Title:           Butt off (Earth ponies 1)
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/4B3sHsJV
First Edit:      Sunday 3rd of April 2016 02:04:48 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 3rd of April 2016 02:04:48 PM CDT

"There... we... go... ahhhhh~"
>You, along with the rest of the boys, sigh as you lean back into your stools and take that first sip of your peppermint schnapps with a bit of whipped cream thrown on top
>It had been a hard week
>Working, looking for good mares to herd with or keeping the ones that you were lucky enough to snag and doing it all while looking fabulous was hard on a stallion
>But you, along with your friends, managed to juggle all of this and more with the style and grace that most couldn't even hope to match
>And to celebrate this fact, and because Time Turner had just gotten dumped and needed to have a good time, you had decided to go out and get a little nuts
>You were Caramel
>You were at Ponyville's best (and only) bar
>It was about ten thirty in the afternoon
>The bar was packed
>You and the boys were all dressed up
>And you were ready to party like the sun wasn't gonna come up!
>So, like you did every time that you went out, you and the boys were first partaking in the traditional turnt up shots before you all went out and started dancing
>The shot went down smooth as you drained it in one go, a small smile on your face as you felt the alcohol making it's way down to your belly
>Hmmm, peppermint-y...
>As one you and your squad slapped down your shot glasses
>"Whew, I needed that after that horse apple week on cloud duty," Thunderlane said with a happy sigh
>Mr. Cake nodded
>"Yeah... It's really nice to just get out every once in a while and let my pumpkin watch the little ones for a while..."
>You were tempted to tell the fellas about how AWFUL it had been working on the apple farm but you decided against it
>Tonight wasn't a pity part!
>You were all here to forget about the week!
>To just sit back and have a few drinks and dance with a couple of cute mares
 
>...
>Besides, you could always tell them about it tomorrow or the day after that
>...Bucking Applejack
>Looking at your flank when she thought that you weren't looking...
>But you WERE looking
>And even though you knew you had an AMAZING flank (thank you super-hot yoga) you didn't want to be gawked at!
>...
>Fun
>You were supposed to have fun tonight!
"Bartender! Can we get a few more shots over here?" you asked, tapping your hoof against the counter. "We want--
>"Well hellooooo there, sweet cheeks~."
>...Oh no
>Already?!
>Your nose scrunched up
>Looking over your shoulder you could see Cloud Chaser staring at you with half-lidded eyes
>Ew...
>Back the buck up filly...
>Immediately your squad stepped in
>"Get the buck out of here, Cloud Chaser," Thunderlane demanded, his nose scrunching up harder than yours.
>"Yeah, we don't want any of your horse apples today," Spark Plug added. "So why don't you go and bother some of those drunk sluts over there?"
>If Cloud Chaser was discouraged she didn't show it
>"Aw, come on fellas, don't be like that," she cooed, quickly climbing into the chair next to you. "I was just trying to be fri--"
>"At least wait until they've had a few drinks in 'em," Cloudy," a mare sitting at a table called
>Her friends chuckled
>"Yeah, wait until they're liquored up enough not to see notice that flat pegasus flank of your's!"
>Oh no...
>Nononononononononono!
 
>You KNEW where this was going!
>You didn't want to deal with this horse apples!
>You want to relax with the bo--
>"The buck did you say to me you fat-flanked earth pony?" Cloud Chaser demanded, turning toward the table
>The group of mares, who were mostly earth ponies you couldn't help but notice, chuckled again
>"I think you heard me well and good, lil' flank," one of the mare's said, calmly sipping her cider. "Those are some fine lookin' stallions over there."
>Aw, that was really--
>"If they're gonna bring a mare home and bend her over on a bed they're gonna want to pound into something with a little more cushion!"
>...Pigs
>All mares were pigs
>And not the good kind of pigs either
>Cloud Chaser huffed
>You could see other pegasui, most likely the mares that she came here with, start to converge one her
>"So what? Do you think they're gonna want to have anything to do with that garbage bag fill of cottage cheese that you earth ponies call a flank? Hah! Don't you make me bucking laugh!"
>Dread filled you as the earth ponies' smiles vanished from their faces
>Horse apples!
>This was the BIGGEST load of horse apples in the whole wide world!!!
>Why couldn't you go out without a whole bunch of mares getting into a flank measuring contest?!
>You opened your mouth to protest when a unicorn mare pipped up
>"Why would they want EITHER of you when they could have a flank like this?" she asked, presenting her flank to the whole room. "Not too big, not too small; it's the perfect size for the perfect mare."
>Both the earth pony mare and Cloud Chaser snorted
>"You best get that chubby flank out of my face!"
>You're plum crazy if you think they want a lil' thing like that!"
>The music abruptly cut off as earth pony, unicorn, and pegasui began arguing
>...Idiots
 
>Not only were all mares pigs but they were also IDIOTS
>Violent idiots
"Alright, ENOUGH!" you roared. "We don't care about your stupid bucking--"
>"Earth pony flanks are the best!"
>"Naha, unicorn flanks are the best!"
>"What about donkey's?"
>"...BUCK DONKEY'S!"
>Though nopony was throwing punches the atmosphere began to get tense as the yelling got louder and louder and your headache started to grow and grow
>Finally, a pegasus, threw her hooves up into the air
>"We should let the stallions decide who has the best flank!"
>You and the fellas groaned as, almost immediately, a chorus of "Yeah!"'s boomed out
>From behind the bar you watch as Anonymous rose from out of nowhere
>...
>"Good afternoon, ladies," he said casually, resting his elbows on the bar counter and leaning forward
>You and the fellas looked at each other, you then looked over the bar
>Even the bartender looked confused, looking up from the glass that she was cleaning to stare at the human
>...Where the BUCK did Anon come from?!
>There's no way that he was big enough to--
>"Might I ask what seems to be the problem?"
>The mares stopped their rabble-rousing to stare at the human
>Your throat suddenly feels VERY dry when you notice a glint in Anon's eye
>You knew what the glint meant
>It meant a HECK of a lot of headache for you
"Anon, I swear to Celestia--"
>"We're trying to decide which race has the best flank!" one of the mares from the crowd yelled
>A jenny in the crowed pipped up
>"What about don--"
>"BUCK DONKEY'S!"
>Anon thoughtfully hummed
>"Deciding about which pony race has the best flanks huh?" he said, tapping his chin while the glint in his eyes grew more glint-y
>No
>Sweet Celestia no
 
>Sweet Luna no
>Sweet anypony no!
>He better not--
 
~The Next Day~
 
"...You know THIS is why we don't invite you anywhere."
>Anon took a deep breath, his hands on his hips as he looked at the chaos that he had caused
>It was early on this Saturday morning
>Probably about eight or nine o'clock
>It had been about ten hours since you and the fellas had been at the bar
>TEN. HOURS.
>Anonymous, the crazy green monkey that he was, not only somehow managed to gather half of the mares in town for this "Booty Bash" as he called it he had gotten a big platform built, he got permission from the mayor to have this little contest, he got the mares to wear panties that would really make their rumps stand out and he SOMEHOW got the word out that this was going on and he even got some stallions to help judge the mares
>And you weren't too happy to say that the team of stallions helping Anon with... whatever THIS was were you and the boys
>You weren't too happy about it at all
>That wasn't even all that he did to top it all off, but he had done so much in such an impossibly short about of time you didn't even want to think about EVERYTHING he did
>...
>HOW DID HE MANAGE TO GET CATERING AT THE LAST MINUTE LIKE THAT?!
>WHEN YOU GOT YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY CATERED YOU HAD TO SET IT UP WEEKS IN ADVANCE!!!
>You huffed as you sat down on the platform, crossing your hooves, your judge's button rubbing against your chest
>Anon ignored your pouting, taking in a deep, deep breath
>"Can you smell it in the air," Caramel?" he asked, looking over a sea of eagerly chatting mares
"You know if you put all of that energy of your's doing something useful we'd have a prince with some real power in Canterlot."
>"Asses as far as the eye can see," Anon continued, completely ignoring you. "Big ones, small ones, fat ones, skinny ones."
>He sniffled, a tear coming to his eye
>"And we're going to look at all of 'em."
 
"I hate you. I hate you so much that I can't STAND it. If hate was a stick I'd have beaten you to dead with it by now."
>"Shush, shush, shush. No tears, only butts my little horse friend," Anon said, leaning over and pressing a single finger against your lips
>Sputtering, you slapped away his hooves
"Why it is every single time that you're around I get forced into wacky shenanigans?!"
>"Because I'm spontaneous."
"You're nuts!"
>"Everyone needs to be a little ruts, otherwise a stick gets shoved up your pooper and it's a bitch to get out."
>You slapped a hoof against the platform, grumbling, but you didn't say another word
>No...
>Anon wasn't the kind of stallion that you could talk sense into or reason with or even get away from
>Somehow, some way, no matter what you did to try to prevent it, you'd find yourself in the shenanigans
>It would be better for everypony, you included, if you just went along with it
"If you think I'm going to be touching a bunch of sweaty mares' flanks all day then you're nuts," you grumbled
>"Hey, I never said ANYTHING about touching," Anon said, throwing up his hands defensively. "All you and the other guys need to do is look at 'em and write a number down on a piece of paper. If that's all you're comfortable with then that's fine."
"I don't even WANT to be a judge," you whined
>Anon raised an eyebrow
>"If you don't want to be a judge that's fine," he said coolly. "But then you ain't getting those black stretchy pants that I have."
>...
>...
>...
>MOTHERBUCKER!
>THEY'D LOOK SO GOOD ON YOU!
"...Fine," you grumbled, getting off the floor and dusting yourself off. "But I swear to Celestia if you don't give me those pants after this is over I'm gonna give you such a PINCH!"
>Grinning, Anon nodded
>"Hey, say what you will about me I'm a man of my word."
>He patted you on the top of your head
 
>You accepted the pets, though you weren't too happy about it
>And it was a given that your tail didn't start flicking back and forth excitedly when he started scratching that spot that you liked
>Nope; not even a little bit
>"Now why don't you go wait with the other guys while I start this shindig off?"
>Shooing you off the stage Anonymous stood before the crowd
>All talking ceased as the human loudly cleared his throat and clapped his hands together
>"And how's everyone this morning?" he asked as you made your way over to the fellas
>Just like you they were all wearing vests with a judge's button and a little hat that said judge on it
>You all looked horribly tacky but Anon had insisted that you all put on a uniform...
>To your surprise only Thunderlane looked a little nervous and maybe uncomfortable
>Sure, Mr. Cake was doing his best to LOOK like he didn't want to be there but you knew better
>Even though you loved that stallion like a brother and he was a WONDERFUL father he always got a kick out of the younger mares hitting on him; something which was probably BOUND to happen at an event like this
>Which you kind of understood
>If you were his age you were sure it was nice to get reminded that you looked good every once in a while by somepony that wasn't your wife...
>And you HAD to admit that he looked GREAT for his age...
>But...
>You don't know
>It just seemed weird...
>Spark Plug and Time Turner were standing there giggling like a couple of school colts, their eyes darting around as they whispered into each other's ears
>Airheads like always...
>So it looked like Thunderlane was the only other sensible pony here that liked this as much as you
>Urgh...
>It was going to be one of those days wasn't it?
>...
>Who were you kidding?
>Oh COURSE it was going to be one of those days
>ANON was here!
>"First off, before we start this whole... thing, I'd like to welcome you fine ladies to Ponyville's very first asstravaganza!"
 
>A quiet groan escaped your throat as the mares all around you started stomping their hooves and cheering
>Asstravaganza?
>Oh that was terrib--
>When the BUCK did he get that sign over the platform made?!
>"Now, as I was getting this all set up I was wondering how we were going to do the judging," Anon continued as you quietly wondered how it had all come to this. "Asses come in all shapes and sizes after all, so judging them all the same would be unfair to everyone here."
>"Let us sit on your face! That'll be fair to everypony!" somepony yelled in the crowd, prompting laughter
>PIGS!
>MARES. ARE. PIGS!
>"Maybe after all of this is over, sweetheart," Anon (the slut that he was) replied without missing a beat. "Now where was I? Oh right, the whole judging mare..."
>Clearing his throat Anon put his hands behind his back and rocked back and forth on his heels
>"After consulting with by fellow judges over there--"
>That bucking liar!
>He didn't talk to anypony!
>"--We all decided that the best course of action would be to group you by race and judge you on all the attributes that make up the best flanks for unicorns, pegasui, earth ponies, and alicorns
>...
>What...
>Did he just say alicorns?
>As in more than ONE?!
>Your eye twitched as Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Princess Cadence AND Princess Twilight suddenly appeared on the podium with a puff of magic
>Like the rest of the contestants, the mares were wearing pantoeurbkjfbdkfjbvdkfbd!
"Anon! ANON!"
>Forcing your way through the crowd you hopped back onto the platform and charged at the human
>Standing up on your back legs you grabbed him by his collar and started to BUCKING SHAKE HIM!!!
 
"The Princesses?! You managed to talk the PRINCESSES into this nonsense?!" you demanded, pressing your nose against his
>"What? How were we going to see which alicorn has the best rump if we just judged Twilight?" Anon asked, with that BUCKING glint in his eye and a grin on his face. "That's doesn't seem all that fair to me."
>You opened your mouth to continue to chew him out
"...Buck you," you hissed. "Buck you to Tartarus. Even though that makes sense buck you."
>"Will it make you feel any better if I throw in those fuzzy socks with those pants that you want?" Anon offered
>Your eyes narrowed
>BUCK!
>YOU'D LOOK GREAT IN THOSE BUCKING SOCKS TOO!
>CURSE YOUR AMAZING FASHION SENSE!
>"I'd like to thank you for asking us to be here, Anonymous," Princess Celestia said, her and her fellow princesses stepping forward as you let go of Anon with a grumble and bowed like the peasant that you were
>"Yes, it is pleasant to get out of the castle every once in a while and mingle with our subjects," Princess Luna added, looking over the crowd with a smile
>Princess Cadence giggled
>"It'll also be nice for the judges to decide which princess has the best flank around," she said wiggling her behind
>You didn't like the look in Princess Twilight's eye as she nodded
>"Yeah, I'll be nice to see what you colts think."
>Anon smiled at the group of royalty
>"I can say that the pleasure is all mine, your highness's," he said with a little bow before turning back toward the crowd
>"Now I don't want you all to think that this is gonna be one of those "everyone wins" kind of contest. There's gonna be a winner in each group and there's gonna be a LOT of losers."
>"What do we get if we win?" somepony in the crowd yelled out
>Anon's grin widened
>"You'll get bragging rights of course!" he yelled, throwing his arms in the air. "And, if you're lucky, you might manage to catch the eye of one of our LOVELY single judges today."
>Your eyes widened
 
>Did he--
>Why did he--
>Was he doing all of this because you told him about Time Turner getting dumped?!
>Anon gave you a little wink as you gawked at him
>"Alright, I think we'll start with all of the earth ponies first. Ladies, if you'd be so kind as to come and join me?"
>...
>Your eye twitched as the Princesses left the stage and a group of earth ponies climbed up into the platform with the other judges bringing up the rear
>Heh, rear
>Like the--
>...
>Whatthebuck'swrongwithyoucolt?!
>Though there was some playful pushing and shoving you eventually managed to get the mares standing in a row with their backsides to the crowd
>"Alright ladies and gentlestallions, we're starting with earth ponies first," Anon yelled, walking down the row of flanks. "As many of you know earth ponies are the biggest and stockiest of the pony tribes. They're the workers, the hard hitters, so that's what we're looking for in these asses of theirs."
>Anon placed his hand on the rump of the nearest mare, making her twitch in surprise
>"We're looking for big, round, and perky behinds. There's gonna be a lot of muscle on these ladies but there needs to be just enough fat so that there's a little bounce when you give 'em a slap. The word of the day for these mares is THICK; thick and juicy."
>Patting the mare (was that June Bug?) on the flank, Anon pulled out a small notepad and made his way over toward the first mare that you were going to be judging
>A Ms. Mayor mare
>Your mayor, who was an ELECTED OFFICIAL, had decided to wear a pair of deep red fish net stockings with her red panties
>Her rump wiggled slightly as she jutted it out as far as she could, doing her best to make it look as big as possible
>She was also giving Thunderlane bedroom eyes
>The old corn dog
>All of that rump wiggling and heated looks immediately stopped when Anon gave her a hard slap on the behind, making her yelp in both surprise and pain
 
>"No trying to make your butt look bigger please," he said, scribbling something in his notebook.
>Making a face, the mayor looked back at Anon as she rubbed her rump
>"Of course, my apologizes, Anonymous," she said, adopting a more professional demeanor. "This old mare forgets herself sometimes. Especially when she's surrounded by this many HUNKS."
>You rolled your eyes as Spark Plug and Time Turner giggled
>Stuffing his notebook back into his pants (a quick look over showed that he had had just drawn butts all over the first page), Anon squatted down in front of the mayor
>"Alright, Ms. Mayor, I'm going to slid your panties down so we can start the inspection. Is that alright?"
>The mayor grinned, widening her stance
>"I'm more than ready young stallion~"
>Hooking his thumbs through the panties Anon began to pull them down
>You and the fellas watched as the mayor's flank seemed to EXPLODE out of her undergarments with each inch that he pulled down
>Though she was nearing her late thirty's, the mayor's rump looked looked as perky and full and blemish free as a mare ten years younger
>Letting the panties fall to the floor, Anon leaned back and hummed
>"Alright..."
>Mayor Mare let out a quiet giggle as he grabbed her flanks and started squeezing
>"Her fur looks well maintained... Not too much fat... A bit saggy and the back of the legs could be a little tighter but that's kind of expected with how old you are..."
>The Mayor's giggling turned into a gasp as he started kneading her cheeks, his fingers digging into her cutiemarks
>"The rump itself has that loose muscle that earth ponies are known for... The tail is clean and cut..."
>Your eyes widened as Anon pressed his cheek against the mayor's rump flesh and started nuzzling
"Anon! You stop that right the buck now!" you hissed
>"I'm seeing if her rump would make a good pillow," Anon said, nuzzling deeper into the mayor's flank
>The mayor let out a little moan, wiggling her rump against the human's face
 
"What does that have to do with ANY of this?!"
>"You've obviously never been an ass-judge before."
"No. I haven't. And never have you you-- stopbitingherrumprightthebucknow!"
>Anon pulled away, stroking his chin thoughtfully
>All around you were red- faced ponies after that little... thing
>The mares waiting in line were staring at Anonymous with a mixture of arousal and anticipation
>Time Turner, Spark Plug, and Mr. Cake were looking everywhere other than where Mayor Mare was standing
>And if the smell that was any indication you'd say that the mayor was happy with how this was turning out
>"I'll give you... a seven," Anon said, looking back at you all. "What do you guys think?"
>You all jumped
>"Yeah."
>"Sounds good."
"Aha."
>"I love my wife very much."
>With a smile, Anon pulled a magic marker from from his back pocket, quickly uncapping it and putting a seven on the mayor's flank
>"Alright, there you go mayor. If we do this again I suggest you wear a bigger pair of panties and start some leg exercises."
>"I'll... keep that... in mind," the panting, blushing mayor said, giving her rump a little wiggle as Anon pulled her panties back up
>You could feel your blush get a little blusher when you noticed a wetness dripping down the mayor's leg
>Your mayor
>The mare that you had elected
>A pony who was responsible for making sure that this entire town was running smoothly
>...
>Bucking Anon
>Giving the mayor's rump a pat Anon stood up
>"Alright," he said, clapping his hands together. "Looks like you're up next Daisy."
>There were about fifty mares on that platform in all but Anon took his time inspecting each and every one the same way that he did with the mayor
>Though the first couple were just as weird and awkward as the very first one eventually you and the boys got used to the craziness that all of this was
>You started to chat with the mares as you poked and prodded them
>You weren't too proud to admit it... but you were kind of getting into it as well
 
>There was something oddly fun about deciding if a butt was a five or if a butt was too big or if this butt was a seven or this butt was a nine
>It almost felt like furniture shopping in some weird way
>With furniture that was trying to hit on you
>"Hello, honey bun, are you having fun?"
>Mr. Cake smiled as you and the rest of the boys stood behind him, terrified
>Even Anonymous, who had been leading the charge with this whole nonsense, was cowering behind you
>"So you actually decided to come out then, pumpkin?"
>Mrs. Cake nodded, causing one of the biggest, fattest flanks that you've ever seen to start jiggling
>"Yep!" she chirped with a grin. "I managed to get Pinkie to watch the kids so I could come out here and show these fillies who has the best buns in town!"
>Now, you had stared at a LOT of butts today; almost all of them were earth pony butts but they were butts none-the-less
>You had seen big ones, small ones, round ones, flat ones and ones not even the mares that they were attached to could love
>But THIS!
>This was something else
>And sweet Celestia did you not mean that in a good way
>Before you was a grotesque, giant,, wrinkly cottage cheese filled, fat, fat, FAT flank
>It was so big that the granny panties that Mrs. Cakes was wearing had been swallowed up between those nightmare inducing cheeks
>From what you could tell there was no muscle underneath all of that fat
>Because of that there was no shape, there was no perkiness; all there was was a mass of flank
>And you didn't like it
>You didn't like it one bit
>ESPECIALLY with those panties
>"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph," Anon murmured. "Mr. Cake must be packing a dick that's longer than him if he can find the cunt at the end of that unhappy valley..."
>You nudged the human with a hoof
"Well? Aren't you going to go over there and inspect her," you whispered
>"I'll pass," Anon answered, crouching down even lower so that he could hide himself from that big ol' flank
"You can't PASS!"
 
>"I've been doing 'em all day. One of you can go this time."
>Frowning, you turned toward the human
"Anonymous, you're the one that set this up and you're the one that all but forced the rest of us into this. You're going to go over there and you're GOING to put those mutts of yours on that mare's flanks and you're going to LIKE IT. And I swear to Celestia if you hurt her feelings I'm going to buck you right OFF this stage."
>You and the other fellas roughly shoved Anon toward the awaiting Mrs. Cake
"Now hurry up and get this over with."
>For a moment Anon looked like he was going to make a break for it
>Seeing this, Spark Plug and Time Turner's horns sparked to life, ready to intercept him
>Not today colt
>You got us into this mess you were seeing this through until the end
>Through both the good and the bad
>Making a face Anon threw his hands in the air
>"Fine. But if she sits on me and I die I'm haunting you fuckers until doomsday," he whisper-shouted before turning toward Mrs. Cake
>You and the other stallions did as well, and as you looked at her you couldn't help but notice that the mare's flank was STILL jiggling
>...
>You knew the beauty was only skin deep and that Mrs. Cake was a wonderful mare
>...But SWEET CELESTIA!
>"M-Morning, Mrs. Cake," Anon said with a shaky smile, getting down in front of the mare
>"Good morning to you too, hon," she said with a giggle, straining her neck so that she could look over her flank at him
>Her smile turned into a frown the longer that she looked at him
>"Are you alright dear," she asked, sounding concerned. "You're looking a little pale..."
>Anon's smile became a little more strained
>"Oh I'm fine," he said as casually as he could manage. "It's just a little warm out here is all."
>Gulping, he reached up and somehow managed to get a hold of Mrs. Cake's panties
>He turned a little paler, and you swear on your cutiemark that you could hear him gulping from ten feet away
 
>"Alright... L-Let's see what we're working with here..."
>You all watched as he then began to pull the panties off Mrs. Cake
>Mr. Cake was standing there with his chest puffed out and just the biggest, most proud smile that you've ever seen
>You and the other boys were cowering near the edge of the platform ready to make a break for it if the need arose
>Even the other mares, especially the ones standing close to Mrs. Cake, took a few hasty steps away from the shop owner
>Mrs. Cake seemed oblivious to the staring, simply smiling to herself as she watched Anonymous undress her
>"Make sure you don't rip those, hon. Those are my cupcake's favorite," she advised, winking at her husband
>"I-I'll keep that in mind. Now come on you fucking... panties. Come the... fuck off.. goddammit..."
>After a bit of struggling, Anon somehow managed to get the panties completely off her
>You honestly couldn't say how but he did it
>And because he did it you got to see Mrs. Cakes flank in all of its... glory?
>In all of its... horror?
>Horror felt like the better word...
>A quiet whimper escaped Anon's throat as he gave the flank, which from where you were standing looked bigger than him, a squeeze
>His fingers dug into the flank unnaturally deep, making you all wince
>Ewwwwwwww....
>"T-The fur l-looks well maintained," Anon managed to say as his hands slowly traveled up and down her flank. "A-And it... smells a-alright... kind of like b-baked goods."
>To say that Mr. Cake was beaming was an understatement
>"My pumpkin does love her sweets," he boasted, taking a step forward so that he could better watch Anon feeling up his wife. "Go on, Anon, try to lift those cheeks up. Feel how full they are."
>Anon's movements were jerky as he did as Mr. Cake said, trying his best to lift Mrs. Cake's fat, wrinkly behind
>To the surprise of nopony, the thing barely moved
>"You're going to have to try harder than that, dear," Mrs. Cake said with another giggle
 
>Anon's breathing started to become ragged and you could see his eyes darting around nervously
>He looked like a caged animal with no way out and no hope of escape, but even still he squared his shoulders and tried again
>A grunt escaped his throat as he began to lift with all of his might
>You could hear Spark Plug gagging as Mrs. Cakes flank seemed to mold around his arms as he slowly began to pick up that monster butt
>His face began to turn red and a vein could be clearly seen popping out of his forehead as he lifted that butt inch by inch
>It was almost like a train wreck; a horror show that you couldn't look away from
>You almost felt bad for Anon for a second before you remembered that he did this to himself
>Also buck Anon
>"Come on, hon," Mrs. Cake encouraged. "You're almost there. Just a little big more.... There you go!"
>Making a sound that was a mixture between a groan and a snarl, Anon lifted up Mrs. Cake's flank as high as it would go
>Holding it for a second or two he then combat rolled away, flopping onto his stomach and desperately crawling toward you
>This time you couldn't help but gag when you saw that mess of... terror jiggling
>...And jiggling
>...And jiggli--
>Gagging again, you looked away from the eye of terror, hiding your face behind your notebook
>You're going to need therapy after this
>You're going to have to go to a doctor and screw them the buck up by telling them what happened
>"A one. That ass is getting a fucking one," Anon rasped, crawling toward you and flopping himself right at your hooves.
"She's not getting a one, Anon," you say with a shake of her head. "I don't care how bad it was you're not going to hurt her or Mr. Cake's feelings."
>Staring up at you with this hopeless, defeated look, Anon sighed and lifted up three fingers
>You shook your head
>Anon then raised four
"Two more," you mumbled as Mr. Cake walked over to your little huddled group
 
>"So what do you guys think? Am I a lucky stallion or am I a lucky stallion?"
>For a second an insane idea comes to mind
>Why not tell Mr. Cake the truth?
Maybe if you just went out and said that Mrs. Cake had a fat, disgusting rump that only a zebra could love then maybe the two of them could take the steps to make it better?
>Or at least if not better than hiding it away in a long skirt or pants or something?
>...No
>No...
>You didn't want to open a can or worms like that today
>Not after all of the horse apples that happened today...
"She's great."
>"You're a real lucky colt, Cake."
>"I wish I had a mare just like her."
>Anon just let out another groan as you all smiled at Mr. Cake, whose chest puffed out even more
>"What can I say? I'm a very lucky stallion," he said, looking down at Anon. "So what's the verdict, Anon?"
>Closing his eyes, Anon reached into his his pocket and pulled out his marker
>"Just give her a fucking six," he said, handing the marker to him. "I'm going on a fucking break. I need just need to go to a... happy place before I keep going on."
>As soon as Mr. Cake, with a slightly confused look on his face, took the marker, Anon began to drag himself toward the crowd of mares
>You could see Roseluck and Bonbon looking at each other, concern in their eyes, before they made their way over to the "poor, traumatized human"
>Or what you'd like to call a big bucking baby
>...You wouldn't have done that for a million bits, sure, but it couldn't have been THAT bad
>"I can see the Charlies in the trees," Anon murmured, his eyes glassy. "They got jars filled with gasoline and double bubble bubble gum. There's pet alligator's everywhere..."
>Bonbon, who managed to get a flank rating of nine, sat down right next to Anon
>Roseluck, who had gotten a solid eight, sat down on the other side of him
>With another groan, Anon pushed the two of them closer and closer until his face was mashed in between their flanks
 
>"Caramel. Caramel! Come over here for a second."
>Rolling your eyes you did as Anon asked
>Getting closer you could see that he was rubbing his face against both of the mare's flanks as he squeezed the two of them against him
"What do you want, Anon?"
>"Caramel. Caramel. My friend, my comrade, my little horse chum. I need you to do me a favor."
"...Is it going to be weird?"
>"I need you to call me a slut."
>...
>Why did he ALWAYS have to ask for weird favors?
>An irritated sigh escaped your lips as you began to rub the bridge of your nose
"Anon... I'm not... I'm not going to do that."
>Bonbon let out a quiet gasp as Anon buried his nose into her flank before giving her cutiemark a little kiss
>"Caramel, as a friend I'm asking you to help me out. It's not even a big deal. Just call me a slut, maybe hit me a little and--"
"I'm going to go get us something to drink," you announced, turning right around and walking away
>Anon, Bonbon, and Roseluck watched you walk away
>"Don't worry, Anon, I think you're a HUGE slut," Roseluck assured
>With a smile, Bonbon gave his chest a smack
>"Yep, the biggest slut there is," she added
>Though his face as mostly hidden by mare flank a smile could be seen on Anon's face
>"Thanks girls," he said, sounding grateful. "At least I know that you two are FRIENDS THAT ARE THERE FOR ME!"
>Urgggghhhhh...
>Bucking Anon...
