Title:           Thread 89: Stories 16-30
Author:          PrincessApplejack
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/Aq3N7t7d
First Edit:      Sunday 17th of July 2016 04:30:00 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 17th of July 2016 04:30:00 PM CDT

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Twilight
"SA"
'Chrysalis'
[Celestia]
{18}
-42-
~Cadence~
~~~~~
 
>Alright, team! Let's get ready to get going! First thing we're going to need to do is get a plan to get over the-
 
"Already on it, using my connections with the holy order in order to get safe passage. Also, I may have accidentally seduced a nun, so if she starts following please do something."
 
>Oh... well, we still need to set up a plan in case of random encounters-
 
'Traps are already laid, Nerd-light, we're fine. Anything that comes at us is losing half it's HP, minimum.'
 
>...Oh! Good, good initiative. So that gives us time to work on our buffs-
 
[Already buffering you guys while we're waiting. Also, Chrysalis, you need to clean out your ears.]
 
"Don't tell me how to live!"
 
>...Well, then I guess we can just work on fastest route-
 
{Route calculation is already mostly done! It's taking a bit longer to account for XP to difficulty algorithms, but it's almost there!}
 
>...So, uh... does anyone want to take first watch-
 
-Nothing shall escape my gaze. NOTHING.-
 
>...Singing?
 
~OH OH! I love singing!~
 
"And she's damn good at it too."
 
[Angelic, really.]
 
>...I'm out of my element...
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Luna
"AJ"
'Dash'
[Spike]
{Rarity}
(Pinkie)
~PD~
~~~~~~
 
>The sun grows low, young heroes! With the coming of the dark, thou- ART THOU STILL IN THAT SAME PLACE WE DROPPED THEE UPON!?
 
"We're havin' difficulties."
 
'We wouldn't if we would just go THIS WAY! It has the most monsters, and thus the most XP! Most XP means most levels and most levels mean most awesome! It's simple math!'
 
[Most monsters also means most DYING. We need to take this route and play it safe or else we DIE!]
 
'Pfft, if you suck!'
 
{But if we go this way we'll hit THREE more cities than we would otherwise! That's three whole instances we can rest, gather intel and buy accessories!}
 
'How are we going to buy them if we don't grind for gold with the biggest monsters!?'
 
"All that don't matter anyway. Mah way is the most straightforwards, and the most efficient. None o' that mussin' about stuff, we just get ta' where we're goin' and we're done."
 
(But the sights, Applejack! We'll miss all these cool temples and stuff! Why are we even on a journey if we're not planning to sightsee a bit!?)
 
'To beat up badguys and get AWESOME! Fighting is most important!'
 
"Ah' say we need ta' go straighforward!"
 
[Safety!]
 
{Accessories!}
 
(SIGHTS!)
 
Their voices devolved into rabbling, becoming incomprehensible to the lunar princess.
 
>...What about thee?
 
~I'm keeping quiet.~
 
>Thou doth not have an idea?
 
~No, I do, it'll just go faster if some of the problem ones kill the others.~
 
>...
 
~...~
 
>...We admire thou's pragmatism, if nothing else.
 
~Thanks.~
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>???
"???"
~~~~~~
 
Nary a sound was made as hooves landed upon the treetops, not so much as a single crinkle of a leaf ringing out to signal the arrival of another into the wild, untamed land that was Everfree forest. Wild, free, where anyone could do anything they liked. Just where one could run if they were feeling a little adventurous.
 
But it was no fancy that brought those hooves out here on this day. As with all days, even those that seemed empty, this one was a mission.
 
>Rating, blue... no change.
 
They stalked their prey as a cat would an oblivious mouse, not so much as a puft of air to signal their presence to the target. With an eerie step, they walked down the side of the tree, sticking to it as if they were a lizard. Or, perhaps fittingly in this case... a bug.
 
>Rating, light green.. no change.
 
Without warning, they struck forwards, gone like they were the wind as they closed the distance between themselves and the seemingly still oblivious other. Victory was seemingly assured.
 
At least, it seemed to be, until said prey was consumed in fire, and the grasp enclosed on nothing but air. They continued on until they came into contact with some strange cage made of wood and sticks, bouncing off of it with a practiced ease before landing effortlessly beside it. Despite the failure, they had nothing but a grin as they looked down upon the much shorter target than had been originally.
 
Said target huffed, oddly fitting for their new childlike look, before letting loose a wisp of flame once more and returning to their more appropriate form.
 
>What are you doing out here, Flake?
 
The insult rolled right off the other, not so much as a twitch of irritation on their face as they tossed a light brown shape into the air, before catching it in their mouth.
 
"Mrphm, mrph-"
 
>Save the spud talk for someone who can put up with it.
 
Her eyes once more glimmered in mirth as she bit down, severing the thing as easily as if her teeth were knives.
 
"I said, ohhh, just checking to see where my good old buddy got off too. You know mister zero zero Seven, self, he's always getting into trouble. So I thought, wellllll, maybe this is something to look into... and looky here! You're not hospitalized, I'm so proud."
 
Ebony lips curled into an angry snarl, showing every fang they held in his maw.
 
>At least I am present, flake.
 
"Yeahhh, gonna keep riding that little thing, are we? Face it, even if I'm flake... I'm still an heir."
 
She curled up to him, dangerous, telling and smooth.
 
"Unlike you, mister expendable."
 
He shoved back, an already furious look becoming positively steaming.
 
>Oh, right, an heir... I'm sure you'll rule over the corpses of losers with a regal grace unmatched in all the world.
 
This, at last, got her to at least slip loose a glimmer of anger.
 
"Do not call them losers."
 
>What of it? That's what they are. Your loser of a queen played the game same as any of the others, but unlike my bloodline yours was reduced down to a spud eating nobody who survives only on the pity of a queen grander than any who could have come from your pitiful waste of ichor.
 
She tensed, seemingly inching towards the mechanism on her hip.
 
But, with an uncaring chuckle, she let it loose.
 
"We'll see who's the last one standing, in the end. Race isn't over till everyone crosses the finish line, after all."
 
With that, she lazily rolled her head to the side, taking in the strange cage she had bounced off of. One which, to her amazement, she discovered was only one of at least a half dozen.
 
A cage which, to her further amazement, was not quite empty.
 
"Oh ho hooo, I think the yellow one would be rather ticked if she saw this."
 
He huffed, shoving past her easily as he too peered into the confines of the cage.
 
More specifically, to the manticore inside, laying on it's side, barely moving... barely breathing.
 
>I'm willing to take that risk. Because, unlike you, some of us are actually trying to better ourselves instead of just wandering off to occasionally rut with some deposed prince and a guard.
 
"Mmmm... jealous?"
 
He scoffed, rolling his eyes with plain distaste.
 
>I was a seduction based infiltrator, you moron, I've been with mares far prettier than you... with better breath.
 
"I doubt that. Hard to top an heir."
 
>As I said... an heir to a dead line of losers is not that impressive.
 
She shrugged, once more uncaring to his insults.
 
"So then, what is this all about?"
 
>That is none of your concern.
 
"Reeeallly. Well, I'm only asking because it looks to me like, well..."
 
Before he could react, a spear launched from the machine on her hip, piercing the weathered clip board he had been holding. It was pulled from his grasp before he could do a thing, and into hers.
 
"Like you're trying to gauge how well you can gather love from some... unorthodox areas?"
 
He leapt, clearing the distance between them in no time at all. With an ease of grace, she effortlessly dodged him, sticking to the side of the cage as she leafed through his work.
 
"Oh ho ho! Who knew you had an knack for numbers, Seven? Maybe you should've been a file-ling instead of an infiltrator.... get it? File-Ling? Like filing?... Bah, Bluey would've laughed.
 
He dove at her again, his wings buzzing to life with an intense fever as he made his way to her exposed backside. Once more, without even looking, she dodged, backflipping over his assault before looping all the way around to deliver a rear-hoof strike right to his back and send him painfully to the ground.
 
He groaned with pain after he landed, but was given no respite before that same rear hoof shoved down on the back of his head, pinning him in place. Her wings buzzed softly, allowing her to remain reared back and her forelegs free to flip through the pages.
 
 
"Buuut, gonna give you some pro-tips. Some advice from someone who did this dance for a bit. This here? This plan?... isn't going to work. See, problem with animals, at least I found, is that they don't quite 'get' love, I think. You ever seen a timberwolf just shoot the shit with it's friends? How about a cragodile, you ever seen them bring up some flowers to a lady cragodile and listen to her crappy day? Nah... they're all about survival. Problem is, when you've only got so much thinking power, and when your whole life is all about "Am *I* going to make it to the next day", caring about if they make it with you... gets shifted down on the list a bit."
 
He shoved, he pushed, and he flailed, but he couldn't press upwards even an inch.
 
"But I'm guessing you figured that one out on your own, didn't you? Been a while since you got a real charge, hasn't it? How long's it been you've been running on this one charge, a month? Little less?... You missed Hearth's Warming, you know... Bet that's running pretty low, isn't it? Bet you can hardly even stand anymore, trust me, I know the feeling. Good for surviving... but terrible for fighting. Stuff like this is a stopgap, at best, it's not meant for long term."
 
He growled flicking a green blade out from the confines of his hoof's hole, and launching it in her direction.
 
It never even came close.
 
"See my point?... Ehhh, I'm sure you do. Finding you wasn't that hard, you know... even now, you're still waiting for her to call you, aren't you? Wasn't hard to track your 'signal'."
 
That growl became something far more intense as he flung blade after blade up at her face, not a one even brushing by her.
 
"And just like I thought, here you are, out in the middle of nowhere, alone."
 
She smoothly stepped off him, hooking a leg underneath his chest before tossing him up off the ground. She spun on her heel, kicking him clear into a tree not far away, his back making an uncomfortable crack when he landed.
 
Twin pikes pierced on either side of his body, mere seconds before the whirl of a machine brought a hoof painfully into his midsection. The twin pikes retracted in tune with her hoof coming up, and pressing into his windpipe.
 
"So, Oh Oh Seven, was it worth it? Was this little... I don't know, what do you wanna call it, a spirit journey worth the time? Could've saved you a ton if you just asked me."
 
He gagged a bit around the hoof to his throat, scraping his chitin on hers painfully.
 
>We... need... to... get... stronger.
 
"We are stronger, you idiot. Right now, we're stronger than we've ever been, period. We've got more love in our reserves than we thought possible."
 
>Fin...ite.
 
"Hmm?"
 
Curious, she relented, just a bit.
 
>...Finite.. it's finite... it's not permanent, and it's not going to last forever.
 
He gripped her on the side of her head, pulling her in just a bit.
 
>We're dependent on them. Without them, we have no strength. Without them, we have no power. Without them... we starve.
 
"Heh, yeah, better not piss them off, eh?"
 
>THAT IS NOT LIVING!
 
He finished closing the gap, connecting his forehead to hers.
 
>Any other species gets stronger by it's own merits, by training, by working and improving, not us... we're stronger than them, more powerful than any unicorn or pegasi, we've got more skill and abilities than any earth pony or gryphon could ever dream of, but we need them as our energy source, and without them... we have nothing.
 
"Uh huh..."
 
Her eyes lost some of that harsh certainty she had held a second ago, wavering a bit as she felt a bit unsettled by his tone.
 
Even still, she pushed it back down a second later, and smirked.
 
"Heh... I could've told you that. Fuck, everyone could have. You think you're the first changeling to think of this? Pleeeease."
 
>No... I'm the first one to do something about it.
 
"Really? Don't see any improvements on my end."
 
'Looking in wrong direction.'
 
No time. She had no time to react in any way to the voice that rang out behind her before a pair of massive, strong claws encircled around her waistline, and pulled her free from him.
 
"WHATWHATWHATWHAT-"
 
She was jerked to the side like a ragdoll, but her head's collision with the trunk of a tree was anything but soft. She shattered it as if her head had been a cannonball, bells ringing in her head shortly thereafter.
 
The first of many bells, she would discover.
 
Like she had been confused with a sledgehammer, again and again she shattered wood beneath her skull, sending tree after tree tumbling down to the ground, all the while those two massive grips on her side covered her gear, prevented her from pulling out any blades or pressing any buttons. She was at the mercy of that muscle, and it didn't stop. Not for a long, long time.
 
The painful assault only ended when, at last, she was hefted high into the sky... and then brought down with a painful slam into an unyielding rock. Only then did the grip let her go, and let her fall to the ground in pain.
 
Through the blurry, hazy vision and ringing sounds in her head, she barely manged to listen in as that mysterious voice spoke once more.
 
'You right... pretending work.'
 
>Of course I was. It's a basic tactic.
 
'It work... more?'
 
>We'll see.
 
The blackout was overtaking her, consuming her, taking away her ability to see and think. It was only through great, great strength of will that she opened her eyes, and looked up at the mane-free head of that same manticore looking down at her.
 
A manticore sporting glowing, green eyes.
 
"What... what is that thing?"
 
A chitinous hoof grabbed hold of the side of her head, lifting her up until she could see into his glaring, unamused eyes. Behind him, she could hear cage after cage door opening... it seemed they had never been locked at all.
 
>Her name... is Buttercup.
 
With that, the world went black.
 
~~~~~~
 
 
"GAH!... Ah, damn it, did I fall asleep in here again?"
 
She brushed herself off, dislodging the dirt around her legs and on her equipment.
 
"Damn it, if that farmer catches me in his potato field again he's going to be-OW! Son of a bitch!... The fuck did I do last night!?"
 
She looked around and, sure enough, she was in a crater, and her machines pressure levels were low. It seemed she had once more gotten rocked off her blitz and then crashlanded in someones farm... again.
 
She wished she could say this was the first time this had happened.
 
"Damn, did I shoot shit? I feel so..."
 
Drained, is the word she was looking for. Like she had just fired off every beam for miles and miles and miles. Her head was ringing something terrible too.
 
"...Fuck, I was gonna do something for Eighteen too, what did she want?... Ahhh, I'll ask her later. I need to get cleaned up.... but maaayyyybe."
 
She smirked, grabbing a hoof full of the spuds out of the crater she made.
 
"They were going to go bad anyway. Annnnd-OFF!"
 
Her hooks shot out, and she was soon once more soaring through the air.
 
But damn if she didn't feel like she was forgetting something....
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~~
 
>You know, it always kind of blows my mind Twilight is capable of stuff like this.
 
"Yeah, no kidding."
 
>I mean it, she's probably the smartest pony who's ever lived, by a mile. Several miles!... You know, I wonder... what do you think you would do if you could make stuff like this?
 
"..."
 
~~~~~~~~
 
"BOW BEFORE MY BEAUTY AND LOVE! FOR MY AIRSHIP SHALL BRING JOY, TO ALLLLL THE WOOOOOORRRRLLLLLDDD! GO MY ROBOTIC MINIONS OF LOVE! GO AND REMIND THOSE ASSHOLES WHO FORGET BIRTHDAYS!... THEY'RE THE WORST! They need to be more like Shiny, who never forgets, and less like YOU, AUNTIE LUNA! IT'S ONE DAY! IT'S NOT THAT HARD! GOOOO! GO AND GIVE LOVE ADVICE TO EVERYONE! EVERRRRYYYY OOONNNEEEE... Ahhaha... ahahhahah... AHAHHAH! AHHHHHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!"
 
~~~~~~~
 
"..."
 
>Honey?
 
"Hm? Oh, probably just something silly like a bejeweled hairdryer!"
 
>Ha! Oh, honey, I love how you are sometimes.
 
"...mwhahah."
 
>What was that?
 
"NOTHING!"
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Spike
"PD"
~~~~
 
>Now see, if *I* had been DM, then-
 
"I know."
 
>Just saying, this whole thing never would've-
 
"I knooow."
 
>...I could-
 
"What, end the game before the first turn?"
 
>...
 
"..."
 
>...Point.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Spike"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I'm eating my problems away! Now for our main guest...SPIKE!!!
Applause
 
"Hey listen."
cut to a smiling cardboard cut out of Pinkie.
>...
 
"...Pinkie, you didn't tell me you had a cardboard version of yourself. Does it do the thing when I blink?"
He blinks and cutout pinkie disappears.
"Cool. Are we going to start?"
A Spike cutout appears.
"Whoa, one for me too."
He blinks and it's closer with it's claws reaching out.
"...okay creepiness rising. Pinkie? Can we start already?"
Cutout pinkie shows up with a dildo.
"...Nope."
Spike runs leaving a smokey spike behind. Pinkie comes on a few seconds later.
 
>Sorry, I had to take a call...Spike? Spiiiike~? Hm...uh...that's our show thanks for watching!
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >AJ
"Dash"
'Pinkie'
[Rarity]
-PD-
{Spike}
(FS)
~~~
 
>Can we all agree this officially got outta hoof?
 
"...Fine. I will admit, RELUCTANTLY, that we may have gone too far."
 
>...
 
'Just a touch.'
 
>...
 
[A SMIDGE, at best.]
 
>...
 
-Liiiiiitttle bit, that's all.-
 
>...
 
{...Look, we're going after the fire guy, right? Let's just blame it on him!}
 
>...
 
(Um.. I don't know if that will work, is what Applejack is trying to convey to you in eye-twitch Morse code.)
 
"Oh, please, like anyone is going to think we, the brave heroes, burned down half of the forest because we all wanted to show WE could make the best fire, and six individual firepits merged like an unholy connector block set into a structure of pure, towering fire."
 
>...
 
"...Mine was the best, though."
 
>...Yeah, Ah'll admit that, yer's was the best. Ya' happy?
 
"In fact I am?"
 
>Gonna preen or are ya' gonna run like everyone else?
 
"I CAN DO BOTH!"
 
>...
 
"...But I'm mostly going to be doing the latter."
 
>Good choice.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
NC
>Sucker Punch
"41"
'Daw'
 
>Well.
 
"Shit. Not THIS again!"
 
'Again? This shite happens on a regular basis?'
 
>It had kinda calmed down for a while...
 
"Yeah, those new guys you brought in were pretty nice."
 
>Not nice enough-INCOMING!
 
The trio ducked their head as an alabaster body flew overhead.
 
"Your boys are getting the crap kicked out of them."
 
>Well yeah, we were going to start true earnest training today. Remember? It was what we were doing here?
 
"Oh yeah."
 
>If you want to get technical, you wouldn't really count them as guards yet, they're recruits, haven't really dented their armor yet.
 
'I think their armor is getting plenty dented right now...along with their skulls.'
 
>Oof, damn, Phalanx, shame, I liked him.
 
"He'll be fine, just walk it-"
 
Crack!
 
"-...hobble it off!"
 
'Right, well, I think it's time I found Pommel to stop this shit show, aye?'
 
>Yes please.
 
'You lot try and fix this as best ye can, I'll get Johnny Peacemaker from wherever he keeled over.'
 
"Got it."
 
Whoosh!
 
>"..."
 
>There is literally nothing we can do to fix this, is there?
 
"Nnnnope."
 
>...
 
"..."
 
>Once more for old time's sake?
 
"Sure."
 
CLONK!
 
DOUBLE KO!
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
'Kind Guard 1'
"Kind Guard 2"
'"Quicksilver Sash"'
*Steam Gauge*
(Coco Pommel)
>Changelings
 
---
 
*Aint got a bloody clue what's going on, but I do not like it!*
 
'Yeah, there seems to be some mild disturbance...'
 
He says this as both a changeling and pegasus guard fly overhead, locked in combat.
 
"Why are they even fighting?"
 
'Beats me--OOF!'
 
>No, I beat you! GET SOME!
 
'Well that wasn't very friendly...'
 
"Yeah, hey don't worry, we'll report it when our SO gets here."
 
*You guys are serious right now, aren't you?*
 
'We won't be able to stop this.'
 
*But we can help?*
 
"Do you want to get done by several changelings at once?"
 
*Point.*
 
'"....hheeeeeeEEEEEELLLPPP!!"'
 
*Oh, Sash! Wha-- Don't hide behind me!*
 
"'There's like, ten of 'em! I don;t wanna fight! We already went through this!"'
 
'Hi again, young mare.'
 
"'Now is not the time! S-shut-up!"'
 
"Dude, we already covered that that's a guy."
 
'We did? Oh right, we did. Huh.'
 
"'NOT THE TIME! Where's Captain Strikes?!"'
 
*I... do not know, OH SHIT HERE THEY COME!*
 
(Not on my watch, you don't!)
 
Enter Coco, wielding a heavy looking water gun.
 
(Come on, you four! Get behind me!)
 
They all do so as she unleashed aqua-hell upon any changeling silly enough to rush her or other guards near her.
 
*Where'd ya get the piece, sarge?!*
 
(Bought it the other day, who knew it'd come in handy for this though!)
 
'Well done, Ma'am!'
 
(Back! Get back before I make you eat chocolate muffins!)
 
"..."
'...'
 
"'...She does that."'
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cardboard Pinkie"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I get loopy from exhaustion! Now for our main guest...PINKIE!!!
Applause
 
The cardboard Pinkie continues having the same smile.
"..."
 
>Fess up! I know you've been creeping out my guests!
 
"..."
 
>Don't play games with me. I know you can talk!
 
Tick tock tick tock
"..."
 
>...I'm watching you.
 
"..."
 
>...Um well this has been a productive episode! G'night everypony! ...I wonder what happened to my dildo.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~
 
>...
 
"Honey? What's the matter?"
 
The stallion looked around the town they had found themselves in, thoughtfully tapping his hoof to his chin.
 
>...Somethings always bugged me...
 
With that, he stepped outside the boundaries of the town.
 
SCREEEE!
 
>Uh huuuuhhh..
 
One random encounter later, he stepped back in, and waited.
 
>...
 
Then stepped out again.
 
SCREEEE!
 
>Uh... huh.
 
One more random encounter later, he stepped back in.
 
"...Huh, that is weird, wha- what are you doing?"
 
Silently, he chipped at the ground of the town, ripping up four small pieces of the road and strapping them to his hooves.
 
Then he stepped outside again.
 
>...
 
"..."
 
>...
 
"..."
 
>...OH FUCK! TOWNS ARE MAGIC!
 
SCREEE!
 
>...At least until I said it and Luna noticed, I mean...
 
"Bad call?"
 
>Bad call.
 
SCREEE!
 
>Oh hush.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>PD
"AJ"
'Peasant'
~~~~
 
>Alright everyone, just play it cool. Act natural, and nobody will know we're annnnything special, we can sneak through this town without alerting any spies, and be back on the road before you know it.
 
"...Are ya'll shittin' me?"
 
>Uh...
 
"No, seriously, are ya'll bullshittin' me here? Do ya' really think we're just gonna slip past this place with nobody noticin'? What kinda dumbass are you? We're the most distinctive characters fer' miles around, we got armor and weapons most folk and never even heard existed before we walked in, and ya'll think we're not gonna get noticed? How? Ain't nobody ever seen us before and we look like we just killed a whole lotta things, some of us are still covered in blood even... not namin' names o' course... and ya'll think we're just gonna slip past?"
 
>Yep.
 
"How. Just... fuckin' tell me how. How the buck is that s'posed ta' work? Are we gonna just pretend we ain't armed ta' the teeth? When onna the fireguys guards come up ta' them, are we just gonna pretend it'd slip their mind? HOW DOES THAT WORK!?"
 
>... Hey! Peasant!
 
'Hi! Wow, things sure are strange around here today.'
 
>Yep, sure are.
 
"..."
 
>...
 
"..."
 
>...
 
"...Was that s'posed ta' prove somethin' or-"
 
>Wait for it.
 
"..."
 
>...
 
"..."
 
>...Hey! Peasant!
 
'Hi! Wow, things sure are strange around here today.'
 
>Yep, sure are.
 
"..."
 
>...
 
"..."
 
>...It's REALLY hard to program in a bunch of dialog trees for over a hundred townsfolk.
 
"...Point taken."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'Shopkeep'
~~~
 
>FOURTEEN GOLD!
 
'Sixty.'
 
>FIFTEEN AND I WON'T GO A BIT HIGHER!
 
'Eighty.'
 
>You can't go up!
 
'Ninety Two.'
 
>ARRGGGHHH!
 
"Chrysalis? Let me handle this."
 
>No! I can do this!
 
"Chrysalis, your charisma is so low you are going to bankrupt us at this rate."
 
>I! CAN! DO! THIS!
 
'...One hundred and forty.'
 
>Why the fuck is bread a hundred fucking golden bits!?
 
"Because you suck."
 
>GRAAAHGGGGHHH!
 
"Ahem... I want some bread!"
 
'Five bits.'
 
"Make it two... please?"
 
'...Two bits.'
 
>WHAT!? FUCKING WHAT!?
 
"Some of us have it, some of us don't."
 
>...I'm going to kill your sister.
 
"Best of luck with that one."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
~~~~~~~~~
 
It was almost musical, symphonic in nature. The staccato of fluttering wings as they all hung close to the ground in pursuit of one of the fastest fliers to have ever graced Equestrian skies.
 
It mingled, that sound so hummingly beautiful, with the cries they even now still let out.
 
"I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU!... LIKE, A LOT!"
 
"I'M THINKING WATER OR SOMETHING RELATED!"
 
"I CURSE YOUR UNORIGINALITY, AND POINT OUT THAT HOT SAUCE IS SORT OF LIKE WATER!"
 
"TEAR HIM... APPAAAARRRRTTTTTT!"
 
"OKAY YOU HAVE SAID THAT A LOT AND IT IS WORRYING ME BECAUSE THOUGH I AM ALSO ONE OF THE CHANGELINGS WHO HAS BEEN WRONG I FEEL THAT THAT LEVEL OF AGGRESSION IS NOT WARRANTED OR SHOULD BE ENCOURAGED OVER AN ACT LIKE BEING SPRAYED WITH WATER AND FEEL PERHAPS YOU SHOULD SIT IT OUT WHILE WE DUNK HIM IN HOT SAUCE BECAUSE THERE ARE SERIOUS ISSUES YOU MUST WORK OUT BY LOOKING INTO YOURSELF AND FINDING A MORE CALM CENTER THAT ALLOWS YOU TO REACT ON A MORE LEVEL PLAIN TO THE PONIES SURROUNDING US IN THE INTEREST OF FAIRNESS AND JUSTICE REIGNING TRUE AND ALLOWING ALL OF US TO REMAIN FIRM IN OUR BELIEFS BUT ALSO RECEPTIVE TO THE IDEA OF A FAIRER JUDGEMENT FOR ALL!"
 
"..."
 
"...I MEAN, I'M GONNA PUNCH HIM!"
 
"Oh! Yeah, that makes more sense."
 
It was a symphony greater than any of the elite of this land of elites had ever heard.
 
But as with all things, be it the setting sun in times when crazed mares of darkness do not attempt control or the rain being carefully cultivated to occur when designated by the magical flying horses who control it, all things that have come must go. And, sadly, that time would soon be upon him, and the song would change it's tune.
 
For in the path he did fly, another orchestra of unrivaled musical genius was approaching, a sound barely heard thus far yet resonated within him as deeply as any song ever had.
 
"I'M GONNA PUNCH THEM!... A LOT!"
 
"WITH MY SPEAR!"
 
"YOU DON'T PUNCH WITH A SPEAR!"
 
"I CAN TRY!"
 
"OKAY I KNOW WE'RE JUSTIFIABLY ANGRY THAT APPARENTLY THE CHANGELINGS HAVE ASSAULTED OUR BROTHER IN ARMS AND CAPTAIN OF OUR GUARD I STILL THINK THAT HITTING THEM WITH SPEARS CANNOT BE JUSTIFIED UNDER THE APPROPRIATION OF FORCE ACT PASSED BY CELESTIA IN YEAR EIGHT NINE FOUR OF BANISHMENT OF PRINCESS LUNA AND THUS WE SHOULD PERHAPS FOCUS ON DETAINING WITH APPROPRIATE FORCE OF BASIC GRAPPLING AND IF THE SITUATION ESCALATES ONLY BRING OUT MORE APPROPRIATE FORCE THEN TO BETTER DISPLAY OUR CHANGE AS A FIGHTING FORCE AND DEFENDERS OF JUSTICE AND NOT REVENGE!"
 
"..."
 
"...I mean, YOU CAN PUNCH HARDER THAN STICKS!"
 
"SOUND LOGIC!"
 
"I AGREE WITH THIS AND WISH TO SUBSCRIBE!"
 
He was actually a little sad as he heard the thundering around that corner, a thundering there was absolutely no way the changelings following him could. Even if they hadn't been screaming, their hoofsteps would have drowned it out.
 
So there was no way for them to know. No way for the guards to put it together as that blue blur passed their vision in the connection of one of the Castle's many, many four way intersections, no way for them to put it together in time. Likewise, with their vision focused deadly forwards, there was no way for the beasts of insect and pony to see as the collision came from the side.
 
Or, in actuality... sides.
 
One from one side... the other from the opposite.
 
But to explain why the changelings had found themselves betwixt in what had to be easily the fourth or fifth most violent sandwhich ever made, one must go back at least a few minutes, just a brief time ago unseen to all thus far, to another part of the castle.
 
~~~~~~~
 
In this place, a dark corner with little to fill it in terms of necessities, many a guard sat waiting in sleep. A sleep that they, and only they, were capable of.
 
For these were no ordinary guard of flesh and bone and fur, but of cold steel and magic. The Peacetrotter guard remained inert, nothing to indicate they held any life within their cold breasts.
 
But the figure who fluttered into the room knew better. With a beat of hawk-like wings and a tapping of a talonesq claw to their sides, life returned to their eyes, and power flowed through their artificial veins.
 
~How may we serve you today?~
 
The mix of foul and beast cleared her impeccable throat and held up a booklet of some kind before her vision, unable to keep the mirth from her eyes or the joy from her voice as she spoke.
 
"Aggression level six event in progress."
 
The lights for eyes they all had changed as any changeling would have with magic, shifting from one color and tone to another completely with a flicker of time.
 
~Peace protocol in progress. Where is the event located~
 
Without missing a beat, she slapped one of them across the face as hard as she could, nearly bending the servos and mechanization within its confines.
 
"Right here, stupid... BRING IT!"
 
She crawed as a crow would as she tore off, nimbly dodging blasts of cold and netting that sought to bring her down peacefully.
 
~Assaulting of Canterlot Property in progress.~
 
~Please stop resisting arrest.~
 
~Flier class S recorded, elevation of acceptable tactics authorized.~
 
~We're terribly sorry for any injuries sustained.~
 
Funny, thought Gilda the Gryphon.
 
She didn't feel nearly as sorry.
 
~~~~~~
 
Back to the present moment, time had frozen.
 
On one side, passing by over the heads of the stunned changelings and guards, was that very same gryphon
 
Making his way down the vast hallway was the ace flier, Soarin.
 
And off to the side, watching it all, was none other than one who might be the fastest flier in the Wonderbolts, Fleetfoot.
 
With all the grace of a conductor, she waved her hooves and time seemed to resume.
 
They watched as the musical crescendo of hooves on the ground met in a song unlike any that had ever been heard in these hallowed halls, the sound of bodies of chitin, flesh and steel meeting together in an inescapable grasp as all three collided and mingled together in ways that had never been before, and perhaps never would again.
 
"WHAT THE FUCK!?"
 
"WHAT THE FUCK!?"
 
~Error!~
 
Fleetfoot couldn't help but laugh in gut busting bursts as she watched the crowd become one, a mass of bodies so thick and writhing that it was impossible to tell when one began and the other ended. Even with looks as distinct as white, black and silver, to gauge what limb belonged to whom would be a herculean task that even the greatest of minds could not unravel.
 
Despite what had to be a suffocating and horrible experience, the three hovering Wonderbolts could not help but notice that very little punches or anything were being thrown. So mixed up in their confounding state, the mere idea of actually trying to hit something and expecting it to work was an unfathomable one. In this mass of bodies, there had finally been found a single, if unorthodox, instance of peace between races.
 
"Well, if that don't beat all-OOF!"
 
Limbs far stronger than most ponies on the planet enclosed around the silver haired pegasi with a grip unrivaled in all the aerial forces, born of one who spent more time lifting than any with dreams of skyborn combat should, and yet a surprising lack of 'aide' from the more medicinal side of things, to everyone's surprise.
 
"Hiya, Bulk."
 
She was not bothered in the least as she looked up to his strong, white chin. He was once more in his frown of concentration, of focusing in on the problem to be taken and taking it with all he had.
 
For a bout two seconds.
 
"Hi Fleetfoot!"
 
"What's up?"
 
"The Guard Captain said he needed to catch a wonderbolt, and that I was a wonderbolt, so a wonderbolt can catch a wonderbolt, and I did!"
 
"HOLY SHIT THAT WORKED!"
 
The captain of the guard did not know how it was possible that his tiny little wings kept him aloft period, let alone that they allowed him to get so far ahead so quickly. But, seeing as how his 'net gun' idea had fallen to the wayside since he lacked the ingenuity or materials to make one of those from scratch, the mere idea that he would actually complain was about as likely as Celestia asking him to bare her children.
 
Yes. Bare HER children. That's how unlikely it was.
 
"Listen you, I-OH FUCK! What the fuck did you do!?"
 
"Meh."
 
"Meh!? MEH!? My guards are fighting with the Changelings and you go MEH!? This is a disaster unprecedented! I can't believe you fucked this up so hard!"
 
"Meh.... Hey, Bulk?"
 
"Yeah?"
 
"Let me go, kay? SO orders."
 
"YEAH!"
 
"NO WAIT DON-fuck."
 
She smirked, floating over his head and playfully ruffling his helmet.
 
"Sorry, Pavel, your orders don't quite match up in the WB hierarchy."
 
"It's Pommel."
 
"Hey, Fleetfoot! Do you see that!? This is so-Hi Pablo- this is so crazy!"
 
"IT'S POMMEL!"
 
The other wondbolts paid him no mind as they joined their fellows, all four watching with no loss in amusement at the event.
 
"Eeeesh, Puddle, you need to train your robots better."
 
"POMMEL!"
 
"I think what Paddle is trying to say is that he needs better plans-"
 
"PLANNED!? THIS WAS PLANNED!?"
 
The blood of the unicorn stallion grew inexplicably cold at that declaration from the pile.
 
"OH FUCK! THIS WAS A TRAP!'
 
"I FUCKING KNEW IT! THEY LED US HERE AND PINCER MANUVERED US!"
 
"OH, THINK YOU CAN DO THAT BECAUSE BUG RIGHT!? HAHAHAFUCK YOU THAT'S NOT CLEVER!... LITTLE CLEVER!"
 
"OH, SO THIS WAS A PLAN? WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BEAT THEM UP?... OKAY!"
 
"FUCK YOU, ASSHOLES!"
 
"FUCK YOU CAPTAIN STOMPER!"
 
"FUCK YOU SHINY COATS!"
 
"FUCK YOU BUG MONSTER!"
 
"OH FUUUUUCK NOOOOOO!"
 
~Warning! Aggression levels beyond containment! Full cannon capabilities authorized!~
 
"HE SAID WE CAN SHOOT THEM, SOLDIERS! YOU HEARD IT, IT'S AUTHORIZED! GET OUT THE BUG ZAPPERS!"
 
"OH!? YOU WANNA PLAY WITH LASERS!? WE'VE GOT LASERS YOU SQUISHY PONY FUCKERS!"
 
"YOU AIN'T GOT SHIT!"
 
"OH YEAH!?"
 
"YEAH!?"
 
"...I HAVE NO RETORT TO THAT THAT ISN'T JUST MORE YEAH, SO FUCK YOU!"
 
"SHOOT TO THRILL!"
 
Lights, whirring machine and clicking began to glow in the pile, signaling mere seconds from an eruption of lasers of both unicorn and changeling variety, ice guns, and perhaps even other such weapons being fired off in an eruption that would no doubt leave almost as many bodies as questions, and a fraction of such compared to broken dreams.
 
But Bronze Pommel was not one to stare and watch as the such events transpired. Bronze Pommel was a stallion of action, a doer! So, when face with a whole bunch of things preparing to fire and knowing disarming would never conceivably work, he did the one act left to him.
 
He pointed it elsewhere.
 
He pushed with every drop of magic he had, shoving every point of attack down the hall, away from the soft, squishy, killable bodies that they would otherwise be pointed to. He pushed until every one of them were pointed away.
 
And to his relief, they all fired at once.
 
To less of his relief, while there was the distinct sound of the blast hitting wall... there was also the distinct sounds of it hitting, to put it bluntly, 'not wall'.
 
...And then that 'not wall' thing hitting wall, among other things.
 
"...please... pllleeeeeaaasse let that be one of the many, many, maaanny immortal beings we have running around. Faust, I'm begging you, I am BEGGING you let that have been someone who is not dead. I don't care who, I don't care how mad they are, just let them be alive enough to be mad, pleeeease?"
 
As they all looked down the crumbling, dust filled area in silence, for the briefest of moments it seemed his prayer was not meant to be.
 
And then, like a gift from heaven, it was granted.
 
"GRRRERRRRRAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
 
Slight correction.
 
Not heaven.
 
Not even remotely heaven.
 
The correct term was 'like a painful gift from HELL' is what he should have said.
 
THOOM.... THOOOM... THOOOM.
 
The hoofsteps resonated so loudly, any in the room could have been forgiven for thinking they were done by a monster a thousand feet high.
 
But it wasn't a thousand feet. It was, at worst, a little shorter than Chrysalis.
 
However, the rage held inside of the eyes glowing red hot in that mist of dust and smoke were comparable to even the grandest of monsters, the largest and most anger filled of things to ever roam the earth.
 
In their rage, the beast of chitin and power had become unto hate itself.
 
The gathered group of warriors, soldiers and fighters from every walk of life felt their bravado go cold as the steps grew louder, nearer, stronger.
 
And the one in the back, next to the stunned fliers who hung in the air, had only a few words to give.
 
"...Ahhhh... crap... well I guess that uh... was technically what I asked for, yeah... and I need to learn to keep my mouth shut-OH FUCK!"
 
What little courage they had died a resounding death as they heard that roar split the world once more, and the sound of thunder racing towards them with reckless abandon shook them to their very core.
 
In that brief moment before the clash truly begun, there was fear, there was anger, there was regret.
 
But only two of them were smiling.
 
"Everything went better than expected."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>18
"Twilight"
~~~~
 
>...
 
"Yeah, I can do long-algorithm based traveling in my head."
 
>Pfft.
 
"...Without a pencil."
 
>WITCHCRAAAAFFFFTTT!
 
"Felling better."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________