Title:           [SUPER SECRET STORY DAY 3] - Swashbuckling Shy
Author:          Nebulus
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/h0M2bY6R
First Edit:      Tuesday 22nd of January 2013 01:41:18 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 22nd of January 2013 01:41:18 PM CDT

>Day Yarr in Equine-land
>You are Anon.
>Captain of the good ship 'Violator'
>Rum state of affairs, no pun intended.
>You were having the time of your life back on Earth. Being all Piratey n shit.
>Then you go and get transported here because of some shaman you pissed off back in the day.
>Said she would send you to a place as black and evil as the darkest recesses of your heart
>Look around at the tranquil ocean, and your crew merrily singing along to an Equestrian sea shanty
>"Come on every pirate, Smile smile smile! Fill our hearts up with sunshine sunshine!"
>Sigh
>This is terrible.
>It truly is the most evil place imaginable
>Your first mate prods your leg
>Look down at her
>"Umm, c-captain... T-the crew members are plotting something below deck... J-just so you know..."
Mutiny! I didn't think they had it in 'em. Alright, First Mate Shy. Let's go.
>You grin and unsheathe your sword, ready to split some heads and make a few examples
>Trudge on down through the ship
>Crew members whistle happily and laugh at their jokes
>Pirates are meant to be happy, but this is ridiculous.
>Half of them don't even understand the concept of piracy.
>You think back to the first time you tried to do pirate stuff
 
1/?
 
>Day Yarr minus 50 in Equine-Land
>Flash a malevolent grin at the ship on the horizon
>Put away your telescope and bellow to the crew below
HOIST THE SAILS, LADS. WE'VE GOT SOME PILLAGIN' TA DO!
>They all cheer and go about their jobs
>They pull the cannons into position and heave on ropes
>Like a well-oiled machine
>Smile to yourself
>They're an odd bunch. But they've got spirit.
>You turn your attention to the ship you saw, getting closer
>The ship catches the wind and speeds along the water towards it, ploughing through the waves
>Your heart jumps at the thought of all that plunder
>You might even get some more crew members
>You look around your ship proudly
>Gaze at the sails
>The sails
>THE SAILS.
MISS FLUTTERSHY. GET HERE NOW!
>The yellow Pegasus scrambles up the stairs and next to you, adjusting her eye-patch
>She doesn't really have one eye. You just thought it looked good on her
>She smiles weakly at you
>"Y-yes, Captain?"
WHY IS MY JOLLY RODGER... WELL. JOLLY?
>You glare at the black sails
>Your beloved skull and crossbones are surrounded by pink love hearts. The Skull has a large curved smile and happy looking eyes, instead of the gaunt visage that used to inspire fear in the hearts of men.
>"W-well the other crew members and I thought it was a b-bit too dark... S-so we umm..."
>She paws the deck with a hoof and looks up at you timidly
>"...Changed it..."
>Stare in disbelief at her
>Lean down, casting a dark shadow over her
>She takes a step back and trembles
>"B-but it's a j-jolly Rodger!"
It's heavily implied sarcasm, First Mate Fluttershy. When we're done here, we're changing it back.
>Straighten up and look towards your prey
>You can see ponies on the deck... Waving at you
FLUTTERSHY!
>"Y-yes, Captain?"
Why are they waving at their coming demise?
 
2/?
 
>"Umm... They probably think we're friendly, captain."
But we're flying the flag of-
>Look back at it
>Smiles and love hearts
Ah. Yes.
>Clear your throat
ALL HANDS! PREPARE TO FIRE!
>The crew scurry around and man (pone) the cannons.
>You draw up along the other ship, broadside
>The captain of the other ship, an old looking Earth Pony with a fancy grey moustache and a blue hat on hails you
>"Good day! Fine day for a cruise is it not?"
Aye... Aye... That it i- OPEN FIRE!
>The cannons explode, sending their deadly projectiles hurtling towards the other ship
>You grin as the crew on the opposing vessel take all manner of punishment
>Pillows. Teddy Bears... Wait
>Gawp as your crew loads a vast array of fluffy objects into the cannons
>A crewmember runs up to you, looking panicked
>"CAP'N! WE'RE RUNNING LOW ON SOFT CUSHIONS!!"
>Slap him
>He yelps
>Look down at Fluttershy
>Slap her
>She moans
>Raise your voice and bellow at the crew below you, who are busy frantically stuffing pillows and gunpowder in the cannons
WHAT IN THE SEVEN LAYERS OF HELL ARE YOU ALL DOING?!
>A crew member shouts back at you
>"Sending them presents, Captain!"
WHY?!
>"Because it's nice to receive gifts, Captain!"
>Your eyes are bulging and your face red and contorted with rage
>The other captain laughs
>"Well thank you, friend! We'll put these here pillows to good use! I'm sure the crew will love them! We've all got bad backs, you know. Well, have a wonderful day!"
>Their ship drifts away, leaving yours motionless
>The crew pat themselves on the back and cheer, some of them hugging or hi-hoofing.
 
3/?
 
>You grip the banister you were stood behind during it
>Your knuckles are going white and you can barely contain your rage
>You look over your shoulder at the other ship, sailing away into the distance
>Turn back to the crew
>Spot two ship-hands, both male, making out at the back
>THAT'S IT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
>The entire ship falls silent
>They all stare at you, shocked
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL WAS THAT?!
>They look at each other, puzzled, then back at you
>"Sorry, captain?"
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF PIRACY?
>"Well of course we do, sir. To spread happiness on the high seas!"
NO, YOU INSOLENT DOG. TO SPREAD MISERY! PIRATES TAKE WHAT THEY WANT FROM OTHER SHIPS AND PLUNDER THE INNOCENT!
>"That doesn't sound very nice..."
IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE NICE! WE'RE PIRATES!
>"When I signed up, I thought we would be doing nice things..."
WE MET IN A FUCKING BAR IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT, AND THE SHIP IS CALLED THE VIOLATOR
>"That's another thing. The other crew and I were thinking we should change the name of the ship. "Violator" is a bit aggressive..."
YOU SPINELESS COWARD! HOW DARE YOU COME ON MY SHIP AND TRY AND ORDER ME AROUND!
>A stallion stood next to the one talking starts crying
>The talker pats him on the shoulder and scowls at you
>"And stop shouting! You're making Tinky cry."
>The crew mutters disapprovingly
>Stare at the sky
Why, god?
>Look back down at the crew, who are all patting Tinky and shushing him
>The talker speaks up again
>"I think you should apologise to Tinky."
>The crew agrees with him
>You're aghast
Apologise...
>Fluttershy prods your leg
>"It was very mean, mister..."
 
4/?
 
>You growl and stomp down the stairs and stroll across the deck up to Tinky
>He sniffles and looks up at you
>You're literally twice the height of this guy
>You glare at him for second
mmzorry...
>Talker speaks up
>"That's not a proper apology, Captain."
I said I'm sorry.
>"Tinky"
Tinky.
>Tinky smiles and wags his tail
>What the fuck.
>"T-thank you, captain... You're forgiven."
>He prances off, smiling and starts scrubbing the deck
>This ship is your punishment for all the lives you ruined on Earth.
>The Talker grins at you
>"Well done, Captain!"
>Glance at him
What's your name, boy?
>"Talker, captain."
>FUCKING REALLY?
Oh.
>You stomp back to your wheel.
>Fluttershy hovers up to your head and nuzzles your cheek
>"You were so brave, Captain!"
Oh yes. The way I apologised was amazing, wasn't it?
>"Yes! It was!"
>Using sarcasm
>On Fluttershy
>I seriously hope you guys don't attempt this
 
5/?
 
>Back to the present, you're descending through the ship until you reach the hull
>It's dark
>You smirk and grip your sword
>You can take them
>Let them come-
>"SURPRIIIIIISE!"
>Candles flicker to life and crewmembers jump out from behind barrels, wearing party hats.
>You scream like a girl and throw Fluttershy at them
AMBUSH! HOLD THEM OFF, FLUTTERSHY!
>You try to run back upstairs but a stampede of ponies rush down to meet you, carrying you with them back towards the ambushers
>You're forced into a chair and a small table with a cake is pushed in front of you
>You are so flabbergasted right now
>The cake reads "Best Captain Ever"
>It's written in pink icing
>Where did they even get icing
>First Mate Fluttershy happily pops a hat on your head and kisses you on the cheek
>The crew d'awws
>"H-happy Birthday, Captain!"
>Birthdays
>On a PIRATE SHIP
Uhh, thanks. I guess. Now all of you get back to work, and get rid of this cake.
>You try to stand
>Several pairs of hooves push you back down
>Talker laughs
>"Nonsense, Captain! We must celebrate! We wouldn't be here were it not for you!"
>You stare at him
>God damn he's right.
>You could be commanding a proper crew were it not for your lousy scouting skills
>The ponies all start partying
>Some of them playing instruments.
>It's actually pretty good music
>You find yourself tapping your foot while you eat the cake in a corner
>You don't feel very captainy
 
6/?
 
>Once the "Pirate Party" dies down you stumble back to your quarters
>Faceplant onto the bed
>You're so god damn drunk
>And full of cake
>Fucking Pony Pirate Parties.
>Shortly after you collapse, you're enjoying the feeling of pillow on your face when you feel something trying to wriggle under your arm
>Groan and move your face so that one eye can look out at the offender
>Fluttershy is nudging your arm and trying to snuggle up next to you
First Mate Fluttershy. What... What the h-hell are you doin'?
>She hiccups and grins at you, blushing deeply
>"D-do you want to plunder my booty, captain?"
>Somewhere in the vast cosmos, a jimmy shifts out of place and you feel like what she just said was said someplace else at that exact same moment.
>Shudder
>Push her away
No, Fluttershy. I gotta sleep. Captain's orders...
>"B-but Captain... It's your b-birthday..."
Go home, Fluttershy. You're drunk.
>"So are you"
Yeah but you're drunkerer.
>"So am I"
You are
>"Yeah you are."
I am
>"You."
I am so drunk
>You both lose the ability to speak because of the alcohol and spend the next hour grunt and slurring your words at each other
>"ssshffflllluuuugh" (Come on, Captain. Please partake in fornication with me.)
Fllluuuubbbbbeerr sshluf naaaaahhhooo uuuuuuugh bububeh nuuuuuhhhheeeeshhhhfllluuu... (No)
>You both pass out in each other's arms nonetheless. So technically Fluttershy won this one
>Clever horse.
 
7/?
 
>Day YaaaAAAAAARRGH THIS FUCKING HEADACHE in Equine-Land
>Wake up with the mother of all headaches
>Fluttershy is cuddled up to your chest, snoring
>Push her off the bed and stumble out after her
>She hits the floor and yelps, bolting awake
>"HUH? WHAT?"
Fuckin' First Fate Fluferfy
>"S-sorry, Captain?"
I said stand to attention, First Mate Fluttershy. My head is killing me.
>"O-oh. Ok."
Look. I'm really fucking hungover right now. Can you please run the ship for a while? Tell the crew I'm busy plotting important pirate stuff.
>She salutes
>"Aye aye captain"
>She flies out the door, and you hear voices
>"What's that Fluttershy? You slept with the Captain and now he's hiding in there because he's too ashamed and also his head hurts a bit so he's telling you to lie for him so that we don't think any less of him?"
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, FLUTTERSHY
>You hear an ‘eep’, followed by the crew bellowing with laughter
>Lie back on the bed and stare at the ceiling
>You're a lousy captain.
>All you want is to pillage and main
>You haven't even used your sword since you got here
>You're not even sure if it's made of metal.
>Sigh
>Think back to your days of actual pirating
>Cannon-fire smoke
>Screaming men
>Wood being strained under pressure from high winds
>Sword fights on the decks of foreign vessels
>Plundering jewels and gold then hiding it away just for the sake of doing it
>Being a pirate was fucking awesome
>Here, you've "attacked" 4 ships and only ended up embarrassing yourself.
>Fucking Shaman.
 
8/?
 
>Listen closely for a second
>Silence
>Sit up
>Strain your ears
>Absolutely nothing
>Suddenly a scream pierces the air
>Jump off the bed and run to the door, sword in hand
>Throw it open, just it time to watch a crew member get crushed by a giant tentacle and dragged off the side of the ship
>SWEET SEMEN OF BARTENDERS
KRAAAAAAAKEEEEEN!
>The ship is surrounded by at least 8 massive tentacles, all waving around in the air
>One of the slams onto the ship, narrowly missing a crewmate
>It's utter panic
>Crewmembers are running around in circles
>Pegasi try to stab at the tentacles with harpoons
>Some get too brave and get too close, only to get snagged in mid-air and pulled screaming into the ocean
>You grimace and grip your sword even tighter
>A smaller tentacle shoots near to you
>You slice the air and cut straight through it before it reaches you, blood and ink spraying everywhere as the tentacle flails around
Huh. I guess it IS metal.
>A deep rumbling shudders the ship
>Fluttershy appears at your side, looking haggard
>"I-I think it felt that, C-captain"
>A monstrous scream echoes around you
>The tentacles become more agitated, and begin tearing at the ship
>Giant pieces of wood are torn off your beloved violator
>You look around frantically
>You see several rowing boats
MEN! TO THE BOATS! ABANDON SHIP!
>They all surge towards them, and once again you get the feeling that you've done this before in another life
>Fluttershy helps other onto the boats as you watch the Kraken pull your ship apart
>You shed a tear
 
9/?
 
>The crew drop into the sea on the boats and start rowing
>Small crew, really. So they all get off fine, except the ones killed by the Kraken
>You feel a tug on your leg, just as another blow rocks the ship
>Look down and see Fluttershy
>"C-come on, Captain! We have to g-go!"
>Shake your head
No, Fluttershy. A captain must always go down with the ship
>She glares at you
>"Oh no you don't, mister. I'm not letting the Kraken touch that sweet ass"
WHAT-
>She smacks you over the head with a plank of wood and you faceplant the deck before blacking out
 
10/?
 
>Feel something slapping your face
>Slowly come to
>Tinky is gently slapping your face with a hoof
>Push him away and sit up, just in time to see, from a distance, the Kraken crush your ship and drag it below the waves
NO! THE VIOLATOR! IT'S BEEN... VIOLATED!
>You stare in horror at where you beautiful vessel once was
>Sit down and hold your face in your hands
>Fluttershy pats you on the back
>"There there, Captain. You'll live to plunder another day"
>Turn on her
WHAT PLUNDERING?! MY SHIP IS GONE, MY CREW AREN'T PIRATES AND I HAVEN'T GOT ANY GOLD TO MY NAME!
>Slump
I'm a terrible pirate...
>Talker... talks.
>"Now, Captain. That's no way to speak! You're a great pirate!"
>Sniff
Y-you r-really think so?
>"Sure! So you lost your ship, big deal. We can get another ship!"
>Wipe your nose
C-can we steal it?
>He smiles warmly
>"Of course we can, Captain."
>Beam at him and stand up
WELL THEN, WHAT ARE YE WAITIN' FOR, YE SALTY SEA DOGS! FULL SPEED AHEAD! NEXT STOP! LAND!
>The crew in your boat, as well as the others nearby, all cheer
>You place your hands on your hips and look towards the horizon with a devilish grin
>Things are finally looking up
>And piracy awaits you on the open seas.
 
11/11
The End