Title:           Anon the Animal (OneShot)
Author:          Pony_Azathoth
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/DsSk2S9n
First Edit:      Tuesday 20th of March 2012 11:08:20 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 20th of March 2012 11:08:20 PM CDT

>Sitting on your computer
>Get at text from good buddy fred
>He wants to go on a hike
>Niggayouserious
>Answer back, at first say no
>Realize you barely ever get out
>Realize you're bored
>Realize you need exercise
>Wellok.jpeg
 
>You drive down some backwoods roads for a while
>You're pretty deep in the woods
>You're kinda scared of rednecks raping you or something
>Eventually, you find the spot and your friend's truck
>Greet him, say hi
"Alright Anon, we are going on 5 Mile hike, not too bad. It's also a circle, so it's impossible to get lost."
>Sounds good
>You and your friend start walking
>The path is much harder then you thought
>You're also in much worse shape then you thought
>PANT PANT PANT
>Your friend laughs at you
"You better get moving or I'm going to leave you behind!"
>Fuck that guy
>Try to respond but can't too out of breath
>He shrugs
"Whatever, you just go your own pace. I'll be waiting at the cars."
>He then walks off like this path is nothing
>your jimmies have been rustled
>You have a great desire to beat your friend to the car
>Realize that the hike is a loop
>Realize that the exit to the loop is to your right
>Realize that if you walk off the path and got to the right, you'll reach the other path
>Realize you'll then get to the car first
>Realize that you Realized that your day just got a whole lot better
>You step off the path on the right, and start walking
>This is going to be great.
>You walk through the forest for over an hour
>Shouldn't you have found the path by now?
>Maybe you should go back
>No, there's now way you'd be able to find it now
>Did you miss the path?
>You don't think you could have missed the path, it is lined with stones and very well traveled
>Well shit
>Wat now.
>You sit down for a while before thinking that it's got to be just up past that next cluster of trees
 
>You go through the thick undergrowth
>It gets very, very dark all the sudden
>Feel freaked out, trees are looking very sinister
>You keep going
>Soon, find yourself coming out of darkness
>Finally
>Then you look around
>Woah what the fuck
 
>You look forward and see that you are coming into a bright, pastel forest
>Looking back, you see a dark pastel forest behind you
>You look like you're in a cartoon
>All of my jimmies
>Rustling to the max
>You decide to keep walking, you have nothing better to do.
>Hope you'll find your friend or some help
>Or maybe run into the producer of whatever bullshit prank TV show you just ran into
>Either which way
 
>As you go, you find yourself getting into less and less thick forest
>As you keep going, you suddenly hear voices in the distance
>Oh thank god
>First time you've had any indication of peoples for hours
>You were feeling pretty lonely
>You realize why solitary confinement is so effective.
 
>You approach quickly
>Hear their voices
"Fluttershy, why are you taking us out here?"
"Oh, well Sweetie Belle I'm showing you three little angels the dangers of the forest, and how to manage them."
"That's so boorrinnng!"
"Well Scootaloo, maybe being a forest warden is your special talent?"
"Nevermind! Let's keep going!"
>Sounds like a few kids, all girls, and an older women. Her voice is pretty soft and nice, maybe a mother?
>Then why would she call her mother "Fluttershy"?
>What the fuck kind of name is Fluttershy anyway?
 
>You look around a tree
>you are right next to the voices now
>suddenly, you almost shit yourself
>Voices are coming from a bunch of colorful ponies
>Three little ones and a big yellow one
>You duck behind the tree right as the small one with red hair looks over at your direction
>Suddenly she speaks
"Miss Fluttershy! Thar is a strange critter around that tree!"
"What Applebloom? a strange creature?"
>Oh shit
>Heart stops
>You gotta do something
>you wonder, if these ponies are intelligent, maybe they have a society like yours
>If they did know you were intelligent, maybe they'll kill you!
>Or worse, they may keep in a laboratory for the rest of your life
>You see only one solution
 
>You quickly strip off all your clothes, and do your best to hide them with what time and resources you had
"Come out little guy! I promise I won't hurt you."
>That sweet yellow one is talking to you
>You realize if she looks back here she'll see your clothes and your hiking pack
>That would blow your cover
>And just blow in general
>you breath in, and do the first thing that comes to mind
>You hunch your shoulders and walk out
>You act a bit like a gorilla
>You're also naked
>Ponies gasp when they see you
"Look away girls!" The yellow one says
>The younger ones look away, blushing at seeing your nudity
>The yellow one comes up to you, you act natural
>And by natural you act like an animal
>you stay calm though
>She approaches
"Oh my.. You're some sort of hairless ape, aren't you? You're a nice ape, a very nice ape..."
>She coons like this as she gets closer and closer
>You act calm and collected, don't want to scare her and call in the p0ny animal control
>She pats you on the head
>That feels kinda nice actually
>She is embarrassed by your nudity too
"I wish you'd cover up some more... you don't know better anyway..."
>Damn you realize you could get away with some bullshit if you wanted
>Naw, just stay cool for now
 
>Fluttershy tells the girls to return to the 'cottage'
>She slowly leads you on
>You want to walk upright, not all hunched over like a idiot
>Well, you can't break your act now!
 
>You finally get to a giant house-tree-thing
>You are lead into a large enclosure
>tons of other animals there
>Doesn't actually smell bad, somehow
>She shows you around a bit, and you still play stupid
>Finally she brings out a shitty loin-cloth thing
>She puts it on you with her delicate hooves
>Finally, she leaves you alone with the animals
>The animals come to you, seeming to greet you
>Wow, these animals are smarter then I would have thought
>You see Fluttershy talking to the girls and coming out to have a look at you
"...He's not exactly the smartest ape I've ever met."
>Wat.
"Yeah," you hear the red-haired one says, "His bananas don't exactly go all the way to the top branch."
>Are you shitting me
>You just acted stupid
>Animals here aren't as dumb as your animals
>Well, maybe you can start acting a little smarter, but you'll have to be careful.
>For the next few days you stay in fluttershy's cottege-animal reserve-pound place
>she looks over you several times
>she notices you don't look that similar to an actual ape
>She still thinks you're an albino or something
>As time goes on though, she soon declares you healthy and fine
>Well that's good
>Then she declares you're up for adoption
>Well that's NOT GOOD
 
>Every-time there is an adoption, you make yourself scarce
>That's fine by you
>But this can't last forever...
 
>One fateful day
>A strange p0ny comes to the reserve
>Her name is Safari Sprinkle or some shit
>She asks to see you
>You try to hide, but they find you
>Shit
>She wants to make you a pet, her talent is exotic pets
>She wants to make you her pet
>Eventually, you try something a little desperate
>You peel away your loincloth and start jerking off
>You hope this freaks her out
>The wierd animal bitch finds it fascinating, Fluttershy smacks you upside the head
"No! Bad gorilla! You don't do that in public! Or ever!"
>Feelsbadman
>Fluttershy leads you inside the cabin
>She starts going over your diet, likes and dislikes
"...He has almost no personality though. He's pretty dumb."
"You fucking bitch just because I'm dumb doesn't mean I can't understand you!"
>Fluttershy stares
>Safari bitch stares
>You do a double take
>Wait, was that a quotation mark?
>*Scroll up*
>Yes that was a quotation mark
>Well shit.
 
>You realize you've blown your cover in probably the worst way possible
>Fluttershy is too freaked out to be sad or offended
>You stop hunching over and stand up
>Oh man, that feels so good
>Still stunned
"Yeah. So sorry about that comment, I was just tired of hearing it all the time is all."
>Stil stunned
"Ok, come on. Get over it. I've been acting like an animal for the last two weeks or so. I only did it so you didn't run tests on me and stuff.
"...But I would nev-"
"Yes I know, I've learned that over these last few days. You ponies, and Fluttershy in particular, are too kind of that kind of thing. You lack an interest in science, you get along too well to want to advance that fast."
>Fluttershy is silent
>Safari bitch speaks up
"So.. do I still get a-"
"No." You say
>You stretch, you've got a 2 week kink to work out
>You walk outside
>Feel the sun, and you start walking
>Soon, you find your way into a small village
>Ponies start staring at you and freaking out
>You laugh.
 
-FIN-
