Title: Thread 22: Stories 31-45 Author: PrincessApplejack Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/MWZBZtDc First Edit: Wednesday 11th of June 2014 03:23:18 PM CDT Last Edit: Wednesday 11th of June 2014 03:23:18 PM CDT _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Chitania "Cicadidae" ~~~~   >Why do you do this to yourself? Do you have a deathwish? Do you? I'll oblige, just give the word.   "Just get me down!"   >No, really, you do that fucking screechy wing thing at TITANIA!? Titania. The one who makes corpses into armor. I'm sure she'd loooove to add another Queen to that armor.   "GET ME THE FUCK DOWN!"   >What did you think she was going to do? Do you have any idea how lucky you are that she only grazed you? Or that I was in the area? How many other Queens could take on Titania? Not that I'm complaining about the grazed thing, those wings of yours make me more angry than I normally am. Which is pretty angry.   "CHITANIA PLEASE!"   >Fine, you know what? Fine. Just hold onto the top of the damn tree as hard as you can.   "...C-Chitania? What are you doing?"   The Queen did not reply, she just put both hooves up against the massive oak tree that was easily fifteen feet across, and...   "WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK!?"   >I said-HRRK- I'd get you-HRRRR!-Down, right?...HRRRRRRR!   "WHY!?"   >BECAUSE YOU PISSED ME OFF!   With one final shove, she uprooted the entire oak, allowing all hundred plus feet of it to fall to the ground, breaking bark drowned out by the screams of the Queen at the very top.   >...Cicadidae? You alive?   "Y-YOU SUCK!"   >Pft, whatever. See if I show up next time.   "...I-... I'm sorry."   >Hrpm, you better be. Now...   Her eyes narrowed.   >I feel like fighting that bitch just a liittle more.   "...Aim for the eyes."   >Heh, bloodthirsty bitch. You know what? Sure, just for you. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >AJ56 “Scoots” ‘Dash’ _______________   It was staggeringly cold within the waiting room of the Wonderbolt Academy. So cold that 56 could see his breath fogging and feel his chitin freezing over.   Still, he dutifully clutched a ticket number in one hoof and a clipboard full of various forms in the others as he turned to the only other soul in the expansive room.   >S-so… f-f-f-first t-time here?   “N-nnnno. Fuh-f-forgot my p-p-proof of residence lah-last time….”   >Ah, r-right. I g-got mine ruh-right here… w-we needed t-t-two, right?   The orange filly only nodded, teeth chattering too badly for speech.   Then the overhead intercom suddenly crackled with Rainbow Dash’s voice, more business casual than anything:   ‘Now serving B468.’   No one stood.   Because no one else was there.   56 glanced at his ticket, frowning.   “W-what’s wrong? N-not your nuh-number?”   >No… No, it’s wasn’t. M-mine’s B499.   “A100 here.”   56’s eye twitched.   >Scoots… you know what I wanna know? Why are they calling for tickets that aren't even in circulation?! Look! There’s no one here! There was no one here when we first arrived, no one’s walked in, and I’d bet Moons bodacious booty no one’s gonna come in when we leave!   “Yeah, th-this is pretty stu-”   ‘Now serving A100.’   >…   “…”   >…just go. Please. Before I flip a few chairs.   “R-right, well… y-you’ll be called suh-soon, 56!”   >Hopefully before Moons d-dies of old age….   _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Chitania "Gustav le Grand" ~~~~   >What do you mean, you can't make an eclair out of popcorn?   "Wee! Ze' popcorn, it iz a completely different dish!"   >So what good are eclairs?   "My eclair's are ze' greatest in all of Equeztria!"   >They don't sound very impressive.   "Try one for yourself!"   >...   "..."   >...   "...Well?"   >This isn't very good. It's all tangy. Is this chocolate? I don't like chocolate.   "...IMPOSSIBLE!"   >Wow, I hear that a LOT, I just noticed.   "Well... I am shamed! I zot my eclairs could win over any taste, but alas! In my defeat, I shall make you popcorn."   >Neat. Now I won't have to hurt you.   "...Wait, hurt ME!? Zo, you were not rushing to my rescue when you defeated those buffalo thugs?"   >Nah, I just wanted dibs.   "...You are a strange mare."   >Less talky more poppy. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Suckerpunch "AJ41"   >Well...that wash...a baaaad idea...   "Yup...nodda...nodda good idea..."   The two bitter rivals are staggering bruised, battered, and drunk out of their gourds, it appears their attempts to settle their issues via starting a bar brawl have gone awry.   >In my...my defense...I didn't think they'd...pounce ya for bein' a changeling...   "Rashishsts..."   >We kicked their ashshes though, yeah?   "Ohhh yeah...kicked ashsh...ashsheh....buttsh."   >Yer drunk...   "YER drunk!"   >Yup, ya caught me!   The two somehow climb their way up to castle, pressed against one another and swaying like they're in the midst of a deranged tango.   >We were sho closhe, y'know...   "Oh yeah, totally...knocked out all thoshe other guysh...just you'n me..."   >Facin' off....   "Glarin', ready to jusht end it!"   >No fucken headbuttsh.   "No headbuttsh...the fuckfashe behind the bar pullsh out that shotgun!"   >Moment. Killer.   "Totally!"   >Magic was gone.   "And then so were we."   The two make their way to the entrance of the ballroom.   "Guessh thish is me."   >Yup...   "We'll figure shomethin' out...then I'll kick ya ass."   >Doubt it, but if it'sh anything...yer a fun guy to run around with...   41 yawns and gives Suckerpunch a clumsy shove.   "I'mma girl, ashhole..."   Suckerpunch blinked as she staggered about five steps into the ballroom and fell over, snoring.   He didn't know which was going to hit him harder in the morning, that realization or whichever one of his superiors found him faceplanted in a rose bush. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Chrysalis "Mane-iac" ~~~~   >Maney, I tell you, this world has gone fucking nuts.   "INDEEEEED! EMPRESS OF LOVE! This STRANGE reality filled with WONDER and MYSTERY has become most CRAZED in the recent months!"   >Right? Giant queens, killer robots, and now there's a fucking Spider-ling out there? It's crazy.   "But I am USED to this INSANITYAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!... So it's not a big deal."   >See, that's what I like about you Maney, you never let anything phase you.   "Of course not, for nothing can pierce my veil of MAAAAAADDDDNNNNEEEEESSSSSSAHAHAHAHAHA!"   >Speaking of veils, are you ever going to change out of that leotard? Even I take off my crown once in a while.   "...What leotard?"   >...   *poke poke*   >...Is... is that your...   "..."   >...But you don't have a... it's SMOOTH back there...   "..."   >H-how do you...   "How do I what?"   >Use the bathroom?   "...I don't understand."   >...Ooooh, right, comic. Um...   "..."   >...Wanna go huck paintballs at Applejack?   "DO I!? MISTRESS MAREVELOUS SHALL FEEL THE STING, OF OUR PAINT FILLED PAAAAIIIINN AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"   >... Awesome. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >32 "Spike"   >Holy hell you're alive!   Spike cannot tell what's odder, the surprised tone of voice or the look of happiness on 32's.   "Yeah, hello to you too. You thought I was going to die down there?"   >I had doubts...and I haven't seen hide nor hair of Princess Sparkle for some time now, so I'm not exactly up on current events.   "She's...she's gone crazy trying to understand Cadence's love magic."   >Ahhh, she stared into the abyss and the abyss wapped on the nose with a copy of Filly Beat.   "Something like that."   >I hope she snaps out of it, I do so love our little talks. What brings you down here?   "Just taking Blueblood's old books back to where I got them."   >Ah, so he made it too? Oh well, there goes my twenty bits.   "You were gambling?"   >With a cockroach. Tell me, did you find what you were looking for down there?   "Yeah, turns out it was a spider changeling."   >Aha, so I assume you reduced it to molten slag.   "Not as such...we brought her back."   32's eye twitches.   "She's technically under Blueblood's care but I'm looking after her for the time being. Chrysalis is in a fit over it but Shining Armor's got her staying away-"   32 is up against the bars, eyes wide, smile wider.   >Spike. Buddy. Paaaaaaal. Do me a favor, huh?   "Uh...what is it?"   >Don't say anything else. Just-I know the Queen is obviously wrong here, that this little spider is probably harmless, because you? You're a good judge of character. But just...just let me have the mental image of her Royal Bitchness being stuck out there with the killer spider changeling and not being able to even touch it! It just...nnngh...it brings me joy.   "...you're a real lunatic, you know that?"   >I take my victories where I can get them, Spike, temporary triumph is still triumph!   Spike rolls his eyes and goes to retrieve the books as 32 dances, light on his hooves, over to his bed and falls into it.   >Always look on the briiiight side of the life, always look on the liiiiight side of life~! _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Applejack "Chrysalis" ~~~~   >Alright, while Ah' am kind o' sympathetic to yer' thinkin', this is gonna end badly.   "Look, spider plus bear trap equals snap."   >Bear trap plus most equals snap. Ah'm just sayin', considerin' how yer' guys are, do ya' REALLY want ta' put traps around yer' ballroom?   "I'm only putting it on the ceiling or vents!"   >...   "...Fine, you've got a point."   >Jus' sayin'.   "Fricken... why Sciderella's? You know? Of ALL of them it could be, why hers? I would have love to have had one of Coronatus's infiltrators, or Titania's soldiers, or Zophernia's drones. They could have been so much more useful!"   >Life don't always go like ya' want. Fer' instance, Ah' was hopin' ya' would take mah' offer, head out inta' everfree and make yer' own kingdom.   "Always the southern types who want segregation."   >Naw, it's anyone who talks ta' YOU fer' more than a few minutes who wants ya' ta' be as far away as possible.   "She said, ignoring the harem proposals I get all the time."   >Ah' don't count the crazies.   "Oh, so you're not counting anyone you know?"   >...Point.   "...Maybe fly paper?"   >Sug', fair warinin', no matter what ya' do, yer' guys WILL get caught in it and probably die.   "...Damn it."   >Ah' know... trust me... ah' know... _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Chitania "Lunactias" ~~~~   >Lunactis, give me the drink, you're drunk.   "NOooOOooo, Ah' only had li'l drinkshies! Little bisshy drinksies!"   >Stop trying to take off, you're drunk.   "Nu-uh! YER drunk! Yer' sha' drunky one! DRUNKY DRUNKY CHITTY!"   >Put the wine down.   "NEVAH! Ah'm gonna ROCK thish shit! Gimme shome guy, Ah'm gonna make hish YEAR! BOOM BOOM BOOM RIGHT ON SHA FLOOR!"   >There are no guys, you killed everyone. That's why I'm here. Because you won't turn your disguise on. We could get discovered.   "No guysh!? B-but whosh gonna do me!?"   >First off, you should not be taking THAT away from what I just said. Second, do you really want your brood to come from some random stock?   "...Ya' knowwww, there'sh a rumor goin' round shat ya' accept... payments...?"   >...Are you saying...   "EVERYONE SHINKS YA'LL FUCKEM!   >...BLAAAAARRRGGHHH!   "I think shat was sha'posed ta' come from m... from..."   *WHUMP!*   "ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz"   >...I... I have so much hate, and nothing to hurt. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   NC >...I... I have so much hate, and nothing to hurt. ~~~~   "OW! Why the fuck am I covered in bruises and PAIN!?"   >No idea. Looks like you rolled down a hill made of fists. What a tragedy. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >2 "Students" ~~~~~   >...Was left this way, or that way? Dang it, why is this stuff so complicated? Ah' feel like this should be easy.   "You think that's bad? My mom is trying to make me do multiplying."   "My dad wants me to be the very best at sports. I can't even hold a bat yet."   "My grandma wants me to go into politics."   "HAH! Bet you know what that's like, eh Two?"   >...Whaddya mean?   "Well, I mean, you're going to have to do that too, aren't you?"   "Yeah, she's gotta learn princess stuff now."   "Glad my mom isn't THAT bad, just thinking about all of those ponies staring at you, you having to do everything for them, working forever or else bad stuff happens."   "And that's if stuff doesn't invade you."   "WOW! Didn't even think about invady stuff. The Prince had to fight a giant monster head on!"   "It's gonna be her fighting eventually, huh? But I'm sure she can... Two?"   >...   "Is she okay?"   "Twoooo?"   >...Meep.   "...I think we should get the teacher."   "But playtime just started!"   >M-m-meeeeeeeeppppp....   "...Fine! But if someone steals my juice, I'm using that thing her not-mom packs in her lunchbox."   >MEEPMEEPMEEPMEEP _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Also non-canon ~~~ "Ugh... So hung over... Gotta...- BLAAAAAARGGH!"   a thousand years into the future...   'OH, COME ONE! WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM?!'   [I think you mean "when" did it even come from.] _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >SA “Sombra” -18- ~~~~~~~   “It would appear that I have made a slight mistake.”   >You think?   Sombra sighs as the two of them stared across the empty patch of land before them.   “I should have suspected that the Pie's would have moved their location in the last 1000 years or so. This land looks too tame for them, they must have relocated shortly after.”   >...Tame?   “You wouldn't happen to know where to find a member of the Pie family would you?”   >... Well I know for a fact that Pinkie Pie lives in... Canterlot.”   “... ”   >You know what sucks?   “We're over the halfway point between the Empire and Canterlot?”   >Yep... and I got to travel on hoof the rest of the way.   “If it is any consolation floating around a lot is actually tiring.”   >That actually is a little comforting...I guess we better get going then.   “At least this is good exercise and I mean more time away from the paperwork is a good thing, correct?.”   >... Oh no.   ~~~~~~   -I'm going to kill him...-   18 whispered at the five stacks of paper work standing in the to do pile. The door opened and another stack was wheeled in.   -I'm going to ride him till he drops and then I'm gonna to kill him!- _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >2 "Cadence" ~~~~   "...What... what is that sound?"   >...aaaaaaaaaaa-   "It's like a humming noise. Where... where is it..."   >aaaaaaaaAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYY   "OH SWEET MOTHER OF LOVE!"   *CRASH!*   >CADDYCADDYCADDYCADDYCADDYCADDYCADDYCADDY!   "WHAAAT?!"   >THA' BOOKS AIN'T HELPIN'!   "...I... wha-"   >SO THEN I WENT TA' THE OTHER BOOKS BUT THEY ALL SAID THE SAME THING SO THEN I WENT TA' THAT BOOK BUT THEN IT JUST HAD A SLEEPIN' LADY SO THEN I WENT TA 18 BUT SHE'S FOAMIN' AT THE MOUTH SO I WENT TA' 42 BUT I THINK I KNOCKED HER OUT AND NOW I WENT TA' YOU CAUSE THE BOOKS AIN'T HELPIN'!   "...What books, sweetie?"   >THESEUNS!   "...Sleeping beauty, the princess and the toadstool, and the princess and the beast?"   >NONE OF 'EM DO PRINCESS STUFF! HOW'M I S'POSED TA' LEARN PRINCESS STUFF IF THA' BOOKS DON'T HELP!? AH' ALREADY DID MAH HAIR AN' MAH HOOVES AN' MAH MAKEUP BUT THEN I DUNNO WHAT TO DO!   "...I might not be the role model I thought I was. Uh... ask Shiny?"   >NOT HERE!   "Right. Riiight... okay, well, we're can always work on the... 'princess stuff', okay? I am a princess, and I was trained before I ever met Shiny. I know a thing or two about it."   >DO YA' MEAN IT!?   "Of course!"   >YAAAAAY! Bein' princesses! AWESOME!   "I'm sure it will be. Now, would you be a dear and go get my crowbar?"   >...Ya' stuck in the floor?   "Pretty deep, yes."   >Ah'll go get the bar.   "Thanks honey!" _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Pinkie Pie “SA” 'Sombra'   ~~~~~~   >I almost don't believe it...   'Believe what Ms. Pie?'   >I'm in a legitimate story arc!   '…Uh...'   “Don't try and understand it Sombra, greater stallions then us have wasted away trying to figure her out. Just accept it as one of life's infinite conundrums and let it be.”   '...Very Well. Now then Ms. Pie, I've been out of the touch with the movements of certain families and associates for a very long while. Where is your families current place of establishment?'   >The Rock Garden? Oh it's way, wa~aay out there, west of the Badlands and past the Roaring River.   'Still using the land and it's inhabitants as a shield against the world I see. It's good to see somethings don't change.'   >Well duh, If everyone could get to the Rock Garden we'd be in super duper trouble!   “And why is that?”   'Well it's more of a myth than fact, even with the research I've done I don't know it its true or not. It is said that the First Pies helped create Ten Golems out of megalithic stones and these Golems, constructs as tall as a mountain, shaped the land to better fit the ponies who would soon inhabit it.'   >And that's how Equestria was made!   “...Are you... Are you serious?”   >Yepparooni!   'Indeed, it's a very old myth, one far older than the Princess' themselves. “The Foundation Stones” it is called and if there is any merit to it's authenticity... If someone with evil intent where to get a hold of stones large enough from the Pies to create another Golem of that size... It could lead to untold amounts of destruction.'   “What happened to the Ten that were made?”   'It is said that once there task was done they were ordered to destroyed themselves, beat one another into gravel so they could never be used for evil.'   >...     “Wow... That's some story. So we're going to go get some of these rocks then?”   'Yes and I was hoping Ms. Pie here would lend us a hoof by taking us there. So Ms. Pie would you be able to help in our task?'   >...Hmmm... Ok! Let me tell the cakes I'll be gone for a few days. Oh this is going to be sooooo great! I'm going to be able to see my all my Sisters again after so long!   “... Do you actually believe in that story Sombra?”   'Shining Armor... if there is one thing I've learned in my life... It's never to dismiss a possiblity until you've been proven wrong.' _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________   >Spike "42" {???} [???] ~~~   >What the hell happened to you!?   "Judging by the hastily scribbled crayon drawing and the little frowny face, Two. It seems she was excited."   >You okay?   "I am remarkably durable. Did you need something?"   >I was actually kind of wanting to speak to 18.   "Good luck, last I saw there were four stacks of paperwork being wheeled into her office."   >What?   "Shining Armor is off on a little side quest, you see."   >And he didn't take you?   "This is something he said he needed to do alone, and he said he wanted me to be around in case something happened here in the Empire... and also to make sure my Queen does not try to kill Arana."   >And you're... succeeding in that?   "It is a secondary measure. No matter what she may say, my Queen does not want to get into a confrontation with Shining Armor or Applejack."   >...What about me?   "What about you?"   >...   "... Er, sorry, that came out harsher than intended. But to be blunt, she does not really think that much of you."   >Yeah, well, feelings mutual. She's a bitch. To be blunt. Only reason we don't toss her out is-   "Uh..."   {Oh no no, don't stop on my account.}   >...Didn't feel like warning me?   "I didn't think you were going to be so blunt about it."   >Yeah, well... FUCK YO- ~~~~~   [What in tarnation happened ta' you!?]   >Cadefe ifh a gruh shut   [...That soap is in really far.]   >Notifed. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________