Title: Thread 22: Stories 91-99 Author: PrincessApplejack Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/fU2aR6jf First Edit: Wednesday 11th of June 2014 03:45:40 PM CDT Last Edit: Wednesday 11th of June 2014 03:45:40 PM CDT _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Non-canon >Chrysalis(?) "Cadence" '18' [42] ~~~ When Chrysalis awoke that morning, a chill went down the spines of all changelings of the Hive   None would ever understand exactly why   [Your majesty, good morning.]   When 42 bowed, something unexpected happened, chrysalis laid a gently hoof on 42's head and rubbed her head affectionately through her helmet   [Y-Your majesty?!]   >Rise, soldier. You are no mere lackey to a dead queen.   [Excuse me?]   Chrysalis then lifted 42's head up by the chin and kissed her forehead   >In otherwords: at ease.   And Chrysalis left with a smile while 42 was confused as hell   'Frickin' Shiny and his winning smile and leaving me to do all his paperwork... Freakin' mafrack- Ah! My queen.'   >Calm thyself infiltrator, we hath come to relieve you of your duties.   '... Have you been drinking coffee?'   >Nay, we shall fill in for you, go, enjoy your hard earned break.   'But, your majesty, no offense, but do you know how any of this works?!'   >We have been watching for a long time now, infiltrator, whether you know it or not.   Chrysalis(?) bowed her neck to touch her forehead, and, without magic, a sense of calmness and vitality filled 18   >Safety and peace be with you.   '... You too...'   Reluctantly, 18 left, if only to ask someone else if she had been hallucinating.   "Chrysalis! I didn't expect to find you in 18's office... And you're doing her work... Not rubbin your butt on her papers."   Chrysalis(?) shook her head   >That child of ours, so immature. How we wish she realized what was amiss with her head, but she wouldst naut trust the Amaranthine Princess', nor understand the rift her antics create.   Even Cadence knew something was wrong   "Chrysalis? Is that really you?"   The queen then turned and smiled to Cadence sadly   >Nay, merely a phantom of someone who yearned for another chance in this mortal realm and too advantage of our daughter's weakness.   "Excuse me?!"   Chrysalis(?) spasmed   >Ah, our time is short. Ardent princess, pass this message to our daughter: Seek the truth of herself!   "Chrysalis?"   Another spasm and another sad smile   >And tell her to stop polluting Hatchling with our old exploits. Such actions are old shames for us.   Just as Chrysalis convulsed one more time, Cadence blinked in shock.   "'Momsie'?!"   >Huh? What about her? I didn't know you heard the stories I told Two.   "Chrysalis, you're back!"   >Where did I go? ... Besides apparently to office depot. Welp, time to get to real work. Rubbing my butt on 18's papers! Gonna piss Shiny off indirectly!   "..." _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >42 "77" ~~~~   >77, I am here to take over your duty.   "Ah! Sister, excellent. I have time with Cheerilee I have been eager to see to. By the by, did you speak with her Highness on the matter of our once squad leader? I hope she will have her fixed soon."   Well, that's an uncomfortable look, the soldier noticed.   >...Unfortunately, her Majesty is not able to help Twilight at this moment due to outside complications.   "...What-"   >Classified complications. If you have further questions, you will have to ask her yourself and request that information. I have not been cleared to disclose any more.   "42, stop giving me the help desk talk, what could possibly be going on to keep her from assisting Shining Armor's sister? Surely she would leap at the chance to score points with him at such a moment."   >...I cannot reveal anything.   "Is her reasoning stupid?"   >I am unable to say more on the subject, please refer to her Majesty herself for further clarification.   "42!"   >Damn it 77, enough!   "But this is serious! Applejack is already giving her side glances, and her highness long past only knows what's going to happen once Shining Armor gets back!"   >Hopefully everything will be resolved before then.   "And if it's not?"   >...Go out on your date, 77. That's an order.   "You can't order me!"   >The hell I can't! I am the commander of her Majesty's army. I have precedent over you in the chain of command. Have a problem with that? Ask for a promotion.   "...Fine. But this isn't over."   He left in a huff, brushing right past her and out the door.   >...Damn, is this what it's like to be her all the time?   It hadn't even lasted two minutes, and she felt exhausted.   >Chrysalis, a part of me is glad I have no chance at succession. I think if I had to be like you for a whole day, I'd snap and kill everyone.   That's about when she noticed a whole lot of faces gawking at her.   >...Go back to doing stupid stuff, that's an order!   They shrugged, and started setting stuff on fire.   >...Oops. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_25638&feature=iv&src_vid=Sm368W0OsHo&v=5r-_RV8q6aI >Chitania "Luna" ~~~~~   >Is this supposed to be funny? It's not.   "We think so."   ~PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS!~   >Is this supposed to bother me?   ~PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! ~   >I have faced monsters beyond your imagination, stood strong underneath mountains in a flood, walked though fire just to feel what it was like. You know nothing of pain. You know nothing of pain.   ~PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS!~   >....MAKE IT STTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPP!   "No."   ~PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS!~   >ARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   AppleSpike Date: day 2 ~~~ As it had everyday for more than a thousand years, daylight crested over the horizon, and with it, Applejack and Spike untangled from the sheets and one another. And ended up a sprawling, still tangled, mess on the floor.   “Whew! Gettin’ heavy there, loverboy!” Applejack teased while rolling herself over in an effort to get free and instead ended up with all her weight on Spike.   “Speak for yourself, miss twelve apple fritters between each meal.” Spike teased in kind but found himself unable to shift their positions as Applejack had.   Playfully, Applejack scolded with a grin. “Really, now? Jus’ fer that!” She grunted and shifted as best she could. “You get tha Appleplot!” and in revenge she had manage to lift herself just enough to drop her full weight through her rump right onto Spike.   And then promptly smashed through the ceiling when she felt small fangs bite her.   “Gah! That would have been a wonderful way to go, but I’m still not ready to die.” Spike gasped, ignoring Applejack who’s six limbs were flailing as she struggled to extract her head from the ceiling. As Spike wandered down to the kitchen to start some coffee, his smirk widened when he heard a loud ‘thud’ as Applejack at last extracted herself.   A few seconds of stomping later, she was giving him the stinkeye while visible puffs of agitation blew out from her flared nostrils. “Leavin’ me in tha ceilin’, Ah don’ mind, but chompin’ on mah butt, Ah don’ mind, not warnin’ me ‘bout that termites though!.”   Spike continued to grin. “Guess you could say sitting on my face-”   “Oh, don’ you dare finish that sentence, loverboy, ‘r Ah’m endin’ ya here an’ now!”   “-came back to bite you on the -Ack!”   The two were once more wrestling on the floor like children, Applejack’s strength and size helped her while Spike’s training and more regular exercise aided him. The two quickly found themselves banging against bookshelves with tomes of forgotten lore tumbling to the ground. By the end of this little match, Applejack had ‘won’, the pair were in an awkward position, not helped by being sweaty, panting, and so close. And the coffee was burning.   “Aw, crap!” They said in unison as the scent reached their noses.   A quick clean up of a mess later, and the two were sharing a cup of coffee. “So, what’s on the itinerary today, Applebutt? I’m thinking breakfast myself, want me to make it or shall we hit the town?”   “Ya’ll read mah mind, but Ah had somethin’ a little differen’ far as dinin’ was concerned. Hop on mah back an’ Ah’ll take ya ta tha best place fer grub in all Equestria. Oh, mind puttin’ yer blindfold back on?”   “Trying to make sure I don’t recognize the place till the last minute and argue for a cheaper place.” Spike teased as he jumped onto Applejack’s back then secured his blinder.   “Trust me, it ain’ gonna cost us a thing.” Applejack reassured and the pair rode off.   Some minutes later, Spike took a sniff of the air and smirked. “Sooo, introducing me to your family for our date?”   “Well there goes tha surprise.” Applejack grinned herself while using magic to pull off Spike’s blindfold. “So what gave it away?”   “The apple tree scent.”   “Whew, an’ here Ah thought Ah was as obvious as folks say. Ya know Ah have trouble not spoilin’ even birthday ‘r Hearths Warmin’ presents?”   “It’s like you’re the Element of Honesty or something!” Spike’s voice dripped with sarcasm. He was then launched forward with a rear buck from Applejack’s hind legs before being caught in a telekinetic grasp and held in front of Applejack’s face. “Okay, so no more sarcasm?”   Applejack then closed the distance between their faces and kissed him. “Nope, jus’ know Ah’m better at physical retorts than verbal. Now let’s git some grub, Ah’m starvin’.” She said as she dropped Spike back on her back.   “Well, look whot tha cat done dragged in!” Granny Smith greeted warmly as she opened the door. “Ya’ll finally made it, you shoulda called ta let us know you’d be late!”   “Ah’m sorry, Granny Smith, Spike an’ Ah-”   “Oh!” Granny Smith’s eyes widened and she leaned in. “Well, no need to apologize then, gotta secure tha line, right?”   Applejack and Spike both turned beat red.   “Guess that means Ah’m stickin’ ‘round fer ‘nother thirty years, wanna meet mah great grand children and see if Ah kin hold out fer great great grand children.”   “Granny Smith, we ain’ done nothin’ yet!” Applejack corrected.   “Spike ain’ done whot yet?” Big Macintosh asked in a very imposing tone as he joined the party at the doorway.   “Bismarched your sister’s virtue.” Spike explained without missing a beat. Big Macintosh was still scary, Spike would admit, but he’s now confident that the he’s of a more rational mind.   “Shucks, an’ here Ah was gonna ask Applebloom ta buy me a world’s best uncle mug in Canterlot.”   Or not.     Breakfast with the Apple family proved delicious as Applejack and Spike remembered, though Big Mac’s outspokenness on politics, Babs Seed (who had moved in from Manehatten with her sister) trying to ask either about ‘cutiemark crusades’ she could go on, Granny Smith pressing for a more definitive stance on Applejack and Spike’s relationship, and the rest of the ramblings of the family gathered who were politely trying to catch Applejack up on things.   “So since you an’ Applebloom left, we moved in ta keep yer brother and Grannysmith company as well as help run tha farm.”   “Ya know this monarchy state’s a bubble that’s gonna pop, righ’, sis? We need revolutionary reform like they been doin’ in Stalliongrad ‘fore we end up wit’ a revolution like what they done had in Stalliongrad.”   “Ya already got a ring on that hoof, Jackie, an he went through tha trouble o’ custom makin’ it an’ findin’ wild appleseeds in amber, an’ yer tellin’ me ya ain’ even engaged?!”   “And I was thinkin’ ‘Hey, ‘bloom an’ tha others ‘ave been gettin’ inta firearms, ain’ they? Ah’m from Manehatten, it’s a tough neighborhood, if they can handle it, Ah can too!’”   “Babs, no guns until you’re older.”   “C’mon, sis! Applebloom knows her way ‘round a shotgun in her last letter!”   “If Applebloom jumped off a cliff, would you?”   “They already have.”   After breakfast, Applejack joined her brother and cousins in the orchards and prepared for a day of gathering the fruits of their labor.   “Spike, yer joinin’ us?” Applejack asked in some confusion as Spike walked up to the trough and splashed some water on his face.   “Darn, tootin’.” He replied with her own drawling accent and then said in his best 42 impression “And hitting trees will be a great exercise in conditioning oneself against pain as well as learning how to develop power behind your strikes.”   “Righ’, well why don’ you go wit’ Big Mac an’ Ah’ll take tha eastern orchard?”   Big Macintosh quirked a brow and Applejack became sheepish.   “Ah sorta wanna see how Ah do now.”   “Eyup. C’mon, Spike.” And for the first time since their date began, Spike and Applejack went separate ways.   “So, what was that about?” Spike asked as he drew in a deep breath before slamming an elbow into a Fuji tree and knocked it free from all but a few of its fruit. “I mean the ‘see how I do now’ thing?”   “Welp, ya’ll were there, Ah guess you don’ remember tha specifics. Remember that one Applebuck Season Applejack nearly killed herself on?”   “Ahhh, I see. So that was the only orchard she finished by herself before Twilight and friends loaned a hoof.”   “Eeyup.”   The two continued to work together in a calm silence outside of the strikes on timber and the falling of apples into their baskets. Slowly, but surely, Big Macintosh would surprise Spike as he began to sing:   “Yo, heave ho! Yo, heave ho! Once more, once again, still once more”   “Really?” Spike asked with a wry smile. “This song of all songs?” But Big Macintosh ignored him and continued to sing.   “Yo, heave ho! Yo, heave ho! Once more, once again, still once more”   Spike shook his head and struck another tree to harvest it’s apples. “You know, the song is about the boatmen of that river, right? Not farmers.” Still, his companion sang.   “Now we fell the stout birch tree, Now we pull hard: one, two, three. Ay-da, da, ay-da! Ay-da, da, ay-da! Now we pull hard: one, two, three.”   Big Macintosh’s song only broke when suddenly, Spike took on the next verse in the song’s original tongue.   “Razovyom my kudryavu. Ey, ukhnem! Ey, ukhnem! Yeshcho razik, yeshcho da raz!”   And then, the two sang as one and two, their songs harmonized though the language different as they did fulfilled the duties of the proletariat.   At the end of their day, Spike and Macintosh loaded up the apples into the barn for storage, sweaty, tired, and sore from a long day of hard word, yet for Spike, it felt wonderful compared to the wear and tear of getting beaten down in training so he could be beaten down later by things out to harm his friends. Or paperwork.   “Spike?” Big Macintosh spoke up, breaking the silence that had prevailed for much of the time after the song.   Spike only acknowledged Mac with a noise from his throat, feeling a bit too tired to speak.   “You serious ‘bout protectin’ mah sister?”   Now, Spike felt some of his spirit return and his gaze became steely. “Even if it costs my life.”   From a saddle bag he had worn all day but never opened until now, Big Macintosh produced a strange looking gun and tossed it to Spike. It possessed a pair of parallel shotgun barrels on top, and below and between them, a rifle barrel. Detaching the stock he was shocked to find it was actually a sheath to as machete.   “Made in Stalliongrad fer survival purposes. It ain’ fancy as that gun Ah hear ya got but-”   “No, thank you, great.” Spike smiled and twirled the gun before replacing it in its holster then securing it around his waist. “I think I’ll call it Crackerjack II.”   “Whut happened ta Crackerjack I?”   “Ran out of batteries. And robots.”   Dinner was much the same as breakfast had been, only held outside in celebration of Spike and Applejack’s visit. The sunset was breathtaking.   And the evening was beautiful, even moreso was Spike found himself sharing a wash tub outside with his date.   “Well, I’ve read enough porn to know where this is likely to go.” Spike teased.   Applejack playfully splashed him with water and chuckled despite her burning cheeks. “This ain’ no smut story, Spike, jus’ hop in ‘fore tha water gets cold.”   “I’m not worried about cold water applebutt, I’ve been praciting a little trick to keep myself warm.” Spike hopped into the tub with a splash and began to strain. his face flushing and smoking rising from his nostrils and mouth.   “Sugarcube, you okay? … You didn’ eat some o’ that bad corn from Marexico, did’ja? Ya know Babs’ sister jus’ has weird tastes in food.”   Then , the water immediately around Spike boiled and bubbled.   “Ew! Loverboy, really? In tha tub?” Applejack laughed and teased only to get very hot water splashed at her.   “I’m not farting, I’m superheating my body!” Spike protested. “I originally wanted to make it so that any time 42 or Pinkie, or any other empty hoof fighter struck me they’d get burned but they don’t maintain contact long enough for it to be effective. It does reheat tea, coffee, and tubs pretty well.”   “Yeah, whatever you say. You say boilin’, Ah say ‘key a coupay lah fromage?’”   “And when did you ‘learn ta speak Fancy’?”   “Rarity spouts that junk all tha time, how could ya not learn it?   “Yeah… Hard not to, also, it wasn’t me!” Spike belatedly restored with another splash of water.   By the time the had settled down, Applejack was half-dead to the world over the edge of the tub while Spike scrubbed and massaged her back from neck to rear. “Mmmm… Ah swear, Ah’ve called in the self-proclaimed best in all Equestria an’ tha Empire… An’ nothin’ in tha world beats those magic claws or yers.”   Spike withdrew his hands for a moment, took a breath a rubbed them together while puffing fire onto them. “The secret is igniting the methane gasses in my intestines to superheat my body.” Spike teased before applying his now heated palms to a particularly tense area.   “Ah thought you said you weren’t fartin’.”   “I’m not-! I’m not gonna argue.”   “Well, first time Ah’ve won an arguemeny that wasn’ wit’ Celestia.”   There was suddenly a long silence.   And finally. “Remind me why she’s princess again?” They obht asked one another and chuckled, settling into the now heated waters and looking out over the orchard.   “You know, Applejack, for all Canterlot Palace has, this trip reminds me how much I missed and love Ponyville…”   “Ah know, Spike… Ah know.”   “I’m sorry, I guess it’s harder for you since you also have had to leave behind your family.”   Applejack smiled and slid a hoof over S[ike’s claw. “Not all of it.”   Spike then smiled too, and kissed Applejack with a quick peck on the lips. “I love you too, applebutt.”   The rest of the evening was something they both made every effort to burn into their minds for when they would inevitably return to Canterlot the next day. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Meanwhile, in a labyrinthine lair, far removed from the light of the heavens, a dark power in alabaster coat ploted in the shadows of her papery catacombs. “Soon, Applejack… I will crush every bit of joy out of you, and then, you will have my permission to die…”   “Sister, we bring more forms that had to be left outside.”   “DAMMIT, LUNA! YOU’RE RUINING THE MOOD!” _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Pinkie Pie "Cheese Sandwich" ~~~ PINKIE'S PARTYTIME!   "Wowee! Another successful thread, eh, Pinkie? And you're now in a major story arc, huh?"   >Yeppers! It's great! Sorry I couldn't get you in too.   "Aw, shucks, it's fine! I got to travel with 77 in the Robot invasion, plus, Queenling and I are collaborating on a song!   >Sounds like it'll be a real hit! There was also a lot of discussion, some mind blowing revelations! And I mean a real doozy! I mean Twilight's coping mechanism?   "Scary, marefriend."   >"Next time on Princess Applejack: The epic conclusion of the AppleSpike Date!"   "Are there wedding bells in their future?"   >Has Rarity officially been left behind?   >...   "..."   >"Pffffft! Nah!"   >And you were silly for thinking that.   "I know, right? Like my old karate teacher would say 'YOU'RE SO STUPID!' if you believed Sparity was gonna be completely bumped off by one arc."   Until next time! _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Non-canon preview   >Pinkie ~~~~~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CoWplXbeUw > As Shining, Sombra and I get closer in our quest to try and restore Sombra. Equestria finds itself in trouble as Tirek makes his appearance draining the magic from ponies everywhere. Will Twilight recover from being an airhead in time to learn her lesson in the magic of friendship? Find out next time time in Thread 23: The Attack of Tirek...And there will be plenty more fan service! _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Cadance "Applejack" 'Celestia' ___________   "That was a pretty cool thing ya did fer Twi' there with the chess game, Caddy. Shame it didn't make it to canon."   >I knooooooow! Man, I worked really hard for that, too! I thought I did a good job....   'Oh you did, you did, it was just kind of out the blue. You even managed to drag Shiny into it, who's not even here at the moment. Good intentions were there just...'   >Too soon?   "'Too soon.'"   >Aaaaargh!   "The anons really liked it though! Ya prob'ly sparked something there!"   >You think so...?   'Undoubtedly. Shit, I'd write something for you myself after that.'   "Right? Me, too."   >Thanks, girls. Maybe next thread, yeah? Maybe I'll get emerald-blue stories....   "Hmm, emerald-blue's kinda high. Ah can see at least onyx, definitely. Whatta y'all think, Celly?"   'Definitely.'   >Yaaay! _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Pinkie "Celestia" 'Spike' ~~~~ >You know, that Mystery Science Theater joke was pretty funny.   "Yeah, I pretty was amused by it."   >Maybe next thread we should just make comments and jabs at random stories. We'll even include Spike.   'Wait why me?'   >Eh, it was the order you came in. Blame the anon who did it.   'AJ should probably be the one to take my place. It's her thread.'   >Aw, c'mon you're the snarker. You'd be perfect for commentating. Now if we can only find an anon who's not lazy and willing to write us in.   "Next thread's up."   >Uh oh! Exit stage left! _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________