Title:           Lyra found your porn
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/PRcb55h6
First Edit:      Sunday 7th of August 2016 09:05:54 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 7th of August 2016 09:05:54 PM CDT

>Be Lyra
>Otherwise known as secret agent mint green harp pone
>You were on a mission
>A dangerous mission where, if you weren't careful, the result of failure would end in very bad things
>You had to be stealthy
>You had to be like the wind
>You had to be--
>"For Celestia's sake, Lyra, will you stop rolling around like that? You're going to knock something over."
>You paused in the middle of one of your patented super-secret art of rolling around on the ground while you covered your eyes to look up at an annoyed Bonbon and Roseluck
>They were both giving you that look
>You know the one
>The What-are-you-doing-filly-I-can't-believe-that-I'm-you're-friend-for-Celestia's-sake look
>While such a look would have made your snozzle scrunch this time you overlooked it
>It wasn't their fault that they weren't super ninja's like you
>They didn't have a ninja way. Believe it
"I'm not going to knock anything over," you told them, rolling onto your back and kicking your hoofsies. "I'm just being sneaky."
>With a tired sigh, Bonbon walked over and pulled you to your hooves
>"Ever since we got in here you've been rolling around like a crazy pony, Lyra."
>You nodded
"Yep, and because I've been doing that Anon doesn't know that we're in his house."
>"Anon doesn't know we're in his house because he isn't IN his house," Roseluck sing-songed
>Your muzzle scrunched up as you looked over at her
>...
>You keep smiling filly...
>The second that muh ninja powers awaken...
>How shaking her head, Bonbon nudged you
>"Come on. Let's go and look at this glowing box thing that you keep talking about before Anon gets back."
"It's called a com-poo-turn, Bonnie," you said with a little wiggle
 
>Bonnie's nose scrunched up
>"Just show us where the thing is so we can look at Anon's "dirty" pictures."
>You heard the sarcasm in her voice
>But you didn't say anything
>You knew that Bonbon didn't believe that Anon had any dirty magazines or picture cut-outs
>Colts didn't have that sort of stuff, she had insisted, especially a pure as the driven snow stallion like Anon
>And she was right
>Anon didn't have dirty magazines or pictures that he had hidden under his mattress or in his sock drawer where he kept his unmentionables
> You know. You looked
>He had all of that stuff on that glowing box that he had set up in his bedroom
>You had gotten Anon to show you a whole bunch of stuff on it, from his weird humey movies to weird articles and pictures of humey world animals
>And one day, as the two of you were looking through his computer, you noticed a "foil" that he wouldn't click on
>When you asked him about it he did that colty thing where he tried to change the subject but, you being the marely mare that you were, had bothered him about it until he carried you out of his house
>Though you didn't actually know what the "Not Porn" foil held in it you had a feeling that it was going to hold what you had been looking for since Anon's house had landed in the empty lot beside your house
>You wanted to see weird alien porn
>You always wanted to see what a human women looked like without any clothes on
>Anon had told you that they had these big ol' teats on their chest but you didn't believe him
>Why would they be there when it made so much more sense to have them on your tummy?
>How would the baby humey even suck on its mommy's teats?
>Would it have to climb up the mommy's leg, or would the mommy have to get down on all fours?
>It was nonsense
>Nonsense you say
>...
>BUT, even so, you wanted to see it
>So you had brought your naysayer best sis and Roseluck, along with her sisters, who were keeping watch outside, so you could prove them wrong
 
>You'd show them that Anon had dirty pictures on his com-poo-turn, you'd prove Bonnie wrong, and you'd get to see naked human mares n-no homo
>It'd be a win-win for everypony involved
>"Now, are you sure that you know how to use Anon's magical box thingy?" Rosey asked as you led her and Bonny upstairs. "I don't want him coming home to see that we accidently broke the thing."
"Don't worry about it," you said with a wave of your hoof. "I've watched Anon use it enough to know what I'm doing."
>Probably
>"Are you SURE?" Bonny asked, giving you a meaningful look
>You nodded
"Yep, I'm positive."
>Ninety percent positive
>Maybe eighty-five
>But that was still pretty good
>After checking Anon's bedroom door for any boobytraps, since you were a ninja and ninja's had to look out for that sort of thing, you threw open the door and walked in like you owned the place
>Anon's bedroom was like it always was
>Clean, neat, the bed was made and their wasn't a single article of clothing on the floor unfortunately, and it smelled like stallion
>In the corner of the room there was a plain little wooden desk with a black wheely chair right next to it
>And on that desk was Anon's com-poo-turn
>Whoo!
>It looked like it was one already!
>AWESOME!
>Making happy mint hores/ninja noises, you trotted over to the desk and hopped into the chair
>Your two friends were a bit slower making their way toward the desk
>They were nervous, looking around as they stayed close to the ground
>Silly fillies
>Your ninja senses would tell you if anypony else was in the room
>And, since they weren't going off, that meant that you were a-okay
 
>"So how do we get this thing to work?" Bonny asked, poking her head over the top of the desk as you scooted forward. "Do we need to say some sort of password or..."
"Nope" you chirped, getting comfortable. "All I gotta do is use this moose--"
>You tapped the little plastic hickey next to the letter typer
"--and it's clicky thing and we can get a'looking."
>"And you're SURE that you know where Anon keeps his pictures on this thing?" Rosey asked, leaning up on the desk to get a better look
"Yep! Now watch me work my magic ladies!"
>Grabbing the moose, you dragged it to the little white flag thing and used the clicky bit
>A screen popped up, and underneath that there was a space where you could type letters using the letter typer
>Which led you to your first problem
>The letters on the letter typer were small
>You couldn't use them with your hooves, and while you were looking into jutsu that would give you a pair of hoof spiders of your own that was still a long ways away from coming to fruition
>But you had a plan
>A stroke of genius that would overcome this daunting obstacle
>Your horn glowed, and with a spell you grabbed two pencils and some tape from the desk
>Putting the pencils on your hooves you then taped them up, securing them
>"Will you hurry up, Lyra? Anon could get back at any minute."
"Shush. I'm painting muh masterpiece."
>"It's just tape and some pen--"
"SHUSH!"
>You slowly brought one of the pencils toward the letter typer
>Sticking your tongue out, you pressed the N button
>Come on baby...
>Work; work for momma...
>Your eyes darted to the screen as you pressed down on the letter
>...
>And there it was!
>There, in the little box, was an N
>And above that box it showed everything in Anon's computer that started out with the letter
 
>HAH!
>SUCK IT EVOLUTION!
>Giving Bonny a grin, which she rolled her eyes to, the sourpuss, you began to type out the rest of the letters
>O, P, O, R, N
>Usually, the more letters of something that was written you'd be able to see it on the findy box easier
>But, for some reason or another, you didn't see the No porn foil until you had typed all of the letters and pressed the enter key
>"Did you guys hear that?" Rosey asked, looking over her shoulder
>You quickly shook your head, not moving your gaze from the screen
"Nope. I didn't hear anything."
>Bonbon, with a frown on her face, also looked over her shoulder
>"Why? What did you hear?" she asked
>Rosey, with a frown on her face, shrugged
>"I don't know," she huffed, blowing a bit of mane out of her face. "I just thought I heard... something."
>Tearing off one of the pencils, you quickly grabbed the moose and dragged it over to the foil
>It looked like it was one of those zipped foils that Anon had showed you once
>They were kind of a pain when you wanted to look at a lot of pictures really fast but Anon had also taught you how to turn them back into regular foils
>Leaning forward, you double clicked it
BANG!
>Both Bonnie and Rosey jumped
>"What the buck was that?!" Bonbon whisper-shouted. "Rose, weren't your sister's supposed to signal us if Anon was coming home?"
>A frown came to your face as a little box popped up on the screen
//Are you sure that you wish to open this file?//
//Yes No//
>"Yeah! That's what they told me. They're supposed to be out there right now!"
>"Then what the HAY was that?!"
>It's FOIL, you silly magical box
>And yes, you'd very much like to open it
>...Please
 
>Dragging the moose toward the yes, you clicked it
BANG!
>"Is that... is that coming from the bucking closet?!"
>"What is that glowing?! What's making that noise?!"
//Are you sure?//
//Yes No//
>You snorted
>Of course you were sure!
>You wouldn't have clicked on the yes button if you weren't sure!
>Stop stalling magical machine!
>Reveal to me your lewd secrets!
>Your eyes narrowed as you once again dragged the clicker toward the yes button
>You could heard Bonnie saying something as she grabbed your side but you ignored her
>He had porn on this com-poo-turn and you were going to see all of it
>ALL. OF. IT.
>You clicked the button again
>For a moment the room became unnaturally silent
>The sun, which had been shining through the window, flickered like a candle
>The air grew colder and it felt like some... THING was in the room with you
>Something bad
>You shivered as you felt something slide down your side, something wet and slimy and that smelled like the ocean
//Alright//
//Don't say that I didn't warn ya//
 
>Be Caramel
>It was another horsetastic day
>You and just gotten your paycheck, the cute mare that you had been talking to finally asked you out on a date, and you had even managed to take your ol' buddy Anon out to lunch
>It was just the two of you, come tea and cakes, and some good conversation
>You really wished for more nice little days like this
>No drama, no horse apples, just you and a good buddy who you could gossip with
>And sweet Celestia above did you LOVE to gossip
"So I said, "Boy, I ain't pla--"
 
 
L???????????-???????????L????????e????????????w????????d??????
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?????????
 
 
"RGTbindlfndlk!"
>Spitting out a mouthful of double concentrate, lemon Earl Grey, you yelped as every hair on your body stood on end
>Wide-eyed, you quickly looked over your wither
"What the bu--efkjndelknlk!"
>In your haste to find whatever the BUCK was making that noise you looked back a little too quickly and lost your balance
>Freaked out and now off balance, you flailed a bit, trying your hardest to regain your ba--
"OMPH!"
>You grunted as you fell face first into the dirt, your rump sticking high up into the air
>...
>10/10
>You did it colt
>Now freaked out and dizzy AND embarrassed, you quickly scrambled to your hooves
"What the hay was that?! Anon did you hear that? What was that?!"
>Poking your head over the table you saw that your human chum was calmly sipping his head, an eyebrow raised
>You could see him looking off into the distance as he swallowed and set his cup down
>"That little turd went on my computer without asking me, didn't she?" he muttered with a frown
>His nose went full scrunch mode as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple of bits
>"I bet you she was looking for my porn too. How the heck did she even get onto it? She'd need to use the keyboard and..."
>Keyboards?
>Porn?
 
>What the hay was Anon talking about?!
>Before you could properly process what was happening, Anon had placed his bits on the counter and was on his feet
>"Give me like five minutes, Caramel. I gotta go see what my silly neighbor's have gotten herself into."
>You watched as Anon then began to wal--
>HOLYSHITWHATWASWRONGWITHTHEBUCKINGSKY?!
>"She better not have deleted anything... That collection's fucking one of a kind..."
>You tore your gaze from the sky to see your humey friend making his way down the street
"A-Anon wait!" you shouted. "Where are you g-going? Get back here a-and let somepony else handle it. A-Anon?!"
>Anon didn't stop his walking, which left you in a difficult position
>Did you stay here and let whatever the BUCK was going on solve itself?
>Or did you go with your friend like any good bro would?
>...
>Your nose scrunched up as you looked down at your tea
>Your expensive, imported tea that was still half full
>...
>Buck...
"A-Anon! Wait for me!"
>Leaping over your chair, and almost eating shit when one of your hooves slapped against the top of it, you ran after your big green friend
>Above you it looked like somepony had cracked the sky
>The numerous, spider web-like cracks covered all that you could see
>There was a blackness peeking through those cracks
>A blackness that hurt your eyes to look at
>When you looked at it it almost felt like something was... trying to pull you into it...
>Tearing your gaze from the ruined sky with a shudder, you looked down the street
>This was a route that you had walked many times
>It was the way to Anon's nice little two story house
>Though it might have looked a little... victorian for your taste it was the perfect fit for your big friend
>Said big friend was looking toward his house with a frown
>It was the kind of frown that he wore whenever he brought the spray bottle out...
>Curling into yourself you said nothing as the two of you turned the corner
 
>There, not half a block away was Anon's house
>...
"Oh my sweet Celestia..."
>You stopped in your tracks
>Something had surrounded Anon's house
>Long and black, it wrapped around his house like a thorn bush
>This black, unnatural, fearful substance didn't appear to be coming from anywhere
>Upon closer inspection you notice, to your horror, that whatever was around Anon's house was a... living object
>You could see it pulse and sway and ooze a foul smelling black oily substance
>It was just there, surrounding the house like a pack of wolves surrounded a wounded buck, moving as it guided by a breeze
>As you gazed upon this now and forever more damned house a overwhelming fear seized you
>You animal instincts, the lowest of your brain's functions, roared at you to flee, to get away from this otherworldly mass that smelled of the deepest parts of the sea and rotting fish
>But it was as if something was holding you there
>You could feel maddness gnawing at the edges of your psyche, stealing your senses and--
>"Hey! Bad vines! BAD!"
>You could see Anon marching forward his house, seemingly unaffected by all of this BUCKING HORSE APPLES
>In the front yard you could see that some of the black, eel-like vines had come up from the ground
>In their clutches were Lily and Daisy, both of whom were completely out cold
>...
>Hopefully they were just out cold
>"Bad vines! BAD! What did I say about messing up my yard?!"
>Walking up onto his porch Anon grabbed a broom
>Hefting it threateningly, he marched off his porch, walked over to the vines wrapped around the two mare's unmoving forms, and began smacking them
>"Bad! BAD! You go home right now! Go home right now and leave my yard alone! BAD! Bad Vines!"
>To your immense surprise the vines seemed to reel back with each of Anon's strikes
>Anon, brow furrowed, followed them, swinging his broom all the while
 
>Whatever was holding you in place released you as the vines quickly disappeared into the ground, leaving both Lily and Daisy lying on the lawn
>With a gasp, you stumbled forward, your head aching and with a thin sheen of sweat all over your body
>You had to get away
>You had to warn everypony
>This was no joke
>These things were--
>"Hey Caramel, come over here and help me with these two please!"
>...
>Buck...
>He said please...
>...
>Curse your good manners...
>Though everything in your body was telling you to hightail it the other way, you trotted toward Anon and his super crazy house
>Walking onto his lawn you saw that he had both Lily and Daisy on their backs
>Both mares appeared to be breathing, thank Celestia
"A-Anon, do you t-think we should m-maybe get o-out of here?" you asked, nervously looking up at his house.
>With a grunt, Anon picked Lily up a bit and began to tap her cheek with a hand
>"Nah, everything's fine. If one of those vines give you any problems just hit them a couple of times with the broom," he advised. "They don't like that too much. Now come on little flower horse. It's time to get up. Time to wakey-wakey."
>It took a little bit of patience and elbow grease, and by elbow grease you meant slapping, but eventually you saw Lily stir
>The mare's face contorted and she began thrashing as if in the middle of some horrible nightmare
>"He's the keeper of the gate," you could hear her murmur, fear etched in her tone. "He's the key. He's the one that watches all. We cannot hide from his many eyes. He is all--OW!"
>Lily's body twitched as Anon reeled back one of his hands and BITCH SLAPPED that filly
>Her eyes snapped open and she reared up, nearly headbutting the human in the process
>"WHO?! WHAT?!"
>She looked up at Anon's house
>"WHAT THE BUCK IS ALL OF THAT?!"
 
>Tenderly rubbing Lily's cheek, which already had a red mark forming on it, Anon pulled the hysterical mare against him
>"There we go!" he chirped as he reached over and grabbed the still unconscious Daisy. "Now let's get the two of you inside. After I see what the hell's going on upstairs I'll wake your sister up and I'll give you both some juice."
>"B-But that vines, and, and the--"
>"Some nice cold orange juice will fix the two of you right up!"
>Standing up with the mares in tow, Anon made his way onto his porch
>"Hey Caramel, could you be a dear and open the door for me?"
>Your eyes darted up t-toward the v-vines
>...
>W-Were those eyes?
>Did t-those vines had mou--
 
 
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"THEIRnekjbk!"
>You charged toward the porch, reaching down and grabbing Anon's broom
>Gottagetawaygottagetawaygottagetaway!
>Running past the human, you threw open the door
>Gottagofastgottagofastgottagofast!
>You ran though Anon's living room and into his kitchen wild-eyed
>To your relief you saw nothing spooky there
>It was just a plain old completely normal kitchen
>...
>You were safe
>SAFE
>Panting, you fell to the floor with a smile on your face, just happy to be alive
>"Hey, if you want any juice I'd be more than happy to give you a glass too, big guy," your human pal said, walking into the kitchen
>You could hear Lily babbling about big-bads and never-seers and a bunch of horse apples like that but you barely listened to her
>Sneaking a peek up at Anon you saw that he still looked okay
>Like seeing mind-shredding vines with eyes and mouths was an everyday thing with him
"A-Anon," you whispered, shaking like a leaf. "What's going on? W-What are t-those things?"
>Setting the mares down at his table, Anon gave you a carefree smile
 
>"Oh don't worry about it," he said with a wave of his hand. "It's nothing."
>...Nothing?
>NOTHING?!
>WHAT THE BUCK WAS HE TALKING ABOUT?!
>HE COULDN'T CALL WHAT WAS OUTSIDE NO--"
"W-Wait! Where are y-you going, A-Anon?!"
>"I'm going up to my room for a second, Caramel," Anon said as he made his way out of the kitchen. "I'll just be a second. Get something from my fridge if you're thirsty."
>You looked around the kitchen
>Daisy was loudly snoring and Lily appeared to be talking backwards, her eyes staring at something on the table that wasn't there
>...
"A-Anon, wait for me!"
>Running out of the kitchen, you turned the corner and raced up the stairs after your human pal
>With each step you took you could hear whispers in languages that you couldn't even begin to understand
>A weight began pressing down on your body and you could feel bile coming to your throat
>Upon making it to the top of the stairs you could see Anon standing in the middle of the hallway with his hands on his hips
>The hallway was pitch black you noticed
>It was an uncomfortable darkness, a hungry, bleak blackness that wanted to swallow everything
>In this darkness you could see figures moving, shifting, twisting and elongating
>The whispers were even louder, and it felt like there was a great weight bearing down on your body
>You could smell the ocean here; the smell of salt and water and dead things that would never--
>"They didn't even bother closing the door," Anon said to himself, shaking his head before he began walking toward the partially opened door at the end of the hall. "Lyra! You better not be in there!"
>Heart pounding in your chest, you raced after the human, pressing yourself tightly against his side
>Everythingwasgoingtobealright
>Anonsaidyouweregoingtobeokaysothatmeantyouweregoingtobeokay
>Youjustneededtostaycalmcolt
>Don'tfreakout!
>...
>SWEETCELESTIAYOUWEREGOINGTODIE!
 
>A whimper escaped your throat as the door swung open by it's own power
>Entering the room you you noticed that the darkness was most concentrated here
>But there was a light that the darkness would not devour
>It was pale, artificial light which allowed you to see Anon's entire bedroom
>You could see Roseluck sitting in the corner of the room, rocking back and forth
>You could also see Bonbon struggling against some of the veins with a look of exasperated frustration/irritation on her face
>You could also see the silhouette of a mare that was sitting in front of whatever was making the li--
>"None of that," Anon said, slapping a hand over your eyes. "Some things you aren't meant to see, little pone."
>Giving your head a pat, Anon made his way over to the light and toward the mare, whose tail was wagging back and forth happily
>"Lyra," he called
>The mare in the chair, at least you think she was sitting in a chair, stiffened before turning around
>"Oh... hello, Anon!" she chirped nervously. "We were just, um..."
>Leaning over, Anon took something out of the mare's hooves
>You could hear clicking
>...
>You blinked as static filled your ears
>...
>Blinking again, you saw that the darkness, the voices, the moving shadows, even the vines that Bonbon was fighting against were gone
>...
>Everything...
>Everything was back to normal?
>...
>How?
>As you stood there, flabbergasted, Anon crossed and arms and stared down at Lyra Heartstrings
>"What did I tell you about messing with my computer, Harpy?" he asked
>Lyra sunk into the swivel chair slightly, her ears pinning themselves against the sides of her head
 
>"...Don't go on it when you're not here," she said with a sad flick of her tail
>"And what did I say about looking at my no porn file?"
>Lyra sunk a bit more into her chair as Bonbon, who was lying belly up on the ground with a dazed look in her eyes, groaned
>"...Don't look at it."
>Anon stared down at the unicorn for a few moments before a smile came to his face
>"...You know, I might not be very happy with you but I gotta say that I admire your gumption."
>Lyra looked up at him hesitantly
>"I'm sorry, Anon. It's just that I wanted to see human mare's teats and..."
>Still smiling, Anon patted her on the head
>"Hey, don't worry about it. Bonbon, you alright over there."
>"Buck... off..."
>...
>You know, THAT was why Bonbon couldn't get a stallion...
>Giving the candy mare a frown you turned back to Lyra and Anon, both of whom were smiling at each other
>Now that the darkness was gone and everything was back to normal you could see that Lyra's eyes were bloodshot
>It looked like the mare hadn't blinked or slept in days
>...
>Leaning down, Anon picked her up
>"So did you at least get a good look at everything you wanted to see?" he asked as she giggled, kicking her hoofsies playfully
>"Yep!" she said with a happy nod. "I got to see everything!"
>For a moment her eyes glazed over
>"...EVERYTHING..."
>"Well fantastic!" Anon said. "Now how about we get all of you downstairs and get some juice in y--"
"What the buck was that?!"
>You could see... something peering over Anon's bed
>It looked like a...
>A...
>A skull...
 
>Anon crained his neck a bit
>"Oh, those are just skeletons," she casually said as two more skulls poked over the bed to look at you. "Don't worry about them. They're more afraid of you than you are of them."
>...
>That's EXTREMELY debatable
>...
>Wait
"W-What are they doing here?" you asked, looking over at him fearfully as he walked over and picked up Roseluck
>Anon shrugged, hefting the flower mare
>"Whenever I want to "relieve" a little stress those little guys just sit there and watch me."
>Your eye twitched as, from the other side of the bed, three skeletons began to chatter spookily
>...
>...
>...
>Wait...
"And you... "relieve" yourself with them watching?"
>Anon said nothing as he made his way over to you
>You could see a smile on his face
>And, while this was the same smile that you usually saw him wear, this one was... different
>It made you... leery, nervous...
>Scared
>You stiffened a bit as he leaned down
> Don't ask questions that you don't want the answer to, Caramel.
