Title:           Chaotic Happenstance II
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/ZpfPCjEH
First Edit:      Thursday 11th of February 2016 01:48:13 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 11th of February 2016 01:48:13 PM CDT

>You and sleep have never really been on the best of terms
>When you sleep you're dead to the outside world
>Defenseless
>Wide open to any physical or psychological attacks
>And you weren't even going to get into mental manipulation that someone could do to you when you were under
>So all your life you've treated sleep like a necessary evil
>Something that needed to be done for the sake of your health and nothing more
>You never fell into a deep sleep
>You never felt well rested
>The slightest thing would wake you up and have you reaching for a weapon of sort sort; preferably sharp and pointy
>...Until recently
>Now, as far as you can tell, nothing was trying to get you
>No horrible monsters
>No demons with an insatiable hunger to devour and destroy everything in the name of the Lord of Darkness
>And there was only one little blue horse that tried to poke around in your head when you were sleeping
>A little horse who, though you had sent her letters telling her to fuck off, told her in your dreams to fuck off, and even personally made the trip up to Canterlot so that you could tell her to fuck off continued to "protect" your dreamscape
>And even she wasn't all that bothersome compared to some of the things that had tried rooting around in your head
>So lately you and sleep found yourselves in a far better relationship than you originally had
>You still didn't trust it all that much but at least you were getting SOME sleep at least once a day
>And a couple of hours each night to boot
>Which brought you where you were at the moment, lying in your bed (which had been pushed to the corner of the room where you could keep an eye on the window and door in your bedroom) asleep
>Something that was very quickly about to be interrupted
>As Celestia's sun poked up from the horizon the heavenly illumination cut through the terrible night, through your bedroom window, and into your eyes, which is more than enough to rouse you from your slumber
 
>Your face scrunches up, and in an attempt to fend off the cunting light you tried to tuck your chin against your chest
>As you attempted this maneuver however something barred your way
>Hair tickled your nose as you mashed your nose against the top of someone's head
>Twitching in startlement, you inhale
>The smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies invades your senses as you opened an eye and looked down to see who the FUCK was in your bed
>A familiar pair of antlers and a mop of grey mane greets you as your eyes opened
>The second that you see that head of hair a multitude of sensations made themselves known
>You could feel every inch of your unwanted bed buddy pressed against you
>You could feel his impossibly soft fur
>His breast rubbing against your chest with each breath
>His tail that had wrapped itself snuggly around your leg
>The claw that was holding your hand
>You were looking down at Discord (or as he liked to be called now, for some fucking reason, Eris), who had somehow managed to sneak into your room and crawl into your bed without you waking up
>And instead of pranking you or trying to scare the shit out of you like he usually did, things that usually got a laugh out of you, here he was sleeping with his muzzle buried in your neck and a paw wrapped around you
>Again
>For the seventh night in a fucking row
>You find yourself frowning as you stared down at your loony fucking friend
>...Fuckin hell...
>Though this hadn't been as nearly as confusing/awkward/weird as it had been the first time the fucker had done it you found yourself wanting to get out of the embrace that you found yourself in as quickly as possible
>Managing to wiggle your hand out from the draconequus' claws you grabbed he--his HIS! shoulders and gave him a gentle push
>Though one might think that getting your leg away from Discord's tail would be the hardest thing to do in getting away
>These people would be wrong
>Very, very wrong
 
>You see, it was his arms that really made it a pain in the ass
>Though he was a small fucker Dizzy had the grip strength of an angry grizzly
>And he was a cuddler
>An aggressive one
>Today, though, it seemed that fate had smiled upon you
>The draconequus didn't so much as stir as you untangled yourself from he-HIM and pushed HIM away
>With his face unobscured, you could see Dizzy's now feminine face
>Unlike his old long, donkey-looking face with the flavor savor that he seemed to proud of this face was delicate
>The nose was as cute as a button, the face was well proportioned and (no homo) admittedly attractive
>...That and the whole boob and butt thing...
>...You weren't going to get into the whole boob and butt thing
>Nope
>Not even a little bit
>You didn't even want to think about those... assets right now
>...Stop thinking about it
>Staph
>If you hadn't seen him change into this form yourself you would have said that this was a completely different person than the one that you were shooting the shit with a couple of days ago
>But you knew this fucker
>And you KNEW that he was no fucking lady
>You managed to push the draconequus away a bit more, doing everything in your power to make sure that he didn't wake up
>A little more...
>A little more...
>Just a little more...
>Just as you were about to push him far enough away from you so that you could get at his tail both of Discord's appendages shot out and wrapped themselves around you
>Before you could so much as swear his muzzle was pressed right up against your neck once more
"...Bugger."
>Your bed invader stirred, he--HIS tail tightening around your leg ever so slightly and his claws tracing up and down your back
>Pulling away from your neck you watched as sh--HE cracked open an eye, yawning cutely, and looked up at you
>Her red eyes seemed to glow in what little darkness left in the room as they focused on you
>Blinking slowly, Discord smiled, leaning up and nosing your cheek
 
>"Good morning, my sweet little gum drop~"
>You reeled back, only for your mate to force you back against him
"Fuck off."
>Discord let out a sleepy giggle, sighing against your neck
>"Oh, somepony seems EXTRA frisky today~"
>You twitched as you felt his claws dig into your back
>Not enough to hurt; it was more like a gentle scratching really
>...It felt kind of nice
>You are Anonymous
>And you don't know if your friend's finally lost it or if you were the victim of a particularly complex prank
>Honestly you didn't know what would be worse at this point...
>You and Discord just stared at each other this particular morning
>Him the happy Dandy
>And you the prisoner of cuddleban
>Him with half lidded eyes and a sleepy smile on his face
>You with your nose all scrunched up with a frown
"Discord... mate--"
>"Eris," Discord said casually, yawning again as she leaned up and rubbed her nose against yours
>...His nose
>You mean him...
>Him, he his...
>Discord was a dude, a male, a bloke...
>Not a women...
"DISCORD, mate, ya gotta stop doing this shit. You're killing me."
>Discord just giggled, grabbing one of your arms and hugging it in between his breast
"Discord."
>Again you got no answer; Discord simply wiggled closer to you
"...Eris."
>Finally Dis--
>"Ahem."
>...
>...
>...
>Finally ERIS looked back up at you, hi--
>"Her"
>...Her red eyes snapping back toward your face
"Eris... lass."
>"Yes Nonnykins?"
"Ya know you're me mate right? And ya know that I'll have a giggle about most of yer jokes right?"
>Eris grinned as you tried to pull yourself away from HER
>SHE simply used her tail to push you back in place
>Whatever else you were going to say died on your lips as when you saw the position that you were in
>Her mouth was just a few inches from yours
>That delicate mouth...
>Those soft, full lips...
>All she'd have to do was lean up and--
>"So what do you want for breakfast, honey bunny?"
>With a snap of her claws Eris was no longer draped around you
 
>"I was thinking ice cream with some chicken noodle soup myself, or maybe if you're feeling daring we could try that toothpaste cake that we were talking about the other day?"
>Quickly sitting up you watched as the draconequus sauntered out of your bedroom
"Get the fuck out of me house!" you called after her/him/whatever the fuck
>"No!" Eris/Discord/fuck off called back
>Growling, you rolled off the bed
"An' we didn't talk about no fucking toothpaste cake ya git!"
>"No, YOU didn't talk about it, but I had a very wonderful conversation about it with myself. I'll have to tell you about it sometime."
>Muttering curses under your breath, you shuffled over to your closet
"That doesn't make any sense!"
>Eriscord poked her head back into the bedroom
>Though her mane had the worst case of bedhead that you had ever seen and she was yawning again you could see her eyes dancing from here
>"And where's the fun of making sense, my little human?"
>With that Dis--
>"Eris."
>He-
>"Her."
>Tha-
>"Tomato.""
"Fuck you!"
>"If you play your cards right I might~"
>Urgh...
>Fucking cunting, bitching, fucking...
>Throwing on some clothes you stomp down your stairs into your living room as you heard Eris's laughter echo throughout your house
>...Or at least what USED to be your living room
>Ever since Eris had made HERself at home the draconequus had made some... adjustments to your house
>Major adjustments
>Adjustments that you could honestly say that you didn't care for
>You stared at the live upside-down floating tree that was in the middle of the dome-like... thing that was your fucking living room in irritation
>You then looked over at where your dining room used to be
>Instead of the wooden table and a couple of wooden chairs that used to be in the room it was now completely dark and filled with shelves stacked to the brim with jars filled with glowing... stuff
>You didn't know what the stuff was...
 
>If you looked at them long enough you swore that THINGS were floating around in the jars...
>Shaking your head you made your way to one of the few rooms that hadn't been chaosed to hell and back
>Your kitchen
>Before you made your way through the door that lead to your kitchen you could hear your unwanted housemate humming a little tune to herself
>Just like the cunt him/herself there was no sense to it
>For all you knew she was just making noises to make them
>...But if that was the case there was... SOMETHING to those sounds
>Something that you couldn't explain
>Almost like there was a certain beauty to them
>"Ice pops, fire bread, snake bunny's, rat rocks, lalalalalala popopopopop, fopfopfopfop! Nahahahahah!"
>Poking your head into the kitchen you see Eris standing over your stove
>Floating all around her were various pots, pans, bowls filled with batter of some kind, there was a bottle of milk that had, for some reason, grown a pair of arms and legs and was threatening a cereal box with a knife
>And then there was Eris...
>The man--girl was a blur of activity, stirring pots, burning your forks and spoons, and just making a mess of things
>All while wearing a yellow shirt and a pair of striped panties that she had gotten from... somewhere
>...You weren't even going to ask...
>"Dark fockle, telegraph, rickoeirnfeor, pickled ham--whoopsie."
>You watched as the spoon that was floating next to Eris fell to the ground with a clang
>Eris looked down at the spoon with a giggle
>"Clumsy me~"
>Her tail flicked out of the way and she bent down to pick the thing up
>Due to no fault of your own your eyes found themselves wandering toward the frankenstein's derriere
>When Discord had been fucking Discord his ass had been nonexistent
>Barely a bump along his snake body
>But now Discord had gotten some junk in his trunk
>And he got a bigger trunk
>A pair of thick, shapely legs ended with a big ol' behind that you could bounce a bit off of
 
>And with wasn't one of those fat, buttermilk, cottage cheese-looking asses
>This was a nice, firm, hugging-those-panties-in-all-of-the-right-places kind of--
>Wait!
>Whythefuckareyouthinkingaroundthat?!
>Thatwasadudenotafewfuckingdaysago!
>ADUDE!
>YOU'RENOTFUCKINGGAYMATE!
>SMACKYAINTHEGABBERSON!!!
>Er--DISCORD looked over HIS shoulder and smiled when HE saw you standing in the doorway
>"See something you like~?" HE asked, giving HIS backside--
>"Her backside."
>HIS
>"Her."
>HHHHHIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
>"I can assure you that I'm a female down to the chromosome, my dear Anonymous." ...she said with a grin. "If you want to give to me a THOROUGH once over I wouldn't mind. In fact I wouldn't mind at all~"
>Making a face you walked over to your kitchen table and sat down heavily
>Before you had even scooched in your chair Eris--
>"Good boy."
>--Had set down a glass of orange juice and a bowl of cereal in front of you
>You snatched a spoon that was floating by out of the air as Eris snapped her claws, making the mess disappear in the blink of an eye
>"So what does my big man have on his schedule today?" she asked, hopping into the chair next to you. "A trip to the market perhaps? Maybe you need to go to that ridiculous white unicorn to get some fresh undies? How about--"
>Hmm...
>This... is just cereal...
>It wasn't even a particularly good kind; just some cheap horse-brand Cheerios
>Plain, boring cereal...
>"--Or maybe you'll walk through town with a paddle and take on the name the Paddledor and--"
>Reaching over you grabbed the glass of orange juice and took a cautious sip
>Yep, that was some juice ass juice
>...And nothing else...
>"--Oh, I know! You're going to start your very own traveling donkey band! Admittedly that'd be a little hard since you're not a donkey yourself but I'm sure--"
>You quickly check to see if the food that you had just eaten had turned you a different color or size of something
 
>Then you checked your pulse to see if the ol' ticker was still alright
>...
>"Blah, blahblahblah, blahblah, nahaha, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense--"
"...Alright, I'll bite."
>Eris's eyes widened
>"Oh really?" she asked with a grin. "And just what are you going to BITE, my big, STRONG human~?"
>You turned to the fucker that had been holding up in your house for the last couple of days
>Fucking with your furniture
>Folding your socks so that they made lewd gestures
>Cooking you food that you could actually EAT without any side effects
>Sneaking into your bathroom and flushing the toilet whenever you were taking a shower
"What the fuck are you on about with this?"
>"Hm? On about? What would I be on about?" Eris asked, resting her head in her paw as she looked up at you
"The shapeshifting, the sleeping together, the fucking bending over."
>You motioned all around you
"All of this fuckin' shit. I'm waiting for the punchline to the joke, mate, but no matter how hard I try I can't seem see where's it gonna come from."
>You looked her up and down hard, trying to search for an answer in her face
"I ain't against ya living here if you're lonely or some shit like that, but we both know yer teasing ain't bothering me. So what's all this then?"
>Eris's smile widened ever so slightly
>"So your curiosity finally got the better of you eh?" she asked, floating out of her chair and moving so that she was face-to-snout with you. >"You finally have to know why your ol' buddy Discord burned to ash and your's truly rose from the ashes?"
>You, Twiggles, and half the fucking town wanted to know
>But that was besides the point
"Aye, I'd like to know if you're in a sharing mood."
>Eris's tail flicked as she stared into your eyes, just... searching for a minute
>"Did you know that Discord wasn't the first form or name that I've taken?" she asked
>You, of course, shook your head
 
>You might have been living in horseland for a couple of years now but you hadn't lived here nearly long enough to delve into any part of this world's history
>And even if you did have the time to do so who the hell would sit down and waste a perfectly good day looking through a dusty old tome?
>Not fucking you
>Giggling, Eris floated onto her back
>"You see, when you're a VERY old being of chaos like myself using the same form for very long gets terribly dull. So every few millennia I shed the ol' skin and change into something new."
>Her smile sours a little bit
>"If I hadn't had my run in with those princesses I would have changed into something new AGES ago, but it wasn't in the fates design it seemed."
>She's fucking with you
"Yer pulling me leg ain'tcha?"
>Humming her little tune once again, Eris started floating around the room
>"Nope. I've been every race and gender that I can think of many more times than I'd care to say."
>Flipping around she rested her head on her arms and looked at you, a lazy smile on her lips
>"And you, my little human, were the one that brought about the newest change in your's truly."
>She snapped her claws and, looking down, you saw that you now had a medal around your neck
>"You should be proud; not many can claim to have changed one such as I."
>You quietly ate your cereal
>"Originally I wanted to change into something with a little more PIZZAZZ but I think I'm really warming up to this new body."
>You continued to eat your cereal
>"It's been eons since I've been a female anything, and the look of Celestia's face when I popped up in the middle of the throne room was... oh was it something..."
>You quickly finished your cereal
>"But I'm sure that you're wondering why I not only chose this form but am also gracing you with my presence."
>You got up and put your bowl in the sink, emptying your glass of OJ with two big swallows and placing it in there as well
 
>As you walked away you heard Eris huff
>The snapping of claws could be heard, and just like that the GODDESS of chaos was standing in front of you with her arms crossed, a small frown on her face
>"I was just about to--omph!"
>Without breaking your stride you snatched your mate out of the air, setting her on your shoulder like she was a sack of flower
>Eris giggled as you threw open your front door and stepped outside
>"Oh? So I AM part of your plans for today after all?" she asked, tickling the side of your head with the tip of her tail
"I'm taking you to Twilight," you grunted, ignoring all of the stares that you had already managed to acquire. "There's something wrong with ya, Discord mate, so I'm gonna take ya to her to see if she can get ya fixed up."
>You had had enough
>Changing into another gender to fuck with you and everyone else was one thing but sleeping with you?
>Wearing clothes?
>Asking you what you were going to do today?
>Fixing you up some ordinary breakfast?
>That wasn't Discord
>That wasn't' your friend
>Which meant that something was wrong
>Maybe very wrong
>So it was off to Twilight's house
>Off to see if your mate was alright
>Eris giggled and began squirming, somehow managing to get out of your grasp
>But instead of getting away from you she began crawling all over you like some sort of cockroach
>Quickly realizing that she wasn't going to fuck off you ignored her giggling and continued onward
>Eventually the draconequus settled on your back, her arms slung over your shoulders
>"Onward and upwards, Nonny" she said, her boobs pressing against either side of your head through her shirt as she leaned forward and pointed. "Our adventure begins here!"
>Though your eyes were rolling you reached your hands back and supported your friend's rump so she wasn't FUCKING CHOKING YOU!
>"Yeah... Squeeze my flank harder~"
>...
>With was going to be one of those days wasn't it?
>...
>Yep, it was going to be one of those fucking days...
