Title:           Dadonequus First Interlude Part One
Author:          GimmeSomeGumption
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/Jiwx5kLs
First Edit:      Sunday 18th of September 2016 08:59:28 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Wednesday 28th of September 2016 10:24:36 AM CDT

…
Greetings fags and fagettes, this update requires some prior explanation. You see, if this story wasn’t posted sequentially, and I had the opportunity to edit it properly as I went along, I would have gone back and inserted this in chronological order. As it is however?
Oopsy poopsy, as the kids say.
[spoiler]spoiler: Like maybe 5 kids in the world say that. Tops[/spoiler]
Chronologically, this story takes place while Anon is focusing on completing a series of basic courses Discord has come up with on his first day.
The next few updates are going to feature the Mane Six and others reacting to Discord’s return and hypothesizing what could he have possibly brought back.
[spoiler]Also, I decided that all chapters not directly featuring Anon in some way, and ONLY follow secondary characters will be labeled as interludes, no matter the length, as they will not follow the main character.[/spoiler]
So without further ado, I present...
 
Dadonequus First Interlude Part One ~ Dawn of the FIrst Day
 
 
 
>”And now on to the third year, within the first two quarters we experienced a significant drop in...”  
>Be you.
>Be the Original Perfect Pony Princess.
>You are Princess Celestia.
>Oh these poor creatures.
>Two rather affluent families have come before you, one seeking reparations from business losses supposedly caused by the other.
>Of course, you have seen this before.
>Multiple times.
>The other family certainly didn’t help matters with their aggressive business practices, but typically (and by typically you mean every time) in matters like this, unwise and greedy actions on behalf of the suer is the root of the problem.
>You could harbor no animosity towards the rapacious ones though, you knew how weak and easily led astray the common pony is. How often they are enslaved by the lowest and most animalistic part of themselves...
>You have done wonders in leading by example, the sheer magnetism of your own life and actions leading most of your little ponies to strive to live like you, with compassion and love in their hearts.
>You couldn’t take all the credit of course, even the more warlike races of the Griffins and the sensual minotaurs feature literature showcasing the ascendancy of good and decent folk, rarely does a story last the test of time where evil triumphs over good; proof of the innate desire for good within most conscious creatures.
>But regardless of the inner nature of the average pony, and the monumental efforts on your part, there still existed the other kind of pony. Those that return love with hate.
>And why shouldn’t they exist? They too have their part to play in harmony, for without darkness how can one appreciate light? Without having something to flee from. why would anyone strive to be better? So the good gain virtue and strength by suffering the dark, and they in turn may be partly purified by contact with the light.
>You try to remind yourself that these ones are necessary for harmony.
 
>Doesn’t mean they aren’t -very- annoying though.
 
>You simply stare at the stallion before you, your own impassive nature affecting no visible wear on his own sense of self-righteousness. Disappointing. These kind of ponies rarely pick up on anything other than their own thoughts, but it never hurts to try and dissuade them gently, and subtly.
>The red unicorn, is of course, dressed beyond the nines, into the realm of the gaudy. Jewel encrusted everything, that says nothing of the bright colors of the defendant, contrasting off of his own set of jewels.
>If you were perfectly honest with yourself, you didn’t understand this particular fashion statement. The gems were just so, gaudy, and much too large. It looked awful. Hopefully this trend will pass with time, just like the ‘super frills’ of so long ago.
>You feel a shudder crawl up your spine at the memory, but your own perfected poise conceals it.
>You despised looking down on other ponies, but, but, come on!
>Your little ponies can be so sweet sometimes, but by your own name did they need a better sense of fashion.
>Like yourself. You try to avoid ‘tooting your own horn’ as they say, but you never overdid fashion. Just some simple and plain jewelry, with a couple of royal purple gems that compliment your coat. Less is truly more.
 
>Except when it comes to manes.
>Yes it was slightly hypocritical, so what?
>It looked pretty!
 
>And you and your sister’s throne room! As of right now, the enchantments showed your own colors, as the moon has yet to rise and trigger the change. Banners of soft blue, a subdued red velvet carpet so as not to distract the eye, quiet reds and roses to bring a subtle life and warmth to the cold, pure marble that the room is made of. And stained glass windows! Art and history at once! One of your better ideas, as the sun would travel, and shift the beams through the colorful prisms, the lights would shine and softly color the marble floors around. You made sure that your alchemists designed the glass so as to not make the emanations too sharp. You wouldn’t want to overwhelm the eye, just hazy splashes of color that would move slowly through the day.
>Some would call you prissy, that is, if you were anypony other than yourself, but this is the room you held court in for over six hundred years. It needed to be ideal and perfect.
 
>Few ponies easily understood that scenery that is less than ideal can get old after a few centuries of staring at it.
 
>Like your chair! Comfy and well adjusted to your larger and… more generous... form. And the basins of water that stand at either side of the stairway to your throne, that would quietly fountain some water and fill the room with relaxing, natural, ambient noise.
>Although, why have you been thinking about your surroundings so often in recent memory?
>Perhaps it is your mind’s way of telling you to find a change of scenery. The mind is a subtle and passive-aggressive thing in your experience.
>Oh!
>Perhaps you could hold an outdoor court in the southern section of the gardens, just like when the throne room last went under renovations! That was so lovely, and your darling little pegasi tried so hard to make the weather perfect.
>A subtle twitch of your mouth flashes as a smile threatens to escape as you recollect your rewarding them for their efforts.
>From their varied reactions, you made far more than just their day or month.
>Hm, you would have to talk this over with Sister.
>She just got back, but perhaps she would agree with this. She used to enjoy night court in her garden back in the old castle.
>A warm smile now takes over your face.
>Yes, you would bring this up next time you and Lulu dine.
 
>”In conclusion, Princess, I demand reparations from the damages they have done to my family’s prosperity.”
>Oh, but your mind has wandered. You do tend to do that these past few centuries, especially when confronted with repetitive cases like these.
>You can’t help but gently smile at the wording. There was that barest, flickering hint of love, even if corrupted by their lower instincts. The family.
>”This is outrageous your majesty! You can’t possibly think of making my family pay for his own idiotic-”
>Your trusty herald speaks up, “There will be no name-calling in the presence of her majesty.”
“Thank you, Golden Rod.”
>Oh how it hurt you to reprove them.
>You gather your thoughts, and prepare to decree-
 
>All of a sudden, panic.
>A grey pegasus hurdles through one of your stained-glass windows, and limply slaps and rolls down your throne room, past the squabbling aristocrats, and lies now at the foot of the stairs leading to you and your sister’s throne.
 
>Simply lying. Broken. On the velvet.
 
>Terror seizes your heart, and a thousand questions swirl around your previously relaxed mind, now seized and thrust into frantic activity.
>The noble families rear up and back off, minding the shards of glass around them. Your loyal guardsponies spring into action, reaching the pony without a hint of hesitation, ready to either help the poor stallion or guard you from any attack that may come.
>But what has happened? How could this happen? You make a note to bring this up with your advisors once you ascertain the situation.
>With a few flaps of your mighty wings you take off, and land in front of the injured pony.
>You see him cough and attempt to rise, only to fall and grunt in pain.
>You gently place a wing on his back to keep him from hurting himself.
“Be still my little pony.”
>”P-princess, I… I bring a message… Urgent…”
>So urgent he had to crash through your window?
>No, that was completely uncontrolled, his body is limp.
>He was exhausted, perhaps delirious!
>What could be so urgent? Was another of your old enemies resurfacing?
>But you have had no premonitions…
>What enemy could be so capable as to escape your…
>The image of a large grey, dessicated and deathly looking ram wearing an enchanted bell around his neck now enters your mind’s eye.
>It couldn’t be…
>Please...
 
“What is it?”
 
>Cold seeps through every cell of your body, throughout every level of your mind you are unsettled, and no small amount of concern shows on your face. This is the first time in your lengthy existence that a pony has crashed through one of your windows to bring a message. It must be important.
>Please don’t say that name...
>He reaches into a saddlebag, and pulls out a letter, creasing it open on the ground, he shakily begins to read...
>”Su-*cough*-SunBuns, I’m back from vacation, did you miss me?”
 
…
 
>His voice changed half way through.
>You knew that voi-
 
>Suddenly the pony bursts into confetti, and Discord, your long-time rival grabs you in a hug.
>”Surprise!”
>He pretended to be one of your little ponies.
>Dying in front of you.
 
>Rage.
>Your eye twitches.
>Oh dear.
 
…
 
>Be you
>Be devilishly handsome
>Be the King of Chaos
>The Master of DIsaster
>The Purveyor of Pandemonium
>The Deity of Disharmony
>Be the one-
>The only-
>Bum bum ba da dummmm…
 
>”Discord.”
 
>Be finally free to have fun again after literal months!
>You just came back into Equestria, and as of right now, Anon is working his way through some inclines, declines, stairs, and other boring things. As much as you would love seeing a foal learning how to walk for hours at a time, you had other, far more interesting things to do.
>Like setting up this little game of yours, and bothering ponies while doing it!
>You may not be able to tear towns to pieces and break ponies’ sanities anymore, but you could at the very, VERY least bother them a little.
>Oh how the mighty have fallen.
 
>You quiet the swelling sense of loathing and restlessness that swells as you think of your condition and smile at Celly, whose face is scrunched up at you, as you have her lifted in the air in a bear hug.
>”Please put me down.”
“Oh alright, you big kidder you, I know you missed me as much as I missed you, you don’t fool me.”
 
>You set her down, and take in her mental state.
>Most creatures imagine that their thoughts are their own, and reside only in their skull. It only makes sense to them, but you laugh at their attempts to reconcile and make sense of reality. It is subtle, and far too difficult for most non-magical creatures to pick up, but the inner lives of most are radiated out like a… what were they called, cell towers? You yourself can see and feel their emotions as clearly as a swimmer may feel a wave, and right now?
>Oh hoh hoooo.
>You were just drinking it in.
>The perfect, pretty, flawless princess that normally has a hold on herself was scrambling to try to contain her reaction, to settle and calm the waves of sickly brown and clotted maroon and yellowish green showcasing her utter disdain for what you just did.
>Oh how you LIVED for this.
>OH HOW YOU NEEDED THIS.
>You can hardly help but show off a massive grin, as Celestia’s rosy eyes flicker towards you.
>Oh you knew how she felt.
>And she knows that you know how she feels.
>You wiggle your eyebrows to show that you know that she knows that you knew.
>She pinches her eyes shut and imperceptibly, but not to you, thrusts a tiny bit of air out of her perfect white schnozzle.  
>Oh she knew.
>Suddenly a massive wave of disdain and hate hits you from all the guards and nobles around you.
OH HOW YOU NEEDED THIS ON A SPIRITUAL LEVEL.
>Especially from one in particular, the primrose older mare Miss Punctual, the Solar Secretary.
>Used to be Royal Secretary, but since the number of Princesses expanded- oh whatever exposition is boring
>”Discord, you-you impossible, disrespectful, incorrigible, disgusting-”
“Oh please, little miss Punctual, flattery will only take you ~everywhere~...”
>You turn your grin lecherous.
>”Oh! OoooOOOohhhh! Why you! That! Oh! That window cost a FORTUNE!”
>She screeched that last part so loud, you, all the guards, and even Celestia winced.
>”It was one of a kind! A royal monument! Replace it at once!”
“Oh I would, but would it be the same window? I mean, if you took all the planks out of a boat and replaced them one by one, would it still be the same boat? Or-”
>”JUST FIX IT.”
“Oh alright.”
>You snap your talons and put the glass back where it was, albeit with a hidden message for dear Miss Punctual.
>Let’s see how long it takes her to find it and shout about it, shall we?
>”Discord.”
>Oh? Celestia gathered herself and is smiling sweetly at you.
>What? Sweetly?
>But you-
>You pretended to be one of her dying subjects for crying out loud!
>She’s already gotten over it?
>That smug little bug! You can feel the smug from where you are! She’s literally, in objective reality, radiating smug! She thinks she’s getting one over on you by acting calm, and also actually being calm!
>She’s not even going to acknowledge…
>You internally ‘Bah’
>It’s not like you pick on Celestia for cheap laughs, you come here for a challenge.
>Besides, you knew how she really felt about it.
 
“Yes Celly Belly?”
>A subtle twinge of annoyance pings out from her.
>There we go, a minor victory!
>“How was your vacation? Did you enjoy it?”
 
>Oh dear the vacation…
“Oh dear the ‘vacation’, gah, don’t even get me started…”
>You twirl around on your hind hoof and lay across her back, after a guttural groan of annoyance, you answer truthfully.
 
“Oh, it was simply awful! So utterly, completely boring! I had to be on my best behavior all the time, and most of the time I could only be invisible and watch from a distance! I saw hundreds of arguments over which Japanese anime was superior to the rest! That is infinitely more than any draconequus ever needs to see! Even the aliens were boring! I thought at least the race of tribal Rhiienen would be interesting, but nooo, they just solved everything with interpretive dance. Honestly I was looking forward to coming back here…”
>Now that last part was especially true.
 
>”Well I’m very sorry to say I can’t give you another for quite a while. Otherwise you would simply claim every-”
“Oh, of course I understand!”
>Celestia blinks her eyes in surprise, that one got her it seemed
 
“You do need the work I do, by the way that reminds me, I checked on the way home, the wards I put up are still in place, but there was that large swarm of Dream-Eaters from before that actually made some headway. Ah, don’t worry, I ousted them again rather quickly.”
>Surprise and actual gratitude radiate up from beneath you.
>”Oh, well thank you Discord, Luna and I would have had a very hard time dealing with that on our own.”
 “Not a problem. Well, it was a slight problem. Actually they were very annoying. And they kept me from seeing to a certain matter that needed attention... Oh!”
 
>And now for the main event, the reason why you came here. As fun as it was to mess with CeeCee, it was time. You had to prepare the fields as it were, for Anon to come in and do his part. Nothing too strenuous, just drop some hints, tease and bait ponies so you both can seize their full attention and direct it as needed. Really, the first step of any pickpocket or con.
>Step one of Phase One is to get ponies’ minds rolling and focusing on what you were going to do. All that would be left for Anon to do after this was to perform under the spotlight you were about to set up.
“~That reminds me~ I brought back a little… souvenir you could say…”
 
>Slight worry and concern preempts her next statement.
>”Ah? Do I want to know?”
“Oh ho hoo…”
>You twist up in the air and fly next to her throne, leaning your lion elbow on the golden rim underneath and surrounding her throne, idly looking into one of the fountains that frame the staircase leading up to her throne on either side. You notice out of the corner of your eye, that Celestia has followed your movement with her head.
>Suppressing your chortling, you continue.
“Ah, I believe you and all your fellow Princesses will be greatly interested in this one…”
>You look up and- actually you take the time to appraise Celestia.
 
>Just, what does Anon even see in her?
>One, her mane wasn’t natural, as it was an enchantment she did to show off. I mean, come on! Even if you couldn’t see the subtle magic she was projecting constantly, you were far more powerful than her, and not a hair on your goatee or tail tuft wiggled without you wanting it to.
>Two, she looks like a swan, whom everypony knows are the most prissy and stuck up of all the birds.
>Three, her colors are so boring, for Chaos’s sake? White?
>Four, she is so obsessed with being a mother to every pony and creature, and combined with her ‘history’ from long ago you actually are beginning to think she has some weird deviant fetish for it. And you know deviancy.
 
>Well, point four is most likely your own idle brain babble, you had no way of knowing without a test-
>Oh ho! Perhaps Anon would find out! Wouldn’t he enjoy that?
>You smirk.
>Oh little Anonymous would die for that chance, if she was hiding a dark side at all, Anon would find out post-haste. Perhaps if you were to encourage him… Simply bring Celestia up every now and again and frame her in that sort of light… Have him focus on her...
>Yes, nothing too serious, don’t want to ruin everything, just a little experiment on the side to entertain you.
>You could wait. If everything goes right, Anon would be here for quite a while, allowing his body to grow up to an acceptable age.
>Oh you were so going to do that.
>It takes all your effort not to laugh menacingly.
>Perhaps later, you always did enjoy a bout of maniacal laughter.
 
>Possibly imagined deviancy aside, what was it that has Anon so captivated?
>Actually, from this angle, with her looking behind to you… You could admit…
[spoiler]The flank was phat[/spoiler]
[spoiler]Reeeaaal phat[/spoiler]
>Perhaps that was it?
 
>Just as her concern begins to peak, you set aside such thoughts and continue with the bait, adding another layer to it.
“Now that I’m back in my old stomping grounds, I’m beginning to realize it really is unlike me, but perhaps little dear Fluttershy affected me more than I thought… Oh! I haven’t even arranged a picnic with her yet, and the morning is passing us by!”
>You perk up and snap your talon, creating a doorway in the middle of the throne room, that all the guards back away from. However, it simply opens up to the skies above Ponyville. You swagger and walk around your frenemy to the door. You focus and twinge your will, causing a paratrooper outfit to appear on your glorious body.
>You knew she knew you were baiting her, and if you didn’t seal the deal, she would just ignore it to spite you. Time to put the cherry on top.
“I would love to tell you more, except I wouldn’t, because it would spoil the surprise! But I will tell you this, I think you are going to ~love~ him…”
>You chuckle, noticing shock color the air around her, and her mouth open in surprise.
>Time to evacuate, before she grills you on bringing back an interdimensional being.
“As one of the great philosophers in one of the universes I visited once said, ‘TTFN, or Ta-Ta For Now! Who-ho-hoo-hew!’”
 
>You dive out of the door, slamming it shut with your tail, and pulling your power out of your little wormhole and the door above ponyville, leaving an ordinary door sitting in the middle of the throne room that Celestia will have to deal with.
>Oh you got her with that last bit, you were sure of it.
>Well, not the Tigger quote, but before.
>Whatever.
 
>You pull a cord and swing as the parachute opens above you. You can already see some pegasi and ponies in the streets below look up, and the closer pegasi start to flee.
>Ah, your home away from home.
>You slowly twist and pull on the handles above you, and angle your parachute towards a massive, familiar eyesore.
>Time to drop in on some friends of yours…
 
…
 
>A single yellow and crimson eye bulges out from the sink drain.
>Your eye to be precise.
>You look around from your basin and see steam covering the opaque lavender crystal walls.
>Shoving your head up through the sink drain, your right ear twitches as you catch the shower head activating, and humming and idle singing coming from the pale golden shower curtain.
>A mare singing in the shower.
>A certain magical mauve mare to be precise.
>You grimace, and wiggle your head, inching your neck through the tiny drain in the grate.
>You could just appear in the room but where would the fun be in that?
>A quote you liked said, ‘finding difficulty in the strangest of places,’ and you followed it, giving you plenty of amusement.
>Soon you huff and warp your lion paw out of the faucet, grabbing you by the neck and yanking you free, and you soon pull the rest of your paw from the sink drain.
>Hmm…
>A very simple and boring bathroom, matching Twilight to a tee. Seems she hasn’t quite grown into the ostentatious and perfectionist tendencies of her mentor.
 
>You really hope she doesn’t. You don’t think even you could handle two Celestias.
 
>Ignoring the medicine cabinets and opened towel closets, you float silently and slowly to the shower in the corner.
>What to do… How to surprise her?
>You could change the output of the shower to something gross… Nah, too simple… Perhaps a Psycho reference?
>You smile and a giddy feeling bubbles inside you.
>If you gained one thing while selecting candidates, it was a massive increase in new material.
>You frown, and the excitement in you is quickly swept away as you remember.
>No, you’re here on business, and if you come on too strong little Twilight may put the kibosh on your little scheme. Not likely, but there’s one thing you learned since your first great escape.
 
>Never, ever, under any circumstances underestimate how much of an utter killjoy Twilight Sparkle can be.
 
>Just then, you feel the familiar tumult of your power suddenly lash out in an all too familiar way, as it often does simply to rebel; taking elements from your subconscious and arranging them in intelligent and self-expressive ways.
>Such is the nature of chaos. Hence why no one other than you can seems to be able to master the creative and lively element.
>You faintly hear a tiny poof on your lion shoulder and see a transparent phantom of Fluttershy in an angel costume smiling up at you while idly strumming a tiny harp.
>~Just be on your best behavior Discord! You can do it! You wouldn’t want to ruin this for Anon would you?~
>After another jump from your power, suddenly you hear a tiny foop on your left shoulder and turn to see a transparent phantom of yourself wearing a devil’s outfit and maniacally grinning at you.
>~~Yes Discord! Be on your best behavior now, so you can use Anon later! Play the long con!~~
>The tiny Fluttershy frowns, angrily dropping her tiny harp and scrunches her muzzle, flying over to your left shoulder to glare at your devil, who now looks nervous.
>~Now mister, that’s not very nice at all, what would the real Fluttershy say if she found out you were just planning to use Anon?
>~~B-but Anon is going to like what I’ve got planned for him!
>Tiny Fluttershy raises an eyebrow. ~And what does setting him up to crush on Celestia have to do with that? Besides manipulating ponies for your own amusement~
>~~Oh, he’s always done that, fancied Celestia that is, he just needs some encouragement to… er… realize his dreams?~~
>~Well I’m very disappointe-~
 
>Oh enough of that.
>You wave your paw and the apparitions fade away like the mist rising from the shower ahead of you.
>Really you were doing tiny you a favor with that, a disappointed Fluttershy is a terrible thing indeed.
>You take the little distraction conjured by your magic as a warning to not get caught, and decide to tone it down a bit.
>You stare at the sun-yellow sheet before you, coaxing your power in your eyes to grant you further vision.
>You can see the tiny alicorn now, using her magic to move a soft sponge to push out remaining coat conditioner in her fur.
>Your tail slithers in and reaches the bottle of mane conditioner.
>Focusing your mind, your extended vision expands to see the even more subtle and invisible, and see her magic flying about the shower wall as it searches for the conditioner you now hold.
>You see Twilight begin to frown.
>Time to be a good friend.
>Pushing your lion paw through the curtain in the wall, holding the conditioner in front of her closed eyes, you speak up helpfully.
“Looking for this?”
>She screeches and slips about on the shower’s floor. Quickly gathering herself she looks up and sees your smug mug now peeking over the shower curtain.
>”DISCORD!”
>Oh is that a little magical discharge you see moving up her leylines and lighting up her horn?
>And yes, her power sweeps through the bathroom, ripping the curtain off its hinges, transforming all the bottles into statues, and painting color on all the walls of the rather large bathroom.
>Impressive. Just the reaction you were looking for, but you would give the discharge a 3.5/10 at best, you’ve definitely seen better.
>How much more fun it is to mess with Twilight! You enjoyed the sheer challenge of Celestia, but Twilight was far more entertaining.
 
“Yes? I believe this is what you needed? Was I wrong?”
>”I- you- How long were you watching me?!”
“Oh don’t flatter yourself, I just popped in for a quick visit to tell you I’m back from vacay!”
>Twilight sputters and goes through several different states, her emotions shooting out from her and practically bouncing off the walls.
>Oh she was far more entertaining.
>Suddenly she takes a few deep breaths, and does that little exercise Princess Candycane showed her.
>”~Well~ Thank you, Discord, for letting me know you’re back. But I was taking a shower.”
“Oh! Is that what you were doing in here? Do tell me more, I’ve never had the need to take one before, being nigh-omnipotent and all.”
>She blinks and retorts, “But… When the plundervines… You were…”
>You smirk.
>She simply glares at you as you continue.
>You’ve been doing that a lot this morning.
>Today is a smirk-y kind of day it seems.
>She breathes and tries again.
>”Perhaps you could tell me about what happened on your vacation after I take my shower? Hmm? And! It’s not that you… aren’t wanted… It’s just, ponies usually are, I don’t know, alone? While in the shower?”
“Oh but there is no time! I have all sorts of things I need to do, and I still have to arrange a picnic with Fluttershy for later! Plus, well my vacation, if you could call it that, was so boring even you wouldn’t want to hear it, well…”
>Just place the bait, and then it’s off to see Fluttershy! And the background ponies. Just enough for you to worm your way inside her skull and have her obsess over what you could possibly be doing.
“There was one alternate Equestria, where Celestia and I never ruled, and things were far different, but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to hear about a more than hypothetical alternate history…”
>She perks up.
>You can feel the genuine excitement and anticipation hit you like a wave, far overtaking the rotting color of annoyance she was giving out before.
>”Well, actually I would, but, um, perhaps later?”
>She offers you a sheepish smile, quietly ruffling her soaked wings.
“Well, at my age, you know how it is, I may get some details wrong…”
>”Uh-huh?” And wow, WOW was that some strong skepticism pouring out of her.
“Uh-huh, so you might as well get your info from somepony who was there-oh!”
 
>And here we are.
>You make a show of dramatically slapping your handsome face.
“Oh stupid, forgetful me! I forgot to prepare him breakfast for when he wakes up! He hasn’t quite gotten the hang of calming down the stove when it’s agitated. Or, using a stove at all, actually...”
>A sudden wave of concern, much stronger than the one from Celestia, breaches her body and flows out.
>”Um, did I hear you right? He? Who exactly is this, ‘he’ if you don’t mind me asking?”
>Her smile grows from sheepish to strained.
>You just smile cheerfully and act ignorant of what you implied with the stove comment.
“Oh, well you can meet him later if you like! I’m sure he would love to go out on the town, especially one as clean and friendly as this. Not at all like the city he was stuck in.”
>”I… Um, I had a lot to do these next couple of days actually…”
>You can feel the chaos and indecision in her rupture and combust as she debates sticking to her schedule or keeping an eye on you.
>Your smile becomes more genuine at this.
“Oh, well I wouldn’t want to be a bother. I know how you love sticking to your lists like a fly on flypaper! I’ll bring him by in a few days then, after he gets all nicely settled in. How does this Thursday sound?”
>”This Thursday? Wel-”
>You cut her off with a crushing hug.
“Splendid! We’ll see you then!”
>You flex your will, warping suddenly from your previous position so as to leave a note of unfinished business in little Twilight’s mind.
 
>As you slither through the folds and creases behind the thin veneer these insects call reality you mentally pat yourself on the back.
>That should be enough to get her completely obsessed over what you could be doing.
>You snap through a crack in the air above her castle, appearing in a bright flash leaning against the upper most point of the slowly floating and rotating star above her castle. Idly staring at the town below with half-lidded eyes, you take a deep breath.
>Remembering you have to interact with Applehorse later makes you squint and take a few more breaths.
>Alright you handsome devil you, only a few more ponies, then you get to see Fluttershy again, and you watch over Anon.
>Now Fluttershy was your favorite of all the ponies. You had a strong rivalry and mutually respectful relationship with Celestia, her always being careful to not ask too much of you and trying to be supportive when she isn’t poking fun at you. Luna was a barrel of laughs when you got her angry, Candycane was just boring and far too friendly to you, and you could admit you had a growing respect for young Twilight. After all, she was the one who reversed your power’s effect on her friends’ minds, and found a way to pull the wool over your eyes, so to speak. You didn’t even think such a thing was possible.
>But… Twilight and Fluttershy’s friends… eugh.
>Now that’s not fair, Pinkie Pie was always fun and happy to along with whatever plot you cooked up, and not to mention very interesting due to her own subtle abilities that you had yet to place a talon on. But she never did anything with her powers, they just lie in dormancy! No ambition that girl!
>That caused you no end of frustration with her.
>Perhaps later you could come up with a scheme to force her to expand her one-track mind.
>Lookie at you Discord! Already coming up with ways to help others! Momma Fluttershy would be so proud…
 
>But the others you really didn’t want to even give the time of day. Not even to think too much about them. The annoying and utterly simple little-
 
>No. Breathe, Discord.
 
>If you start brooding about them now, it will just take longer to get this whole deal over with.
 
 
>And look there! An arrogant and deeply closeted Rainbow Dash shaped blur in the distance.
>Alright, all smiles Discord. TIme to get this next part over with.
>You smile and thrust excited energy into your body, launching off of the floating magic symbol like a rocket, leaving it to rapidly spin in your wake.
>Your might enters your wings, thrusting and slapping them against all the air molecules behind you, each ripping flap of your appendages creating virtual tidal waves in the air behind you.
>You rapidly gain and rocket past Rainbow Dash, leaving a plaid trail behind you.
>Off in the distance you can barely make out a-
>”What the hay? Hey!”
>Calming your mind, you pick up all the thousands of stirs and chaotic reactions she leaves in the air behind her.
>You see her stall and slowly fall behind, so you start making wild turns, acute angles and at times reversing your direction on less than a dime.
>Like maybe three cents.
>She does an admirable job of gaining now that you have slowed down, and keeping up with you, so you start ramping things up, colliding and bouncing into clouds, transforming them into other objects and traps for her.
>Like a cloud made of tar, and one into a water balloon, or one made of broken glass-
 
NO
 
>You stop and snap your talon, changing the cloud of broken glass into a pile of Jello, just as she collides into it.
>You slap your face and take a deep breath.
 
GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF.
 
>You didn’t intentionally turn it into broken glass, but your magic must have sensed your extreme disdain towards her, and taken initiative.
>You know it’s pointless to hold a tighter leash on chaos itself, all you can do is guide the creative element and control your emotions better.
>You deep breathing hitches as you feel her scratchy voice claw her way into your inner ear.
>”What is- Discord? Is that you?”
 
>Into character Dissy!
>You float into her vision and smirk at her.
“Nice crash by the way, keep practicing and one day you may keep up with me. ‘Fastest thing’ in Equestria? My advice is stick with ‘Fastest Pony’.”
 
>Her near magenta eyes bulge out as she stops trying to dig her way out of the floating jello crater.
>”That… That was all you there? You can go… FAST?”
>As much as you would love to taunt her, you wouldn’t want to set off a competition. You have better things to do.
“Mhm. I’m actually the fastest of my kind.”
>Now that was certainly true, if a bit macabre.
>”Oh. My. Gosh! That was awesome! Wait, that was awesome, you were just awesome?”
>Well, well, well, seems as though you just expanded her mind a little. Only took appealing to her cartoonish obsession.
>Perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad after all.
>”Yeah!”
>She wiggles her hooves, and you decide to give her a hand, or hoof, or paw, and snap your talon and change the Jello into a cloud again.
>Soon she tunnels her head out like a badger and smiles at you.
>”Dude, you have to teach me!”
>And now you cringe, causing her to confusedly frown.
“Yes well, as much as I would like to I wouldn’t, as I have a lot to do. Work backed up over vacation you see? Well I just stopped by to say hi!”
>Now she frowns and some sour skepticism shoots at you from her.
>”Huh, you’ve never stopped by to say hi before…”
>Ah.
“Well, it’s more me procrastinating.”
>Judging from her shift in emotions, you can tell she believed you.
>She laughs and pops fully out of the cloud.
>”Yeah, well I can understand that. So what have you got to do?”
>Is this Rainbow Dash acting casual with you?
>She’s not glaring at you?
>What is happening?
“Ah, reinforce wards I set up to defend Equestria, fight off the occasional inter-cosmic horror, be the strong arm of Celestia in negotiations, etcetera…”
>She blinks and opens her mouth a couple of times before answering.
>”Seriously?”
“Oh yes, actually I have a new responsibility after my vacation… But you all will find out about that later…”
>”O-Oh?”
“But of course! I want Fluttershy to be the first to find out about it, you understand.”
>She clicks her tongue and amusement colors the air around her.
>”Yeah, i getcha. Alright. It’s not going to burn down anymore buildings will it?”
>You genuinely chortle to your surprise. A well timed reference.
“Oh well that wouldn’t be up to me, time will tell. Sayonara!”
>”Yeah, see ya!”
>You flash away, and in a moment you appear above Carousel Boutique. As you float above the building on your back you think to yourself.
>That surprised you. She wasn’t nearly as unbearable as before. Did something change?
>Probably the result of a ‘friendship lesson’.
>Regardless, she will no doubt return to her unbearable self once she learns you’ve ‘adopted’ a colt.
>You snicker.
>Well if these remaining encounters go as that one did, perhaps you won’t feel the need to bash your head in a safe door repeatedly.
>You slide down the air to Rarity’s front door, and just as you prepare to summon a garish suit, you see a sign.
“Gone on Business? Oh this simply won’t do!”
>Focusing your mind, you patiently peel back the layers of the past before your eyes…
>You always enjoyed tracking ponies down.