Title:           Baseball Bonbon
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/bMQBuqJJ
First Edit:      Monday 19th of October 2015 08:35:13 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 19th of October 2015 08:35:13 PM CDT

>"You know Anon... I think I might be a little proud of you today."
>You paused mid-sip of your kinda warm beer and look down at Twilight
>While she was usually wearing her birthday suit today the mare had gotten gussied up in a baseball player's uniform
>You were similarly dressed, wearing an oldie style baseball vest,button shirt thing and a cap
"Proud?" you say, raising an eyebrow as both you and the Princess of Books leisurely make your way down the street. "What the hell are you proud for?"
>Twiggles smiles at you from underneath her widdle baseball cap
"The crusaders asked you to go to their game and you actually made the effort to come out!"
>Spreading one of her wings she poked at your shirt
>"And you even got Rarity to make you a jersey with Applebloom's number! We didn't have to drag you out of your house or anything!"
>So yeah, apparently baseball was a thing in horseland
>There was a major league and everything
>Which, while a little weird, was fucking awesome because you LOVED baseball
>Cubs all the fucking way nigga!
>...
>...
>...
>...The Cubs were going to win a World Series in your fucking lifetime dammit!
>Really, they were!
>Frowning ever so slightly you take another sip of your beer
"Hey, never let it be said that I didn't enjoy a good baseball game," you tell Nerkle, pointing your beer in her general direction. "And the kids said that it was their season opener and I couldn't miss that."
>Twilight awed, bumping her rump against your side
>"I'm still proud that you're actually going coming out to cheer on the Ponyville Pythons."
>You couldn't help but snort
>Why were ponies so SHIT at naming things...
>Though you didn't see it Tinkles eyes the thirty pack that you were carrying in your non drinking hand
>"...Though I might have preferred it if you WOULDN'T have brought THAT to the game with you."
>You look down at your case of beer then up at the Princess
"And the hell's wrong with me bringing a couple of brewskies to a baseball game?" you asked indignantly
>"Anon it's a little league game," Farkle deadpanned. "There's going to be fillies and colts there."
"I'm not going to give them any!" you say, hiding your 30 case behind your back protectively. "It's a human tradition to drink beer during a baseball game; let me fucking have this."
>Vampire book hoers studies you for a moment before looking away with a sigh
>"Just... don't go overboard with that stuff alright?"
>Hah
>This little nigga things that a thirty pack's gonna do more than give you a buzz?
>Pffffff
>You were about to defend your alcoholics honor when the baseball field came into view
>It honestly looked like the one that you had behind your grade school when you were little
>...Except that the bleachers looked a lot better...
>...And where the teams sat wasn't covered in graffiti...
>...And the grass looked nice and cut and--
>"Mr. Anon! Yea' made it!"
>Blinking, you watch as Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Dictionary run over to you with smiles on their faces
>"Yea' see? I'ah told ya'll that he'd come!" littlest apple hoers said with a happy little wiggle
>Smiling yourself at the ADORABLE sight of the three fillies in baseball jerseys and caps you kneel down, hiding your beer behind your back
>You didn't want Twily bitching at you or whatever
>You might still have an open beer in your hand but who gives a fuck right?
"Oh course I came! I wanted to cheer you guys on for the season opener," you say, flicking the lip of Sweetie's cap
>Scootaloo's widdle chest puffs out
>"No Mr. Anon! You're going to cheer us on while we beat the tar out of the Canterlot Diggers!"
>Canterlot Diggers?
>Jesus fucking Christ...
>Shaking your head slightly you put your beer down and start fumbling with your pockets
"So what positions are you girls playing?"
>The cutie mark crusaders look at each other, smirking, before they hopped up into their back legs and struck poses
>"I'am playin' first base!" Applebloom chirped
>"I'm the pitcher!" Scoots cried
>"And I'm short stop!" Sweetie finished
>...Oh thank god they playing important positions and not in the outfield
>Outfield was where the shit-tier players played in little league
>The shittest of shit tier
"Well that's fantastic girls, I hope you all kick their as-- I hope that you guys win out there!"
>Finally you managed to reach into your pocket and pulled out a little plastic baggy
"Here girls, a little something that baseball players used back on my world to crush the competition."
>The crusaders frowned
>"Mr. Anon, it's not called bas--"
"Why don't you open it up and see what's inside huh?"
>The fillies noses scrunched up but they didn't say anymore as they ripped open the bag and--
>"...Bubble gum?"
"No, it's SHREDDED bubbly gum," you correct, looking at the tiny pink strips with warmth
>For some fucking reason horse world didn't have shredded bubble gum
>Which was some BULLSHIT
>Shredded bubble gum was a cornerstone of your childhood!
>You ALWAYS chewed it whenever you and your buddies were playing baseball or bothering homeless people
>So, after deciding that you WERE going to go to this game instead of binge drinking in the comfort of your own home you had decided to shred up a bunch of gum yourself
>Give back to the community and all of that shit
>The crusaders look upon your masterpiece in confusion
>"How the hay's this supposed to help us win our game?" Scoots asked
>Grabbing your beer you stand back up
"Just take a bit-sized handful of that and stick it under your lip. Don't chew it and make sure to spit every couple of minutes. Trust me, if you do that and give some of this to the rest of your team you're going to win this game."
>It was also going to make the kiddies into a bunch of goddamn sexual tyrannosaurusseseses but YOU weren't going to tell them THAT
>...They'd learn
>That seems to win over the little horses, Applebloom and Sweetie stuffing big mouthfuls of the gum into their mouths before they both raced toward their respecting dugout
>"Thanks Mr. Anon!"
>"Yeah, thanks Mr. Anon!"
>Scoots looks down at the gum a little longer before shrugging and sticking some under her lip and racing off with the bag full of gum in hoof
>Twiggles quietly aws as the two of you watch the girls leave
>"You know, Anon, I really think that maybe you should write a friendshi--"
>Finishing your beer in three big swallows you belch and crush the can against your head
"Fuck that Figgles. Now come on! We gotta game to watch!"
>Surprisingly it looked like all of Ponyville had come out to watch, with nearly every single seat on the field's bleachers taken
>Luckily for you and Twiggles Applejack and the other girls, all wearing their team's colors just like you, had saved you some seats
>The crowd gathered chatted amongst themselves for a bit while the two teams warmed up
>You managed to finish off five beers in that time and a whole bag of popcorn that Pank had brought for all of you in that five or ten minutes
>It was kind of... nice sitting out here chatting and--
>OOHHHHH!
>The game's about to start!
>You grin hugely as the Ponyville team slowly gets into their respective positions out on the field and the Canterlot team's batters get ready
"Yeah! You go get'em girls! You got this!" you called, clapping your hands together.
>You crack open another beer and take a drink of your lukewarm beverage
"FUCK'EM UP!"
>Ponies all around you jump as your shout echoes throughout the field
>Twilight, her ears pinned against her head in embarrassment, glared at you
>"Anon! LANGUAGE!"
"What? I was just--"
>"Come on Canterlot! Kick this team to the bucking curve!"
>Your pupils dilate as you watch Bonbon, who just seemingly appeared three rows down from you, started clapping her dumb bitch horse hooves together while dumb horse words came out of her dumb horse mouth
>You weren't too focused on what those words were at the moment
>What really caught your attention was what angriest horse was wearing
>Was...
>Was that little nigger wearing a CANTERLOT jersey?...
"OI! BONBON! Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up you candy-coated asshole!"
>The candy mare stopped her shouting, spinning around so that she could glare at you
>Lyra, who was wearing a Ponyville jersey (like a good little non trator horse) also turned around so that she could see what her marefriend was staring at
>"...Fingers? FINGERS!"
>The unicorn's eyes light up and a smile made its way onto her face
""Hiya, Nonny! I didn't know that you liked stickball!"
>...
>...
>...
>Baseball...
>It was called fucking baseball...
>"Lyra, don't talk to the monkey," Bonbon chastises, giving you a disgusted look before turning around and sitting straight ahead
>Your frown deepens
"Hey, fuck right off you--"
>You grunt as Twilight elbows you in the ribs
>"Anon!" she hissed. "Stop yelling right now! Ponies are looking!"
>Looking around you see that nearly every single little horse in the stands and even some of the players were looking at you and thunder cunt
>...Alright
>Maybe you might have gotten a LITTLE carried away...
>Crossing your arms you sit back into your seat
"...Sorry."
>Rarity pats your side
>"No harm done, Dear," she reassured, giving Bonbon a look before weakly smiling at you. "Though I'm sure everypony here would very much appreciate it if you'd..."
>She trailed off as you took another sip of your beer
>...Fucking Bonbon
>That little nigga was going to ruin this game
>She just KNEW it
"Just pass me some more snacks so I don't keep opening my big mouth.
>Pinkie giggled, whipping out a pair of hot dogs out of nowhere
>"Don't worry about that, Nonny! Your aunt Pinkie has all the snacks to suit your needs."
"...Is that mustard?"
>"Of course it's mustard! What kind of silly filly wouldn't want mustard on their hot dog?"
>...
>...
>...
>Fucking Pinkie and her shit taste in contaminants...
>>Though you don't like it you take one of the hot dogs and take a big bite out of it
"Thank you."
>For the next half an hour everything is fine after that
>Surprisingly the little league game was kind of fun to watch
>Scoots could really whip that ball, Applebloom was one hell of a first base horse, and even Sweetie was a pretty decent shortstop
>The other team gave as good as they got though, so the score was pretty much even up until the sixth inning
>The crowd cheering and jeered good naturedly at each other and at the players, shouting encouragements
>Though you and Bonbon shouted every once in awhile you managed to keep from verbally sparring with her
>You just sat there eating your food and drinking your beer while you glared at the back of Bon cunt's head
>But like so many things the peace did not last
>Applebloom was up to bat
>The pitcher's name was Sugar Dumpling, Bonbon's cousin from what you gathered from her yelling
>The bases were loaded
>The Ponyville team had two strikes to their name
>The entire crowd was on the edge of their seats
>And you had just finished up your twenty-fifth beer
>The two little horses stared at each other, their eyes narrowing as Applebloom patted her bat against home plate and gave it a few swings
"Outta the park, Applebloom!" you shout. "The pitcher throws like a cross eyed vegetable!"
>"Come on Sugar! Get this strike!" Bonbon yells. "This filly couldn't hit the side of a barn if she was a foot away from it!"
>Both your and Applejack's eyes widen at the jab and you were about to get to your feet when Twilight yanked you back down with her magic
>"Just let it go, Anon," she growled
>Applejack looked over at you with an understanding look
>"She ain't worth gettin' upset over, partner," she said, narrowing her eyes at Bonbon before looking back at you with a smile. "'Sides, Applebloom will shut 'er up when she knocks it outta the park."
>...Yeah
>She's right...
>Just because Bonbon was acting like a nigga didn't mean you had to stoop to her level
>You all watch as the filly at the pitcher's mound winds up and tosses the ball as hard as she could
>Though she must have been under ten years old that throw had some heat to it
>Which meant that when Applebloom smacked that sucker it was really going to get out of the park!
>FUCK IT UP LIL' APPLE!
>FUCK IT UP REAL GOOD!!!
>Littlest appul hoers watches the ball fly forward and cocks her bat, and she started to swing, but she must have seen that it was a bad pitch and stopped mid swing
>"Strike one!" the umpire cries as the ball hits the catcher's glove with a meaty smack
"Bullshit!" you roar angrily. "She barely moved the fucking bat! You need some fucking glasses Ump!"
>"Good throw Sugar!" Bonbon yelled, clapping her hooves. "Lets see two more!"
>You glare at the back of Bon Bon's head and cock back your beer to nail the little horse in the back of the head but you hear Darkle growl beside you
>"Anon... I swear to Celestia if you start a fight here..."
>Though it's a hell of a lot harder this time you managed to calm yourself down
>It was going to be alright
>It was going to be alright
>Just stay calm
>Just STAY CALM
>The ball is tossed back to the pitcher as the little bitch smirks at the Ump's niggadry
>Applebloom snorts and sips out a mouthful of sugary saliva before swinging her bat a few more time
>Atta girl
>Smack that fucker right out of the park!
>The pitcher winds up and throws the ball again, this time switching up the fastball with a curve ball
>Applebloom doesn't even swing this time
>"Ball!"
>Bonbon's on her hooves in an instant
>"What the buck Ump are you bucking blind?! That was right down the middle!"
"Good call Ump, good call!"
>You hear the candy mare growl as she turned around and glared at you
>"Why don't you shut the buck up Monkey."
>Don't you do this little horse
"Why don't you just sit down and shut the fuck up, Bonbon?"
>The little horse tosses off her cap and stands up on her seat
>"Why don't you come down here and make me you poop throwing ape!"
>Don't fucking do this cunt
>You aren't ready to handle all of THIS
"I'm actually going to just sit here and--"
>You and every single little horse on those bleachers watch as Bonbon rips off her jersey, throws it away, and spreads her arms out wide
>...
>...
>...
>Oh no...
>She went and did it
>You lean over toward Twiggles, who looks utterly horrified with this turn of events, and nudge her cheek with your beer
"Twilight... hold this for me will ya?"
>The Princess looks from you to Bonbon, bits of her mane springing out from her (kinda dumb) haircut
>"A-Anon... What are you g-going to do?"
"Bonbon just threw down the gauntlet and challenged me to a duel. I cannot refuse and I need you to hold my beer, Twilight."
>Twilight twitched, the mare's wings fluttering at her sides before she hopped up onto her hooves
>"No! NO! I'm not going to do that, Anonymous!" she snarled, her face becoming furious. "I can't BELIEVE that the two of you can't set aside your silly feud for FIVE MINUTES just to watch a bucking game of STICKBALL!"
"...It's baseba--"
>"I DON'T BUCKING CARE!!!"
>Holy hell
>Twiggles used Canterlot voice
>It's super fucking effective!
>YOUR POOR FUCKING EARS!!
>Everyone flinches as she glared and snarled at no one in particular
>"This is disrespectful to me, this is disrespectful to everypony here, and it's disrespectful to yourself that you're ACTING LIKE THIS!!!"
>She huffed, sitting back down and crossing her hooves
>"I'm not going to let this behavior go on any longer! The second that this game is over the two of you are in for some SERIOUS friendship lessons! So no, Anon, I'm not going to hold your stupid beer for you!"
>You all stare at the purple princess for a long moment
"...You know what? I'm sorry, Twilight. It was shitty of me to put you in a position that you were uncomfortable with."
>Twilight slowly blinks before a big ol' smile comes to her face
>"...Well, you didn't apologize for causing a scene when I asked you not to but this is a real good star--"
"Pinkie, hold my beer please."
>The party pony giggles as you maneuver the beer around Twiggles so that you could hand it to her
>"Okie dokie lokie Nonny!"
>Tossing your hat off you stand
>The ponies in front of you scooch out of the way as you step down toward Bonbon, the bleacher's metallic steps ringing with each step
>The ponies around Bonbon move the fuck out of the way as the little mare glares at you as you stand before her
>The two of you eye each other while Twilight has some kind of dork panic attack behind you
>Neither of you blink
>Neither of you breath
>You wait for the other to-- SURPRISE BEER ATTACK!
>With a loud shout you pull out the beer that you had hidden in your back pocket (for just such an emergency)
>Before Bonbon could so much as twitch you shook the can and opened it right in her face
>"THPRTNRTmPmFF--BUCK!" the candy mare sputtered as foam and piss warm beer blasted her right in the face, knocking her off balance
>Seeing your chance you toss the beer away, and, with another battlecry, you tackle Bonbon as hard as you can
>The two of you go for one hell of a ride, the two of you banging hitting each FUCKING row of bleachers on the way down
>But that didn't matter
>The beer deadened most of the blows
>That and your MASSIVE hate stiffy
>The second that you hit the cold, hard ground you were on your feet, ripping off your jersey and throwing it onto the ground
>Time to bro the fuck out
"The fuck's good, Bonnie?!" you yelled, throwing your hands up in the air. "What's real fucking--omph!"
>You stumbled forward as a garbage can nailed you right in the back, sending you right back into the dirt with Bonbon
>"ANON! YOU'RE IN SO MUCH BUCKING TROUBLE MISTER!!!"
>Groaning you looked over at Bonbon
>The two of you looked in each other's eyes
>There was hate in that shared look
>And quite a bit of it
"...Fuck you Bon--Omph!"
>You let out another groan of pain as candy ass nails you in the ribs
>To make matters worse you could see Twiggles stomping toward you with another garbage can caught up in her magic
>She looked furious
>More so when usual when you and Bonbon got into shit
>And this time it wasn't really your fucking fault!
>You just wanted to sit down and drink while watching a baseball game!
>Was that really too much to ask?!
>...
>...
>...
>Fucking Bonbon...
>Fucking Twilight...
>Fucking stickball...
