Title:           Fucking Bonbon...2
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/k2uBQYjU
First Edit:      Friday 28th of August 2015 10:05:50 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Friday 28th of August 2015 10:05:50 AM CDT

>"Mr. Anon? Mr. Anon sir?"
>...
>...
>...
>Sir?
>Who the hell was calling you "sir"?
>Looking up from your Playmare you see Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom all staring at you
>You couldn't help but jump in surprise
>Holy fuck!
>Where did those little munchkins come from?
>And how in the hell did they get on your front porch without you hearing them?!
"...Hey kids," you say, very slowly reaching over for your broom (you know, just in case). "How's it going?"
>The three littlest horses smile
>"Me an' the girls were comin' from school an' we wanted ta see how you were doin' Mr. Anon!" Applebloom says, adjusting her widdle bow on top of her head while Scoots and Sweetie look on, the picture of innocence
>You just stare at the three fillies as you close up your porno
"...You walked all the way from school over to my house to just say hello?" you asked, suspicion etched in your tone
>All three fillies nod so hard that they damn near knock themselves over
>"Yep! The girls and I thought that you could use some company!" Sweetie chirps
>"Yeah! And we could help you around the house and stuff if you wanted us to too!" Scoots adds as the three little horses walk closer to you
>...
>...
>...
>Bull--
>No
>You can't swear in front of the kids
>...Again
>Twilight will be over here with a bunch of angry parents before suppertime if you do that
>So instead of calling these lesser beings (aka children) out on what REEKED of bullshit you simply elected to cross your arms, keep your mouth shut, and see which of the little buggers would crack first
>And they'd crack
>Just like they always did when they came over here trying to get you to do some dumb bullshit
>...Stupid kids not being able to keep their mouths shut...
>The filly's smiles start to wane as you just sit there
>Staring
>Silently judging them
>They knew that you knew that they were dirty, little, small-horse liars
>But you could tell that they still wanted to see if they could bullshit you and skirt around the REAL reason they were here
>They couldn't, you were the biggest bullshitter you knew and you came from a long, long line of bullshitters, but you may as well see what they come up with
>You didn't have anything better to do today
>"...Yep! We were thinkin' on helpin' our good ol' buddy Anon if'n he needs any help!" Applebloom says, beads of sweat starting to form on her head. "Since he's our good friend an' all!"
>"Y-Yeah! Friends help friends no matter what!" Scoots says with a nervous flutter of her wings
>Sweetie nods, pushing past her two friends and just up and hopping into your lap
>"Yeah! And good friends also let their friends look at their magazines! Especially the dirty ones!"
>You couldn't help but snort as both Applebloom and Scootaloo groaned
>God damnit could this little marshmallow horse in your lap not lie to save her life
>....Kek
>"Sweetie!"
>"What the hay did ya go an' say that fer!"
>Sweetie Belle, realizing that she MIGHT have fucked up just a little bit, blinked twice before blushing in embarrassment
>"You guys know I don't do well under pressure!" she says, sitting in your lap with a huff
>The other two littlest horses just groan again as you quietly chuckle
>Fucking Sweetie Belle...
"...So what was this about the three of you wanting my Playmare?" you asked in amusement.
>All three fillies flinched, looking up at you with big, embarrassed smiles
>"...We just wanted ta take a little peek an' see what all of the fuss was about, Mr. Anon," Applebloom says, fiddling with her bow
>"My sister has a whole bunch of those magazines that she hides under her bed!" Sweetie tells you, nudging her nose toward you porno. "And I tried to look into one of them but Rarity just came in, took the magazine off of me, yelled at me, said something about "dirty" magazines, and threw me out of her room!"
"What a bitch," you say, giving Sweetie's ear a little scratch
>Scootaloo cocks her head at that
>"Bitch? We aren't talking about dogs, Mr. Anon..."
>...Aw
>You hold onto that innocence, kiddo
>Someday you're going to miss it when the weight of this cold, hard, unforgiving world is bringing you down...
>Shaking your head you motion for Sweetie to continue
>"I don't know why she was making such a big deal out of it, Mr. Anon! Why the hay would she yell at me when she had like a ZILLION of them under her bed?! If SHE can look at them why the hay can't I?"
>Three children, children that are too young to really know the ways of the world and all of its dangers, look up at you with big, hopeful eyes
>They want you, the "adult", to explain something to them that could change their young lives forever
>Not their parents
>Not their sisters
>Not their teachers or the ones that had already shaped them into the little mares that they were today
>But you
>A green psycho that liked cheese a little too much and binge drank on Tuesdays
>You just let that sink in for a couple of moments
>...
>...
>...
>Alright then
>That's enough time to let that sink in
>Time to ruin some childhoods!
"Alright," you say, motioning for the other two to hop into your lap. "Come here, let Uncle Anon show you his porno."
>Twilight was going to fucking KILL you for this...
>Kek
>Making their adorable excited little horse sounds, Applebloom and Scootaloo hop up into your lap with Sweetie as you open up your magazine
"Alright kiddies, what we have here is a Playmare. This is what you would call a "dirty magazine" or a "pin-up magazine."
>The girls ooh and ah, Applebloom leaning down to get a better look before looking up at you
>"Mr. Anon?"
"Yes Applebloom?"
>"Why the hay is that stallion's willy out like that?"
>"Yeah," Scoots says, not taking her eyes off the... "equipped stallion. "And why is his thing all long and hard like that?"
>Flipping the page to give the filles another eye full of stallion D you continue with your little explanation
"Well, magazines like this are used to make their readers feel arousal, and for most mares, who are the ones that usually buy this particular magazine, though some stallions buy them too if that's their thing, stallions' twig and berries are what gets them going sexually."
>The three girls nod slowly
>"Mr. Anon?"
"Yeah?"
>"What does ar-ou-sal mean?"
>You open your mouth to answer but immediately close it
>That's kinda... a difficult question to answer actually...
>YOU know what how you feel when you're horny, but what if it's different with horses?
"...Well, since I'm kind of different from you guys and it might be different for you I can only tell you that, for me, it's like a... tingly feeling I get in my lower regions... I guess?"
>God were you bad at explaining things
>"...I don't get it," Applebloom admits, taking the magazine out of your hands and lifting it up into the air so she could get a better look at the picture. "I'm lookin' at this from every which way I can an' I ain't gettin' no tingly feelin'!"
>Hah!
>If she wasn't like eight years old you could have made a dike joke!
>...
>...
>...
>...God was there something wrong with you...
"It doesn't make me feel that tingly either," you say, shrugging your shoulders as you take the magazine off of her. "I just read this for the articles."
>Rolling up the magazine you bat the back of their heads with it
"Alright, enough lesson time, you girls need to be getting on home. If you have anymore questions then go and ask your parents or teachers or whoever the fuc-- heck you go and ask things."
>Smiling, the girls jump off your lap and turn around to look at you
>"Thanks fer showin' us a bit of yer magazine, Mr. Anon !" Applebloom says as Scootaloo's eyes widen
>"Oh shoot! We forgot to tell Anon girls!"
>You cock your head at the little pegasus
"What did you forget to tell me?"
>Both Sweetie and Applebloom look just as confused as you before Applebloom's eyes widen in realization
>"Oh! I just remembered! Askin' 'bout that there magazine wasn't the only reason why we came all the way out here, Mr. Anon!"
>The littlest earth pony scrunches her face up as she puts her thinking cap on
>You could see her do it and everything
>...It was a cooking pot if you were curious...
>"She said... that ya needed to get on up ta Canterlot to go and see the other Princesses in a couple of hours!"
>Your mind races, trying to figure out WHY that would be the case, and you groan when you remember
>Once or twice every month Princess Celestia wanted you to lug your big ass all the way up to Canterlot for some stupid bullshit
>Something about having a bunch of medical horses poke at you for an hour or two for "reasons"
>AND, after THAT bullshit tallest pone always asked that you tell her what you learned about "friendship"
>Like you said stupid shit
>But Lightbulb horse was the one that brought you this house
>...AND she was the ruler of this little horse country
>So you kind of HAD to go
>But that didn't mean you fucking liked it!!!
>Since you always managed to "forget" when you had to make these little trips up to Canterlot, Twilight always made sure to bother you about it
>...And forcibly drag you to the train station whenever you told her that you didn't want to go, that she could go sit on a cactus, and that she could go be purple somewhere else
>The bitch
>So, though you honestly don't want to, you rise to your feet with a frown
"Alright girls, it looks like I gotta get ready for a train ride," you grumble, rolling up your magazine
>The little filles awed in disappointment, Sweetie plopping onto her bottom and crossing her hooves
>"But who are we gonna ask about colts wieners an' stuff? she asked with a pout
>You look down at the fillies
>Then you look at your porno
>Then you look at the fillies again
>And a SMILE worms its way onto your face
>The evil, paper-thin smile that only meant that you were up to no good
"Well girls... you could go and ask Twilight about that stuff."
>Squatting down you hand Applebloom your Playmare
"She's a really smart cookie and all of that. Here, take this with you. You know what? You three can just keep it; it's an old issue anyway."
>The three filles gasp, looking down at it with big eyes
>Your cruel smile gets just a bit bigger
>Oh Twiggles...
>Oh Twiggles...
>This is what you get for not coming here yourself...
>"You'll really let us have this?!"Sweetie asked in a hushed tone
>You nod
"Yep. It's all yours."
>With a squee, she rushes forward and hugs your leg. "You're the best Mr. Anon."
>"Yeah! Thanks Mr. Anon!"
>"We really 'preciate it, Sir."
>Chuckling you pat each of them on the head
"Oh, well you're very welcome, girls. Unlike those sisters of yours I'm more than happy to do my best to teach you the ways of the world."
>Oh sweet lord above were Rarararararara and Apple kicker going to shit their pants when they see their sisters running around with this
>And Twilight
>Oh lord Twilight...
>You can't even imagine the look on her face when she sees what you cooked up for her
>Kek
>Toppest of kek
>The kekkest of keks
>Trying not to rub your hands together maniacally, you shoo the three away with a hand
"Alright, I'll be seeing you three around... Oh and remember to tell Twilight that you got that magazine from Rarity alright?"
>That probably wouldn't cover your tracks all that much but it'd give you enough time to get ready and on the train before Farkle starts looking for your green ass
>"Yes Mr. Anon!" the three chirp before dashing away
>You watch the three impressionable children race down the street and out of sight, putting your hands on your hips as you take a deep breath of the sweet, sweet air
>Your mind harkens back to your childhood and when you saw your first pair of tits
>It was one of your fondest childhood moments
>Right after the time when you learned how to make a sex toy out of basic household items
>Hopefully those little girls running down that street unknowingly ready to fuck up Twiggles day would look back on this day with the same warmth...
>Or not
>You honestly didn't care
>You were just doing this because you kind of wanted to see how bad it would get
>Somemenjustwanttowatchtheworldburn.jpg
>...Yep
>You had a feeling that this was either going to be the funnest thing ever or you were going to get arrested for giving minors pornographic content...
>...
>...
>...
>Welp!
>Time to get ready for the train!
>Humming a little tune you about-face, throwing open your door and walking onto your house
"...Alright... Now where the hell did I put that suitcase?..."
 
~Later_
 
>"All aboard to Canterlot!"
>Hefting your now filled up suitcase (which had been filled up with a set of spare clothes, some pjs, toothbrush, and what have you) you walk over to the ticket stallion and hand him your ticket
>The elderly colt, who had a big ol' handlebar mustache with a conductor's jacket and hat, looked down at your ticket before ripping one end of it off
>"Please make your way to cart seven. You're be sitting at seat eighty-five, Sir."
>You just nod, taking what was left of your ticket from his hoof and stuffing it into your pocket as you step into the train
>Though it had been pretty neat and weird riding on what looked like a train that had come straight out of Candyland at first after the thirtieth time it had REALLY lost its charm
>This gingerbread train was a bit too small for you, it went a bit too slow, and you always got seated in front of a bunch of screaming brats
>Every. Fucking. Time
>And that shit sucked
>But, as stated before, you were a veteran to this train ride, so you'd be able to get in a pretty solid nap before you reached the capital
>Pushing past the other little horses that were making their way to their seats you eventually make your way to cart seven and then to seat eighty-seven
>Sighing you take a seat, putting your suitcase on the floor at your feet before opening up your jacket and pulling out the latest issue of Exotic Cheese Monthly
>Yawning you flip open the book and start reading
>Hmm
>You hope they finally wrote that article on--
>"And what the buck do you think you're doing here, monkey?"
>...
>...
>...
>Oh no...
>Not like this...
>You quietly groan when you recognize the voice, looking up to see motherfucking Bonbon, a suitcase in hoof, glaring up at you like you were the scum of the earth
>There's a gasp from beside the angry little candy mare
>"Ooooh! Is Anon on the train too?! Whereishe?!?!"
>Peering above your chair you spy Lyra, who was also sporting a little suitcase, hopping around, her golden eyes scanning the seats excitedly
>...Aw
>She's just like a little dog...
>The hatred that had been building up at seeing Bonbon standing in front of you lessened a bit, and you couldn't help but smile
"I'm right here, Lyra."
>The little harp horse pushed past her marefriend and hopped onto your lap, making excited little horse sounds
>Bonbon huffed, tossing her suitcase in the compartment above you
>"Get off that weirdo, Lyra. You don't know where he's been," she says, sitting in the seat right next to you
>Well FUCK you Miss Daisy...
>You raise an eyebrow at the little grump
"And what the fuck do you think you're doing putting that suitcase up there, Cunt?"
>Bonnie huffed again as Lyra giggled
>"Me and Bonnie are going up to Canterlot for the weekend," she explained, wiggling in your lap. "There's supposed to be a big chocolate makers expo and Bonnie's been dying to go!"
>You look down at Lyra, then over at Bonbon and the ticket on her hoof
>....Eighty-four
>FUCK!
>Candy horse was sitting next to you
>For the entire fucking trip...
>Double fuck!
>Bonbon, seeing you look at her, huffs once again, wiggling deeper into her seat
>"Stop looking at me you pony butt-loving weirdo."
>She turned her gaze to her still giggling marefriend
>"And Lyra, why don't you go and find your seat?"
>"But I am in my seat, Bonnie honey," Lyra chirps
>Both you and Bonbon look up at the excited little horn-head
"...No it's not, Lyra," you say, pulling out your ticket and showing it to her. "My seat is number eighty-five."
>Lyra's horn sparks to life and a second later a little green ticket pops into existence
>"Well I got seat eighty-five too, Fingers!"
>...
>...
>...
>Wat?
>Both you and Bonbon look at each other again
>"...I'm going to go and the conductor..."
"Yeah... you do that..."
 
~Sometime Later~
 
>"I'm sorry Sir, Madam, but I honestly can't help you."
>If looks could kill the glare you were giving the conductor would have sent that little shit six feet under in an instant
"What the fuck do you mean you can't help us?! You're the jackasses that sold two of us same ticket!"
>Bonbon roughly grabs the stallion by his vest
>"Yeah! Now throw this monkey off the train so me and Lyra can sit down and start enjoying our little vacation!"
"...You know, this is why people don't like you. You're a cunt; a big, unlikeable cunt that says things that hurt other people."
>The stallion, who already looked stressed the fuck out by all of the manhandling, simply shook his head
>"Look you three, I know that our ticket vendor might have made a mistake but this train has a schedule to keep."
>He nudged his head toward the door as best as he could with a dike in his face
>"If you really want to argue with anypony you're going to have to do it at the station proper."
>Lyra, who had been happily seated on your lap since Bonbon had gone off to drag the conductor over here, giggled
>"It's alright, Sir. Mistakes happen and--"
>"Shut up Lyra," Bonbon snaps before hoisting the conductor into the air with a hoof
>"If you're not going to help us with this then what do you expect us to do then, huh?!"
>The stallion gulped, looking at you then back at angry candy horse
>"...W-Well ma'am, like I the train's all p-packed up so we can't get y-you another seat... So you can either take a train that comes around later or you're going to have to make do with this..."
>Though you weren't a guy that knew his train laws all that well you kind of had a funny feeling that this putz was just pulling this all out of his ass
>The little nigga
"...You know we're going to report this to someone right?" you tell him, grabbing Lyra's hips so she'd stop
>Fucking
>Wiggling
>In
>Your
>Mother
>Fucking
>Lap
>Goddammit!
>The stallion somehow managed to break out of Bonbon's kungfu dike grip and look down at his watch
>"Like I said we're terribly sorry, ladies and gentlecol--"
>He let out a squeak of terror when Bonnie Buns growled, taking a threatening step toward him
>"Butthetrain'sabouttoleavethestationatanymomentokaybye!"
>Moving faster than you think you've ever seen a middle aged little horse move the conductor scurries away, leaving you, Lyra, and Bonbon with a couple of REALLY shitty options
>You three could all get off this fucking train and go and chew someone out and get everything situated
>But if you did that then you'd miss THIS train and none of you knew when the next one that was bound for Canterlot would be coming in
>Or you could just bite the bullet and let Lyra sit in your fucking lap for the entire ride
>Which honestly wouldn't be all that bad but Bonbon would be sitting right next to you
>And that wouldn't be good
>Like, at all
>Because you two didn't like each other by any stretch of the imagination
>And because Bonbon was the Queen of Cunts
>The Duchess of Dikes
>the Khan of being a asshole little horse
>You look at the two little mares and they both look at you
"...Well, I can't get off the train because I need to go up to Canterlot castle to get poked at by the princesses--"
>Bonbon snorted
>"What they need to do is go ahead and neuter you you big dumb green butt..."
>...Must...
>...Keep....
>...Hate.... Stiffy....
>....DOWN....
"--so you two are going to have to decide whether to bite the bullet or not."
>Please say no...
>Please say no...
>PLEASE
>SAY
>NO
>You don't want to sit next to Bonbon's fat ass for fifteen hours...
>Lyra, despite your hands doing their very best to hold her still, wiggles around in your lap
>"Well I'm willing to sit in your lap if you're alright with it, Nonny."
>She looks over at her marefriend
>"But what about you, Bonnie? We can do whatever you want."
>Bonbon bites her lip as she reaches from behind her and whips out a pamphlet
>What the fuck?...
>...No you're not even going to fucking question it
>...Fucking ponies...
>"The opening ceremony starts in a couple of hours," the candy mare mutters so quietly that you had to strain to hear her
>"ALL ABOARD! LAST CALL TO CANTERLOT!"
>Bonbon flinches, trotting in place as she wrestles with herself
>On one hand she hated your guts
>Like HATED your guts
>But on the other that candy festival or whatever the hell the two of them were going to seemed like a big thing to her
>Come on Cuntbon
>Let the hate win
>LET THE HATE WIN!
>Precious seconds tick by, the tension mounting more and more and more until the candy mare sighed, slowly crawling into her seat before glaring at you with the angry scrunch turned up to eleven
>"I'm going to sit here and ENJOY the beginning of my little weekend with my marefriend, you bucker."
>She poked your shoulder with a hoof
>"So here's what's gonna happen: you're gonna just sit there and be quiet or Celestia help me they'll never find your body."
>While many would have been shaken by the sheer amount of malice and venom that Bonnie had put into her words you don't even flinch, and, giving her the finger, you reach into your jacket and once again pull out your cheese magazine
"Hey, as long as you manage not to be a cunt for the next couple of hours I'm sure I'll be able to keep my mouth shut."
>"Buck off."
"Go and eat a bucket of crusty cunts."
>With a happy sigh Lyra leaned back against your chest, wiggling around to get more comfortable
>"Oh I can tell that this will be the best train ride ever!"
>Both you and Bonbon made some irritated and disapproving noises before you look down at you magazine and begin reading
>Though it was admittedly a bit difficult to get any reading done at all with fucking harpbutt wiggling ang giggling and just making herself an all around distraction you manage
>You manage so well in fact (partially because you were REALLY good at ignoring people and partially because those cheese articles were REALLY engaging) that you eventually forgot that Bonnie Buns was sitting next to you and even that Lyra was sitting in your lap
>It wasn't until you had read your magazine front to back that you realized that the sun had gone down and both of your seatmates were sound asleep
>Lyra, the adorable little scamp that she was, had pressed as much of her little furry body against you as she could with her head rested squarely in the nape of your neck
>Bonbon, who also had acquire a magazine from somewhere, was curled up in her seat with her front legs tucked in against her chest as she let out quiet little snores
>Tucking your magazine back into your jacket as best as you could without waking anyone, you couldn't help but aw at the adorable little sight in front of you
>Right now, if you didn't know any better, you'd have said that Bonbon looked ready to be snuggled...
>And you weren't even going to talk about the little qt.3.14 in your lap
>A small smile makes its way onto your face as you scratch Lyra's neck, awing once again when you hear the little mare make a sound that was a cross between a purr and a neigh
>You would have stayed there like that until your ass decided to get a bit of shuteye but there was one little problem with that
>You really, REALLY had to take a piss
>...But you honestly didn't have the heart to wake Lyra up
>Hell, you would have felt a little bad if you went ahead and tried to wake up Bonnie right now!
>...
>...
>...
>FUCK!
>You try to ignore the growing pressure in your bladder by giving Lyra some more pets but eventually you're squirming in your seat doing the pee-pee dance
>You needed to get your ass up right now before you went ahead and pissed yourself...
>With a look of intense concentration on your face you very slowly and very gently wrap an arm around Lyra and hold her under her rump with the other
>Listening carefully to her breathing you stand up, awkwardly using your head to hold her's in place, turn around, and put her in your seat
>The second that mint horse is seated one of your hands went to your dick
>GottapeegottapeeGOTTAPEE!
>Shuffling past Bonbon you race down the row of seats to the other end of the cart to where a restroom was so that you could empty the water dragon
>OhsweetChristaboveyes!
>Though you were sure that half of the the train could hear you groaning as you took the mother of all pisses not one single fuck was given
>After emptying your bladder and washing your hands you get out of that tiny little bathroom to see one of the little train hostesses walking toward you with a cart full of blankets
>"Would you like one, sir?" the little mare asked politely. "There's still a good few hours until we get to Canterlot and the train gets pretty cold this time of night
>While you weren't that particularly cold, since you were wearing a suit and all, you couldn't help but think about your poor, naked little seat buddies
>...And not that way you fucker...
"Yeah, I'll take two," you say, quickly taking them from the little mare and making your way back to your seat
>Both Lyra and Bonbon were still where you had left them, both of the little mares curled up adorably in their seats with their widdle hoofsies kicking and their widdle ears twitching
>But you could see that the two of them were shivering slightly
>Adorable horses were cold...
>This looked like a job for BLANKET MAN!
>Throwing yours and Lyra's blanket over your shoulder you grab Bonnie's, opening that sucker as you squat down toward the little mare
>Very gently moving the mare's head from its position on the armchair and tossing her magazine down onto the floor you sit Bonnie up and you were about to wrap her blanket tightly around her shoulders when the little candy horse let out a snort
>"...Seoringrmmhmh..."
>Bonbon's whole body twitched and before you could do anything she slumped forward toward you, her head falling onto your shoulder
>Bonbon, having to come in contact with something that would warm her up, sleepily lurched forward, wrapping her hooves around you middle and pulling you close
>You're assaulted with the smell of gum drops and sugar as the little mare's mane tickles your nose
>"...Tithorigrmo..." the little mare murmured, nuzzling your neck with her incredibly soft cheek fur before going back to her quiet, adorable breathing
>Not knowing what to do you just kind of stay where you were with the blanket still in wrapping up position
>...
>...
>...
>As carefully as you can you wrap the blanket around the little mare holding you before pulling her off of you
>Though Bonbon's face scrunches up in irritation she offers no resistance as you wrap the blanket fully around her and lean her back against her seat
>Staring at her for a second more you reach up and brush a bit of her mane out of her face, tucking it behind her ear
"Night, night, Bonnie Buns... you cunt."
>Getting up and brushing past the sleeping bane of your existence you pick Lyra up, wrap the blanket around the two of you, and sit down
>Though it must have been close to midnight you don't find sleep for a long while, simply sitting there petting a snoozing harp horse as you listened to the sounds of the trains other sleeping passengers until your eyes grow heavy and the darkness takes you
>Ididn'tknowwhattofeel.pjn
 
~~Hours Later~~
 
>"Canterlot station is incoming in thirty minutes ladies and gentlecolts! Canterlot station is incoming in thirty minutes! please make sure to--"
>With a groan you open your eyes to see who the hell was yelling so that you could throw something at them
>It was still sleepy time and any cunt that tried to interrupt it DESERVED a fucking shoe to the--
>You are drawn out of your thoughts of shoe-throwing when you feel what felt like a little horse stretching against you
>"Noooo! five more minutes mommy..."
"Hey dummy, you have to wake up. We're going to be at the station soon," you hear another voice, different from the other ones, say beside you.
>Cracking open an eye you look around to see that you were still on the train to Canterlot
>Looking down you saw Lyra looking up at you with tired golden eyes
>"...Anon?" the little mare said with a sleepy yawn, rubbing an eye with a hoof. "What the hay's going on? Why is everypony yelling?"
>It takes a few seconds for your minute to connect the dots but eventually you do
"...I think they said something about us getting to Canterlot soon," you say with a yawn of your own as your shrug off the blanket that had been covering you and your little horse friend
>Lyra blinked slowly before putting her head back on your shoulder
>"But I don't want to get up!" she whined
>Out of the corner of your eye you see Bonbon, with her usual frown, looking through your Exotic Cheeses magazine
"Oi! What the fuck are you doing stealing my shit, Bonbon?" you demand, stifling another yawn
>"Because you touch yourself at night," the candy mare says without looking up from YOUR shit. "Now hurry and get up and get ready. We're going to be in Canterlot soon."
>Feeling your glare Bonbon looked over toward you, a small smile coming to her face
>Wait...
>She was smiling?
>Why the hell was she--
>"Lyra come on and get up. I don't care if the monkey doesn't get off on the right stop but the two of us have stuff to do this weekend with each other."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you have a lot of dirty cunts to eat out this weekend, Bonnie," you say, giving Lyra's back a scratch
>Lyra, yawning, lifted her head off of your shoulder and did her best to glare at you
>"Hey! I'll have you know I clean myself everyday," she said, yawning again
>You give her ear a scratch
"I wasn't talking about you, Lyra, I was talking about all of the other unwashed cunts your dike of a marefriend eats to retain her cunt powers."
>Snorting, Bonbon looked back down at your magazine
>"At least I don't drink stallion spunk you bucker..."
>...
>...
>...
>Huh...
>Why the hell was she still smiling?...
>Since your thinker still wasn't at a hundred percent capacity you just shrug off candybutt's odd behavior
"Alright, come on Lyra you gotta get up so I can take a piss. Come on, up, up!"
>It takes a bit of coaxing but Lyra looks back up at you
>"Alright, alright, I'm getting up, Nonny," she said with one final yawn. "Just let me--"
>Distracted with rubbed your eye you don't notice Lyra scanning your face with wide eyes
>"...Oh holy horse apples... What the hay happened to your fa--"
"Come on, come on, get up already so I can take a piss," you grumble, picking the little mare up
>As tired as you were you don't listen to Lyra babbling, and nor do you notice the smirk growling on Bonbon's face as you scoot past her
>Smacking your lips you slowly trek down the aisle, ignorant to the muttering and chuckling happening all around you
>Fuck it
>Too tired to thinky
>Not enough sleepy
>Pissy, piss, piss
>Awthisisthebestwaytostartthemorning2.0
>It wasn't until you had finished your piss and you were washing your hands did you notice that something wasn't right
>More specifically something was wrong with your face
>...
>...
>...
>MOTHER
>FUCKING
>BONBON!!!
"BONBON! YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD YOU BITCH!!!"
 
>"Anonymous's train should be coming to the station in a matter of minutes, your Highness."
>You look down at your guard with a warm smile
"Wonderful, just let me finish my tea and we shall go and greet him."
>It was that time of the month again
>The time where that strange creature that had dropped into your world came up to your city so that you could see how he was doing
>And more importantly see if he happened to learn anything about friendship
>Since friendship was your jam and all
>Though up till now Anonymous had been a little... lacking in the friendship department you still had high hopes for the young stall-- er man
>From what you student had told you he was coming up to Canterlot with two of his "friends"
>You don't understand why Twilight put a sarcastic emphasis on the word friend (or how she knew who was on Anon's particular train) but the news still made you excited none the less
>You truly, honestly believed that all creatures, no matter how big or small or tall, deserved to bask under the light that was friendship
>And if you could just find a kink in Anonymous's armor so that you could see the kind of stallion he was underneath you were SURE that you could turn that seemingly permanent frown on his face upside down
>And today was, with the help of these "friends" of his, going to be the day that you did it!
>You could feel it in your bones!
>Quickly finishing your tea you stand up and motioned for your guard, who had been standing at the corner of the room dutifully, to come forward
"Come, my little pony, lets go and meet Anon."
>The guard saluted, walking toward you as you charged up a teleportation spell
 
POP!
 
>The world blinks out of existence before you and your guard are in Canterlot Central Station
"And there we are!" you say with a happy ruffle of your feathers
>It took a few moments for the many ponies wandering around the station to take notice you but eventually every single mare, foal, and stallion ended up doing something you honestly didn't like
>They bowed
>URRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH
>Just keep smiling...
>Just keep smiling...
"Oh please, please! There's no need for that my subjects," you say with a wave of the hoof. "I'm simply--"
>"Your, majesty. LOOK!"
>Blinking you turn toward your guard and saw that he was pointing down the track
>Why was he...
>Following his hoof you see that a train is making its way to the station
>And, if what your guard said was true, this SHOULD be Anonymous's train, which would have been all well and good if not for the fact the the train seemed to be on FIRE
>And it was rocking back and forth on the track dangerously
>And it was moving just a bit too fast
>And could you hear ponies screaming in it?!
>You think you did!
>With wide eyes you shove your guard out of the way and spread your wings out wide
"Everypony, please move AWAY from the tracks as far as you can!" you command, your horn glowing brightly
>You didn't know what the hay was going on but you needed to stop that train before it crashed into the station!
>You take another step forward as your subjects scurry away from the train, puffing your chest out and holding your head held high
>PrincesspowersGO!!!
>Using your magic you force every single wheel on the train to slow down
>There's some sparks, and more screaming from the passengers of the train but you manage to force the train to come to a complete stop
>...
>...
>...
>Whoo
>That could have bee-
>"I'M GOING TO TEAR YOUR FUCKING LEGS OFF YOU CUNT!"
>"YOU'RE LUCKY I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE TO YOU YOU BUUUUUTTTTTTTTTT!"
>Before you can look over the train or see if everypony's alright you hear the sounds of glass being broken coming from in the train
>Wait
>That sounded like-
 
CRASH!
 
>You and your guard hop backward as Anonymous comes flying through one of the train's windows with a mare on his back
>AUUURRRRGGGHHHH!" the human roared, hitting the station with a meaty thud before instantly getting back to his feet
>Anon didn't look much better than the train did now that you had a good look at him
>His suit was in tatters, he had burns on his arms and his legs, he was bleeding from the numerous cuts on his body and it looked like somepony drew dicks all over his face
>...
>...
>...
>Wait
>Wha-
>Anonymous hopped around like a bull, trying to throw the mare on his back who appeared to be trying to choke him
>Like Anon the mare looked like she had just walked out of the mouth of Tartarus
>Her coat was dirty and standing up at places, her face was bruised and bleeding, and parts of her mane appeared to be on fire
>"I'M GOING TO KEEP HITTING YOU UNTIL I CAN'T HIT YOU ANYMORE BONBON YOU CUNT!" Anon snarled, trying to reach up to grab the mare
>The earth pony in question snorted, tightening her choke hold so that you could head Anon gasp for air
>"Shush, shush, just go to sleep you dumb monkey. Just go to sleep. Nopony's going to miss you. Just go to sleep," she said as Anon's eyes started to--
>Wait!
>You should probably do something about this shouldn't you?
>...
>...
>...
>Yep
>You really needed to do something!
>Looking over at your loyal guard, who looked just as confused about what the hay was going on as you, you look back over at Anon and the mare, loudly clearing your throat
"Um, excuse me..."
>And just like that Anon and the little mare froze, looking over to see your bemused self
>You know
>You've seen a lot of shit since you've started this whole princess gig
>And this was a first for you
>...
>...
>...
>Alright Celestia
>Take a deep breath and ask the million bit question:
"Might I ask what's going on here?"
