Title:           Drawing Distractions
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/UqhAVwZg
First Edit:      Saturday 5th of March 2016 05:28:19 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 5th of March 2016 05:28:19 PM CDT

>"Alright class, I hope that you studied the Second Cowthage War because right now we're going to--"
>It was another busy day in Ponyville Elementary
>Your fellow students were all seated behind sturdy wooden desks scribbling away as Mrs. Cheerilee talked about...
>...
>...
>...
>Whatever the heck she was talking about...
>You didn't know
>You were too busy drawing a T-Rex riding on top of a pair of bears farting lightning
>You know, like a hero
>You are KidAnon, an eight year old little tike that lived with your daddy DadAnon in the middle of Ponyville
>And, even though you were still a little babby that didn't know the ways of the world even you knew that this school nonsense was a waste of time
>When are you ever going to USE any of this history stuff?
>When are you going to have to use cursive?
>And WHY did YOU have to learn about those stupid cutiemarks?
>You couldn't get one; your daddy and mommy told you so when you asked him!
>That, along with the history, cursive, and pretty much everything else that Mrs. Cheerilee was dumb and stupid and for butts
>And daddy didn't raise no butt
>You had tried to explain this to your teacher but all she did was look at you funny before sending you back to your desk
>You had then complained to your daddy about it but he just laughed and made you do your math homework
>...Urgh
>You HATED math...
>So, as a way to silently protest your abhorrent treatment, you had decided to quietly doodle in your notebook while the rest of the class learned stuff like a bunch of squares
>This would--
Bonk!
>You jumped in your seat as something hit you on the head
>Looking up from your doodle you looked down over your desk
>Did someone just throw a wad paper at you?!
>Oh you think that some BUTTHEAD just threw a wad of paper at you!
 
>Quickly looking over your shoulder you tried to scope out the thrower so you could--
Bonk!
>You reeled back as another paper ball hit you, this time in the face
>This heinous assault was followed up with a pair of giggles
>A pair of giggles that you knew all too well
>Your eyes snapped over toward where your arch enemies Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara were sitting
>Sure enough they were staring back at you with grins
>Diamond Tiara even had a few more paper balls in her desk
>More ammunition to throw at you no doubt
>Stupid cootie-ridden girls...
>Your first instinct as an eight year old was to get up out of your chair to slap some fillies but you reined yourself in
>No...
>Last time you did something like that daddy beat your butt so hard that you hadn't been able to sit for a WEEK
>So you decided to try a more diplomatic approach
>It wasn't going to work, because it NEVER worked when you tried it, but it was worth a shot right?
"Hey! Quit throwing stuff at me!" you whisper-shouted at them. "I'm trying to draw here!"
>"Aw, is the widdle baby gonna cry?" Silver Spoon asked with a sneer
>A frown came to your face as Diamond Tiara let out another nasty giggle
>"I think he's gonna cry, Spoony. I think that widdle stallion's gonna go and cry to the teach--"
Bonk!
>Diamond Tiara's head jerked back as a paper ball smacked her right on the forehead
>Both her and Silver Spoon let out a pair of surprised gasps and you found yourself grinning at the sight
>Heh, that'll teach 'em
>You might have had to waste your dinosaur doodle but it'd be worth it if--
>Two paper balls flew through the air this time, one hitting you on the top of your head and the other harmlessly whizzing past you
>...
>All around you the other students were eyeing you warily, some even going so far as to scooch their desks away from you
>They already knew what was going to happen
>"Stop acting like a mare, Anon," Tiara hissed, making another paper ball. "You're a dumb stallion. Just sit there and--"
 
Bonk!
>Silver and Tiara's eyes narrowed
>Your eyes narrowed even more
>Your move pink and grey hors--
Bonk!
>Ripping another piece of paper out of your notebook you quickly tossed it their way
Bonk!
>Not two seconds later two more paper balls were tossed at you
>You managed to catch one and bat the other away
>"KidAnon! Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon! What do you three think you're doing?!"
>Oh...
>NOW Mrs. Cheerilee sees what's going on...
>You looked toward your obviously visually impaired teacher, ready to explain what was going on, when another wad of paper smacked you on the head
>"KidAnon started it Mrs. Cheerilee!" Diamond Tiara cried
>"Yeah, he was making faces at us!" Silver Spoon added, pointing at you
>You nearly fell out of your chair at the blatant lie
"Naha! They were throwing stuff at me first!"
>Cheerilee opened her mouth to say something but Diamond Tiara cut her off
>"We did not!"
"Did too!"
>"Did not!"
"DID TOO!"
>"WE DID NOT YOU WEIRD MONKEY THING!"
>The other students gasped and your eyes widened
>"Diamond Tiara," Cheerilee snapped, very nearly screaming. "You do not talk to a stallion like--"
>With a battle cry you leapt out of your chair
>Ripping off your chair you put your arms above your head, flex, and shout,
"FUCK THE POLICE!" before charging toward the bullies
>You were going to get in trouble
>There was no escaping that
>And since you were already probably going to get a whoopin' tonight you may as well go all out right?
>What, was your daddy gonna give you a double whoppin'?
>...
>...
 
>...
>You daddy couldn't do that right?
>There was no such thing as double whoopin's right?
>...
>You hoped that that wasn't a thing...
 
~Sometime Later~
 
>"--I swear to Celestia that I've never had such rowdy students before in my entire teaching career! You three should know better--"
>You sighed as you reached up and touched the side of your face, wincing as pain erupted throughout your head
>That pain in turn sharpened all of the other owies and boo-boos that you had received as a result or your little skirmish
>In hindsight picking a fight with two ponies at the same time wasn't such a good idea...
>But at least you got some good hits in!
>The tiara on Diamond Tiara's head was bent, her mane was in disarray, and she was sporting a fat lip and a black eye
>One of the lenses on Silver Spoon's glasses was cracked, half of the filly's mane had been messily cut off (thank you sissors) and she had a nasty bite mark on the side of her neck
>The three of you were sitting in Mrs. Cheerilee's private office basically tied down to your chairs so you didn't try to jump at one another again waiting for your parents to arrive
>...Again...
>...Dad was gonna give it to you this time
>You just knew it
>Your butt was probably gonna get the pounding of a lifetime when you got home
>The only solace that you got out of all this was that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were getting similar whoopin's when they got home
>You hope that Tiara in particular got her fanny beat hard
>Stupid Diamond Tiara...
>Stupid girls...
>Stupid teachers...
>You glared at the two fillies who had been bothering you these many months and they in turn glared back
>Ohhhhhh did you hate their--
>You, Diamond, and Silver jumped at the sudden knock on the door
>Mrs. Cheerilee stopped talking about... whatever she was talking about, looking toward the door with a small smile
 
"It looks like your parents have arrived," she said, walking toward the door to bring about your doom. "Mr. Anonymous? Mr. Silver and Mr. Rich? Is that you?"
>Pleasedon'tbethem
>Pleasedon'tbethem
>Pleasedon'tbe--
>The door opened, revealing your daddy
>And boy did he not look happy
>He did not look happy even a little bit...
>"Boy, you better not have been picking fights again," he growled
>Before you could open your mouth to reply Diamond Tiara was already talking
>"He WAS picking fights, Mr. Anon! He picked a fight with me and Silver Spoon like the big dumb colt he is!" she said, pointing at her black eye. "You should REALLY beat his butt when the two of you get--"
>"DIAMOND TIARA!"
>You watched the color drain from Diamond Tiara's face as her daddy Filthy Rich brushed past your daddy and stomped toward her
>Oh... Oh yes...
>This was getting your eight year old self where you needed to be...
>You were going to ALL the best places with this...
>"What did I tell you about picking fights with little Anonymous?" he demanded as Diamond Tiara nervously scooched away from him. "I KNOW I raised you better than to bully a stallion."
>"And I thought I raised you better too, Silver Spoon!"
>Your daddy moved out of the way to let Gilded Spoon, Silver Spoon's daddy, make his way into the room
>"I can't BELIEVE that I had to come all the way down here AGAIN because you were picking on KidAnon here!"
>Silver Spoon's eyes darted around the room
>"I wasn't... I mean we didn't REALLY..."
>Your daddy finally forced himself through the too-small door and into the room
>He towered over everypony else, his head nearly touching the ceiling as he glared at you with arms crossed
>Just like Filthy Rich and Mr. Spoon he was looking pretty fired up too...
>But unlike the other two adults your daddy was twice their size and he looked like he was going to beat your butt in front of everyone
>...Shoot....
 
>"Now don't you fellas be putting all of the blame on your girls. I'm sure my boy here had something to do with this."
"I did not!" you squeaked, nearly jumping out of your chair
>Your daddy took a step toward you, the promise of pain in his eyes
>"Don't you go and start lying to me boy," he growled
"I was just sitting there minding my own business when they started throwing paper balls at me!" you say, standing firm
>"Did they start the fight?"
"Yes they--"
>"Did they start throwing punches?"
"W-Well no, but--"
>Your daddy looked over you
>"Where the hell did your shirt go, boy?"
>His eyes narrowed
>"Did you have your arms above your head yelling fuck the police again?!"
"...N-No..."
>You yelped when your daddy slapped you on the back of the head
>"What did I tell you about doing that?!"
>...
>You decided to say nothing, looking away from you daddy as you bit your lip
>Welp...
>It looked like you were going to be getting that whoopin'...
>But, from the looks of things, at least you weren't the only one getting a whoopin' tonight...
>"I want you three to know that I'm very disappointed in you," Mrs. Cheerilee said, shaking her head. "I've tried to solve your poor behavior myself but it seems like--"
>"But it's not our fault Mrs. Cheerilee," Diamond Tiara cried. "It's this dumb colt's fault!"
>"Yeah!" Silver Spoon said, pointing at you. "If he wasn't so dumb and smelly we wouldn't have to bully him like we do!"
>You were about to jump out of your seat but your daddy pinned you to the chair with one of those big hands of his
>...That and the rope tied around your leg
"I'm not half as smelly as you!" you snarled. "You big poopy-butts!"
>Mr. Rich tried to say something but it was drowned out by his daughter
>"Naha! You're the poopy butt! That's why nopony else will talk to you!"
"The only reason they don't talk to me is because you keep them away from me!"
>Though you don't see it, Mr. Rich and Mr. Spoon exchanged glances
 
>"We only keep them away from you to stop them from getting your cooties," Silver Spoon said, tucking a stray bit of hair behind her ear
"I don't have cooties! You have cooties you--"
>You let out a yelp when your daddy slapped your head again
>"Boy, if you think I came all the way here from work to hear you screaming like a banshee then you have--"
>For some reason your daddy stopped to look over at Mr. Rich
>Your brow furrowed as the two of them did that weird eyebrow wiggle talking thing that adults were so good at
>Oh no...
>Eyebrow wiggling never ended with anything good happening...
>From the looks that Diamond and Silver they looked just as uneasy as you felt
>"...KidAnon? Silver? Tiara? Why don't the three of you go and wait outside while the we adults have a... conversation?" Mr. Rich said, a small smile coming to his face as he quickly began to untie his daughter
>...For some reason
>"Yes, sit down at your desks while we all have a talk," Mr. Spoon said with a grin, doing the same with Silver Spoon
>to your surprise your daddy undid the binding on your leg before nudging your shoulder
>"Get going, lad."
"But--"
>"And if I hear you roughhousing outside I'm gonna bust your ass even harder when we get home."
>Your mouth snapped shut
>...
"Alright daddy..."
>Keeping your eyes glued to the floor you quickly hopped out of your chair and made your way toward the door
>From behind you you could hear Mr. Rich and Mr. Spoon gently urging their daughters out of the room
>Stupid girls...
>Stupid adults...
>Grumbling to yourself you stomped through the classroom and made your way toward your seat
>Sitting down you flipped open the notebook still on your desk and grabbed a pencil
>You were GOING to draw that stupid dinosaur
>You were going to draw it and it was gonna be awesome and then you could go home with your daddy so you could get your beating...
>Taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself you put the tip of your pencil against the paper and--
 
>"Look at what you did you dummy."
>Your eyes snapped up to see Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon sitting not a foot away from you
>Just... staring
>Frowning, you immediately looked back down at your notebook
>You weren't gonna say anything to them...
>You weren't gonna say a THING
>"If you had just let us throw stuff at you our dads wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be in trouble," Silver said, adjusting her glasses. "You big dummy."
>"Yeah, he IS a dummy, Spoony," Diamond said with a nod. "A big, smelly, dumb stallion that has a load of cooties and smells bad."
>...
>...
>...
>Screw it
>Your head snapped back and you were about to start screaming at the two but before you could do so Silver Spoon darted forward and...
>...Kissed you on the cheek?
>Before you could even react to that sudden and jarring turn of events Diamond Tiara jumped in and kissed you on the other cheek
>With a yelp you fell out of your chair and onto your back, looking at the two with wide eyes
>WhattheheckwasthatwhydidtheykissyouwhatareTHIS?!
>You watched as the fillies, a pair of blushes coming to their faces, quickly puffed their little chests out, showing off their little chest tuft
>...What were they--
"And what do we have here?"
>You and the fillies jumped
>Your head snapped over toward the door where Mrs. Cheerilee and your daddies were standing
>Each and even one of them were smiling
>...Why were they smiling?
>Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon squirmed under their collective gaze, their faces turning bright red
>"Aw, is my daughter trying to court herself a stallion?" Mr. Rich teased, walking over and messing up his daughter's mane
>"Daaaaaaad!" Tiara whined
>"You three might be a little young but I think it's cute. The three of you could even go to the Fall festival--"
>You watched as Diamond Tiara darted toward the door
 
>Silver Spoon raced after her not a second later slamming the door behind her while Mr. Rich and Mr. Spoon started cracking up before they started talking about herds and relationships and young love
>...Whatever all that stuff was...
>Not saying a word you daddy walked over and picked you up
"Dad... what was that?" you asked as your daddy dusted you off
>"I'll tell you when you're older kiddo," he answered, messing up your hair
"Why not now?"
>"Because if I explained to you what was going on now you'd be as bad as I was when I was little..."
"What did you say, daddy?"
>"Nothing. Now let's get home. You got a whoopin' to look forward to."
