Title:           Dadonequus 2 - Strange Start
Author:          GimmeSomeGumption
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/AmS3KUcQ
First Edit:      Friday 2nd of September 2016 10:41:19 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Thursday 8th of September 2016 05:46:21 PM CDT

Chapter 1 - Strange Start
 
>Be you
>Maybe
>You feel really… Discombobulated? Is that the right word?
>You really really don’t know right now, everything feels strange and far away and dim. Like a vague idea of you is just swimming in some ethereal mire. Your limbs melt into thousands of different forms, your point of view shifts and slides along your form as you are drawn forward.
>Who even are you?
>Just as you begin to fall apart and disintegrate however, some light hovering nearby, shines forth and an amount of vital force fills you, drawing you together, centering you and gathering your members into your more familiar form.
>Be you
>Maybe
>You feel really… Discombobulated?
 
Wait.
 
>You just don’t know right now. And you can’t be bothered to care. As if you are dreaming within a dream, you float along, your body, or the idea or blueprint for it, shifts around as you swim through the shifting dark airs.
 
How long have you been here?
 
>A bright and vibrant emerald encompasses you like a soft and cool sheet, and spreads through you, drawing your particulars and constituent parts into a newer, less familiar form.
 
This isn’t right…
 
>It feels almost like a dream, as if someone absconded with your senses and left you in the creepy realm between dreaming and waking.
 
What is this place?
 
>Just as you turn your attention to the imponderable and maddening chaos beneath the fabric of reality, a SNAP echoes through your mind, and suddenly, the wonder of creation.
>The emerald energy surrounding you reaches out into the true Chaos around you, the source of all Creation, the has beens and maybes…
>And the about to be.
>The dark space around you bubbles up, light and energy emerging from the Chaos, condensing into matter, into flesh and sinew and green fluffy fur.
>Your perception of all the tints hidden in the shadowy and phantasmal clouds around you fade away with the growth of your eyes, and-
 
>Light blinding covers you as you POP into existence.
>You feel like a drowning man who just surfaced, and is gasping for air.
>Considering whatever the hell that god-forsaken place was, the metaphor was apt.
>Suddenly everything comes back to you at once.
 
>You are anon.
 
>YOU ARE ANON.
 
>You feel the need to repeat that several times internally.
>Wow, it is very bright.
>Are you, looking around at the slowly shifting curls and wisps of ivory vapor, framed by a massive expanse of cerulean blue.
>You begin to notice the feel of the substance below you.
 
[spoiler]>Very plush[/spoiler]
 
>Are you in the clouds?
>These are clouds.
>Also there’s a dinosaur leg in front of you.
>That too.
>WHAT.
>You scream and jump back, falling over your strangely lethargic limbs.
>You look up to see… Discord snickering at you.
>Holy shit, why is he so big? He must be five or six times your height!
>Wait a second…
>DISCORD.
>HE DID THIS TO YOU, YOU REMEMBER NOW.
>After he clapped, you were sucked… Somewhere. You felt your atoms scatter!
“WHAT THE HELL DISCORD?” you screech, voice cracking.
>He looks genuinely confused.
>”What? What do you mean?”
>Tears well in your eyes as you hyperventilate, crying out.
 
“I felt like I died! I felt myself fall apart so many times out in that horrible -place-. No NO! Fucking no! That’s not a place! That's Nowhere, that’s like some anti-place, it was just, Nothing.”
>As you form a teary thousand-yard stare, you fail to notice Discord’s expression drop and panic and regret take its place.
“B-but I saw… How? There was Nothing, but it was filled with… Anything that could ever be… There were colors I could never have imagined before-”
>Discord snaps his fingers and a figurative veil covers that portion of your memory, blocking you from recalling anything than it being horrible.
>What were you talking about? It was something horrible...
>You shake your head over and over again, before looking up at the Draconequus with a fearful expression.
“What happened? What did you do?”
 
>A genuinely pained expression covers his face, as he shrinks down and puts his lion paw on your shoulder.
>”I-well, I’m not very good at apologizing but, you really deserve one. I did something terrible to you. You see, in my excitement I thought to save time and get you over here and in your new body as soon as possible, which included shifting your natural form within… Well let's call it, the Subjective. Now I don’t expect you to understand any of this, at least not yet, but needless to say, it is quite outside the normal comprehension of a mortal. Very far outside.”
>A handkerchief appears in front of you, and you blow your nose on it.
>”Think of it as the hotbed of creation, the source of… Again, getting too metaphysical here, but everything comes from the Subjective into the Objective, the world of space around you. There are countless beings throughout existence that make use of this to bring forth whatever Cosmos they would have. It’s how I do what I do… Even some humans can make use of it in a very limited way…”
>He shakes his head. “But that’s precisely it. I can use it, because I am evolved enough to handle it, you aren’t. If it’s any consolation, I had no idea you would have been conscious throughout the experience, and you would have been in no real danger of disappearing as you humans have… Well again, metaphysics…”
>The handkerchief wipes your tears away.
>”I really am sorry. I have such high hopes for us two, I don’t want this to ruin everything… I had to erase your memory, as even witnessing the place where paradoxes are resolved can literally drive a pon-person mad. I won’t ever do anything like that again; that is, if you still want to be here with me…”
>You look at the TOTAL DICK in front of you, now only twice your size, and curled up.
>Actually, he looks very sad about this.
>You need to think this over.
 
>He was right about one thing, you didn’t understand a single thing he said.
>Subjective? To what? How is he more evolved to use it? Is there something different with the mind of a spirit?
>You decide to stop thinking about it before you get a headache.
>Don’t want to accidentally undo the magic he did, and besides...
>It’s not like there is any lasting damage is there? You can’t remember what happened, and if what Discord said is true, and if the panic and horror you remember is any indication, that is a very good thing.
>Would you eventually remember, would his memory blocking fade?
>But… You are alive.
>You are still Anon.
>...
“I… Well, I’m alright now, just… Please…”
>Discord looks up with hope in his eyes.
>That had to be genuine, that expression right there. You look at it, and there just isn’t anyway it couldn’t be. You were an actor and performer who had dreams of making it, you examined all the great performances, and experienced what it was like to act yourself. It wasn’t pushed, it wasn’t understated or half done, that facial expression just gently blossomed from his features.
>It was genuine.
>Or you would eat your hat.
>”Yeah, it’s not like I want to go through that again right? And there is literally nothing back home for me. And you fixed it so… So, yeah. Yeah. I'll stay here with GUK-”
>Suddenly Discord expanded to his normal height, fireworks shot off in the air, bursting into shapes of a small green colt with a messy black mane winking and smiling for some reason.
>”Wah ha! I promise to never send you to the void between worlds ever again! I will be the best father ever! I promise to-
>Discord’s eyes widen and his jaw drops as he realized what he said.
 
Wait one fucking second.
Alright stop with the fucking meme arrows, what did he mean by father just then?
“Discord.”
YOUR VOICE IS VERY MUCH HIGHER THAN IT USED TO BE.
“Discord what else did you do.”
THE COLT IN THE SKY.
ALSO HOW SHORT YOU WERE.
DID HE.
 
>Discord rubs the back of his head sheepishly.
>”Oh hoh ho… Did I forget to mention, well silly me…”
>At this point you don’t care.
>You were just waiting for a response.
>You just stare.
>”Well, when I started talking about a deal and business and what not, I didn’t mean ~business~ business per say. That sort of thing is much too boring and drab. No, no think of it as a… Family business?”
>He flashes a hopeful smile at you.
>You just stare.
>His smile becomes more forced.
>You continue to stare.
>Sweat begins to trickle down the sides of his face.
>You look down at your limbs.
…
>You look back up.
…
“I’m a colt now?”
>”A unicorn to be precise, I thought you would like magic to offset the whole… Losing your opposable thumbs thing…”
>He somehow manages a full body cringe.
>You look back down at your body.
>You are a little colt.
 
>So this is your body now.
 
>It’s actually nice from what you can see, a lovely verdant color, like the emerald tint of well watered grass.
>You uncertainly lift up an almost goofy looking hoof, and attempt to rotate it to examine the hoof.
>It feels very weird, as your shoulder joint definitely changed and shifted. It honestly surprises you how far you can rotate the hoof; it doesn't seem like any flexibility was lost from shifting form.
>You see a sort of pad underneath the hoof.
>Wait a moment…
>You try to flex it and shift it like a hand, and it…
>Eugh god, it undulates…
>You turn away. Jesus that was disturbing, that thing being a part of you now.
>Putting your hoof down on the ground, you heave up, spastically trying to right yourself up like a newborn foal.
>Ha. Ha. It is funny because you are a foal also, in reality now.
 
“Mirror please.”
>”Of course.”
>He snaps up a full body mirror in front of you. You see…
>Actually a very adorable colt.
>You have much nicer cheekbones and bone structure than when you were a human.
>Where did that come from? How would you even be able to appraise what was good bone structure?
>Well the face looked nice to you at any rate.
>And hey! Your crooked jaw line is gone!
>Actually your face looks nearly perfectly symmetrical… Or at least you are approaching it. No human even comes close to perfect symmetry.
>The tussles of black and dark grey locks frame and fall around your face. They look well conditioned and soft, but you aren’t nearly confident enough to stand on three legs while you touch your hair. You also notice a green spiral horn poke its way from between two large bangs.Or through the middle of one big bang. Either or.
>You sort of waddle around and look at your body.
>You seem well proportioned, nothing goofy or out of place.
>To be fair you kind of expected him to put some random animal parts or tiger stripes on you, but everything looks completely ordinary.
>Actually you look a bit bigger and taller than most other foals you’ve seen on the show.
>Perhaps it’s just a difference between the show and actuality…
>You look…
 
“I look cute.”
>”Yes, well it wouldn’t do either of us any good if you resembled Quasimodo now would it? Really it would make everything go so so smooth if you were endearing, so that’s what I made you. Now you may not be able to recognize it, but I actually spent a good amount of time preparing this, as the proportions are so… Eugh… Harmonic. It was difficult, but with a lot of work… A lot of work…  I gave you a form that the mares will go crazy over. Well, not in the way you would probably hope at your true age, but crazy none the less.”
“I can sort of see it…”
>Crazy mares…
>You suddenly got the image of Pinkie Pie leading a horde of mares chasing you around Ponyville, exclaiming how impossibly super terrifically CUTE you were.
>Oh boy.
 
>You were actually going to meet her.
>Pinkie.
 
>And Fluttershy and Twilight, all the others, and…
 
[spoiler]Princess Celestia[/spoiler]
>She was like the most caring and perfect mother you had never known.
>Which makes awkward all those long nights spent in tribute to her.
>Probably internalized something from your birth mother’s unscrupulous behavior.
>Whatever.
>Ever since you heard her voice on the opening narration you fell in love with her.
>And now...
 
“Alright”
>”Alright? That’s it, no freak out?”
“I just realized something very important.”
>He quirks a bushy eyebrow. “And what might that be?”
“I couldn’t get a kissu from Princess Celestia if I were an adult, it would cause a huge shitstorm and controversy… But if I were an extremely affectionate, adorable colt…”
>You wag your little eyebrows at him.
 
>Discord stares, and then bursts out in a laughing fit that puts his earlier one to shame.
>You never could help not smiling whenever Discord laughed on the show, and right now is no different. He just sounds so cheerful.
>You gained a useful skill in your years on the street, and that is to never hold grudges, that was always something for people who could afford such pointless spite. You were more focused on eating. If you sought retribution on every little person who pissed you off, you might not be here right now.
>You are fine right now, and in Equestria, you are away from that godforsaken city, and that’s all that matters.
>You smile.
>Wiping away actual tears he responds.
>”Why you licentious little… Alright, I’ll give you that one, and! If everything goes according to plan, you will have plenty of opportunities for that sort of thing with Celestia later on!”
>THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD PLAN.
>The excitement you feel must show on your face, but you don’t care.
“The plan? Don’t hide anything from me now, what is it?”
>You feel your tail start to wag.
>You quickly turn your head around and glare at it- Oh god, that feels weird being able to turn your head farther than normal. Turning your head back, you wait for an answer.
>”Oh don’t worry, it’s nothing that you need worry about, after all I am reformed now!”
>He magics up a photo of him in a graduation cap, holding a diploma.
 >”And I promise it won’t ever be like the Subjective again. But I can tell you all about Phase 1!
>Suddenly walls spring up out of the clouds, and fold into a room, that covers you in darkness.
>Lights spring on from the roof in the style of some sort of… Classroom?
>You look down and see yourself in fatigues, and there is DIscord, in a General’s outfit. In a harsh and more guttural voice he speaks up.
 
>”Captain Anonymous! Your mission is to infiltrate the Ponyville community, and endear yourself to the citizens there, and ESPECIALLY the Elements of Harmony.” There appears a board with sepia pictures of them, taken from angles that imply the photographer was hiding nearby.
>”You already know a great deal about these ponies, so I shouldn’t have to go into detail. Ensure you behave the first few weeks- I really can’t believe I’m saying this- and be the sweetest colt you can be, after that you can have more fun. I feel the need to stress that this initial period is very important, as without having the good opinion of the elements and townsponies, and by extension the Princesses, this campaign will never get off the ground!”
>Shit, there actually is an endgoal, isn’t there? You straighten yourself up into attention, or some semblance of attention, and watch. What endgoal could there be?
>”After this initial period, arrangements will be made for you to study magic with the Element of Magic herself. This is the true goal of Phase 1, and your primary target.” There appears a picture of Twilight drooling with her eyes staring in different directions. "All other goals are secondary to you becoming Twilight’s own pupil, and learning to perform magic…”
>Your eyes widen. You? Magic? Lightning bolts and teleportation? You could do that? You weren’t stupid in school, quite the opposite, but you lacked a good deal of fundamental knowledge that had to be made up in tutoring. After that in college you performed extremely well, but personal crises and one lying girl who wasn’t very fond of you caused you to have to drop out, leaving you on the street in great debt. At least the rape charges were dropped due to lack of proof and a very fair judge.
>But magic? Hell fucking yeah! You start to grin uncontrollably.
>”Captain Anonymous! Is something funny to you?” Discord gives you the stink eye, as he moves his riding crop from where he was pointing on the board. It was a picture of Alicorn Twilight, cutie mark being a butt, wearing a dunce’s cap and saying, “I am a butt and also my butt mark is a butt! Tee hee!”
>You decide to play along, slipping into a soldier character you dimly remember from high school like an old pair of shoes.
“Sir no sir! Excited to start the mission sir!”
>You snap a smart salute.
>”Save that enthusiasm for later Captain, as your target has the ability to siphon the fun and excitement out of unaware ponies.”
>”Now then, until you gain the tutelage of the Princess of Friendship herself, you will attend class in Cheerilee's schoolhouse. You will live with me in my private dimension, but if our intelligence is correct, the target known as Fluttershy will most likely want you to stay with her at least part of the time. This mission will require all the performance skills and endurance you have gained, improvisation, wit and perseverance, awareness of your surroundings, subtlety, and above all, food. Because you can’t survive without it as a general rule of thumb, and it would be stupid to think any different. Any questions Captain?”
 
 >Actually you had one or two.
>You didn’t care too much at the time, but when he was apologizing, Discord acted very, thoughtful and kind. That isn’t the Discord you knew from the show. But it might be too soon into this arrangement to ask something like that so…
“Yes sir, how accurate is the show?”
 
>Discord drops his stern demeanor. “Oh. Well I suppose as accurate as it reasonably could be.”
>He snaps his talon, and the uniforms and props disappear, though the room on its cloud foundation remains.
>”Again, metaphysics, but basically ideas can travel through the Subjective to other worlds. Most of the time it involves… er… The state of things... But people second guess themselves, and want to make things ‘child friendly’ and businessponies, er- businessmen and women want to get involved, so things can change pretty dramatically.”
>Oh good, more talk of the Subjective, you were hoping.
>”Now then… That being said, the show is shockingly accurate. You may have noticed several more memorable scenes happening without much build up, like dear Twi-Twi’s  ascension for instance, or the creation of her ‘Super Friendship Castle ™’. This was the creator’s inspiration correcting course as it were. Here, the Castle grew farther away from the town over the course of several months, the Library was still destroyed along with half of Ponyville, but it is currently in the process of being regrown. I may or may not have a paw in that, and if you ever tell Twilight that I will do things to you, you don’t even want to know.” Discord’s eyes flashed a menacing yellow.
>You gulp.
>”Several episodes never happened, Like the Friendship Brigade visiting Apploosa, or the whole Sunset Shimmer fiasco. That movie didn’t even make any sense, you saw that right? I like not making sense, but there is a good kind of nonsense and then there is Equestria Girls. I mean, for nonsense to shine, and things to be thrown into chaos there has to be at least -some- underlying basis of order for the Chaos to play off of, otherwise it is just nonstop cheap bargain-brand chaos. It’s like that symbol that you humans have, the Yo-Yo. Dark and Light, Chaos and Order. Equestria Girls had nothing! Like where would Celly even train Sunset if she was also training Twilight throughout her filly-hood? Is Sunset twice her age or something? Twilight is twenty-one here, so that would make Sunset at least in her thirties, so why would they both be in high school? Why is everyone in high school? Why does no one in that universe care that those girls can grow pony ears? Sunset mind controls everyone and they only give her the stink eye? AND ANOTHER THING-”
>You just stare in shock. Who knew Discord was a film critic who would go into rants criticizing LOGIC of all things?
>Discord stops and looks at you, clearing his throat he continues.
 
>”The point is you can’t go around acting as if you are precognizant, but yes, the show is accurate enough for the purposes of introducing you to Equestria.”
>His eyes widen. “Oh! And in case you were wondering, no my reformation did not happen in one day, easily enough reducible to a 22 minute timespan. No, it took place over about two months, with me visiting each of the Elements to get a “Friendship Lesson”, eugh gag, and a two week long excursion into the Dragon Badlands. Perhaps I will tell you the tale sometime… Now lets see, any other important ones…”
>Discord looked up into the ceiling, tapping his chin as he thought.
>”The pilot episodes took place over a week. And that reminds me, the girls are no longer just ordinary citizens. After Sun-Buns sent them to kick out the dragon, yes that one actually happened strangely enough, even I didn’t see it coming from Celestia at all… Shining made a huge stink about them not being trained in self defence and survival skills, Rarity definitely did not defeat the Diamond Dogs by whining, she has yet to tell anyone how she managed it… Bah! You get the gist, if anything comes up just ask me about it. I may or may not give you the right answer depending on my mood.”
>That sounds more like the Discord you knew.
>”Now then! On to the moment you have been waiting for!”
>He claps his hands and the walls fall into the cloud, gone from sight. Ahead of you on the luminous surface of the cloud lies a wispy staircase that was not there before, leading up to the top of a sort of cloudy hill, blocking your view of what lies beyond.
 
>Is this?
 
>Electricity fires throughout your limbs, and a figurative cloud of butterflies rush throughout your gut in all the wondrous tints of nervous excitement.
>Your breathing quickens, and you don’t even mind your tail wagging.
>”Why don’t you head on up there and take a look around my boy?”
>You pick up one very heavy hoof, and place it in front of you.
>You recall the few times you tried to run on all fours during the more light hearted games in theater class.
>Slowly, agonizingly you make your way to the staircase.
>This isn’t so bad.
>You put your first hoof on the staircase and-
>”Oh for goodness sake!”
>Discord picks you up and teleports to the top of the cloud bank, holding you up like a baby Simba you…
 
Holy shit.
You’re here.
You are actually, no joke, here.
Past a veritable sea of trees, a thick, dark canopy covered in wispy clouds lies… It.
The place that unknowingly gave you all those laughs and mindless entertainment. The place that soothed your pains and distracted you from the problems that always threatened to overwhelm you. The place that, while you may not be proud of this particular memory, you cursed wasn’t real and cried as you lay in an alleyway bleeding. You didn’t even know why at the time this place came up in your mind as you lay there struggling to breathe, but now you have an idea.
This place, above all the titles and ideas of it represented one thing to you now.
Home.
More of a home than you ever had back on Earth.
The sunlight far above descends gently and makes the thatch like roofs glow almost like gold. You can see all the different styles of buildings, seeming to almost grow out of the ground in all their unique shapes.
There! In the center, you can see the massive town center! It looks almost like in the cartoon, except far bigger, maybe three or four stories tall!
Over there! The gingerbread house! Sugarcube corner! Pinkie could be in there right now! The actual Pinkie Pie! Oh what would the pastries taste like? What insane but masterfully crafted cupcake flavors be in the shelves? Would the twins be running around the store?
Just past the edge of the forest and to the right! As the forest wraps around the town, it’s cut back, revealing rows of apple trees! You try to peek and you squint your eyes as hard as you can but…
Wait! A moving wagon! Pulled by… Red? Big Macintosh! It’s him! It’s really him! That is totally, 100% him right there, pulling the wagon from the barn to be lost out into the fields of apple trees! Applejack could be in those rows right now! Or maybe in town selling apples… You turn back to the town when you notice a cloud scatter into vapour.
A blue shape darts and almost seems to swim like a small fish, easily visible against the light and pastel buildings.
Rainbow Dash.
It fucking had to be.
It wasn’t moving that fast from this distance, but the movements, the flair as the blue went from cloud to cloud and fought them off, and there! She darts down between the buildings and surfaces from another alleyway further down the road, spinning and almost dancing around the towers and rooftops of the city.
It fucking had to be Rainbow Dash you bet your bottom dollar right now, you weren’t even a gambling man.
A glint of light catches your eye and you look up, past the town and…
 
The goddamn Friendship Castle.
You hated it when it came on the show. Took it as an example of Hasbro interfering and the creators selling out. Not to mention it looked horrible and gaudy. WIth the amount of vitriol you took to the threads one would think you took it as a personal offence. But seeing it now, as it was meant to be…
No words.
 
No fuck that shit, you had to try to describe it.
 
The surface of the crystal seemed to let in the light and colors of the noon day world and assimilate it, casting a small portion of it outward. The whites of the clouds and the blues of the sky, the greens and the browns of the earth and all the tints of the houses around them all appeared in a vague, transparent way on the different facets of the building. And beneath it all was the glorious noon-day light. Light! Sunlight drawn directly from the source and lining every facet and glowing from behind the wall. Not enough to blind or disturb mind you, but almost making it seem alive, like some sort of superior gemstone that only shines and becomes more pellucid and glorious the more light shines upon it.
It appeared to be less of an oak tree, and more of an actual castle inspired by a banyan tree. Those were the right ones, right? The ones that dip down into the earth and shoot up again. Like an island of green held up by numerous roots. The main trunk was in front, with the massive doors in the middle, and behind it, numerous shoots acting as pillars dipped down and up behind the castle, some having grown walls, and others still having to connect. Your guess being that it wasn’t finished growing yet. It is hard to describe the shape, but if you had to try, like an oak tree in front, with two “wings” held up by cerulean pillars framing it and forming a sort of court in the shape of a C facing the town, and behind the main body grew out in all directions the various expansions.
 
You could see thick and strong sky blue branches reaching all throughout, holding up the building, rooms looking almost exactly like violet bunches of leaves, only polygonal and whole. Tints of emerald and lavender, the slightest hints of royal purple, and if you stare long enough, you could barely see a backdrop of ultramarine.
 
If anyone but the greatest artist tried to capture this beauty he would fail, only for his work to appear confused and gaudy, and even if the greatest artist attempted it, the pure luminosity that just radiates from it could never in a million years be captured by earthly tints.
You never cared too much for poetry, but even if you stared for days and wrote volume upon volume you could never capture its essence.
 
It was something you had to be there to see.
 
And you were there.
 
Welcome to Equestria Anon.
 
Welcome to your new home.