Title:           Anon: The Two-Dimentional Hero
Author:          H-nen
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/m4yAuh3b
First Edit:      Monday 27th of May 2013 02:23:18 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 27th of May 2013 02:23:18 PM CDT

Day two dimensions in Equestria.
>You are Anon, the two-dimensional hero!
>Everyday's an adventure ever since you’ve been transported into a world of cartoon ponies.
>It was sort of weird seeing things in three dimensions at first, you kinda where expecting your head to explode or something.
>Somehow you body was able to adapt to a three dimensional view without side effects.
>But the most amazing part of being here is that you can ‘flatten’ everyone’s perception of the world.
>Practically making everything two-dimensional whenever you want.
>Not like you’re an asshole about it, you don’t want to send the world into a state of panic.
>Today you got nothing else to do but stay at the bar a bit.
>You’re not drinking away any sorrows, you got over that shit a long time ago.
>Sitting a bar stool with your back turned to the door, you begin to slow the drinking before you start getting a bit excited.
>It’s kinda nice sitting at the bar stools, they’re the only ones that seem to be the right size.
>Everything seems to be okay, usually people would require the help of the thirty two bit hero by now.
>As if on cue, the door swings open and the nighttime lights shine in through the frame.
>You know that kind of swing, it only comes a few times in a week, someone needs the thirty two bit hero’s help.
>Swivelling in your seat you turn to see the mane six at the door.
>Oh boy, mane six? Something interesting must have happened.
>Applejack approaches your side.
>”Anon! Ah need ur help! Tha’ orchard is under attack by parasprites!”
>They’ve kinda learned to stay calm when talking to you and address the problem clearly.
>They know you’d help anyway.
“Hmm, how much we talkin’ about?”
>”A WHOLE NEST!”
>You nearly spit out your drink at this. A nest? They’re rare, but when they do happen they’re a huge problem.
>A big problem, sure, but you still need to help them.
 
>Fluttershy comes up to you.
>”Please, help us Anon...if you don’t mind...”
>It takes no second thought for you to understand that they need desperately need your help.
>Okay, you’re gonna do this one.
>You slam your mug to the table.
“Alright girls, it time for the TWO-DIMENSIONAL HERO!”
>You raise your fist into the air to emphasize your point.
>The world suddenly ‘flattens’ out and becomes pixelated.
>Glow from the fireplace becomes nothing but a faded grouping of orange pixels that slowly dissipate the farther from the source they get.
>Edges become rigid and sharp.
>Colors are more solid and stand out a bit more.
>Your vision pans out to a screen like focus on the room, giving you sight of impossible angles.
>Lucky you the world happened to be a thirty two bit design. Not like those nasty eight-biters...
>A tiny box with a pixel portrait of you appears at the front of your vision.
“Alright girls, a nest could mean trouble for more than just the orchard, we gotta go now before the whole town is infested!” [press a]
>”Um, Anon?” [press a]
>Fluttershy barely squeaks the word out.
“Yeah?” [press a]
>”Why are we all speaking in tiny boxes at the front of the... ‘screen’ thingie?” [press a]
>Damn, that’s a good question. Why are you speaking like that?
>Makes you wonder how you knew that it was a whisper when it was in text.
“I don’t know, two dimensional powers I guess?” [press a]
>You’ve never questioned it, it’s just been there since birth.
>After taking the girls to the door, the ‘screen pans outside of the building.
>The girls and you use a weird stock running animation and one by one walk out of the building with you at the lead.
>Once outside you see that the town is being demolished by parasprites wrecking shit in the night.
>This portion of the town has a huge night district, so lights from huge colourful signs light up the scene.
 
>The parasprites are not very normal looking ones, there big, like dog big.
>What’s worst is that they’re all nest guardians, meaning that the nest is growing fast.
>Ponies run and panic in the streets without making a noise, just little speech bubbles over their heads.
>The girls and you all slide awkwardly into into a line in front of the bar using that shitty walk cycle that you have.
>A hub selection and stats appear on the screen, a hunk of it has your stuff on it.
>It says you have a pocket knife with six damage and three full hearts that are split into four parts.
>Another part is left blank, this is an enemy stat box for when you hit something and receive its data.
>A narrator's voice begins to ring out from nowhere.
>”MISSION, START!”
>A rockin tune springs out of nowhere.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xdv3fKqbYk
>Mmm... dat bass.
>You and the girls suddenly are given control over your bodies.
>Same as the parasprites it seems.
>They all stop what they’re doing and instantly target you instead of the horde of fleeting ponies.
>Why you is a mystery.
>You and the girls rush into a huge brawl while equipped with a knife.
>The first foe sees and rushes at you.
>You shank that mofo like a nigga on the streets.
>It gets no physical damage but a small ‘-13’ sign tells you it’s working.
>After a bit of shanking, you got him in a combo.
>Kick, kick, punch, stab, slash, and punch.
>At the end of the combo a ‘-57’ sign appears over his head.
>A shitty death stock animation starts up and he deflates like a balloon.
>The girls seem to be done to, time to keep going.
>Just as the last one died and a tiny cool down passed, a huge arrow appeared in the sky and begun to blink with a repetitive ‘bweop’ sound.
>You all start your shitty running animations and keep advancing.
>Seriously, you look fucking retarded.
>This time the screen moves with you.
>After a bit of walking you reach a challenge.
 
>A pony is being pounded on by a group of parasprites.
>Small “help” bubbles appear above his head.
>His health bar is getting a bit low, you need to take action.
>As soon as you get close, the parasprites start focusing their energy on you and the girls.
>This time one of them lands a good hit on you, a ‘-2’ appears over your head.
>You go to special moves in the menu and select ‘item attack’.
>It’s not anything special, just ensures that a random item will fall.
>You get a critical hit and the parasprite pops like a party favor.
>The attack lost you one special move heart section, but you still got two and three fourths left, it’s no biggie.
>Killing him dropped a small box with a ‘T’ on it.
>You pick it up and the familiar voice rings “THROWING KNIVES!”
>Now you can do what you’ve always could have done with a hint of common sense, great.
>While you killed that one, the girls pounded the shit out of the other ones.
>The pony that was cowering in fear the entire time is now safe.
>He doesn’t even look, he just gives a “Thank you!” and runs away.
>No reward? Huh, maybe that’s at the end.
>This shit basically repeats itself for a while.
>After a fight with a group of parasprites you are at Sugarcube Corner.
>A “HELP!” bubble appears from the door and your hud disappears.
>Pinkie’s portrait appears with a speech box.
>”That sounded like Mrs.Cake! We gotta save her!” [press a]
>You all involuntarily walk inside.
>The screen fades out, and back in.
>You’re all inside the dining room of the bakery.
>Strangely, everything is bigger than on the outside, and you really mean big!
>”MISSION, START!”
>Parasprites start bursting out of window frames cabinets and run down the steps.
>You chuck knives in every direction, parasprites be droppin’ like flies.
>A parasprite eventually dropped an item box with a ‘G’ on the front.
>”HANDGUN!” That voice is starting to piss you off...
 
>As the last parasprite dies, a help bubble appears from the top of the stairs.
>You and the girls walk up the stairs which are now the width of an entire damn room.
>The hud shows that you have fifty bullets left in your handgun.
>At the top, the hallway is about the same size, but lengthy as fuck.
>All of you fight and pick up cupcakes for health.
>The girls and you finally reach the end of the hall way.
>A door at the end of the wall is sprouting tiny “Help!” signs.
>An arrow springs to life in the air, but you know better than to just go.
>You walk up to the nearest door and start beating the shit out of it.
>The door eventually breaks and pieces disappear in thin air.
>A broiled turkey pops out from where the door used to be.
>Just walking over it completely filled your health bar.
>You turn to the door leading to the screams and open it up. for some reason, that wouldn’t have worked anywhere else.
>The screen fades out and back in.
>At the center of the room is a huge gorilla sized parasprite with arms and legs to match.
>It stands brooding over over the cake family while they sit in the corner.
>Options: Sneak Attack? Charge? Special Move? Scream?
>You pick sneak attack.
>Taking a rushing start at him, you plunge your blade into his back.
>He gives a roar that shakes the room and throws you off.
>A ‘-46’ appears above him. You think you’ve chosen correctly.
>He turns and faces you and the mane six.
>Getting even madder, he starts to bang his chest.
>”YOU CAN’T GIVE IT UP. GO FOR IT, MAN!”
>http://youtu.be/MhFU8Jms8bs?t=10m55s
>He charges full speed at you, the mane six run while you dodge.
>After passing you, he doesn’t seem to be stopping.
>Without halt or slow, he hits the wall at full force. Like a fucking retard...
>The room quakes as he rears his head back.
>Tiny stars symbolize his daze and confusion.
>You takes this as a time to strike and light that nigga up with yo gat.
 
>The gun icon says twenty five bullets left and you stop, you took about a quarter of his health.
>After getting his back lit up like the fourth of July he roars.
>It seems like his rage is charging him.
>He takes a fucking ridiculous jump in the air that would touch the ceiling if there were one.
>It’s like watching the fucking pogo stick world championship. He just won’t stop spamming!
>He hit you and took out a tenth or something, fucking first bosses.
>After jumping like a madman for like a minute, he takes a cooldown. This guy is making it too easy.
>Instead of using your bullets on this guy, you’ll just you a combo.
>You go to menu and select ‘hyper speed’, taking away one fourth of your hearts.
>The effect are immediate and you rush after it and start wailing on the big ape.
>Punch, punch, forward, kick, punch, you stomp the ground so hard that it shakes.
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb1ZQaj1zc0 [Embed]
>You stand over the defeated and broken ape-like creature.
>A kanji symbol for ten appears at the background of the ‘screen’.
>”KO! YOU WIN!”
>You and the girls begin involuntarily taking fucking retarded poses as your vision fades away.
>Kills: 136, deaths: 0, rescues: 6, blah blah blah, whatever just hold a and wait.
>You walk up to the cake family who are seemingly unharmed by the complete war that happened just a few feet away from them.
>Mrs.Cake hand the gives the babies over to Mr.Cake.
>”Thank you Anon, but the hive is in another building!” [press a]
“No shit, I’m going to Sweet Apple Acres to finish them off now.” [press a]
>Those two pixels make it look like she’s flipping you off...