Title:           Dungeons and Damsels I
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/FHCyAh45
First Edit:      Sunday 17th of January 2016 07:37:57 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 17th of January 2016 07:37:57 PM CDT

>"...Alright, after the six of you go and collect the bounty for the raiders of Dargool you leave the village and come upon a fork in the road. One path leads to the forests of Na'Gahal, the haven of the great elementals. The other path leads to the swamps of Fur'furnal, the home of the great Lich Queen of the east."
>"The Great and Powerful Trixie thought that the Lick Queen--"
>"Hush up, Trixie."
>"But--"
>"HUSH. UP. Go ahead Moondancer."
>"Thank you. Now, as I was saying, you six travelers, heros in the making, stare at both of these two path wondering which you should follow and which you should leave behind for another day. Now what do you girls do from here?"
>You watch as Moondancer, your sister from another mister, leans back against her bean bag chair with a smirk
>...Was that it?
>No bandits hiding near the road to attack your troup?
>No perilous magic that forced you to separate or force your hoof?
>Not even a cry for help that'd force you to go one way or another?
>You could pick which way you were going to go this time?
>Really?
>The disbelief is thick in the air as you and the other girls stare at your DM
>The same DM that had, just a few hours ago, sent Cadence into a near panic attack by unleashing a horde of golems onto your party when you were about to leave that diamond dog dungeon?
>The same DM that had set up half of the towns in such a way that there was always a sixty percent chance that after you completed a quest they'd run you out of town without pay?
>Horse apples
>You were going to call horse apples all day everyday!
>You feel magic tugging at your sweater
>Not taking your eyes off Moony you looked over at Sunset from the corner of your eye
>Bacon hoers was staring at your sadistic DM with the same expression as you but you could see her nudging her head ever so slightly, beckoning you toward her
>Your eyes snapped to the left and you could see Starlight and Trixie were staring at Sunset out of the corners of their eyes too
 
>>26132420 (You)
>Keep strong filly
>You couldn't show weakness to Moony
>If you showed weakness she's eat you alive and spit out your skeleton without a second thought
>Narrowing your eyes you scooched toward Sunset
>Out of the corner of your eye you could see the other girls scooching toward her too
>Though you tried to be as subtle as possible you could see Moony's smile grow the closer you all got together
>"Well, are you girls going to pick a path or are you just going to stand there in the middle of the road all day?"
>Ohhh you could hear the smug in her voice...
>You were going to smack that smug right out of her
>Believe it!
>Eventually the seven of you are huddled close together, all of you still staring at your DM, the "god" of the world you all were encased in
>Luna was the first to speak up:
>"We believe that we should go back into town," she whispered. "Rest at the tavern, recover our strength so that we able to face with whatever trails that await us."
>"That might just be what Moondancer wants," Celestia said, pulling up one of her socks so that it wasn't slipping off of her rear leg. "And besides, we rested up enough in the raider's stronghold so we should be fine."
>You sighed
"Celestia's right, we need to keep going."
>"Yeah," Sunset pipped up. "We can't just run away with our tails between our legs! We gotta show Moony that we aren't a bunch of pussies!"
>Moondancer giggled, but you all did your best to ignore her
"So whatcha say girls? Are you all ready to pick a path?"
>Though the other girls looked just as tired as you each and every one of them nodded
>This quest had been one of the biggest that you've ever been apart of
>Though Moondancer was a MOTHERBUCKER she was one of the best DM's that you've ever had
>And you've had a LOT of DM's in your day
>The series of quests she had sent you and the girls on had swallowed up hours and hours and hours of your life
>She had thought of ever decision you'd make and how you'd make it
 
>She had written over two thousand pages of lore, of background, of characters
>She had made this journey of yours thrilling, engaging, and one of the most difficult that you had attempted in your career in Orges and Obelisk
>You were Twilight Sparkle
>Or Ser Flun'ti Tarskell, an honorable breezie knight in search of fame and fortune
>And you were with your friends and herd mates
>Your family; your sisters
>And you were ready to continue on your quest
>With a sigh you looked over at Moondancer and puffed your chest out
>You gotta flaunt the tuft to show that you mean business!
"Alright, we want to--"
>"TWILIGHT! SUNNY! MOONY! FUCKING TRIXIE! CAN ONE OF YOU LITTLE HORSES HEAR ME?!"
>As one you all jump into the air yelping in surprise
>Moondancer sent her papers flying everywhere and she accidently knocked the glasses off of her muzzle
>Trixie and Luna crashed into each other, landing in a heap on the ground
>Celestia's wings had shot out hitting Cadence and Sunset
>And Starlight had hopped into your lap with a yelp, wrapping her hooves around your neck and burying your face into her chest
>For some reason your ears start twitching and you really want to start neighing
>MotherbuckerIdon'twannadietoday!!!!
>The seven of you flail around for a few seconds, socks and feathers flying everywhere, before another yell brings you ll to your senses
>"I KNOW THAT ONE OF YOU ARE IN THERE! IT'S ME, ANON, YOUR HUSBAND! FOR FUCK'S SAKE OPEN THE DOOR!"
>"I'm here too," somepony that sounded suspiciously like Shining called
>In a flash Sunset had scrambled away from your group, nearly trampling Trixie in the process, and ran over to a nearby window
>"...Oh horse apples. It really is Anon..."
>Panic hits your chest like a baseball bat
>ANON?!
>You thought that him and your brother were still in Saddle Arabia!
>They were supposed to be there on business for two bucking weeks!
>You hadn't been playing this game for two weeks!
>...Had you?
 
>...Oh buck you played for two weeks straight didn't you?
>OhIseethebadtimesthey'rea'callin'
>Looking around the room you could see that the other girls looked just as nervous as you
>Everypony except Starlight
>"I don't know what you're all worried about, girls," she said with a flick of her mane. "There's no reason--"
>"Shining's out there too."
>Almost as if a switch was flipped Starlight's reaction did a one-eighty
>"Shiny's here?" she squaked, rushing over and shoving Sunset away from the window so that she could get a better look
>Sunset made a face
>"Who the heck do you think was yelling 'I'm here too'?"
>Starlight bit her lip as she stared out the window
>"Well excuse me for hoping against hope that my bucking husband wasn't here!"
>"...That's stupid. You're stupid."
>"Hey, why don't you just go and--"
>Rolling her eyes, Celestia brushes past you and separates the girls with her wings
>"Now, now, there's no need to fight ladies," she said, ever the voice of reason. "Our husbands came home unexpectedly; an unfortunate fact that me must nonetheless deal with."
>From behind you you could hear Moony whimpering
>And for good bucking reason
>If what you think happened happened it had been two bucking weeks since any of you had left this room except to go to the bathroom or to go and get snacks
>You hadn't bathed
>You barely slept
>...And you hadn't done a single thing that Anon had asked before he had left...
>You, Celestia, Sunset, Moondancer, and Trixie hadn't cleaned up the house, you didn't get any yard work done, you didn't go to that doctor's appointment that you were supposed to go to...
>Oh sweet Celestia you done goofed...
>In your heart was a fear that only a married mare could know
>The fear of a wrathful husband
>You could almost hear the gears turning in everypony's heads, trying to think of a way to get you all out of the yelling that you were probably going to get
>...But not one of you came up with a solution
 
>You were all supposed to do that stuff AFTER you finished up your game
>But Moondancer had had so much stuff to work with and it had been such a pain to set up your characters and--
>"I FUCKING SEE YOU HIDING BEHIND STARLIGHT, SUNSET! WHY THE FUCK DON'T I SEE ANY LAWN WORK DONE?!"
>With a yelp, Starlight and Sunset scramble away from the window, fear on their faces
>Everyone of you knew that there was a good chance that you were in trouble
>More than a good chance probably
>Even Starlight, Cadence and Luna knew that Shining was probably going to give them one heck of a talking to because, just like you, they had things that they needed to do
>Things that none of you did because buck the police muh roleplaying is more important
>...You were all so bucking dead...
>Though she must have known that the doghouse was right around the corner your old teacher took a step forward and puffed her chest out
>"I think that one of us should go outside and say hello our husbands."
>"Trixie is not sure that that is such a good idea," Trixie said, peering out the window. "Anon does not seem all that happy..."
>"I'm sure that Anon's anger can solved with a thoughtful word and a cheery smile," Celestia said, pulling up her sock again. "I know my husband, WE know our husbands. No matter how angry they get they still love us and we love them, no matter WHAT we do."
>The fear dissipates just a little bit as you stare at your alpha
>"We might have made a mistake; a mistake that could have been easily avoided, but there is no helping that now. The only thing that we can do is go out there with a smile and a hello. Our loving husbands will see to the rest."
>You smile
>You know what?
>Celestia was right!
>You could--
>"Nose-goes!" your herd mate cried, touching her noses with her hoof
>"Nose-goes!" Luna cried a second later, doing the same
>"Nose-goes!"
>"Nose-goes!"
>"Nose-Goes!"
>"Nose-goes!"
>"Nose-goes!"
 
"Nose-horse apples," you curse, staring at your friends/family with a mixture of loathing and disappointment
>They stare back at you with triumph smiles
>"You heard Celestia, Twilight," Sunset said, nudging you with a hoof. "Go out there and make us proud."
>"We'll be right behind you," Moondancer promised
>"We shall be behind you here in the safety of this room," Luna added. "Faaaar away from angry the stallions."
>...You know what?
>You aren't even mad
>If you would have been faster you would have been smiling just like these fillies...
>...Alright...
>You were a little mad...
>Muttering curses under your breath, you walk over to the window and stare out of it
>You could see both Shining and Anon, with their luggage sitting next to him, standing out in the middle of the street
>Shining was wearing a golden hijab and was happily talking to a few stallions across the street
>Whoo, did that thing looked expensive...
>And stars know what other stuff he bought...
>You were happy that you weren't in Shining's herd right now...
>That happiness evaporates from your body when you turned your head to look at your husband Anonymous
>He was your love, your first and last special sompony
>He was the light of your life, the one that helped get you and the other girls together so that you could all be a happy family
>And he was staring right into your eyes
> How can my teats twist this hard?
>"TWILIGHT SPARKLE! YOU GET YOUR PURPLE FANNY DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"
>You winced, looking over your shoulder at your gal pals
 
"...Well, I'll see you on the other side girls," you find yourself saying
>The girls nodded like a gaggle of geese
>"Don't worry, Twilight, we'll teleport you out of there if it gets too nasty," Starlight said
>Gulping, you let magic flow into your horn
>Welp
>Once more into the fray and all that...
 
POP!
 
>In an instant you were out of the safety of treebrary 2.O and outside in front of your bbbff and your husband
>Your giant, looming husband
>Who was looking down at you with his arms crossed
>And there you were in a sweatshirt and socks...
"Hehe... hello, honey," you say, taking a nervous step back. "How was your trip? Did you get anything nice?"
>Anon's frown deepened, and he squatted down and grabbed your face
>"Christ above you look like shit, Twilight," he murmured, running his thumbs under your eyes. "Have you gotten any sleep since we left?"
>Not more than twelve hours by your best guess...
>But Anonymous didn't need to know that...
"We'll, you see--"
>He leaned forward, taking a whiff of you
>Making a face he reeled back
>"God, you reek!"
>Out of the corner of your eye you see Shining covering his muzzle with a hoof
>"When's the last time you've taken a shower, Twily?" he asked
>Shaking his head Anon stood up
>"Since we left I bet," he said, putting his hands on his hips. "I bet you money that all of the other girls are just as filthy."
>"Your mares might be filthy but I'm sure that Cadence--"
>"Remember that one time when Cadence dove into a mud puddle to try to save her candy bar?"
>Shining opened his mouth but slowly closed it
>"...Twilight... Please tell me that my wives took a bath in the last two weeks. Please."
>Out of the corner of your eye you see mare and stallion alike watching the three of you with smirks
>Yeah, yeah, you bucking laugh it up
>It's always fun to see a stallion chewing a mare out
>You'll be laughing when Ponyville's taxes increase...
>And you could do that too if you wanted
 
>Being a princess has it's--
>"Twiggles!"
>You jumped, your eyes snapping back to your husband
"Y-Yes dear?"
>"Did you do a single thing that I asked you to do?"
>Oh buck!
>This was it, Twilight
>This was the chance that you had been waiting for to save yourself!
>All you had to do was li--
"Nope, not a thing."
>...BUCK!
>Anon's frown deepened to dangerous levels
>"You didn't cut the grass or till that little garden like I asked you to?"
"No."
>"You didn't clean the house like I asked
"No."
>"Did you at least go to the doctor's for your yearly physical? Did any of the girls?"
>You winced, looking down at the ground
"...Well, we were all meaning to... But then we remembered that we hated going to the doctors..."
>You trailed off, keeping your eyes glued to Anon's feet
>...You know what?
>Enough of trying/attempting to talk your way out of this
>Princess Celestia was right
>You know Anon loved you all to bits
>Yeah you messed up
>Yeah it was wrong of you to ignore all but your most basic of needs for the last two weeks
>Yeah you probably smell like a port town in the middle of summer
>If you just looked your stallion in the eye and apologized you knew he'd forgive you
>You knew that he'd tell you he loved you right back if you said it to him
>Sighing, you looked up at Anon
"Anon, honey, I am so--"
>"THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE DEMANDS THAT YOU LEAVE TWILIGHT ALONE, ANONYMOUS! NOPONY, LET ALONE HER, WISHES TO HEAR YOUR NONSENSE!"
>...Oh buck
>Oh buck no
>Your eyes snapped up toward your balcony
>Your heart sank when you saw that all of the girls were standing near the edge of the thing looking down at you
"G-Girls, don'--"
>"Trixie! Get your great and powerful ass down here and open the front door before I COME up there and kick you through the ceiling with my great and powerful foot."
>Sunset smirked
>"You have no power here, colt! This is our castle and we can do whatever we want!"
>Gals
>Starlight giggled and Luna threw up a hoof
 
>"We shall FINISH our splendid game and THEN we shall open the door, Anonymous. As thou can CLEARLY see from the note which hath been posted on the door no stallions are allowed on the premises!"
>Shining frowned
>"Now come on, Luna, stop messing around and let the two of us in. I got this cute little dress for you that I--"
"Silence, husband! The mares are talking!"
>Wat R U doin
>Shining reared back like he had just been slapped, a scowl immediately coming to his face
>"Y-Yeah," Moondancer mumbled, so quietly that you had to strain to hear. "We w-want to finish our game."
"Yeah!" Cadence cried, slapping the unicorn on the back, darn near knocking her over. "You tell her Moony!"
>Anon threw his hands up in the air
>"And what, if I might as, do you want the two of us to do while we wait for you to finish your FUCKING game?" he asked sarcastically
>Narrowing your eyes you saw that the girls eyes were slightly glazed
>They were still running high from beating those raiders
>They still thought that they were in the game and that they could do anything
>That they were heroes
>That they could tell their husbands to buck off and that they'd LISTEN
>But they BUCKING COULDN'T BECAUSE THIS WAS REAL LIFE!!!
>TIME TO STOP PRETENDING NOW!
>NOPONY WANTS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY TO HAVE A PISSING MATCH WITH THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE
>ESPECIALLY NOT YOU!
"J-Just give me a second and I'll open the--
 
Pop!
 
>You blinked when you suddenly found yourself standing next to Celestia
>Gals staph
>Your old teacher, with a confident smirk on her face, leaned over the balcony just a hair
>"While it is wonderful to see you, hon, I fear that the girls and I have a game of Orges and Obelisk that we really must be getting back to."
>"You haven't seen me for two weeks and you're just telling me to fuck off?!"
>"To be fair, dear, you were supposed to be coming back next week."
 
>"What? I TOLD you we were going to stay for two weeks!"
>"I remember three weeks, dear."
>"No, me and Shining thought about staying for three weeks but we didn't and-- just let me in the fucking house!"
>"Anonymous, honey, I do believe that you need to take a breather. You're bound to bust a blood vessel if you keep this up."
>"It's your fault that I'm about to bust a blood vessel, Celestia! Nowletmeinthefuckingplayhousecastle!!!"
>Alright
>This was getting WAY too out of hoof
>If Celestia or Luna or ANYPONY wasn't going to be the voice of reason than it looked like you were going to have to speak up
"Girls, I don't think that we should--"
>"You're more than welcomed to come into the castle when you calm down."
>"Calm down?" Anon said, his lips drawing back into a snarl. "CALM DOWN?!"
>Staph pls
>"Yeah, stop being so prissy, Nonny," Sunset said with a smirk. "I thought that men weren't so fussy."
>You could almost SEE the steam shooting out of Anon's ears as he snorted
>His eyes narrowed and he nodded
>"Oh... oh, so this is how it's gonna be? Alright then."
>Leaning down, Anon whispered something into Shining's ear
>The frown on Shining's face slowly morphed into a smile, and his eyes started to widen in delight
>You did not like that look
>Nor did you like Anon's
>You didn't like it one little bit
>Standing back to his full height, Anon regarded all seven of you
>Seven of arguably most powerful magic users in Equestria
>All of whom-- except your flank-- who had been blinded by hive mind and a flood of dopamine
>You continued to try to open your mouth to say something, to slap some BUCKING SENSE into your herd mates
>But before you could do anything Anon and Shining turned away
>You felt your teats twist as your hermates started to playfully jeer at the two
>This didn't feel right...
>Anon NEVER gave up on anything this easily
 
>This was the man that had chased a gryphon for fifteen miles on foot because the hen had said that Moondancer's glasses stupid
>He just didn't WALK AWAY from things
>He NEVER did that!
>Oh gosh
>Oh gosh!
>You find yourself hyperventilating as Anon looked over his shoulder at all of you
>There is an unsettling glint in his eyes
>In them you could see the promise of pain and nothing else
>"You ladies want to stay up there and play your role playing games smelling like nasty cunt? That's fine by me. I'll just have to do what every good husband would do in a situation like this."
>One of Anon's hands closed into a fist, and even from a hundred feet away you swear you could hear his knuckles cracking
>"I'm going to CLEAN. YOU. ALL. UP."
>You sigh, putting your head in your hooves as you sat down on your rump
"Oh holy horse apples I'm going to kill you guys," you mutter. "I'm going to kill you until you're dead then I'm gonna kill you again..."
