Title:           Thread 11: Stories 121-132
Author:          PrincessApplejack
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/itN4FqbT
First Edit:      Sunday 23rd of March 2014 01:21:50 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 23rd of March 2014 01:21:50 PM CDT

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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~
 
>And-
 
"SMACKTHECRACKA! BOOM!"
 
>OW! Why would you throw things!?
 
"Sorry, was aiming for the paperwork."
 
>With a hairdryer!?
 
"Well, what else am I supposed to do with a broken hairdryer? It's right there!"
 
>Why is this broken!?
 
"Because reasons. Subject change! Is Lizardo coming down to visit sometime? I have need of him. Fire related need."
 
>Not for a while, if I have anything to say about it.
 
"Awww, c'mon, don't tell me you're still miffed! It wasn't all that bad!"
 
>He lied to my daughter, left her alone with the goddamn RAINBOLTS several times that night, got her drunk and left her alone again.
 
"...Well, I mean, when you say it like THAT..."
 
>You know what the worst part is? I didn't even really mind the switchy thing, I kind of forced that on him because I wanted her to have fun, and he was the only male I really trusted. But the rainbolts!? I don't know who the hell they are! Nobody does! I asked him what their numbers were and he just kind of stared blankly at me! If he had pushed her off on Twilight, or Rarity, or one of his friends, that would be one thing, but... I'm just lucky none of them were a pedo version of 29!
 
"Meh, still think you're over-reacting. She had fun!"
 
>She was DRUNK!
 
"So were most of us?"
 
>IT'S DIFFERENT FOR HER!
 
"...is it? Changelings are allowed to get sloshed the instant they're able. I got hammered when I was five, it was great."
 
>Not helping.
 
"Look, if you're going to be grumpy, I'm gonna pull the 'make you feel bad' card."
 
>...Don't you dare.
 
"Gonna do it."
 
>Don't!
 
"Doin' it!"
 
>CHRYSALIS!
 
"If he really messed up so bad, then shouldn't his BIG BROTHER be there to explain it to him and help him feel better about himself instead of shutting him out?"
 
>...Damn it.
 
"Gotch'a."
 
>Fine, I probably really over-reacted.
 
"Eehhh, not really. You acted appropriately for an angry guy, buuuut time to be the mature guy and get past it."
 
>...So, about this hairdryer-
 
"Your fault if anyone asks."
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>Rainbow Dash
"Scootaloo"
'Fleetfoot'
~~~~~
Dash is walking Scootaloo through the Wonderbolts HQ
 
"OHMYGOSH! OHMYGOSH! OHMYGOSH! This is SO awesome!"
 
>Not as much as I'd wish. I hate to break this to you, but there's only five Wonderbolts who passed their drug examine, and one of them may be down with something serious.
 
"Really?"
 
>I'm sorry, squirt, I'm gonna level with you, The Wonderbolts are apparently mostly corrupt jerks who like to treat being a Wonderbolt as being in a college frat-
 
Rainbow Dash pulls Scootaloo out of the way in time to avoid being hit by an empty keg kicked out of an office window where a party goes on inside
 
>Ugh... I'm happy you came all this way to see me, I'm sorry it's such a disappointment...
 
"Disappointment?! Rainbow Dash, this is so much cooler! You're telling me that you were so cool, you weren't just made head of the Wonderbolts, but brought in to raise their coolness to your level!"
 
>... Thanks, kiddo... That... Makes me feel better, hey! Maybe I can look into starting a junior Wonderbolts Program, think you might be interested in tha- Kid?
 
[EXCITEMENT INTENSIFIES!]
 
Scootaloo falls over on the floor, biggest smile ever and foam frothing at the mouth while buzzing on the carpet
 
'Whoa... What's she on and where can I get some?'
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~~~~~
>Now this is tha story all 'bout how
>'Mah life got flipped turns upside down
>Now Ah jus' need a minute ta expot tha plot
>Ah'll tell ya how Ah became a filly in Canterlot
 
>In on Sweet Appleacres born an' raised
>In Ponyville proper's where Ah spent mota mah days
>Hangin' out, buckin, playin' it cool
>Crusadin' wit' mah friends after school
 
>When sum o' cheerlie's demons
>they were up ta no good
>29 kicked their flanks all ov'r tha neighbore hood
 
>But Ah got in one lil' figh'
>An' Mac got scared
>He said
"Nope!"
 
>Ah got a ticket fer tha train an' as it pulled near
>It was made o' crystal an' there were changelin's weren' ridin' in tha rear
>If anythin', Ah thought mah heart migh' stop
>But Ah decided 'nah, forget it! Conductor, Ta Canterlot!'
 
>Ah
>Pulled
>Up to tha castle 'round seven 'r eight
>An' Ah told Turnup Tucker Ah'd catch 'im later!
>Looked at tha castle
>"So this is mah new lot!
>to join mah sister
>as tha Fresh Apple o' Canterlot!"
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>Spike
"Rarity"
~~~
 
"Hey Spike. I'm back with Charity and I made modifications to the enchantment."
 
>Cool, what'd you do?
 
"Well for starters, I've made it, so that if the cylinder doesn't have any shells in it, Charity will fire magic bullets, so if you run out of bullets and empty out the shells, you'll have something to fire. The magic bullets bullet themselves will behave like full metal jackets, so keep that in mind. It also means that Charity is always loaded, so do be careful, darling.
 
>You're talking to the only one who practices gun safety. I'll be fine.
 
"Another thing is that whoever's talking using Charity will have their own voice come out instead of making you throw your voice to look like she's talking."
 
>Okay, at least now it won't look so strange. Right Charity? [That's right, darling.]
 
".......anyway, the fight with what's-his-name has made me realized that you're quite vulnerable if you get separated from Charity."
 
>I'm training with 42 to get stronger.
 
"Yes, it's good to be well-rounded, but until then you're still a gunslinger first. 77 is a knife-user, 42 is a fighter, DT is a demomare, and you're a gunslinger. Never get separated from Charity. In fact you won't ever have to again. Just open up your hand and will her into it."
 
>Like th-
Charity flies into his hand
>Whoa!
 
"Was it too fast? I hope it's not too sensitive."
 
Spike throws Charity and she quickly flies back into his hand.
>No it's perfect!
Attaches a bayonet to Charity and throws her to a plate of cheese and comes back with it.
 
>Wow, this is so much fun! Weeee look at her go!
 
"Now Spike, the last thing I wanted to tell you is that-"
 
>Hahahaha aaaand back she comes. It's like a boomerang or a yo-yo! There she goes and back. Sorry what were you trying to say?
 
"...You know, I'll tell you some other time. Enjoy yourself and have fun with your improved toy."
As she walks away
"For once...just be a kid."
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>Applejack
"Rarity"
[Spike]
~~~~
 
>No way will it fit.
 
"Now that's not the right spirit! You just have to take a deep, deeeep breath, and think of your happy place."
 
>Sug', this seems like a bit too dangerous jus' ta' make him happy fer a few minutes.
 
"Oh hush, males DREAM of their marefriends doing this. I'm not up to date on the current scene, but I'm fairly certain it's in the top ten of things they really want."
 
>You sure?
 
"Applejack, Darling, I'm sure. Chrysalis brags about how much Shining Armor loved it so much, I couldn't be UNsure about it."
 
>...Well... okay.
 
"Great! Now, we obviously have to do a bit of practice first, if we just jump right in we could seriously injure ourselves. You weren't wrong, this is a little dangerous, but it will be so worth it to see the look on his face!"
 
>Alright, jus'... go slow, okay?
 
"Applejack, I will be as gentle as a doctor."
 
>Okay... here... we... goooo...
 
~~~Later~~~~
 
[Did she ask for ketchup, or catsup?.... Damn it, I can't remember. Ahhh, I'll just borrow both, I know Rarity has all of them- HOLY GUACAMOLE!]
 
>THIS AIN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!
 
"Too late, darling. Spike! You ruined the surprise!"
 
[Are you guys...]
 
>Ahhh, yeah, ya' caught us. We were savin' it fer' yer' birthday.
 
[...AWESOME!]
 
"See? Told you he would like it."
 
[Can we go now? I don't want to wait.]
 
"Ohhh, Applejack's a little sore-"
 
>Go ahead, sug', Ah' need some recovery time.
 
"Well, so long as you're okay with it. Hop on, Spike!"
 
[YES! DREAMS DO COME TRUE!]
 
There was laughing, giggling and a bit of grunting.
 
And then Spike and Rarity rode the tandem bike out the door, and through the castle.
 
[WHEEEEEEEE~!]
 
"Synchronize, Spike, synchronize!"
 
>...Friggen bike seat, need ta' get more padding.
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>applejack
"Big Mac"
'Granny Smith'
~~~~~
>You absolutely sure ya'll don' need me to come down here once a day?
 
"Eeyup."
 
>Ah kin buck a whole field real quick like an' then load up tha carts, bring'em in tha barn, help make some cider-
 
'Deary, we'll be alright... Yer gonna give yerself a heart attack at this rate.'
 
>AH'VE ALREADY HAD THREE WHEN APPLEBLOOM SAID YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE LEFT ON THA FARM!
 
'Why don't you get that nice dragon boy to give to a massage... And give me some grandchildren while 'e's-'
 
"GRANNY! Ah don' need that mental image!"
 
>But what're ya'll gonna do 'bout runnin' tha farm wit'out me AN' Applebloom?!
 
'We got help comin' in from some o' the other farms an' families, dear. Though even then... Ya'll migh' wanna use those wings start flyin.'
 
>Huh? Why? An' there's gotta be somethin' Ah kin do to-
 
Big Mac rears up on his hind legs and stomps the ground the instant Granny Smith herself jumps to avoid a shockwave that ripples through the orchard, dropping all the apples into countless baskets placed beneath their trees
 
"Nope."
 
'He figured that out when he found tha stray demon that harassed Applebloom.'
 
>... Ah think Ah'm gonna head back an' git to work on those grandkids.
 
"JACKIE! ARGH!"
 
'Atta girl, dearie, sum dragon blood in tha family line'll do us some real good.'
 
Meanwhile, Big Mac falls to the grass, attempting to gouge his eyes out at the mental image of his sister having sex
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>Celestia
"Twilight"
~~~
 
>How's the portal to the Empire coming?
 
"I've gone beyond time and space twice, and I'm pretty sure I'm a year older than I was yesterday."
 
>...So, good?
 
"Going great! We just need to get the other portal set up over there, and we can do our first ever long distance test!"
 
>First ever?
 
"Weeellll, I kind of accidentally discomboboulated a bunch of test subjects, none alive before you ask, and, well... it got messy."
 
>...
 
"But I am SURE it will work! Mostly."
 
>...Great! Can't wait to see it in action. Just make sure when you're setting it up, Shining Armor puts it in a secure location that we can reach him quickly from.
 
"Why him?"
 
>Because on the day I finally snap and murder Chrysalis, I'm going to need help burying the body.
 
"..."
 
>...I mean, so I can go spend some time with an old friend, of course!
 
"...I have ways to dissolve a-"
 
>STOP! In the name of plausible deny-ability, STOP!... but thank you for that thing I know nothing about and we are not talking about.
 
"Anytime."
 
>So, is this going to grow any new limbs or something?
 
"...probably not."
 
>Probably?
 
"I'd test it out on someone we don't like first."
 
>...Random Changeling?
 
"Random Changeling."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Chrysalis
"Shining Armor"
'Twilight'
[AJ2]
~~~~~
'Aaaaand my little niece checks out with a clean bill of health!'
 
[Yay! Can I go back to looking at the fishies in Auntie Twi's waity room?]
 
"Sure thing!"
 
>You know, would it kill you guys to ease up on the 2 love? I get she's adorable but look at what spending a few seconds with her does to my gut! I have a love belly here! I'm gonna need another robot army to destroy to work this shit off!
 
"Or... You could train with either of the guard armies under 42 or 77. Or train with Spike who's been running between both."
 
'I told him he's not recovered enough for that!'
 
>Ugh, and while I'm at it, maybe I can go dig a ditch with the rest of the peons. PASS!
 
'Well, all this aside, I want to ask something, Chrysalis... Is 2 yours? I mean, from your hive.'
 
>... You know, I can't say for certain. She kind of showed up one day just before my mother gave the throne over to me. I can't place where 10 or 56 come from either...
 
"Any ideas? I mean this might become important for their health in the future."
 
>Well... I have some suspicions but I don't want to cast them on those three! I mean, what I'm thinking of is basically a changeling boogeyman fairy tale...
 
'Oh, more lore too, should be appropriately horrifying.'
 
>Well, this was a long time ago, thy say. Story's about 'The First, Forsaken Hive. See, whenever a queen dies with no heir, the hive becomes considered Forsaken, as does the members of its swarm until they are adopted into a new hive. But this was so long ago, the first queen or queens had just come into being, depending on who you ask. But the point was, this hive was so new, the queen had only just given birth to her first brood, they were pretty much hatchlings when she just suddenly dropped dead. Without a mother, or queen to guide them, the hatchlings went mad and feral, eventually relying on their child-like cuteness to drain love from parents and even other hives. And if they couldn't get it fast enough, or needed more, they tore open the chests of pony, or, well, anything and ate the hearts out. Supposedly while singing some kind of creepy children's rhyme or lullaby in a dead language. This hive became nomadic and scattered, supposedly existing to this day in an eternal, morbid childhood spent worming their way into the hearts of ponies everywhere... And then worming into their literal hearts. On moonless nights you can hear them singing... Singing their awful song.
 
'...'
 
"... PFFFFFTHAHAAHAHA! You actually had me going there!"
 
>Aw, damn! What gave it away?
 
"You smirked too much."
 
'So... was that even a real myth or just bullshit?'
 
>Oh, it's as real as a legend gets. I mean, come on, everything about that story basically defies how changelings even work. It's just a ghost story I heard when I was young, and can you seriously imagine 2 of all changelings being one of them?
 
"Seriously! Stop that! I'm gonna piss myself!"
 
>Do it in my mouth! I can do watersports!
 
"..."
 
'Well, I guess we'll have to find out where 2 comes from later, doesn't seem like an immediately pressing issue though...'
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Within the crystal empire and canterlot, three souls awoke to the fading refrains of a melody that chilled them to the core.
Unknowingly as one, they resolved to forget the experience and tried to return to a sleep that would be a long time in coming.
 
>(Hehehehe)
"oh i just knew I'd convince you that feeding the night critters would be fun, we should do this more often!"
>Oh yes my dear friend, we should definitely do exactly what we're doing now more often.
>(if only some certain somebodies would let me off the leash more often)
"what was that?"
>But it'd be even more fun if we had some oxen?
"but they're all asleep right now."
>I could make them nocturnal?
"you promised me you wouldn't radically change an entire species biology after what happened that one time.
>How was i supposed to know that mixing a duck, an otter, a beaver, a couple birds, a snake and that one cow that looked at me funny would actually make something that would not only survive longer than ten minutes but actually get away from us and proceed to propagate like rabbits?
"You did fix them didnt you."
>I fixed the one i made, the other couple hundred weren't my fault so i just tossed them onto another planet, specifically Aus...something-or-other, too many syllables.
"Discord...."
>Whaaaat? I thought you'd approve of nature taking it's course? Besides, theres a (microscopic) chance they actually thrived in the deadliest place i could think of that still supported their type of life!
"I'm going to pretend i didnt hear that."
>This is why we're such good friends.
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>Poindexter
“Shining”
‘AJ2’
______
 
>Heeeeey, Shining. Fancy meeting you here about the castle.
 
“I, uh… I live here, ‘Dex.”
 
>Really? I had no idea. And you even remember my name! Sweeell!
 
“This is going to be something, isn’t it? You’re about to make me feel some sorta awful right now, aren’t you?”
 
>Ooooh, yes.
 
“Can it like, wait? I’m trying to enjoy a bonding walk with Two here.”
 
‘Heya, Pointy!’
 
Despite Poindexters initially sour expression, it brightened almost immediately upon seeing the waving Two and he wasted no time in scooping her up into his arm, snuggling her unmercifully. She “squeeee”d and giggled, her legs thrashing about as he blew raspberries against her stomach.
 
While Shining fought back the oncoming heart attack from that overdose of cute, Poindexter set the adorable Changeling down, pulling a small bag of marshmallows from his pocket that caused her eyes to enlarge.
 
‘A… are those…?’
 
>All yours.
 
Words were beyond the trembling Two as she accepted her gift with a squeaky thanks and instantly began to put one in each of her holes.
 
“…I think you just made her entire year. Don’t know whether to be happy or jealous, really.”
 
>Save it. I’m not through with you. You really messed up, man.
 
“I know, ‘Dex, I know. I treated one of my best friends terribly…”
 
This stunned Poindexter, the sudden admittance.
 
>W-well… that’s good you realize! Now how do you plan to make this better?
 
“I guess I’ll get him some diamonds, he really likes those. Orrr, oh! I know! I’ll let him DM our games for the next month!”
 
>Diamonds…? Not really one of my favorite things but I guess leading our DM charge, that’s a start.
 
“You? No, I’m talking about Spike.”
 
>Spike?! What about him? I thought you meant me!
 
Two was rolling on her back now, giggling with all four limbs flailing excitedly through the air and nearly every hole occupied with a marshmallow.
 
“Why? Spike’s the one I acted like a jerk towards.”
 
>You didn’t invite me to the Gala! The guards said I wasn’t even on the V.I.P list, I had to sit out there all night and play DnD with them!
 
“Wow… I was wondering what all had slipped my mind… I’m just two for two right now, aren’t I?”
 
>If Two weren’t here I’d have some choice words for you, my friend.
 
“I know….”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Shining Armor
"Spike"
~~~~~
>Thanks, 42, I'll be done with him soon.
 
Shining Armor approaches Spike as he works a bag, then stands awkwardly trying to figure out what to say
 
"42, 77, if you're trying to get the drop on me again, it won't work, I know you're exactly six and a half feet behind and to my left. Next time, don't bring something that rattles."
 
>Ummm... Actually, it's me.
 
"Huh..."
 
Spike immediately checks himself for holes
 
>I'm not here to attack you or anything! Honest!
 
"Last time you said that, you and Cadence tried to crush my head in the door. But I'll accept your words at face value..."
 
Shining Armor winces
 
>Yeah, I get I've been an asshole to you lately, and... I'm sorry. I know that's not enough so I brought this.
 
He offers the box of diamonds.
 
"Huh, well thank you. Anyway though, I'm not gonna forgive you because there's really nothing to forgive."
 
>Pardon?
 
"Shining Armor, if I got pissed off at everyone who treated me poorly, I would have left pony lands to live among dragons a long time ago- oh, wait, wouldn't since other dragons piss me off too."
 
>You know, somehow, listening to you is making me feel even more depressed.
 
"Well the bottom line is, I understand why you were angry, and it's pretty justifiabl-"
 
>Spike, we killed you. You were DEAD.
 
"I know I was, I had to listen to Tirek the Soulless playing Snythesized Country Music with lyrics by Yoko Ono. Still, I'm not any more mad at you. I've brought a lot of stuff on myself, what I haven't, well, the universe doesn't have 'fairness' built in anyway. But it's fine, all that matters is if it's okay if Two and I can sing again, and if I'll see you at the game this weekend."
 
Shining Armor smiles.
 
>You can count on it. ... Wait, you're going to hell?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
>Applejack
“Celestia”
_____
 
>Hey, ‘Tia, got a minute?
 
“For the love of me and all that I stand for, I thought we were through with this after the, what, 500th time.”
 
>…ya know, for once, let's forget what Ah was originally gonna say and focus on what y'all jus' said. That means Ah’ve come to ya with over 500 problems concernin’ Equestria as a whole.
 
“…Me damn it, I have got to start thinking my words over before I just blurt them out.”
 
>An’ ya know what? It’s all yer’ f-
 
“NOT TODAY SUCKER!”
 
And with a graceful backflip, Celestia was out the window, pulling off an exquisite assortment of aerial maneuvers as she careened towards the swimming pool.
 
>Huh, her form's gettin' better and better.
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