Title:           Tactful Negotiations
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/uL11Q7rv
First Edit:      Friday 25th of March 2016 03:06:00 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Friday 20th of May 2016 02:30:47 PM CDT

>"Absolutely not."
>"Don't you fucking give me that!"
>"I know you mean well but I know how you are, honey. If you're in there with her you'll lose your temper."
>"Of course I'll lose my fucking temper! The second that I SEE that fucking bug I'm gonna rip her head off!"
>"Which is exactly why I can't let you in the same room as her."
>"I'M NOT GOING TO LEAVE MY PREGNANT WIFE IN THE SAME ROOM AS THAT FUCKING BUG!"
>Be Stalwart Shield
>Also be sweating VERY loudly
>It seemed that today was a very important, but absolutely nerve-wracking, day for ponykind
>Just a few days ago Queen Chrysalis, the Leader of the Changelings, had sent a diplomat saying that she wanted to speak to the Equestrian leaders
>The ponies and the changelings had been at war for far too long, she had said, and now she wanted to do what was best for her people and try to see if peace could be found
>It was a load of horse apples; you knew it, the entire guard knew it, you were pretty sure that even the princesses knew it
>The changeling queen was scheming and she probably just wanted another go at Canterlot
>But even still Princess Celestia, in her infinite wisdom and kindness, had decided to allow her to come to Canterlot for talks
>Many didn't like this, but none were as loud as Prince Anonymous
>The prince and princess hadn't known each other when the wedding "incident" had happened, but the prince knew enough about it to know that his wife had nearly died at the changeling's hooves
>And while most husband's would have disproved inviting a hated enemy into their house out of fear the prince was another matter entirely
>He wanted to tear Queen Chrysalis to pieces for hurting his wife
>Like literally pick her up and rip her apart with his bear hands
>And he had gone into excruciating detail about how he would do it
>But Princess Celestia was the kind of mare that believed that there was good in everypony
 
>Though it was a long shot, the longest long shot in the history of long shots, she wanted to at least give Chrysalis a chance
>And if she was going to give her a chance she had to keep her super strong, murderous husband away from her while the talks were happening
>Hence the arguing that had been going on for the past hour and a half
>Now
>You had always liked to think of yourself as a pretty brave mare
>But even you couldn't help but feel just a teensy bit nervous being in the same room with the VERY angry prince
>But Princess Celestia was made out of sterner stuff it seemed
>As the prince bellowed and threatened and tossed heavy things around the room like they were made out of paper she had stood firm
>Momma wasn't takin' her man's bitching
>"I need you to promise that you won't leave this room, Anonymous."
>There was a vein bulging out of the prince's forehead as he paced the room like an angry cat
>"I am NOT leaving you in the same room as her, Celestia," he growled
>"Chrysalis has agreed to wear a magic nullifier and we'll have guards stationed around the room, dear," Princess Celestia assured. "Nothing will happen. We'll talk, Chrysalis will probably make some ridiculous demands that I'll be forced to decline and we'll go back to hating each other. It will just be another day."
>The prince's eyes traveled down to his wife's incredibly swollen belly
>The Princess of the Sun was coming close to term, and like many of you he was concerned that the only reason why Chrysalis was here was to harm the royal child
>But even when many of the guard had voiced their concerns Celestia had brushed them off
>With a smile on her face the princess walked over and grabbed her husband by the arm with a wing, gently leading him over to one of the few chairs in the room that weren't broken
 
>"I know that you're scared for me, hon, but I need you to trust me," she said, sitting him down. "Despite what you and even I may think peace between the changelings and ponies would end a feud that has been going on for centuries."
>"If it's so important then let Luna and the others handle it."
>Still smiling, Celestia brushed a bit of hair out of her husband's face with her wing
>"Chrysalis has insisted that I be there to aid in the negotiations."
>Prince Anonymous opened his mouth, no doubt to argue, but the princess cut him off
>"And I know what you're going to say, dear. But please have faith in your wife. Even with a swollen belly I am far from helpless if anything WERE to happen."
>She gestured around the room with a hoof
>"And you'll be a wall's length away from me, listening to everything being said."
>The princess's horn glowed, illuminating a second of wall in a golden glow
>The wall shimmered before a sort of window was created into the other room
>What the princess used was the looking-in spell, something that the guard used to peer through walls while prisoners and the like were being interrogated
>Though you had never seen it done on an ENTIRE section of a wall before...
>"There, I've even made it so that you can look into the room. Is that enough to keep you from starting a war?"
>You watched as a dozen different emotions flashes across the prince's face
>Outrage, anger, fear, irritation, more outrage, until it finally settled on reluctance
>"...Alright," he finally said, sinking back into the chair. "But I swear that if she tries anything funny I'm coming into that room."
>Leaning her husband down a bit Celestia kissed his cheek
>"Thank you my sunshine," she murmured, nuzzling him before stepping away and turning toward you
>"Private, please keep the prince entertained while the negotiations are happening
>The prince snorted
>"You know you can just say make sure he doesn't leave the room right?"
 
>The princess smiled, patting him on the shoulder with her wing, before she started to make her way toward the door
>"I will see you in a few hours, my sunshine," she promised. "But until then please try not to worry yourself too much."
>"Make sure that you don't sit near the wall I'm looking through," Prince Anonymous called as the princess left the room, leaving just the two of you alone
>...Where nopony would be able to help you if the prince lost it...
>You nervously fidgeted as the prince let out a sigh, one of his massive hands covering his face
>Not a thing was said until he slowly lifted his head up and looked over at you
>"Private, get your furry little behind over here... PLEASE."
>The fur on the back of your neck stood on end at the prince's tone, but still you quickly did as he asked
>No point in doing anything to set him off
>You'd prefer walking out of this room like you had entered it thank you very much
"Sir, did you need anything, sir?" you asked, saluting smartly
>The prince looked over you slowly, those green eyes of his burrowing into your very soul, before his gaze rested on your helmet
>"Might I see your headgear?"
>Without hesitation you pulled off your helmet and presented it to him
>The prince didn't say a word as he took it out of your hooves
>...And crumpled it up like it was a bucking piece of paper
>...
>You were sweating now weren't you?
>...
>Yep, you were sweating all over the place
>"Thank you very much," the prince said, the ball of metal making a metallic squeak as he gave it a squeeze. "If your CO tries to give you any shit just tell'em that the prince lost his temper. They'll go ahead and get you a new helmet without any fuss."
"S-Sir yes S-Sir," you squeaked, saluting harder than you had ever saluted in your entire life
>SweetCelestiayoudon'twanttodiepleasepleasepleasedon'tkillme!!!
>The two of you watched as ponies began to pour into the negotiation room
 
>It wouldn't be long now before the changelings found themselves in there as well
>HiveLords, Champions, and the Queen herself
>You loudly gulped as the prince crushed the metal ball in his hands a little more
>This was going to be a looooooooong day
 
>Be Princess Celestia
>This was it
>The moment of truth
>You were all seated around a round table
>At one end were you, your fellow princess, and a few of your high ranking generals and nobles
>At the other end were Chrysalis and her... subjects
>After hearing everypony in the room's titles being yelled at by your official title yeller the room had become deathly quiet
>The air was tense
>Both sides were waiting for the other to begin all of this nonsense
>Though you have a feeling that you'll have to be the first to begin this little dance that you and your little ponies found yourselves in
>Chrysalis was sitting on her side of the table with a smile on her face
>And it wasn't a very nice smile either
>No, this smile had a distinctly evil-y feeling to it...
>But no matter!
>Evil smile or no Chrysalis had extended the olive branch
>The least you could do was try to see if she was serious with all of this
>And if she wasn't the very least you could do was TRY to make her and her people consider friendship a possibilty
>Because friendship was your thing yo
"It is... wonderful to see you here, Chrysalis," you began, inclining your head at the changeling queen.
>Chrysalis's smile widened, and you had to force yourself to swallow the bile in your throat
>"It is wonderful to see you as well, Celestia my dear," she purred, resting her head on a hoof
>She deeply inhaled, smelling the air
>"Wonderful indeed."
>From your left you could see Twilight shifting nervously in her seat
>On the other side of her Cadence was looking around the room nervously
>Even Luna, who was sitting to your right, seemed to be on edge
>It wasn't because of Chrysalis
>Heavens no!
 
>Your fellow princess, along with you on the pony side in some aspect, were nervous for the sole reason that you all knew that Anonymous was watching and could hear everything being said
>And while you loved your husband with all of your heart he was known for having a temper
>A very big temper
>Especially when it came to those who had hurt ponies that he loved
>So Chrysalis, though she didn't know it, was walking on VERY thin ice with every word that she said
>One wrong phrase, one misplaced threat you knew that your husband was coming through that wall
>No amount of guards or magic would help that
>So, since you wanted a peaceful solution to all of this you were going to have to make sure that Chrysalis--
>"Might I ask where your husband is at the moment?" Chrysalis asked, that smile of hers not leaving her face for a moment
>Your fellow princess, along with the guards you had stationed around the room, stiffened ever so slightly
>You couldn't help but find yourself frowning
"And may I ask why you would what to know the whereabouts of my husband?" you asked, trying to keep your voice as neutral as possible
>Remember, hitting her would be a bad idea
>It might make you feel a little bit better but it would be bad for everypony in the long run
>Remember: you want to make peace with this mare
>"Oh I mean no harm to your delicate stallion, my DEAR Celestia," Chrysalis said with a dismissive wave of the hoof. "I had simply heard a great deal about your prince and I wished to see him for myself."
>Her gaze drifted down to your partially exposed belly
>"It's not everyday that one manages to win the heart of an alicorn and sire a child with them after all."
"My husband was feeling under the weather today and decided to leave the diplomacy with me I'm afraid," you lied with a thin smile. "Though I assure you that he sends his warmest regards."
>Chrysalis raised an eyebrow
 
>"Oh? Then I shall pray that he makes a speedy recovery," she said, eyeing the wall behind you
>The very same wall that your husband was looking through
>Your wings ruffle but you mostly managed to keep a straight face
"I will make sure to tell him that he is in your thoughts."
>Chrysalis's smile widens even more, giving you a full view of her razor sharp fangs
>Please don't say anything stupid, you dumb bug
>Please don't make Anonymous upset
>Please don't make him come through that wall
>Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!
>"You do that. Now, that all of the... pleasantries are out of the way why don't we begin with the negotiations."
>Your ears perked up when a thumping came from the other side of the three foot thick stone wall behind you but you didn't react
>Hopefully Anonymous didn't hurt whoever the queen had sent into that room too badly...
>You imagine it'd be in poor taste to sign a treaty with this mare in front of you and then turn around and give her body bags...
 
>Be Anonymous
>Stifling a yawn you turned away from the negotiations and looked around the little room that you wife had insisted that you stay in
>...Or at least what was left of it
>If the room had been a wreck before it looked like a battle zone now
>There were scorch marks on the walls and the ceiling
>The carpet was all torn up
>And the only thing that even kind of resembled furniture was that chair that you were sitting in
>You had one changeling drone under one of your feet and you had your hand wrapped around the throat of another
>Right next to the broken window was your little guard, a little burnt and worn but relatively alright, keeping an eye out to make sure more of the little buggers didn't just up and fly in and try to bother you
>These two had been sent to kidnap you so that you could be used as leverage in the negotiations
>You knew that it was coming, your wife had known that it was coming, half the castle and most of Canterlot had known it was coming
 
>Changelings were a raced that excelled in using their natural abilities to get a head up on their opponents, so of course they's try something like this
>Ponies might not have been the smartest bunch of cookies in the bakery but you liked to think that after the ass kicking that they had gotten during Shining's wedding they'd know to come better prepared
>That and they had you, so this was more annoying than anything really
>The changeling in your hand let out a hiss, its jaws snapping at you
>Its hissing immediately turned into a whimper as you gave its neck a little squeeze, the insect-like armor around it's neck cracking ever so slightly
>Exoskeleton you think it was called?...
>Whatever it was it sure cracked real easy
"Shush, I'm trying to listen to what's going on," you told the drone, turning back to the negotiations
>You were a little irritated that you wife had decided to sit with her back to you, no doubt hoping that this would keep you from smashing through the wall
>It wouldn't, you'd go through that wall in a heartbeat if that queen did anything funny, but at least you'd be able to get to Celestia faster if the bug tried anything
>Out of the corner of your eye you could see the changeling's eyes darting around frantically
>If you had to guess, and from the look of irritation on the changeling queen's face, you'd say that by now these two guards needed to report back in to their majesty
>Which meant that, after all of this was over, there was a good chance that these two would probably get punished for failing their mission
>What did that entail for one of these bugs exactly?
>Did they get whipped?
>Did they get eaten by their fellow bugs?
>Did the queen spray some pheromone into the air that killed or hurt them?
>...Bug spray?
>...That might be an interesting question to ask after this whole nonsense was over and done with...
>And who knows, maybe you'd even ask the queen herself
>If she didn't fuck up and earn herself a squashing of course
 
>Without having you as an ace in the whole, the changeling queen found herself struggling to keep up with your wife in the negotiations
>Every demand she had was counter-proposed
>Every threat was ignored
>And, with your wife at the lead, it actually looked like some good was actually going to come out of this
>Which kind of surprised you really
>You had half expected the queen to proclaim that she had her entire changeling army hidden underneath Canterlot or something
>There wasn't, every tunnel that led to the city streets and the castle had been destroyed months ago, but it would have been nice to at least hear her try something like that
>The changeling under your boot, who had wisely decided to not move an inch since you had stomped it where it was laying, finally picked its head up
"Now don't you go getting cute with me," you told the bug, a slightly bored tone in your voice. "I have no problem putting you through this floor."
>The bug let out this grasshopper-like chirp
>The changeling in your hand let out a similar chirp
>Your personal guard horse looked at the two nervously as they continued to chirp at each other
>"What are they doing?" she asked
>Both of the changeling's eyes darted toward you and their chirping increased
"It looks like they're talking to me," you say with a yawn
>As one both of the changelings horns sparked to life
>Before any spells could be fired you lifted up your foot and gave the neck in her hand a little squeeze
>The whole room shook, cracks splintering outward on stone floor as the changeling below you is slammed into the ground
>The other bug's eyes bulge out of it's head, the armor around its neck completely cracking so that you could see its soft, fleshy interior
>In less than a second the two of them went still and their eyes closed, the only evidence that they were alive the gentle rising and falling of their chest
>...Well, at least they tried
>You'll give them a C- for the effort
 
>Clicking your tongue you tossed away the one changeling and kicked away the other, leaning forward and resting your elbows on your knees and putting your head in your hands
>Hmmm...
>Maybe you could go and get your wife some pizza or something after this...
>You bet that she'd like that...
 
>Be Chrysalis, the Undisputed Leader of the Everlasting Changeling Horde
>"--And while I agree that Trottingham could do with some cultural diversity I do not believe that putting a hive in the middle of that city would be good for anypony. But, even so, there can be--"
>Where were drone #213 and #435?
>Why hadn't they reported that they had captured the human yet?
>You had sent those two an HOUR ago!
>You let out a very quiet growl, resting your hoof on your head as you looked around the room
>Each and every one of your HiveLords were leaning forward in their chairs listening to that ACCURSED princess speaking about PEACE and LOVE and TRUST!
>Blah!
>You didn't come all the way to this pitiful little capital to work out a deal where both changelings and ponies lived together in harmony!
>You wanted land, you wanted resources, you wanted love-filled bodies in your hives!
>And you wanted all of this with as little effort on your part as possible
>The predator did not BARGAIN with her prey
>No!
>She hunted it and she took what she wished from the weaker, more delicate creature!
>It was the natural order of things
>"--And as you can see here, if we move a small cluster of changelings in this section of the city with the thought of honey in mind--"
>Yet here you are BARGAINING with an alicorn so bloated that she could barely stay in her seat
>Ohh...
>#213 and #435 were GOING to be punished for making you suffer through this...
>SEVERELY
>"--And, though it might take a few weeks to get everypony settled, I think that the ponies of Trottingham would welcome Cluster two-one-six with open hooves!"
 
 
 
>Celestia smiled as she leaned back into her chair like the bloated carcass that she was
>You let out another growl, one that was louder this time, as the pitiful pony princesses and the pony lords began to clap
>You could feel your chitin start to crawl when your own brood started to as well
>Things were getting out of hoof!
>You had let this facade go on for long enough!
>Slamming your hooves against the table you launched yourself into the air
>With a graceful flip you landed onto the wooden table, your wings extended and your fangs bared
>Since plan A didn't seem to be working out it was time to go to plan B
>MURDER ever single pony in this room before making your escape
>You could come back with an army to conquer this kingdom as it mourned the lost of its leaders
>But before that it was time to monologue
"You were a FOOL to think that we had come here for peace princ--"
>Princess Luna, who looked half asleep, suddenly perked up
>"Excuse me, before you continue I just need to do something," she interrupted. "I will be but a moment."
>You, along with most of your brood, watched as the Princess of the Night's horn glowed, encasing both her and Celestia's chairs on her magic
>You assumed that the wrench was trying to teleport out of the room but all she did was move the two over slightly
>"Alright," she said, waving a hoof. "You may continue while you can."
>Your eyes narrowed, but never the less you cleared your throat
"...As I was SAYING, you were a foo--"
BOOM!
>You let out a yelp of surprise as a section of the wall near the princesses side exploded from the wall and flew toward you at a blinding speed
>You managed to duck just in time, covering your head with your hooves as the block of stone smashed into the wall behind you with a thunderous smack before hitting the ground with a thud
>Your brood, too shocked to do more than stare at you, slowly turned their attention to the hole in the wall
> After a moment you did as well
 
>Anger, thicker than you had ever tasted, flooded into the room all at once, its sour flavor making your already tense body even tenser
>From the other side of the wall, with his fist still poking through the hole that he had made, was Prince Anonymous
>While you had seen anger and hatred on the faces of many that you had met the look that he was giving you sent a chill down your spine
>"Are you children going to be good? Or am I going to have to come in there and teach you some manners?" he asked, deadly calm
>Looking over your shoulder you peered down at the slab of stone
>It mist have been two feet wide, two feet tall, and three foot long
>All-in-all it must have weight a ton at the very LEAST
>And he had just punched it so hard that it was going as fast as a cannonball...
>...
>...
>...
>You looked at your HiveLords
>They looked back at you
>Standing up you hopped off the table, gingerly picked your chair back up, and sat in it
>Grabbing the papers that Princess Twilight had given you all at the beginning of these negotiations you turned toward the current page
>Those lings that hadn't been paying attention did as well
"...I'd like to get back to negotiations please," you say with a nervous smile, doing your best to ignore your squeaky voice. "If that's alright with you..."
>Celestia let out a quiet snort
>This turned her husband's attention toward her
>"And you. I KNOW you haven't had your shake yet, missy."
>Poking his head into the room, Prince Anonymous looked toward a pair of guards
>"You two go and get my wife her drink or so help me someone's getting pinched."
>The guards saluted, hurriedly leaving the room
>"And who the FUCK is smoking in the the same room as my pregnant wife?!" the prince snarled. "If I see a fucking cigar someone's eating it."
>Now everypony in the room looked nervous, many mares crouching down in their seats
>Horns glowed and the many cigars and cigarettes in the room quickly disappeared
 
>Anonymous stared at you all with narrowed eyes before disappearing back into his room
>"Alright, now that all of THAT nonsense is settled I'm going to go and get some pizza."
>You were about to finally let out the breath you were holding when he poked his head back into the room
>"If I come back in this castle and everyone isn't playing nice..."
>Every single pony and ling in the room jumped as the prince hit the wall again
>Though no slabs of stone came flying toward you, thank the thousand-eyed god, the wall shook
>"Do you get me?"
>With no hesitation everypony in the room, Celestia included nodded frantically, many even muttering "yes sir"
>You weren't too proud to say that you were among their number
>Nodding the prince once again disappeared into his room
>You all waited for him to poke his head back in but luckily he didn't
>As one you all sighed in relief
>Whoo...
>Celestia's husband is a battleaxe if you've ever seen one...
>You don't even HAVE teats and you can feel a pinching sensation on your lower tummy
>...
>Sweet love above you were not expecting your day to turn out like this...
