Title:           Apple Wooing
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/YfNFjLr3
First Edit:      Saturday 22nd of August 2015 11:52:01 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Saturday 22nd of August 2015 11:52:27 AM CDT

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
"Urgh... fucking alarm..."
>BE ANON
>Welp
>It looked like it was that time again
>Time to get up, go to work, and be a productive member of society
>Grumble grumble fuck work grumble
>Though you REALLY don't want to get out of the comfort of your nice warm bed the Quill and Sopa's store was acallin'
>Unfortunately
>Fucking book horse taking away your government checks because you called her a tubby tuba tummy tum tums...
>Yawning hugely you sit up in your bed and open your eyes
>Your bedroom was just as you left it
>Not too neat, not too dirty
>Every place had a thing and everything had it's place
>But it looked like all was not well in Candyland folks
>There, sitting on your nightstand, was a single apple
>A Red Gaia you think
"Fifth time this week... goddamn apple fairy..."
>Rubbing an eye you reach over and pick the apple up, running your fingers over the perfect apple-y skin
>Yep
>It's an apple
>A plain, ordinary apple
>Just like all of the other apples that had been appearing in your house for no fucking reason
>With your apple in hand you get up and start your day
>You're greeted with another apple-- a granny smith-- in your bathroom
>After your shower you find two more in your underwear drawer
>And three more in your closet
>When you went downstairs and into your kitchen you saw about a dozen of them stacked up on your counter
>Shaking your head you place all of the apples on your table and grab yourself a glass of OJ
>Last week seeing all of these apples around your house would have freaked you the fuck out
>In fact it HAD had freaked you the fuck out
>Pretty badly in fact
>You had rushed to the locksmith and got brand new locks for everything and locked your doors and slept with a baseball bat all of that shit
>You weren't going to be murdered by some weird apple fetishist!
>But then it just kept happening
>You'd wake up and find an apple by your head or by the counter or some shit like that
>THAT had scared the shit out of you
>You were expecting to wake up in some rape dungeon or murdered or something
>But then... nothing really happened
>Whoever was going through the trouble to break into your house wasn't doing anything other than leaving you a whole bunch of apples to find
>They weren't stealing anything
>They weren't breaking anything
>To the best of your knowledge they weren't doing anything to you
>They were just leaving apples everywhere
>So you had eventually calmed down and rolled with it
>It wasn't like finding a bunch of apples every morning was a BAD thing
>More weird than bad if you thought about it
>And at worst there was just some apple fairy running around leaving apples in peoples houses... or something like that...
>Sure, it was weird, but just another day in horse land right?
>And for all you knew there actually WAS a fucking apple fairy running around
>'Tis a silly place horseland is
"At least I don't have to go and buy apples anymore," you mused, grabbing one of the apples and rubbing it against your shirt before taking a bite out of it
>Hmm
>Apple-y
 
BE APPLEJACK
>It's lovely ah day out
>Celestia's sun was a'shinin'
>The apple trees were ready for buckin'
>An' there you were outside Anon's window watching as he took ah bite out of one of the apples you left him
>An' NO
>You weren't stalkin'!
>You were just... scoutin' out for a potential mate the good ol' Apple way!
>Like your ma and her ma before 'er you left apples all 'round Anon's house while he was sleepin' to see how well he'd take to 'em
>If'n he liked the apples you left him that meant that he'd like you
>'Cause you liked apples and apple accessories
>And were also an Apple
>So it make a whole lick of sense
>You guessed...
>...At least that what Granny told you...
>...
>...
>...
>But why would Granny be wrong?
>In her day she'd have the stallions darn near knocking down the door!
>You were gonna listen to your gut and stick to the Apple way
>An' the Apple way said that you needed to find a stallion that loved apples
>Though it looked like you didn't have to worry none about that with Anon there!
>No ma'am!
>Every morning the big colt would walk all through his house lookin' for your little gifts
>An' most importantly he'd eat one or two before headin' on to his job where he's wear that cute little outfit of his!
>Heh
>You couldn't WAIT to get him in a cute little outfit yourself...
>...Hey!
>HEY
>Now none of that there fantasizin''!
>You needed to stay focused ya hear!
>Giving your head a shake and doing your best to ignore the blush that had somehow made its way to your face you watch as Anon took another bite out of your apple
>You could almost HEAR him hummin' at the taste
>You sure could see that pleased look on his face though!
>You can't help but do a happy little wiggle in your hide-y bush
>Anon liked your apples!
>An' you liked your apples!
>The two of you made for each other
>As sure as sugar!
>He done passed the first test!
>He liked apples! Maybe even loved them!
>An' don't forget him being good lookin' and nice and...
>You try not to yelp as Anon looks through his window in your direction
>OhsweetCelestiayougottahide!
>You duck into the bush that you were hiding him and pray to both Celestia and Luna that he didn't see you
>You didn't want to explain why the hay you were out here like this...
>Granny sure was right!
>It was harder an' hay gettin' yourself a mate
>You had to stake out his house day in and day out
>You needed to pick the most perfect apples to give to 'em
>You needed to break into his house--making sure he didn't wake up-- and leave them apples where he's find'em
>AND you had to keep yourself from pokin' at'em while he was asleep in his bed!
>Shoooot!!!
>None of your friends had to deal with any of that nonsense you bet
>Though, to be fair, your friends usually weren't racking the stallions in
>'Cept Rarity
>But you knew the ones she got weren't the kind that you'd want to bring home to your parents...
>Like Anon was...
>You can't help but smile
>Even though you knew that this all was a bit of a pain you knew it'd be worth it
>Anon would be the mother of all catches
>He was a hard worker
>He never complained
>He was an' honest one
>An' he had the best flank in town
>An' you were gonna reel'em in!
>Just you wait an' see!
>A couple more apples an' he'd be chasing YOUR tail!
 
BE ANON AGAIN
>Humming a little tune to yourself you walk out your door you finish the apple that you'd been munching on and toss it into a nearby bush while hefting the apples that you'd gotten this morning in a paper bag
>You kinda needed to get rid of all of these
>You liked apples and all but you must have had like six dozen in your house right now
>There was no place to put them and he had others to eat so these one's had to go
>...But who you were going to dump them off on?
>THAT was the question of the day...
>A question that you were going to have to answer later
>Right now you had to go to work and earn your pay check!
>You're about to start walking when you hear a little voice squeaking out in the distance
>"Hey Mr. Anon!"
>Looking around you see little Applebloom trotting toward you with a smile and that ADORABLE little bow of her's
>Goddamn is that horse a weapon of HNNNG destruction
>You swear your teeth hurt just by looking at her
"How's it going Applebloom?" you greet as the little filly stops right in front of you
>"I'm just headin' on ta school," she says, eyeing the bag in your hands with a curious expression. "Whatcha got there?"
"Apples from the apple fairy."
>The little filly blinks owlishly
>"Apple fairy? What the hay's that?"
>You shrug
"Someone that breaks into my house everyday and leaves a bunch of apples around my house for some reason."
>You receive another blank look
>"Is that right?"
"Yep, it's been happening for a couple of days now."
>Nodding slowly, the little earth pony follows you as you step off your porch and onto the dirt road that led to town
>"Ain't ya worried 'bout whoever's breakin' into yer house?"
>You shrug again
"Nah, not really."
>Humming thoughtfully you look down at your bag of apples
"Hey, you think Cheerilee would want these for her class? I got so many apples I don't know what to do with all of them."
>It's Applebloom's turn to shrug
>"You can come an' ask 'er if'n you feel like it," she tells you. "I'll take a couple if you're really hankerin' to get rid of 'em."
>You can't help but smile at that
>Those silly little appul horses really do love their apples
>That and their countryisms
"I got a bit before my shift starts so I can go and ask her. At the very least I can just dump them off you kids when teacher pone isn't looking."
>There's a rustle behind you
>"B-But muh a-apples of marely l-love!"
>Both you and Applebloom stop and look around
"...Did you hear that Applebloom?"
>"...I recon I did, Mr. Anon."
>Huh
>There's no one around though...
>Maybe it was just the wind?
>Eh, whatever
>You had to get to work
>You could deal with talking shrubs after your shift was over
"Come on, Applebloom, let's get you to school."
>The tiny little horse smiles up at you and does a happy little hop
>"Alright, Mr. Anon!"
"Hey, whatever happened to that sister of yours? I swear I haven't seen her around in like a MONTH..."
