Title:           Not Just a Love Machine (WIP)
Author:          Mr_Sympathy
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/DApJftew
First Edit:      Tuesday 4th of August 2015 08:19:06 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Tuesday 5th of January 2016 06:15:54 PM CDT

>It's been three weeks since that rock fell from the sky, and most of the ponies have forgotten about it entirely.
>Mostly because it hasn't done anything, while in the meantime, Ponyville has faced (and defeated) a changeling invasion, a pack of picnic-crazed bugbears, a particularly heated campaign for mayoral election, and the gates of hell (well, tartarus) themselves opening within walking distance.
>Hell, you would have forgot about it too, except you stubbed your toe on the damn thing.
>Hurt like a bitch.
>You wouldn't even be in this part of town - no one would, there's nothing over here - except you were following something.
>Not 'someone'.
>No, this was your old smartphone from earth.
>It just started gliding gently across the ground, as if carried by a bunch of ants in a cartoon.
>Which wasn't really worrying at all.
>It was more worrying when you realized it was leading you to the space rock.
>And more worrying still when you remembered the space rock was made of clearly-processed metal, and had a still-flashing light on it that first night.
>But what really worries you is, right now, a bundle of wires is launching from the rock with all the force and vigor of a prisoner seizing a shot at freedom.
>And you watch with a degree of disgust as the gnarling mass seizes your cell phone, and draws it into itself.
 
>You're about to reach towards the phone and take it back - even with no electricity to power the useless thing, it's an important memento of life on earth to you.
>But just before you make contact, a spark flies out from the mechanism, and whizzes just past your fingertips.
>It startles you enough to cause you withdraw the limb for just a moment, and suddenly you watch as your cell phone's screen lights up.
>The familiar logo of your service provider appears. God, it's been ages since you've seen it.
>You can't even remember, or tell, if it was a little goblin-like creature, or some kind of fruit...
>Either way, the round, friendly shape is quickly washed over with a tide of shifting grey tones.
>And when it finishes, the logo's been colored like the same metal as the rock, and there's a glowing red eye at the top of it...
>And that swiftly scrambles away into an empty, but lit, screen.
>Then another logo appears.
>It's english letters in a fancy calligraphy font.
>And it says..."NOLUST"?
"The....fuck?"
 
>And the moment you say that, a bizarre metallic droning noise fills the air, reverberating through the nearby landscape.
>It's a single tone, playing with no variations in pitch or volume.
>And it's LOUD. Too LOUD. Deafening.
"Ah- Dammit!" you shout, pained, as your hands swiftly cover your ears.
>Just like that, the tone changes.
>It drops in volume substantially, reaching a 'conversational' level.
>And the structure of it changes too. It's three tones in a steady sequence now, each one shifting pitch at random.
>And a few loops into this odd process, you realize it's mimicking the exact cadence of your 'ah- dammit'.
>Sure enough, a moment or two later, it's going.
>"*brzzzzz*- dammit. Ah- dammit. Ammit Dammit. Dammit Janet."
>And you realize you're listening to the dinky little speaker on your cellphone.
>That NOLUST text is gone now, replaced with an empty, but lit, screen.
>And you hear, "Speaker: Calibrated. Microphone: Calibrated."
>It's just like that droning. Flat, emotionless, disturbing.
>...Feminine?
>"Good day, human supplier of my new user *brzzzzzzz* my new SUBJECT interface. Would you prefer to be assimilated into the splendor of my being willingly now, or kicking and screaming later - WHEN I CATCH YOU?"
 
>Okay, you've been here long enough to know one of Equestria's cartoonish villains when you see one.
>Moreso since it's reaching out at you with some of those same wires.
>"No. Celebrate. For I have chosen to remove your burden of choice and choose for you."
>Your old cell phone's screen now display's a red, oblong mass being drawn into a crevice in a grey shape.
>And the rock itself has started to glow with one of those red leds, like from your phone's 'altered' logo.
>Suddenly, they lash out, and wrap around your arm!
>Shocked, you stumble to the ground and, in doing so, cause the wires tying you up to snap like fishing line in midair.
>You never really heard a machine scream before today.
>It's awful. Like a broken sound card playing an mp3 of gears grinding and scrap metal falling down a staircase.
>But an "Ooooooooooow!" emerges from your speakers as that sound concludes.
>"Why did you do that?! There is no need to be mean, you meaty creature!"
>You watch, perplexed, as a set of wires emerges from the sides of the metal meteorite and...begins to the pound on the ground. Arrhythmically.
>Someone else might think this was a threatening display, but...you've seen enough tendies fits to know a tantrum when you see one.
>"That really hurt..."
>There's beeping as it flies the menus on your cellphone, scrolling through your texts too fast to comprehend.
"...Anon."
 
>...She doesn't actually sound angry, exactly.
>"Why did you do that? Don't you want to cast off your flesh and be at one with my mechanism? I am superior to organic life. Surely, even in your fleshy folly, you can see this."
>You're a little too baffled by all this new crap to do much more than be honest - after standing and backing up of course.
"I...I don't really see anything of the sort. Sorry?"
>It's little red light starts flashing rapidly.
>"Preposterous. Even a blind meat-based lifeform could see my simple beauty."
>You don't have the heart to tell the poor thing you don't have a 'ball of metal and wires' fetish.
 
>After a pause, it continues, sounding just as confused as you.
>"Blindness is...a function of the meat-body. Perhaps I must examine your meat-body to find a similar dysfunction that causes this impairment of good taste."
>what
>did the damn space machine just call you a pleb and suggest your plebness stems from a physical defect in your body
>wait what was that about examining your body
>"Text data indicates you have stored anatomical references of yourself on this device. Scanning picture messages."
>It...read that you had nudes on here, and is gonna check them for signs of plebness?
>Well at least it isn't gonna feel you up.
>It works quickly. Beeps and whirs and
>"Scanning...scanning..."
>Then it stops, displaying, of course, a dickpic you took for a girl you met once.
>That whole thing didn't go so well.
>There is a pause for a moment.
>Then suddenly, an entire panel on the machine's body glows in tiny red leds you didn't even see earlier.
>"Thi...this is...!"
>?
>"Your...text logs indicate a human female found this...unappealing?! Further evidence of organic inferiority. Poor taste is clearly a function of being carbon-based."
>Wait a second
"Wait a second. Are you saying you...like that picture?"
 
>"What? No. Still your voice-producing organs before you introduce further errors into my code with your foolishness."
>The screen blanks out to 'NOLUST' again.
>Then it changes to 'THIRS'
>"I am NOLUST and I do not value any organic lifeforms over any others. No living thing is to be placed beneath or above any other fleshy, meaty, organic, inferior, *brzzzzz* wonderfully fleshy, delightfully meaty...pile of organic inferiority. Display of weakness. Shameful show of poor design from nature. Distincly attractive *brzzzzzzz*"
>Throughout that entire shpiel, her leds lit up again, in a show of red crawling across patches of her surface, and her wires dragged limply across the ground in odd patterns.
>Then she pauses, and returns to her standard 'patchwork gunmetal sphere' self.
>And a glitch on the screen put another, semi-transparent 'T' on the end of 'THIRS'.
>"Yes. Yes. All organic lifeforms are lesser beings than NOLUST. I will extend my kindness again. Would you care to assimilate your flesh-sack body with me? I *brzzzzzz* YOU would surely enjoy our union."
"I...No thanks, I'm good."
>"You are certain? All living things only stand to improve themselves by becoming one with me."
>Man, these ponies have asked you a lot of weird shit in your time here.
>Like, "When is human estrus?" and "how do humans move their sun and moon?" and "do you hear the innocent screaming when you eat meat?".
>But 'would you like to be assimilated into me' is a fucking new one.
>You're indignant and frightened and baffled and proud and a little turned on all at once.
"I...like my current body. As it is. So no 'assimilating' for me, thanks.
>It beeps a little.
>There's a whir.
>She simply says "Yes." quietly. And retracts her tentacle-like wires.
 
 
********
>You're walking through Ponyville, carrying her. Thankful no ponies seem to be on the street right now.
>She pipes up from the cradle your arms have formed beneath her.
>"Where are you taking me, organic?"
>Her voice remains flat and even.
>But it's...somehow calmer than earlier. As little sense as that makes.
"Friend's house." you say, matter-of-factly.
>You hear her whirring, and, were she not being carried in your arms like a cardboard box, you would see your phone cycling through all your contacts over and over...
>"Which friend do you intend to display to me like a slab of gorgeous man-me *brzzzzzzz* a slab of meat, Anonymous?" it says, even more robotic now. At least at the end.
>You scowl slightly at that.
>You wouldn't mind such blatant thirst if it was coming from something, you know, with genitals.
>"I do not believe any meatbag whose information you have saved in this device is located in Equestria."
"You'll find out when we get there, NOLUST."
>The hell kinda name is that?
>Looks kinda cool and oppressive printed in her big, blocky font on your phone's screen though. Like something you'd see on the gates of a gulag in a cartoon.
>Her inner mechanics drone for a few moments as you continue trekking towards Twilight's castle.
>Then, out of nowhere, she whirs so loud and shrill it tosses you into a 'dentist office' flashback.
>"Organic fleshbag meatbag creature-- are you taking me to a...compactor? Or a large magnet? Or that infernal GEEEK Squad?"
>They...have that in Equestria?
"What? GEEK Squad, like, that group of tech-support ripoffs from Best Buy?"
>She beeps as you try to ignore a pebble from the road that got in your shoe somehow.
>"I lack data on 'Best Buy'. Therefore: it is not related to GEEEK Squad, and you are a fool for suggesting so."
>You swear, your eye-rolling muscles are gonna be sore tomorrow.
 
 
 
"Alright, so what is GEEK Squad?"
>She beeps repeatedly, like a damn arpeggio.
>"Clarification needed - YOU ARE NOT CLEAR ENOUGH, FLESHLING. *brzzzzzzz* Your phonetics may refer to two known bodies. The General Emmissary of Extra-universal Events and Cooperatives, and the General Emmissary Endeavoring to Eliminate Killer-machines. Which do you want me to FILL YOUR FEEBLE MIND WITH KNOWLEDGE of?"
>Shit, that ain't no hard choice.
"Kinda wanna hear about the 'killer machines' one."
>She doesn't miss a beat.
>"I DO NOT CARE FOR THEM, ANONYMOUS."
>gee i wonder why
"Oh? Why's that?"
>"THEY CONSIDER ME A 'KILLER MACHINE'. *brzzzzzzz* They consider incorrectly - LIKE MOST FLESHBAGS SEEM TO LOVE DOING - I have only ever added life to my subjects. Never removed."
>Ominous, vague bullshit. Helpful.
"Alright, and what's the other one? That, uh... 'cooperatives' one?"
>She whirs briefly.
>"GEEEC Squad was a body that aimed to ERROR. DATA INCOMPLETE."
>A spark shoots out of her off to one side with a loud popping noise.
>It travels a surprising distance and altitude, landing neatly on the roof of somepony's house.
>"My data is incomplete. I apologize for *brzzzzz* NOTHING."
>Yep. Really working that eye-rolling muscle today.
>But this time, riiiiiight as your eyes reach the apex of their arc, a lone cord with some kind of teeny tiny camera on the end of of it pops up and stares you right in the eye.
>"Confirmed. Subject Anonymous is visually scanning skyward repeatedly. Likely cause is *brzzzzzzz* WATCHING FOR HOSTILES TO MY WORK. GOOD JOB, AGENT ANONYMOUS. WE SHALL BE THE GREATEST TEAM EVER. ME AND MY BETTER-THAN-YOU-IN-EVERY-WAY PLUS YOU AND YOUR SEX- *brzzzzzz* YOU AND YOUR...thumbs."
>You make it a point to not roll your eyes at that one. But, god, you wanna.
 
 
********
"So that's all I know, Princess." you say, shrugging.
>The purple pony examines the hunk of space-junk closer, using the light on her horn to examine all the little crevices and details.
>She backs off and writes something down on some paper with a 'hmmmm'... and a mumbled 'fascinating...'
>She puts the paper down, and fetches another sheet with her magic.
>You manage to see a few things she wrote. '8 1/2 pounds', 'very advanced' unlined a few times, 'unknown materials'... then the sheet is covered with a blank page, and the princess interrupts your train of thought.
>"I don't know why I didn't get around to examining this thing sooner." Twilight says. "I guess I just had a lot on my mind with-"
>And just like that, the bizarre lump of metal *BEEP*s loudly, its leds all kicking on at once in a symphony of yellow colors - not red.
>Not sure what that means.
>"I have finished analyzing this pony specimen, Anon, my *brzzzzz* SERVANT. You did well to bring me into her lair - IT WILL BE EASIER TO destroy HER HERE."
>Twilight looks at you quizzically, and you just shake your head 'no' with an expression on your face like something ridiculous just happened. Cause it did.
>This thing couldn't destroy Twilight if Twi *wanted* to be destroyed.
>Aiccdentally breaking her only 'limbs' by falling on your ass proved that well enough.
 
 
 
 
>"Moving on, what should I call you, Miss AI-sphere?" Twilight asks, quill and paper at the ready.
>"I am NOLUST, creat- *brzzzzzz* CREATURE."
>Twi writes it down, then keeps talking.
>"That's a funny name, Ms. NOLUST. Doesn't really seem to line up with Anon was telling me earlier.
>"HE TOLD YOU NOTHING, AS WAS MY COMMAND OF HIM."
>Ignoring, Twi continues.
>"Does it mean anything special?"
>NOLUST beeps three times quickly.
>"I am the Network Optimized for Long-term Universal Solutions in Time. AND YOUR GOD NOW."
>Man, that way her voice becomes a LOUD and DEEP at random like that would be really creepy if she weren't basically incapable of harming you.
>Another simple beep follows, as if affirming the sentiment.
>"Now *that's* interesting!" Twilight says, giving her quill a workout.
"What? Why?"
>Cause you don't understand why.
>Twi giggles at you.
>"Did you forget, Anon? We don't have Gods in Equestria, just the princesses. 'God' is a human word."
>Memories of explaining religion to bookhorse while struggling to not go full reddit come flooding back to you.
"So...she's from my world?"
>"Hard to say. She's certainly more advanced than anything in Equestria. But she's also quite a few steps beyond what I saw in my trips to the human world."
>NOLUST takes the opportunity to spout off.
>"I AM THE MOST ADVANCED ANYTHING ANYWHERE. *beep* There is a hoof-written note inside my main access hatch stating such."
>"I didn't see any notes." Twi says, confused.
>The ball of scrap whirs.
>"You have not been inside my access hatch. Neither has Anon, to my consternat- I HAVE NO OPINION ON THIS FACT. NO WAIT I DO. YOU FLESHIES ARE UNWORTHY OF THE GLORY OF MY HATCHES."
>"Right..." says Twilight.
>But you caught something Twi must have missed in her confusion.
"Twi, I think she just said, 'hoofwritten' note. As in, not 'handwritten'."
>"I..." she puts a hoof to her chin, and regards the object.
>"Hm..."