Title:           Thread 21: Stories 1-15
Author:          PrincessApplejack
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/mmyUyKDQ
First Edit:      Friday 6th of June 2014 06:23:52 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Friday 6th of June 2014 06:23:52 PM CDT

Thread 21 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/17721007
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>Spike
"Blueblood"
'Rarity'
~Rekulk~
~~~~
 
>...Okay, just to double check, that red goopy looking stuff in the middle of the path is-
 
~Delicious!~
 
>...Really?
 
~Yes! At least, I am told that. Many of my kin feasted upon the thickening body spiller, and they seemed to enjoy it quite a bit before the screaming!~
 
"Just out of curiosity, why were they screaming?"
 
~I will never know for sure, but it's either the indigestion or it being so good their stomachs cannot contain it and spill it across the floor.~
 
'...Literally or...'
 
~What does that mean?~
 
>Does it actually make their stomachs fall out?
 
~Yes!~
 
>...
"..."
'...'
 
~...Do you think this is related?~
 
>You know what, let's err on the side of caution.
 
'Indeed.... Blueblood, do be a good little thing and taste test it.'
 
"Oh no, I can see from here that it is perfectly fitting for one such as yourself. Ladies first, in the loosest sense of the words of course."
 
>Cool it, let's just go around.
 
~A wise choice! That is how my older kind to my older kin survived!... for two passing of the warm water, at least.~
 
>...Why is everything you say so horrible?
 
~Do not say that so quickly, at least wait until you see the fanged worm behind you.~
 
>...Damn it.
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Non-Canon
>Applejack
"Twilight"
~~~
"I... beg your pardon?"
 
>Ah asked how much wouldja wan' ta build a new hover bike? A custom job fer me.
 
"No, I heard that, I just mean 'why'? You have wings!"
 
>Promise not ta laugh, but tha Gun Club seem ta have so much fun on theirs an' Ah didn' wanna be left out.
 
"I won't laugh, but I will say it's cute. ... Can I get enough funding to make my own hoverbike?"
 
>We race'em both once their finished.
 
"You're on!"
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>Applejack
"Twilight"
~~~
After the race, in which the winner shall remain unnamed to let you imagine your favorite pony won. (Applejack, right? Because that's why we have these threads)
 
>Whoa nelly, that was somethin' else...
 
"kind of a rush, huh? No wonder the A-Team acted like kids on Hearth's Warming Morning when I told them about these."
 
>So tell me again why these things ain' being produced fer, well, general purpose?
 
"Well, they are kind of pricey."
 
>You said they kin also tow 'bout a few tons.
 
"Well, yeah...
 
>These're faster than you an' Ah flyin'...
 
"True, but..."
 
>An' you kin strap a few side cars ta let'em carry more ponies.
 
"AJ... Just... Look at the bill I'm giving you."
 
>... So... Almost... Worth it...
 
"Applejack, imagine your father's face, imagine him looking at you sternly and asking 'Jackie, does Equestria really need this?'"
 
>Yyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnoooooooooooo...
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>Rarity
"SA"
'Spike'
[Poindexter]
{Chrysalis}
~Cadence~
~~~~~
 
"Does anyone feel like the world shifted a bit?"
 
'Drama queen.'
 
{He says, memories of her cockteasing him flooding his mind in a panic.}
 
>Just for that, I'm going to be much less forgiving for the many failings you are sure to have on this adventure.
 
"Why did we let you DM anyway?"
 
'Because shut it!'
 
~Awww, I think you're cute! So eager to impress!~
 
{Yeah, lizardo, you chase that tail.}
 
>Chrysalis? Darling? Don't be jealous because someone in this room has a shot with a white horned pony, and it isn't you.
 
[BUUUUURRN!]
 
{...}
 
[...Please don't kill me.]
 
{Fireball charging...}
 
"Please don't kill him."
 
{...Receding..}
 
[Discriminatory.]
 
>Now! If you little ones are all set... you find yourselves in the dank, murky swamp of Slough, all of you standing knee high in filthy, disgusting, murky ooze.
 
~Oh! I have a crown of beauty on, so I should be fine.~
 
>...Crowns of beauty are shorted out due to... uh... influence from Medulesa, the wicked stone gazer! Who is... absolutely in this swamp.
 
~Oh... well, no worries, my plus three ball cloak should keep me just as-~
 
>That is also shorted out... because... because the swamp has a debuffer on willpower, and your dress is effected by your will to be beautiful.
 
~...My amulet to the god Tefforron?~
 
>His powers are negated here because of a... rival god.
 
~Fine, it'll take a passive skill, but my band of...~
 
>...
 
~...Are... are you flipping through the book to find a way to stop me?~
 
>N-...nooooo...
 
~...~
 
>...YOUR CHARACTER IS TOO PRETTY! My original creation at the end of the dungeon is supposed to be the most beautiful creature in the land, but your beauty buffs dwarf hers! It's not fair! I spent hours making this character, but you're so overloaded with magical trinkets I couldn't hope to compare! Any time I try I violate the lore, and nobody should violate the lore! NOBODY!
 
~...Well, that's not surprising that my character is prettier than yours.~
 
>...And... just... WHAT... does that mean...?
 
~Oh dear, don't put me on the spot like this.~
 
>No no, please, enlighten us.
 
~Rarity, I think we both know why I don't have to. There is a pony at this table who is prettier than the other one, and everyone knows it.~
 
[...Shiiiiiiitt...]
 
>OH YEAH! W-WELL I-
 
~Have a big ass, we know. We all know. Your ass used to be so big it took up the entire room. Now, I'm not implying that you only draw attention on that so much so ponies focus on something besides your face, but.~
 
>...BUT...?
 
~Yes. Exactly. Your... best feature. You should be proud of it!~
 
>...
 
{...Sparkleass is going to lose it.}
 
"Uh, honey? You think you came on a little strong?"
 
~...No.~
 
'..Oookay, let's just calm down, and-'
 
*TABLEFLIP!*
 
>RRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
 
*CRASH!*
 
>EAT IT YOU OVER PRICED BUBBLEGUM HEADED NINNY!
 
*BOOM!*
 
~THIS IS WHAT A PROPERLY MANICURED AND MAINTAINED HOOF LOOKS LIKE! HERE! TAKE A CLOSER LOOK!~
 
*KABLAM!*
 
>I WILL RIP THAT CHEAP STRAW LIKE HAIR CLEAN FROM YOUR HEAD!
 
*SHATTER!*
 
~YOU THINK *THAT* IS WHAT STRAW FEELS LIKE!? NO WONDER YOU HAVE WHORE-TIER MAKEUP ON, YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL WHEN IT FEELS LIKE A BRICK!~
 
>OH IT! IS! OOOOOONNN!
 
*ZIPBAFFPOFFF!*
 
"...S-somebody should... should stop this."
'...Ye-yeahhh...'
[...Somebody...]
{...Or take pictures...}
"...I-I can't get up."
'Me either.'
[Me either.]
{...I could, I just don't want to.}
 
>CANDY ASS!
~COMMON GUTTER TRASH!~
 
'...I'm counting this as a win...'
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>Spike
"Rarity"
'Blueblood'
~Rekulk~
~~~
'This is it for me... I can't go on. Spikey, darling, I love you."
 
>uhh... Rarity.
 
"Rekulk, you did your best to guide us... Thank you..."
 
~White Princess, do not go!~
 
"And Blueblood? You're a stallion but you're still a gaping, rotten, cunt."
 
'For auntie's sake, woman, we just need to forge the slime river. If you really don't like it, just fucking fly!'
 
"Must you kill my theatrics."
 
'When they piss me off, yes. Which, by the way, are all the time.'
 
"To borrow a word from Shining Armor: I hope you step on a d4."
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>Spike
"Blueblood"
'Rarity'
~Rekulk~
~~~~
 
>...NOT edible. Those crystals are NOT edible.
 
~Nor are they the shining spike stones, they are creatures.~
 
>...Ah... that explains the shrieking and the weird copper taste in my mouth.
 
"I can't believe you just ate that!"
 
>I was feeling hungry.
 
'Spike really, just walking right up to one and biting a chunk out of it!?'
 
>It looked so tasty!
 
'Okay, just so we're clear, when the dramatic kiss moment comes, it's just been downgraded to a kiss on the cheek. You're my Spikey-Wikey and that will never change, but there is absolutely no way I am putting my lips on something that ate that thing.'
 
>...Damn.
 
~Do not worry Spike of the Green Spines! It is not poisonous! It's intention is to close in on you like a fanged maw, but you killed it with that bite. Huzzah, and eat away!~
 
>...
 
'...Don't you da-'
 
*Munch!*
 
'SPIKE!'
 
"OH SWEET AUNTIE IN CANTERLOT! HURRRRKK!"
 
>It's tasty!
 
'I'm going to be sick!'
 
>Sorry...
 
*Munch!*
 
'SPIKE!'
 
>I HAVE A PROBLEM!
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>Spike
"Rekulk"
~~~
Spike is easily digging through the walls to build them a safe camp zone, happily eating the gems he finds
 
>Man, I don't know what 77 or 32 was talking about, this place is great, these gems are top notch!
 
"Those aren't gems, those are the fossilized eggs T'chak'ti the Oriface Rapist. She laid her eggs inside ponies that feasted on them from within."
 
Spike slowly examines the 'gems' he's been eating and sees the outlines of what had once been creatures within
 
>... I need to go throw up into the river.
 
"Try not to attract mouth seeker barracuda! vomit is one of the ways they fine mouths!"
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>Twi
"SA"
'Poindexter"
-Chrysalis-
~~~
Ominous Latin music plays while Twilight takes her seat at the GM's spot
 
>Now just because Spike's going to be busy doesn't mean we can't all enjoy some Dungeons and Dragons...
 
-I wanna go home.-
 
>NOT UNTIL YOU COMPLETE THE QUEST!
 
"P-Pointdexter, this won't be so bad, right? We've played Twilight games before..."
 
'And died horribly...'
 
>Now... Let's begin. Everyone... You stand before the temple of ebon. It towers over you and the surrounding desert like an oppressive overlord-
 
-I run like a bitch!-
 
>On the horizon you see a marauding horde of mummy demons approaching
 
-I run to the temple and open the door!-
 
"Chrysalis, no!"
 
>Roll Versus Death!
 
-I CLOSE THE DOOR!-
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Non-canon
>77
"32"
'88'
~~~
>Alright, 32, go with 88 to search from the rooftops-
 
'EXCUSE ME! But I was the leader of our group, if you recall, and why does 32 have to go with me for the search? Think just because I'm blind, I can track someone down? Gimme those binoculars!'
 
She jabs her eyes with them
 
'Ouch! .... I also was holding them backwards, wasn't I?'
 
"Not saying a word..."
 
'Let's... let's just go.'
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>SA
"18"
~~~
 
>And there you go. Annual budget for the castle staff is all filled out.
 
"Awww, you bumped up my paycheck again!"
 
>Well, you did pretty much do everything while I was in recovery, felt you deserved a bonus.
 
"Really, you don't have to pay me that much."
 
>I disagree. You're worth every bit.
 
"...The things I would do to you."
 
>Got it.
 
"No, seriously, this paycheck right here? You don't have to pay me any of this."
 
>I see where this is going, and you can stop now.
 
"No, really. You know how you could pay me from now on, no money whatsoever? I would let you pay me in BLOWJOBS. Now I want you to take notice of that last thing I just said, really examine the term. I am fully willing to have my payment converted into a sexual act that is literally designed to give YOU the most pleasure in it. At no point did I imply full intercourse or favor returning was a necessary part of this equation, just me under that desk and NOM in place of bits I use to buy things, and I would be HAPPIER with this. You get what I'm saying?"
 
>...Yep. Get what you are saying, but I'm going to decline again.
 
"Never expected any different, truth be told, but I felt like making my stance on the matter known."
 
>Well, I can't show you appreciation like THAT, but I do want you to know I love having you around, and wouldn't trade it for any amount of bits.
 
"...Awww..."
 
>Go take the rest of the day off, I've got these papers to myself, shouldn't take me too long.
 
"Well... alright, guess I could go for a crystal berry shake."
 
>Cool. Have fun, 18.
 
"I will! Thanks!"
 
With that, she left.
 
>...That mare, I swear... every time she talks I just see phantom me from middle school hovering over my shoulder going "WHAT HAVE I BECOME!?"
 
Slowly, his eyes trail over to the family photo on his desk.
 
>...Love's funny like that, I guess.
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Non-Canon
>SA
"18"
'Cadence'
~~~
"Hey, Shining, whats up?"
 
>I've decided to have sex with you.
 
"... What?"
 
>I mean I have decided to throw you down on the floor and fuck you silly.
 
"... You're... not... REEEEEEAAAAAL!!!!"
 
Eighteen proceeds to throw herself out a nearby window
 
'See? Even if you agreed to it she wouldn't be able to accept the new reality.'
 
>I still feel bad for messing with her like that.
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~
"BOOMSHAKALAKALAKALAKABOOM!- Hey, there's no door."
 
>I left it open.
 
"Oh... One sec..."
 
Chrysalis steps out and closes the door behind her
 
"KRACKALADABOOM!"
 
>Dammit... What did you want? Is it time to mess up your papers?
 
"Nope, only here to inform you that Polymers are legal!"
 
>Well, for members of the Crystal Guard they are.
 
"Shit, uhhh.... Polypeptides are legal!"
 
>I'd hope so or we'd all be mutant freaks!
 
"Polydactylys are legal!"
 
>Well why wouldn't they be? I mean it's a medical condition!
 
"Dammit! I'll be back!"
 
CRASH!
 
>Okay, now you're destroying my windows too?!
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>Spike
"Blueblood"
'Rarity'
~Rekulk~
~~~~~
 
~I will give you four of my cuts of the White-Eyes meat for that.~
 
>On the one hand, I want to ask what that is. On the other, that smells simply divine and I am worried I will not want to eat if afterwards.
 
'Spike! What is it with you and eating strange things today!?'
 
>But Rarity, he only wants two of my sugarbomb fluffers for FOUR cuts of meat! It's a steal!
 
'You don't even know what that is!'
 
>He eats it, so I doubt it's going to do anything to me.
 
~Indeed! White-Eyes meat very fresh! Very very fresh!~
 
"How fresh could it possibly be? We've been down here for almost a day!"
 
~Blood of the Blue One, it is as fresh as can be! I cut it from the White-Eyes before we crossed the river of black and stick! It is the many legged creature that sat on the liquids edge.~
 
>...Wait, White-Eyes is that weird cephalopod thing?
 
~Yes... no... I do not want to come across as 'ignoring', but I do not know what that is.~
 
"You mean ignorant."
 
~...I bring shame upon my kin.~
 
>Deal.
 
'SPIKE!'
 
>What? They looked edible!
 
~Ha ha! A wise trade, wise trade indeed! You get a very good deal with this, yes. Many of my kin cut meat, but Rekulk is best, yes he is!~
 
>...God this is delicious.
 
'Okay, that kiss on the cheek? We bumped that down to forehead now.'
 
>...I am going to ruin my thighs.
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Non-Canon
>Applejack
"Rarity"
[Spike]
~~~~~
 
>Yer back already!? Why?
 
"We ran into a... slight issue... LIFT HIM UP!"
 
A loud beeping rang out as the crane started to hoist, it's massive line struggling and groaning under the weight it pulled out of the toilet stall.
 
A gigantic purple ball crested over the hole, tiny little stubs for arms and legs wobbling uselessly.
 
[Remember me... as I was... for I have no regrets.]
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>Spike
"Rarity"
'Blueblood'
~Rekulk~
 
>"'...'"
 
>I do not trust this thing.
 
'Neither do I.'
 
"Agreed."
 
The three are standing before a pale and unmoving...
 
>How would you even describe this thing?
 
"A...egh...meat sack?"
 
'Vile...yet appropriate.'
 
>Rekulk'll know what it is, surely.
 
"He...how long ago did he go scout down that tunnel?"
 
'A few minutes.'
 
"A few or some? There's a difference."
 
>SHIT!
 
"'WHAT!?"'
 
>I...think I saw it move.
 
Spike lifts Charity, Rarity and Blueblood light up their horns.
 
~What are we looking at, friends?~
 
>"'GAH!'"
 
The three quickly scatter as Rekulk appears behind them, he blinks.
 
~Why for are we scared...ohhh...~
 
Rekulk looks at the meat sack.
 
~Oh this, THIS is a treat!~
 
Rekulk traipses up to the undulating creature, smiling.
 
~You found a Deep Grub! Haha, these are long times of fun!~
 
"...no, please, continue, I need to hear your insane explanation for this."
 
~Behold!~
 
Rekulk stomps at the ground in front of the monstrosity, in the next instance a vile pink fleshy maw erupts from its front, a mouth snapping and screeching as Rekulk jumps to the side and then on top of it. The beast wheezes and writhes beneath his forehooves as he laughs. He jumps off just as deftly and the creature's mouth recedes quickly back into its body.
 
~Stupid things have no brain, you can do that for hours! You must be clever, though, else it will catch you. Lost many broods by not being quick enough.~
 
The three shocked and horrified faces of his companions made him tilt his head.
 
~...why so scared? This is baby, now the BIG ones...well, I went down tunnel for reason, yes? Come come, we have much to go yet!~
 
Wordlessly the three follow after the Morlock as he trots off further into the caves. Then as one they turn around and shoot the Deep Grub with their weapons of choice.
 
>"'DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!'"
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