Title:           Chaotic Happenstance I
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/pMFccPjH
First Edit:      Sunday 7th of February 2016 08:17:32 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 7th of February 2016 08:17:32 PM CDT

"No... No... no, no, no, hummmm... no..."
>The ethereal plane around you shifted and molded with each snap of your claw
>Many would KILL to have just a little power in this realm where you could change the world at a whim
>And your whims were particularly whimmy today
>You MUST have changed the scenery about a thousand times since breakfast
>One moment you were overlooking a lifeless, volcanic planet
>The next you were watching an epic battle in which sides were using weapons that shattered stars
>Then you were at the beach where strange alien lifeforms were relaxing on the sand
>Your favorite (which was usually your favorite) was a front row seat to dear old Luna's psychiatric visits
>Her doctor always said the SILLIEST things...
>You always chuckled when Blue bottom broke down crying...
>But even that wasn't holding your attention today
>Oddly enough...
>So there you were, lounging in a hammock that was being supported by a pair of rather irate toucans, enjoying an ice cold chocolate milk as you flipped the channels to find something worth watching
>You were Discord, God of Chaos, Change, and Disharmony
>And you were in a mood
>And not in a happy mood or a mood where you wanted to eat too much rocky road ice cream or where you wanted to turn a pony's blood into raspberry jam
>You were just in a... mood
>And what was worse was that your mood had hung over you like a storm cloud since you had awoken this morning
>And you meant that literally; as you wrote this there was a little blue cloud above your head that rumbled threateningly every few moments
>You didn't know why you felt this way
>And because you, a GOD, didn't know something, especially when that something was about your HANNNNDSOME self, you were perplexed
>Very perplexed
>Was the madness finally taking over?
>Had the eons of watching ponies live and die and live again finally gotten to you
>Did you have a hankering for strawberry milk instead of chocolate today?
>...
>...
 
>...
>Nah
>You didn't even LIKE strawberry...
>After flipping through the seven million six hundred thousand and thirtieth channel on your world television you sighed
"My, my. There's never anything GOOD on anymore..."
>Sucking on your super-hyper-mega bendy straw you drink up the glass and toss the milk over your shoulder
>Snapping your claws you return your home into the swirling, static plane of madness that you knew and loved
>You snapped your claws again and your toucans and hammock disappeared into nothingness, leaving you floating by your own power
>So...
>What to do now...
>What to do now...
>Reaching into your back pocket you pulled out a little light bulb
>You looked it over, cleaning a smug on the glass with your paw, before lifting it over your head
>...Any minute now...
>Annnnnny minute now...
>Frowning, you looked up to see what the fuss was all about
>Oh!
>Silly you!
>Shaking your head with a small smile on your face you flicked the light bulb
>The little blub sputtered a bit before lighting up nice and bright
>IIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
>It had been ever so long since you had returned to the realm of mortals!
>You could go and amuse yourself with their rambunctious antics
>Or at the very least you could go and RUIN Celestia's day!
>You LOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEDDDDDD to do that!
>Your smile widened until it left your face as you gently landed onto your yawn
>Alright, it was settled, you were going to bother ponies
>But before that you needed to go through the checklist that you had for leaving your home
>Was your front door and windows locked?
>Nope
>Did you have the shove on?
 
>Probably
>Did you have all of the lights on in the house?
>Most definitely
>Which meant you were all ready to go!
>Without a second thought (since the first one was all ready to go) you snapped your claw again
>A hole in reality tore open
>Every plane that is and ever was shook
>Planets broke
>Stars died
>Whole races and cultures were swallowed up in dirt and death
>As was the norm every time you teleported
>In less than zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero two point five microseconds you materialized inside of Canterlot castle
>Home of the insufferable princesses and their ilk
>Well that's odd...
>Your spell was supposed send you right near--
>"Oh your majesty! I couldn't possibly! Think of what ponies would say!"
>"I believe that they would curse the heavens themselves that they did not manage to woo a stallion such as yourself~"
>Blinking, you looked down to see that you were in some abandoned hallway in the castle
>No... scratch that, you actually had two vict-FRIENDS right in front of you
>There was your "FAVORITE" jailer Celly Belly in the flesh
>Standing right next to her was some noble colt
>You didn't know his name (which was odd since you were supposed to know nearly everything about everything) but you did notice that the first two buttons of his vest were undone
>And he was blushing
>And he was standing a little TOO close to Tubby Tia...
>"Hehe, oh your majesty~"
>Ohhoho!
>Was the "Princess" of the Sun trying to have a little fun with this nobody here?
>Your tail flicked thoughtfully as you watch the two for a moment longer
>Yes...
>That appears to be the case...
>She was going to woo this poor stallion, get her rocks off, and dump him in the street like some unwashed kitten!
>You, being the "reformed" draconequus that you were, couldn't stand to see such injustice happen before you!
 
>You needed to do something!
>You needed to tell somepony!
>Letters had to be mailed and riots had to be formed!
>Or...
>Grinning menacingly, you floated down until you were just a ferret's length away
>Ohhhh
>What did the kids call it these days?
>Your head morphed so that you had the head of a rooster
>And, somehow managing to contain a giggle, you throw back your head and begin to sing the song of your people
"COCKADOODLEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
>With a yelp the Baroness of Boredom launched herself into the air with a yelp, her wings flaring out and all four legs kicking
>The stallion, being the more sensible one when it came to being scared by sudden and loud noises, took off down the hallway so fast that his monocle fell right off his face
>Yeeeeesssssss...
>You breathed deeply through your nose, putting your various appendages on your hips just as Celestia came crashing back to earth
>Wait for it...
>Wait for it...
>Wait... for... it...
>Alright
>NOW was a good time to laugh
>Assuming the tried and true position, kneeling over clutching your belly, you laugh and laugh and LAUGH
>Oh this was JUST what you needed!
>After about a hundred chuckles later your laughter had ran its course, allowing you to float back and take stock of things
>It looked like the mystery stallion had disappeared to parts unknown
>And you had a very flustered and VERY irritated Totalitarian Tia trying to murder you with a glare
>Well, the jokes on her
>You can't die!
"Good morning, my positively pompous pachyderm princess!" you chirped, teleporting right beside the alicorn and wrapping a paw around her
>Tia's horn glowed, and with a flash of magic your hand was slapped away
>Ow!
>It looks like SOMEPONY had her Grumpy-O's this morning...
 
>"What are YOU doing here, Discord?" the angriest little princess asked with a growl
>Letting yourself float down to the ground you smiled at the princess
"What? Can't I just drop by and say hello?" you asked, innocently batting your eyelashes. "So who was the stallion? Not that I care mind you but I heard that small talk--"
>"It's been three months since you reported to me!"
>Your muzzle scrunched up at Celestia's sudden and rather RUDE outburst
"...Pardon?"
>Snorting, the grouchy girl advanced upon you, her lips pulled back into a snarl
>"The reports that you were supposed to send me once a week?"
"..."
>"The ones informing me about all of the good that you've been doing for my kingdom?"
"..."
>"The reports that you PROMISED to send me as a condition for FREEING you!"
>...Well, that's a load of nonsense if you've ever heard it
>You, agreeing to something that you didn't want to do so you wouldn't be a statue anymore?
>Preposterous
>Celly Minnelli here must have finally lost it
>Fortunately for her she was in good company
"...Are you sure that /I/ made sure a promise? It could have been another Discord you know."
>"Discord."
"Why I was out just the other day buying vomit-flavored jelly beans--"
>"Discord."
"--And you should have SEEN the antlers on this gentlemen. I might be pretty well stacked in that department myself but he was reall--"
>"Discord."
"--Even though he didn't look it that guy could really swallow a watermelon when he had the right motivat--"
>"DISCORD!"
>Pausing mid rant you looked at your bestest frenemy
>...Huh
>You don't recall her being on fire a few seconds ago...
>Silly ponies and their high combustibility...
>You opened your mouth to continue your nonsensical tirade when your mouth was magically snapped shut
 
>Hey!
>Double rude!
>If you didn't know any better you'd have said that Celestia was ANGRY at you
>...Friendship-loving princess your BEHIND...
>"First you managed to RUIN my chance for some easy tail and now you won't stop being... YOU," Celestia said with a shake of her head before she looks at you
>That feeling that you had been feeling all morning can back in full force as you milled over her words
>Tia's expression, as you were doing this, turned from angry to thoughtful as she looked you up and down
>She extinguished the magic in her horn, allowing you to open and close your mouth again
>And she was luck she hadn't waited a moment longer to free your talk-hole
>Because you were just about ready to bring a whole new meaning to the term talking out your as--
>"Discord, remind me, are you or are you not able to transform yourself into whatever form you wish?"
>It didn't take a god to know the look that Celestia was giving you
>Though you, as a rule, generally disliked everything and anything that the alicorn so much as LOOKED at the slightly heated, bedroom-y expression on her face really brought out the stomach wrenching disgust
>...That being said you were going to see where this went
"Well of course I can, my LITTLE pony," you say with your head held high
>Snapping your claws you quickly changed into a variety of forms
>First a dog
>Then a gryphon
>Then a ladybug
>And finally a big hulking steel grey alicorn
>Complete with detachable wings and playset!
>You smiled as the princess bit her lip and discreetly looked around to see if the two of you were the only ones in the hallway
"I can turn into everything and anything you can imagine, my dear LITTLE pony."
>You knew what she was going to suggest next
>Though they thought themselves soooo complex and special mortals were really two dimensional creatures
>So easy to understand
>So easy to toy with
>So easy to break...
 
>But even so you just stood there with your smile as Celestia walked over to you with wings extended slightly and her hips swaying
>She opened her mouth to say something but you had already teleported beside her, once again as your beautiful self
"Why, did you need some pointers?" you asked flicking her horn. "I'll admit that you wings could stand to be a mite smaller, and let's not even get into that behind of yours, but even with all the things that ponies say about your horn I'd recommend that you keep it."
>Celestia sputtered
>"I'll have you know that large wings are attractive on a ma--"
"LARGE wings are. But you don't HAVE large wings, my LITTLE pony. You have giant, massive, GROTESQUE wings. It's of little wonder why so many ponies think that you used magic to artificially enlarge them."
>"What do ponies--"
"And don't even get me started on all the conspiracies around your horn!"
>Celestia tried to turn so that she could look at you but you had already teleported to her next blind spot
"There's compensating and then there's trying a little TOO hard. It's no wonder stallions just turn and run down random halls when you try to sweet talk them, Celly Belly."
>The princess snapped her head back and forth, this way and that for a few minutes before sighing and looking straight ahead
>Seeing that you fun was over you appeared right smack dab in front of her
>You could see the frustration on her face
>Good
>she DESERVED to be frustrated
>She DESERVED to be disappointed that you weren't going to cave to her "charms" like some half-wit stallion
>You were Discord, the God of Chaos
>You were not helpless
>You were not weak
>You were no PONY
>You did not want things handed to you on a silver platter
>And you most CERTAINLY weren't going to fool around with a mare that you DESPISE more than anything else in this world
 
>A part of you wanted to scream all of this at the tiny, insignificant mare that thought herself a goddess just because she could move a few balls of gas and not age while doing it
>But you continued to smile even while wrapping a claw around her and nuzzling the side of her head with yours
"Well my dear, though this little visit had been OH SO wonderful I'm afraid that I must be off. I'd like to see how my dear friend Fluttershy has been doing and, funny enough, spending the day suffer--I mean ENJOYING your company doesn't really appeal to me at the moment."
>The look on your face must not have been all that pleasant because ol' Borelestia looked a bit nervous
>"Discord, I don't--"
>Making sure to put a kick me sign of the royal's rump, you teleported in front of Celestia
>The smile on your face diminishes just a hair but you do your best to look jovial
"Toodles."
>With a snap of your claw you were gone, once again traveling through the far-off lands before you appeared in the land of sense and normality
>It looked like you had teleported above a patio filled with chairs and tables that were seated right next to a cafe
>"I'm telling you that that one's a seven tops; and I'm being nice giving him THAT high of a number!"
>Oh?
>Was that the coltish voice of Ponyville's resident rainbow-haired speedster that you hear?
>Floating down you saw Twiolot Farknoerle and four of her cronies all sitting around a table, all of them staring out into the street
>"I'm telling you, Rainbow, Caramel's at least an eight," Ponkia po said, sipping on what appeared to be a milkshake. "I mean look at that flank! I'd let him climb on top of me any day."
>"No, no, Rainbow's right, darling," Commonty said, taking a dainty sip of her tea. "Caramel visited my humble abode just the other week and I may or may not have convinced him to try anal."
>Appul whistled
>"Ya managed ta get that colt ta put it in your rump?"
>Commonty nodded with a little smirk
 
>"It didn't even take all that much effort to get him to agree to it if I recall correctly."
>Narkle made a face
>"If that's the case Rainbow's right, Pinkie. Any colt that sticks it in your butt is a slut, and no sluts get any more than a seven."
>The other mares nodded at this little bit of "wisdom" just as you floated behind them all
>"Alright, alright, if Caramel's not an eight then who's a ten out there? Time Turner?"
>"Nah. The accent's cute but the teeth are a real turn off.
>"Thunderlane?"
>"If he wasn't such a lazy fat flank maybe."
"What about Discord?" you asked, using Twilight's voice
>While Twiggles looks more than a little confused that her had said something without opening her mouth the girls are thoughtfully humming
>...Before they all burst out laughing
>"Hahahahahaha! Discord? REALLY?!" Rainbow cried, nearly falling out of her seat
>You cross your arms as Twilight looks around and the girls get their seven chuckles
>"Oh... I don't think a stallion like Discord could be considered ten material darling," Rarity said, wiping a tear from her eye
>"But, I didn't say--"
>"If'n ya could even call'em a colt in the first place. What with all them different parts he has."
>"Girls, I really--"
>"YEAH! And Dizzy really doesn't even act like a stallion either! He really--"
"Ahem."
>The girls freeze in place, their heads pointing straight ahead
>After a minute or two Twilight looked over her shoulder to see you looming over their little group with your arms crossed and a half smile on your face
>Her pupils dilating, Twilight nudged the girls on either side of her, who then did the same to the girls next to them, until all five of them were looking at you like you had just caught them with their hooves in the cotton candy machine
>It was almost adorable really
"You know, back in my day, it was considered bad luck to talk about somepony behind their back," you say, idly inspecting your claws
>The girls flinched
 
>"H-Hey, Discord... we didn't see you there," Twilight said with a nervous giggle, her ears pinned right against her head
"I suppose you didn't," you said, sticking your lip out in a pout. "I mean I make the trip ALL the way out to Ponyville to see my VERY best friends and when I come over to say hello I hear them MOCKING me?"
>Regret quickly replaces their nervousness as they looked at each other
>Finally, Rarity got up out of her seat and took a step toward you
>"Discord, darling, we didn't--"
"And not only did they mock they me they did a VERY poor job of it!"
>Tsking, you started to circle the once again confused girls
"Of course I wouldn't act like a silly old stallion for one, my dear Pinkie. As you can clearly see I'm NOT a STALLION of any kind."
>Applejack opened her mouth to say something but you cut her off
"And Applejack! Shame on you for insinuating that I am in any way ugly!"
>Rainbow twitched when you leaned over and flicked her ear
"I'll have you know that not five minutes ago I was propositioned by Celestia herself."
>Twiolt's eyes bugged out of her head and she nearly fell out of her chair at your proclamation.
>"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
>Oh, you can already see the letters that this silly purple pony is going to send when you leave!
>Though you did your best to look stern a small smile came to your face
"I practically had to beat her off me with a stick," you said with a nod. "I of course had to say no; I have an image to keep up you understand."
>"CELESTIA PROPOSITIONED YOU AND YOU SAID NO?!?!?!?"
>You were going to have to be a fly on the wall when dear old Snorelestia opened those letters
>Your smile widened just a hair as you looked at you claw
"Say, you girls wouldn't know where Fluttershy is would you ? It has been ever so long since I've seen the dear girl and I'm SURE that she misses me terribly."
>The next few minutes of awkward, disbelieving silence was glorious
 
>It just tickled you to see your "friends" act like you had just given their teats the twisting of a lifetime
>But somewhere in between the looks and Twilight's hyperventilating you managed to find out that dear, sweet Fluttershy was out getting her animals some pet food
>And since you actually did miss the little yellow furball you bid the girls a good day and made your way to the market to hopefully find her so that you could spend the day together
>Maybe have a cup of tea or some such nonsense
>So, this a pip on your step, you bid the girls farewell and began your search for your little yellow friend
>The townsponies seemed to be particularly brave today it seemed
>Not a single one of them ran away when they saw you and there was only a little screaming!
>All they did was glare and whisper about you when they thought that you were out of earshot as you walked past them
>It looked like you were losing your touch...
>Maybe you should go and cause just a LITTLE mayhem before you leave?
>Show these ponies that the old villain still had it in him?
>As you pondered this you recalled that the pigeons were particularly numerous in Canterlot gardens this time of year
>...Maybe another day
>"And what do you think you're doing there, Flutterbutter?"
>"U-Um, I was just g-getting food for m-my animals."
>"Oh were you now?"
>Was that Fluttershy?...
>Your ears perked up, trying to locate your friend's voice
>Though it took a moment or two you managed to locate the little yellow pegasus
>She was standing near that carrot pony's stall strapped to a wagon that was filled with stacks of pet food
>But she was not alone however
>There were three mares standing around the little darling with cruel smiles on their faces, barring her from moving any further
>The amusement that you had been feeling from Twilinoght and her friends quickly evaporated as you watched one of the mares pushing your friend, nearly knocking her off balance
 
>"U-Um, excuse m-me but I-I really n-need to get g-go--"
>"You'll get going when I SAY you can get going, Poopershy."
>...Poopershy?
>POOPERSHY?!
>The sun flickered for just a moment and the wind picked up as your eyes narrowed
>Sparks of magic danced across your claw as your lips drew back into a snarl
>You hoped that these mares had gotten everything they wanted out of their pathetic mortal lives
>Because you were--
>"Oi! What the bloody 'ell's goin' on here now?"
>As if he had just appeared out of thin air Ponyville's resident human, a memorable fellow, and possibly one of the two beings that you cared to call a friend, named Anonymous stood right beside the bully that had been pushing around Flutters
>"Is it that time o' the month fer ya, Cloudchaser?"
>Your paw unclenched as you watched him nudged the grey pegasus away with a foot
>Said pegasus snorted loudly, a scowl coming to her face
>"This is none of your concern colt," she said, waving him away dismissively. "Why don't you go and--"
>"Why don't ya fuckin' make me ya wanker?"
>From where you were floating you could see Anonymous grin, his long, white canines flashing in the light
>The bullies took a step backward, their fur puffing up and their ears pinning themselves against their heads
>For a moment it looked like the green man's hulking form alone would be enough to send them packing but suddenly the grey pegasus rallied
>"Why don't you mind your own bucking business, Anon?"
>"Why don't ya piss off ya fuckin' pigeon?"
>"If you don't think I won't hit a stallion you're bucking wrong colt!"
>A look of delight came to the human's face
>"Oh?"
>Grinning, he squatted down so that the two were eye level
>"Yer gonna give me a smackin'?"
>"YES!"
>One of the other mares tried to drag the pegasus away
>"Come on, Cloudy, we don't--"
>"NO! I'm sick of this colt walking around like he bucking owns the place! He needs to learn--omhp!"
 
>Still smiling, Anon pushed the mare with a hand, nearly knocking her off balance
>"Come on'en. Smack me."
>He pushed her again
>"Smack me ya fuckin'--"
>The sound of a hoof hitting a cheek cut through the market square
>Every single pony within hearing range turned their heads to see Anon, still squatting, with his head slightly to the side
>They also got to watch the look of anger on the bully's face turn into instant regret
>She had just hit a stallion in public
>While you hadn't really bothered to learn silly things like norms and cultures and laws you knew that that was a big no-no
>"Cloudchaser, what the buck did you do?!" one of the bullies hissed, dragging the mare away. "You just--"
>All was quiet as Anon reached up to touch his cheek
>The smile on his face grew and grew and grew,
>His smile grew to an impossible size as he took a deep breath, throwing back his head and starting to laugh
>"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's it? Fuckin' 'ell, no wonder ya gits get yer asses kicked with every bloke that wants ta scrap!"
>Your lips twitched upward as you watched the man laugh long and loud
>The looks of shock on all of the ponies watching was DELICIOUS as Anonymous fell into his back, clutching his sides
>Your eyes snapped back toward the grey pegasus, watching as her face slowly contorted to a look of fury that you had not seen on a pony in a long while
>She was going to try to hit Anonymous again
>You could see it by her body language
>TRY being the key word here
>As the bully pulled a hoof back you lifted up a paw
>That colt that you just hit saved your life, girl
>You better thank your lucky stars for that
>With a snap of your paw the three bullies were gone
>You didn't teleport them to their deaths mind you; you were a reformed draconequus after all
>But you always heard that a trip to the Everfree forest always helped solve ne'er-do-well behavorial issues
>And from what you remembered it was manticore mating season
 
>So hopefully, if they managed to get out relatively unscathed, they'd come back better mares
>Or not
>You were just doing this for your giggles
>As the crowd looked around for the assaulters you teleported right beside Anon and Fluttershy
>As expected the little yellow pegasus was babying the human to the best of her ability, trying to make the bobo's go away
>"O-Oh my, O-oh my, Anon! D-Don't worry! Just s-stay where you a-are and I'll go and g-get the poince and--1"
>Still giggling, Anon sat up
>"Calm yerself, lass, yer gonna give yerself a fuckin' 'art attack," he said rolling his jaw.
>Turning his head he spat
>"Christ's blood do you wankin' horses hit like a frenchmen. She didn't even cut my fuckin' lip..."
>As fluttershy grabbed his face to do whatever butter-based pegasi did in this situation Anon finally noticed that you were floating in front of him
>"Dizzy! I haven't seen ya in an age ya cunt!" he cried, spreading his arms out wide
>Fluttershy stopped her minor panic attack to look up at you
>"D-Discord? DISCORD! Quick! WeneedtogetAnontothehospitalandthenweneedtocontacttheauth--"
>Reaching up, Anon somehow managed to get a hold of your claw and haul himself back to his feet
>"How's it goin' mate?" he asked, giving you a friendly pat on the back
>You smiled at him before turning to Flutters
"Fluttershy, dear, never you mind about this whole mess. I'll see to it personally that Anonymous here is well looked after."
>Fluttershy's eyes nervously darted to you then Anon and back to you again
>"B-But I should r-really--"
>"Oh don't be lookin' like that, love," Anon said with a dismissive wave. "I'm as right as rain."
>A warmth filled your old, old heart as the little pegasus bit her lip
>"I-If you're sure..."
>With your most disarming smile you reached down and patted her on the head
"I'll have old Anon here all fixed up before you can say sassafras."
>"Sassa--"
>Giving Anonymous a look you snapped your claws
 
>The bruise and swelling that had started to form on his cheek disappeared, and the dirt that had covered his clothing vanished
"See? As good as new. Now how about I send you home with your cart lickety split?"
>You could see that Fluttershy was thinking HARD of a way to help your extraterrestrially inclined friend over here
>The poor dear had too big of a heart for her own good...
>"...I-If you're positive," she said begrudgingly. "B-But I'd r-really appreciate it i-if you came over s-so I could c-check up on y-you. Anon."
>You quickly nudged Anon, who nodded
>"O' course love. I'll come over tomorrow so ya can give me a look over."
>Nodding, Flutters once again turned her attention toward you
>"O-Okay. You can t-teleport me home n-now, Discord. I mean i-if you want to t-that is..."
>Your smile widened
"Of course dear."
>"T-Thank you."
>What a silly pony...
>With a snap of your claws both Fluttershy and her cart filled with pet food disappeared, leaving you, Anon, and about a hundred or so staring--and in come cases glaring--, whispering ponies
>Though, in your and Anon's case, that was nothing new
>Nothing new at all...
>You look away from the crowd when Anonymous slapped you on the back
>"Thanks fer the help, mate," he said, his green eyes shining in the light. "How 'bout we go an' wet our whistles?"
>The feeling went away as you looked at the lumbering, grinning man
>Though some part of you feels like checking up on Flutter's (to torture that horrid bunny if nothing else) you found yourself not being able to say no to that grinning face
"I'd be delighted, Anon."
>"Right on then! Let's get a fuckin' move on 'en!"
>With that the grinning human all but dragged you toward his house, talking your ear off (don't worry, you managed to find it after some looking) the whole way
>There was something wonderfully eldritch about the way that Anon carried himself
>That slightly unhinged smile
 
>Those lively green eyes that might have seen just a little too much
>The way that his left hand twitched and reached for something that wasn't at his side whenever the two of you passed a crossroads
>Even the way that he stomped toward his humble abode had this sort of maddening charm to it
>The creature before you was not some stallion
>Or Gryphon or dragon or even alicorn
>This creature, this human was different, OFF, OTHER, STRANGE; and he didn't give a damn about it
>In short he was a man after your own heart
>By the time you and Anon had gotten into his house and the two of you had settled yourselves in the human's giant chairs you had all forgotten all about your feely feelings
>All you were concerned about listening to Anonymous chat about this and that and them and he and her and everything and everyone
>"...Ya should have been that bleedin' farmers face when I came trottin' by with nothin' but a fuckin' smile. Ya'd think I just burned 'er fuckin' farm ta the ground!"
>Both you and Anon erupt into laughter, both of you pounding on the table, knocking cups and bowls off it with your merriment
>"Ahhhh... Ya know that after I did that the ol' purple bitter tried ta stop me from buyin' me drink?"
"Really?" you exclaimed, wiping a tear from your eye
>Anon's smile lessened ever so slightly as he picked up his mug and brought it to his lips, taking a big gulp of his drink of the evening
>"Aye," he said, almost growling. "She said somethin' 'bout stallions not drinkin' so fuckin' much."
"Poppycock," you said, making a glass of chocolate milk in front of you with a snap of a claw. "I for one find that your drinking is perfectly fine. Everypony needs a little something to take off the edge every once in awhile."
>"That's what I fuckin' told 'er!"
>You were about to bring your beverage to your lips when Anonymous stopped you with a hand
>"'ang on mate."
>Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small silver flask
 
>Twisting the cap off with his teeth he then proceeded to "irish" up your drink
>"There ya go brav. Now, what the 'ell was I sayin'?"
"Something about Twilight Sparkle if I correctly recall," you say, magicking up yourself a silly straw
>...Bourbon with chocolate milk?
>What an interesting flavor...
>"Aye, the nerve o' that fuckin' cunt! Those fuckin' mares need ta mind their own fuckin' business."
>Ohhh.... if only...
"I'm afraid that your wish is a fruitful one, my friend," you say, taking another sip of your drink . "It's just how the world works here. The birds swim, the fish fly, mares go out of their way to baby stallions and villainize your's truly..."
>Snorting, Anonymous slammed his drink onto his table
>"What a fuckin' world this is eh?"
"That it is," you quietly agree, looking down at your drink. "For as long as I could remember its been this way, and for even longer than that I've felt... what's the word?
>"Outta the plans?"
"...Yes... something like that..."
>Though you didn't realize it you slumped down a little bit into your chair
>You don't know why but that feely feeling once again surfaced
>You were really going to have to look into the ol' chassis to see what that was about...
"Outta the plans, out of place... different... Almost as if I wasn't meant for a world like this..."
>The events that happened with Celestia and the goon squad came to your mind unabated
"...If'n ya could even call'em a colt in the first place. What with all them different parts he has..."
"...YEAH! And Dizzy really doesn't even act like a stallion either!..."
>Before you could let the thought linger any longer a hand clasped your shoulder, giving it a slightly too hard squeeze
>Looking up from your drink you saw Anonymous staring at you fiercely, his mug in hand
 
>"An' so fuckin' what? 'Ho an' the 'ell needs ta be part o' the fucking plan?" he demanded, slamming the mug against his chest, sending beer everywhere. "An' 'course yer not in the fuckin' plan ya fuckin' frankenstein! Yer a daemon spawned from the pit o' darkness."
>...Anonymous was going to have to work on his pep talk just a little bit
>Though you appreciate the effort
>You opened your mouth to say so but a hand slapped your chest, very nearly knocking the wind out of you
>"An' ya might be a daemon but yer the fucking nicest one I've fuckin' met that's fer fuckin' sure."
>The ends of your mouth twitched as Anonymous took another big gulp of his drink
>"An' look at me! I'm a fuckin' giant ape in a land of fuckin' nobberin' midget horses! I'm as outta the plans as yer scaley arse is!"
>Sitting back into his chair, Anonymous looked at you with narrowed eyes
>"Ya think I'm gonna let them horses put a fuckin' bra on me boys just ta fit in? The 'eaven's will split open an' the almighty 'ill slap me with his cock 'fore that fuckin' happens. Fuck that fuckin' plan right up it's fuckin' arse I say!"
>For some reason (because let's be honest that was still awful) you were smiling once again as your friend took another drink from his mug
>"I'd rather be a bleedin' misfit before bein' a sad cunt like that!"
>He growled in his mug
>"An' I sure as 'ell ain't bein' no fuck boy ta a couple o' mares just 'cause they want me cock..."
>Oh?
>Was the little human being bothered by the big, bad mares that wanted a taste of something exotic?
>You couldn't help but giggle at the thought of Anonymous joining a herd, cooking and cleaning and knitting onesies
>...
>...
>...
>...Idea~!
 
"Oh... I don't know about that," you say, pushing your chocolate bourbon away. "It might be nice to be a part of the plan every once in awhile..."
>Anonymous's face scrunched up
>"What the fuck are ya on about?"
>Setting your elbows on the table you rested you head on your hands
"Just think about it, Anonymous. No more glaring, no more angry princesses; just sitting back and enjoying life as it's meant to be lived."
>You hummed thoughtfully
"Though, to be honest, the life of a regular stallion doesn't seem all that appealing to moi."
>Snapping your claw you settled back as your body began to shift and change
>Your body became smaller, more lithe
>Your face became more delicate and feminine
>Your mane grew longer and two breasts grew on your chest and began to grow
>In no time at all you had transformed from Discord the God of Chaos to...
>Name...
>Name...
>What would your name be?...
>Oh! You got it!
>Eris
>That sounds like a WONDERFUL name for Chaos's newest GODDESS
>Now grinning hugely you floated out of your chair and toward your friend as he stared at you with a raised eyebrow
"Yes... I think I'd be more inclined to the life of a mare I feel."
>With a girly giggle you sit in Anonymous's lap, your tail coiling around the human
>Purring, you wrapped your slender arms around Anon's neck, very nearly pushing his face into your brand new chest
>With a snap of your claws Anon's mug left his hand
>You didn't need him distracted
>He had more important things to worry about at the moment
"How about it, Anon? Would you like to spend the rest of your life with this old mare going through daily life just like everypony else?"
>You wiggled back and forth, your breast jiggling every so slightly
"Waking up together in bed, our limbs intertwined, your face in these puppies?"
>Pulling away you lean down so that your noses were almost touching
 
"You could help me explore every inch of this new body and I'd be able to keep all of those mean, dirty mares off of your back."
>You leaned forward just a hair, rubbing your noses together
"The two misfits could be together forever and after. Holding and hugging and doing all of those silly things that couples do."
>If Anonymous was disturbed or shocked or angry with your "proposition" he didn't show it
>He just continued to stare at you with his mouth set in a thin line
>Leaning forward once again you pressed your forehead against his
"What do you say, lover boy~?"
>It was at that moment that Anonymous chose to let loose the mouthful of beer that he had been holding in his mouth
>You reeled back with a help as it hit you in the face, forcing you to grab both of Anon's shoulders so you didn't just fall off the chair
"Blech!" you cried, shaking the beer off of you like a wet dog. "Blech I say!"
>Cleaning your face you cracked open an eye to see Anonymous staring back at you with a bitten lip
>You opened you mouth to say something but a giggle-snort came out instead
>A laugh nearly escaped Anonymous as he looked into your red eyes
>You could still feel the beer running down your face
>You new mane was soaked and you could taste some of the beer as it traveled near the corners of your lips
"..."
>"..."
"..."
>"..."
>BRAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
"BRAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
>As one both you and Anon absolutely LOST it, throwing your heads back and laughing like there was no tomorrow
>And every time that you had nearly calmed yourself you'd catch Anon's eye or he'd catch your's and the two of you would start all over again
>It was wonderful
>You could feel your heart soaring with each laugh, each time you slapped Anon on the back due to sheer jovialness, and each giggle
>...
>Eventually that two of you had calmed down enough so that you'd just quietly giggle every once in awhile
 
>You had your head laying on Anonymous's shoulder and the man had his head resting on one of your breast
>Not in a sexual way or anything like that
>Just in a way that... friend's did...
>You'd have still teased him about it but you were enjoying that sensation of laughing too hard for too long
>Humming, you closed your eyes, your tail flicking back and forth in contentment
>"We're a couple of misfits..."
>Your smile grew once again
"We're a couple of misfits..."
>"What's the matter with misfits?"
>Reaching down you grabbed the human, your friend's, hand, giving it a squeezed
>Almost instantly he squeeze back
"That's where we fit in..."
