Title:           Don't Drink and /fit/
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/cuF3L0q6
First Edit:      Tuesday 6th of September 2016 08:16:22 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 6th of September 2016 08:16:22 PM CDT

>Be Twilight
>It was late outside
>All good fillies and colts were sound asleep in their beds, dreaming of candy and lollipops and hoof-holding
>You were lying in your bed, as snug as a bug in a rug, dreaming that you had found the lost library of Labyrinthian
>Yeah...
>Sitting there, reading all of that long, lost knowledge...
>All of those manuscripts...
>All of those lost languages...
>Buck yeah...
>But all was not well in your dreamland
>Even as you read long forgotten histories, pondered over mathematical equations that seemed fourth dimensional, and peeked at two thousand year old smutty books that you ONLY read for the story you felt like something was... missing
>Like a part of you was missing...
>It was a bad, cold, lonely feeling that didn't sit all too well in your stomach
>Badfeelsfilly.jpg
>Because of this you found that you couldn't enjoy your dream
>In fact, because of this feeling, you eventually found yourself waking up, pawing at the empty, still warm space beside you
"A... An-mous?" you grumbled, your eyes slowly opening. "Non... warz you?"
>Though it was pitch black in your bedroom, you could see that your coltfriend was nowhere to be seen
>You were alone in your bed
>NAKED
>Blinking owlishly, you looked over at your bathroom, your ears slowly perking up
>...
>You couldn't hear anything...
"Anon?" you grumbled, rubbing an eye as you sat up a bit. "Honey? Where are you?"
>Again, nothing
>Your bedroom, and the area around it, was completely silent and still
>Looking over at your clock you saw that it was two in the morning
>Nowhere near a reasonable time for ponies to wake up...
>Your still half-asleep mind meandered
 
>Where the hay was your coltfriend?
>Why did he get up this early?
>Was everything alright?
>Was...
>Was it his time of the month?
>Did human stallions even have a time of the month?
>Yawning, you climbed out of your bed and began the long, arduous journey to your bedroom door
"Anon," you mumbled, too tired to push away the hair in your face. "Anon... where's my snuggles..."
>... Kitchen
>He was probably in the kitchen getting some water or something...
>Quickly making your way out into the hall, you made your way toward the Castle of Doom's kitchen, your hooves dragging and your wings half opened
"Can't sleep 'lone... Cuddles... Juice boxes... Applesauce..."
>You didn't hear a single sound as you made your way through the castle halls
>All was silent, all was still
>Spike and Starlight were most likely sound asleep, tucked in their beds all warm and snug...
CRASH!
>You jumped as something shattered off in the distance
>WHATTHEBUCKWASTHAT?!
>ITSOUNDEDLIKEITWASCOMINGFROMTHEKITCHEN!
>You stopped, your eyes wide and your ears perked up
>Crouching low to the ground, you listened carefully
>Was that a burglar?!
>Was there a burglar in your house?!
>If so then what the HECK were they doing here?
>The only thing that you had of value was books, and nopony ever bothered with those in this illiterate, earth pony town!
>...
>Wow...
>You sure do get racist when you're tired...
>...
>Not that you're ALL that wrong...
>Minutes tick by as you listen for anything else out of the ordinary
 
>You were just about to stand back up when another sound made its way to your ears
>A whimper
>The whimper of a stallion
>Your stallion
"ANON!"
>Without a second thought you dashed down the hall as fast as your hooves could take you
>That whimper came from the kitchen
>Anon was crying in the kitchen
>You needed to see why he was crying
>You needed to make help him, make him feel better, stop those tears
>You--
>Rushing into the kitchen, you saw a very particular sight
>Anon was sitting in the corner of the room, hugging his knees to his chest
>The big green human was shirtless and all around him were two dozen empty gallon jugs of protein powder
>Anon's face, and most of his chest, was caked in the stuff
>Upon closer inspection, you could see tears streaming down his face, mixing with the protein powder to make this messy brown paste
>...
>Wat
"Wat?"
>For a moment, you couldn't help but feel relieved
>There were no burglars in the house; nopony was trying to steal any of your books or your stallion or whatever else burglars took, and Anonymous, as far as you could tell, looked alright
>But far too soon that relief turned into confusion
>What the hay was Anon doing?
>What was with all of those empty jugs?
>He didn't drink all of that did he?
>What was he crying for?
>Why the hay did you have to deal with stuff like this at two in the bucking morning?
>Anon sniffled, which caused the muscles in his chest, neck, and arms to ripple in the artificial light of the room
>Seeing this your confusion turned into concern
 
"Anon?" you said, taking a step toward him. "Anon, is everything alright?"
>Anon jumped a little bit at the sound of your voice
>He looked up at you as he sniffled again, his eyes puffy and bloodshot and snot running down his nose
>"T-Twi?" he whimpered as he did his best to clean his face with one of his massive hands
>Hurrying over to him you extended a wing, wrapping it around his shoulder as best as you could
"What's wrong honey?" you asked as gently as you could, grabbing one of his hands and holding it in between your hooves. "What are you doing out of bed? Why are you crying?"
>A tremble ran through your coltfriend
>His lip quivered, and you could see fresh tears forming out of the corners of his eyes
>It tore you up inside to see him like this
>To see him look so broken and sad and alone
>So you did the only thing that you could think of
>You wrapped your hooves around your neck and pulled his face into your chest
>Immediately, Anonymous wrapped those long, thick arms of his around you
>For most ponies his grip would have been uncomfortable, painful even, but you were an alicorn
>Your body was a little more heavy-duty compared to most ponies
>It had to be, with a stallion like this
"It's alright hon," you whispered, nuzzling the top of his head as a sob racked his body. "It's alright... it's alright."
>You don't know how long you sat there with Anon, holding him and nuzzling him and giving him all of the love-laced kisses that you could, but eventually his sobs once again turned into sniffles, which then turned into shaky breaths
>There was a thin sheen of sweat covering your body
>You could feel Anon's tears and snot and Celestia' knows what else running down your chest and wither
>Anon himself was sweaty and he smelled like old protein powder and shame
>But that was alright
>His crying had stopped
>You had done it
>You had made your stallion feel better
>You made him feel loved
>Goodfeelsfilly.jpg
 
>You held him for a little longer, rocking him back and forth as you hummed the same tune that your dad had hummed whenever your brother had come to him crying when the two of you were little
>After a few more minutes of this you gently lifted Anon's head up so that he was looking up at you
"Anon, honey, what happened?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper
>For a few long moments Anon said nothing
>At one point you were sure that he'd start crying again but, after taking a few deep breaths, he opened his mouth to speak
>"I-I can s-still fit through the d-doors."
>...
>Your eyes narrowed slightly as your snozzle scrunched up
>You opened your mouth before immediately closing it
>...
>That...
>What...
>Tapping your hoof against your chin, you opened your mouth and tried again
"...You can... still fit through the doors?"
>Anon must not have heard the disbelief in your voice, because he nodded, sniffling, and continued
>"I-I've been trying m-my hardest," he said, sounding as heartbroken as you've ever heard him. "I've b-been working o-out as hard as I c-can and I've b-been eating r-right."
>He sniffled, blinking away tears as you just... stared at him
>Just stared
"...Anon, most of the doors in the castle are--"
>"Tiny, I k-know," Anon wailed, pulling you into a hug. "I'm sorry, Twi. I've tried e-everything. I've tried as hard as I could, I... I-I..."
>Biting his lip, Anon once again buried his face into your chest and began sobbing
>As he did this you sighed, looking around at the mess all around you
>Your nostrils flared, and you smelled a very particular scent
>... You think you know what that glass breaking sound was from
"Anon... did you mix protein powder with tequila again?" you asked, your voice quiet
>"IT'S SO TASTY!" your coltfriend whined, a very noticeable slur in his voice now that you were listening, before bursting into tears
>...
>...
>...
"There, there," you murmured, patting the top of his head. "It's alright, it's alright."
 
>"NO IT'S NOT! I'M A FREAK! A TINY, DYEL FREAK!"
"...No you're not, hon."
>"I CAN STILL FIT THROUGH DOORS, TWI! W-WHAT KIND OF M-MAN CAN STILL FIT T-THROUGH DOORS?!"
"I... I love you just the way you are, Anonymous."
>"DON'T LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TTTTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>...
>Your coltfriend is weird...
