Title:           Thread 11: Stories 16-30
Author:          PrincessApplejack
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/bYcM5GLz
First Edit:      Sunday 23rd of March 2014 12:44:28 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 23rd of March 2014 12:44:28 PM CDT

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>77
"32"
~~~~~
77 and 32 face eachother within a burning building, each one bloodied, bruised, and breathing heavily
 
"So this is what it comes down to? The Queen herself orders the few remaining changelings left to fight to the death."
 
>I'm not fighting you on behalf of our queen, I'm fighting you on behalf of what's right! And I don't want to fight, not you!
 
"We're long past the point of talking, violence is the only discourse we have left available."
 
>No it's not! We're brothers, 32! We can walk away from this, both of us. Just lay down your arms, call off the morlocks, and we can take a ride back to the castle on my hoverbike!
 
"Never! What I do I do for the sake of- Wait, did you say 'hoverbike'?"
 
Later...
 
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
 
>Geez, calm down and hang on, man! I haven't even let you try driving it, yet!
 
"BEST! DAY! EVER!"
 
NON CANON
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>AJ10
"Guard"
{BBB}
~~~
 
>Ain't it magical, Mr Guard! And I got to talk to so many ponies! And Gryphons! And that one creepy thing I don't know what it was!
 
"Yeah yeah, it's... wait, what?"
 
>An' just like I promised, BBB didn't kill nobody!
 
"..."
 
>...I'm not going to apologize for him shooting the mane off that one guy, he was drugging ponies to do stuff with. Supervillain stuff, probably.
 
"Didn't say you had to apologize."
 
>Good, cause BBB can't. Literally, I don't think anyone programmed the word 'sorry' in there.
 
{BZZT! ERROR! STOP FALSELY FORMULATING LANGUAGE EXPRESSIONS IN THE FORM OF SIMPLE PHRASES!}
 
>See?
 
"If you say so."
 
>...Ya' worried about the guns?
 
"Little bit."
 
>They aren't loaded, or on! I don't think... I really should talk to someone about that, you think that science princess takes appointme-
 
{BZZT! WARNING! INCOMING PROJECTILE! SHIELD ACTIVATING!}
 
A large, leathery body smashed into the force shield not a millisecond later, just inches away from Ten and the Guard. It rolled to a stop a few feet away, and lie still.
 
>...So, shield. He has a shield. Did not know that. Kinda cool. Wish I had known that, would'a probably... probably saved a couple limbs, in the grander scheme o' things.
 
"..."
 
>...You think there's an instruction manual for this? I mean, I couldn't read it, but I would feel better just having it, you know?
 
"Have you ever heard of Cherrycorner street?"
 
>Yeah, got a great restaurant over in Ponyville! Why?
 
"Because I'm pretty sure that's where that demon looking thing came from."
 
>...You should'a been a detective, that's amazing! How'd you know?
 
"Call it a hunch."
 
If it were conscious, it might of chimed in on the matter. As it stands, the creature from hell itself was just going to have to let the imprint left over from the street sign do the talking. He'd get his chance later.
 
{...EXTERMINATE!}
 
Or maybe not.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
'You'll be alright, Two! Don't worry, daddy's here!'
 
>Shiny, would you calm down and shut it? She locked herself in the ice cream freezer!
 
'Spike, my angel's in there! If she's not in my arms in the next few seconds-'
 
>Ugh, fine!
 
Spike gives up on picking the lock and instead bites chunks out of the mechanism until the door swings open
 
>Ugh! There was plastic and brass in that!
 
"Shiny!"
 
'2! Don't you ever scare me like that again- Did you nab some rocky road?'
 
"Yep! It's your favorite, right?"
 
NON CANON
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>42
"Fancy"
'Fleur'
~~~~~
 
>Yay...
 
"Well, someone is having quite the time."
 
>GAH!
 
'Dear, PLEASE don't scare the Changeling who wore a helmet at a formal ball? She's likely unhinged."
 
"Now hush, I have been wanting to talk to her for ages now!"
 
The warriors eyes narrowed.
 
>What could you want?
 
"Well, mostly to confirm a rumor. You are training the Crystal Guard, are you not?"
 
>Yes, I am.
 
"And you fought along side the Prince during the invasion, right?"
 
>Of course. Is this not known?
 
'Not in the slightest, Canterlot denizens often take rumors like that as fairy tales.'
 
>Pft.
 
'How on Equestria did something like you get hired for the Guard?'
 
"Dear, really, I-"
 
>I kicked the hell out of Shining Armor.
 
"..."
 
'...Really?'
 
>Really. He handicapped that he couldn't use his shield or magic at first, but he had to use it just to stay conscious later.
 
"...Really?"
 
>Well, I mean, I USED to do that. He's pretty much at the level now he can keep up with me. If he goes full power, he can even win sometimes. Mostly I just whip the Guard into shape now.
 
"..."
 
>Hey don't give me that look, I will have you know his wife is very appreciative! He is in the best shape of his life, and she loves how he... uh...
 
'Go on...'
 
>Well, I mean, it's not like *I* know anything about it. I don't... I mean, I can feel it when we grapple, but I'm not focused on... feeling it... that would be...
 
"..."
 
'...'
 
>...Oh my, look at the time! Well, great talking to you, we must do it again soon. BYE!
 
She did not get up from the chair. She did not shift or hop the chair. She simply remained seated, and as if it were a puck on an air hockey table, the chair slid away.
 
"..."
 
'...'
 
"...My goodness, she is right. Look at that!"
 
'How can I not?'
 
"I have the sudden urge to hit the gym with the force of an angry buffalo stampede."
 
'This Gala is doing nothing for our body image.'
 
'...'
 
"...How long until this staring becomes a tad unsetling?"
 
'Liittle longer...liiiiitle longer.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 
"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, GREAT MOTHER FAUST! GET HER OUT OF HERE!"
 
>I CAN HUG EVERYTHING NOW!
 
"HNNNNNNG!"
 
"This is bad, at this rate ALL OF HEAVEN will have diabetes in the next ten minutes!"
 
"DO SOMETHING!
 
~THERE! DING! ALIVE! GET HER OUT OF HERE!~
 
>Can I give you just ooooone hug a'fore I go?
 
~....YESHNNNNNG!~
 
NON CANON
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Celestia
"Chrysalis"
~~~~
 
>Hm, how odd. Is Luna dancing with a-
 
"Yes, she is. Don't worry, I gave her the no-pedo talk."
 
>...Horrifying.
 
"Hey now, even us bug monsters have lines. They are ill defined and easily forgettable lines, but they exist!"
 
>She very likely has no sexual attraction to him.
 
"..."
 
>...Doesn't even seem logical to you, does it?
 
"Hey, they're the ones dancing. I thought you ponies only danced with someone you wanted to bone, be boned by, or family."
 
>How old is he anyway?
 
"Uhhhh... you know that little red maned pony that hangs around Applejack sometimes? He's her age, I guess. Was stuck in that class for a reason I assume."
 
>Hmmm, would only be about ten years in that case, not bad at all.
 
"Probably longer than that, Changelings age slower when we have a love supply."
 
>Really?
 
"Yeah, defensive mechanism. That way the ones that aren't pulling their weight get aged to a point where they can start being more proactive, or they quickly age to death and we're glad because they obviously sucked at their job. Win-win!"
 
>Your species will never not horrify me.
 
"My species? You ponies are the real sickos. You have more than one child... AT THE SAME TIME!"
 
>...
 
"...It's just poor planning. Only one heart, and you just KNOW they're going to fight to the death, and even the winner is likely to be crippled in some fashion, and then you have to get a new mate and he has to fuck you all over again and you give birth again and ugh... it's a mess."
 
>...
 
"That's why I have PILLS! Never going to deal with that. HAH!"
 
>...Those are vitamins.
 
"..."
 
>They're not birth control, those pills are different.
 
"...Oh...OH! Oh wow, uh... That was... that was almost bad. That was almost really, really bad. WOO! Dodged a bullet there! I uh... probably should have double checked that."
 
>...
 
"...You win this round, CELESTIA! BUT I WILL WIN ANOTHER DAY! AAAHAHAHAHA!"
 
>...The punch bowl is the other way.
 
"I KNEW THAT!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Spike
"Chrysalis"
~~
 
>Hoo... okay, just need to go switch off with Rarity real quick, fix whatever that dumabss did now, hop over to-
 
"So THERE'S the real you! Hey Lizado, having fun?"
 
>...I have no idea what you are talking about.
 
"And I do not want Shiny to mount me like an animal and make me SC-REAM!"
 
>...
 
"...Well, I mean, I don't want that NOW, I have actually had a very startling revelation tonight and must get a slight problem fixed before I advance plan 'fucked', but in general, you know?"
 
>...Can I pull the underage card with you? Can we just, like, pretend I'm as innocent as Two or 56 from here on out? Please?
 
"No can do. If I did, I wouldn't be helping you nail your group tonight. Also, to clarify no funny stuff with Two. I'm not really attached to her per-say, as she and I have had, like, no time together, buuut Shiny loves that little thing, and I may one day use her to conquer the world. Not sure what the age of consent is for the pink one, though, you might want to double check that before you wreck that. The 'I'm a minor too' defense only works if you get nerdlinger and priss out of the group, and what the fuck is even the point by then? Those two are way more bang for their buck... HAH! Bang. I crack me up."
 
>...I don't know what makes me want to vomit more about that faaaar too long little piece of info, to be frank. Like, on some level, ALL of it does, but my body just can't decide where to start, and it's all confused.
 
"What's the problem?"
 
>I'm not planning to sleep with any of them, for starters... well, not tonight, I should clarify.
 
"Ah, come on! What's the point of a harem if you don't get to enjoy it?"
 
>I have tasted sulfur, and somehow it was less disgusting than what is in my mouth now.
 
"Fine, whatever. Don't know why I bothered trying to help you anyway. Hrmph!"
 
>...The scariest part is that I do not doubt for a second she's honestly trying to be helpful, and I still feel like I need an adult. Weird night.
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>Gwen
“Gilda”
‘Rainbow Dash’
_______
 
“Okay, can you ponies just, like… this dancing and hopping and shit? Stop it for two seconds, I’m trying to ask what a gala is! Eh! I’m talkin’ here!”
 
>Gilda? I'd recognize that vexatious screech anywhere.
 
“I dare you to say that aga- ...by the flaming mane of Celestia, Q-Queen Gwendoline? I-what are you doing here?”
 
>A question I sought to ask you. Still hopelessly trying to commingle with these ponies, I see.
 
“Pot calling the kettle black much, my Queen? In case you didn’t notice, we’re in the same joint.”
 
>You’d do well to watch that insolent tone, traitor. I’m not the one tarnishing the mighty valor and heritage of our Gryphon race by subjugating myself to that rouge group… what were they called again? The Wonder-somethings? Tch.
 
“Right. Well, better doing what I enjoy than screaming like a hatchling at the sight of that little Changeling over there.”
 
>She is EVIL! She will bring about a plague to our world, mark my words!
 
“They’ve been marked and subsequently discarded, my Queen. Look, why don’t you loosen up for once and enjoy yourself? I don’t know what caused you to suddenly start acting like a hardass but I miss the old Gwendoline. You’re like a chick that hasn’t been laid in forever, pissed off and angry for no reason.”
 
>You dare speak to me like-
 
‘Oi! Gilda! There you are! Damn, I was lookin’ all over for you, man. C’mon, we got things to… oh snap! Gwen, is that you? Glad you could make it! How’s the kingdom goin’? Not slowin’ down are ya? Ha, anyway, let’s go, G.’
 
“Not until you tell me what a fucking gala is!”
 
‘G, for Celestia’s sake, you’re at the gala! Now come on!’
 
“I say you’re full’a shit but alright. And Gwen, really, get that stick out of your ass, you used to be a lot cooler.”
 
And Gilda followed a chattering Rainbow Dash through an adjacent doorway leaving Gwendoline alone to stare after them, her tail swishing softly behind her. She stared silently into her cup of punch, then out at the partying ponies nearby, and finally at 56.
 
>Enjoy myself… hmph. Ludicrous....
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Fake!Spikes
"PJ"
'AJ2'
[Twi]
{Rar}
-DT-
And this is how Spike's double fuck things up.
~~~~~
>So... I'm confused, do you wanna do me or something?
 
-I'm going to be nice and pretend I didn't hear that.-
 
Meanwhile
 
"MPH MM!"
 
>How was supposed to know it was a yam, not a potato?!
 
Meanwhile
 
>... I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about, Twilight...
 
[I was explaining why the plot to Rainbow Dash's fanfic didn't work...]
 
>Oh... Enlightening!
 
Meanwhile
 
'Spike, are you okay?'
 
>TOTALLY FINE
 
'Then why do you look so nervous and not want to dance with me around Shiny? ... Do you... Hate me?'
 
2 begins to cry
 
>NONONONO! Let's dance! Twerk it! Yeah! I am screwed...
 
Meanwhile
 
{And these are my ideas for some of next season's fashions! What do you think?}
 
>... Wow, those are hideous.
 
{...}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Poindexter
“Guard 1”
‘Guard 2’
_______
 
“Access denied.”
 
>Oh come on! I’m friends with Shining Armor! I’m VIP!
 
‘We have the VIP list right here, sir, and as far as we can tell there’s no ‘Poindexter’ written down.’
 
>Bullshit, look, you guys know me! You seem me come here constantly for our DnD games!
 
“Is there a gala being held, or a DnD game?”
 
>Point. But now you've activated my trap card. I have an all-access pass. It’s right here. It gives me access to the castle at all times and I choose this time to access it!
 
‘The all-access pass is rendered void during special events, otherwise anypony could come and go as they please regardless of the occasion. This is why gala-specific tickets were sent out, sir.’
 
>I didn’t get a damn ticket!
 
“Shame.”
 
‘If you have a problem, sir, you can file a complaint with the magistrate of festivities. You’ll receive a form to fill out in three to four business days.’
 
>THE GALA IS ONLY FOR TONIGHT!
 
“Shame.”
 
>Look, just… go get Shining! He’ll vouch for me!
 
‘Shining Armor is dancing with his wife and has ordered us not to disturb him for the night, sir.’
 
>…can’t you just let me in? Please?
 
“And risk our jobs? Guess again.”
 
>Fuck my life.
 
‘You think you have it bad? It’s me and my wife’s seventh anniversary and yet here I stand.’
 
“Are you going to whine about that all night, man?”
 
‘Yes. Yes, I think I will.’
 
>…want to play some DnD to kill time?
 
‘Will it detract from the crushing disappointment and sorrow I’m feeling?’
 
>It’s hard to be depressed when you’re bashing in some orc skulls with your mighty hammer of lore.
 
“We’re game. Set it up.”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Applejack
"AJ2"
'Spike/Rainbolt Red'
~Dixie Duet
-Spike/Rainbolt Blue-
 
>Come on, y'all, let's see your fancy shmancy hooves work it! Yeeeeee haw!
 
"AUTNIE JACKIE! THIS IS REALLY REALLY DANCEY MUSIC! CAN I DANCE WITH YOU! PLEEEASE?!
 
>Sure thing, where'd Shiny go though?
 
"I dunno! but can we dance? I wanna do the hoofy thing with you"
 
>No need t' ask dear, here, just follow mah lead
 
"Can I hold onto your hoofies? I donwanna trip up"
 
>That's the best part sug', ya gotta learn to fall over sometimes to have fun, y'll be fine, just move yer hooves like mine...see? A-one...two..three...and twirl, that's it!
 
"WEEEE! SPIKE! Look at me dance! I'm dancing like Auntie Jackie!"
 
'But I never learnt square dancing...what do I do?'
 
>Oh pshawwwww, you saw enuff to get a lil' grip of it yerself, an' it's all bout taking part! Come on Spike, this evening wasn't really that fun till those four showed up
 
~Aaaaaand step her forward a hoof and up to yer side. Bring up yer head and smile real wide! Give yer pardner a wink and a nifty stare, now grab him by the wasit and chuck 'em in the air
 
'Chuck 'em in the wha-WAAAAAH
 
"Come on Spikey! This so so much fuuuun!
 
'HELP!'
 
>Aww shucks, yer not meant to throw him all the time sug', and what happened to "Auntie Applejack"
 
"Look! there's another Spike ya can dance with!
 
>Really now? Where do y-...
 
'...'
 
-...-
 
"Heeheeheehee, I din't know dragons could make them some clones"
 
>....They...can't?
 
-I'M NOT HERE!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Gaffer
"8-Bit"
'???'
~~~~
 
>So, here we are again...
 
"Instead of at the Gala."
 
>Where we could totally be right now.
 
"If we weren't total losers and could stand to be in the same room as our ex-best friend without breaking into hysterics."
 
>I almost made it through the door, I really did.
 
"Nobody is going to blame us for turning around and running into the bathroom to have a long, long cry after witnessing what could only be described as an orgy in dance form."
 
>Two different Changelings, Two different Princesses, AND A QUEEN!
 
"Pal, I just started getting drunk, please don't bring it up."
 
>OH GOD! WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIIIIIIIIIIIFE!?
 
"NOTHING! THAT'S WHAT WE'RE FUCKING DOING! NOOOOTHINNG!"
 
>"WHYYYYYYY!?"
 
'Because ya'll are sittin' here in the bathroom cryin'?'
 
>...
 
"...We... we didn't run into the Stallions bathroom, did we?"
 
'Ya' did not.'
 
>...Whoops.
 
"...Um, Princess, not to sound needy right now or anything, but could you-"
 
'Ain't gonna mention it.'
 
>And can we have som-
 
'Spare tissues are under that sink.'
 
"Wow, she's nice, I'm glad I voted for you."
 
'Wasn't elected.'
 
"I cast my vote silently."
 
'...'
 
"..."
 
>...Need to use the bathroom?
 
'Iffin' ya' would.'
 
"Kay. We're just going to sit in the corner."
 
'Ain't mah business.'
 
>Appreciated. Now, as we were saying-
 
>"WHYYYYYY!?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Sombra
"Lord Tourmaline/32"
 
>So you were a member of the one called 77's squad?
 
"Indeed, we were separated while he and 88 slept. But I would rather save the length of my story for a less pressing time."
 
32 grabbed another book and threw it onto the table.
 
"I must say it's an honor to meet you, your majesty."
 
>Beg pardon?
 
32 looked back with a smirk on his face.
 
"I once seduced an equinologist in Baltimare, I'm well acquainted with Equestria's history and culture. Many merely focus on your despotic rise and descent into madness, me I found your studies on pony tribes' exodus from the homelands to be quite intriguing."
 
Sombra blinked as another book hit the table.
 
>I didn't realize a copy of that still existed.
 
"My beau was quite the collector of strange things, under him I learned a lot about the world's cultures, its history, all the things that made it great..."
 
32 looked down.
 
"I guess that's what put me on the path I'm on now."
 
Sombra leaned in, a quizzical expression on his face.
 
>How so?
 
32 sighed, throwing a final book on the table and turning to Sombra.
 
"The Changeling Empire is doomed, your highness, I can see its demise without even having any kind of magical foresight. Even as that shrew of a Queen dances in that ballroom our people are coming closer and closer to extinction."
 
>What? I haven't seen any changelings die, and I've been assured they've been well treated since the were given refuge in Equestria.
 
32 shook his head.
 
"But are any new changelings being born? Are our numbers increasing? No. We were blessed with a Queen with the talent of survival and cursed with one that is too afraid of the natural order of things to do what she needs to. Time will be our undoing, as it is with most outdated forms of life. That is why I am here with the creatures you saw earlier. I seek to leave a legacy, that to at least one race on this planet we will be remembered as creators, not destroyers."
 
>You're...not here to conquer?
 
"No, if you don't believe me, read the titles of the books I intend to steal."
 
Sombra's horn glowed, he slowly lifted the books and looked through the titles.
 
>On the Founding of Equestria...Elder Peat Moss' Treatise on Mushroom Agriculture...A Beginner's Guide to Metalworking...
 
Sombra looked up, 32 nodded.
 
"The Morlocks are a primitive people, I've done can on my own to advance them, but I can only go so far on memory alone. These books are what I intend to use to bring them further towards realizing their true potential as a sentient race."
 
>I see...but why all this trouble? Why replace Lord Tourmaline? Certainly an earnest approach would yield better result.
 
"Until recently I believed my species either wiped out in the war or the cruel masters of a ruined kingdom. All my information even now is second hand from my robotic friend here, tinged heavily with some maddened aristocrat's propaganda. Secrecy was the only was to ensure the survival of my expedition. I realize there is criminality in my actions, so I am willing to make a deal with you."
 
>A deal you say?
 
"Indeed, when my Morlocks return I will give them the books, and the robot to read the contents to them. They will leave peacefully and I will remain to turn myself in for the crimes I have committed to get here. A fair exchange would you not agree?"
 
>After a fashion, yes.
 
"Excellent, then we shall wait for my compatriots."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>PotatoJack
"Gilda"
'Spike/RainboltGreen'
[Spike/RainboltYellow]
~~~~~
"Shit, you know how great it is to meet another with a taste for meat?"
 
>Mph mph mm mph mphm
 
"He did, huh? And he's got that whole gun club thing., maybe he's not such a dweeb. But anyway though, how do you like your steaks? I like them rare as possibly myself, paid the price for that a few times though."
 
Gilda gestures to her stomach
 
>M mphm mm mphmph mm mphm, mph mphmm mphm mm mm mph mm mhphm mph mm mmphm. Mmphmphmph mphphm mm mph mphm phm
 
"Ahhh, survivalist standpoint, huh?"
 
[Hey, Rarity, I brought the punch-]
 
Gilda and PJ stare
 
'Okay, I'm back with the potato dip and cra-'
 
[I WASN'T HERE!]
 
'Dammit, yellow, you fucked up again...'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Rarity
"Spike/Rainbolt Indigo"
{Rainbolt Indigo's thoughts}
~~~~~~~
 
>Here's your punch, Spike. It's a good thing you're not drinking hard cider. I don't think you can handle it.
 
"Thanksh..."
 
{I'm so glad I got swapped back with her. She's so pretty. Damn that little bastard dragon for stringing along all these ladies. Especially when he can be with her. What an asshole. I should say something nice to her.}
 
"I...really like your...mane."
 
>Aw, thank you Spike. I didn't do much with it this time around, but I'm glad you like it.
 
{Sweet, now follow up with something smooth.}
 
"Maybe...violet ishn't sho bad a color."
 
>...what?
 
{Crap, that didn't come out right. Quick, damage control!}
 
"Uh...letsh dansh."
 
>This isn't quite my type of music, but I can probably wing it.
 
{Yes! I. Am. Good!}
 
As they dance
>Spike, what happened to your date with Diamond Tiara? I thought I might have to share you with her.
 
{Shit. Okay, uh. Think of something that won't bite you in the ass.}
 
"I dumped her..."
 
>...Really?
 
"...yeah."
 
{Booya, nailed it!}
 
>...and you weren't blown up?
 
"...yup."
 
>Hm, I guess she's more mature than I thought.
 
He takes another sip of punch.
 
>Oh yeah, I just remembered. I wanted to give you a little something.
She floats out a green emerald.
>Here you go. Just for you.
 
{Holy crap, look at the size of this thing! I can probably buy a small house and move out of the ballroom with this!}
 
"...thanksh"
 
>...well aren't you going to eat it?
 
{Why the hell would I eat this? ...wait a minute. There's a lot of love in this thing.}
He puts it in his mouth and gnaws on it.
 
"Mmmrhgh"
 
{Wow, this is really good and it's going so well. I wish this moment would just last forever...weird...why do I feel so tired?}
Indigo passes out on the floor.
 
>Spike? Spike!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________