Title: Thread 3: Stories 16-30 Author: PrincessApplejack Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/pbBM6pD8 First Edit: Wednesday 29th of January 2014 12:58:36 PM CDT Last Edit: Wednesday 29th of January 2014 12:58:36 PM CDT   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Applejack "Applebloom" 'AJ42' ~~~~~~ "Ah get ta see whut ya do at yer job!?"   >Darn tootin', Applebloom! ...Jus' don't tell anypony back home. Ah don't wanna tell 'em, yet..   "Alright, big si-...."   >Applebloom... are you okay..?   "CH-CH-CH-CH-CHAAAAAANGELING!"   'Hm?'   "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CHANGELING KILLERS!"   'What-AHH! GET OFF, GET OFF! GET THIS FUCKING BRAT OFF OF ME!'   "DIE, VERMIN!"   >APPLEBLOOM, NO! HE-   '/SHE/'   >UH, /SHE'S/, GOOD! SHE'S GOOD!   ~~~~~ Hours later..   "Heheh... Sorry 'bout 'tackin' ya, fourty-two.."   'Grrr...'   "*Nervous chuckling*"   >Yer just lucky she didn' try ta kill ya, or beat ya to a pulp like he does Shining   "Shining..? Like Shinning Armour? Twahlight's sister?"   >Brother, and yes, she-ER.. HE is   "Is he really that pathetic?"   >Yes, yes he is   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >Applejack "Aunt Orange" 'Chrysalis' ~~~~~~~~~   >NO!   "Oh dear, really now. No need to be so hasty-"   >NO!   "I really do think it would be beneficial to you-"   >NO! NO NO NO NO NO!   "Now you're just acting childish!"   >At least Ah'm not actin' thicker than a frozen apple in the middle of a cement mixin' contest!   "...I see the Canterlot life has done nothing for your abhorring accent. "   >Or Mah' stubbornness, as Ya'll will quickly find out.   "Oh come now, we're family! What's a little bit of political influence between kin?"   >Do ya'll have any idea what Ah' have ta' put up with? Do ya' even have an inkling!?   "Dear, I've lived in high society all my life, I do believe I've seen it all."   >OH REALLY?   With a flourish, Applejack moves past her aunt, and right over to the large double doors leading to the ballroom. She flings them open with a single, rage filled shove, and reveals the chaos and destruction therein. But she pays no mind to the Orange's stunned reaction, she has another target.   >CHRYSALIS!   'What!?'   >Stop watchin' yer' cheesy movies and get over here for a sec!   'They are not cheesy! They are gripping, emotional roller coaster rides of cinema and I will not have you besmirching them!'   >GET OVER HERE!   'UUUUHGH!'   *Stomping noises*   'WHAT!?'   >Did ya'll finally finish those citizenship papers yet?   'Of course not, those things are stupid!'   >They're needed ta' let ya'll out of this friggen castle!   'Applejack two doesn't even live here anymore, and you complain about her!'   >She filled it out!   'Buffalo shit, she can't even read!'   >CHRYSALIS!   'Ugh, FIIIIINE! I'll have it by tomorrow.'   >Good!   *SLAM!*   >Ya'll were sayin'?   ".......So, how's your love life-"   >OUT!   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >Applejack "Shining Armor" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~   >Shiny.   "Applejack! How's the... well, one of the many, many banes of my life, actually. I have banes that go on for days."   >Ah'm not even here fer' you this time, it's yer' captain of the guard Ah' need ta' see. Ya'll can tell this because, fer' once, somethin' actually went right in yer' mess of an empire. Ah' jus' need ta' give him or her approval fer' the joint army training they requested. Where are they?   "Right here."   >...Ya' know, Ah' always suspected that a lamp would be better at yer' job then you, but Ah' never had the courage ta' voice it to yer' face.   "Hardy har har. No, seriously, I'm doing all of the duties of the Captain of the guard as well."   >Well, at least Ah' can take comfort in the fact ya'll can't delegate, that helps mah' ego a bit.   "I'd be able to delegate just fine if anyone would actually take the job. But you see, unlike Celestia, I have the distinction an entire military composed entirely of PTSD suffering ponies. Kind of makes it hard to get a willing candidate when they flash back to what happened to the LAST Captain. Sombra was a bit of a dick, if that wasn't obvious. So I decided to handle it while they're all going through mandatory psychiatric counseling."   >...Careful, Shiny, Ah' actually might start havin' a shred of respect fer' you iffin' ya' say anymore.   "Don't worry, I'm so over-worked and tired most days I honestly considered putting Flash Sentry in charge once."   >...Ah'm gonna ask 42 ta' hit you extra hard next time.   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >Applejack "Spike" 'Celestia' Spike, can ya grab me the expense report fer March? There are 45,000 bits that ah just can't find. They've gotta be somewhere.   "Sure thing, Princess!"   *Spike rustles around in the stacks of paper*   "Here ya go"   >Hmmm... Looks like the east wing kitchen's hired 15 new cooks without authorization and have tripled their ingredient budget.   >CELESTIA! Ah found ANOTHER secret cake budget, this yer doin'?!   'No, the east wing's kitchen is like a 15 minute trot from my bedroom, I hide my secret cake budget i---- ~forget I said anything!'   *Celestia dashes away, leaving a dust outline of herself.*   >Well Spike, guess we've gotta look into this ourselves.   *After a ten minute trot they arrive in the east kitchen. Cakes and pastries are piled up to the ceiling, a small army of chefs darts about, a leader with a white chef's hat shouts orders and the frantic work pace continues*   Hay! Foreman! Minute o' yer time?   Erm... Where's all this goin? Is there a banquet or meetin' Ah don't know about?   Thank ya fer the info, foreman. Ah'll get outta yer hair.   So... What in the hay do you think all that was about?   "Dunno AJ, but there's only one way to find out. Let's go to room 313"   *Applejack and Spike stand behind a massive set of double doors. Ten feet wide, fifteen feet high, no doorknobs or handles are visible.*   >Any ideas here? Ah'm not too good at magic yet and Ah don't really want to kick'em down, things look expensive and we're overbudget as it is.   *A pastry cart heaped with sweets and delicacies pushed by a set of hulking muscular stallions nears the door. One of the stallions knocks in a particular pattern, the door opens a small amount and they take the treat-laden cart inside*   >Now's our chance Spike, quick!   *Applejack and Spike duck into the room before the door closes*   *The interior is dimly lit and smoky, music can be heard from the other side of the room and colored lights flash as the sounds of a party echo around the room*   *As Applejack's eyes adjust to the low light she can gradually make out a dance floor filled with gorgeous stallions dancing on poles, a live band playing sensual music from a stage in a corner and a buffet filled with all manner of foods. Near the buffet there is a large pile of multicolored cushions, a dancing stallion is chained nearby*   >Ah don't get it Spike, this looks like a party, but where are all the ponies? The dancers are dancin' and the band is playin' but all for an empty room!   :Oooooohohohohoho. OOooooohohohoho *A deep rumbling laughter comes from near the buffet* (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgsK9fuO2a8#t=45)   :Hanake do pocheeki mena tudo Applejack. Hoooohoohohohoho   *The pile of cushions shifts and turns in place, it wasn't a pile of cloth at all, but rather a huge pony covered in a multicolored outfit. She can spot patches of white coat and tiny wings, blue eyes and purple hair near a mouth stuffed with cake*   >R-Rarity?! What happened to you?   :Mubori mokka fopink guppa munchet ooooohohohohohoh *hrk-grumble-cough* Darling, hello! Sorry, It's so hard to talk with a mouthful, yes? But the cake is simply divine!   *Applejack stares dumbfoundedly*   :What? The benefits of princesshood sneak up on you! You didn't expect me to have access to bits and stallions and music and NOT partake in them, did you?   >*facehoofs*   :Come darling, have some trifle.   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >Cheerilee "Diamond Tiara" 'Applejack 56' "'Silver Spoon"' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   >And THAT is how clouds are made! Any questions.   "I have one!"   >Diamond Tiara! My... favorite student. What did you want to ask, sweetie?   "Does NOBODY ELSE notice the bug monster in the desk next to me?"   'HEY! I have a name! I'm Applejack number....uh....Hold on.'   *Digs around a giant bag, eventually producing one of those number-tickets normally seen in a cheap Deli*   '56! I'm number 56.'   >....Oh sweet Celestia, you're real!?   'Real hurt, that's what I am!'   "Oh, I'm sorry, was my insinuation that you were some dilapidated hellspawn in a vague pony shape too harsh?"   '....Someone's been eating her thesaurus. And a bunch of other stuff too, looks like it.'   "MISS CHEERILEE!"   >What? Do you want me to come to your side on this? You have been getting pretty pudgy.   "I wanted you to call the guards!"   'I'm not gonna have you arrested! You're just kind of annoying!'   "I MEANT YOU! Silver Spoon, back me up on this... SILVER SPOON!"   "'Wow... anyone ever tell you that you have REALLY pretty eyes?"'   'No. But Applejack 16 said it looked like someone spit in my eye once.'   "'You're silly!"'   "This can't be happening!"   >My goodness, these hallucinations are getting more elaborate every day!... I should ask for a vacation sometime.     _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     Non-canonical as fuck. Based off based Oglaf comic.   >Applejack “Celestia” ______   >Celestia! Celestia, where are ya?   “You ask this question even after you’ve already thrown open my chamber doors and can clearly see me sitting on my bed with some pumpkin cake… What is it, Applejack? Why do you look so harassed?   >It’s--it’s Ponyville! Ah went to do mah mornin’ rounds an’… it’s not--everything’s jus’--   “Applejack! Slow, deep breaths; relax yourself, dear. I can barely understand what you’re saying.”   >Ponyville’s burnin’ to the ground!   “...come again?”   >Everything’s gone! The school, mah farm, buildin’s were crumblin’, the streets ran with blood, fire everywhere--it’s horrible! It’s the dreaded Dark Manticore!   “Are you positive?”   >Look at this blood on mah hoof! Does THIS look positive?   “…”   >Well? What’re we gonna do about this?! That monster’s still devastating the town! Ah only jus’ got away!   “This is the best fucking news I’ve heard in the past two hundred years!   >Right! We should mobilize the tr- what?   “Oh, Applejack dear, I’ve been a terrible monarch. I’ve neglected the needs of my people for countless eons! You, bringing me increasingly dire situations to fix, are only proof of this! For eons, I’ve been on a steadfast march towards certain doom and ruination! But now, ruin has arrived and it’s totally not my fault! I must be off at once to thank this beast!”   *Without another word, but sporting a joyful smile, Celestia dives through the window, extending her majestic wings as they carry her into town, leaving a very shocked Applejack in her wake*   *She flies over destroyed lanes, decimated buildings and the unmoving bodies of her loving followers, observing all with a cheerful gleam before spotting the rampaging manticore*   “You! Yes, you there! The hulking monster squeezing that mailmare to death! Thank you!”   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >Shining "AJ42" 'Celestia' (AJ2) --------------- AJ42 is knocking on Shining's door, with Celestia standing right behind her.   "Hey, moron, you're late for your beating! You've missed the last three beatings, too."   Voices and strange noises can be heard, but there's no direct answer.   'Break it down.'   AJ42 bursts open the door to find Shining and AJ2 playing on a Neightendo Entertainment System.   >Watch out for the flying eyeballs, they're really hard to avoid.   'Shining, you've missed getting your ass kicked 4 times this month.'   >I don't feel like it anymore.   'You'll never get to be an alicorn at this rate.'   >You weren't going to make me one anyway.   'I've been under serious stress with new problems involving an obese princess I forgot I made, and I need my fighting events. The cake only gets me so far.'   >I'm not doing it.   "Too bad. Come out and take your medicine like a real stallion."   (He said no. Go away.)   "Shut up, I'm not talking to you."   >I'm not going out. No point. That draw was enough for me. Go away, I'm having fun.   'But I'm NOT having fun. Grab him.'   AJ42 lunges at Shining, but rams into a shield.   "Oh, look, you actually remembered the shield. Grow some brain cells, did we?"   (Will you just leave us alone? This game's already really hard. You keep distracti-)   >You just fell into a spike pit.   (Again?)   'Where did you even get that thing?'   >Highschool buddy gave it to me. Why are you still here?   AJ42 and Celestia slowly walk out of the room.   "He's getting smarter."   'I can't have that. When you get the chance, knock him right in the head when he's not looking. Hopefully it'll give him brain damage.'   "I'd rather be doing something else. Fighting this moron's getting boring."   'Boring? BORING!? Don't say that! I NEED to see my punching bag get hit!'   "Not my problem. I have other stuff to do, too. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to get a cup of coffee."   AJ42 walks off leaving an angry Celestia in the hall.   Applejack walks by.   >Just lettin' y'all know that Rarity's been siphoning funds from your cake budget. Ah'm having the paperwork wrote up to fix it right now. Your fault for making her an alicorn to spite me.   Again, Celestia is left alone, and smoke starting coming out of her mane.   'I'm going to bucking strangle something.'   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >Chrysalis "Applejack 18" 'Applejack 56' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   "My queen!"   >Ahhhh, Applejack....   "Eighteen."   >I don't care. How did your infiltration of the Empire go?   "Well... the actual infiltrating wasn't hard. I just kind of, well, walked in. Nopony stopped me. In fact, one of them asked me if I needed directions. Nice ponies, those Crystal ilk."   >I'll make a note of how easily they are fooled.   "No, you don't get it, I wasn't disguised."   >Clearly we are the masters of deception!   "I got a free cheese Danish. They were handing out samples and everything. I mean, it's not like I could actually be nourished by it or anything, but the gesture was nice."   >And how did your seduction of their prince go off? Without a hitch, I assume?   "Yeah, about that... we sure Applejack two is having sex with him? I asked, he didn't really seem all that interested. Then we played a board game for a bit."   >Of course she is! Why else would he show her such preferential treatment?   "He even gave me a helmet to chew on. Pretty nice of him, actually. Plenty of love in that helmet."   >Ah HAH! So that's how he gets them to his side!   "...Feeding us and treating us nicely?"   >I knew there was a cunning mind behind his facade! He must have recruited Applejack 2 for her brilliance as well! He saw right through her bubbly attitude!   "I watched her pop that little dice shaker on 'Sorry' for a solid hour, I kid you not. The moment someone dropped bubble wrap to the floor, it looked like she had just been made princess of happiness and puppy land."   >Such brilliance behind those blank eyes...     _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >We must be more vigilant! I will have to ensure my subjects future loyalty...   "By treating us at least slightly better than that wad of cake you stepped in yesterday?"   >NO! From now on, ANY Changeling venturing outside my domain without my approval will be beheaded!   "Of course."   >And to prevent any more internal corruption, no more Changeling will be let in without my express permission! Think they can infiltrate the masters of....   *Rustling pages*   >Es-in-on-nagee, do they? NOT ON MY WATCH!   "Brilliant as always, my queen."   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~   'Guys? Hello? I'm back from school! Come on, the door is locked! Guys? GUYS!?.... It's cold out here."   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >"Applejack, honey, Ah'm so glad you finally came outta tha closet and came back to us!"   >"Granny Smith, fer tha last time, Ah'm not gay, Ah'm a princess, an' THAT'S mah changelin' doppleganger. On of 'em at least."   >"Oh, sorry, deary, it's just so hard to tell ya'll apart."   >"... They look like changelin's wearin' mah mane as a wig. Ah'm pretty sure some of 'em DO wear wigs!"   >"I have the prettiest mane of all Applejacks!"   >"Hey, there ya are, Number 2! Come on, we gotta catch the train back to the Empire."   >"Consarnit! Lemme go, Shiny! Ah'm the real Applejack!"   >"Hahah, your Applejack impression's gotten better. Come on, my order of bubble wrap should have arrived too!"   >"Granny Smith, Big Mac, HEEEEEELP!"   >"Nice to see we've finally made peace wit' 'em changelin' folk, ain' it?"   >"Eeyup."   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >Applejack “Celestia” ‘Applejack 56’ “‘Spike’” _____   >Princess, Ah think we got a big problem here.   “I agree. I think it might be time for you to think about a diet yourself. I can almost see your plot from the front.”   >No, not that, it’s about Miss Cheeril--wait, what’re y’all sayin’? That Ah got a big rear?   “I think you just said it yourself, dear.”   >...ya know what, we’re gonna circle back ‘round to that, but fer right now? Cheerilee.   “Oh goodness… and what fault could you have possibly found with such a sweet, career-driven mare?”   >Nothing much… ‘cept fer the fact that she has hellish hallucinations that’re so vivid that Ah’m beginnin’ to think they might actually be real.   *Celestia’s horn suddenly gives off a brief golden glow*   >...what was that fer?   “Just telling Spike to prepare me a double serving of cake. I think after this, I might need it. Now, as you were saying?”   >She’s seein’ two-headed manticore’s, imp creatures, and she said she saw a spider crawlin’ on her hoof? There wasn’t one. But she felt it. And she has flashes of burnin’ down the school and drownin’ her students!   “My dear Applejack, Cheerilee has been teaching for far longer than you’ve been a princess, and those types of things are normal. Stress is normal.”   >Yeah, but--   “My stress takes the form of an unhealthy relationship with cake. Hers just so happens to be borderline hellish fantasies. We each have to cope in our own way.”   >...that's a load of buffalo shit, 'Tia. Ah know stress. Ah’ve had to buck entire acres on an impossible deadline, by myself. And then turn those apple into countless barrels of cider to meet consumer demand. By myself. And then still open up shop in Ponyville nearly everyday. By. My. Self. For years. Ah know stress, and the best it’s done to me is make me stubborn as hell.   *Before Celestia can respond, there comes a rabid knocking and Applejack 56 gallops in*   ‘I’m back from my first day of school!’   >...say what? Celestia, what did this one just say? They… what?   “It’s name is Applejack 56. In an effort to make Changeling integration a smoother process, because it doesn’t look as though they’re going anywhere unfortunately, Chrysalis and I have placed a few Changelings in Ponyville. This one in particular is a student under Cheerilee’s care.”   *POP!*   >AAAGH.   ‘Hey, Princess AJ’s left eye just filled with blood! That’s so cool, can I do that, too? Will Miss Cheerilee teach me that?’   “No, dear, you don’t want that happening to you. Ever. But perhaps you can help us settle a matter?”   ‘I’ll try my best, alabaster ass!’   >…   “…”   ‘What? That’s what my Queen calls you!’   “Okay. We’ll circle back ‘round to that later. How was Miss Cheerilee today? Did she… was everything normal?”   ‘It was funny! In the middle of teaching us vocabulary, she kept breaking out in a fit of giggles and shooing away something that wasn’t there! She even pointed a hoof at the fat one, Snails, I think, and said something about he’d go first! And--oh! This one time? The apple on her desk just launched itself out the window, along with half our belongings. It was a fun day.’   >…   “…”   *Spike enters with a tray of cake and apple pastries*   “‘I got the cake, Princess. And something for you too, Applejack!”’   “Right on time, dear. Thank you.”   >No kiddin’, lemme at them tarts.     _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >Shining Armor "Crystal Guard Pony" 'Cadence' ~~~~~~~~~~   >...Something you needed, soldier? You've been giving me sideways glances for a while now.   "There have been some rumors floating around about you, sir."   >Is that right? I'm not worried. Comes with the territory.   "Of course."   >.....But if I were so inclined, what would the be about?   "Well, sir. It's mostly been about you and... that Changeling."   >Uh-huh.   "Ponies are saying that you and her..."   >Yeah.   "That you are...."   >Go on.   "That you and her are playing hyperspace wars without us!"   >I knew it! That's why that one guard keeps look like he's going to cry at any moment!   "Oh sir, did we do something wrong!? Was it me? Did Shatterhoof mess up one too many times? He still gets the shakes, sir! It's not his fault!"   >Oh buddy, no! No no no, it's nothing like that! I've just been having trouble finding time anymore. So much stuff with the games and watching Applejack 2, and whatever time I can still squeeze in with Cadence of course. I've just been busy is all!   "R-right. Of course, your highness. Sorry for insinuating otherwise."   >It's alright, I understand. Why don't you go home early tonight, see if any of the guys want to play without me for a bit?   "That would be nice, sire. That would be nice..." *leaves*   *Cadence walks in*   'You're going to have to tell him eventually.'   >He'll never believe me.   'Really?'   >Cadence, I've played a lot of games in my life, had some amazing times... but until it actually happened, I had no idea sex was SO MUCH BETTER than tabletop gaming.   'The sad part? I completely believe you.'   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >Applejack "Applejack 56" ~~~~~~~   >So darlin', you adjustin' ta' school life jus' fine?   "I guess? I don't really know what the big deal is, this isn't all that hard."   >Glad ta' hear it! Ah' was worried ya' would have problems catchin' up with the others, on account of the total lack of education up till this point.   "What? I learned about all this back then too."   >Ya' did?   "Yeah. Actually, I thought it was crazy when Chrysalis ordered we learn fourteen different ways to start a fire, but that actually really came in handy! I'm burning stuff at an advanced level compared to everyone else."   >...Uh huh.   "Chemistry was way fun too. I already knew how to dissolve a ponies body, but I didn't know there were so many techniques to make it so much faster! I'm really learning a lot!"   >....uh....   "Oh, by the way, can I sleep here tonight?"   >The castle? Ya' already live here.   "No no, like, here. This floor, specifically. It's next to the heater, and it gets pretty cold at night. Chrysalis still won't let me back in."   >......   "Silence means yes! Learned that at school today too. G'night princess!"   >G...g'night... I'm gonna... get some cake or somethin'...   "Kay! Man, this floor is comfy."   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >"..." AJ. "..." AJ42. '...' Shining. "'...'" AJ2.   -----   AppleJack and 42 are keeping an eye on 2 while Shining is away to grab something.   >"So, 42, got any plans fer t'day?"   "Not really. Might visit that spa in town, I heard that Canterlot has essentially opened its doors to changelings now."   "'They what?! I can go out and get sweets from the bakery now!'"   >"Where d'ya get th' bits fer that?"   "'From Shiny! He says a lot of ponies won't hire changelings because of the invasion awhile ago, so he gives me an allowance each week, an' I gotta make it last!'"   >"Well that's mighty kind o' him. Mah respect fer him jus' went up a notch."   "Do you ever suppose he simply does it so she'll leave him alone?"   >"The way they act 'round one another, not a chance."   "You imply that she lets him."   'Okay I'm back! Two, you ready?'   "'Uh-huh! Can we go visit the bakery on the way to the fair? Can we?'"   'I suppose so. Only if you promise me that you won't go trying to eat the signs you see around town. They're not food.'   "'Promise! I'll only eat what you tell me I can eat!'"   'Alright then. Grab something warm, it's cold out.'   "'Does that mean we get hot chocolate later?!'"   'Yes it does.'   "'...W-with the marchmalley thingys?'"   'With the marchmalley thingys, Two.'   "'Yes!'"   -----------   >"Ah'm thinkin' he don't want rid o' her no time soon."   "I'm inclined to agree. They're an adorable couple."   >"...Don't let Cadence hear ya say that."   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________     >Applejack 18 "Applejack 2" 'Shining Armor' ~~~~~~~~~~~ *'Cadence' enters the room*   >Applejack 2, how are you today?   "Oh, hey'a Applejack somethin' or other! How's it going?   >Our Queen sent me to infiltrate the castle again.   "Kay! Come on in! You wanna play bubble bobble?"   >No no, I have to.... ugh... I have to try to seduce Shining Armor. Again.   "Oh.... you wanna play after that fails?"   >I'm not supposed to engage with rogue Changelings, otherwise I might be corrupt... why are there two beds in here?   "Oh, Shiny said that me climbing into his bed when I had a nightmare was gonna give him a heart attack or somethin', so he said if I get scared I can hop in this bed and he'll activate his shield. Neat, huh?"   >....Neat.   "You shouldn't grind your teeth like that, it's gonna cause some sparks to come out and light stuff on fire. I know, I'm pretty experienced in that area."   >F-fine. Just... just don't reveal my real nature when he walks in.   "You got it!"   *Shining enters*   "Hey two, hey... other Changeling that keeps trying to get into my non-existent pants. How's it going?"   >Oh come on! I got the look down perfectly!   'Yeah, but you're wearing a wedding ring.'   >So?   'My wife is terrified of losing that, she's got a bit of a memory problem. It's in that safe over there.'   >Ugh, fine.... We can still-   'No thanks.'   >DAMN!   'C'mon Two, Twilight says the new train is ready for it's first ride!'   "YAAAY!"   'You can come too, if you want.'   >No, I have to report my failure... again.   'Sorry to hear. Stop by anytime!'*He and 2 leave*   >....[grumblegrumble]Lucky sumbitch[grumble] wish I had a bed like that[gurmble]probly sleepin with him[grumble.HATE]   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________