Title:           Fucking Bonbon... 1
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/VJ6tQU10
First Edit:      Saturday 22nd of August 2015 12:24:05 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 22nd of August 2015 12:24:05 PM CDT

>"Anon!"
>You know
>Back home you had always thought that it was weird when people said that they only bought Playboy for the articles
>And yes, even though it had been a LONG time since Playboy was in its heyday you STILL heard shit like this
>...From autistic people sure, but you still fucking heard it
>"Anon!!"
>Number one: why and the HELL would you even BUY a magazine full of what was just a bunch of women standing around naked when you had INTERNET?!
>Instead of paying twenty bucks for that shit you could just boot up your laptop for all of your porn needs
>Your horrible, dirty porn needs
>"Anon! Can't you hear me?!"
>And number two: if you were GOING to buy a soft corn porno mag (because you were either eighty years old or a fucking hipster or the dumbest person in the history of dumb) then why the hell would you buy it for the articles?
>Couldn't you find something more insightful in some NON porn shit?
>"ANON! I swear to Celestia if you don't answer me right now I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna boop you mister! Yeah! What you do think about THAT?!"
>But hey, what the fuck did you know?
>They could have some of the most interesting, insightful, and awe inspiring articles that have ever graced a page
>The writers could have wrote things that would make the very angels themselves weep and shit
>You honestly doubted it but whatever
>That being said...
>Horse soft core porn magazines were another animal all together
>"Anon! Don't you know that ignoring your friends hurts their feelings? You're hurting my feelings, Anon! You're crushing them in between your fingers like a big, meany jerk!"
>Playmare in particular had some pretty good shit in it
>Like weirdly good shit for a magazine that had stallions cocks all through it
>Which was why--
>"ANNNNOOOOONNNNNN! Anon! Anon! Anon!AnonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonANONANONANONANONANONANONANONANONANONANON!!!!"
>...Jesus fucking Christ...
>With a sigh you look up from your magazine to see Darkle Farkle standing on your porch, her ears pinned against her head and her nose all scrunched up in irritation
"What, Parkle; what for fucks sake?" you finally say closing the latest article of Playmare, setting it on your lap as you lean back in your rocking chair
>Princess Book hoers huffs, sitting on her haunches and glaring at you
>"Didn't you hear me calling for you, Anon?"
>Rolling your eyes you nod
"Of course I fucking heard you! Everyone on my street probably heard you yammering like a crazy horse."
>That only seems to enrage the little princess further, her nose scrunching to dangerous levels
>"If you heard me when why didn't you say anything?!"
"Because I was ignoring you, Twiggles," you respond without missing a beat
>Twilight makes this weird sound that was a mix between a gasp and a whinny but before she could say anything (or bitch at you anymore) you continue
"All I want to do is sit on my front porch, sip my sweet tea, and ready my Playmare in peace and you--"
>"Well you can't do that out here!"
>Blinking you look over at the big glass of ice tea that you had put on the stool next to your rocking chair
"...I can't drink my sweet tea?"
>A blush worked its way onto Twiggles face as she pointed a hoof at your nudey mag
>"You can't be reading THAT out here, Anonymous!"
>A series of responses enter your mind as you just look at the little purple horse
>That's not what your mother said last night would have been too easy (along with not making much sense in context), and telling her to fuck off your property probably wouldn't help you in this situation
>It would make you feel a bit better but you KNEW she wouldn't just fuck off if you told her to
>She'd sit there and glare at you until you either did what she wanted or chased her off with your broom
>And at that moment your broom was in the house...
>So you decided to dig a little deeper
>Get into Spackle's head as it were
"...And why can't I read my Playmare on my front porch, Twilight?" you asked patiently
>Twilight's eyes just widen at what you thought was a non-inflammatory and reasonable question and she gasped again
>"Because it's a Playmare!"
"...And?"
>"And you can't read pornography out in the open where fillies and colts are running around!"
>A small frown worms its way onto your face, and you make it a point to look around your front yard
"Well... it looks like the coast is clear of the corruptible minds of today's youth."
>Nodding to yourself you pick your Playmare back up and open that sucker
>Twilight makes some more irritated horse noises, getting off her big purple butt and trotting over to you
>"That's not how it works, Anon," she said. "Now go and put that back inside before you get in trouble."
>You snort, turning the page
"Get in trouble? Why the hell would I get in trouble for reading my porno on my front porch?!"
>"Because it's illegal!"
"Illegal? Says who?"
>Puffing her chest out ever so slightly and flaring her wings out, Dorkle looks up at you
>"Says me, Anonymous! And since I'm a princess and princesses make and enforce the rules, and you're CLEARLY breaking a indecent exposure law--"
>Oh here we fucking go
>Give this little horse an INCH and she'll take a mile...
>Sighing you once again close your magazine and roll it up
>Twilight, too busy wearing out that talk-hole of hers, doesn't notice you raising your rolled up magazine over your head
>But she sure as heck feels it when you smack her on the muzzle with it
"No, bad pony. BAD! You know you're not allowed to be a smart-ass in this household."
>Sputtering, Twilight takes a few steps back before once again glaring at you
>"ANON! I'm being serious right now! What if a little colt or filly looked at those pictures?"
>You don't look at Twilight as you open back up your magazine, licking your thumb and flicking the page
>...Jesus Christ look at the dick on that one...
>How the hell did he even walk with that thing?...
"Well, if a foot tall little horse managed to sneak into my house, open my front door, sneak out of my house and get behind me without me seeing them, somehow manage to climb up my rocking chair because I bet money that not even YOUR purple ass could see these pages without craning your neck, and look over my shoulder I have no fucking idea what would happen if they looked at all of this stallion dick."
>With a yawn you flick another page
"But I'll tell you what. IF one of the little shits ever manages to do something like that than I'd sure as shit let them read this magazine cover-to-cover! Hell, if they managed to do that I'd give them every single article that I have in the house because I don't want to anger a baby pony that also happened to be a fucking NINJA!"
>Looking back up you see that Twiggles is none too pleased by your answer
>Not that you particularly care though
>Stomping her widdle hoof Twilight lurched forward, using your lap as a platform for her to partially climb up into your lap so that she could get into your face
>"Why are you even reading that anyway?" she demanded, pressing her nose against yours. "You're not a mare and I know for a fact that you aren't a colt cuddler!"
>You resist the urge to bat the little horse on the nose again with your magazine
>No...
>That's what she wants...
"I read it because if I don't the terrorists win, Farkle. Now get off me and tell me why you're actually here," you say, using one of your hands to gently push Twilight off of you. "I'm sure you didn't come all the way to the other side of town to bust my balls about reading Playmare."
>You had almost asked WHY Twiggles was being so butt blistered about you reading your nudey magazine but you decided against it
>No need to poke the bear again and get her started on another rant
>No-fucking-thank you
>Twilight's cheeks puff out as you push her off your lap
>Mad purple horse is mad
>...Hmm...
>Will you look at that...
>Still no fucks given...
>"...Pinkie told me to tell you that Beaufort d'ete just got a new shipment of cheese today," she says like the little grumpy horse she was.
>Your frown turns upside down at THAT little bit of news
>Though you didn't look it you were a bit of a cheese connoisseur/lover
>There was nothing better than eating some fancy, smelly cheese in your book and if d'ete DID get a new shipment of cheeses then that meant you had to go down there right away!
>Still smiling you hop to your feet with your porno in hand
"Really? Fucking great!"
>Walking around Farkle you throw open your door and hurry inside
"That means I know what I'm going to be doing today!"
>Grabbing a big bag of bits and throwing on your shoes you all but skip back outside where a still-frowning Twilight is
>"Anon, I know you want to go and eat your cheeses but we should really talk about you reading--"
"Sorry, I can't wait, Spackle, I gotta get what I want before the crowd gets there!" you say, hopping over your fence and all but sprinting down the street
>Though you could hear Twilight yelling something at you you keep running
>Because fuck all of that unimportant and non cheese related shit!
>If Pank knew that d'ete got a new shipment of cheese then it was only a matter of time before the rest of the town knew
>And, since Ponyville was FILLED with mares and stallions that enjoyed their imported and exotic cheeses, that meant you were going to have to haul ass and get there first so you could buy all of the good shit!
>You get some looks and more than one pony cussed you out as you ran around, hopped over, or bowled through mare and stallion alike but eventually you find yourself in the market and in front of that little wooden shop that seemed to lean JUST a bit to the right
>Beaufort d'ete's little cheese shop: your oasis in a desert of horribly plain vegetables and too-sweet fruits
>Not even bothering to hide your excitement you open the door and step inside
>The second that the old rickety front door's little bell jingles you're assaulted with the scent of dirty feet, mold, and rot
>Aka what your own personal heaven smelled like
>Taking a deep breath you make your way over to the counter where Beaufort d'ete herself, a petite little yellow earth pony mare with a Prench mare's cap, was looking at you with a smile
>It looked like you got here before everyone else
>Thank the Buddha himself
>"Bon après-midi, Anon!" the little mare chirps
>Aw
>What a little qt...
"Afternoon, d'ete," you answer, stopping in front of the counter and looking down at her. "Sooo... I heard that SOMEONE got a new shipment of cheeses in today..."
>d'ete giggled, leaning up on the counter and looking around her little store with a grin
>"I MIGHT have gotten something from Canterlot today," she admits, reaching under the counter. "Would you like to see what came in today, mon cher?"
>Eagerly rubbing your hands together you nod
"I got a big bag of bits just waiting to be spent."
>d'ete, being the sweet little horse that she was, giggled again before, without further ado, she showed you everything single thing that she had gotten
>d'ete came from a long, long, LONG line of cheese salesponies/makers and it showed as she went through block after block after wheel of cheese
>She'd tell you where this cheese or that cheese came from, what foods and wines went best with it, how you should store it, and then she's carve out or scrape a bit of cheese from its block or square or wheel for you to sample
>Most of the new product was a bit same-y; a lot of it just a bunch of sharp and holed cheeses from the Gryphon lands and southern Equestria
>Nothing that you hadn't seen before
>But then d'ete went and pulled out the fucking main event
>"--And my supplier also happened to throw in a little something extra that you might enjoy~"
>Not breaking eye contact with you, d'ete reached down deep under the counter one last time and pulled out a little block of cheese that was tightly wrapped up in simple wax wrapping paper
>At first glance it didn't look any different than anything else she had showed you today
>But then you saw that fucking little blue seal that kept the wrapping together
>YOU KNEW THAT FUCKING SEAL!
>YOU MIGHT HAVE NEVER SEEN IT IN PERSON BUT YOU KNEW IT!!!
"Is that..."
>d'ete grinned as you ran your fingers through your hair, still not believing what you were seeing
>"Oui, it is! Balgoth Black des Grottes!" she said, clapping her hoofsies together
>To say that you're floored would be an understatement
>The cheese in front of you came from a remote little island that housed a monastery full of mountain goat monks
>While you had no idea what the fuck the goats in this monastery worshipped DID you know that they made some of the finest, most expensive cheese in the world
>Cheese that they only made a few times a year and rarely sold it to the public
>Like so rarely that people DIE to get this shit
>This was the holy grail of cheese, the mona lisa, the mecca for cheese lovers
>And there was a whole fucking block of it right in front of you for sale
>That block might have been able to fit in the palm of your hand but it was right THERE
>AND IT WAS FOR. SALE.
>...Did you mention that you had a boner right now?
>Because you did
>d'ete giggles when she saw your floored expression
>"Is something the matter mon cher?" she sing-songed
"How did you..."
>"It took some work but I managed to pull a few strings," the wonderful little mare said with a grin. "I thought that my customers would appreciate something higher end and from the look on your face I'd say that I was right!"
>If this little horse right here wasn't a little horse you would have gotten down on one knee and asked her to marry you right there
>You'd have pulled a ring out of your dick and everything
"...I want all of it," you find yourself saying as you look down at the little block of heaven in front of you.
>You almost don't want to look at it anymore because of just how perfect it was and just how SHIT you were compared to it
>d'ete blinked in surprise at your statement
>"Well... due to the cheese's rarity and--"
>Lifting up your big bag of bits you drop it onto the counter
"There's three hundred bits in that bag,"you say as d'ete looked at the bag with wide eyes.
>You made some pretty alright money following the stock market (which was a hell of a lot easier to follow here than it was back home)
>And you did a lot of odd jobs around town when you weren't binge drinking or reading your Playmares
>So three hundred bits was THAT big of a deal...
>...
>...
>...
>... Alright...You might have to eat ramen noodles for a few weeks but cheese like this was worth it dammit!
>Though she's thrown off by having more than what she probably make in a week just tossed on her counter d'ete still smiles at you
>"Well... actually the block costs three hundred and fifty bits... BUT I'd be willing to part with it for three hundred!" she chirps, once again reaching under the counter and pulling out a brown paper bag
>This fucking based little horse right here...
"Thanks, d'ete, you're the best," you say, grabbing the bag an--
>"Yyyyooooooouuuuuuuuu."
>For a moment it seemed just a little bit darker in that happy little wooden shop
>The joy seemed to leave the room and even the comforting smell of cheese seemed to lessen ever so slightly with just that one single little word
>So filled with disgust and hate that you could FEEL it hitting you
>And, though you had just made the purchase of a lifetime, you found yourself frowning
>Because you knew the owner of that particular voice...
>"Hi Fingers! Hi d'ete! How the hay are you two doing?"
>You also knew the owner of that voice
>Gripping your treasure tightly in your hands you turn around
>There, right at the entrance of the door was Lyra Heartstrings, as happy and as bubbly as a puppy dog that just got a new toy
>But right next to her was the one that THREW her hate at you with but a single word
>She was the Queen of Cunts, the Grumpy hoers Supreme, The Destroyer of Worlds, and the Drinkers of Children's Tears
>Bon-motherfucking-bon
>Your next door neighbor/ greatest and most dodging enemy
>And she was a cunt
>Did you mention that she was a cunt?
>Because she was
>The biggest cunt in the whole wide world
>She'd be the queen if there was a planet that was just FULL of cunts
>You look at Lyra, then you go ahead and glare at Bonnie Bun's (cause she was a cunt) and you repeat this for about a minute before you speak
"Lyra... Bonbon, how's it going?"
>Bonbon, with the usual scowl on her face, snorts as she looks you up and down
>"d'ete, why the hay do you let this weird monkey thing in your store? Don't you know that he'll try to look at your butt like a weirdo whenever he thinks you're not looking?"
>Urgh
>Fucking Bonbon...
"Fuck off Bonbon, you cunt," you instantly respond
>With a horsey snort, Bonbon starts stomping toward you
>"No, you fuck off you weird green monkey!" she snaps right back."
"Tootie-frootie!"
>"Shaved Diamond dog!"
"Dyke!"
>"Pony butt lover!"
>With a giggle, Lyra bounces her way toward you and with a mighty leap through the air wraps her hooves around your neck
>"And hows my favorite human doing?" she asked, nuzzling your cheek
>Still glaring at the toppest of cunts you return the little mint green mare's hug
"I'm doing alright," you say, wiggling your bag for emphasis. "I got Pinkie to tell me when the next shipment of cheese was coming in so I managed to get here before everyone else."
>Lyra made a face
>"I still don't know why you and Bonnie like this smelly old cheese," she said, sticking her tongue out as she released her grip on you and returned to her marefriend's side
"I like this "smelly old cheese" because unlike you I actually have good taste," you tease before you spy a rather large bit bag on Bonbon's back
>You couldn't help but smile in glee at the sight
>Ever since you had found this little cheese store you and Bonbon over there had waged a kind of shadow war with each over, the two of you always trying to outsmart and outmaneuver each other so that you'd get there first for the best cheeses
>Though she was the cunt to end all cunts she loved cheese just as much as you, and like you she wasn't opposed to getting her hooves a little dirty or spending a ludicrous amount to get the cheese that she wanted
>Bribery, camping out at the store, starting riots... poisoning, you've seen it all, done it all, AND you got the fucking T-shirt
>You've won some of these little battles and you've lost some too, but thankfully today it looked like you bribing Pinkie to watch (spy) on d'ete paid off
>Fucking big time
>And knowing that Bonbon wasn't going to get one SLIVER of this cheese was going to make it ALLLL the more better
>Seeing that Bonnie Buns was eyeing your paper bag you quickly place it behind your back
>"...What kind of cheese did you get?" Bonbon asked in that grumpy tone of hers, taking a step toward you
"None of your fucking business, Bonnie Buns," you smoothly answer, sidestepping her with a grin
>She glares at you for a long moment, disgust clear on her face, before she looks over a d'ete and the big ass bag of bits on the counter
>Seeing her looking at the bag of bits you silently curse
>Shit!
>You needed to get out of here right now!
>You didn't want another repeat of what happened last time..
>"...Anon, what kind of cheese did you get?"
>You open your mouth to answer (another fuck you if you cared to know) when bonbon started sniffing the air
>...Double shit...
>d'ete and Lyra sighed, d'ete reaching under her counter and pulling out a hard hat and Lyra wrapping a hoof around her marefriend
>"Now honey, why don't you just try and--"
>You knew that Bonbon was just as well versed in exotic cheeses as you
>She got all of the cheese magazines as you did and all
>You also knew that that nose of hers could identify dozens of different cheese with a single sniff
>Since she was apparently a blood hound or some shit
>But you had no fucking idea that she'd be able to identify Balgoth Black des Grottes
>With a gasp, the earth pony took a step back, her eyes wide and her ears perking up
>"Balgoth Black des Grottes..." she whispered before spinning around and looking at d'ete with a crazed expression "Do you have anymore of it, d'ete?!"
>d'ete flinches and, knowing that lying would only make this worse, shakes her head
>"I'm sorry Bonbon, but... Anon bought the whole block..."
>Bonnie Buns stiffens as Lyra walks over to you
>"Anon," she whispered. "Give Bonnie some of your cheese please."
>It only takes a fraction of a second for you to formulate your answer
"No, fuck Bonbon. This is MY cheese."
>"Please, Anon, Mayor Mare is still mad about what happened last time the two of you had a fight over cheese. If you'll give me us half then--"
"MY. CHEESE."
>"Bonbon brought two hundred bits with her, if you give us half of that stupid, smelly block then--"
>MMMMMMYYYYYYY CCCCCHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEE."
>Your eyes narrow as Bonbon slowly turns around and looks at you
>"Anon," she says calmly
"Bonbon," you calmly respond
>The candy mare takes a step toward you
>"Give me half of that block."
>...Bitch didn't even say please...
>If she wasn't getting any cheese before she definitely wouldn't be getting any NOW
>The cunt
>Though both Lyra and d'ete are almost on their little horse knees begging you to give Bonbon some of your cheese you won't relent
>You do NOT negotiate with terrorists
>And you most certainly don't negotiate with bad, bad, BAD little horses that KNEW what the fuck they did
"If you wanted this cheese you could have--OMPH!"
>A pony shaped missile barrels toward you, knocking you flat on your ass and knocking the wind out of you
>Though you try to hold onto your paper bag that shit is knocked out of your hand, Bonbon snatching it up while you're rolling around on the ground and racing toward the door
>"LyragivethemonkeythebuckingmoneyI'mgonnatohomebye!"
"No... you fucking.... don't!" you rasp, struggling to your feet and racing off after her
>"Mon cher!" d'ete calls, her voice a mixture of resignation and disappear.
>"Could you please--"
 
CRASH!
 
>"--Not break down the door this time...?"
>Shaking her head, Lyra looks over at the little cheese salespony
>"I'm sorry, d'ete," the harpist says
>d'ete sighs
>"No, no, it is my fault. I should have--"
>The rest of the conversation is lost to you as, trying your hardest to get air back into your lungs, you run as fast as your legs can take you
"BONBON! YOU FUCKING GET BACK HERE!" you roar, instantly spotting the retreating little horse
>The ponies walking around the marketplace, shoppers and sellers alike, roll their eyes as you run off after Bonbon, your eyes blazing and your hate stiffy a' throbbing
>Where the FUCK did that little horse get off stealing YOUR fucking cheese?!
>GODDAMNIT DO YOU FUCKING HATE BONBON!
>HATE
>HAAAAAAATE!!!
>Gritting your teeth begin to run even faster, both you and Bonbon weaving and dodging around ponies, wagons, and market stalls
"GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKIING CHEESE, BONBON!"
>"NO! GO AWAY YOU BUTT! THIS IS MY CHEESE NOW!"
"I'M GOING TO BEAT YOUR ASS SO FUCKING HARD THAT NOT EVEN YOUR FUCKING MOTHER WILL RECOGNIZE YA!"
>UUUUUURRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!
>FUCKING BONBON!!!
>Though you try to keep up with the little candy mare she's an earth pony with earth pony stamina and she had four legs to boot
>You, on the other hand, only had two legs and you didn't exercise as much as you'd like
>So it was of little surprise that Bonbon started to pull ahead of you
"No... you fucking... don't," you growl stopping in front of Appljack's stall
>The cowpony looks at you with an amused smirk
>"Howdy, Anon, havin' a bit o' trouble with ol' Bonbon over there?"
>She nudged her head to the retreating theft while you looked down at all of Appulz's apples
>"Ya know... if what yer doin' with Bonbon is some fancy-shmancy human matin' ritual thing ya might want ta--"
>Tossing a few bits that you found in your pocket at Applejack you grab two apples
"Shut up and let me concentrate," you mutter, glaring at the retreating form of that dirty little candy pone
>Alright...
>Check the wind...
>Judge the distance...
>Time to fuck this bitch right up...
>Taking a big step forward you throw one of the apples as hard as you can, immediately setting back up and tossing the other one
>The two red apples scream through the air, arcing perfectly
>Both you and Applejack watch this arch
>"...Bet ya five bits ya don't hit 'er."
"It'll take that bet."
>Come on you fucking apple
>Hit that cunt
>Hit that cunt right in the back of her cunty head
>Bring honor to your apple brethren and die for a noble and just cause
>Bonbon, too busy on making her escape, doesn't notice either of the apples until the first one whacks her on the rump
>The candy mare jumps more out of shock than pain and she swerves in panic...
>Wherein the other apples smacks her right on the head
>You look over at Applejack with a smirk as Bonbon lets out a yelp, YOUR paper bag flying out of her mouth as she was sent tumbling head over ass to the cold, hard dirt below
>Direct hit cap'n!
>"...Dangit," Appulz mutters
>Still smiling you open a hand and extend it toward her
"That's what eight years of playing little league baseball does for you, Applejack. Now be a dear and pay up so I can get my cheese."
>Grumbling, Applejack pulls out five bits and hands them over
>"Ya better get on over there and see if Bonbon's alright. I'm pretty sure I heard that apple smack 'er from here."
"Yeah... I better get her out of here before the ponice show up because we were "disturbing the peace" again."
>Fucking little horses always calling the cops on you over every little thing you did...
>You bet the little fuckers called them this time and you didn't even break anything!
>...Other than d'ete's door...
>...Which you were going to make Bonbon pay for since all if this was her fault!
"Alright, I'll see you later, Applejack."
>Apple pone waves as you leisurely make your way toward the downed candy mare
>"Ya'll take care, Anon!"
>The walk over to Bonbon is a sweet one
>Not only did you get some of the finest cheese in the world you ALSO got to knock Bonbon the fuck out
>If that wasn't an awesome day than you didn't know what was
>You could see your paper bag, a little crumbled but on the hole alright, laying right next to an obviously unconscious candy mare bitch extraordinaire
>Oh man was it going to be great going home and eating your cheese!
>You were going to pair it with some nice bread that you got at the market the other day and maybe some kind of wine when you got back to your house
>Oh! Or maybe you could try to sprinkle some of it on a steak or something like that?
>You honestly didn't know if cheese as fine as this COULD be paired with anything!
>But since you had a whole block all to yourself you could try a whole bunch of things to see what worked and what didn't!
>Excited and day-dreaming like you were you didn't notice Bonbon twitch as you walked around her and squatted down to get your cheese
>You also didn't notice her eyes opening and focusing on the paper bag in front of her
"Come to daddy you little--"
>"THAT'S MY CHEESE!"
>As you turn around to see who was yelling you were tackled by a cream-colored blur, and you were sent rolling
>Your attacker tries to roll off of you but you grab her roughly by the tail and yank her back
>Bonbon yelped as you quickly rolled to your stomach and got up on your hands and knees
"No, it's my fucking cheese you bitch," you growl as you start crawling toward the paper bag
>Growling herself, Bonbon bites your pants leg and yanks, making you lose balance so that you feel onto your side
>The candy mare tried to run around you but you leap frog lunged toward her
"DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY CHEESE!"
>"YOU CAN'T HAVE CHEESE AS AMAZING AS THIS YOU BIG WEIRDO!"
"YOU WERE A MISTAKE, BONBON! YOUR PARENTS CRY EVERY NIGHT BECAUSE THE CONDOM BROKE AND YOU WERE BORN!"
>"YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE A BUTT!"
"A BUT--I FUCKING AM NOT!"
>"YAHA YOU ARE! A BIG SMELLY BUTT!"
"NAHA, YOU'RE A BUTT!"
>"NO YOU!"
>Ponies start to form a little group around you and Bonnie Buns as the two of you roll around on the ground, biting and kicking and cursing each other out for all you were worth
>Some of the little horses rolled their eyes and shook their heads (aka the ponies that actually lived in Ponyville), while others looked on in shock (aka ponies that were just passing through or had just moved in)
>"Excuse me! Pardon me! Coming through!"
>Just as Bonbon bites down on your leg hard enough to make you yelp and you punch her in her big fat floppy ass Lyra pushes her way through the crowd
>The little minty green mare's eyes widen and she gasped when she saw the two of you beating the shit out of each other
>"ANON! BONNIE! You two stop that right now"
>You bite Bonbon on the ear while the candy mare kicks you in the stomach
>"FUCK OFF!" the two of you yell as best as you can, Bonbon wincing and you with the wind once again knocked out of you again
>The crowd watches the two of you roll around for a bit more before one of the little horses, sighing, breaks away from the crowd
>"I'll go and get the poince," he said tiredly
>Many ponies in the crowd nodded and a mare turned her head to look over at him
>"Remember to tell them that it's Bonbon and Anon again. We don't want a repeat of what happened last time."
>"Yeah, yeah, I'll tell 'em..."
>With a roar you throw Bonbon off of you, hop to your feet, and run over and grab your paper bag
"HAH! I got it you fucking--"
>You didn't see that kick to the balls coming...
 
~Later~
 
>"...If you would have just given me some of that bucking cheese none of this would have happened."
>Though one of your eyes is swollen you look over at Bonbon with your best glare
"And if YOU wouldn't have decked me in d'ete's shop I MIGHT have fucking given you some, you cunt."
>At the moment both you and Bonnie Buns were locked in Ponyville "Prison", a shitty little one cell room that had a broken toilet and spider webs covering the ceiling
>It was also a place where you and Bonbon over there frequented
>Bonbon, who was sitting on the cell's dirty bed with her hooves crossed, just glared at you
>"You wouldn't have given me any of it you liar," the little mare, who was just as fucked up as you were, said before deflating. "Now we're here in a cell and we'll never get any of that bucking cheese..."
>Rolling your eyes you reach into your back pocket
"Now I wouldn't go saying that," you say, pulling out your little block of cheese
>It was squished and covered in dirt but it was definitely your little block of heaven
>Bonbon's eyes widen
>"Where the BUCK did you get that?!"
>You shrugged
"I managed to snatch it off one of the officers when they weren't looking," you tell her
>Fucking poince
>They couldn't even deal with you level hundred pickpocketing
>Looking out through the steel bars of your cell you couldn't help but smile when something caught your eye
"Oh? And what the hell do we have here?..."
>Because this jail house was so fucking tiny where the officers sat was PRETTY close to your jail cell
>While it would usually be impossible for a pony to reach through the cell bars with their fat and stubby little hooves you, having longer and thinner arms (yeah being a human) are able to reach through the bar with relative ease
>Not two feet away from you is a worn out wooden desk with a packet of what looked like week old crackers
>It wasn't the fancy bread or expensive wine that you were hoping for but it'd have to do
>Silently thanking that the police in this little horse town loved their donuts so much that the ENTIRE fucking force would up and leave to go to SugarCube Corner while they had prisoners because fuck you, (and yes, this actually fucking happened) you reach over and pluck the crackers from the desk
>Bonbon watched warily as you walk over with crackers and cheese in hand and sat down next to her
>You open up the crackers, then you unwrap your cheese, looking over at Bonbon with an eyebrow raised
>She huffs, glaring at you
>"What?!"
"Do you want some of this cheese?"
>That seems to throw the candy mare off guard
>"...Yes."
"Yes what?"
>"Buck o--"
>Your eyebrow raises just a little bit further and Bonnie shuts her mouth
>"...Yes PLEASE."
>Smirking slightly you scoop a cracker into the soft cheese and offer it to your cellmate
>Though you could tell that she was trying her hardest not appear excited you could see the ends of her mouth turn upwards as she grabbed the cracker
>"...Thanks monkey."
>Scooping up some cheese yourself you shrug
"Don't mention it."
>Both you and Bonbon pop your crackers into your mouths
>OhsweetbabyJesusit'slikeanangeljustcamein mymouth!
>The two of you groan
>Yeah...
>Yeah...
>You came
>Yep
>You came all over the place
>There is cum all in your pants
>Still groaning, Bonbon grabs another cracker and scoops up some more cheese for herself
>"You know that foods supposed to taste better when you're about ponies you love right?"
>Nodding you scoop up another cracker full of heaven for yourself
"Yeah, I've heard something like that."
>The candy mare nods, popping the cracker into her mouth and slowly chewing, trying her hardest to savor her little treat as she leaned against you
>"I just can't help but imagine how good this cheese would be if I wasn't eating it with a butt-loving weirdo like you."
>You stop stuffing your cracker to look down at the little horse leaning against you
>And your hate stiffy was back and raring to go
"...Fuck off and eat your cheese before I just go and throw it in the fucking toilet."
>Bonbon grinned
>"Well I'm sure you'd still eat it out of there; you being a butt and all."
>...
>...
>...
>Fucking Bonbon...
