Title:           Thread 65: Stories 46-60
Author:          PrincessApplejack
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/LZ0aZXzQ
First Edit:      Friday 8th of May 2015 02:45:10 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Friday 8th of May 2015 02:45:10 PM CDT

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
NCNC
~~~
 
'This is getting kind of weird.'
 
>You think that's weird?
 
'Yes. Yes I do. In fact, I would like you to try and show me something weirder, just because.'
 
*SLAM!*
 
{SHINY! Ah'm home from school!}
 
>Hey honey! You have fun?
 
{YEP! They made us draw family pictures, but Ah' ran outta space on the... HIYA!}
 
'H-... hi?'
 
"That would be my niece, by the by."
 
'...Adopted?'
 
>Not that it matters, but yes.
 
{...Ya' wanna marchmalley?}
 
'...I do in fact want one of those, and I do not even know what it is.'
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
NC
~~~
 
'Okay, that was a LITTLE... okay a lot weird, but that's still not outright crazy-'
 
~DID SOMEONE SAY CRAAAAAAZZYYYY!?~
 
'...Is... is that...'
 
~IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR INSANITY, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN THE MANIACAL MANED MARE OF MADNESS, THE MAAAAAANNNNE-IACAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!~
 
'....'
 
~...Hi.~
 
'...'
 
>That's the actual one, in case you were wondering.
 
'...Yep. Think it's Done O' Clock...'
 
~...Was it something I said?~
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
NC
~~
 
>No wait! Come back! Don't you want to meet the borderline schizophrenic soldierbug who trains my army and has a repressed crush on me?
 
'Nopenopenopenopenopenopenope.'
 
>Or the giant smoke monster remains of a past mad king who once enslaved this entire land? We play Hyperspace Hyperwars!
 
'nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope'
 
>At least wait around until Celestia's back so we can go on a ski-rocket down the side of a mountain while fistfighting a bear with the love-eating queen bug pony who once disguised herself as my wife and slept with me and whom now messes up my paperwork with her ass!
 
'Nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope'
 
>Do you need to lie down? I have a MASSIVE bed in case you do! No worries, its big enough to fit me, Caddy, two normal sized changelings, one oversized one and even a giant alicorn too!
 
'nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope'
 
>...WELCOME TO MY LIFE!
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Chrysalis"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I want to check in on somepony. Now for our main guest...CHRYSALIS!!!
Applause as Chrysalis just slumps down on the couch and sighs.
 
>I thought it was about time you came on my show. This isn't the best time, but I felt like you needed this.
 
"..."
 
>I know what you're thinking, this is all part of the hallucination and that's probably for the best, but I still want you to know it's not as bad as you think. The writers of our lives can be cruel sometimes, but I know they're working hard for you and I know that one day, you and Applejack can see eye to eye and work together. When that day comes I'm going to give you the bestest party you've ever had in your entire life worthy of everything you've been through. I promise you that. Until then, don't give up on us in Canterlot because I won't give up on you. Hang in there.
 
"..."
Chrysalis closes her eyes.
 
>That's our show for now, but remember /pa/ is not just about suffering.
 
Chrysalis opens her eyes and Pinkie is gone.
"...I want to believe."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Screwloose
"High Roller/Snake Eyes"
 
>Two train rides in a row, Snake Eyes, you really know how to treat a girl.
 
Screwloose reclined in her seat as the second train the trio (only two of them conscious) had boarded rocketed its way down the tracks to Las Pegasus. 12, sleeping soundly in his seat, had remained in the same stupor Snake Eyes had put him in a few hours prior.
 
>And you're certain he'll be okay? This isn't the concoction you used in Hackney, is it.
 
The accusing glare she gave the pegasus only received a pair of rolled eyes.
 
"No, it won't put him out as long as that, I had some...difficulty using it with changelings in the past."
 
>Oh did you?
 
"Let's just say procuring the materials you'll be working with was an adventure in and of itself."
 
>I'll take your word for it...this better not kill him, I prefer a live specimen.
 
"Considering who we're going to, he might be better off dead."
 
>...
 
"Just stating facts."
 
>If she goes for him, I will kill her, I want you to know that.
 
"You say that like she doesn't have bots and bodyguards on her whenever she leaves her office."
 
>And you say THAT like that'll stop me.
 
"Starting to see why you were in the asylum."
 
>HA! But seriously the pervert stays, end of story.
 
"...hmm..."
 
>What hm?
 
"Well...there is something I can do, but I'm damn sure not going to like doing it and you've definitely got to pay a price."
 
>What's the thing?
 
Snake Eyes leans back in his chair, looking pensive.
 
"I'm kept in debt to Pennydrop due to old Fawntaine's system of favors, this and my last mission were supposed to repay it and allow me to go about my business. I could...entreat on Pennydrop to allow you to keep your pervert in exchange for my continuing services. She won't like having him around, but she'll suffer it if it means she has someone around proficient in murder, spying, theft, and all the other kinds of covert actions."
 
>And my price?
 
"Neighgeria."
 
>What?
 
"This pays you back for sewing me up in Neighgeria."
 
>That is far and away a completely different set of circumstances.
 
"True, but it's the only thing out of you I want."
 
>Desperate, aren't we?
 
"What can I say..."
 
Snake Eyes bent forward, eyes intent on the Clown Princess.
 
"...some people wish to rule the world, some people wish to protect, some people wish for vengeance, others atonement. Me?"
 
Snake Eyes nonchalantly scratched himself behind the ear with a wingtip.
 
"I just want to settle my accounts and spend the rest of my days fucking young mares who pretend to know my name on a beach in the Gallopagos."
 
>Heady ambitions.
 
"Ambitions are for the young, stupid, delusional."
 
>Ha...fine, you've got a deal, Snake Eyes. Don't try and go back on it.
 
"I've no intention to."
 
With a curt nod and a shake of hooves, the deal was sealed.
 
And the train kept rolling.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>AJ
"Celestia"
'???'
~~~~
 
She was waiting for it. For the hammer to drop and Celestia to cut loose with a torrent of criticisms, chiding and derision. She was waiting for Celestia to at last just break out and start yelling at her for nearly causing Changeling War 2... again. Only worse this time.
 
But she didn't.
 
She just sat there, in her office, looking in on the mare sitting anxiously behind her desk, nothing but a strange look and that ever flowing hair.
 
"So... what caused all of this? You were fairly vague."
 
>Uh... well, okay, it's like this. First, Twenty Nine shows up, and he's lookin'... well, he's lookin' like he just stole yer' last cake on the worst day o' yer' life and then chucked it right in the trash in front o' you. Just... knows somethin's comin' and he ain't walkin' away from it, ya' know? So Ah' send Jetset after him ta' tail him... sorry iffin' that was outta line, figured it was a strange exception.
 
"I see... and?"
 
>And, well, then Chrysalis shows up cause she's lookin' fer Twelve, and after Ah' tell her 'bout what he's been up to Ah' mention that, ya' know, we ain't gonna tolerate it iffin' she tries ta' kill one of 'em over here. Jus' tryin' ta' warn her offa' doin' somethin' she'll regret is all, ya' know?
 
"I see... then?"
 
>What do ya' think? She gets all huffy and says she's gonna prove she's the Queen and yadda yadda yadda and vanishes in that freakin' ball o' fire she always does, so Ah'm thinkin' she's gonna go tear off his head just ta' spite me. So Ah'm runnin' and tryin' ta' get you or Twi or Fluttershy or someone, but there ain't nobody here and no time to go to the other side o' the portal and grab Shiny ta' reel her bug butt in, so Ah' start runnin' around and lookin', and eventually Ah' stumble across Jetset and Seven... friggen bugmonster had him by the throat and had a knife to his neck. So... ya' know, Ah' punch him.
 
"... I see... and then?"
 
>Well... ya' know he can shrug off bullets, right? Well, not shrug off, they took him down and nearly killed him, but Ah' mean they didn't knock him out. So, Ah' figure, need to make sure he goes down and... well, Ah' try again.
 
"...And?"
 
>...Chrysalis kinda jumps in the way, and Ah' think Ah' broke her shoulder. Definitely did some major damage.
 
"You did major damage... to Chrysalis."
 
>Yep.
 
"...And finally?"
 
>Well, don't think Ah' need ta' point out that pissed her off somethin' fierce, and first it was just me starin' her down, but then the guard showed up cause they thought a fight was breakin' out. Then, well, it got worse when a whole bunch'a normies all gathered round with those fuckin' robots, startin' ta' hate those things, then the friggen Wonderbolts rained from the sky and they were gettin' ready for a brawl, then Luna showed up and it looked like it was swingin' in our favor, but then her whole damn hive shows up and suddenly it looks like it's gonna just lose control, so Ah' order her ta' back off.
 
"And..."
 
>...And... and she does, Ah' guess? Ain't no better way ta' put it, she does. She just says "Ah' guess this is all a misunderstandin'", tells her minions ta' back off and calm down, picks up her little changeling and limps off.
 
"...She just gave up?"
 
>Gave up, apologized fer' "seemin' violent" and off she goes. Guess Ah' hit her harder than Ah' thought, since she even asked please fer' me ta' tell everyone ta' stop. Just limped off like a wounded dog, took her whole hive with her and slunk off back ta' her little corner. Was weird.
 
There was a long, long silence after that. Perhaps it was contemplation, perhaps it was simply processing the ludicrousness of the situation, perhaps it was just simply her trying to make sense of it all and assuring herself it wasn't a dream. Regardless, the answer was the same. No looks of shock, no chiding her for wounding someone else with unstable magic, no nothing.
 
Dead, cold, silence.
 
 
At least for a little while.
 
"...Why was she mad at Twenty Nine?"
 
>Come again?
 
"Twenty Nine, why was she mad at him?"
 
>Oh, uh... Ah' dunno.
 
"You don't? I thought you said he showed up first."
 
>He did.
 
"So you didn't just ask her what the problem was? That sounded quite serious."
 
>It was.
 
"So... why not just ask her?"
 
It was an odd feeling. Applejack couldn't quite put a hoof on what, exactly, this feeling was. It was like going off to sell apples in town, except you forgot to load them in the cart before you left so now you have to walk all the way back. It was like forgetting to pay after picking out some fruit, and being unsure if you should go back and pay for it or just let it go. This was a very odd feeling, one she just did not like.
 
>...Figured Ah' didn't have to? Was just a blanket statement.
 
"So then this wasn't about Twenty Nine."
 
>Uh... well, kinda?
 
"Did you at least find out after the fight?"
 
>Ah... well, no, Ah' guess Ah' didn't. Fella ran off, and Ah' don't blame him.
 
The breath the tall alicorn let out was slow, undecipherable in it's intentions. Shortly after, her horn flickered for just a moment, and there was a quiet. One only broken up when a flash of light entered into the room.
 
'My Queen.'
 
Applejack instantly shot to her hooves, looking on shocked at Jetset's presence.
 
>Now what're ya' doin' callin' him outta bed!? He was-
 
"He was just drained of magic, not physically injured except for some minor bruising and burns. Seven prefers to immobilize, it seems. Now, with that out of the way... Jetset, did you manage to gleam any information regarding the pursuit of Twenty Nine?"
 
'I have, my Queen. Seven, as it turns out, is quite poor at keeping secrets. Expected for such a low class agent like himself.'
 
"Do save the battle report for later, your findings?"
 
'The changeling known as Seven was pursuing and either attempting to assassinate or capture the one known as Twenty Nine, the severity of his intentions were not made clear. However, what was made clear was that he was doing this because Twenty Nine has violated changeling law, and from what I gleamed he 'fed a traitor' of some kind, and this was an offense punishable by death.'
 
If she listened closely, very closely, Applejack could just barely make out Celestia mumbling "So that's how he didn't starve..." under her breath. It didn't take her long to put together what that meant, considering there was only one 'traitor' she knew of against Chrysalis.
 
>See!? She tells Seven ta' take his head off just cause he didn't let Thirty Two starve!? After all that! Ah' told you! She even tried ta' kill Jetset jus' for stoppin' her! Ah' told you she was just waitin' so she could send some kind of-
 
The sound of Jetset clearing his throat was crisp, and punctual.
 
'Actually, My Other Queen, Seven informed me this was not an order from his Queen, he was simply dealing with findings of his own as Infiltrators are wont to do in that culture. This was a private matter he was personally dealing with. And on that note... I do believe I have found a compelling weakness in Agent Zero Zero Seven he seemed... hesitant to finish the job with myself, and his methods of torture are lacking, to say the least. We should be sure to note this weakness for future confrontations, as it shows a strong unwillingness to follow through..'
 
Celestia's look of shock at his words were absolutely nothing to Applejack's. If someone had just walked up behind her with a giant pipe with the word 'confusion' carved on it's metal frame and swacked her across the head with it, it would not even come close to matching what she felt internally.
 
>...So... so who the hay was she talkin' about?
 
Celestia's eyes darted around a bit for a moment, searching her own mind for answers before letting out a sudden, deep gasp and bringing a hoof to her mouth.
 
>WHAT!?
 
"...Forty One..."
 
>...Wait, the one that hangs out with whats his face?
 
A blanket of sadness seemed to fall over Celestia's shoulders as she nodded, a wash of feelings overtaking her when she realized exactly what this entailed.
 
"...Applejack... during the invasion, she... Forty One disobeyed a direct order, directly disobeyed her and put her plans into disarray, and... she's been trying to think of a way to deal with her. I fear... while you were dealing with Seven, your words might have spurred her to... to..."
 
>We're talkin' bout the one with the bandana, right?
 
"...Yes, Applejack, the one with the bandana."
 
>Oh... cause she's fine.
 
"...W-what?"
 
>Look, Ah' know they all look the same, but it ain't hard ta' spot one with a freakin' white bandana on 'em, she was in the crowd and she was still standin' right with Chrysalis.
 
"...Oh?"
 
>Huh. So...
 
"So, Jetset, you are dismissed. If you could find information regarding Forty One, I would appreciate it, but it is not paramount."
 
'Of course.'
 
In a flash of red light, he was gone. Leaving the two of them alone... in silence.
 
>...So, this the part where ya' yell at me for almost causin' another fight fer' some dumb reason Ah' didn't even think that hard about and wasn't even what she was talkin' bout, and fer' antagonizin' her inta' almost doin' somethin' stupid yet again cause she's just destined ta' pull this crap? Go on, get it outta yer' system. Ah' can take it, it's fine.
 
But she didn't.
 
 
She didn't yell or scream or shout or anything of the sort. She didn't even look at her with that 'I'm not mad, just disappointed' glance, didn't even give her a pitying shake of her head.
 
She just shrugged.
 
Princess Celestia, the one who raised the sun, the one who had lived and ruled for over a thousand years, just shrugged. Just a shrug. That's it.
 
"I have nothing more to say on this, I was just getting all of the information. Take care, Applejack, and try not to work too hard."
 
And she left. Just left like that, like it was just another tuesday where they stopped by to sample cakes. No yelling, no anger, no words of wisdom, no advice, no teaching, no nothing. A simple goodbye, and she walked out the door.
 
She couldn't put it to words, exactly, why this bothered her, but it did. After all this time, it would have been totally fair if Celestia finally got a 'this is all your fault' in. But she didn't, and that was that.
 
Strangely, she didn't feel bothered about it, or the earlier confrontation either. It was Chrysalis's fault, and she had been the one to back down. She wasn't even mad at the bug Queen anymore, not really. She had messed up, backed off before it got too bad, and everything was fine. If anything, she had a bit of hope that finally that damn smugness had been beaten out of her and she would act better from now on, and finally listen to her when she told her to cut it out... but she didn't have a lot of hope for that. It was probably just another act, another scheme, another something or other. It would be back to normal soon enough. Hell, she'd probably just go back to her dang enablers and forget it all ever happen.
 
>...huh.
 
Nothing left to do, nothing left to say. She picked up the nearest pen, drug over the latest form, and started reading the latest law proposal.
 
Plenty to do, after all. Always plenty to do...
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
NC
>7
"???"
~~~~
 
>...Is... is that you, mommy?
 
"No, I'm actually Saturnia. Hi."
 
>Oh... that you, momma?
 
"Nope. Arrictidea."
 
>...Mom?
 
"Geeridea."
 
>Mother?
 
"Titania."
 
>Mama?
 
"Scorpris."
 
>Ma?
 
"Sciderella."
 
>Ma'maw?
 
"Annelidia."
 
>WHERE!?
 
"Over here, you asshole."
 
>Mother?
 
"Yep."
 
>YAY! Can I have a hug?
 
"No."
 
>B-but... why?
 
"Because I fucking hate you."
 
>...Wha-
 
"WAKE UP!"
 
~~~~
 
>...This was easily in the top ten of my least favorite concussion induced comas....
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Fleetfoot
"Soarin'"
'LD'
[Gilda]
~~~
 
>YEAHHH!
 
"Holy shit, YES! That was AWESOME!"
 
>WASN'T THAT AWESOME!?
 
"That was AWESOME!"
 
'Is this what it feels like to have a boner? I feel like this is what it's like to have a boner.'
 
[...Gross. But on that note, YEAH! FUCKING AWESOME!]
 
>WOO!
 
'She was just all 'I've got my guys' and we were all FUCK YOU WE'RE AWESOME YOU GO BACK IN THAT HOLE!'
 
"Well, it wasn't a hole, but-"
 
>WE'RE FUCKING AWESOME! I MISSED THIS FEELING SO MUCH!
 
[We showed her UP!]
 
"Even I've got to admit, OWNED!"
 
>YEAHHHH!
"YEAHHHH!"
[YEAHHHHHH!]
 
'GROUP SEX!'
 
>..
"..."
[...]
 
'...No go on the group sex? Come on, celebratory group sex.'
 
>..
"..."
[...]
 
'No? Oh, fine....Yeah?'
 
 
>YEAHHHH!
"YEAHHHH!"
[YEAHHHHHH!]
'WOOOO!... So, you sure-'
 
>YES.
 
'Okay.'
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Pommel
"Daw"
'Guards'
~~~
 
>...So is it just me or are they doing a lot more hoofpumping and cheering than they used to?
 
'WOOOOOO!'
 
"Nope. I'm noticing an upturn in hoofbumpage. There are also musicals, but those are actually pretty normal."
 
'WOOOOOOO!'
 
>What is with those musicals anyway?
 
"I'm gettin' the feeling that one prissy one wanted to be a diva at some point."
 
'WOOOOOOO!'
 
>So... do I just... congratulate them? I'm sure they did something cool to deserve this.
 
"Ain't you gonna ask what it was first?"
 
>I'm kind of afraid to. I'm worried they'll say they beat up a bees nest or something. Or that they stumbled into a toystore and 'took revenge'.
 
"...Fuckin' plushies?"
 
>I know, I know, but we're working on it.
 
'WOOOOOOOOOO!'
 
>...If someone offers a hoofbump, do not accept it.
 
"Worried yer' bird bumpin' with other stallions?"
 
>I have no idea what you'll catch, got to be careful.
 
"Heh."
 
'WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>SA
"Twilight"
'Sunset'
[Spike]
{???}
~~~~
 
"Are you suuuure we can't stay longer?"
 
'Okay, Twilight? I'm an only child, so I might not have the best gauge for this, but you are really clingy to your brother.'
 
[You have no idea.]
 
'Worrysome! Very worrysome and I will be questioning you on that further.'
 
"I just never get to spend enough time with my BBBFF."
 
>Nah, I understand. S'okay Twi, I'll stop by after today's papers are done.
 
"Great! I have a project I'm working on that I would love to show you... a project... to DIE FOR! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
 
'...Spike, I'm scared.'
 
[Natural reaction.]
 
"It's nothing scary!"
 
'Then explain the mwhahaha.'
 
"Dramatics!"
 
>You guys are sticks in the mud, I'm excited.
 
"See? This is why Shiny's my perfect partner."
 
'Not commenting on that.'
 
[Don't worry, you'll have more opportunities for it later.]
 
"I never have any idea what the heck you guys are talking about."
 
>Nobody does, they're just talking weird to be weird, Luna laughs at random stuff all the time. I told her how you'd be one of the ones I'd want to be stuck on a deserted island with and she just bust out laughing. It wasn't that funny, you'd be super useful.
 
"I would!"
 
'...Again, no comment.'
 
[It pretty much never stops.]
 
"But... I guess we should be getting back, before something goes wrong-"
 
Suddenly, the portal exploded to life, and a disheveled looking Cadence stepped through.
 
{Shining Armor... we need to talk.}
 
>...F-full name?
 
"..."
'...'
[...Just haaaaaad to say it.]
 
"S-so much regret..."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
Non-canon
>DT
"Chrysalis"
~~~~
>So I hear your latest run in with Applejack didn't work out. The guards are in good spirits. Thanks for that.
 
"I don't need a brat who's wanted to kill changelings to rub it in."
 
>Now hold up, I admit I was pretty hasty believing you were coming back to invade Canterlot and was rather...judgemental about changelings, but right now...I want to give you some advice.
 
"Just get out of my face your spoiled-"
 
>You've been doing all this wrong. All this sneaking around? It's a lot of effort and not getting you anywhere. You need to play it by our rules. You see, ponies like it out in the open. You need to improve your PR. You need the hearts of the population. You can't do small and quiet plots like you've been doing. You need to do things differently. You know?
 
"and I suppose you know what I need to do?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBWon-JabwQ
 
>Yeah....I've seen 'em come
>And I've seen em' go
>There's one thing that I know
>You gotta give the ponies
>What they want
>Or you'll wind up back in the snow, or detrot~
 
"I didn't land in the snow."
 
>Whatever
>They like it big!
>They like it loud!
>Maybe a little bit fancy sometimes...
>Ms.Changeling Queen listen to me
>You don't have to be good
>But you had better be...
Suddenly bands
>BIG
EXPLOSIONS
>AND
FIREWORKS
>LOUD!!
SCREAMS OF SERVANTS
 
>Big and Loud!!
Sounds of firefighters rushing to the scene.
>Gonna make your momma proud!
Presses a button and an explosion opens up a hole in the ceiling.
>Make it Big!
Her rocket launcher blasts her off into the air
>Aaaand...
Fires a number of fireworks that spell out JOIN THE GUARDS! ENLIST NOW!
>LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUD!!
Some ponies come in and slide trampoline. DT bounces off of it and lands on her hooves with a smile.
 
>...something to think about.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Fluttershy
~~~
 
Chaos.
 
It was such an odd term, an odd word. Chaos.
 
Naturally, most thing chaos is bad, negative, something to be avoided. Chaos is what happens when that thing you wanted goes wrong, not when it goes right. Chaos is that thing that messes up your life with the unexpected, the random and the strange. That's what chaos was. The unpredicted and unexpected.
 
Chaos.
 
...But they were wrong.
 
You couldn't look at chaos as only the negative, because as much as it was you catching your suit on a sharp rock and spilling your money on the ground, it was every bit that time you stumbled across a lucky bit on the ground, a shiny something where you had least expected it, a sale that went up just as you walked by, a shot that fell into place just right the instant before you took a picture.
 
Chaos was bad, when it messes up your plans and leaves you scrambling to salvage a bad situation.
 
But for every one of those, there was... a chance.
 
A chance meeting with someone you might not care for, might not like at all, might not even want to be around. A chance where you meet them, and live with them, and learn from them, and what you thought was going to be the worst time of your life ends up being an unforgettable experience.
 
Chaos.
 
... Chaos was not a bad thing.
 
Sometimes it was a umbrella breaking when you tried to open it...
 
>More tea, mister giant bear?
 
And sometimes it was a tea party with a bear made from dark chocolate who drank from a giant mug filled with orange juice.
 
And to think, she never would have seen it... if she hadn't been thinking clearly.
 
>...I should go thank Chrysalis sometime...
 
Chaos.
 
It was a terrible thing.
 
It was a wonderful thing.
 
...And she wouldn't have it any other way.
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 >Dash
~~~
 
Headaches.
 
That's all she seemed to feel nowadays, that's all she seemed to deal with anymore. Headache after headache after headache. This was her life.
 
Trying to regain that former glory, that prestige, and not even managing to keep anyone in the Academy. That's all she wanted, recruits in the Academy. Just some time to train.
 
>Starting to think whoever is up there just does not like me.
 
She could! She knew she could. If she could just get some recruits, she could show everybody that she was the best, most insanely good teacher there ever was! Better even! Ten times better even! Than what? Who cared! She was better than it!
 
But nobody wanted to. The knowledge they were essentially drugged up celebrities who never did any saving deterred those with actual integrity from joining. They were just so utterly convinced it was broken, and they wanted no part of it.
 
Sadly... she was starting to feel the same way. Maybe they were just broken, maybe she should just disband them and let robots be the next airforce, maybe she should just... give up. It certainly wasn't just going to magically get better out of the blu-
 
>WHAT THE FUCK!?
 
...How, exactly, the mail pony had gotten into her office, she did not know. How he managed to stack all those fucking letter on top of her desk without them falling over, she did not have a clue. How the desk was not buried completely, she dared not even question.
 
All she noticed were that pretty much all of them were addressed "To the Wonderbolts Academy Recruitment Department"... which, due to low level staff, was her.
 
Over a hundred applicants.
 
...And she had only been gone an hour.
 
>WHAT THE FUCK DID I MISS!?
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Sucker Punch
"Guards"
 
>What. The. Shit.
 
"Ok look-"
 
>No, what the shit. You were gonna let her die. She was gonna take us out for pizza, and you were gonna let her die.
 
"Dude, come the fuck on! This is extenuating circumstances!"
 
>How!?
 
"BIG ANGRY CHANGELING QUEEN! Dude, your marefriend's-"
 
>She not my marefriend!
 
"-kinda alright in a 'not as fucking annoying as the rest of them' way, but I'm not gonna take a bullet for her! Buckler's got kids! Dirk's got a grandma! I got a shit ton of brothers and sisters! We all got our own shit to think about!"
 
>I'd take a bullet for them!
 
"But our Princesses aren't fucking psychoes that'd try to do what Queen Creepy did! I mean that scary spy dude probably would but not the Princesses."
 
>...
 
"I'm sorry, dude."
 
>I need to find her...
 
"You sure that's-"
 
>Yes I'm sure, I'm going to find her, I'm going to figure this out and...I don't know, probably end up looking like a dumbass like I did with High Roller, but I have to at least know she's okay.
 
"...just gonna throw this out there, we're still willing to go get pizza with her."
 
>...
 
"...our treat?"
 
The pegasus just walked away.
 
"...this gig really sucks sometimes."
 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Sunset
"Spike"
~~
 
>So, we apparently almost missed Armageddon... ponygeddon? Changelinggeddon? I feel like there's a better name for this.
 
"We did not, Discord screwed around with her for ages and beat them all himself the first time, he could do it again."
 
>Yeah, well, he apparently didn't stop the giant monster bug.
 
"He wasn't here."
 
>Is he here now?
 
"...I don't know..."
 
>Well, we missed another maybegeddon.
 
"Happens every week with her, I swear."
 
>Does it really?
 
"...Well, maybe not every week, but it is pretty frequent."
 
>WHOA WHAT!?... That is not okay! Who the fuck is okay with these battles nearly going off and bringing about a war!? They are IN THE CASTLE! Did we at least put some explosives around the hive or something!?
 
"Nope. She'd find them."
 
>This is a load of bullshit! Why do we keep her around!?
 
"Ask myself that everyday."
 
>...That's unhelpful!
 
"Didn't say it was helpful. Just that it was a fact."
 
>...This place got real stupid while I was gone.
 
"The fact you don't realize it was always like this just means you don't know yourself as well as you think."
 
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