Title:           Crazy Celestia (Part 1)
Author:          Pony_Azathoth
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/UAM1s46Q
First Edit:      Wednesday 29th of August 2012 10:03:20 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Wednesday 29th of August 2012 10:03:20 PM CDT

>Day whatever in Equestria
>You popped in
>You were quickly taken to the Princesses, as you are a new visitor and a strange alien to this world
>As Celestia looks over you, she seems much more interested then the smart looking Unicorns and her sister, she is staring at your eyes quite a bit, and is leaning forward to get a better look at your strange, non-equine body.
>But after a few seconds she stops and leans back before speaking
"What is your name, visitor?"
>You look at the room of ponies, who up to this point you thought might kill you for an experiment, and very well may still, so you are nervous at speaking
"Anonymous, your majesty."
>She nods
"Well Anonymous of Earth, you do not seem to be a threat to the ponies and others living in Equestria, so I am allowing you to live in the castle for a while, at least until you find a place."
>You nod, thanking the Princess as the whole group splits up and you are escorted away.
>You are taken to a luxurious room in the castle that was well furnished, but you noticed the rather high window
>Was it a prison?
>Anyway, the guards thank you and leave you with a bowl of fruit and vegetables, at your request. They asked what you ate, and you didn't really want to tell them you are a meat-eater, at least not yet
>Eventually it becomes night and you go to bed, but you can't seem to sleep
>Eventually, you hear hoof-steps in the hallway, seeming to come closer
 
>You just lay still, trying to get comfortable
>You know that those ponies will walk around outside, and they are pretty damn loud when they walk with their hooves
>But this one seems closer then the others
>And a bit heavier, though refined and disciplined
>You turn your head towards the door, and freeze when you hear it start to open
>You quickly turn your head away, staying as still as possible
>You have no weapons, if somebody wanted to kill you they could
>You're just going to pretend to be asleep
>The light coming in lets you see a shadow appearing over you
>The shadow has a long, billowing mane and a crown and massive horn
>You recognize it as the Princess
>You don't move, you breath as softly as you can
>You're really wide awake though, scared out of your mind
>After about a minute or so of standing over your sleeping form, the shadow falls back and the door slowly closes shut
>You sigh in relief, turning towards the door and seeing it closed again
>Why the fuck was the Princess watching you while you slept?
 
>You actually manage to fall asleep, somehow, hoping that maybe the Princess was just making sure you were ok
>Actually, that makes decent enough sense, you guess
 
>The next morning you are awoken by hearing the noise of loud hooves in the hallway
>You groan as you force yourself to your feet, and get dressed
>You reach for the door, thinking it is locked, but thankfully it isn't
>Well, obviously, that would be rude to lock up a guest like that
>You stick your head out and look around, and you see tons of messengers and royal looking officials hustling around
>Something big has just happened, you can tell by their expressions, something really big
>You step outside and see a poly with tons of scrolls in two satchels on his sides, who is sprinting down the hall as fast as he can
>You run after him, hoping to find some answers
>Soon, he runs into a set of large gold doors into a big room, though it has no windows and seems well protected, as it is deep within the castle
>You step inside after him, and you see a ton of guard ponies standing around, with several fancy ones standing around a large table with Celestia at its head
>You realize almost instantly that this is a kind of "War Room"
>As if to confirm your suspicions, the scrolls the pony had were maps, and the ponies get to work putting tiny pieces on the map like a kind of strategic planning thing
>You also see some ponies dusting the walls and clearing cobwebs; this place has not been used for some time
 
>You see a guard look away from the table and right at you, and then he yells, drawing the attention of everyone around
"Hey! You're not supposed to be here!"
>Two guards advance on you, you raise your hands up
"Sorry! Sorry!" You say, trying not to get fucking executed on sight for espionage or whatever
>Considering you are a new visitor and they know next to nothing about you, you might look like a spy to them of some kind
>They might actually lock you up for this, or maybe even kill you
>You hope they don't though, this really was an honest mistake!
>The two guards get up close and start to rough you up, and hurl some questions at you
>Suddenly Celestia stands up and shouts
"Wait! Bring him to me!"
>Uh oh
 
>You are prodded and poked by both hoof and horn towards the Princess
>You reach her, and after an awkward second you bow, hoping you salvaged some of your image
>She tells you to rise, and you do
"Anonymous, could you... could you smile for me?" Celestia asks, her eyes focusing on you closely
>You are confused, and want to ask why, but the way her eyes are currently searching into yours and how all the ponies around you are so ready to pounce on you you just do it
"Uhh..."
>You smile awkwardly
>Celestia looks at your smile, her eyes glittering and curious but very stern and controlled
>She is focusing absolute concentration on your teeth
>It's actually kind of scary
"Wider, please."
>You smile wider
"Wider."
>You stretch your smile out so far it's comical, your lips hurting from the big smile
>Celestia looks into your eyes, with her all powerful gaze
"Thank you Anon, you can relax now."
>You let your lips come back to a normal place, and you can feel the soreness from the smile
 
>Celestia continues to stare at you and the silence in the room if very thick
"Uhhh, may I ask you a question, Princess?"
>She smiles a little
"Of course you may, Anon."
>You look around for a second, hoping not to appear stupid
"Why... why did you ask me to smile?"
>Celestia smile widens
"Well, I like your smile Anon."
>You blink
 
"Th-Thank you your majesty."
>You say with a bit of a smile, though now you are really confused and feel awkward
>You rub the back of your neck, to ease the tension
>Celestia's smile drops
"Well, that's not the real reason. I thought I noticed it before, but now I'm sure. You have canines."
>You freeze
>Oh fuck
"That means that your species can eat meat, is this correct, Anonymous?"
>NOPE.JPG .PNG .TNF .GIF .MOV
"...Yes."
>You respond, breathing out, feeling an immense pressure in your chest
>some of the ponies are whispering in the background
>You're probably going to be crucified soon, or something
>Celestia nods
"Then, you may be of more use to us then we originally thought. Please sit down."
>You look up at the Princess, bowing a little
"Oh, thank you your majesty!"
>You see the only empty seat far away, relatively far away on the table so you start to walk towards it
>Celestia speaks up again
"Wait, Anonymous. Sit next to me."
 
>You turn around and see the Princess seated next to two figures, one is Luna and the other is Shining armor.
>You are a bit confused
"Uhh... There's no room for me Princess."
>Unless she means for you to sit on the floor, which would be demeaning as fuck
"No, you will sit in Shining Armor's spot. Shining Armor, would you please?"
>Shining Armor looks in surprise at the Princess, but he nods and gets up, walking past you and sitting in the far away cushion
>Celestia pats the pillow with her hoof twice
"Come, sit with me."
 
>You awkwardly sit next to the Princess
>You find it a bit strange she wanted you to sit next to her, as opposed to her captain of the guard, but it was a nice gesture
>Once you sit, you look up at her, as she is taller then you in this position, and she looks down
>You lock eyes with her
>Right before you look away, to not seem disrespectful
>She gives you the nicest, most earnest smile you have ever seen.
 
>She breaks the smile and returns to business instantly, talking to people around the circle
"So, commander, can you tell us all the story?"
>A Pegasus in guard armor who seems to have a crazy head-piece stands and clears his throat before speaking
"Your majesty, we just got reports that the griffions have declared war on Equestria."
>The whole room starts to chatter and whisper
>Celestia spreads her wings and holds her head high, silencing everyone
"Quiet, please. Continue."
>The commander speaks up again
 
"The griffions have declared war over land disputes. They are blaming the ponies that settle nearby their lands for the loss of their hunting grounds. They claim that the ponies are eating all the grass, causing their prey to move on and out of their territories. It is a serious problem, and they have declared war on us as a result."
>The room chatters again, with Celestia silencing them all a second time
>Your heart skips a beat when she looks towards you again
>She speak in her usual calm voice, but this time it seemed softer
"Anonymous of Earth, your people are omnivores. Do you have experience in such matters?"
>You shook your head after a second, speaking not to loud
"No, your majesty."
>You realize that your voice quivered with so many eyes on you, you feel very embarrassed
>You probably look like a fucking idiot in front of all these powerful officials
"Do your people have experience in warfare, Anonymous?"
>You accidentally scoff, you realize instantly that was one of the worst things you could have done
>You also realize staring at the Princess probably makes you look strange, so you look towards the others in the room too
"No, I mean, yes. Yes my people do."
"Would you like to give us an example?"
>You rub the back of your neck.
"Uhh... There was World War 2."
"How many of your people died in that war. How many humans?"
>You look up at the Princess, she is looking at you with great curiosity and gentle prodding to get you to continue.
"Uhh, nobody knows for sure but they estimate about 62 to 78 Million humans."
>Celestia's eyes widen, some of the leaders in the ring gasp, and many start to chatter
>Celestia ignores the chatter, and quickly asks you another question.
 
"why are humans so... good at it?"
>Anonymous looks around, hoping not to be grouped in with that part of his species, but he guessed the cat is out of the bag now
"I'm not sure. People just fight for many things, they often fight for land and resources, like the griffons. They also fight for differences in who they think the leader should be, and religious differences and even racial differences. Much of our technology was created either out of war or for the use in war."
>Celestia is still wide-eyed, but she quickly steadies herself and responds with another question
"Have you..."
"No, I've never killed anyone. Or been a fighter."
>You responded a bit quickly that time, you hope they don't consider you rude for interrupting
>But you just really, really don't want them thinking of you as some warrior or warlord or something.
>Celestia sits back
"Well, you may lack experience. But you're species has some talent behind it. I'd like if you'd serve on my War council, Anonymous."
>Some stallion stands up with a snort and starts yelling
"Are you serious?! With all due respect, your majesty, this human has no experience whatsoever. He doesn't even know what he's talking about, and the way he talks doesn't exactly scream "natural cold-blooded killer"!"
>The council starts to chatter, and you hear many murmurs of agreement
>You don't like his words, and feel a little insulted, but he is right
>The stallion begins to speak again, pointing a hoof at you accusingly
 
>The stallion is quite worked up now
"And besides, why does he get a seat in the war council? He isn't a pony, we still don't know if he has any allegiances to our enemies, and there are many more ponies more qualified and deserving."
>The stallion is quite pissed off now
"I got literally find a dozen of my commanders and sub-commanders that would be perfect for his seat in the council, hell I could find hundreds of deserving field soldiers that would do just fine here. They have worked and served under Equestria's banner for almost their whole lives, and this Anonymous character just drops into our land and you decide to put him in one of the greatest seats of power in all of Equestria. I cannot believe-"
>Before he can speak again, Celestia looks at him and gives him a glare
>Even though the glare wasn't directed at you, you still shivered
>That glare was ice cold
"That is enough, General. Anonymous is getting his seat on he war council. My decision is final."
>The general looks a bit shaken and sits down quietly, though quickly resumes his regular sneer
>Celestia doesn't turn her head back to you, but you can see her look down at you from the corner of her eye for returning to the map at the center of the room
"Now then, shall we begin?"
 
>After all of that, you went into a several hour long talk about warfare and troops, positioning and logistics
>Many people talked and argued
>You tried to stay as quiet as possible, you didn't have a fucking clue as to what any of this meant or how to use it
>Luna was quiet too, but she still talked more then you
>Still, on occasion Celestia would ask for your imput on things
>She also asked you with the nicest voice, and always looked at you with a kind, supportive expression
>You at first feel this is very awkward, and embarrassing
>You then realize later that maybe she is gruffer with her usual staff then with you, simply because they have known her for longer
>Maybe she is so nice to you because you are new, and she doesn't want to scare you
>Still, her behavior is her own brand of scary
>You calm yourself down though, she is just being nice
>...Right?
 
>After a few hours of the talk, the meeting is adjourned
>You are going to be escorted to dinner by two guards, but before they leave to take you the Princess stops them.
"Wait a moment, I'll walk with him."
>You feel a little dread, for some reason, but you shake it off
>Are you really so antisocial that you view genuine kindness and concern as some kind of creepy psycho behavior?
>You decide you need to change your attitude
 
>You and Celestia continue to walk until you reach the great hall, where there is a large dinner being prepared
>Celestia seats you at a random seat, she apologizes, more then once, but says she has guests she has to attend to
>You are now stranded by yourself around a punch of ponies you don't know, and they are all staring at you
>Eventually you strike up a conversation and talk, though you don't understand much you find even these high-class ponies who are totally full of themselves are friendly
>Maybe just to appease the Princess, you're not sure
>As you eat the delicious fruits and vegetables, you notice that even though Celestia is talking to other officials and ponies she looks over at you every few minutes, making sure you're alright
>Man, she seems a bit protective of you
>Anyway, as you eat soon a pony with a blue mane and a monocle walks up with a very skinny pink mare
>The mare doesn't really say anything, but the blue guy seems very high-class but friendly
"Ah! You are Anonymous I see. I have heard a bit about you. My name is Fancy Pants, and this is my fiancee, Fleur."
>Fleur reached bowed her head and smiled at you
>Fleur's eyes went a bit wide when she looked at your arms
 
 
"Oh wow! You're so muscular!"
>You look at your arms, and while you are not muscular at all you will still thank her anyway
"Oh, uh, thanks."
>Fleur reaches down with a front hoof and gets it close to your arm
"May I?"
>You nod and mumble a quick "sure", and she pokes your arm with her hoof
>Fleur giggles, but you suddenly realize something large is standing behind Fancy Pants
>You look over and see Celestia standing over him and Fleur
"Is everything alright here, Anonymous?"
>You couldn't help but notice Celestia's voice was a bit more serious and cold then it normally is
"Yes! Everything is fine."
>You couldn't help but feel a bit of hostility in the air, especially at Fleur
>Fleur backs away from you, meeting Celestia's very passive aggressive glare
"Sorry, I think Anonymous should retire now."
>You blink, about to protest, but you know it would be unwise to do so. She is basically feeding you and housing you and everything.
>She motions and you quickly stand up, and she guides you out
>At first you think she will call some guards, but instead she walks you to your room herself
>It is very silent as you walk, but at least you're full now
>Soon, she is outside the door
>You clear your throat and look directly at her, after bowing your head slightly first
"Thank you, your majesty."
"Anonymous, you can just call me Celestia, please."
"Thank you, Celestia, for the dinner and-"
"No need, Anonymous."
 
>She gives you another one of those great smiles and you reach for the door
"I'm pretty tired, I guess I will go to sleep."
"Sleep tight, Anonymous."
>You return her smile and open the door, before turning around and giving the princess one last glance before closing it
>You close the door, but before it closes fully, you hear it gently "thunk" against something
>You look down and realize it's her hoof with the golden shoes
>You follow it up to Celestia, who is obviously sticking it out, and she looks at you before pulling her hoof back
"Oh, sorry Anonymous."
"It's ok."
>There is an awkward silence.
"Good night, Anonymous."
>Celestia backs away from the door unsteadily, as if worried that she will try and keep it from closing again
>You notice her behavior is a bit weird, maybe she is just very nervous about being around a human for the first time?
"Good night, Pri- uhh, Celestia."
>Celestia beams and takes two steps back without breaking her vision before turning and walking away, while giving a glance back as she trots off into the hallway
>You close the door shut
>Well, that was awkward.
-----------------------------
>You awake much more peacefully today, no loud shit in the hallways and ponies running around with their loud fucking hooves
>You get to stretch from your bed slowly, yawning and standing up, idly scratching yourself before throwing your clothes on
>So, what are you going to do today?
>A knock is heard on the door
>You open it
>It's a messenger pony
"Anonymous, Princess Celestia requests your presence in the war room in about ten minutes."
>You frown, but nod at the messenger
>Right, that shit again
 
>You enter the war-room, and Celestia immediately perks up again
"Hello again, Anonymous."
>She smiles at you
>You smile back, her happiness was almost infectious today
>Her mane looked extra wavy, and her coat and jewelry extra shiny
>It almost looked like she took more effort today to look good
>Unless yesterday was an off day for her, you couldn't be sure
>You sit down next to her, and she gives you another smile before speaking to the council
>You try to pay attention
 
 
>As the meeting wears on, you begin to look over a strategy that the commanders were going over
>They were planning how to hold a border town, and their forces were spread very thin there
>You looked over it and slowly came to a realization
>You sorta half raised your hand, half stood up
>You cleared your throat
"Uhh... Can I make a suggestion?"
>You see the General in the back glaring at you
>Celestia is watching you closely
"Of course you may, Anonymous."
>Celestia voice sounded very pleased
>You blush a little, but quickly point to the map
"Well I just noticed that you all are putting troops over here."
>You step forward and point at the spot on the map
"But the thing is, the griffons won't attack right there."
>The crowd murmurs and that old General starts to yell again
"And why would that be? Care to clue us in, maybe you are friends with some of them?"
>The General's words were very threatening, and you felt a bit nervous, but Celestia didn't take her gaze from you
"Maybe you should explain, Anonymous."
>You nod and smile a little, feeling a little cocky
"Well, I just happened to notice that you are worrying about a attack from this side. However, yesterday you were talking about a territory North of this one."
>You start to pick up steam now, feeling confident
>You reach down and pick up a scroll, opening the map and showing it touching the already open map
"See? There is a range of mountains over here, the griffons couldn't easily cross all of these mountains and attack from that side, so your forces don't have to be spread so thin."
>You stand up and beam, full of pride and maybe some ego
>You don't look back at Celestia, but you're sure she is proud of you
>The General suddenly laughs
 
>The General's face has changed
>He no longer is scowling at you
>Now he has a sort of mocking and condescending expression
>Like one a mean-spirited mathematics professor would have on if he had a mentally retarded student trying to do basic division or something
"You fool! That map is upside down!"
>Your stomach clenches
>You look down, and realize with absolute horror and embarrassment that the N you thought you saw was actually an S
>You flip the map so that it is rightside up, and the mountain range is not there
>Your cheeks burn bright red and you put the map away
"...Sorry."
>You quickly get up and sit next to Celestia, looking down
>You are so fucking embarrassed
>Celestia doesn't say anything to the General, but she does look down at you
>She doesn't smile, it is more of a disappointed expression
>Oh god ;_;
 
>You shut up the whole meeting
>You realize that what the general was saying was totally right
>Celestia really shouldn't have put you on that war-council
>You feel like an idiot
>You decide you're going to ask Celestia if you can resign from the war council
>You weren't experienced enough for this!
>You knew the responsibility of defending towns and stuff was too big of a burden for you to bear
>Finally, the meeting is over
>You get up from your seat, and wait to get Celestia alone
>Strangely, she seems to pick up on it as she doesn't get too far away from you
>Either that or she was clingy
>It must be the former
 
>You approach Celestia when you finally have her and she gives you a polite smile
"Yes, Anonymous?"
>You look up into her big blue eyes, full of love and compassion
"Prin-, uhh, Celestia. I don't think I should be on your war council anymore. The General was right; I don't know what I am doing. You should give the seat up to some other pony who knows better."
>Celestia looks down at you
>She sighs
"I wasn't disappointed in you before, but now I am."
>You choke, your whole body feeling pain
>The way she said that just burned you inside
>Celestia turns and starts to walk away
>It was so horrible, it was like she knew exactly what to say and do to make you feel as bad as possible
>You feel a great pain in your chest, you need to take it back
>You really don't ever want to hear her say that again
 
>You twiddle your thumbs as Celestia gets further away
>You can't let her walk off, you've got to fix it
>You run after her
>You quickly stop and call to her when you are close
"Celestia!"
>She stops, and slowly turns to face you
>She still has that look on her face
"I'm sorry... I changed my mind. Can I..."
"Yes Anon, you may remain on the war council."
>Celestia's smile returns, she looks pleased
>You smile back awkwardly, looking down
>You're just glad she is so forgiving
"Well then Anon, why don't we go get some lunch?"
>You look at her and nod, and then follow her
>As you walk you realize something
>It scares you a little
>She didn't call you "Anonymous" right then, she called you Anon
>She just.. she just used a pet name!
>You glance over at Celestia
>She seems to be happy, her steps more lively then normal as she walks you down a hallway
>You quickly look back ahead and wonder what is for lunch
 
>You follow Celestia and she soon leads you out of the castle
>You walk down one of the main streets of Canterlot, with Celestia only getting a few looks
>You find it a bit surprising
>But you continue to walk until you reach a little restaurant
>You are seated outside on a small patio table and two chairs
>The waiter brings menus and asks for drinks
>You both order water
>You look around and see only a few ponies even giving you a sideways glance, even fewer giving the Princess a look
>You lean closer to Celestia, who leans in to listen
"Celestia, the people out here seem to be used to you."
>Celestia covers her mouth and gives the cutest little giggle you've ever heard
"Oh Anon, I have to leave my castle sometimes, else I'd go all stir crazy! Besides, I really like this little restaurant."
>You sit back and nod, but you heard it again
>Anon. Not Anonymous
>Why is she suddenly using a shortened version of your name?
>You don't want to ask her
>Eventually the waiter brings you your waters, and then takes orders
>You're not sure what you'd like so you just ask for a salad
>The waiter nods and takes your menus
>You look down at your own ice cold water and realize how thirsty you are
>You quickly chug down the water, and then place the empty glass down
>You sit back, hoping the waiter comes back soon with more water
>You then see Celestia slowly place a hoof on the table and slide her water over to your side
>She gives you a wink
>You smile at her and drink her water too, she must have noticed how thirsty you were
 
>As you wait for your food, you suddenly hear a call
"Hello Anonymous! Hello Princess Celestia!"
>You turn and realize who it is
>It's Fleur and Fancy Pants again
>They wave and walk over
>You almost giggle when you hear Celestia's tiny, almost unnoticeable little snort of annoyance
>But she smiles on the outside and says hello
>They sit at the table without asking, Anon now across from Celestia with the two on the sides
>She narrows her eyes by the slightest, almost impossible to notice amount
>But she is still acting friendly
>She has had centuries to master etiquette
>But you can tell she is upset by their rude behavior
"Waiter!" Fancy Pants called "Bring us the most expensive thing on the menu!"
>The waiter nods and jots it down before going to the kitchens
>You weren't sure what to feel about that
>They engage in small-talk
>Celestia and Fancy pants talk, and you and Fleur start to hit it off
>Fleur asks some questions and leans in on her hoof daintily, looking at you with half-closed eyes
>She's pretty flirty, but you aren't sure if she likes you or something or if she is always that way
 
>As Fleur talks to you, she seems to lean in a little bit
"So Anonymous, you've only been in Equestria a few days, right?"
>You nod, a little put off by her flirty behavior. Isn't she engaged?
>You also nervously glance back at the Princess, who doesn't seem to be looking at you two
>You just shake the feelings off, you really shouldn't assume so much
"Even though you're new to Equestria, have you found any... you know... special someponys yet?"
>You are just dumbfounded
"Uhhh..."
"Because, and please take this as a compliment, there are plenty of mares that would kill to meet a guy like you."
>Suddenly the table clatters and shakes, you bolt upright and look over at Celestia, who looks enraged and has just slammed the table with her hoof
>You also see the waiter that was bringing the food at that moment stop and stare
>Celestia has this very angry look on her face
>But it quickly changes to a more neutral expression
"I'm so sorry Fancy Pants, and... Fleur."
>She says Fleur's name with a bit of difficulty, like spitting out a piece of gristle
"But me and Anonymous have business in the castle right now, it skipped my mind and we are late. Come on now Anonymous."
>You look back at the food you ordered that was almost at the table
>You speak up
"What about-"
"We have food at the castle. Follow me please."
>You sigh and walk after the Princess, who trots to the castle without looking anywhere but at you and straight ahead
>She seems much more business like now, much less friendly
>Even some ponies on the street seem to notice how she is walking is not normal
>What the hell has gotten into her?
 
>Celestia storms into the castle
>She is still mad
>She quickly tells a butler pony to grab a bowl of fruit and vegetables for you
>She returns you to your quarters
"There are several books in here for you to read while I am away, Anon. Thank you for your help today, I really appreciate it."
>You aren't quite sure what she means, you didn't really help at all, but you just smile and nod
>It is still light outside, so you have many hours of nothing to do
>For whatever reason, you are pretty sure the Princess doesn't want you to leave your room while she is not here
>You can't imagine why, but the idea seems to stick in your head
>As Celestia stands outside your door, you two lock eyes
>You watch as her glorious eyes seem to stare back at yours
>Then, her pupils dilate
>She quickly looks to the side, a slight blush on her face
"I will be back for you soon, Anon. We have another war council later tonight."
>You nod and thank her
>She smiles and nods, her eyes never leaving you until you close the door completely.
>Celestia seems to be acting strangely around you
>Though if this is how she normally acts, you would like to know how she managed to gain the position of ultimate power in the Equestrian government
>But you digress
>You read some books for a while until you get another messenger
>He tells you to meet Celestia in the war room for tonight's meeting
>Little do you know what is in store for you there
------------
End of part 1
