Title:           Diggy Hole 5
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/T2XCFgtv
First Edit:      Saturday 22nd of August 2015 12:02:13 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 22nd of August 2015 12:02:13 PM CDT

BE TWILIGHT SPARKLE
>You look all around the main lobby of your library
>You had maps of Ponyville all laid out on a table and both Princess Celestia and Luna, both wrapped in towels holding cups of cocoa, were sitting beside you
>This was your impromptu war room
>Your fellow princesses were your generals
>You were the starry-eyed commander that had been tasked with the most difficult of missions
>Show Anon just how much you cared about him by digging his hole up
>Even though he didn't want you to help ONE BIT
>...
>...
>...
>A task that you had so far, even with help, had failed at completely
>Badfeelsfilly
>The entire room was dead silent as you all quietly think over what the hay just happened
>Princess Celestia was the first one to speak
>"...Well, You were correct in saying that this was a problem."
>Luna nodded, her teeth drawing back in a snarl
>"Forsooth, sister mine."
>She growled
>"Never in all of Our years have we seen such... such..."
"Aggression from a stallion?" you suggest, rising from your throne
>Luna grunted and Princess Celestia nodded, both of them looking at you expectantly
>You had hoped that the two of them would be able to deal with Anon but it appeared that not even two all powerful goddesses could sway a huffy stallion
>They weren't able to move him with words, and force had been met with greater force
>Sweet gods, Anon brushed off a bucking combat hug from the Princess like it was nothing!
>A. COMBAT. HUG!
>If Princess Celestia did that to you you'd be out like a light for THREE DAYS!!
>THREE!
>You begin to pace the room, quietly putting your thinking cap on
>You had tried a frontal assault in every way you could think of
>A night attack didn't work
>An all out attack didn't work
>Even bringing in two heavy hitters did jack shit!
>You had been defeated and dishonored
>Your foremothers were rolling in their graves loudly demanding that you commit seppuku
>But you weren't going to do that
>Since what the buck did your ancestors know?
>All of them were DEAD!
>So...
>...So you were just going to have to come at this in a different way
>YES!
>That was it!
>Even the most difficult and impossible situations could be overcome by thinking outside of the box!
>You had to immortals that were eons old, and (not bragging) but you were a pretty smart cookie
>If the three of you put your heads together you could think up something that was sure to knock Anon's sexy, sexy little socks off!
>You could still do this!
>Youcouldstilldothis!!!
>Your expression must have changed since Princess Celestia rose from her chair and made her way over to you
>"Is something wrong, my dear student?" she asked, laying a wing over you
>You shake your head so hard that you darn near knock yourself over
"No! There's nothing wrong at all," you say, looking at both your teacher and Luna. "In fact I think I might know a way we can get Anon out of that hole of his!"
>Princess Celestia and Luna look at each other, Luna getting out of her chair and trotting toward you
>"If you had an idea I'd be more than happy to hear it Twilight," Princess Celestia said with a tired smile. "I'd love to have this matter settled without razing half of the town to do it."
>Luna growled again
>"WE would also like to best this stallion and show him who his betters are."
>They both look down at you
>"We're all ears, my faithful student."
>"Aye, regale us."
>You have to resist the urge to start hopping up and down
"Alright, I want your opinion on this..."
 
 
BE ANON
>You find yourself panting like a dog as you thrown another shovelful of dirt over your shoulder
>The dirt hits the ground behind you with a thud and a quiet sizzle
"...FUCK..."
>You reach down and grabbed the dirty rag that you had tucked into your pants and whipped your face
"Man... FUCKITY FUCK," you mutter, reaching down and grabbing the big jug of water that you had in the hole with you
>You unscrew the lid and take a drink
>Spitting it out the second the water's in your mouth
"Fucking piss warm," you grumble to yourself, throwing down the jug and picking your shovel back up
>And no fucking wonder
>What with it being a hundred and three FUCKING DEGREES OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW
>It was about noon time and the sun (which seemed a hell of a lot closer than it had been a few hours ago) was baring down on everything
>You could see the air shimmering, you could feel the hot air burning in your lungs along with the sun's rays doing their very best to kill you, and hell, you could even SMELL the fucking heat
>Heat that was only made worse by the fact that you were in a fucking HOLE
>It was hot
>REALLY hot
>The kind of hot where most people would be hiding indoors
>In fact you couldn't help but notice that there wasn't a little horse in sight walking the streets
>Seemed like everyone was tucked away in their houses lying in front of their magic air conditioners
>Like a bunch of smart little pone's
>Which meant that this was the PERFECT time to dig up this fucking hole
>Sure you were soaked with sweat and miserable and you were going to have some fucking wicked sunburn on the back of your neck but no one was outside
>No little horses out to try to dig your hole
>Or try to wrestle you or whatever the fuck Celestia was doing to you this morning
>You were free and in the clear!
>All you needed to do was suck it up, be a man, and dig, dig, DIG
>...
>...
>...
>By odin's hairy BALLS was this going to be awful...
>Still grumbling to yourself you continue to dig
"Come on, Anon," you mutter to yourself. "You've done shit a thousand times as hard as this when you were twice as miserable! This heat ain't shit! In fact it's fucking COLD out right now and--"
>"By the stars! It's sweltering out!"
>You pause for a second, just closing your eyes and putting your head down onto the backend of your shovel
>Oh sweet babby Jesus not right now...
>You didn't want to deal with anyone when it was THIS fucking hot outside!
>You just stay as you are for a moment before your mystery speaker loudly clears their throat
>"Ahem, I said, 'By the stars! It's sweltering out.' "
>...I heard you the first fucking time...
>Not even bothering to try and act civil you wrench your head up
"WHAT?!"
>You look up to see Celestia, Luna, and Twilot all looking at you from the otherside of your fence
>Both Celestia and Luna were missing their royal nick-knacks and their manes were tied up in pony tails and their tails were braided
>But that wasn't all folks!
>Celestia, from what you could see from the safety of your little hole, had replaced her royal regalia with something more... appropriate for this fucking HEAT
>And by "appropriate" you meant that she was KINDA dressed up like a whore
>A pony whore
>A whorny
>...Man is this sun fucking with you...
>The Princess in question was wearing what looked like a yellow g-string-- that looked like it was two sized too small since it was straining against her massive ass-- with this weird seashell string thingy that was wrapped around her waist
>...
>...
>...
>You know what?
>You'll take back what you said about her looking like a whore
>It actually didn't look all that bad...
>In fact it looked pretty alright in her
>She almost made the look kinda classy
>Like one of those fancy whores that basketball players hire for the night to take to places and shit
>Moonbottom was wearing a simple dark blue swimsuit bottom with the same weird string thingy around her waist except instead of seashells it had these metal moon looking things on them
>But Twilight...
>Oh sweet babby Jesus...
>Even though it was like a thousand fucking degrees outside and you were sweaty and hot and miserable you couldn't help but smile as you looked at the little purple princess that was leaning on your fence with a nervous smile
>While Celestia was skirting risque to its uttermost degree, and Luna's outfit was conservative, Book horse had gone about as conservative as you could get
>The little mare had on a dark purple one piece that looked just a bit too loose on her widdle body and, for some (probably adorable) reason, she had on a pair of water wings
>Little ducky water wings
>Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg.....
>Your heart could hardly take it!
>You very nearly clench your chest but you stop yourself
>No
>You can't show weakness in front of the horses
>They'd be on you like a pack of piranhas...
>The three princesses look away from you the second you look up at them
>"Luna, my sister!" Celestia says, turning to Wuna. "It is ever so hot out here."
>Luna nods while you try to keep from groaning
>"Yes, Sister it is very-"
>She looks down at her hoof
"-warm outside, as you have just observed! In fact we all might melt if we do not do something to-"
>She once again looks down at her hoof, her lips moving
>"-cool ourselves off!"
>Twilight balances herself on her back legs and throws her hooves up into the air
>"But WHAT could we use to cool ourselves off?"
>Is this...
>Is...
>What is...
>For fuck's sake it sounds like the three of them are reading off a fucking script!
>The three princess hum loudly before Celestia throws a hoof up into the air
>"Wait! I have an idea!"
>The alicorn's horn glows, and there's a pop, and a medium sized plastic kiddie pool appears in your yard
>Is this real life?...
>"We can use THIS to cool ourselves off!"
>Luna slaps her sister on the back
>"Excellent idea-"
>She looks down at her hoof and you find yourself frowning
"If you're going to stand in front of my house and do some weird theatrical shit the least you could do is learn your "lines" and not put them on your fucking hoof!" you call out
>The princesses act like they hadn't heard you, Luna continuing without missing a beat
"-Sister! We can use this to beat the heat!"
>You don't even bother to stop them as they all leap over your fence and make their way over to the little pool that was just a few feet away from you
>This feels like it's going to be one hell of a shit show
>And you just HAD to watch to see what happened
>The Pone princesses happily trot over to the kiddie pool (still pretending that you weren't there)
>There's another flash of magic and three lounge chairs, and umbrella, and a small metal table with some assorted goodies appear next to it
>...Of course they didn't put the umbrella where YOU'D get a little bit of shade...
>Twiggy awkwardly rolls into the pool as Celestia and Luna stand by the little table with their asses presented to you
>Tails out of the way and everything
>"Ah yes, this was just what I needed, my dear sister!" Luna says robotically. "But I do believe I would enjoy a quick bite to eat and a frosty beverage before venturing into the pool!"
>"I could go for something to eat as well, Luna!" Celestia says, her eyes scanning all of the consumables
>All which looked awfully phallic in nature, you couldn't help but note
>"I think that I will have this long, HARD banana here!"
>Sunhoesr gives her big behind a little wiggle as she peels her banana
>"Boy does it look tasty~"
>Celestia turns her head (making sure to give you the best view no doubt) before going to town on the piece of fruit held in her magic
> The sun glistens off the sweat on her boys as she rubs her lips along the tip of the banana before her tongue starts to tease the "crown"
>"Oh I do so love having long and hard things to gobble up," she says to no "one in particular" as she takes a bite out of her treat. "I enjoy it so much that if anypony just so happened to present something LONG and HARD to me it'd spend all day and night gobbling it up with a smile on my face!"
>Luna, now obviously trying to look at you out of the corner of her eye, picks up a cucumber
>"Yes! I just so happened to enjoy putting long and hard things into my mouth as well, Sister!"
>She tries to put the cucumber into her mouth but it's just a bit too big and she just ends up gnawing on the first half inch of it
>"I also would be more than happy to listen to a stallion's problems or what have you; especially stallions that were interesting and handsome and had an eye for fashion!"
>Twilot pokes her head out of the pool
>"It is a shame that there isn't a stallion that would let the three of us take care of all of his needs while he tries to beat this heat!"
>"It is a shame, that's what that is!" Celestia added, now looking at you out of the corner of her eye as well. "We're all right here willing to do whatever a stallion would just so happen to what to do with us!"
>"It is a shame that there's nopony that was all hot and-"
"Will you stop looking at your fuckin--"
>"-AND SWEATY THAT us three beautiful mares, who are good listeners and good cooks and whatever else a stallion might like, could look after and pamper on this hot, hot afternoon!" Luna finishes
>Celestia once again shakes her ass, as does Luna
>And you were sure sure Twiggy would be shaking what her mother gave her if she wasn't in that pull right now
>You just look at the three of them, just letting all of... THIS sit
>After about a minute all three of them finally turn to look at you
>...Anonymous?" Luna says, her butts still gently shaking
>You lean on your shovel
"Yes Princess Luna?"
>"Art thou aroused?"
>You make a point of looking down at your crotch
"Nope. I'm as hard as a wet noodle right now."
>Celestia gives you what you think are bedroom eyes
>"Well, if you just get out of that dirty hole of yours the three of us would be more than happy to remedy that~"
>Luna waves the cucumber that she was trying to eat around
>"Wouldst thou enjoy watching us fellate this vegetable some more?"
>Twilight nervously smiles at your bored expression
>"H-How about it, Anon? Don't you want to be pampered by three--"
"Twi?"
>Twilight gulps while she runs her hooves along the edge of the pool
>"Y-Yes Anon?"
"Why are you wearing water wings in that kiddie pool?"
>Book horse looks down at you floaties, blushes, and looks down at the ground
>"W-Well... I don't swim very well so I thought it'd be safer to have them on then not to have them on..."
>Aw...
>It was kind of dumb that she wore them in a kiddie pool that was like two and a half feet deep
>But aw...
"Alright then."
>You smack your lips loudly, not looking at anything particular, before once again letting the conversation descent back into awkward silence
>Sun horse rocks back and forth and Moonbottom frowns
>"Anonymous, we--"
"Get the fuck off my property with ALL of this bullshit."
>Twilight's eyes widen, and she opens her mouth to say something, but then Luna interrupts her with an angry snort
>"Nah! We will not "fuck off" as thou demand, Anonymous!"
>She starts stomping toward you
>"We three hath offered thou pleasures beyond thy understanding and comprehension!"
>Standing at the foot of your hole she pokes your chest
>"Any stallion of a right mind would KILL to be looked after by three of the most beautiful mares in the whole world!"
>She wiggles her flank so hard that she very nearly tears her swimsuit bottom
>"Especially dressed as we were! Look upon us mortal! For we art scantily dressed for thy benefit!"
>She continues to poke you while you just look up at her blankly while leaning on your shovel
>"So We believe that we will stay here until thou get out of that wretched hole so that we may copulate with thee until exhaustion, where we will then finish digging this hole!"
>Looking down at you like you were the scum of the earth, Luna leans down and presses her nose against yours, daring you to tell her to fuck off
>Was...
>Was that really their plan?
>Puff
>Where the hell did they get that from?
>Some shitty romance novel?
>Keks4daysson
>Keking internally you regard the angry widdle horse in front of you for a moment or two
>She wanted to play chicken?
>Alright then, you'll fucking play chicken
>In fact you'll do her one better
>This horse didn't know who she was fucking with
"Oh really? So that's how it's gonna be then is it?"
>"Aye."
>Nodding you let go or your shovel and stand to your full height
"Alright then, allow me to retort..."
 
BE RAINBOW DASH
>Tiredly dragging yourself into your bedroom after a double shift as a weather mare
>Your asshole boss had made you fly all the way over to Dodge Junction to help with a pretty nasty thunderstorm
>So were tired, you were soaked, and your mane was a mess
>And you weren't even going to THINK about your mane and tail...
>Ugh...
>...Did you mention that you were tired?
>Cause you were
>So tired in fact that you didn't even bother to bathe or brush your teeth or even get out of your uniform as you dragged your sorry kiester to your soft, inviting bed
>With a happy little groan you flop down on it and close your eyes
>Yeah
>That's the bucking stuff right there...
>You close you eyes, ready for--
>"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"
>Your eyes snap one as a blue blur flies through your bedroom wall, streaks across into your other bedroom wall, and disappears, all in the snap of a second
>Your ears perk up, and you can still hear the sounds of screaming and cursing before it fades off into the distance
>Well...
>That was... something
>Since you live in a cloud house the clouds simply wiggle around a bit before returning to their wall-y state
>...
>...
>...
>...As you were saying, you close your eyes, ready to hit the hay
>Celestia knows that you bucking deserve it...
 
BE TWILIGHT SPONGNARKLE BOB BOOKPANTS
"Are you sure that this is going to work, Princess?"
>"Of course I'm sure, Twilight. This little ditty here's helped me out of a jam more than once."
>You can't help but eye the big wooden pony that you're dragging behind you with a mixture of concern and doubt
"But... there's holes all through it and it looks like a lot of the wood's rotten..."
>Deep from within the bowels of the two story tall wooden horse you could hear a snort
>"Well of course the Neighgen horse is a little... weathered. It HAS to be well over eighteen hundred years old!"
"Wait! This is actually the ORIGINAL Neighgen horse?! The one that helped you conquer the Broadshire Empire?!"
>"Yep!" your teacher chirps from within the wooden beast in a prideful tone. "It took a bit of leg twisting for the Canterlot Museum to lend it to me but I just HAD to have it for this."
>Your teacher tapped the wooden pony's stomach from within
>"It didn't let me down in Broadshire, it didn't let me down when I invaded the Gryphons, it didn't let me down when I sieged the Diamond dog capital, and it won't let me down here."
>...Well
>She's not WRONG
>But just look at this thing!
>It looked like one light tap would send this thing crashing down!
"...Maybe we should try to fix it up a little before trying this, Princess?" you helpfully suggest. "I don't think Anon would want something like this when it's so broken..."
>The Princess guffawed
>"Oh, just trust me my dear student when I say that this will work like a charm."
>You could hear her moving around the hollowed out wooden pony, probably trying to get comfortable
>Frankly, you were surprised that she'd be able to fix at all (what with the secret compartment being so small and all) it looked like it could barely keep a foal inside it, much less a full grown alicorn
>But somehow she managed to squeeze herself into it so you HAD to give her credit for that
>...Now the problem with that plan of hers was that she was going to have to somehow get out of the thing...
>THAT was going to be one heck of a thing to see
>Hopefully she had some lube or something in there to help her with that
>"We'll leave this in Anon's front yard, he'll think that we left and that this is an offering to the gods for a safe return home and he'll take it inside his yard so he can use this "gift" to gain the gods favor, and when he least suspects it we'll jump out and hogtie him before he knows what's happening!
>Though you can't see your teacher you know she's smiling
>"I've done this a thousand times. Just trust me my dear student."
>Another snort came out of the giant pony that you were lugging along with your magic
>"We do not understand why thy enemies didn't grow wiser to thy tactics, dear sister. One would think they would learn after you used this horse for the third or fourth time."
>Celestia giggled
>"It's very hard to outthink a military genius like myself, Luna."
>"...If thou art a military mastermind then we fear for this world..."
>"HEY! You take that back, Luna!"
>"...Nay.Thy plan is bad and thou should feel bad for it and--OW! DO NOT HIT US!"
>"Then don't tell me or my Neighgen horse is dum--HEY! DON'T YOU BUCKING START TRYING TO BITE!"
>You know...
>You don't want to shit all over your teacher or anything but you don't think that this "plan" was going work all that well
>You flinch as one of the princesses hooves breaks through part of the giant pony's belly
>"OH! NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!"
>"WHAT I DID?! IT WAS YOUR FAULT THAT--"
"Could you two please keep it down?" you beg, feeling the begins of a headache coming on. "We're going to be there in a minute or two!"
>"...Yeah. Be quiet, Luna."
>"Shut thy trap or we will strike thee again, Sister."
>Now that you don't have to listen to a shouting match you do your best to think over what you had to do
>And on paper your task was a pretty simple one
>All you needed to do was to get this wooden pony in Anon's front yard and run away before he saw you
>But off paper there were...
>Problems
>Big ones
>Like how you were going to get this GIANT, CREAKY WOODEN HORSE into his yard
>A wooden horse that was, at the very least, two stories tall and almost wider than this whole street
>...Well, you could cast an illusion spell on the thing and maybe a noise dampening charm
>And as long as the princesses managed to keep quiet and you were fast enough to be--
>...
>...
>...
>What the hay is that?
>As you turn the corner on the end of the street to Anon's house you see what looked like two ponies standing in front of Anon's house facing outward
>And it also looked like they were wearing... armor?
>...
>...
>...
>Wot?
>Oh you just HAD to see what the hay that was about...
>Almost without thinking about it you cast your cloaking spell and your dampening spell on the wooden pony while picking up your pace a little
>Remember to act like you weren't using your magic to carry a two ton giant wooden horse behind you
>You were just Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship, and you had decided to take a walk down this particular street for... reasons
>And ease up on the smile filly
>You want to look normal, not like you've just murdered a bunch of ponies and stuffed them under your bed
>...Wow
>That got a dark a bit too fast
>Maybe you should go ahead and ease up on the horror novels for a little while...
>With each step closer to Anon's house you're able to see the two mystery ponies just a little bit better
>When you were at the end of the street they looked like to armored sentinels that were unmoving and still as statues
>When you had gotten about halfway down the street you could see that one of the ponies was hopping around while the other just looked kind of defeated and irritated
>Not to mention that there armor was looking a LOT less like real, metal armor, with each step
>It kind of almost looked plastic-y and...
>It...
>Wha...
>Were those hoofball shoulder pads and helmets?
>...
>...
>...
>Alright
>What the hay was going on over there?
>When you were about fifty feet from the house you finally got your answer
>There, standing at (at least to the best of their ability) attention and holding a broom and a feather duster respectfully, were Lyra and Bon Bon
>...Wat?
>Lyra manages to spot you first, the bubbly mare almost dropping her duster as she waved
>"Hiya Twilight! How's it going?"
>With an awkward and nervous smile you keep walking toward the two of them until you were just a few feet away
>Ohsweetstarsplsdon'tletthemseethewoodenpone
"Oh hello Bon Bon, Lyra," you say as casually as you can manage. "How's it going."
>Bon Bon, looking about as irritated and grumpy as you've ever seen her, grunts before going back to looking at nothing in particular
>Lyra shoves the pouty earth pony
>"Aw come on Bonnie, don't act like that!"
>"...Don't you tell me what to do..."
>With a giggle and a roll of her eyes Lyra looks back over at you
>"I'm sorry, Princess, Bonnie's in another one of her MOODS. We're both fine though; thank you for asking."
>Doing your best to look inconspicuous you look past the two
>A bit of a ways in the yard you can still see Anon throwing dirt over his shoulder
>Which meant that he was still here
>And since he wasn't yelling that also meant that he hadn't seen you yet
>Good
>Letthegamesbegin.png
>Awkwardly coughing, you once again look at the two ponies blocking your way
"Well... it IS nice to see you two but I really--"
>You try to take a step forward but Bon Bon and Lyra block you with their "weapons"
>"I'm sorry princess, but we can't let you in," Lyra says apologetically, using the tip of her duster to gently push you back
"Wait, why?!" you demand with a stomp of the hoof
>Lyra shrugged
>"Because Anon told us to keep everypony out until he finished digging his hole."
>She giggled again, her helmet sliding down her face
>"He said that I'd get to play with his hands if we helped him!"
>You look over at Bon Bon
"...And what did he offer you, Bon Bon?"
>The mare's eyes narrowed and she turned and glared at Lyra
>"Lyra MADE me come with her."
>She crossed her hooves
>"I don't even want to help that bucking monkey..."
>Wait
>When the hay did Anon get out and...
>No that doesn't matter!
>Think of the mission, Twilight!
>Remember what the hay you still have TO DO!
>Though you try to keep a smile on your face you're fidgeting
>It's only a matter of time before Anon looks up!
>And if he looked up this mission was a bust
>You needed to get these two silly mares out of the way ASAP!
>Now frowning you stand tall and puff your chest out
"I'm sorry you two but I'm going to have to insist that you move."
>You gesture to the yard
"I need to get into Anonymous's yard for... reasons..."
>10/10
>You got that 100 speech filly
>Bon Bon and Lyra look at each other
>"I'm... sorry Princess but we still can't help you out."
>With a cheery smile on her face Lyra points at a small wooden sign that was in the middle of the yard
>...How the BUCK didn't you see that thing?
>It's right in the middle of the bucking yard!
>...Maybe you should go and get your eyes checked...
>"...Um Bonny? What did Anon want us to say if one of the princesses came by?"
>Bon Bon groaned and rolled her eyes before looking into yours
>"Your authority is not recognized in fort kickass."
>Sure enough, written in what looked like magic marker, were the words, "FORT KICKASS"
>...Wait
>Anon's house isn't a fort
>There weren't walls or gates or anything that would make it even closely resemble a fort!
>And even if he was talking about his hole he'd probably have to call it a tench sinc...
>What
>Why the buck are you even thinking about this?!
>You didn't have time to THINK
>You only had time to COMPLETE THE MISSION!
"Lyra, get the buck out of the way!" you snap, irritated. "And THAT isn't a fort! That's a hole!"
>Lyra hummed thoughtfully
>"...You know what? You're right!"
>She looked over her shoulder in Anon's direction
>"Hey Anon!"
>"What!"
>"Princess Twilight's here!"
>"Did you tell her to fuck off?"
>"No, We told her what you told us to tell her!"
"Guys plea--"
>"Did she leave?"
>"No!"
>"Then tell her to fuck off then!"
>Bon Bon and Lyra look at each other while you consider running away
>Your cover was blown so you--
>"I'll tell her in a second but she said the same thing I told you a little while ago!"
>Anon finally poked his head out from his hole, and even from here you could see a frown on his face
>"That bullshit about how I should change the sign?"
>Lyra nods
>Yeah! It's not NOT a fort! It's more of a trench... thing!"
>Anon throws his hands up
>"Then fucking CHANGE it! I'm not going to argue with you!"
>"Alright!" Lyra chirped, spinning around
>You and Bon Bon watched as Lyra walked over to the sign, magicked herself up a black magic marker, X'ed out the FORT and Wrote the word TRENCH above it
>"Alright Anon, I changed the sign!"
>Shaking his head Anon went back to his digging
>"Good for you! Now tell book horse over there to fuck off!"
>Nodding once again Lyra trotted back over and stood back in front of you
"...Lyra--"
>"Fuck off!"
>...
>...
>...
>Is this real life?
>Is this really rea--
>"Luna, can you see what's going on?"
>"Nay, sister."
>"But there's a big hole to the left of your head."
>"Truly? Where?"
>"Right there! You just make it like a minute ago! Are you blind or--"
 
CRACK!
 
>You watch with a twitching eye as, with a thunderous crash, both your teacher and Princess Luna come flying out of the invisible wood pony in a spray of splinters
>"Oh horseap--OMPH!"
>You find yourself sitting down on your rump as Celestia hit the ground with a loud and painful sounding thud, not even getting a second to collect herself as Luna crashed into her
 
SNAP!
 
>"Muh breadsticks!"
>"Our rump!"
>"Hiya Princess Luna, Princess Celestia!" Lyra said with a little wave, seemingly unphased at the sight before her. "... Oh wait... HEY ANON!"
>"WHAT?"
>"DO WE NEED TO TELL THE OTHER PRINCESSES TO FUCK OFF TOO OR WAS IT JUST TWILIGHT?"
>"TELL EM ALL TO FUCK OFF! NO HORSE PRINCESSES IN TRENCH AWESOME SAUCE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU CALLED IT!"
>Lyra nodded, her golden eyes once again meeting yours
>She was the picture of innocence and happiness you were about ready to walk over to a random building and keep hitting your head against it until either your skull or the wall broke
>"Fuc--"
"No, fuck YOU, Lyra!"
>Something just... snapped inside of you and you find yourself seeing red
"FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOOOOUUUUUU! I DON"T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT FUCK. YOU!"
>Bon Bon snorted
>"No, fuck you you purple chubby smelling-like-old-books curd sniffer."
>She pushed you away from Lyra with her broom
>"You better back up before you get smacked up purple drank."
>Grinding your teeth you turn your attention toward Bon Bon
>A mare that just so happened to buck RIGHT UP just now!
>Spreading out your wings you take a step toward the bored-looking earth pony
>Is Twilight gonna have to smack a bucking filly?
>...
>...
>...
>It looks like Twilight motherbucking Sparkle's gonna need to smack a--
>"Ahem, excuse me. Excuse me!"
>You, Bon Bon, and Lyra look over to see a mare with a construction workers helmet on
>Behind her there were a group of mares wearing similar helmets carrying a great big metal... thing
>...Wait
>Is that?...
>The mare looked down at a clipboard
>"This wouldn't happen to the residence of Anon Y. Mous is it?"
>You just stare at the mare for a moment, your anger slowly draining out of you
"...Yes, yes it is," you say, pointing toward Anon. "He's right over there..."
>The mare nods, scribbling something on her clipboard
>"Great. This is the house girls! Bring the tank over!"
 
BE ANON
>You couldn't help but feel a bit giddy
>You were almost done with this FUCKING HOLE
>You must have had less than half a foot to dig up before you were done!
>Which meant that just a bit more digging and you could get this fucking tank out!
>No more noisy ponies
>No more fucking around beating yourself up outside
>You could just lie around, enjoy a frosty beverage or two and--
>"Excuse me, Mr. Anonymous?"
>Oi?
>What the hell's this?
>That didn't sound like any pone that you knew
>You look up and see a little horse wearing a hard hat and holding a clipboard walking toward you
>And behind her...
"Holy shit finally!"
>Grinning, you climb out of your hole
>Looking around you see, Lyra, and Bon Bon the destroyer of worlds, and the three princesses, all standing on the other end of your fence watching you
>Princesses that DIDN'T fuck with your hole!
>HAH!
>They didn't DO SHIT!
>You did it
>You fucking did it!
>YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
"So is this my tank?"
>The little worker pone looks down at her clipboard and nods
>"Yep, I'm sorry that it took a bit longer than it we had originally told you," she says, not sounding very sorry about it at all. "We've been kind of swamped and--"
>With a chuckle you pat her on her widdle head
"Don't worry about any of that," you interrupt, pawing at her clipboard. "Just let me sign whatever the hell I need to sign so I can get this thing put in the ground!"
>She moved her clipboard away with an irritated frown
>"Well you wouldn't happen to have your old septic tank out would you?"
>She looked around your yard
>"My clipboard here says that we're supposed to take your old tank away but you need to get it out of the ground yourself before we can do that."
>The smile on your face lessens just a bit
"...Really?"
>You had kinda figured that they'd get it out of the ground for you
>I mean, how was someone gonna pull one of those things out of a fucking ten foot hole by themselves without professional help?
>The mare nodded again
>"Yep, technically we don't even need to take it off your property expect if you pay for the service but since we're so late and my boss doesn't want you going to her office and yelling her ear off she decided to throw that service in for free."
>She finally looked up from her clipboard to look at you
>"So do you have it out or not?"
>...
>...
>...
>...Fuck
>You open your mouth, only to close it again a second later
"Well... you see..."
>Someone to your left loudly clears your throat
>"Actually, I'd be more than happy to help with that..."
>Both you and the blue collar pone look over to see Sunny buns, Wuna, and Purple Nerple smiling at you
>Celestia takes a step forward, nudging her head toward your hole
>"...If you'd like Anon..."
>...Alright
>Now you have a hell of a choice, Anon
>You could let Sun Hoers lift up your tank and save you what was probably going to be a hell of a job
>Or you could figure out how to lift what was probably a two ton metal tank out of a ten foot deep hole using nothing but your wits, grit, and tuffness
>...
>...
>...
>Aw shit
>Celestia's giving you "the face"
>You know, the kind of face that put a roomful of puppies and kitties to shame
>...AND her lip's sticking out
>FUCK!
>...
>...
>...
>And now all of them are doing it...
>Come on, Anon
>You gotta resist
>You gotta...
>You...
>Yo...
>...
>...
>...
>Fuck...
"... I'd appreciate the help, Princess," you say, though you're trying your hardest not to sound happy about it
>The princesses squee and Twilight looks like she's about ready to leap at you but they all somehow manage to reign it in
>Barely
>With a smile Celestia leapt over the fence and trotted to your side, looking as pleased as punch
>"Well then, I'd be more than happy to help!" she chirps as you look back down at the construction pone
"Alright then... so can I sign whatever the hell I need to sign?" you asked
>She nodded, handing you her clipboard
>"Alright... I don't know what the hays going on but... here you go!"
>God dammit...
>You REALLY didn't want any of these little horses helping...
>But...
>Eh
>What the fuck were you going to do?
>Pretty much all they were going to do was dig up a tiny bit of dirt and that tank out
>You still did pretty much all of the work
>So that took most of the sting out of it...
>"So if you'll just sign on the dotted line then we can hand over your large septic tank and..."
>Wait
>A LARGE septic tank?
>With wide eyes you quickly read over the clipboard
>Son of a fucking BITCH!
>They brought you the wrong fucking tank!
>These. Little. Niggers. Brought. You. The. Wrong. Tank!
>A growl escapes your throat as you drop the clipboard, lean down, grab the little hard hat pone, and lift her up
"You motherfucker's brought me the wrong tank," you snarl as the mare yelps in surprise
>"W-What are you talking about?"
>You give the little horse a little shake as Celestia steps away from you in surprise
>Visions of the last few days flash through your mind
>The sleepless nights
>The ponies harassing you
>Having to piss in jars so you didn't have to leave your FUCKING POST!
"I ORDERED a normal sized tank," you growl, the edges of your vision turning red. "Not a fucking giant one!"
>The pone in your arms blinks
>"...Really?" she asked in surprise, looking over her shoulder at the other little horses carrying the tank that you couldn't FUCKING USE!
>"I guess that that kind of makes sense since tanks this big are usually for buildings that have more than one--"
>The mares yelps as you shake her around a bit
"Look, I don't give a fuck about all of that BULLLLLSHIT!"
>The little pone yelps once again as you drop her roughly to the ground
"Just go back to your warehouse or hidey hole or wherever the FUCK you keep these tanks and go and get me the one that I ACTUALLY ORDERED!"
>Looking more than a bit nervous, the widdle mare adjusts the helmet on her head and scrambles to her hooves
>"W-Well there might be a-a little p-problem with that..."
>Your eyes narrow and you take a step toward the now retreating mare
"And WHAT do you mean by that?"
>"Well... We may not have another normal sized septic tank..."
>"WHAT? How the hell do you--"
>"I'm sorry, I'm SORRY! If you just check my clipboard!... There's a list of our inventory and..."
"So that means I have to TAKE THIS FUCKING THING?!"
>Celestia steps in your way as you take another step toward hard hat pone
>"Anonymous, please just--"
>You try to walk about her but her wings spread out, effectively blocking you as the cowardly little pone practically runs back to her other work horses
"DO I?!"
>"W-Well we can either give you this one or you could wait the few weeks until we get a new shipment in and--
>Alright
>Maybe there's a way you could salvage this
>So what if the tanks to fucking big for your house?
>You still should be able to use it right?
"Could you just leave the fucking tank here so I can use this one?" you ask. "You can come and get the other one after I dug out the extra--"
>"A-Actually, we're not a-allowed to l-leave a tank h-here out in the o-open."
>Looking a hell of a lot paler than she had when she had come in here the mare hopped over your fence
>"I-It's company policy a-and we c-could get in a-a lot of trouble i-if we did it. S-So I'm sorry but we're going to h-have to t-take the t-tank back u-until you--"
>You couldn't help it
>After realizing that all of your work had JUST been fucked over
>That there was a good chance you had a hell of a lot more work ahead of you in the upcoming days
>Along with more horse harassing
>And sleepless nights
>And pissing in jars that you may or may not be tossing at horses whenever they walk by
>You just kind of...
>Snap
"RRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
 
BE CELESTIA
>Also be scared, confused, and holding your hooves to your ears to block out whatever the... sound Anon was making
"ANON!"
>"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--"
"ANON!"
>Gritting your teeth you force yourself to take a step forward
>The sheer force of his scream almost sends you skidding back but you dig your hooves in
>"EEEEEEEEEEEEE--"
>All around you you would see the sky getting dark and stormy
>And was your sun turning blood red?
>Ohs hit filly
>You had to do something!
>Come on now Celestia
>You HAD to stop this yelling
>Ponies were going to be wondering why their windows were rattling
>...And why it looked like the world was ending
>You really didn't want to bother anypony with that
"ANON! STOP. YELLING. RIGHT. NOW!"
>Looking up you see that Anon has his legs spread wide, his head thrown back, and...
>Were his irises white?
>...Whatever
>Ugonnatackleacoltnow!
>With a battlecry you charge forward and, moving your horn out of the way so you don't impale poor Anon, you tackle the human to the ground
>You think you hear your student gasping behind you but you're too busy using your magic to close Anon's mouth to really take notice
"ANON!"
>"THmpmepromfep!"
"ANON! CALM DOWN, SWEET GODS ABOVE CALM DOWN!"
>"THPRMERNERPFENRPOE!"
>Mind racing you lift up a hoof and bring it back
>Celestia'sgonnahavetosmackacolt!!!
>Grityourteethson!
 
SLAP!
 
>...
>...
>...
>Oh no...
>NO STOP!
>Time seems to slow as your hoof connects with Anon's cheek
>You...
>You just hit a stallion...
>Ohholyhorseseedyoujusthita--
>"Who, what, where?" Anon cries, his eyes returning to normal as he looked around dazed. "The moon landing was fake, Ronald Reagan was the devil, the illuminati are real and--"
>Anon stops his squirming when he sees you standing over him with an open mouth, your brain still processing the fact that you had JUST hit a stallion
>And you hit him because he was noisy no less!
>You had just committed one of the most horrible nd deequinizing acts a mare could do to a stallion
>You were a fiend
>A monster
>Sweet gods above, you've thrown mares behind bars for what you just did!
>Now'sthetimeforpanic!
>NOW'STHETIMEFORPANIC!!!!
>What were you going to do?!
>Whatwereyougoingtodo?!
>You didn't mean to HIT HIM!
>He just wasn't listening and you wanted him to stop yelling and--
>...
>...
>...
>Holy motherbucking horse apples...
>You were a BAD PONY!
>A BAD, BAD, BAD PONY!
>You had to figure out a way to make this up to Anon!
>You had to, you had to--
"EPP!"
>Your wings flap in surprise as Anon (who had somehow managed to roll away from you and get to his feet while you weren't looking) grabbed you by the scruff of the neck and lifted you into the air
>"Where the FUCK did those worker ponies go?" he growled, looking around
>You couldn't help but look up at him wide-eyed
>Why wasn't he crying or screaming?!
>You JUST hit him!
>Like the evil, horrible, terrible mare that you were!
>Sure he looked mad, maybe matter than you've ever seen him, but--
>You yelp once again and he brings you close to his face
>Even now you couldn't help but marvel the strength in those arms
>"Celestia."
>You can't help but flinch when you heard the pure, unadulterated rage in his voice
"A-Anon?"
>"Where. Did. The. Fucking. Work. Ponies. Run. Off. Too?"
>A quiet whimper escapes your throat
>You could see the red mark on Anon's cheek where you hit him...
>You bet it still stung
>And maybe worse...
>You, a mare that had sworn to protect all that were under your care, had struck a defenseless stallion for no gosh darn reason
>...
>...
>...
>Which meant that, along with being a bad pony you were a bad princess...
>You blink when you feel the beginnings of tears starting to form in the corners of your eyes
>Hey now
>Don't you bucking cry
>DON'T CRY
>Even though you just did something that would make your mother and father ashamed and make your subjects horrified and...
>And...
"A-Anon?"
>The human's gaze softens when he hears you sniffle
>He gently put you down, got down on one knee, and put his hands on your shoulders
>"Celestia? Are you alright there?"
>He was asking YOU if you were alright?
>YOU weren't the one that just got s-slapped by a cruel, uncaring, evil--
"ANONI-I'MSORRY!"
 
BE ANONYMOUS: THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS
>A few moments ago you had been angry
>Hell, you might have been angrier than you've ever been in your life
>And in your righteous fury you had been more than ready to drag that little construction worker pone and her little posse all the way back to their boss so you could put her over your knee, then the work ponies, then the boss again, until you had the septic tank that you HAD FUCKING ORDERED GOD DAMNIT!
>But it looked like you rage had gotten the better of you
>The little horses and their little hard hats had disappeared to parts unknown, you had a crying sun horse blabbering into your ear as she hugged you, and for some reason you wanted chicken tenders
>...And there was something about normal people but what the fuck ever about that...
>But do you want to know the real kicker about this?
>The kicker was that you REALLY didn't really know what had... happened
>The construction ponies running off and sun horse part; you knew why the hell you had been pissed off
>Sweet lord almighty did you know about that!
>...But after that little mare with her clipboard told you you were basically fucked all you remember was seeing red and then...
>Nothing...
>...
>...
>...
>Did you go fucking bonkers or something?
>Because that's what it kind of feels like wh--
>"Oh A-Anon! I didn't mean to hurt y-you!"
>You blink as a big pair of purplish-pinkish-whateverthefuckish eyes invade your vision
>Real close like
>A bit too close in fact
>Almost reflexively, you gently move the face and those big, pretty, sad eyes away so you could get a proper look at Princess McEatscakealot
>The big mare had tears streaming down her face, her ears were pinned against the side of her head, her nose was running, her usually immaculate coat was smudged and dirty, and her wings were drooped onto the ground
>Sunhoesr, for all intents and purposes, looked like you had just killed a truck load of puppies in front of her
>Adorable puppies that she had spent the entire day naming and playing with before their demise
>She looked sad
>So sad in fact that she was damn near making you sad
>Almost like you were the one that made her sad so now you should feel as sad as she felt
>Like osmosis sadness or some shit
>And you didn't want to be sad
>You wanted to be upset and pissy and throw ponies around because you were a rage-filled monster of destruction
>And there's no way in hell you can be that when you have a sad pone holding onto you for dear life while crying her eyes out!
>Though you're more than a bit confused as to why Celestia was latched onto you balling little a itsy-bitsy little babby you couldn't help but give the widdle big pony a hug
"What the hell's gotten into you?" You ask, using one of your hands to clean up her face as best as you can
>Celestia sniffles, her eyes widening
>"Oh sweet stars above! I must have hit you so hard that I t-traumatized you!"
>A sob escapes the princess's throat
>"I t-traumatized you so n-now you don't even r-remember that I h-hit you!"
>Now shaking, Celestia's grip on you tightens
>"A-Anon! I'm s-sorry t-that I'm a B-BAD PONY!"
>You rock the poor princess back and forth as your brow furrows in thought
>Sunny buns hit you?
>...Huh
>That explains why your cheek stings a bit...
>But you don't know why the hell she's so beaten up about it
>She was a pretty reasonable/thoughtful horse god
>If she actually bopped you one than there was a good chance that you deserved it...
>You were a bit of a dick on occasion after all
"There, there," you murmur, patting her back while she sobbed and cried and got snot and tears everywhere.
>And by everywhere you meant all over you
"It's alright, it's alright..."
>Out of the corner of your eye you see Darkle and Bafoona looking pretty uncomfortable about everything that was happening
>...Whatever the hell was happening...
>Putting your hand under Celestia's rump so she didn't go ahead and just fall off of you you look down at your hole
>For about a minute
>Before you get pissed the fuck off and looking away from the fucking thing
>Man... FUCK that hole...
>If that fucking hole was a person you'd kick that nigga's ass in the middle of the street, steal his fucking wallet, and then go fucking his girlfriend and video tape that shit
>You worked like a fucking DOG for the last couple days in this fucking hole
>And it goes and tries to fucking you
>But it is YOU who will be doing the fucking!
>So fucking this fucking, fucky, faggot hole!
>You're done!
>DONE!!!!
>...At least for the fucking day anyway
>There was no way in HELL you were doing anymore digging
>You'd probably fucking explode with rage or something
>Looking away from the bane of your existence you look back down at the mare in your arms
>...
>...
>...
>So now that that's decided you had to figure out what the hell to do about all of... this
>"Hey, Anon?"
>Looking to your right you see Lyra and Bon Bon (aka Ms. Grumpy Pone) looking up at you with their widdle helmets and shoulder pads
>God were those little dykes as cute as a couple of buttons
"Yeah? What do you need?"
>"I t-tried to be a g-good ruler b-but if I can't e-even keep s-somepony safe f-from myself w-what kind of a-a princess a-am I?!"
>Murmuring comforting words in Celestia's ear you once again start rocking her back and forth
>Though she continues to cry and moan and belittle herself and all of that shit she quiets down a bit, putting her head on your shoulder and whimpering quietly
>Lyra bites her lip
>"...Would it be alright if Bonnie and me go?"
>She waved around at you awkwardly
>"I know that we said that we'd stay here and watch out for you but--"
"Yeah, yeah, you guys can leave," you say with a wave of a hand. 'I'm probably not going to dig for the rest of the day since I'm so fucking pissed off and it looks like I gotta deal with a crying god horse."
>You reach up and give Celestia's head a scratch
>Sniffling she tiredly nuzzles the side of her head into the nape of your neck
>Aw
>Qt pone is cute
"But thanks for helping anyway, I appreciate it."
>Lyra shifts her weight from her left to her right, refusing to meet your gaze
>"...And the whole 'me playing with your hands thing'..."
>Trying not to roll your eyes you nod
"Yeah, yeah... just come over one day and I'll let you do whatever you want with them."
>Knowing that weird little horse it's probably going to be some fucked up shit
>Some REAL fucked up shit
>With a happy squee, Lyra grabbed Banonononononon and started dragging her out of your yard
>"Awesome! Bye bye 'Nonny, see ya princesses!"
>"Fuck off Anon."
"You two Bon Bon... you cunt..."
>Sweet Christ above do you hate that little candy horse...
 
BE TWILIGHT (not the book) Sparkle
>Right now you are trying your very hardest not to flip the buck out
>Not only had your teacher just HIT a stallion but now she was crying like a little colt
>In front of you and Luna!
>And Anon, the colt she just SMACKED, is trying to comfort her!
>COMFORT HER!!!
>You don't know what to think
>You don't know if you could ever see your teacher in a positive light again!
>Sweet stars above you COULDN'T HANDLE THIS!
>Luna looks like she was in the same boat as you, just staring at the scene in front of the two of you with wide eyes and an open mouth
>What the hay were the two of you supposed to do about this?!
>Did you need to fight your teacher to defend Anon's honor?
>Did you have to go and arrest her?
>Did you have to kill Anon to keep this from getting out?
>You didn't want to KILL a stallion!
>Nor did you want to fight your teacher!
>WhatwereyougonnadowhatwereyougonnadowhatwereyougonnaDO?!
>"Oi, purple, dream horse, get your asses over here," Anon barked, making both you and Luna jump slightly in surprise
>The two of you look at him while he taps a foot impatiently
>Usually you'd be a little indignant about a stallion trying to boss you around like that (and you were sure it was the same with Luna but times a thousand) but all of... everything is just too much
>"Will you quit your fucking gawking and get over here for god's sake?!" Anon snarls, his voice cracking like a whip
>You move so fast that you darn near trip over your hooves and Princess Luna's not too far behind you
"Y-Yes Ano--"
>"I'm going to take the princess here into my house to get her cleaned up," he said, deadly calm. "And I'm not coming out of my fucking house for the rest of the FUCKING day."
>Your nose scrunches up when he reaches over and boops your nose
>"The two of you are going to come into my house with me. On the counter in my kitchen is a bag of bits. One of you are going to teleport or use those wings or some shit like that and you're going to use those bits to go and buy a fuckton of pizza."
>Luna opens her mouth to protest but Anon growls
>"I don't care where the fuck you get it, and as long as there isn't any fucking flowers or hay in the pizza I don't give a shit what the fuck you get on it, but you're going to fucking get it."
>His lips drawing back into a snarl, he does his best to lean down toward you with your teacher in his arms
>"And I swear to every fucking god that I can think of, if I get out of my fucking shower and find one of you little horses trying to dig out that hole over there..."
>He growls again, though this time it sounds deeper...
>Almost animalistic...
>"I. Will. Fucking. Eat. You. Little. Niggas."
>Without waiting for either of you to answer he turns and makes his way toward his door, your teacher still sobbing like a colt holding onto him like her life depended on it
>...
>...
>...
>Wait, why the hay were you jealous that Anon was holding your...
>No
>Come on filly
>You're better than that
>Clearing your throat you turn toward Luna
"...So I know I good place in Canterlot that'll deliver all the way here..."
>Luna doesn't look at you, instead watching as Anon slams his door behind him with possibly the loudest bang that you've ever heard
>"We... We will simply teleport you there," she finally says.
>You slowly nod, looking at the door
>Sweet Faust...
>Did Anon slam his door so hard that it cracked?...
"It'll probably save us an hour or two waiting for them," you say. "And I should be able to teleport all the way back with the pizzas when they're done."
>Luna nods and the two of you just kind of awkwardly stand there, letting everything that just happened seep in for a second
"...Princess?"
>"Yes Twilight Sparkle?"
"Do you really think that Anon would ACTUALLY eat us if we tried to dig up his hole?
>Luna opens her mouth to answer but immediately closes it
>"...Come Twilight," she said, slowly making her way toward Anon's house. "Let us get you those bits so that we may teleport thee to Canterlot. We will stay here and await your arrival."
 
BE ANON
>"A-Anon! You let me get out of this shower this i-instant!"
>And you feel a bit better now that everything had pretty much settled down
>You weren't a hundred precent or anything but you felt alright enough not to bitch too much
>...TOO much
>It must have taken an hour to calm Sunny Buns down and convince her that;
>A: she was not a bad pony nor was she a "colt beater" or whatever the hell she said
>And B: You weren't hurt and you could take a heck of a lot more punishment than her little love tap
>The sweet little horse had insisted again and again that she didn't mean it and that she was sorry and that she'd make it up to you
>You had tried to tell her that it was alright but it was like she didn't hear you
>In fact she kept talking about how she was going to right "this horrible travesty that had to be settled no matter what" with so much fervor and passion that she had followed you into the bathroom while you were trying to take a shower
>You had tried to tell her (as nicely as you could since she still looked a bit tender) to get out of your bathroom but she kept yammering on and on and on
>And, since you had negative fucks to give, you had just kind of let her do her while you got ready for your shower
>She had continued to talk while you, with rolling eyes, stripped down and turned on your shower
>She didn't stop talking when you had hopped into your shower and immediately hopped right the fuck out because it was balls freezing
>But she HAD woken the fuck up when you had picked her up and tossed her into the shower with you
>Since ponies were a bunch of nudist anyways you had figured that Celestia here wouldn't mind if the two of you shared a shower
>She was pretty fucking dirty right now herself and you wanted to save water since you were a cheap bastard
>She'd get cleaned up, you'd have someone to wash your back for you; it'd be a win-win for everyone involved
>But sweet mother Teresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz were you fucking wrong about that
>Celestia, the second that she had seen that she was in your shower with you and you were in your best birthday suit had, and continued to, freak the fuck out, covering her eyes with her hooves and blushing so hard that half of her body was red
>Plus the demands that she be let out and something or other about "honoring a colts virtue"
>Though it wasn't like she couldn't have just gotten out of the fucking tub anytime she wanted
>But, as stated before, you were tired and grouchy and not giving a fuck about nothin' so you let her huff and puff while you cleaned yourself off
"Will you stop being a fucking baby and wash my fucking back for me?" you demand, a bar of soap and a rag in hand.
>Celestia just shakes her head, sitting in the corner of your shower as she wiggles around this way and that, her wings spreading out and pointing at you almost if she was going to use them to drive you away
>...Bitch
>I can see you fucking peeking over your hooves at a nigga!
>Ain'tnobodygottimeforthat!
>Frowning, you flick her nose
>She epps, her head reeling back and her hooves leaving her face to cover her nose
>"Anon! Don't you--"
>She freezes when she sees you standing there in all of your naked glory
>She tries not look below your waist
>She fails
>And now here you are in the shower with the ruler of a country trying to burn a hole into your junk with how hard she was staring at it
>I'mgettingtoooldforthisshit.pgn
>You sigh
"Yep, you're looking at my dick. There's Regan Mc Dickson right between my legs. Here, watch the little fuck dance a little jig for ya!"
>Celestia blushes even harder when you start helicoptering
>Her eyes follow as you rock this way and that and
>...For fuck's sake...
>Rolling your eyes again you shove the rag and the sopa into one of her hooves and turn around
"Now that we've gotten that out of the way why don't fucking help me out here?"
>You hear Celestia get to her hooves and just kind of stand there for a minute or two-- probably looking at your ass you're guessing-- before you feel a soapy rag on your back
>"...Anon?"
"Yeah?"
>You can't help but sigh as Celestia gently moves the rag in a circular motion all along the top of your back
>Shit felt nice
>"I..."
>She pauses
>"Would you be so kind as to help me wash as well after I've helped you?"
>Looking over your shoulder you see that she's looking away from you and biting her lip
>"Your shower doesn't appear to be big enough for me to move as freely as I need to to properly attend to myself... I promise to do my best not to make it anymore awkward than--"
"Princess?"
>"...Yes Anonymous?"
"You know that the two of us are naked together in a shower right?"
>The blush that had been slowly disappearing from her face returned full force
>"Y-Yes, though I find it HORRIBLY inappropriate and I protest being in here with you--"
"Princess just... shut the fuck up. I'd be more than happy to help wash you off."
>Celestia doesn't answer you, in fact if she wasn't scrubbing you back you'd think she left the shower
>Hell, you could barely hear her breathing and she was only a foot or two away from you!
>You had no idea why the hell she was getting so jumpy about this
>She was like a zillion fucking years old
>She's probably seen thousands of dicks in her time
>Seeing your's was probably just a drop of water in a bucket for her!
>The dick bucket
>Hell, when you had first popped up in Horseland this little princess here herself had asked you why you were even wearing clothes in the first fucking place!
>It's not like you're going to spin around and try to shove your willy in her mouth!
>You know horses aren't for sexual!
>...Fucking jumpy ponies
>The rest of your back washing goes by without a hitch, the big pone princess quietly asking if you'd be so kind as to rinse yourself off before handing you the bar of soap and the rag
>"I-I appreciate your help in advance, Anon," she says as you step past her and nudge her forward and into the water. "I w-wouldn't have asked you if I didn't need any help."
"Hey, don't even worry about it," you tell her, making sure to lather up the rag real good. "Now just get wet so I can start cleaning you up."
>"...Oh I'm wet alright..."
"What was that?"
>"N-Nothing! Nothing at all!"
>Trying not to shake your head at the silly horse in front of you you start cleaning her neck
>She tenses at first, her wings flapping a few times, but after a minute or two of gentle scrubbing she relaxes, even going so hard as you offer more of her neck to you
>"Anon?"
"Hmm?" you absentmindedly say, using your free hand to pat the un-soaped side of her neck
>Man, were pony necks soft
>You hear sun hoers sigh, closing her eyes as she leans into your scrubbing even more
>"W-Would you mind not touching my wings?"
>She gave said wings a little flap
>"I have to use a special shampoo to clean them and with normal soap they tend to get a bit... dry."
"Can do, Celestia."
>With that you're off, cleaning the big horse in front of you like a fiend
>The only sounds that could be heard in that shower was the pitter-patter of the water, your scrubbing, and whatever sounds that the Princess of the Sun just so happened to be making at the time
>And boy did she make a lot of sounds
>She sighed and hummed as you scrubbed her from neck to lower back (making sure not to touch her wings)
>She let out this weird, horsy-bird cooing sound when you scrubbed her back and legs
>She actually let out a whicker when you washed her mane (which was pretty fucking adorable by the way)
>And she giggled and chuckled when you scrubbed her sides
>You know, you honestly didn't think you'd enjoy washing a horse
>But fuck you up the ass if you weren't pleasantly surprised with how much you enjoyed it
>It was almost therapeutic washing someone
>Feeling every twitch and breath and heartbeat as you scrubbed them
>In fact you might even be a little sad when this was all over and the two of you were drying off
>But you weren't done yet
>You still had to wash her tummy tums
>And you were going to scrub the SHIT out of her tummy tu--
>"Anon, are you in there? I got the pizzas and--"
>Both you and Celestia watch as Purple Nurple opens the door
>And just... stands there
>Her mouth open and her wings--
>"OhsweetFaustI'msososorryI'mgonnagonow!"
 
SLAM!
 
"Oi! Don't go and fucking slamming my doors, Darkle!" you yell, looking up at sun horse
>...Goddammit she was blushing again
>Oh well
>Time to rub some tubs!
 
BE CELESTIA
>It's night time
>Your sister's moon has begun its descent, though it still shined as bright as ever, bathing everything in its protective, luminescent glow
>You have a belly full of pizza
>And you happened to be in a bedroom that was not your own holding into the main reason why you had not been able to get a wink of sleep tonight
>Anon shifted slightly against your chest, making light noises under his breath as he slept and dreamed his little human dreams
>Though you don't believe that you've ever seen the young stallion in your hooves look anything other than irritated, bemused, or angry whilst amongst the living, right now he looked actually quite... peaceful
>His eyes were closed tight, his lips were slightly parted, and he was curled up against you in a way that brought a smile to your lips
>It was nice to know that he trusted you enough to sleep in your presence in such a way
>And you meant that with all of your heart
>Most stallions would be nervous and squirming even while asleep if you were holding them like this
>You were too big, too intimidating, too marely of a mare for most of the lesser sex
>Heck, you could usually make most mares sweat buckets with nothing but a raised eyebrow
>But not this big stallion that was sleepily wiggling himself against your chest to get more comfortable
>He was as calm as a cucumber
>Maybe even calmer
>Almost as if he was used to sleeping with big mares like you
>Then again that wasn't surprising given the last few days...
>Not in a thousand years would you have thought a stallion would show enough grit and enough stubbornness to tell not only you but your sister and one of the elements of harmony to buck right off --to your face no less!-- but here was such a stallion
>A quiet, thoughtful hum escaped your throat as you lifted your head up and nosed your rather unexpected cuddle buddy's face and neck
>Your hum grew louder at the sensation of his nearly hairless skin against your fur, your nostrils flaring as you took in his scent
>Oh~
>Oh by the river Styx...
>Anonymous did not have the delicate scent of a stallion that hadn't known a hard days work in their life
>This stallion... this MAN, even though you had spent nearly an hour in the shower with him cleaning each other off, smelled of dirt and sweat and iron
>He smelled as the fabled warrior kinds of old smelled
>Strong and musky and overpowering and unquestionably ALIEN
>Just one whiff was enough to make your heart flutter and know that what you had in your hooves could be your greatest friend or your most horrible and dogging enemy
>He had the will to not only spit at a command that did not suit him but he had enough strength to resist all but the toughest opponents
>A strength that you had witnessed with your numerous clashes with this paragon of creatures before you
>Taking another deep, shaky breath, you bury your muzzle into the bit of mane on the top of his head, your wings spasming and your legs kicking as you bathed in his ESSENCE
>Oh~!
>Oh it was almost TOO MUCH!
>In your mind you couldn't help but relive, again and again, every time that he battled you and your sister
>When he and you fought in hand-to-hoof combat and you ended up getting soaked for your efforts
>When he hoisted your sister up by the scruff of her neck and threw her into the air so hard that Luna very nearly became the second pony in recent history to perform a sonic rainboom
>But there was also a gentleness to this human
>You had felt it when you had been desperately holding onto him while crying your eyes out at your horrible, terrible mistake
>You had also felt it when Anon had tossed you into his shower as though you were a filly and washed you whilst humming alien melodies
>You bit your lip and your tail whipped against Anon's blanket as you remember those strong fingers digging into your sides, playing with and caressing every inch of you so thoroughly and so lovingly that you were surprised that you had even been able to get out of the shower under your own power
>So thoroughly, so lovingly
>Touching
>Kneading
>FEELING YOU~
>Though it is pitch black in this bedroom the your eyes look out, your piercing eyes lazily drinking everything that they could
>You could see clothing lying in heaps all around the room, you could see the question mark designs on the blanket that was covering you and Anonymous, and you could see your beloved student, a big smile on her face even while sleeping as she was, in the arms of Anonymous, her hooves wrapped around his neck and her nose and face buried in the nape of his neck
>Like Anonymous, Twilight looked peaceful, content, but most of all happy
>Even when the three of you were getting ready she had not been against being the human's little saddle
>In fact she had seemed excited just to be in his arms as she was
>Your dear student had been the one to talk Anonymous into letting the three of you sleep in his bed, so it had been a surprise that she hadn't picked a better position for herself
>With a smile you leaned in and nuzzled the side of her head
>Luna would sleep on his couch, she had said, but there was no way in hay that she was going to let him sleep on the floor while the two of them took the bed
>That had been another thing that had blown you away when you had heard it
>This stallion in your arms had OFFERED to sleep on the floor so that you and Twilight might be able to rest for the night
>As though it such a thing was nothing out of the ordinary!
>Even though not more than a few hours ago the two of you had been enemies!
>He had offered to house you, he had fed you, and he had forgiven you after you had struck him without a second thought
>And now he had your student in his arms as some less than honorable thoughts come to your mind unabated
>Anonymous would not simply let you rut him as another stallion would
>You would not have to gently coax and encourage him to enter you
>No, he would fight you for domination
>He would throw you around on the bed, force you into whatever position he wanted you to be in, and he'd take his pleasure with whatever hole that he would so happen to fancy at the time
>He would bite you, he would dig those hands on his into your coat, and he would slam against you so hard that the world would spin
>He would conquer you fully until you were nothing but his slave
>His treasure
>His cock warmer and cleaner
>A quiet moan escapes your mouth as you imagine fighting this MAN, trying to force him to bend to your will so you could pleasure him, only for him to overpower you with that strength of his
>You once again rubbed your back legs together, trying your best to ignore the wetness streaming down them
>Yes~
>He'd hold you down by your neck, rut you until you couldn't move, then he'd wrap you in those arms of his, kiss you right under your horn, and lay there until the two of your drifted off to sleep
>Your breath starts quickening and you have to fight with your wings to keep them from rising
>Calm down now Celestia
>You wouldn't want Anon to know that you were a hairsbreadth away from flipping him over and trying to have your way with him for the rest of the night and most of tomorrow until the two of you were nothing more than two sweaty, happy heaps
>Heaven knows what he'd do to you if he found out
>You were already sure that he could feel the pounding of your heart, maybe even smell your arousal from under the blankets
>Another thought comes to your mind that makes you shiver
>What if he DID know that the mare holding him in her hooves right now might have less than honorable thoughts/intentions with his person?
>What if he's just pretending to slumber in your hooves, waiting for you to lose control so that he may overpower you
>Flaunt his strength over you and push you down onto his bed with your rear sticking HIGH into the air
>And make YOU the stallion
>You kiss Anon's cheek, then his throat, lightly running a hoof up his side
>And just imagine what he'd do to Twilight since she would no doubt try to stop him from... punishing you the moment she was awake
>It didn't take a genius to figure out that your young student here was quite smitten with him, so he HAD to know as well
>And knowing that he would also have to know that Twilight would never hurt him
>So would he simply shove Twilight out of the room, tormenting her with the sounds of your lust filled screams until she was nothing but a lust drive husk of a mare willing to let him do whatever he wished for the slim chance of him using her as he had no doubt used you?
>Or would he be gentle with her as he had been with you?
>Would he lay her down, teasing her with light nips and kisses and touches until she was a red faced, twitching, and shimmering mess?
>Would he let you calm her down with a reassuring smile and an encouraging word as you and him showed her all of the best tricks to please a stallion?
>Would he let the two of you ride him until he filled you both up with his seed?
>Almost as if your hoof had a mind of its own it stopped stroking his shoulder and began to travel downward
>It glided down his chest, past the stomach, and kept going until it--
>You freeze as Anon let out a quiet snore before muttering some nonsense to himself and shifting slightly while nuzzling his cheek against your student's face
>"zzz... I didn't kill Biggie Smalls... zzz... pones are for cuddles and pets... zzz... King Kong ain't got shit on me..."
>Your ears swivel left and right and your hoof stays tense, ready to snake back the second you think he's about to wake up
>You hold this rather tense, awkward pose for what felt like an hour, your eyes wide and your mind screaming in panic
>Don'twakeupdon'wakeupdon'tbuckingwakeup!
>Thankfully Anon's breathing once again slows down and he lies still, making you sign in relief, your hold body visibly untensing
>Thank the Maker above...
>With a chuckle and a shake of the head you wrap your hoof around Anon's lower stomach and close your eyes
>Though it had been rather fun playing out the fantasies in your head maybe you should be getting to sleep?
>There was a good chance that you were going to be up bright and early once again trying to dig up that silly hole for this silly human here and you needed to be well rested to do such
>And, knowing Anon, he'd continue to fight you until he got what he wanted, so you had to be in tip top shape
>You wanted to tease and tense this stallion under you
>You wanted to see just how stubborn and prideful and strong he could be
>No longer was this REALLY about some silly hole
>This was a test of wills
>A battle of souls
>And, oddly enough, it was something that you had wanted for a very long time now
>...Though what Anonymous REALLY wanted had yet to be seen
>With a sigh you spread one of your wings and drape it over him and your student, both whom let out a pair of sleepy sighs
>Maybe he'd TAKE what he wanted from you once he noticed that you had a mess of him and his sheets
>With a quiet giggle you give his cheek a kiss before nuzzling your head into your pillow
>Maybe he'd make you lick him clean~
>Ah, a mare could only dream...
