Title:           Love and Powerlifting 1 (NSFW)
Author:          LaPsbin
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/dceXJBTF
First Edit:      Saturday 22nd of August 2015 12:12:20 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Thursday 21st of July 2016 02:18:22 PM CDT

Green by http://www.fimfiction.net/user/little+big+pony
 
BLEPBLEPBLEPBELP!!
> "...Yeah, fuck you too alarm.
>Day whey in Equestria
>Be anon, Canterlot's resident (and only) human and be as pissed off as hell that you, once again, have to wake up at four in the morning.
>Grumbling to yourself, your throw off your covers and roll out of your bed.
BLEPBLEPBLEPBLEP!!!
> "I'm up, I'm up dammit! Shut the fuck up or your going out the window; again!"
>You alarm, ever the prick, refuses your reasonable demands, continuing to screech like a fucking... er, its too early in the morning to brain.
>Welp, you just got your pay check the other day, so you could buy another alarm clock.
>Hopefully the next one will know when to shut the fuck up.
 
~~<>~~<>~~<>
 
>Be Cadence, Ruler of the Crystal Empire, The Princess of Love, and Equestria's top love slut twelve years running, snuggling against your hubby in your old bed in Canterlot castle.
> "Gods do you look adorable," you murmur, looking down at your husband, who has his head pressed up in the nape of your neck.
>Right now it was four in the morning, an ungodly hour for most ponies to get up, but you were no pony, so, to your irritation, you needed to get your flank up to take care of business.
>At the moment you were trying to figure out how to get out of your bed without waking your hubby, who you spent the whole night tenderly loving.
>Gave that stallion the V all night long Giggity
>After some wiggling, you managed to get out of your husband's death quan snuggle grip and trot toward the bathroom.
>Even though you HATED waking up this BUCKING early you had a job to do.
>A job that just so happened to revolve around a certain hairless, alien monkey.
 
>Be anon again
>After a quick show, a longer than average shit, and after you ate a hearty breakfast with your breakfast shake, you make your way out of your (kind of) shitty apartment whistling a happy tune, your gym bag on your shoulder and a shaker bottle full of preworkout in your hand.
>It might fucking suck that you have to get your ass out of bed this early, but it was the only time you were free to go your temple.
>Like it always was, the streets of Canterlot were empty as you made your way through them, making sure to wave or say a quick hello to any pony you actually came across.
>You would have stayed to chat with one or two of them, especially that one mare with that phat ass, but you needed to get to gym before your preworkout kicked in.
>no little marshmellow horse needed to deal with the sights, sounds, and smells of a man that was strung out on preworkout.
>ain't nobody got time for that!
 
()*)~~()*)~~()*)
 
>Be Cadence again
> After making sure that your mane was all fixed up, and you had just the right amount of make up on, you trotted out of your room and into the hallway, making a beeline toward the kitchen to get a cup of coffee to wake you the buck up.
>You were so eager to get your cup of sugary life sustainer that you almost bowled into your aunt Luna, who probably looked just as exhausted as you did at the moment.
Don't worry, Candy-ass I got this.
> "Holy buck do you look terrible, Auntie, did you have a scrap with a hydra?"
>Man, buck you brain, you cunt.
Hey, I don't get coffee you don't get thoughty, bitch.
>Your aunt just stares at you blankly, obviously trying to get her brain to connect the dots and recognize you.
> "Oh, good morn, niece," she said with a yawn, her wings drooping against the floor. "Why art thou up at such an hour as this?"
>You smile at your aunt. "Oh, I was just going to go and get a little exercise in," you say, giving your belly a pat. "I want to make sure that I look good for my stallion and all!"
>While you had been hoping that, since your aunt looked like she was about to pass right out in the middle of the hall, you'd be able to bullshit your way around the conversation, Auntie Luna didn't seem fooled.
"Oh? And will thou be "working out" with the day on this day?"
>Oh buck, come on brain, you need to help a filly out.
I still don't got my coffee, zigger!
>Don't you be a bucking dick, brain; think up a good lie right now... and stop being so racist; it's weird...
Fuck you I do what I want!
> "Well, Auntie, I was--"
>Your aunt took a stop toward you, her face scrunching up in irritation and...
>Was that a blush.
> "Speak truly, Niece mine, art thou going to go see our subject Anonymous?"
>Shit, you can practically FEEL the sweat dripping off you as you nervously try to get your oddly racists--and mean-- brain to form words, which you would then use to form lies.
> "...I just wanted to go to an all mare's gym instead of staying here?" you lamely said, giving your aunt the biggest, fakest smile you can muster at four thirty in the morning.
>PleaseworkpleaseworkohmyCelestiaplease--
> "...Though we do not understand such an action, we have noticed that the fillies and mares seem more comfortable away from the softer sex when they wish to work up at sweat," your aunt mutters.
>Speech raised to 69; buck yeah!
>you nod. "Yep, that's totally the reason," you say, inching past your aunt. "I don't want Shiny to think I'm just going to the gym to eye some stallions flank.
>your aunt nodded slowly, looking oddly disappointed.
> "A shame; thou could have sent along our greetings so Anonymous. We know that he gets up at this hour..." Your aunt yawns again, covering her mouth with a wing.
> "It has been a pleasure speaking to you, young Cadence, but we are exhausted and wish to complete our duty by lowering the moon."
>you nod again, leaning in and giving your aunt a nuzzle.
> "I'll see you later today, Aunty," you say. "Goodnight; don't let the bed-sprites bite!"
>your aunt snorts.
"Silly niece, there are no bed-sprites in the castle," she said, slowly walking past you and toward aunt Celestia's room. "We have personally made sure that the maids have kept the castles pest under control."
>You couldn't help but giggle, yawning yourself as you made your way toward the kitchen.
"Auntie, make sure to say good morning to aunt Celestia for me!"
 
> Hon's Gym
>Your gym wasn't a sissy commercial gym where you'd find more housewife's walking in treadmills.
>You gym was a powerlifters gym; where one went to seriously train or get ready for a competition.
>It was a gym lined with power racks and oly platforms (because, for some weird fucking reason, ponies were able to squat and bench and dead lift just like you)
>It was also a place where you were hazed right the fuck out if you couldn't bench less than two plates.
>It was a old, hard place that few could survive and even fewer could thrive.
> And, in a work, you loved the fuck out of this little gym.
> "Hey, Anon, there's my sexy little monkey man!"
>You chuckle as you make your way through the gym's doors, making sure to sway your hips with each step toward the changing room while whistles and cat calls sounded off all around you.
>Even though it was a little weird that you almost never saw another guy here-- pony gryphon, minotaur, nothing-- you always got a kick out of the girls here.
>Not to mention it was ADORABLE seeing a mare with a roid gut.
> "How are you sexy bitches today?" you called, earning a few more jeers and chuckles. "You ready to see someone put some real weights up?"
> "We only want to see that flank of yours, pretty colt; that's the only reason you let you in this gym!
 
&*&~~&*&
 
>Be Cadence, and be once again terrified and disgusted in this horrible, horrible gym that Anon goes to for some bucking reason.
> It was dirty, smelly, everypony around here was roided out of their minds (which made you feel oddly inadequate) and, once again, every mare here was eyeing you like you didn't belong here.
>Even though you were a pretty marely mare (if you did say so yourself) you weren't really the type to go out to gyms; much less gyms like this, and if you did you'd usually just do a few curls and hit on a cardio colt every once and a while.
>So why the buck was Anon, a stallion, in a place like this?!
>Why in the name of your aunt's beard couldn't he just to Galaxy fitness like any other--.
>Oh horseapples, he's over there and he's looking at you!
>Oh shit, you need to hide!
 
^&()()&^
 
>Be anon once again.
>After getting on your proper gym attire (shorts, cut off, and chalk since you were doing deads and squats today) you quickly made your way toward your favorite power rack: Ol' bessy.
> "Hey anon, do ya need someone to spot ya?" a muscular minotauress called."Don't want ya to mess yourself up with that baby weight, hot stuff!"
>Adjusting the bar and the safety pins, you quickly throw on a pl8 on each side.
> "Heffer, your max is my warm up!" you call back, about to get under the bar to preform the most holiest of activities...
>Until you see see a flash of pink out the corner of your eye.
>Stopping in your tracks you slowly turned to see Princess MI Amore Cadenze trying to hide behind a plate tree.
> Goddammit, not her again.
>For some reason that you have yet to discern, the princess of love had taken it upon herself to harrass the ever loving SHIT out of you.
>When you had first landed in horse land, you had met the local rulers of this land and had, after having stayed in their castle until you were able to buy our sweet ass apartment, gotten to known the two Celestial sisters pretty well.
>Celestia was pretty cool and you were bros with Luna, hell you were even friends with Twig dike sporbutt and her husband, but this filly...
>She'd always go out of the way to ask you how you were doing (in the creepy pushy way, not the helpful way), whether or not you were looking for somepony to date, harassing all of the mare's that even looked at you funny; basically being the overprotective sister that you never wanted.
>That hadn't been a problem though, since she lived so far away, but then she came back home to vacation and, just call it a feeling, you felt that the game had changed.
>And sweet Jesus did you not like it when game changed.
>Welp, maybe if you just ignored her then she--
>Oh, hello, Anon, fancy meeting you where!"
>God fucking dammit...
>Well, squats wait for no man, and it was your squat day; irritating pink pony or not.
> "Hello Cadence," you say with a sigh, getting under the bar and lifting it up with a grunt.
>Now all you need to go was get in position; get your legs spread to shoulder length with your back--
> "Don't hurt yourself sweetie!"
>You closed your eyes when she felt hooves grabbing the edges of your bar.
> Is... this bitch trying to lift this bar off your back?
>Your warm up?!?!
>Take it easy, Anon, this one doesn't even lift; she doesn't know any better.
> Trying to keep yourself calm you simply stuck your ass you, hitting Cadence in the stomach.
>the mare let go of the bar with a surprise grunt, which gave you enough time to squat down.
> "Don't touch the bar when you have no idea how to spot," you said, slowly going through your warm up. "Spotting for squat is a hell of a lot more dangerous than spotting for a bench press, young Padawan.
>Before princess Candyass could say a think, you reracked the weight and spun around to face a blushing pink princess.
> Slapping the power rack, you stepped out of it and unloaded it to a more manageable weight for newbies, and said, "Not it's your turn."
 
()()()~~@@@~~()()()
 
>Oh sweet Faust did you see dat flank?
>He just stuck it out where everypony could see!
>And dat flank!
>Unf
>UNNNFFF!
>Shining ain't got nothing on--oh pop, he's talking to you; get your head in the game girl.
> "Stop just standing there, Cadence, get your ass in there and start squatting!"
>whatthefuckno.jpg
> "W-What?"
>The human once again smacked the power rack once again, the loud metallic sound that followed making your ears ring.
>Like hell you were going to be doing squats, those were the worst!
>Time to show this colt what they named you a prin--
> "GET YOUR FURRY PINK ASS IN THE CAGE!!"
>with a surprised eep, you scurry into the rack, get onto your hindlegs, and got into what you hoped was a squatting position.
> "Keep your back straight and stick out your ass... no, more; and watch out for those ankles, your going to snap those suckers if you're not careful.... Lower, lower, LOWER for christ sakes, you're not going to get anything out of doing those shitty ROMs."
>Oh horseapples, it looks like your stuck here until you make the monkey happy; the look on his face as you weakly, and slowly, squatted up and down said that there was no way in hay that you were getting out of here unless you mared up and bit the bullet.
>the only thing that you could do now was squat until the stallion got bored with you.
 
()()()()~~@@~~<><>><><
 
>Be an amused Anon.
>Since love horse wouldn't leave you alone, and since no one in this gym could kick her out because she was a princess, AND since you didn't want to be harassed anymore in the gym, you decided to take Cadence under your wing with the sole of intent of breaking her will.
>Sure, you did your very best to make sure she had proper form in everything you had her do, and you made sure that she never did too much weight and you always made sure to encourage her, but in the end you wanted to make sure that by the end of the day you wanted her to hate the word gym.
> Squats, squats, squats, and even more squats, from light to heavy to HEAVY.
>rep after rep after rep after delicious thigh and ass burning rep.
>After squats were leg presses, then weighted lunges, and after that you threw in a few steps of front squats peppered with light weight, but high rep, deadlifts.
>For over three hours you beat down on the pink alicorn, who oddly did surprisingly well.
>She might have been sweaty and beaten and battered, and you may have been carrying her ass back to the castle on account of her not being able to walk, but at least she stuck it out till the end.
>Give her a year or two and maybe she'd be gym buddy material.
>Looking down at the mare in your arms you asked, "You alright there, Cadence?"
>You felt her nod against your arm. "...Yeah, I'm alright," she murmured.
>You grinned. "How does it feel to actually do something in the gym and not just stand around doing fuck all?"
 
~~&***&~~
 
>be exhausted Cadence.
>sweet Celestia on a pogo stick were you exhausted.
>You legs felt like jelly and you were THIS close to just closing your eyes and falling asleep in the arms of this alien, aggressive, sweaty, and muscular male...
>The male who you had seen squatting three times out body weight.
>The male who had been yelling at you for the entire workout.
>The male who had taken his shirt off half way through the workout that you now have cradled in your hooves.
>The male who, right now, if you could, you'd rut his bucking brains because sweet Celestia was he making you wet.
>You could feel yourself winking with each scent filled breath you took, and if you actually could move, or had enough energy to feel things, you might have squirmed in his grasp or at least covered yourself with your tail a little better, but right now you could not give a buck.
>After today you have finally gotten a some real one on one time with the human, and you could honestly say that you weren't left wanting.
>Your hubby liked Anon, and you were sure that, if you asked nicely, you'd talk him into making your two three.
>Because you, Mi Amore Cadenza, had finally made up your mind.
> You, for all intents and purposes, wanted the monkey D
>And you were going to get that shit, no matter what.
>You smiled to yourself as you nuzzled your soon to be human's arm once again.
> "Actually, Anon, would you mind working out with me a little more?"
>With the last bit of energy you had, you lifted you head and looked right into your sexy monkey's eyes.
>Whatcha gonna do end the Candytrain runs over you, colt?
> "I think that it's starting to grow on me."
 
> "Halt, state your business!"
>You stared down at the dyel widdle pony guard, who were pointing their widdle spears at you.
> "Sup my nigglets?" You pat a now sleeping Cadence's ass. "I got a special delivery for ol' Shiny."
>After a short, but awkward (not for you, for Cadence, since the nobles were staring at her ass and not yours) you now had to overcome your first trial into getting into the eye sore of a castle: the guards who, even though you knew that they knew who you were, still gave you shit before going into the castle every. single. time you fucking came.
>In fact, they looked especially disgusted today, their noses wrinkling as they stared at you shirtless and sweaty body.
> "Sir, we're going to have to ask you ask you to wait for a moment before--
>Yeah, fuck that.
>Beginning to whistle a happily little tune, you gently shoved one of the guards ponies out of the way with your foot before walking through the castle entrance.
> "H-Hey, now wait a minute you, you, m-meanie!" One of the guards shouted.
>Without looking over your shoulder, you answered, "No thanks; I want to get something to eat and the princess here is starting to get heavy."
>"At least apologize first! You scuffed Private Hoplites Armor!"
> "I-I spend a-all morning buffing this a-armor out," you heard the other guard sob. "N-Now the other boys are going t-to thing I-I'm a SLOB!"
>Jesus Chirst were some of these stallions pansies.
>You barely touched him and he started balling like a little girl...
>Shaking your head, you turned the corner and started walking down the hall.
> "Oh~, well look at this." When you felt someone giving your ass a squeeze you knew that you had your next trial ahead of you.
>agentlemensdutyisneverdone.jpg
Cracking a smile, you looked over your shoulder and stared into the purplish eyes of the biggest, whitest, and the biggest sexual harrasseist pony that you have ever laid eyes on.
>Celestia motherfucking oak-er Celestia, princess of ponyland.
 
>Welp, better nip this in the butt.
>Before the grinning princess could do or say anything you reached over and bopped her on the nose.
>Bitches love nose boops.
>Hey eyes crossed as she watched your finger touching your nose before she let out this adorable little sneeze that made you want to just drop ol' love slut and pet the SHIT out of sun god horse.
>But you had a job to do; pets could come later.
> "And how is my favorite princess doing?" you asked, hefting the princess of love on a more comfortable position in your arms.
>sun horse smiled once again, leaning in and giving your cheek a nuzzle.
> "I'm doing fine, my little human," she said, her nostrils flaring before she looked up at her sleeping niece.
> "And what do we have here?" the alicorn asked, tsking with a look of mock disappointment on her face.
> "You and my niece, covered with sweat," you rolled your eyes when she gasped, "and look! You have your shirt off! What would your mother think?!"
> "My mother would think I'm a gentlemen for going out of my way to help out someone get learned in the job," you dryly reply, booping the princess again. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get a certain princess to her room and get something to eat before I got catabolic.
>That shit was true tho; if you didn't at least stuff your face, and drink at least twelve shakes a day (#onedayouymay) there was no way that you were going to get bigger than the sun and stronger than the ocean.
>Sun butt extended her wing, booping your nose right back.
> "Well then, my little eye candy, I'll have the royal chef's prepare something while you tuck my niece into bed."
>You frowned. "Well, I don't mean to intrude..."
>Your ass got wing booped again.
> "Nonsense, you know that I'd love to have you for lunch!" Looking this way and that, the princess licked her lips and gave you bedroom eyes. "If you know what I mean~"
>Now laughing, you leaned in to boop the silly horse once again, but she foiled you by slapping your hand away with her hoof.
>C-C-C-C-Combobreaker!
> "I'm going to go put this fat ass away, then I'll eat some of your food," you say, walking down the hallway.
> "I'll be in the kitchen!" Celestia called, and you swore you could feel a hoof giving your ass a squeeze. "Don't keep me waiting!... And make sure to keep that shirt of your off!"
>This got another laugh out of you as you patted Cadence's back, smiling when her wings fluttered in an adorable way.
>You always liked Sunbutt, and after finally getting her out of her princess I-have-a-stick-up-my-ass shell you had learned that she was a jokester.
>And a borderline sex offender when it came to your ass... and your arms... and legs... now that you mention it, Sun horse DID seem to squeeze and prod your body quite a bit...
>Eh, fuck it, as long as you got free food out of it you were find with a little ass grabbing.
>It was all in good fun and shit.
>After some searching, and finally asking a pair of maids, you finally made your way into to Love butt's room, managing to kick open the doors and make your way inside.
>Huh, it looks like the hubby is out doing something; well, it was probably better that Shining didn't see you man handling his wife, it'd probably bring up some awkward questions that you really didn't feel like answering right now.
>striding over to the bed, you gently lay the pink pone down.
> "Now I hope that you learned your lesson, Cadence," you say, brushing a bit of mane out of the alicorn's face. "Stay out of the serious gym's and quit trying to stalk my ass; shit's creepy."
>You looked down at you shirt, which the princess happened to be using as a pillow, before sighing.
> "...I'll just get that another day," you mutter, not willing (and probably not able) to ruin the adorable sight before you.
>If you had bothered to turn around, you would have noticed the smile that came to Cadence's face as you pulled the covers up over here, and you would have also noticed that her grip tightened around your shirt while her eyes slowly stared to flutter open.
>But, since you were too busy thinking about getting something into your belly, all you saw was an adorable pink pone snug as a bug in a rug as you made your way out of the room and back into the hallway.
 
()()#~&~#()()
 
>Be Cadence once again.
>It was very nice of Anon to carry you all the way through the city and into your room you still felt a little bad that he had to do it.
>You were, after all a gentlemare, and you didn't like that idea of having a stallion do so much physical labor, and... it may have irked you that he was so strong... and that stamina...
>Oh, you bet that he'd be able to hold you down no problem, rutting you as you struggled underneath him...
>Oh, hello wings, didn't see you rising there.
>Sup, Cadence, we're here to just tell you you're telling turned on girl. You know, you should probably do something about that.
>Hey thanks wings; you know, you're right, I could rub one out before hitting the showers.
>Looking down you noticed that you were still holding onto your husbando's, and maybe future husband (if you managed to play your cards right) shirt.
>Bringing it up to your nose, you took a deep breath, your wings rising to pull mast as you took in Anon's scent.
>Covering your nose with the shirt, your hoof slowly made it's way down toward our nethers.
>You were going to need to figure out how to seduce Anon, and set everything up where dating an alien would be alright for you, but first masturbation.
 
>Stomach rumbling, you quickly make your way toward the royal diner, or food room, or whatever they called it, ignoring all of the looks that you were getting from all of the prissy noble ponies.
>Turning a few corners, and making a few lefts, and after bothering a few more guardsponies, you finally made it into the royal food room.
>Unlike most of this castles finery, this little room could be considered painfully average, almost freakishly so.
>All there was was a long table, a few simple wooden chairs, and another table with some silverware and condiments.
>Celestia was sitting at one of the chairs, idly humming to herself, smiling when she noticed you entering the room.
> "Anon, you're just in time! Come, sit, sit!" she said, patting the chair beside her. "I just ordered you your food."
> "You got me chicken and rice, right?" you asked, walking over and sitting down next to the princess, who was quick to wrap a wing around you and pull you close.
>She nodded, her nose scrunching up in disgust. "Yes I did... though I don't understand why you have to eat that everyday."
>You shrugged. "It really sucks at first," you admit. "but after a while you get used to it. And I don't eat chicken and rice EVERY day... I have a cheat day."
>Celestia giggled. "I'm sure you do~" she purred, rubbing her side against yours. "Now why don't we have a nice lunch. You can tell me how my favorite human's been doing."
> "Oh, you know, I've been just doing this and that," you say, managing to grab the hoof that was reaching for your keister. "I've been making sure to keep this body maintained until the next competition rolls around."
The princess hums in mock interest, having a little game of grabbing-anon's-ass under the table.
> "Oh? And how has your house been treating you?" she asked, leaning in so she could use her body to pin your's down, which would force you to bring up your hands to move her. "I have been meaning to come down and see it for myself."
>Scooting back away from the pokey princess almost managed to throw her out of her seat, but somehow she managed to rebalance herself just in the nick of time.
>Not one to back down from a challenge, you scooted closer, intent on turning the tide.
> "It's a lot nicer than I thought I was going to get. I swear to god when I saw how much some of the houses were going to cost to rent I considered just moving back into the castle."
> A servant came in and gave you both drinks, a big jug of water for you and an ice tea for the princess, oblivious to the fact that your hand's and Celestia's hooves were a blur , each of you trying to find a kink in your opponents defense.
> "Well, Luna and I would have been happy to have kept you here," the princess said, levitating her drunk up to her lips and taking a dainty sip, a small smile on her face.
Block, block, parry, counter, counter counter, fidget, block.
>You smiled savagely. "I'm sure you would have, Princess," you reply. "And I appreciate it but I thought that I needed to go out and get a place of my own. I didn't want to feel like a freeloader and I DO make pretty good money at those body building competitions, yeah know?"
> By now you were basically having a slap fight under the table, but you were determined to protect your ass's honor from the silly sun horses games until your food came.
>Celestia nodded. "I understand." Dammit, she nearly got you that time.
> "And speaking of your silly weights, did you know that a Mrs. Harshwhinny came around the castle to talk to you?"
>You frown. "Again?"
>Sun horse nodded. "I'm afraid so," she told you. "You know, whatever your reservations are about it, I'm sure that the whole of Equestria would be honored to have you competing for them in the games next year."
>And just like that, the grabby hooves stopped, Celestia once again pressing you against her side with a win and place a hoof over your shoulder.
>Even though she could be a bit of a handful at times, she always had that way making you feel like she really cared about you and what you had to say.
>"And I understand if a stallion like you would be nervous around big, hulking mares, but be assured that I'd be right there cheering you on and making sure that nopony would lay a hoof on that... body of yours~"
>And just like that the moment was ruined.
>Hulking mare's or not, most the time you were a hell of a lot stronger than most ponies; roided up or not.
>In fact, it might have been safe to assume that you were one of the strongest nonmagical beings in Canterlot.
>Which was why you were able to usually clean up in lifting competitions.
>It might have been shitty going into pony lifting competitions, where a normal mare's max deadlift was usually around 480, but hey, a nigga got to eat.
>Speaking of eating, a servant horse walked into the little room with a food trolley.
> "Princess, Mr. Anon," the servant said in a posh, and fake, french accent, your lunch is served.
>The stallion quickly gave you your meals.
> "We have a salad topped with fresh tomato, bailey leaves, and avocado.with a small serving of blue cheese for the princess and--"
>The servants nose wrinkled in disgust. "Two bowls of shredded chicken breast on top of plain, spiceless, flavorless brown rice..."
>You grinned, grabbing a spoon and blowing the pony a kiss. "Tasteless food, my favorite," you say, immediately digging in.
 
>Realizing that you hadn't answered Celestia yet, you quickly chew and swallowed your food before saying, "You know, I think I might be alright with just doing these bodybuilding competitions."
>You pat sun horse's chest.
> "I don't really feel like going all the way to some random country to do a couple of Olympic lifts." You grimace. "And even though you guys made me a citizen and all... I don't know, it just doesn't feel right.
>Celestia nodded understandingly, taking a bite out of her salad.
> "Well, if you ever change your mind..."
> "I'd be happy to win Equestria a couple of medals," you say, smiling up at the princess, who smiled down at you.
>And with that the two of you dug in, the sounds of silver ware scrapping against bowls and plates.
>Sister, doth thou knowest the location of our mouth guard? We were looking for it in our bathroom and--"
>You and Celestia watched as Luna, who was decked out loose fitting star footie Pj's, had her mane wrapped up in a pony tail, and had a pair of glasses hanging off her muzzle, walk into the dining room and froze as soon as she saw you.
>There were a few moments of awkward silence as the princess of the night looked at you, then down at herself, than back up at you, horror as plain as day on her face.
>"A-Anon?! What art thou doing in the castle at this hour?" Her eyes widened. "Oh damnation!"
>Color draining from her face, Luna quickly threw off her glasses, running in place in panic, muttering something to herself.
>Slowly spooning yourself some more chicken and ricey goodness, you couldn't help but say, "Nice Pj's, Luna. Could you tell me where you got'em? I always wanted a pair."
>The princess's face exploded into a blush as she reeled back like you had just punched her in the face, her horn sparking.
PLOP!
>You turn back toward Celestia, who looked like she was either about to laugh, yell at you, or get up and go after her sister.
> "What the hell's eating her?"
 
>Be Cadence.
>After two or three clop sessions and and a quick hour nap, you were making your way through the halls and toward the castle's library.
>Though your sister in law had only met Anon for a short time, she had managed to squeeze a plethora of information out of that sexy monkey, and had sent all of her notes to Canterlot; notes that you were going to need if you were going woo your husbando.
>You might have been the princess of love, and therefore what ALL the stallion's wanted, and while you were sure you'd have Anon eating out of your hooves in a day or two, you still wanted to take a look at those notes.
>You know, just to be safe.
>Gods, you couldn't wait to have the big stallion underneath you, you rutting his brains out while your Shining licked your horns and wings and--
>"Oh, hello Cadence!"
>Looking up, you saw your aunt Celestia making her way toward you, a little smile on her face.
"I was about to check up on you after I had a little talk with my dear sister."
>You smiled back at her and opened your mouth, about to greet your aunt, when a... feeling made you shut your mouth.
>Your aunt wasn't just walking toward you; it almost looked like she was sizing you up... and that little smile of her's seemed sharper, more predator-like, along with the way that she was swaying her flank back and forth as she leisurely made her way toward you.
> "Did you enjoy your little morning with Anon, hummmm~?"
>Ohshitsheknows.exe
>Without realizing it, you started backing up until you hit a wall with an epp.
>Seeing that you were trapped, your aunt's smile grew and grew until her muzzle was touching yours and you were pressed up against the wall so much you could barely breath.
> "And what you were doing with Anon, my little pony? I would have asked Anon but... certain matters prevented me~."
>Sweet gods, is it getting hot in here or is it just you.
>You aunt looked at you expectantly, waiting for your answer.
>You smile weakly.
>Even though your aunt was an eons old goddess that had seen, done, and heard everything and anything imaginable, you were pretty sure that you'd be able to bullshit her.
>Probably.
>Brain, mouth, you need to bring your A game right now.
>"U-Um, w-well... you see, He and I were just... getting /fit/?"
>10/10, bucking nailed it; good job brain, mouth.
>Your aunt's smile grew just a LITTLE too wide, and...
>Did that filly just lick your nose?!?!
> "You know, Cadence~ I've gotten to know Anonymous pretty well, or at least that's what I like to believe."
>Now you had your back pressed up against the wall.
>"And, though he might be a little rough around the edges and... different, I've found that he's a wonderful stallion." she eyed you knowingly. "A stallion that one could settle down with... isn't that right?"
>Sitting down on her rump, your aunt spread out a wing and quietly started to preen it, eyeing you the whole while.
>You knew that she wanted you to say something, and you knew that she knew that you knew what she was on about; which left you in an awkward position.
>You weren't going to be able to run away, and it looked like she was ready to sit here until you did or said something; so the question is, "What the buck should you do?!"
>Should you hold your piece?
>Should you be an alpha mare and just tel her off?
>Should you tell her everything?!
>You don't know if it was all of the waiting, or if you were a beta little filly, but you found yourself snapping like a dry twig.
>"I've been looking at Anon for month trying to figure out if he'd be ideal for a herd," you mumbled, looking down at the floor.
>You tensed when you felt a wing wrapped around you, but then relaxed when your aunt leaned down and nuzzled your cheek.
 
>Looking up, you saw not the eyes of a sex-hungry predator, but the kind eyes of your auntie Celestia, the one who taught you to play baseball, put a condom on a colt, play blackjack; hell, this mare was even willing to help make you a fake ID so you could buy liquor (because buck the guard when you were sixteen and you wanted to get drunk with your friends.
>This was the mare that you knew and you trusted more than anypony else on this Earth.
>You leaned into your aunt's embrace.
> "I love Shining and all, more than anything else on this earth, but I've been thinking that the two of us could bring somepony else into our lives and love them too," you say, too relaxed to cringe at how horrible stallion-y that just sounded.
> "You know, I've been trying to find Luna and I a nice stallion to settle down with," you aunt said, pressing you closer against her.
> "Luna seems to lonely lately, and I'm not too proud to admit that I would like some company myself."
>She sighed.
> "That being said, I did not wish to shift through the filth to find a gem... At least until I found Anon."
>You nodded, your head hung low in defeat.
> "I heard that auntie Luna adores him," you said. "And that the two of them just stay up all night talking to each other."
> "And I'd say that I'm just as fond of him myself."
>You weren't a greedy mare; you had a loving, wonderful husband, and if you're aunt's wanted to find somepony to make them happy, and that somepony happened to be your husbando, you would be more than happy for them.
>You'd be a little butt mad for a little while, but, in the end, you'd be happy for them.
>You were about to open your mouth to say something when another nuzzle silenced you.
> "For the past few weeks, I've been wondering how to go about doing this, and, after more than a little thought, I've decided to see if I could bring in some help in the matter."
>Hope welling up in your chest, you look up at your aunt, who was looking down at you with a mischievous look in her eyes.
> "It's been years since I've tried to woo a stallion, and poor Luna practically trips over her hooves whenever she talks to a stallion, so I thought I'd look around for an expert in the ways of love."
> "And if that pony would, hypothetically speaking, helped my sister and I, I'm sure that the two of us would be more than happy to share the spoils of war... if that pony, whoever they may be, wishes it.
>Your eyes widen.
>Was your aunt saying what you thought she was saying?! All of you would just be a big happy herd.
>A a herd that had your aunts in it?!
>Ew!
>...But at least you'd have Anon, and you'd have that big happy herd that you always wanted...
> "And if this pony, hypothetically speaking, wanted to help, how would we all go about doing this?"
>Celestia smiled, bringing a hoof up to her face and examining it.
> "Well, my dear niece, what does Anonymous love more than anything?"
>You didn't even need to think about it.
>"The gym."
> You aunt smiled. "And that's where we'll have to play the wooing game."
>You and you're aunt look at each other.
> "I'm going to have talk to Shining about this and we're going to have to get you and Luna gym memberships."
 
Be anon yet again, laying on your couch and just staring at your ceiling.
>Since you don't have a real job(cause your competition winnings pay the bills yo) you never really had that much to do other than clean your house, cook yourself something to eat, or lift.
>This meant you either would go out and hang out with someone, or you'd do what you're doing right now.
>Sure, sometimes you'd read a book or you'd get off your ass and do as may push ups as you could in an hour, but most of the time, if you were doing this, you'd just look up and thing, and feel.
>Sweet Jesus riding a flaming rollercoast coming out of Mary's cooch did you feel.
>tfw when you're stalling on OHP
>tfw everyone's at work so you can't talk to anyone.
>twf the gym's closed so you can't go and lift away your feels.
>twf no qt /fit/ gf here to cheer you up... or working out with you, or cheering you on whenever you wanted to break your PR, or cutting or bulking with you...
>tfw no big breasted human girl to motorboat or cuddle with you in your bed in night...
>Fuck, well look at whatcha gone and done: you made yourself sad.
>Well, it wasn't all that bad; at least you had little talking horses to keep you company!
...But no gf, anon.
>fuck you brain, you little cun--
>You pause mid insult when you heard someone tapping on the window.
> "Anonymous, it is I, Luna! Couldst thou open the window so we could have a word with thee?"
>You know that old speakie anywhere.
> "Hang on a second, Luna!" you call, getting up with a grunt and walking toward the window that Woona liked to fly in and out of.
>Why she didn't use the door you didn't know, but as long as she wasn't breaking anything you were fine with her doing it.
>The Princess of the Night smiled as you threw open your window and took a few steps backward, flying through your window and landing on your floor with a graceful flap.
> "We bit thee greetings, Anon, we--"
>You cleared your throat. "Luna, remember about the language."
>Luna blinked before clearing her throat.
>Oh...my ap--bad, Anon," she said, smiling up at you. "And thank th-- you, thank you for reminding me."
>You nod at her before gesturing toward the couch.
>Why don't you sit down and make yourself comfortable while I get the two of us something to drink.You want tea like always right?"
> Luna trotted over toward the couch and hopping onto it. "Tea would be lovely, thank you," she said, resting her head on the arm chair and closing her eyes while you went into the kitchen and starting getting your tea kettle ready.
>You might not drink the stuff, the princesses drank the shit out of tea, and since you had Luna over your house more often than not, you figured that you may as well buy some shit to make a cup of tea.
>It might have been some pretty shit tea, but it was the thought that counted, right?
> "Anon?"
> "Yeah, Luna?"
>Though you couldn't see her, you could hear her wiggling around on your kind of shitty couch, making it creak and groan giddity
> "We would like to apologize for appearing before you like like We-er I did this morning."
>You poke your head through the kitchen door to see Luna staring down at you shamefully.
> "A mare should always strive to look her best in front of the opposite sex." She looked away from you. "Especially in hoofie pajamas..."
>Aw look at that blush and--oh, shit, it looks like she's about to cry.
>Time to take action.
>Walking out of the kitchen you leaned down and wrapped the pone princess up in a hug.
>Luna tried to weakly struggle out of your grasp before returning the hug, quietly sniffling.
> "It wasn't that bad, Luna," you say. "In fact, you looked absolutely adorable in those pj's."
>Breaking down at her, you noticed that Luna's blush had traveled down to her chest.
> "Thank th--you, Anon, it means a lot to hear that from you."
>A god horse cared that you thought that she looked cute in her jammies?
>Women.
 
>Be Anon
>After calming down Luna, and giving her tea, everything had calmed down enough that you and her could do what you usually did at eleven at night: bullshit in your living room until three am.
>"So Luna, who's it been going with you?" You asked, sinking into your couch with a content sigh.
>Luna, sitting right next to you, let out a little sigh of her own, leaning up against you.
> "The nobles squawk, the officials will not leave me alone, I've had too much paperwork to sigh and not enough time to myself; the same as always, Anonymous."
>She eyed the cup of tea floating in her magic sadly. "It had been... difficult getting back into the swing of things, and it seems like it will only get harder with every duty that sister leaves to me."
>Frowning at her slightly depressed tone, you wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.
> "Hey, I can't imagine trying to run a country and all of that, but you REALLY need to go out and do something for an hour or two to keep yourself from killing anyone; you know, like a hobby or something."
>Luna smiled, sipping her tea.
> "Since enjoying your company these past few months, Anon, I've found that I'm less frustrated as of late," she said, trying to hide her blush by sinking further into your couch.
> "And besides, I am too busy to add a hobby to my schedule."
>You give her side a light slap. "Aw, someone, Luna! You sister has that weird cake thing of yours, her student had her books--"
> "And Blueblood has his wigs."
>You pause mid sentence, cocking your head to the side in confusion.
>uwotm8?
> "My nephew has an extraordinary wig collection that he keeps and maintains in his bedroom," Luna explained.
>...Wow, that's some serial killer shit right there...
>Note to self: NEVER be in a room alone with Blueballs if you can help it.
> "...Yeah, wigs; look, all you need is to go out and relieve some of that stress."
>You put a hand on her shoulder.
>"I'm sure that talking to me helps but there's nothing like going hard at something for an hour or two to make a shitty day a better one."
>This also happened to be another one of your nightly rituals with the night princess.
>You two would talk to each other for a while, Luna would vent about something or other, and you'd tell her that she needed to get a hobby so she wouldn't go bonkers, all the while hinting that she may want to go to the gym once and a while.
>Not that she was fat or anything, not that you HATED fat people (not really anyway) but, being a guy that spent most of his time at the iron chapel, you tended to try to get people to go to the gym.
>The ponies that went and continued to go to the gym would be healthy, fit, and they's have a better chance at getting getting the hole or the pole; it was almost a public service really.
> Luna fiddled with her hooves. "Actually... my sister came to me later this morning, something about joining a gym with her."
>You couldn't stop yourself from grinning from ear to ear.
> "I may be a little biased, but I think you should go," you tell her, taking a sip of your water.
> Luna's ears pinned themselves against her head. "I don't know, Anon..."
>Oh shit Anon, you need to get this filly on the /fit/ path.
>Save her soul nigger!
> "Hey, you'll feel better after you get rid of the soreness, and the stallion's will be tripping over themselves if you don't listen to those Pt fuckers and do a proper routine, you say."
> "Hell, I'll be more than happy to write you one up myself if you want."
 
>In the blink of an eye, you watched as Luna's unsure expression turned into a cautious, yet hopeful expression.
> "You're saying that We could have any stallion we wanted?" She asked, looking up at you with her big blue eyes. "None would be able to resist our charms?... None at all?"
> You grin, raising up your glass and toasting her. "All you'd need to do is bat your eyes and show a stallion how much you squat and they'll be swarming all over you like flies on honey!"
>She seemed to let that sink in for a moment, her smile becoming bigger and bigger with each second pass, before she hopped off of the couch.
>Then I will be off, Anon," she said with a happy wiggle. "I must tell sister that I will be joining her on the morn!"
>Spinning around, she flew up and hugged you.
> "Thank you for the advice, Anonymous! It is most welcome!"
>Pleased with yourself, you lead the alicorn toward the door.
>If this works out then you'd have another friend going down the path of /fit/ness.
>Hell, in a few months, she could be asking you if you even lifted and harrasing NYR's with the best of them!
> "I'll make sure to have something written up for you and your sister the next time you're back here, Luna," you said, throwing open the door.
>Nodding, Luna spread her wings and took off into the night, and, for a moment, you swear you could hear a muffled "Hazzah. We CAN win his heart!" sound out.
>Patting yourself on the back (literary, because you're one of /those/ guys) you close the door and make your way into your kitchen, ready to eat your last meal of the day before you hit the hay.
>And, if the lifting gods were kind, you'd have that dream of lifting with the Mountain again.
>God, you'd fuck that walking pharmacy in a heartbeat.
>N-No homo
 
Be anon
>It's a new day to get them gains, son, and you know what day it is?
>Motherfucking back day
>#backtoback
>#Backtothefuture
>#Theempireliftsback
>And boy were you in a good mood to boot.
>You had some decent bro talk with Luna, you had a good breakfast, you got a discount on the cereal you bought this morning, and it couldn't only get better from--
> "HEY ANON!"
>Your gym, which had been filled with the sounds of grunting and weight banging and yelling, or the mating calls of the common meat head, were silenced as you, and every fucking other regular in the gym, turned to look at the dumb nigger stupid enough to go shouting in the middle of a gym like an ass--oh sweet baby Jesus on a tricycle no...
>There, standing at the entrance, equip with the most 80's looking gym gear imaginable (headbands, those weird dumb half cut offs, wrist bands, the works) were the princess, all of whom were staring and FUCKING WAVING at you with happy smiles on their faces.
>You swore you could hear glass shattering in the distance as the gym regulars, the powerlifters, the strongmen, even the gym rats, turn to look at you in confusion.
You know, you could just try ignoring them.
>Nah, I don't think that that'll work brain.
Trust me my nigger, have I ever lead you wrong?
>Brain, they can see me, they're waving at me, and they're coming over here. How is ignoring them going to help me you dumb fuc--
>You almost fall over when a wing slaps your shoulder, Celestia giving you a hammy smile as you stumble a bit before you righten yourself and frown at her.
> "Fancy meeting you here, my little human," she said, adjusting her headband. "Guess which three princesses just got memberships at this old gym of yours!"
> "Luna told us that you were willing to help her out," Cadence butted in. "So, to make it easier for everypony, we though we'd come to you so, you know, you can just train us yourself and--"
 
>Without realizing it, you found yourself walking past the princesses towards the lobby.
>"Hang on a second," you said. "I need to go and talk to someone for... reasons..."
>Not giving them a chance to reply, you walk past them and the regulars, all who were silently judging you for knowing these DYEL's, and make you way out into the lobby, where the owner of the gym, Yyzy stood behind the counter, checking herself out in a mirror.
>Yyzy, oddly, was a kangaroo (the only one that you had ever seen in this world) who was a gym owner, self proclaimed aesthetics goddess, underwear model, stripper, and a hell of a girl that you had gotten the pleasure of knowing for the past few months you've been lifting in this wonderful gym.
>She was a gym rat's gym rat; a sick cunt that wasn't afraid to speak her mind, talk a little bit of shit, or help out someone with their form, and she was the bitch that you needed to talk to.
> "Hey, Yyz, I need to talk to you!"
>The Kangaroo flexed in the mirror, mirin herself one more time, before she looks up at with you a big, cheery smile.
> "Oi! It's Anon, could hardly see ya there, mate!" she said teasingly, leaning on the counter. "Did ya need something, cunt?"
> You lean against the counter, almost touching noses with her.
> "Now, Yyz, we both know I'm a little slow."
>"But ya have a fuckin' nice ass, cunt, and that more than makes up for it."
>Don't you fucking dare smile, Anon; it's serious time.
> "Remember all of that bullshit that I had to go through to get a membership here?"
> "Yep."
> "The same bullshit that everyone that has to go through to get a membership?"
> "I only take the sickest cunts out there, Anon."
>You pointed a thumb toward the gym, where one could see the princesses walking around, not knowing what to do, making a spectacle of themselves and touching weights that they really had no right to lay a hoof in.
> "So could you tell me why there are three newbies in there with their thumbs in their asses?"
>While you had no problem with the princesses working out, in fact you encouraged it, this was /not/ the gym that they should be going to.
>This was a gym for veterans, not newbies; those three could get hurt in a place like this.
>And, if they stayed here, you'd be bitched at 24/7 for bringing newbie DYEL ponies into this gym, or maybe worse.
>And, for fuck's sake, Yyz should know better than letting them in the gym!
>Said kangaroo just grinned at you before pushing off the counter and standing up.
> "I tried to tell'em off, Anon, swear on me father's grave I did," she said, obviously not meaning it. "But I can't say no to royalty, brah, especially not when I'm in Canterlot.
>Narrowing your eyes, you noticed that she looked at something out of the corner of her eye, and following her gaze, you noticed a big bag and-- wait a fucking minute!!!
 
> "You bitch, you let them buy you out!" you cry, pointing out the fucking GIANT bag of bits, which she tried, and failed, to kick under the table, her grin turning into a sheepish smile.
>"Now wait a minute, brah--"
>You silenced her with a look, glowering at her like she had just killed your favorite puppy.
>The two of you just stared at each other for a few seconds before she just burst out laughing, hopping over and plopping onto her chair.
> "Aw, ya got me, brah!" she said, cheeky smile returning. "But to be fair, it was a helluva lot of bits."
> "You're going to get my ass kicked!" you say, poking your chest with a finger. "Cadence was bad enough; the other's saw that I've been trying to get rid of her! But now that you got all of them running around in there I'm not going to be able to shower here without worrying about getting socked maced!"
>Yyz guffawed, rest her cheek in her fist. "Aw, come on, mate!" She hopped up out of her couch and walked over to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. "You know I tried to talk'em out of it, told'em to go to a commercial gym and all of that shit, but they wanted to work out here with you, big boy!"
>She giggled, patting your cheek. "I'm proud of ya, cunt, getting all of that tail by herself." She cackled when you pushed her away with an angry snarl. "Got the royal fan club and everything, don't ya? Almost brings a tear to my eye!"
>Fucking kangaroos...
>Pinching the bridge of your nose, you close your eyes.
> "Your an asshole, Yyz."
> "Yeah could always turn'em toward our side."
>You look up at the asshole marsupial.
> "uwotm8?"
>She shrugged. "Ya could always try what ya did with the pink one yesterday," she suggested, looking at her nails.
> "If it works then they'll leave ya alone, if not ya might be able to turn them into proper sick cunts!"
>You just stare at her, trying to reboot your brain.
 
>Your first thought was just to tell her to fuck off, say that that was the dumbest idea that you've ever heard, then go get the princess to join another, less gym-y gy, but then you imagined the look on Luna's-- no, scratch that, all of their faces if you told them to fuck off.
> "FUCK!" you yelled, walking in the gym.
> "Don't worry, Anon, ya got this brah!" Yyz called after you. "And don't worry about me; I'll be here counting these bits!"
>Man, fuck you Yy--what the fuck are those three doing?!
>Cadence and Celesta, for some /fucking/ reason, were over in the free weight area, trying to balance dumbbells on their noses and Luna looked like she was having a stroke on the damned pull up bar..
>...goddamnit.
>Cursing under your breath, you walk over toward Luna, who smiled down at you.
>Hello Anon, how are the--epp!"
>Ignoring her, you pull the princess pone off the bar and carried her over to an empty power rack.
>Putting her onto the ground, you point down. "Don't. move," you growl, walking over to Cadence and Celestia, both whom smiled at you.
> "Not giving them a chance to say anything, you grab the two of them by the scruff of their necks and drag them toward the power rack.
>You needed to save your gym reputation, but you couldn't tell these ponies to fuck off because they were your friends and you had a conscious.
>Fuck you
>You were going to have to man up, Anon and teach these ladies the ropes.
>Or break them; which you also intended as Plan B.
>Alright, ladies, if you want to learn how to gym I'm more than happy to help you" you say, getting under the bar and placing it onto your back. "Now, I'm going to teach you three how to squat, then we can go to other--"
>"Now wait just a second!" Cadence interrupted, stomping her hoof. "I did squats the other day! For like an hour!"
>Squatting down into perfe, you pressed your nose against hers. "You are in the presence of a swole master, young Padawan, and if you want to be one with the weights you need to
GET YOUR ASSES UNDER THIS FUCKING BAR AND SQUAT, SQUAT, SQUAT!!!"
 
()~()~()~()
 
Be Cadence, sitting next to your aunt Luna watching your aunt demonstrate proper squat technique with anon explaining it to you.
>The two of you couldn't help but glare at that smug bitch as she grinned back at you, bumping and nudging you husbando with her flank whenever he got close to her.
> "Oops, excuse me, Anon, I'm just a clumsy mare today, aren't I?"
>Yeah, you keep grinning filly; you'll be grinning real big when I'm the first one to get dat D.
>"Now remember guys, for whatever you want to get out of the gym, squats should to be one of your primary lifts," Anon says, kicking Celestia's leg out a bit, forcing her to widen her stance.
> "I'm not doing to make you do lots of heavy deadlifts or jerks and cleans or any dangerous shit like that; it'll take months to get you that form down and I don't particularity feel like wasting all of that time when you just want to get in a bit better shape."
>He taps the empty bar on your aunt's back.
> "That being said, squatting DOES take a week or two to get down properly, and can be fucking dangerous if you don't know what you're doing, so you see...Blah blah blahblahblah blah blah..."
>Gods, look at that flank; you'd bet your castle that you could flip a bit off that thing.
>You had been ecstatic when your Shiny had told you that he would be more than happy to turn your marriage into a herd.
>Your hubby liked Anon and just like you he wanted a big family, so it had been an easy sell, but you made sure to show him just how much you appreciated him last night.
>You even wore those purple socks that that he liked.
>Boy did you suck his dick lik--
> "Alright, Cadence, get your pink ass over here. It's your turn to get learned before I see you maxes."
>Oh shit, you zoned out like a putz!
>Did the hay did he say?!
>Luckily, auntie Luna was there to save you, leaning over and whispering, "Niece, sister and I have been shown the squatting form and it is thy turn to show us what thou are made of!"
 
> Silently thanking your aunt, you walked into the cage and looked up at the unyielding, unforgiving, /heavy/ bar hanging right overhead.
>You legs were already aching...
>Welp, no pain no D.
>Getting to your back legs with a grunt, you position yourself under the bar.
>Alright...now how did he explain it to you the other day?
>Put the bar on your shoulders, keep you whole back as tight as you can, taking a close, yet manageable, grip on the bar and lift!
> "There we go, Cadence," Anon says, giving the middle of your back a light slap. "You managed to get the bar off the pins; now do the get in position."
>Alright, you can go this girl!
> "My legs need to be shoulder length, right?"
> "Yep, and keep that back tight; and your head, keep it up the whole time you're squatting. I'll make sure your back stays straight."
>You tense up for a moment when you feel a pair of hands grasp your sides.
>whatisthisstalliondoing?!.jpg
>" Remember to stick that ass of yours out a little bit while you go down."
>Sweet Celestia! He might be right behind you!
Hey zigga, I got an idea.
>What about, brain?
Lol, just watch this!
>Like he said, you stuck your ass out, and since he was so close to make sure you didn't fall over or anything that you ass mushed against his package.
>Holy horseapples, brain, you racist, horrible, magnificent bitch!
Told ya, filly; now get back to grinding on your man.
> And you did; oh sweet Faust on a flaming pogo stick you did.
>For eight glorious, far too short reps, you had the pleasure of ASSamining Anon's junk.
>And boy, were you not disappointed.
>In fact, you were lucky you weren't making a mess on the floor.
> "Well, it's nice to know that you listened to what I taught you," your well-hung human said, lifting the bar off of your back.
>Grinning, you looked over at your aunts, who were also sporting pleased, dopey expressions.
>Looks like they got to grind on the monkey D too.
>How bucking long were you in lala lan--
Clang!
 
Be anon, slamming a pair of twenty five's on the bar, the sudden noise almost making Lovebutt jump out of her skin in fright.
>You had shown them how to do the most holy of exercise, but now it was max testing time.
>Time to be motherfucking serious!
> "Alright, ladies, time to see what the hell you're made of," you say, giving the bar a slap because you know that that bitch /loves/ it rough. "Who wants to max out first?"
>The your disciples look at each other uncertainly before Sunbutt takes a nervous step forward.
> "I'll go first, Anon" she said, trotting over and getting under the bar.
>You hold her sides as you lifts the bar up with a grunt, and you can't help but grunt when her ass slams into your crouch.
>Even though you liked squats more than most people you knew, they were kind of a /huge/ pain in the ass to spot for.
>Not to mention that spotting for a guy during squats might have been the gayest thing guys could do with each other short of just up and having sex.
>But you didn't suspect that any of the princesses were going to be able to squat more than this twenty five, or tops, thirty-fives, so it wasn't going to be that bad.
> "Remember, if this is too much don't be an asshole and try to squat it; that's how you mess yourself up."
>Even though you couldn't see it, Celestia smiled. "Oh don't you worry, Anon~"
>Once again you got grinded on as she adjusted herself.
> "I assure you I'm a mare that can take a /lot/ of punishment~."
 
^&$^
 
Be Shining Armor
>After going out with a couple of the boys to go shopping, you had made your way back to the castle, bags in each hoof.
>Aw yeah, you got that vest that you've wanted wanted for months! All of the colts are gonna be mad jelly when you walk around with this bad boy in and--
>"Hey, Shining, could I get a little help over here?"
>Stopping in the middle of the street, you turned around and saw a very particular sight.
>Anon, Canterlot's resident monkey and one of your closest friends (since you knew that he wouldn't talk shit behind your back like half of your "friends"), was carrying your wife and princess Luna in each arm, along with a gym bag that he was kicking along with his foot, his face slightly red with exertion.
>You almost questioned why Anon was carrying your honey bunny, but then you remembered that she had wanted to join the gym with Anon to try and get him on the whole herd thing.
>You tried going to the gym with the human once, simply wanting to get a little toned for the summer to look good in that new bathing suit that your wife had gotten you, but in the end it had turning into three weeks of absolute Tartarus, with him yelling at you about squats and oats and something about gains...
>But you had respected your wife's dumb decision and had let her go.
>How the hay this was going to win Anon over, or why you Cadence simply didn't just go ahead and ask him out, you couldn't even fathom, but if she wanted to do it the hard way that was her choice.
>Puff, mares.
>Still, you should go and see if Anon needed any help, since, you know, he was literary carrying your wife like she was a sack of potatoes.
> "Afternoon, Anon!" you say, eyeing your sweaty, panting wife with an amused smile. "I see that you guys had a fun time in the gym today, huh?"
>You watched as Celestia, who barely looked like she was able to stand, scuffle toward you.
>Fun, my dear nephew, was not what happened," she said, sounding a little traumatized. "It was not what happened at all..."
>Rolling his eyes, Anon kicked the gym bag at you hooves.
> "Shining, be a bro and help me carry that back to the castle, will ya?" he asked, hefting you wife up to get a better hold on her. "I kind of got my hands full at the moment."
 
@~~@
 
Be Anon, wondering why the hell these princesses were so damned heavy.
>It was bad enough that you had to lug Candyass's fat ass all the way back to the castle yesterday, but now the weight has been doubled thanks to princess moon bottom.
>It would have been tripled if Celestia would of had her way, but that was where you had put your foot down.
>There's no way in hell you were carrying three princesses all the way back to their castle.
>You were a bodybuilder, not some fucking knight in shining armor.
>You swear, if Luna didn't look so adorable snoozing on your shoulder you would be a little more irritated right now...
>And speaking of a knight in shining armor, there was Shining Armor right now, trailing behind you, helping Celestia keep upright while he carried your gym bag in his magic.
>What a fucking bro.
> "Anon..."
>You turn your head to look at an exhausted Cadence, her head on your shoulder just like moonbutt, staring at you with half- lidded eyes.
>God, it looks like she's gonna conk out any second...
> "Yes, Cadence?" you say, curiously wondering why the pink pone hadn't passed out yet.
> "Thanks for helping us out with this gym nonsense," she whispered, giving your neck one of those weird pony nuzzles.
>"You know, usually a mare's supposed to show a stallion around the gym," she continued, yawning hugely before laying her head right back on your shoulder and closing her eyes. "Shows just how marely we princesses are, huh?"
>Goddammit, first you had to carry her ass back to her bed, once a-fucking-gain, now she was trying to give you a heart attack.
>Also, what the fuck was that about mares showing stallions around a gym?...
>Eh, fuck it; that doesn't matter right now.
>"Hey, I don't worry about it, you three are the mareliest mares I know," you say, and, with your hands full, you decide to give the pink pone a nuzzle right back.
>It was just like a hug or something for ponies, right? So you were sure that she'd appreciate it.
 
Be Shining Armor, trying not to roll your eyes as you helped your aunt carry herself through the streets, the two of you ignoring confused stares that you were getting.
>Sweet Faust did she stink, and you could see that she was eyeing Anon's rear..
>You would have said something, but since she's your aunt, and a princess, and you knew that she wasn't afraid of pinching you flank in public and embarrassing the hay out of you, you decided to keep your mouth shut and focus on not keeling over under her weight.
>If nothing else comes out of this whole trying-to-court-anon thing, at least the human would help get some weight off of this mare.
>If this filly was any fatter than--what that hay?!
>Aw look, your wife just nuzzled Anon, and you thought you saw her whispering something in his ear.
>lookatthisfilly.jpg
>Maybe you didn't need to step in and help to wrangle this here human for your Candy after all.
>Though many didn't know it, the so called princess of love had always been a bit of a klutz when it came to matters of the heart.
>It had taken years for her to even ask you out (and without you gently urging her along in the shadows you were pretty sure that wouldn't have happened) and you almost had to ask /her/ hoof in marriage when the two of you were deep in your relationship....
>You loved Cadence to death, but sometimes she needed to be a little more-- by Faust's flaming teat piercings, did Anon just nuzzle her back?!?!?!
>Isthisreallyhappening. HOLYSHIT!
>You see Cadence's eyes almost bug out of her head in surprise before letting out a happy sigh and nosing the nape of the human's neck.
>You aw internally once again, now practically skipping down the street.
>It looks like you and your hubby were going to get what you both wanted!
>...Though Anon's a foreigner... and he might not understand what he just did...
>Oh curd, that's what just happened isn't it?
>As quickly as it came, your happiness was gone, replaced with disappointment.
>Cadence was going to be so upset when she figured out that what Anon did was a misunderstanding...
>.../Or/ maybe not...
>Maybe it was time you and Anon went out and had a good old fashion guy's night out together...
>You could show him around the city, take him to a bar or two, really get to know him... and maybe you could drop a hint or two that three certain princesses liked a certain human...
>Yes, maybe you could do that...
 
^%~~#$~~%
 
Be Anon, trying not to giggle as Candy Cane continued to nuzzle your neck and hum to herself.
>God was her fur soft.
>But goddamn was she a heavy bitch.
>Luckily for you, the castle was right around the corner.
>And Que all of the guards staring at you in bewilderment as you carry two of there rulers through the entrance (though not before giving a couple of the guard pone's the finger)
>Eh, thug life nigga.
> "Hey, Shining, which room's first, Luna's or your's?" you ask.
> "Luna's room's first, then it's mine and Cadence's," the prince pone replied.
> "And mine's after that, Anon~," you heard Celesita purr, though she sounded a bit out of breath. "I'd be more than happy to show you around sometime; especially the bed~."
>You chuckle, shaking your head, turning this way and that through the labyrinth of hallways until you found yourself in the royal wing of the castle.
>Giving Luna a little shake, you say," Hey, Loony, it's time to rise and shine."
>The princess stirred, slowly blinking awake.
>"Oh forgive us, dear Anon," she said, rubbed her eye with a hoof. "We did not mean to slumber upon thy shoulder."
>You gave her another gentle shake to make sure that she'd stay awake.
> "Hey, we're at your room; go and get a shower and something to eat, and maybe a nap or something, alright? you say, putting her down.
>She stumbled a bit, and you were worried for a second that she was going to fall flat on her ass, but she rightened herself just in the nick of time, yawning as she opened her bedroom door.
 
>"We still see thee after we raise our moon tonight," the exhausted princess pone said, sluggishly turning around and giving your leg a little hug before looking at her sister.
> "We bit thee a good day, sister mine."
>Celestia nodded, walking over and giving her sister a nuzzle.
>Good night, Luna. I'll be sure to send a servant to bring you something to eat," she said, nudging her sister along with her magic. "So go and take a bath before you do anything, alright?"
>Luna, too sleepy to be embarrassed by her sister mothering her, nodded, giving you all a little wave before walking into her bedroom and closing the door.
>Welp, there's one tired pone put to bed, time to get the other's washed and tucked away so you can go home and eat your third meal of the day to maximize today's gainz.
>"Hey, Condense, are you awake there, sweetheart?" you asked, patting the princess on the back.
>All you got was another pleased hum, a nuzzle, and the alicorn wrapping her hooves around your neck.
>Shit!
>Tugging at her, you realized that this little horse was going to be a hell of a lot harder than her aunt to put to sleep.
>And, sadly, she was only getting heavier by the second.
>Did you already mention that this bitch was heavy? Because she was.
>Shining, seeing you trying to pry his wife off your neck, quietly laughed, brushing past you.
> "Come on, Anon, just get my wife into our room and I'll get her off you," he said, walking over and opening his bedroom door.
>Look at this little zigger, saving you twice in a row today.
>As if sensing that you lugging her ass around was almost over, the princess whined, her grip tightening around your neck.
>You heard Celestia giggle behind you as you followed Shining through the door and toward a large, comfortable, and more importantly pink bed.
>"Noooo," Cadence groaned, her voice thick with sleep. "Staaaayyyy!"
 
>"Now Honey," Shining said, pulling the blankets back while you stood over the bed. "Don't you think it's time to get off Anon and take a nap? I'm sure that he has somewhere else to be right now"
>Yeah, you tell her my nigga.
>You sighed in irritation when Cadence, whining in protest, wrapped both sets of hooves around you tightly, her head not leaving your shoulder.
>"Staaaayyyy," she sleepily demanded again. "Snnugggleeee--epp!"
>You heard the sound of magic being used, then what sounded like someone cracking a whip before Cadence flew out of your grasp his a startled yelp, landing in the bed with a loud plop.
>"There we go!" Shining said with a smile, walking over and giving his now red-faced wife a nuzzle before throwing the covers over her.
>"What the buck, Shining?!" Cadence demanded, sounding a hell of a lot more awake than she did a second ago.
>The prince simply shushed her, straightening the covers.
>Now honey, I'll be back in a second to help you get in the tub because I'm sure the whole town can smell you; but first I have to make sure that Princess Celestia gets to her room, alright?"
>Giving her a big smile, he patted her cheek before throwing you your gym bag.
>"Come on, Anon, let's get the last princess in her room."
>"Hang on!" Cadence, interrupted, fiddling with her hooves and looking into her lap. ""Anon... could you give me a goodbye hug... please?"
>Hnnnnnggg, your fucking heart!
>Smiling, you leaned down and wrap the princess up in a little hug. "Make sure to eat a couple bananas today," you advise as her hooves wrapped themselves around your neck. "Otherwise you'll be sore as hell tomorrow.
>Nodding, she broke the hug, yawning and closing her eyes.
>Shining nudged his head toward the door, and the two of you quietly walked out of the bedroom.
>Closing the door behind you, you look over at Shining Armor, then at Celestia, who, sitting down on her rump, looked up at her with big, teary eyes and lifted her front hooves up.
"Carry me the rest of the way, pwease?"
>...No, you're not going to fucking do it.
>You're a man; a strong-willed man, so puppy dog eyes weren't going to do jack shit on you.
>Nopenopenopenope!
 
^&^&
 
Be Shining, watching in awe as Anon carried Celestia through the hallway and toward her room on his back.
>Holy Tartarus, he was actually able to carry the princess!
>Princess Celestia, the mare that was almost twice your height and probably three times your weight!
>You always knew that the human was strong, but you sometimes forgot just how bucking strong.
>The princess herself seemed excited, giggling to herself.
>"I think I recall my student telling me that on your world human's ride ponies, Anon," she said. "Tell me, how does it feel to have the situation reversed?"
>"I WILL fucking drop you," the human threatened, sweating in exertion.
>You crinkled you nose at the swearing but you kept your trap shut, once again carry Anon's stinky gym bag with your magic.
>You never understood why Anon always swore like a sailor, but then again you didn't understand a lot about him.
>Why did he go to the gym all of the time?
>Why did he want to be a bodybuilder when he grew up?
>Why the hay was he the mareliest stallion that you've never known?
>Why didn't he want to go shopping with you, or why didn't he want to gossip, or why did he turn away from everything stallionly?
>Why did he let Princess Celestia harass him like she did?
>Look, you could see that she was grabbing his butt right now!
>You needed these questions asked, but you needed to find a way to asked them as tactfully and sensitively as possible.
>You might have been a guard, but you /really/ didn't want to piss off the six foot hulking alien monkey.
>'Cause you had a feeling that the two of you weren't going to break out into a simple slap fight if you said something you shouldn't.
>...Maybe you needed to bring him to... different drinking establishments than the ones that you usually go to, now that you think about it.
>and forget about bringing any of your guy friends along.
>Nope, you were going to have to see how this stallion ticked by yourself, but you were sure that that wasn't going to be much of a problem.
>Now all you had to do was make sure that he came.
 
#@!#
 
Be anon, bitch-made, beta motherfucker, hating yourself because you, once again, lost your man card to the dreaded puppy dog eyes.
>And what was worse about this whole thing that Sunnybun's room was the whole hallway down from the other princesses rooms, so you really had to lug her heavy ass around.
>/And/ the fucking princess in question was kicking your sides giggling to herself.
>god... you were such a bitch...
> "Shining," you grunt. "Do me a favor and open this door..."
> "Oh, don't be silly, Anon, I can open the door for you!" Celestia said, a bright smile on her face as she patted your head with a hoof.
> "If you can open a fucking door than you can fucking walk!"
>"...Shining Armor,could you please open my door?"
>Rolling is eyes, Shining did as you asked.
>Muttering your thanks, you slowly make your way into the dark room.
>Like Cadence's room, Sunny's room was spacious, comfortable looking, and probably cost a fortune, but unlike Candy's room, the Solar princesses bed seemed to be on a whole other level.
>The thing looked bigger than your /bedroom/ was, stacked high with pillows and set up with some tasteful purple covers.
>The princess, as if sensing you staring at her bed, leaned in and gave your ear a playful nip.
>Oh~, are you thinking what I'm thinking, my little human?"
>"Yeah, you fucking wish," you mutter, walking to the edge of the bed.
>With a grunt, you threw the princess of your back and onto the bed, rolling you shoulders with a happy sigh.
>Sweet Jesus did she way a ton...
>"Anonnnn!"
 
>Before you could so much as open your mouth, a pair of hooves grabbed you and pulled you into the bed.
>Blinking, you looked over at the smiling face of Celestia, who was starting back at you with an odd mixture of nervousness and excitement.
> "Come on, Celestia, quit messing around and let me get up so I can get something to eat," you say, with a huff.
>The alicorn just pulled you closer against her chest.
>"Shh, my little human," she said, laying a giant wing over you and nuzzling the top of your head. "Why don't you forget about that silly lunch and let your princess use you as a teddy bear for a few hours?
>You wiggled, trying to get out the warm, cuddly, and comfortable embrace.
>As tempting as it was to lay in this super comfortable bed with a big soft, snuggly horse, you were a man on a mission!
>"Celestia, if I don't eat eight meals a day then I'm going to go catabolic," you explain. "And if I go catabolic, I lose muscle and gainz. If I lose those I run the risk of not winning the competitions that keep me fed."
>And gently as you could, you managed to untangle yourself from the princess and roll out of the bed, standing over a pouting Celestia.
>"So, since I like having a job and making money and having a house to live in, I /actually/ need to get something to eat right now."
>leaning down, you ticked the princess in.
>"And besides that, you stink."
>The princess frowned.
>"Well excuse me for working working up a sweat in the gym!" she said defensively.
>With a wave you turn around and and made your way toward the door.
> "/I/ used the shower at the gym," you replied. "If you would have you wouldn't be smelling like the inside of a gym locker!
>"... I do not stink that much..."
>you chuckle, taking a moment to enjoy busting the princesses balls.
>But enough of that; it was time to get on the gain train.
>"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow!"
>You heard the rustling of sheets.
>"...Goodbye my little human..."
>You were about to tell her that she was going to have to carry her own ass back to the gym tomorrow, but you decided against it.
>The princesses could find out that little tidbit tomorrow.
>Closing the door behind you, you noticed Shining starting at you with an all too big smile, sweating bullets as he stared at you unblinkingly.
>...the fuck's wrong with him?
 
@#@!
 
Be head-honcho guard pone, Shining Armor
>Holy hay, you had Anon right where you wanted him, but you still didn't know how to go about this!
>He wasn't a pony, you didn't even know if he'd /want/ to go and drink martini's with you!
>He could tell you to buck off right here in this hall if you didn't play your cards right!
>You /really/ didn't want to panic or choke up, but the more you thought about it the more stressed you became.
>Oh sweet Faust, were you sweating?!
>You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down.
>Take it easy colt, you just needed to--
>"Are you alright there, Shining?"
>Ohshittimeforpokerface!
>You needed to be a fucking hero today, Armor!
>For Equestria! For the princesses! For your wife!
>Smiling, and straightening out your mane with a hoof, you say, "Oh, I'm alright, Anon. But hey, I was wondering, how would you like to go out sometime? The two of us could go to a couple bars, have a little bit of fun, just relax and be guys..."
>Pleasesayyespleasesayyespleasesayyes
>The human hummed thoughtfully while you stood there, trying to look calm, cool, and collected even though you were just about ready to lose it
>Just take it easy colt. Smile and look pretty; you just needed to wait it out; don't jump the gun too early...
>"You know what? Sure. I could go for a guy's night out. I /do/ need to get away from all of these women every once in a while..."
>You released the breath that you didn't know you were holding.
>Thank you pony gods! Thank you for letting me try to court this colt right here!
>Trying to contain your excitement, you simply nod.
>"Good; how's Friday sound for you?"
>Walking over toward you, the human leaned down and grabbed his gym back, slinging it over his shoulder.
>"That sounds fine by me, but if I were you I'd remind me that we're going somewhere that morning, in case I forget."
>"I'll be sure to tell my wife to remind you," you happily reply
>You frown.
> "Actually... I'll just tell her to tell you that the two of us need to go to lunch; that'll be our code."
>Your wife was always better at remembering things than you, so that'll work out better if she just tells him...
> But other than that heck yeah! You were one step closer to having an alien as a herdmate.
>Someone that you'd be able to take to, have fun with, and someone who'd be able to help tame your demon of a mare in the sack.
>That and having a super strong stallion with those grabbers of his around would probably make your usual day-to-day easier.
>He looked past you before patting you on the head.
>Aw yeah, your getting your pets! That makes this even better!
>"Alright, I'm gonna hit the rode, Shining; I gotta get something in my belly."
> "Alright, but hey, Anon... could you not tell my wife that the two of us are going out?"
>You still wanted to play this by the ear, and having your wife know that you were helping her wasn't going to help that at /all/.
>You wanted her to think that she snagged this human, which she might already do with her fellow princesses helping her out.
>...Boy, now that you think about it, you were going to have to be /their/ herdmates too...
>You REALLY hoped that that didn't get weird or anything...
>You watched as the man smiled slyly. "Oh, so it's gonna be one of /those/ nights," he muttered, sounding amused. "As long as you're not taking me to any weird strip joints I'll all for not tell your wife, buddy."
>Strip joint? What the buck was he talking--
>Oh right; a guy's night out might mean something entirely different to him than it did to you...
>Note to self: Remember to ask Anon the in's and out's of his culture, that'll probably come in handy...
>"Alright, Shining, you make sure your wife gets something to eat after she wakes up!" Anon said, giving you a final ear scratch before quickly making his way down the hall.
>Aw... no more scratchies....
>Swallowing your disappointment, you waved at the human, waiting until he vanished behind a corner before you sat down and rubbed your hooves together manically.
>Soon you'd have all of the ear scratches you wanted.
>Oh so very soon...
 
~@@~
 
Be Cadence, well rested after a little nap, a shower, and a back rub given courtesy of your wonderful husband, sitting around a small wooden table with you fellow princesses.
>After you had all napped, you three had decided that you needed to talk about how each of you were going to help in seducing your alien husbando.
> Even the best teams needed a plan after all
>So, after finding the most secure room in the castle, casting enough spells to keep an army out, the three of you had sat down and tried to talk about making some kind of plan.
>Which had then turned into the three of you bragging about how much "action" each of you got from the human today.
"Did you two see him nuzzling me?"
>You asked, your chest puffed out in pride as you took a sip of your tea.
>The two sister's gasped.
> "Horseapples he did," Celestia muttered, nibbling on one of her little cakes.
>You shake your head.
"Well, he did, so that must mean that he's into me," you replied, while Luna looked down at the table.
> "Why did We not receive our human nuzzles?" she asked, sounding a little upset."Anon was carrying us the same as thee..."
> "Cadence wasn't snoozing, Luna," Celestia teased, nudging her sister with a wing.
>The Princess of the Night flinched before slapping her sister's wing away.
>"It was not our fault, Sister! We have not had a workout like that for many a year," she defended.
>You and Celestia nod understandingly.
>You couldn't blame Woona for passing out on Anon's shoulder after that bucking workout...
>You /really/ hope that all of that stamina carries into the bedroom...
>Eh, if it doesn't you three can learn him.
>Well... at least you and Celestia...
 
>You didn't really know about how much pole that Luna got back in her day...
>Nor did you really want to know, you might add!
>Celestia had more than scratched that itch when you were little...
>Said alicorn smiled into her tea cup, her eyes sparkling mischievously. "Well, /I/ thought that the two of you were adorable getting cared like that."
>She took another sip of her tea.
>"Things like that will help Anon understand who are the softer mares are in our little herd."
>Ohnoshebuckingdidn't!
"Well, at least /I/ got some affection!" you snapped, pointing a hoof at her. "What the hay did you get?!"
>Celestia lets out a little huff in irritation, slumping in her chair.
>"Well, /I/ tried to get some human cuddles when the two of you were put to bed."
>You and Luna frown at her /poor/ choice of words but let her continue.
> "But I got shot down... He said something about getting something to eat."
>For a second, you swore you saw a bit of sadness in your aunt's eyes.
>"As if I couldn't have gotten him everything he wanted from the comfort of my bed..."
>You frowned when you heard Luna sniffle from beside.
>Aw shit, look at what you did girl, you done and made you sister's in crime sad!
>You may all have been doing this to have somepony else to cuddle with at night, but you weren't some lone wolf.
>You were the princess of love, dammit!
>It was your job to make ponies happy through love; love that your sweet, loving, and kind aunts needed!
>Getting out of your chair, you walk over and wrap a wing around Luna.
"Don't worry, Auntie. When this works out you'll have all of the human nuzzles that you've ever wanted," you say, rubbing your cheek against her's before looking over at Celestia.
>"We'll all be a big, happy herd with Shining and Anon!"
>Gods, you hoped that your aunt's weren't going to do... anything with your husband when this whole herd business really took off...
 
>...Well, at least not right away; you wanted to talk to him about it, and if he said yes and you were okay with it then you all could ease into /that/.
>But your aunt's were more than happy to rut Anon's brain's out for as long and as hard as they wanted.
>"And how are are going to go about getting said human for these activities?" Celestia asked, eyeing you questioningly.
>That... that was a good question...
>Time to earn your paycheck brain!
"Well... the first step of a relationship is building up trust and getting to know a person..."
>You look at Luna, your brow furrowed in thought.
> "And you need to be around somepony a lot to build up those things... so that's what we need to do."
>Hey, good bucking job brain; I didn't think you had it in you
No problem zigga.
"Aunt Luna spends the most time with him, so she's fine, but you and I need to find a way to be around him during the day, Celestia," you say, looking at the big alicorn.
>Celestia frowned, put down her tea cup, put her elbows on the table and rested her head on her hooves.
> "...I really haven't spent that much time with Anon..." she mused.
>You nod.
"We're all going to have to spend more time with him, outside the gym of course; maybe even you Luna. Maybe go shopping with him or hang out at his house every once in a while."
>"I'll go right now and clear up my schedule," Celestia said, quickly getting up and walking over to you and Luna.
>"By the way, Cadence, my sister and I appreciate all of the help and advice, and that you're willing to share such a stallion," she said, wrapping her massive wings around you and Luna.
>"I really did raise an upstanding mare, didn't I?"
>Though you were a little irritated when you felt a hoof reach down and pinch your butt, you still smiled, leaning against your aunt's chest and closing your eyes.
"Well, we got the beginnings of a plan," you said. "Now it's time to run with it and see where it goes..."
>Luna nodded, a big, bright smile on her face.
>"HUZZAH! WE WILL CONQUER ANON'S HEART AND HAVE HIM MAKING US SANDWICHES IN HIS UNDERGARMENTS WITHIN THE MOON'S TURN!"
>You and Celestia flinch at the tone, and you're more than a little concerned when the walls started shaking all around you, but you still can't help but giggle.
>You better watch yourself, monkeyboy, you're gonna to be a horsefucker in no time.
 
!@#@!
 
Be Anon, chilling on your couch, watching pony television on your pony TV.
>You didn't usually turn the thing on, since, by human standards at least, it was a /super/ shitty TV, and there was only like three channels, but you had a spur of the moment fancy of wanting to see what was on, so here you were.
>You /would/ have shelled out a few more bits for a bigger, better TV from the Gryphon's, but fuck that.
>You might have some money in the bank but you didn't have /that/ much money.
>Since you didn't have anything better to do( hence why you were sitting on your ass and watching TV) and since it was only like twelve o'clock, the only thing that was on were a couple of news channels and what looked like a soap opera.
>You couldn't really tell, since it was in a different language (why the fuck did they have this shit like this on when there were only three channels on this TV?!) but that didn't stop you from watching the shit out of it.
>Because, you know, fuck the news and all that.
>You were even starting to get into it, giving all of the characters normal names and trying to guess what the hell they were saying.
>Oh Martha, will you ever stop cheating on Tony and love him for the stallion he--
KNOCK KNOCK!
>Jumping up, you fumbled for the remote before turning the TV off.
>Nope; no one was watching girly sit in here! You were... doing push ups! PUSH UPS!
>You couldn't care less if Dave found out that his brother was dating their long lost mother!
Calm down and go get the door, son!
>Oh yeah, thank's brain...
>Hopping to your feet, you make your way toward your door and threw it open, revealing a smiling but slightly nervous-looking Sun horse.
> "Hello, Anon," she greeted, shifting back and forth. "How has your morning been treating you?"
>Leaning on your door frame, you cock your head at the horse princess, crossing your arms.
 
>You weren't going to say that you were suspicious or anything, but Light bright here /never/ came to your house. NEVER.
>That was usually Luna's thing, not this grabby mare.
"It's been fine," you say, staring down at her. "How are you doing? Did you get anything to eat yet?"
>The princess opened her mouth to answer you but was cut off when her stomach growled, the sound almost making her jump out of her horse shoes.
> "I did get something to eat," she said, blushing in embarrassment. "Quite a bit of food, in fact."
>You can't help but smile when her tummy goes a-rumbling again.
>"...But it seems that my stomach thinks otherwise..."
>Rolling your eyes, you turn around and walk back into your house.
"Well, come on in," you say. "I'll get you something to eat."
> "Are you sure, Anon? I don't mean to be a bother..."
>Even though it was a little weird that she had just up and appeared at you doorstep for seemingly no reason, Celestia was your friend (or at least you liked to think so) and you always tried to be a bro with all of your friends
"It's no problem at all. In fact I was going to get something to eat anyway."
>you look over your shoulder at her
" Make sure to take off your horseshoes and close the door behind you, alright?"
>She hesitated for a moment before trotting in after you, kicking her shoes off and following you into the kitchen.
>Leaning on your counter, you ask,
"So, what do you want to eat? Fruit, some nuts, maybe some rice?"
>You nudge your thumb at the bowl of fruit at the end of the counter.
> "Did Cadence tell you to eat a few bananas to help with the soreness?"
>The princess smiled, walking over and hopping into one of your chairs.
> "I'll eat whatever you're eating, Anon," she said, resting her head on a hoof.
>Well... you were /going/ to have some cooked salmon (for dem maximum protein gainz) but it looked like that just got thrown out of the window.
 
"Looks like we're eating rice..." you mutter, going into one of your cabinets and searching for some rice and soy sauce.
>Since Lite bright here wasn't one of the initiated, there was a good chance that she didn't particularity like the taste of plain white rice, so you'd thought that you'd do her the favor of flavoring it and while muttering to yourself about how much of a filthy casual she was.
"So, Princess," she said rummaging around your kitchen for some pots. "What brings you to my humble home?"
>She titters softly in her stool.
> "Oh I thought that it'd be nice to spend that day with my favorite human today," she said. "My sister enjoys your company all of the time, and she seems better for it, so I thought I'd see if you'd have me for an afternoon... If it's alright for you, that is..."
>...Eh, why the hell not?
>It's not like you were doing anything interesting by yourself anyway.
"Sounds fine by me," you say with a smile and a shrug.
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Celestia
>Aw yes! Anon said you could stay!
>Time to charm him with your female willies, gurl!
"Excellent!" you say, trying to reign in your excitement and play it cool like the alpha mare that you were. "I even have a movie projector if your interested in watching a film."
>You need to show a stallion that you're rolling in the dosh as soon as possible.
>They always love knowing that a mare had the money to support them.
>Or at least you think so.
>to be honest you really hadn't been in the dating game for a couple... hundred years, so you weren't familiar with what a stallion did or did not like in a mare...
>Dammed stallions always thought that you were just another mother because you were so dammed old...
>but you were sure that he'd be eating out of your hooves even so!"
>Anon turns back toward you, a look of surprise on his face.
>"Oh really?... Well, shit; I could set up a bed sheet in the living room, and we could have a day just watching movies..."
>Slutmodeengaged
>you nodded, eyeing a banana laying in your husbando's fruit bowl, a sly smile coming to your face.
"And Luna could watch them with us if she comes later tonight," you add.
>May as well get your sis on this action.... if there was going to be any action
>You were sure that she'd love to spend the night watching movies with Anon with you anyways.
"...Excuse me, Anon? could you get me a few of those bananas?"
>You make a point to grunt in exertion and pain when you move your hooves, smiling at him in what you hoped was a weak grin.
"I was so stiff when I woke up I had quite the time walking here, and since you said that it'd help..."
>Frowing in concern, Anon walks over and grabs two bananas, tossing them over to you.
>"Hang on a second and I'll go get you some water too," he says, walking over to his fridge. "A bottle or two will help loosen you up."
>We'll see who's loosened up by the end of the night, big boy~
>Now you just had to take the banana peels off and try to remember how to ignore your gag reflex...
 
!~*~*~*~*~*!
 
Be Anon again, looking through your fridge for water for your pone guest to drink
>While you would have given her some kind of sports drink, since they always had a bit of potassium in them, you didn't have any in the house, so water was just going to have to do for now.
>grabbing two bottles, since Celestia was an awfully big horse, you turn around.
"Alright, just drink two of these and I'll get you more after--"
>You froze, watching as the princess, who was not looking at you (thank fucking god) opened her mouth and stuck an entire. fucking. whole. banana into her gullet and swallowed
>dongexpands.jpg
>Sweet Jesus man, look the fuck away!
>Awkwardly coughing, you look away as the princess grabbed the other banana and gave it the same treatment.
Holy shit bruh, you need to marry that fucking horse right now.
 
>Shut your fucking mouth right now, brain!
But did you see that way she--
>YEAH, I FUCKING SAW WHAT SHE DID! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT!
...She didn't even gag, nigga... and don't fucking yell at me...
>you eye twitching, you quickly place the bottles of water onto the counter.
"There you do," you mutter, going back to your rice.
>"Thanks Anon~"
Come on bruh
>Fuck off and let me eat my rice, brain.
She wants it bruh
>She's fucking with me brain, so shut your mouth you--
>You jump when you feel a hoof touch your back.
>"Anon, I'm going to go get everything up so we can have show with our meal," Celestia says, her bottles of water caught up in her magic.
>You nod, eyes glued on the pot.
"I-I make sure to bring the food in when it's done," you stutter
>The princess giggles, trailing her tail against you side as she passed you.
>"Alright, I'll be waiting~"
>...Fucking Sun horse.
 
~~!!)!)!!~~
 
Be Sun horse again, terribly proud of yourself as you skip into Anon's living room
>You didn't think that the banana thing was going to work to be honest, which why it was such a surprise when you saw the way his eyes widened.
>Your throat might hurt a bit, but it was totally worth it!
>Shit, you might not even need Cadence's help if you can keep this up!
>You might need to reign it back a little bit so as not to scare him away.
>Looking around the room you walk over toward the couch and made yourself comfortable as your horn lights up.
PLOP
>alright, there's the projector; now you just need to put up the bed sheet up, something that took just a second with a simple spell
>"Alright, Celestia, here's your food!"
>You watch with a smile as Anon walks into the room carrying two bowls full of steaming food.
>Eh, it might have just been rice but it was the thought that counted.
>and besides, you could always teleport a few snacks for yourself during the movie.
>Patting the seat next to you with a wing, you switch on the projector with a spell.
"Come on then, Anon. I won't bit."
>You can't help but grin.
"Much~"
 
~_~_~_~_
 
>Be Luna, horse princess of the night
>It was that time again: time for you to get up, raise your moon, and light up and move and shine your stars!
>...Which was then followed by going into your office, signing a bunch of paperwork, then going to your night courts, then...
>Ugh...
>Gods, did you bucking hate paperwork... and going to the court that nopony goes to since its at three bucking in the morning...
>Which is why you hadn't been going to it for the last month or four; instead choosing to go to Anon's house to talk or have some fun your human friend.
>And, you had to admit, you liked hanging out with him a heck of a lot more than you did sitting on your throne waiting for nopony to come to your court.
>In fact, you didn't mind saying that you liked hanging out with Anon far more that you did quite a bit of other things...
>Anon was always up to appreciate your night with you, he wasn't boring or stupid like most stallions that hung around the castle trying to find themselves a noble sugar momma; heck, he was even trying to help you learn how to talk like your little ponies do.
>...Yep, without a doubt, you liked spending time with Anon.
>..........Annnd, you may have also..... liked-liked him...
>And you /may/ have been a little nervous admitting that to him... when you weren't watching him sleep in his bedroom...
>Not that you were being a creep or anything! you were just making sure that there were no monsters under his bed that one night... and he just happened to be...
>Welp, enough of that! time to get your flank up, get something to eat, brush your mane, get some bucking paperwork done, and then go to Anon's house to hang out until four AM!
>Or your could be a hero and do all of those things at once like the bucking boss that you were!
>Oh, you wanted to the revenue deficit on the--BLAM, you got it zigga! Didn't even read that shit the whole way!
 
>Oh your marefriend was wrongfully accused of a crime and you want-- BAM, look who the buck just pardoned her flank!
>It's not like you weren't doing all of this while brushing your teeth while you were in the shower or--wait a second, you were!
>Gods, sometimes even you couldn't believe how amazing you could be.
>After your shower, you moonwalked out of your bathroom and back into your bedroom, everything from important documents to comb to a bowl of cereal floating above your head while you hummed a little tune.
>You didn't know why, but today felt like one of those extra special days.
>a day where you could do anything, say anything to anyone...
>Maybe even your future special somepony?...
>Spurred on the by idea, you get your paperwork done in record, and get the jungle that you call your mane and tail brushed to perfection before taking off into the night sky.
>Yelp, you were totally going to do it! you were finally going to ask him!
>...And not wuss out like all of those other times...
>A quick flight later, you land in front of anon's house, tapping on the door before making your way in.
"Anon, tis I--" oh shit, remember you need to talk differently gurl, "--er, I mean, it's me, Luna, Anon!"
>"Oh, there you are Luna," you hear from somewhere in the house. "You got here a bit early, huh?"
>A pleasant warmth fills your chest at hearing the human's voice, making your wings twitch and your heart flutter.
>Heart, you need to calm down for just a sec, we just got in the house.
...Sorry, gurl.
>Making sure to throw your shoes off, you call back,
"I didn't have that much paperwork today so I thought I'd come down a little early!"
>Come on gurl, you can to this; just go in a tell--
>"Great, we were just about to pop in another movie! Why don't you come in the living room and sit down?
>Wait... /WE/? As in there's someone else here?!
 
>Now frowning slightly, you trot into the living room, a place where you had been many a time, cocking your head in confusion whe you came upon the sight of Anon and your sister, huddled against each on the couch, with about a dozen treats commonly sold at movie theaters floating above their heads.
>The buck is this shit?!
"Sister... We didn't think that thou would be here," you carefully say, trying to keep the disappointment out of your voice.
>Aw, now you couldn't give Anon your heartfelt confession of love...
>You didn't know whether to be relieved or angry about that...
>Anon grins the second that he sees you. "Come on, Luna, pop a squat and watch this movie with us," he said, patting the space next to him. "Your sister and me have been movie marathoning all day!"
>Your sister, who was cuddled against his side with a wing wrapped around him, smiled at you while she threw a hoofful of popcorn in her mouth.
>"Yes, Sister, come and enjoy the movie with us!"
>Ugh, you can see her pinching Anon's flank from here...
>Why the hay couldn't you mare up and do something like that?...
>It's not like Anon would have cared or anyting...
>Come on, chin up Luna! at least you get to watch a movie with Anon!
>And you'll get some cuddles out of it too!
>Frown once again turning into a grin, you trott over and hope onto the couch, quickly snuggling up to your human with a happy hum.
>Your sister passes you a bag of chocolate raisins.
~So did you really get those documents done, Sister?~
>A frown works its way back onto your face.
>Your sister could have at least asked before using thought talk!
~Of course I got it done, Sister~
>you reply, popping some raisins in your mouth.
~How was your day with Anon?~
From the other side of the human, you sister sighed dreamily.
~Honestly it was the most fun I've had in years~
She tells you, nuzzling herself even more against Anon.
~We've been joking and watching movies and just having quite the time~
>You can't help but smile.
 
>Even though you were a little upset that you weren't going to get any alone time with your human today, you were more than happy that he and your sister were bonding.
>You all were going to (hopefully) be a herd after all...
~Good, sister, I'm glad~
>You were about to say more when an arm wrapped itself around you neck and pulled you so close against Anon that you can smell his and our sister's scents as clear as day
>... Along with your sister's... excitement...
>"So, Luna, how's my favorite princess doing?" Anon asked, laughing as Celestia pushed him and started to grumble good-naturedly.
>The warmth in his voice made your wings twitch and your heart flutter again as you laid your head on his shoulder.
>You didn't care if it was this might have been a little /too/ stallionly.
>Anon wasn't just any old stallion! He was Anon the human, and therefore you were more than happy to let him hold you.
"It's far better now that I'm here," you murmured, nuzzling his neck before closing your eyes.
>Anon's grip around you tightens, and, judging from your sister's pleased hum she was being pulled closer too.
~Aw, that was really cute, Luna.~
>Lifting your wing up so Anon couldn't see it, you reach over and smack your sister with it.
~Shut your trap and watch the movie~
>Your sister giggles.
~Hey, you know, I bet Anon would /love/ to see some of your baby pictures. All I'd need to do is teleport them here and...~
~You try and you'll earn yourself a one way ticket to the sun, Missy.~
>You sister giggles once again, tossing a bit of popcorn at your head, making you open your eyes open in irritation.
~stop it~
~naha!~
~stop it or I'm gonna get up and throw you out a bucking window!~
~I'm sure that that's something Anon would like to see! Us wrestling each other in the middle of his living room, our bodies coated in sweat~ Heck, I bet after a while he'd probably join us~
>...And there's a bucking wingboner...
>Oh shit! Anon's looking!
>You try to glare at your sister but she's staring at the screen, eating popcorn like nothing was happening.
> "...You alright there, Loony?"
>...Fucking Tia
 
~_~_~_~_
 
~An unknown amount of time later~
>Still be Luna.
>Also wake up warm and safe and happy...for some reason.
>When the hay did you fall asleep?
>You were watching movies with Anon and your sister, the three of you talked, you had /way/ too much candy... and that was all you remember...
>You don't remember anyone bringing out and booze, and you didn't feel drunk, so you didn't pass out or anything like that...
>Oh horseapples, did your sister put something in your bucking candy?!
>Again?!?!?!
>Deciding to get some bucking answers, you opened your eyes and stare out into the wasteland that had become Anon's living room.
>Popcorn littered the floors, what you bucking hoped was chocolate covered a few of the walls, chairs and tables were overturned, some of them broken, and it looked like someone had put the projector through a window...
>Gods, when you and your sister want to throw down and party, you threw down and partied...
>Boy was Anon going to be mad when he woke up...
>Speaking of your big-rumped sister, from the snoring that was coming from your immediate left, you could tell that she had "passed out" right next to you.
>...So, that meant she didn't roofy you for laughs and to draw on your face when you passed out...
>Alright... so did you just pass out from eating too much... chocolate?
>Gods, you might need to go and wrestle a bear or something to get those mare points back up if that's what happened...
>Mystery kind of solved (at least as far as your tired mind was concerned) you tried to roll onto your side and go back to sleep.
>The second that you got more than an inch from where you were sitting though, a arm pulled you back, forcing your face into a sleeping and shirtless Anonymous's chest.
>Tensing in surprise, you can't help breath in his scent; a bit of sweat with what smelled like some kind of blueberry shampoo that you /really/ liked.
>Liked but it also caught you off guard
>ohshitdon'tfreakout!.exe
 
>Eyes as wide as saucers, you do your best not to move so you didn't wake up Anon...
>...Wait a bucking second! You were cuddled up next to Anon, sleeping together on a couch!!!
>Sure your sister was there, also leaning up against him and drooling on his head, but you were sitting right next to him bucking sleeping together.
>What happened?!
>Did you put the moves on the human?
>Did someone /actually/ do something to you?
>Were you--
>A yawn broke you out of your mental panic, exhaustion rearing its ugly head and reminding you that widdle Wonna's shouldn't be awake at this hour.
"Psshhh, Anon, are thee roused?" you whisper, giving the human a shake. "Anon? say not a think if thou art still slumbering.."
>Sighing in relief when you simply heard more quiet breathing you take a second to survey your surroundings once again.
>...If you remember correctly, Anon's couch could be turning into a bed, and since you were already here...
>Ears perked up listening for any trouble, you quietly cast a spell, gently lifting you, Anon, and your sister in the air and yanking on the couch until it expanded out into a little bed.
>Alright...now you just need to put you all down slowly...
>You can't help but let out a quiet "omph!" when you hit the couch/bed a little harder than intended, then flinching when you saw the sleepy smile on Anon's face turn into a slightly frown as his nose scrunched up.
>"No... SS is a lie...," he grumbled, pulling you, once again, against his chest, wrapping those big arms around your waist. "No T-rex mode... NO!"
>You sighed, not even bothering to fight out of Anon's grasp; in fact you wanted to press as much of your body against his.
>Wiggling yourself upwards, you looking into his sleeping face, quietly thanking any god listening for the darkness so no one could see the blush on your face.
>Slowly, tenderly, you drape a wing over his shoulder to cover him, making Anon smile once again.
>Alright gurl, you can do this!
 
>Closing your eyes, you lean in and nuzzle the human's face
>Gathering a bit of your courage, you leaned back up and kissed his cheek
>Now slightly trembling, you kiss his cheek again before nuzzling the tip of his nose with your own.
>You could faintly feel the thumbing of his heart against your chest, and that, along with the warmth that his body was giving off, was starting to make you slowly drift off, but you were going to do some more thing before you went back to sleep cuddled against this wonderful stallion.
>forcing yourself to open your eyes, you lean forward once again and puckered your lips.
>You wanted this to put everything you had in this; all of your love and hopes and fears
>You wanted this to show Anon, even though he was out cold, that you liked, liked /liked/ him, and that you really hoped that he liked you back
>You wanted him to know that he made you smile, and that you wanted to make him smile and protect him and giving him all the love that you had in your body
>You wanted this to tell him that you wanted to date him, you wanted to go through all of the bases, get a little serious with him and go all the way, and maybe even take the next step after that...
>With a happy, content sigh, you press your lips against his, your heart beating a mile a minute as you lean into the kiss
>You knew that he was asleep, and you also knew that you'd have never done something like this (at least not yet) if he was awake, but, for a moment, you couldn't help but imagine him kissing you back...
>Holding you an--
~And what do you think you're doing, sister mine?~
>It took every single ounce of willpower that you had not to yelp in panic and jump right out of your fur right there.
>Looking up, you see one of your sister's eyes, shining in the darkness, stare down at you.
>Ohbuckmeintheflank.jpg
>Though you didn't want to, you quickly broke the kiss, moving as far away from Anon as you could.
~Sister, I can explain, I--~
 
>You expected your sister to start chewing you out, or start to endlessly tease you from stealing a kiss from the sleeping prince, but what you didn't expect was for her to just smile down at you.
>Your sister was a big mare; one of he biggest mares that you had known in your life in fact, so it was easy for her to lean down and give your cheek a sisterly nuzzle.
~Don't you worry, Luna~ she said, laying a wing over Anon and you.
~I promise you that we'll be like this every night~
>You wanted as, looking down at Anon, she leaned down and planted her own kiss on his cheek before nuzzling his head.
~You and me and Cadence and Shining Armor~
>Reaching out with a hoof, she pulled you back against Anon's chest, with her spooning his back.
~We'll be one big happy herd and have this big stallion here to cuddle and snuggle with every night.~
>With a sigh, you sister pressed Anon's head under her chin and closed her eyes.
~ No more loneliness, no more having our lovers fearing us or trying to gain from us, just love and happiness and togetherness~
>Even though you were more than a little embarrased that you had been caught, you couldn't help but smile, closing your eyes and nuzzling your face into the nape of Anon's neck.
>Your heart sung as you quietly listened to all of your breathing, and, for a second, you imagined all of you on your sister's bed, just lying together only as those that love each other can.
~Goodnight Sister. I love you~
~I love you too, sister mine. Now go to sleep, the two of us have to wake up early in the morning.~
>With that you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep happier than you had been in a long, long time.
>No matter the difficulty, no matter how scared you were, no matter what the odds of failure were, you were going to win this stallion's heart and get him to love you as much as you loved him.
>You just knew it.
 
>"Lift, Anon, lift! Soon you'll be strong like bull like Zangeif!"
>You nod to your hero, who was watching you while sitting on the back of a giant Russian grizzly with his arms crossed.
>You were Anonymous, and you were having the fucking time of your life.
>"/DEEPER/, Anon, you must squat deeper; for mother Russia!"
>Damn right for mother-fucking Russia.
>Hell, you weren't even Russian, but if the greatest street fighter character of all time wanted you to squat for Russia, you were going to fucking squat ass to grass until your ass fell off.
> "HA HA HA! Well done, Anon! Maybe I teach you how to wrestle bear next, eh?"
>The bear underneath him lets out a challenging growl in response, already eyeing you up.
>Halfway through your squat you can't help but pop a chub at all of the manliness that was all around you.
>(No Homo)
>If you were lucky, maybe you could get the big Russian to teach you how to do a spinning pile driver...
>...God, look at that fucking leg hair.
>U-Unf...
 
~_~_~_~_~
 
>Be Condense, trotting toward Anon's house with a little pip in your step.
>Time to go and hit the gym and stare at Anon's butt while he's yelling at one of the other princesses...
>Smiling as you reach his house, you quickly trot up to the door and quietly throw it open.
>It wasn't like he wouldn't be awake this early in the morning already anyways; and he /did/ want you here bright and early.
>...Though technically the sun still isn't bucking out yet...
>Eh, buck it
>Still humming, you make your way into the kitchen, expecting him to be there already eating.
Hey Cadence?
>Yeah, brain?
Do you see a human anywhere?"
>Now frowning slightly, you turn to look up at the clock that was hanging on the kitchen wall.
>...No I don't, brain, and shouldn't be be up right now?
>Now feeling slightly worried that something may have happened to your main monkey, you quietly make your way deeper into the house, casting a small light spell so you could see.
 
Shhh, we're hunting huwmans, be vewry quiet
>No human in any of the bathrooms
>No human in his bedroom (though you found a couple pairs of underwear that "accidentally" found their way into your gym bag)
>Now more than a little worried, you quicken your pace, scouring the house until you reach the living room, where you see something that nearly gives you a heart attack.
>There, sleeping on a futon, was your aunt's and Anon, all snuggled up together in the middle of the bed.
>Celestia had Anon tucked under her chin with one of her hooves wrapped around his chest, and Anon had Luna, who had her face buried in his neck, wrapped up in a sleepy hug.
>And, from what you could see from here, Luna had a wing draped over Anon, as did Celestia...
>Huuuuuhhhhggggg!!!
Leaning against the wall, you quietly have your heart attack, not able to look away from the absolutely adorable sight
>Gods, you were going to tease your aunts so /hard/ for this!
>...Wait bucking horseappling second; why were these two sleeping with Anon?!
>Trotting closer, (and ignoring all of the damage around the room) you can't help but sniff the air, searching for anything out of the ordinary
>You aunt's better not have bucked Anon without letting you know...
>Lighting up the room a little more, you quickly scan the bed and those that were sleeping on it.
>...Alright, Anon's still got his clothes on, so that's a good start...
>And the only thing you can smell is chocolate, so... they just fell asleep on the futon together?...
>Aw.
>A smile once again returning to your face, you quickly hopping onto the bed.
>Welp, time to be the helpful mare that you were and wake everyone up!
>Celestia needed to get up to raise the sun soon and you all needed to go to the gym.
>Maybe, if you all asked nicely, you could get Anon to cook you all something for breakfast...
 
"Aunty," you say, leaning down and giving Celestia's cheek a nuzzle. "Aunty, you need to get up and raise the sun."
>You aunt frowned, her nose scrunching up in irritation as she clenched her human teddy bear tighter.
>"...Ten more minutes..." she mumbled, swatted at you tiredly with a wing before nuzzling the top of Anon's head and trying to go to sleep.
>Oh no you didn't filly
>Now you're really gonna get the nuzzles!
>You aunt squirms , trying to get away from you as you continue your assault.
"Auntie, it's time to get up," you repeat, nudging her with your nose. "Your little ponies need that big ol' sun of yours."
>After another minute or two your aunt finally cracks open an eye to glare at you.
>"Can't you see that I'm trying to sleep, Cadence?" she grumbles, yawning hugely.
>You just nuzzle her again, dodging the wing that she tried to smack you with.
"You have to raise the sun, auntie."
>"I don't want to; I want to stay here and get cuddles."
"Someone needs to raise the sun."
>"You raise the sun."
>You sighed, closing your eyes.
>diplomacy isn't working gurl, time to use force.
>You didn't want to do this, but...
>Spreading your wings, you trailed a feather down the side of your aunt's belly, earning a quietly giggle from her.
>" Mi Amore Cadenze, don't you bucking dare!" you aunt whisper/shouted staring are you wide-eyed.
>You tickle her again, trying not to laugh when you aunt squirmed before finally rolling out of the bed with a tired huff.
> "I'll striking you off my will... I swear to the gods," she muttered, walking past you, with an awful case of bed mane by the way, and toward the kitchen.
>Alright, there's one alicorn down, one more to go.
>Once again leaning down, you nuzzled you aunt Luna's cheek.
"Auntie, it's time to get up and go to the gym."
>Unlike her sister, Luna's eyes snapped open immediately to stare at you.
 
>"Niece?" she said with a yawn, nuzzling the nape of Anon's neck. "What brings thou to our chambers? Has something gone amiss?"
>Aw, look, her wings are fluttering!
>Nuzzling her cheek again, you say,
"You're in Anon's house, auntie, don't you remember?"
>It takes a few seconds for that to sink in for your aunt, but when it did she looked a heck of a lot more awake and alert than she did a second ago.
>Eyes widening, she looked at Anon, holding her in his arms, before looking back up at you.
>A blush exploding across her face, she wiggles out of his grasp and rolls out of the bed.
>"E-Excuse us, niece! Me must make way to t-to the washroom!"
>Before you could get a word in edgewise, your aunt bounds off, leaving you and the sleeping human alone in the room.
>Aw, look how adorable he looks!
>You can't help but grin mischievously as a naughty idea pops into your head
 
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Anon, now wrestling bears and shit, having the time of your life.
>"Good, Anon, good! You must wrestle bear with great force, do not hold back my student!"
>With a grunt you nod, wrapping an arm around the giant bears neck and trying to hoist that fucker up.
>Come on Anon, girls are watching!
>...Well, a big hairy Russian, but that's pretty much the same thing rig--
> "GET UP ANON!
 
^&*
 
This, my dear reader, was when Mi Amore Cadenza really, /really/ fucked up.
One did not shout at a powerlifter awake when he was in the middle of a Zangief dream, for they scare quiet easily and were quick to anger when roused in such a way.
So, the second that Anon's eyes flew open, he did the only thing that came to mind when he looked up at Cadence's big, smiling face he did the only thing that came to mind.
He fucking panicked and lost it.
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_
 
BE ANON
>HOLY FUCK!
> THE BEAR TURNED PINK!
>AND IT'S FUCKING YELLING AT YOU!
>QUICK, GET UP AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IT BEFORE IT EATS YOU, NIGGA
>FOR MOTHER RUSSIA!
>FOR ZANGEIF!
>FOR DAT CHEST HAIR!
>With a roar of defiance, you grab the pink griz and hop off the couch with a grunt, spinning the big bitch in the air and grabbing it with the intent of suplexing the /shit/ out of the furry animal.
>The bear yelps and tries to free itself from your grasp but it's no use, you would not be denied your victory
>Not when Russians were watching
"FOR MOTHER RUSSIA!"
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Sun Pone
>Gods, if you weren't such a morning pony (since it was, you know, your job to make the morning) you'd be pretty bucking mad right now being awoken like you were
>Your bucking niece, vag blocking you like that...
>What if your little human just so "happened" to have popped a stiffy a few minutes before he woke up and he needed someone to beat the meat back down with their tongue or other, more interesting places?
>Eh, you'll get'em next time, gurl
>But for now you had to rise and shine and make your sun rise and shine as well.
>Humming a little tune to yourself, you quickly look out of Anon's kitchen window, you horn lighting up with your magical might
>Annnnnnd there you go my little pone's, the sun has risen!
>Now you just need to brush your rats nest of a mane and get something to eat and--
>"FOR MOTHER RUSSIA!"
CRASH!
>You can't help but jump at the loud bang, spinning around and all but sprinting out of the kitchen
>Whatthebuckwasthat?!
>Was someone attacking the house!
BOOM!
CRASH!
>"Come here you fucking bear! MY METER'S FUCKING FULL AND I'M GONNA SUPER THE /SHIT/ OUT OF YOU!"
BANG!
Bong!
 
>You nearly crash into a wall turning hard around a corner as you run full tilt toward the living room, your horn already glowing with an offensive spell.
>Don't you worry your pretty little monkey head, momma's gonna come and save--
>You don't get the chance to finish your thought as something heavy slams into you.
>Oh horseapples! it might be the attacker!
>Time to use your super alicorn reflexes and fighting skillz to beat the hay out of this assassin!
>Grabbing the thing that tackled you, you rolled, slamming him/her/other into the floor again and again and again until you landed on top of them with an angry huff.
>Alright gurl, time for some royal shouting to scare the hay out of them before you beat them some more!
"WHO DARE ATTACK THE GODDESS OF THE SU--Anon?!"
>Blinking in surprise, you look down at the dazed and disheveled human, whose eyes were rolling around his head from your little attack.
>Huh, it looks like he lost his shirt somewhere in the struggle of whatever the hay was going on...
>Heh, and he was under you...
>...But wait a cod-picking second, you just attacked a male...
>OH BUCK YOU JUST BET THE HAY OUT OF ANON!
>MARE'S GO TO JAIL FOR BEATING ON STALLION'S; YOU'D KNOW BECAUSE YOU SENT MOST OF THOSE PONIES TO JAIL!
>Trying not to gulp, you lay down to keep yourself from falling over at the fact that you, a royal princess, had just committed a major felony.
>You didn't even hear Anon groan in protest as your mind raced
>YOU WERE GOING TO JAIL FOR THIS, WEREN'T YOU?!
>YOU COULDN'T GO TO JAIL! MARE'S LIKE YOU GET RAPED IN JAIL!
>OH BUCK! NOW YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE TO KILL ANON TO KEEP HIM FROM TELLING ANYPONY!
>BUT WHERE WERE YOU GOING TO HIDE THE BODY?!
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Anon again
>Welp, it looks like that bear was a better fighter than you gave it credit for
>the fucker somehow had gotten smaller and learned how to use magic...
>At least you got a few good licks in before the beast threw you out of your living room and into the hooves of sun horse, who, in her surprise, had up and just beat you so hard that you think you may have shit your pants just a little bit.
>But, luckily for you, Momma Anon didn't raise no bitches, so you were going to be fine
>The same couldn't be said for Sunny, it seemed, since it looked like she was having a panic attack above you, a far-off and panicked look on her face as she panted and--
>You can't help but let out a little pained groan as the bitch up and just plopped down on top of you, almost knocking the wind out of your lungs.
>"Oh shoot I'm gonna get into so much trouble!" Sun horse mutters on top of you. "I hurt Anon; I hurt ANON!"
>You frown when you see her start to hyperventilate, looking this way and that whilst she continued to mutter to herself
>Nope, you weren't going to have a panicked horse god all up in your house
>Time to calm this filly down!
>Reaching up and grabbing her head, you force her to look down at her
"Celestia," you say, squishing her cheeks together. "Calm down; I'm fine."
>Celestia blinks in surprise. "A-Anon?" she whimpered, tears starting to form in her eyes.
>Aw shit, now you done made her cry, Anon.
"Hey, it's alright, it's alright," you murmur, hugging her neck as she sniffles. "I'm alright, you don't have to panic or cry or anything. There's just a pink bear in my house trying to kill me."
>Sun horse, sniffles again, allowing you to hug her while giving her ear scratchies.
> "I'm sorry," she whispered, sounding like she had just kicked your dog. "I didn't mean--
>"WHAT GOES ON HERE, SISTER, ANONYMOUS?! WHO DARES ATTACK THY HOUSE? AND WHY IN THE NAME OF THE GODS IS OUR NIECE STUCK IN THE CEILING?!"
>Welp, I guess that's where Luna went off to...
>Wait, what about Canada being stuck in the ceiling?
>Patting sun horse's neck one more time, you say,
"Celestia, we better get up and see what's happening."
 
>She sniffles again, looking over you with a concerned gaze while you continue to try to calm her down with pets
> "Are you sure you're alright," she asked.
>You nudge her chest with a hand.
"Yeah, I'm alright and--"
>"WILL SOMEBODY HELP ME?! I'M STUCK IN A CEILING FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!"
>Huh, I guess Cadence's /is/ in your house... for some reason...
>Shit, she better not have fucked up your ceiling too bad...
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
Still be Anon
>Holy shit, was your living room fucked up!
>And was one of your windows broken?!
>"Oh my... we really made a mess of things last night, didn't we?" Sun horse asked with amusement, nudging you with her shoulder.
"An expensive mess," you reply with a groan, looking over at your futon, which had broken in half after you had slammed the pink "bear" into it before she tossed you out of the door.
>...Fuck, you were going to have to get a side-job to pay for all of these damages...
>Oh the bright side, Zangeif would be proud...
>Celestia, as if sensing your gloom, nuzzled your side.
>"Don't worry, Anon, I'll personally make sure that these damages are paid for my the crown."
>She smiles up at you.
>"My sister and I did as much of this as you, so it's only fair."
>Aw, good ol'--
>"Will someone bucking get me down?!?!"
>You and Celestia freeze in place, looking up at the wiggling pink legs that were sticking out of your ceiling.
> "Remind us never to wake thee in such a manner, Anon."
>Oh shit, there's Luna....
>Aw, look how adorable her bed head looks...
>Shit, stay focused, nigga!
>...And try and figure out if she was actually the "bear" that you tried to fuck up
"Hey, Cadence!... Why the hell are you in my ceiling?"
>You and the other princesses watch as the pretty pink princess's wiggling intensifies.
> "You freaked out and bucking attacked me!"
>Welp, that solves that.
"Are you alright?"
>"Other than being stuck in a ceiling?! I'm just bucking peachy!"
>Loony trots next to you.
> "We alicorns are a hardy bunch," she said, eyes twinged with amusement as she looked up at her niece. "I'm sure that our niece is fine other than a bruised ego. Tis not everyday when ones such as we are beaten, and much less by a male."
>Hey now...
 
>You might not be a god horse, but you could fuck up a nigger when duty called.
>You were a big strong manly man that didn't take no shit!
>You'll show Loony; you'll walk over and save Candyass over there right now!
"Alright, Cadence, I'm coming to get you down," you say, walking underneath love horse to assess the situation.
> "It looks like she's stuck in there deep, Anon," Celestia helpfully supplied as you gave Cadence's tail a light tug, getting a squeak out of her.
>"H-Hey! You watch those hands of your's, mister!"
>You roll your eyes, carefully grabbing Cadence's legs and giving them a tug.
"Cadence, I'm gonna keep tugging on you like this so you down bring the whole ceiling down with you, alright sweet cheeks?"
>Her frantic wiggling stops when she realizes that it might not be the best idea to further damage an already fucked up ceiling.
>"...Alright, but just be careful," she says, going limp.
>"Don't worry, Cadence, Luna and I will make sure that the everything goes smoothly," Celestia said from behind you
>You look over your shoulder at the alicorns, both whom were sitting on their rumps and just staring at you... and not using their magical god powers to FUCKING DO SOMETHING!
"...Aren't you two going to do something?" you asked. "
>They looked at each other before shrugging.
>"Nay, it appears that thou have it covered," Luna said with an idle wave of the hoof.
>Celestia nodded with a grin. "Come on Anon, we haven't got all day."
>...Lazy bitches
"It's too early for this shit..." you mutter, grabbing Cadence's hips and tugging.
>She grunted. "Anon, you're going to have to tug harder than that," she said, starting to wiggle again. "I'm stuck pretty deep in here."
>Nodding you give her another, harder tug, causing her to grunt again.
 
>Just like that, Anon! Don't be gentle, I can take it!"
>Celestia leaned over to Luna.
>"I bet she can," she murmured to her sister, causing her to giggle
"Cadence, you going to have to do something;you're going to have to do something to help me!"
>"I'm trying to but this I'm too big for this hole!"
>You tug again.
"Well, we'll just fucking force you through, tight hole or--"
>You stop tugging when you hear muffled laughter, and ,looking back over your shoulder, you see Moon bottom and Sunny D trying their damnest not to burst out laughing
>...Fucking dirty-minded royal pone's
"Come o-on, Cadence, heave and hoe and all of that!"
"Will you two shut up?" you snap, watching as a bit of drywall falls all around you. "For fuck sake's..."
>You tug and tug and tug on the pink pone, slowly but surely freeing her inch my inch until...
>"Anon! It feels like I'm about free!" Candy Cane says. "Just one more tug!"
"Alright, but when I get you down make sure you don't stab me with your horn when you fall down!"
>With a final grunt, more of your ceiling, and Cadence, come crashing down.
>dodging a piece of plaster, you catch the yelping pone and hold her like a baby.
"Alright," you say, looking up at the hole that Cadence had caused. "We'll... this fucking sucks, huh?"
>Cadence, her mane disheveled and with an exasperated look on her face, blew a bit of mane out of her face.
>"You," she growled, poking your chest with a hoof as she glared at you. "You are going to carry me to the gym, /and/ you're carrying my flank back!"
>You can't help but smile, pulling the mare a little closer to your chest.
"You wish is my command, Candy Cane," you say, turning around and walking toward your kitchen with her still in your arms.
>It was going to be a pain in the ass getting all of this cleaned up, but you knew a few construction ponies from he gym.
>All you had to do was ask and they'd have your house as good as new by the end of the day.
>But enough of that; you and your padawans needed to go to the chapel to praise the gainz.
"Now why don't we get something to eat before we go and fuck up our workout?"
 
~_~_~_~_
 
>Be Shining Armor, walking through Canterlot with your human friend in tow.
>It was Friday, and that meant that you could finally go out with this colt and see what's up with him and why the hay he acts like he does.
>For the whole week you had done your homework; going out and walking to Anon's neighbors, the ponies that he associated with, and even your wife, trying to piece together this puzzle wrapped in a mystery wrapped up in a oddity that was the human
>And what you found both confused you and also made a heck of a lot of sense.
>The swearing, the odd aggression, the complete lack of tact and grace and understanding on how to talk and act around a mare; all of that and more almost made you think that Anon was a dike
>But now you know, or at least you think you know, was that he just wasn't a /really/ marely stallion: he was what human stallion's were supposed to be!
>...And you mayyy not know how to deal with that...
>Sure, you could deal with any mare on your worst day, but you didn't know how to deal with a stallion that /was/ a mare... if that made sense...
>Welp, guess you just need to wing it then, eh colt?
>For your wife if for nothing else.
>Tonight you had decided to wear a cute purple vest to go out drinking with Anon, who had forgone his usual cut-off shirts for a niceish shirt.
>You had been flattered that he had gone out of the way to wear something nice to go out tonight
>You knew that the shirts that he had made were pretty expensive, and that looked like a new one to--
>"Hey, Shining? Where are we going again?"
>Oh shit, you're daydreaming!
>Say something so you don't look stupid!
"Oh, it's just a little mom and pop bar that I found barhopping a couple of years ago," you say, leading Anon through the city's night crowds toward one of your favorite bars.
 
"They make some of the best drinks in the city there."
>Looking over your shoulder, you smile at the human.
"Hey, Anon, thanks for coming out tonight; I know this isn't something you usually do, so.. thanks; really."
>Anon smiles back at you.
>"Hey, no problem, buddy," he said, giving your back a little pat. "I've wanted to go out drinking with a couple of bros for a while now."
>He chuckles.
>"And besides, I think I owe you for beating the hell out of your wife and step-aunts everyday."
>You both chuckle, playfully nudging each other as you push past crowds of mares.
>You couldn't help but crinkle your nose when you smelled the alcohol on some of them, and you honestly could say that you didn't like some of their stares as they watched you and Anon walk buy...
>thank Faust you have a giant monkey with you, or this fun night of drinking might have gotten more... difficult...
>"Hey good looking! Why don't you come over here and shake that flank for us?" Someone calls in the crowds, which was followed by the sounds of drunken laughter.
>Quick as a whip, Anon calls back, "Why don't you fuck the fuck off, Zigga!"
>You swear that all conversation just stops, stallions and mares stopping what they were doing to just look at the two of you
>Anditssuddendlyracist.org
> Trying to hide your embarrassment, and /praying/ that no zebras heard that, you grabbed the human with your magic and dragged him through crowds as quickly as possible.
"Can we please keep from screaming word like that in public?" You asked, irritated as Anon giggled to himself.
>"What? It shut them the hell up."
"Well that doesn't give you the right to say... that word!"
>What? Zigga?"
"Yes /that/ word!"
>"And what if I told you that some of my best friends were zebras?"
>You groan, not knowing whether or not to chew him out or bust out laughing.
"You're horrible," you say, shaking your head as you get in sight of the bar.
>Anon grins
>"Shiny, you have no idea."
 
>The bar was just like you remembered it; covered floor to ceiling in old, smokey wood with pictures and trophies covering every wall
>Even though it was a friday night the bar, was, as usual, pretty much empty, with an elderly earth pony mare quietly cleaning the empty counter.
>Smiling, you call,
"How's it going,Mrs. Hopps?"
>The mare looks up from the counter, grinning ear-to-ear when she sees you.
>"Aw, Shining, it's good to see you!" she said, slamming a hoof against the counter
>She was about to say more when she spotted Anon.
>"Holy Tartarus, you're a big'un aren't ya?"
>Anon grins.
>"For you," he says simple
>Still smiling, you hop onto a stool, anon taking a seat next to you.
"Anon, this is Mrs. Hopps, Mrs. Hopps this is Anon," you say, leaning onto the counter.
>"It's nice to mean you, ma'am," Anon say politely, offering her a hand.
>The mare chuckled. "Where'd yeah meet this one, Shining?"
>"Oh, you could say that I just feel out the sky, ma'am," Anon answered, giving you a nudge.
>You shake your head.
"Yeah, you could say something like that."
>Mrs. Hopps smiles
>"So are you here to keep an old mare company, Shining?"
>Her grin turned mischievous.
>"Or are you just bringing your big friend here so I can tell him a couple of your old baby stories?
>Mrs. Hopps was a family friend that had been sneaking you booze since you were fifteen, and she knew how to keep her mouth shut.
>Other than when she wasn't busting your balls, that is
>That meant no one was going to hear a thing you or Anon said outside this bar.
>After chatting with Mrs. Hopps for a little long, and ordering yourselves from drinks (a whiskey for Anon and a martini for you) you spin around in the little chair and look at your (hopefully) soon to be herdmate
"So, Anon, why don't the two of us have a little chat,"
>You say innocently, sipping your drink.
>themindgamesbegin.jpg
"I've been wanting to ask a couple of things that have bothered me.
>You watch as Anon, chuckling, downs his whiskey, slamming the shot glass into the bar.
>"As long as these keep coming you can ask me all the questions you want!"
>And so it begins...
 
~_~_~_~__~_~
 
Be Anon, sitting in some swank little bar drinking whiskey with you bro Shining
>Well, you had already drank your whiskey, so now you were just sitting there waiting for the little pone bartender to refill your glass, but you get the idea
>Maybe...
>God do you wish that ponies made better hard liquor
>the shit you just got may as well have been water down applejuice.
>It was going to take all night to get drunk off this shit...
>Ponies must have shitty livers or something
"So what did you want to ask, Shining?" you asked curiously, turning to face the little white pone
>Shining's ears flicker against the sides of his head (aww) and he looks down and taps his hoofsies together (double aww) before looking back up and smiling. (hnnng!)
>"Oh, I was just wondering how you were liking the city," he says, taking a sip of whatever fruity drink he bought himself. "I know that the princesses tell me you're happy here, and you look happy here, but I just wanted to make sure that you were enjoying the city."
>Ha, it looks like you got one of /those/ drinkers on your hands...
>Boy, you hope that Shining's an adorable little drunk
>Stumbling around on his hoofs, trying and failing to use magic, and talking about little horse problems and advantages with a slur on his voice
>Sweet Jesus were you going to hug the /shit/ out of that little drunk pony
"It's a hell of a lot nicer than that little town that the princesses sent me to first," you say, frowning as you recalled that horrible DYEL little two that only had one roidhead and some shitty little gym.
>Man... /fuck/ Punyville
"There's shit to do here, the people are friendly--" you thank the bartender as she refills your glass. "--I'm within walking distance of the castle so I can go and harass Luna or Celestia,"
Pausing for a moment, you quickly grab and finish your second shot of the night.
 
" I don't like this city; I /love/ this city Shining."
>You sigh, turning around and leaning on the bar.
>"This is one of those places where a guy could raise one heck of a family. You know what I'm saying?"
>Shining perks up immediately after you say the work "family" leaning so far out of his stool you were worried that he was going to fall off and land on his furry widdle bottom.
>Aw, look, is widdle tail his waggling...
>"Well, I'm happy for you, Anon," he says, nudging your chest with a hoof. "Not a lot of stallion's like staying in a city all by themselves..."
>He bit his lip while the bartender, seeing that you finished another shot, just brought over a whole bottom of whiskey and sets it down in front of you.
>"Hey, Anon?"
>Too busy pouring yourself another drink, you didn't notice Shining staring at you worriedly.
"Hum?"
>"...Did my sister ever get around to tell you how us ponies do the whole relationship thing?"
"I don't think so, I got out of two pretty fast and all she really wanted to do was grill my ass about my world. Why?"
>"Well, if you ever want to start dating you might need to learn a thing or two about it, right?"
>Well... that /did/ make sense
>A different world meant different rules, right?
>And you actually might want to look for a gf someday...
>Downing another shot, you wave a hand around.
"Alright then; lay some knowledge down on me, Shining!"
>the unicorn opens his mouth before he snaps it shut a moment later, a thoughtful look on his face.
>"...Actually, why don't /you/ tell me how you'd do it first. Just so I don't just tell you something you already know."
>You shrug.
"What's there to know? You start talking to a girl, the two of you find something things in common, you take her out on a couple of date, the two of you fuck, and bam: you're in a a relationship," you tell him, downing another shot.
"I'm sure that it's not much different from here, right?"
>"Well... it's not; if you're a mare."
>Wat?
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Shining Armor
>Sweet Faust, you finally got him to say it!
>Now all of the bucking pieces have come together!
>Now you just had to make sure that you told him that mare's are he ones that usually bring home the hay and oats...
>Come on, Shining, you can do this!
"Anon, you know how there's a whole lot of mares compared to stallion's right? "Well... what If I told you that because of that they might be the providers of a relationship, if you get my meaning."
> The human nods slowly, motioning for you to continue while he forgoes his glass and just takes a big gulp directly from the bottle.
>Oh shoot does he looked confused
>Come on, Armor, you're losing him. Say something!
"Since there's so few of us stallion's they usually settle down with a herd, taking care of the kids while--urk!"
>You can't help but let out a terrified squeak as Anon picks you up by the scruff of your and brings your face close to his.
>Oh shit, you say something wrong, did you?!
>Mrs. Hopps wasn't going to be able to pull this stallion off you if he started--
>"THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME!"
>And now Anon's... hugging you?
>...Wat?
 
~_~_~_~__~
 
Be Anon again
>HOLY FUCKING SHIT! NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!
>Now you know why all of those mares thought that you were weird for wanting to join a strong man gym!
>It was because you were supposed to be a fucking /girl/!
>Oh sweet Odin riding a T-rex, you were a /women/ in this culture!
>The opposite sex!
>The ones that got the free drinks when they flashed their titties!
>That's why Shining goes shopping all the time and does all of the frilly gay shit!
>He was a girl!... Or a girly horse, pony... thing
>Nearly shaking in excitement, you hug the little pone to your chest, rocking back and forth before putting him back on his little stool.
"So stallions are supposed to stay in the home?"
>"Yes."
"And they clean, watch the kids, and please the mare, right?"
>"That's... an incredibly sexists way of saying it but yes, usually."
"And you can be a sassy black stallion that don't need to mare?!"
>Shining shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
>"Anon... why do you seem so happy about this?"
>Standing up, you wrap an arm around his shoulder.
"Because now I can see what it's like on the other side of the fence, Shining!"
>Though you didn't see if, Shining quickly grabbed his drink and drained it, exhaustion as clear as day on his face
"Now I can get free drinks, I can change my mind whenever I want and nobody would give a damn; shit, I can even go be a stripper if I want!"
>Your eyes widen at the thought.
"Oh fuck me, do you guys have male pony strip clubs?!"
>"U-Um, well, you se--"
>Not giving Shining the chance to answer, you get out of your chair, picking him up and slinging him over your shoulder and grabbing the whiskey.
"Let's go and see some guy pony strippers, Shining!"
>You were about to take a step froward when you freeze.
"No Homo."
>Ignoring your bro's protest, you look at the very confused bartender pone staring back at you.
"It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Hopps, but Shining and I gotta go and get turned the fuck up!"
>The mare smiles, waving at you as you walk toward the door.
>"See yeah, Shining, weird monkey guy, you two stay safe, ya hear?!
 
~_~_~_
 
Be Anon--
>"SHAKE THAT RUMP, YOU SLUT!"
--having the fucking time of your life.
>Apparently ponies /did/ have strip clubs; a lot of them in fact
>And it had taken all of five seconds for some of the pone strippers to let you up on the stage to strut your stuff
> "I'm have your bucking baby, weird monkey thing!
>"Show us your flank again!"
>Come on, baby, come and get this sack of bite from my mouth!"
>And sweet god damn were you strutting on that stage like a motherfucker
>You climbed up the bar and spun around on it, you did dragon flags and human flags on the motherfucker, basically having the time of your life while mares /threw/ money at you
>Why the fuck did women have a problem with this?
>You get /free/ booze and /free/ money for shaking your ass for a couple of minutes and showing your chest
>Which was awesome
> /REALLY/ fucking awesome
>Grinning, you walk around the pole with a sway on your steps, giving your ass a shake when you hear some wolf whistles coming form the crowd.
Hey, Anon?"
>did ya need something, Brain?
We're pretty drunk right now, huh?
>That we are my cranium-based friend
And with all of the bits we're getting tonight we'll be fucking rick, right?
>We'll probably be able able to fix that broken window and that hole in the ceiling at the very least
...Fuck, this is awesome
>Fuck yeah it is my zigga!
>With a shout you climb back up the pole and slowly slide back down, your legs spread out wide, the crowd roaring in approval
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Shining Armor, sitting at the bar of some dirty strip club watching your friend act like a complete slut/moron/crazy person.
>To be honest, you were a little put out by all of this
>You honestly wanted to just spend the night, just you and Anon, the two of your drinking while you explained what ponykind expected of him
>He was supposed to be concerned, or confused, or even scared when he found out that he wasn't the dominate gender in this world!
>Not do something like... this!
>To be fair though, that colt could move around that pole like he had been born to it.
>gods, you considered yourself as straight as the next stallion, but seeing Anon with his shirt off, covered in sweat and bending his body in ways that would break a pony....
>You could see why your wife wanted this colt in a herd...
>You take another sip of your drink, a pleased smile on your face.
>At least Anon was having fun, so this whole night wouldn't just be a waste.
>That and all of the free drinks you want--
>"How you doing there, hot stuff?"
>pausing mid-drink, you look over your shoulder at three /very/ drunk mares eyeing your hungrily.
>ohfuckmewithabroomhandle.exe
>Rolling your eyes, you quickly point to the ring on your horn.
"Sorry, ladies," you say, taking another drink of your rum (since the drinks were free you had decided to get a little "turned up" yourself) "I'm already taken."
>The mares awed loudly, eyeing each other before sitting around you.
>"Aw come on, baby, don't be like that," one of them says, trying to drunkenly slip a hoof around you. "We just wanna talk is all...maybe we can buy you a drink...see where it goes from there..."
>You might have been a little drunk, a little drunker than you would have liked in fact, but there was no way in Tartaus you were cheating on your honey bunny with a couple of chuddy, drunk stripper-frequenting mares
>Calmly catching the mare's hoof, you place it back to her side before leaning against the bar and sipping your drink.
"Thanks, but no thanks.
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Anon, god-king of the pole, booze, and squats
>Since you were a little tired from all of your pole-related fun, you had decided that the next thing that you should be doing was rolling around on the stage floor and pawing at your money like the animal that you were.
>god, if you wee sober right now, and if it wasn't money, you'd be fucking made that ponies were pelting you with bits
>But, since it looked like there was enough money here to buy yourself another house, and since you had drunk enough to kill seven or eight ponies, and therefore felt no pain and knew no fear thanks to the gods rum, whiskey, and vodka, you were more than happy to be a bit target.
Hey Anon?
>Yeah brain?
Maybe you should go and check up on Shining
>He /is/ a little pone, Brain, and since he /is/ a girl, you /should/ get up and see what's going on...
>You do just that, getting up with a grunt, scanning the room until you spot the little white prince pone, who looked like he was about to get jumped by a few mares...
Ohfuckthatnigger.jpg
>You knew what the fuck a couple of drunk guys would do to a single girl in a bar if no one was looking!
>It looked like that were trying to fucking roofie his furry little ass!
>With an angry snarl, you hop off the stage, shirtless and angry and with your mountain of bits forgotten
Hey Anon?
>Yeah brain?
We're gonna fuck up some bitches, right?
>If they're trying to do something to our bro then we're gonna do a hell of a lot more than that!
>But first, let a zigga get some of those fire shots that that mare's shoving in our face
Alcohol before action, my nigga
>And after that beating bitches, Brain
 
Be Drunken mare, trying to put the moves on this cute white stallion at this strip club
>Sure, he might have just blown you off and was now trying to ignore you, but you and your girls were walking out with this big boy one way or another
>Marefriend or wife or whatever wouldn't matter to him as soon as you got a couple of drinks in him and--
>"The fuck's going on here?!"
>While you would have just ignored someone angrily demanding something of you and let your girls deal with it, this sounded a heck of a lot closer and /angrier/ than you were used to.
>Hah, you bet its this colt's "wife" trying to start something with you
>Good, then you'd be able to show this walking cock how a real mare fights
>Grinning at the thought, you put your drink down and spun around on your chair.
>"What's it to ya--"
>You looked down, expecting a mare to be looking back up at you
>What you got though was a pair of pants.
>ohshityougottalookup
>Quickly looking up you see the hulking monkey thing that had been dancing on the stage, staring down at you with his teeth bared.
>Wegotabigone.exe
>If you had been a little more sober you might have been a little bit nervous that a big muscly predator was standing above you threateningly but buck that now
>You had vodka flowing through your veins and your girls at you back
>You'd be able to take this colt eas--epp!
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
>Be Anon, righteous defender of all stallion pone's everywhere.
>Tired of the mare just staring up at you with a stupid look on your face you decided to do the smart thing and yank the bitch off her chair and bring her to your face
>That'll wake the bitch up
"What.The. Fuck. Are.You.Doing. With.This. Stallion?" you growl, pressing you nose against the mare's
>If you had bothered to look you would have been half of the club stopping whatever they were doing and just looking at you but you were being too much of a drunk hero to notice anything other than the little pone's in front of you.
>To your surprise, the mare quickly settles in your arms, trying to give you a sultry smile.
>"Oh, you jealous big colt? Well, lucky for you I'm--"
THUD!
>Enough of that
>You were too drunk to deal with drunk flirting
>especially drunk flirting from a little horse
>Shaking your head, you stepped over the little pone those's ass you just dropped and sat down next to Shining, how was smiling gratefully back at you
"You alright there big guy?" you asked, eyeing his drink with a frown.
>Looks like they didn't get s chance any pony roofies in his drink yet
>Good
>Shining chuckled. "I'm a bit better now, thanks," he said, giving you a playful nudge.
>"Though you didn't need to do...that. I was taking care of myself."
>You were about to say more when you felt someone roughly poke your back.
>"Hey ape! Who the buck do you think you are?!"
>AmIgonnahavetosmackazigga.rom
>Deciding to be the bigger man, you ignore the poking, trying to flag down one of the bartenders.
>"HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU!"
>Shout all you want, little pone, I am a rock.
>"I JUST COME OVER HERE AND TRY TO TALK AND YOU FREAK THE BUCK OUT FOR NO BUCKING REASON! IF I WASN'T SUCK A GENTLEMARE I'D SHOW YOU YOUR BUCKING PLACE!"
>Hah
>She said bucking, not fucking
>Step up your swearing little pone
>"YOU MUST HAVE BEEN JEALOUS. I MEAN, WHO'D WANT TO BUCK SOME FAT, LITTLE BROOD COLT WITH TINY CALF'S!!!"
>You stiffen at the jib
>It was the dreaded insult that almost all powerlifters hated.
>The dreaded "you have little calf's because you don't train legs"
>But /did/ train fucking legs, three times a week in fact
>It wasn't your fault that you had little--NO FUCK THAT, YOU DIDN'T HAVE LITTLE CALF'S.
>IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT THAT THEY DIDN'T GROW EVEN THOUGH YOU TRIED TO TRAIN THEM ALL THE TIME!
>YOU WERE PROPORTIONAL, DAMMIT!
>YOU HAD BIG CALF'S. /BIG/!
>Don'tlookatyouranklesdon'tlookatyourankles
>FUCK! YOU LOOKED AT THEM!
 
>You rise from your stool and turn around, staring down at the fuming mare with a blank expression
>You were going to break this pony over your knee and--
>"Anon," you heard Shining say, placing a hoof on your arm. "Come on, let's just go back to the castle. We don't want to start any fights..."
>You stop, taking a deep breath to calm yourself
>You know what? Maybe Shining was right
>You and him could grab all of your money and just go home
>Then in the morning, you could--
> "No calf's no calf's no calf's no calf's no calf's!"
>The little pone in front of you stomps her hooves, multiple little pone's appearing behind her while she smirks up at you
> "Aw, are ya gonna cry, colt?" she taunts.
>Without breaking eye contact, you reach over and grab a beer.
>You tried to be diplomatic, but it had failed
>Time for plan B
"You just done fucked up, little horse"
>You say, before clocking the mare in the head with the bottle, watching her go down in a spray of glass and booze
>Dropping what was left of the bottle on your hands, you look up and notice that the strip club was silent
>The music, the talking, even the dancing had stopped, every little pone in that packed club just staring at you.
>Welp, you may as well finished what you started, Anon
>You're too deep down this rabbit whole to stop now
>Looking at the fallen mare's buddies, you channel your inner bro, widening your stance and throwing your arms in the air
"FUCKING COME AT ME BRO!"
>As if a switch had been flipped, the bar suddenly turned into chaos
 
~_~__~_~_~_~__~
 
BANG
CRASH
BONK!
>"LET'S GO YOU BUCKERS!"
>"MY EYE!"
>WHOOO! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!"
Be Shining Armor, doing the right thing and hiding behind the bar counter while Tartarus erupts all around you
>Sweet Faust did you mess up
>You really had to let Anon make you go into a strip club, didn't you?
>Now you were in the middle of a bar fight and the beginning of a riot
>Good job colt
>Buck, Cadence was going to be /so/ mad when she found out...
>You /had/ tried to calm the crowd down at first, amplifying your voice with you magic and trying to tell everyone to calm down
>To which the crowd of angry mares responded by tossing everything within hooves reach at you to shut you up, which had forced you to seek cover behind the counter
>So, with no back up and drunk off your flank, you had to figure out how to get you and Anon out of here in one piece before the guard showed up and arrested all of you
>Faust damn you Anon
>Damn you for trying to protect me from those mares
>Even though it was /really/ appreciated it
>Alright colt, you need to take one step at a time
>Just look over the bar and scope the area out
>Poke your little pone head out and--
CRASH!
>And put it the back down so you don't get clocked in the head with a bucking bottle!
>Alright time for plan B
"ANON, GET OVER HERE!"
>Oh shoot, maybe you should have used a bit of magic to make that carry across the room a little better
>Anon might not hav--
>You can't help but yelp as Anon vaults over the counter and ducks under it
>You were about to yell at him when he grabs your head and pushes you down, the sounds of glass breaking coming form above you.
>"YOU MISSED YOU FUCKS!" Anon yells, grabbing a bottle of liquor from the counter and tossing it over the counter blindly.
>"ZIGGA'S GOT NO AIM UP IN HERE!"
"ANON, YOU BUCKING MORON!"
>The human turned to you, a confused look on his face.
 
>"What?" he asked, like starting a bucking bar fight was a normal everyday thing to do
>You opened your mouth, ready to tear into him, when you hear something you had been dreading t hear:
>"THIS IS THE GUARD! YOU WILL ALL LAY DOWN YOUR WEAPONS AND DISPERSE! IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY WE WILL BE FORCED TO ENGAGE YOU!"
>Oh bucking buck /buck/!
>Someone finally called the night guard!
"ANON, WE GOTTA--!"
>Though far drunker than you, it appeared that Anon knew what needed to be done
>Grabbing you he hopped over the counter and ran toward the side exit.
>"FUCK THE POLICE!" he roared, snatching a bottle from a table and tossing it into the air
>The second that you heard the bottle hitting the floor, the fighting stared back up
> And, with a battle cry, the guards burst in batons at the ready
>Bucking Anon
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Cadence, getting ready to hit the hay and get some sleep for lifting tomorrow
>You had been waiting up for your hubby, who had went to his father's house to do whatever son's and father's did with each other, but it looked like he was staying the night since it was getting so late
>And he /had/ told you not to wait up for him...
>Which meant that you had no one to cuddle with tonight...
>But on the bright side, you still had a few pair of Anon's underwear so at least you could have a little fun with that before
BANG!
>You jumped as you bedroom door flew open, Anon and your husband, both whom looked disheveled, reeked of sweat and booze, and... why was Anon just in his boxers?...
>Wat?
>You watched as your husband frantically looked up and down the outside hallways before slamming your door and and slumping against it.
>"Thank Faust. It looks like no one followed us," he said, a slight slur in his voice as he closed his eyes and smacked the back of his head against the door
 
>Anon, stumbled forward, almost crashing into a table, a big drunk grin on his face
> "Hey... HEY, I told you that those bat horses wouldn't catch us!"
>"I swear that that chase shaved four years off my life."
>"Aw, come on, Shining, it wasn't that bad!"
>Still wonder what the /BUCK/ was going on, you loudly clear your throat.
>Shining and Anon stop their little conversation to look at you
"...Could someone please tell me what's going on?"
>Anon grins, stumbling over and giving your head a rough pet.
>"Hah!... Silly pony," he mumbles, his eyes hazy as he walks over toward your bathroom and closes the door. "Asking for shit and being little sillies."
>...Alright
>That happened...
"Shining?"
>"Yes honey?"
"You mind filling me in on why the hay Anon's in my bathroom in his underwear drunk off his flank?"
>Your husband perks up.
>"So that's all you want to know?"
>You keep eye contact as you heard a loud crash come from your bathroom
>"I'm alright!" Anon yells from the bathroom before you heard the shower turning on. "Just fell down!... I may have also broken your sink! Sorry!"
"...Not even close."
 
~_~_~_~_~_~__~
 
>Be Shining Armor
>Holy shit, how were you going to explain this to your wife?!
>Come on, colt, use those smarts of yours!
>You got this!
"Well... I was coming from from mom's house when I met Anon on the street..."
>"Aha..."
"And I /mayyyyy/ have convinced him to have a drink of two with me..."
>Come on colt
>time to lie like a mother bucker!
"...And the two of us got jumped by a couple of mares! Yeah, that's it! Mares attacked me and Anon!"
>You watched as your wife's suspicious looked turned into one of worry and anger
>"WHAT THE BUCK HAPPENED?!" she snarled, hopping out of bed and stomping toward you.
>...Oh shit
>It might have been better to make a little less drastic lie
>Now your wife will have the guard out comping the city for "rapist mares"
>B-But, you can still come out on top of this
>Really, you can!
>Sweet Faust, was it hot in here or was it just you?
"You don't need to worry about it, honey!" you say, stopping her rampage... to where ever she was rampaging with a hoof
"They were just a bunch of drunks; Anon and I were about to fight them off and get away without much trouble and--
 
Be Anon
>Really, really, /really/ drunk Anon
>Wow, Candy Cane and head guard pone's shower's fuckin' /sweet/!
>It had one of those ceiling shower head thingy's!
>If you weren't having trouble standing you might have appreciated it a bit more
>Eh, fuck it
>Time to wash the night's activities off you body...
>Or some shit like like
>Man, did you mention that you were drunk?
>Cause you were.... like a lot
> "WHAT DO YOU MEAN CALM DOWN?!?!? YOU TELL ME THAT YOU GOT JUMPED AND YOU DON'T WANT ME TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT?!?!?!"
>What's this?
>Two of your favorite pone's having a small horse argument?
>Can't have that
>Quickly cleaning yourself off you stumble out of the shower, somehow managing to feet your feet as you grab a towel, drying and covering yourself
>Time for Anon to save the day!
>...Oh shit you forgot, you only had one pair of underwear with you
>And your shirt was long gone; still in the strip club if you had to guess
>AND your pants had been ditched in some alley while you and Shining escaped the bat pone's.
>...So....
>You had no clothes other than some dirty boxers that you sure as shit weren't going to wear
>Fuck
>Time to check this bomb-ass bathroom to see if there's any pone clothes that you can borrow
>Yeah, because pone's just have clothe-- wait a fucking minute!
>Were those a pair of your boxers hanging from that towel rack over there?!
>Sweet!
>the drunk gods must be smiling on you today!
>Managing to get over on the other side of the bathroom without breaking too many things, you slip those bad boys on, walk to the bathroom door, throw that fucker open, and strike the manliest pose your drunk body can handle at the moment
>This is for you, Zzyz
"Waz good ziggas?"
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be angry princess of love pone: Cadence
>You /had/ been arguing with your hubby, scared out of your mind when he had told you that he and Anon were attacked in the middle of Canterlot
>The two of them could have been hurt, or /worse/, and he doesn't want you to do anything about it?!
>You had been ready burst out of the castle and crack some skulls to defend your husband and husbando's honor..
>Keyword had
>Right now you were trying not to make a mess on the floor as you started at Anon, who was striking some kind of weird pose in your bathroom doorway
>Like before, he was still in a pair of boxers, which didn't leave much to the imagination, but that coupled with the fact that his body was wet and glistening...
>Unf
>UNF
>UNNNNNNNNFFFFFFFFF!
>Your wings had risen fill mast as your jaw dropped, your body frozen in place as that barely clothed god of the primates strode over toward you and Shining
>"Hey Shining! I just remembered that the two of us left all of that money I made at that strip club. We gotta... we gotta go back and get it all!"
>...Strip club?
>The buck were those two doing in a strip club?
>You husband looks a touch paler than he did a second ago, laughing nervously as Anon gave your ears a scratch
> "HA HA HA! I didn't know you were a funny drunk, Anon!" he said, herding the human onto your bed. "Why the heck would the two of us go to a strip club? You silly!"
>Anon looks at Shining in confusion
>"Because you told me that I'm a women and I wanted to be a stripper for the night to make fucking bank before I started yelling that I didn't need no mare cause I'm a strong independent stallion!" he told the two of you before falling back onto the bed giggling to himself.
> "He hit the drinks a little too hard," Shining whispered in your ear. "There making him talk nonsense."
>You find yourself nodding as you and Shining just watch as your drunk, giggling lifting coach rolled back and forth on your bed, muttering to himself like a crazy pony
>...Yeah, maybe it's not the best idea to listen to someone who looks like they can barely stand up; much less think
"We're going to talk about this later," you growl to your hubby before hopping onto the bed.
>Anon stops his giggling when he sees you standing over him.
>Oh, 'ello, Candy Cane," he slurs, reaching up and playing with your muzzle.
>You can't keep yourself from rolling your eyes as you lean down and nuzzle the stupid sexy human.
"Did someone have fun tonight?" you tease.
>He nods, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you down on top of him
>"I was a stripper and I made like a zillion bits in like three hours," he said, oblivious to your surprised/delighted squeals.
> "And after that I started a bar fight and said fuck the police and ran away with Shining."
>Your wings flutter when you felt Anon's hand gently start to run up and down your back
"Oh? Is that all?" you ask in amusement
>You felt Anon nod once again, rubbing his cheek against your in the process
>It felt nice laying next to Anon like this
>His heat, the way he held you, his smell...
>A girl could get used to this
>You can't help but let you a happy hum, laying a hoof on the human's stomach as you cuddled up against him
>"Yeah... and it was fucking rad," the silly widdle human said before yawning and closing his eyes.
>"Shining's the fucking man....Even if he's a horse girl man...thing."
>Speaking of Shining, your stallion crawled into the other side of the bed, laying his head on Anon's chest and laying the blanket over the three of you.
>Aw, trying to distract me with human cuddles are ya?
>Well... you win this time colt, cause I'm taking the bait
>I'm taking the bait bucking hard
>But the two of you were still going to talk about what happened tonight!
"Well, I'm glad that my husband showed you a good time," you say, lifting your head up just long enough to glare at your husband, who ignored you by nuzzling Anon's chest
>"Yeah... it was a lot of fun," Anon said with a yawn, sounding like he was about ready to fall asleep. "Night, Canada.... Shield butt."
>Giving him one last nuzzle, you quickly turn off your light with a spell, more than happy with the night's turn of events
"Goodnight Anon, honey."
>Events which were going to become a heck of a lot more common in the coming days
>Hopefully
 
Be Anon
>Holy /SHIT/ does your head fucking hurt!
>It feels like Satan just spent the night ear fucking you
>Which means (you guessed it) you've got one hell of a hangover kiddo
>Fuck, that was going to make lifting in the morning rough
>...However long morning away was
>At least you were warm and comfortable in the mist of your pain
>You try to lift your hand up to rub your eye when you realized that a furry white pone happened to be snoozing on it
>The fu-- oh yeah...
>You got turned up with Shining last night...and started a riot and all of that stuff...
>A sleepy nuzzle brings you out of your thought, all thanks to a snoozing Cadence, who had her head on your chest and--
>Aw, look how adorable the two of them look
>Aw, Shining's ear just twitched
>Who'sacutiewho'sacutie?Youareyesyouare!
>You can't help but give the two of them a scratch, earning you two please hums and some more sleepy nuzzles
>God these ponies are soft and warm and adorable
>Silently wishing that you had a camera to document this cuteness, you kiss Cadence on the top of the head, then Shining (no homo) before settling back into your pillow and closing your eyes
>This was... nice
>You kind of didn't know how you got in this position, since you had been smashed, but there were a hell of a lot worse places to wake up
>Pony cuddles were the best cuddles...
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Princess Moon bottom, getting fit in the gym with your fellow princesses and human husbando
>You were a bit tired because some bucker started a riot last night, and you had to go down there personally to crack some skulls, but that wasn't going to stop you!
>You were ready to lift the lifts, gain the gainz, and leave the gym as the strongest and fittest princess in Equestria!
>...Too bad that the same couldn't be said for Anon
>The poor colt looked as sick as could be, practically dragging his feet as he helped you, your sister, and Cadence through your lifts
>And, if he hadn't insisted on going to the gym with the three of you (saying something about never missing a day), and since you didn't want to seem like a mare that just forced stallions to do what you wanted by ordering them around, you would have put your hoof down and forced him to get some bed rest
>He honestly looked like he could have used about five more hours of sleep and maybe some soup...
>Oh, maybe you could go and make something for him! Colts always liked it when mares did stuff like that! Or maybe--
> "Come on, Luna, you're up next!" the Anon called--snapping you out of your thoughts-- flicking the pull up bar with a finger.
>Blinking in surprise, you watch as your sister, red-faced and panting, walked over toward you.
> "You heard him, Luna," she said, flicking her head in his direction.
"We are coming, Anon!" you say just a /little/ too loudly, trotting over toward the human and eyeballing the pull up bar, which had become one of your most hated enemies over these past few days
>Try as you might, you could never get more than a rep before your arms just gave out on you on this bucking thing
>But that was going to change today!
>Today you were going to show that pull up bar who's boss!
>"Do you need help getting up there?" Anon asked, gesturing toward the bar, which was just a bit out of your reach.
>You shake your head
"Nay, dear Anon, we are more than capable of reaching it ourselves."
>Nodding, the human leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms.
>"Alright, but remember no doing any of that jumping shit, no fucking magic, and go all that way down then back up until your chin's over the bar or I'm not counting it, alright?"
>Thiscoltrighthere.scroll
>You nod, eyeing the bar with a scowl, trying to will all of the energy into your arms and back that you have.
>"Come on, Luna! You can do it!" Cadence calls from behind you
>No niece, you /were/ going to do this!
>"Whenever you're ready, Luna," Anon says.
"Take all the time you need."
>You start to rock back and forth, breathing deeply out your mouth and through your nose, before hopping into your hind legs with a grunt and jumping and grabbing onto the bar
>You feel Anon slapping your back
>"Come on, Luna, you got this!"
>Come on! you can do this!
>Get two bucking pull ups!
>Stallions are watching!
>With a grunt, you slowly pull yourself upward, keeping your core strong gritting your teeth as gravity did it's best to make you look like a beta, pushover-y kind of mare
>Buck you gravity!
>/You're/ going to be the beta faggot this day!
>With a snarl you reach the top, holding the position for a second before falling back down.
"One," you say, panting lightly.
>Anon slaps your sides
>"Come on, Luna, you got one more in you!" he said encouragingly. "Don't think about it. Just do it!"
>You tried to pull yourself back up, but all you managed to do was lift yourself an inch before falling back down into starting position
>No
>Not like this!
>You needed to look like a alpha to impress Anon!
>BUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!
>Growling, you tried to pull yourself up again, your legs kicking wildly, but it was no--
>"GET YOUR ASS UP THERE, LUNA!"
SMACK!
>ohbuckmethatbuckinghurts!
>Squealing in agony as pain shoots through your rump, you pull yourself up and before falling back down
>"ONE MORE, LUNA!"
Smack!
 
>With another squeak you pull yourself right back up and bucking stay there, away from the godfather of pain that was Anon's hand
>Gods, it you weren't going to be able to sit down for /days/
"ANON, CEASE THE SMACKING OF OUR FANNY THIS INSTANT!" you yell, holding onto the pull up bar for dear life.
>The human simply grinned up at you.
>Hey, Loony? Guess who just broke their pull up record?"
>It took a few seconds for that to sink in, but when it did...
>YOUBUCKINGDIDIT!
>All it took was some horrible, horrible pain!
>"HUZZAH! WE HATH CONQUERED THE PULL UPS!" you yelled, lifting your hooves up into the sky in victory...
>...And then falling to the ground like a moron a second later because you were still up on the pull up bar
>Anon tried to catch you, but since he wasn't feeling the best and was a little slower because of it, you hit the cold, hard stone ground with a pain thud before he manages to reach you
>...Buck!
>Right on your flank too!
 
~_~_~_~__~_~_~_
 
Grumble grumble Anon grumble
>Be as hungover as /fuck/, watching Luna roll back and forth as she screamed at you for smacking dat ass
>Your fellow gym rats were watching the spectacle before them either laughing or shaking their heads at your antics
>No that your hungover ass cared
>All you did was give Looney a hand breaking her PR...
>...Heh, there's a hand print on her cheek...
>Kek
>If laughing wouldn't be the death of you you'd be rolling on the floor
>"IF THOU WEREN'T A COLT YOUR RECKONING WOULD BE THE STUFF OF LEGEND! WE WOULD--"
>Alright, enough of the yelling
>Squatting down, you pick up the little princess pone and hold her up.
"Calm down," you mutter, giving her rump a light pat while she glared at you. "I just wanted my favorite princess to get those two extra reps."
>She squirms in your grasp, a bit of pink coming to her cheeks.
>"Thou art a knave, Anonymous," Luna grumbled, lightly smacking the back of your head with the tip of her wing. "Assaulting the royal bottom in such a manner... Thou are lucky We do not send thee to the dungeons..."
>You give her ass another pat before gently putting her back down.
>You were about to apologies yet again when you had a devilish idea
>Time to start teasing lady-guy horses...
>"You want me to kiss it to make it feel all better?"
>Three
>Two
>One
>You watch as Luna's eyes widen, her wings just snap out (...for some reason) and a blush exploded across her face
>"I, um, w-well, aw--"
>Before Luna could spill many more spaghetti out of her wittle horsey pockets, you hear someone yell across the room,
>"Oi, Anon, get your ass over here for a second!"
>Looking up from Luna you see Yzyy waving at you to come over from across the gym
>The hell does she want?
>Giving Wuna a pat on the head and a wink to show her you were just teasing, you quickly told Celesita and Cadence, both whom had been trying to keep themselves from laughing, to take a breather before walking over to your favorite roo, who then led you into the main lobby
"How's it going, Yzy?" you say, giving her a fist bump
>She grinned, moving a bit of stray hair out of her face with a hand.
>"Not as good as you were last night, lad," she says with a chuckle. "I hear ya caused a bit of hell in the southern district last night; made a bit of gold too!"
>Made gold that your drunk ass forgot to fucking /take/ with you...
>Man, you could have bought a new house with all of that money...
>Instead of giving her a straight answer you just shrug, deciding to play dumb
>You were still (probably) a wanted criminal for starting that bar fight and just running off so keeping your mouth shut about it, even around a good friend, might be a good idea
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
>Activatepokefacego!
>Yzyy, rolling her eyes, gives your ass a smack with her tail
>"Whatever you say, colt." She nudges you with an elbow. "But I'll remember who to call if I ever have a couple of sheelas over and we need a stripper!"
>She laughs and you can't help but smile
"Hey, so whatcha call me over for?" you asked, wanting to get down to business so you could get back to your workout
>The gainz train waits for no one and for no reason after all
"Was Luna making too much noise or--"
>Yzy shakes her head
>"Nah, it's not about that, lad..." she said, rubbing an arm and starting her feet.
>Aw shit son, your spidey senses are a'tingling
>"Ya know that competition that's happening a couple of weeks down in Dodge Junction?"
>You frown, nodding slowly
"That heavy weight strongman thing? The one here you need to be like three hundred pounds to compete in?"
>The roo nods, giving you a nervous smile.
>"That's the one."
"What about it?"
>Aw fuck, she's doing that thing with her foot that means she's somehow--once a-fucking-gain screwed you over somehow
>"Well... one of the big wigs in charge of the thing is coming up here for a week or two to get some training in..."
>What the fuck does tha--
>"HOHOHO, I thought I smelled a colt running around!"
>WAIT A FUCKING SECOND!
>YOU KNOW THAT VOICE!
>Spinning around, you look up at the grinning face of one of the biggest bitches you've ever seen in your life
>Standing in a seven foot two and weighting in at a staggering three hundred and eighty pounds (though she carried it pretty damn well); one of the most powerful strongcows in the world, and someone who's guts you /fucking HATED/ and who hated you right back:
>Helga fucking B?bsa
>The two of you eye each other with honest and upfront disdain.
"Zyz?"
>"...Yeah lad?"
>"Fuck you."
 
~_`_~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Celestia, trying to comfort your sister while also trying not to laugh about what happened to her
>While you were sure that no one here, other than getting a few laughs out of it, really couldn't care that she had just got her rump pounded on like a pair of bongos...
>Kek
>NO! Focus Celestia, you need to calm your sister down!
>You can kek later with Cadence when the two of you were back at the castle
>"Hey, hey, it's alright, Luna. I bet no one's even going to remember what happened, and even if they do--"
> "Nay sister!" your sister cried with a sniffle, leaning into your wing. "We have given Anon too much and now he has mocked us in front of all!"
>Damnit Anon
>Why the buck did you even take it that far?!
>And the worst part about all of this was that you were sure that Anon didn't even realize what he did might have gone just a bit too far
>Stallions never knew when not to cross a line...
>Aw shit, she looks like she's going to start crying
>Come on Celestia!
>You gotta figure out a way to fix this without walking over and chewing Anon out!
>poppinmollyandI'msweatin'
>While you were fumbling for an answer one of the gym mares, a big bulking earth pony with a huge belly and rump, walked over
>"Excuse me, Princess?" she says, looking at your sister with a kind smile
>Your sister, now almost hiding behind your wing, forced herself to return the mare's gaze
>"Y-Yes subject?" she asked, sounding weak and timid.
>"Don't feel bad about what Anon did," the mare said, walking over and, to your, Luna's and Cadence's surprise, nuzzled your sisters cheek comfortingly. "He does that with everyone that struggles getting those last few pull ups, so don't think he meant anything by it."
>The mare sat on her hitches, looking at all three of you
>"Hey... all of us want you to know... none of us thought you guys were going to stick this out for as long as you've had--"
>"We've been coming here for less than two weeks," Cadence cuts her off, sounding a little insulted
>The mare just smiles
>"That's a heck of a lot more than most mares can stand when they're lifting with that colt," she says, chuckling.
>"Ol' Anon usually has'em running out the door in a day or two usually... So... yeah... if you ever need any help with your form or your tired of that slave driver's routine or he's giving you a bit of lip just ask one of us and we'd be more than happy to help you out."
>Looking around you see everyone in the room looking at you with smiles on their faces
>The slightly hostile feeling that had been in the air was gone, replaced with an almost... sisterly feeling
>You, Luna, and Cadence, after passing the test that was Anon's workouts were no longer outsiders
>Now the three of you, for all intents and purposes, were a part of this gym
>To these veterans, you three were almost like sister; ponies that needed to pushed along and helped and looked after
>And in their own slightly awkward way, they had just told you that they cared
>that you all.../belonged/
>You couldn't help but smile as Luna nodded at the mare
>"We thank thee, subject, for thy kind words."
>The mare just smiled. "Hey, don't mention it your highness," she said, nodding to all of you before turning around and walking back toward the bench that she had been using.
>The rest of the gym goers, seeing that their message had been given, went back to ignoring you three, the sounds of grunting and yelling and irons weight being dropped one again filling the air
>"Well... I guess now we all have a bunch of big tough weightlifting friends," Cadence said with a bewildered look
>You smile, pleased that your little ponies were so willing to accept you
>It was nice to see that the meaning of friendship, something that you had strived for so long in your little kingdom, meant something to your subjects
>"Maybe we should sent Twilight a friendship reports," your niece jokes, walking over and nuzzling Luna
>You chuckle. "Maybe we shou-- sweet mother of me! What the buck is /that/?"
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Anon
>Alright nigga, you got this
>Just ignore that bitch, get your workout finished, and make sure to schedule your next lift when she's not fucking here
>All you need to do is keep /calm/
>Making sure to give Zyzz the finger for not telling you sooner, you spin around and walk back into the gym proper
>"And who's my favorite colt doing?" The bitch says in her bitchy tone, following your ass into the gym. "Did ya break that widdle deadlifting PR of yours yet?"
>Ignore her, ignore her
>You are a fucking rock
>A rock that did, in fact break that fucking PR, thank you very much!
>"Aw, is someone grumpy this morning? Or does ol' Helga intimidate widdle Anon?"
>Somehow, be it the grace of some higher deity, or because you were too hungover to reply, you managed to walk back to your little pack of princess pone's without taking the cow's bait
>Said pretty pone princess were starting at Helga with nothing less than shock awe, their mouths practically hitting the floor.
>"...Be that some monster from the depths of Tartarus?" Luna asked as you walk back to the power rack and throw the barbell in a pair of pegs.
>"That has to be one of the biggest Minotaur's I've ever seen," Celestia said as you go ahead and chalk up your hands for some military presses
>They weren't on the list for the day but you needed some comfort lifts to ease away this upset ass of yours.
>Cadence, as if sensing your hatred and rage, trots over and nuzzles your side comfortingly
>"Who's that, Anon?" she asked innocently
"That, Carolina, is Helga: a world famous powerlifter," you say, quickly throwing on a pair of twenty-fives on the bar and picking that bitch up
>"Why is she so bucking big?"
>A hell of a question coming from your favorite pink pone
>Helga was something of a mystery in the powerlifting community
>Minotaurs, as a general fucking rule, were generally half a head smaller than you; male, female whatever, and they sure as hell didn't have shoulders the /actual/ size of cannonballs
>You knew that most lifters juiced (not you though; natty for life son) and steroids could get you pretty fucking big, but even they had their limits
>Limits that the heifer had obviously passed
>Helga's arms were stupidly massive, her legs more so; every vein every muscle fiber could be clearly seen through her coat; her abs may as well have been hewn from goddamed mythril.
>This bitch was what a photo shopped weightlifter was supposed to look like!
>She /had/ lift humanity behind and you and everyone else in the room knew it
>And, to be fair, you might... have been a little jelly about it
>If she wasn't such a fucking cunt this bitch might have been hero material, or at the very least someone who you'd love to get chummy with in the gym
>Maybe swap routines and shit
>But /Noooo/ one of the biggest swolest motherfuckers on this earth happened to also be one of the biggest cunts of this and many other solar systems
"She followed the swolely Bible above and beyond the call of duty, Cadence," you tell the princess, grunting as you lift the bar on your hands above your head.
"Now do me a favor and never talk about her again. In fact, just don't look at her... or talk to her... or acknowledge her as a person."
>Cadence flinches at the rage in your voice
>"...You and her don't like each other huh?"
>No shit Candyass
"Nope."
"...Do you want to talk about it?"
"No I do not."
>Biting her lip, she touches your leg with a hoof
>"Alright, Anon... but just tell me or Celestia or Luna if she's harassing you. We'll tell her to buck off!"
>Though you're sure she's trying to sound brave you can hear the slight tremble in her voice
>Poor magical god pone's scared of a big two-legged cow that couldn't magic to save her life?
>Eh, whatever; it's the thought that counts
"I'll tell you if I need anyone to defend my honor," you dryly tell her.
"But I won't worry about anything' tomorrow I'll just--"
>"Oh look, there's a free rack over here!"
>The small smile that had been growing on your face dissolved when you heard someone roughly slam some weights down right beside you
>God. Fucking. /Dammit/
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Luna
>Thank Faust that it looked like no one was going to start laughing at you about the whole smacking thing
>/And/ it was also nice knowing that you finally had some fillies that had your back
>But you were still going to give anon a bucking piece of your mind!
>Those bucking smacks hurt!
>...Now you just needed to figure out how to do that monster of a Minotaur away from him to do it...
>Every single time Anon did anything, finished a set, switched to something different, bend down to pick something up, anything, she was right there heckling him about his form or some such thing
>She had also taken up doing whatever workout the human did; only with more weight and more reps and more... well everything
>It didn't take a genius to figure out she didn't want him here and so was showing him just how much of a stallion he was compared to her
>If he put a hundred and fifty pound above his head she had to do three hundred, if he deadlifted three fifteen she was picking up and dropping six hundred with ease
>Still a little upset at him, you had thought that Anon had deserved this heckling, but eventually you were just ready to go over there and give her a piece of you mind
>And maybe a thorough beating to boot
>Anon may have been a stallion, and thus needed to be either in the kitchen or raising the young ones, but he was also your friend!
>A strong, good friend that made you feel funny in all the right places!
>What stopped you from defending your future stallion was the fact that the heifer harassing him may as well have been a wisp in the wind to him
>He ignored her while he helped you, your sister, and your niece through your workouts, he ignored her as he lifted his own weights, and he ignored her whenever he was resting or taking a water break
>How he, a rather temperamental stallion at heart, hadn't blow up on the minotaur was beyond you, but you could tell that the silent treatment was getting to her just like it did most mar--
>"Hey colt! Can't you hear when someone's talking to you?!" The hulking heifer snarled grabbing Anon's and roughly holding him in place
>Even from here you can see her big fingers digging painfully into his flesh, though Anon does his best to conceal the look of pain that suddenly passed across his face
>From behind you you hear your sister and niece gasp in shock, but you? You're not surprised
>You're angry
>Growling to yourself you fling a burst of magic at the minotaur, almost knocking her off her hooves
>Power flowed through your mane and tail, causing the stars in your mane to shine brighter than the sun and making your eyes lose their iris's and crackle with untold power
>You spread your wings to their full extension and held your head high while you glared someone who just made a /very/ big mistake
>You were a goddess; able to shift and mold the world to your pleasure
>You had been on this plane for countless eons, thriving and building and destroying on a whim
>Your word was iron and your will unfathomable and your love paradise and your anger death
>Those that you cared for were certain of a life of protection and utmost happiness
>Those that found themselves your enemies quickly found themselves dead
>You could have ended this wretched creature with but a though, but you resisted
>You were better than a simple murderer, and you were also a kind and gentle being by rule of thumb
>So, in your kindness and wisdom, you decided to to simply utter,
>"You will not touch him again like that cretin, or We promise thy hand will no be returned to thine person in the same shape."
 
!_!_!_!_!_!_!
 
>Be Anon
>Holy fuck! Did that bitch just lay hands on you?!?!
>Alright, no more mister nice Anon!
>You might have never hit a girl before but that didn't mean you couldn't beat a bitches ass!
>And, to be fair, it wasn't like Helga was much of a girl anyway..
>You turned around and were just about to clock the cow in the face when you happened to look down at your forearm
>Why the hell were all of the hairs standing on end?
>...Why had it suddenly gotten so cold?
>Why was it so quiet?
>Wh--
>"You will not touch him again like that, Cretin, or we promise that thy hand will not be returned to thine person in the same shape."
>You flinch as each word hits you in the chest; not because it was loud, but because of the sheer angry, authority, and ice of the speaker
>Holy shit someone's angry
>Time to see who
>Lowering your arm you slowly turn around to see that you friend Woona had apparently decided to go super sayian right behind you
>Awshitzigga.jpg
>Kidding aside, that shit was scary
>Luna's hair was crackling with energy and you couldn't see her iris's and shit
>Said god horse took an aggressive step toward you and the cow
>From beside you, you could hear Helga take a hasty step backwards
>You on the other hand stayed firmly where you were
>Silly cow, don't you know you have to stay completely still when a angry god horse is walking around?
>Everyone knows that they can only track mov--oh shit! She's looking right at you!
>Stay still-er nigga!
>"Art thou alright, Anonymous?" Lunasaurus Rex asked, protectively laying a wing over you while she continued to glare at a /very/ pale Helga
"...Yeah, I'm alright... How about you?"
>She smiled, which was made more than a bit unnerving because you still couldn't see her eyes
>"Oh We will be alright in a moment," the princess casually says, pointing a wing at Helga. "The moment that this one leaves our presence."
>Her smiled once again turns into an angry snarl
>"/NOW/!"
>You watch as Helga, with the power of a dozen Kenyans, raced out of the gym as fast as her hooves will let her
>You would have kek'd hartily but your ass got magically picked up by Luna
>"Come Anon, we will tend to thy injury," she said, eyeing the gym for a moment before trotting toward the gym's bathrooms with all of the grace that Equestrian royalty had to offer
>Since you couldn't get out of her magic, no matter how hard you wiggled, you decided to shut your mouth and let her have her way with you
>It's hopefully calm her down and it'd give the other princess pone's time to calm the rest of the gym down.. if they needed calming down
>...Huh, it looked like ol' Woona had gone and defended your honor from the big bag sack of hamburger meat
>It felt.. nice, oddly
>And you more than a little flattered that Luna would go out of the way to beat the shit out of anyone that looked at you funny...
>Head still held up high, Luna carried you into the bathroom and put you down in front of one of the mirrors
>"Anon, remove thine vestment so we may gaze upon thy shoulder."
>You were about to tell her that you were fine but the look she gave you gave you no room to argue so you just took your shirt off
>Luna's righteous, royal facade cracked slightly as she ran her eyes over your chest, a bit of a blush coming to her face, but she quickly shook her head and stood up on her back legs
>"Give us but a moment, Anon, and thy shoulder will be as good as new," she promised, gently poking and prodding around here Helga had grabbed you
>Even though the cow had barely touched you (by her terms at least) a nasty bruise was starting to form from the top of your shoulder all the way down to the collar bone
> The shit would have hurt later but you were a man, you could take it
>Luna, on the other hand, didn't think so, quickly casting the spell around the effected area
>You tensed when you felt her magic, which was /really/ cold now for some reason before relaxing with a smile
>It felt like your deltoid was being massaged by a thousand tiny hands
>Shit was nice
>"Anon?"
>You open an eye to look at Luna
"Hum?"
>Luna rubs her elbow with a hoof before taking a deep breath and looking you right in the eye
>"We did not appreciate thou smacking our backside," she says in an upset tone.
>"It was painful, We found it demeaning, and We would like an apology."
>You open both your eyes to stare at the princess pone, confusion evident on your face
>What the hell was she talking about?
>You were just trying to--
>For a moment you take a second to look at this from Luna's man/girl horse point of view
>You smacked her ass in front of a whole bunch of guys...
>Your eyes widen in realization
>Aw shit! Did you just act like one of those asshole girls that busted guy's balls for lols?!?!?
>You obviously didn't mean it like that, you had always smacked someone on the ass to help them with pull ups (no homo), but Luna didn't know that!
>Your Woona was a shy usually got nervous around crowds, and she had a hard enough time trying to make mare friends and you went and fucked with her in front of about a hundred
>Man... you were a cunt
>You did what all of those bitches did in high school did to you before you got swole
>Years later you were still trying to get over some of the fucked up things they did to you, teasing and harassing and flat out laughing at you, that you had promised to never to do anyone else
>A promise that you had apparently broken
>Realizing that you had majorly fucked up, you grabbed the princess and wrapped her in a hug
"Oh shit, Luna! I was only trying to help you with you set," you cry, felling absolutely horrible with yourself
"I didn't mean another other than--" taking a shaky breath, you tighten your grip around the princess
"I'm sorry," you finally say, breaking the hug and taking a few steps away from the princess, your eyes glued to your feet in shame.
>You heard Luna clear her throat awkwardly
>"We thank thee for thy apology, Anon, but thou needest not make such a big deal--"
"No! I was being a shit and I deserve a hell of a lot more than you asking for an apology!"
 
~_~_~_~__~_~
 
Be Woona
>Holy hay is Anon upset
>Like a thousand times more upset than you thought he was going to be
>You just wanted an apology, but it looks like Anon... wants you to demand something of him?
>..Colts truly /are/ odd creatures
>Or maybe it's just some odd human custom?
>You were about to tell him that nothing else was necessary and maybe get another hug out of him for your troubles, but them you had a dastardly idea
>A brilliant and dastardly idea
>One that would make both your sister and niece as jelly as all Tartarus
>If it worked
>If it didn't well
>It might blow up in your face
>Eh, buck it; may as well ask before you're calm enough to remember that you're a spaghetti-spilling ninny
"Well, Anonymous; if though wish to further pay for thy discretion... we--er, I would ask something of you."
>Come on, you can go it, youcandoit!
>Anon finally looks up from his feet and stares striaght into your eyes
"We happened to have a few tickets to a movie for later this weekend. My... sister was going to go with me but she had some... business, yes, business, that day and..."
>Must... resist...urge...to...pussy out!
>"Well, We wanted to still go, and we were wondering, since We still have the extra ticket and since no one else wants to go, if you'd like to go out on Friday with me. To the movies. With just the two of us. As my date."
>10/10 bucking nailed it
>Everyone go home
>It takes all of your willpower not to just run out of the room or teleport yourself back into the moon in embarrassment
>Shit, you were blushing weren't you?!
>Why the buck did you have to do and--
>"I'll go if you want, Luna."
>You body freezes, your ears standing straight up out of shock
>Did that colt say just what you thought he said?
"Could.. you please say that again? I fear I misheard you."
>It couldn't be that bucking easy
>There was no way
>Anon weakly smiles.
>"I said I'll go on a date with you, Luna," he repeated before looking back down at his feet in shame
>You eyes widened
>Holy Tartarus
>It was that easy!!!
>You did it! You got a date with Anon!
>By yourself!
>Without your sister or Cadence helping you!
>You do a little happy dance as Anon continues to look at his feet
>Awesome! Now you just needed to walk out of this bathroom in a calm, cool and collected manner
>Don't go bucking messing this up
>"Why?!" You blurt out before both of your hooves fly upwards to stop your bucking stupid mouth from saying anything else moronic
>Buck you right up the bucking flank
>BUCK BUCK BUCK BUCK!
>Why do you have to be a bucking spaghetti-making factory?!
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Anon again
>Welp... you did a thing
>A thing you don't know if you should have done
>Feeling shitty about being a dick was one thing, but Luna just asked you out on a date
>A date-date
>And Luna liked you?
>Well... that's some news...
>But maybe not bad news
>You like Luna; she's a great gir-er little princess horse that comes over your house almost every day so the two of you could hang out
>And you two /were/ close...
>Taking a deep breath, you manage to look up at Luna and see something that almost made you aw
>Luna was as red as could be and frozen in place in shock
>You could see that her legs were shaking slightly, as were her wings and--
>Huh... it must have taken a hell of a lot for her to tell you
>Squatting down, you grab Woona's cheeks and smoosh them together.
>Welp, time to figure this out as you go
"Because you're a great mare," you say, starting right into those big, blue pretty eyes of hers
> "And if I'm going to start dating a pony... or even think about dating one... you're a hell of a first date. In a good way."
>Christ was that fucking cheesy
>You were honest though, so that must have meant something.. right?
>You watch as Luna's eyes just light up
>"...Really?" she asked as you let go of her cheeks.
>Now grinning, you nod
"Yep. Ab-sol-utely," you tell her, only to be tackled to the ground in a hug
>"THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"
>Owowowowo, royal fucking Canterlot voice!
>Your poor fucking ears!
>The Princess of the Night gives your cheek a nuzzle before hopping off you and charging out of the bathroom
>"SISTER, CADENCE! WE HAST THE MOST WONDERFUL OF NEWS!!!"
>Despite the fact that you were on the floor of a dirty-ass bathroom with your ears ringing you can't help but smile
>You did a good thing today Anon
>For Woona... and maybe yourself
>And hell, it was just a date; it wasn't like you were marrying her
>You could still be buds if it didn't work out
Getting to your feet with a grunt you put back on your shirt and brush yourself off
>You got a date with a pone princess, all well and good sonny
>But now you needed to go ask about how you were supposed to act on little horse dates
>And you think you knew just the little pone to ask...
 
~_~_~_~_
 
>Be Shining Armor, sitting in a little eatery with a couple of your old cadet buddies and just having a good ol' time
>You all gossiped like old times and that was fun
>And Hoplite had a pair of twins coming in a few months, apparently...
>Lucky buck...
>You /really/ needed to talk with Cadence about having kids
>It'd be nice having a couple little ones running around the castle
>Heh, look at you, still in your twenties and already getting baby crazy
>Your dad would be so prou--
>"Hey Shinning, I need to talk to you about something."
>Everyone at the table jumps in surprise as Anon suddenly just appears by your side, staring down at you with a worried and thoughtful expression
>"Sweet Celestia, what the buck is that?" one of your friends cries, almost falling out of his chair in fright
>Ignoring your friends, you look up at Anon, smiling weakly while you try to get your heart rate to slow down
>Damn ninja human's and ninja abilities
>How the heck did he even know you were here
"Oh hello, Anon, how's it going?
>The big colt looks around, looking oddly nervous... spooked even
>Huh... it looks like something has, had, or is about to go down
>Anon clears with throat
>"It's actually going pretty good, but I really need to talk to you about something. Like right now. Now now."
>Your cadet friend's look at the giant monkey monster then at you, surprise, fear, and even disgust evident on their faces
>"...Shining, do you know this... colt?"
>You frown when you heard Phalanx's tone
>That 'why would you know this ugly loser' tone
>A tone that you didn't appreciate him using on the stallion that was going to be your herdmate
>You were about to open your mouth and say that you did, in fact, know Anon and you maybe say something to shut the colt up, but Anon apparently had other ideas
>You squeak as Anon picks you up and slung you under an arm
>"Sorry guys, but Shining's people need him," the human says, sliding you chair under the table as you squirm in his grasp
Like six something
"Anon you put me down right now!
>"No can do Shiny."
"For Celestia's sake, ponies are staring!"
>"Don't care; I'm not talking to you in a fucking frilly tea shop."
>"HEY! YOU PUT HIM DOWN RIGHT NOW!"
>You yelp once again when you feel someone bite down on your tail and tried to yawn you out of Anon's grasp.
>Aw, good ol' Watcher, trying to save your flank...
>"No! Let the monster eat Shining! He'll leave the rest of us alone if he sates his hunger!"
>Sweet Celestia is Gladius a drama king...
>.. And Buck you too colt!
>If you think you're getting a Hearth's Warming card you got another thing coming
>Your friends--well, most of your friends-- try to free you from Anon's grasp, either with magic or might, but the human would not be stopped, slowly but surely dragging you through the tea shop and toward your door
>With about thirty ponies watching
>You yourself were just trying to cover your face in embarrassment and prying eyes
>Gods damn it Anon!
>Now you were going to be the talk of the town
>And not in a good way!
>You're lucky that your pets are the best
>Well, at least your wife picked out a feisty stallion
>If anything he'd sure as hay spice up your love life
"Anon?"
>Anon, who appeared to be having a slap-fight with Hoplite, who had wrapped himself on the human's arm, pimp slapped the stallion off him before looking down at you
>"Yeah Shining?"
>Aw shit; now Hoplite's crying
"Could you /please/ explain to me why the hay you're doing this?"
>Kicking the last of your friends off of his body, and further ruining your reputation with these colts (not that you didn't think one or two of them needed a slap anyway), the human smiles nervously at you
>"Oh, Luna just asked me out of a date and I thought you'd be able to help me out with the whole dating thing."
>Oh... OH
>Huh, good on you Luna
>Good on you
>"Oi! if you fucking bite my leg one more time little horse you're going out the fucking window!"
>...Goddamnit Anon
 
>Be Anon
>After beating back the various little horses that had tried to stop you from pone-napping Shining you took the little horse to one of your favorite diners
>A real one, not whatever frou-frou bullshit that you had just walked out of
>One where you could get meat in your sandwiches and potatoes in your fucking fries
>After ordering what you wanted and making sure Shining got something (you /did/ kinda steal him whatever he had been doing so the least you could do was get something in his belly) and got right down to business
"So... what do you think? How fucked am I?"
>Shining looks up from his hay fries
>"What do I think of what?" he asked, popping a fry in his mouth, humming in delight before frowning at you
>"Do you know that I was on a diet?" he asked irritably. "All of your nonsense's got me stress-eating!"
>This little pone
>Thinking that he wasn't even more adorable chubby
>You wave him away while taking a big bite out of your sandwich
"Diets almost never work anyway, if you want to lose weight you need to change your lifestyle not change your diet for a few months. You might lose a few pounds but in the end you'll gain it all back if you start eating shitty again"
>You take another bite of your sandwich and scarf down a handful of fries
"Now be a bro and assess my situation for me."
>The little pone huffs in irritation before leaning back into his chair
>"Anon, listen, you're a big guy right?"
For you
>No brain
>Say it
>No; now fuck off
FOR YOU! FUCKING SAY IT!
>FUCK OFF
WHO IS HE?! WHY DOES ME WEAR THE MASK?!
>SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! I'M NOT DOING THIS TODAY!
IF I TAKE THAT MASK OFF WILL YOU DIE?!
>As Shining looked at you expectantly you coughed your arms, leaned right awkwardly, and coughed 'for you' before looking back at the pone princess
>Sweet Jesus
>You almost burst a blood vessel...
"I could be bigger," you finally say with a chuckle. "Why?"
>To your confusion, Shining just groans
>"Sweet Faust am I going to have a hard time getting you ready..." he muttered, dragging a hoof along his face before looking back at you with a tired expression
>"Anon, if Luna worked up the courage to ask you out she's probably going to go all out to impress you."
>Did it just sound like little Armor pone knew that Luna liked you
>You might not have been the smarterest guy in the world but you were far from stupid... and that tone of his...
>Eh; that's not too important right now
>But now I'm watching you, Armor pone
> "She's going to want to take you to the nicest places in town; eating, entertainment; all of that."
"...She just said that she was going to take me to a movie..."
>Shining snorts
>"If she just takes you to the movies then I'm a donkey."
>It's your turn to snort
"What? You can talk shit about donkeys but when I say zigga you bust my balls? White boy's trying to keep the green man down yo."
>Acting like he hadn't even heard you, Shining continued
>"In all of these places you'll have to act with grace and charm and elegance... none of which you have..."
>The fuck did you say little pone?!
>Wiping some ketchup from your lip with a thumb and licking that bitch you look yourself over
>Your shirt, which you had ripped the sleeves off to properly show the cannons, was dirty, as was your pants, and your sho--Ohh...
>You were a slob...
>Huh
"Alright," you allow, leaning across the table and staring down at Shining. "But lets say I'm on my best behavior and I wear a suit and everything, what should I expect on this date?"
>Though he looked like you were full of shit (though you didn't know why. You could be fancy when you needed to be... judgmental little pone...) Shining shrugged
>"She'll take you to the movies, which she'll pay for by the way, and then she'll take you out to eat. The two of you talk and," he waved a hoof before taking a bite of his sandwich, "I'm sure you know what happens on a date."
"...I have to let her pay for all of that stuff?"
>Shining nods while you frown
>"Let her pay for everything and don't be... you and you'll be fine."
>Well fuck you too little pone
"Alright... what happens after that?"
>Shining dabs his mouth with a napkin, looking thoughtful
>"Well... if you want to go on a second date Luna's going to want to take Celestia..."
>Alright... you just wanted to know if you needed to put out on the first date, 'cause you wanted to be a classy bitch, but him telling you that too was fine... you guess
>It was a bit out of left field though...
>Like really out of left field
"Because of that herd thing that you ponies do?"
>Shining nods, looking oddly nervous
>"Yep... and you're alright with that right?"
>You shrug
>Sure, it might have been a little weird, but you weren't going to step on anyone's toes
>Sunny Buns was a great mare, even if she was a bit weird
"I'm willing to keep and open mind about the whole thing," you say. "So I'm alright with it."
>Shining sighs like you had just lifted a weight off his shoulders, getting up out of his chair and nudging you with his snout
>"Alright, we may as well get started," he said with a grin. "When's your date supposed to be?"
>"This Friday."
>Shining gasp, yanking you out of your chair and carrying you toward the door
>"Then we don't have that much time!" he cries while you manage to toss a couple of bits on your table. "We have so much stuff to do and..."
>You eye your half of a sandwich that was still on your plate and a full plate of fries
>Fucking Shining; why do ya got to be a gainz goblin?
>Shoo, shoo!
>Let me at least finish my food!
>Your fluffy gainz goblin ignores your cries as he carries you out of the diner, his little pone head held high and his little chest puffed out and...
>Aw, you can see his widdle chest tuft...
>You win this time, you adorable little goblin you
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
>Be Luna
>Holy hay... you did it
>You asked Anon out...
>By the blood of the gods... you did it!
>Even now, sitting in your sister's room, you couldn't believe it
>Neither could Cadence or your sister, both whom congratulated you with pats on the back and a mug of cider (for your nerves) after finding out
>cider which you were now chugging while the three of you brain storm what you were going to do to make yours and Anon's date the best bucking thing since slice bread
>...And maybe get a kiss for your troubles?
>No; you weren't going to pressure him onto anything like that
>You were a gentlemare, or at least liked to think so, and you were willing to let Anon do whatever he wanted on this date of yours...
>...Though you wouldn't say no if he offered you a kiss...
>"So what movie are you going to take Anon to?" Cadence asked, nomming on a little tea cake
>Your sister, who was eating a far bigger cake (gods, what you wouldn't give for her metabolism...) looks up from her pastry, humming thoughtfully
>"Why don't you take him to that Gentlemare's Agreement movie that everyone's been talking about?" she suggested, wiping her mouth clean with a napkin
>"I've heard that it's /quite/ the romantic movie."
>Cadence nods in agreement
>"Colt's do love their mushy, huggy, lovey movies. I took Shining to one on one of our first dates and he was hanging on my arm the whole time sniffling
>You frown
>Not /bad/ ideas...
>But you don't think that those are the kind of movies that Anon likes
"Perhaps We should just let Anon pick the movie?"
>Cadence and your sister look at each other in surprise
>"...Not a bad idea, Sister."
>Cadence giggles, taking a sip of her tea
>"I'd even say that it's an amazing idea. Are you sure you aren't some player behind the scenes?"
>You chuckle awkwardly, hoping to any god listening that you weren't blushing
"Nay, dear niece, We hath simply observed that the colts enjoy a mare that lets them have more power and decision-making in the relationship."
>Why any colt wanted power or silly things like jobs and voting rights had confused the hay out of you after you had gotten situated to your role as Equestria's Princess of the Night
>A colt needed to stay in the fields and in the kitchen!...
>A belief that had been broken to pieces when you met Anon
>A stallion like him, strong and confident and a stallion's mare that looked great without one of his silly shirts and would look even better underneath you and...
>No, bad wings!
>You bucking stay down
>Not in front of your sister
"Sister, Cadence? Should we even be conversing as we are?"
>You look down at the table, your tail flicking against your chair nervously.
"We know we are... in the dark about how one goes about acting on a date but shouldn't this date be accomplished by our self and our self alone?"
>Cadence leans over and kindly pats your arm
>"If you don't want us to help you that's fine, but I guarantee that Anon is out talking to at least thirty coltfriends about this."
>She shrugs
>"And if they can do it why can't we?"
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_
 
Be Anon, in the spa (aka the second most important powerlifter destination in the world)
> When Shining pone had asked for the perfect place to go brainstorming you had known that this was the perfect place
>Since you were a frequent customer, and knew the the owner of this fine establish because she went to the same gym as you, you knew all of the spa colts there
> And these spa colts happened to know a thing or two about mares
>They were also some of the sassiest bitches that you know (in a good way) and most of them were as sharp as whips
>/And/ you could get that kink out of your shoulder that had been bothering you for a couple of weeks, so it was a win-win in your opinion
>So, like the ancient Greek scholars before you, here you are, just in a towel, sitting around and rubbing up against a bunch of other dudes while you discussed the important things in life
>N-No homo
"So you're saying /not/ to put out on the first date?" you asked the little pone walking around on your back
>The stallion chuckles
>"Well... she /is/ a princess..."
>The other stallion's in the room let loose a flurry of yells, all of them playful, and more than a few bundled-up towels at the colt
>"Yeah you'd say that, Rub Down, you hussy!"
>You groan in delight as you spine pops
>God dammnit little pone!
>If he were a little guy horse instead of a little girl horse I'd be on that ass in an instant
>Don't you dare listen to him, Anon!" Another stallion says as he gently works on Shining's back
>"You never put out until the third date, and that's only if you like the mare."
>The other stallion's murmur in agreement
>"But make sure to give her just enough to keep her interested, maybe pull your shirt off in the little of the day and flex that stomach of yours coltfriend!"
>This statement is met with another barrage of friendly shouting matches and playful shoves while you try not to pop a stiffy in the middle of this all colt bathhouse/spa where more than a few of these colts might be gay and might want to do butt stuff with you
>Truly, you were making Socrates and Plato proud
>...Once again, no homo
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_`_~_
 
>Cadence shudders
>"I don't even want to know the diabolical things that that colt is planning..."
>Each of you nod in agreement
>Truly, when stallions come together no good comes out of it
>You grin nervously before chuckling
"We have plenty of time to make sure that this is the perfect date."
>You sister nods. "I don't mean to pressure you, sister, but you are the launching point of our enterprise."
>Cadence nodded solemnly.
>She's right. If your date goes good then Celestia can work on him then me and Shining..."
>Oh horseapples!
>You didn't think of that!
>If you messed this up you might ruin everything
>You, the spaghetti-factory of a mare who was as awkward as all Tartarus, had to be a paragon of charm and grace and you had to NOT RUIN THIS!!!
>Bucking BUCK!
>Now you gone and frazzled yourself
>...And you were also panicking and maybe hyperventilating...
>Thank's sis; really needed that
>Every one needs a bit of pure horror in their lives to spice up their day-to-day
>Cadence, as if sensing your panic, wraps a wing around your shoulders
>"Don't worry, auntie, you'll do fine." she assures with a smile. "And we'll make sure to help every step of the way."
 
!_!_!_!_!_!_
 
Be Helga
>As mad as all hell
>How bucking dare that princess threaten you
>/YOU/, the heifer that's broken more lifting records than anyone else in the history of strongmen lifting!
>All you had wanted to do was flirt a bit with that hair-less monkey and you get kicked out of one of the best gyms in the country!
>Why couldn't he have at least said /something/ to you during your workout
>Stuck-up hissy of a colt!
>Why wouldn't he let you stick your tongue down his throat like in your animes?!
>You were big!
>You were strong!
>He was big and strong and hot and...
>ARGUUUUUHHHH!!!
>*Anger intensifies*
>Well, if that pone princess wanted to play you were going to fucking play!
>After stealthily following Anon (not stalking) and climbing up a tree to look in on their bathhouse antics, and maybe rubbing one out while you watched, you had learned that pretty boy had a date with a pretty pony princess in a few days
>A date that you sure as hay were going to fuck right up
>Soon you'd have Anon clinging on your muscular arm
>And you'd have him in the kitchen making both yours and his meals for the week
>And you'd have him balls deep in you while you rode that cock like the mightiest of champions
>...And maybe the two of your could cuddle afterwards?..
>All you needed to do was ruin that fucking date
>And ruin it hard
>tfw no qt human bedwarmer that you'd happily spent the rest of your life with
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
 
Be Anon
>Right now you were the Plato of this little bath house, a crowd of ponies huddled around you as you, still half-naked with sweat dripping off your relaxed and loosened-up body (no homo), told the little pone's some tales of good 'ol earth
>Apparently they all got a kick out of your planet being pretty much a patriarchy and they wanted to know what it was like
>And you told them too... though you decided to put in an embellishment or two...
>"Wow, Anon, that King Scooby sounds like a heck of a ruler," an adorable little spa pone, who was sitting happily in your lap while you play with dat chest tuft, said
>You shrug
"Some call him a tyrant and a madman," you tell all of the little pone's. "Many claim that Scoobert lost his natty card and the skateboard squat is just a lie one tells to innocent children."
>One of the stallion's in the room scoffs.
>"Well, at least he doesn't sound as nearly bad as the Mar Row-something or other. Why the hay would anyone drink so much milk?"
>Many of the stallions murmur in agreement
>"And it's so fattening and it taste /awful/..."
"Hey! I started SS when I first started lifting seriously, so the Duke of the Deadlift, though crazy, can help one of the initiated become truly large."
>Oh my god
>It's taking everything you have not to just starting keking until the cows come home
>Silly little pone's were hanging on your every word while you made up shit
>Hell, you could even see some of the eyes sparkling in awe as you describe a bunch of other weightlifting crazy's that you used to talk shit to back in the ye oldie days of Earth
>whycan'tyouholdallofthesekeks.jpg
>Telling tales was a hell of a lot funner than you thought it was going to be
>But now you needed to get back to business
>You did come here for another reason other than getting a back rub and fucking around with these little horses
"So guys.. now that you've heard how different my planet is to yours, what do you think I should do?
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_
 
>The stallions continue to mutter amongst themselves
>Hell, even the little pone that had been sitting on your lap had hopped off you and walked into the crowd
>You had been a little upset at the loss of dat tuft until Shining pone hopped onto and made himself comfortable on your lap
>No Homo
>Seriously
>No one in this room was gay
>You were all heterosexual males that were confident enough and were good friends enough to /seem/ like a bunch of faggots rubbing against each other and all that shit
>Except you weren't
>...Well, maybe Clean and Press over there was gay, but the rest of you were fine!
>Yes sir
"So is this going to take that long or..."
>Shining shrugged, leaning into you as you gave his chest a scratch
>"It'll take as long as it needs to take; not a second more or a second less."
>You'd have laughed at Shining for that answer but that serious ass look that he gave you made you bite your tongue
>Huh, who'd have guessed the guy that was married to the Princess of Love would take something like this so seriously...
>Heh, look at you being all sarcastic to yourself and--
>"Anon!"
>You look up to see every little pone in the room staring at you with confident smiles
"You guys need something?"
>One of the older workers trots over and gestures for you to stand
>Running your fingers through dat tuft one more time you lift Shining off you and stand, presenting all of your glorious half-naked body
>The stallion's smile widens
>"Don't you worry, big boy, the fellas and I are going to fix you right up for that big ol' princess of yours. So here's what you have to do: first..."
 
Be Luna
>Also be as nervous as all Tartarus because today was the day
>After hours and hours and hours of hiding away with your sister and Cadence, preparing /EVERYTHING/ for this date, and after wiggling in your finest dress and getting your mane did gurl, and after staring at yourself in a mirror trying to get hyped...
>You were still ready to just call the date off and hid in your mare cave and eat cheesie puffs and read your comics until you passed the buck out
>You know, an average Friday night for you
>You resisted the urge to hide, to run, to give up
>You were Luna!
>Princess of the Night!
>The alicorn that's carried the title of most adorable princess two years running!
>You were awesome and interesting and confident!
>Heck, you were a /super villain/ once upon a time!
>What other date could say that?
>"Luna! You have to go now!"
>You freeze, lifting your muzzle from a freshly opened bag of cheesie puffs and eyeing the door, which you had 'accidentally' barricaded, with fearful eyes
"There is no Luna here! Thou mayst have better luck trying this room another day!"
>...Oh, did you say that you were going?
>Nope, that was a horrible lie
>You were a lair
>You'd actually done the right thing and decided to chicken out in your room and stay in there forever eating junk food while being ashamed of your cowardliness
>Like any marely mare would do in your situation
>There was a loud bang, your door's hinges squeaking in protest as you scurry behind your bed
>"Luna! Do you even have your dress on yet?!"
>Looking down you take a moment to inspect the dress that you /had/ put on, which was absolutely covered in cheesie dust
"As we stated before, the Luna that thou art looking for is not here! We prithee ask that thou come again another--
BANG!
>You squeak in surprise as your door flies off the frame and into a wall revealing a frowning Cadence, who had a dozen make up and beautification utensils floating around her head in her magic
>"Auntie..." she hissed in irritation, taking a step into your room while she yanked your beloved cheesie puffs out of your grasp and threw them across the room. "What the buck are you doing?"
>Shit...
>You should have put a better spell on that do--
>"GET OVER HERE LUNA!"
CRASH!
"NAY CADENCE! LET US STEW IN OUR COWARDLINESS!"
BOOM!
>"WE SPENT THE WHOLE WEEK GETTING READY FOR THIS DATE AND YOU'RE NOT CHICKENING OUT!
"LET US STAY IN OUR ROOM AND EAT OUR JUNK FOOD, DEAR NIECE! IT DOES NOT JUDGE US! IN FACT IT UNDERSTANDS-- OWOWOWOWOWOW!"
>You are Luna....
>And it looks like you really/are/ going on this date...
>Welp... if nothing else it was going to be... interesting...
 
~_~_~_~_~_`_~_~_
 
Be Anon, standing in front of a mirror and checking yourself out
>And no, ladies and gentlemen, this was not the because of the usual bodybuilder vanity of just flexing in front of a mirror whenever you were in front of one
Though you honestly weren't above doing such a thing from time to time
>No, this time you were checking yourself out because big boy had to put on big boy clothes today for his date and you had to make sure you didn't look like a putz for Moon Horse
>So there you stood, trying to remember that dumb saying so you could properly put on your tie when you hear a knock at the door
>Eyes widening, you look up at the clock up on your wall
>Aw fuck!
>That must be Luna!
>...Jesus.
>How long were trying to put on your tie?
"Hang on!" you shout, giving up and tossing your tie onto the floor and racing down stairs, almost falling down the fuckers in your haste
>You were about to grab your door knob when you paused for a moment
>Alright, time to see if you've got everything settled
>Is your hair fixed?
>Check
>Are you clean and pressed and bodysprayed?
>Checkaroo
>Did you dress yourself?
>Other than the tie (fuck that thing)? Yep
> Do you have Shining and the other little pone's advice written on your hand?
>We have check-off, Huston. Let's get this date started
>Rolling your shoulders and clearing your throat, you calmly open your door revealing a spiffed-up Luna
>The alicorn had worn a simple little light blue dress that seemed to sparkle like the little stars in her mane and tail
>It was loose but not too loose as to hang off her body and just gave you a tiny tease of the figure underneath the clothing N-Not that you were looking or anything...
>Other than the dress the only noticeable change in the pone princess was the fact that she had her usually free flowing mane done up in a pony tail pun intended
>You couldn't help but sigh in relief
>You had been worried that she was going to go all out and blown this out of proportion >Wearing a priceless dress, having a servant pony come down to your house and escort you in a carriage; shit like that
>But it actually looked like she just wanted to have a normal little date with you
>Which you were /very/ alright with
>All your ass had on was a nice-ish shirt, some dress pants, and black, shiny shoes that you borrowed from one of your gym buddies
>And besides, you think she looked nice in her little get-up
>pretty even
>"G-Good evening to you, dear Anonymous," Luna said with barely a stutter, looking up at you with a nervous smile
>You can't help but smile back
"Howdy, Luna. You're looking great."
>Luna blushes at the comment, looking down and away from you
>"We thank thee for t-thy complements, Anon, and W-We--"
>You sigh
>As adorable as a flustered Woona was you really didn't want her mumbling and talking ye oldie for the whole date
>Squatting down, you cup the princesses face with you hands and gently lift her head so that she was looking up at you
"Calm down," you advise, smooshing her cheeks together. "You look great, we're gonna have a lot of fun, and everything's going to be /fine/. Alright?"
>Moon horse blinks before nodding (or at least trying to nod)
>Giving her ears a scratch, you stand back up and let the little pone collect her herself
>"We--I'm sorry, Anon," Luna mumbles after a minute or two.
>You pat her head kindly
"Hey, everyone gets nervous on a first date."
>She looks up
>"So... you're nervous about this too?"
>Grinning, you wink down at her
"Nope! I went ahead and got smashed on rum before you got here!"
>Luna smiles; a small, nervous thing, but a smile none the less
>"Oh?"
>You nod
"Yep, and I think I need a big strong mare to lead my drunk ass around for the night so--" making a show to stumble around the room a little bit, you offer Luna an arm
>Luna, giggling quietly to herself, she takes it with a wing
>"Say no more, Anon! I'd be more than happy to take you around town."
"Then lead the way, m'lady."
>"As you will, m'sir."
*Fedora tipping intensifies*
 
()()()()
 
>Luna had been nice enough to let you pick the movie when the two of you got to the theater, and, after getting your snacks from the concession stand (dat royal dosh tho) you're happily sitting next to a beaming Luna watching the movie opening credits roll
>You don't know if this was going to be a shitty movie or not, but at least there weren't that many ponies in the same screening as you, so at least the place wasn't packed
>That meant you didn't have to beat a little pone to death for armchair rights, and maybe Luna would do something adorable in this dark room
>Maybe she'd do that 'yawn then wrap an arm around the shoulder thing' thing so--
>"AW SHET! BO! DA MOVIES STARTED!"
>You stiffen in your seat as a voice cuts through the air like a knife
>Only one kind of person starts shouting when a movies running...
>Andthejimmiesrusslesoftly.jpg
>You watch as one of the fattest zebras you've ever seen in your life waggles through the aisles and plops his fat ass in front of your and Luna's seats, two giants cups of what you assumed were sugary drinks and probably five boxes of candies in his hooves
>you hear some more grunting and two more land whales waddle in next to that... pone
>No... not a pone...
>... A Zebra
>A giant, fat zebra
>When da movie about to start tho?!"
"...Fuck."
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_
 
>Be Luna
>"Oh lardy! Don't you go through that door chil'!"
>And be reasonably upset with your current situation
>While you, Anon, and pretty much everyone else in the theater had tried to ignore them, the zebras in front of you were being quite... vocal
>More than a bit vocal in fact
>You and Anon had tried to move, you had tried to cast a spell to dampen the chubby stallion's voices, but either method seemed to be working
>"OH SWEET MERCY ME! RUN MOTHERFUCKER RUN!"
>Desperate to watch the movie in silence, a mare had gone and got an employ to try to silence the trio
>The worker had tried to quietly ask the zebras to quiet down, and when they ignored her threatened to have them removed, but the striped fiends would not be stopped or quieted or even moved
>Much to the silence horror of everyone in attendance
>If they would have been mare's you would have just thrown them out yourself, but since they weren't you were left in a conflicting situation
>On one hand you could ask and/or force them to leave so you all could watch the film in peace
>You might get them out of there but zebras, by nature, were a fast and tricky race
>Which might make removing them difficult, even with your magic
>And heaven forbid if someone got hurt!
>But, on the other hand, you could just ignore all of the yelling and the comments and the shrieks and just /try/ to enjoy yourself
>No one would get hurt but there was a good chance that your patience would be tested doing so
>But maybe they'd finally shut up if you ignore them for long enough?
>It might have been a long shot but it was a shot all the same
>Anon, it seemed, was trying for the latter, eyeing the screen intently with a bag of popcorn in one hand and a pop in the other
>"Hey, Luna?"
>You almost jumped in surprise, quickly looking up at your date
"Yes, Anonymous?"
>"SHHHHH! YOU GOTTA HOLD STILL AND BE QUIET OR HE'LL GET YOU SWEET PEE!"
>You both flinch from the shout while Anon's face turns slightly mournful
>"Hey... I'm really sorry for picking out this movie. If I would have know that it was going to be like this"
>"Oh lard they done kill'em!"
>Nodding, you pat Anon's shoulder with a wing
"You didn't have any idea that this would happen," you tell him with a smile. "It's not your fault."
>"BOOOOYYY, could you get me a cola when you're out there? I'm sweltering up in here!"
>Don't lose your temper, don't lose your temper
>With another sigh, you motion for Anon to continue to watch (or at least try to watch) the movie, the two of your twitching whenever one of the zebras yelled but otherwise enjoying yourselves
>Mostly
>It's more the company your enjoying rather than the movie
>And the snacks
>You /really/ like movie snacks
>Nomming on your popcorn, a stroke of genius hits you like a ton of bricks in the middle of enjoying of your wonderful treat
>Eyeing the human's shoulder you very slowly unfurl your wing
>Eyesontheprize.exe
>Making sure that Anon was in no way looking at you, you bring your wing up and attempt to wrap it around his--
>"DON'T YOU WORRY NONE CHIL' i GOT YOU DAT DRANK!"
>With a squeak your wing snaps back to your side, the sudden movement alerting Anon, who turned his head to look down at you
>"You alright there, Luna?" he whispered, looking concerned
>Onlythedeadknowpeace
>With a shaky smile, you nod
>I'm fine Anon; the movie just gave me a fright is all"
>Nodding, Anon goes back to watching the movie
>You can't help but sigh in relief
>Sweet Faust was that close!
>Discouraged, you wait a few minutes before trying again
>Alright... you can do this...
>Slow and steady wins the race gurl...
>Inch by inch you lift your wing over Anon's head
>Steady... steady...
>With razor-like precision you wrap your wing around your date and pull him toward you, smooshing his side against yours
>Operation movie snuggle is a go!
>Now act like everything's norma--
>You almost drop your popcorn as Anon shifts around in surprise
>Oh horseapple!
>You could ruin the whole night if he doesn't like this!
>Ohshitohshitohshit!
>No!
>You gotta stick with it gurl
>Anon's not going to do anything disastrous like slap your wing off him and storm out of the theater...
>You hope
>Said human looks down at you, confusion evident on his face as he looks at you, then at the wing wrapped around him
>For several /very/ tense seconds the two of you just stare at each other until...
>He's smiling?!
>Hah, he's smiling!!!
>He's even pressing more of himself against you!
>You squirm happily in your seat, resting your head against Anon's shoulder with a giddy sigh
>Now you just needed to--
>"OH YOU RUN FROM DAT ZIGGA GURL!"
>Anon's eye twitches violently as the tender moment that the two of you were sharing was shattered into a billion pieces
>"THAT'S FUCKING IT!"
>Standing abruptly, and with a vein bulging out of his forehead, the human makes for the zebras, who turn around to see what all of the yelling was about
>"Ya mind keeping quiet cu--urk!"
>You sigh as Anon boots one of the stallions in the face, knocking him out of his seat and onto the floor, to the shock of the entire theater
>...Horseapples, you /really/ wanted those cuddles...
>"I GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND YOU'RE ONE OF THEM YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!"
BANG!
CRASH! BOOM!
>"DIS ZIGGA CRAZY! RUN BOYZ!"
>...Well, maybe your dinner will be better...
>"I'M GONNA BEAT THE BLACK OFF YOU YOU FUCKERS!"
>After you watch the oddly sensual drawl that is happening in front of you
>l-lewd
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_
 
>Be Anon
>Holy shit could those ziggas fight
>They might have been slap-fighting and they might have each weighted like three hundred pounds and were barely about to move around, but boy did one or two of them have a mean right hook
>One of the little fuckers even managed to give you a bloody lip and tear your shirt
>You had made a point to /really/ boot the zebra that had done that in the ass
>Those fuckers; trying to ruin your date and almost get you arrested for setting them straight
>Because Woona was a princess and because every pony in the theater had vouched for you saying that the zebras had attacked first (Hah! keeping the striped horse down this year and many more years to come) you had gotten off with just a warning while they had to spend a wonderful night in the slammer
>Looking back at it it might have just been better to leave the movie and just go and get something to eat
>Luna was looking pretty nervous right now, her eyes constantly scanning the nice little cafe that she had taken you to
>Poor thing probably though something else was gonna happen...
>Wanting to make the little princess pone a little more at ease, you casually lean forward on the table, your chin resting on a hand
"So... we're supposed to tell each other about ourselves now right?" you ask with a grin, offering Luna a hand
"Well, it's nice to meet you Luna, I'm Anon. I enjoy long walks on the beach, squats, and oats; and not in that order if you were wondering."
>Luna giggled, taking your hand and giving it a playful shake
>"It's wonderful to meet you, Anon," she said, trying to keep a straight face as she looked at you. "I'm Luna; my hobbies are painting the night sky, Daring Do comics, and cheese puffs."
>The two of you chuckle, letting the slight tension and unease that that movie brawl had caused slowly flow out the two of you
"So what are you going to get to eat?" you inquire, leaning back into your chair and taking a sip of your beer
>Luna shrugged
>"I was thinking about getting one of the soups they have here or maybe a hay burger or two. What about you?"
>Humming thoughtfully, you inspect the menu
"That pumpkin soup with the wheat bread looks good, and I might get one of those mountain pies with extra sauce....humm... and I'll probably get some fish or something to finish it all off."
>You pick up your beer and give your date a toast.
"And I could go for a few more of these to wash it all down."
>Luna whistles
>"You know, Anon, it's kind of nice to know that you'll actually eat something on a date," Luna said with a smile. "That's... different from most stallions."
>You could have argued that most stallions wouldn't have beat the shit out of a bunch of zebras because they were ruining your movie cuddles, but just nod
"Oh, so you've seen your share of dates huh?"
>The Princess of the Night flinches slightly, a blush on her face as she focuses on her drink
>"Well... to be honest I've never been the luckiest with stallions," she murmured, tapping her glass with a hoof. "Back in my day they always preferred my sister... and now well..."
>She slumps in her chair, downtrodden
>"No one wants to do out with the awkward little sister... even if she /is/ a princess..."
>You frown when you see tears in the pone princesses eyes
>Shit, look at what you did Anon
>You done made Moonbottom sad
>Time to fix that
>Reaching out, you grab her hoof
"Hey now, none of that sad shit here," you say, running your thumb over her hoof.
"You're not awkward, Luna; you're awesome. You can move stars around, your voice can get loud enough to shake walls, and you squat more that you sister. That's fucking great!"
>You wink
"And if those guys blow you off then fuck'em. You got a big mean alien here that thinks you're a sick cunt"
>Sniffling, Luna looks up at you hopefully
>"...Really?"
>You nod
"Really really."
>The two of you smile at each other, happy that--
>EVERYPONY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! RATS ARE SWARMING THE PLACE!!!"
>...Fuck
 
>Be Luna
>Why were the gods forsaking you?
>Really just... why?
>Did you need to sacrifice someone to a certain blood god to make this all better?!
>First the zebras and now /rats/?!
>Could your luck be any more horrible?!
>And you bet that Anon thinks your gross for taking him to a rat-filled eating establishment...
>Horseapples
>HORSEAPPLES
>BUCKING BUCKING HORSEAPPLES!
>WHY?!
>After the two of you had raced out of the cafe you had just kind of slumped to the ground and kind of just given up and let your feels take you where they will
>It didn't matter if your dress was getting dirty or you looked like a colt in front of your subjects, what mattered was that you failed utterly to make this in anyway an enjoyable night for Anon
>And, as punishment, you were just going to lay on the ground and maybe a some kind of miserable hobo or maybe a mime
>Anon, it seemed, wanted to rub your nose in your failure and didn't want you to take up a life of hoboing, picking you up and carrying you to Faust knows where
>You just simply curled up in his grasp and did your very best not to start drawling your eyes out
>Now you were never going to get that second date...
>You ruined this whole thing for your sister, Cadence, and most importantly, yourself
>What other stallion would want you e--
>"Yeah, can I just get those two pizzas? Yeah thanks. Here you go."
>Your ears perk up, though you decide to stay in the bad feels position
>What the hay was Anon doing?
>"Hey.... Actually, can you get me two of those liter pops too? Hey, you have good night."
>The human shifts you so that he's holding you with one arm, grabbing whatever he just grabbed and starting to walk again
"...Anon?"
>Gods.. you must sound like such a colt right now..
>"Yeah Woona?"
"Where are we going?"
>You stomach growls as a certain scent lingers in the air
>A certain cheesy, pizza-y scent
>"We're going to go to my house, eat some fucking pizza, we're going to enjoy our date. Even if it kills us."
>Though you still felt horrible about everything that had happened there was a new emotion in lieu of all the bad ones forming in your chest
>Hope
"R-Really? Why would you--"
>"Shhhhhh. No kings, no gods, just pizza, Woona."
 
 
~_~_~
 
>Be Helga
>Be madder than all Tartarus
>Why the hay wasn't Anon running for the fucking hills right now?!
>You sent in those zebras to the movie theater, you managed to dump a shit load of rats into that diner, and Anon still went and got fucking pizza for that princess?!
>He either must be the stupidest, the most stubborn, or the most oblivious colt in the world!
>Look at them in Anon's house
>Laughing with each other and enjoying their pizza..
>You like pizza too!
>It's the perfect fucking bulking food!
>In fact, you /loved/ fucking pizza!
>Why couldn't you eat pizza with that sexy monkey?!
>Growling, you hopped out of the tree that you so happened to be hiding in
>You weren't going to break into Anon's house since that could get you thrown in jail so their... /date/ looked like it was going to be some kind of success
>But that didn't fucking matter though
>You were going to get your qt human bf
>No matter what!
 
 
~_~_~
>Be Luna once again
>Far happier than you had been a few hours ago
>Eating pizza in Anon's house and calling that a date wasn't so bad
>The two of you laughed and joked with each other and had a good time
>And doing this at his house also took all of the stress out of the date, so that was good too
>And Anon kept calling you Woona, which was either a term for a soon to be mate, a play on words of your name, or a name that you were going to make him scream when you (hopefully) get dat flank of his into bed and ride him all the way to orgasm town
>No
> Bad wings
>Wait until we get home
>All in all it was a heck of a lot better than you expected after all that had happened tonight
>But alas, Anon needed to go to bed and you could use some sleep yourself
>So there you were with Anon on his front porch, trying to figure out how to end this night in the best way possible
>Should you try for a kiss?
>Should you just say goodnight and go about your merry way?
>Should you take him back to your room and cuddle the /shit/ out of him?
>While you pondering, you didn't notice Anon kneeling down to eye level with you
>"Hey, I had a great night, Luna," he said, giving your nose a kiss before standing up
Woonasdownpleasereboot.exe
>Thank the gods that he turned around, otherwise he'd have seen all of the spaghetti that was flying out of your pockets at the moment
>Anon kissed you
>Anonkissedyou!
>AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
>Being the alpha you were you froze in place as Anon made his way to his door, looking over his shoulder at you with a smile
>"I'll see you tomorrow?"
>Come on!
>Snap out of it and say something cool!
>"Thoufgfw"
>Bucking nailed it
>Chuckling, the human nods
>"Alright... I'll take that as a yes. Night Loony!"
>Eyes still wide, you stand there as Anon goes into his house, your heart beating in your chest, your legs shaking, and the worlds biggest smile on your face
>ANONKISSEDYOU!!!
>ON THE NOSE!
>AND IT WASN'T BY ACCIDENT!
>YES YES YES YES!!!!!
 
~_~_~_~_~_~_~
 
>Be Anon
>Welp...
>It feels like your blanket gained a fuck ton of weight while you were asleep
>This would have concerned you if not for the fact that you still needed another hour or two before your give-a-fuck-o-meter filled up
>So eh
>"Hey Anon... Anon!" You blanket whispered, sounding an awful lot like Candy Cane. "Please don't try to murder me this time for waking you up for Celestia's sake."
>Since when did you ever want to murder your blanket?
>It preformed adequately in it's duties
>There was no reason to kill it
>Actually, a better question might be why the hell your blanket had just started talking out of the blue and why it had religious preferences?
>Grumbling, but still too tired to find a single fuck to give, you roll onto your side, rolling your blanket's heavy ass weight off of you
>Still grumbling, you grab your blanket and pull it closer against you, burying your face up against it and hold it so that it wouldn't be able to get away
>There, that'll teach it
>I don't need no lip from you, blanket
>Just do your fucking job, keep your mouth shut about the terrible things you witness happening on this bed, and keep me warm and you'll get washed once a week
>Your blanket struggles for a few moments before going limp in your arms with a sigh
>"Oh horseapples."
>Heh, silly blanket
>You know you can't eat apples...
>You don't even have a mou--
>Wait a fucking second!
>Cracking open an eye, you stare at the furry pink blanket that filled your vision
>You don't have a pink blanket!
>And you've never in your life owned one that was furry!
>/And/, at least to your immediate knowledge, blankets weren't supposed to talk!
>Or smell like cotton candy and strawberries!
"...Cadence?"
>"...Yes Anon?"
"You know this is the second time you've broken into my house right?"
>"Yep."
"And you know that that's super illegal right?"
>The pretty pink pone princess giggles, rolling herself back on top of you
>"Silly Anon," she said, booping your nose with her own. "Who the hay's going to prosecute a princess?"
>...Good point
>"I heard you date with Luna went well," Cadence continues, giving you a little nudge so you don't just fall asleep with her on top of you
>Yawning you nod
"We made the most of the night," you tell her, opening your eyes and looking up into her purple ones
>They were a heck of a lot darker than Celestia's eyes
>Almost a deep blue in this light
>Condense giggles again
>"She told us," she said, sounding pleased. "In fact, she kept us up all night bouncing around the castle
>You snort, closing your eyes again
"Well, we don't have to go lifting today so she can sleep in as long as she wants... Hey, how about you get off me huh?"
>"Hey... about the whole day off thing," Canada says, completely ignoring you. "How would you like to spend the whole day with me and my husband?"
>Even though you can't see it you can /feel/ that smile of hers
>"We can run around town, have a great time, all of that stuff... and things!"
>Well...
>Breaking into someone's house to ask that person if they want to go out and do stuff
>...Fucking Cadence
"No thanks. I have a lot of cleaning to do and--"
>you grunt as Cadence bounces on your chest
>"Aw, come on Anon!" she begged, smooshing your cheeks together with her hooves and rocking your head back and forth. "Please?"
"Fucking Carolina.." you mutter, weakly trying to batter her hooves away. "Get off me before I throw you out a window."
>Since your weak slaps did zero damage to the princess pone and since it looked like she wouldn't stop bothering you until you say yes...
>You squirmed, trying to roll her off you
>Yeah!
>Fuck the man!
>...Or in this case: fuck the eighty pound pink horse that you were too tired to lift off of your body!
>Rebellion!
>Anarchy!
>Longer sleep time!
>'Merica!
>FUCK YEAH!
 
~_~_~_~_~_
 
>Be Cadillac
>You've been laying on top of Anon for the last ten minutes and for the last ten minutes he's been trying to wiggle away while calling you names
>If you were a vain mare you might have enjoyed having a stallion squirming under you, but the name calling was really throwing you off
>...If you were a vain, power hungry mare that is
>Which you weren't
>Though if you were this would be awesome
>Expect for the name calling
>And they weren't even the run of the mill mean or horrible things that stallions would usually say
>He's just saying weird versions of your name
>Why you have no idea but he seemed to enjoy it
>"Condense, Catdense, Caddy, Coddy, Punkdense--"
>But you had tuned out the name calling a few minutes ago
>What you were focusing on now was trying to stay clam, cool, and collected whilst on top of your husbando
>Thank the gods that he had a shirt on, otherwise this might have been a little more awkward
>"Candy Cane, Love horse, love slut--"
>Hey now
>No need to start with mean name calling
>You weren't a horse!
>You sigh, slapping Anon's face lightly with a wing
"Come on, Anon, you're being silly."
>"You broke into my house for pretty much no reason!"
"I only broke into your house because we're such good friends and I knew that you'd love to come with us! Now come on, you and me and Shining will have a great time together!"
>You smile while your wings twitch
>You were trying to ignore it but all of his wiggling was starting to... stimulate you
>Anon groans, tiredly swatting at you with a hand
>"Get out of my house you horsey cupid!"
"Not until you say yes."
>"This is sexual harassment you know."
>You flinch
>Holy hay you never though of it like that!
>Breaking into his house was one thing, no one was going to take you to court, but 'assaulting' a stallion was an entirely different beast
>And anyway, you weren't the type of mare that bullied stallions into doing whatever you wanted!
>So why were you doing it now?!
>What were you--
>Anon, as if sensing your panicked state, picked your flank up off him and threw you to the side while he stood up
>"Where the fuck are you taking me?" he demanded, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing his eyes
>...Oh
>It looks like your mild panic attack was unfounded
>Neat!
>It looks like the matriarchy wins again!
>..Hey now, wait a minute...
>Bad Cadence!
>Sexism is /never/ the answer
>...Most of the time
 
~_~_~_
 
Be Shining pone
>You know, when your wife told you that you were going to spend the day with her and Anon you weren't expecting the beginning of the day to consist of Anon holding onto you like a teddy bear while he eat pancakes and muttering under his breath about your wife
>Said wife was staring at you and Anon apologetically while she eat her own breakfast from the other side of the table
"...Anon?"
>"Hum?"
>You try to wiggle away but the human's grip is too strong
>It looks like you're stuck here you are, Shining
>You're getting human cuddles whether you want them or not
"...Could you at least let me feed myself?"
>In response Anon chops up one of your pancakes, forks it up, and starts to make train noises
>"Come on now, Shining; open wide for the choo choo train!"
"I'm a full grown stallion. I'm not going to do anything like that!.. And will you quit it? Ponies are staring!"
>"Come on now, little pone," Anon taps the fork against your muzzle. "Don't you want to be the biggest and strongest pone around?"
"This is degrading!" you stare at your wife and motion toward Anon with a hoof.
"Hey Honey, you mind helping me out?"
>Cadence, obviously trying not to laugh, starts to rise out of her seat, only to immediately sit the buck back down when your captive let out a borderline animalistic growl
>"Sorry Shining," she said with a shrug, returning to her food. "It looks like Anon's keeping you there as long as he wants."
>"...Fucking Candy Cane... Waking me up too damn early and bringing me to some shitty pone I-hop..."
>Oh!
>Well it looks like /someone's/ going to get chewed the buck out when you manage to get away from Anon!
>...The nerve of your wife, not trying to save you from this savage beast...
>...That was trying to baby-feed you pancakes
>You open your mouth to once again protest but you were silenced by choo choo going into the tunnel and--
>Nonono!
>He force fed you!
>You're not a baby dammit!
>Not one to waste food (there were starving zebras in the lowlands who would /love/ your pancake) you angrily chew your food with your hooves crossed in defiance
>Anon didn't win anything!
>You were only eating this because you had to!
>It wasn't like these were /amazing/ or anything
>Pleased, that diabolical primate started to rub your belly and--
>...Ohhhh
>Rubs~
>"Who's a big strong little pone that eats all of the food off his plate?"
>Fight it
>Fight it
>FIGHTTTTT IIIIIIITTTTTTTTT!!!!
>Your rubs have not power here, monkey!!!
"...I am."
>With a happy groan you open your mouth let Anon fork-feed you another bit of pancake
>...Gods are you pathetic
>And ponies are staring
>At you and Anon
>Well... to be honest, they were all probably staring at you...
>Horseapples!
>This was going to be another one of those days wasn't it?!
 
~_~_~_~_~_
Be Cadence
>Walking through the streets with your hubby on the right and Anon on the left
>All around you were glaring mares, each and every one of them obviously jealous of your alpha mare-ness
>You take a deep breath, savoring the jelly permeating the air
>Yeah you all keep eyeballing these colts right here!
>But don't touch though!
>These colts right here are your's!
 
~_~_
 
Be Anon, watching in amusement with Shining as Candy Cane struts in front of the two of you
>It looks liked she was dance-walking, with her head bopping back and forth while she wiggled her butt around like she wasn't walking in the middle of a crowded street
>Though you were a little disappointed that she wasn't horrified with what you did to her husband (which had been done for revenge keks of course) you still had to admit that she was being adorable
>And, to top it all off, it looks like all of that squatting you're having her doing is paying off
>"...Dat flank..."
>And it looks like Shine pone agrees with you
>Slowing your pace you lean over and pat Shining's back
"Hey, Shining?"
>The little white pone looks up at you
>"Hum?"
>Making sure that Condense is still doing her weird little dance and ignoring the two of you, you whisper,
"Do you know what the hell we're doing today?"
>Shining shrugs
>"No idea," he admits. "Cadence just told me we were going shopping this morning."
>He goes back to looking at his wife's ass, licking his lips
>"Hopefully I can get Candy to go clothes shopping for a little bit. I want to try on an outfit or two~"
>You frown
"And when in the hell do you wear clothes?"
>"...You know."
"I wouldn't ask you if I knew, Shining"
>The unicorn looks just a little more nervous than before
>"...Well... How about I say that the clothes I wear are best worn in the bedroom... if you catch my meaning..."
>What the hell is he--
>Oh
>you take a moment to digest the fact the an adorable little marshmallow horse just admitted to "dressing up" (or worse) in the bedroom
>Aw
>This little white pone right here would look /adorable/ in a sexy sailors outfit
>Oooo! Or maybe he'd dress up as a widdle firemen!
>Hell, you might even get him to dress up in socks!
>Aw, you're heart can barely take it
>You find yourself smiling
"You know what, Shining? I could go get a shirt or two myself"
 
~_~_~_~_
Be Cadence again
>Holy hay did you hit the jack pot!
>While you usually /hated/ shopping around for cloths you had decided to bite the bullet and take your hubby and Anon out to get a little something-something
>And imagine your surprise when both Shining /and/ Anon wanted you judge them!
>Now you got to see that sexy monkey in boxers
>Heck, you might even see him in socks!
>This was a million times better than just sitting on a stool waiting for him to bankrupt you!
>Shining was the first to come out of his dressing stall
>He was wearing a nice little grey vest with a pair of dress horseshoes to match
>He made a show of walking out and doing a little spin
>"So, what you do think?"
>You think that your bit bag was going to be a heck of a lot lighter after this...
>Hey, stay strong gurl!
>You're getting an almost naked Anon out of this!
>You could worry about your wallet later
"You look great, Honey," you tell him with a smile, poking at his chest. "In fact you look--
>You and Shining jump as Anon's stall door is thrown open, revealing the grinning human
>Just like Shining, Anon had decided to go with a vest, though it was black and unbuttoned and he didn't gave a shirt on underneath it...
>Oh sweet Faust was he wearing skin tight jeans?!
>U-Unf
>You and Shining watch as Anon practically leaps over you and runs toward a mirror
>"Hah! I knew I'd look like Freddie Mercury!" he shouts in delight, sticking his ass out and giving it a little slap
>Oh helllloooo new masturbation material!
>"Um... Honey? You wings..."
>You look over your shoulder at you wings before smiling sheepishly at you husband
 
"I PAID MY DUES! TIME AFTER TIME--
>BE ANON
>No, fuck that!
>Be Freddie Mercury Anon, walking to... someplace with Shining and pink princess pone
"--I'VE DONE MY SENTENCE, BUT COMMITTED NO CRIME!"
>You might have been upset a little earlier that Cadence had gotten you up too damn early but this
>This?!
>Right now you were dressed up as one of the toughest and swolest gay singers who has ever lived (in America at least... or wherever he was born...) and Shining was right next to you wearing a matching widdle pone vest!
>Hell, you even managed to draw a fake porno stache on your and the little pone's faces!
>Your dad would be so proud
>Doing a little spin, you fall on both of your knees and spread your arms out wide
"AND BAD MISTAKES--I MADE A FEW!--"
>Cadence looked like she was trying /really/ hard not to laugh at your antics, and even Shining was cracking a smile
>It was good to be the rock king!
>And, you know... /not/ having aids was a nice bonus too
>RIP Freddie...
>You took in a deep breath, ready to belt out more lyrics of your fifth favorite Queens song, when Shining nudged your ribs
>"Will you quit it?" He asked, shaking his head. "I'm about ready to die from embarrassment here and Cadence looks like she's about to burst a blood vessel."
>You stop to look around
>Huh
>It looks like you /were/ getting some stares...
Getting to your feet, and making sure those new jeans of yours were undamaged, you allowed Shining to lead you to...
"Hey, where the heck are we going?"
>Since Candy was covering her mouth with her wings /and/ both of her hooves, and therefore unable to move her little pone body, you decided to be helpful and pick her ass up
>It was the least you could do for the new digs and all
>Ignoring her surprised squeak, you follow Shining with your little pink passenger in tow
>"We're going to a restaurant," Shining answers as Cadence tries to wiggle out of your grasp
>Oh no little pone
>The king of Queen will not be denied
"Didn't we just eat like an hour ago and--"
>"Give me your bucking money!!!!"
 
 
BE CADENCE
>Who the buck said that?!
>Eyes widening, you look out from your human perch to spy a mare wearing a tube sock over over her head
>She was also carrying a knife
>A KNIFE THAT SHE HAD POINTING AT YOUR HUSBAND!
>YOU GOTTA SAVE HIM!
>Rolling out of Anon's grip you size up the mare, who nervously held a knife against Shining's throat
>"Didn't you hear me?" The mare growled, pointing the knife at you. "Give me all your bits or this pretty little colt gets it!"
"Let go of him right now," you growl, your horn sparking to light.
>You were about to unleash the mother of all spells when the mare brought the knife back to your stallion's neck, causing him to let out a dramatic gasp
>Oh no you don't!
>With the roar you charge forward, knocking the mare's knife out of her hoof and tackling her off your hubby
>Alright!
>You saved your husband from this vicious thug
>Now time to show Anon what a marely mare you were by beating the hay out of this filly right here!
>For Shining!
>For the monkey D
>STALLIONS ARE WATCHING!!!
 
 
BE ANON
>...The fuck just happened?
>You had watched in confusion as some random little pone just up and grabs Shining and tries to threaten you all with what looked like a spoon
>A little pone who Candy Cane was trying to...
>Were those two just play fighting?
>You, and maybe half of the city by the looks of it, watch as the two mares, growling and snorting and neighing and whinnying, roll around on the ground
>It looked like they were aggressively nuzzling each other's necks whenever one managed to roll on top of the each other
>And Condense was also trying to batter the other widdle pone on the head with her wings
>Just hard enough to make the other mare's ears flicker back and forth with each hit
>...Aw
>Even their fights are adorable
>Walking over to Shining, you reach down and pick up the big spoon and do a couple of pretend stabs
>Yep
>This thing would really fuck you up
>If you were a fucking man made of ice cream
>...Wait a minute!
>Didn't you have a full fucking drawl the other night?
>...Well, to be fair, /you/ had been doing most of the drawling
>The pone's that you had been fighting had just kind of threw things at you while you threw them...
>You look up at Shining, then at the "fight" going on in front of you
>...Fucking little horses
>Welp, better stop this nonsense before anyone /actually/ gets hurt
 
BE CONDENSE
>You try to steady your breathing as you unleash a flurry of jabs into the would be robbers face
>She was putting up one heck of a fight but you /were/ going beat the hay out of her!
>She lunges forward, ready to wallop you with a haymaker, but you manage to take a quick step back before hitting stunning her with one of your wings
>YEAH!
>HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT--
>"Alright, alright, enough of this..."
>Before you can so much as blink, Anon appears before the other mare and picks her up by the scruff of the neck
>She tries to thrash around but the human's grip is too strong
>"PUT ME DOWN YOU BUCKING... THING! OR I SWEAR TO--"
>The mare squeaks in surprise when Anon slaps her on the nose, a frown on his face
>"No! Bad, bad little horse."
>The mare blinks, looking up at him in confusion
>"B-But--"
>Anon smacks her nose again
>"No buts," he tells her, looking down sternly at the both of you. "Only butts!"
>"FREEZE! DROP THE MARE SIR!"
 
BACK TO ANON
>Who told you to freeze?
>It's not even cold enough to--
>Oh
>Its the widdle pone guard
>A lot of the widdle pone guard in fact
>All of whom were glaring at you like you Hitler mixed with Supermang
"...Did you need something fellas?"
>One of the widdle guards takes a step forward
>"You will not be asked again, Creature. Drop the mare or we will be forced to drop you."
>You frown
>Every one of the guard knows who you are
>So why is--
>Oh
>They don't recognize you because of your new getup and mustache
>...Do these ponies not have any facial recognition at all or did they like it when the extra "special" pone's joined the guard?
>You raise your hands up in what you hoped was a non-threatening manner, though it was probably ruined by the fact that you hoisted the little thief pone up too, you say,
"Hey, hey, lets take a second to--"
>If you had bothered to look up, you would have noticed that the guard had brought a storm cloud with them
>A black, angry looking fucker with a pissed off little pone on top of it
>A little pone who obviously didn't like to taking a step toward his fellow, because that little cunt kicked that cloud as hard as he could
BOOM!
>The last thing you saw was the lightening coming toward you before you were thrown the fuck off you feet, darkness filling your vision as you roughly hit the ground
>Stupid crafty little horses...
 
Beep...Beep...Beep...
BE ANON
>Holy shit...
>You feel like shit
>Almost as bad as that time you decided to try that eight hour arms workout for a dare
>Everything hurt and you honestly didn't think you had the strength to lift your head
>Your chest in particular was stinging like a motherfucker
Run_Bebootbrain.exe [Y] [N]?
>It takes a minute or two for you to get the strength and mental willpower to do more than just lay where you were and breath but when you were able to get some semblance of self back you noticed a few things
>One: you appeared to be laying down on something very comfortable and soft and warm
>Two: it felt like there was an I.V. in your arm and you could hear the quiet beeping of what you thought was a heart monitor
>And three: the stinging pain around your chest, along with pain in around the rest of your body, was slowly receding
>It almost felt like there was a giant glob of Aloe that was being rubbed all over your body, leaving you with a tingly and numb(in a good way) feeling
>You can't help but sigh, opening your mouth and yawning
>You might have just woke up but that didn't mean you weren't as tired as shit
>Surviving a thunder bolt was tiring shit yo
>And speaking of getting hit by fucking lightning as soon as you were able to get up you were going to have some /painful/ words with a little pone guard or two and--
>Wait a second
>Did you just hear a gasp?
>"....Anon? Anon, are you awake?"
>Huh, that sounds like Sun horse
>She sounds worried...
>Alright time to say something!
"Arughldfgdt"
>...Close enough
>You hear the princess pone gasps again and you're pretty sure something shifted its weight right next to you
>That pleasant feeling in your chest increases and you swear you feel a muzzle rubbing against your cheek delicately
>You hum again as strength flows through your body, which allow you to open your eyes for the first time since you woke up
 
>HOLY SHIT SOMETHING WAS STICKING OUT OF YOUR CHEST!
>You try to squirm, only for a hoof to hold you down in place
>"It's alright, Anon! Nothing here's going to hurt you!"
>Panting, you look up at the lavender eyes staring down at you with concern
>WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?!
>THERE'S SOMETHING STICK OUT OF YOUR FUCK-- wait, it that Celestia's mane?!
>Sure enough, you see the white alicorn's rainbow mane seeping into your chest pumping god knows what into you
>Sweet Jesus
>You /really/ hope that this isn't how pone princesses mate...
>Calmed down, though slightly disturbed, you see that Sun horse is cuddled against your side on a big fancy bed
>HOLY SHIT! THIS /IS/ SOME FREAKY ALIEN MATING THING ISN'T IT?!
>WELL YOU'D BEST BELIEVE YOU'RE PAYING ONE HELL OF AN ALIMONY CELE-- oh hey water
>Laying a wing protectively over you, Celestia magicks over a cup of H2O with a little bendy straw
>"Open wide, Anon," she says. "You must be parched."
>You open your mouth and did as she asked, enjoying the sensation of that life giving liquid going down your dry as hell throat
"How... long was... I out?" you croak, sounding exhausted
>Celestia all but forces you to drink more water before answering
>"You were only out for a day. After the guard... subdued you Cadence and Shining Armor rushed you back to the castle."
>She nodded her head toward her mane, which was still skeleton-fucking your sternum
>"I've been tending to your wounds ever since."
>You manage a weak chuckle
"Sorry for... the trouble... But I never really thought... I'd have to tell you... human's don't do... so well... against lightning. But if you want to... know that shit... does triple-stacked... damage"
>Instead of smiling at your piss-poor attempt at a joke Celestia looks like she's trying /really/ hard not to cry
>Though you barely managed to do it, you lifted arms up and opened them up invitingly
>It looks like this filly needs a hug
>With a sniffle, Celestia very gently lays her head on your shoulder and lets you wrap your arms around her neck
"We were all so worried," she whispers.
>You pat her back
"Hey, at least... I'm sorta okay... now"
>Sun horse nuzzles the nape of your neck
>"You'll be better than new in a few hours," she promised. "The ethereal magic I'm pumping into you will have you healed by dinner time."
>Ethereal magic?
>That shit sounds dangerous...
>Welp, as long as it fixes you up you're fine with it
>...And as long as it doesn't put a fucking pone baby in your belly...
>"Did you at least avenge me?" You asked, petting Sunbutts neck
>You may have not been vengeful kind of guy but being assaulted by a fucking million volts of death never put anyone in the best of moods
>Celestia nodded
>"Luna demanded that she personally punish those responsible for harming you."
>Her wing tightened ever so slightly around you
>"Since no one expected you to get hurt like the way you did no one was executed... though after my little sister's through with them they might have preferred the guillotine."
>You can't help but flinch
>Hell hath no fury little a little princess horse god...
>She was probably doing some pretty fucked up shit to them...
>Some real fucked up shit
>If you weren't in this position you might even feel a little sorry for the little pone's
"Well thanks for that... and for doing the whole nursing me back to health thing. I appreciate it."
>Celestia snorts, breaking your hug and sitting back up, looking at you with her usual sly smile and mischievous eyes
>"I still need to woo you stallion," she said, booping your nose with a wing tip. "A believe I've made that perfectly clear with sicking my sister on you."
>You can't help but smile
"Oh really?"
>She nods, her eyes closed as if she was in deep thought
>"You couldn't even resist the charms of my sister and she hasn't had a mate in a thousand years," she said with an air of superiority that made you want to boop the /shit/ out of her nose.
>"If you couldn't resist her charms you'll fall to mine far easier... In fact, I bet you my crown I'll have you making me dinner and calling me by a pet name by the month's end."
>You were about to tell her what you thought about her little plan (aka telling her to fuck off) when the door burst open, revealing an exhausted and distraught-looking Cadence
 
>Be Candy Cane
>Holy Tartarus had it been a long day
>It might have been one of the longest of your life in all honesty
>Anon almost died
>Almost DIED!
>...And you weren't able to do anything to help him
>You had watched as the lightning hit him square on the chest, watched as he flew through the air and into that building, and you had just kind of... stood there for it all
>Once again you had done nothing as someone that you cared for got hurt...
>It had hurt far more than your could ever imagine seeing Anon lying on the floor, blackened and with smoke coming off him and it showed you, once again, how ill equipped you were for /anything/
>You couldn't save you husband from Chrysalis, you couldn't save your kingdom, and now Anon...
>You needed to be saved
>You needed Twilight and you aunt to help you
>You, a bucking princess...
>Someone that was supposed to be a big marely mare and the toughest thing around had frozen because of a little bolt of /lightning/!
>Your aunt and Anon, who was awake now (thank the gods) stared at you as you stared back at them
>You just stood there stock-still, not knowing how to feel as relief flooded you
>Anon was awake!
>And he looked alright!
>Your aunt actually fixed him!
>In your relief you find yourself tearing up, though you do your best to hold the waterworks back
>Don't you dare cry
>DON'T you DARE CRY!
>"...You... alright there... Canada?"
>With a sob you launch yourself forward, leaping onto the bed and wrapping Anon up in a tight, protective hug
"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!" you sob, tears of joy and relief and sadness pouring down your face and soaking Anon's hospital gown
>Idly, you feel Anon wrap his arms around you while your aunt laid a wing over your back as you sobbed and sobbed and sobbed
>Anon stroked your mane, trying to ignore how weak and in pain he obviously was in as he made comforting noises at you
>"Shhh, it's alright, Cadence... It's alright..."
>You were Mi Amore Cadenza, and you had just come dangerously close to losing someone that you cared about
>Yet again
>And you were doing to bucking make sure that it was the last time
 
BE ANON
>After Celestia finished with her magical mane healing thing she had left you in the "tender" care of Carolina, who was snoozing right on top of you at the moment
>The Princess of Love, for some fucking reason, had burst into your room and had just lost her shit
>She had cried and cried and cried until Celestia had gotten her husband and you and him had spent the last three hours talking her down
>You really didn't know why the hell she was so worked up
>/She/ didn't hit you with that thunderbolt
>After tuckering herself out from her little episode she had just passed on top of you
>Not that you really minded
>She was warm and adorable and just the all around perfect teddy bear
>Though you were pretty much as good as new you still felt like shit
>And would continue to feel like shit for the next couple of days, if what Sun horse told you what was true
>You needed a week to deload anyway, so it wasn't /all/ that bad
>It was probably going to be as boring as shit though
>You pull Cadence a bit closer against your body, running your hand through her mane
>The princess pone let out an adorable little sleepy snort before nuzzling her head against your chest
>Goddamn were these pone's cute...
>You close your eyes, ready to get some more sleep yourself, when you hear a knock on the door
>"Anon, it's Celestia. Is it alright if I come in?"
>Huh, it's Sun Horse
"Yeah, come right on in," you call, stifling a yawn
>The door opens and--
>What the fuck is she wearing?!
 
BE CELESTIA
>Heh, it looks like your little outfit is to Anon's liking~
>Well, it better be
>The bucking thing took like half an hour to get on...
>With a smug smile you push the food trolley that you had been lugging through the castle into the room
>Aw, look at your niece...
>NO! You can tease Cadence later
>Time to feed Anon!
>Making sure to put a little bit of unf in your walk you push the cart up to your bed while you take a moment to look at poor Anon
>The dear looked exhausted...
>And vulnerable...
>And seduce-able...
>And you'd bet he'd look even better naked...
>Not now gurl
>Ease into it
>Humming a little tune to yourself, you lift off the tray, revealing a few boxes of pizza
"So how are you feeling, Dear?" you ask, throwing open one of the boxes.
"Are you uncomfortable? Do you need to me to bring you anything?"
>You give the human your best motherly smile, staring at him expectantly
>Yeah, you keep eyeballing colt
>This is all for you
>To your amusement and delight Anon's jaw is still open in what you assumed was in awe
>Not that you blame him
>Not to boast or anything but you looked pretty bucking great right now
>Trying not to laugh, you flutter your eyelashes at the human
"Is there something wrong, Anon?" You purr.
>Yep
>At this rate you'll have this colts pants off by the end of the week!
 
BE ANON
>A tight white outfit with plenty of frills and laces and a red cross across the chest...
>White and red stripped stockings on her hoofsies...
>And with a widdle cap on top as an icing on the cake
>It was official
>Celestia was dressed up as a nurse
>And sweet Jesus Christ riding a dolphin did she look adorable
>You were sure that this outfit was supposed to be sexy (With Celestia something like this was a given) and, to her credit, she did fill it out pretty well
>But /Goddamn/ did she remind you of one of those nurse teddy bears
>Not able to help yourself, you gently push Candy off you and onto the side of the bed and open your arms wide
 
BE CELESTIA
>What's this?
>Anon wants a hug?
>Maybe even some snuggles?
>Well, don't mind if you do
>Trying to keep the excitement off your face you hop into the bed, being extra careful as you lay yourself down opposite of your niece
>You didn't want to hurt Anon anymore than he had already been
"So are you going to eat some of this pizza or perhaps the two of us should have ourselves a bit of exercise before dinner~"
>With a happy sigh you lay your head on his shoulder, nosing his neck
>Anon chuckles, giving your neck some rubs
>"You know what? I could go for some pizza," he says, taking your nurses cap off your head and putting it on his
>Gods, its actually pretty hard not to kiss his neck right now...
>And by your mane does he smell nice...
>From the corner of your eye, you see Anon's other arm pulling Cadence into his lap, the pink mare sighing happily
>This...
>This is what you want; this happy, satisfied feeling
>The feeling of comfort and happiness and just plain joy of being in someone else's company
>For a second you imagine Luna next to you and Shining on the other side holding Cadence
>It's only a brief second, but you can't help but--
>"You. are. adorable."
>...Buck
>Why couldn't he say, "you're bucking hot" or, "God do I want to rut your brains out right now"?!
>And you could tell from his tone that he was being genuine
>He didn't think you were cute in a sexy way but cute in a teddy bear way!!!
>Why'd he have to go and ruin your fantasy prematurely?!
>You tried, tried really hard, to feel a little disappointed that your outfit had been all for not but those hands
>Dos /hands/!
>You niece stirs, her eyes slowly blinking open
>"Did someone order peetzer?" she murmured, looking at Anon then at you
>Aunt... why are you dressed up as a nurse?"
>Welp, you'll get'em next time gurl
>You've got plenty of time to woo this here stallion before the weeks out
>And you've got plenty of other outfits to try out on him
 
BE ZZYZ
>u fokin wot m8?
>u avin a giggle?
>Be in your gym, taking a moment to enjoy the finer things in life
>Like eating piece of toast covered in Vegemite
>Mmmm, it tastes just like home
>Except without all pf the drop bears
>Fuck those crazy cunts
>Humming an tune, you hop around your office, checking documents, signing things, and just being an all around business-minded cunt
>Gotta get the cash before ya get the cock and all of that
>Oh... Speaking of cock
>It looks like you still got that colt's number the other night
>You got that dirty slut to make out with his best friend after just striking a pose
>Bet a ya diggeridoo that you could get him into a three way with the snap of the fingers and the flexing of the arms if you bothered to try...
>Grinning at the mental image you gleefully lick a bit of the ol' 'mite off your lips
>Crocs rock your socks was it great to be the queen!
>"Excuse me, Mrs. Yyzy?"
>What's this then?
>Someone just up and walked into your office without hollering?
>Turning around you spy one of your newest gym members
>Princess Condense... or whatever Anon called her
>Bowing (cause this bitch is the main reason you're gonna be able to put a hot tub in your house along with being a fuckin' princess) you say,
>"Afternoon, Princess. Did ya need anything?"
>There's something in the princesses eyes that... intrigues you
>You lean in slightly before drawing back with a gasp
>You know that look!
>It was the very same look that turned changed you from the beta faggot that you had been in your youth to the sick cunt that you were now!
>This here Shelia had the "Feels"
>You can see and smell it on her!
>And from her determined look she wanted to lift them away!
>The pone princess nods, taking a step toward you
>"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about making a new routine for me."
>Her chest puffs out
>"I asked the other girls in the gym and they told me you were the best at this kind of thing."
>Did they now?...
>But why change her routine so soon though?
>Anon might have been a stallion but he still knew his shit
>In fact, you were more than happy to call him a sick cunt and--
>No Zzyz
>It's not your place to ask
>You just need to help this filly become the biggest and best fucker the world's ever seen
>Nodding, you hop over to your desk and sit down, pulling out a piece of paper and a pencil
"Alright then. But first, whatcha want to train for?"
>Condense takes a step forward, a growl coming from her throat as she stared /though/ you
>"I want to train for strength," she said simply. "And a lot of it."
 
BE ANON
>"--And Arklasis screamed in defiance, throwing his broken and battered shield into the ground before pulling the knife from his belt with a snarl--"
>And be listening to Woona reading to you
>Not that that was a bad thing
>In fact you found it extremely sweet that she'd be willing to do something like this for you
>Most of it was that fantasy stuff that you had never bothered to read but since you had nothing better to do --that and and the whole "not able to move" thing-- it was a fine way to waste away the day
>Luna, it seemed, enjoyed reading to you since she was inching toward the three hour mark without any signs of slowing down
>The little pone seemed to /love/ this shit, and had been ecstatic that you were okay with her liking it
>Which made this already adorable pone even more adorable in your eyes
>God; if she rolled around in sugar she wouldn't be anymore sweet!
>This shit's going to give you diabetes
>"--Like a scythe through wheat he slashed through the undead lords and--"
>Luna paused, turning her head away from her book and coughing
>"Excuse us, Anon," she said, levitating a glass of water over and taking a little sip of it. "It seems our throat his becoming a little... taxed."
>Resisting the urge to make a joke out of that you pat the pone's side
"Hey, why don't the two of us get something to eat right now so you can rest up that voice box of yours?"
>Luna hums before nodding
>"We could go for some food.. Very well, let us just send a quick letter to the kitchens and they'll prepare us two something to eat."
>You nod, giving Woona another affectionate pat
"Hey... I just wanted you to know I appreciate you doing this for me."
>Luna smiles, patting your shoulder with a wing as she magicked a quill and vial of ink over along with a piece of paper
>"There is no need for thanks," the princess says, quickly writing something down. "One should take steps to make sure that their stallion is cared for and looked after."
>/Her/ stallion huh?
>Wonder if she'll catch that...
>You just wait in silence as Luna continued to write while humming a tune to herself
>3...
>2...
>1...
>Luna gasp, practically jumping out of the bed with a yelp
>Spinning around she started babbling frantically, a blush exploding across her face and down her chest
>"W-We didn't mean... I mean I-I didn't want t-to s-say--
>You watch with a smile as Luna spilled spaghetti all over you, the bed, and half the room
>There's sauce everywhere...
>And its smell is strong
> Shushing the little pone you pull her into your lap
"Shhhh, calm down," you say, patting her on the back. "Just take a breather..."
>Luna whimpers, shutting her mouth with a click while you gave her her pets
>/Her/ stallion...
>Heh
>You can't help but wonder--
>"WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!"
THUMP!
>They have taken the great gate and the second hall
THUMP!
>WE have retaken the barracks but we cannot hold them for long
>"WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!"
>We cannot get out... the end is near.
>"ANON! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"
>Yelling, yelling from the outside. Yelling and smashing and stomping...
>"I WILL FIND HIM!"
>...They are coming... We cannot get out...
>You and Luna look at each other as the fucking /ground/ shakes all around you
"...Luna... what the fuck is that?"
>The two of you flinch at the sounds of someone, or something, picking up and throwing some heavy ass thing into what you assumed was a wall, probably breaking it from the loud crash that you heard a second later
>And, by the sounds of it, they were getting closer
>"...We truly have no idea, Anon," Moonbutt says, laying a wing over you. "But We will not lie and say we are not nervous of its coming..."
>"ANNNNOOOOONNNNN!"
"Me either.."
>While you liked to think yourself a kind of brave individual (most of the time) fuck whatever was out there hunting for you
>If you could have you would have fucked right off and jumped out a window
>Hey!
>Maybe it wasn't all of that bad!
>There were a bunch of little pone guards in this castle
>If anything they'd be decent cannon fodder and--
>...Wait
>You forgot
>Woona did some horrible to shit to the guard
>And that meant no one was here to protect anyone in this castle
>Which meant you and Woona and maybe Celestia had to deal with whatever was running around the castle smashing shit
>Celestia, the mare that used a purple chubby bookworm to fight all of her battles
>Luna, someone who you weren't sure could even throw a decent punch
>And you, the guy that needed help to get out of the bed to go to the bathroom
>...Maybe she wouldn't find you?
>This was a big castle after all an--
THUD!
>"ANON? ARE YOU IN THERE?!?!?!?"
>...Shit
>You look over desperately at Luna before sighing
>Welp
>Hold onto your butt cheeks
>Shit's about to get wild
>BOOOOOMMMMM!
 
BE HELGA
>There that fucking colt is!
>You've been looking everywhere for him!
>You were worried sick after you heard that he had had a little "accident"
>And, after finishing that strongmare competition, you decided to come back to Canterlot
>After letting yourself in his house (and not breaking in) you found out from a friend of yours that he was staying up at Canterlot castle
>Wanting to nurse him back to health yourself (cause stallion's /love/ shit like that) you also decided to let yourself into this royal dump
>Why Anon would want to stay here baffled you
>Though, to be fair, the mind of a stallion was a mystery
>Aw... look at him laying in that bed looking so adorable and helpless and--
>"...What the fuck are you doing here cow?"
>You blink before grinning at your future hubby
>Gotta make sure to flex
>Get that estrogen in the air
"I heard that you got a widdle boo-boo, Ape, so I thought I'd bring my amazing ass back here to nurse you back to health."
>Now make sure that you stick you ass out just a little bit...
>There you go!
>You'll be seeing a tent in that bed in no ti--
>"What the fuck are you talking around?" that sex god of a monkey says, scrunching his face up at you. "Didn't you have that competition that other that... And don't you remember I hate your guts?"
>Aw look at him
>the kidder
>You just want to crawl into that bed of his and cuddle the /shit/ out of him
>You should keep your cool though
>Stallions only like alpha mares that don't give a shit about them
>Puffing your chest out you take a step into the room
"Well, ya see--"
>"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE BUCKING GODS ARE THOU DOING IN OUR BUCKING CASTLE?!?!?!?!?"
>You stop midstep to look over at a fuming little dyel bluish pony
>Wait a minute!
>Isn't that that princess that got lippy with you the other--
BOOM!
 
BE ANON
>"ARRRRRRUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!!"
>"HAVE AT THEE!!!"
>Being a fucking hero and rolling your ass out of your room
>Because FUCK what was going on in there
BOOM!
CRASH!
>Thankfully that monster of a cow had left the door open, which had been pivotal in your escape
>And, damn near naked and with the fear of god in you, you roll down one of the castles many halls, praying to Broddha for enlighment, gainz, and enough strength to get the hell away
>Yeah, you don't have any shame
>What about it?
>They see me rollin', they hatin', don't let these bitches catch me rollin' dirty!
"This is some fucking bullshit," you grumble. "I wanted to get some sleep and maybe something to eat and now some Dragon ball Z bullshit is popping off..."
>There's more explosions behind you, making you roll just a little bit faster
"And now I'm rolling down some goddamn hall in my underwear mad as shit and-"
>"Anon! What in the name of Tartarus is going on?"
>Shit
>That better not be a pony Frieza looking for your dragonballs
>Stopping, you look up and see Sun horse all decked out in a firepone's outfit, concern and worry etched on her big pone face
>Wat?
>Where did she even-
>No
>You don't need to worry about that
>Right now you gotta get away
>And it looks like you found your ride
>Looking at her with you best puppy dog eyes you raise up your arms
>"Please save me from this bullshit."
BOOM!
BANG!
CRASH!
>Celestia bounds over and shields you with her wings as the wall to your left explodes, a blue blur visible for only a moment before it went through the other wall
>"HAH! HOW TO YOU LIKE THAT YOU LITTLE HORSE!"
>You hear laughter coming from the hole in the wall
>"WELL STRUCK VILLAIN! BUT WE WILL BEST THEE YET!"
"Please... Lets fly out of this castle"
 
>BE CELESTIA
>Snacking on a bag of chips on a comfy couch in your danger bunker
>You sister had questioned the logic of buying a place where the two of you could bugger off if something horrible could happen but look at you now
>You're comfortable, you're safe, you've sent a letter to Twilight to deal with the crazy cow that your sister was fighting, and you've got Anon safe and sound in here with you
>Alone
>And in his underwear
>...And now you wished you had worn that risque pair of panties with those pink socks that you had gotten the other day
>But you were sure you could seduce him as a firemare!
>Stallions /loved/ firemares!
>Anon was laying next to you, miserable and wrapped up in blankets (the poor thing was freezing), slipping on a glass of orange juice that you had gotten him
>"So when's Twiglight Sprokle getting here?" Anon asked as you levitated his half-empty glass over to a table
"Twilight and her friends should be in the city within the hour," you say, giving him your best motherly smile
>Anon nods, wiggling deeper into his blanket pile
>"And Woona's gonna be alright up there?"
>A smile touches your face
>Aw, it's nice to see that he cares for your sister's safety
"She is a goddess, Anon," you tell the human. "A being that can create and destroy the world at a whim. She will be fine."
>Anon frowns
>"If you guys are all-powerful and all of that why the hell do you have a place like this?"
>One of his hands pokes out of the blankets and he waves it around
>You grin, scooting closer to the human
"Well, my dear little human, after fighting most of this world's terrors for years uncounting I decided to let a younger generation try their hoof at protecting the world as we know it."
>"...So you just can't be fucking bothered?"
>You chuckled, scooting a little bit closer toward him
>You're in groping position, but you need to get those bucking blankets off him without being conspicuous
"I wouldn't put it like /that/... but yes"
>"Alright... so what are we going to do while waiting for everything to solve itself back in Canterlot?"
>Oh we're going to be doing something here colt
>Something you and him were going to thoroughly enjoy~
>...Probably
>Hopefully
>...Maybe
>Shit!
>You should have worn those bucking panties!
 
"...So... Anon."
>With as much stealth as you can muster you begin to paw at the wall of blankets, looking for a kink in the armor
>This wall of blankets were impregnable for most mares
>But you weren't most mares
>Give it a minute of three and you'd impregnate this "Castle" and take the treasures hidden away~
>"Hmmm?"
"Would you mind if I asked you something one might consider... personal?"
>Alright, you found your way through the first blanket layer!
>That monkey booty will be yours in no time!
>Datbootydatbootydatbootydatbooty!
>"You can ask," Anon says, tightening his grip on the blankets. "But that doesn't mean I'll answer."
>He suddenly frowns, craning his neck past his blanket fortress to look at you
>"...What the hell are you doing, Cel?"
>You freeze, resisting the urge to curse out loud
>Shit!
>You've been found you!
>Quick!
>Make some shit up!
"Um... I was cold too and I thought I'd be able to sneak a blanket off you without you noticing?"
>Yep, and make sure to awkwardly smile after that cow patty of a lie
>10/10
>Gee, you'd think a goddess that had been negotiating for thousands of years would be betteratbuckinglying!
[Angry Scrunchy Face Intensifies]
>Anon blinks
>"...Well... why didn't you say so?"
>Anon, the king and or mayor of snuggle town opens his blanket-y barrier, revealing his shirtless, sexy, slap you grandfather in the face and call him a bitch body
>"It's like three degrees in this cold ass bunker thing... So if you're cold why don't you hop in so the two of us can stay warm?"
>Oh by your beard yes!
>With a happy squeak (that was in all ways marely and tough and cool) you accept this wise and wonderful ruler's offer to be Snuggle town's newest resident
>And /all/ of the perks that come with it
>Gon' cuddle the /shit/ out of this here colt!
>Wrapping you hooves around Anon's neck (and your wings for good measure; the poor thing looked like he was freezing) you pull him against your chest and rewrap all of the blankets around the two of you
>Snuggle town is now closed to all outsiders
>Stay the buck out
>"...So what were you saying about asking me something personal?"
>'Dat chest, dose shoulders; gods DAMN!
"...Um, what was that, Anon? My mind my have wondered off for a second."
 
BE LUNA!
>BEATING THE HAY OUT OF THIS COW!
>OH, YOU'RE YELLING?!
>WELL YEAH, SO WHAT?
>WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?
>YOU HAVE TO YELL RIGHT NOW
>CAUSE THE RINGING IN YOUR EARS BE LOUDER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER!
>You're battle with this monster has been no less than epic, spanning half the city and causing far more damage than was necessary
>You were bloody and bruised, you had been thrown through more buildings and walls and other solid, painful things than you could count, your chest was heaving, and it felt like you were going to keel over any second from sheer exhaustion
>You hadn't felt this alive in ages!
>Your opponent, though still standing, was in a heck of a lot worse shape than you
>She was still a mere mortal after all; though you were going to make sure to commemorate her valor and fighting ability with a statue after you've finished beating her into a fine powder
>'Tis the only right think to do for such an opponent
"You know, Beast, we would still accept your surrender," you say, walking toward the Minotaur with a grin.
"Simply kneel and apologize and kiss our hooves and we'd be more than happy to simply give thee a life sentence in one of our prisons. Surely that is preferable over death?"
>The cow snorts, eyeing you with more hatred than you had seen in years
>"I'm not going to let you have him!" she bellowed, her muscles and veins bulging throughout her body
>"I'm the biggest, strongest thing in the world! I deserve someone as big and strong as me!"
>She snorts again, eyes turning red as she lowers her horns and kicks at the ground
>"YOU'RE NOT BIG ENOUGH TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE HIM YOU UGLY, DYEL, PRISSY PRINCESS HORS--"
>You don't recall flying over and hitting that /bucking/ cow in the face, but in the blink of an eye you had found yourself standing over her stunned form, your hoof smoking
"Anon--"
SMASH!
"Will be--"
SMASH!
"Our beloved--"
>The cow tries to defend herself but you barrel through with a goddesses' rage, beating her so hard against the ground that the pavement was starting to crack
"We will happily--"
SMASH!
"Bare his--"
SMASH!
"Children and--"
SMASH!
"Love him through--
SMASH!
"The ages and some--"
SMASH!
"Monster of a--"
SMASH!
"Will not come--"
SMASH!
"Between that while we draw BREATH!"
>With a final roar you land one final blow against the cow's snout, the force of which smashed her against the ground so hard that there was a sound wave, windows shattering all around you and ruining half of the street
>Panting, you check and see if your opponent still had the will to fight
>You were personally expecting her to be as dead as a door nail but it never hurt to just check
>Somehow, either by the will of the gods or because the calf was so heavily muscled, she was still breathing
>Out cold and broken and beaten, but very much alive
>Briefly you considered ending her, but you stayed her hoof
>You're sure she got the idea to keep her filthy mitts off /your/ Anon
>With a humph you take a step away from the crater and brush yourself off
"We are victorious," you comment, looking over toward Twilight and her friends, who had been watching your little fight with wide eyes and open mouths
"Good afternoon, Young Twilight and friends." You incline your head toward the beaten cow; the final mark of respect to a worthy adversary "It is good to see you all."
>The bluish one, Rainbow something or other if you recall correctly, took a step forward, her eyes glued to your downed opponent.
>"Um... Princess? Princess Celestia sent us a letter to..."
>She trailed off while you ruffled your feathers
>Buck, you got rocks and dirt all through your wings!
>It was going to take forever to clean them up!
"Your aid is appreciated but unnecessary," you tell the elements. "As thou can see we have solved the matter and defeated the beast... though if thee want to take this wretch to the hospital we would be most grateful."
 
BE BOOK HORSE
>Huh...
>It looks like you and the girls weren't actually needed...
>This feels.. odd
>But that fight was some cool shit tho!
>Books, Books, friendship, friendship, magic, magic, Book horse!
 
BE CELESTIA AGAIN
>This was nice
>The two of you hadn't said anything for gods know how long just being cuddly and happy in each other's presence
>In fact you were dangerously close to falling asleep
>You and Anon were safe from whatever was attacking Canterlot, Twilight and her friends were going to fix everything, and you were getting some much needed human time
>Yep, it looked like nothing was going to ruin your good mood
>"So, when are you and Woona going to take me on that second date
>Welp, you've been wrong before
>"W-What?"
>You feel Anon's hands grabbing your hooves, forcing you to hug him tighter
>"Well, you're coming with Luna because you're part of the same herd right?"
>You find yourself nodding
"Well... yes?"
>Shit, why did you make that sound like a question?!
>Why were you so bucking nervous right now?!
>You were alpha!
>ALPHA!!!
"Is that a problem?"
>You feel Anon shake against your chest
>"Nah, I'm fine with it," he says before yawning.
>For some reason, reasons you can't yet discern, hope wells up in your stomach
"Oh... so you're fine that I'm also courting you?"
>Nah, buck that!
>Bring in some confidence gurl!
>"I wouldn't blame you, I'm quite the catch after all, but I'm simply... curious."
>Anon chuckles
>"You're something," he muses. "Maybe you're not a "catch" but you're something, Tia."
>He sighs
>"I might think the whole herd thing is a little weird now but I'm sure I'll get used to it."
>He patted your leg.
>"And your a pretty alright mare in my opinion, along with being warm and snuggly as all hell, so I'd be more than happy to date it up with you."
>You smile while your wings flutter happily
>It was a heck of a lot nicer to hear him say that than you'd like to admit...
>"What about you though?"
>You blink
"...What about me, Anon?"
>"You being such a "catch" and a "playa" and all I'd thought you'd have a castleful of stallions to do sexual things with."
>He looked over his shoulder at you
>"So why did you join a harem with Luna?"
>Ohshitzigga.org
>Was it getting hot in here or was it just you?
"Well... you see..." you mumbled, nervously tapping your hooves together.
>It /really/ felt like it was getting hotter in here!
"I may not have been totally... honest about the whole "catch" thing..."
>Pausing for a moment you look over your form
>Graceful: yes, Slender: yes, did you have the optimal amount of chest tuff: Ab-sol-utely
> Too bucking big and beautiful for your own good?
>Unfortunately for you yes
>Most stallions liked a mare that was smaller than them; smaller wings, smaller horns, smaller... well, everything
>They liked to look down at a mare when they spoke or kissed or held hooves, and with you all but a rare few had to crane their necks just to look you in the eyes
>This is been no problem back in the old days when you could just take any stallion you wanted, back when you were warrior-goddess Princess Celestia: whose wraith knew no bounds, but those days of drinking out of horns and laying on Ursa rugs was dead and gone
>Now most stallions were either too afraid of you to do anything other than run away when you propositioned them, or they'd nervously chuckle at your little "joke"
>For almost fifteen hundred years you had been trying you hardest to be like a mother to all of your little ponies and it had worked...
>...And who the hay would ever think about dating their mother?
>With your big bucking ass wings and your giant flank...
"I /may/ have been in a bit of a dry spell for the past couple of years..."
>Sweet gods you better not be blushing right now...
>"Oh, I'm sure it can't be that bad can it?"
>Spaghettifactoryiscomingonlinecapin'
"I... haven't had a mate in fifteen hundred years..."
>Wow
>That sounds a heck of a lot worse now that you said it out loud
>You brace yourself, ready for the laughter...
>What you got was a pair of arms wrapping themselves around your neck and dragging you downward on top of a frowning Anon
Celestia, this is brain
>Oh, hello brain, how's it going?
Can you understand what the buck's happening?
>Nope
...So just go with it then?
>Do what you want brain, I'm just lie here and do what I does
>"So are you just doing the whole herd thing to get some cock?"
>You eyes widen, and if it wasn't for the fact you could have hurt Anon by failling on top of him you would have jumped up in surprise
"O-Of course not!" You cry. "I'd never use my sister or you in such a manner!"
>And you weren't even lying
>You might have wanted some dick but you were a classic bitch; you liked to fuck someone you like-liked that you very much
>Though you were on top of Anon, your body practically engulfing yours, you still squirmed uncomfortingly under his gaze
>'Dos eyes 'do
>"...Alright, I believe you," he says, his gaze softening before he yawned.
>"And hey; all of those stallions that told you to piss off? Fuck'em."
>Anon yawns again, his eyes slowly closing
>"You're an awesome cunt; and if no one but me can see that then it's their loss."
>You can't help yourself
>Leaning down you kiss the human's forehead, your heart thumping in your chest
>This colt made you, a eons old goddess, feel like a filly asking out your crush
>You like it
>When Anon yawns you can't help but yawn yourself, feeling drained after your little heart-to-heart with your favorite monkey
>You feel your eyelids grow heavy, and you tighten your grip on Anon, ab--
SLAM!
>Your's and Anon's eyes snapped open as the three foot thick steel plated door that "secured" this bunker is ripped off it's hinges and thrown across the room like it was made of tin foil
>"Good fucking morning to you too!" Anon yells, sounding panicked
>Oh shit!
>The monster must have beaten Twilight!
>And maybe have even eaten her!
>And now it was coming for you and Anon!
>Oh... My... God!
>Quick, get the buck up and kick the /shit/ out of this suc--
>"ANON!"
>...Oh
>It's just Cadence...
>Huh, you feel oddly disappointed...
>Your death grip Anon loosens as you niece, with terror and worry in her eyes, bounds toward the two of you
 
BE ANON
>Holy shit does Candy Cane look sweaty...
>Sweaty and tired and like she /really/ had to take a shit
>Wait, here the fuck was she while the city was getting fucked up?
>And what about Shining?
>Wasn't that little zigga still a part of the guar--
>With a sob, Cadence leaps onto the couch, damn near impaling you with her horn in the process, slamming into you with a meaty, and rather painful, slap
>That shit fuckin' hurt
>"You're alright, you're alright, you're alright!"
>The mare sobbed, snatching you away from Sunbutt and wrapping all of her hooves around you
>More than a little disorientated, you awkwardly pat the pink pone on the back as she nuzzled you and cried
>...Ew, she's getting snot everywhere
>And she reeks
>Like really bad
>What the fuck was she doing before this?
>"Holy hay; how did you get this bucking thing in a mountain?"
>Oh look
>There's Shining
>Not hurt at all 'cause the little pone didn't want to be a hero and die for his city
>Fucking guard pone's
>Adorable, adorable guard pone's
>You tried to wave at him while trying to comfort Condense, who appeared to be having /quite/ the breakdown
"Hey, hey, calm down," you say, holding the widdle princess close. "I'm alright. Celestia here got me out the second she saw me and got Twilight to sort the crazy bullshit back t Canterlot like the cake-loving coward she is."
>"HEY!"
>You ignore Celestia's cry of outrage, along with the wing slapping the back of your head, murmuring in Condense's ear while she continued to cry
>"Seriously, how much did this thing cost?" Shiny asked Celestia, who chuckled, pulling you and Candy Cane into a comforting hug and laying a wing over the two of you
>"Oh, it was just shy of three million bits if I recall correctly."
>Shining whistled.
>"Where did you manage to scrounge up the money for something like that? I mean, I know you're--"
>"This isn't /my/ money," she said, matter-of-factly. "
>Then wh-- oh... Taxpayer money?"
>"Taxpayer money."
 
BE CONDENSE
>Holy hay, Anon's okay!
>Thank the gods!
>You take you eyes off him for a second and he almost gets eaten by some giant monster!
>Talk about a bucking high maintenance colt
>Lucky for him he's bucking worth it...
>Right now you're standing guard over your husbando, making sure that no one else was going to try to buck up his day
>No one's getting past Mi Amore Cadenza, so sir--
>"Um... Cadence?" Your wonderful husband calls from the arms of a sleeping Anonymous
>Smiling, you turn away from the door and looked over at him
>Aw, look how cute the two of them look together...
"Did you need something dear?"
>Shining squirms uncomfortably in Anon's grasp, obviously trying to wiggle his way to freedom
>He gets about three inches before he's pulled back against the human's chest
>'Dos wigglers will not be denied, Honey
>"Why in the name of all that's decent do I have to be the teddy bear?"
>You resist the urge to roll your eyes
>Stallions...
"Because /I/ have to guard the door while Celestia is out getting Canterlot back in order," you tell him, picking up and waving around the greatsword that you had been holding for the past two hours
>Why your aunt would have something like this in a bunker was beyond you, but it looked cool!
>And you were sure any baddies would think twice before coming around here if you wave this bucking thing at them!
>"And Anon's probably still terrified with all that's happened to him today, so he needs someone to comfort him."
>Shining squirms around even more
>"Well, can you at least come over here and help me for a second? Somethings poking my back and Anon won't let me get at it!"
>You can't help but roll your eyes this time
"Just roll over; you'll be able to get at whatever's poking you," you advise, switching your greatsword to your other shoulder
>Dis shit's heavy 'do
>"I cannnnn't! Just some ovvvvveeeerrrr heeeeerrrrrreeeee!"
"Will you keep your voice down?! You're going to wake up Anon!"
>"Come and help me!"
"Alright, alright!" you grumble, putting your sword down and trotting over to the couch where your husband is being held captive
>Frowning, you poke at the human/stallion lump, trying to find any signs of weaknesses
>While you wanted your hubby to stop bitching you also didn't to wake the poor, tired human
>And you had already found out what the hay happens when you abruptly wake the big guy up
>You'd prefer /not/ being tossed into a ceiling today, thank you very much
>"Get me out of here!"
>Will you give me a minute? I'm trying to let Anon sleep and you're--there we are..."
>Sticking your tongue out in concentration, you pick up a pillow, teleport your huddy out of Anon's arms, and teleport the pillow Shining's place
>Dis serious magic tho
>Shining pops next to you with a frown
>"It took you long enough..." he muttered, cracking his neck. "He was squeezing the life out of me..."
>Puff
>Stallions
>Why the hay don't they know 'bout that cuddle life?
"Alright, we got you all fixed up, now why don't we poke around Anon to see what was poking you?"
>"It might be making him uncomfortable too," Shining mutters, warily eyeing Anon as he hopped back onto the couch
>Making sure not to wake him up, you gently roll Anon on his back
>Alright time to pull the covers off him to see what's on the couch
>As you pull down the covers you remember that Anon only has a pair of boxers, so there really won't be anything to poke at him or Shining
>No shirt, no pants, no socks, just a pair of black silk boxers
>...And it looks like you've figured out what was poking your stallion...
>A /pretty/ decently sized something
>A pretty dencently sized something that had slipped out of Anon's boxers and was standing tall for all to see
>...And it looked like it was leaking a healthy amount of pre...
>L-lewd
 
>Now, dear reader, I want to ask you something
>Have you ever seen something so horrible/funny/amazing that you just couldn't bring yourself to look away?
>Well, Candy Cane found herself in such a situation
>While her husband, horrified and embarrassed for the sleeping Anon, turned away and covered his eyes she did the opposite
>Eyes wide in shock, her wings slowly standing to attention, and her lips slightly parted, the pone princess watched with vapid attention as Anon's cock twitched and leaked out in the open for all to see
>Let us see what this little pone does in this situation shall we?
 
BE CAN--
>Nah, FUCK introductions, you're too busy at the moment
>...Yeah... busy...
>From the corner of your eye you see your husband's lips moving, almost like he was talking to you, but for the life of you you couldn't hear a word he was saying
>There were no gods, no kings, no husbands, nothing at that moment
>Just you, your /raging/ wingboner, and dat dick, which practically /shined/ in the bucking light
>You can't help it
>You take a deep breath
>Sweet Celestia, you can smell him from here...
>It looked so... different
>So... weird
>And the only thing you wanted to do at that moment was walk over and touch it
>You find yourself taking a step forward
>And another step
>Annnnd another step
>And ano--
>"CADENCE! What the buck are you doing?!"
>You freeze
>Oh shit!
>You forgot that your husband was here!
>Like a filly that had just got caught with her hoof in the cookie (and you were /right/ bucking there; you could reach over and touch the monkey D if you wanted dammit!) you look over your shoulder and stare at your glaring husband
>Your stallion was blushing, with an angry, embarrassed expression that only meant one thing:
>You either explain yourself out of this or you're in the god house for the next month, Missy!
>You rack your brain, trying think up a half decent excuse
>...And coming up with nothing
>Shit!
>You could /not/ think on the fly...
>"Um... I wanted to have a look at Anon's junk for... science?" you say lamely, trying in vain to push down your wings
>It looks like your hubby isn't having /any/ of your horseapples today, stomping a hoof against the ground with a huff
>"Mi Amore Cadenza, you get over here right now while I go over there and cover Anon up," Shining growled, pointing to the spot next to him
>"I will /not/ have you taking advantage of him while he's asleep!"
>Uwotcolt?
"I would /not/ take advantage of him," you say, bristling in outrage. "I'm not that kind of--What the buck is that?!"
>Shining's head snaps away from you, and you make sure to take advantage of it
>As quick as a snake, you reach over and boop the /shit/ out of dat D, making sure to get a dollop of Anon's pre on the tip of your hoof
>Now go ahead and have yourself a taste...
>By the time Shining looks back at you you're the picture of innocence, smiling at him while you licked your lips
>Mmmmm, it's salty...
>You could get used to that taste~
>"What were you pointing at, Cadence?" Shining says, looking at you in confusion
>You peer past him, making sure to make theatrical thoughtful noises
>"...Huh, I could have sworn that I saw something..." you say, making sure to lick your lips one last him while Shining trotted over toward you
>"Alright... Now let me just get this blanket back over Anon and then the two of us can see if there's a shower in this place."
>Shining looks at his back with distaste
>"I want to get off any... fluids off me like right now."
>Your hubby was about to throw the covers over Anon when you grab his hoof
"Now wait a second."
>You point at Anon's member, trying not to shiver
"Shouldn't we put that back in his underwear where it belongs? I'm sure he'd appreciate it."
>Shining looks at you with a mixture of doubt and suspicion
>"...You just want to touch it don't you?"
>You make a show of throwing your hooves up in the air
"You put it back in his pants if you want!" you say exasperated
>You were even happy to let him do it too
>You'd already gotten what you wanted
>Shining frowns, looking at you, then at Anon, then back at you
>"...I don't want to touch it."
"Anon's going to think one of us pulled his thing out while he was sleeping if we don't put it away."
>Shining bites his lip, trying, and failing, to final a flaw in your logic
>"Just... hurry up and put it away," your hubby says, defeated. "Celestia help you if he wakes up."
>Hah!
>Your aunt /wishes/ she could pay with Anon's junk!
>Trying your hardest not to smile, you reach out for Anon's lil' Anon
>Buck yeah!
>You're gonna--
>One moment you were about to grab Anon's junk, and the next you were in the human's arms wrapped up in a bear hug
>You stiffen as Anon's sleepily murmurs in contentment, nuzzling your neck
>Oh shit!
>You try to wiggle your way out of Anon's grasp when you get a nasty surprise
>A surprise that found itself hotdogging your buttcheeks...
>Annnnd there's that wingboner again...
>...Anon was going to be sooo made when he woke up
>You flinch when Anon lets out a sleepy grunt, thrusting his hips forward, the tip of his cock hitting your dock
>...Like REALLY mad
 
"Shining!" You hiss . "Get your flank over here and help me!"
>A deep, sleepy growl escaped Anon's throat as he thrusted again
>You can't help but let out a panicked/embarrassed squeak, a blush making it's way into your face and spreading down toward your chest
>Sweet Celestia!
>You needed to get out of this bucked up situation!
>And to do that you needed to keep yourself calm, cool, and collected!
>You may have wanted to ruts Anon's brains out but you kind of wanted to do it while he was wake and he wanted to do it too thank you very much!
>Not like... this
>Even though it felt /really/ good when he nibbled on your neck...
>And the feeling of his shaft sliding up and down against you was making it REALLY hard not to moan...
>And you might also have been more than a bit turned on by the fact that your hubby was watching Anon pretty much sleep rape you...
>GRRRRR
>What the buck's Shining doing?!
"Shining, will you come over here and help me?!" you demand, your voice becoming a pitch higher when you felt something grazing your... other hole
"Shining! Get the buck over here and--"
>You stop your struggling and finally look over at your husband
"...Are you /hard/ night now?!"
>Your husband tries to hide the erection that was standing proudly from in between his legs
>"N-No!"
>You frown (or at least try to) as Anon thrusts again
"Are you...getting off to this?!"
>Shining blushes, turning away from you
>"N-No..."
>Liar
>You can see that he's almost as hard as Anon /feels/ at the moment, a bead of pre dripping off his tip and onto the floor
>You watch as Shining turns back toward you as Anon lets out another sleepy grunt, giving you a kiss on the neck, watching the scene before him unfold with unblinking focus
>It might have been hard to keep yourself thinking straight right now, and your head might have been spinning, but you know for a /fact/ that Shining started to play with himself when Anon thrust again!
>...
>Welp, it looks like you've found one of your husband's fetishes...
>Neat
>Anon growls before giving your neck a particularly hard bite
>Let out a pained (and a bit too loud) moan as a bolt of pleasure raced through your body, making you twitch
>With all of the willpower that you had in your little pone body, you resist the urge to offer more of your neck to the sleeping beast that was having his way with you
>And it was just as hard not to lean backwards into him and just enjoy the teasing
>Or maybe try to get that cock thrusting somewhere else...
>Your wings, stiff from arousal, seemed to pulse with each beat of your rapidly thumping heart
>StaycalmstaycalmstaycalmSTAYCALM!
>You rub your back legs together, trying to ignore the heat from in between them
>Sweet Faust
>He had barely done anything and you were already making a mess of these sheets...
>NO!
>Focus Cadence!
>If your husbands isn't going to do anything you're just going to have to get yourself out of this!
>No longer caring if you wake Anon or not, you start to thrash around, trying to wiggling yourself out of his iron-like grip
>You also grab his arms with your hooves and try to pull them off you
>As tired from your workout as you were, adrenaline is one heck of chemical, giving the strength you needed to slowly but surely pull Anon's arms away
>You squeeze your flank as hard as you can, hoping to force Anon's cock out from in between your ass, or at the very least make thrusting harder for him so you can focus and keep up your willpower
>Come on...
>You can do this...
>Just a little more...
>Shaking and aroused and with your heart beating a million miles a minute, you finally pull the human's arms off of you and you manage to move yourself so that Anon's no longer humping you
>Yeah!
>You did it!
>You got away!
>You--
>"What the buck is going on here?!"
>Oh shit!
>It's your aunt!
>"Shining Armor! Put thine cock in thy sheath with instant!"
>Make that both of your aunts, both whom were staring at you, your husband, who was playing with himself, and Anon with blushes on their faces and outrage in there eyes
>Annnnd now you're panicked
>And in your panic you do something that one should never do when a human's within arms reach
>You freeze
>And in your state of stillness, Anon, noticing that his arms were no longer around your amazing, sexy, 10/10 body, lunged forward with all of the power that a big, muscular, and sleeping human could bring to bear
>Before you can so much as squeak his arms wrap around your torso, dragging you back against his chest
>To make matters worse (or better; you really don't bucking know at this point) Anon's cock no longer finds itself in between your flank
>Your entire body stiffens when you feel his shaft, throbbing and coated with his arousal, smacks against your soaked, aching marehood
>It might have just been a tap but it may as well been a punch to the face to /all/ of your rational thought
>Cady.brain.exe has error 404'ed, please reboot [Y] [N]
>Somehow, either by the will of the gods or because of your cat-like reflexes, you manage to jam a hoof in your mouth before you let out a throaty moan
>Ohbuckohbuckohbuckohbuck!
>Howtheheckishestillasleep?!!?!?!
>Anon lets out a satisfied sigh, giving one of your ears a kiss before /very/ slowly thrusting
>You're not gonna lie
>It feels good
>Too good
>Quick!Youneedtobuckingusemagictogetout!!
>Your horn sparks to life, ready for you to use a spell; any spell, when Anon thrust again
>You feel every bump and ridge as, with glacial-like slowness, the head of Anon's cock teases your slit, rubbing against your swollen button before moving back down with equal, terrible, slowness
>Cady.exe has crashed and cannot be rebooted at this time
>With a growl of your own you cross your back legs, trying your hardest to give Anon as much flesh to thrust against as you can
>You had tried to be a good person
>You had tried to wiggle/force yourself out of Anon's grip
>You had tried to use magic to get away
>Your husband was over here playing with himself and not helping you
>And your aunts were just watching this scene unfold with shocked/aroused/outraged faces
>And you know what?
>Buck it
>Buck it Anon wakes up
>Buck it if Celestia or Luna are mad
>Buck everything!
>You were going to lay back, relax, and ride this colt until you can't feel things anymore
>You grind against Anon as he continues to thrust, letting out a quiet moan every few seconds
>Anon never increases his pace, never threatens to actually penetrate you (unfortunately), he just thrusts and thrusts and thrusts while he nuzzles and bites and kisses your neck
>You try to guide him in proper with your magic, then with your hoof, but you're too sluggish, too uncoordinated
>It looked like this stallion was going to bred you as he pleased
>And, though you actually wanted to know what it felt like when he was inside you, you were more than happy to let him shoot his seed /alll/ over you if he was so inclined
>Every thrust made you shake
>Every bite and nibble poured oil on the fire in your belly
>You soon found yourself gasping for breath, your coat caked with sweat and the smell of sex in filling the air
>You wanted him to cum /so/ badly that it almost hurt
>You wanted to feel him twitch against you as he came, wanted to feel his body tense and his heart thump in his chest as he rode out his orgasm
>Shining didn't matter
>Luna didn't matter
>Celestia didn't matter
>The world didn't matter
>There was just you, and that throbbing, drooling dick that was driving you crazy
"Oh Buck!"
>Your whole body tenses, your eyes shut tight, and you bite your lip so hard that you drew blood as the pleasure becomes too much
>You buck as wave after wave of pleasure courses through you
>OhbuckohbuckOHBUCKOHBUCKOHBUCK!!!
>All throughout your orgasm, Anon continues to thrust
>And thrust
>And thrust
>And...
 
BE ANON!
>"You must thrust with great strength, Anon!" Zangief yells from atop his mighty Russian bear
>"You must develop strong gluts for mother Russia!"
>Panting, you nod, thrusting slowly and carefully, making sure to tense every muscle all throughout the exercise
>You didn't know how long you had been doing this but you weren't going to be stopping anytime soon
>You needed to get a bigger, strong ass to beat the hell out of Bison!
>And besides, this felt kind of nice
 
BE CADE...
>Oh buck it
>You're too tired to do anything other than breath right now
>For Faust knows how long Anon had been thrusting
>He had outlasted Shining, who was laying in a puddle of his own cum with a dopey smile on his face
>He had outlasted both of your aunts, who had gotten over being upset after your third or fourth orgasm, both whom were in a similar state as your hubby
>And the only reason that he hadn't outlasted /you/ was because you were still his toy and therefore couldn't do anything more than try to get him to finish
>To say were you exhausted was an understatement
>You were coated in sweat and your own cum, your tongue was hanging out of your mouth, and your eyes were closed
"W-Will...you h-hurry up... Anon?"
You murmur to the human, who responded by giving your neck another kiss
"J-Just... cum... already so I... Can go to... s-sleep..."
>Pooling your last bit of strength, you reach down with a hoof and gently grab his cock
>Said cock was was slick with his and your juices, which made the perfect lube as you began to stroke him
>The ride might have been /amazing, easily the best sex you'd ever had (even though it technically wasn't sex) you needed to get off this ride and take a nape
>Though that didn't mean you weren't going to play with him a little~
>You start off slow, making sure to tease the tip as much as you dare, which another thrust and a spurt of pre
>Your horn sparks to life (somehow), and you used your magic to cup and play with Anon's balls
>This earns you a sleepy groan, the first that you had heard from the human tonight
>Humming to yourself you pick up the pace, making sure to apply firm, even pressure along that wonderful shaft of his with each loving stroke
>You nuzzle the back of your head against his cheek
"Does that fell good? I bet it does."
>Anon bucks against your hoof, his grip tightening around you
"I bet you really want to finish as much as I want you to, huh?"
>You rub his cock head against your slit
"Well, come on, cum for me monkey man."
>You press yourself against him as much as you can, tickling his sides with your wings
"Come on, all over my belly. I want to have a taste~"
>By now Anon's beginning to pant, his cock twitching under your ministrations
>Too bad you weren't able to get this sucker in you...
>With Shining standing over top of you
>You'd suck him while Anon bucked and writhed against you...
>Or maybe it'd be the other way around?
>You've tasted Shining plenty of times but you've never had your lips around this cock
>Perking your ears, you can hear Anon muttering to himself in between moans and pants
>We'reabouttoliftoffHuston.jpg
>Smiling to yourself, you tickle his chin with a wing
"Don't worry, my little Anon, you and I are going to be doing a lot more of this in the future."
>You giggle quietly
"And we don't even have to do this while you're asleep. How does that sound?
>"Hip...Dravhe..."
>...What the buck did he--
>Anon bucks one final time and lets out a moan as he cums out of the blue
>You gasp as the first spurt hits your lower belly, but collect yourself quickly, jerking him off as quickly as you can as spurt after spurt rains down on you
"There we are," you say tiredly, both relieved and saddened that this magical event was over
>Don' you worry gurl, they'll be plenty more where this came from...
>You take a moment to catch your breath and look down at your cum-covered body
>Huh
>It looks like /someone/ was pent up!
>Reaching down, you scoop up a bit of baby batter and give it a lick
>Mmmmm
>Yep, you're going to need some more of this sometime~
>Anon's grip around you loosens as the panting human goes soft and limp in your hoof, and, with a smile, you roll over and face him
>Closing your eyes, you wrap your hooves around his neck, nosing his cheek
"Good night, Anon," you murmur with a yawn, giving him a quick kiss on the lips before snuggling up to your favorite human
"Love you..."
>You are Mi Amore Cadenza
>Covered in cum and sweat and tired as all Tartarus
>And you couldn't be any happier
>"Hip...Dravhe..."
>"Yeah... Hip drive to you too, Honey..."
 
BE ANON
>After an /amazing/ epic fight scene where you watch Bison get eaten by a bear while Zangief laughed in the background (shit had you harder than a motherfucker.. no homo) you slowly find yourself waking,
You also find yourself warm and cozy and...
>Why the fuck does everything smell like bubble gum?
>Yawning, you crack open an eye to see that you were in the middle of a particularity intense cuddle pile
>You were holding Candy Cane, who had her head under your chin and a wing over your body
>To your left was Luna spooning a snoozing Shining, a content smile on both of their faces
>And behind you you saw a rainbow-colored mane gently floating on some unfelt wind
>You can't take a nap for ten minutes without something like this happening, can you?
"Do I have to start locking my doors or something?" you murmur with a smile, starting to rub Cadence's ear
>Cupid pone lets out a pleased hum, nosing you as she rubbed the rest of her body against your's like a cat
>Dat shit was adorable
"Well, at least I wake up to shit like this and not tied up in some sex dungeon," you say, trying not to laugh when Sun horse twitches at the phrase "sex dungeon"
>...You should probably start locking up your doors and shit through
>Because people like you DO get kidnapped and forced into sex dungeons
>You read that on a pack of gum once...
>Fucked up info, but it might save you someday
>Especially here, where there's a bunch of horny bitches tryin' to get ALL of dis...
>You know what?
>You're just gonna go ahead and get a new set of locks when you get home
>Paranoia or not you've had a crazy few days...
>But since you weren't home and in some super secret bunker thing, you decided to embrace the cuddle side and get some more shut eye...
>Or you would have if you weren't /covered/ in fucking sweat
>Feeling yourself waking up a bit more, and therefore becoming more aware of your surroundings, you noticed that you, Candy, and every other little horse around you was as sweaty as FUCK
>Especially Cadence
>The little zigga had so much sweat on her that it you could feel that it had seeped into the couch
>Jesus Christ Carolina!
>You find yourself sighing, having finally found a negative thing about cuddle piles
>Shit!
>Now you're gonna have to get your comfortable ass out of this pone pile and look for a shower or something
>Because /fuck/ having to laying around covered in sweat
>Shifting around you grab Condense's hooves and gently pry them off you
>The pink pone grumbles, but lets you crawl to your feet and hop off the bed
>Welp, time to hit the showers!
 
BE SHINING!
>Holy Tartarus does Luna snore
>Wait
>Why the heck were you--
>Ew!
>You were all sweaty!
>And so was she!
>Your nose crinkles in disgust as you try to wiggle away from saw mill that was your step-aunt
>You don't know how you got in this situation but you weren't a happy camper
>No sirree!
>You were covered in sweat and... other fluids and tired as shit!
>This was almost as bad as that days when you were "experimenting" at the academy and woke up tied to the ceiling with a ball gag in your mouth...
>Bucking Cadence...
>Bucking Anon...
>Why did watching your wife get rutted have to be one of your turn-ons?
>And the other princesses hadn't helped matters either
>Though you had to admit you hadn't cum that hard and that many times in--
>Aw horseapples!
>There was cum all in your mane!
>/Your/ cum!
>Double ew!
>Wide-eyed, you roll out of Luna's grasp and rush out of the room at a full sprint
>Gotta get your mane cleaned asap!
>There was no way in heck you were going to let /your/ cum set in /your/ mane
>It might stain it!
>Where'sthebathroomwhere'sthebathroomwhere's-- there it is!
>With a happy smile and a silent prayer that there was a shower in this bathroom and that shower had some decent shampoo and conditioner, you throw open the bathroom doors, leap in and--
>"...Hey Shining... how was that nap bud?"
 
>BE ANON
>Holy shit is this bathroom nice
>It had one of those fancy ceiling showers, the whole place was decked out in marble and gold, and there was one /hell/ of a bathtub in this bitch
>But all was not well in the bunker fortress thing
>For some weird reason you were as sore as shit as you felt... funny
>And not Haha funny
>More like someone fucked with your test levels funny
>You try to dismiss it as stress but your feeling of unease lingers as you fill up and hop into the bomb ass bathtub
>Awwwww yeeeeesssssshhhhh
>Dat there's the shit
>With a happy groan you sink further into the tub, the sweat and stink of bubblegum washing off you
>...And speaking of bubblegum, what the hell was up with that?
>Candy's sweat usually smelled like your run of the mill stank
>Not that bubble gum...
>So why--
>You're wrenched out of your thoughts as the bathroom door is violently thrown open, revealing a disgusted-looking Shining pone
>"EW! I need to get this out right--"
>The stallion pauses when he finally notices you staring at him with a confused smile
>Aw
>The widdle pone is all flustered...
>AND his widdle chest tuft looks like it's running wild on his widdle chest
>Maximum HNNNNNNGGGG
>You would have walked over there and gave him the pets that he had coming but you know
>You're butt-ass naked
>And the only time two butt-ass naked dudes start petting each other gay shit soon follows
>no homo
"..Hey Shining.. how was that nap, bud?" you asked, trying not to make this weird
>With a yelp Shining comes to his senses, covering his eyes with a hoof
>"Oh holy hay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" the pone prince shouts, walking to his left and almost running into the golden throne in the process
>Better calm dis widdle pone down
"Hey, it's fine, I'm all covered."
>"But I should have knocked before I run into restrooms!" Shining cries, uncovering an eye to stare at you in embarrassment
>To be fair, he's not wrong
>BUT...
"Hey, like I said, it's no big deal," you assure, sinking back into the tub with a sigh
"So, if you don't mind me asking, what brings you here to my neck of the woods?"
>Red-faced, Shining touches his mane with a hoof
>"Well.. Um, you don't happened to remember what happened with you and.."
>You find yourself frowning
"What are you talking about, Shining?" you demand
>He flinches, rubbing his shoulder
>"Well, Cadence and I were watching you while you slept-"
>Kind of creepy but alright
>"-and you might have gotten a little.. frisky with my wife when she came over to check up on you.."
>It takes a few second for you to piece it all together but when it does it hits you like a ton of bricks
>You were sore for no reason
>And covered in sweat and sticky stuff
>And you were in a pone cuddle pile
>/AND/ your test was lower than usual...
>Panicpanicshitshitfuck.jpg
"I FUCKING RAPED CADENCE?!"
>Shining shies away as you hop out of the tub in a tizzy
>"W-Well you see-"
>Panting, dripping wet, and as naked as the day you were born you pick up Shining and bring him face to face
"WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU STOP ME?!"
>The pone princess looks up at you in shame
>"Muh f-fetish"
>Dropping him, you reel back and just spend a moment letting it sink in that you /raped/ a /princess/ in front of her /husband/
>Shit was fucked up bruh
>And you might have just fucked up a relationship with a little pink horse that was a really close friend of yours
>Along with the whole rape thing, which you were sure you could get in trouble for
>Holy shit you needed to go and see if she was alright!
>Making sure to grab a towel ('cause you weren't a barbarian) you hop over Shining and run out the door as fast as your legs could take you
>Rape
>You thought you had escaped it
>But it looked like it was going to be a part of your life whether you wanted it to or not
>Just when I think I'm out of the life they PULL ME BACK IN!
>5000%panickedholyfuckingshitintits
 
BE CADENCE
>Also be more satisfied than you had been in a /lonnnng/ time
>Holy hay did Anon show you a good time
>You were HURTING, in all the right ways...
>You'll be walking funny for days...
>...And some other rhythm that you can't think of right now...
>Shit was awesome
>Yawning, you reach out for Anon, only to find that he was no longer laying on the couch
>Huh...
>Where the buck did he go?
>Grumbling, you open an eye and look around for him
>Your aunts didn't have him
>He wasn't laying on the floor
>Thank the gods that he wasn't FLOATING
>...Bucking Tartarus...
>Are you going to have to get up and see where he went?
>Buck you up the flank you--
>You watch as Anon, wide-eyed, skidded into the room
>Welp, that solves that mystery
>"CADENCE! I RAPED YOU!" he cries
>Buck yeah you did
>Raped the SHIT out of me and--
>Oh shit! Human inbound!
>Not being able to get out of the way, you can only watch as Anon launches himself through the air, onto the couch (which scared the HAY out of your aunts) and wrapped his arms around you
>"I'msorryIdidn'tmeantodoitareyoualrightCa--"
>Annnd time to tune that talking right out
>You were too tried and relaxed to hear that super fast talk
>Instead you wrap both sets of legs around around him and pull him close
>Hmmm, he smelled nice...
 
BE LUNA
>You're up, you're bucking up!
>There's no need to start BUCKING SCREAMING for no reason!
>Scaring the fur off a zigga up in here!
>Your sister, it seemed, appreciated the rude awakening as much as you, grumbling to herself as she got to her hooves
>"Good evening sister," she said with a yawn
"And good evening to you as well, Sister."
>...At least you hope it's still evening...
>It was kind of hard to tell since this bunker had no windows...
>Hopefully you and Tia didn't have to raise or lower the sun and moon anytime soon...
>Eh, Twilight will sort it out
>And now you were awake you had some sorting out to do yourself
>And by sorting out you meant putting a certain niece over your knee and showing her what happens when she tries to hog all of the monkey D to herself
>...Lucky bitch
>And speaking of your soon to be bucked up niece, there she was /cuddling/ with Anon!
>Oh look at that bucking smile on her face!
>GRRRRRRRR!!!!
>*Angry horse thoughts*
>You hear your sister growl from beside you before the two of you crawl over toward Cadence and Anon
>You were as salty as you have ever been in your entire life
>In fact, you were so salty you could have commercially sold the stuff
>It might have been a good masturbation session but that was still some BULLSHIT!
>And now it was time to get a bit of that salt off with some sweet, sweet revenge the old fashioned way
>Mega swirlying dis filly
 
>BE SHINING ARMOR
>Holy hay was that awkward...
>You should have probably eased Anon into the whole rape thing...
>But it wasn't you fault!
>You can't lie for shit when you're flustered...
>Oh poop, you're probably going to have to calm Anon down when you get out of this shower, aren't you?
>The poor guy was probably beating himself up...
>Welp, you better enjoy this shower while you can
>It might not have been as nice as the one you had back at the empire (#Royallife) , but you manage to enjoy yourself whilst cleaning all evidence of your dirty, sexual activities
>And the shower /did/ have some pretty alright shampoo, so that was a plus
>Aw yesh
>Nothing like cleaning all of the dirt and grime off you to feel like a million bucks!
>Now you're going to just--
BANG!
>The door is almost ripped off it's hinges, revealing Celestia and Luna and your wife, who was floating in Luna's magic and looking as scared as all Tartarus
>Celestia, who was staring at you wife in a way that made you feel... nervous smiled when she saw you
>"Oh, hello Shining."
>"Shining halp me!" Your wife cries, struggling in the air. "I don't wanna get a swirl--urgh!"
"...Do I want to know what's going on?" you ask, adjusting the towel that you had wrapped around your waist
>Luna trotted past you
>"Thou may not enjoy the answer if thee ask," she said, eyeing the toilet while you were picked up by Celestia's magic
>And you don't jump, nor do you yelp like a colt
>You're better than that!
>"Why don't you go and see how Anon's doing, Shining," Celestia said, levitating you out of the bathroom. "The poor dear looked upset about what happened."
"Actually I'd--"
SLAM!
>...Of bucking course
>...Welp, you /were/ going go and see if Anon was okay...
>"NOT IN THE TOILET, NOT IN THE TOILET, OH SWEET FAUST NO--"
SPLASH!
>...
>...Nope, you don't want to know
>"EW, IT GOT ALL IN MY MOU--"
>FLUSH!FLUSH!
"HAHA! THAT WILL TEACH THEE NIECE! FEEL THE WRATH OF THE SWIRLY ONCE MORE!"
>Nopenopenope!!!
 
>BE ANON
>Feel like absolute and utter shit
>Shit, you /raped/ someone...
>It might have been sleep rape but it was still rape
>And that's horrible
>Like /really/ horrible...
>And Sun and Moonbutt didn't even let you say you were sorry
>They just ripped Cadence off you and pushed you onto your back and told you to stay here
>So here you were, lying on the couch staring up the ceiling and trying not to freak out any harder than you already were
>There was a feeling in your gut that made you lay on your side and curl up
>Don't cry
>Don't cry
>DON'T CRY
>DON'T FUCKIN CR--
>"...Anon?"
>A wild Shine pone appeared
"...Yeah Shining?"
>"Are you alright there buddy?"
>You let the question hang in the air for a few seconds before sighing
"...No," you admit, sniffling. "No I am not."
>There's some clip-clooping and then some shifting around on the couch before Shining crawls up and lays himself on top of you
>Sniffling again, you wrap your arms around the little pone as he nuzzles you
"...Shining?"
>The widdle pone nuzzles you again
>"Yes Anon?"
"I'm sorry for raping your wife in front of you."
>"Well I'm sorry for not stopping it," Shining said, eyeballing you with a mixture of worry and shame. "If I'd have known that you were going to take something like this that hard I would have just pulled Cadence off you."
>uwotm8?
>You find yourself frowning
"Wait, what the hell do you mean?"
 
BE CONDENSE
>Seriously, buck your aunts
>Buck them for holding you in that toilet for ten bucking minutes
>Flushing and laughing at your pain
>Now your mane looks like an ice cream swirl and you smell like bucking toilet bowl water and shame
"You know, it wasn't my fault what happened," you grumble, giving your head a shake as you walk down the hall with your grinning aunts in tow
>The cunts didn't even let you dry off...
>Luna scoffs
>"And pray tell what DID happen niece? Did Anon force thee into the bed and rape thou while he slept?"
>You sigh, batting Celestia's hoof away when you felt her poking at your hair
>You know what?
>Let your husband tell them what happened
>It's not like you'd willingly let Anon--
>...Shit, never mind
>You'd let that piece of flank rut your brains out like that again anytime~
>It's a bit of a walk but you three finally get back into the couch room where you had left Anon, but when you do you see a particularity adorable and worrying sight
>Your Shining is in Anon's arms, murmuring in his ear while the human slowly and gently petted his head, running his fingers through his mane and playing with his ears
>While this sight along wasn't anything noteworthy (though you did quietly "Aw" the scene) the look on Anon's face was
>The poor colt looked like he had seen a ghost
>A scary one
>One that made him cry by saying that he was ugly and fat
>You and your aunts freeze in place, confused as to what to do in the situation that you had walked into
>Should you ask what was wrong?
>Should you leave and just let Shining take care of this?
>Should--
>"Cadence, could you come over here for a minute please?"
>...
>You know what you shouldn't have done?
>Stood around like an idiot while you mentally questioned yourself
>...Wait, why did Shining sound upset?
>And it wasn't "I lost my favorite pair of horseshoes and I can't find them, they're not in the house, you have to find them for me" kind of upset
>It was more along the lines of the "You done goofed and you're about to get it" kind
>Shit!
>What in the name of Faust's ghost did you do?
>Ignoring the quiet "Oooooo" from Celestia, you walk over and stand before them with all of the dignity that a mare who'd just been swirled to Tartarus and back could muster
>"Could you please crawl up here?" Shining asked in almost a whisper.
>Trying not to gulp, you crawl onto the couch
>Holy hay, why were you so nervous?
>You can't even remember doing anything particularly bad
>...Well, except the whole "having sex in front of your husband" thing
>But that wasn't even your fault!
>Anon, a far off look in his eyes, wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close
>Oh
>It looks like someone's in a towel
>And only a towel~
>...Annnd here you are smelling like a toilet
>And from the look of disgust Shining's giving you the smell isn't appreciated
>Anon sighs, giving you some sweet, sweet pets
>Awwwwwwyyyyeeeessssshhhhh!
>Pets for days filly!
>"...I'm sorry for raping you, Cadence," Anon said, finally looking at you
>Holy hay
>Dis colt looks sad
>...Yeah, you guess that it /would/ be pretty dramatic finding out that you had raped someone
>...At least you think that happened
>Bucking Shining...
>Even though you can't rape the willing
>Cause you were a happy camper after all of that
>But Anon didn't know that
>You find yourself wrapping your hooves around the colt's neck and pulling his head against your chest
>Yes Anon, let dat tuft sooth your aching heart and your raging mind
>Dattuftcuresall.jpg
"Hey, it's alright, it's alright," you say, nuzzling the top of his head
>You wanted to tell him /why/ it was alright but you needed to keep your mouth shut
>You still wanted to fully ease him into the whole herding thing before--
>"He already knows Cadence."
>He does?
"He does?"
>You feel Anon nod against your chest
>"You know, it's pretty fucking weird that a married couple would want an add-on," he says, his voice muffled by your tuft
>You stiffen, eyes wide in panic
>Ohshitohshitohshit!
>Allll of the panic!!!!
>Giving your head a final pet, Anon sits up and puts you in his lap
>"Sooo.... Shining over here says that you all joined up in a royal herd?"
>Both of your aunts, both with panicked expressions on their faces, can only nod
>"To try to get me?"
>This time you find yourself nodding along with them
>Welp
>It looks like you got caught with your hoof in the cookie jar
>That's a good metaphor for planning on herding with a colt that you weren't a hundred percent certain would even want a three-mare herd right?
>Though he still looks not... great, there's a hint of a smile on Anon's face
>"Alright then," he says, closing his eyes and falling on back onto the bed, taking him with you
>Shining once again crawls next to you, giving you then Anon a nuzzle
>Wut?
>"You know, Candy Cane, I used to think you were a huge pain in the ass?"
>Since you're still confused with this turn of events( though you honestly didn't know what Anon would have done once he found out about your secret herd anyway) you can only look at the human with a dumbfounded expression
>He just give you a little smile and a pat on the head
>"You never left me alone, you bothered anyone that even /looked/ at me and you tried to keep me from lifting heavy ass weights. In all honesty it kind of pissed me off whenever I saw you."
>He chuckled
>"I was actually ready to throw your pink ass out a window when you asked me to start lifting with you."
>Alright ouch
>That hit you were it hurts...
>Bad feels filly
>You let out a squeak when Anon's grip on your tightens
>" But you're not a bad mare once I really got to know you."
>Anon looks over at your aunts
>"In fact, you're all a pretty great bunch of ladies."
>Anon looks back at Shining and the two share a knowing look
>"Do I get to pick the head bitch or do you?"
>Your husband flinches
>"I think you mean head mare... and you know what? I hadn't thought about /that/ yet..."
>Anon hums, closing his eyes
>"We'll have to figure it out if the next couple of dates go alright then huh?"
>You just keep looking up at Anon, your mouth wide open
>...So was he alright with you wanting to date him?
>And maybe have freaky babies with him?
>Wut2.O?
>Quick!
>You gotta say something!
>Ask a bucking question, tell he looks nice without any clothes on, comment of the taste of apples, anything!
"...Wrtbkerjtr?"
>....10/10 you bucking genius
>Anon just chuckles again before quickly drifting off back to sleep
>...
>....No seriously
>What the buck just happened?
>...Buck
>Why are you so happy about being confused?
>And were there bucking /tears/ coming from your eyes?!
>...You need some peetzer to eat through these feels
>And a lot of it
>And, by the looks of it, the big giddy smile on Luna's face and the equally big grin on Celestia's, it looked like there were two other fillies that could also benefit from a pizza party
>With a happy, happy smile, you snuggle up to the human, and your husband, and give the two of them a kiss on the cheek
>Yep, you were going to have one /heck/ of a pizza party
>A party for five
>And you couldn't be happier about it
 
BE PORCHLIGHT SPACKLE
>Be in a hospital with the gurlz guarding the Minotaur that had wrecked half of the city
>Since all of the other princesses were busy seeing to the city's repairs (or a least that's what they told you) and since the guard weren't equipped to handle someone with her strength and size you had make sure she kept stayed of trouble while she was receiving medical care
>And, after she was all healed up, you were also tasked with banishing the heifer from the country, with force if necessary
>That day didn't look like it was coming anytime soon though
>Luna had beat the /shit/ out of this bitch, so much so that the medical staff had put her into a full body cast to keep her from hurting herself anymore
>And boy did she /not/ look to happy about the situation she was in
>But you knew what would cheer her right up!
>Reading her some passages from StarSwirl the Bearded's "Theories on the Magicks and Mating Habits of the Common Breezie"
>For some reason, the other girls had left the room after about an hour of you doing this but that didn't matter
>You were always happy to make new friends, and if the girls didn't like what you were reading you were more than happy to respect their decision
>Though it appeared that Mrs. Helga really didn't want to be your friend
>And it didn't look like she cared for the reasoning as to why a Breezies's antenna's could alter a unicorn's casting
>But that didn't mean you weren't going to keep trying
>You were going to make a new friend yet
>Even if that friend was a criminal
"Mrs. Helga, would you like to hear about why Breezies's magic is some similar to a parasprites or do you want to hear about their mating habits?"
>The heifer, obviously eager to hear more, squirms in her bed, her eyes practically begging you to read more
>"THMPEMPME!"
>..Oh yeah
>You forgot that her jaw was broken so she really couldn't talk
>But hey!
>That meant you could pick the topic!
>Books, books, science, friendship book horse!
 
BE HELGA
>Life is suffering
>Like the worst kind of
>Everything hurt, you couldn't scratch that itch on your shoulder (or move any fucking thing for that matter), and you got the SHIT kicked out of you
>By a fucking pony princess
>A fucking DYEL pony princess...
>Your ancestors are all rolling in their graves right now
>And to top all of that shit off you were still a humanless cow
>Needless to say you weren't in the best of moods
>This purple dork wasn't helping your bad mood
>Bitch needed to shut up before she got cut up!
>Most would just give up after all of the shit that had happened to you
>You were broken and hurting and probably on a one way ticket to the bad lands
>But /FUCK/ that
>Momma didn't raise no quitter!
>You were /going/ to get Anon!
>You were /going/ to outsmart, out think, and out awesome those fucking princesses!
>And if you had to beat the shit out of those horses and take the human so be it!
>...Though you needed to figure out how to beat them....
>They /were/ gods, so that was gonna be some shit to get past...
>It doesn't matter now though
>It looked like you weren't going anywhere for a while...
>Gritting your teeth you flexed your pec
>The shit hurt like Tartarus but you hold it until switching to your bicep
>You may have been bed-bound but that didn't mean you were going to let yourself waste away
>You needed to be strong while you planned
>I'm coming for you colt
>And you're gonna be mine
>Whether you fucking want me to or not...
 
BE ANON
>You're finally back baby!
>After a whole week of doing nothing but laying around on a bed or couch with a princess near or on top of you you finally got to go back to the holy land!
>Now with your mind and body relaxed and ready to go you were sure to pick up and put down even heavier things!
>AND get a fucking sick pump while doing it!
>...Though you still didn't particularity care for waking up at five in the a.m. to go and lift weights...
>Fuck that shit...
>But hey, at least you can do it again!
>Humming a happy tune you skip to the gym with gym bag and two of the three pone princesses in tow
>Carolina, for some reason, had said that she'd meet you there because of small horse reasons
>Hey, as long as she gets her work in she can fuck about for as long as she wanted in your opinion
>But FUCK all of that noise
>You were here!
>Throwing open the door you take a moment to breath in the scent of chalk, iron, sweat, and pain before striding into the gym
>"Come on sheila! Get that fuckin' thing up! UP! UP!"
>whatsthisthen.jpg
>Oh
>If was just motherfucking Yzyy, training...
>Is that Candy Cane?
>And was she deadlifting?
>Sure enough, over by the oly platforms, was Cadence, chalk on her hooves and a belt around her waist, doing her best to pull 1.5 pl8
>And, oddly enough, doing so with pretty decent form
>It was shaky as all hell and she was red-faced and covered in sweat but it looked like she was doing it
>"JUST A BIT MORE! PICK IT THE FUCK UP!!!"
>With a shout, Condense locks it the fuck out, holding the bar for a second or two before letting it go with a loud clang
>Yzyy smiles, clapping her hands together while Cadence catches her breath
>"See? Told ya ya could get that shit up!"
>Still panting, Cadence does a happy little dance before hopping into the air
>"HAH! I DID IT! I BROKE MY PR!"
>Hnnnnnnnnnnngggggg!
>You can't take it!
>Bringing your fingers to your lips you let out the loudest, shrillest whistle you can
"FUCK YEAH CANDY!"
>The entire gym stops and looks at you while you grin like a fucking mad man
>Instead of the looks of irritation and disgust you expected, roider and gym bro alike smile the moment they see you
>"Hey Anon!"
>"Hey look! Anon's back!"
>"Good to see you again, stud!"
>"Hey colt, shut the buck up while the mare's are lifting!"
>Your smile becomes bigger as you strut through the gym and toward Candy Cane and her new coach
>Yzyy grins, hopping over and fistbumping you
>"I heard ya got hit by lightning, mate," she said with a grin
"That I did," you respond. "Hurt like a bitch."
>You look over at Candy
"I see you got a new student. How the hell did she manage that?"
 
BE CONDENSE
>Holy hay were you bucking tired
>And sore
>And thirsty
>Working out a four in the morning was some shit
>But it was obviously working though
>After just a week you were becoming noticeably stronger
>Yzyy had thought you were on gear because of the fast process, but you just told her it was your alicorn biology
>Though, honestly, you didn't think it was that either
>To might sound a little corny, but you think it was because you wanted to protect Anon and Shining
>Each night you snuggled up with those two
>You saw the smiles on their faces as the twp cuddled up with you and your aunts
>With you, in that bed, they were safe
>You knew that and so did they
>And now you just needed to make sure they were safe and happy all of the time
>Stressed guys don't rise after all
>And, after your second or third date, you wanted to make sure that the two of them were rising easily and often
>You wanted a shit load of little ones running around the castle halls after all
>#Babiesonthemind
>Speaking of your favorite monkey, there he is talking to Yzyy
>It looks like he's ready to lift some weights
>With a grunt, you stand on your hind legs and stretch your back and crack your neck
>He may have been ready to hit the gym
>But you know what?
>As tired and sore as you were
>So were you
>LET'S DO THIS!
 
BE ANON AGAIN
>Holy shit were you weak right now
>Your squats were kind of shit
>Your bench was fifteen pounds lighter than usual
>And fuck you if you had a hard time getting up 500 for reps for deadlift
>Usually you'd be pissed off by the the loss of gainz but you knew better
>You'd be back in a week or two
>And bigger in five or six
>Though you were a /bit/ weaker you wouldn't be able to fucking tell by the princess pone's reactions
>They'd shout and cheer while you struggled through you lifts, with Candy Cane by your side or back at all times, ready with a word of encouragement or a spot if you needed it
>It was like you had a fucking fan base right now
>It was nice to see that they were getting into the lifting spirit
>And, not to sound like a douche or anything, you kinda liked the whole cheering thing
"So when in the hell are us and Shining going out on our second date?" you asked while Celestia banged out some chest files: the fourth most alpha exercise
>Woona grins
>"Oh, an eager colt are we?"
>You chuckle
"Hey, you guys are the ones that sleep at my house everyday. I just want to move the ship along as quickly as possible."
>You watch as Celestia finishes her set with an explosive sigh
>"Speaking of sleeping, Anon, we need to go out and buy you a new bed," Sun horse says matter-of-factly. "I'm not sleeping on that lumpy thing anymore."
>uwotsunhorse?
>"Oh, and fair warning; don't make plans for this weekend."
>Walking over to you with a sly smile, she give your cheek a quick nuzzle before making her way toward the water fountain
>Gotta make sure to strut that pump while its fresh outta the oven
>"Luna and I may have thought ahead on the whole second date thing."
 
BE SHINING ARMOR
>Be with your aunts and wife running around town hoping to find someone that'd be willing to make each of you a dress/suit without bragging to the rest of Canterlot about it
>Sure, you all wanted to look nice for your date but you didn't want to accidentally ruin the fashion industry
>And you might when the city's ponies found out that their rulers had finally started purchasing clothing for themselves
>Your wife might think otherwise ("Luna got a dress by herself just fine," she had said) but you knew better
>One wrong misstep could send the fashion industry down a path that you didn't particularity care for
>So stick to the shadows you all did until you had a few minutes to think of which dressmaker in this city fit the bill for all four of you
>Fashion: a /very/ serious thing
>For both Celestia and Luna this had been the first time either one of them had gone shopping for clothes in a loooonnnnnngggg time, so they were both kind of uncomfortable, and even nervous at the prospect
>Your wife's eyes were already glazed over at the very /thought/ of shopping with you
>You had no idea why...
>You were a good stallion to go clothes shopping with!
>You knew all of the latest fashions, you made sure to never overspend, and your shopping trips didn't last any longer than.... six or seven hours at the most
>Which was a heck of a lot shorter than most of your friends!
>Really it was
>"Art thou sure that he must acquire another garment to wear for our second date, Shining Armor?" Luna asked as the four of you trotted through an alleyway
>"We do not understand why one needs more than just the single dress..."
>"And I have a dress or two in the back of a closet somewhere," Celestia said in agreement
>"Heck, I bet Anon wouldn't even notice that it was over four hundred years old!"
>You try-- like REALLY try-- to keep yourself from shaking your head, but you find yourself doing so anyway
>What was wrong with mares?
>Was shopping for clothes /that/ bad?
"Look, all we need to do is sneak into one of the shops and get measurements and maybe a fitting or two," you tell them before a candle lights up above your head
>Yeah!
>You think you know the perfect stallion for this job!
"...And I know the perfect stallion to help us out."
>Luna's face scrunches up
>"But Cadence says that the act of clothes shopping is a terribly trying experience."
>She looks at her hooves awkwardly while you frown at your wife, who looked like she was in her own little world right now
>Yeah
>Look at what you did Cadence
>Scaring the horseapples out of these two mares!
>It was going to make it So. Bucking. Hard to get them to sit still for their fitting, you just knew it!
>Grrrrrrr!
>Just you wait when we get home filly...
"It won't be that bad at all, I promise," you assure
>The Celestial sisters just look at each other before staring at you in obvious disbelief
"...Look, how about we just get your measurements and me and the tailor can figure it out from there?"
>"...Is Anon even going to get a new suit?" Celestia asked
 
"Achoo!"
BE ANON
>Be laying on your couch covered in spinach leaves because you were a messy and lazy fuck after lunch
>Huh, it looks like someone just talked about you...
>Sticking out your tongue, you try to reach for the little bit of leafy green right on your chest
>Come on...
>Come on....
>COME ON...
>With a sigh your head slumps back against the couch
>Eh, fuck it
>You won the right to life for another day little leaf...
>You little cunt
 
 
BE SHINING AGAIN
>You can't help but snort
"I already got that new suit for him, remember?"
>Gods know how hard it would be to get that colt to go shopping for clothes with you...
>You figured it'd be easier to just go and get a new suit finished yourself
>Heck, it wasn't even that hard to get his fitting numbers
>You just had to bride a mare, threaten a receptionists, and almost break down into tears!
>And speaking of tears and pain, you had to get these here filly's to a certain tailor friend of yours
#Coltsgettingthingsdone
>Though they continue to complain you manage to drag all three of the alicorns through alleys and lesser known streets until you come upon a familiar store
"Fancy's Fashions"
>You can't help but smile
"Come on girls, let's get this over with."
>Cadence comes around for a second to blink and look around
>"...Oh, we're not even there yet," she comments before her eyes glazed over again
>...Bucking Cadence...
>Welp, time to hurry up and get in there before someone sees you!
>The inside of Fancy's store was the same as you remembered it
>Organized, covered in tasteful wood ornaments with those deep blue drapes that you /always/ wanted but could never, EVER find, and with that light honey scent in the air
>PapaI'mhome.org
>"I'll be there in a moment, Darling," a voice calls from the back
>Grinning, you can't help but yell back,
"Take your time, Hon!"
>"You hear a gasp, then the sound of someone rushing through their house
>"Shining? Is that you darling?"
>Sitting on your rump you wait until Fancy Pants himself, looking as fabulous as always, runs into the room with a happy grin on his face
>"Oh Shining, Honey!" the stallion yells, opening his arms
"Hello, Fancy," you say as the colt wraps his hooves around you and kisses your cheeks
>The stallion scoffs
>" "Hello Fancy"? Is that any way to speak to your old friend? Why don't you break my heart while you're at--"
>From behind you, Celestia awkwardly clears her throat, shifting Fancy's attention from you to her and her fellow princesses
>And Fancy, ever the drama king (though you can't help but love that about him)
>"Oh sweet Faust above!" The stallion shouts, bowing down so low his mustache is touching the ground. "My apologizes your majesties! You see I was jus--"
>"It is quite alright, my little pony," Celestia interrupts with her trademark motherly smile. "It is nice to see two friends meeting after so long."
>Her smile twitches /ever/ so slightly
>"But my sister and I have something that we'd like to ask you."
>You meet Fancy's confused expression with a smile
"Yep! They were wondering if you would be able to make some outfits for all of us," you tell him as his eye twitches in disbelief. "The four of us are going to--"
THUD!
>...And he passed out
>...Amazing...
>You can't help but find yourself sighing, leaning down and checking to see if the poor stallion's alright
"Fancy... are you alright?"
>He groans when you poke him, so he /must/ be alright...
>...Though he's probably going to /lose/ his mind when he wakes up knowing that he up and passed out in front of THREE PRINCESSES
>...Kek
>Trying to keep yourself from smiling you gently pick Fancy up with your magic and look back at the princesses, who had different levels of shock/amusement on each of their faces
>typicalmares.eyeroll
"I'll take care of him," you say, making sure to pick up Fancy's monocle that had fallen onto the ground
>Oh horseapples
>It's cracked...
>And it looked so nice on him too...
>Luna takes a step forward
>"Art thou sure We cannot be of assistance?"
>At least /someone/ here is a gentlemare
>Cadence looks like she'd going to fall over laughing...
>Though, to be fair, she's dealt with enough of Fancy's antics to appreciate what are happening
>A little too much for your taste, but even you found the humor in all of this
>The hilarious, hilarious humor
>You smile, carrying the stallion through the door and into the little kitchen that Fancy kept in his store
>It might not have been as nice as the one back at his home but it was good enough to get the job done for tea time
"He'll be fine as soon as I make some tea," you call, setting Fancy down on a chair before rummaging through the cupboards
"There's a lobby full of magazines in the other room if you want to read something while you wait."
>"...And what do you want us to do when he wakes up?" Celestia asked, poking her head through the door to stare at you with worry
"Just let me talk to him a little bit; ease him into all of this. I'll call you when I'm ready."
>Celestia nodded, eyeing the tea pot that you magicked over to Fancy's stove
>"Shining Armor?"
"I'll be sure to make you a cup of tea, Princess."
>"Thank you, my little pony."
 
BE FANCY PANTS
>Urggggghhhhh
>Holy hay did you not feel very good right now...
>Where you were even right now?
>You remember working on a dress for a Miss High Horse, a lovely pink and white thing that you were just /dying/ to see on her, when there was a knock on the door...
>Oh wait
>Shining had been at the door
>Even though you did't feel like opening your eyes at that moment you smile
>It had been /so/ long since you last saw that colt
>It was when he came in here to order a suit made if you recall
>Though you almost wish that he'd come into your shop more often
>He was one heck of a good guyfriend and--
>"Princess, will you stop going through everything!
>What's this then?
>Did someone brake into your house?!?!?
>...No, wait a minute
>That sounded like Shining
>...Oh horseapples
>You passed out didn't you?
>Embarrasingtothefifthpower.tophat
>"There has to be something other than crackers in here," another voice says. "I'm not drinking tea with /crackers/ Shining
>Feeling a little bit more awake you take a sniff of the air
>Someone's making your special brew from Saddle Arabia!
>That shit was expensive!
>...Though whoever was making had /excellent/ taste...
>No!
>None of that colt!
>You needed to find you who the hay Shining let into your shop!
>Any why he was making your good tea!
>With a huff you open your eyes...
>To see the rump of PRINCESS CELESTIA swinging back and forth in front of your face, her front absolutely stuffed in one of your cupboards
>...Huh, it looks like she's been working out...
>Wait, PRINCESSCELESTIA'SINYOURHOUSE!
>And then it hits you like a ton of bricks
>You walking out into your lobby, seeing and hugging Shining, and passing out in front of the princesses
>Oh sweet Faust
>Youpassedoutinfrontoftheprincesses!
>Errorerrordoesnotcompute...
>You gasp loudly and your vision swarms
>It looked like you have another one-way ticket to sleepy town
>"Hey now; don't you go passing out on us again!"
 
BE SHINING
>Quick!
>You can't let this colt pass the buck out again
>You just finished making the tea!
>With the speed of a zebra you race over to Fancy and put a fresh made cuppa under his nose
>To your relief he inhails deeply
>That's it colt
>Breath deep
>There's a twang of magic, and the cup of tea is levitated out of your hooves and toward Fancy's lips
"Careful, it's hot," you warn, making sure to keep Fancy's gaze trained on you while Celestia continues. To. Bucking. Look. Though. the. Cupboard
>Bucking one-tack minded princesses...
>Fancy snorts as he carefully blows on the tea
>"Who do you think you're talking to, Darling," he says before taking a sip. "Hmmm, delicious..."
>Alright
>It looks like you've gotten him calm down...
>Probably
>Now you just need to keep him calm while you explain the situation to him
>needspeech100fordisshit
"Alright, Fancy, I need you to stay calm, alright?"
>The stallion laughs, though you swear you see one of his eyes twitch
>"Calm? Why ever would I not be calm, Shining?" he asked, taking another sip of his tea
>"I just woke up to Princess Celestia, who I happened to have fainted in front of, looking through my cupboards for..."
"...Snacks; she's looking for snacks..."
>Fancy nods, looking past you and at the princess
>"There's some cakes in the third cupboard, Princess," he says, a little too calmly for your taste
>Celestia wiggles out of the cupboard that she had stuffed herself into and looked back at the two of you with a smile
>"Thank you very much," she says politely
>Fancy nods, his mustache and mane becoming more and more wild with each passing second
>Yerlosing'emJim
>Grabbing the stallion's cheeks you force him to look into your eyes
"Now, Fancy, you have to listen to me."
>"I'm listening, Darling, though you may want to hurry up and explain yourself."
>Finishing up his tea, Fancy places it on the table
>"I fear that I'm about to descend into madness and despair."
>...Edgy
>...And pretty bucking hardcore...
>Maybe you should just let him pass back out so no one gets hurt or anything...
>NO SHINING!
>You gotta save his!
>Your friend can't go nuts
>He still has to make you all clothes so your wife and aunts can get to second (or heavens forbid third) base with Anon!
>Stiff upper lip ol' boy!
>Resisting the urge to take a step back you puff out your widdle chest, you stare into Fancy's eyes with the intensity of a thousand suns [spolier]no homo[/spolier], and say,
"Listen, Fancy, you know how you were always saying you wanted to make dresses for the princesses when the two of us were younger?..."
 
 
BE LUNA
>Holy hay
>This was just as boring as Cadence say it was going to be
>You were just... sitting here doing... nothing
>Except look at out of date magazines
>Which was awful
>Why would anyone even want to do something like this?
>You didn't even want to know how bad it was going to be once you all started getting /fitted/ and /dressed up/
>You were a bucking mare
>YOU weren't supposed to dress up...
>...Though your niece seems to be taking this boredom and possibly emareculating situation really well
>You're going to have to ask her how to does that eye-glazing thing
>Shit looks cash
>"Look what I got everyone!"
>Oh look, it's your sister
>OOOO! It looks like she's carrying a tray of sweets and cakes for the three of you
>Wonderful
>You /were/ beginning to get a little hungry
"So how fares the stallion?" you asked, helping yourself to a cup of tea and a few of the little cakes
>Your sister hooves Cadence a cup of tea (smacking her in the head with it to "wake" her up) before sitting down in between the two of you
>"He's just woken up," she tells you, eyeing the door warily... for some reason
"...Art thou alright, Sister mine?"
>Celestia doesn't turn to address you as she answers,
>"Have you ever felt a sense of foreboding after you agree something, Luna?"
>What an odd question...
"Of course we have, Sister, why do you--"
>"EEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!"
>You and your sister can't help but cover your ears as a cry, so shrill and high-pitched that your ears threatened to bleed, sliced through the air
>That was not the sound of a pony; heck, you didn't even think anything on this plane could /make/ such a sound
>It was a sound that stilled hearts and froze limbs
>It was a sound that created nightmares that would lasts lifetimes and drive even the strongest to madness
>It was the sound of the old gods and their hunger
>A Hunger that had once threatened to consume all life
>A hunger that even the gods themselves feared to their very cores
>And it sounded like it had come from the kitchen
>Before you could even open your mouth, or look at your sister, or even bucking /blink/ something black and blue stripped--clothing you think-- slowly snaked into the room
"What in the name of all that is holy is th--"
>You don't get to finish your sentence as the cloth races toward you with cobra-like quickness and wraps itself around your leg
>Holyshitwhatthebuckpanic.jng
>Yelping, you drop your cup of tea, almost fall out of your bucking chair,and charge your horn up with the most powerful offensive spell you can think of
>From beside, you your sister does the same
>You were going to bucking blow this piece of /cloth/ to kingdom come!
>How /dare/ it become alive and attack you!
>So focused on that one piece of cloth were you that you, and your sister, didn't notice the dozens of other ones slithering into the room and surrounding you
"KILL IT KILL IT!
>"HOLD STILL LUNA, I'LL GET IT OFF YOU!"
BOOM!
BOOM!
>You were a goddess
>A Being that could shape the world as she saw fit
>Make, destroy, change; the world was simply a mold for you
>You were powerful
>Feared
>And you didn't stand a bucking chance
 
BE CADENCE
>Calm as a cucumber as both of your aunts are violently dragged screaming out of the room
"Fancy will apologize after he calms down and starts to get you both fitted," you call. "So make sure to not struggle!"
>You had learned the hard way not to do /that/
>Still looking through a two month old "Fitness and Health" you nibble on a cake
>Since you already got fitted here once you didn't need to go through that shit again (hopefully)
>So you didn't have to deal with the whole "scary snake-clothes thing" shit
>All you needed to do was sit here, space out, and let your husband and his friend do their magic
>They'll get you a dress that'll make Anon give you a hornjob
>Or maybe he'll let you give him a "horn" job
>You'd be happy with either one
>"Cadence?"
"Yes Shining?"
>"Do you want another cup of tea?"
>There's a loud crash at the end of the shop
>"SWEET FAUST TAKE MY SISTER AND LET ME LIVE! I"M SURE SHE'D MAKE A GOOD SLAVE IF YOU BEAT HER ENOUGH!"
>"BUCK THOU TOO SISTER!"
>Something that sounds suspiciously like maniacal laughter fills the shop
>"/Oh/! I'm going to make the two of you look so FABULOUS!"
>Puff
>Babies
"I'll take another cup, Shiny!" you call sweetly, turning the page of your muscle magazine
>Oooh! A good-looking tricep routine!
 
BE ANON
>Holy hell were you nervous
>It was your date night with the princesses, you were dressed up in a fucking /nice/ suit and waiting for your dates in the comfort of your living room, and, for some reason, you were sitting there as nervous as all hell
>This wasn't some stupid first date where you could just fap about and everything would be /fine/
>But a second date?
>Shit son
>That's when serious shit got done
>...At least you think so
>You're relationships with women really didn't get this far
>The moment that most of them saw that you spent all of your time at the gym, talked about the gym in every other sentence, and even made a living out of picking things up and putting them down they went a-running
>You had been able to fuck a bunch of sloots back on earth but that was it
>No decent gf for the green meat head...
>But with these little pone's your life of a meat monk might finally be over
>You liked all of them and they liked you
>Gym obsession and all
>So you were swimming in unfamiliar waters
>I mean, just think about it!
>You were supposed to to think about whether or not you wanted to put out for these little horses!
>And you couldn't even blow it off because you were the girl in this relationship (kek)!
>Is this how girls fucking feel?!
>Calm down nigga
>Everything's gonna be fine
>You're gonna have a great time, you're gonna /really/ get to know these lovely ladies and Shining, and you were all going to be at the gym at five am the next morning
>...
>Why did it get so fucking hot in this room?!
>Whydiditfeelliketherewerespiderscrawlingalloveryou
>Stopfuckingfreakingoutyourpussy!!!
KNOCK KNOCK!
>You yelp as someone knocks on your door, almost falling out of your coach
"D-Door's open!" you shout, taking a deep breath and straightening your suit
>Holy shit were your nerves frayed
>Just take a breath; in and out
>You got this nigga
>"Anon! We're here!" Shining calls
"I'm in the living room!" You call back, nervously standing up before sitting back down
>Holy shit you don't know what to do with yourself
>Justbreathjustbreathnigga!
>To your relief, Shining trots through the door with a smile on his face
>You can't help but smile when you see his widdle suit
>Aw
>He doesn't have pants
>Silly pone, you need to have dress pants for a suit
>...
>What the fuck is wrong wit--
>You flinch when Shining gives your face a little slap
>"Are you alright there, Anon?"
>You can't help but chuckle nervously
"...Yeah, I'm good."
>"Are you sure? Not nervous or anything?"
"Nope, not one bit."
>Annnd make sure to give the little white pone that great big ol' fake smile to really bring /that/ home...
>Shining narrows his eyes at your obvious bullshit before leaning up and giving your cheek a nuzzle
>"You're going to do great," he says. "And don't feel bad about being a little scared about tonight. I almost had to drag Luna out of her room and Celestia's in your kitchen shaking like a leaf."
>...Well, that's good to know
>At least they were as freaked out as you were about this whole thing...
>Forcing a smile back onto your face, you pat Shining's cheek before looking through your living room door
"What are you girls doing?" you shout, /trying/ to sound braver than you felt. "Get in here so I can get a look at you!"
>You swear you can hear a heated whisper shouting match from the other end of the door
>"Give us another moment, Anon!" Luna shouts. We're just trying to collect ourselves!"
>Patting the seat next to you so Shining can take a seat, the two of you wait for the pone princesses to come out and strut their stuff
 
 
Be Luna
>Holy buck was this dress uncomfortable
>You were hot, you couldn't move around as much as you wanted, and whatever that demon of a tailor had made this dress out of was making you itch like crazy
>Your sister looks as miserable as you feel, tugging at the collar of her dress and grumbling to herself
>Even Cadence, who may as well have been an old pro at the whole "wearing clothes" thing (at least compared to you and your sister) looked a little put out with what she was wearing
>Your dresses were bucking /huge/, frilly, and a bit too tight on each of you
>And you were pretty sure that naked you looked a thousand times better than clothed you
>...Buck clothing
>Honestly, you didn't know how Anon could do this all the time
"Remind us again why in the name of Tartarus did we have to wear these things, sister mine?" you ask. "From what we gathered we won't even require clothes for most of the night."
>"We just need to wear these bucking things for dinner and we can take them off right after," Celestia says, eyeing the entrance of the living room with a mixture of eagerness and fear
>"We want to show Anon that all of us can look nice every once in a while if we want."
>Cadence nods at your sister's wisdom
>"Shining always loves it when I take him out to dinner in a dress," she said, eyeing the monstrosity that was her dress.
>"...Though Fancy might have gone a little overboard with these ones..."
>Your sister snorted
>"Really? You think?"
"At least we look "nice". Surely all of this hard work will impress Anonymous?"
>Not that you'd really bucking know
>This thing wrapped around you was dumb in your opinion, and you'd prefer to just be bare as you usually were, but hey, Shining said you look nice, so that must mean something
>...Hopefully
>Before you and your fellow princesses could bicker anymore, a voice rings out,
>"What are you girls doing? Come in here so I can get a good look at you!"
>Well, it looks like Shining did whatever he had to do with Anon...
>Which meant that the three of you had to go in there and show the human your dressed and make up and mane cuts
>...He'd be sitting there, silently judging you on whether or not you looked good or not...
>...
>...
>Holy buck was the panic starting to set in now that you had a bucking second to think that over!
>The colt wore clothes /all/ of the bucking time and /always/ managed to look great
>Even when he worked out!
>He'd be the /perfect/ stallion to judge the /shit/ out of you if there was even the tiniest imperfection in your dress...
>And you'd only have one chance to start this date on the right hoof...
>Don'thugmeI'mscaredfilly.jgp
>Your eyes widen, Celestia jumps, and Cadence looks like she's about to run out of the house
>At least you can take solstice in the fact that your fellow princesses looked as nervous about this as you
>Quick!
>Give yourself some more time!
>You're not as mentally prepared as you thought you were!
>Talkingtothemirrordidn'tpreparemeforthis!
"Give us another moment, Anon!" you shout, trying to keep your voice from cracking. "We're just trying to collect ourselves!"
>"Alright, take your time!"
>A silent agreement passes between you, your sister, and your niece
>One of panic, hope, and terror
>And, before you could say "Holy shit I'm about to make a mess on the floor" the three of you were huddled together
>"My mane looks fine, right?"
>"Do I have anything in my teeth?!"
"Eh-gads! Are our horseshoes cuffed?!"
>Panicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanicpanic!
>It takes a minute or two for the three of you to get yourself in "presentable" order, but when you do you are all left with a new problem
>Who was going to do first?
>You sister takes a step forward, her chin pointed up in the air and her eyes alight with determination
>Good ol' Tia looks like she's gonna be the one to bite the bullet on this one
>And thank the gods for that too
>You didn't know /what/ the buck you'd do if /you/ had to do out first
>And your sister's gold dress /did/ look nice on her...
>So you were sure she had nothing to worry about
>...Though, if she was all bucked up you hoped Anon would just shit all over her and leave you and Cadence alone about your dresses...
>Hey
>You weren't a /bad/ sister
>Just a practical one
>"Alright girls, enough stalling," she says, looking back at the two of you. "It's time to get in there, dazzle Anon, and go out and have the best date night ever."
>"And maybe get a kiss at the end of it," Cadence mutters, just loud enough for you to hear. "Or a hornjob..."
L-Lewd
>You and Cadence watch as your brave, brave sister takes another step forward toward the living room, her wings spreading out...
>...And pushing you past her
>"Come on then, Luna, we don't have all night."
>...Bucking Tia...
>And you know what?
>You /will/ bucking go first!
>You'll strut in there and just plop on Anon's lap like the alpha mare that you were!
>Making sure to give your sister a dirty look (because, once again, buck her) you puff your chest out and stride toward the door, ready to take names /and/ dicks
>Human dicks!
>Point that chin up gurl
>Raise you tail /just/ a bit to show your interested
>And make sure to sway that flank and let those wings of your drape down ever so slightly
>You were pretty; beautiful even!
>The sexest goddess in all of poneland!
>Let that bucking dress work for you!
>Dat shit probably makes you look a zillion times prettier!
>Anon's pants are going to bucking /drop/ the second he lays eyes on you!
>Because--
"Omph!"
>In your regal trot into Anon's room you /lay/ have accidentally, sort of, maybe, find of... /tripped/ on the rug, stumbled forward into the living room and... fellflatonyourfaceinfrontofAnon!
>Level acquired: Level 100 Spaghettimancer
>...Buck
 
BE ANON
>Aw
>Look at how pretty Luna is
>In her silly horse dress with her silly horse high heels and her silly horse--
>"Omph!"
>...
>...
>Let'sjustletthatsitforasecond...
>Holy shit did Woona take one heck of a nosedive
>In fact, you were pretty sure you heard one heck of a thud...
>Poor Woona...
>You try to stand up, to help the widdle pone princess, but Shining's magic keeps you sitting
>"Just pretend that it didn't happen," the stallion murmurs as Luna scrambles to her hooves, as red as a tomato
>"G-Good evening, A-Anonymous!" Moon horse stutters in embarrassment and pain, looking anywhere but toward you as she tried her best to blink away tears. "T-Thou look quite fetching in thy garments this eve."
>Huh
>It /actually/ looks like she's gonna try to ignore the fact that she just ate shit pretty hard just now...
>Gottaseethis.jpg
>She finally looks at you and Shining, the biggest, /fakest/ smile on her face as she trots over to you
>Alright, you'll bite
>And ignore that fact that you can clearly see that the princess bloodied her nose
"...You look pretty good yourself, Luna."
>You can almost /see/ the inner battle that she was having with herself as she stood there
>On one end, she was obviously in pain and wanted to probably scream out of curse or something
>On the other she didn't want to look like a putz in front of you tonight...
>TheoddsareNOTinyourfavor.jpg
>Once again you tried to get up to at least give her a paper towel for her nose or something, but once again Shining once again forces you to sit, fixing you a stern glare
>"You'll only embarrass her," he growls before going back to looking like everything was fine and dandy
>...Alright then...
>It already looked like this night was going to be... something
 
BE CELESTIA
>Holy hay
>You sister just went and ate shit...
>Like in front of you all and everything
>So hard that you were pretty sure her face was going to leave a skid mark on the wooden floor...
>Deep within the confines of your stomach something begins to grow
>Something bubbly, light, and, in this case at least, ruinous
>Laughter
>You try to open your mouth to take in a deep breath to calm that feeling in your but find yourself quietly giggling
>Nope.exe
>You mouth snaps shut and you bite your lip as hard as you could
>You /should/ be racing into the living room to see if your lil' sis is alright
>For Faust's sake it looked like she was bleeding!
>...But...
>Something about her all dressed up as she was trying to strut her stuff for Anon... and she just bucking fell
>...Kek
>Kekkles
>Top Kek
>Toppest of keks
>Mount Kekrest
>A hoof goes to your mouth as you start giggling again
>Don't you /dare/ start bucking laughing, Celestia!
>Now get in there and see if Luna's alright!
>...thekeksneverend
 
BE ANON AGAIN
>Looks like Sun butts running into the rescu--
>What the fucks wrong with her?
>She's all red and she's biting her lip and shaking and...
>Ohhhhhh...
>It doesn't even look like Celestia takes a single breath as she walked over and presents her sister with a handkerchief
>"...Thank thee sister," Luna says, quickly bringing the bite of cloth up and wiping off the blood running down her muzzle
>"Don't *giggle* mention it..."
>Now frowning, you try to get up /again/
>Now growling, Shining forces you to sit back down with a hoof
>"STAY. Everything's FINE."
"Just let me--"
>CADENCE! Get your flank in here and let Anon see your pretty /bucking/ dress
 
BE CANDY CANE
>Sweet Faust
>You didn't even go out to dinner and this was already a nightmare...
>Not even bothering to show off that bod of your, you trot into the room
>Celestia looks like she's about to fall over laughing, Luna looks like she's one step from crying, Anon looks like he wants to get up and see if Luna's alright (bless his soul) and Shining looks like he's about to throw something
>Not even bothering to say hello to Anon, you walk over and nuzzle you poor, red-faced, bloody, and miserable aunt
"...Are you okay, Luna?"
>Apparently Celestia can't take it any longer and just falls over into her back, kicking her legs as she laughs loud and hard
>Disbitch.bdc
>Luna sniffles, leaning into you and closing her eyes
>"Our nose hurts," she whimpered as you wrap a hoof around her neck
 
ANON!
>Fuck dis
>Shoving Shining away from you, and ignoring his cry of protest, you quickly hope off the couch and make your way toward a sniffling Luna
>Making sure to give ol' Sunny buns a kick in the side for laughing, and moving Candy Cane out of the way, you grab a teary-eyed Luna's face and kneel in front of her
>The poor pone still had blood pouring out of her nose and it looked like she was ready to break down crying
>Shit!
>You don't know what to do (much less say) in a situation like this!
>You don't what this date ruined already!
>And you don't want Woona to feel bad the whole night
>Thinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthink!
>You draw circles against Luna's cheeks with your thumbs as you stare into her eyes as she looks back up at you
>She slowly scooches closer, closes her eyes tightly, and...
"Thmp!"
>Kisses you..
>Celestia and Cadence, and even Shining, from all the way over at the couch, gasp as the Princess of the Night plans one right on you, breaking the kiss a moment later to start at you with a triumph smile on her face
>"'Tis only ketchup," she said with a blush, gesturing toward her nose. "A simple fall would not harm us in such a way."
>Moon horse looks down, idly kicking her hooves
>"Our apologizes, Anonymous,"
>She leaned back up and kissed your cheek like the cheeky filly she was
>"But we couldn't resist"
>You can't help it
>The looks on Celestia and Cadence's face is too good
>Falling onto your dirty, dirty wooden floor (because fuck your suit) you throw back your head and laugh, laugh, laugh
>Fucking tricky Luna
>...Kek
 
BE Anon
>...
>...
>Why the fuck are there seven different types of spoons sitting in front of you?
>Why are the plates etched with gold?
>Why is everyone here not speaking american?
>Why and the hell did the princesses think it was a good idea to take you to a place like this?!
>Bodybuilders weren't supposed to go into six-star restaurants!
>They scared the patrons, yelled at children, and broke the fragile, DYEL utensils, furniture, and toiletries!
>You didn't want to fucking touch anything cause /everything/ looked too breakable and too expensive for you to afford
>You you weren't even going to talk about all of the fucking stares you were getting as you stared down at your plate or soup that happened to come with SEVEN FUCKING SPOONS!
>You couldn't even rip the sleeves off this fucking suit!!!
>Shining and the others looked fine, causally talking to each other while they ate their fancy cheeses and wines
>And there you were, thumb up your ass, trying to figure out how to eat without looking like an asshole while also resisting the sudden urge to just stand up and flip the table
>Somementjustwanttowatchtheworldburn.jpg
>You bite a nail as you look at the table and all of the assorted goodies laid out in front of you
>Maybe you should just say fuck it and use the little spo--
>"Is there something wrong, sir?" a waiter asked, trotting over to you with a raised eyebrow. "Is the soup not to your liking?"
>Hey!
>Dis widdle pone right here can help you!
"Everything's fine," you say, watching her expression as you very slowly reach down and pick up one of the spoons
>The second you pick it up the mare's face contorts
>Wrong spoon
"I was just making sure to cleanse the palate with a sip of water."
>You try another spoon, then another, then another, getting a similarly disgusted/bewildered look from the little mare
"I want to make sure that I can fully appreciate the... um, ingredients?"
>Fourth times a charm it seems as the little pone visibly relaxes as you pick up the right spoon, scoop up some of your fancy ass soup, and take a fancy ass taste of dat shet
>With your pinkie out of course
>You weren't no savage!
>The widdle butler nods at your bullshittery
>"Of course, sir. My apologizes," she said bowing her head and walking away from you. "Please enjoy the rest of your meal."
>Crisisavoided.exe
 
 
BE SHINING
>Holy hay was this a nice place
>And PRENCH!
>You didn't know that your wife and aunts went /this/ far to look fancy for Anon
>...Who looks like he's going to lose it
>Thiscoltrighthere.eyeroll
"Are you alright there, Anon?" you asked, taking a sip of your wine (which was bucking great by way)
>The human continues to look at the spoons and knives and forks around him warily
>"...That depends, how many courses are we eating?"
"Six or seven if I'm not mistaken."
>You swear to Faust you see the smoke coming out of his ears as his eye twitches
>"...Then it looks like I have one hell of a problem then..."
>Sighing, you get out of your chair and scoot everything over toward the poor, unsophisticated human
>To be fair it might have been a little... much taking him to a place like this
>Anon never had to take royal etiquette classes
>There was no way in Tartarus that he knew what half of these forks and knives were used for
>Though, bless his heart, it looked like he was trying his best
>And if he wanted to look like a gentlestallion you were more than happy to guide his hips
>No homo
"Use the sixth fork on your left for the salad, the third if you want to get any of those dinner rolls, and make sure to rinse your hands whenever you want to switch between utensils with that clean bowl of water over there."
>Anon nods as you place your forks and plates and wine right next to his
>"...I was using that bowl to refill my cup."
"I know, I watched you do it."
>The two of you let that sit for a little longer while Anon slurps his soup
>"...So I'm going to assume that this place doesn't serve pizza or beer? Cause this soup really isn't doing that much for me..."
>Annnnnd there's the nasty looks
>Ugh...
 
BE CELESTIA
>Still be upset with your sister
>What the buck was she thinking?!
>That little stunt of hers could have ruined the whole evening!
>What if Anon's wouldn't have laughed huh?!
>What if he started screaming rape?!
>And no
>You weren't jelly that you didn't think about it first!
>Nor were you mad about the fact that you sister kissed Anon before you
>You were mad that she soiled Anon's honor by treating him like a hussy!
>...Really!
>And even if you /would/ do something like that--which you wouldn't because you're a gentlemare-- she could have gone the whole way and stuck her tongue down his throat instead of that babby kiss
>She should have grabbed him by the shoulders, held him close, and put that tongue on a one way trip to makeout central!
>And then ripped his pants off and taken him to cum town right in front of all of you to assert her dominance as the head mare!
>It's what /you/ would have done!
>Your sister, as if sensing your bad mood, looks up from her wine and various cheeses
>"Is something bothering thee, sister mine?"
>Oh, you see that bucking smirk of her's
>Don't think you don't!
>You smile thinly
"Oh, I'm fine Luna. I was just let my mind wonder."
>Wondering how hard you'd have to kick to send that filly back to the--
>YOU SEE THAT BUCKING SMIRK!
>Your banshee of a sister nods
>"Tis' funny sister, our mind was wondering as well," she says, making sure to lick her lips
>"And by Faust's beard was the dream sweet~"
>You can't help but quietly snort, quickly picking your glass of wine and taking a few just gulps
>Oh
>It's on tonight, filly
"Oh, Anon, could you come here for a moment?"
>Revengewillnevertosweeter.mawhahahahahaha
>Your sister frowns in suspicion while Anon gets out of his seat
>Yeah, that's right colt
>Get that fanny over here
>That wonderful, wonderful fanny
>"What's up, princess?" he asked, his head cocked to the side
>Smiling your horn charges up and in a flash Anon's chair, plates, forks, and everything else was beside you
"I was wondering if you'd like to sit with me."
>Oh, you bucking /see/ Luna's frown
>It's delicious
"I was getting all lonely over here~"
>Anon chuckles, sitting down beside you
>"Well, when you go move all of my shit I guess I don't have much of a choice huh?"
>You can't help but chuckle
>Here you are, a princess of Equestria
>Sitting here in one of the finest eateries in the country
>Making a laughingstock of you and your fellow princesses, breaking etiquette, and making the partons of this place murmur amongst themselves just so you can buck with your sister
>A big smile on your face you unfurl a wing, wrapping it around your favorite human and pulling him close
>Somewhere in the restaurant, one of your little ponies, a noble, passed out
"Good. Now why the don't I show you how to use all of these silly spoons. You seem to be having a little trouble..."
 
BE LUNA
>You watch, with a frown mind you, as your sister, with Anon pressed against her side, showed the human how to use the utensils
>Bucking bitch
>You knew what she was trying to do
>She was still made about the whole kissing thing and was trying to bust your rump about it
>Well guess what?
>You weren't even going to take the bait
>Even though you didn't particularity like that way she was holding him...
>Or the way she kept grabbing his rump with your magic...
>In public no less!
>"Anon, did I ever tell you about the time when I managed to eat a three foot long gummy worm without chewing?
>...
>...
>Alright
>Buck this
>Twocanplaythisgame.jpg
>Doing your best to smile, you slide your chair right next to Anon--giving your sister's leg a good kick for lols-- humming while you do so
"Prithee what does thou know of /proper/ etiquette, Sister?" you ask with a sweet smile while your sister glares at you
"If anyone were to teach Anon the proper use of the crab fork it would be us."
 
BE CANDY CANE
>You can't help but giggle in your wine glass as you watch the two of your aunts quietly fight over Anon while the human tries to eat his food
>This is some grade A shit right here
>Your husband, frowning, leans over toward you
>"What the buck is wrong with the two of them?" he whisper shouts
"The two of them are excited and nervous about this date," you explain, refilling your wine
>If you strain your ears enough you swear you could hear those two kicking each other under the table
>...Kek
>It's cute, really
"And I'm pretty sure both of them want to be the head mare of the herd so they're trying to make themselves look as good as possible."
>Which, for the second date at least, was a mistake
>You all and Anon were still trying to get a "feel" for each other
>Trying to fight for dominance now might accidentally scare him off
>Scare him /right/ into your hooves...
>"Sister, it appears that thou may be getting too close to Anonymous with thy knife."
>"I was actually pointing it closer to someone /else/ dear sister..."
>Ohhhhh
>This was so bucking perfect that you almost couldn't believe it
>Your aunts might have been silly thinking that /they/ were going to be the head mare in their relationship but you didn't blame them
>You'd be sure to be gentle with the two of them after you placed that crown on your head
>Keksfordays.hah!
> You'll just let with little dinner play out
>Let Anon sit there trying to figure out how to eat his food--if he even wanted to eat any of this "too rich 4 u" food-- while your aunts were at each others throats
>You'd be there to pick the pieces and play the white knight
>You'll break up any brawls and you'll have a pizza handy for what you all had planned after this so Anon could /actually/ fill his stomach
>They should bucking call you the candymare
>'Cause you were getting all of the sweeties
 
Be SHINING ARMOR
>Ugggggghhhhhhhh
>You resist the urge to slam your head against the table as you survey what the buck is going on around you
>Anon's trying, and failing, to eat his Shepard's pie without making a mess
>Celestia and Luna were having some weird spoon/fork fight behind Anon's head while the two of them were basically attached to his sides
>And there was your darling wife, smiling and giggling to herself like a jackass, pulling down her dress so much that you could /clearly/ see her chest tuft
>Double ugh
>Why the buck didn't she shave that off?...
>You weren't even going to mention all of the bucking stares your table was getting...
>They're going to ban you from with place /for sure/...
>The only silver-lining in all of this was that Anon wasn't noticing all of the nonsense happening around him
>...And, though he's getting peas and chicken all over his suit, you have to give him an A for effort for trying to be fancy
>Poor marely, unsophisticated, too-big-for-his-suit Anon...
>If he was a normal stallion he'd be sooo embarrassed right now
>Which was where you came in
>Someone had to be embarrassed for the two of you
*Ugh Intensifies*
>Alright, Shining, you gotta figure out a way to end this dinner on a high note!
>Gotta get these slackers in shape and looking like actual royalty!
>...Is Cadence fluffing out her tuft with a fork?...
>Eye twitching, you find yourself standing up
"Hey Anon? Would you mind coming to the bathroom with me?"
>Everyone at the table looks up at you (and thank the gods that the utensil war stops too) and all of the princesses went back to their meals like you just hadn't seen /all/ of their bullshit
>Ughsfordaysson.ugh
>You know what?
>Buck it
"Actually just get up and come to the bathroom with me will you? You and I need to talk about... colt stuff..."
>You don't even care about all of the stares as you brag Anon to the bathroom with your magic
>"...Shining?"
"Hum?"
>"...Is this because of all of the shit I got on my suit? 'Cause I tried to use the tablecloth as a napkin and..."
>UGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!
 
BE ANON
>Oh shit
>Shining must be mad that you messed up your suit...
>It wasn't your fucking fault
>Eating Shepherd's pie yo
>At least he's taking you to the little boy's room to clean yourself up...
>Grumbling to himself, Shining walks over and throws ope--
>"Good evening sir. Would you like a massage before while you powder your nose?"
>Dat fuck zigga?
>The second you step into the bathroom it's like you step into a whole different world
>The bathroom must /at least/ be twice the size of the restaurant itself
>The whole place was covered from top to bottom in shiny white marble, with statues spitting out water, little decorative trees surrounding some fancy tables and chairs, and there was even a /fucking swimming pool/ in the center of it all
>...
>...
>It there even a fucking pisser in here?!
>Shining stops when he noticed that you were no longer following him
>"Anon what the heck--"
>He stops, his face lighting up in realization
>"Ohhh... first time in a real stallion's bathroom?"
"How the hell did they even fit something like this in here?" you asked, walking over and poking one of the statues
>Yep
>It's fucking marble alright
>Shining chuckles, guiding you over to the chairs
>"It's not the nicest colt's room I've seen but it's alright."
>Shining sits you down and hops up into a chair himself
>"Have you never really seen a bathroom like this?"
>You shake your head as a drink just /fucking/ appears in your hand
"I usually don't use any other public bathroom than the gym.."
>Did you seriously never notice something like this?!
>Wait
>Is this what girl's bathrooms were like back home?!
>Neat
 
BE CANADA
>Smiling as dem fillies admire dat chest tuft
> Aw Yeah
>It was totally worth not shaving for a few days
>The shit on your chest might be as long as hell already but you saw Anon eyeballing you
>Smile widening, you lean back into your chair and take a bite out of the piece of bread that you had been nibbling on the whole evening
>Gotta save up for that pizza later tonight!
>"And what doth thou think that thou art smirking about, Niece?" Luna asked, her eyes narrowing
"Oh I just remember a funny joke, Aunty. It's nothing to sorry about."
>Annnd tear a bit of your shirt...
>500%tuft
>Both of your aunts glare at you, also leaning back into their chairs
>And what is your bucking--
RIIIIIIP!
>Celestia sighs in relief as as she rips the front of her dress down the to the middle of her chest
>"Oh filly," you aunt says tsking. "I'll give you props for trying the ol'd tuft technique to get the colt but I think you're a /little/ outmatched in that regard~"
>You and Luna stare in shock and awe at the mother of all tuft on your aunt's chest
>Sweet Faust that think looks like a jungle
>Has she /ever/ shaved that think?
>Is she part Neightalian?!
>...Mirin'
>To your surprise, Luna giggles
>"Amusing Sister," she sitting up in her seat and starting at the two of you with a twinkle in her eye. "But thy hairy chest is /nothing/ compared to mine!
RIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!
>"GAZE UPON THE MAJESTY THAT IS OUT CHEST HAIR!"
>...Did your aunt just rip her dress in half and toss it to the ground?
>That's bucking hard--
>...
>...
>....
>Sweet mother of Faust look at that bucking tuft...
>The tuftening
>Mt tufterest
>ALL of the tuft
>Somewhere in the restaurant, a stallion passes out form the sheer Majesty that was all of your godly tufts
>...
>...
>Fancy was going to be so mad that you ripped all of his dressed...
 
BE SHINING ARMOR
"Will you just hold still for one second so I can get all of this off of you?"
>Anon grumbles, crossing his arms as you use a rag to wipe Anon's suit down as best as you can
>Silly dirty humans
>Trying to eat like ponies and shit
"Did you see how those mares were acting out there?" you grumble
>Bucking gravy stains
>That shit /always/ ruined clothes...
"If they're going to act like bucking idiots /I'll/ become the bucking head mare. See how they like that..."
>Anon looks at you with a confused expression
>"Oh... is that what they were doing out there?" he asked. "Trying to see who's gonna be the head honcho and all of that?"
>Sighing, you take a step back and stick out a hoof
"Just take that off will you? I'm sure I have a cleaning spell that'll clean this right up."
>Anon does as you asked and you walk over and throw his coat onto the table
>You were going to blow the /shit/ out of those stains
>Just like your dad would have done
"Yes, and don't be upset if any of the princesses get anymore... pushy or needy tonight, Anon. They're just excited that and it's been a while since any of them have courted a pony."
>Though that shouldn't count your bucking wife
>What the buck was wrong with--
>Oh!
>Surprise pets!
>"I honestly didn't notice of they were doing anything bad, Shining, so you don't have to worry about that," Anon says giving your ear a scratch before a small frown comes to his face
>"And speaking of later tonight, do you mind telling me /what/ we're doing after dinner?"
>This isn't the bathroom gossip that you're used to (where you and the guys talk about who big or small some mare's fanny is) but you'll make a gossiper out of this one yet
>...Though, alas, your lips are sealed on about what's happening later tonight
"Cadence and the others made me promise not to tell you what we're doing," you say as your horn sparks to life
>"Could you at least give me some kind of hint?"
>Your eyes narrow as you stare down the stains on Anon's coat
>You can see each and every one of them were shaking in their horseshoes...
>Preparefordeath!
ZAP!
>There's a slight puff of smoke as the nasty stains are obliterated from this plane of existence and somewhere, in the afterlife, your ancestors are puffing their chest out with pride at your cleaning ability
>Coltscleaningforchuckles.com
"Alright, now put that on and lets get back into the fray," you grumble. "I'm sure that they're wondering why we've been gone so long."
>Anon musses up your mane with a hand
>"Thanks Shining, your the best."
>Damn right you are
>And don't you forget it!
>Now feeling a little bit better, and also feeling a bit more ready to face the rest of this date, you lead Anon out of the bathroom, through the restaurant, and toward you tabl--
>...
>...
>...
>Shinepone.exe is no longer responding
>Please reboot...
>...
>...
>...Did those fillies /rip/ their bucking dresses off while you and Anon were in the BUCKING BATHROOM?!
>AND WERE THEY ALL FLUFFING UP THEIR TUFT HAIR?!?!?!?
>200%MAD
>NO!
500%MAD!!!
"Anon?"
>"Yeah Shining?"
"I need you to do me a favor and cause an angry scene for me please."
>Anon cocks his head at you as you finally catch your wife's eye
>Yeah, I see that look filly
>You know you bucked up
>And you know that I know that you know...
>GRRRRRR
>"Wouldn't we get thrown up then?" Anon looks around the room while you grit your teeth
"You, Anon, are a big galoot that enjoys breaking things," you calmly explain. "And while I'd /love/ to just start tossing things I'd like to keep what little image and self-respect that I have less."
>"And you're saying that I have no self respect?" Anon asked, sounding mildly insulted
"No. No you do not."
>Anon huffs quietly, walking over toward an occupied table
>"I wanted to do this anyway," he muttered, reaching under the table and flipping it
>You watch with a hint of satisfaction as the table, along with the food and drinks on top of it, goes flying through the air
CRASH!
"OH SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA!"
"THERE'S SOUP EVERYWHERE!"
"MY LEG!"
>Yeah, that's right
>If daddy ain't happy ain't no one was gonna be happy
>Nodding, you walk over and glare at the three princesses
>"Whoooo! Hey Shining can I flip another table?... Fuck it, I'm gonna throw one any way. And maybe a couple of chairs too!"
>"Sir, please calm down and--"
>"WHOOO! Whatcha gonna do when the hulkster runs wild on you little pone!"
CRASH!
BANG!
BOOM!
>You don't break eye contact with your wife as you slowly make your way over to your table
>Right now you weren't Shining Armor
>No, you were the thing that all mares feared
>The thing that kept them up at night
>They could not outrun you
>They could not hide or beg or plea
>You were an angry stallion that was about to put his wife in the dog house
>Faust have mercy on her soul
>Your step-aunts shiver as you stand muzzle-to-muzzle with your wife, who's shaking in fear at your scrunched up face and glare-y eyes
>Levitating your glass of wine over you take a sip
>And then finish the whole glass in one swig
>You wife whimpers
>Bucking delicious
"We're going home. /Now/"
>"WHOOO! I'M FUCKING UP ALLL OF YO SHIT YOU LITTLE ZIGGAS!
 
Be ANON
>Also be covered in wine and soup and other shit and grinning like a fool after you and your dates had gotten kicked the /fuck/ out of that fancy eatery
>Which wasn't totally your fault!
>You had been the impromptu bull in a china shop
>It was only natural for you to try to break small, fragile things!
>You /might/ have felt a little bad about the whole thing but you needed to let nature run its course back at the restaurant
>...Though Shining didn't seem to think so, chewing you and the princesses the fuck out as the five of you walked back to the castle
>"I can't bucking take any of you for anything can I? I swear to Faust--"
>"Anon?" Luna, who you had been giving a piggyback ride, whispers in your ear. "We did not ruin the date by accepting the tuft challenge, did we?"
>You chuckle quietly
"Nah, you guys didn't ruin anything," you tell her. "In fact I'm pretty sure you made the night by pulling that shit off."
>Luna lets out a happy hum and nuzzles your cheek
>"We are relieved."
>You flinch when you feel something prick the back of your neck
>The fuck was that?!
>You stumble forward, somehow managing to keep a hold of Woona
>You shake your head as your vision swims and your eyelids become heavy
>Though your eyesight is /fucked/ for...whatever reason, you can see well enough to notice that Cadence and Celestia are watching you intently
>"If thee enjoyed dinner, Anon We are sure that thou will enjoy the rest of the night," Luna tells you as someone catches you with their magic and holds you aloft. "We simply need to get thee there in secret for...reasons..."
>You feel Luna's weight slide off you as you slowly lose the battle of keeping your eyes open
>Did those fucking fillies drug you for some cult shit?
>Like they just stuck a /fucking needle/ filled with /drugs/ into your neck without so much as a howdy do?!
>What kind of BULLSHIT was that?!
>And what did she say about taking you to somepla--
>...
>...
 
 
>Watching in irritation as Anon's eyes close and he finally goes fully limp in your wife's magic
>GRRRRRRR
>You were so. bucking. mad at these fillies and this bucking human!!!!!!
>...But you were going to keep your calm
>You were a calm, thoughtful, and, not to toot your own horn, handsome stallion
>Even though you were mad you /were/ going to be there for your BUCKING wife tonight
>Even if she was making it /hard/ to do so
"So can you /please/ explain to me /why/ you three needed to do this?"
>Humming a little tune, your wife levitates Anon onto her back, holding him up with a wing
>"Because the Super Secret Princess Super Fun Base's location is a secret known only by a select few." Cadence tells you matter-of-factly "When Anon gets the clearance then we won't have to do this but since he doesn't we have to use the knockout needles."
>Ugh
>And you /knew/ that this filly was as bucking serious as a heart attack too
>Celestia had nicked /you/ with a bucking needle when you were dating Cadence
>Boy were you bucking /mad/ when you woke up!
>And scared
>Like really scared
>Until you saw what the two princesses had in store for you
>Then you rolled your eyes so bucking hard that you swore you could see your brain
>Their "Super Secret Princess Fun Base" was just a little shack that was near the back of the castle by the garbage chute for Faust's sake!
>A shack that they only had because they were too embarrassed about their little... hobby and they didn't want ponies to know about it!
>Their stupid, dumb hobby that costs too bucking much and they they took too seriously!
>...No
>You just calm down Shining
>Let the princesses show Anon their dumb, super hard little game
>If they wanted to show Anon something they were less than proud of than you were more than happy to support them
>...Though you /still/ think this is too bucking much...
>You're brought out of your thoughts by Celestia roughly smacking your bottom
>"Quit dilly-dallying Shining!" she yells, a big smile on her face. "We're burning night! I want to get a couple practice games in before midnight!"
>Glaring at her you rub your bottom
>OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO!
>BUCKING CELESTIA!
 
BE ANON AGAIN
>Ugh
>What the hell happened?...
>You were walking down the street carrying Luna and...
>Ohhhh...
>That's right
>You got fucking drugged
>"Girls, I think he's waking up!"
>"But we have not finished balancing his army yet!"
>It's fine, Luna, and you're paint job is lovely by the way."
>Thank thee sister we--"
>...
>What the fuck are those three blabbering on about?
>Groggily shaking your head you open your eyes and look around, blinking
>You were sitting in what looked like a bean bag chair, and all around you was a miniature wooden ruin of a city
>Buildings, once tall and mighty by the look of them, were crumbled and rusted, with brick and steel and rotting wood spewn around cracked and broken pavement
>You could see parts of fallen buildings, black and charred but what would be perfect for someone to hide behind, and...
>What the hell is all of this?
>And why did it look like it was all painted?
>"Neat isn't it?"
>Looking around in bewilderment, you see Cadence, a pair of glasses on her muzzle, a couple hardback books and piece of paper next to her, and her mane tied up in a pony tail
>Another quick look reveals Celestia and Luna, both whom similar attire
>Allofthewat.jpg
"...And what is this?" you ask as Luna lays down these little... figures in front of you?
>"One of Canterlot's greatest secrets, Anonymous," Celestia tells you with a nervous smile. "A secret that we've decided to let you in on."
>You stare at the little figures and then look at the books and papers for a minute or two before it /all/ clicks
>Is this some fucking LARPing thing?!
>They fucking drugged you because they wanted you to see some nerd--
>You pause mid-thought as Cadence levitates over a few pizzas to you
>And it was the good shit too
>The Village pizza
>You /loved/ that shit!
>....
>....
>Holy fuck are you still hungry...
>Pizza would go /great/ right now...
>Frowning, you snatch the peetzers from lovebutt and throw open a lid
"You have two minutes to explain before I start getting upset about the whole drugging me thing," you tell them as you take a big bite out of one of the pizza slices
>Hmmmm
>That there is some GOOD shit!
>Cadence just smiles
>"We're not even going to need one," she says with a smile
>Celestia scoots over to you and wraps a wing around you
>"You see, my little human, my fellow princesses and I wish to ask you a very important question."
>Luna wiggles up against your other side
>"Would thou partake in a few games of HyperSpace HyperWars with us... P-Please?"
 
BE CANDY CANE
>Welp
>It looks like Anon took the whole "we kidnapped you and dragged you into a strange room so you could play a board game with us" pretty bucking well!
>All you had to do was feed him a ludicrous amount of pizza and throw a few of the figures, a tape measurer, two rules books (the fifth and third edition of course; you and your aunts had class), and a few hooffuls of dice into his lap and you were in the clear!
>Now you just needed to show him how to buck to play one of the greatest games ever made by mortals
>"...So these little plastic hickeys are for grenades and stuff?
>Celestia nods as she nuzzles the top of Anon's head
>...Lucky bitch for being tall enough to do that to him while you were all sitting
>And for getting to sit next to him while you were alone over here on the other side of the board...
>You were going to kick her ass so /hard/ with your Dau...
>"And how far can I move these guys?" Anon asked, nudging one of his squads of solar marines with a finger
>Aw
>This is /so/ cute!
>It's like watching a baby walk for the first time!
>Chuckling to yourself, you take a moment to look over the army that Luna had set up
>It was a standard issue Solar marines army
>The metal mare company now that you got a good look at it...
>Huh, those figures were usually /really/ hard to paint
>Your aunt was right, Luna really did a good job on--
>Wait a minute!
>Did you see a Winged Paladin behind those Dreadnoughts?
>2op5me
>...While you'd bitch at Luna for giving Anon one of /those/ bucking things, which were illegal as all Tartarus in a competitive game by the way, you decided to let it slide
>Anon was a first timer after all
>You didn't want him to get /destroyed/ the first time to ever played
>That was what happened to your husband...
>Which was why he never played another game with you or Celestia again...
>"And make sure to look at the runes that we have painted on each of the figures, Anon," Luna advised, pointing out various troops.
"They have buffs and abilities that will greatly aid thee in the upcoming battles."
>Frowning, Anon flips through a strategy guide and his codex, mumbling nonsense to himself
>"Alright..."
>He looks up from his books
>"Give me like twenty minutes so I can get this shit all settled then we can play this game."
>Hah
>You don't /play/ this game colt
>This game plays /you/
 
BE ANON
>Holy shit is this game some bullshit
>You hadn't even fucking started and you had a headache
>Blast damage, fire damage, void armor, cover defense, buffs, abilities, holy damage
>Da fuck was all of this shit?!
>Why the fuck would anyone make something so ball-bustingly difficult was beyond you
>But the pone princesses wanted to play it, and were really excited that you were willing to play it, and you had nothing better to do tonight, /and/ they had gotten you pizza, so you were going to give it your fucking best
>..Sweet babby Jesus was this going to be a shit show..
"Alright... so I guess we can start," you say, looking up from your thirty /fucking/ books
>The princesses smile and Canada claps her hooves together
>"Alright then!" What should we play?" she asked, levitating her little action figures around and setting them in front of her
>The other princesses do the same, Celestia and Luna cuddled on either side of you
>Snuggles4dayzson
>"We should just have a simple team death match," Celestia says
>The other princesses nod in agreement while you take another bite out of your pizza
>Hmmmm
>Cheesie...
>"Tis a simpler game than we usually do but it's a good start for the uninitiated," Luna says
>"So it's settled then," Condense says, opening all of her little books and getting out all of her silly dice. "We'll have a two on two match..."
>The princesses eyes widened, and the room grew a hell of a lot more tense
>"...I call dibs on Anon," Celestia says quickly
>You take another bite of your /awesome/ pizza as the little room erupts into chaos
>"The buck you bucking are, filly!"
>"Thou art a knave and are filled to the wings tips with poppycock, sister!"
>The two of you are just made that I did--"
>You sigh, looking down and flipping through your big ass rule book
>Didn't they have something for this in this big ass thing?
>HyperWars lore, explanation on turns, whatever the fuck marching orders--
>There it is!
"...Um, don't we have to roll dice to see who goes with who?"
>And just like that the yelling and threads stops, each of the princesses looking at each other before looking back to you in embarrassment
>"...Thou art correct, Anon,"Luna says, levitating a dice in front of her and the other princesses.
>"Anon, please think of a number. Whoever is closest to that number will be paired with thee. Tis fair is it not?"
>You shrug
"Fine by me."
>You watch as the princesses eye each other warily while picking up their dice and shaking them in their hooves
>"Come on baby, momma needs to new human," Cadence says tossing the dice.
>When you see her roll a one you shake your head
"Not even close."
>"We will be next!" Luna shouts while Cadence looked down at the table dejectedly
>"By our divine power, bend to our will, dice!"
>She's closer (dat filly got a five) but you still shake your head
"You're closer than she was but that's still not my number."
>Celestia puts her die in front of you
>"Would you be a dear and blow on this, Anon," she says, batting her eyelashes at you. "It'd give me good luck~"
>Rolling your eyes, you lean in and blow on the dice
"There, now hurry up. I want to get my ass kicked sometime today."
>Giving everyone in the room a smirk, Celestia tosses her dice like it ain't even a thang
>Luna and Cadence watch as the die hits the table and rolls....
>And gets a seven
"You got it."
>Celestia hops off of her bean bag chair with a whoop while Cadence and Luna groan, doing a little dance
>"Hah! who's the princess? Who's the princess?"
>She dances for a minute more, complete with one /hell/ of a moonwalk and spin combo, before the princess plops down next to you, wraps a wing around you, and smiles
>"Alright! Now that we got that out of the way which one of you salty, salty fillies are ready to play?"
>Luna crosses her hooves and pouts
>"Buck thee, sister... Buck thee right in thy gigantic flank.
 
BE CELESTIA
>You are the noble and beautiful and genius Commander of the Shadow Stalker Battleforce, fighting to rid this planet of the filthy zenos!
>Your opponents are a legion of Moon Raiders under the command of the Great Wolf Luna and a troop of Dau under the command of that /bitch/ Shas'o Cadence
>You have fought these two... lesser races many a time, but you have never fought them without the help of another battleforce and they never attacked you as a single army!
>How they managed to keep from killing each other even now astounded you
>/Creatures/ like that barely had the capacity for thought for Seer's sake!
>But, against all odds, it appeared that they were going to work together to kill you
>And you had to figure out how to bucking deal with that
>While you were a commander of the highest order and excelled at everything you did even you knew that these were impossible odds
>The enemy was too numerous, too well equipped to handle on your own...
>Though, thankfully, you had found an ally in this desolate, dead city
>Legion Master Anonymous, a lesser creature that you could actually stand oddly enough, had seen your plight and, seeing your beauty and grace and the heart and strength of your soldiers, had decided to turn his back on his demon of an empress and fight in your defense
>Though he was rather green behind the ears when it came to combat (which was very... odd for a Solar marine) you knew that with you guiding him the two of you would /crush/ these fillies unto the dirt like the scum that they were!
>And after the battle was concluded and your enemies were nothing but ash and dust, you would have to make sure to thank the qt Legion Master in a more... intimate manner~
>But first the battle!
>May the Seers see your victory!
 
BE ANON
>After the teams had been picked and you'd made your way over to your sides of the table you had to set up all of your little figure up for your deployment stage
>You opted to be a coward and hide a few groups of your guys behind some broken up concrete walls with a big tank-looking mother fucker as back up and moved the rest where you'd be able to get the rest of your army hiding
behind all sorts of shit
>...Which is supposed to help in some way?
>And you were going to fucking /stay/ where you were, thank you very much
>If anyone wanted to come and attack your ass you were more than happy to let them come to you
>If you managed to get cover near a few of the places with "killing zones" as the book called it without getting blown the fuck out you'd be fucking some guys up!
>Maybe
>Probably
>Hopefully
>...Actually you were probably going to get your ass kicked up and down this board
>But hey, at least you have peetzer to help ease the sting of defeat
>Hmmm, cheesie
>Sun Horse had decided to leave a few of her guys with you, (probably to make sure you didn't fuck up too bad) her main guy sitting right next to yours, and placed the rest all around the table while she muttered nonsense to herself
>"The gods will see us win this day, Legion Master," she tells you, her eyes hard and her face stern, the second that she puts her last little guy down. "We will drive these vermin from the field and feast over their dead!"
>Isthisbitchforreal?!.jpg
"...Okay?"
>... Did... Was that filly wearing some weird crown shit on her head?
>Bemused, you look away from her and at the other pri--
>...Alright
>Why the fuck is Woona wearing a /beard/ and growling?!
>Why is Condense wearing some weird helmet thing?!
>What was wrong with these ponies?!?!?!
>...This was going to be some /stupid/ shit, wasn't it?
 
BE GREAT WOLF MOONBUTT
>It looks like you've got one hell of a fight ahead of you!
>Those thrice-damned Eldar had wiped out this cities entire populace like the heathens they were!
>A city that was on a planet in the inner ring of your influence no less!
>And to add insult to injury, some solar marines had gone over to the enemies side!
>Shameful!
>You and your packmates weren't going to take this load of horseapples sitting down!
>You were going to tear them to pieces for the Empress and for the equines that were slaughtered!
>From atop your a big wolf you frown and puff out your chest as you touch the bolter at you side
>You were ready to kill shit and chew bubblegum
>And you were out of bubblegum
>Gettingmedievalonazigga.fukinzenos!
 
BE ANON AGAIN
>And you're--
>"FOR THE WOLF TIME!"
>With a yelp, you roll out of your bean bag chair as Luna does her best to shout your ears off
"What the hell, Luna?" You demand, popping up and glaring at the Princess of the Night as she moved her soldiers into position
>"Thou aren't worth the ceramite that thy armor is made of," Luna spat as the last figure was put down.
>"Thou turned thine back upon your battle brother and the emperor!"
>Looking at the board you notice that most of her army was pointed at yours
>Ohshit.Waurgh!
>"We praise the empress upon this day, because there are traitors for us to cleanse!"
>...Alright then
>You find yourself sinking into your seat as you take another bite out of your pizza
>You /weren't ready for... /this/!
>Were you going to have to run if--
>Is Luna fucking stroking that weird beard of her's?!
>Where did she even get that thing?!
 
BE SHAS'O CONDENSE
>Poor Anon
>Look at him, all confused and alone and scared
>He didn't want to fight
>He obviously just wanted what was best for everyone
>For the greater good if you will...
>You smile behind your helm
>You'll make sure to keep him alive after you and the Great Wolf crush their armies
>If you had five minutes with the colt you were sure that you'd be able to talk some sense into him
>And maybe he'd be able to put... something into you~
 
BE GREAT WOLF MOON BOTTOM
"Keep moving forward Sisters!" you roar over the hail of gun and artillery fire and choking black smoke. "Push forward or we will all see the afterlife!"
>All around you your pack mates were falling left and right under the traitor marine's concentrated gunfire, builts and cannon fire ripping through their ceratmite armor little tissue paper and tearing them to shreds
>To your irritation, that damned Anonymous had positioned some of his men and two dreadnoughts behind fallen bits of building and steel
>The only way for you to cut the Legion master's head off and bring it back to Moondonia as a trophy was to get past this defense
>A defense that was easy to hold, secure on all sides expect the back, and that had the mother of all killing fields
>Killing fields that you and your brave men were attempting to cross at this very moment
>"CANNON FIRE!"
BOOM!
>It seemed as though that this "Anon" was going to be a good deal more difficult to destroy than you had thought
>"GRENADE!"
>You veer your thunderwolf to the left as a void grenade goes off to your left, spraying up concrete and dirt and blood and guts
>You aim your bolter and aim carefully as your faithful steed weaves through gunfire
BOOM!
>You watch in satisfaction as one of the traitor marines heads explodes as he pops his head out from his little hiding place
>That satisfaction once again turns into irritation and rage as a pair of Solar marines simply pick up and toss their dead brother over the steel beam they were taking cover by and take up his position
>Humph
>If they weren't going to meet you in the field with honor than you were more than happy to take it to them!
>Kicking your steed's sides roughly you and your wolf launch forward, you firing away with your sidearm and waving a power sword in the other and your wolf snarling and howling while you cursed and shouted at your enemies
>"Forward my sisters! Forward for the Empre--"
>"Watch out! They're flanking us! THEY'RE FLANKING US!"
>Cursing under your breath you turn and look...
>To see three fresh and ready squads of solar marines, supported by /two/ dreadnoughts, lay into your right flank
>Empress dammit!
>It was a trap!
>You were going to have to--
BOOM!
 
BE ANON
"Alright," you say, pulling out one of the bigger blast radius plastic thingy's. "I'm going to attack... here."
>You measure out the distance with your tape measure and ready your dice. "I'm gonna use... two squads of these normal guys.... I need threes to hit."
>You roll for damage and Luna rolls for defense
>You grin as you manage to take a few of Woona's little wolfie guys and a few of her soldiers
"Then I want to attack with these walking-tank guys and I want to use their fury cannons for a roll of six."
>The two of you roll again and once again more of Luna's figures are killed off
>You can't help but grin as you sit back, eat you pizza, and listen to Moonbutt growl to herself as she strokes her beard
>She looks /pretty/ fucking bad...
>Hah!
>You knew that hiding behind shit was the way to go!
>And you didn't even know how to /play/ this fucking game!
>Luna had a hell of a time hitting you since you had cover defense (not your big tank guys though, which kind of sucked since she kept shooting at them) and she was all out the open
>Though it didn't look like your luck was going to hold out for much longer
>Luna was about to be in melee range and you hadn't killed as many of her guys as you wanted and those wolves of her's looked like they could fuck some shit up
>And, since you really hadn't put that many guys in this section of the table they were probably going to get overwhelmed...
>But hey!
>Even if she got you here you still had three other places that she was going to have to get through before she attacked your HQ!
>...kek
>HQ
>Look at you using terminology like a dork!
>With a grin you end your turn, lean back, and take another bite out of her pizza while you watch Sunny buns take her turn.
>This is a lot funner than you though it would be!
 
 
BE SHAS'O CANDY CANE
>You find yourself shaking your head as another group of your Kroot launch themselves at the Dau Guardians with a battle cry that seemed to shake the city's ruined walls
>Why did the kroot never listen to you?
>You /told/ them to stay behind the battlesuits so they could pick off the enemy...
>Though, in true, you honestly couldn't blame your sisters
>Their kind /lived/ for battle
>And they wanted nothing more than to bring the fight to the enemy...
>That doesn't excuse the lack of discipline though, so you're going to have to punish someone after this battle was over
>So now, to your bemusement, you had to make sure that there were survivors to punish
"Have our snipers move to their left flank to take out those rangers that are harassing our gun drones,' you tell a Fio'la, who then relays it through your communication systems
>With a frown on your face you aim your pulse rifle and pick off a few of the guardians
>Though this, for you at least, seemed like an average day on the battlefield something was making you uneasy
>While you and Celestia were in a bit of a stalemate at the moment, you were vulnerable to an attack to the rear
>The Legion master that allied himself with the commander might have been a little wet behind the ears (though quite a bit more experienced that you first gave him credit for if what your soldiers were telling you was true) he /must/ have been the gap in your defenses
>And, since he had spread out his army into three camps with plenty of reserves for each, all he would have to do was send a few squadrons of soldiers your way and you'd found yourself in a bit of a pickle...
BOOM!
>"MY LEG! MY BUCKING LEG!"
>It appeared that this fight was going to be more difficult than you thought
"Fio'la, what is our ally's condition?"
>A young Dau next to you salutes
>"It appears that the Moon wolves are having a bit of trouble breaking through the Solar marines defenses, Shas'o," she tells you as you continue to fire your rifle in short, controlled bursts
>A smile comes to your face as you hear the enemies soldiers yelling orders for a retreat
>Huh, it looked like your kroot made the right call in attacking...
>You should make sure to call back them and send in a few of your battle suits and gun drones to see if the enemy is ready to crack yet
>You were going to need them rested if you were going to break through the Eldar defenses and push onto the solar marines territory
"Do we have any soldiers to spare for the good Great Wolf?
>"We have three fire warrior teams and a riptide suit that aren't seeing action at the moment, and I think that we could spare a few kroot hounds, Shas'o."
"Send them. I want our flank--
BOOM!
>There's a flash of light beside you, and air seems to shimmer and become foul
>Swearing, you lift your rifle up to eye level and peer through the scope
>It takes a moment, but you find a shadowsweer staring at you through their mask intently
>It was obvious that they were trying to cast some kind of spell on you...
>Well they /were/ at least...
BANG!
>You grin as the seer drops and the air around you becomes clean and whole once again
>Bucking psykers!
>Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, you look back over to the young Fio'la who appeared to have shit herself
>Not that you blame her
The Warp as a mad and evil and dangerous thing, and every living thing should fear it
"I want our flank secure before we move up to take this street," you finish, lifting a hoof up and throwing it down
>The group of Crisis suits behind you raised their hellshot turrets
"FIRE!"
 
BE ANON
>Holy shit was this game getting intense!
>You had already lost two of your bases to Candy Cane and Moon horse and Sun Butt had been pushed back into the a street filled with chest-high walls and craters
>It looked like a couple of lucky rolls on your part and your sweet fuckin' defensive skills were no match for two veteran HyperSpace HyperWars players
>...And, after reading a bit more into it, you found out that Solar Marines were pretty shitty at trench warfare and more inclined to hand-to-hand combat
>Yournewfagisshowing.jpg
>Sun Horse was trying her best to carry the two of you but it looked hopeless
>You were getting your asses kicked
>The enemy was amassing outside your gates
>Your men were running low on ammo and exhausted and their moral was wavering
>And you were about out of peetzer!
>The horror! THE HORROR!
>...If you were going to play with again you were going to have to make sure to pick an army that is more in tune with your cowardly tactics
>Because that whole "meeting the enemy on the battlefield" thing wasn't your jam yo
>Though you and Celestia were kind of getting your hit kicked in (though you thought that you were giving as good as you got... they just had WAY more guys than you was all) it looked like Sunny Buns was having a hell of a time
>She still had that big ol' wing of hers wrapped around you snuggly as she moved yours and hers figures around with her magic
>Her eyes would go as wide as saucers and she'd cheer whenever you had a decent roll, she'd boo and groan whenever Luna or Cadence took one of your pieces or out maneuvered you, all the while staring at the table was if what she was doing was the most important thing in the whole world
>"COME ON, COME ON! I need to take out that shell tank... HAH! IN YOUR FACE CADENCE!" Celestia yells, looking down at you with a happy expression on her face and shining eyes. "I GOT THAT BUCKING CANNON ANON!"
>HNNNNNGGGG!!!!!
>You find yourself smiling as you nuzzle against the Princess of the Sun's side, enjoying the heat coming off her soft, furry body
"Yeah, you got'em, Celly."
>You wrap an arm around her back and pull her as close against you as you can
>If you didn't watch it you might fall asleep your ass was so comfortable
"You got'em good."
 
BE HIGH COMMANDER CELESTIA!
>Your try your best to ignore the artillery fire (both yours and the enemy's) happening around you as you look down at your map
>Things were looking bleak alright
>The Dau had sliced your army in half and were coming to the Solar Marine's final bunker
>Though The Moon Raiders had suffered heavy, heavy losses at the hooves of your beloved husbando they were racing to meet up with that blasted Shas'o to lead an assault to wipe you and Anon out
>You should have killed off that filthy Dau when you had the chance!
>And, because of your negligence, it looked like you might not see another day...
>Badfeels.fuck
>You look over at Anon with a small smile on your face
>Though he is dirty and bloody and tired, you can see the strength on his face as he continues to shout out orders over the gunfire and screams
>Though the man before you was as green as the summer grass you looked in his eyes and saw someone that had the will and talent to conquer galaxies...
>And if today, on this accursed rock, you were to meet your end you didn't think you'd rather die fighting alongside anyone else
>Heh
>Look at you, an Eldar that somehow managed to fall in love with a human...
>The Seers must be screaming at the heavens in rage because of it...
>Heh
>They were probably just jealous that you got such a hunky--
>"Hey Celestia, I think I might have an idea on how to turn this whole thing around
>You were about to turn around to look at Anon when the combined armies of the Dau and Moon Raiders come in sight
>Holy bucking shit! Look at them all!
>You find your grip on your rifle tighten
>There was NO way that you'd be able to--
"BE AT PEACE, YOUNG ELDAR. THERE IS STILL HOPE FOR YOU YET IN THIS CONFLICT"
>What in the name of the Seers was tha--
>Turning around you see one of the most dangerous beings in the universe
>It was a creature forged out of the Empress's will and the heart of a star
>A creature that knew, saw, and felt all
>A creature knew neither fear or pain and could not be killed
>It was the mother bucking Winged Paladin
>And it was standing /right/ over there next to Anon!
>IthinkIjustshitmyarmor.fear
>The fifteen foot hooded super being looks down at you with all knowing eyes
"...Anon?"
>"Yeah Sunny Buns?"
>The air around you is bucking /charged/ with wrap energy, so much to that you find it difficult to stand or breath or even /think/
>And you're like twenty feet away from it!
>How Anon is able to stand right next to the thing was a mystery to you, but there he was, a big, hammy smile on his face
"...Where the buck did you get /the/ Winged Paladin?"
>Anon looks up at the Paladin before looking back at you and shrugging
>"Luna put him in my army."
>Well all-bucking-righty then!
"I WILL BE ABLE TO SMITE YOUR ENEMIES, CELESTIA AND ANONYMOUS, IF YOUR OFFERING PLEASES ME."
>Anon's grin grows
>"If I use his Holy Smite ability then we can kick the shit out of everyone!" he says cheerfully while you gulp
>While that was true he needed to get eleven twelves for the effect to work
>And if not... well the Paladin was going to get /really/ pissed off and blow the two of /you/ away!
>...
>...
>Eh, buck it
>It's not like you have much more to lose...
"Buck it; roll for the win my Legion Master!"
>"...Legion Master?"
>...Annnnd now you were blushing hard
"J-Just roll the d-dice."
 
BE ANON AGAIN
>All eyes are on you as you pick up your lime green dice and cup them in your hands
>Blowing on them your give them a hard shake
>This was for all of the marbles!
>It was do or die!
>You needed to /not/ be a faggot and pull this off for this fucking WIN!
>THROW THAT DICE NIGGA!
>...
 
BE CELESTIA
>You and Anon look at each other as the Paladin crossed its arms
>Though it doesn't have a face you can /feel/ its frown
"IT APPEARS THAT YOU DID NOT ROLL A SINGLE TWELVE."
>The air around you both shimmers and heats up
"THAT DISPLEASES ME. GREATLY."
>Oh buc you up the as--
BOOM!
 
BE CONDENSE
"You know Anon, maybe next time we shouldn't give you a game-breaking figure if you ever want to play with us again,"
>you tease, nuzzling the top of the human's head as Luna wiggles herself closer against his chest
"Our matches usually last a heck of a lot longer than /that/!"
>As with any great battle, there are spoils that must go to the winners
>Since you and your aunt had won you had the distinguished honor of being the big spoon in your bed as your and Luna cuddled against your favorite human
>Celestia had been banished to her room for the night without any cake (the Eldar dirt bag) and your husband was... somewhere so the three of you had the whole night to get to know each other~
>Heh
>You were totally touching Anon's flank right now and it wasn't even doing a /thing/ about it!
>He /totally/ wants the V!
>...Though, since you were in a loving committed relationship and you wanted to make sweet, sweet loving to this here colt with your husband cheering you on cuddling was all you'd be able to do tonight
>That and touching Anon's junk while he slept
>But that didn't matter!
>You'd get that monkey dick next time!
>/And/ you'd get your husband to make out with Anon and it'd be /really/ awesome!
>Disexpandswings.unf
>You hear Anon huff as he pulls Woona closer against him
>"It's not my fault I didn't know how to play the fucking game," he retorts, reaching back with a hand and booping you. "And I think I did pretty damned good for my first time!"
>He boops Luna
>"I was kicking the shit out of Moon bottom for a bit there!"
>Luna stops nuzzling Anon's chest to look up at him in amusement
>"If thou would have had Steel Thanes than thy tactics might have carried the day but the moment that thou hid behind thy rocks and bits of metal thy fate was sealed, Anon."
>With a smile, Luna nuzzled Anon's face
>"Be not discouraged though, thou played well for thy first time."
>You give Anon's buns of steel a teasing squeeze
>Theassisfat.damn
"We'll make sure to give you a different army next time, Nonny," You promise, giving the top of his head a kiss. "Now get to be colt, we all have to hit the gym hard in the morning!"
>You, him, Luna, and Celestia were going to go to church, get huge, and you wee probably going to have go out and get Shining something as an apology for bucking up tonight for him
>With a sigh you once again nuzzle the top of Anon's head and close your eyes.
>Today was a pretty bucking good day
 
BE HELGA
>"--And when spring comes around the Breezie sheds it's winter wings and gets ready to--"
>For two months
>TWO MONTHS!
>You've been in this fucking hospital in your fucking fully body cast with an itchy ass
>And, for /some/ Faust-damned reason, this purple pain in the ass was STILL FUCKING READING TO YOU!!!
>Didn't she have anything better to do?!
>She's supposed to be a princess right? Didn't that mean she had princess shit to do?
>"--Ohhh! now we're getting to the Breezies mating habits! Saucy!"
>Or was she just a fucking pudgy DYEL that was send here by some great demon to torment you?
>Cause she was doing on hell of a job of it!
>Many a night you felt madness prodding the recesses of your mind as you listened to this purple dork, in pain and hungry and as anabolic as FUCK
>But you wouldn't weaver
>You wouldn't break
>You were going to tough this out
>You were /going/ to get your fucking revenge!
>Each time to tensed your muscles you thought of that hunk of ass that was waiting for you on the outside
>The hunk of ass that you were going to have to fight to have
>But how were you going to beat three gods to get to him?
>You couldn't even beat /one/!
>That had been what was on your mind the most as you laid in that hospital bed
>You had analyzed and thought and planned, and for the longest time you couldn't come up with a single fucking thing
>...Though you think you finally figured out a way to do it
>A deep, dark secret that gym rats only whispered about in hushed tones
>Something that was said to corrupt any that tried to wield its horrible, terrible power
>It'd leave them broken and mad and bloated if they were lucky...
>And you were going to be honest, you didn't want to use it
>But it was for your husbando!
>You and him needed to get married so the two of you could build a little home up in the mountains where you and all of your babies would spend the rest of their days getting swole!
>And you were going to fucking do that
>No matter what the Tartarus happens to you
>No matter if your body breaks and your soul gets torn to shreds
>All you needed to do was get the fuck out of this cast and talk to a gym merchant or two...
"--and /then/ the Breezie penetrates his mate, hitting her tiny bottom with a whip and--"
>...
>And you were going to /fucking/ kill this bitch right here
>Kill the SHIT out of her
 
BE CADENCE
>It's another day in the iron chapel and you're trying your hardest not to died while doing clean and snatches
>And holy Tartarus are you having a heck of a time with it
>"Make sure ta keep those elbows tight, mate," Yzyy says as you flip up the barbell up over your head and squat down
>"If yer not careful you'll pop those elbows of yours. And keep that fucking back straight."
>You exhale, a vein bulging out of your forehead, trying to keep your core as strong as possible as you hit the desired depth and hold
>And hold
>And hold
>And /bucking/ hold...
>Before standing back up and just dropping the bar and putting your hooves on your elbows and trying your hardest not to just up and pass out
>For the past hour and a half Yzyy had been showing you how to do a variety of Olympic lifts at light weight
>And sweet merciful Faust was it bucking awful
>The lifts were hard to do with the proper form /without/ weight, every /single/ lift was dangerous and could really buck up your shit if you weren't careful, and even after doing them for about two weeks you still could barely do them with anything more than twenty-fives on each side max
>But buck you right up the flank if it wasn't getting you results
>With just two weeks of doing them you /felt/ stronger, and your hubby had said that you were starting to pack on muscle
>And speaking of your hubby
"Yzyy... I'm cutting it... off today I... have stuff to... do," You manage to get out while the roo helps you back onto your shaky four hooves
>She just nods, handing you a water bottle
>"I was about to let you go anyway."
>She pats you in the back
>"Good lift mate, make sure ta stretch and get something to eat when you get outta here."
>You nod, gulping down that sweet, sweet H2O, not even flinching when Yzyy pinches your flank.
>"It looks like that ass of yers is getting bigger. Hope your hubby likes it."
>You have no idea filly
>You. Have. No. Idea
>When the roo leaves to your own devices you just sit there, try to catch your breath, and think about what you and Shining were going to do today
>Your husband was probably still mad because of last night...
>He might have talked to you all at breakfast this morning but you knew better
>You knew that you were in the dog house right /now/ and...
>You kinda deserved it
>Maybe more than kinda...
>It might have been better to just play nice at the dinner instead of... freaking the buck out and acting like a filly and trashing the restaurant
>ImadeamistakeandIfeelbadaboutit.jpg
>Though you were sure you could make it better!
>After finally catching your breath you trot over to where Anon, Luna, and Celestia were working out
>Which of course was in a power rack
>Sweet Faust
>You /wish/ you were bucking back in there getting yelled at to squat lower
>Luna notices you first, a smile coming to her face as she nods
>"Greetings, Niece. Did thou finish thy workout already?"
>"Howdy Cadence," Anon says as he spots a squatting Celestia.
>He frowns, lightly slapping her on the back
"Squat lower you degenerate."
>Celestia just growls in response, sweat streaming down her face
>"I'm going as low as I can!"
>"Ass-to-grass or get the fuck out of class, Sunny Buns!"
"Me and Shining are going to go out and do something today so don't wait up, alright?" you tell Luna as Anon and Celestia argue about squat depth
>"We shall made sure that Anon and your sister are entertained for the day," she says.
>"BUT MARK RIPPLETOE SAYS--"
>"I"M NOT EVEN SQUATTING LOW BAR, COLT! SO GET OFF MY BUCKING--"
>Timetoleave.nope
 
BE SHINE PONE
>Sitting in your bedroom waiting for Cadence to finish up her workout so the two of you could, and you quote, "Go out and do something as a couple."
>Which, in all honestly, sounded nice
>You could stand to have a bit of alone time with your wife and that /amazing/ bottom of hers
>It really looked like all of that gym work was playing off
>IlikebigbuttsandIcannotlie.truth
>But that was going to have to wait until she got back...
>Though, to be fair, she was probably going to have to wait on you to get ready when she got back
>Like you said you wife had gone out early to go and lift
>So bright and early in fact that you just woke up and she was probably about to walk through that door any second
>But you think she deserved to wait a little bit after the crate of horseapples she pulled last night
>You understand that she was excited for the date with Anon (like /really/ excited) and that she wanted to impress him and show him that she was the "big tough mare" but she went overboard yesterday
>And, thankfully, it looked like she knew she had gone overboard because of the looks that she was giving you when you and the other princesses had went to breakfast this morning
>A look of shame and fear and sadness...
>She was probably beating herself up over it all through her workout
>She was probably racing back to the castle with a bouquet of flowers in hoof
>...And she'd probably say something sweet that'd make you want to kiss her and tell her that you weren't /actually/ that mad
>...With that stupid sexy body of her's and that heart warming smile that just made you want to smile back...
>Conflictedclotisconflicted. truth
>You understood that she was nervous about Anon, and you also knew that she acted like a corn dog when she got nervous
>But that was what you loved about her
>You find yourself smiling as you make your way into the bathroom
>Maybe you didn't need to bust Cadence's flank the /whole/ day
>You were going to ride her a /little/ bit (as was your right) but you think that mercy might have been the best thing...
>...As long as Cadence took you out somewhere nice
>You were a stallion with principles after all
>And papa didn't raise no push over
>But enough about that!
>It was shampoo day and you and your mane had a date with destiny!
 
>"Will that be all?" a waiter asked as you survey the assortment of delicacies set before you, licking your lips in hunger
>Hay fries, grilled carrot dogs, apple and orange salad, and your favorite: Key lime pie
>You find yourself smiling as you look down at the simple yet /amazing/ delicious foods
>Oh horseapples, you Candy took you to one of your favorite diners in the city: Corn dogs Carrots and Sweets
>Your one weakness!
>It was a place where you had walked to late at night when you wanted something sweet to eat when you were little
>It was where you and most of the guard used to go when you were just a bunch of green horned recruits
>Heck, this was where you had your first date /and/ your first kiss!
>You bucking /loved/ this place, and, thankfully, it looked like Cadence still remembered that fact
>It looked like dis here filly was going all out in her apology
>Now it was going to be a heck of a lot harder to stay mad at her!
"We're fine, thank you," you say before looking at your wife, who appeared to be...
>...What the hay was she drinking?
"Cadence, honey, what are you drinking?"
>Cadence eyes you as she continues to drink out one of those sport cup thingy's
>And drink...
>And drink...
>...Why does she look like she's going to throw up?
>And is she just going to chug that whole thing in front of you?
>Wasn't she going to breath first?
>Cadence's eyes start to bulge as she continues to drink, one of her hooves hitting against your table
>Why didn't she at least stop for a second so she could take a bucking breath?
>...she needed to breath or she was going to pass out soon
>BREATH FILLY BREATH!
>You're about to slap the cup out of your silly wife's hooves when she slams her cup down and takes a deep, deep breath
>"Two scoops of whey, three tablespoons of crunchy peanut butter, milk, walnuts, and olive oil," she tells you before gasping for air
>...Wat
>She put walnuts in her shake?
>Why?
>Cadence, apparently, sees the confusion on your face and decides to explain
>"I found out that I wasn't getting enough calories to build the muscle I want."
>She tapped the glass with a hoof before grabbing a napkin and cleaning her face off
"...Okay," you say, scooting closer toward her.
>Cadence smiles nervously
>You find yourself frowning when you see that big, fake smile of hers
>She thought that you were going to up and start yelling at her in the middle of this diner
>And those eyes of hers
>All sad and filled with regret...
>Whenever anger that you felt for your wife drained away as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat
>She /had/ been beating herself up about what happened last night
>Maybe more than she should have...
>And right now the love of your life, the mare that you wanted to have children with was jumpy around you
>You, the stallion that she should have been able to just sit down and be /Cadence/ with
>And boy did you /not/ like that
>She gasped as she looked at you then at her cup, her eyes wide in alarm
>"I'm sorry if you don't want me to start drinking this stuff right in front of you, honey, I wasn't thinking and--"
>Alright, this is going too far
>You needed to show this here filly just how much you loved her
>A single bad dinner date and some general silliness wasn't going to change that!
>You grab her hoof and wrap it around your shoulder, snuggling against her side
"Honey, you know I love you more than anything else in this world," you say, nuzzling her cheek. "You can drink and workout and do whatever you want. You don't need to ask my permission for /anything/. "
>Your wife's hoof held you against her side tightly
>"No, no, I should remember my husband every once in a while," she says, sagging in her seat. "Here I am, running around trying to win over Anon and forgetting the colt that I fell on love with. And that isn't right..."
>Oh horseapples
>It looked like she was going to start crying!
>You were about to make a mare, your /wife/, cry!
>And if she starts crying you'll sure as hay start crying!
>You could never take tears!
>"I know you're mad at me about what happened yesterday, Shining, and you have every right to be."
>Cadence brushed a bit of your mane out of your eyes, her sad eyes scanning your face
>"And I've been thinking about it... and... I wanted to apologize. You deserve better this."
>That awful, strained, fake smile comes back to her face
>"And if you want me to change /anything/ or do anything to make our relationship better than I'll be happy to do it!"
>You can't help but just sit and stare at you wife, the look on her face making you heart ache
"Oh honey," you say, pulling the mare into a tight hug. "Don't you /dare/ think you should change anything about yourself."
>You sniffle as you bury your face into her coat
>Don't you DARE cry now colt
>Don'tyoudarecry!
"I know how much Anon means to you, and I know you really want to make it work with all of us."
>Your wife tries to weakly wiggle out of the hug
>"That still doesn't mean I should act like I've been act--"
"Did you know I helped start a riot with Anon?"
>Holy shit did that just kind of come out of your mouth...
>Annnnd now ponies were staring at you
>...
>Eh, buck it!
>You could still roll with this!
>Cadence looks at you in shock and disbelief as you break the hug and look up at her
>"What did you do with Anon?" she asked, sounding confused
>Oh horseapples...
>Did that one mare over there just pull out a notebook?!
>No
>Stay focused Shining!
"The two of us went out one night and one thing led to another and we... may have started a fight in a strip club."
>You shush your wife when she opens her mouth
"Some mares were bothering me and Anon decided to... be Anon."
>You look away from Cadence and look at the table with a smile
"Do you know how hard it is to find a decent stallion herdmate? One that you can trust to /not/ try to push you out of the her or steal your mare?"
>You find yourself sighing in irritation
"Ever since I figured out you wanted someone else for a herd--"
>"W-When did I-"
>Puff, Mares
>She didn't think you saw this whole herd nonsense /way/ before she did?
>It was cute, it really was
"--I tried my hardest to look for a good stallion to pair with us," you say, gently steamrolling her. "But call me a silly colt if all I found were a bunch of gold diggers."
>The memory of you looking over stallion after stallion, watching them and /seeing/ what they actually were soured you more than a bit
>It was /so/ hard finding anyone half decent when you were a prince and princess
>You either had the gold diggers or the nobles to choose from, and /buck/ either of them
"I was worried you were going to go out and chase some hussy but then you dumped Anon on my lap."
>You can't help but giggle
"He was some weird colt that was too loud, he worked out too much, and he was just... not a stallion really. At first I honestly didn't know what to think of him!"
>Yeah, you bucking see that mare writing down everything you were saying
>Didn't ponies know the meaning of privacy?!
"But then he kind of... grew on me."
>The smile on your face grew and grew, and you found yourself leaning against your wife
"He's like a big, aggressive, and weird teddy bear. A teddy bear that makes you happy whenever the two of you are in the same room together. And, after spending some time with me, I realized that being around him also makes me happy."
>Everyone in the diner Aw's when you kiss Cadence, your Cadence, on the cheek
"So what if you two act a little too silly for my taste every once in a while?"
>You kiss her cheek again
"You're my silly filly and I love you for it, and you and me and Anon can be silly until our horseshoes fall off!"
>You giggle when you see a blush coming to your wife's face, Cadence shying away from you in embarrassment
>Aw indeed
>"...Thanks Honey, it means a lot to hear you say that," she says, wrapping a wing around you and nuzzling your cheek
>You know that she wants to say more but you get it
>Talking and feelings are /stallionly/
"You keep lifting and drinking and eating all of those weird things you've been eating and drinking and picking up," you tell her, finally reaching over and grabbing a carrot dog.
"It seems to make you happy and it's making you look good."
>Out of the corner of your eye you see dat flank
>Making her look real good
>Unf
>Anon might have been a lot of things but you weren't going to complain about his teaching
>'Cause /that/ ass tho'
>10/10
>A real, cheery smile on her face, Cadence follows your lead and starts filling her plate
>"Hey, you might want to talk to Ares later today," she tells you before throwing a hoofful of fries into her mouth. "I think that he feels just as bad about what happened as I do."
>You nod
>That sounds about right
"We'll do it after you take me around town for a few hours," you say before taking a gentlecolt-like bite out of your carrot dog. "We're going to be hitting the shopping hard today I think."
>You can't help but grin when you see Cadence pale
>Heh, just because the two of you made up didn't mean you still weren't going to milk this for all of its worth
>"...Yes dear."
>You're bucking right yes dear!
 
BE ANON
>After another long day of hanging around with silly horse princesses and getting fuckin' jacked you were once again in your bed trying to get some shuteye
>You needed to let those muscles of yours grow and recover so you could wake up and lift some more heavy shit!
>...Though, for whatever reason, you can't seem to drift off to dreamland where Olympic lifts and Russians were aplenty
>Was that big glass of milk that you had before bed fucking with you?
>Did you have too much sugar today?
>Was it a full moon out tonight?
>Did you leave your oven on?!
>You tossed and turned in your bed, flipping the pillows and even the covers over in an attempt to find a more sleep worth position but it was no good
>You had rolled out of your bed and did push ups until you could barely move but that didn't work either
>You had even tried counting sheep!
>But it was no use
>The sandman, it seemed, was displeased with your nightly offerings of toothpaste and floss and now saw fit to punish you for you lack of piety
>Truly he was a cruel and mirthless god that demanded you brush twice and floss at least a day...
>So, at twelve at night there you were, staring at the ceiling, bored and tired-yet-not-tired at the same time, in your boxers, hoping against hope that you'd be sleeping soon so you wouldn't go anabolic
>Sighing, you look over at the clock, which was quietly ticking
>Tick tock
>Tick tock
>Tick tock
>Tick tock
>Tick.........Tock
>Tick...................Tock...........
>Onlythedeadknowpeacefromthismadess.jpg
>With a groan you pick up your pillow and slam it down on your face, trying to drown out that /fucking/ tick-tocking
>...Your lifts were going to be so awful tomorrow at this rate!
>If you didn't get your sleep were your destined to be weak and--
>...
>Wait
>What the fuck was that noise?!
>You sit up in your bed when you hear someone shuffling around downstairs
>Straining your ears you carefully listen
>...Actually make that more than one person
>Wait
>There were people in your house!
>People that you didn't invite!
>...
>...
>Someone was ROBBING YOU!
>Throwing off your covers, you tip toe to your closet and quietly pull out your home defense system
>Good ol' motherfucking Bessy
>Good ol' motherfucking Bessy the bat to be exact
>Frowning you give Bessy a couple of practice swings and eye your door meaningfully
>Like hell you were going to let some little horse (who was probably wearing a widdle ski mask) come in here and steal all of your shit!
>You liked your shit where it was thank you very much!
>You had had to go out and buy it, lug it back to your house, and make it work with the whole "I love alone and don't know how to decorate" ambiance that you've worked so hard to get!
>You weren't going to be a bitch and take this laying down like a pussy!
>You were going to go down there and beat a little pone across the head with your big ass bat!
>And you'd be more than happy to go down swin--
>You freeze when you hear the sound of magic being used from the other side of your door
>Magic horses?
>FUCK!!!!
>Why did it have to be magic horses?!
>You could beat the /hell/ out of a normal pone with a bat, you could knock a bird pone out of the sky with home run swing, but those little horn headed little pones?
>You couldn't hit magic with a /bat/!
>...At least you think you could
>You weren't no magicematician!
>The second you tried to go for one of them with ol' Bessy the robber pone's would pick you right up with their magics and slam you against something painful until you could feel things!
>Or worse, they could just take the bat off you and do /horrible/ things to you!
>You knew that magic pones were a horny bunch!
>They'd rape the /shit/ out of you if given the chance!
>Stifling a yelp, you drive back into the bed as the possible rapists horse quietly opens the door
>Placing Bessy next to you (so you could go down swinging if these were actually the rare and allusive rape pones) you pull the covers high over your head and do your best to pretend that you were snoozing, praying that there were just coming in here to steal yo sit and /not/ to anything... unholy to you
>Your booty couldn't handle unholy!
>Your ass was exit /only/ thank you very much!
>You lay there wide-eyed as whoever was in the room trotted over to you, your heart skipping with each clip clop
>SweetJesusyou'regonnagetraped.panic
>You /feel/ them standing over you, feel predatory eyes scanning your young supple bod', licking their lips while the--
>"...Anon? Are you awake?"
>Was that Shining?!
>Oh thank god!
>There was no rape for you tonight!
>...Why the fuck did you feel disappointed?...
>What the fuck is wrong with you?!
"...Shining, why did you break into my house? Again?" you asked, opening your eyes and rolling onto your back, relief flooding you when you see guard cap'in pone staring at you through the darkness
>Not answering you, the little horse crawls into the bed and under the covers, giving you his best "pet-me-pls" face as his head pokes out from your blankets
>Aw
>What a cutie...
>You couldn't stay bad at that widdle face!
>You /could/ be pissed off at your fucking locksmith though
>He had said that /these/ locks were magic proof!
>Fucking shady gryphon locksmiths...
>Closing your eyes, you grab the little pone and pull him close
>Oh look, free nuzzles!
>"Cadence and I just finished shopping and we both thought it could come down here and see our favorite human," Shining says while you run your hand up and down his back
>Shopping?
>Wasn't it like--
>Oh sweet baby Jesus...
>Dis here pone's soft
"Maybe I should just give you guys a pair of keys then if this is going to be a regular thing," you joke while the colt nestles his muzzle into the crook of your neck. "Then I won't have to keep changing my locks whenever you want to drop in to see me."
>Shining's eyes meet yours
>"Maybe you should," he says seriously while you hear someone else walk into the room
>"Shining, is Anon awake?" Candy Cane asked
>Shining nuzzles your cheek and you give his ear a scratch, smiles on both of your faces
"Yeah I'm up," you say. "Hop in, the beds warm."
>As Cadence climbs into the bed and wraps her hooves around you you smell...
>Wait!
>You know that smell...
"Cadence," you say with a frown. "Did you seriously /just/ eat peanut butter before coming up here?"
>The Princess of Love stiffens before smiling awkwardly at you
>"...I needed a late night snack?"
"And /where/ the hell did you get peanut butter?"
>"...I found it in your cabinet?"
>You let that sit for a moment or two
"Did you eat /all/ of my peanut butter?"
>When she doesn't answer you chuckle, rolling onto your back and pulling both of these little pones close against you
>Warmth spreads up and down your body as the two little horses nuzzle you
>There's what you were missing to get a good night's rest...
"Goddammit Condense," you say, rubbing both her and her husband's back as they snuggle against you.
>Fucking gainz goblins, stealing your butter gainz
>Fucking adorable, snuggly little gainz goblins...
 
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