Title:           If a tree falls in a forest...
Author:          Navarone
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/9Hd97Pkk
First Edit:      Wednesday 22nd of May 2013 08:18:56 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Wednesday 22nd of May 2013 08:18:56 PM CDT

>You are Anon, and it’s been far, far too long since you’ve messed with any of the ponies. You get bored easily and you’re a dick, so if you don’t fuck with someone at least once a week, you’ll start going crazy.
>Rarity’s always an easy target, but you go after her too much.
>You’ll never try anything on Pinkie Pie again, not after what happened last time.
>God, you’ll never get the smell of radishes out of your nose…
>Fluttershy is too easy of a target; she’s hardly worth bothering at all.
>Rainbow Dash and Applejack are dangerous to mess with. Dash, because she’ll get revenge. AJ, because her brother will get revenge.
>Most of the other, unimportant ponies in the town are boring and have simple reactions.
>Which leaves you with Twilight. She’s usually easy to prank and her reactions are always hilarious.
>And that brings you to where you are now: Standing in her library foyer.
>”How can I help you today, Anon?” she sweetly asks.
>You grin, a plan already formed in your dark and sinister mind.
“You’re really smart, right? Do you think you can answer a question that even the humans had trouble with?”
>She gasps excitedly and clops her hooves together. “I’d love to try! Any chance to work with human culture and their questions is so fascinating!”
“Alright, here it is: ‘If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?’”
>The look of excitement on her face slowly strips away. Her ears droop and she falls flat on her ass, looking up at you with her soulful, violet eyes.
>”I… I… don’t…” Something seems to click in her mind and her hair seems to twist somehow.
>She slowly cranes her neck around the library, looking to both sides of herself before turning her gaze back to you, showing an insane glint in her eyes.
>”Of course I can answer that! Just give me… give me a few days!”
>You nod gratefully.
 
 
“Thanks, Twilight. And take your time; we humans have been working on this question for a while. I don’t expect you to be able to figure it out that quickly.”
>Somehow, the look on her face seems to grow even more frantic.
“Anyway, I’ll see you later!”
>You quickly let yourself out before she can completely lose her shit. It wouldn’t be fun to get caught in one of her panic attacks.
>That’s another thing you never want to happen again. When you first got to Equestria, she wanted to know everything… EVERYTHING about you.
>That involved reproduction. She did… things… to you. Sure, they felt good, but they scarred you mentally.
>Anyway, you walk home with a bounce in your step and a smile on your face.
>You know you planted a bug in Twilight’s head that wouldn’t leave her for a few days, successfully removing your boredom.
>Knowing you’ve done your messed up deed for the day, you quickly forget about the incident.
 
>However… Twilight did not.
>”A question not even the humans could answer…” she mutters, pouring through her notes.
>”Masters of science, but they couldn’t figure it out. That means it isn’t a science question. Which means it’s a magic question! You can do this, Twilight. You don’t want to let Anon down, after all… Oh no, not after last time.”
>You aren’t the only one that remembers her actions when you first entered Equestria.
>”Maybe he’ll forgive me if I can answer this question for him.” Another strand of her hair jerks loose from her head, giving her frantic face an even more horrifying look.
>”But how should I begin? There’s nothing here! Nopony ever even thought about this question before!”
>She wonders why that is. It seems like such a simple, obvious question that should occur to anypony! Do things make sounds if nothing is around to hear those sounds?
>On the surface, the answer seems like an obvious yes. But after thinking about it, she realizes that it isn’t so simple.
 
 
>It’s never that simple.
>So she turned to her notes only to find nothing. Absolutely nothing.
>Lacking the option of using any scholarly research, she thinks of who among her friends would know the most about trees.
>Applejack, of course. But Fluttershy also knows a lot and she seems to have a high affinity for the leafy structures. She’d pay them both a visit…
 
>It’s been a nice few days of work and simple activities, but you’re starting to get bored again. Feeling in a bit of a dangerous mood, you decide to pay Applejack a visit.
>You just know she’ll absolutely hate your apple joke.
>After casually strolling up to the farm and looking around for a while, you realize that she’s nowhere to be found. You walk up to the farmhouse and give the door a few good knocks. Little Applebloom answers the door.
>”What do ya need, Anon?” she happily asks, overly eager to help you after you decided to tell her what her special talent was.
>After all, what better way to fuck with Applejack than by doing something nice for her sister that would piss AJ off?
“Your sister around? I have a question for her.”
>”Twilight hauled her and Fluttershy off ta the Whitetail Woods for some reason a day or two ago. I ain’t seen none of them since! Big Mac and I’ve been thinking about running off to rescue them, but Twilight seemed like she was in one-uh her ‘moods’.”
“Huh. Wonder what could have brought that up. Well, I’ll go see if I can find them. Thanks, Bloomers.”
>It’s a good thing no one knew what that meant.
>”No problem, Anon! I’ll see y’all later!”
 
 
>You wave as you walk away toward the woods, wondering what Twilight is doing that would require Schoolbus Skitters and Orange Background.
>”C-can we go home now, Twilight?” you hear Fluttershy quietly ask as you walk into a glade.
>”I have to be sure, Fluttershy! We can’t let Anon down!”
>”And Ah still ain’t sure why you’re so keen on impressin’ that fella,” Applejack answers.
“She makes a good point, you know. I am kind of a dick, after all.”
>Twilight gasps and the other two look up. “Anon! I finally have an answer for your question!”
>Question?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, unless you mean the one I’m here to ask Applejack.”
>She flinches back. “You… you don’t remember?”
“No. When did I ask you anything? Actually, don’t answer that. Hey AJ, what’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?”
>Applejack just lets out a longsuffering sigh before answering, “I dunno, Anon. What’s worse?”
“The ponycaust!”
>Applejack just rolls her eyes and puts one of her front legs around Fluttershy’s shoulders, leading her home.
“God, everyone’s a critic. Well, see you later, Twilight!”
>”But I have the answer to your question!”
“Don’t care. You should get back to town soon; it’s gonna rain in a few minutes.”
>You are already a few feet away at that point, calling back over your shoulder. She just sags down as you continue walking.
>Not that you notice, of course. You're bored again.
>Maybe you’d go talk to Rarity and convince her that pop tart outfits are in and offer to get Rainbow Dash to try one out for her.