while no rumors have popped up that the Queen JOINED IN, of course due to the... incident.... it's quite telling that a changeling just suddenly decided she really needed to be in there, ehhhh?   "As one of 'em myself, I can tell you, when we smell love? Well..."   ~ARF ARF ARF AROOOOOOO!~ ~GO GET'ER BOYAH!~   >Further adding to this rumor, Princess Luna looked quite irate walking out, like a certain... 'finish' never occurred?   "Likewise, My Queen was cackling like a loon, and let me tell you, she probably lasts longer than a minute it took between entrance and exit."   >Funny, my entrances and exits take half a second, in rapid succession.   "Yeah, all six of them before it's over!"   >OHHHHHHHHH   ~BLAM!~ ~The gun went off on it's own, I swear!~   >This is all, of course, unconfirmed, and we will be following for closer developments.   "That's all our show for you today, now sit back and enjoy the musical styling of the sweet sweet sound of Fleur De Lis in... Is That A Rose in Your Pants or Are You Happy To See Me?"   ~Why not both?~   >This is Fuzzy-   "And I've got the Buzz!"   >"GOODNIGHT!"   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________    >Chrysalis "32" '88'   >Ok, got the kayak, the fire extinguisher, and the poodle-   Arf!   >-quiet, you! Now all I gotta do is find some cheese in a can and we're all good...to...go...   "..."   '...32-?'   "It is just as weird as it sounds."   'I figured.'   >Ohhhh no, you take your civilly disobedient ass and you turn right the hell around, this is a happy place.   "Hurtful."   >Truthful! I don't need your crap today, if you'd been doing your job, what happened today wouldn't have!   "...if I'd been doing my job then ponies wouldn't have smiles on their faces when they say the word 'changeling'? Hurray for laziness, up top, 88!   'Woo!'   SMACK!   "Ow!"   'Darn, I missed.'   >Hah. That gets a hah, period, no exclamation point.   "Slapstick not your cup of tea?"   >That wasn't slapstick, that was to slapstick what softcore is to pornography.   'And being a Queen she's in to some freeeeaky shit.'   >Exact-hey! ...you're not wrong, but you had no way of knowing.   "...so can we actually speak now or are you going to keep up the schtick?"   Arf.   "Quiet, you."   >Ugh, fine, lay it on me, jerkjack.   "Fine, I am quite happy to-"   'Dldlddlldldldldl!'   >"..."   'Drumroll.'   Arf.   'Quiet, you!'   "As I was saying, I'm quite happy to relate to you that our dearest 77, our favorite one-eyed stabby sneak, after months of deliberation-"   >I swear to the hivemind, if you actually hooked someone competent on your bullshit-   "He's getting married."   >...what.   "Married, hitched, matrimonied! To a Ms. Cheerilee of 123 Ponyville Way, his paramour since the bygone days of the Gala-ahhh, good times. I would assume we're all invited whenever they decide to hold the ceremony."   >WHAT THE SHIT!? HE'S ONLY KNOWN HER FOR LESS THAN A YEAR!   "...you realize the only other married ling we got is the result of wedlock, right?"   >DETAILS!   "He'll be along in a little while to tell you himself, try to be somewhat composed, eh? This means a lot to him."   Arf.   >"'Quiet, you!'"   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     Non-Canon >Pinkie "Twilight" 'AJ' [Rarity] {RD} +FS+ ~~~~ >Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and folks get the nightly special! Now for our main segment..Dreamhouse Pinkie! Upbeat music.   >Hey hey, life in my dreamhouse~ Opens the door letting her friends in.   "It's very...Pink."   >Uh huh. This here is my living room. It's got beanbag chairs and just the best double decker sofa! Over there, you'll see the arcade room with the classic, Prance Prance Revolution!   AJ sniffs the walls. '...are the walls made of gingerbread...with pink frosting?'   >Yep yup! It's delicious!   Rarity gets into the bathtub. [My word. Your bathroom is simply marvellous. It even pours out mud for a mud bath.]   >That's not mud silly. That's chocolate.   [*gasp* It'll stain my coat!]   {Pinkie, you're going to get diabetes one day. You have a pool made of jello.}   >It's my dream house, Dashie. Let me dream!   +What's in this room?+ Opens it. +OH...MY.+   >Ah, I see you've found my porn room. I'm really really proud of the collection in so short a time. Go ahead. Help yourself. This was Dreamhouse Pinkie. Thanks for tuning in!   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________    >AJ "???" ~~~~   >...Well, Ah' mean... they said all that stuff, yeah, course they did. What were they gonna say? "Nah, hun, ya'll ain't never gonna be as smart or capable as them, better just give up!"   "..."   >Ah' mean, ain't nobody gonna ever think Ah' was gonna be a princess, there's bein' optimistic and then there's just bein' stupid, and that there was the latter.   "..."   >Heck they didn't even know Ah' could BECOME a princess, not like they got ta' see...   "..."   >...but Ah' don't know, feels like every time they ask it's just bout the magic, ya' know? When Ah'm teachin' Applebloom ta' Applebuck, it's bout makin' her stronger, steadier, showin' her what... ya' know, what they never got a chance to.   "..."   >...Am Ah' bein' crazy? Ah' just really hate this idea a princess has GOT ta' rely herself on these magics ta' be good, when dang it Ah've been doin' this longer and the hard way then any o' them ever did. Even Twi was spittin' thunder since the day Spike was born.   "..."   >...But it would be nice ta' kinda, ya' know, let Twi pass down some of the stuff Ah'm sure she's proud of, and it ain't like she'd force me...   "..."   >...Ah' dunno, this here's confusin'. Fricken bug monster got in mah' had.   "ARF!"   >Now that one ya' understand.   "ARF ARF!"   >Thanks, Winona, can always count on ya'll ta' listen...   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Twilight "Fluttershy" ~~~~   "Are... um... are you sure this is a good idea? I don't want to tell you this is a bad idea, but... it just sounds like what a bad idea would sound like?"   >Oh, Fluttershy, no worries! This is just to help you learn to relaaaaaxxx...   "...It's a giant laser tower. How... again, I don't want to say this is a bad idea, but how does it-"   >Fluttershy, it won't make you relax, it will help you learn TO relax. See? Your chaos powers go out of control when you get anxious. So, I just thought, let's stress test this! If you can handle this, you can handle anything!   "...It's a giant tower that shoots lasers."   >But ONLY if you get close to it. So... clear your mind, think of something chaotic and free, and it won't be able to hurt you.   "...this is a bad idea."   >Fluttershy? Trust me... TRUST ME.   "Welll... okay. Since you seem so sure, I suppose it would be rude to tell you no after you put so much work into it... maybe it'll work?"   ~~~~~   "IT DIDN'T WORK!"   >Huh.   "HUH!?"   >Did... not expect it to grow legs.   "WHY!?"   >Well, it was in the ground, so-   "NOT WHAT I MEANT!"   >Well.. shoot!   "SHOOT!? SHOOT!? OH YEAH, THERE'S SHOOTING ALRIGHT!"   >Can I just take this moment to praise you for being so assertive?   "NO!"   >Right, gotcha, save it for later... any chance you figured out how to calm down better yet?   "NO!"   >Crap.... well, can't say we didn't try!   "IT'S TRYING TO EAT SPIKE!"   >Ah, right, definitely filing this one in 'failed'.   "..."   >And let's also save Spi-   "AND LETS ALSO SAVE SPIKE, YEAH!"   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   OOCO >AJ "Celestia" ~~~~   >... "..." >... "..." >... "..." >... "..." >.....GAHHHHHH!   "HA HA! You lose! The day off is mine!   >How can ya'll not blink fer so long?   "Yeaaars of practice, Applebutt, now get to work."   >Rassa frassa...   "...Thank you invisible scotch tape. Now, to just remove you and... oh dear... oh dear I can't close my eyes...... this plan has gone horribly."   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Twilight ‘FS’ “Spike”   >SPIKE!   “H-urp-Hey twilight, what’s up…eugh.”   >What have you been up to? I sent you over here to reorganize not stuff your face!   “Funny story-“   ‘NO TIME! Twilight we need to find the tower!’   “Oh. That was yours?”   >…Spiiiiike? What do you mean ‘was’?   “I ate it.”   >You ate it.   “Well, y’know, it was made of metal. I can eat metal. I skipped breakfast today, it was trying to eat me….seemed like a win all around?”   ‘Um…it was kinda infused with chaos magic. Didn’t the legs give it away?’   “I wasn’t paying that much attention honestly. It was trying to eat me. …Twi? Your eyes doing that…twitching thing.”   >Excuse me. I need to go build a very special toilet.   “Oh….crap.”   >Simultaneously the best case and least likely scenario!   She called back.   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________